Why are you leaving, Daddy?
- I have to leave, for work.
- Why?
It's hard to explain
to a little girl.
But I'm big now!
- Four is big?
- No, I'm five and a half.
Of course!
When will you be back?
I'll be back next summer,
like every year.
Goodbye sweetheart.
Goodbye Daddy.
I love you very much.
There, now that's done.
Next, the Nobel.
I've just got
one tiny thing to do first.
A favor for my ex-wife,
who has to go abroad for work.
A vital mission.
Going back to Paris for three months
to take care of my daughter.
It's lucky, actually.
We rarely see each other
I've lived in Boston for 15 years.
I'm her hero, in a way.
Having Daddy at home...
for 3 months
will send her over the moon.
Englantine?
Hi, Dad.
I've got homework,
so I'll leave you to it.
Nice to see you, too.
Honey?
Time to get up. It's 7:30.
- Gross.
- It's a real American breakfast!
I'll have the French kind.
I see your uncle
is still breaking new ground.
Yeah, his book is a kick.
It's for making monochrome meals:
Black, white, red.
Color-coding food.
Difficult!
Try making a blue meal.
You'll see.
You have a point.
How's school going?
Not so great.
The system is in crisis.
Unmotivated teachers,
doubts on the republican model...
I was asking about you.
How's junior high?
They bounce me all the time.
I keep trying to attend,
in vain.
Really? But why?
Well, it's probably because...
I'm in high school now.
I'm not sure,
but that might be it.
Is Mom here?
No.
Her keys, if you see her.
Off to work!
Who's that?
That's Enzo, my friend Anne-Sophie's
brother. From next door.
I'll just be helping out
at Guy's lab. It's not really work.
We could do lots of things.
Isn't that neat?
There's one neat thing
you could do.
What's that?
Buy some Coke.
You shouldn't gorge on sugar.
Coca any time of day...
- It is medication.
- So is cocaine.
You're running out of TP...
What about cocaine?
Never mind.
Enzo gave me this.
- You tell on me?
- No.
You're the best!
That's Fiona,
my friend Anne-Sophie's mother.
- From next door.
- Welcome home!
The blue one.
You know, do you?
I am Albert Einstein, after all.
You look down, Philippe.
I'll be fine.
I'm not at home.
I just need time to adjust.
The ill feeling between you
and your daughter isn't a factor.
- What ill feeling?
- Thinking aloud?
- Have you seen a brown shirt?
- No way.
- I'll tidy up.
- You can't go out like that.
- Like what?
- With that showing. It seems a...
- Slutty?
- You said it.
So, I'm a Slutty.
What about you,
with your clown pants?
What about my pants?
My mistake.
Everything's dandy.
I'm dying to see their faces!
Just imagine,
Philippe Le Tallec!
It's like a small team
drafting Zidane! They'll go wild!
I'll only be helping out
for three months.
Just your being here is great.
Ladies and gents, gather round.
Gather round!
I have a major
announcement to make.
Allow me to introduce
Guilabo's new research director...
Professor Philippe Le Tallec!
New research director?
- What's her story?
- A night with Teacher.
Listen: 'During class,
our eyes meet and I thrill.
I could come right now,
with everybody around.
No one knows
I'll be with him tonight...
- escaping into sex and chaos.'
- It's so beautiful!
- Why not me?
- Doing a teacher?
No, stupid,
I want an experience...
something intense...
With Vincent?
For example.
Do you think it's Laura?
She can't write for beans.
It can't be her.
Maybe it's my cousin,
with Mr. Levallois.
Can you imagine them naked?
It's Slutty Karine!
I'm sure she's Shirley.
She's horny enough.
Out of 2,000 students,
why should it be the one girl I hate?
Only a slut
would show her breasts online.
I wouldn't. Zo wouldn't.
Would you?
My life sucks.
It's for my bald grandma!
Philippe, I'd like you
to meet someone.
Watch the road.
I'll give it 100%.
Why are you here, miss?
- I'm your guinea pig!
- Our guinea pig?
But I'm to work
on capillarity.
I think when I told you
about this job...
- you misunderstood.
- What were you expecting?
To be working on capillarity,
on fluid-absorption phenomena.
An exciting scientific field,
to be sure.
But that's not quite it.
I meant capillary regrowth.
This is too much, Guy.
Wait, Philippe. Wait.
I'll be frank. We already
lost one race, to Viagra.
We can't lose this race.
All our in-vitro tests are positive,
but something's wrong.
I know nothing about this!
