So, Yuki, over there on
the other side, all right?
This is it, O.
This is it, bro.
It's almost time.
Yes, it is. Your dreams
are finally coming true.
Yeah, man. I grew up visiting
these comedy clubs with my dad,
and I always wanted something
like that for myself one day.
I mean, not a club but,
you know, a lounge,
with music and comedy.
The whole experience.
That's exactly what
we're going to give them.
The whole experience,
and then some.
That's right.
You know, this is
one of those times
you just need to stop,
breathe it in.
Yeah. Never forget
this moment,
because it never gets
any sweeter.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, Pop.
How you feeling?
You cutting it close.
You open this weekend.
Yeah, but we almost there.
All right.
The legendary Nate Rider.
Sir.
They ain't killed me yet, son.
You know, my father
went to see you
when you opened up for Eddie
Murphy's first world tour.
Yeah, that was a time
when I was a young thoroughbred.
Now I'm an old fart.
They try to put my old behind
out to pasture.
Yeah, well, you know,
everyone needs to move on
to the next stage in life
eventually.
Oh, okay. Well, you tell me
when you get there
to that "moving on" stage,
because right now
I'm just at the next level
of my life, man.
It's a sweet level when
you're old enough to enjoy life.
Dad.
Son.
Oh, you know what?
You ought to let me
open up for you, man.
A few nights a week. You know,
I'll bring the crowd in, dawg.
You know, look, Dad,
we're kind of going
with a different crowd.
You know, a younger,
chic business thing.
Okay. See, that's a clue
that you youngsters,
you think you know something.
But you don't know nothing!
I've got a degree in Marketing,
a graduate degree from Yale,
and I just resigned
as VP of Marketing
in the number one urban
clothing line in the world.
Whoo! And what that got to do
with a gin and tonic, son? Huh?
No, no, I'm serious.
I have learned more
in the back alleys of Memphis
than you can any day
in some shirt-and-tie mortuary.
An office job is not a mortuary.
Further proof you know nothing.
Dad, time to go.
Hey, just trying
to help you out.
Oh, by the way, son,
y'all need some
crushed velvet curtains
and some lava lamps.
Too shiny.
Oh, man. They don't make them
like that anymore.
You can say that again.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, boss.
Don't forget.
We got those talent auditions
lined up for tomorrow.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, this place
is gonna combine
East Coast swagger
with L.A. style.
Yeah. I can't wait.
Stop it!
I don't know why you act
like you don't like it, girl.
Ticklish! Stop!
You can't get away from me.
You only run
because you like to get caught.
Oh, I run because you like
to chase.
Ew. Mm-mm.
You are sweaty.
Go shower.
When did you get so prissy?
You used to like sweat.
Yeah, I mean, there's the sweat
that you make,
and then there's the sweat
that we make.
I prefer the latter.
Intellectually stimulating
and sexually elusive.
Sex on the brain.
Oh, come on, girl.
You know I love you.
Yeah, you know sex is not love.
No, no, it's not.
But you bring the sexy
out of me.
Oh, do I? Okay.
Which reminds me.
How do you like your dress
for this weekend?
Um, yeah, that...
That's cute.
It's shiny, but I already know
what I'm wearing this weekend.
Yeah, but babe, it's just,
you know, important for people
to see someone beautiful
every time you walk in.
Okay, now, I know I agreed
to help host this,
but it's a one-time thing.
You can get some little
college kid
to wear this little
itty-bitty dress.
Yeah, but I asked you to do it.
Yeah, and I'm happy to,
but for opening night only.
Shanice, you know how important
this is to me.
If I can't count on you now,
how can I count on you
when we get married?
Married?
Yes.
Whoa.
Married.
You know, I proposed to you.
And I said no.
And I know you didn't mean it.
Baby, you proposed to me
after we dated
for less than three months.
Of course I meant it.
And now?
And now...
we are still in the process
of getting to know each other.
And I know you enough to know
you were meant for me.
Okay. Now, when we do
get married in the far,
distant, far future,
trust me, you will be able
to count on me, okay?
But for now, I mean,
I have a full-time job
and my acting career.
You're a 30-year-old
no-name, no-rsum actress
who wants to quit her job
and chase some pipe dream.
I mean, babe,
you have an amazing job, okay?
The rest of your time
should be focused
on helping me build an empire.
I mean, isn't that what
every woman dreams?
So let me get this straight.
My dreams are supposed
to be your dreams.
Yeah, pretty much.
You're crazy.
Every king needs a queen.
Todd, I have my own dreams
and aspirations,
and acting is one of them.
You know that.
Baby, if you can't be with me
in the valley
when I'm starting out,
why do I need you
when I'm on the mountaintop?
That was profound.
But really, maybe you should
deal with what's going on
right here and right now
for once.
You know what?
Come to think of it,
maybe you don't even
need me in your life.
Especially since you can't even
seem to support my dreams.
Well, I would
if they were realistic.
Realistic?
So you're saying your dreams
are more realistic than mine?
Obviously. I mean, I don't see
Tyler or Spielberg calling.
Wait, okay, you're overreacting.
No, you know what?
Truthfully, I haven't
reacted enough.
You're constantly trying
to control me and put me down.
I'm not trying to control you.
And degrade me.
And manipulate me with your
little condescending ideologies.
Well, you know what?
Good luck, okay,
with your dreams, Todd.
See you at the mountaintop.
Shanice. Come on...
Shanice.
Hey, man, it's an emergency.
Why don't you answer your phone?
I was in the shower.
Go put on some damn clothes.
What?
Come on, man.
Hey, Shari, baby.
Hey, look, I'm not playing
with you girl, okay?
I'm not playing.
I didn't mean anything
about it, baby. I just...
I just felt like
you needed to know, that's all.
Baby, look, I'm a man,
so, you know,
I'm going to stink sometimes.
I mean, the point is
I can't live without you, okay?
Baby, look, you got me
on my knees over here, okay?
Come on, now.
Men don't do this.
Men don't beg like this.
Baby, look...
Baby, look, I can't be
without you, girl.
I can't. You got me over here
at my boy's crib
crying like I'm in some kind
of soap opera.
Hey, you want a little Lenny?
I'll Lenny for you.
Yeah, baby, I'll Lenny for you.
You know I'll Lenny for you,
baby, anytime.
I love you, girl
I love you
I don't care how much you beg!
I will never come back to you,
and you're going to miss me
before I miss you!
You know what? I was getting
tired of her butt anyway.
What happened?
Oh, man, things were going
so good, man.
They were going.
The loving was great.
She cooks, she cleans.
Do you have any idea
how hard it is
to find a good woman who will
do a brother's crusty feet?
I haven't found one.
She just had one little thing
that bothered me, man.
Just one little thing.
What?
Look, if I tell you this
you got to promise
not to wear me out about it.
I promise, man.
What's up?
It's embarrassing, man.
You know, sometimes
she had a little odor.
What kind of odor?
Well, you know,
it was like a female odor.
She stinks?
Sometimes, you know? But usually
I can put up with it.
Oh, man. Today, man,
she just had a tail of funk
just dragging behind her.
Oh, my gosh, man.
Have you ever smelled
something so bad
that it literally hurts you
to smell it?
No, I'm serious.
Like, it physically hurt.
Like you were trapped
in some kind
of Korean military torture
chamber or something.
Just...
Good grief, man.
I couldn't take it.
I had to say something, man.
