1
Hi. This is Diane Gies.
I'm not here right now,
so you know what to do.
Hey, I'm trying to get hold of you guys.
You're not picking up. Um,
so I missed my flight.
- Eddie? This isn't a good time.
- Yeah. What?
- Can I call you back?
- I know, but I'm at the counter, Diane.
I need... I'll call you back.
What the fuck is going on?
Why are you here?
Why don't you just let me talk, okay?
I'm at the airport.
Missed my plane.
Great, that's your
problem, Eddie, not mine.
That is a...
- Doctor's in the room.
- Hey, Zak, how's he doing?
Not great this morning.
He had a bad night.
- Listen, I need your Visa...
- Where you at?
I need your Visa
number, like, right now.
No, problem, buddy.
I've been there.
- Yeah.
- Oh, shit. Something's happening.
- Yeah. No, don't talk...
- What?
- To Andy about it.
- No, I'm not talking to Andy.
- He'd lay it into me.
- But why didn't he give you the...
Yes, don't talk to him about it.
Just leave.
I'm handling it.
Hey, buddy, I'm back. OK.
I'm texting my Visa right now.
Okay, good, thank you.
And don't forget your, um, security code.
Should we start?
I think we should start.
Yeah, who is that guy?
I thought we were getting
a bagpipe player
I thought... but he's
playing a flute.
I mean, that's not
even a real flute,
That's like a frickin'
Native American thing.
Who is this guy?
Do you know him?
That's Tom Running-cloud.
I went to high school with him.
I haven't seen him in 30 years.
I did not invite him,
I wouldn't do this.
It's a Pan flute, OK?
I'll take care of it.
Why is he here?
Hey, Tom? Tom, you mind?
W-We're honored.
Thank you, sir, but we're good. Thank you.
- He's not stopping.
- He's not stopping.
- OK. Go get him. Go.
- Oh, my God.
- He's not stopping.
- Hey, Tom. Tom, friend.
- Dad would have loved a bagpiper.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Give us your poor, your
tired, your huddled masses
yearning to be free,
your Mexicans
yearning for handouts
and entitlements
and free food and bus passes.
I can't stop him. You stop him.
- Mexicans. Mexicans, God bless us.
- Dad. Dad, stop it.
I say put hinges
on that goddamn wall.
Dad. The Diegos live next door.
OK? You're being offensive.
Half of them are undocumented.
Papers. Documentos.
Pay, por favor.
You are a racist son of a bitch.
I am, I am,
and I need another drink.
Great.
Well, we seem to have
silenced the neighborhood.
Happy Fourth of July.
Everyone ready?
- Sure.
- How do I look?
- You look great.
- Great. You look good.
I don't remember what I'm supposed to do.
I'm just... I'm very...
I'm very nervous,
and I can't stop shaking.
What we do, we wait for
the music to start.
Then we walk down the aisle,
and then Eddie gives the eulogy.
Eddie? I'm sorry.
I thought it was Andy.
- Oh, I was ready to, but...
- No.
Bob wanted Eddie
to do the eulogy.
- Edward, you will do the eulogy.
- Yes.
I'll keep it short and sweet.
You all right?
Welcome to this celebration
of the joining
of Robert Joseph Mills
with our lord, our God.
Edward has some thoughts he'd like to
share with us before the Mass begins.
If you're not Catholic,
feel free to come up during Communion.
Just please cross your arms,
and you can receive a blessing.
However, do not partake
in the sacrament.
Welcome, all.
Thank you, Father.
Hi, everybody. Great turnout,
Dad would have liked that. Um...
It just...
It feels funny that he's not here.
I wanna talk to him.
Here, he's got to be down here.
Sorry, just...
I'm gonna bring him down.
I hope it doesn't
offend anybody.
I just...
The Church doesn't like this.
I know the Catholic Church
wants him to stay in the back.
And he only comes in
during the Mass.
That's what they told us,
and I...
I'm not really Catholic anymore.
I mean, I wasn't confirmed.
So I just wanted him
down here, no offense.
Just want to talk to him.
I'm sorry.
Um, yeah.
That feels better.
Well, death is horrible.
Man, we've been through
something, haven't we? Oh, gosh.
It went on and on and on.
Let me tell you.
This man is a fighter.
Hey, great job on the...
- Color.
- OK.
Color or black and white?
Color is more expensive. Dad looks
pretty good in black and white, right?
Zak, Zak, Zak,
we aren't there yet.
We haven't still got
the order for the liturgy.
Eddie, how's the eulogy coming?
Um, well, listen, folks,
we have priorities tonight.
Semifinals, Idol,
is on right now!
Oh, my God,
that pigtailed country girl?
I like what she's cookin'.
You like her boobs,
if that's what you mean.
She's good.
That fat black girl, she's fantastic.
She's gonna win it.
The pigtails, the
boobs, and the voice.
Sorry, that's just how it is.
If you're fat on Idol,
you're gonna win.
Could we stop
with the fat, please?
Guys. We've got to finish
the service in the next hour.
- Jesus. Sorry, Dad.
- Oh, fuck!
Can we watch it
with the F-bombs, please?
You don't wing a fu...
A eulogy, Eddie.
Too many people
are counting on you.
I think I'm gonna wing it.
Father Rose called,
and he wants to see the eulogy
so he can refer to it
for the homily.
"Father Rose sat on a tack.
Father Rose."
OK. OK. I think,
we're all probably pretty low blood sugar.
- So, here we go.
- -Oh, what do we have here?
We have some
delicious sandwiches.
- I've reached Uber Lord Warrior.
- Jay, get off that, please.
It's three echelons above
Black Death Swamp Field.
Did you hear what I said?
Please get off that.
That's until the Black
Death Swamp, right there,
- seeps into an open orifice.
- Oh!
- OK. Enough. Off with that, please!
- Have you seen this?
- These are great, Diane.
- Yes, I've seen it.
- Please. Off.
- My immunity crystal broke.
- You suck.
- Shit.
All right,
what have we got here?
Right here is a vegan surprise,
and it's a cheese steak,
but with hummus and a quinoa
paste which is delicious.
Ooh, and then this one.
Diet, gluten-free Chicken Caesar Wrap.
Huh. I didn't know
that you were vegan.
She is so not.
Attitude and tone, please.
I get them from
Pick-a-Deli-Square.
My Curves trainer is the one
that set me up with them.
- Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
- Funny. Hilarious.
She eats chocolate pretzels every
night, but that's OK, right, Mom?
This family is so judgmental.
I would have made
a delicious family dinner,
but my father just died,
and I'm mourning him, all right?
Diane, I didn't ask you
to cook, OK? This is fine.
- This is great.
- It is fine.
And don't expect waffles
and eggs tomorrow.
- Just cereal, all right?
- Do you want waffles and eggs?
- Just cereal...
- No, we didn't...
Minus the Black Death,
if that's all right with you, Jay!
You suck.
I'm processing!
Fuck!
No, you...
No, just let him go.
He'll be fine.
You know, as devout a Catholic
as Dad was,
he didn't want to go to heaven.
He did not...
want to meet Jesus.
No, he fought...
every day in that hospital.
He fought to stay here.
He wanted another day...
on Earth. Didn't you, Dad?
He wanted another day with you.
He loved you.
He wanted...
my God, a steamed crab.
You know, he wanted a cold beer.
He wanted another day at the beach.
He wanted to walk down that boardwalk.
You know, at the end,
he just wanted...
just another sip of water.
And I wish I could have
given it to him, ya know?
He just wanted one more.
One more breath.
Wow.
Wow. That looks good.
You still doing
the valet thing in Chicago?
I'm a doorman, Dad,
at the Peninsula.
It's a five-star hotel.
It's a pretty big deal.
I told you
get a civil service job.
You never have
to worry about a thing.
Secure. Go for the security.
Security. Yes, sir.
Join the Army.
I fought for my country.
I was half your age.
I stayed in the service
just to sock some cash away.
- Nothing wrong with that.
- Yeah.
Dad, it was
the Vietnam War, remember?
You were drafted,
so I don't really think you had a choice.
When you grow up
with very little,
you learn to appreciate the
security the Army gives you.
Dad, you and I both know I never would
have made it in the fucking Army.
I would have given my left nut
to really... really be an artist,
but we had you kids,
and I had to step up, you know?
A struggling cartoonist?
I mean, you can't feed four mouths.
Forget about it.
Oh, yeah, life is full
of disappointment.
"You're never gonna
get what you want."
You used to tell us
that, Dad, right?
What the hell is this all
about, anyway?
- Nothing, I just said...
- What's up your ass?
Whatever you didn't achieve,
whatever disappointments that you had,
that's your own.
Regrets? I have
no goddamn regrets.
Oh, come on. That's bullshit.
I don't know what the hell
you're talking about, regrets.
Well, look around! The art.
This is what gave you joy.
You're an artist.
You will never understand
that kind of responsibility.
Those kids standing there, looking at you.
"What are you gonna do, Dad?"
It's just you.
Kids. Boom, boom, boom, boom.
There they are.
Feed 'em. Take care of 'em.