Clandestine labs
are better-equipped!
If you don't help me,
I'm finished.
You drive me nuts
You really do.
- Mom? Dinner!
- In a minute, damn it.
Is this yours?
No, it's mine.
- Mom?
- Shit!
Chicken aiguillettes
and potatoes.
- Haute cuisine.
- American-style.
We could go to the pool
this weekend.
The pool? Seriously?
No, of course not
I was just kidding.
They sold out
in under two hours.
Seriously? What a drag,
I really wanted to go.
You're telling me.
A Black Sperm concert
in a small venue...
is once in a lifetime!
How can you beat guys who camp out
to make sure they're first in line.
They had sleeping bags.
It was ridiculous.
There's eBay,
but the prices...
That jerk Doucet
confiscated it!
- You listening?
- Bastard! Stealing cell phones!
I almost punched Doucet.
But I can't punch the principal.
Maybe I could help.
Sure, honey.
- Okay.
- Wait, you have an idea?
Better. I have a plan!
Your hand.
I'll make a diversion.
Meanwhile, you jam
the lock with gum.
- Can you manage?
- What do you take me for?
Then, at 3 pm sharp,
pull the fire alarm.
The biology classroom
will be empty. It'll be child's play.
Walk out calmly.
They have to get everyone out
in four minutes.
Due to the gum, Doucet's door
will be unlocked.
I'll go in and get your phone.
There's a cmera!
Don't worry I can neutralize it.
I'll be invisible.
Meet me in the media center
Capucine?
Clmentine?
You forgot to describe it.
Thanks.
That was impressive.
It was nothing.
Don't be so modest.
I, too, was impressed.
My office, now!
They could have
called the police!
It's a serious offense?
I'm supposed to keep you out
of trouble! You could have beenjailed.
Juvenile facilities
aren't as bad as real prisons.
I don't understand.
We've just been reunited.
Are you testing me?
I came back to spend
more time with you.
We can do more things together.
Let's see...
There's a movie theater showing
'Children of Paradise'.
Why don't we go?
I messed everything up.
He must hate me now.
Three days' suspension...
Seriously?
We'll be right there.
Why's there
a bubble bash at home?
Awhat?
It's down to you!
You made me put hand-washing
liquid in the machine.
You think I know more
about laundry than you?
- You seem grumpy.
- It's Eglantine.
Again!
Yes.
It's much harder than I thought.
It's like a cold war.
Most civilizations
have faced these problems...
and most chose
the same remedy.
Really? What's that?
I am glad you came back.
I know it's only for three months,
but it's good. Are you listening?
What's this?
My report card.
'Unruly Miss Le Tallec
answers back to her teachers.'
That's just behavior stuff.
My grades are good!
So?
So?
You should be proud
of your daughter's critical sense.
'My class isn't Texting 101.'
That's not my idea
of 'critical sense'.
I can't help
having behavioral problems.
It's single-parent syndrome.
Who cares? I'm passing.
You're passing?
Into 11th grade.
Get off my case.
I let your mother
handle your schooling Now look!
That's going to change.
I won't let a 14-year-old
give me orders, damn it!
I'm 15 and a half
'Damn it' is rude.
You're asking for it.
Go on, then hit me!
I'm sure you don't even know
my birthday.
Mind your tone, please.
Shame on you for not knowing
my birthday's January 7.
Well, dearie, I'm aware
your birthday is January 7.
- It was the best day of my life.
- Oh, really?
It's January 4.
Newton's birthday.
Tongue-tied?
You can't boss me.
You'rejust my biological father!
I'm a biochemist!
- Whatever!
- Watch it!
Eight years of Aikido.
- What's that?
- Don't touch me.
A piercing?
Take it off, right now!
- Screw you.
- Get back here!
Piss off.
Get back here now.
Open this door
or there's going to be trouble!
Now, it's war!
You had no right to hit me!
I'm your father,
and I'll do as I see fit!
You're my father? News to me.
I'll knock this door down.
Help, police! Rape!
Stand back and cover your eyes.
There could be splinters.
Help me!
You asked for it.
Watch out.
One...
two...
- What?
- It's in the bag.
She's talking about you.
Barbara.
She's hooked already.
Make her hair grow back,
and she'll be all over you.
Get lost!
- What's happening?
- Listen, it's not a good time.
It is Eglantine?
- You guys fighting?
- No, we're fine.
You need the Guyster.
I'll swing by.
Give me a break. Go home.
- You okay?
- Fine! I'll let you know!
