1
HEY, I'M ON A FREIGH TRAIN ON A SATURDAY NIGHT
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK--
[SUSPENSEFUL TONE]
[CAR DRIVING SOUNDS]
WITH SCARY BUMP]
[INTENSE SUSPENSEFUL
MUSICAL BUILD UP]
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
[OMINOUS MUSIC CONTINUES]
[INTENSE DRONE SOUND]
[EERIE PIANO FADES IN]
[RUSTLING SOUNDS]
[FOOTSTEPS SOUNDS]
RANGER BILL:
Who's there?
Who's, who--?
Come on, come on, who's there?
This is state land.
You're trespassing.
[FOOTSTEP SOUNDS]
[OMINOUS MUSIC CONTINUES]
NEWS BROADCASTER:
I have the distinct privilege
and the high personal honor
of presenting to you,
The president of
the United States.
[APPLAUSE SOUNDS]
PRESIDENT NIXON:
The second time
around it sounds nice.
There's a-uh, messed up elk
out there on the old state road.
BETTY OSWALD
Messed up?
Mangled. Not by
any animals either.
I've been so worried.
Especially with that,
that Randall Tucker mess.
Oh the hell with that Randall
Tucker. What's for supper?
You ever hear of a Jeb Tucker?
[OMINOUS SOUND]
Louise DuBoise said
something about a Jeb Tucker
getting into her things.
You don't think that,
umm, Randall and Liza--
- What?
- Are starting a brood?
Ohh.
Oh.
Well God help us if they did.
William Oswald the third, did
you just use the lords name?
I did.
Well, shame on you.
[SCARY SOUND]
Jesus Fucking Christ.
There's someone out there.
[EERIE MUSIC]
[APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS SOUNDS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC BUILDS]
Ah! Ahh!
Oh-ho-ho. Haha!
[SCARY SOUND]
Did you recognize him?
- That boy?
- Yeah.
Hit high and low
with an ugly stick.
I've seen better east ends
of a horse headed west.
Damn that Randall Tucker.
Now William, you radio
that Sheriff right now.
You hear me?
Yeah, yeah, alright.
Oh!
[INTENSE ORCHESTRATION]
- Aghh.
- Ahh-ahhhh-ahhhhhh!
Ugh!
[GUNSHOT SOUND]
Oh! Ughh!
[FRANTIC DRAMATIC ORCHESTRATION]
[SNORTING SOUNDS]
Oh! Ahh-ha!
Ahh-ha-ha. Ohhh!
[ORCHESTRATION FADES OUT]
[PANTING SOUNDS]
[OMINOUS
ORCHESTRATION FADES IN]
[OMINOUS
ORCHESTRATION CONTINUES]
[OMINOUS
ORCHESTRATION CONTINUES]
[OMINOUS
ORCHESTRATION FADING OUT]
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
[EERIE MUSIC FADES IN]
[LIGHT PIANO]
[GHOSTLY WHISPER
WITH CHIMES]
WAITRESS:
There you are.
KATHY:
What's up?
Is that Buck?
Yeah, he ain't good.
Oh my God.
Buck?
BUCK: Hey Kathy.
Haven't seen you in since--
Gosh, It's been
a month of Sundays.
You were in our prayers.
Ready for that cherry pie?
Made fresh.
Yeah, ok.
ZACK:
Hey Mister, are you Buck Severs?
- Yes, I am.
- Can I have your autograph?
Sure thing, buddy.
What's your name?
Zack.
I knew it was you. Man, I loved
it when you body slammed the
warrior in the steel cage
match at Mania twenty seven
and when you fought
Buffalo Bob and roped him
with his own lasso.
Here you are Buck.
Miss, you know this is?
I think I have
a pretty good idea.
- There you go buddy.
- When are you coming back?
Soon. I have to
get all better first.
I can't wait.
Me too.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC FADES IN]
[OCEAN WAVES CAN BE HEARD
WITH SEAGULLS IN BACKGROUND]
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES]
[SUSPENSEFUL AMBIENCE MUSIC]
[RINGING SOUND]
Ugh!
Trent?
TRENT:
Pack your bags, the trip's on.
What trip?
Don't tell me you forgot
the return of bro's weekend?
No, I didn't forget.
Listen, be at Henderson Airport,
Friday, 7:00 A.M. Sharp.
First class?
TRENT:
Better than first class.
Where?
Doing camping hiking in
the ass end of Pennsylvania.
You mean,
Detroit's all booked up?
That's Morgan's thing.
Says we won't regret it.
I can't believe
you forgot bro's weekend.
- Sorry.
- Just be at the airport.
[CAR IDLING SOUND]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[CHEERING SOUNDS ON T.V.]
[SOUND OF LIQUID POURING]
[THUD SOUND]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES]
[SOUND OF SIRENS WAILING]
[HELICOPTER CHOPPING SOUNDS]
HELICOPTER PILOT:
Are you alright, Mr. Severs?
BO:
Hey, hey, hey, hey, Buck.
Long time, no see man!
Yeahhh. How long's it been?
It's gotta be at
least three years, right?
Three yea-Jesus.
Three years. Sh--
Well, you look good, you do.
Sorry, uh, uh, about all the--
Thanks. So, uh, how's Allison?
Allison, that was
like two wives ago.
- Sorry.