Your life is looking at your own
face in the mirror, what the hell?
It's not the same thing, is it?
Because I'm not a dad,
I don't know?
You have to admit,
my friend, you...
You took the low road.
Oh, my God. Well, that's...
You and your whole
goddamn generation.
"Me, me, what do I want?"
I've worked hard ever
since I was 12 years old,
every fucking day,
and you know it.
I've been retired for 24 years.
I work harder now than I ever
did in my life. You see all this?
Where do you think it came from?
It came from my work.
Work! I lived, Eddie.
I'm waiting for
the other part, Dad.
Come on.
I know you want to say it.
I haven't accomplished
anything with my life.
Isn't that what you want to say?
Son...
you're drinking a beer
in the afternoon.
You offered it to me.
Whenever I drink a beer at night,
it's because I've earned it.
You got to build a life, Eddie.
Brick by brick.
You got to build it.
What are you saying?
I didn't fucking earn this beer?
Notre Dame just intercepted
on the five-yard line.
They are going to score.
Come on. Come on.
- I forgot about the game.
- Notre Dame. Go, go.
I'll be right there.
I kind of, um, forgot
what I was gonna say.
Andy, you want to say something?
Yeah, sure, Eddie. Yeah.
Hi, everybody.
I just, uh, happen
to have some notes.
Here. I'm so grateful to God
that Dad was our father.
Because he...
He was also our hero.
He taught us how to be tough
and to stand up
for what we believed in,
and he always supported us,
because he taught us that life is
tough, and you have to be tough.
Because life is scary.
It's not all peace and love,
and everybody doesn't
always win a trophy.
And you got to be tough.
And you got to be a man.
And that was my dad.
I remember when I was came
home from school one day,
and a school bully
had called me fat,
and I was upset, and I told Dad.
And he said,
"You turn your butt around,
you go back to that school, and you
punch that slob right in the nose."
And I knew my dad loved me,
even if he never said it,
because then he gave me
a big hug.
And my dad... my dad's hugs, man,
he gave us those big bearhugs,
you know, didn't he, Diane?
He gave us all the bearhugs,
Right? He... Zak? Eddie?
He gave us bearhugs, 'cause he loved
us, and he was tough.
My dad was a tough guy.
He was a man.
He was tough,
and he didn't need to say he loved us.
We knew it, and he gave us
hugs, and he was a good man.
Thanks, buddy.
I'll just...
I'll put it back now,
Then you can start.
I'll put it right back. OK.
There we go.
Oh, no, jeez. I'm sorry.
All right. It's OK.
Sorry.
All right. I think we're good.
Father.
When's the last time I've been to a Mass?
I don't know.
- You should read it.
- I really don't...
- They want me to read this.
- OK.
Ah! "Intercession Prayers:
In Baptism, Robert Mills"
receive the light of Christ.
Scatter the darkness now,
"and lead him over
the waters of death."
That's very poetic.
Further down.
Uh, "For the sick and dying."
May they find peace
in their suffering."
- That's fine.
- Mm-hmm.
Wait a minute.
"For the unborn?
- "Pray for their mothers
to choose life over death?"
- Unborn?
Yeah, yeah. This is it.
- Yeah.
- Are you kidding me with this?
- What?
- You'd have actually put this in the Mass?
It's what Dad wanted.
He was very pro-life.
We thought the ceremony should
reflect Dad's religious experience.
Right. Right.
My parish says a prayer
for aborted babies every Sunday,
- so they go to heaven.
- I don't care.
So, pro-life Democrats
are all gonna just burn in hell?
Oh, my gosh, I knew you guys
would make this about politics.
Where is the word Democrat
anywhere in there?
You're completely
politicizing Dad's funeral.
This has absolutely nothing
to do with politics,
- all right?
- Oh, it does.
Roe v. Wade is going to be overturned.
Deal with it!
- It's not going to be overturned.
- That's a political stance.
- Why do you always go there?
- Over my dead body.
I don't want to interrupt.
I'm sorry, but you want to go soon?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we will.
- Come on over.
- I'm just... I'm tired.
I know, baby.
It's been a tough day.
I don't know...
I don't know whether... what
people wear to be cremated,
because this is
his favorite suit, but...
he loved other things, too.
- Loved the one that...
- When he wears the one...
Oh, no, no, no,
you have to let the doggies out.
- OK. We will. We will.
- We'll take care of it.
You'll be all right.
Your dad's been very organized.
I won't have to
worry about a thing.
Why are we even
talking about this?
I don't want to be
a burden on anybody, OK?
And you should all know this.
Look, I'm not getting
any younger,
and I probably won't
get much older either.
And, um, your dad's
gonna be cremated.
- I just want you to know.
- Wow. Cremation?
Wow. Great topic for lunch.
- Look...
- And he doesn't want a viewing either.
Hey, look, it's what I want.
Isn't that right, sweetheart?
You don't want a viewing?
So, don't blame me, any of you.
Really? Why is that, Dad?
Your stepmother doesn't like
being surprised or scared.
Ah, come on, a viewing
is creepy, anyway.
Well, the reason you have a viewing
is so people can pay their respects.
Oh, come on with this.
Your family can have time to process
the loss before jumping into a funeral.
Look she doesn't want it, OK?
That's good enough for me.
I owe my whole life
to this woman.
That's right.
I can't stand surprises.
That's why I always read
the books backwards.
Hold it. You read the
endings of books first?
Yes, I do.
I read the last page first,
because if I don't know the
ending, I get very, very anxious.
- I never knew that.
- Me neither.
Very interesting.
Dad, a viewing is not
about you. It's for us,
the people left behind
who are still grieving.
Can you imagine Dawn
staring down at me?
I'm cold in the coffin, like this...
Stop.
She would have that last
image of me haunting her,
thinking I'm gonna rise up
out of the coffin like...
Stop it, Bob.
Oh, no.
Abner and Dusty, no, wait.
Wait. Dusty. No, no, no, no, no.
Come on. Come on.
They're stealing the...
Pickles. He loves pickles.
Give him a pickle.
Come here, sweetheart.
Come here, baby boy.
Knock it off.
- Knock it off, the two of you.
- Go on. Sit down.
Sit down. Be quiet.
That's right. Look at me.
All right.
Dad, you're looking slim.
Lost three notches on the belt.
Not bad, huh?
- Thank you.
- I listen to the old boss.
- Low sodium, no sugar. Portion control.
- There you go.
- He's lost 18 pounds.
- Hey!
Remind me, honey.
We have to get more fish oil supplements
on the way back from your eye exam
on Friday. We'll get it at Costco.
Your father doesn't
burn enough calories
without exercise anymore.
He can't go on his cardio
walks with me at all.
I just can't breathe. I told her
take the dogs, do it without me.
And Bernie, Bernie's a good man.
He can keep up with her.
Who's this Bernie?
Oh, he's four houses down.
He's that beautiful house
with holly and roses.
I help him with his Greyhound
Rescue every other Sunday.
Bernie is a...
He's a good-looking man.
He's got salt-and-pepper
hair, and he's tall.
And, yeah, he's really handsome.
Mmm. That's Bernie.
Well, I can't give up
my workouts.
- Dad, I had no idea you weren't walking.
- Yeah.
Until we get to the bottom of
this breathing problem, you know?
Yeah, the cardiologist
thinks it's emphysema.
The pulmonary specialist
thinks it's his heart.
Just pray it's not emphysema.
When this man turned 73,
he started falling apart.
Listen, he's the Bionic Man.
What have you got inside there?
You've got a pacemaker,
two valve replacements.
- How many stents you got?
- Five.
- Five.
- They don't last forever.
Diane, those pounds seem
to be sneaking up on you.
Do you ever
get your thyroid checked?
Not recently, Dawn.
Well, I always get
my thyroid checked,
especially when my clothes
are getting a little tight.
Well, maybe I should just
get my jaw wired shut.
Oh, that's an option.
Oh. Oh, you were kidding.
Wow, I'm so sorry.
Spit.
OK.
- Hey, guys.
- Eddie!
Oh, hey, Eddie!
What's this, huh?
I told you on Monday
Eddie was flying in.
He's on so many meds right now,
he can't remember anything.
Nobody told me anything.
Oh, yes, I did.
I must really be in
trouble with you here.
- No. Hi.
- Hi.
Oh, you smell like smoke.
You should be working.
It's a waste of time.
- All I'm doing is sitting here...
- Dad, I was coming anyway.
Getting needles
for Christ sakes.
- I was coming anyway. OK?
- Yeah. Sure.
- You look good.
- Good to see you.
Thanks. I appreciate it.
They're poking me.
They're sticking needles
every place you can think of.
Wow, that looks
like it really smarts, huh?
Heard you missed your flight.
I did. It's a whole story.
It's not important.
- So, you wanna eat?
- Not necessarily.
Well, Andy and Diane are downstairs
at the commissary if you want...
If you're hungry,
you can just...
They're all downstairs
eating lunch.
You're staying
at Diane's, right?
- Yeah.
- There's nothing to do up here.
Might as well go down there and say hello.