Not raping Eglantine,
by any chance?
I keep telling you we're fine!
Jean Maxence?
Why are you here?
Eglantine Said
you were losing it.
She called you? Why you?
Darling?
I'll make some coffee.
Where is she?
I just can't figure out
where I've screwed up.
All this over a report card.
And she's passing!
She might be passing,
but your test results are pathetic.
'My Father: Hero or Zero? '
Problem solved.
- Can I see her?
- Sure, sweetie.
Listen,
you have great intentions.
But you're doomed.
You can't suddenly
parent a teen.
Accept help, or she'll suffer.
'Finding Your Inner Dad'
Not your 'flaky methods'.
'Route 66 to Nirvana -
My Handy Guide to Fulfillment'.
'How to Turn an Average Woman
into a Wonderful Wife'.
'10 Steps to Tame Your Teen'.
Three best-selling
helping hands.
I get letters every day.
If you don't sign up
for 'Finding Your Inner Dad'...
although I think
it's what you need...
at least look at my DVD.
All right, everybody out.
This is getting out of hand.
Go on!
Bathrobe man!
Let her go
and come out with your hands up!
Julien, it's 10 am.
This is your third reminder.
I'm asking you
to get up right now.
Let me sleep!
It's 10:30 I only start at 10:30.
I can't take
this routine anymore!
GETUP!
A fascinating case study.
Voice modulation is important.
If you're tense
when the dialogue starts...
there will be a clash,
inevitably.
Before entering the room...
Hello.
Come on, Anne Sophie.
Honey?
We can't keep not talking.
You are in punishment, but has not
to stay in your room.
- Perhaps we can...
- What?
Eat waffles and ride
a merry-go-round?
- Wait, wait.
- What?
I just gave you a little smack.
Let's not make a federal case.
Zo's parents are lawyers.
I could sue.
What did you tell them?
Don't want a child-abuser rap?
- Too harsh?
- Totally.
Shit. Listen...
'And then came the shrill fire alarm,
and the student stampede...
just he and I in that classroom,
not fearing even the flames.
We are one soul in two bodies.
In his arms...
I'd have gladly
burned and died.'
No flipping way!
Screwing during the alarm.
What a slut.
She's on fire!
There.
I'm lucky you switched fields!
I didn't. I'm here
to be near my daughter.
- Boyfriend patrol.
- She doesn't have a boyfriend.
At that age, you tried
to grope Amlie Brault.
Time for some sex ed, buddy.
It's not the same.
In that regard...
girls are different from boys.
Shyer, more reserved...
more romantic.
I don't want to butt in...
but you seem weak
on women's signals.
What women's signals?
When they're
attracted to a man...
women give off certain signals.
And you're clearly no expert
at decoding them.
You're a lametastic dad.
You're a lametastic dad!
- Why do you have that?
- His book's not bad.
Your problem
is that you don't understand teens.
- Especially girls!
- You think I'm not with it?
What's he doing?
Green is for 'go', red is for 'stop'!
Yeah, hello to you, too.
Sorry.
How about a knuckle
sandwich? Jerk!
Oh, shit?
What the hell, man,
where teens tell all?
Nomie 15, has a cute question
for Dan, our shrink.
Nomie, repeat your question.
Can you get pregnant
from swallowing sperm?
Good question.
Nomie was it an accident
or on purpose?
It's not possible.
Pregnancy results
when a spermatozoa meets an egg.
No sperm,
no matter how athletic...
could reach an egg
through your digestive tract.
But it's nutritious!
Sperm is full of protein.
Call anytime. Here's Kader,
All teen speak is necessary.
It's foolish, illusory,
and even dangerous to fight it.
It may irk you, but you must
see teen speak as a foreign language...
and learn the basics.
After all,
your teen speaks your language.
First example: 'I was stoked'.
'It was a primo bash.'
Secondly: 'Downer'.
I gained 200g over the holidays'.
Thirdly...
We could use 'downer'...
But we'll use 'that's so lame'
to underline the injustice...
when dealing with
The American company, McDonald's.
'They're out of Filet-O-Fish,
that's so lame! '
Philippe, before
you start soul-searching...
shouldn't you ask yourself
whether your daughter is the problem?
Keep talking.
What if she were
just 'going through a phase'?
- Is that serious?
- Not necessarily.
Most kids suffer
no lasting consequences.
It builds character.
Even when piercings ensue?
Depends on where?
What?
A navel piercing is different
from a nipple piercing.
You think
she'll pierce her nipples?
