1
[man in voiceover]
You're probably wondering
what the hell I'm doing out here
in a 110 degree heat.
I wasn't always so desperate.
At one time I made huge cash
and lived like royalty
as I gambled the nights away
with the Hollywood elite.
[slow music]
I made poker in LA hip
and made every
big hitter scratch
and crawl their way to my game.
Now...
I was the one
doing the crawling.
He looks like shit.
Relax, I just forgot
my sunblock.
[reggae music]
Yeah, I was the king
of Hollywood poker alright.
I thought
it would never end.
My name's Duke Madson.
I was an actor.
At one time
I made good money
in a whole lot of movies.
[pop song]
Life is sweet, yay
Under my umbrella
Baba baba baraba baba
Baba Baba baba baraba
[Duke]
After Hollywood spit me out,
I scraped by doing
pitch work and other
hack jobs to make a buck.
Hey! You wanna see
what else this mop can do?
[audience cheering] Yeah!
[camera beep]
[man]
Emphasis off the "can."
Like what?
Give me a reading.
[man]
"Wanna see what else
this mop can do?" Action!
Hey!
You wanna see
what else this mop...? Hey!
[man] "You wanna see
what else this mop can do?"
[man 2] That was nice.
[man 3] He's been drinking.
[man] I'd like to zoom in after.
[man 2] I'd like to zoom out.
[man] And action!
You know what?
You wanna hear other things?
[man] Set.
[man] You're doing "And..."
Okay, come on. Can do!
[man] Keep your body still.
And action!
This does everything.
It'll scratch your back.
It'll put you there.
You put the fucking thing
in the water.
Who gives a shit?
Let's hear some other
things this mop can do!
[audience] Oh...
[Duke]
After that was over,
I was broke and desperate.
To support my family,
I started up what I knew best:
A poker game.
Back then,
I had my regular crew.
Okay, are we
having fun yet, huh?
Here we go.
Nickel, nickel ante.
[Duke]
It was five card draw.
Seven card stud.
And, of course,
Texas hold 'em.
There was
Danny, The Magician.
He'd come
in his beat up magician's
outfit, top hat and all.
He was also
a terrible player.
Go ahead, Midge,
it's on you.
Don't call me Midge,
I'm a little person
With a big cock.
[Duke] That was Bobby Sanders.
AKA Peanut. A former
jockey at Santa Anita.
And, hey, can I get
a pillow for this chair?
I feel like I'm sitting
in a fucking coffin.
Jesus Christ!
[man] He's nervous for a jockey.
[Duke] My crazy brother Carl.
[Duke] Carl used to be
a top publicist in Hollywood
until he screwed that up.
He was a two-bit hustler,
to be honest. He was also
an incessant namedropper.
Did I tell you guys I used
to play strip poker
with Hugh Hefner
at the Playboy mansion?
[man] Ay...
But the Playmates were naked
from the beginning.
It defeated the purpose.
[man] You're told
to have stories already.
They're very bright.
[Duke] And then there was Wing.
Two hundred for me.
[Duke] He was a harmless
action guy I met years ago
at the racetrack.
He was
the happiest loser
I ever met.
Smoked me like Korean barbecue.
[man] Abracadabra!
[Duke] But the secret
to my game was to keep
everybody happy.
And what a game!
Over the years
it got bigger and better.
We were playing
two to three times a week.
Players were
coming out
of the woodwork.
My beautiful wife KC
would work the phones
like a car salesman.
Curt, are you in
or are you out?
I need to know.
[Duke] I knew
every trick and nuance
from the start.
When to bet,
when to bluff, and how
to read their tells.
Hey, KC, when the new guy
has a big hand, he twitches.
Write that down.
Okay.
And Danny the Magician. Huh?
When he's bluffing, he yawns.
It's a horrible tell.
Got it. Here we go.
He's crushing it!
We're gonna play a round
of hold 'em but limit.
[Duke] I was the ring leader.
A friend, a drinking buddy,
and a banker.
