To our grandparents...
Montevideo. Saturday, 7:14 AM.
Yo, Leche.
Fucking dogs!
It comes off with water, Leche.
The shit comes off.
The curse stays.
- It's the other way round.
- Really?
It's good luck.
Hey, I'm a genius,
I stepped on dogshit. When
I was a kid they taught me...
that it's good luck.
- Who told you that?
- My Uncle Alfonso.
The one that choked...
on an Easter egg?
Hard-boiled egg.
A hard-boiled egg.
With all due respect, Seba,
would you believe
a guy like that?
Fuck you, Leche.
Stepping on dogshit is plain
bad luck. It's a curse.
At least 24 hours
of bad luck.
Shut up, dumb ass.
- What, you don't believe me?
- No.
Uh?
Uh?
I say it comes heads, ok?
- Number.
- Ok.
Leave it. It counts.
No, it doesn't.
Tails.
See?
You try now, Seba.
I say heads again.
Tails.
You're in deep shit,
aren't you, Leche?
I'm fucked.
Ok, see you.
I'm going to sleep.
Hey, wait,
I bet...
I bet this loser
a beer...
Stone, paper, scissors, c'mon.
No way.
Go get one, then.
It's your turn.
My turn?
Loser!
Anything else?
$25.50
Thanks.
Where are you going, Javi?
- To get another one.
- Get me a cookie.
- Am I your servant?
- Uh?
Am I your servant?
C'mon, be a nice guy.
What?
Money, what else?
Hey, c'mon,
I'm broke.
Get a job, loser.
What's so funny?
Do you have a job?
I'm a student.
So am I.
Do I scratch my balls all day?
I pass Italian and I'm
done with high school.
It's next Tuesday, right?
- It's on Tuesday?
- Monday.
And I stepped on dogshit.
Yeah, you should be
studying instead, lazy ass.
I mean the exam is on Monday
and I'm cursed, dumb ass.
So the other five times you failed
the exam was dogshit too?
It's like a joke.
Right when I was about
to face Beatriy...
Fucking dogs.
Dogs?
I had a dream about dogs.
Good, Javi...
Ass kisser.
I dreamed about a dog
in a supermarket.
A dog in a supermarket?
Freud would say
you're a fag.
Yeah, really.
Why don't you dream
about tits and asses?
How long since you
watched a porn video?
I don't know.
What's that?
Dog shit?
+Don't "shhh" me!
- Cut it.
No, no.
C'mon. Let's go.
Yeah! Two # 329.
- Uh?
- Two #329 buses.
So what?
They crossed one
another in front of us!
We have to make a wish.
That's bullshit.
It worked yesterday
with two 522s.
Really? What did you wish for?
Stepping on dogshit?
Just make a wish.
You have nothing to lose.
What I have to do?
Do I have to blow a match?
Of course.
Thanks, dude.
- You're a smart cookie.
- Sure I am.
I mean it, Javi.
If you don't start believing in this,
you can say "good bye" to sex
life, and "hello" to wanking.
Cut the crap.
Javi, Maria gave
you a hamster.
A hamster.
Do you know what that means
in girlfriends' language?
It means, "I'm confused, etc..."
You're a dead man.
Did she really give
you a hamster?
Did you know hamsters
are very intelligent?
That's bullshit.
Who said that?
Your...
- Yes, my Uncle Alfonso.
- Alfonso.
- So what?
- Uh?
What's up?
What did you wish for, Seba?
Can't tell you.
It won't happen if I do.
So now you
believe that bullshit?
That's all myth.
I wished for these two
bottles to stand still.
And you?
That everything goes smoothly.
With Beatriy or the exam?
Both.
I used Javi's wish.
Oh! That'll be a big help.
Look! They're standing still.
I'll ask her out after class...
an "end of course"
kind of outing.
Once at the bar,
I go "Beatriy,
what do you say if now...
...that you're not
my tutor anymore...
- Shut up, dumb ass.
- Uh?
You were in kindergarten and she
already had hair down there, schmuck.
Just because your girlfriend...
is about to dump you,
doesn't mean...
I can't get some.
- You're sick.
- Uh?
Hamster.
You are a waste of time.
What are you doing, idiot?
Leave him alone.
She gave him a hamster.
Time to rock!
What's up, dudes?
All neat?
All neat, Hernan?
"All neat" you said?
You should ask me
permission to say "all neat."
I brought the "all neat"
from Brazil 4 years ago.
I was the one who
started that trend.
But I'll let you use it, Seba.
Where do you come from?
Never saw you again
after the bar.
From nowhere.
We went to "La cueva de Vicente"
and then came back here.
Who was playing?
"Venganya Tolengo" and...
- "Motivos"
- "Motivos Navidenos"
I had to go
to Laura's.
Hadn't she
dumped you?
Yeah. But she
had my bike...
I had to fix it.
The chain was short.
But she didn't
really dump me.
We are cool.
We had to split...
because of
a karma problem.
Sure, karma.