Better that than the pussy.
You're off your rocker.
I wonder
about your kids' upbringing?
My kids!
I was discovering relativity.
They were so needy,
I let them go.
- You abandoned them?
- In the name of science.
It's a real slut parade tonight.
- Is it the same with me?
- Blowing you is different.
What the hell?
You are such a pain.
Mine's the same size
as Kevin's and Yanis's.
They keep bickering
Poor Nico.
Really?
- Wait. Dad?
- Yes.
Come here.
Let's be frank.
You are a bit ham-handed.
And it's true
I've messed up a bit.
Yes, I did.
That's why,
if you let me have a party...
I'd see you as a cool father,
and I'd be more laid-back.
A party?
Yes, a party.
Okay, but on one...
two conditions.
Non-negotiable.
Okay, I'm listening.
Remove your piercing.
Fine? And?
'Children of Paradise'.
Even the title sucks.
A masterpiece.
I've seen it 15 times.
Why see it again, then?
Three hours,
and I bet it's in black and white!
Shit!
- You know him?
- He can't see me.
Don't look, don't look.
He's coming this way...
- Keep it zipped...
- Ashamed of us?
Vincent Leroy,
what a surprise!
How are you, Justine?
What's up?
You going into this cinema?
No.
Yes, you are.
Well, see you!
You busy on Saturday night?
Because I'm having a party.
There'll be friends
and music.
If you're not busy...
She's flirting.
That could be cool. I like parties
with friends and music.
Won't you introduce your friend?
Spike.
She always thinks
we'll embarrass her.
Spike!
Sir, he's talking to you.
Spike?
And the Snowman, amazing!
Don't you remember me?
Norbert! University!
The school paper,
'Elektrik Shit'.
Holy shit, Norbert!
Oh my God!
You're still...
alive?
This is nuts!
I remember
like it was yesterday.
You were the brainiac.
You made some weird shit.
Good times!
Am I right?
Still in chemistry?
- I've got my own lab.
- No way!
And 'Spike' is working with me.
Hard-core! It's a blast!
The dream team.
Do you remember?
Hos'n'blow.
Got anything to smoke?
I'm with my daughter.
We have to go.
It's starting soon.
Bye, Norbert Take care.
Nice to see you.
Leroy, Pauline...
Are you Vincent's mother?
Philippe Le Tallec here.
Would you allow your son to come
to my daughter's knees-up on Saturday?
No, no, it's my chance
for some free time...
staying over at my boyfriend's.
Well, drugs,
I can't guarantee anything.
They're all grown up now.
No harm
in a joint now and then.
Pardon me?
What a shame!
No, please don't apologize.
You're most welcome
Goodbye, Mrs. Leroy.
I never...
You slime ball!
Nosy At least
I'm not running away.
It was for posterity.
Tell it to the Hiroshimans.
Low blow!
Get a chance to watch my DVD?
No.
Easy on the vinegar.
I'm trying for blue mayonnaise.
Dinner!
With teens, just learn the basics
and you'll be fine.
Just a few basics.
Think about my workshop.
I don't believe in your thing
Just drop it.
Think what you like, but you'll
admit my family is a success.
My wife is fulfilled.
It's true.
I am fulfilled.
My daughter is happy
and well-adjusted.
She's top of her class
and she won a conservatory prize.
Here's a free demonstration.
'Black Sperm! ' For Eglantine?
That's our generation, not hers.
We'll see.
Black Sperm!
Is this for me?
Really? Killer!
- Are you happy?
- I surprised you knowthem.
Thanks, Uncle.
This is great.
We have to go tell Gaspard.
This is so cool!
Proof by example.
For a scientist like you,
it must resonate.
Eat mayonnaise in hell!
You forgot the Coke!
Look, I'm making your cola.
Minus phosphoric acid.
That's wack.
Taste it before saying
it's not good.
Here!
You need to go now.
You're staying?
Sure!
You'll ruin everything.
Nonsense! I'll be discreet.
Come in, this way! Welcome!
Good evening.
Coats go over there.
That's the living room.
I've got a good feeling
about this party.
You okay?
- What's with Pops?
- I'm going to kneecap him.
Okay, kids, time for some music.
Don't be shy.
On my own, then.
Get out, Dad.
That's so lame!
It's so not cool!
Move. I'm filming.
If you haven't had sex by 15,
you're a loser...
Dear Achille,
I'm making a Nutella omelet.
We need 600 g
of high-grade Nutella.
You pour some omelet.
Then you put, some more
omelet to make a sandwich.
