1
Hello.
They call me doom-head.
Now, I don't call myself
doom-head, mind you, but they do.
Who's they?
Well, some mysterious folks that pay me
a whole lot of scratch to do what I do.
And what I do,
unfortunately for you...
I do real well.
Now.
Let's get one thing
between us straight.
I ain't no fucking clown.
Now Mr. P.T. Barnum may claim clowns are
the pegs on which this circus is hung...
But I isn't no fucking clown.
Now you may think you see a grease-painted
performer sitting before you
who would usually elicit an
amused response from an audience,
but trust me.
You do not.
I'm not here to make you happy.
I'm not here to brighten
your dismal day
and I am certainly not here
to elicit an amused response.
I am here to end your
miserable fucking life.
But first...
Mm.
First,
I'm gonna bless you
with a story.
See I don't think the last sound to
puncture your ear drums should be
the twang of your
body falling apart.
Snap! Oooh.
Crunch.
Interesting fact:
Did you know that a cockroach can
live up to 168 hours without a head?
I find this... fascinating.
But what really blows
my fucking marbles
like a 50-cent skank,
I mean the real mind-fucker,
is that for several more hours
this same decapitated head
will keep on truckin' for Jesus.
If properly nourished,
of course.
You know, all in all,
you've had a pretty good run.
But, uh, deep down inside you must have
known it all had to end somewhere.
Might as well be here.
Might as well be now.
And it might as well be with me.
Where's my wife? What did you sick
bastards do to my beautiful wife?
She's the mother of
our two beautiful girls.
Rebecca, Josephine, they're beautiful,
they're just like her, please.
Oh.
I know where she is.
Two little clowns I know
took a fancy to her.
So I think she might be sticking
around for a bit, huh?
...though I walk through the valley of
the shadow of death I fear no evil...
Christ almighty, you Jesus freaks
are so fucking sensitive, huh?
Shit.
You should be thanking me, man.
I'm sending you straight to the fucking
pearly gates with a first-class ticket.
I should apologize in advance
for not sharpening this thing.
It might take
a couple of extra whacks.
Listen to me. Listen to me, please,
I'm begging you. I'm begging you.
You don't have...
You don't have to do this.
We can all walk away.
Bring Georgina to me.
And you let us walk away,
no one would know.
- Fuck it.
- No, no.
You know what they say,
Kemosabe, in hell,
everybody loves popcorn.
Number fucking two.
Hey Randy, man, I hope you know that
"e" stands for "empty." Not "eat."
I am hungry,
but that's not possible.
Check it.
Oh, suck my motherfucking balls!
No thanks.
How am I supposed to work with
this inferior goddamn equipment?
Is that what the ladies
are calling it now?
Trust me, my doo-Wally's
working fine.
Hey, look here boy,
if this monster break down
here in the ass of nowhere
you gon' get your lard ass out
there and you gon' push
with the bumper up your ass.
Venus, I think it might be time to bring
back the girl into a gorilla-lusion.
Oh, you all got a gorilla?
Yeah I got a fucking gorilla,
he's in my pants,
I call him king dong.
Whoa, hey, whoa filly.
- I assume you're joking.
- I am not.
I mean, haven't we got enough to
worry about, without you
framing up a new show?
I mean, besides,
who's gonna hustle
this other shit?
You think I want to be
a fucking mechanic?
Fixing these death traps
the rest of my life?
I mean, I got dreams.
And they do not include yanking
some kid's chewed up arm
out of the gears of a
tilt-a-whirl.
Baby, I got dreams too.
You go for it.
Get the fuck off me.
Hey, baby girl,
I mean, what do you think
about that talent back there?
I mean, the one with
the lop-sided high beams,
I mean, I don't know,
she's either drunk or retarded.
Seriously?
She's gonna twitch and itch
her ass all around the mid-way.
Uh-huh, just like
all the new babies do.
- But that's why I afraid.
- Hmm?
A new wave of crap's coming.
- Oh...
So what exactly is the name
of this show of yours?
Okay, dig this.
Professor Houldini's
mad gorilla monster show.
