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2-Headed Shark Attack (2012)
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Yeah! Whoo! Whoo! Oh, it's gonna be sick. It's gonna be sick. This is gonna be so hot. Yeah! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Speed. Where'd they go? Turn around! Go back! Go back! Go back! Go, go, go! All right, all right. Quiet in the peanut gallery. And so by measuring the angle between the horizon and a specific celestial body, like the sun, a sextant can help determine one's latitude. Got it? All right. Well, you're already in groups, so pass this around and see if you can do it yourselves. Paul, we can either grab this or grab you. You're both tools. Okay. Fist pumps. Don't worry, dude. He's just pissed 'cause someday a geek like you will be his boss. Thanks... I think. So how do we use this thing? Oh, you wouldn't know. You can't smoke out of it. Take a hit? It's just a suggestion. [Both laugh] I don't even... Hello. A little help here. Hey! Assignment over here. Grades at stake. Focus. Relax, lyndsey. Not everything's about the grade. Just learn. And kirk, not everything's about the impossible conquest. Buck up and pay attention. Nothing's impossible, sir. Hey. Hey. It took a couple weeks, but it looks like things are really starting to come together down there. Yeah, when it doesn't look like coeds gone crazy. They're still college students, Laura. You can't change that. When do we reach the Solomon Islands? Well, the currents are with us, so we could get there by tomorrow, but you know how the captain gets when his precious is altered, so we won't get there till the next day. Yeah, I know how the captain gets. It falls under that "for better or worse" clause we have. Okay. We should flip. Whew. Ooh! [Speaking tagalog] What? Okay. I don't even know why we're studying this. I signed up for this semester thinking I'd be soaking up rays and sipping margaritas, not studying some stupid-ass tool. Yeah, I'm with you. Bring on the booze cruise. We got GPS, right? Why do we even need this? Yeah, I don't know. Oh! Jesus, Paul. Mm-hmm. Time to take your roids. Paul, how many times have I got to warn you about the no cell phone rule? I'm sorry, Professor, but I just had to feed the machine. Ugh. How can you even drink that stuff? With results like these... pop... How could you not? I saw you ladies checking me out. Don't act like you haven't noticed. Oh, yeah, we noticed, all right. Your dick getting smaller. [All laugh] It's not small. [Thud] What was that? Aah! Aah! What is it? It's gross. Poor thing. What is it? You mean what was it? It's a mega-mouth shark. You're making that up. Not hardly, Cole. They were discovered in the seventies, but ever since then, only 50 or so have been seen. How come? They're borderline extinct, and they're deepwater sharks, so they usually stay below 100 feet. Well, then what is it doing up here? Could be some kind of disturbance or a seaquake brought it up. It looked like something attacked it. Excuse me. What are you doing? Paul's right, Anne. It's quite rare. I wanna take a closer look. Whoa! She's a heavy sucker. Let it go, Franklin. I can't. It'll fall in the propeller. Aah! Are you okay? Is everyone all right? Yeah. Yeah. [Speaking tagalog] Laura! Laura! Get the bilges going now! Captain, ruptured belly. What do you mean? Hull breach. We're taking on water. What's happening? I don't know, but something's not right. No shit. The question is what and why? Mayday! Mayday! This is U.S. education vessel sea king. Can anyone read me? Over. [Static] We've hit... Something. Our hull's been breached and we're taking on water. Our present posi... Hello? Hello? Shit! Hi. Hi. Laura, what's the problem? We're taking on water. Han and dakila are working the bilges, but that hull breach is going to have to be dealt with immediately. I tried to call for help, but the radios are out. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are we sinking? Oh, God, we're sinking. All right, all right. We're not sinking. We're taking on water. And despite how that sounds, there's a difference. Okay, I can fix the hole, but it's gonna take time. Well, estimate to me how long. Well, that depends, but out here in open water, a day at least. Hey, what about that thing right there. Is that an island? An atoll. What's an atoll? If we get to shallower waters, would that help? If we can anchor? Hell, yeah. All right. Get han and dakila. Keep them working on the bilges, and we'll get to shallower waters. Aye-aye, captain. I told you this semester would offer you educational opportunities beyond your wildest expectations. Consider this proof of that. Oh, thank God. Civilization! It's most likely abandoned. Captain? Just scuffed land. This is as far as she goes. Well, this is close enough. We'll use the dinghy to ferry the students across while you make repairs. Okay. I don't think that's a good idea, Franklin. Oh, come on. This is a rare and wonderful opportunity for these students. Not the opportunity we were hoping for. There's a day's worth of work at least, while at the same time, taking on water. Best to stretch our legs, lighten our load. Besides, we might find something useful ashore that can help with repairs. I could use some more scrap metal. Who knows what I'm going to find down there. Settled. Get the first group ready to go aboard. Okay. You coming? Pass. First group, let's go. What do we have here, a tide pool? No, it's more like a hole. Maybe there used to be a structure here and this was a post hole. Great start, guys. Let's keep moving. Hey, Ethan, maybe you'll find some wheat thins. Come on, guys. Why is he acting like this is a field trip? Isn't he concerned about what's going on? He's trying to keep us distracted to keep us calm, lyndsey. Oh, yeah? We'll it ain't working. You know, I'm not feeling this crap. There could be cannibals out here. Um, Cole, that is crazy ridiculous. Actually, it's not that ridiculous. Polynesians have practiced cannibalism for centuries. Now there are cannibals? You're not helping. Holy shit. Protein. Oh, not again. Jesus. Holy crap, that's huge. That's what she said. [Boys laugh] Just wait, everyone. Stay back. What happened to it? Something ate it, stupid. Looks like a bunch of sharks got a hold of this guy. No doubt the result of a feeding frenzy. Feeding frenzy? Great. Don't worry, I'll protect you. Relax, everyone. It's just the circle of life. Now come on. We gotta find some scrap metal. Paul... Let's go. You gonna be okay down there? It's just a little welding. He's a great teacher, Anne, and a great captain. With that sometimes comes with a little misguided enthusiasm. Sure you gonna be okay? I'll be fine, Anne. Really. Looks like a whole little village. Yeah, it does. Looks like no one's been here for a while, though. Where are we? Look at this. Ugh. Hello. Hello. I've never seen anything like this. People actually live here? Not many from the size of it. At least they have an outhouse. Fishermen, most likely, and probably only part of the year. So it's not a bathroom. Just look in there. Hey, mate, look. They got lyndsey's teeth on the wall. [All laugh] Oh, you're so funny. Yeah, so probably it's a safe bet that they're not cannibals, colt. Cannibals. Better safe than dinner, Professor. Can't argue with you there, Cole. What is this? Wow. Kind of creepy. Is it real? What is that? It's a wheel, but, you know, before this, they used to use something called a whipstaff to steer the rudder of the boat. Until the British got a hold of it and changed it to the wheel. That's cool, bro. [Laughs] No, it is cool, though. I thought so. Dude, check it out. Feel my arm. All right, students. Spread out, but stay in this area. Remember, we're looking for scrap metal or anything else that might come in handy. Hey, kirk. You really wanna go poking around this dusty old fish town? No, but what else do we have to do? I could use a swim. I don't think babish would want us in the water. Babish. Babish won't even notice, all right? We'll just go to the beach on the other side of the island. It is really hot out here. I don't know. Listen, when are you gonna have a chance to go skinny dipping in a tropical paradise? Wait, skinny dip? Yeah, what? One thing at a time. One thing at a time. Let's go to the beach. Let's check in here. You heard what he said. Scrap metal. So where you from? Do you have a boyfriend? Not recently. The water looks so nice. Don't you just wanna jump in? No. Why do you have to ask so many damn questions? Okay, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I'm a little freaked out by the water. That's all. How come? Well, when I was 12, it was the first