Sorry. What was your name again?
Packy.
Packy?
Yeah.
Are we lost, Packy?
Damn it! Damn it!
I had this nailed before.
I swear. Dude, we're gonna find it.
Don't worry about it.
So you're driving for the picture?
Donny's my cousin.
You know, Donny?
Ah, yeah.
I'm kinda like the all-purpose
kind of guy.
Your cousin?
Yeah.
And this is his first picture.
Yeah, you know.
I guess that thing we did
in Bartoli's back yard doesn't count.
This is like his first film. Movie.
Is he good with actors?
Does he like actors?
Uh--
You're kinda like the first actor
I've ever met, so--
But I know he's fucking
so psyched that you're doing this.
You're playing the store manager.
Well, now, I haven't committed yet.
This is just research, you know?
Just take a look at the location.
Research, get a feel for the character.
So, Donny says you haven't
worked in, like, four years
or something like that.
Well, not four.
It's a long fucking time, right?
Well, I mean, you know,
I've had--
It's not like I haven't had offers.
So you're back!
You're fuckin' back in business.
How does it feel?
Well, I wouldn't exactly
call this "back."
Not "back" back, you know?
Not like "comeback" back.
Just a little independent thing.
Oh.
Nicely under the radar.
I mean, if it flies, fine.
And if it doesn't,
it won't even count.
It's like a blow job.
Yeah. Like a cinematic blow job.
No shit.
All right, this is so--
This is so fucking uncool, I know.
But I'm driving, so fuck it.
I mean-- Hey, would you mind
just doin' a little bit for me?
Any part. Any part is fine.
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
The thing--
The book on tape?
You did this so well.
Come on. Any part.
Anything, really.
Uh, no, no, no.
Chapter four.
Wait, wait.
Her ivory hand grasped firmly,
the door swung open
with the hush of luxury.
And there--
I never did a book on tape.
Here you go!
Her brim swept up,
her eyes filled with the glory,
the spectacle that was Titanic.
Man.
It's not me.
Modest motherfucker.
I'm telling you, it's not me.
The soles of his leather--
Of course it's you.
What else you been doin'
for the past four years?
That's not me, man.
All right, first of all--
I would never--
I would never go that way.
I would never choose those rhythms.
You know what I'm saying?
You get a scene like that,
you don't drop into those rhythms.
You don't play the obvious.
You always go under.
Run it by me again.
You want to play it again?
Yeah.
Her brim swept up,
and her eyes filled--
No, see, he's all
caught up in his reading.
He's totally disconnected.
I wouldn't-- I wouldn't have a--
"Earth received her step.
"Brim up,
"her eyes encompassed the glory,
the spectacle, that was Titanic."
Oh, my God! What?
So. This is--
Ground Zero.
You gonna remember how we got here?
Yeah, I'm down with the map,
so it's no big deal.
So, how do you wanna--
How do you want to handle this?
Sneak me in
through the back, maybe?
For what?
This is fine.
So, how long do you need?
You don't stay?
No, I run.
Frickin' Porta Potties in Brea,
wherever the heck that is.
You remember which way we--
No, I'm fuckin' with you, man.
I'm just-- It's a joke.
All right.
An hour or so should do it.
Okay.
Now, you will be coming back?
Yeah. Hey, good field trip, all right?
And man, seriously--
Put it back.
Yes, you. Put it back.
You're not gonna take it.
You never do.
Stop squeezing the shit out of it
and put it back.
I'm watching you, cabrn.
You gonna pick it or do I?
Your mama didn't teach you how to count?
Let's go.
Fine. More for me.
Lee.
Come on.
$16.60.
Get a milk.
Vamos.
Oh. Oh. Shit.
Lee!
Can you not do that?
Sorry. I was just--
Watching, I know.
I saw you come in.
Is this bothering you?
I mean, am I bothering you standing here?
You are three feet from my face.
Sorry.
Well, where should I--
$24.50. No receipt.
Oh.
Give me that.
How do you do that?
The numbers?
How do you--
You know before they even--
I'm terrible with numbers.