Oh, J, you didn't say something.
Well, the hell I did, man.
I couldn't suffer anymore.
No, J, you can never
say something to a woman
about something she can't change
or won't change.
Her hair, her skin, her weight.
Her funk?
I can't tell her she stink?
No!
I can't say,
"Baby, your smell
slightly offends me"?
No.
Okay.
I'm not even allowed
to be offended then.
She can be offended
by things I say, things I do,
but me, I can't.
There's no going back
after that.
You know, I just don't
understand how this is my fault.
You know, nobody should ever
have to tell you
to wipe your butt.
Jamal...
No, I'm serious, man.
It's the first thing
that happens to you in life.
Your mama feeds you
and then she wipes your butt.
Yeah, man, but sometimes
it doesn't matter how much
a woman takes a shower.
It's genetic.
Well, if it's genetic,
her mama need to put her up.
I'm serious, man. Pass her down
some herbs or something.
Or tell her about
the family secret.
Man, quit laughing, man.
This ain't funny.
I needed you two hours ago.
Oh, man. I was...
I was having my own drama.
What, with Shanice?
Yeah, man.
It's over.
Yeah, it's over.
It's hitting me a little harder
than I expected, too.
I'm sorry, man.
She was a good girl, man,
but not without her issues.
Trying to be all
Kerry Washington and everything
at age 30.
She needs to be trying
to hold down a job, man.
It's hard out here.
That was my point.
But the woman is holding on
to the pipe dream
with a kung fu grip.
You a good guy, though.
I told you about messing
with them actresses.
There's only one exception,
and that's Halle Berry.
She patient like that.
Try to do the right thing.
Get married, settle down.
Come on, man.
These women can't cook.
They can't clean. They try way
too hard to be a man.
Man, that's what
I'm talking about, man.
I mean, look, check this out.
Corporate America is filled
with almost 10 times more black
female executives than men.
That's true.
I mean, look at them.
"I'm having power lunches."
"I'm taking meetings."
Do you know that Shanice
had the audacity to tell me
that she wouldn't
drive a minivan
if we got married and had kids?
What's she going to drive then?
Told me I can drive.
A shame.
A damn shame.
You know what it is?
It's demonic.
The boy toys, the boy shorts.
What are those, anyway?
It's like these women
want exactly that:
A human-sized toy.
That pays the bills.
Man, you know what I should do?
I know what you should do.
You should get the biggest,
baddest piece of arm candy
you can, dawg,
and just call it a day.
I'm telling you, just...
You're too high-strung.
Just, you know, just date.
Have some fun.
No, no, no.
See, that's too simple, man.
Yeah, yeah, I set my goals
too short
and my eyes too small.
I'm missing vision.
Vision. Okay.
Creativity.
Creativity.
Aggression.
I like aggression.
It's going to be a fever pitch.
It's going to be a what?
Yeah, forget that.
I was the one who was antiquated
small-minded and simple.
Well, you did propose to four
different women in four years.
Exactly. So maybe these women
had it right all along.
Uh, no, you just need
to slow your butt down, okay?
See, you the kind of dude
that you enjoy all this foreplay
but you bail
right before the climax.
No, no, the problem was
none of these women were ready.
I'm going to spread
my love around.
Be selfish for once.
Enjoy planting my seed. Yeah.
Well, now you just sound
like you're full of yourself.
You know what? You got to change
with the times, bro.
My dad always said a woman
would do no more or no less
than what you allow her to do.
Wasn't your daddy a pimp?
I was looking for an angel
when I really needed both, man.
I needed an angel and a devil.
Sugar and spice.
Okay, so you're trying
to date two women.
Three, four, five of them.
See, this is where you always
mess up in the end, man.
You're greedy.
Why can't I have it all?
You can't have it all.
Nobody has it all.
No, bro, I want it all.
If I can't have it all
with one woman,
I'm going to find it
in however many women I can.
Todd, these compulsive
habits you have,
they're not healthy, bro.
They're not, all right?
You are a serial monogamist.
Not anymore.
Maybe you need a thick woman.
See, a thick woman
would work with you, all right?
And every man needs a woman
that will scrape the dead skin
from his feet.
And that cooks.
And takes care of you
like a baby.
"Where are you,
little shnookums?
Little shnookums,
come here."
And that doesn't ask
for too much.
Right. Just a little loving.
Two minutes and I'm out.
Just a little marathon.
Just a jog around the block.
Hey, and if you're lucky,
you might even find one
who'll do all the work for you.
See, I want one like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, some arm candy.
A vixen. A cougar.
Yeah, man, I'm about to bust
this game wide open, baby.
Okay, now remember,
men have been found as roadkill
on the side of roads for trying
to pull off something like that.
It's beast time.
Mufasa, calm down.
The beach is that way.
You've been looking at yourself
in the mirror a lot.
I can...
I can really tell.
I can't take this, man.
Seriously.
You left your phone.
You left your phone.
I'm about to get it, buddy.
You don't understand.
I'm spreading
this loving around.
All right, O, the talent has got
to be top-notch.
I got you, boss.
All right, man.
Oh, I'm meeting with
the suppliers later on,
so I'm going to need your eyes
for the audition.
Hey, don't worry about nothing.
I got your back.
Cool.
All right.
All right.
Hi. I'm here for the hosting
position.
Oh, yes, of course.
I'm Todd, the owner.
Hi.
Give me a second.
Let me get some chairs.
Hey, how you doing?
All right, there you go.
Thank you.
All right, all right.
My name is Kierra White,
and I'm a recent
college graduate.
And I'm just looking
for something
at night and on the weekends
while I finish my internship
at St. Mary's.
Pre-med?
Yes.
Neurology.
Very impressive.
Are you going to review
my rsum?
I will in a moment. I just want
to get a feel for you.
Okay.
So, what do you like to do
in your spare time?
Well, I run.
I write poetry.
And I volunteer
at the homeless shelter.
Oh, you're just
a little angel, huh?
I'm just trying to do my part.
To give back.
And humble, too.
Thank you.
I just want
to be clear on something.
Here at the Water Lounge,
we don't just want the average
nightclub vibe, you know?
We want people to walk in
and feel like they've had
an experience.
So when it comes to the hostess,
she must be beautiful.
But beyond that, graceful.
Statement-worthy.
I understand.
Do you?
Yes.
Like that 1940s grace.
When women used to stop traffic.
Yeah, that's it.
And men wore suits,
and ladies always seemed
to have a dress on.
Yeah. So wise
beyond your years.
All right,
so let me just...
Let me make sure I got this
all in the right order.
You're hired, I'm hoping that
you're free tonight for dinner,
and I'll cook it right here.
No, it's just dinner.
With you?
Yes.
Well, see, I like to get to know
my staff...
intimately.
Okay.
7:30?
Sure.
Okay.
Kierra White.
I think I just found an angel.
Yeah.
Hey, boss, I know it may not
be my place to say,
but, you know, one thing my pops
always told me:
Whatever you do,
never crap where you eat.
And this applies to me how?
I mean, do you think it's cool
to be messing around
with one of your employees?
Trust me, we're just going
to have a little fun.
Hmm.
Yeah, that's the same thing
Clarence Thomas said.
So the Brown Betties, huh?
Yeah, I like your style
and I definitely like your look.
But, you know, just keep in mind
here at my club,
we're going to keep it
growing and sexy.
So let me see
what y'all working with.