Scary.
Looks gross.
I've got a bad feeling
about this party.
You're no help.
Are you sulking?
I was thinking how nice it was to talk
about the expanding universe...
about curved space.
Now, it's always...
Eglantine's party,
Eglantine's piercing...
Eglantine's rebellion...
Isn't it normal
to worry about kids?
What could happen?
Adisappointing first time,
an unwanted pregnancy...
and an abortion.
It's all relative!
The little sneak.
Sneaky bastard.
Vincent's here!
Brown hash.
- Get off me, loser.
- Calm down, it's me.
Hi, sir Great, you're back.
Yes, I mean no.
Enzo, I'm going to need you
for a vital mission.
Trust me, sir.
I'm the man for thejob!
If I say Vincent isn't to get near
Eglantine all night...
I say no problem!
How's 20 euros?
It's a start.
Okay.
You, here?
We said no adults.
My mistake.
Out you go!
He's eyeing you.
Go for it, Eg.
Okay, give me a second.
It's cool you came.
It was tough.
I had to sneak out.
Really?
Mom thought there'd be drugs.
Want some coke?
- What?
- Kidding.
Your face!
My idiot brother.
- I'll get some water.
- No, thanks.
Who invited you?
I came with my man Problem.
What a bitch?
What a bitch!
It's not going well.
Frankly, it's toast.
Thanks, girls.
Why not make him jealous?
Sure, but hoW?
Dance a slow number
with a guy.
Aslow number?
And kill the vibe?
- You sure about this?
- Yeah, look.
Care to dance?
Now that's sucking face.
- Hear that?
- Is it an animal?
Yeah, right.
It is an animal.
And a big one, too.
Will you knock it off!
Having fun, kids?
He left with Karine?
You need us to stay?
No, it's fine.
'Debriefing' tomorrow?
What was that?
You freaked us out.
I lost my balance
coming in the basement window.
I grabbed something,
and there was a huge flash...
then nothing.
Why come in at all?
To make sure everything
was fine, without...
without bothering you.
You only ruined everything.
You okay?
Yes... Thanks.
Still up, Enzo?
It's bedtime, son.
We've got unfinished business.
It's late.
Let's handle it tomorrow.
Adeal is a deal.
I did thejob.
I watched Eglantine all night.
Vincent didn't touch her.
My money, as agreed.
Dad, what's he saying?
Yes, Enzo,
what are you saying?
You're sick.
If only he'd obeyed his mom
after I spoke to her.
Listen, Eglantine...
- Listen, honey...
- You're such a psycho.
You really need help.
- Well, now...
- What?
You'll have to go.
Come on!
We're motivated.
You may feel foolish,
but no one's judging...
Denis?
Motorbikes suck.
Christian, speak it.
Superbowl sucks.
Jean Louis?
Camping sucks.
- What?
- Camping sucks.
My son hates it.
He hates the outdoors?
My son hates it
He hates the outdoors.
Why do you force him?
- Because I'm selfish.
- Very good
Everybody gather round.
Team spirit, unity...
Please welcome
our new comrade, dad.
Come here, Philippe.
Come on.
Amazingly enough, this gentleman
is a leader in his field.
He's an ace, a star.
And yet, like all of you,
he is a pitiful dad.
His example
must make you stronger.
We'll transcend
your uselessness.
Come on dads, hug it out.
That's nice.
Hi.
Got to bail, or we'll be late.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, the thing...
Gaspard.
How are you?
Fine. You?
Yeah, I'm okay.
- What?
- Listen, we shouldn't have made out.
We're old friends.
We shouldn't spoil it.
You're not mad?
Don't talk crazy.
It was a drunken party.
It's not like it was magical.
I've got loads to do.
- Later.
- See you.
- We still on for Black Sperm?
- Absolutely.
Bye.
Now, an exercise
to see if we all get it.
Thank you, Sylvie.
Were you into the bash?
Denis?
No?
Yes.
Very good.
He'd trade his iPod mini
for a Shuffle.
Philippe?
For reals?
Sir, that's wrong
I know, it's 'not'.
Brown-noser.
Either work in this case.
Trick question.
You're into her?
You're into her into her,
or you'rejust into her?
I'm totally into her.
Since forever.
That's major!
She's fixating on Vincent,
you know.
He's not for her.
Maybe, but he's dumped Karine.
Seriously?
Goddamn bastarding scumbag...
filthy son of a bitch!
Better noW?
Eg's a romantic.