Ooh, I'd go see that show.
The name's got some grab, but
you're still minus one jungle girl.
Oh, I could be a jungle girl, I took a
acting class before I left high school.
Just shut the fuck up
for two seconds.
That's where Charly girl
comes in.
Charly hardly looks
like a wild woman of Borneo.
Besides, you know the chi is my
main hustle in the girly show.
Okay, we dump the whole Borneo
shit, okay? We work a new angle.
The yokels had burnt out
on that yarn ten years ago.
What's a yokel?
What's the word on this wacky weed this
fine sunny, sunny day, sweet jolly girl?
The Midwest says sweet jolly,
she got some sweet rasta shit.
- Boo-ya-ka, boo-ya-ka.
- Oh my sweet jolly,
pass your brothers a hit.
Ah, it isn't mine, baby.
Yeah, there boy.
I gotta keep my eyes
on the road.
This shit's the real deal.
Think you two can handle it?
I try, I try.
First hit's free.
After that you lay
out the green,
before jolly gets too mean.
Shit, warm it up for her.
Mm-hmm.
Levon, I gotta get in there.
- Levon!
- Go away!
Hey, it isn't the Levon show.
Go away!
Come on, man.
I just gotta get something out
of the... I gotta get...
Oh, god damn man, can't you
see I'm busy back here?
Oh, shit, that's a lot of woman.
Yeah, what you want that's so important
you got to crash my love den?
You're going to give
that man a heart attack.
Tell it again, I don't get it.
Who had the cake?
Oh, Christ, bitch,
pay attention this time.
There was a boy, named Harold.
Walked in on his
grandparents having sex.
Pretty much like this asshole
don' walked in on me.
Harold said, "grandma!
Whatcha' doing?"
Grandma say,
"well, we bakin' a cake.
A few days later, Harold say, "grandma, was
you and grandpa baking a cake last night?
Grandma says, "matter of fact,
we was. How'd you know?"
Harold say, "because I just licked
some frosting off the couch."
I still don't get it.
What frosting?
Where'd it come from?
The old man's dick!
The old bastard's jizz
was the frosting.
Oh...
Hello Congo,
oh how I missed you.
Oh, come on, Roscoe,
go get your ass out of here.
- Oh, shit.
- I'll get out in a second. What do you think?
- I think it's cute.
- It isn't cute.
So do I.
Roscoe get on, get your ass out
of here, you gotta go, now, man!
- Go on, man! God damn.
- Pull away that thing, oh.
- Come here.
Hey, see?
It still looks boss. Okay?
- Okay I'll think about it.
- I just have to clean it up a little.
I'll think about it, king dong,
I'll think about it.
Hey, oldie!
Got any gas today?
It's a cocksucking
gas station isn't it?
All right then, fill up
this big bitch pronto.
Any of you dumb cunts in that
ridiculous machine know how to read?
Or are you still
using sign language?
Hey old man, I know how to read.
Then read it and weep, genius.
Back side.
Got a whole lot of lazy eff-ers
here in this world, man.
Hi.
You diggin' what you see, pops?
I reckon I do.
Ooh.
You can call me Leo.
Lucky Leo, if you
know what I mean.
Oh really? Do you feel lucky?
I got a mattress out back and a
couple of jugs of gut-burner.
- Hah!
Trust me, Leo.
Your prehistoric ticker couldn't
survive the ride. Ha ha ha.
- Whoo!
- Charly...
Stop fucking with the locals.
Gimme a break.
I'm just making friends.
You want to be my friend,
don't you, Leo?
You know I do.
See? Just making friends.
You've had enough friends
for a lifetime.
Nice puppets, Leo.
You play with that stuff?
I bet you do.
The good lord pray me
for every day,
he want me to leave
a righteous way.
So I don't care what
the white man say.
Santa Claus is a black man.
You know, I'm thinking man,
when we get ourself a break
we need to check out the sound
system in the carousel.
Man, them speakers, man,
they shot up to shit.
Seriously though, it looks like
I'm losing my shit,
I don't normally have
this much forehead.
Too young for that.