Yeah.
Squeeze it.
There it is.
Okay.
That was nice.
Real nice.
You know, but, you know,
let me think about it.
I'll get back with you.
And I'll let you know
if you got the job or not.
Enjoy your day, ladies.
Thank you.
Thanks.
All right. Yeah.
Get a load of Marliss.
The Brown Betties.
Yeah.
Next.
Can he walk any slower?
Ooh, he going to break
my damn stage.
All right, so,
what's going on, man?
How you feeling?
So, what's your name?
Call me Tiko.
So, what you going to do
for us today?
I'm going to wow you, player.
Okay.
Go ahead.
I ain't going to be here
too long,
because I got my Smart car
out there double-parked.
But you look familiar.
You look like
my first son's father.
You look just like him.
Bernard?
No.
Oh, she told me
none of them kids was mine.
I'm sure taking care of them.
Anyway, I'm down
to my last Fruit Roll-Ups.
But it's good to be here.
It's kind of fancy.
Got a lot of curtains.
You best be doing something
besides pimping.
And I used to pimp.
I was pimping ho's.
But my last ho got hit by a bus,
and ain't nobody banging
no crippled coochie, goddang.
So I'm just here
trying to find another way
to make some money,
because the damn parole officer
is not going to want to know
about yesterday.
Talking about I got
two more weeks.
He's going to take me
back again.
And again, ain't nowhere
for no pimp,
you know what I'm saying?
I was in there for a while.
I was sending them young boys
to them big boys.
You know, it got out of hand,
because them big boys
was getting real rude.
I told them five boxes
of cigarettes.
They want to come with one.
And I said,
"You ain't getting my best
little young ho over here.
"He a good boy.
I ain't going to let you
go like that, Jezebel."
That was his name.
Boy, I did a white room.
It was Ku Klux Klan.
Everything was cool
until my hood came off.
It ain't really like that.
It ain't really
like that at all.
I think some people
shouldn't wear church clothes
if they don't bathe.
I mean, I was sitting
by this one brother,
he was funky as hell.
I said, "Holy Spirit ain't going
to get up in you,
"because your stink
is the scene.
Your stink is the scene."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
VD.
VD? All right, VD.
On that note...
No, no. VD who?
VD who?
Hell, you got VD?
You better find out
who you got it from.
All right, well,
check this out, man.
I'll give you a call
in a couple of days
and let you know
if you got the job.
You know, I got to think about
some things first.
Where you gonna call, man?
I ain't gave you no damn number.
Oh, don't worry about that.
You know, we'll contact you.
Well, these black lounges,
they don't tell the truth.
You sound like you ain't gonna
book my ass,
and you're going to regret it
when I get on Arsenio Hall,
if he ever get back on TV.
All right.
All right, bro.
He funny, though.
You got to get this stage fixed
before I come up here.
I don't want to be making
no trapdoor.
Oh, man.
Okay.
I'm glad his act
was faster than his exit.
Next.
Oh, boy.
Oh, this is nice.
Yeah, I could tear it up
in here.
I definitely... Yeah, I can
definitely do it up in here.
When do I start?
Uh, hey, hold on.
First of all
you got to audition.
Audition?
Yeah. Audition.
I haven't auditioned
for nothing in years.
Like, people just book me.
Yeah, I know you might
be popular somewhere else,
but I don't know you.
Who are you?
What's your name?
Tiffany.
Okay, so what are you
gonna do for us?
I tell jokes.
Well, make me laugh.
I grew up... I grew up
in South Central L.A.
My grandma raised me.
You know, she taught me
how to be a woman.
She taught me how to value
myself as a woman.
I'll never forget it.
It was my 18th birthday.
And I really wish she would
have told me this
on my 16th birthday,
because at that point I had been
ridden out the property already,
if you know what I mean.
But she pulled me to the side
and she said...
Look here, baby girl.
Now that you become a woman,
there's a certain way
you need to think of yourself.
And every woman,
every woman should
think of herself this way.
Baby, I want you to think
of yourself as a house.
And there's one thing
you got to remember, baby.
Every man wants to come
inside your house.
But you can't be having
all kind of men
going in and out your house
all the time,
because that bring
your property value low.
Mess around and be known
as the crack house,
and you don't want
to be the crack house.
You want to keep the grass cut
and keep it clean,
because you don't want people
walking by thinking
you got an abandoned house,
see here?
And you don't want to be going
out late at night getting drunk,
because somebody will
break into your house, baby.
Right through the back door.
Break in right through the back.
And that'll have you walking
messed up the next day,
talking to the police.
And she said, Once you find
a man that loves you
and cares about you,
he'll go ahead and he'll sign
that paperwork,
he'll put a ring on your finger
and he will buy that house.
And I just want to know
by a round of applause
how many ladies are here tonight
got them a husband,
a.k.a., homeowner.
Yeah.
Nobody?
Well, dang, so all y'all
just renting your house,
or just section 8-ing
the property out?
Rent it out.
Got some Mexican family of 15
living in there,
trying to make ends meet.
Okay, okay.
Cut, cut, cut. Hold it.
That was horrible, all right?
Look, I don't know where
you got your jokes from,
but you need to take them back
where you got them from,
because that sucked.
Your grandmother told you
about the house.
Your grandmother should have
told you
to get you a new occupation,
because that was not good.
Now, if you could just
get up off my stage, please...
Well, you know what?
Your little bald head
is not good, okay?
Why don't you get
some Ovation hair therapy
and grow your hairline back in.
Please just exit.
Oh, I can't believe you.
All right, well,
you have a nice day.
I knew it.
Yup, yup, yup.
I knew it.
You knew what?
I knew you would come back
to your senses
and come running back to me.
Boy, please.
Do I look like
I'm running back to you?
Yeah, well,
then why are you here?
I just...
I just wanted to give you these.
I forgot you had these.
Yeah.
So I don't know if you realize,
but today is one week away
from our six-month anniversary.
Six months, huh?
Yup.
Well, you know, time flies
when you're having fun.
Okay, Todd, I don't want
to play games with you.
I really don't.
I love you.
You don't love me.
If you loved me
you would have married me.
But it's all good.
Hey, your loss
is someone else's gain.
You are so stubborn.
And so are you.
I mean, do you know
how many women
would pray to be
with a man like me?
Well, you know what they say.
Be careful what you ask for.
Oh, it's like that?
I guess so.
Well, hey,
you know, I got
stuff to do, so...
Todd.
Take care.
Ow, girl.
Oh, boy.
What the...? Where these
instruments come from?
Oh, this should be interesting.
Next.
What the heck?
Does he have on pink fur?
Hey, hey, hey.
How you doing, man?
Hello.
Okay, what's your name?
Dream Catcher.
Dream Catcher? Okay.
So...
So what you going
to do for us today?
I'm going to do a little jingle.
Okay. Go ahead.
You ready?
Band!
This song's about Leah Parker.
She broke my heart, you know.
Took all I had.
He's not wasting my...
I didn't know
what to say back then.
But now I do.
Dream Catcher.
She took my money
She took my clothes
She took my pride
She took my hose
She left me ugly
Left me broke
Now, I'm gonna kill you
Choke, choke, choke
I'm gonna kill you
Choke, choke, choke
Now, I'm gonna kill you
He is not moonwalking.
Choke, choke, choke
Now, I'm gonna kill you
Choke, choke, choke
Stop, please.
Just stop.