-Ah, whatever.
They know what
they're getting into.
They know who I am.
We get down and dirty with
some funky and nasty shit.
That's TMI dude. TMI.
And you tie the knot,
all of a sudden, get all
clingy and needy.
Like they got
exclusive rights to me.
You know, in a
legally binding sense.
So what, I bring a little
Chlamydia back from Thailand.
You know, shit happens.
It's not like I'm
betraying them emotionally.
Well, oh but dude. Dude.
There was this chick this
morning in Miami international.
Big boned gal. Ya' know,
sweeter the pushin'. Am I right?
So, uh, when is
Trent getting here?
I pounded that shit.
Bro, two tons of fun. Bam.
Right in the middle of the
fucking Cinnabon man. Hahaha!
You know what
the airport code for
Miami International Airport is?
M-I-A and brother,
my dick was M-I-A.
Oh-oh. Heeey.
Ho-ho-ho-yea-hee-haa. Hahaha.
Hahahaha.
Hahahahahahahahaha.
Saved by the Benz.
Hey.
BO:
Woooo. Nice ride!
Tell me something I don't know.
You could score some major
douche canoe in this bad boy.
Keev, good to see ya'.
Haha-hey!
Trent, how's it hanging.
Hey, how's the record business.
Ah, It's DOA my friend.
Industries dead.
Ah. That sucks.
Ah, ay, we made some
good music. Put it out there.
What more can you ask for?
Groupies? Hookers? Blow?
Ahhhh. The classics.
Hey. How's car sales.
- Through the roof, bro.
- Nice.
- Whoop! Ha-ha!
- Woah, woah. Hahaha!
Well, if it isn't
Buck fucking Severs?
First class all the way Trent.
That's why I love you.
Well, don't thank me,
it's Morgan's dime.
Hey. If you two train up,
can I get Lucky Pierre?
Hahahahahahahaha. Woah. Woah-oh.
I'm guessing Morgan's.
Where is he anyway?
He's at the bank. Come on,
we'll get him on the way.
What?
Jesus., you are one
sad fucking sight bro.
Would you stop
looking at me like that.
What happened to you?
Uh, fractured vertebra.
Six weeks in traction.
That's not what
I'm talking about.
What then?
It's your eyes man. It's in
your eyes. The magic's gone.
You're afraid.
What the fuck
are you talking about?
You're afraid of life.
It's Rocky 3, man.
The eye of the tiger
or lack there of.
You're gonna
quote Rocky 3 to me?
It's like the worst one dude.
Okay. Your scared
and your dissin' Stallone.
The circle is now complete.
Why are you being
such a douche bag?
What, are you taking a course?
Like I'm gonna sugar
coat it for you. Me? Okay.
Excuse Mr. Severs. I am so
sorry that you grew a vagina.
Shall we get in touch
with your feelings about that?
I will kick your ass.
Yeah, like that's gonna happen.
Look man, I'm sorry but I'm
Mr. tough love and I
love you man so deal with it.
You look like shit.
This gonna be a
long weekend, isn't it?
You'll get out. You'll get
some fresh. Do some camping.
Some hiking. Guy shit.
Hookers. Don't forget hookers.
Does it have to be hookers?
Ah. Pussy in general.
GROUP:
[LAUGHING SOUNDS]
Woaaah. Woah,
was that a laugh?
Was that mirth?
- You know what Trent?
- Ugh!
Feeling better already.
Ughh!
Yeah, we're here.
Okay. Said he's
running a little late.
BO AND BUCK: Noooo.
He said, five minutes.
- Yeah, maybe three times that.
- Oh, he's not that bad.
- Hundred bucks?
- Yeah, you're on.
Hey, remember the Prom?
Do I remember the Prom?
He was two hours late.
And he showed up in
that piece of shit Desoto.
Was supposed to be
a limo. Man, Lisa was pissed.
Hahahaha.
You didn't tap that, huh?
No. I blame Morgan fucking
Childs, that cock blocker.
Hahahahaha.
MORGAN:
One second guys.
I got an important client.
Hey, so, uh, what you wearing?
Yeah?
I bet your ass looks fine.
Nah, baby. I'll be gone
just for the weekend.
I'll miss you.
Dude, that was a client?
That's how bankings done, Keev.
Well, is she hot at least?
He.
Right.
Okay.
He's is Saylesburgh. I'll
never run into him in person.
And if you do?
Ah, I guess I, uh,
take one for the team.
Hahahahahahaha.
That was my girlfriend,
She's back in Cali.
Can we get,
can we get out of here?
Fuck yeah.
You guys give me
a couple minutes.
I'll meet ya downstairs.
There's something I got to take
care of. You know, you know?
- I just gotta.
- Uh.
You wanna go fucking shoot some
guns? You wanna go kill some
fucking animals? You wanna
kill Bambi, motherfucker?
Come on, you fuck.
What the hell was that?
Oh, nothing. Don't worry
about it. Come on, come on.
Ah.
- Ahhhh. Shhhit.
- Hahahahahahaha.
Ah, I don't even want to know.
- You gonna wear that suit?
- No asshole.
I'm gonna change in the car.
I figure It'd save us some time.
Save time. Yeah, right.
Oh dude! Sorry,
I just looked at your penis.
Oh, haha. Call him,
eagle eyes. Hahaha.