summer that I was allowed to go to the beach with my friends. And all the girls were flirting with all the guys up on the beach, and I was just in the water by myself. Jumping waves. You know, like the little ones that come up? Whatever. So anyway, I jumped one, and the water cleared. The only thing I could see coming toward me was this six-foot blue shark. It circled around a few times, came about three to four feet in front of me, and then just swam away. I guess it lost interest. You're lucky. Yeah, I guess you could call it lucky, but since then I still haven't been in the water. So then... Why'd you sign up for a semester at sea? I know. Could you think of a worse place for me to be? Submarine school? [Laughs] Well, that's the point, though. I don't wanna be worried about it anymore. I don't wanna be scared, especially after, you know, it being just some fluke incident. Well, the first step, I think, we explore this ghost town island, jaws or no jaws. It's an atoll. You're starting to sound like Paul. What did I tell you? Is this worth it or what? It's gorgeous. It's like nothing I've ever seen before. It's like a postcard. It's better than a postcard because we don't have to share it with anybody else. All right, who's getting nude first? Come on, now. Come on, Haley. Don't be such a prude. Aah! [Laughing] Oh, stop that! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh! Do me next. Do me next. Maybe he's right. This is a once in a lifetime experience. You think? Oh, yeah. Yeah. All right. Is this more of what you had in mind, kirk? This is exactly what I had in mind. Wait, Haley. Maybe we should share. Okay. All right! Don't you want in here? Yeah. Haley? Alison? Shit! What the fuck? Haley! Alison! So we really didn't find anything. But we only went halfway. Well, we should probably continue down that way. Right, guys? Sounds good to me. Yeah. Let's keep going. Man, it's hot. No, you're hot. Oh... Guys? Come on, guys. This is a wonderful eco-friendly environment. Now, we should be here about 24 hours, so we'll learn to live by the land here. You know? Whoa! What is this? Hey, you guys, what about these? You think these'll work? Only one way to find out. Come on. Jesus, Cole. Watch it! Cole! Don't worry, sir. It's all about hand-eye coordination, both of which I have... Give me that! You, come with me. Looks like this thing's been sitting here for a while. Well, I mean, can use 'em? Does it mean they're worthless? I wouldn't say worthless. Maybe not working. I mean, I could tune it up, but I don't really know what the point would be because it's not enough to fit all of us in it. Still, two boats are better than none. I guess I could try. It'd be faster with a little bit of help, though. Hey, Paul, you're a brainiac. You think you can help me tune these suckers up? Yeah, sure. I could do that. Okay, cool. Give it a shot. [Rumbling] What's happening? No! Are you okay? Oh, my leg! Are you okay? We better find a first aid kit. You guys, come here. Help me. How bad is it? We got to take him to see Dr. babish, okay? Then let's get him up, then. You're nuts. We'll take him. Get him. Get him. Get him. Come on. Let's go. Come on. We're almost there. We're almost there. [Rumbling] What the fuck is going on here? What was that? Lyndsey, lyndsey, you need to calm down. You want me to calm down? Then... Get a hold of yourself, lyndsey. You's a bitch. Look, I know she's hysterical, all right? But she has a right to be concerned. Let's get back. That's it. We need help here. Dr. babish! Dr. babish, we need help! Help! Dr. babish. Laura! Laura! Dr. babish, we could use some help here. What happened? He fell when the atoll shook. The atoll shook? What are you talking about? You didn't feel that? No. Well, get him up, boys. Get him up. I told you it was a bad idea to go ashore. As usual, I should have listened to you. [Groans] Jesus. I can patch it up, but we need to get you to a clinic as soon as possible. Solomon island, Laura. Where we going? What do you see out there? Don't you see it? It's something bobbing right there. You see it now? Yeah, it's right there. What is that? I don't know. A little bit closer. Come on! Come on! Hurry up! Take it! What's going on over here? Cole, what do you want? We just came down to see your... Body of work. [All laugh] Well, the boat just needed a little bit