You got prices, you got totals.
How many can there be?
Do you have to train for that?
I mean, to remember all that?
Some special training?
Yeah. Right.
I'm too A.D.D.
I could never--
So you--
You really anticipate, right?
Oh, I mean, you're good.
You're really good.
Wow.
Does the manager
have to be that good?
I mean, with the numbers?
What about the other one?
She that good?
I mean, she's not
pulling in the customers.
Why, no. Not while she sits on her ass!
But then, I guess you don't have to
work if you're fucking the manager!
Kiss it.
Bitch.
That puta gets the gold lane
and does shit,
and I carry the floor.
You tell me how smart I am.
I wasn't aware there
were lane distinctions.
You are looking at them.
Ten items or less.
You been standing there.
You see one jerk not try
to push the count, huh?
Always a fight.
So, this is the less desirable lane.
This? This is where
checkers come to die.
Look at this. Look at--
Even the register sucks.
In Italy, they give long receipts
to pretty woman as a come-on.
Toll-takers on the highway.
Sort of a projection of length,
if you know what I mean.
Why are you here?
I was hopin' to see the manager.
But I guess he's not here.
I don't know.
Why don't you ask her?
No, no. It's okay.
It's cool.
What did you want with him?
I'm just doing a little research.
You're a cop?
No! Ha! No, no.
I'm-I'm--
Shitting you.
I know who you are.
You do?
You are in that Ashley Judd movie.
You saw that?
Blockbuster over there.
Only shit we see.
Yeah, well, I'm--
Mm, I know.
And you are?
Your name again is--
Did I tell you?
No, of course not.
Research for what?
A project.
What the hell does
that mean, "a project"?
Uh, film. You know.
Little-- Uh, nothing
I've committed to.
Just--
A movie.
Yeah.
Then why don't you say so?
Scarlet. That's your name.
Scarlet.
Yeah.
Yeah. Good strong name, Scarlet.
Beautiful name.
It's the lead in a movie name.
Scarlet.
What would you
possibly learn here?
Everything. Everything.
What?
Well, for instance, do you know...
that you change hands
every other customer?
You got this rhythm thing going.
Are you aware of that? Hmm?
Are you shitting me?
No!
No, it's just details.
It's all detail.
That's all character is, behavior.
You have to build it.
For instance, this blouse
that you're wearing here
under this smock?
That's a choice, right?
That's specific.
What does it say to us,
to the audience?
It says that she's here
but she's not here.
She's doing it,
but on here own terms.
You see what I'm saying?
Or, it's very uncomfortable.
What have we got here.
Some sort of a poly blend?
Hard to say.
It's not wool, is it?
I don't do well with wool.
Sweat like a motherfucker.
Manager doesn't have
to wear wool, does he?
Might have a problem with it.
Are all actors like you?
Sadly, no.
Oh, Jesus. Lee.
Lee!
Is that him?
Is that the manager?
Oh. Oh, the vest is great.
He's a standby. Deaf as a post.
Deaf!
Yeah, he's-- Oh, shit.
How am I supposed
to get out of here?
Put it back!
Hello?
Hello? Hello?
Hello?
Scarlet!
What are you doing?
You're doing a wonderful job, Scarlet.
Customers, please note
the outstanding work
being done by our employee
in the 10 items or less lane.
And you'll find there's no waiting
in aisle number one,
where our full service checker
is currently sitting on her ass.
Hey, fuck off.
Why the hurry?
Because. I was supposed to
get out of here 15 minutes ago.
And if I just leave Lee here,
the place will probably
get robbed again.
Robbed?
Like, "robbed" robbed?
Where do you think you are?
Really?
I'm sick of taking care
of these children.
But wait.
Are you going now?
Don't stay too long.
The next shift doesn't speak English.
Well, wait a minute. Couldn't
you stay a few more minutes?
I gotta go.
Just five more minutes.
Aren't you supposed
to get picked up?
There's some little
autobus that comes, or--
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know where the kid is.
He was supposed to be here
an hour ago.
You think he's coming?
Do I know him?
Well, what if he's lost?