Hey man, look, it gon' do
what it gon' do.
Yeah, but that's easy
for you to say.
Shit take a god damn nuclear blast
to damage that foxy 'doo of yours,
my shit goes south,
I can't do no Isaac Hayes.
Will you teach us something?
I'll teach you something,
they won't hurt you.
There's only four things you
need to know about this career.
This is the answer it all.
All right.
Sucky, sucky, sucky.
Fucky, fucky, fucky.
Juicy, juicy, juicy.
Money, money, money!
Hey, sailor.
How many seaman you got
in that tin can?
Too many.
Why, you need a lift?
Mm, maybe.
I could fit in
very tight spaces.
I bet you can.
So can I.
Ya'll headed up Jackson
way to go hunting?
No, we're just plowing straight
on through to Ardleyville.
Plannin' on doin' some huntin'?
Now, why are you so concerned
with me going huntin'?
Oh, just wondering.
You got that domineering great
white hunter vibe.
Uh, yeah, it just comes natural.
But we isn't got nothing
of any firearms on this truck,
other than a busted old shotgun.
Oh, what's it for?
Propping open the air vent.
What if you get in a jam?
Well then I guess I...
Bust out my old trusty crowbar and
back it up with one of these guns.
Oh...
Pop. See you later, Popeye.
I'ma go get me some spinach.
Oh yeah you are.
That's the moon man
Halloween party
on the night that was
made for howling, ahoo!
...we bring you
the wolf man Jack
make-believe
graveyard ball.
Starring the leader of the gang
at the fang, wolf man Jack.
Oh, boy. Good evening and..
Oh, shit.
What the fuck is this shit?
...we got our big monster mash
party going here.
Real fast, why are you stopping?
Just because some hillbilly sets up a Halloween
la-la in the middle of the god damn road...
How about movin' this shit
to the side of the road, man?
What do you mean?
Come on, you know it's easier for you
to get out than it is for Randy.
Thank you!
Mr. monkey! I'll go with you.
Hey, panda, wake up.
Come on out and help us.
Jesus Christ, every time
I get comfortable.
Oh, I'm telling you this
is one big-time party.
What the hell is this?
This voodoo man...
Voodoo schm-oodoo,
let's move this stuff off.
Suspenseful music]
- Come on, go!
What the fuck?
Come on go!
Oh, shit!
The wolf man Jack show.
Well I say all good things
gotta come to an end
and this is the end of
the line for us today.
And we sure have enjoyed having you's
all here with me and everything.
And I know ya'll have
enjoyed being had.
Come back next time, and remember,
wolf man loves ya'll, bye everybody!
I bid you welcome,
oh nameless and numbered ones.
Tonight, we are
going to play 31.
What is 31, pray tell?
Ah, ha ha, well, 31 is war.
And as the old saying goes,
war is hell.
In exactly 120 seconds,
we will begin.
And all you have to do
is survive 12 hours
inside the walls of our
own private little hell.
And now, for the survival odds,
as we see fit.
Number one, 50 to 1.
Number two, 500 to 1.
Number three, 100 to 1.
Number four, 60 to 1.
Number five, 500 to 1.
Now, what do you have
to do to survive?
Fear not. We have some very
colorful heads for you tonight.
And they're here for one reason,
and for one reason only.
To kill you in
the most violent way possible.
Feast your eyes and behold!
- Sick-head!
Happy Halloween motherfuckers!
Ah, numero cinco.
Numero Quatro...
Ah.
Numero tres,
numero dos,
y numero uno,
now do not be fooled by
the man-beast I put before you.
This is a true
world-class warrior.
He lives to kill.
Sick-head will not go gentile
into this good night.
No, I won't.
31 has begun! Ha ha!
Welcome to 31.
You now have exactly 12 hours to play.
Happy Halloween.
[Cackling
Jesus, man.
- You almost took off my god damn head.
- No shit.
- See anybody else?
- Negative.
The average human
is quite resilient.
Events that disgust
us one minute
quickly become infinitely
acceptable the next.