Dream Catcher, Dream Snatcher,
whatever, man.
Just please just spare me.
You know what you need
to do, man?
Just take that act and go on
back to Harvard with it.
So when do I go on?
Never.
Ever.
That means you like the song.
"Choke, Choke, Choke."
I'm gonna choke,
choke, choke you out of my club
if you don't get off my stage
right now.
Please.
Right.
Bring security out here.
Who...?
Security!
Who let him in here?
Wow, this is so nice.
Welcome.
Did you cook this yourself?
Of course.
There's a Cajun shrimp
fettuccine warming
while we eat our blue lump
crab cakes.
And to drink,
I've got a 1975 chardonnay.
Please, taste it to see
if it's to your liking.
That was pretty good.
I don't normally drink wine,
but when I do it's Moscato.
Do you have any sugar?
Uh, yes, yes.
Um, I do.
Give me one second.
There you go.
Thank you.
All right.
Now that's much better.
Almost like Moscato.
Oh, yeah.
Well, you know,
Moscato is really
a dessert wine.
Chardonnay is meant to be
a little dry.
Also, may I suggest that you
hold the glass by the stem,
so the oil from your fingertips
don't taint the wine.
And don't drink.
Let the wine
massage your taste buds.
Let it slide into your mouth.
You're right. It's like you can
feel the wine sinking in.
Exactly.
May I?
Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
It's delicious.
It's delectable.
It's like eating sin.
I like how you put that.
Mmm.
Mmm. I love this piece.
It's the old soul.
Do you dance?
I love to dance.
Oh, shall we?
All right.
We're not dancing to this,
are we?
Oh, well, did you have
something else in mind?
Can I plug in my iPod?
Sure, sure. Yeah.
This is my tape.
Whoo!
All right.
You can't handle me.
You can't handle me.
Yeah, well,
you're probably right.
Okay, all right.
That was fun.
That was great.
That was so invigorating.
Oh, I'm so glad you're not
one of those stiff shirts.
You know, the old fogey type.
Uh-huh.
Because I'm young.
I want to be free, you know?
Enjoy my youth.
No commitment.
No strings.
How does that feel?
Oh, it feels amazing.
My boyfriend loves my massages.
You have a boyfriend?
Several.
It's funny how life works.
Wait, how do you have
more than one boyfriend?
I asked myself long ago:
Kierra, how are you going
to heal the world
if you're only loving one man?
So now I spread my love
all over the world.
Spread your love all over
the world?
Yes. France.
Milan.
India.
India?
Well, that wasn't
till my parents cut me off.
Life is so funny.
I was born, and then I walk in
and I find my candy.
Candy?
You know, I think my mom
calls them sugar daddies.
That's what she said my dad was
before they got married.
Look, I think there's been
a misunderstanding.
I love that you're so wise.
So refined.
You just lay there.
I don't mind working
for what I get.
Kierra, you know,
I don't really...
I know every single thing
about the male anatomy.
Hey, it's looking nice
in here, man.
Yeah, we getting there.
One more day till we open.
So, where you hiding her?
Who?
The angel, man.
I didn't come all the way
down here to see you.
She is not here, man.
Thank God.
That doesn't sound like
happiness.
Man, she will not stop
calling me.
And I put new brakes on her car,
I paid her light bill,
I keep filling up her tank.
You tricking.
She can't be that fine.
Man, she is.
Man, she is.
But that's not the point, man.
She is wearing me out.
Well, take it out of her pay.
I can't. She's depending
on that money to pay her rent.
Look, I don't understand
what's going on here.
I just know she got to go.
No, man. I can't get rid of her,
because I'm her boss as well.
It's just not that simple.
Ooh, you got a lawsuit
happening.
You got a lawsuit happening.
You got to get out of this.
But that's on you.
I'll be here tomorrow,
and you'd better have my VIP.
I got your table, man.
You got a lawsuit happening.
There ain't a lawsuit.
It ain't tricking if you got it,
and obviously I got it.
Watch them getting out
of the curtain.
Right this way, baby.
Right this way.
Yes, I'm Jamal Hartford.
I have a VIP reservation.
I'm sorry.
I don't have you down.
No, that must be a mistake.
I'm a dear, personal friend
of the owner.
I understand.
I mean, most everyone here is.
But the VIP is reserved
for our most prestigious guests.
Do you remember me?
Should I?
Well, I did a little Hostess
commercial back in the day.
I don't remember.
It was about '95.
I was 8 then.
What?
I'm sorry.
We don't have to start
with the "I'm sorry."
Kierra, I got it.
Yes.
This is Kierra? Oh, hell, no.
She got to go, man.
Jamal.
That's disrespectful!
Jamal, be cool.
Just be cool.
All right, all right, all right.
Baby, I'm so sorry about that.
Can you go freshen up
for a little bit, baby?
All right, that's cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Todd, where is my VIP?
Come on, bro.
Am I not your brother, man?
Your table's over here.
Come on.
Had a man like me
Someone to cherish
And make you believe
Come a little closer
And you will see
That every fantasy
Always flapping your gums.
That's more like it, man.
Hang me out there
looking like a scrub.
I got you covered.
Chill.
Man. Tonight is real success
for you though, brother.
Yeah. Thanks, man.
You know.
No, you really knocked
this one out of the park.
Yeah, but you know, it's easy
to blow out opening night.
Now, to keep it packed every
night, that's the challenge.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Look at this cougar over here.
Mm-mm-mm.
See, she is lucky
I am not here alone.
She's looking at me.
No, she's clearly looking at me.
Hey, baby, how you doing?
Ooh, you smell so good.
We are VIP.
Our table is right over there.
Why don't you go hold us down.
My goodness.
Yeah, right?
Brother, she had it tonight.
She had it tonight,
because I'm working on
a little jungle loving
for later.
But that one right there,
I'm warning you:
She bites.
I got this.
No, no, no.
I'm not playing with you, Todd.
Seriously.
I'm not bailing you out of jail.
That one will have you tricking
on a corner. Watch yourself.
Go on, man.
Good evening.
Good evening.
May I refresh your drink?
Absolutely.
Pinot noir.
Tell Omar to pull out
our best bottle.
Right away, Mr. Weber.
I was watching you
while you were on stage.
I just love a young man
in a good suit.
Well, I don't know
how young I am.
I didn't mean it to offend you.
It's a compliment.
I don't mean young like
a baby lion cub.
More young like a virile lion.
Well, you know,
they say we get better with age.
Oh, baby, believe it.
I mean, I say it's the blending
of the young
and the mature
that bring the fireworks.
I'm Linda.
Linda. All right.
So, what do you do?
I'm an interior decorator.
I work for high-end
companies.
Athletes, celebrities,
superstars.
All right, well, in that case
what do you think
about the place?
It's nice.
It definitely could use
a woman's touch.
But...
add drapes on the walls,
add some layers.
Maybe candles on the bar.
Anything with some bling.
Bling?
Ladies love sparkles, baby.
Well, it must be nice
to use your skills
in very creative ways.
Well, I guess it is
an interesting way
to satisfy myself.
How so?
I always get what I want.
My clients trust me implicitly.
So when it comes to my designs,
I always get what I want
there too.
That must ring true
in your personal life too.
Why don't you call me tonight...
and find out.
Shanice? What are you
doing here?
Well, I promised you
I'd be here for the opening.
And I'm here.
Who's this?
This is Robert.