What are you ten,
you funny fucks?
Uh-oh.
Jeeesus. Look at the
bozongas on that one.
- Oh hoho. Yeah.
- Cute.
Cute? No dude, she's a ten.
- I don't know about that.
- Hohohoho.
They are all tens on the inside.
Jesus!
Fucking asshole.
Why don't you
roll down your window
and yell it a little
louder so they can hear you.
No, I'm, I'm good.
I got it out of my system.
Yeah. Eye of the tiger, my ass.
Look at you,
smiling, laughing there.
- Actually having a good time.
- You know what, Trent?
You might have a point. Bro's
weekend might do me some good.
Fucker.
Bro's weekend is back, woooo!
[HARD ROCK MUSIC]
So, I did some research
on this game preserve.
There's not much out
there about this Foggy Creek.
It's more of an urban
myth.
If you didn't know any better.
What the fuck
are you talking about?
We're going to a game preserve.
Seriously Trent. You told me we
were going hiking and camping.
Hunting too, if you want.
Or, or not if you don't.
It's Morgan's thing. Come
on, it will be good for ya'.
Eye of the tiger.
Don't start with that
eye of the tiger bullshit.
- Did you find out where it is.
- Negatory.
Ohhh! Seriously guys?
We don't even know
where the fuck we are going?
We'll find it.
We'll just ask the locals.
We're doing them a service.
Lack of predators. The
deer become overpopulated.
The circle of life,
Buck. Things die.
Sorry, man.
What, you're not
gonna talk to me now?
God damnit Buck.
It's not your fault, okay?
What happened to Cindy and
Roxanne was bad fucking luck.
What happened
in the ring, bad fucking luck.
And I'm worried about you.
Bottom line, you should
have told me.Honestly fellas,
I don't feel like being
around anybody killing anything
right now.
You're right.
You want me to take you back?
I don't know, maybe.
Come on, Buck.
I haven't seen you since
the hospital. Three years.
We'll hang tonight, roast
marshmallows. Drink a few beers.
Fine. Whatever.
Good.
- Hey, beer stop. Ten o'clock.
- Thank God.
- Oh dude.
- What?
Dude, there she is. Let me out.
Well, at least let me--
Stop.
Crazy fucker.
Ohh. Dirty girl.
Ah, you know what guys? I'm
just gonna stay with the car.
Well, me and buds are
hanging out at Foggy Creek.
You should swing by.
You know, have a drink.
Say, uh, you ever
heard of Buck Severs.
BROOKLYN:
Fuck yeah! You know him?
[CHUCKLING]
Know him? He's one
of my best buddies.
Yo Buck! Buck.
Say hi to my new friend.
Yeah. See that, right there?
- Alright. I'm Brooklyn.
- Oh. Well, I heart NY.
Hahahaha. Foggy Creek.
I will see you there.
- Alright.
- Aight.
CUTTER:
Holdin' out.
Yo, if I wasn't super cool, I
would kick your ass right now.
Come on.
Nice town.
- Sure ain't the Four Seasons.
- Not even the two seasons.
OLD MERL:
Ahh. Howdy gents?
[METAL SWOOSH SOUND]
- Ol' Merl.
- Hehe, you betcha. Haha--
Well, it is a pleasure
to make your acquaintance.
Thank you.
I will take some of
them fine hot dogs.
Oh, that's fine
choice. Very fine choice.
Your gonna eat that crap?
They're all beef.
No, no, no. They's meat.
They's all meat.
What's the difference?
Beef is from a cow.
Meat ain't necessarily.
Well, what the
hell's in them then.
Well, first of all,
I just start choppin'--
Whoa, whoa.
whoa, whoa, whoa. Look,
I don't want to know.
Mystery meat is
my favorite kind.
- I ain't touching that stuff.
- Ah, fuck it. I'll try em'.
- Yeah. Haha.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- What's the damage?
-Ahh--
Dysentery, if you
eat those things.
Ohhh.
Uhhh, thirty dollars even.
Ah, thank you.
- Ol' Merle.
- Young'en.
I'm lookin' for
something with a little kick.
You'll have to
define kick for me.
Like a Mule. With a grudge.
- Ee-heeheehee. Ah-hahaha.
- Hahahahahaha.
Theeeeere you go.
Hahaha.
Please tell me you
brewed that in your bathtub.
I brewed it in my bathtub. Hey,
I got some meth if ya' want it.
No. No. Trying to cut down.
Oh, okay. Well,
that's fair enough.
Uh, is there
anything else I can get ya'?
Yeah.
You ever heard of
Foggy Creek Wildlife Preserve?
[CLATTER]
[EERIE AMBIENCE MUSIC]
No, I never heard of that.
There's a Muskrat
Wildlife Preserve.
Uh, good huntin'
up there at Muskrat.
You heard of it?
- Well--
- I told you to shut up.
- Now get out of here.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
You want to go and
get yourself dead,
then you go right up
there to Foggy Creek.
I thought you never heard of it.
Get out of here. Get your
stuff and head out of here.
You ain't welcome here no more.
If you had half the brains
you think you has, then you'd
get right back into your fancy
city car and you'd go right
back to where you come from.
Now, get outta here.
- Holy shit. Hahahahaha.
- That was awesome.