So call him.
I-I forgot my cellphone.
Darn. So did I.
Use the pay phone,
like the rest of America.
Well, see, the thing is, I--
I don't have a phone number for him.
The little P.A. guy, he left,
and he didn't give me
a phone number--
He told me he was
gonna find me here.
So no ride.
No.
And there's no one you can call?
No. I don't know the--
I mean, it's just a shitty little
production company, you know?
I haven't even committed yet.
So call home.
You do have a home?
See? See?
A clear mind.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Oh.
What?
I don't remember the number.
We had the phone numbers changed
a week or so ago, but--
For security,
and I-I don't remember.
You don't know
your number?
What are you, 12?
You don't know your
own phone number?
Not this week.
Can't you call a cab?
Think they'd take a card?
Diner's Club?
Are you kidding?
What?
The rates are terrific.
Jesus.
What do you people do
when you get in trouble?
Who do you normally call?
Manager.
Agent!
Hi. It's me.
The other me.
Ye--
Oh.
Oh.
Okay. Thank you.
Hi.
Is he in?
Really?
When?
Oh.
Right. Okay.
All right. Yeah.
Thank you.
What?
It's no good.
They're all gone.
It's a Jewish holiday.
Today?
Tomorrow.
They've... stretched it.
Then who were you talking with?
The, uh-- the switchboard.
So, everyone else?
Gone.
They're all Jewish?
They are today.
Look... I don't know
what to tell you.
I got to be somewhere.
I'm-I'm already late.
And I got shit I got to do first, and--
And if I leave you,
you're gonna get yourself killed.
I can't believe this.
Okay. Shit.
Okay, we'll get you home.
But I got shit I got to do first, so...
you're just going to have
to come with me.
Hold this.
Ah, that's a hell of a trick.
Quick change between scenes.
Me, I can't put on two socks in an hour.
Oh, that's good on you, that blue.
That's my secret, you know?
Brings out that youthful glow
in you, blue does.
Huh, that's not after-school wear.
What, a quick stop at the Red Onion?
Is that the action here?
A little wrinkled here.
Oh, damn it!
You forgot something.
What did you forget?
Fucking keys.
You forgot your keys?
Not mine.
You forgot somebody else's keys.
Whose keys did you forget?
My ex-husband's.
Oh, you're not old enough
to have an ex-husband.
How old are you?
Twenty-five.
How old are you?
Old enough to have an ex-husband.
So, you took his keys?
His keys. My car.
Ah.
How long were you married?
Still am.
You're still--
Can't afford the divorce yet.
Ah.
Okay.
So, why the split?
Well, what do--
what do you think?
Uh, married too young
or grew separately as people?
What?
He fucks other women
and takes my car.
Got it.
Yo, ese!
What's up, Hollywood?
Hey, man! How you doing?
Whoo hoo hoo!
See that?
Haven't done a movie in four years.
Ha! Star Mobile.
God, I feel at home already.
This your neighborhood?
Nice. Real... texture.
What do you think a place
goes for around here?
I always wanted to get a place,
you know, in the city...
that's just for meetings.
Where are we again?
This your place?
No.
No.
Oh, check stand number one.
I need my keys.
Hmm. Tell Bobby I want my keys
and the fucking cash he owes me.
Tell him yourself.
Damn, it stinks.
The manager.
What the fuck are you doing here?
Hey, you're supposed to be on the floor.
Who the fuck is watching Lee?
I don't know.
Why don't you call the manager?
Give me my keys.
Who's this?
This is--
Hey. No, no.
I know who he is.
What the fuck is he doing here?
Research.
Re-- research?
What, on you?
What are you,
the new Ashley Judd?
No, asshole.
It's a project.
Oh, a project, huh?
Like a class project?
No, it's nothing I've committed to yet.
I'm just-- just--
He can't get home, Bobby.
He needs a ride.
Give me my keys.
He can't call someone?
They're all Jewish.
So they don't drive?
Well, what she's trying to say is,
um, I-I forgot the numbers.