of tuning up. The only thing we need now is gas. We just found this gas can. You've got to be kidding. No. Come on, guys, bring it down. Wow, Cole. You're not as big of a douche as I thought you were. Hey, sometimes I even surprise myself. Do you even know if there's gas in that thing? It smells like gas. What are you waiting for? Bring it over. Vamanos. Yeah, we be fuelin'. Since when did you become so helpful, Cole? Since we got stranded here on this island. It sucks, except for the fact that I'm stuck here with you. [Scoffs] Do you even know how to start that thing? Thanks. We got it. You wanna do the honors? Help to your heart's content. All right. Here comes the moment of truth. Untie the boat. With these guns, one pull. [Engine starts] Oh, my God. It worked. Oh, my God. And we are in business. [Cheering] Wait. What are you guys doing? Where are you guys going? Hey, Dana! Hey, Kate! [All laugh] Are you kidding? Friggin' brick. Help yourself. God. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Yes, it is. I'm gonna get the rope. Let's go. Better now than never. God. Go, go, go. [Engine starts] Are you coming? All right. No, go. All right. Go, go, go, go, go. Oh! The atoll... It's sinking! Quick! The kids! Oh, looks like we got some company. Looks like they wanna race, Cole. Let 'em catch up. All right. Get out of the water! Hey, y'all, look at this. Get out of the God damn water! Those guys are so busted. Good. What are they doing? Hey, hottie, nice work on the motors. What's up? Wanna see what they're really made of? What exactly did you have in mind? Let's see... First one to the sea king wins. Wins what? Don't worry. We'll work that out later. [Scoffs] All right, pretty boy, you're on. Kick his ass, Kate. Hello. I'm feeling pretty lucky. Oh, you'll get lucky, all right. [Laughs] Okay, on the count of three. One... [Laughs] Get out of the water! Get out of the God damn water! Looks like we're busted. Well, then we might as well enjoy it. Whoo! Not bad, you guys. Shark! Shark! Hurry! What's up with that? Something's not right, man. Oh! Whoa! [Laughs] Swim! [Chuckles] Get on the boat, idiot! [All laugh] No! No! Why is he scream... I bet it's a shark. Aah! Oh, my God! Shit! Get out of the water! Aah! Oh, my God! No! No! Get out of the water! Oh, my God. No! Why is it still chasing them? It's got two heads. Two heads! Genetic abnormalities like that, I mean, they can occur. You see snakes with two heads, turtles, kittens, cows. But they can't... They never survive to maturity. Two heads is twice as many teeth. Twice as many? That's why. That's why it's going after Cole's boat. The motor's bigger. Oh, the motion, the noise. Right, right. Electro-reception. Twice the electro-reception, in fact. You see, it's going after Cole's boat because his motor's bigger. It's a bigger irritation to his heightened senses. So? So it's more powerful. What is he doing? Trying to save himself. Kate, help him! Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh, my God! [Screaming] No! Get out of the... No! We gotta grab him. What? What? Help! Help me! Get ready, you guys. [Screaming] Where'd it go? I don't see it. Where'd it go? Oh, my God! [Screaming] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! The kids are not safe! Aah! Thank you. Aah! Aah! It's still coming! It's coming after us! He's coming after us! What the hell? You left them there to die. Kate, are you okay? Hey. Kate, please stop. Kate, will you please wait? Listen... I don't want to talk about it. I know you're mad, okay? Cole deserves an ass beating. He deserves a million. But we've got more important things to worry about right now. Everybody saw that thing, okay? People are freaking out. They should be. Come on! Come on! What are we gonna do? With Professor babish back on the sea king... He's not on the sea king. Oh, shit. Are you crazy. Haven't you seen what's out there? I did, Kate, but you students are still my responsibility. I'm still the captain. So you saw it. Dr. Anne, have you seen Mike and Jeff? They... They didn't make it. Laura, too. And jaime and Ryan and Alex. That's six people, Cole. Okay, who else is missing? Where's kirk? Or Alison. Or Haley. Really? Wait. If Laura's dead, does that mean the ship isn't fixed? Oh, God, lyndsey. I'm just asking a question. The bilges are pumping out water, but there's still a