No, you don't get
the karma stuff.
Do you want me to explain it?
It's really important.
No, I have to work.
I'm sleepy.
Sleepy? I know a yoga
technique to stay awake.
It's really cool.
Once, at Cape Polonio,
it kept me awake
for seven,
eight days without sleeping.
It was great.
On the seventh day
I started receiving,
these energy messages
from the moon.
Im so dumb. Ive to
have make a wish.
Now I will
get half of each wish:
Beatriz will tell me Im cute but
she'll go back to her boyfriend...
And l'll pass the written part,
but fail at the oral...
In fact...
So I tell Hector I don't
come to work...
because I registered for college...
And then I tell dad I can't
go to college because...
I got another job...
And to Maria...
They were standing right there,
straight up, they were not falling.
Stupid bottles.
You can't tell
others your wishes.
Uncle Alfonso was right.
He would tell me,
"Seba..."
...and then Paulo
shows up and says...
"Why don't we do a
happening' or something?"
So I'm writing it,
but in my head...
If I put it on paper
I'll kill the magic.
- Totally.
- I got it here.
Do you want me
to tell you about it?
Sure, man.
Hang on...
Hang on a second...
P
Asshole!
Who is it?
Open your bourgeois minds!
What time do you have
to work tomorrow?
Tomorrow? You mean today.
In a few hours.
You know, I was thinking,
and I came up with...
a great idea for you.
To quit your job.
- Really?
- Yeah...
Uhh...
What idea?
I can't remember now...
but it was a good idea.
Really good.
Good, keep trying, Leche.
What is it?
Do you want to spend all
your life driving that car?
"We are open 24 hours"
You are such a loser...
Asshole!
You don't play with this, idiot.
You don't play with this, idiot.
Why not?
A piano will fall on my head?
Hey, Javi...
Fuck!
The cigarette!
What should I do
with you, Javier?
- Fire him, Dad!
- You shut up!
Javier, you are like
a son to me.
You want me to say it?
I'll say it:
"You are like a son to me."
So, why do you
do that to me?
Do what?
"Do what?"
Do you think
I'm stupid?
Do you think I don't
know what you...
and your friend "Chele"
did the other day?
"Leche". His name is "Leche."
I don't give a fuck.
I just know he's
a stupid asshole
who has shit for brains and he
is filling your head with shit too.
I care about that!
Don Hector, how are you doing?
You know, I was thinking
the other day...
and came up with this
great idea for your business...
- Fire him, Dad!
- You shut up!
Look, Javier, this is
your last chance.
I want you here
at 5 pm.
Well groomed, and
determined to succeed.
- He had to work the noon shift!
- You shut up!
Look at me.
How did I start?
- Say it, say it.
- Handing flyers.
- That's right. Where?
- At the City Hall Square.
I was a "sandwich man."
Look at me now. What do you see?
Success, Javi.
Success.
So... I want you
here at 6 pm.
Go, get some rest.
At noon!
Would you shut up?
Be a nice kid. Ok? Go, go.
And you? What are
you waiting for?
A ride home?
Get your lazy ass
out of here!
- Are you stupid?
- What's wrong, kid?
"Don Hector.
I have a great idea!"
What's your problem?
"Driving school and advertising
on wheels, all in one."
- You're so stupid.
- You don't get it.
Driving school and advertising on
wheels is a great business idea.
You get someone
to drive the car...
while you play the commercial.
Look.
This must be one of your ideas.
How do you know
it's mine?
Because it is a 25 Watts one.
Asshole.
Fuck off.
Easy.
Square root of 77?
"Did you know hamsters
are very intelligent?"
''How are you doing, champ?
Hi, Mr. Duarte. ''
- How are you doing, champ?
- Hi, Mr. Duarte.
So, how's school?
School is all right.
So, how's school?
School is all right.
- Everybody's well at home?
'-Yes, luckily.
- Did you step on?
- Yes, luckily... uh?
Yeah... Some folks say
it's good luck.
The small farmers foundation has
started scientific research on apple,
...peach, orange and pear trees.
Next year the research...
...Will also include
berries and kiwi.
The foundation's steering
committee...
...Decided earlier this week
to fund new programs...
''Ale: Im gone to the beach.
L'II be back on Monday.
Do your study and look after grandma, ''
blah, blah, blah... ''Kisses, Mom. ''
''PS: Beatriz called to
cancel today's class. ''
Fuck!
Fucking dogs!
In an effort to help small
farming companies...
buy new equipment.
Union leaders met with
the Secretary of Agriculture...
I'm coming!
Grandma, did you
not hear the bell?
- Ale.
- Don't call me Ale. I'm Leche.
- I knew you were home.
- Yes, yes.
- Put on a record.
- No.
- "Manson."
- Manson has tits.
- I went out with my cousin yesterday.
- Really?
Good.
We drank beer.
You can't drink
beer, right?
Because of the pills.
How much did you drink?
One bottle.
I gave him pills and
he gave me beer.