Gentlemen!
[Duke] Money was rolling in.
Then came
my friend Sandor.
You wanna say it's carnival?
Let's dance. Let's dance.
[Duke] Sandor was a compulsive
gambler who came from a rich
South American family.
Rumor was
his mother would send him
a million dollars every year,
and by year's end,
he'd always gambled it away.
Another thing
that made this game great
was there was always
some kind of crazy prop bet.
[Duke] Props were side bets.
Wait a minute, I won.
We bet thousands
on all kinds of stuff.
You name it.
Oh! Oh! Get off me!
[men laughing]
[man] He's gonna lose it.
[man 2] Thirty seconds left!
Thirteen, fourteen,
fifteen, sixteen!
You're gonna make it!
[Duke] Okay, great, back up.
[men] Go back, go back.
Fuck you! Be specific!
Your right, your right!
[man] He's gonna kill himself!
No, no, no, no, no!
[man] Damn it!
The little runt did it!
[Duke] All in all, we were
happy. We were out of debt.
Things were beautiful.
Hundred.
[bell ringing]
I'll go.
[Duke]
Then... it happened.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
[Duke] A holdup.
Holy...
Fuck!
Put the fucking cash
on the table!
Now, assholes, now!
[Duke] He took us
for everything.
Gosh!
KC had had enough.
We had to move the game.
Beverly Hills.
Swimming pools,
movie stars.
I found this
perfect spot in the back room
of the Cuba Club.
What do you think?
This will do.
[Duke] With KC by my side,
the game exploded.
It became
the biggest underground
game in the city.
Doctors, lawyers,
B-level celebrities.
Nobody could play worth a damn.
Hey, hey, how are you?
What have I missed so far?
[Duke] Like this big guy
across the table from me,
a local attorney.
Sounds about right.
Duke, Rob McNeely, brother!
Nice to meet you, man.
[Duke] Who I found out quickly
loved to crush your hand.
From that day on,
I called him "Squeeze."
Ready? Right card.
[Duke] Carl would hit up
the new marks
with old school con games.
KC hosted,
did the books.
The stakes got
naturally higher,
and so did my winnings.
I was winning
so much cash, we had
to bury it in the back yard.
[KC] Watch my fingers.
Watch my fingers! Ow!
[Duke] Then a few years later,
the poker boom hit.
That guy just bet
a million with nothing!
[Duke] It was all over TV.
And everyone wanted
to play my game.
Gentlemen, I'd like you
to meet Sebastian.
Good luck.
[Duke] Sebastian Salter,
the hottest young
director in Hollywood.
Humble,
compassionate, unassuming.
These were qualities
Sebastian would never have.
How're you doing?
I'm Duke. I run the game.
I know who you are.
You're the pitch guy, huh...
You sell catheters and diapers
and all that shit.
You're very talented.
Glad you enjoy
the products.
[Duke] I knew
this guy was gonna be trouble.
[Duke] But I also knew
he'd be good for the game.
Yo, Sebastian.
I'm Carl, Duke's brother.
How're you doing, man?
Big fan.
I used to be a publicist.
I handled Stallone...
Oh, you handled Sly,
did you?
No, Frank.
Anyway, welcome
to the game, man.
Big fan, big fan!
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Good to see you.
Check.
This might
break your heart.
Too easy,
this is too easy.
[Duke] This guy was good.
I thought I was with real men.
[Duke] And I mean very good.
What was that,
third hand tonight?
Here, sweetheart.
Hey!
Hey, Pitchman. Am I good?
Yeah. Sit down. Sit down.
Relax. Nice win.
Nice win. What?
About ten grand?
Eleven actually,
but who's counting?
It's barely enough
to cover a weekend
in Turks and Caicos.
But, I like this,
and I like what you've
done with the place.
This is fun.
I like it a lot.
Man, well, you should,
you're a good player.
You've been playing a long time?
Mm... Six months.
Yeah, about six months.
Yeah, I've got
a photographic memory.