You need to do something...
show up
with millions of roses...
and make a speech,
like Hugh Grant.
Movie speeches are crap.
They're what we dream of.
You have to sweep us girls
off our feet, or we blank you.
Except Vincent.
Have you seen how cute he is?
Thanks a bunch.
Eglantine?
You bastard!
Hands off my daught!
Let go
! lt's just an exercise!
Get off me!
His ass is mine!
Son of a bitch!
It's a simulation.
I don't know what came over me.
No harm done.
It has to come out.
We've pinpointed
Philippe's issue.
Dad, can I have
my room back now?
Seen Shirley's latest post?
It's about a three-way
with Teacher and a girl.
- Seriously?
- What freeway?
- I dreamed it was you.
- That's sweet, Achille.
If it's Slutty Karine, I'll die!
Who else?
Your ears burning?
- Why 'Slutty Karine'?
- Talking about me?
You're Shirley.
That blogger cow giving
the whole school a hard-on...
- and hiding her face?
- She has a breast tattoo.
Slutty much!
You lose!
With a face like mine.
You'll never get a change of scene.
This you'll have to face.
You can never drain the sea.
'Put down that old suitcase.'
'Together, we'll break the chain.'
'Together for a better tomorrow.'
'Together making
light of our pain.'
'Seizing mornings
without sorrow.'
'The wind is chill and I am ill.'
'The water frigid...
has struck me rigid'.
Thank you, Phillipe.
- What does it mean?
- The death of songwriting.
Interpreting pain
as an evaluation of reality.
You've got it in one, Denis.
The question Gwenal puts
forward so poetically is:
'Who am I? '
It's a reflection on a teen's role
in society and family.
That's all.
That's encouraging.
Straight up,
if my old man crashes my crib...
I'll gojiggy
I'll get Jet Li on his ass.
You can't diss peeps like that.
As we all know,
pot shows in urine.
But also... in the gaze.
There are three categories of geeks,
same as in the underground.
Differing jargon
impedes communication.
See?
Her goofy gaze?
No?
There is one
sure-fire technique.
Still fixating on Vincent?
And world peace,
but a bit less.
- And Gaspard?
- What?
You haven't said how it was.
It was okay.
A bad kisser?
He actually kisses really well.
It's true. I was surprised,
it was killer.
But we've known each other
since grade school.
He's just a good friend.
It takes half an hour
to dress for a 'good friend'?
'I THNKURGR8.'
I don't believe it!
What is it?
Look.
Vincent?
It's from my dad.
Again? I don't believe it.
Mixer's broken again.
I have the results.
We'll never make it.
There's lots still to do.
Barring a miracle,
you'll need more time.
Why 'you'?
I'm leaving soon.
You can't leave!
Listen, Guy, I always said
I'd only stay three months.
I've got teams waiting for me
back there.
My life is there.
Why are you here?
I came to see your newjob.
Barbara.
That'll do, Barbara.
I didn't make this stuff.
I have to apologize
I've behaved badly.
Peace offering.
- What is it?
- Open it.
For my belly button?
You like it?
It's really pretty.
Uncle's workshops really help.
What do you mean?
The place you go
when you're 'at the movies'.
Charlotte told me.
Yes! Workshop.
I hear you're a good student.
But you gossip in Texting.
I think it's great, Dad.
Really.
You wanted to ask a question?
- Yes... but it's not really...
- Go on.
Why did you leave?
It was an opportunity
I couldn't miss.
There was more funding...
What I mean is...
was it because
of me and Mom?
Not at all.
It's just we hadn't planned
your mother would get pregnant.
I'm an accident.
A happy accident.
When I heard you were coming
I was packing.
I was about to leave.
At the time...
a child was a bit abstract.
I thought you
could visit often...
but it didn't work out...
the way I had thought.
I regret that.
Why did you break up?
It's complicated.
Don't say I'll understand
when I'm older.
No, it's just that.
We weren't
meant to be together.
How can you tell if you are?
Kant says it's when
the other's joy takes precedence.
Meaning exactly?
Their happiness comes first.
Ever been in love?
I don't know.
I do know I'm starting to understand
what it means to love someone.
Barbara?
What are you talking about?
She seems to like you.
Nonsense.
Listen. She shines like
a lighthouse when she sees you.
Are you sure?
Girls pick up those signals.
Go for it.
She seems cool.
Oh, dear!
Could you shake this, please?
What is it?
Asolution that,
if it were blue...
would make
bald women rejoice.
Eglantine, I don't believe it!