I'll tell you,
that 695 is gonna be a shit
show in a couple of hours.
If you want to get going,
now's the time.
Dad. I just got here. I'm not
getting back on the beltway.
You know what happened to me last night?
I couldn't sleep a wink.
Yeah, Abner had diarrhea everywhere
at 1:00 a.m. in the morning.
Sprayed with his tail.
It was unbelievable.
She spent all night cleaning
the carpets for that damn dog.
Dr. Brewster continually
wants us to go on kibble.
He eats too fast,
and he eats too much,
and he's old like me.
He can't eat kibble
without gravy.
You love that dog.
You love that dog.
Oh, come on. You love that dog.
That guy charges as much
as these guys charge here.
You love it.
Hey, you know what?
Maybe I will just let Diane know I'm here.
Okay.
Blood oxygen alarm, Mr. Mills.
No, no, no, don't take the elevator
on the left, it's not working.
- It's not working.
- Well, I'm sure I'll Figure it out.
- See you later.
- Bye.
You in here jibber-jabbering,
when he should be resting?
- He's the jibber-jabberer.
- All right.
You getting
your husband excited?
Dad. Dad. No, no, no.
Don't get up.
D-Dad, no, no, no. Dad. Andy!
- I got to...
- No, no, no. What are you doing?
- I got to take a crap!
- Okay, okay, easy.
Hold on. I got to get behind you.
Over here.
Dad. You doing good.
You're doing good.
Relax, Dad. You're doing great.
Just relax for a second.
Hey, Eddie, be careful of his PICC line,
that goes all the way inside his heart.
- Yeah, be careful.
- I got to move, God damn it!
We're moving. We're moving.
Dad, I need you
to go slower. OK?
Slower? If I go any slower,
I'll shit on your shoes.
Wouldn't be the first time.
I got to back up.
I got you. I got you.
OK. I got you. Sorry.
- OK. Stay with him.
- Stay with him.
- I got it.
- Stay with him.
All right, Dad. Get in there.
I got it. God damn it.
- I got it.
- All right.
Hey, Dad.
It's one more step, Dad.
- Get the hell out of here!
- Okay.
What are you going to do?
Wipe my ass now?
- God!
- Go on!
- Yeah.
- There you go, Dad.
That's my boy.
- Hey!
- Just one more. Oh.
Good morning, Eddie.
- Hey.
- Mornin'. Mornin'.
- How you guys doing?
- Good.
- Phew. Hey, Dad.
- Ready? Ready?
You look great. How you feeling?
- I feel good.
- One more.
You look wonderful, Dawn.
- You do.
- Thank you.
- Oh, sweetheart. Too much.
- Maybe too much sausage.
OK. OK.
Do I need to call
the nurse? You OK?
- You all right?
- You all right?
- All right.
- You want something?
OK. You want something
to drink? Or you're OK?
Oh, you boys... You guys are
really, really great to stay here
and help with your father
like this, but...
- Oh, it's no problem.
- Well, it's not really necessary.
They have a great staff here.
No, the staff here is
not exactly on the ball.
- Well, we love the staff here.
- OK.
You know what? I'm gonna pay you
for all the gas you're using.
- Dawn, you don't have to pay me for gas.
- No, I'm going to.
You know, when I was your age,
I was five years away
from retirement.
I had a full pension
from BATA Shoes.
I'm going to give you the $40.
I'm not taking it.
I'm not taking the cash.
- Take it, Eddie.
- I have my own money.
Take the goddamn $40, will you?
- See?
- OK.
$40 is $40.
Thank you.
So, when are you flying back?
Uh, I just got here.
I flew in yesterday.
- Oh. Ooh. Wait a minute.
- Hold on.
Uh, I got to take this.
I'll be right back.
Be right back, sweetheart.
- Yeah.
- I got him.
- Can you do that?
- Yeah.
- OK.
- Dad.
So you done eating?
Yeah.
You want a little something else?
How about some rice pudding?
You like rice... All right?
A little bit of rice pudding?
- Yeah.
- Here you go.
- Good stuff.
- Right.
Always straight to dessert
for you, right?
Here.
- You like that?
- All right.
That's good. You want to feed
yourself, or you want me to...
- Hand me the goddamn...
- All right.
- God.
- Sorry, Dad. Y-You OK?
You OK? OK. He's choking.
OK. Hold on.
Nursing station. Can I help you?
Yes, my father's choking
on something in here.
- Dad.
- Oh, my God. What's happening?
- Did you call the nurse?
- I did.
- Could you help? Get in here.
- Oh, my God.
God damn it.
Can I get a fucking nurse in here?
- He can only swallow one thing at a time.
- My father's choking to death.
Oh, my God.
Water goes straight to his lungs.
What's happening here?
I was only gone for a second.
- How could you...
- Hang on, Dad.
I'm not...
These hospital staff
don't read anything.
Help me lean him forward.
- That is such a horrible thing to watch.
- I know. Would you please...
Please, Diane,
get a hold of yourself.
Dad, are you OK?
Gentle breaths.
Breathing normally.
Where is the nutritionist?
Would you like to speak
to my supervisor?
Very much. They brought the wrong food?
I mean, that's insanity.
And I would like the
nutritionist up here immediately.
- Right now!
- Thank you.
It's not your fault.
- Dad, you OK?
- Yeah, yeah.
You're all right, sweetheart.
All right. OK, angel.
You're OK. That was scary,
but you're OK, precious.
Until he's re-evaluated,
we need to restrict all foods and liquids.
So, what's that mean?
He can't eat or drink anything?
Well, he's aspirated
into his lungs.
That means...
means a feeding tube?
No, no, no, no, Bob.
He didn't say that.
As a last resort. Yes.
Let's see how the
swallowing test goes,
and we'll go from there.
- Thank you. Thank you, Doctor.
- Thank you, Doctor.
The magic chariot,
it has arrived.
So, hang on a second. Hang on.
Let me explain this to ya.
You're gonna get up real slow.
We got a lot of things to deal with.
I'm gonna put you in there.
Then we go to the swallow clinic.
- All right.
- You're good. You're good.
- You got it.
- There we go. That's good. That's good.
- That's it.
- Okay, I got this.
- Turn. Hang on.
- All right.
- You locked the wheelchair?
- Now get these things.
- I did.
- Oh, God.
- No, no, no.
- Oh, God.
You're on your cables.
You're on your cables.
- That's OK. That's OK.
- Oh, my wrist.
- Diane?
- I'm OK.
What the hell are
you crying for, then?
Because it hurt when I fell.
- Can you get up here, please?
- Oh, my wrist.
Just get to the chair.
Get to the chair, please.
- Hey, Daddy.
- Clear the wires.
There we are. All right.
- How is that?
- Yeah, great.
Nice and easy, guys.
We're gonna go real easy here.
- Dad's connected.
- Let me move this thing.
Move some goddamn thing.
OK. I'm moving it. I got it.
- OK.
- That's perfect.
- You got it?
- All right. Here we go.
OK. Look out. Oh.
No, I understand that, but I can't
work two shifts in a row. No, Zak.
You've got to do a shift.
I can't do 24 hours straight.
So, you call Diane.
Call Andy, 'cause I'm not doing it.
No, someone has
to cover it, not me.
- No. Call Diane. Jesus!
- Hey!
The dude with the broken neck has
the right of way, eh, Dutchy Boy?
God. Brick.
- Man, how are you?
- How am I?
I'm a fucking quadriplegic?
What the fuck? How am I?
Come on. Good to see you.
Pound it out,
right down there
on the right hand. Yup!
Come on. Give me a pound,
give me a pound, give... Ow!
- Oh, my God.
- What the fuck?!
- I'm sorry.
- God, babe, are you...
He can't feel
anything. He can't...
You should have seen your face.
You remember Donna, right?
Yeah, sure, I do.
- Good to see you.
- You don't remember me.
- That's OK. I remember you.
- I do.
- Um...
- What's up, buddy?
I haven't seen you, since...
Since that wave broke
my neck and saved my life.
Best thing that ever
happened to me.
- Praise Jesus.
- Hallelujah.
Brick just aced
his swallow test.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Lungs clear.
All the important parts still
working great on my Bricky.
What she's saying,
she mean's my dick is A-OK,
- What? What?
- Oh, gonna get some later. Gonna get some.
Gonna get some. Gonna get some.
Gonna get some.
- Get up. Get up. Get up.
- She gets up on me.
I don't feel nothing.
She just feels everything.
Ten stories tall.
Yeah, we just run me up the flagpole.
- Okay, well, actually...
- Give me some sugar, honey.
- Give me some sugar.
- I, uh...
I can feel that.
My Dad is actually in there
getting a swallow test.
- Oh, yeah? How is he?
- Your dad?
That's why I was here.
Oh, look who the cat dragged in.
- Hey.
- Oh, my God.
- A little high school reunion.
- Hi. How you doing?
- Hi. Wow.
- Sue.
- Yeah. Um...
- Oh. Awkward.
Hey, look at you two.
Why don't you
take her to the prom?
Ask her to the prom.
You could get her a corsage.
Hey, I'm not being a pain in the ass.