He's one of the ministers
down at my church.
Uh-huh, How you doing,
Robert?
I'm great.
This is a very nice place
you have here.
Much success to you.
Shanice, I'm a little surprised
you were bringing
the good reverend
to a lounge.
Oh, we won't be staying.
Sorry, brother.
I was talking to Shanice.
I just wanted
to congratulate you.
Robert, do you mind?
I'll be right out.
Not at all...
Todd.
Robert.
Why do you have to act so silly?
What you talking about,
acting silly?
You want to bring some man
up into my establishment.
I was on my way to church.
I just wanted
to wish you success.
Church, huh?
Yeah. The place you refuse
to take me.
Shanice, I don't have to go
to church to be a good man.
No, you don't.
But the man that I want
and the man that I'll have will.
Oh, like Robert?
Yeah, okay.
This is enough.
I want you to have a good night.
I know you'll do well.
Wait...
I miss you.
Yeah, I miss you too.
But I think
this is for the best.
Says who?
Have a good night, okay?
What y'all doing here?
Work out, when I ran
into Hostess boy here
out in the street.
That's funny, Mr. Ryder,
because I did that commercial,
like, 20 years ago.
I wish you remember
it was, like, 20 years ago.
You know, people don't forget
child stars.
Boy, you weren't no star.
You did one commercial,
and all you did
was shove a Twinkie
in your mouth.
I had an agent.
What are you doing?
I'm here to borrow
your golf clubs.
You don't play golf.
I don't need to know
how to play.
I just need to look good
standing by the clubhouse.
I got my eye on that long money.
Them white women gonna make this
boy scrub they floors.
You lack vision and conviction.
Whatever.
What the...?
Baby, I've got to get this car.
Hello, everyone.
How you doing?
How you doing?
Baby, I needed gas money,
so I grabbed a 50
out of your wallet.
Caught himself a dairy farm.
A dairy farm?
Yeah, you getting milked.
Ha-ha-ha,
that's very funny.
Whatever. Look, the golf clubs
are in the closet.
And, Pop, you still haven't told
me why you're here.
Oh, I'm here to talk some sense
into you, boy.
Okay, okay, yes, yes.
Y'all did pretty good
this weekend.
But I'm telling you, son,
I'm going to take you out
to a whole new level.
Come on, Dad. I don't have time
for this right now.
You guys really need to go.
I got some...
We just got here.
Linda.
Hey, honey.
I brought this back for you
from the other night.
I had it cleaned.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
This is Jamal,
and this is my dad, Nate.
Nate Ryder.
Your dad?
You're a comedian, right?
Yeah, that's what they tell me.
Wow. I was a huge fan of yours
back in your heyday.
Ah, well, I'm sure you had
some fans too in your heyday.
I still do all right.
Yeah, you do.
Well, anyway, this is for you.
I got to run.
Got an appointment.
Good day, gentlemen.
Hey.
Thank you, baby.
I got you.
Son, you ain't right.
Man, you got kids and cougars
running all throughout
this place.
Look here, little Twinkie boy,
why don't you leave
so grown folk can talk?
They don't make Twinkies
anymore,
but I got a Ding Dong for you.
Catch you later.
All right.
Say, Pop, you know,
I don't think the lounge
is going to be the right place
for you.
All right, fine.
We'll discuss the lounge later.
Why do you have so many women
running in and out your place
like you some black
Howard Hughes?
I'm just enjoying being single.
Son, where's Shanice?
Pop, Shanice is old news.
And she's starting to date
her minister from her church.
But I have moved on
to a plethora of opportunity
that abounds.
Only a fool basks
in his foolery.
But, Pop, come on, now.
You were a legendary player.
And that's not something
that I am proud of, son.
Listen, listen. Yes, all right?
Yes, I was out on the street.
But your mama still raised you
in church, boy.
I mean, I... Lord knows
I treated every woman wrong,
but I thank God
she kept praying for me.
Look, I still want
to get married, I do.
Just not now. I mean, right now
I want to focus on me.
My business.
And enjoy all these
beautiful women.
Uh-huh. You still think you're
going to find a good woman
after you done slept with
everything from here to L.A.?
Huh? Once you done laid up
like some used-up sponge
somebody down found
under the sink, you really...
You really think
that you still going to find
that same good woman, son, huh?
Don't you think the reason
so much happened
between you and Mom was because
you didn't get a chance
to scratch that itch
before you got married?
Scratch that itch!
Son, I could have ho'ed
for another 20 years
before I finished
scratching that itch.
Listen, listen, listen.
Everything that you are
and all that you will become
is written by the choices
that you make.
Unfortunately,
I did a whole lot of scratching
before I met your mama.
No, I got this.
Okay.
I hope you got it.
Because when I think about
all the years that I...
I missed with your mother,
and when I was finally
able to, you know,
get it right and ready,
it was too late.
I love you, son.
And I don't want you to make
the same mistake that I made.
Yeah. I hear you, Pop.
And I love you, too.
But...
I'm not sure.
I've said my piece.
All right, don't forget me
and the club.
Lounge.
Oh, whatever.
I'll bring the heat, son.
Have them jiggling Bambi.
I know you will.
All right.
You know we don't do this here.
I just miss you so much.
I saw you two nights ago.
I know, but I really wanted
to see you last night.
Yeah, well, I was busy.
Daddy, I need an advance
on my paycheck.
What?
I just need a little one.
Look, Kierra, there are no more
checks to advance.
You're already
into your next one.
Well, maybe you can go
into your private stash.
Cut it out.
Oh. I see.
You got what you want,
so now I'm expendable.
I left my other boyfriends
for you.
I didn't ask you to.
Hell, I'd prefer you didn't.
Let them chip in.
I see what's going on.
You want a beautiful woman,
but you don't want
to pay the cost to keep her.
The cost?
Okay, look,
what happens
in this place of business
is completely separate
from what happens outside.
Oh. You want to keep it
separate.
Yes. No more advances.
I understand completely.
So, since you're my man,
I'll expect my rent check later
on tonight when I come over,
because my boss
is being a real jerk.
Everything all right, boss?
No. That damn Kierra's
about to drive me crazy.
And our numbers here
have been down
for the last couple of weeks.
Yeah, I noticed.
We've got to change that
quickly,
or else this is going
to be the shortest trip
from success to failure ever.
Maybe we need to sex it up
a little bit.
What do you mean?
I mean, you know,
make it a place
where the fellas
want to come to, you know?
Hire some sexy waitresses,
fix the back room up,
make it into an exclusive VIP.
Sounds like you're talking about
making it into a strip club.
It's only a strip club
if they're stripping.
Sex it up, huh?
All right.
All right, I'll tell you what.
You help drive in the business,
I'll make you manager
Manager?
Yeah. I mean, you have just
as much invested in this club
as I do.
Hey, boss, look,
I promise you
I won't let you down.
I know you won't.
I'll be in the back for a while.
Cool.
Hey. Hey, what's going on,
Shanice?
How you doing, Omar?
I'm looking for Todd.
Oh, he's not in right now.
Maybe, you know,
I can help you out.
You know what?
I think I need to speak
with Todd.
Well, Todd's not running
the place anymore,
since he's made me manager.
Really?
Yeah.
You know, I'm working on
buying him out as we speak.
Wow. That's interesting.
Okay, maybe you can help me.
So my sorority is having
its annual get-together,
and I'm thinking this might
be the perfect place.