See, we had a little
security issue at home
and we changed
all the phones and--
Scarlet, Scarlet, what the
fuck's with the getup?
Huh? Don't-- don't tell me.
You're going on that
fuckin' interview.
Interview?
You've got an interview?
Scar, baby,
we talked about this. Okay?
You really think anybody's gonna
take some grocery hump seriously?
I mean, you've never even
seen the inside of a fuckin' office.
I'm sorry.
I thought she was the grocery hump.
Hey, at least someone got pregnant.
That cash was mine.
Now give it to me and give me
the keys to my car.
You know, I saw you walk out with that
load under your arms the other night.
You're gonna pay that back, right?
I did. For three years.
Hey, Scarlet...
how's the Green Card coming?
Hey, Lorraine, have another
beer for the baby, huh?
Come on.
Come on, babe.
Give me my keys.
Bobby, give me the keys.
Hey, come on. Don't.
Give me the keys.
Bobby, give me the keys.
Ow! Ow! What the fuck?
Get the fuck off me!
What?
Mi dinero.
Ow! Ow! God damnit!
Fuckin' bitch!
Get off me!
Get the fuck off me!
Ow! Ow! That fuckin' hurts!
That hurts! That hurts!
Here, take it!
Fucking get the fuck out!
I'm all right.
Cabrn.
I'm all right, baby.
I'm good.
Th-- they're not armed, are they?
You fuckin' bitch!
Oh! Hoo!
Oh, my.
Uh, maybe the prudent thing at this point
is ask if you're, uh, okay to drive?
You see an old Pontiac?
Green, like her eyes?
Uh...
Yeah. Right behind us.
Good.
No!
You motherfucking cunt!
You motherfucker!
Fucker!
What do you think?
Go again?
Fuck you!
I-I'd say you're good.
Fuck you, you fucking bitch!
Fuck you, bitch!
You motherfucker!
Aren't you going to do something,
you fucking pussy?
Get off the floor!
Fucker!
What? What's the matter?
Look at this.
The whole thing was a mistake.
That's nothing. Nothing.
This is a fix.
It's a-- it's a wardrobe change.
Don't worry about it.
What time was th-- the thing?
Who's it with?
Who--
What are we auditioning for?
And how am I supposed
to get you home?
Fuck that. That's later.
What time's the thing?
At 4:00.
We got to get out of here,
'cause we got time to stop and--
Come on, come on, come on!
Let's hit it.
Okay, now, this is what,
this interview?
It's--
It's stupid.
Aw, come on now.
I don't know.
Secretary.
Perfect.
Office secretary.
Perfect.
It's, I don't know,
construction company or something.
That's perfect.
That's-- You're perfect for it.
You don't even know me.
Let me tell you something.
I may not know my phone number.
I might not even know
what fucking day it is,
but I know people.
I mean, the minute I see somebody,
I know how to cast them.
I see the role.
Don't you do that? Hmm?
The minute I laid eyes on you,
I said to myself,
D.A.'s office, E.R. intern,
office manager.
Secretary.
Same thing, better billing.
I mean, I saw you four steps ahead
of everybody else in that supermarket.
I saw you holding down
the work of three people
because you know you're better
than everybody else.
Am I right? Huh? Huh?
So what's a secretary but somebody
who does the work of three people
while some other schlub
gets the credit?
You know where
we're headed here?
No.
Then shouldn't we stop and...
maybe ask for directions somewhere?
No directions.
No directions.
I never ask for directions, okay?
Ah, see?
Perfect character choice.
Self-sufficiency.
Rely on no one.
You remember
where you got this blouse?
Uh...
No. S.
Well, yes or no?
Quick.
S, I think so.
Okay, take us there.
Okay.
And don't stop for lights.
We got shit to do.
Let's get to work.
Okay.
This is amazing.
It's Target.
Fantastic.
Target team member to home furnishings.
Target team member
to home furnishings, please.
May I have a Target team member
in infant wear.
Please, a Target team member
in infant wear.
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Tch. Oh, no.
Look at these prices!
Yeah.
How can they afford to do this?
I have to tell the office
about this place.