I'm just saying.
Yes, you are.
All right. Well, listen.
I'll let you two...
- Van's out front.
- OK. Thank you.
I'll let you two lovebirds do a
little catching up, all right?
Dutchy, we will grab a drink
a little bit later on.
And when I say grab a drink,
I mean you're gonna grab a drink.
You're also gonna
have to grab my drink.
You're gonna have
to also grab me a straw,
- and you might gonna have to maybe grab...
- Get your wallet.
You got to pay
for the drinks, too.
If your feet work, that's the rule.
Don't be a dick, Eddie.
- Walking guys pay.
- Pain in the ass.
I'll see you later.
I can't believe this.
I run into Brick?
Then I run into you.
Yeah. Yeah, I heard
about your dad.
Oh, it's not a big deal.
No, actually it is kind of a big deal.
Actually it sucks.
- Yeah.
- You know.
Yeah, well, I'm just... I'm here
to adjust Brick's PT schedule.
You have to stay on the staff here.
They are so shitty.
I mean, they literally kill
people at this hospital.
- Yeah, I know that.
- Oh, I'm sure they won't.
I'm sure they got
good people in here.
No, they're terrible.
That's why I'm here.
Yeah. We're helping out.
So you're still doing
the nursing thing?
No, I was never a...
Post-op cardiac catheter
lab technician thing.
- OK. OK.
- That's not the same thing.
- How's Dr. Wojowo-whoitz?
- Dr. Daniel Wojowulitz.
- Oh, yeah, Dr. Dan, the proctologist.
- Neurologist.
- Same thing.
- Mmm.
It's not. He's, um...
He's, you know,
finishing up his residency at Columbia.
That's great. Good. Good.
- Kids are great.
- Kids?
- I thought you had one kid.
- Yeah. I got two.
Two boys, Devon and Derek.
- I should go. Brick's my ride.
- OK.
How long are you in town for?
Like, um, a week.
I'm just letting my mom spoil the
kids before they go to sleepaway camp.
- Tell your mom I said hey.
- Yeah. I will.
It's... How are things?
Really. How...
- With me? Oh, great.
- Yeah.
Not so great.
I don't know. The same.
I'm a doorman.
I'm broke, single.
What happened to what's her name?
You know, with the...
Oh, that's been over...
Long time ago.
I-I'm sorry about that.
What are you apologizing for?
I... No idea. I don't know.
I should go.
Brick's waiting and...
You should come by sometime,
meet the kids.
That's not gonna happen.
Yeah, right, why...
Why would you want
to meet my kids?
- Yeah. Take that.
- Hi, honey.
I'm sorry. Yeah. No. I'm,
um, still at the hospital.
Yeah.
Fuck it.
It's all right.
It's OK. It's OK.
How are we doing today, Mr. Mills?
How's it all going here?
We're good.
Oh, I see you've pulled
your feeding tube out.
It's OK, Dad. Dad.
He's moved his feeding tube
out three times.
You know what this means.
I'm gonna get the crew up here,
and we're gonna get dad restrained.
We need another...
Need a change of clothes for him.
Get a crew up here.
Dad, it's all right. Listen to me.
Dad. Dad.
You just pulled out your feeding tube.
It's OK. I'm gonna clean you up.
- OK?
- All right.
I'm gonna clean you up.
I can't...
- That's what I'm saying.
- That's impossible...
in our backyard.
Why can't you guys listen? Listen...
Respiratory is ready to go now.
- So is the cardiac guy.
- Legally, legally,
Dad is like a lawsuit
waiting to happen.
- He's not stable...
- Here's the problem.
Dr. Cho is a fucking hack.
He's just waiting on Dad to die,
so that'll take care
of everything for him.
Bingo. OK. Can we get him
in Hopkins now?
Please. Time is running out.
No. Dawn doesn't want that, Zak.
You know that.
He doesn't want Dawn driving
all the way to Baltimore.
That's insane.
This whole fucking thing is insane.
No. She doesn't want to leave
her fucking dogs is what it is.
Listen, guys.
Dad is fucking starving
right now.
I know. OK, but...
OK. He needs a feeding...
fucking feeding tube today.
Well, fuck me.
Fucking Dr. Cho.
Huh. Interesting.
- Oh, my God. I hope he didn't hear us.
- I don't give a fuck.
- I'm going over there.
- Andy.
Don't go there. Let him eat.
No, I'm gonna go over there
and help you scare him.
Why don't you stay here?
We don't need two hotheads
going over there.
You stay. I'll go with you.
OK. Good, 'cause I need a
witness in case shit goes down.
- Ah. The Mills family.
- Hmm.
- Hello, Doc. Could we get a word with you?
- Yeah.
I'm right in the middle
of my meal break.
That's funny, 'cause our dad,
- he can't get a break at all. Or a meal.
- Yeah.
Do you mind if I finish my bagel and
then we could talk about your father?
- Actually, I do mind.
- Yeah, I mind, too.
OK.
OK.
Your father has
completely blocked lungs,
mass in his upper left lung
caused by the pneumonia.
He's got end-of-life emphysema.
The MRI of his lungs is the worst
I've ever seen on any living patient.
He can barely process oxygen.
He's contracted MRSA,
which is a highly fatal staph infection,
and to combat that,
he's on Zyvox,
which is like interferon.
It's powerful,
and it's so poisonous
that it, too, is fatal.
Your father has diabetes.
His kidneys are failing.
In order to stabilize
his blood sugar,
we have to introduce
nutrients into his body,
and he's lost the ability
to swallow food and water.
How am I supposed to stabilize
your father when I know
that he will die the
second we put him under?
How?
Enjoy your... your lunch.
- Thank you.
- Sorry about that.
He's got a terrible
bedside manner.
- So, Bob's at Chesapeake Memorial?
- -Yeah.
- It's not good.
- I know.
- It's not good, friend.
- I hate it there.
- Death Hospital.
- What do you mean?
Do you know what they call
people that go there?
- What?
- Dead people.
Would you stop it?
I'm just saying.
Did you try Hopkins?
- Of course we tried Hopkins.
- Well, what up?
He didn't want her
to be in Baltimore,
and she wanted to be
close to the dogs.
- Do you mean those space poodles?
- Yes, yes.
- I hate those things.
- They're cute.
- They're gross.
- OK. I know.
Anyway, it's... it's not a good thing.
I'm glad you met with me.
- I'm completely depressed.
- Hmm. Well,
that's what happens when
you go to a Death Hospital.
It's a roach motel. They check in.
They don't check out.
- Are you trying to depress me?
- They come out in gurneys.
Would you stop it?
'Cause you're being a total dick.
- Whoa. OK. You know what?
- Come on.
Look, V-Man?
We need to hit the worm. Now.
- Whoa. Whoa. Hey. Dude.
- What? Yeah?
- Do you believe in miracles?
- What miracles?
- Yeah. 'Cause one just walked in the door.
- Oh, I see.
- Yeah.
- Very nice.
- You recognize her?
- No.
- You don't?
- Oh!
- Velma Lauren.
- No.
- Vinnie's little sister.
- Get out.
Wait a minute.
Didn't she marry Carl Perkins?
That's right.
That's right but she's not with old
Carl now, because he went to jail
- for selling meth.
- Meth?
Yeah. And she used to work
at Suzie-Q's.
- She's a stripper?
- Yes.
- She used to work the pole.
- Holy sh...
- She was a stripper?
- Yes, she was a stripper.
But now she's an inspector,
BG&E and she smells real nice.
- Oh, my God.
- She looks amazing.
- No, would you stop it?
- Yes. Come on. Come on. You're doing this.
- You're Eddie Mills.
- No.
- You deserve this.
- I don't.
- You're doing this.
- I'm not getting that.
- Yes.
- I don't need to get laid.
- Yeah, you do.
- I do not.
You need to take
time off from dying, OK?
Take time off from
this dying stuff.
- I'm not... I don't need this.
- You do need this.
- Buddy, I'm sure.
- Look, I'll pump you up.
- Listen.
- You're Eddie Mills.
- Yeah, Eddie Mills, 25 years ago.
- Senior Class President.
Yeah, 50 pounds heavier.
- Jud from Oklahoma!
- Jud from Oklahoma!
And JV Lacrosse.
You know, you can't win everything.
- Is that Eddie? Eddie Mills?
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Oh, my God. Eddie Mills.
How's it going?
Look... I haven't seen you in...
Oh, my God.
You look so cute.
Oh, wow.
That is quite a welcome.
Eddie frickin' Mills!
What are you doing here?
Just in town. It's great to see you.
You know, back at home.
- You look exactly the same.
- Thank you.
I mean, you know,
he put on a few, right, Matt?
More than a few.
- No, you look really cute.
- You look amazing.
Oh, thanks.
These are new,
do you like these?
Yes, I'm sure I would
have remembered those.
Yeah, I didn't have them when
we were in that show together.
Do you remember what show?
- Yeah.
- Do you remember the show we did together?
It's the South Pacific.
Do you remember when I was in
the show with you? -South Pacific.
- Matt, do you remember?
- What?