- Who?
- My cousin.
We bought
a supermarket cart.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- How much?
- I don't know. My cousin paid.
- You stole it.
- Yeah.
And it was a
very high place,
and my cousin would sing..."fly
birdie, fly, and the dog also flies."
What?
- What happened, Gerardito?
- I don't know.
What happened?
Have you seen
my dog Ulyses?
I know your dog.
What happened to Ulyses?
We don't know.
Remember what happened
to your other Ulyses? - Yes.
- You remember?
- Yeah.
- Did you like that?
- No, you didn't.
- Did you like that? No.
- Put on a record.
- What do we have to do then?
- I don't know.
- What do we have to do?
- I don't know.
- We should go look for him, right?
- Yes.
Let's go.
Kiss grandma.
So, what are you
doing now?
- We'll go look for Ulyses.
- You'll go look for Ulyses.
What happened to your forehead?
Nothing. I fell.
The lady downstairs
asks if this shoe is yours.
Yeah.
Thanks.
How's it going, grandma?
You really love this shit.
Son, open the door.
Open the door, Javier!
What were you doing?
Having lunch with "Alfonso".
You said you wouldn't
give it a name.
I named him Alfonso
because he's kind of slow.
You're eating dog food again, Javi?
It's not good for either of you.
This is "the ideal supplement
for an insufficient intake."
And it tastes good.
- Try it.
- I don't want to.
- Try it...
- Cut it, I don't want!
We need to talk.
We are talking.
Or this is playing golf?
I'm not in love
with you.
I just don't feel the same
I felt the other times.
- And what do you feel?
- Right now?
No, the other times.
I don't know. You know...
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
Give me a metaphor.
Let me see... A roller coaster.
The way you feel on a roller coaster.
They closed
the roller coaster.
They reopened it,
asshole.
Let's say you are on the
Big Wheel, high up there.
You know how
you feel...
Like floating.
- No, I never "floated".
- Me neither.
It's not like that, but
it's kind of like that.
So, what do you feel
for me right now?
I really care about you.
But it's not what
it used to be.
I do have feelings,
but... you know...
- Kind of a Mary go Round.
- Fuck off.
- Kiss me.
- No way.
- C'mon... Kiss me.
- No way, Javi.
You smell like dog.
Ok, I'll brush my teeth.
And you, Javi?
What do you feel?
- Right now?
- Yes.
Dog smell.
CLOSED DUE TO DEATH
IN THE FAMILY
Fuck!
"MY NAME IS ULYSES
AND I'M MISSING"
Two hundred...
Ready. 200 copies, kid.
Do you want a bag?
Hey, kid!
- Hey, Pitufo. All neat?
- Yup.
What was Gerardito doing?
Leche's neighbor?
He made 100 copies.
- What happened to Sandia?
- Why?
There's a sign
on the video store.
No, he went to
get hot dogs.
He has another sign:
"Sorry. We are experimenting
technical difficulties."
That's when he's
taking a dump.
Really?
Is he going
to be out long?
No. Wait around.
Do you know this?
The Guinness Book
of World Records.
I've got the book, the magazine...
Everything.
We'll be the first
Uruguayans in the book.
Who?
Kiwi and I.
"lo sono, tu sei, lui e"...
lo sono, tu sei...
...lui...
es...
"E".
lo sono. Tu sei. Lui...
Luis...
e...
- What's the record?
- Around 15,000.
But we'll beat it.
And that's just the beginning.
Then we'll do a couple...
of talk shows "Hola Susana"...
and "Sofovich"
in Buenos Aires...
Then "Don Francisco"
in Miami...
And then doors will open.
And finally the Guinness book.
Awesome...
Let me see... I want to see
if my uncle is here.
Your Uncle Alfonso?
Yes, he was a genius.
He ate 150 hard-boiled eggs.
Really.
Actually 149... He
swallowed them. Like this.
But the last egg did him.
He choked on it.
With all due respect, Seba.
What a dumb ass.
Fuck you, Pitufo.
Hello, Beatriz? Uhh...
It's Leche, all neat?
No... Uhh... Beatrice?
Leche here. What's up?
Beatrice.
Beatrice, tutto bene?
Leche here...
I was thinking about...
My mom told me...
...Maybe you couldn't...
Grandma, only half of that one.
Beatrice... Ok, c'mon...
Shit.
Beatrice... uh...
+Hello.
- Hello.
Hey, Javi, what's up?
Who are you with?
Hamster.
- Oops. I'll call you later.
- Good.
Who was that?
Nobody. Some chick.
I can't find...
my bra.
Look under the bed.
It isn't.
Check if the remote
control is there too.
How long has it been
there, asshole?
Cut it out, Javi.
It's over.
- Take "Alfonso".
- It's for you.
He likes you.
Take it.
I'm out of here.
Is Sandia coming
anytime soon?
Hang on.
How's Leche doing?
- El Leche?
- There he is.
He's obsessed with
his Italian exam.