Hmm. It's a well-kept secret.
Ah!
What?
Designer t-shirts, eight dollars?
Do you know what this cost?
Huh?
You-- How much
do you think this cost?
Oh, it's La Perla maxi-blend, right?
I'd say 80.
A hundred.
Oh.
A hundred.
Oh, that's pathetic.
You paid a hundred dollars
for a t-shirt.
Oh, God, no.
Not me.
Wardrobe department,
the last movie I was on.
I get all my underwear
through them.
But let me show you
what you're paying for.
What?
Clint Eastwood taught me this.
See how the shirt cuffs right there
at the middle of the muscle?
Look at that.
Huh, see?
Mm.
Makes me look 30, doesn't it?
Huh? Taller?
Why is it you people make all the money
and work so hard not to spend it?
Well, that's the game.
I haven't shopped retail in years.
You have to learn these things
when you're younger.
Oh, my God.
Look at the thread count on these.
- Magic Cloths two-pack for $21.99.
We're gonna go ahead
and give you the second one for free.
Like I said,
that's our standard package.
And until we run out of these mops,
just let me know right now--
and I know you want one
and you want one too--
we're gonna go ahead and give
you that mop and that package
absolutely free today as a bonus gift.
So, like I said, "buy one, get one"
is our standard package
until we run out of the mops.
Just let me know right now.
And I know you want one.
Here, we're gonna go ahead
and give you that mop.
Mm-mm, no.
Mm-mm.
Mm, no, no, no.
What?
The blue was working for you.
Don't throw the baby out
with the bath water.
What is wrong with this?
Everything.
All right, forget the color.
Look at the shoulder construction.
You don't need help like that.
You've got fantastic shoulders.
You go in there with this,
you'll look like a linebacker.
You're too young
to remember that picture.
Spent months trying to make me
look like a sister.
You think I can
buy off the rack?
Hell, no.
Couldn't even squeeze
myself into a 14.
We had to do some
very careful work.
By the time we were done,
even the grips wanted to do me.
Here. Try this on.
Mm-hmm.
Damn.
Oh, that is wonderful.
Wonderful.
Oh, the Mizrahi.
Very tasty.
Mm, might want to shorten
the waist just a little.
Mm-hmm.
Dynamite. Dynamite.
Look at you ladies.
You're gonna get some
tonight, for sure.
Is there anyone you don't talk to?
Why? I engage people.
I'm a connector.
Human interaction,
it's the spice of life.
Pardon me, Tracey?
Mm?
That's my daughter's name.
Imagine that.
Same name as my daughter.
I bet they spelled it
wrong too, didn't they?
They forgot the E.
Well, Tracey with an E...
What pretty eyes.
Where could we find
the cosmetics department?
Oh! No, no, no, no, no.
Now, now, a little schmutz
isn't gonna hurt.
Pick up those eyes
a little bit, hmm?
Where?
On the left, just past
the auto parts.
Thank you.
I-I just love Barbershop.
So did I.
Now let's go raid the testers.
It's been years since I bought
new makeup for my wife.
And the rest of this.
Hmm?
How you plan on paying?
Go ahead and say it.
Thank you, Diner's Club.
Once more.
Thank you, Diner's Club.
Good!
Oh...
What time is it?
Never mind. Never mind.
We're okay.
We'll have to do something here.
This is no good.
This is terrible.
What?
We can't pull up
to an audition looking like--
Interview.
Same pitch, better billing.
No, you've got to make
an impression.
You pull up, you're on the runway
before you can put it in park.
Oh, this is no good.
This is filthy.
It's a car.
It's your entrance.
Look, offices have windows.
Windows.
They see you coming,
that's it; you're on.
Now, you cannot
take the stage half-cocked.
We've got to get this to wardrobe.
Open up. Open up.
Come on.
Which one's yours?
That one's mine.
I mean, I'm with that one.
I got it.
I got it this time.
I got it.
All right.
Good job.
Thank you.
Come on.
Venga.
Oh, que bella.
It's me. Jody.
Aww...
Thank you.
It fits.
All right!
Look at us.