OK. It's true. Me and him
never stopped talking about it.
- He prompted me.
- You were so good.
I'm old, and I forget everything,
but how could I forget you?
Yeah, well, my God
I was so obsessed with you.
We need a drink. Vince, we need a drink.
You want to buy me a drink?
Uh, I will buy you a drink. Can I have
a drink here for this lovely lady?
Oh, you've got some. I need a shot.
We got to sit down.
OK. Shot. Sit down. Where?
- I got a booth in the corner.
- Booth.
- It's my favorite place.
- Booth in the corner. Let's go.
- It's kind of like my personal box.
- OK.
Let's go right over here.
- What are you doing here?
- Oh...
it's depressing. My dad's dying.
- Oh, baby.
- Yeah.
- Sorry to hear that.
- But, I'm here to have a good time.
L'chaim.
You want to do a body shot?
Salt, drink, and then lime.
You put it in your mouth.
- OK.
- Mmm.
Wait right here.
I want to get my girls.
Watch yourself.
We'll just do karaoke.
Go with karaoke.
That's good. That's good.
Pick a solo. Pick a solo.
Ah. Well, that's where she was.
She was there.
You know what it's like when you wanna
see someone you don't want to see.
- What's her last name again?
- Deever. Sue Deever.
Yes. Sue Deever.
Oh, she was mean.
- She's a great person.
- No, she's not.
No, she is. She's married.
She's a doctor.
- She's a snob.
- She's a nurse. She has kids.
She's a biatch.
- Would you stop?
- Biatch.
No. I love her.
Screw Sue. Fuck me.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Baby. Honey.
- Eddie, stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
- OK. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
- OK. Almost, almost, almost.
OK, sing. Sing for me, baby.
Sing for me.
- Sing what?
- Sing something.
Okay, don't move. Wait.
I don't want to leak.
- OK. Oh.
- I got it.
- Phew.
- That's a tight squeeze.
- It is.
- Isn't that fun?
OK. Oh, shit. All right.
I got to get going.
I told Carl like a half hour
ago, I'd be back.
Hold on. Carl Perkins?
You guys are divorced.
Oh, no, sweetie.
We're just separated.
- We're workin' on it.
- What?
He always loved you, by the way.
I'm gonna tell him you say hi.
Thanks, baby. That was fun.
OK. I'll see ya.
Mm.
A-And as I said,
my team is standing by to go
as soon as Dr. Rabinowitz here
can assure me that
Mr. Mills is stable.
PEG.
Percutaneous
endoscopic gastrostomy.
What's that first word again?
Percuta... Percutaneous?
Percutaneous.
Yeah, a feeding tube here,
is inserted through the stomach wall,
Cho's doing this.
I'm not do this. Um...
in order for your father to eat.
And as we've discussed,
this operation has,
at best, at best,
a 5% chance of succeeding.
Well, the numbers increase to
10%, possibly 12%,
depending upon how quickly
Dr. Cho finishes.
After my team inserts the
feeding tube into the stomach,
Respiratory here would like
an extra few minutes
to clear away some of
the bronchial obstructions.
Right. What I would like to
do is open a breathing tract
here, by extracting
some of the diseased...
Excuse me, ma'am.
We'll just do it on you.
Uh, by extracting some of the
diseased tissue at the right quadrant,
uh, which is basically
just above the lungs.
And increased air flow should give
your father more of a fighting chance.
Yeah, but extending the procedure by
even a minute decreases Bob's chances.
And we may never get him back.
We're taking the risk.
We've already discussed it.
We're not doing hospice at home.
Because, I cannot
stand it anymore.
- Listen to me. Listen to me.
- Oh, God.
I watched my brother die,
all right, gasping like a...
Like a beached whale,
and I'm not gonna put her through that.
If we do nothing at all,
he will starve to death.
That'd take, uh,
two to three weeks.
We're doing the feeding tube.
We've already decided.
It's the feeding tube.
And let me tell you
something, children.
I have one life to live,
and I'm going to live it.
This pain and suffering,
no more.
I cannot take it one more day.
It's done. Done.
If this doesn't work...
- if you can't make this work...
- OK.
- You got three days.
- Let me...
After three days,
you pull the plug.
- All right?
- Let me get this on your face. Come on.
- You pull the goddamn plug.
- Sir.
- I'm not gonna put her through this.
- Sir. Sir.
Babe, please,
please, please, please.
You heard it.
That's it. Three days.
That's it.
And I think it's
important for the family
to understand your father
and mother's wishes.
I've seen this
tear families apart.
OK. We good?
All right.
Who's this? Who's this?
- Is that a janitor?
- Maybe.
- How you doing?
- Hi.
How you doing?
Lousy. Sucks, right?
I'm Joey. Uh, Mills,
you're the Mills?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
My cousin's the boss. He doesn't usually
like me to interact with the... the...
clientele. I'm "in training."
So kind of a mid-life
career sort of a reboot.
What color is
my parachute? Blue.
So, uh, I'm... I'm gonna
be driving your dad.
Uh, his body,
and you're following me, right?
- Yeah.
- OK.
And, uh, thing is we
got to kinda move it along,
'cause we got
a 9:00 a.m. viewing.
Teenage kid. Motorcycle
versus cement truck,
so it's a real... real mess.
Giuseppe, my cousin, the boss,
he's... He's in there right now
trying to figure out
which parts go where.
Um, but he's an artist. I mean,
he could put Humpty Dumpty
back together again.
- Hey!
- Yeah.
Here he is.
- Hey!
- Gotta go.
I told you never, never.
- Not with my clientele.
- What? I was doing fine here.
- Yes. I capisce.
- OK. Go.
Bon giorno. Hello.
Nice to make your acquaintance.
Forgive me to be late.
I apologize.
I had much to put together.
Ah, well if you now gather each
other, we walk in the back.
Your father is waiting.
Are we getting out
of the fucking car?
They can't give him
the Haldol to sleep...
because of the feeding
tube procedure.
He has to be coherent.
He had a terrible night's
sleep last night. Poor baby.
Dad? Dad?
- Is he...
- No, he's... he's... he's sleeping.
Sleeping with his eyes open.
It just started.
He sleeps that way now.
I can't... can't think about it.
Um... Oh, I gave him
a sponge bath.
And he doesn't ask for his bridge
anymore, because at this point
he doesn't eat anymore,
so it doesn't matter.
We only put his teeth in
when we have visitors.
What did they say
about the bedsores?
They don't seem
too concerned about it.
What does that mean?
I don't know. Ask the doctors.
They're sending in
a bed team to evaluate him.
Just I don't know when.
- Where you going, Dawn?
- Chores. Bills.
Abner's diarrhea.
He... Your father did everything
with me for 35 years.
See you later, sweetie pie.
See you.
- Dressed to the nines?
- I know.
She's going to have lunch
with that Bernie.
Oh, the... the dog walker guy?
- That guy. Are you kidding me? Yes.
- Really?
- Have you met him?
- Yeah, I've met him.
- He's like a Dapper Dan.
- OK.
He's horrible, and come on.
I know Dad's gonna need his feeding
tube any minute, and she can't take it.
- Yeah, she's gone through a lot.
- Everyone's going through a lot.
You know what she's doing?
She's afraid to be alone.
That's true.
She's setting up Bernie
for sloppy seconds.
That's harsh of you.
She's processing.
She's got to leave the room
every now and then.
That's what she's doing. I know.
Sloppy seconds. That's not fair.
- You know it's the truth.
- Hey, Dad.
- Dad, how you doing?
- Oh, my God.
- Dad. Hey.
- Take...
Take care of her.
Take care of her.
You promise me.
- Promise!
- I will. I promise.
Bye, Eddie. I love you.
- You, too, Dad.
- I love you.
Plain cremation box.
Hey.
Somebody want to
identify the father,
and then we're gonna be
on our way.
- I'll do it.
- OK.
Ah, that's definitely Bob.
Something exerted enough, uh,
pressure to compress his nasal cavity,
- but it's... it's Bob.
- What?
Well, his nose is flat.
- I'm gonna go wait in the car.
- Oh, honey.
- The nose is flat. No, no, no.
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God, yes,
it is very flat.
- I'm very sorry.
- Uh, it happens sometimes.
In the freezer,
we got to make room.
So you stack 'em on top of each other.
That makes perfect sense.
- Yes. And then things shift.
- All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he's dead,
so it doesn't matter, OK?
Joey, should we follow you?
Just one thing.
Well, are you gonna
tell 'em or you want...
Our normal incinerator
in Towson just broke,
so we're going to have
to shift the body
to the backup crematorium
in Dundalk.
A-And why is that a problem?
It also serves a double purpose.
It provides crematorial
services for the animals.
- What? Animals?
- Cats and dogs?
- Animals?
- It's not a bad crematorium.
No, it's very good.
It's just it's not that great.
- Well, it's still...
- The crew is OK.
It's... The thing about it
is the name. It's a little...
- What's the name?
- What's the name?
Peaceful Paws. It's beautiful.
- We only use this furnace in a pinch.
- Peaceful Fucking...
Guys, guys. Come on.