He has a crush
on his teacher.
His teacher?
His private tutor.
Some chick.
Huh.
- Hello.
- Kiwi!
Ready to go on T. V?
Sure.
The sky is the limit.
Hey, today's Saturday,
don't you have a match?
Are you crazy?
Didn't you know?
He's been suspended
for punching a referee.
Yeah, suspended...
But check this out.
At the tone, the time will be...
Thanks.
Essere verb.
Mother fucking verb...
"lo sono... tu sei... lui e..."
...io sono... tu sei... lui "se"...
"e"...
"e"...
tu sei, lui e...
- Are you keeping count?
- Yup. 126, 127,128
What was the record?
I'll get there.
Uh... Sure.
Hold on... look... I'm
getting there...
Bye, dude.
- Look, here's an Uruguayan.
- Look At that.
I care about you, Javier.
If I tell your dad...
you were in the
car with those junkies...
he'll kick your ass.
You know that.
- Just fire him, dad.
- You shut up!
I've thought about
firing you,
but your dad would kill you.
But I'm a good guy.
You know I'm your friend.
- Your friend. You listen?
- Yes, I know.
Pull over here.
Joselo and I
are getting off.
Lui e...
"Distinguishedetti since 1892 at
the scientific congressetti of...
Parisetti, Genevetti,
Chicagotti and Montevideo..."
All bullshitte, et cetera, and
go fucketti your motheretti.
Look...
What are you doing here?
Get lost.
Fire him, dad.
He's not a bad kid,
just a little raw.
Too much muscle and
no brains. Anyway...
let's talk about work.
Drive around
the neighborhood...
playing the pasta
commercial.
Nice commercial,
isn't it?
Around 10...
you take the car
to Rolo's garage.
And you pick it up
at 6 am tomorrow.
You'll go to the town
of Las Piedras with Joselo.
I have a gig there,
a commercial
for a bakery.
Ok?
Wait a moment!
And don't let
me down...
or I'll tell your dad.
And don't go out tonight.
Go to bed early.
Concentrate. Like a
soccer player, ok?
Bye, see you tomorrow.
Don't let me down.
Shit.
"lo sono,
tu sei, lui e."
Lui e, lui e, lui e...
Hey dude...
Is there a video store
around here?
- A video store?
- Yup.
- Must be Sandia's...
- Yup.
- Two blocks this way...
- Yup.
Hey...
Aren't you Gepetto?
Yup.
Do you remember me?
Marmota's brother.
Two blocks, and then?
Right away.
A sharp left...
Didn't you work as
a royal guard?
Yup, but they fired me.
- How come?
- Voices.
Two blocks
and a sharp left?
Voices?
Voices...
in my head, get it?
You're standing there.
You can't talk,
you can't move...
You can't do anything. So...
What do you do?
- I don't know.
- So?
- I don't know.
- You think.
You think a lot.
All the time.
And then your head starts
thinking by itself, get it?
- Really?
- Sure.
You think a lot.
And one day the voices start.
Blah, blah on one side,
blah, blah on the other side.
I don't believe you.
That's tough.
And then... Simon came.
A voice.
Like a Sergeant.
- A Sergeant?
- No, a voice.
Simon says:
Dance!
Simon says:
Dance!
But you...
can't move, you're
a royal guard.
Like a statue.
And then all
the schoolchildren.
Thousands of them
with their teachers.
And the wiser ones
tell you things:
Stupid cop.
Fucking stupid cop.
And then Simon kicks in.
Simon says: Hit the
suckers, kick them.
- Did you kick them?
- No, but anyway...
And a royal guard scream
is something else.
And the little boy
was in shock.
His father wants
to sue me.
- Really?
- Yup.
Alright, Gepetto.
See you around.
Bye.
What?
What did you say?
- What?
- What?
- Did you call me?
- Nothing.
- Did you say something?
- No.
See you, dude.
+Hello?
- Uh... Hello. Clarita?
Yes, who's this?
Alejandro,
Marisa's son.
Alejandrito!
You sound like a man.
- How are you?
+Good, good. Thanks.
+Did you want to talk
to your tutor?
Yes, is Beatriy in?
No, you just missed her.
But she said
she'd call you.
- Would you know where she went to?
+Lalo's, I think.
But they had broken up...
Tell me about your grandma.
What a wonderful woman.
So vital,
so optimistic.
I always think of her.
What a charming
woman.
We used to get together for tea...
- I brought your stuff.
- I don't want it.
Look everybody,
here's Maria's bra!
You just left It there...
Oh, poor thing. You're
not taking care of him.
It doesn't play dead, doesn't
do anything. It's a pain.
You are a pain.
Hey, that tape is mine.
Uh?
- That's my tape.
- No, it's mine.
You gave it to me.
I gave you back your things,
now the tape is mine.
- That tape is mine.
- Uh?
- That's my tape.
- No, it's mine.
You gave it to me.
Get out of here, kid.
Don't touch.
Get out of here!
Don't bother me.