Sometimes, the weak ones
have the most fight
or perhaps they're just
the luckiest, I don't know.
But as we like to say
around here,
the dirtier you work,
the luckier you get.
Sounds like
it's coming from this room.
- It could be a trap.
- This whole god damn thing is an effing trap.
Okay, okay,
I'm going to slide the door.
Get ready with the pipe.
- Go.
Pull it off.
I thought it was Charly.
I've... I've never been
so fucking happy I was wrong.
Fuck.
What is this fucking place?
Taunting noise]
Numero Quatro...
Open the fucking gate!
I'm going to put this fucking
knife so far up your fucking ass.
I might like that.
You're a fucking chihuahua.
You think it's funny?
Open the fucking gate!
Fuck you.
I'm coming for you, boy.
Number four always dies first.
We're going to get so friendly,
it's going to kill you.
I'm fucking coming for you.
Open the fucking gate.
Open the fucking gate.
...I'm coming for you.
- I'm coming for you.
- I'm fucking coming for you!
I'm fucking coming for you.
Trick or treat you are dead,
I will smash your fucking head.
Trick or treat, you are dead,
I will smash your fucking head.
Trick or treat, you are dead,
I will smash your fucking head.
Trick or treat, you are dead,
I will smash your fucking head.
Whoa, girl! Cool it with
the bat. I'm on your side.
Come on now, child,
let's get the fuck out of here.
- Fuck!
- God damn bitch!
You somethin' with that slugger.
- Is he dead?
- I don't know.
Son of a bitch,
I think I broke his neck.
Shit, where did he get me?
I can't tell,
I think in the shoulder blade.
- Fuck.
- I got to stop the bleeding.
- Here put some pressure here.
- Ah! God!
Hola puta! Hola!
Get away from me.
Get away from me! Come on!
Come on.
Come on.
You better run, number five.
'Cause I'm gonna go kill number four
and then I'm gonna come back for you
and I'm gonna kill
you nice and slow.
Okay? Run and hide.
Go hide.
Fuck.
- Ah, damn.
- Ten hours and forty-three minutes.
Anything can still happen.
Hola!
Does that hurt, huh?
Are you okay?
- I thought you were my brother.
- Fuck you, boy.
Fuck you.
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you.
Fuck...
You ready to die?
Just fucking do it.
Just fucking do it!
Hold up, do you hear that?
Charly.
Get away!
You've got it, puta.
Let go of me.
My fucking bat.
I got you, I got you brother.
I can't believe
this is happening.
It's all right. I got you.
I'm too young. Too pretty.
- Hey panda.
- Yeah, baby.
Your momma...
She.. No...
She... she said
she was my momma too.
That I was her son
from another brother.
- She say...
- You the brother, like no other.
And I... I feel... I feel tired.
Tired.
Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.
I do believe the first kill
came rather quickly this year.
I'm rather disappointed.
The first one always does. It's the second
one, the second one has all the drama.
Well, I certainly hope we see a better
showing from the remaining remnants.
We shall see, we shall see.
As we slip into our third our
of non-stop 31 action,
come and enjoy and some
exquisite dining.
You may want to try the steak kidney
pie, followed by the apple crumble.
Mm. Delicious.
For one of you, of course,
this might be your last supper.
Those twisted fuckers.
Fuck.
This is impressive.
I hate to admit,
but this layout,
oh man, it looks better than
me mother's new year's brunch.
Yeah and I assume it's all
laced with rat poisoning.
No, I'm relatively
sure it's safe.
Seriously? What could
possibly make you say that?
Because we're
playing their game.
Fuck it. Fuck it, fuck it.
My stomach's so empty,
it's touching me back.
Yeah man.
Are you enjoying that?
Yeah man.
I feel it.
I feel all of ya'll lookin' at
me. You're judging. Don't.
I isn't made of stone.
Look man. What happened to me
man, Levon, back there,
man, it's fucking horrible.
I mean man, he was my best-est
friend in the whole god damn world.
Panda.
Your best-est friend's blood
is all over my hands.
And that's why I
and I gon' stay alive.
I don't do it on
an empty stomach.