And I think you're right.
Yeah, maybe we can have it...
Make it one of those
theme nights.
I like that. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, Shanice,
you know, I think it's cool that
you're supporting Todd and all.
Look, I know it's not
my place to say,
but sometimes
it's not the effort
that you make,
but where you put it.
I do not follow.
What do you mean?
I mean, why keep dumping money
into an old jalopy
when you can just trade in
for a new model?
Okay, Omar.
Um, I'm going to have
somebody call
to make those arrangements.
Okay.
Business before pleasure, huh?
Yeah, see you soon.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Beautiful people of Chicago
at the Water Lounge tonight.
Give yourselves a round
of applause for coming out, man.
Hope you're drinking.
Drink, drink, drink, people.
It makes the comedy better.
Drink up.
Any single parents out there?
Single parents.
Yeah, give it up for yourselves.
Don't need no man for nothing.
Yes, yes. Yes, ladies,
you do need a man for something.
You know, not everything,
but for some things.
And children need a man
in their life.
You know,
I had a stepdad situation.
And when I say stepdad,
I don't mean
my mama wasn't married.
You know, she just went
with the man a long time.
You know, yeah, yeah.
Y'all go together. That's what
they used to call that.
Y'all go together.
You don't know where
you're going,
but you're going together,
you know.
Because you are one, you know?
It was my sister's daddy.
And he was a grown little man.
I don't know if you've ever seen
a grown little man,
but, you know,
they have a Napoleon complex.
He was trying to tell us
to do stuff,
and you'd be like,
"I'm not scared of you."
You know, because we felt like
we could whoop Frank ass.
But...
But he was a grown little man.
But he had other little issues
that we didn't know about.
He had like a glass eye.
And I don't know if you ever
seen nobody with a glass eye,
but it's kind of scary
because the eye don't do stuff
like regular eyes do.
You know, it don't blink
or wink or nothing.
It just look at you
all the time.
And you're a little kid,
that's kind of scary.
We was like, "Mama, Frank keep
looking at us."
And she was like,
"That man asleep. He asleep."
And we'd be like, Well, somebody
need to go shut that eye.
Because evidently nobody told it
it was bedtime, you know?
Because it just stayed woke
looking at people.
But we learned
to appreciate the eye.
You know, at least Frank
had an eye,
but he was an angry little man.
So one day he got to arguing
with the man next door,
named Tummy.
And Tummy told Frank, he's like,
"Frank, don't, man.
I'm gonna knock your eye out."
And, you know,
I heard people say that,
but you don't really think
that can happen in real life.
You can't knock a whole eye out.
But Frank went out there
and led with the wrong eye.
And he was just hitting him
in the eye.
And we was like, "Whoa, Frank.
Stop. Stop, Frank."
And Frank was like,
"I got him, I got him."
And we were like,
"We can't tell. We can't tell."
Because that is not
how you have nobody.
But I got to give
the eye credit.
It was a tough-ass eye.
I don't know where
he got it from.
But we were like,
"Frank, that's a tough-ass eye."
But I guess the eye got tired
and it actually fell out.
And we were like, "Whoa, he has
knocked out Frank's eye."
And Frank's like,
"Y'all help me find this eye.
Help me find my eye."
And we was little kids.
We were like, "Frank, we don't
know what the eye look like
outside the eye."
You know, because you ain't
never just been outside playing
and somebody drop their eye.
You'd be like, "Whoa, I found
an eye outside, Mommy."
And she'd be like,
"Throw that eye back outside.
Don't bring no eye
in my house."
But...
I thought that was hilarious
right there.
But this is a beautiful thing,
man.
So I'm just happy to be here.
I am really hot.
I'm happy to be in Chicago
at all times.
I moved out to L.A.
Man, L.A. is whole
nother place, you know.
They got a lot of Hispanics.
It's really Mexico.
I don't know who says it's L.A.,
because it is Mexico.
I think we are in
their territory.
Yeah, because, you know,
people would be, like,
undocumented work bus.
You know, I ain't got no problem
with no undocumented worker.
You know, I don't have
no paperwork either.
So I don't know.
You know, I'm supposed
to be here every day,
so, yeah, I don't have
no time for it. Nothing.
But, yeah, because, you know,
people say, you know,
it's like 12 million illegals.
You know, somebody had a clicker
if you know the number.
That's all I'm saying.
Somebody had a clicker.
So they're not illegal.
You know they're here.
So, yeah. You get over a fence,
that's good.
You did good, because, yeah,
if you run from the police
and climb a fence, that's cool.
You know,
that's a regular-size fence.
But Mexican people,
they climb a real fence.
You'd be like,
Man, that was good climb work
he did right there.
Yeah, because I can't climb
no fence like that.
I'm going to pull a hamstring.
I already know.
So... But, yeah.
And I lived in a Mexican
neighborhood.
I liked the Mexicans,
because they work.
They work hard.
But they try to sell you stuff
that you did not know
was a big seller.
You know, at the door a lady
tried to sell me some tamales.
And I told her, I said,
I don't really eat tamales
at the door, you know?
I usually go into
an establishment...
Yeah.
And I score on the front
of the thing.
You don't even have a score.
I don't know what your score is.
Thank y'all.
Keep supporting.
Oh, hey.
Hey.
You know, I could have
picked you up for dinner.
I know. I just wanted
to do something
a little different tonight.
You plan on staying for a while?
No.
I like to bring
my own fun sometimes.
Ah.
Come here, baby.
You know, you have been
so loving and so gentle.
I want you to do just one little
bitty thing for me tonight.
Oh, yeah? What's that?
Get on your knees.
What?
I said get on your knees,
Peasant.
Have you lost your mind?
Woman, you got one
more time to...
Boy, get on your knees.
What the...?
Let me out of here!
Man, what...
What happened, man?
Linda happened.
Well, why didn't you
scream for help?
Every time I opened the door,
she'd slap me again.
What kind of freaky...?
She did things, J.
She did things, man.
I mean, things I just...
I mean, I just...
This sounds horrible.
It was horrible.
But to be honest...
What?
It's just...
Spit it out!
I kind of liked it.
You liked it.
Hey, man, I've never been
in such a place
of eroticism, passion.
You know, psychological torture
mixed with pleasure all in one.
Something is really wrong, Todd.
Yeah, I know.
You need to go back
to Shanice right now.
Shanice?
Yeah, Shanice.
You're not ready for all these
freaky women out here.
Oh, no. I'm ready.
And you need to go,
because Shanice is on her way.
Yo, bro, you are tripping.
Say, look, man,
Shanice had it all, all right?
Now if she wants to be treated
like a little chick on the side,
that's how I'm going
to treat her.
You need to get your mind
off these women
and back onto your business.
You know, I went down
to your spot a couple days ago.
I thought I was up
in Magic City.
The only thing missing
was a pole.
Look, man, I'm just adding a
little sexy flavor to the place.
Yeah, well,
Omar is making a living
pimping out that back room.
What?
Yeah, I saw it with my own eyes.
I'm here to tell you
you're losing it.
You got to get it together,
brother.
I have it together.
Oh.
You're an addict.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
You're addicted
to the women, the drama.
You're always looking
for a new high.
Man, you don't know
what you're talking about.
Yes, I do.
Man, and I feel bad,
because I'm the one
that encouraged you, too.
Took me a while
to figure it out.
But look at the pieces.