Can't you see I'm playing?
Fuck!
Hey, sir, this kid here
is bothering me!
I knew you were
going to lose.
Did you order
a piyya?
Yeah, but that
was an hour ago.
I got a hot dog
in the meantime.
Sorry. I'm new
in the job...
and don't know
the streets too well.
That piyya must be
cold as shit by now.
Sorry, I had no idea.
It's 36 pesos.
- 36?
- Yes.
Here, keep the change.
Thanks, man.
What did you say?
- What did you just say?
- What?
- What did you just say?
- What? I said nothing...
Who did you call
a fucking cop?
I said nothing!
You calling me a fucking cop,
stupid whale?
Come here,
come here!
What's up, grandma?
Dear housewife, do you know where
you are getting Sunday's pasta?
Of course, at ''Your Majesty''.
Your Majesty pasta factory...
...a guarantee of flavor
and distinction...
''Your Majesty'' pasta factory,
and enjoy your Sunday lunch.
Dear housewife, do you know where
you are getting Sunday's pasta?
Of course, at ''Your Majesty''.
Your Majesty pasta factory...
...a guarantee of flavor
and distinction...
...''Your Majesty'' pasta factory,
and enjoy your Sunday lunch.
Fucking piyya-man.
Look at this piyya,
it sucks.
Take it easy, Sandia.
Forget about it.
Did you know there's only one
Uruguayan in the Guinness book?
I had no idea.
The guy clapped his
hands for 5 days.
Non-stopping.
And what was
he applauding?
I'm going inside...
Ciao.
Go for it, Kiwi.
Keep going!
Do you know what
the problem is?
People don't realize that sex
is the all what matters.
This kid was telling
me the other day...
about this Freud thing.
You know Freud?
It's all about fucking.
That's what people have
on their minds: Fucking.
People are crazy.
You think so?
That's why porn
movies are the truth.
That's real life.
All those sugar-coated,
fiction flicks
are bullshit.
That's why I watch porn.
It's not for the babes.
Porn movies
are real life.
They show things
as they are.
They call things
by their name,
even when it hurts.
I know what
I'm talking about.
I've been there.
Do you know
what I did for love?
Do you know how hard
I tried to fall in love?
Everything, I did everything.
Forget about it.
Hey, Sandia,
I've never seen a porn flick.
Are they good?
Get a comedy, Seba.
Yeah, but I don't feel
like laughing today.
I'd like a porn one.
Get one with the Trinity guy.
This one, "Double Trouble".
Everybody takes it.
You'll enjoy it.
Yeah, but I don't know...
Trinity, the one
with the fat partner.
Yeah, but I don't really
feel like laughing.
I'd like...
But this isn't
about laughing.
- No?
- No, no,
it's an adventure movie.
How about something
kind of porn?
- There's no "kind of porn"
- No?
Do you want it with
fucking or no fucking?
I don't know...
with fucking.
Look here.
There's good stuff here.
First class.
Yeah, cool.
Here's a Swedish one.
This one is good.
The Swedish are good, right?
This one is French.
It just got in. Good stuff.
The French are
good too, right?
What do I know?
But I won't understand
anything they say.
What's there to understand?
I don't know...
There's nothing to "understand."
There's nothing to "understand."
- Really?
- Just get it and watch it.
Which one do you want?
Which one,
the Swedish or the French?
Uh... the Trinity one.
The one with
the Trinity guy?
- It's out.
- It's out?
It's out.
No, no. Don't
touch the catalog.
Don't touch the catalog.
Okay, then, give me
the Swedish one.
Javi... have you thought
about tomorrow?
Then you thought about Maria.
Another Sunday without Maria...
...a guarantee of suffering
and depression...
Keep playing games with Maria,
and have a great Sunday, loser.
Beatrice...
Hello.
No, I already have cable TV.
Guess who.
Guess who.
I don't know.
- Guess who.
- Get out of here.
It's me, stupid, Rulo.
The Rulo, dude.
What's up?
Aren't you Marmota?
No, I'm his brother.
Marmota Jr.?
Marmota Jr.!
How are you doing?
I haven't seen
Marmota in five years.
I have been
"doing time".
Sure...
In prison, idiot!
Marmota Jr.!
You've grown up.
Where's Marmota?
In the United States, studying.
Big time crook
your brother!
Marmota Jr.!
- Here
- You're wrong.
What's up?
Marmota Jr.!
- Okay, see you.
- Where are you going?
Home.
- I give you a ride. Come.
- No, no.
Marmota Jr., c'mon.
No, it's just two
streets away.
You are Rulo's friend.
Rulo drives you home.
C'mon, Marmota Jr. Hold this,
Marmota.
Marmota Jr.,
what a crook.
You go straight here...
Hey, Marmota Jr.
You know what
we're doing now?
We're going to get
some stuff for tonight.
- But I was going home.
- Marmota Jr.!
I told you, I already
have cable T.V.
Bo, dumb ass,
how did you break it?