- Sorry, I thought--
- He's going to kill you.
Excuse me?
CREEPY GIRL:
He's going to hunt
you down and kill you.
Hunt you like an animal.
- Who?
- Jeb Tucker.
He's gonna kill you.
He's gonna kill you all.
He-hey Buck, there you are.
Did you see that?
See what?
Nevermind.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,. Look, I want
to apologize for any trouble.
BIG MOE:
It ain't nothing.
That way?
Fine, thanks.
Just get in the car.
[BROODING DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Hit it.
[TENSE DRAMATIC ORCHESTRATION]
Oww.
Shit. God dammit.
Pull over here.
Behind the trees.
[DRAMATIC
ORCHESTRATION FADES OUT]
So, this is how
it's gonna work.
Ol' Merl, thinks the
halfwit gave us directions.
So in effect, he's gonna
lead us right to Foggy Creek.
Ol' Merl, I presume.
[DRAMATIC ORCHESTRATION]
MORGAN:
Check and mate. You old bastard.
[DRAMATIC
ORCHESTRATION FADES OUT]
It's gotta be
around here somewhere.
This is how you bankers think.
More or less. Same principles.
Monetary fiscal cat and mouse.
That's why we're
in a fuckin' recession.
BO: Uh-oh. Busted.
KITTY:
There you are.
You are not Old Merle.
That is very nice of you to
notice. I been lookin' for you.
I know you. I seen you on T.V.
Haha. That's Buck Severs.
I knew it. I knew it. Haha.
Hey, we're lookin' for Foggy
Creek Wildlife Preserve.
Oh. Uhh, I don't go there.
No one's really
supposed to go there.
You know where we can find it?
Yeah, uh, a-ha.
I don't know if I should say.
You should come party
with us, is what you should do.
Ugh, I don't know Foggy Creek--
What? With Buck
Severs there to protect you?
- Uh, Yeah?
- Oh yeah, yeah.
Okay. Alright, well, It's,
it's down this road about six
miles. And when you get
to the old water tower, you turn
left and when that
roads ends, you're there.
Well, sweet. Then it is a date.
- Uhh, okay.
- Bring some friends.
KITTY:
Alright. Alright, good.
BO: Haha!
BO:
Buck Severs is the
magic words to open legs.
Ah. Oh, hey. Whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.
You're Buck Severs.
You're a chick magnet and if
you're not going to partake,
then it's up to us not to let
all that go to waste.
Hey man. Don't look at me. I got
a chick back in Cali right now,
but back in the day,
- Holy shit.
- Hoohoohoohoo!
Hahahahaha.
- Uh. Oh.
- Good times
Yes, indeed. Good times.
That's it?
Welcome to Foggy
Creek Wildlife Preserve.
Place has been closed
for almost forty years.
It's just us,
the guns, and the game.
- No Rangers. No rules.
- Yeah, no trespassing.
Fuck it.
Good call Trent. Good call.
I thought this was your idea.
Nah, Trent turned me on to it.
I just got hooked.
[OMINOUS MUSIC FADES IN]
Ahh.
Ahh.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
[OMINOUS DRAMATIC MUSIC]
BO:
I gotta shake the weasel.
BO: Ughh.
Ah, Shit.
Pfft.
[SPLASHING SOUND]
Hey. Hey guys. Guys, look.
[GUNSHOT SOUND]
Jesus!
Hey. Can y--
[GUNSHOT SOUND]
- Hey hey hey, no fair.
- No fair, really?
- Hey Keev.
- Yeah.
Don't forget to put your
mouse back in the house.
No shhhit. Ugh. Humph.
Hit the safety, asshole.
[CLICKING SOUND]
Oh, shit! Fuck.
The fuck?
Come on Buck, it's fine.
They're not gonna hit anything.
Ay, you guys suck. You should
be ashamed of your selves.
I missed on purpose, for Buck.
BO:
Hahahahaha.
Fucking pussy. He didn't
even get out of the car.
MORGAN, BO, and TRENT:
[CHUCKLING SOUNDS]
Asshole.
[OMINOUS MUSIC FADES IN]
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
[SOUND OF ANIMAL WHINING]
- Look at this. Fucking right--
- Untouched by man fuckers.
Great, check it out.
- Let's do this.
- Ughh.
Looks like a camp site.
Let's do it fellas.
This is awesome. I feel like
fucking Ernest Hemingway.
GROUP:
Hahahahaha.
Hey, hey. Now, Now
we're, "Ernest Goes to Camp".
Hahahahaha ahh.
I never saw the hunting movie.
But I know, I know
he, uhh, went to jail
and then he joined
the army and got scared stupid.
I said Ernest Hemingway.
It's not the
saved Christmas guy?
Are you, are, are you
really a fucking moron?
Oh, oh. I got ya'. I'm sorry,
I didn't, I hea-- you, uh, uh--
Ernest, Ernest Heminga--
gay. Yeah, I, I know that.
I know that. Haha, I know it.
[INAUDIBLE]
Incoming.
Oh, beer me bro.
Ah-hahahahaha. Oh Fuck!
Brought you a tent and
I'll pitch it for you too.
I know your walking
around like a walking dead.
You're gonna
pitch a tent for me?
I always do.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
[OMINOUS MUSIC CONTINUES]
[SCRAPING SOUND]
Ohh. Je-- God.