You proposed to four
different women over four years,
only to break up
with all of them.
Upon further examination,
I've discovered that
they weren't right for me.
That's not it.
After the initial high
of the proposal,
you felt depleted.
You had to go look
for a fresh one.
Why would I propose
just to break up?
Because you sick and twisted
like that.
That's why Shanice was trying
to get you to go to church.
Look, J, save the armchair
psychology, man.
Who better to recognize
an addict than a former one?
You're not an addict.
I was.
Four years clean.
Don't you think I'd know
if you were a drug addict?
Who said anything about drugs?
I was a high roller.
I was a gambling fool.
What do you think all those
trips to Vegas were about?
Everybody gambles in Vegas.
No, no, no.
I was online gambling,
shooting craps in the alley,
the racetrack.
No wonder you were broke.
Trust me, I won just as much
as I lost.
But every time I did win I was
out looking for that next win.
That next high.
It's a perpetual cycle.
Yeah, well, I'm not in
that perpetual cycle.
Yes, you are.
Look, man,
you know these women
ain't right for you.
But it's just like gambling.
You know you gonna lose,
but you still got to play.
Now do yourself a favor.
Go to one meeting
and tell me how you feel.
Look, I don't need
some AA meeting.
Do it for me.
Fine. I'll think about it
if you leave.
I'll leave, man, but that's not
gonna solve your problems.
I know. You're right.
You need help.
Like the professional kind.
Man, say no to these women!
They drugs!
Don't inhale!
Hey.
Hey.
Thanks for coming by.
Yeah. Yeah, no problem.
I still don't know why
we had to speak in person.
Well, because I can't do this
over the phone.
Todd, what are you doing?
I can't stop thinking about you.
I don't think
that we should...
See, that's the problem.
We've been thinking too much
instead of enjoying the moment.
Enjoying the moment?
Yeah. You know I've realized
that I've been putting
way too much pressure on you,
and now I'm ready to, you know,
let it flow.
Todd, it wasn't the pressure.
It was the selfishness.
You're right.
You're right. I was selfish.
I was selfish.
Wait. No. Mm-mm, no.
Just let me... I got to go
to the bathroom.
I'm going to be
right back, okay?
Sure.
I'll be back.
Okay.
Got her now.
So...
You're ready to commit?
I am committed.
Okay. And you'll be satisfied
with just me?
Only me. Nobody else.
Absolutely.
Okay.
Then whose are these?
What... Those?
Yes, these.
Uh...
I don't know.
I have no idea.
They were in your bathroom.
Shanice, those are
probably yours.
You don't think I know
my own drawers?
Yes. No. I mean...
So now I'm just a fool.
That's what it is?
Yes. No.
I mean, what does it matter?
It matters because I want
someone who loves me, only me.
Not somebody who's going to go
pick up some stray
two weeks after I'm gone.
Okay, all right.
What about Robert?
Robert is just a friend,
and I am definitely
not having sex with him.
Hey, look, just because somebody
takes off they panties,
that don't mean that we had sex.
Now you really just think
I'm a fool.
That's what that is.
You're not a fool.
Todd, you're single.
You are free.
Why lie?
Own it.
All right, all right, look.
Okay, look, let me explain.
I can't.
I can't even believe
that I was still trying
to support you.
What do you mean?
You'll see tonight.
Wow. Oh, my goodness.
Oh, my God.
Linda?
I thought I told you
not to come by unless...
Oh, Todd. There's someone
I wanted you to meet.
Who's this?
That's my husband, Allen.
Your husband?
Yeah.
I thought it was about time
the two of you guys met.
Pleasure to meet you.
I've heard such delicious things
about you.
Oh, relax.
We're not staying.
Not now.
I just thought maybe it was best
that the two of you meet now.
You know,
before later on tonight.
I'm looking forward to spending
some more time with you tonight.
What you mean tonight?
Ooh, the possibilities
are endless.
Until tonight.
Oh. Thank you, baby.
Say, bro...
What in the freaky hell...?
Hey, boss. What can I get you?
Nothing. I'm good.
Where's Kierra?
She's around.
I see.
So, do you like what you see?
The club is packed.
The register is full.
We're even turning people
away at the door.
It's not a club.
It's a lounge.
What's up with the music?
Oh, yeah.
We decided to change it up
a little bit
to better fit our clientele.
Hey, everybody.
I just want to thank
all of my sisters
from the Chicago chapter
of Phi Sigma Beta
for coming out tonight.
I would to especially like
to thank Mrs. Linda Carter,
one of our premier members.
Thank you so much
for coming out.
And also one of our younger
sisters, Miss Kierra White.
Thanks, Kierra.
Oh, last but not least,
I want to thank
Mr. Todd Ryder.
For opening up
his establishment to us.
Thank you, Todd.
You invited Shanice's sorority
in here?
I did.
They paid $1,500
to use the place.
You let Shanice and Kierra
in the same spot?
I didn't know
they were sorority sisters.
I'm not paid to keep
your mess straight, all right?
I'm paid to bring in business.
O, you're killing me, man.
You are absolutely killing me.
How could you let...?
And who are the goons,
by the way?
They're with the gentleman
who's occupying the back room.
Occupy? Who?
One of our regulars.
We've been open
less than a month, man.
We ain't got no regulars.
He became a regular
when you made me manager.
Hold on. So you're trying
to tell me
I can't go into the back room
of my own club?
Lounge. Remember?
All I'm saying is the gentleman
paid good money, Todd.
How much?
Your cut is $500.
My cut?
Yeah.
I figure if I'm bringing in
all the business,
then I should get the bulk
of the extra money.
Say, bro, every dime that walks
through that door belongs to me.
I pay you to be a manager.
That's right.
To manage.
Not fill the place up
with customers.
This place was dead.
Remember that?
You would be bankrupt
by the end of next month
if it wasn't for me.
You know what, man?
We're here as planned.
This party is great.
Yeah, it's interesting.
I didn't know it was happening.
Surprise.
I just love to support
the men in my life.
And your husband too?
Of course.
Besides, I couldn't let Linda
have all the fun.
Congratulations
on all your success.
I guess she was right.
You do know how to handle
your business.
Okay, look, I don't know
what kind of crazy,
freaky stuff y'all into,
but I'm not interested, okay?
I wasn't raised that way.
Well, don't knock it
till you try it.
Hey, hey.
You's feisty like I like it.
Look, I'm serious.
Y'all should leave.
Okay?
Take that little Sodom and
Gomorrah damnation with you.
This looks cozy.
How do you know Linda.
We met a few weeks ago.
He's a fun one.
Fun?
Fun.
Excuse me...
Excuse me for a moment.
Take your time.
What is going on?
Hey, man, who is that?
That's a guest of the person
who's using the back room.
Okay, O, this is it, man.
It's over.
What?
It's over.
Tell Devo to get his boy
and bounce.
Can't do that.
Yes, you can.
Tell him now.
I won't do that.
Who are you talking to?
I'm talking to you.
You see, you got me twisted.
Look around, boss man.
This is my club now.
Your ass is just visiting.
Okay, let me tell you something.
You think because you 6'4"
with a bald head
and a pink shirt that I won't...
Hi, baby.
What the hell are you doing?
I'm on my break.
Doing what?
I'm off the clock, remember?
And whatever happens here
is completely separate
from what happens
outside of here.
There he is.
My man Viggo.
What's up, baby?
I like your little lounge
you got going here.