So you, you and you,
I suggest ya'll
do the same thing.
Fuck it.
I take it they're out
watching us, right?
You bet your sweet skunk ass
they're watching.
And listening.
So keep your breathy
thoughts to yourself.
You know, we can do this.
We just have to stay together.
Charly.
Charly.
What?
What is going on
inside your head?
You want to know what's
going on inside my head?
I'll fucking tell you what's
going on inside my head.
We need better weapons
than this shit.
You're god damn right girly.
Hey, anybody remember that story
last year, Halloween,
that church group
that went missing.
Yeah I remember hearing
something about that,
just recently on the TV they
found the body of the pastor...
- In the dumpster.
- ...Rotting in dumpster.
- Mm-hmm.
- Holy shit.
That's gonna be us.
Ah, come on.
No, two second news story.
You know, and we're forgotten.
All right, all right, all right.
Not by me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop eating.
Why, why, what wrong?
Spit it out!
I gotta get the fuck
out of here.
What the fuck?
I sincerely hope you all enjoyed
your protein-enriched
nourishments.
The first re-assessment of the
standings are as follows:
Number one, 50 to 1 odds.
Number three at 90 to 1.
Number two at 300 to 1.
And, last but not least is
number five, 400 to 1.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and
girls, children of all ages,
with exactly nine hours
left to play,
I give you, psycho-head and his brother,
the maniacally mental schizo-head.
There's two of 'em.
Don't scatter.
Oh god damn!
We isn't got a fucking thing to
worry about this year, brother.
Look at these sorry sacks
of wasted meat shit.
Do we have your attention now,
mother fuckers?
You smell that?
Well I think they're already
pissing in their pants.
Oh yeah. Now you think
you got one over
because you took out that little
shot glass bitch sick-head,
well he isn't worth a shit.
The only thing he's good for is
shooting out of a fucking Cannon.
And I don't see a fucking Cannon,
do you see a fucking Cannon?
No Cannon.
So that means that
you killed half a man.
And it took five of you
to kill one itty bitty
little baby.
Oh, shit.
Oh, hello ladies.
I am all man and
I am coming for you.
Oh we're gonna
fuck all your holes.
Count yourselves lucky,
you got fucked by the best!
Eight hours and twelve minutes,
the fun is just beginning.
I don't hear them anymore.
- Me neither.
- Listen.
I think we should find a room.
Barricade ourselves in.
Wait it out.
I second the barricade idea.
I'm sick of this
hide-and-seek horse shit.
Got to use your head.
They don't want for us to be sitting
around all night on our back side.
Okay, okay, hold on. Charly, we haven't
heard you in the last half an hour,
what do you say, huh?
Your vote counts like mine.
I say we hunt these freaks down
and slit their fucking throats.
All right.
Gonna fuck your pussy hole.
Gonna fuck that tiny
little brown hole.
And we're gonna fuck
your eye hole too!
A cock in each
motherfuckin' socket.
We're gonna fuck
your mouth hole.
We're gonna fuck
your pussy hole.
We're gonna fuck that tiny
little brown hole.
And we're gonna fuck
your eye hole too.
What's that sound?
Do you hear it?
It's coming from the fuck doll.
Shh. Shh.
That's no fucking doll.
Oh, Jesus Christ, oh god.
What the fuck? Panda! Panda!
Don't flip out on me now, man.
Come on.
Help me, please.
I need to go home,
everyone is waiting for me.
Oh sweet Jesus.
Help me untie her.
No, no, no, no.
What's your name, honey?
Georgina Victor.
- Georgina.
- But my husband calls me little Georgie.
Hold the fuck up,
hold the fuck up,
- put me the fuck down.
- Panda, what do you think?
- Put me the fuck down.
- We don't take the chance on it.
- On letting her run loose.
- She isn't one of them.
Look at her. Look at her.
She might be somebody's
daughter for all I know.
This is gettin'
crazy around here...
Shut the fuck up.
Panda, shut the fuck up.
He's right,
this is not a good idea.
Please, please,
I know a way out.
- I've heard them talking.