Now we're ready,
Ms. Construction Office Manager.
How are you doing?
How does it look?
You want to puke.
Yep.
Perfect.
No, really.
It's perfect.
That's exactly how you should
be feeling at this point.
What the fuck am I thinking, huh?
What?
I've never seen the other side
of the checkout stand.
So what?
I've never had a job where
you're even allowed to sit down.
What are you--
What did you say you were, 25?
I was 30 before I got
my first picture.
You're way ahead of the curve.
Nothing but time.
Whole life ahead of you.
So let it start now.
Listen, listen, now.
We can nail this thing.
Just got to get you focused.
Let's run it.
Okay? You want to run it?
The scene, the-- the thing.
We'll just knock it around.
Put it up on its feet.
All right?
You be you.
I'll be whoever.
Well, the guy, the meeting.
Piece of cake.
Okay? Come on.
Okay.
Okay. Here we go.
Okay.
Ready?
Yeah.
All right.
Uh, good afternoon, Miss, um...
Morales.
Miss Morales.
Yeah.
Well, it's very nice to meet you.
Thank you.
It's a beautiful blouse.
Now it says here that you come
to us from Archie's Ranch Market.
That's that fine establishment
over in Carson.
Is that correct?
Yes.
Where you apparently ran
the 10-items-or-less checkout counter
while everybody else did shit.
No need for modesty here.
That's right. Yeah.
That's good.
Well... tell me about yourself,
Miss Morales.
Okay, uh...
I'm, um-- I'm originally from Spain.
You don't say.
I've worked in the grocery service...
industry for six years.
Mm-hmm.
And, um...
Oh, I can't. I can't.
What?
I can't do this.
No, no, no!
No, this is stupid.
This is--
No, no, no.
This is good.
That was good.
Oh, come on.
We were-- we were in it.
This is what it's all about.
This is the fun shit.
Come on. Come on.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Tell me about yourself,
Ms. Morales.
Family?
Mm, not exactly.
Married?
I have a husband, but--
He's a real prick.
Extra-extra large.
What about children?
Any kids?
No. No.
Planning on having any?
Down the line, maybe?
I don't know if, uh, I'm--
Okay, that's gonna be possible.
Do you know,
or you don't know?
Don't know.
Don't know for sure.
No, n-no--
But I haven't--
Because you haven't been
knocked up by an extra-large prick.
Is that his fault or yours?
I-I don't know.
He's so busy banging door
number two, how could you know?
Yeah, but they got--
Sh-She got--
So fast.
And that means you can't.
No. No, I don't--
Have you had
yourself checked out?
No, no, but I'm going to--
Then how do you know?
It's--
What has this got
to do with construction?
Ah! That's good.
That's very good.
They-They really gonna ask
about this in the interview?
Mm, probably not.
What the--
Why are you doing this?
Curious.
Why are you so curious about me?
Wh-What do you care?
Because I see you.
You're me.
Well, not as-as handsome, but--
I mean, look at yourself.
You're 25 years old, right?
And you feel as old
as I did on my last birthday.
A busted marriage,
a shitty job,
convinced already that you're barren.
You lookin' back
from the warning track
thinkin' you've already
given away the good shit.
And try as you may,
you cannot convince yourself
that there's anything
left out there for you,
so why keep playing?
I know.
I know.
I sit here in this car,
with somebody I hardly know,
in a section of town I haven't
a fuckin' clue where I am.
Don't know my phone number,
don't know what day it is.
I don't think I even have
a real friend I could call.
And I realize that I could just...
disappear.
Just... disappear.
I don't have any friends.
I know you don't.
I never had them.
Never, at no time.
And I know everybody.
I could be your friend.
No, you couldn't.
Nah.
No, you'd just want
to have sex with me.
Maybe you could.
Do you play tennis?
You'd come over, hang out
at the house, meet the kids--
We could meet for
breakfast once a week.
You know we will never
see each other again.
Bullshit! Of course we will.
Don't say that. Don't--
Let's not say what is not true.
Not-- Not here.
You know, maybe we should
just get you home.