Is there a discount if we're
not using a human crematorium?
What, it's cats,
people, stardust.
It's calcium phosphate
in the end. It just...
- Right.
- Sure. That's it.
- Chop-chop.
- Joey?
- Yeah?
- When we get the ashes back,
it better be my fucking dad
and not Lassie.
- Absolutely.
- Please, don't worry.
- Hey, let's go.
- Everybody. Everybody.
Hindu belief is that the body can
only release the soul through fire.
It's cool, right?
So historically...
Tim, give it
a fucking rest, all right?
- Let me breathe.
- It's ready.
- Last door on the right.
- I got this.
- Go, go, go, go.
- It's OK.
Oh.
Just give me a minute.
Let me breathe.
Let me breathe.
You're all right?
You're OK. You're gonna be OK.
I'm gonna be OK,
but you got to give me a minute.
All right. Here we go.
OK? OK?
- Give her some water.
- Just take one step at a time.
- Yeah, here we go.
- That's the way.
- He's my father. My father.
- That's exactly right.
- I know.
- It's a little dog with angel wings.
Dogs are comforting to people
when they are grieving.
- Another dog? It's sort of strange, but...
- Another dog.
- Must be a collector.
- Yes.
My God, it stinks in here.
Well, typically,
all living things,
after a while, the fats and proteins,
they get to a certain temperature,
- and you know what happens.
- Tim.
- Yeah?
- Interesting, but not right now.
- OK. I'm sorry.
- OK. Guys. We got to go.
- He said the last...
- Get in there. Get in there.
I'll go. I'll go first. I'll go.
- Go, go. Run. Run.
- Come on.
Hey, you can't be in here.
No, no. It's OK, Diane.
Be quiet. It's OK.
Peaceful Fucking Paws.
- What the hell is this?
- OK.
How did I miss it?
There's dogs everywhere.
We didn't want this to happen.
Please, let's take Dad home,
and then we just bury him in the backyard.
Oh, bury him in the backyard?
Oh, so the raccoons could just dig him up?
- Raccoons aren't going to dig him up.
- We can't do that.
- Why not?
- It's illegal.
This was our deal, Diane.
You wanted to come.
This is my father, too.
It's not your deal.
Well, it's all of our father.
I can't believe he's here.
Oh, my God.
Guys. Guys, gentleman wants
to say a couple words.
That was professionally
disgusting.
- I'm so fucking sorry.
- Yeah.
And fuck, shit,
now I'm being vulgar.
I apologize, and look, a woman
owning her grief here, there is
nothing more beautiful. Come here.
Bring it in.
You go ahead. You let it out.
You let it out.
Joey, is it?
You got a real knack for this.
Thank you.
So, I have cleared the
room of all dead animals.
Only your dad in there.
Cross my heart.
Thing is we kinda
got to get it rolling,
'cause the burn takes
about four hours.
And it's a process. We got to...
I don't want to get into it,
but there's a burn then a smash, grind,
and then you do it again, it's like
a lather, rinse, repeat kind of...
- I think... We get it.
- OK. May I?
Don't know why everybody's
so worried about this?
It's like running around
a side of beef.
Anything?
How was chapel?
Well, it's nice.
It's nice little chapel.
Well, I hope it works.
Just 'cause you don't
have a God to pray to?
Oh, my God.
Can we at least pretend
to be a family?
This is not the time
or the place.
We are all under a lot pressure.
I mean, what time is it?
How long has he been under?
Too long. Too fucking long.
Mom and Dad
tried to save him, but...
he started smoking pot
with his sarcastic friends.
Sarcastic friends.
You know what? You should
have smoked some pot, Andy.
First Mills in history
to refuse confirmation.
What did you know
at 15 years old?
And look at you now,
a spiritual disgrace.
A what? A spiritual disgrace?
You know, our thoughts
should be with Dad right now.
Don't you worry, pal. I pray.
- I pray.
- Not to Jesus.
Not to Mary.
You talk to yourself,
and you call it prayer.
Nothing happens when you pray.
You don't deserve real grace.
Because you never earned it.
Dad's out of the O.R.
Look, Bob.
All the kids are here.
Doesn't he look great?
Dad, I'd... I'd kiss you,
but you have sepsis. But I'm here.
No worries. No worries, Bob.
You're on medication
for that. It's all okay.
- Hey, Dad.
- Hi, Daddy.
Hey, Dad, how are you?
So... the procedure,
it was a success?
He did wonderfully.
Okay, but he was
under for two hours?
Well, an hour and 49.
The doctors
did such a great job, Bob.
They cleaned out all your lungs.
Look! Look, kids.
He's eating for
the first time in 18 days.
Well, you know, that's...
that's good that he's
finally getting some food.
Why the fuck was he
under so fucking long?
- I know. I know.
- We need some answers.
Andrew, let the doctors
do their jobs.
He's doing fine.
He's just gonna rest and eat,
and in a few days, he's
gonna... he's gonna wake up.
That's right, Dawn.
Dad's a fighter.
- I'm calling Cho.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna kick his ass.
- Yeah.
He killed him. He killed him.
I'm gonna sue everyone
that even touched Dad, okay?
You guys.
Dr. Schrader,
you just missed him.
He's Dad's cardiologist
for 20 years.
Um, he felt he should
have been consulted,
and, for the life of me,
I just can't figure out why we didn't.
But, anyway, he said that, um...
he doesn't think three days is
enough time for your Dad to respond.
Dawn, Dad said three days.
It just isn't right.
Listen, if he can get
his strength back,
process all this food...
Dr. Schraeder thinks that...
That we should give him
at least a week...
- Oh!
- Maybe two. Maybe two.
It's gonna be okay.
You guys know my Dad.
He's like a bear.
Look, he played
defensive tackle.
To see him now, he's just...
He's like the water boy.
Hard to see people
sick and dying and...
Remember when I was
six years old,
my favorite aunt was in a coma.
And we used to go
see her before she died.
And she kinda looked like a...
Like an inanimate raisin.
Does that make sense?
I don't know if...
I don't know
if raisins are animate,
but that's what she looked like.
But a golden raisin. I mean,
she had a... she had
a nice hue to her.
It was more about...
It was just that...
It was just a wrinkled,
kinda deformed just...
It was like the juice
was taken out of her.
- Yeah.
- Anyways...
My parents used
to make me kiss her.
- Eww!
- God.
Just had horrifying
nightmares for years.
Man, you know...
my dad's running triathlons,
and your dad's dying.
I just said that.
- You're... You're stupid.
- Look, man,
I fucking love your dad!
- I know.
- I-I love your dad.
- He's still alive.
- Okay.
The Lord has a divine plan
for you and your Dad, Eddie.
Yeah, good old Jesus.
Brick, you... you can't move,
and you're religious,
and you're positive.
And I can move everything,
and I'm depressed.
When they pulled my lifeless
body out of the water...
Oh, I love this story.
The Lord was floating
above the beach.
You were dead, and then...
The love just shot out
of his eyes.
Bam. It was like
I didn't feel...
I didn't feel alone
at that moment.
I just felt loved.
I was glowing,
and Jesus...
Jesus hooked me up.
Hold it. The chair...
The chair is your cross to bear.
This chair is my salvation.
My cross to bear is that
we've run out of beer.
- Let's go, boys.
- Let's go!
Don't loiter.
- Okay.
- Tallyho! Tallyho!
- Don't let me hit the wall.
- Oh! Don't hit the wall.
Yeah, so my sister's,
uh, Dr. Dan,
fucking little demented
fuck, never liked him,
so she left his sorry ass.
- You kidding me?
- No.
Whoa! That's huge.
There's no fairytale ending
for my sister.
Yeah, she's... she's really
hurting, and you should know that.
- I don't believe this.
- Oh, whoa!
- All right.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
- So, wait a second. The kids.
- I had a little bit to drink.
- They're getting divorced.
- Yeah.
Huh? So everything
that Sue told me
back at the hospital,
what, is that bullshit?
Uh, I don't know if everything
she told you was bullshit.
- Well...
- This is a big custody battle.
- And he's gonna lose.
- Holy hell!
Life-changing shit,
and she cries a lot.
- Hmm.
- I don't believe it.
But I don't know.
The Lord giveth.
- Hey. Hey.
- Yeah?
- Who's that man?
- Oh, that's Barney.
That's my night nurse.
Hey, Barney,
I'll be there in a second.
Just give me a minute.
Hey, Matt, can you, uh, give me
and Eddie a second, please?
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Little...
- Yeah.
- Private.
- Yeah. Are you hesitant?
- You want me to run you over?
- Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
- I'll run you over.
- But, seriously,
you're not bullshitting me
today, about Sue?
I'm not bullshitting you.
- Eddie.
- Yeah?
Why don't you crash here?
You're shit-faced.
What? Nah, dude,
I'll get an Uber.
- No, don't get an Uber.
- I'll get an Uber.
No, I got to
come clean with you.
My body's shot.
Any breath could be my last.
You... No! Stop that.
My nephew Devon,
he looks a lot like you.
I'm sorry. It had to be said.
What are you... Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up.