Clumsiness
must be hereditary.
It's blue.
You increased my workload.
- HoW?
- By a happy accident.
Grab me a beer?
From the fridge.
'From the fridge... '
May I ask you
why the hell you're always here?
Keep getting
our doors mixed up?
It's my kids.
What is with them?
They're always
spoiling my fun.
They think they can boss me.
I'm a grown-up.
I can do what I want, right?
I see why you
and my daughter get along.
What now?
Why the get-up?
You gave it to me!
Not for you to wear...
You look gorgeous.
- Going out?
- To a concert!
What concert?
Pee-pee poo-poo.
You're losing it?
- Should I wait?
- No, Gaspard will take me home.
All right, then.
You scalping?
- What?
- Are you scalping?
No, I'm sorry.
Shit, this sucks.
Vincent? Why are you here?
Sneaky bastard.
- You found a ticket?
- Gaspard gave me his.
Really?
- What for?
- I don't know.
'Your good night out
must be starting about now Enjoy.'
Nice piercing.
You look pretty.
This is so lame!
- Hold on a sec!
- What's wrong?
- I think I'm stuck on you.
- Already? Sweet!
I mean my piercing.
What?
Easy. You'll rip my sweater.
I'm afraid
you'll rip my stomach.
What're you doing in there?
Are you listening?
I gotta make a call!
That booth's free.
Are we going in, or...
Isn't that your dad?
- I'm expecting a call.
- Yeah, right.
It must be serious.
Sorry, I have to go.
Take it easy. In you go.
Aman in a hurry.
- Oh, my God!
- What?
I don't believe it.
How could that be?
We're leaving.
- What about the concert?
- It's complicated.
Hold on.
Still on scalper patrol?
Totally, I'm so bummed.
Trade you this for a favor?
See that guy?
Keep him company?
You're kidding?
Knock yourself out.
- Come on.
- We're going?
Why are you online?
What are you doing?
'Concert over already.'
'Bailed. Gaz gave
his ticket to Vincent...
so he came instead.
Why didn't you...
with Vincent?
This is Gaspard, I'm not here.
Get lost, Enzo.
'Ok I thought Vincent
was my love, but it wasn't him.'
'Who, then? '
'Tell about Vincent.'
It was horrible'.
Watch it, Enzo. Watch it.
'When he kissed me,
I thought he'd swallow my teeth.'
'Nightmare.'
'I knew he wasn't the first.'
- Very funny.
- Who is?
Goddamnit, Enzo, scram!
Pick up.
'Where is he?
I can't reach him.'
Who?
'His bro was going to a free party
in the sticks.'
'He went with.'
I'm so lost.
'Who? '
The Pope, Zo, the Pope!
The Pope?
'Is that an expression? '
Useless.
You okay?
Can I ask you something?
Yes, what?
Since I missed the concert...
I was wondering...
if you'd let me
go to a big party tomorrow.
I don't think so, no.
Please, Dad,
it's really important.
I let you have your party.
I okayed the concert,
even if you didn't stay.
That's quite enough.
How about
spending time together?
Dad, I think I'm in love.
You don't know
what it's like.
I really have to...
When I say no,
I mean it!
You'll be gone
in a week anyway!
You figure it out.
You're so crap.
Just because
you saw me with a boy.
You do Barbara. It's not fair!
- I'm not doing Brbara.
- You should.
It'd chill you out.
Don't you dare!
What'll you do?
Ground me?
You already have.
You want to hang out,
and I have to be available.
It's all about you!
So much for making up
for lost time.
I can't wait for you to go.
I agree with her analysis.
I like that girl.
You piss me off.
I need a new imaginary friend.
Who'll it be? Dr. Ruth?
- Don't take it so lightly.
- I'll take it any way I please.
So?
It's...
holding!
- It's holding?
- It's holding.
It's holding.
Amazing! Philippe, I love you!
You, too, Barbara.
I love all of you!
Karine and Stephanie.
Franois!
I love you!
Charlotte?
What are you doing?
What's happening?
I had a fight with my dad.
You mean a serious one?
What did you do?
No!
He read it. He saw the images.
He thinks it's real.
Isn't it?
No. I made it all up.
You're blowing my mind.
You're Shirley?
Yes. I'm the school liar.
Charlotte, you're a genius!
You created Shirley!
Tell that to my dad.
He completely went off on me.
He didn't get it. What a jerk.
No worse than mine.
Stop it! He's great.
You're nuts He's a Nazi.
What should we do?
What would Shirley do?