IQ of 175. I don't brag about it
too much, but it's important
that you should know.
I watched a lot of poker
on TV, I learned,
now I'm basically pro level.
Nobody likes a bragger.
Anyway, enough about me.
How about you? How'd you feel
about my being here?
I don't want to make you
uncomfortable having
a ringer at the table.
It's your game.
No, you're not. You're fine.
You're in the game.
It's nice to hear.
It's nice to hear
'cause I've got a plan.
I say we get rid
of all these amateur fucks.
I mean ruin 'em. Take 'em
to the fucking cleaners.
You know what I mean?
Put 'em out on the streets.
Put down a lot of good money,
you and me.
All we gotta do is
get rid of the good players.
Wait. Slow down. Okay?
I can't get rid of my friends
because they win, you know?
Ah!
Just one of my rules.
Also we don't
rake here, you know?
We quit at two o'clock
and we never
cherry pick the players.
We have a friendly
poker game.
I get it.
I'll be your soldier, brother.
I'll be fucking Tom Hanks
in Private Ryan,
you know what I mean?
Only better looking.
[Duke]
After just a few hours
with this blowhard,
where all he did
was brag and talk about
his new found poker idols,
Doyle Brunson, Puggy Pearson
and Amarillo Slim...
Now, come on, Puggy Pearson
gave Doyle Brunson
the same bet in the eighties.
Those guys were
out of fucking control.
That's when men were men.
[Duke]
....who he always misquoted.
[Sebastian]
"If you can't spot a sailor
at the table, you're it."
[Duke]
Then he started bragging
about other things.
Did I tell you
I was a black belt
in karate?
Ay!
[Duke] This guy was a nut bag.
[Duke] And as we say in poker,
I was priced in,
and I had to see the flaw.
[Duke] With Sebastian playing,
he brought in
some high rolling friends,
like Angry Jim, who was
in the meat packing industry.
Or something like that.
Hey,
assholes, help push
the chips over here.
You want me
to throw you down
a flight of fucking stairs?
I'll do it,
you motherfuckers.
[Duke] All I know is,
you didn't mess
with this guy.
[Duke] Then there was
Puppet Hank,
who made millions years ago
in the dot com business.
[Duke] He was a wannabe
ventriloquist
who never went anywhere
without his creepy puppet.
[Duke] But when he'd
go broke, he'd go
a little Tourette's.
Fuck you!
What did he say?
I didn't say shit.
This one said, "Fuck you."
Hank, put the puppet away. Okay?
Relax. Get some therapy.
Alright. Fuck you, fuck you,
bitch, bastard, bitch, bastard,
fucking shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, fuck you...
[Duke] With Sebastian in,
things were going great.
[Duke] He even livened
things up by giving Carl
an interesting free role.
[Carl] Who's got the black Audi?
[laughs]
Fuck, man!
Hey! Three more months,
twinkle toes!
If you come anywhere
without wearing your D-cup,
it's off.
[Duke]
My crazy brother Carl.
For fifty thousand,
he had to dress in drag
for three months. Pathetic.
[reggae music]
Yeah, na boy, na
Okay,
Don't need no introduction
[Duke] As the game grew,
it was very clear.
Sebastian was a winner.
How can you
fucking call that? Hm?
[Duke]
But I was the one player
he couldn't beat.
Lucky son of a bitch.
[Duke] And he hated me
because of it.
[Duke] As time went by,
we took lots
of gambling trips together.
Cabo, Vegas, Miami.
But then we always
came back to the golf.
Chucky Burns.
Television star,
drug addict, drunk...
But just
a sweetheart of a guy.
He has no idea.
I haven't
been outside for days.
Yeah?
That's great. Alright,
we got a four-way scramble,
three ways with the cube.
I got Chucky.
I'll take Puppet Hank,
Sandor, and Carly,
2000 a man. What do you say?
No, you're not taking Carly.
She's playing on for six.
I want her on my side.
[Duke] Okay,
I'll take Squeeze then.