What are you talking about?
- The kid's yours.
- What?
And it's never been right
you didn't know.
- You're shitting me.
- I'm not shitting you.
Remember that fling
you and my sister had
at the Aberdeen reunion?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Seven years ago.
- Exactly.
Kid's yours. No question.
You're a dad. Had to be said.
Crash here.
Blueberry pancakes
tomorrow morning.
You can meet him.
I'll leave the door open.
Oh, my God.
- Hey.
- I was just going down here.
- And then...
- Uh-huh.
- And then, boom!
- Yeah.
Where I didn't even know
how I got here.
You were hanging out
with Brick last night, huh?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I guess so.
- Yeah.
He's... That guy is crazy.
He drank me right
under the table again.
- Uh-huh. He told you?
- Uh, listen, I...
- So he told you?
- I'm sorry?
He told you about my thing,
didn't he?
- No, no, he didn't tell...
- Yeah, he did.
No, no, I don't know
anything about it...
It's okay.
Ow.
- Ow.
- You all right?
Sue, it's okay. You don't
have to mother me, okay?
- I just hit a little...
- It's okay.
- What did I hit?
- It's... I'm a highly trained...
- Move your hands.
- Ah!
Okay, I think you'll live.
I think you'll live.
You're still drunk, huh?
- Uh, a little drunk.
- Yeah, you are.
- Here.
- No, I really...
- I got to go to the hospital.
- Let me see.
I got to get to the hospital.
Not for me. It's for my Dad.
- Yeah, I...
- My Dad is in the hospital.
I work at the hospital now.
Get in, weirdo.
Come on. Come on.
Just get in the...
- That's right.
- Come on. You're okay..
I'm going to get blood
all over the place.
It's all right. I have kids.
Oh, jeez.
So, you know, I'm at the grocery
store, and there's this coed,
comes up to me, and she
starts saying all this shit,
you know, like, shit that my husband
has done with, like, multiple people.
- Uh-huh.
- At the same time.
- And, they're going public.
- Oh.
They've gone to the dean.
I'm, like, wh-what is happening?
Right? My kids are with... My
fucking kids were with me.
- That's amazing.
- So I go home.
And, you know, I figured
I'll pull up his computer.
And I find this, like, folder inside
of a folder inside of a folder
that says "Private Stuff,"
and I just find some really,
really just perverted shit.
- Wow.
- You know, I'm like...
God damn it, we have kids!
God damn it!
It's just like he blew up
our lives, you know?
Yeah.
So I left him,
- got a restraining order.
- Of course you did.
Instead of beating him to death.
God, Sue, I'm sorry.
I haven't even told my kids yet.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
How do you say that
to your child?
"Hey your Dad's a pervert,
and we can't go home,
'cause everybody knows."
- Like, how do you even like...
- Are you asking for my opinion?
About how to speak to children?
'Cause I don't know.
- I don't know anything about kids.
- No. Calm down.
I'm not asking you
to talk to my kids.
- Oh, God, I got to go.
- I have to talk it through.
- Sue, I got to go.
- Like, we...
- You got to go?
- Listen, no, listen.
I'm really sorry about
what you're going through.
- It's really bad.
- Yeah, it is.
Um, but my dad
is upstairs, okay?
There's a whole thing going on,
and I don't feel good. Listen...
Are you fucking
kidding me right now?
I know. Dad's upstairs.
I got to go.
- I'll call you.
- Stop talking, and go.
I'll call you. Call me!
Don't call me!
In the name of Jesus
Christ, Our Lord, you...
Oh!
Sorry.
Sorry.
Shh!
Top of the morning
to you, Father.
Edward.
- What are you doing?
- Oh.
Breakfast of champions.
So last rites again?
What, third time's
the charm, Father?
Anointing of the sick.
Dad's not doing very well.
Maybe all the
anointing's not helping.
You need to sober up, son.
Eddie.
You're the first.
Diane just texted that
the 95 is really backed up.
- Mm.
- Did you hear that, sweetheart?
Diane's gonna be
just a little bit late.
- Did you say hello to Eddie?
- Hey, Dad.
So, what are we
doing today, Dawn?
Father Rose
is comforting your father.
Yeah. He doesn't look
very comfortable.
As a matter of fact,
he looks pretty dead.
Why would you say that?
You know what?
How about instead of a prayer,
why don't we just
give Dad a wish?
His dying wish,
which was three days, Dawn, okay?
And that was yesterday.
Today's four.
Don't you think I know
what today is?
And your drinking
isn't helping anyone, Eddie.
Son, you're upsetting
your mother.
She's not my mother,
and I'm not your son.
Watch our tone, Edward.
That's a warning.
You know what, Father?
Unless you specialize
in resurrections,
I suggest you mind your
own fucking business.
Stop it! I'm not taking anymore.
I'm not listening.
Hmm. Uh-oh.
What's going on here?
What? Hey. Hey! Easy.
Jesus.
Hey, easy. Ow!
Honor thy father,
and honor thy mother
as the Lord thy God
has commanded you.
Okay?
- You want another smack?
- No, no, I don't. The nose.
Think about doing
the right thing,
and then apologize
to your stepmother.
- Okay.
- And then get some coffee.
I will.
Thanks a lot.
He can't do that!
No, that's cheating.
Derek!
Jesus!
Boys. Don't point those guns
at each other.
Who's that?
Mister?
Oh.
I'm Derek.
This is Devon. You OK?
Hey, guys. I'm good.
You live on the street,
like those people we feed at Christmas?
No, I'm Eddie.
Uh, I'm Eddie.
Good to meet you guys.
Hey, why don't you bring that
homeless guy up to the driveway?
He's an old friend of mine.
Hi, Brick. No, no.
- You're, uh, you're Devon?
- Yeah.
Nice to meet you, Devon.
Good to meet you... Derek.
Hey... Is... What's he...
Is he... Brick?
Go get Mom!
Brick!
- Mom!
- Buddy?
- Check the pump for power.
- What's going on?
He's not breathing.
He's not breathing.
Stop the chair.
Check the portal
for obstructions.
Uh, turn the blue knob to ten,
and restart the pump.
Uncle Brick?
- Inhaler.
- Inhaler.
Good?
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
Thank you, buddy.
Thank you, Devon.
You almost gave me
a fucking heart attack.
You shouldn't cuss.
Shit. I'm sorry.
Devon, you saved
my paralyzed butt yet again.
You're the best, pal.
What would you have done
if nobody was here?
I would have been
having lunch with the Lord.
Oh, my God.
Hey, buddy, great job.
You got some, uh, excellent
little reflexes there.
You were just all over it.
- He perfectly sprung over you.
- Hey, a great kid.
Mom. I started Uncle Brick's
respirator.
- Right on! Good job. Good job.
- Hey, Sue.
- Hey, kid. Hey, guys.
- Hey.
He just had an event
or something.
- Mm-hmm.
- And he...
I mean, he scared
the hell outta me.
Yeah, 'cause he's got asthma
and he's my stupid smoking,
drinking stoner brother.
Come on, man.
Don't make me laugh.
- Ugh.
- Okay? All right.
He... He saved me.
The little guy saved me.
Hey, why don't you guys go
inside, wash up for dinner, okay?
- Can Mr. Eddie stay?
- No.
- Aw. Why not?
- Yeah? Why not?
'Cause I said so. Go.
Come on, you little lifesaver.
- Inside. You, too.
- Hey.
- Yeah. See?
- Hey.
Nice to meet you, buddy.
Hey, look at that. Look at that.
- Hey. Eddie.
- Yeah?
What are you doing here, man?
That's a good question.
What do you want with me?
That's a good follow-up.
Yeah, don't waste my time.
- Okay.
- I told him, Sue.
Yeah, I know you told him.
You're a turncoat.
I don't care.
I know you told him about Daniel...
No, I, uh, told him... told him.
You mean, you, like,
you told him that...
Told him that...
God, you're a shit.
God, you're fucking...
- That doesn't hurt, you know.
- That was my secret to tell.
God, you're such
a pain in the ass,
and that was between us.
Does blood mean nothing?
God, you're such a dick!
Secrets suck.
- Listen, Sue, Sue...
- Don't. Mm-mm.
No, I won't deal with this.
- Sue?
- You're gonna go after her?
No! You saw what she just did.
She doesn't want anything
to do with me, Brick.
Well, that might be true,
but you should go double-check.
Sue!
God damn it!
Sue! Sue!
Damn it.
These stupid fucking shoe!
It's like...
That's a hell of a pace
you got going there.
I'm done with men, you hear me?
All of you.
- I'm done.
- You all suck.
- I agree with you.
- If you're here for an apology,
you're not getting one!
Stay away from me!
Why? Just tell me, why?
I don't know, okay? I was...
I was in New York with Daniel,
and I told everybody this lie
and after a while,
I started to believe it, okay?
A secret? For seven years,
you kept a secret?
Yeah.
Seven years?
Yeah.
- All right.
- Yeah.
I'm coming closer to you,
all right?
Please, don't be violent.
- I don't... Just...
- I will just...
Just gonna sit right here.
Hi.