I told you, I tripped
with the cord.
Respect, my ass!
And if Beatrice'd call you?
I'll call her. She's not home
until 9:00 pm anyway.
What do you care?
Wasn't I too
young for her?
I'm not toasting.
Don't cheers. Drop here.
Where's Seba?
Smoke, Fede, smoke!
Marmota smokes pot and has a porn
video on him. What a kinky boy!
Look at that!
Oh man.
Get it? I touch here, I get the Italian
channel and I study watching TV.
Your cable TV "system" sucks.
You don't see shit.
Uh? It's cable TV
and I get it for free.
It sucks.
Wow, hamster boy here,
who is about to say
good-bye to his sex life...
says cable TV sucks.
Let me tell you, cable TV
is better than any girlfriend.
Than anything else.
Guaranteed entertainment 24/7,
Hamster.
- Right there. What did you touch?
- Uh?
- What did you touch?
- Nothing.
Now it's gone.
Stand right there.
You'll be the antenna, I'll tell
you what's on the screen.
There's Moe, eh?
- There's Moe.
- Yes, yes.
There's Moe.
Moe is the leader.
Moe hits Curly in the head...
with a hammer.
Curly turns around and hits Larry
in the stomach with a frying pan.
Larry is in pain.
Now Larry tries
to get back at Moe...
Yo, antenna man, stand still.
Shit.
What can we do?
Shouldn't you be working?
Yup.
So?
So what?
Give me a break.
Who are you, Mr. Roger?
Grandma,
your hand...
Grandma.
They'll fire your ass.
Uh?
Hector is going
to fire you.
You just mind your exam.
I have everything
under control.
Of course, at ''Your Majesty''.
''Your Majesty'' pasta factory...
Dear housewife: Do you know where
you are getting this Sunday's pasta?
Of course, at ''Your Majesty''.
''Your Majesty'' pasta factory,
a guarantee of flavor...
- Door bell.
- You go.
I can't.
I'm surfing channels.
C'mon, get the door.
Hey, it's your house.
I cleaned your carpet
the other day, kid.
You drop the ashtray,
you clean the carpet.
Yeah, but it was your house.
Two out of three.
You lose.
C'mon, two out of three.
Go.
Three out of five.
C'mon.
You're sick.
C'mon, you chicken,
three out of five.
That's the way it is...
even in the U.S.A.
In tennis it's three
out of five too.
Three out of five.
You're so lame.
Oops, where do you
think you're going?
Who was it?
Who was it?
No one, I told you.
Some asshole playing
ring and run.
Last stop Marmota!
C'mon.
Get something to eat.
Ciao, Marmota.
Change that.
Change that.
This is great.
Change that, schmuck.
Look! Leave that on.
Go back.
Right there.
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
- Who's that?
- The guy from ChiPs!
What was his
character's name?
He's doing a "Lose
Fat Fast" commercial.
It was something
with a "P".
It wasn't Pictorino.
Hey "ChiPs",
don't do that to me.
What was his name?
No, no. Now you
go and think.
Hey, asshole, can't you go
around the other way?
It's four steps
shorter this way.
Hey Seba,
what was the name of the
dark-skinned guy from "ChiPs"?
Arnold.
No, stupid.
The guy from ChiPs.
Remember ChiPs?
I remember Arnold.
- Should we light this?
- Cool.
- Is Seba still in the can?
- Yup.
What did he take?
He's zoned out.
More so than my grandma.
And you've seen my grandma.
Yeah. She's kind
of embalmed.
Hey, all neat?
- How did you get in?
- The door was open.
You won't guess what
just happened to me.
You found uncle
Alfonso's karma.
No, silly, this was
totally weird.
You were raped by
your own karma.
I won't tell you if
you're not interested.
- No, we're not.
- Now that's nice!
I came here earlier but
you guys weren't in...
so I said, "I'll go up to the
rooftop and smoke some grass
until Leche comes"...
Guess who was
in the elevator?
Your neighbor,
the slow one.
Gerardito is not slow,
he's different.
Are you friends with Leche?
Like brothers.
Me too.
The kid was weird.
He was like looking for a dog...
and then he goes,
"What's in there?"
What's in there?
Nothing, just the rooftop.
I've never been to the rooftop.
And guess who
was in the rooftop?
- Gerardito's karma.
+No, stupid. The dog.
Ulyses!
Uh? What was Ulysses
doing in the rooftop?
Something to do with Gerardito's
cousin and a song about a bird.
Uh?
I don't know, but the
kid was so excited.
And I mean so,
so excited.
I had to give him
some pot...
to get him out of it.
Smoke.
Here, smoke kid.
You gave Gerardito pot?
Hey, he really liked it...
He got really stoned.
He smoked like this...
How can you give Gerardito pot,
you sick fuck?
Hey, he was really happy!
He freed himself. He let all...
his energy out, you know.
He was totally happy.
He was so high he was flying.
Jumping and screaming like crazy.
It really hit him.