Oh Fuck. Hey.
You. Hey. Morgan. Morgan,
fix this mess for me, will ya'?
Sure. Four hundred bucks. Cash.
It's Fine. Fine.
Fine. Put it on my tab.
What part of four hundred bucks
don't you understand, fuckface?
There, Ha. done.
- Your castle awaits.
- Ah. Hahahaha.
GROUP:
Assholes[Hahahahaha]
Alright.
[CLAPPING SOUNDS]
TRENT:
Ah. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
- Get--
- Ugh.
GROUP:
[LAUGHING SOUNDS]
Gee, thanks.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Hey. Hey. Hey.
A toast is in order I believe.
- Ughh.
- Okay Buck, I apologize-
for my behavior earlier.
I was, I was an asshole.
Here. Here.
But we are here
this weekend, for you man.
God, you always took care of
us back in the day, you know?
BO:
You know, I owe my first,
my first car dealership to you.
Man, you-
you fronted me-
the money-
to start my dreams.
And I am, I'm forever grateful.
- You're drunk is what you are.
- Pffft. Hahaha.
Yeah, well, to Buck Severs!
And his return to Bro's weekend!
TRENT, MORGAN, AND BO:
Buck Severs!
I know, Cindy is
smiling down on you man.
- Here. Here.
- More, more beers. Come on.
BO: Yup.
[CLAPPING SOUNDS]
MORGAN:
So, uhh, who's hungry?
Oh my God. I could eat
the ass out of a skunk.
How do you like
your meat though?
Rare fucker.
[CHUCKLING SOUNDS]
Please tell me you
brought some real food.
Ha-ahahaha. What da'
ya' got? What da' ya' got?
Yes, I will take one of those
medium rare but first fellas,
I got to drain the
snake. I'll be right back.
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
[OMINOUS MUSIC FADES IN]
Ughhh!
[SPLASHING SOUND]
Ohhhh.
[RUSTLING SOUND]
BUCK:
Ha Ha. Real funny guys.
Reaaaal fucking funny.
[EERIE PIANO]
[SOUND OF APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
Hey guys, check this out.
Sex tape. Please,
please let it be a sex tape.
It's not working.
Looks like it's
been out here a while.
BO:
Ohhhh. Yeah.
BO:
Chicks with guns. Oh yeah.
[DRONE SOUND]
Fuck was that?
[CAR ENGINE SOUND]
Who's this?
Oh, yeah.
It's the jailbait express.
[DOOR CLOSE SOUND]
Oh, shit.
Yo, when I said, bring friends,
I meant girls.
Well. She's a girl.
Oh, yeah? Prove it.
SISSY:
He's gross.
MORGAN:
Come on. Everybody's welcome.
We got steaks on the grill. Some
type of, some type of meat dog.
We got beer and we
got old white lightning.
- There we go. There we go.
- Hehehehehe.
- Hahahaha.
- Pussies.
Oh God!
BO AND MORGAN:
[CHUCKLING SOUNDS]
Arrrrghh.
Ughhh!
[CHUCKLING SOUNDS]
One more. I'm okay. One more.
- Again.
- Ahh.
Again.
[CHUCKLING SOUNDS]
BO: Again.
BO: Ughh.
Again.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
Ggaahh.
Ggg-Aahh.
GROUP:
[LAUGHING SOUNDS]
I'm breathing fire.
- Yeah and shitting soup.
- Hahahaha.
It's good for you.
Flushes out the system.
When you flush out the system,
you should probably be
near something that flushes.
TRENT:
Ughh. I'm going for another.
GROUP:
[Hahahahaha]
Okay. Okay.
It's ghost story time.
[EERIE MUSIC FADES IN]
Tell us about, Jeb Tucker.
[DRONING SOUND]
Ooooh ooh-hoohoo.
Just an urban legend.
Ain't no Jeb Tucker.
Like hell there ain't.
You tell it.
No, you tell it.
My grandpa was a kid then.
Randall Tucker thought
his family owned this land so,
he just wouldn't leave. For like
twenty years, the whole family
nobody
could catch them.
Then one day,
Randall just, killed the
Ranger that lived here.
Randall and Liza Tucker.
They were never found.
Presumed missing.
KITTY:
They got him.
My dad said
the locals got him.
Lynched em up.
My dad was a kid then.
He said he saw it himself.
MORGAN:
Tell us about Jeb Tucker.
Nah. Just, just an urban
legend. Ain't no Jeb Tucker.
CUTTER: (whispering)
Like hell their ain't.
[SOUND OF RUNNING]
- Ahhhhhhh!! Ahhhhh!
- GROUP: Ahhhh!
Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhh!
- Ahhh. Hahahaha.
- Hahahahaha.
Oh my God. Oh my God. I peed
my pants. I peed my pants.
I peed my pants. Bravo. Bravo.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
OHHH. HOLY WATER
Come on. Come on.
Let's get a little--
No. No. No. I'll, I'll, Ill
catch up with you later.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
COME ALONG WITH ME
UNDERCOVER
YOU TAKE A TAB. YOU PLACE
IT UNDERNEATH YOUR TONGUE
AND LET IT WAKE YOU UP
IT TAKES YOU BACK
TO WHERE YOU'RE FROM
INTO THE FIRES OF THE FURNACE
FROM WHICH ALL THINGS COME
IN THAT VIOLENT INFERNO
WE WE'LL BURN THIS LOVE
THE GOOD OL' FASHION--
Ahh-ha.