- I believe you.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Shit, they fucking found us.
We got to secure the door.
I knew it. I fucking knew it.
She sounded the alarm.
She sounded the fucking alarm.
You psycho fucking bitch.
Yeah, I know you. Tell the house mole.
I know you.
Shut the fuck up, Roscoe.
You don't listen to me.
You do not listen to me.
Look at her. Look at her.
Fucking asshole.
You are falling for her.
We've got to get something
to block off the door.
How about one of these pipes?
Look at me, look at me.
Are you fucking going
to help me or not?
Look at me.
Oh, fuck.
Fuck!
Bless you. Bless you.
I can't get the wires.
It's in her fucking skin.
Rip it out.
Think it'll hold?
No.
Get me out of here!
Fuck!
I knew it. I knew it.
You fucking bitch.
It's a fucking cage.
God damn it!
It's a fucking cage.
[Singing maniacally
check the back.
God damn it. I knew it.
I knew it. God damn it.
Nobody listens to me.
Hi there, momma! You miss me?
Woo!
Look what the fucking
cat drug in.
Two blind mice.
See how they're dumb.
Even the fucking mice know how to
get out of the maze, motherfuckers.
Looks like I need
a new fuck bag.
And after I get done
with pork chop, you're after.
You gotta go through
me before her..
You're gonna be my fuck bag.
Come on, bring it.
All that chivalry is worthless,
motherfucker.
Like tits on a boar hog.
Come on, bitch!
Meet Mr. fucking dick head,
sideburns.
Panda!
Oh, you fucking bitch.
You do like to make it happen,
don't you, bitch?
No, I'll never fucking die!
I don't want to die.
I don't want to be here,
they make me be here.
We're all pawns
in this stupid game.
We don't want to...
You and me, we're the same.
We're the same, brother.
Okay, brother.
That thing's gonna
come in handy.
All right Roscoe, I got you,
I got you.
Let's get out of here before that
damn thing slams shut again.
Charly, pick up that
other chainsaw.
Fucking chain snapped.
Leave it!
Fuck.
Seven hours and three minutes.
Ah, I believe it's time to
recalculate the odds.
Prepare to open your purses.
Oh, shit.
How fucked am I?
I don't know, man.
It looks pretty bad.
Yeah, it feels pretty bad.
You've got to get this
tight enough to keep it shut.
What's that thing you say to the kids
coming out of the spook house in tears?
- Why?
- Just tell me.
Crying is for pussies,
so go grow a pair, you big baby.
Get ready to grow a pair,
you big baby.
God.
Attention, attention.
Number one, odds 40 to 1.
Number two, odds 300 to 1.
Number three, 1 million to 1.
Ah, fuck.
5, odds, 300 to one.
Sex and death are on their way.
What the fuck is going on.
You see anything?
All I see is a bunch of nothing.
It seems crazy.
Waiting here to be attacked.
Running around with
our heads cut off.
Only gets us a chance
to get our heads cut off.
Get the others.
Come with me. Just go with them.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Hey, hey.
- Come on. What are you talking about?
- Stay here, stay here.
Be right back.
Who would wear a green tutu
but that guy?
All right my best play
is I circle around
go cut them from the back side.
Now once I'm in place,
ya'll create a distraction.
Only gon' get one shot.
So you got to make it proper.
Mm-hmm.
Death has come to sing
its quiet song.
How they hide,
for it won't be long.
Death strikes once,
and then it's gone!
Where are you little
fucking cunts?
I want to see you.
Fuck if I'm going to
fucking stay here.
Come on!
We're right here.
Come on and come and get it.
Panda, they hear you.
Behind you.
Oh how nice, the women
are here to save the day.
Come on.
Come ladies, come here.
- Panda, panda.
- Come, come on.
I want to fuck you.
I'm so scared.
Hi.
Oh, great white hunter,
what am I going to do with you?
Would you like a
lick of my lolly?
I remember you.
I'm so flattered
you remember me.
Is it huntin' time now?
Or how about now?
Don't worry, Popeye,
it's always someone's fault.
Come here, bitch.