But then he... like,
stalled.
He got stuck.
Stuck?
Yeah, I don't know, like,
weird, you know. Stuck.
What do you mean
"stuck", man?
What happened?
He was shaking,
his eyes were rolling.
I don't know.
That's a seizure, you asshole.
Gerardito is epileptic.
Exactly.
His mom said
something like that.
What? You took
him to his mom?
What was I supposed to do,
throw him off the roof?
He's a human being, man.
Let his mother
take care of him.
But don't say anything
about the grass...
or she'll kill me.
They should lock you up.
You're a son of a bitch.
That's a very bad vibe, dude.
I'm out of here.
See you later Leche.
Good bye.
How could he give
Gerardito grass?
Seba, your legs.
Was I in the can
for two hours?
Hey, dumb, what
did you smoke?
I don't know,
it looked like pot,
but it hit you ten
times stronger.
They called it
fireworks.
Wouldn't it be
fireworks?
And how did the
"fireworks" hit you?
How did it hit me?
I don't know,
it makes you see stuff.
Yes, stay there.
Go back, go back.
Oops, it's 9:00 pm.
I have to call Beatriy.
Wait up, I'll go with
you and get the car.
Why don't you call
her from here.
The phone is broken.
Really, how come?
How come?
You don't know?
You were so high you
hit me with the telephone.
And tried to strangle his
grandma with the TV cord.
Get out of here.
Wait, you stay and
watch over my grandma.
She can't be
left by herself.
No, please man. She
scares me, really.
If she makes weird
noises unplug her.
And there's tits on channel 15.
You've never seen any.
Man, Leche, if she dies I
have nothing to do with it.
Yo, this is a commercial.
Your problem.
- Hi, Barragan.
- Hi, Leche.
- Are you going to be long?
- Very.
USE INSTRUCTIONS
+Hello.
- Beatriy?
+Leche! ''come vai? ''
- "Bene, bene."
- You say, "bene" right?
+Yes, "bene".
I tried to call you.
Is your phone out of service?
Yes, my grandma
tripped on the cord...
Poor thing.
Know What?
I got cable TV.
Good.
Look, Im sorry about
canceling the class...
...I had to help Lalo
move to his new place.
Ive been kind of busy.
I thought you and Lalo
had broken up.
Yeah, kind of. I don't know.
Yes and no.
You know, I think you should
take some time to think.
Yeah, maybe... I don't know...
...Anyhow,
how are you coming...
with the exam prep?
- Well, "cosi, cosi."
+''Cosi, cosi. ''
Remember I can't give
you any more lessons.
Did my mom give you the list
of things to go over?
Yeah.
She's very cool, your mom.
Yeah, she is.
And she loves you.
She wants to hook
me up with you.
+Can you imagine?
- Can you imagine? Yeah.
Alright, Leche.
I have to get going.
- Are you going out?
+Yeah...
I think Ill go to "Magenta"
with friends.
+You are going to study, right?
- Yeah, sure, yeah.
- You know, I got cable TV.
+Yes.
- And there's an Italian channel.
+Yes.
- Channel 41.
+Yes, I know.
- They speak Italian all the time.
+Sure.
So I thought, instead
of having a class, uh...
maybe you would
want to come over...
and we could
watch Italian TV...
And you?
Yeah, Leche, you know,
if you have any questions,
you can write them down and then
you can call me and ask me...
Oops, the door bell. Gotta go.
That must be Lalo.
Bye, sweetie.
Kisses, ciao.
- Where is the car?
- Out there.
- Did you call her?
- Yup.
And?
You know...
I was better playing
Space Invaders.
Space Invaders?
I had it on my Atari.
What? Did you
have an Atari?
Javi, did they give
you an Atari?
An Atari? No.
An Atari? No.
Eight ball.
Fuck.
What are you doing, pervert?
Are you stupid?
It's okay, man.
She's asleep.
Okay my ass, stupid.
Grandma, come this way.
She's asleep, Leche.
She doesn't understand.
You don't understand,
asshole.
Seba...
You really beat your Uncle
Alfonso with this one.
Shut up, idiot.
So now you're into...
touching your privates
next to a grandma.
Fuck off.
You always liked her, huh?
Feet off the table, kids.
Let's go. It's late.
Seba, let's go to "Magenta".
Is Magenta any good?
You have
nothing to loose.
Magenta?
Hey, hold it, dude. That's
not nice. I'm totally happy.
Hold it!
"All you need is love..."
Fascists!
Not in this life.
- C'mon, Beatriy is going.
- So?
And she's bringing
two girlfriends.
Really?
Are they hot?
Hot enough for the
likes of you guys.
Leche, have you
ever thought...
that while you were watching
Underdog Beatrice already...
- Who was it?
- Jean Michael Hamster.
- Where are you going, man?
- Bathroom.
- "Beatrice."
- "Hamster."
And what's with you?
Beatrice...
lo sono... tu sei...
lui "se"...
Beatrice...
Lui "e".