- Thanks Mr. Severs.
- Ah, call me Buck.
Mr. Severs is
your dad right?
Actually my dad
is Mr. Mutnanski.
W-W-What?
Forget it.
Where'd your boyfriend get to?
Oh hell. He ain't my boyfriend.
Pretty slim pickins
in the local gene pool, huh?
You have no idea.
TAKE ME UNDER
Your friend's pretty wasted.
OHHH! MIDNIGHT MOTHER
He's gonna poo
in your beer cooler.
Excuse me.
I NEED Y'ALL TO PU Y'ALLS HANDS IN THE SKY THIS
EVENING
Psssst. Kitty.
TAKE Y'ALL TO THE SWAMP
God damn it Cutter, what?
Come here.
THE WICKED, THEY SURROUND
US LIKE A PACK OF VULTURES
BEEN HARD ON ME,
ALWAYS LIVING THIS REBELLIOUS
BUT I HOLD MY HEAD--
Yeah? Or what?
- Or Jeb Tuckers gonna get ya'.
- Ahhh!
Heehee
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
There is a way
to keep old Jeb away.
Oh yeah, what's that?
Havin' sex.
- You know what he hates most?
- What?
- Titties
- Yeah?
So, if I were to go like this,
- that would keep Jeb away.
- Yep.
- Yeah?
- Mhmm.
You know what
he even hates more than that?
- What? Ahha.
- Pootang.
Oh yeah, should I?
What was that?
It's my beating heart baby.
No, I, I think
I heard something.
No. My heart, listen.
[SWOOSH AND THUD SOUND]
[TENSE DRAMATIC ORCHESTRATION]
Ughhh-ha.
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
Ahhhhhhhh!
Ughh-uh. Ugh-ahh.
Ughh-ahh. Ughhhh
[HEAVY PANTS, BREATHING]
Where are you?
CUTTER:
Ughh. Ahh. I'm over here.
CUTTER:
Ughh. Ahh.
What?
Oh, Jesus Cutter. Will you
put your damn pants back on?
- Get in here with me.
- Hell no!
Please?
Pretty please?
Oh damn it Cutter.
Is that all you got?
Oh Kitty,
It's freezing and cold out here.
- Ha. Ha.
- You bitch.
I don't want you anyway.
Ah Hell. Shhhhit.
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
[TENSE DRAMATIC ORCHESTRATION]
No.
No. Fuck. God. No!
Fuck.
[MUSIC TEMPO SPEEDING UP]
Ahhhhhh!
[CRASHING THUD]
- It's just me.
- Tchhh.
I was wondering where
you went. Let me walk you back.
I really want to pick your
brain a little bit about the old
Jeb Tucker myth.
What do you want to know?
See, Backwoods, Pennsylvania.
No offense. Two kids.
Randall and Liza. Living in
the woods for twenty years.
- Right?
- It is just a story.
Nahhh. Story had to
come from somewhere.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
Hello? Hello?
You're Jeb Tucker.
KITTY:
Don't. Don't.
I just, I just want to
talk to him. This is huge.
This is like finding Bigfoot.
Nobody's gonna get hurt here.
We got this under control.
No, you are an arrogant son of
a bitch. You know that, right.
- I try my best.
- Are you crazy?
We gotta get out of here.
He doesn't even have
his bow off his shoulder.
It's cool man.
Everything's cool.
No one's gonna-- Ahh-ahhhh!
Ugh. Ah-ughhh. Ahhh!
- Ughh! Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
- Ahh. Ahh. Ughhh.
[INTENSE DRAMATIC ORCHESTRATION]
[MIXED WITH SOUNDS OF HER
RUNNING AND BREATHING HARD]
[INTENSE DRAMATIC
ORCHESTRATION CONTINUES]
[HIS HEAVY PANTING IS HEARD]
No. No. No. No. No.
Ugh-ughh.
[INTENSE MUSICAL BUILD UP]
[ORCHESTRATION FADES OUT]
Ugh.
You look like a gay Rambo.
I'm the only one out here with
any real survival instincts.
Since when?
See that? When I was a boy,
I had this German shepherd.
Beautiful dog.
Named him Byron.
That's a good German name.
I really did.
You remember my dad.
Oh, yeah.
So he starves
Byron for like,
five days.
Then he takes me
out to the barn.
Byron's there,
chained to the post.
Rip me to shreds.
I'm sitting there and
I'm crying my eyes out
and my father smacks me
and says, "Let's see who
the master is".
He hands me a
knife and he sets Byron Free.
Byron knocks me on my ass.
I'm kicking and screaming and
he's trying to rip my throat out
and, and suddenly, I snapped.
All of a sudden,
it, it all made sense.
So I took that knife
and I cut Byron open.
Throat to tail.
No offense but your
dad was an asshole.
My dad was a genius.
That night taught
me to take charge.
I've gotten anything
I've ever set my mind to.
I got a whole new
project I'm working on.
Ooh-hoo-hoo.
Something special.
Yeah, what's that?
Ooh. In due time.
OMINOUS MUSIC FADES IN
Oh dear God!
Oh God damn it Buck.