Come and get me.
Well I am kind of high
from eating all my spinach.
I guess maybe I should really
put you out of your misery.
Ah, fuck!
[Both struggling bitch!
Fuck you.
Motherfucker, come on.
I can feel your fear.
It's like a strange smell.
Hey!
- Scat!
- Hey
you want her? Then back off, or
I'll slit her fucking throat.
No, no, no, don't, don't, don't.
Don't hurt her.
Don't, don't that.
You can kill me...
Venus!
Baby, no!
No!
Baby! No!
What are you waiting for?
We can't.
Do it. Do it.
No! No!
What do you want to do
with her, Charly?
What is the next step?
We must calculate the next step
very carefully.
Death-head was our safety net.
But since he has expired...
Could I suggest bash-head?
He can't be trusted to
close the deal properly, no.
Fuck you, bitch.
Maybe rage-head.
Too irrational.
Oh fuck.
I believe there is only one logical
and still compelling choice.
Oh yeah, woo!
Doom-head.
Oh fuck, oh fuck. Bitch.
Are we in agreement
on that decision?
Agreed.
Oh fucking yeah.
It is doom-head.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.
Who's going to make the call?
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
- Oh yeah, oh yeah.
- Fuck.
- Don't answer that. Don't answer it.
It can wait, don't answer it.
Fuck, don't stop now.
This is business.
Yeah?
Thing is, I really wasn't
planning on working this year.
Right now, I got a pretty decent piece of pussy
with a big 'ol ass spread right in front of me.
Uh-huh. Double last year's fee.
Done. I'll be
there in 90 minutes.
What's that?
Fuck off.
Who was it baby?
That, believe it or not,
was Mr.
None-of-your-fucking-business.
Yeah well what the fuck am
I supposed to do?
Well, you can stick your fingers
in your dripping twat
and finish yourself off
or get the fuck out.
Frankly my dear,
I don't give a damn.
You know,
you're pretty full of yourself,
nobody messes with Mr. big shot,
well fuck you.
Bitch, you run a perfect game
day after day,
isn't luck Hun, skill.
Can I at least take
a shower before I go?
Negative.
Take that sticking ass
and hit the bricks.
Do you hear that?
God I love that song.
Shit. I wish
I was in California.
What am I working with?
Four hours
and thirty-seven minutes.
I can kill your whole family
in that amount of time.
I'm not crazy, I'm in control.
I'm not crazy, I'm in control.
I'm not crazy, I'm in control.
I'm not crazy, I'm in control.
I'm not crazy, I'm in control.
I'm not crazy, fuck!
Fuck!
Gentlemen.
Take the rest of the night off.
I'll handle it from here.
Murder school,
well it's now in session.
Hey, bitch.
Now did you really think cutting my
head off was going to keep me down?
Oh, I got that motherfucker sewn back
on pronto and I am feeling groovy.
You see, we isn't
human around here. No, no, no.
Ain't you learned shit yet?
Hey brother, looky over here.
You want to see something
mad funny?
Hey there number five.
Welcome to the party.
Here's your first question.
What's sicker than fucking
a pregnant bitch?
- Oh, gee.
- I don't know.
What is sicker than
fucking a pregnant bitch?
Getting a blowjob from the baby.
- Do another one, man.
- All right, all right.
Next one, number five.
What is the difference between
an onion and a whore?
Oh shucks, I don't know.
Though I should, 'cause I am a whore.
What is it?
W-w-w-wait, I know this one.
Let me do it, let me do it.
All right brother, you go ahead.
The difference between
an onion and a whore is
I cry when I cut onions!
It's okay, it's okay.
It's okay, shh.
It's okay.
It's all right.
Roscoe.
I had the worst nightmare.
How can a nightmare be
any worse than this reality?
It can't.
How long was I asleep?
I don't know.
At this point I don't know...
If it's a minute or an hour.
Where's Charly?
Hey did...
Where's Charly?
She... she went down the hall
to see what she could find.
You let her go out on her own?
Like I was going to stop her?
You idiot. An idiot.
She, hey, she specifically
said for you to stay here.