Forget this whole stupid--
No, no. No.
Uh-uh-uh.
That's not you talking.
That's your blood sugar.
When did you eat last?
I don't-- What?
What do you eat in a day?
I--
You do your protein in the morning?
See? That's it.
Everybody forgets that.
Everybody.
You know who told me that?
The Dalai Lama.
Protein fanatic.
Why do you think
he's smiling all the time?
Big pork chop under those robes.
You can't expect yourself
to deliver on an empty tank.
Right? You can't focus.
You like lentils?
Okay. Okay. Where can we score
some lentils around here?
Okay. Plan B.
Girl needs some protein.
Girl needs iron.
Hi. I was wondering
if you couldn't put together
a little veggie something for us--
I don't know, a little tomato,
a little cheese?
You know, something simple?
Sorry.
You know what I like
to do sometimes?
Mm-mm.
When I'm feeling stale, you know?
And I need to come
back to work fresh?
British. I do everything
with a British accent.
It's quite pleasant, really.
Clears the linguistic palate.
Breaks the monotony,
the needless anxiety.
Do try it.
Mm-hmm?
Yes, go on.
Pleasant. Quite pleasant.
I say. Spot on, old girl.
Spot on.
You act all the time,
don't you?
I suppose when one's a performer,
one does like doing
the acting thing, yes.
You love it.
With every ounce
of my magnificent body.
Then, why don't you work?
Why-Why don't you commit?
Well, that's--
That's the query, isn't it?
The Holy Grail.
I suppose it has to do with agents,
lawyers, gardeners--
overhead.
Protecting one's quotes.
Dodging the creative bullet.
Judging, weighing, hiding.
Teasing.
Seducing.
Being seduced.
Too soon you realize you've been
sitting quite sportily
on the sidelines for years.
Right, then.
Ten things you hate in your life,
things you loathe.
I believe I've named mine.
Oh.
Quickly now. Don't think.
Oh. Oh.
Okay. Um, my feet.
Mm-hmm.
My marriage.
Mm-hmm.
My clothes.
Slow people.
Asking directions.
Paper and plastic.
Lies.
Money. No. Needing money.
Needing.
Okay.
Ten items or less.
Ten things you fancy
most in your life.
Oh.
Ten things you would keep,
if you could only keep 10.
Okay, okay. Um.
My car.
And it's a wonderful car.
Thank you.
My nephew.
My toaster.
The tree behind my house.
Wind.
Music.
Any music.
My hair, when it's raining.
Mm.
That's only seven.
Yeah?
Your turn.
Ten item or less.
Keepers.
Mm-hmm.
My wife.
My kids.
Their friends.
Coffee at 5:30 in the morning.
A really good bowel movement.
No extra takes.
Uh, all 88 ivories.
Sex.
The written word.
Breathable cotton.
And... strong endings.
That was 11.
I know.
But the sign says 10.
I know.
Oh. You know, you are
just like everyone else.
You just have to push it.
Didn't you? Oh, shit.
Don't laugh!
I'm sorry.
Eat your protein.
Yeah.
Come on. Remember.
Dalai Lama.
Yeah.
So you repeat after me, okay?
Mm-hmm.
My turn, yeah?
Okay, your turn.
Listen. Um.
So what did I say?
What did I say?
Oh, it's a long story.
Okay.
It's a-- Okay.
Yeah?
Al pasar la barca means,
I'll pasar the boat.
The boat.
The boat cross in front of you.
Oh, okay.
At the passing of the boat.
Uh-huh.
The man in the boat say,
the beautiful girl.
"All beautiful girl
come be with me without money."
Okay, beautiful girls don't pay
to get on the boat.
Yeah, but the beautiful girls say,
"I'm not a beautiful girl.
"I don't want to be
a beautiful girl.
I want to pay."
Okay.
That is the story.
Okay. All the beautiful girls
can come on the boat for free,
but the girl says, "I don't
want to be a beautiful girl."
Yeah.
I'm gonna pay.
I'm gonna pay.
Okay.
Okay.
All right. Remember now.
Good pace, okay?