Are you trying to
give me a heart attack?
No comment.
Yeah, okay, I deserve that.
Buck,
you have no idea.
It's bullshit.
It's all bullshit!
The dealership is shhhhit.
My wife, my wife left me.
God, I haven't
been laid in, in months.
- How many?
- Twenty. Give or take.
Uh, give mostly.
You don't know shame
till you get rejected by some
fat, Seth Rogan looking
bitch in the middle of a
fucking Cinnabon, man.
That's a family establishment.
It's a place of goodness
and, and, and, and, and--
- And buns!
- And buns! Fuck yeah! And buns
and buns.
[CRYING SOUNDS]
- It's okay, come on.
- Buck, she had a beard.
It's okay. It's okay.
[UPLIFTING MUSIC FADES IN]
Oh! Ohhh.
Ohhh goddd.
Ahh, who shit in my mouth?
Hooooo.
Haaa.
Ughh. Jesus.
Hey.
Rise and shine dickhead.
Smell the fresh mountain air.
Prrrrfftt.
Ohh. Oh.
[FARTING SOUNDS]
Oh, that's gonna hurt. Ughh.
BO:
[COUGHING SOUNDS]
- Ohh.
- Oh my God. Ughh-ohh. Oh!
- Oh. Ahh. Ohhh. Je-sus!
- Hahahahaha.
- Dude, that wasn't even funny.
- Ahhhh. Ohh.
Where's Morgan?
He's not in his tent?
Anybody see him
come back last night?
Oh man. If he
banged that Kitty,
I am gonna be so hurt.
Kitty isn't here either.
And the guns.
Where are the guns?
No, they're right over th--
Mother, motherfffffucker!
God damnit. Those
punks stole our guns. Shit.
- Well you fucking invited them.
- Yeah, well you got them here.
I am so sick of
you using my name
for your statutory rapes.
Wow. He's just now
figuring this out.
Ugh. Ugh. Ughh.
Yeah, Buck the thing is,
those wrestling moves,
they're really just for show.
I wonder how you
would do in a real fight?
- You wanna fucking find out?
-Woah, woah, woah, woah.
Woah.
- Jesus, look at you.
- I told you. I told you.
We have to find Morgan.
I'm telling you fellas, I don't
have a good feeling about this.
He's fine. Alright?
Morgan's fine.
I'm going back to bed.
- Buck!
- We're looking for Morgan.
You got that? Here's the plan.
We all split up. If we
don't find him by sundown,
we're gonna meet back
here and do it all over again.
Got it?
Trent, you go that way.
Let's go!
[EERIE MUSIC]
Morgan!
Morgan!
Oh.
Ughh. Ahh.
[DRAMATIC OMINOUS MUSIC]
[OMINOUS MUSIC CONTINUES]
Morgan.
Buck?
[DRAMATIC TONE]
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
Mhhh.
[SUSPENSE MUSIC]
[SUSPENSE MUSIC CONTINUES]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
Morgan!
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
Oh God. Hhm-hmm.
Oh God. Hhm.
Ugh. Ugh.
[OMINOUS MUSIC ]
- Ughh.
- Agh.
[GOTHIC MUSIC
WITH CHANTING AS LYRICS]
Ah. Ah-ah. Ah-ah.
He-he-he-help me.
N-no, no, no!
Morgan!
Seriously? Jesus Christ.
What the?
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[OMINOUS TONE]
[SUSPENSE MUSIC CONTINUES]
[SUSPENSE MUSIC
BECOMES EERIE]
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
[MUSIC AND BREATHING CONTINUES]
Ahhhh! Ughh!
Ughh!
[GROWLING SOUNDS]
I learned that from Mania 23,
when I had to rope Buffalo Bob
with his own lasso.
[TENSE DRAMATIC ORCHESTRATION]
Ohh.
[SOUND OF MOTORCYCLES AND CARS]
BROOKLYN:
Buck Seavers. In the flesh.
Thank God you're here. I'm
in a world of hurt over there.
You have no idea.
Whoa-hoa-hoa-hoa.
Ohh!
Look around, there's three more.
- He's o-- He's over there.
- Who?
- Hurry up. He's getting away.
- Buck up!
- Ughhh!
- Keep an eye on him. Let's go.
[HIGH TEMPO
DRAMATIC ORCHESTRATION]
BIKERS:
Woohoo!
BIKER 2:
Fuck these guys.
BIKER WITH GUN:
Are you really Buck Severs?
- Ughh.
- What?
Ughh!
- Arrghh Arrrraaghh.
- Ugh-ahh.
[FIGHTING, DYING SOUNDS
MIXED WITH SUSPENSE MUSIC]
[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]
Shit!
[CLANGING SOUNDS]
- Ughh.
- Ughhh.
Ohhhh!
[MORE FIGHTING, SCREAMING
AND DEATH SOUNDS]
Heeyaa!
- Ahhh! Ahh!
- Ughh. Ahh. Ughh. Ahh!
Aghhh.
Ughh.
Aghh.
Aghhh.
Ughh.
Ahhh.
[MUSIC SLOWS]
Go wait in the
trees behind the cabin.
Wait for me there.
There's another girl in there.
- Where?
- In there.
Go. Go.
Ugh.
Shhhhhhh.
CALI:
Get me out of here.