Well, that's not
going to happen.
Come on, Venus.
Give me a fucking break.
Excuse me for asking father, but what exactly
is the protocol if we have a survivor?
Doom-head has never failed us.
He will deliver, as expected.
I mean no disrespect,
but that was not the question.
I suggest you make sure your
final wagers are in order.
Lovely thank you,
darling, thank you.
Lovely, lovely, lovely.
Right, my wager.
Five million.
I respectfully decline.
I am out.
Oh, of course you are. Playing with the
big boys isn't everyone's cup of tea.
I will take that bet.
And double it.
All right, now we have ourselves
a game. So let us continue.
You smell that?
Go on, smell it.
I didn't yank my crusty old dong
out of some whore's asshole
for a quickie wham, bam,
thank you ma'am,
I came to get down and dirty,
oh yeah.
Please...
Let them live.
What is it about me
that gives you
some impression that
I would spare them?
Huh? Huh?
'Cause if that's the case then I really got
to work on my person to person demeanor.
Unfortunately, those other fools and idiots
gave you the most worthless feeling.
And that feeling is hope.
The unicorn alive shitting the magic
rainbow, it's but an illusion.
Life is nothing but the stinking filthy
boneyard of dead rotting tramps, huh?
Did you see Venus?
What are you talking about, man,
I left her here with you.
Fuck me.
Attention, attention.
Three hours and four minutes,
oh, how time flies.
Victorious warriors win first
then go to war.
While defeated warriors, they go
to war first then seek to win.
Which are you?
I'm a gentle man of war.
So I'll give you a moment of peace and
tranquility with your fallen comrade.
Oh, by the way,
the doors to the outside
world are now officially open.
Feel free to wander the grounds.
Come on, let's go.
It's a fucking dead end.
A goddamn dead end.
Damn.
- Oh.
- What's this?
This, this, this.
This is fucking it.
Help me, help me. This is it.
- Come on.
- It's rising.
Come on. Help me.
What do you think?
It's your best chance.
You mean our best chance.
No, I don't,
I can't get down there.
After everything this
is where you bail on me?
No, this shit isn't over.
I can't get down there. I can't.
You can.
Oh fuck, he's coming.
Get in there.
I'll hold him off as
long as I can.
Wait, I'm not leaving.
Fucking go.
I'm not leaving without you.
Get the fuck down there.
Shut the fuck up.
Get the fuck in there.
Stupid bitch get in there.
Shut the fuck up
and get down there.
Get the fuck in there.
At least I get to die
in the fresh air.
Hey fuck head!
Get over here!
Get the fuck over here,
fuck head!
You trying to fight me
or fuck me?
Fuck.
Number five...
Boo.
In moments of great
accomplishment such as this,
I feel the need to celebrate.
I found that the best of times happens exactly
at the point we lose track of them. Hmm?
We must train ourselves to extend
the moment and learn to live.
Smoke in times of rest is a great
companion to the solitary soldier.
You know who said that?
Huh?
Do you know said that?
Do you really think
I give a fuck?
It was everyone's favorite
revolutionary Marxist, Che Guevara.
Except, I think
he smoked a pipe.
I always thought I'd appear
rather pretentious with a pipe.
Look in to the eyes
of a true champion.
Look.
Huh? Look in to the eyes
of a true champion.
Look in to the eyes
of a true champion.
Look in to the eyes
of a true champion.
Look in to the eyes
of a true champion.
- Aww, shh...
That's a good girl.
It's all okay.
Shh.
Catch your breath.
Catch your breath, it's okay.
It's okay.
There you go.
Relax, little girl.
Well, well, well,
shall we do this
white chapel style, then?
Bloody red tears,
my dear Mary Kelly.
I have to say I do respect you.
But, um, it's time to die.
Weapons down. Weapons down.
Motherfucker!
31 has come to an end.
You lucky fucking
dirty little cunt.
It seems the unthinkable
has happened.
We have a winner.
What exactly will
you do with her?
I'm going to have to get
back to you on that one.
Thank you for another
exciting year of 31.