Good pace. All right?
Job's already yours.
Yeah, okay.
Nice and erect.
Shoulders, shoulders.
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
That's amazing.
Do you realize you make a transfer
every two and a half seconds?
You could put a Swiss watch on it.
I mean, without ever
even moving your--
It's wonderful.
You made me want to be a woman.
I have that effect on people.
Are you studying me now
to play an office worker?
Oh, no. No.
My friend's up for the role.
She's in there now.
Yes.
I have no idea.
Not a clue.
Bull.
He didn't say a thing.
Maybe it's mine.
Maybe it's not.
But I did it.
But you did it.
And one thing I do know.
What's that?
I'm never setting foot
in that market again.
See?
Strong ending.
Strong ending.
You're makin' me so proud.
Ten items or less.
Ask me again.
Keepers?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Ten items or less.
This.
Okay.
Now you have eight.
Can I have another?
As many as you want.
It's not my lane anymore.
I'm retired.
Yeah.
Guess--
Guess it's time, huh?
You got some idea
where we're going?
Not a fucking clue.
Not a fuckin' clue.
Hey, you can always
make a stop.
Like the rest of America.
Can you tell me
how to get to Brentwood?
Hey, Big D!
How do you like the ride?
Race you to the next light.
I'm callin' his wife.
No, you're not.
Yeah, I am.
Oh, don't tell me you forgot
which one's yours.
No, I'm pretty sure this is the one.
You sure?
Mm-hmm.
'Cause I don't want to hear on
the news you got your ass shot off.
No.
No, I think we're good.
Yeah.
Okay.
Think you can find your way back?
You could always stop
and ask for directions.
Got it. Thank you.
Look, um...
I'd love to hang, but...
...it's a school night.
And I got work tomorrow.
You do?
I do.
You do?
I do.
Your class project!
That's the one, yeah.
Oh. You're gonna commit.
Well, uh--
Say it. Say the word.
Say it: "Co--
Co--
Com-mit.
Commit.
Oh, qu bueno.
Congratulations.
Well!
Not even sure
the damn thing is gonna go.
Director's so young,
he hasn't even been born yet.
Nonetheless.
This is our pact.
We live--
"We live.
We work.
"We work...
We're just getting started.
Just getting started."
We'll never see
each other again.
Never.
Ol!
Easy Build Construction.
Good afternoon.
Oh, uh, Mr. Holcomb?
Oh, ah, yes, sir.
The plywood order.
But there was-- There has been
a terrible traffic mix-up on the 405.
It should be on its way soon.
Okay. Bye-bye.
Beautiful.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
this two-pack here
sells for 21 .99.
Right.
But we're gonna go ahead,
and we're gonna give you--
We'll give you the second one
absolutely free.
Plus, the mop.
Plus!
Right, for those of you
who let me know right now--
You gotta cue 'em, okay? "For those
of you who let me know right now."
And always be nodding your head.
That's really, really important,
because it's almost like hypnosis.
Like, you nod your head,
they nod their head.
Okay! So--
They're convinced that it's a good price,
and they're gonna buy it.
Okay.
Never do anything negative.
And you always say, "I know
you want one and you want one too."
I assume before they even raise
their hand they want one.
They're already there.
"Here's what you're gonna take home."
You just assume that sale.
Okay. So, so--
And so you--
Uh, we sell these for 21 .99.
But as an introductory offer,
we're gonna give you, uh,
you buy one, you get one free,
plus, we're gonna give you the mop.
No, no. No, no.
We're not gonna
give them the mop.
First, you need to nod your head.
Nod your head.
That's really, really important.
Okay, so you go ahead,
and take home the first one.
Take home!
Take home.
They're already buying.
Yeah, you're buying this.
Take home the first one, and we're
gonna throw in the second.
We give you the second one for free.
The second one
absolutely free.
Buy one, get one
is our standard package.
And then, for those of you
who let me know right now--
Then, for those of you
who let me know right now--
No, no. Raise your hand.
It's real important, okay?
Just leave this out on the table.
You don't have to hold it.
Okay.