Shhh.
Ughhh-uhh.
- Ah.
- Ugh! Ugh!
Ughh-ahh. Come on.
Come on,
It's okay, I got you. Come.
[HEAVY BREATHING SOUNDS]
Oh God. It's him.
Stay there.
That fucker's calling me out.
That motherfucker's
calling me out.
Where are you going?
Please don't leave me.
Can you make it
back to the campsite?
- Think so.
- Okay. Come on. Come on.
Nahh. Yeah,
I don't think I can walk.
Okay, okay. Just stay
there. Go. Go. Go. Go.
Stay there.
[DRAMATIC MUSICAL BUILD UP]
Ughhhh!
Grrrr.
- Arrrrggggg.
- Rrrraaah.
Rrrrraahh!
Aahhhh.
Ugggghh!
- Uwaaahh.
- Ohhh!
Ahh.
Aghh!
Grrrrrrr.
Gggrrrrrrr.
Ohhhh!
Ohhh. Oh. Ho. Ho. Ho.
Ughh. Ohh. Ohh.
Ooooooh!
[DRAMATIC VIOLIN]
Ahhhhhhh!
- Ugh. Ahh.
- Ughh.
[ROAR - THEN MUSIC BUILDS]
[GIANT ROAR]
Oh, fuck. God damnit.
[GROANS]
[FIGHT SOUNDS CONTINUE]
[SUSPENSE MUSIC CONTINUES]
Inbred mutant
looking motherfucker!
Come on
motherfucker.
Loud smash
[SUDDEN NOISE]
Let's dance motherfucker.
[MUSIC BUILDS
HEIGHTENING DRAMA]
[BOTH ROAR AT EACH OTHER]
[BOTH GROAN AND GROWL]
[FIRES SOUNDS, NATURE]
[MUSIC CHANGE, UP TEMPO]
[THUD AND MUSIC
LESSENS IN INTENSITY]
[HOARSE BREATHING]
[OPERATIC MUSIC]
[MUSIC BECOMES MORE SUSPENSEFUL]
That's Aunty Liza.
My dad's cousin.
TRENT:
And sister.
And their parents were to.
Jeb, you met Jeb. Uhh.
Their son.
Oma Jean here is Jeb's wife.
And the kids.
And the grandkids
aren't doing so well.
Which is why we have
to get new blood in here.
Hence those girls you let go.
But we'll get 'em
back. We'll get 'em back.
Where are they gonna go?
Ahh family.
TRENT:
What are you gonna do?
Everybody's got that crazy
uncle. Skeletons in the closet
or on the fuckin'
sofa in this case.
So, what your telling me is
you only brought us here so you
could hunt us.
No. No. No. No.
I would never do that man.
You're my bro.
I love you man.
No, I-I did this for you.
This is for you.
TRENT:
Look at you. Look at you man.
Look at ya'
The eye of the tiger.
Buck Severs is back.
You're my new project Buck.
Now, now we get you
back in the saddle and hello.
I'm talking we do MMA.
U-UFC. That Thai shit. Whatever.
The sky's the limit.
You're on fire my friend.
Bigger star than
ever. My God think of it.
You want to hit me don't ya?
Come on.
I kind of deserve it.
Come on. Get it over with.
Ughh!
- Jesus Buck.
- Ughh!
Okay. You made your point.
This one's for
Morgan and Keev.
Ughhhh. Aghh!
Ughh. Ughh. Aghh.
Ugh. Ugh. Ahhhh.
[HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING]
It's okay.
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC]
What? Why are we back here?
It's okay. You'll see.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
No. No.
No. No. Nooo.
No-ho-ho. Nooooo!
Nooooooo!
Ahh. Ahh-haa.
Plee-eee-eee-eeese help me.
[CRYING SOUNDS]
[HARD ROCK MUSIC]
[HARD ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]
I LET THE ENGINES REV
SWALLOW THE ROAD AHEAD OF ME
I TAKE A LONELY PATH
NO TELLING WHERE IT FEEDS
I DID IT TWICE BEFORE
SEEN ALL THE
THINGS THERE ARE TO SEE
I CAN'T GET ENOUGH
THE MAN I WANT TO BECOME
I WANNA RIDE
RIDE TO EDGE WITH YOU AND
WHEN WE WON'T COME BACK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER KNOW
I RIDE
RIDE TO THE
EDGE WITH YOU
AND WHEN WE DON'T COME BACK
THEY WON'T FORGET US
SHE LET HER HAIR FLOW BACK
SHE WRAPS HER
ARMS AROUND MY WAIST
AND I CANNOT FORGET
THE WAY WE START THIS RACE
THE HIGHWAY BRINGS THE SOUND
THE ONLY THING
THAT'S ON OUR MINDS
A CLEARING OF OUR THOUGHTS
LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND
I WANNA RIDE
RIDE TO THE EDGE WITH YOU
I SWEAR I'LL
NEVER KNOW. I RIDE
RIDE TO THE EDGE WITH YOU
AND WHEN WE DON'T COME BACK
THEY WONT FORGET US
[EPIC ORCHESTRATION]
[EPIC ORCHESTRATION CONTINUES]
[EPIC ORCHESTRATION FADING OUT]
[ELECTRONIC BEAT]
[ELECTRONIC BEAT FADES OUT]