What would you have said
if I told you...
- Wh-What would I have said?
- Yeah.
Oh, I would have said I was in no way,
shape, or form ready to be a father.
- Yeah.
- No way.
- I wasn't ready.
- I know.
I know. I knew that.
I wanted the baby.
I wanted the baby.
And...
I-I wanted
a little piece of you.
How did you know it was mine?
Dan had a vasectomy after Derek,
- so it was definitely...
- Oh.
- That's definitive.
- Yeah.
Did he suspect or...
Yeah, there's, like, a 1% chance
you can get knocked up after
you, you know, get your nuts cut.
- Oh.
- Egotistical asshole
thought he had, like,
super sperm or something.
Thanks.
Little fucker looks and
acts exactly like you.
He does.
- Okay.
- Sorry.
It's okay. Listen.
I'm gonna say something.
Just hear me out.
What if I didn't go back
to Chicago right away?
And I stayed here?
Don't mess with me.
Honey, I'm not messing with you.
I'm not in a place
where I can handle...
- I'm not messing with you.
- So many...
I'm not.
I fucking love you.
Always have.
Oh, shit.
- What is it?
- Well, I just...
I told them to text me
if anything...
It is. It's them.
They're pulling the plug on Dad.
Listen, I'll call you.
I'll call you later.
I'll call you.
How do you do?
I'm Dr. Clarence Grey.
How are you?
Yeah, sure, come in.
Oh, it's a nice group.
- Yeah. Hi. How are you?
- Daddy.
Thanks for being here.
- Hey, Dad.
- All right,
I do assure you your father
is resting comfortably.
And we're all present?
What's happening with our Dad?
Ah, the time is at
hand, all right?
Let's go over his vitals, okay?
Ah, right there,
as we can see on the brain.
Top line, right there.
Nonreactive. Nonresponsive.
Oxygen is at 15%. The ventilator is
pushing the lungs to bring in air,
but the body is
unable to convert it.
Blood pressure, about 10,
20 beats per minute.
And even on life support,
that's not viable.
So what are you saying? Uh...
how much longer
is Bob gonna live?
His body is rapidly failing,
and the brain is nonreactive.
So what are his options
when... when he wakes up?
I don't... I don't know
how to be more clear. Uh...
Dawn, it's time for him to go.
It's time to say goodbye.
No. Mm-mmm.
I don't think... I don't think
that's what the doctor is saying.
No, that's exactly
what I'm saying.
When we're ready,
I will administer
the final shot of morphine.
You mean... pull the plug?
We don't like to use that term.
Um, if it helps,
you can think that Bob
is pulling his own plug.
I see. Um, I have to...
I have to walk the dogs.
It's really important.
What...
- Go with her, Eddie. - Okay.
I'll help.
What... What's happening
with the dog?
Wait. Pull... Pull in
to the 76, because...
- we're dreadfully low.
- Okay.
Okay, we got a half tank, Dawn.
No, Bob always says that's bad
for the catalytic converter.
Uh, okay.
Do you... Okay.
Hey, careful.
Tim, um, write down the mileage
and figure out the MPG.
- Okay.
- Mileage.
- Bob always says that.
- Can you tell me the mileage?
Who cares what the mileage is?!
She's out of her fucking mind.
Just write anything down.
Okay.
- Bob always would need that.
- I'm getting it.
Oh, my awards card!
My awards card says
I have a quick wash.
I've been waiting for that.
I've been waiting for a quick wash.
Kinda fascinating, isn't it?
- What? Fascinating?
- She's washing the car.
Bob is dying, and
she's washing the car.
Thank you, Mr. Spock.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Thank you.
What the hell
are you doing in there?
It was a two-for-one special.
I couldn't pass it up.
Tim.
- Need to go to the bank.
- Okay.
I need to deposit some checks.
I need to... Wait.
Oh, I have my social security check?
I need to sign that.
- I can sign that.
- Okay.
But who's going to
sign Bob's check now?
Who's gonna sign Bob's...
- Grab her! Grab her!
- I can't breathe.
- You're gonna be okay.
- I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.
Dawn, hang in there.
You're gonna be okay.
- I can't breathe.
- You're gonna be okay.
We're five minutes away.
We're gonna be right there.
Five minutes away.
All right. Everyone is back?
Let's gather around. Here we go.
All right, you are all
meant to be here, okay?
Remember, Bob is in no pain.
He's not feeling any pain.
We're now going to
shut off the ventilator...
and then remove the hose.
It's okay.
Comfort each other.
Comfort him.
Guys, we're going over
to Dawn's, okay?
- Right.
- Take your time.
I love you.
- Love you.
- Love you.
Could somebody
close his eyes, please?
Yeah, of course.
Well.
You do it. I-I can't do it.
You know, they took him
away so quick, you know?
I didn't get a chance
to say goodbye.
Hey, Dad. Uh...
Hey, if you're
floating around in here,
you know, and looking down
or something,
everything's gonna be okay.
We're gonna take care of Dawn...
and the dogs.
They're gonna be fine.
Oh, and, um, got
a little surprise for you.
Drumroll.
You're a grandfather again.
Yeah, it turns out I have a kid.
- What? Shut up!
- Yeah. I have a kid, it's...
It's a long story. It's Sue Deever.
It's a whole thing.
I'll tell you about it, but...
I'm a dad.
Can you believe it? It's unreal.
But, um, yeah, he's seven.
His name's Devon.
My God, he is so beautiful.
He's a beautiful boy.
I'm, uh...
I'm gonna make a go of it.
I'm gonna raise him.
I'm gonna make something
of my life.
Because I want
to make you proud.
I want to make you proud, Dad.
Bye, Dad.
- How'd I do?
- Good. Just honest.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, it was beautiful.
- Your dad would have...
- I scared everybody.
I did scare them. My Dad would not
have liked this service at all.
- Edward?
- Um...
- Oh, hello, Father.
- Mm-hmm.
Listen. I apologize about
the whole coffin thing.
- That was, uh...
- It's okay. I understand.
Yeah.
Then again, you have
a hell of a left hook.
At the hospital, you just...
I apologize for that.
I have a temper. We're not saints.
I was a drunk prick.
I-I apologize.
But, if it will make you
feel any better, uh,
three Hail Mary's and a
benediction, and you're gonna...
I'm kidding. I kid.
I don't have a very good sense of humor.
But God does.
Thank you for everything,
Father.
I'm gonna miss your father.
Yeah. Listen,
no offense to the parish,
but the potato salad and
lemonade ain't cutting it,
so I booked Bentleys downtown.
Great. I could use a drink or two.
I'll see you there.
Derek. Devon.
- Not so close to the street!
- Oh, shit! Crazy.
- Hey.
- She's a crazy person.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Is, uh, that my new nephew
out there?
- What do you mean "nephew"?
- Hey, listen.
He should meet his father
before he meets his uncles.
- All right? Just...
- Whose father?
- Are you somebody's father?
- Could you please?
- Are you kidding?
- Honey, did you...
- No!
- Did you tell him?
I thought we were gonna
do one thing at a time.
I didn't say anything at all.
- Easy, screamie.
- Hi, sweetheart.
- I love you, little brother.
- I know. I know.
- Timothy. Oh.
- That's done.
- It's done.
- Life moves on.
Who's next?
- Honey.
- Who's next, indeed.
- Next?
- Hey, buddy.
Sweetie? Diane? Please?
- Hi.
- This is Bernie.
- Hi, Bernie. How are you?
- Hi.
- Everybody loved Bob.
- Oh.
I cried through the whole thing.
Oh, you're from
the neighborhood?
Thank you.
- He's a hugger.
- You're a hugger.
I'm sorry.
- He's a hugger.
- I'm sorry.
- Okay.
- It's all right.
We're gonna meet you downtown.
Um, Bernie's gonna drive me.
- Oh, he is? Okay.
- Yes. We'll see you there.
All right, we'll see you
at Bentleys.
- See you there.
- Bye. See you, guys.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Um, I'm gonna get the little
monsters out of here, okay?
- Okay.
- Okay.
Bye.
Well, well, well.
- What was that all about?
- Just, uh, nothing.
Well, then nothing
is blushing, I see.
- I think I am blushing.
- You are blushing. I like it.
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
This is a funeral home.
- Oh, my God.
- Okay. That's it. That's it.
Come on. Bring it here.
Bring it in here.
You guys are having
way too much fun!
All right. Here.
You take the ball.
- Sorry, Mr. Eddie.
- What are you apologizing for?
We've been careful
about the cemetery
and not to run on anybody
while they're sleeping.
Like you said.
You're a smart kid. You listen.
Hey, how about you stop
calling me Mr. Eddie...
Um, that's...
And you call me...
Peyton Manning
and you line up
and get ready to go, boys.
That's it! Line up. On Omaha!
- Omaha.
- Omaha.
Three huts. Hang on.
Are you ready?
- Yeah.
- Long bomb.
- Okay.
- Ready?
Come on with these huts!
Go long!
All the way!
- Go! Go! Go!
- Run!
Yes! Here we go!
- Oh! Oh!
- Oh!