breach in the hull. To get in the water and fix it now would be suicide. Are the radios working? The antenna snapped. Great. So we're screwed. There's nothing we can do? There's still one other means of communication at our disposal. Well, what is it? The sea king is equipped with an emergency transponder, that when activated, sends out a traceable distress signal. Then activate it. What the hell are you waiting for? To activate it means we have to scuttle the ship. Scuttle? Sink it. Okay, great. Scuttle it. Scuttle it. No. If we sink her, it means well have to get supplies off first, which means multiple trips back and forth. No, we can't do that, all right? It's got twice the electro-reception than a regular shark. It's like it can sense every electro-magnetic field in the water. I really don't see any other way. [Rumbling] Son of a bitch! Be careful, everyone. That's the second tremor today. Great. So now there's earthquakes? I really don't think it's an earthquake. So what is it, then? It's like the atoll's collapsing. Of course it is. It would appear that way. Wait. What? How is that even possible? Atolls are built on foundations of coral. This one must be damaged or weakening somehow. Professor babish, are you saying that at any second, all of this could just... boom... Drop into the ocean? Anything else you want to hit us with? Anything? If we're not gonna sick the ship, then we've got to repair it. I am not going in that water. What if we distract it? Make noise. And I'm not getting in that boat again. Look, you saw that thing out there, all right? It had a choice between our boat and Cole's boat, and it chose Cole's boat because it was generating a larger electro-magnetic field, and thus a larger annoyance to the shark. Is there a plan in there? Look, if we can create a charge larger than the torch at the same time that the boat's being repaired, we'll have enough time to get the work done. So how are we gonna do that? With that. Does anyone know how to fix a generator? I'll give it a try, but why? Okay, look, if we hook up the generator to those poles and put it in the water, we'll send a current that will drive the shark nuts, and it'll come check us out for sure. That could actually work. We still need someone to repair the boat. Does anyone here even know how to weld? I don't. What? I do. You? Yeah, my dad's a welder. He works with metal all the time. I can't ask you to do that. You're not asking me. I'm choosing to do it. I'm still the captain of the sea king. The responsibility should be mine or han or dakila's. We can do the work. No, no, no. You have a wound. The blood in the water will attract the shark even more than the charge. And you need han and dakila to fix the engines and the bilges. You can't risk that. But Kate, you haven't... I mean, are you up for this? Do I have a choice? How do we get this done? Quickly. [Rumbling] All right. Ready when you are. All right. So we've got to grab this fence and put it in the water. Looks like you got a couple volunteers. Great. Now, we gotta take these poles and put 'em in a straight line, all right? Then we gotta grab the wire and wrap it around the top of each to string 'em together, okay? Then we gotta take the generator cables and hook 'em up anywhere. Do they even understand what I'm saying? All right. Well, we only have a few feet of cable left. Well, the closer to here, the further from there. Right. As soon as we see any sharks, I'll signal them over. I don't like that Cole's going with her. I don't like it, either, but he's the one who offered. Let's go, babycakes. Don't call me that. Here goes everything. You son of a bitch! All right! [Crackling] [Buzzing] It's working. Well, it's conducting. We'll have to wait and see if it works. [Buzzing] [Crackling] There! God, she's big. It's working. If the dinghy motor doesn't distract it, surely the torch won't. So now it's up to Kate. Hey, Kate, it's crunch time. We don't know how long this fence will work, okay? It's confused. Let's hope it stays that way. [Rumbling] God damn, you look gorgeous. Wait. Have you ever welded underwater before? Nope. But you've been scuba diving before, right? Nope. Kate, are you sure you can do this? Listen, Cole, stop asking questions you don't want the answers to. And keep your eyes open. It's getting bolder. This isn't good. It's tracing the charge. Run. Run! Come on! Don't look back. Don't look back. Don't look back. Kate, what happened? Are you okay? Cole stole the ship. Dumbass. That idiot scumbag. Did you repair the hull? God, please, no. Damn! No! No! Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! I'm sinking! I'm sinking! Mayday! Please, anybody there? I'm sinking, and there's a two-headed shark attacking me! So what are we supposed to do now? We can't stay here. So where else ar we supposed to go? The motorboat. Some of us can take that and send back help for the others. We're hundreds of Miles from anywhere. There isn't enough gas. Lyndsey's right. We can't just stay here. This place is gonna flood. Yeah, especially with that thing still out there. It's too dangerous. We'll only end up stranded at sea. Once this atoll sinks, we will be... So then we need a plan. What's our plan? I don't know. No. Oh, God, no! Aah! Aah! No! No! Aah! We have to get off the beach! Head for the trees! Franklin! We can't help 'em. Run! Go! I think it stopped. I think we're good. Keep going! What about you? Just go, Paul! There's nothing you can do about it. I'm sorry. I didn't... [Screaming] We're not gonna make it. We have to. The shark! Shit! It's still coming! The chapel! What are you doing? Come on! Come on! Get in! Come on, let's go. Come on! Get in! Go! It's flooded! What are we supposed to do now? I don't know. Give me a minute to think. We don't have a minute. We gotta get out of here. Where else is there to go? That thing's still out there. Aah! [Thudding] No, it can't. It can't. It can't. [Screaming] [Gun clicks] You guys go. I'll be right there. Okay, so we can't exactly outrun this thing. What are we gonna do? We're gonna try. What's that? Is that the gas barrel? Right now it's just a barrel. It's still good. You're right, Kate. We can't outrun that thing. Our only chance is if that thing dies. Can you make this explode? It's combustible, but we need some source of fire. Yeah, that'll do, but we need some sort of fuse, right? And what if the shark comes? How are we gonna get it close enough to the barrel without us being close to either one? Yeah, what exactly is your plan for... Still working on it. Take off your shirt. What? Take off your shirt and wring it out. It's the only change we've got of getting a fuse. But still, how we gonna get the shark close enough to the barrel? That's the easy part, relatively speaking. Once it knows we're here, it'll come. I thought the point was to not be here. We won't be when the barrel explodes. But someone still has to light the fuse and someone has to lure the shark. Lure the shark? Don't worry. I'll do it. No, I'll do it. You? Kate, you told me you haven't stepped in the water for 10 years. No way. You'll freeze up, lock up. That thing will tear you to shreds. Maybe, but if it doesn't, and if this plan of yours works, we're still stuck on this sinking atoll. We don't really have good chances. I've lived scared for too long. I'm not gonna die like that. [Rumbling] That's as soaked as it's gonna get. So all we have to do it light it, take off, and it'll blow? Right. Once the fuse hits the gas, it should ignite, rupturing the barrel and sending shrapnel everywhere. Yeah, but will that be enough? If the shark gets close enough, it should be. Perfect. Kate, are you sure about this? Fears don't get over themselves. How long is the fuse supposed to take? About 30 seconds, maybe less. All right. I'll tell you when to light it. Then run. I'll be right behind you. [Groaning] Come on, light it! Please! I'm trying! Go! Go! Hurry! God damn it! Hurry! Shit. Light it. It's taking too long! It won't light. Come on. Come on, damn it! Come on, light it. Hurry! It won't catch. Come on! Come on! Over here! Over here! Over here! Come on! Get over here! Kate, keep going! Don't stop! Kate! Kate! Dana! Dana! Come on! Hurry! Come on! Let's go! Oh, my God! She did it! It worked. It's still alive. Go! We're not gonna make it. The boat! The boat! It looks okay. I think we can drive it. What? No! What are you doing? Once we start this engine, the shark will follow the noise, right? This boat is our only way out of here. Yeah, but there's one other way to use it. What are you doing? Hoping. Come on! It's dead. It worked. It worked! It worked! It worked! |
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