- Grayie.
- Prego.
- Five days?
- Five.
- What was he applauding?
- I don't know.
Good.
Hey kids,
I'm out of here.
What are you?
Now this is grand!
Fede! How are you doing?
What is he doing here?
Remember him? He was
at your place today.
He's Rulo's friend.
You remember?
How are you kids doing?
I'm Chopo. You know, like "Pocho"
spelled backwards, right?
This is Menchaca.
These are the kids.
All neat?
Yeah...
All neat.
What happened to
your head, champ?
- Nothing, I fell.
- Oh, you fell.
You know, I was
admiring your jacket.
- Very nice.
- Take it off.
- Show him the jacket.
- Yeah, give it to me.
Give it to me.
- You want to try it on?
- Yes, I do.
You know how
I long for this jacket...
I want to show Menchaca
how it looks on me.
Menchaca, am I
a duke or what?
Cut it out, let's go
get the stuff, c'mon.
You're right.
Don't get mad.
Menchaca was telling me
to go get some "stuff".
You get my drill?
Very good stuff.
Would you want to invest,
say, 200 pesos?
No, I had enough
for today.
You had enough?
This guy, he's the king
of International porn...
and he's backing up
for only 200 pesos.
Sorry, but...
Excuse me,
I'm not talking to you.
I'm talking to Fede...
"Seba", I'm Seba.
- 200 pesos is a lot.
- 200 is nothing.
what I can get you.
Yeah, but no, thanks.
You don't understand
what I'm talking about.
You give me 200 pesos and I'll
get you something incredible,
right, Menchaca?
Look at Menchaca.
He's so happy...
Should we give them?
Beautiful.
You stick with me
and we deliver.
We're friends,
you and me.
You're friends with Rulo,
you're friends with Menchaca.
We won't fuck you over.
Stick with us, we're going
to get you some stuff.
This stuff is,
let me tell you,
is very good stuff.
It's a good stuff.
I'm not talking
bullshit here,
right, Menchaca?
Gotta go now.
I'll see you in...
uh... two minutes.
- Hey, the... the jacket.
- Don't touch me.
- What?
- Don't touch me.
You don't have to touch.
- What do you want?
- The jacket, you know...
Let me explain something here...
Let's say... Menchaca,
Chopo, jacket, chicks.
Are you getting my drill?
We go to the neighborhood wearing
the jacket, the girls see me and go...
Oh, Menchaca, Chopo.
Cool.
Let me show off
a little, okay?
You know, I'm kind of cold.
"I'm kind of cold," huh?
Okay, if you're friends
with Rulo and Fede here,
we're family.
We'll see you
in two minutes.
See you.
Are they friends of yours?
I don't know.
Tell me...
are they friends
of yours or not?
Yeah, I think they're
friends with my brother.
There goes our money.
Trust them.
They just left.
And they're friends
with "Fede" here.
Fuck off, dude.
They won't come back.
Let me have a puff,
Leche.
Ask Javi.
Are you upset?
- Fuck you, "Fede".
- Fuck you.
You're the one
who said "yes".
I did?
I asked you guys...
and you said "yes".
What did you expect, with those...
two faces standing there.
What's so fucking funny?
We just lost our money.
No problem, Leche
pays, anyway.
Sure.
We spent our money
in the "good stuff."
Go fuck yourselves...
- The money!
- What?
My fucking money!
C'mon, dumb ass!
Fucking kids!
You fucking
did me, fuckers!
Could I just go in to see
if my girlfriend is there?
It's 100 pesos.
Just one second.
In and out.
Sure. 100 pesos and
you get a free drink, man.
- "Thanks", dude.
- "You're welcome", dude.
- Who did it?
- That one.
Hey!
Stop it!
I didn't do anything!
Stop, he's a
student of mine!
- Leave him alone!
- Asshole!
He's a student of mine!
Stop it!
Beatrice...
You piece of shit!
That's my tape.
Don't be upset, Lalo. It's
just a ride to his house.
He has no money.
Look at him.
I just asked him not to
throw out in the car.
- You heard that, man?
- Yes.
- Are you sure?
- He said yes.
Ok, I didn't hear him.
Leche, you schmuck,
why where you
throwing bottles?
I didn't do it, Beatriy. I swear.
It was someone who...
Shouldn't you be studying?
No.
- How's Alfonso?
- Dead.
He choked on that shitty
food you gave him.
Oh well,
ciao.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I feel like walking.
- Are you really sure?
- Yeah.
Let him go, Beatriy.
Well... Bye.
Hey, Leche!
You dropped
this matches back...
there in the floor.
Good luck on Monday.
Uh...
lo sono, tu sei, lui e...
You're fired!
Where's Seba?
Wasn't he with you?
Marmota Jr.
Big time crook!
Please, stop here!
You're going the wrong way!
- Five days?
- Uh?
- Five days?
- Yup.
What was he applauding?
I don't know...
Maybe that it wasn't Sunday.
Fucking dogs!