I have good news.
'Following my bliss faraway.
Bon voyage to Boston.'
Faraway.
Jean Maxence, it's Philippe.
Eglantine has run away.
You were right,
I was wrong.
I really don't know what to do.
I need you.
You've got to call back soon.
My girl's whoring online.
What?
She goddamn ran away.
I lost my cool with her!
You have no idea
the things she said to me!
- She hates me.
- No, calm down.
She said she wants you
as her dad. Can you believe it?
What should we do?
Have you seen
Eglantine and Charlotte?
- Are you sure?
- Tell me where she is.
Calm down!
Enzo, it seems Eglantine
and Charlotte have run away.
You can imagine
how worried we are?
I don't know.
An hour ago they left with bags.
- With bags?
- They were going to hitch-hike
- Where to?
- A rave.
- Oh, shit!
- What?
A rave.
A huge party in the sticks!
Every year, they set
new records for overdoses.
It's three days
of non-stop debauchery!
The map, for 10 euros more.
Go left here.
No, wait. Go right.
- Is this really the way?
- The roads don't match up!
They fudged the scale.
We're going in circles.
I'm doing my best.
I don't get this map...
Stop the car.
Look there.
Wind's going that way.
- You look, too.
- What am I doing?
How could you be so stupid?
What?
Who's stupid? Who?
You let the map fly away.
- Don't flip out.
- You're the one flipping out.
You flipped the car!
You'll be sorry
for that little witticism!
Spike!
It's fate!
Put it in a movie,
no one's believe it!
I can't believe you got lost.
It's on the news now.
Raves are totally
Joe Public now.
A hedgehog.
I like hedgehogs.
If you think about it,
it's like a sea urchin with legs.
It's a lovely
metaphor about life.
Even covered in quills,
you can't dodge society's tires.
Goddamnit, come on!
- Thanks, we'll walk.
- What?
It's just over there!
With Norbert,
our chances are better.
Do whatever you want,
but I'm going.
Your juvenile attitude
is inappropriate!
Fine. But what do I tell
Eglantine when I find her?
This is ridiculous!
I'm staying with Norbert.
Acid? E? Coke?
I've got Camels, too.
Eglantine! Move!
I'm her father!
- Is this your daughter?
- Yes.
No... I was mistaken.
I'm sorry.
I thought that...
That what?
You'd snap your fingers?
No problem, Gaspard's easy.
Is that it?
Well, I am easy.
Eglantine?
Isn't that your dad?
Eglantine, it's me.
Clown!
Let him talk!
Honey, I...
I wanted to say...
- I don't get it.
- What? All's well.
You're fine,
and I'm happy.
No yelling?
I'm at fault, too.
Let's say we're even.
Did my liking a boy
really make you lose it?
Probably.
That means yes?
Probably.
I'm only fifteen.
I'm not about to marry and have kids.
There'll be dozens of guys
before I find one to live with.
- Dozens?
- I sure hope so.
I'll keep an eye on them.
From Boston? Good luck!
Actually,
I'll be staying a bit longer.
Meaning?
I don't know.
Until you get sick of me.
Are you serious?
Yes.
Good. I can keep an eye
on the company you keep.
Exactly.
Go on, go to him.
- Who was Teacher?
- Nobody, it was a fantasy.
Killer! Is he at our school?
He doesn't exist.
I made him up.
So he's not in school.
No need to work yourself
into a state.
Fiona.
I got used to you, you know?
It'll be weird.
I'll be across the way.
We'll see each other.
My ass!
Once you shack up
with your bald bimbo, that'll be it.
Don't worry.
You'll be able to raid my fridge.
- Really? Promise?
- Sure.
Come in.
Honey, guess who's here?
If we get a drink after the movie,
we might be late.
No problem. Have a good time.
No problem at all.
Have fun, kids!
- Excuse me.
- You will be back, right?
If I said Eglantine and Gaspard
were at the movies?
I'd say no problem.
Jean Maxence is lame!
Here we are
at the end of our program.
It was a very pleasant experience
I enjoyed sharing with you.
You're still a bit confused, that's
normal. Anything else would surprise me.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
You'll need patience
and pugnacity...
to Find Your Inner Dad.
But it's worth the effort,
so watch this DVD again.
Don't hesitate to use the menu,
chapter by chapter...
to work on an exercise,
that particularly gave you trouble.
Above all, I must insist...
stay positive.
For every problem...
there's a solution.
If no solution, then no problem.
A word to the wise...
I'm Jean-Maxence.