Hey, listen,
I want to thank you personally
for that little thing
you set up for me.
Mmm, that girl was all
you said she would be.
Hey, the pleasure's mine,
Mr. Styles.
Thank you.
Yes, sir.
Kierra, you know that's not
the last time, right?
I got plans for...
Hey, man.
Oh, do me a favor.
Why don't you get me a bottle
of your finest champagne
and pour my ladies
another round.
And make sure it's cold, boy.
All right?
I'll be damned.
Hold up, man.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, man. Move, man!
Hey!
Man, what in God's name
happened to you?
Oh, man, it was crazy.
Omar was pimping.
Kierra was ho'ing.
My club was turning into
the Bunny Ranch of Chicago.
I told you.
Save your "I told you so's."
I just got to figure out
what I'm going to do
about my business.
I hate to admit it,
but I was going under before
Omar started managing, you know?
I might be shut down.
Man, this is not about
your business.
This is about you.
You start making better
decisions about your life,
you start making better
decisions about your business.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
I know I'm right.
When is that next meeting again?
Tomorrow night.
I'll be there.
Good.
And afterwards, I'm gonna teach
you how to fight,
because you got your butt beat.
Hey, man, there was like three.
Oh, really?
Actually there was one, two,
three, four, five.
Five of them.
Why didn't you run? You're fast.
What you mean run, man?
I ain't gonna run.
Hey, I did...
Where were you at?
You were supposed to be my boy.
I was not being where you were
and getting my butt beaten.
I'm never really sure
how the day is going to end.
Will I take a drink or won't I?
Every time I want
to take a drink,
I remember that little girl
lying in the streets
with her baby doll.
Though I'm not the one
who hit her,
her blood's still on my hands,
because every time I got behind
that wheel drunk,
I just keep thinking
it could have been me.
I could have murdered
that little girl.
She haunts me.
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
Would anybody else
like to share?
My name is Joe...
and I'm a sex addict.
I just love sex.
I love it more than food, money.
If I knew by laying down
with a woman I was going to die,
I'd probably still have sex.
And when I think about
all the risks I've taken,
I can't believe
I did those things.
I guess my lowest point came
when my 6-year-old son
got on my laptop to play a game
and a porn site popped up.
He sat there and watched
for over 10 minutes
before I even knew
what was going on.
I was mortified.
My wife left me.
And my son's probably
scarred for life.
I don't know if I can change.
But I'm trying hard every day.
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
Would anybody else
like to share?
My name is Todd.
I'm not really sure
how to classify my addiction.
I guess the best way
to describe it is,
I'm addicted to the chase,
as pertaining to women.
I love getting a woman
so twisted, so into me,
that she'd do anything.
And once I got her,
I don't know.
I just don't want her anymore.
I used to always tell myself
that once I found
the right woman,
you know, it would be different.
But when I got her,
I just focused on
the parts of her life
that I couldn't control.
My mom died when I was
in high school.
I never really understood
why that happened to me.
Well, the sicker she got
the tighter I held onto her.
And when she died,
I guess I never
really found my way.
So I'm lost.
I've ruined my relationships.
My business.
I don't know.
I just...
I just want to be
who I'm supposed to be.
And you will.
You'll find your way.
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
Anyone else want to share?
Hi. I'm Nicole.
And I'm a raging sex addict.
Hello, Nicole.
Hey. Thanks for coming by.
You're welcome.
What do you want to talk about?
First, I want to apologize.
For what?
For what happened.
Since we've been apart...
I've been seeing
two other women.
Look, I know you're upset,
but I need you to listen to me.
I don't want to listen to you.
I left a good, decent man
because you told me
things would be different.
That you loved me.
That you wanted to support
my dreams.
You left me.
I was devastated.
Okay? But for all
the wrong reasons.
So I had to do some work on me.
You wasted my time.
And you played with my heart.
You're right. I did.
But I'm finally
on the right track.
I don't know if it was
the alone time, the prayer,
hitting rock bottom.
But I'm different now.
I am. I'm different now.
And I want you in my life.
That's not different.
That's always been the problem.
You want. You, you, you.
What about me?
What about what I want?
Whatever it is.
Whatever it is, you got it.
To move the unmovable.
To support your dreams.
You got it.
Yeah.
I want the last six months
of my life back.
Oh, Shanice.
I'm happy you're changing.
Hopefully you'll be
a better man...
for someone else.
Goodbye, Todd,
Oh, man, you ever
accidentally fart, anybody?
Oh, don't act like it,
because the reason I'm asking
is because I smell it.
Somebody in here
done accidentally farted.
Y'all need to quit
with all that.
Silence is deadly, okay?
So if you think it's gonna
slip out, get out.
How about that?
Oh, I can't take it.
You guys are killing me.
And don't poo-poo
over other people house. Hello?
That's something you need to do
at your own house.
When people come over my house,
they want to know
can they use the bathroom?
I need to know for what:
Number one or number two?
Because you can't
number two here.
Especially old people,
because they got all them
medicines and stuff
in their poo-poo.
Oh, try to kill me.
I don't think so.
So go home, get out,
and I'm out.
I'm Melanie Comacho.
You guys have been great.
Thank you.
No more farting.
Oh, man. J, I really appreciate
you helping me out, man.
I needed someone I could trust.
Oh, thanks, man.
I needed the gig.
Place is packed.
That's always a good thing.
How'd you do it?
Wasn't me.
I want to thank you all
for coming out tonight.
This is our grand reopening,
and tonight I am especially
proud to present
a world famous comedian:
My father, Nate Ryder.
No, no, no, no, no.
But thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
Ooh, look at all the comics
out in the house.
My goodness, look like old hag's
convention down in Vegas.
Well, seriously, though, I would
like to thank all my friends
both, you know, new and old
for coming on out tonight.
Want y'all to know something.
My act is a little different.
See, I'm a Christian now.
Yeah, praise the Lord.
So, you know, things I used
to do I don't do no more.
Yeah. I don't drink no more,
I don't smoke no more.
There's some things I do miss.
Not what you think about.
You're nasty,
that's your problem.
You need Jesus.
I'm talking about cussing.
I don't cuss no more!
Cussing, it's just cussing.
I miss cussing.
Some of y'all
know who I am, you know?
Y'all still yell "dang,"
slipping the "damn."
Excuse me, Lord.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, I just don't get cussing
Christians.
Cussing saints.
How you gonna go
from "hallelujah"
to "I wish a so and so would go
back to hallelujah" again?
I don't get that transition,
you know what I mean?
Hi.
Hi.
I thought...
I'm just here to support you.
You know, I figured if I showed
you what it looked like,
you'll know how to do it
when it's time to support me.
I got you.
Hostess with the mostest.
There is one thing
that I do miss.
I guess I ain't the only
nasty one in the room.
Amen. Glory to God.
Hey, sister freak over there.
Fornication!
I miss fornication!
Oh, I'm sorry.
I miss fornication!
Turn to high-five three Negros
that say I miss fornication.
I miss fornication!
I miss fornication!
Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah. How could...
I never understood how could
something so good
be so bad?
Amen.
So bad.
I guess, like,
finally I appreciate
how fat folks suffer
with ice cream.
Tastes so good.
But, Lord, it's bad.
That look like a cone
right there.
Freaky lady, you want a bite?
You go ahead, go ahead.
You can have some ice cream.
You know you...
Give me a round of applause.
I'm funny.