You take Squeeze,
but stop coning me.
I'm not coning you.
You're taking a piss.
Stop it.
Okay, I'll take drag boy then.
Nobody's taking drag boy.
Carly's staying with me.
[Duke] Puppet Hank.
Put down the puppet.
You have to put that...
You're on my team.
He's...
Put it down.
He's caddying me.
You can't have him.
I got him.
Fucking no.
Carly, you're gonna caddie me.
Carly now?
Don't make me
punch you in the vulva!
[Duke] Ah, easy!
I hit the tits off of that one!
I hit the tits off of that one!
[Carl laughing]
Well, he just ruined tits
for me the rest of my life.
[Duke] We'd play all day.
Eighteen, sometimes
36 holes in one afternoon.
Action bets on everything.
Give me your best shots,
bitches.
Fire!
[Duke] Like the five grand,
hit the sucker bet
for fifty yards out,
where our group had
two minutes
to hurt our victim.
Yeah!
[moaning in pain]
[Duke] After golf,
we'd pay off the rangers.
Gentlemen!
[Duke] Squeeze always insisted.
[Squeeze]
Thanks for your troubles.
Ah!
Don't worry,
I didn't forget you.
Oh! Jesus!
Be good, now.
Thank you. Fuck.
[Duke] Then,
it was payoff time.
[Duke] Afterwards,
the real laughs came
when the guys got drunk
and made stupid prop bets,
like the time
Angry Jim and Sebastian
bet 25 grand each
that the new golf caddie
could eat 50 donuts
in one hour.
And if you don't eat it,
I'm gonna fucking
stuff 'em up your ass!
[Duke] It was
an impossible feat.
[Duke] About a half hour in
and 25 donuts down...
Atta boy, you...
Don't you fucking
hurl on me!
[Duke] The poor kid turned
green and ran out the place
to take his one barf rule.
[Duke] But he
returned quickly,
and to everyone's surprise,
the kid ate
the other 25
and won the bet!
Beautiful! Beautiful!
[Duke] Found out
a couple months later,
the caddie had
an identical twin brother.
[Duke] Angry and Sebastian
set us up to perfection.
[Duke] You had to watch
these guys. You never knew
who was coning who.
Boys, I had
my first cigar at five
and first piece of ass at ten.
Was it consensual?
[men laughing]
Yeah, your mom said it was okay.
Got you!
Carly, close your legs.
I can see your balls
by your knees. Disgusting.
Listen. I've got an idea.
Walk to Vegas
in seven days... A mil.
[men whistling]
Walk to Vegas? That's...
Million dollars.
Interesting.
Amarillo Slim
and Doyle Brunson.
Yeah.
He laid down a bet
forty years ago.
Forty years.
No one here can do it.
I'm certainly not doing it.
Come on.
Prove me wrong.
Listen. It's easy
to figure out. Forty miles.
Yeah.
A day.
Because it's 280 miles.
No. It can't be done.
It's more like nine days,
maybe ten.
Or eleven.
Eleven! You can't
do that in seven days.
It's impossible, unwinnable.
Forget it. I'm not doing it.
Me, neither. No chance.
I'd be lucky to walk to the car.
[men laughing]
[Duke] But later that night,
Sebastian showed
his true colors.
[Duke] When he took Sandor
back to his house
and beat him for 250 grand.
[laughing]
[Duke] I found out
about it a few days later.
Oh, come on,
you're acting
like a little bitch.
I told you, Sebastian,
don't hijack my players,
especially my friend Sandor!
He's a grown man.
He knew what he was doing.
What's a fucking goat
doing here?
I asked for a camel.
You broke the guy
when he was
stone cold drunk!
No one's heard from him in days!
[Sebastian] I don't know.
Maybe he's gone back
to South America, scrounging
another mil off his mother.
I mean, the point is,
it's not my fault.
As the great hustler
Amarillo Slim used to say,
"all is fair
in a snake pit," Dukey.
[Duke] No, no, he said,
"I'll put a rattlesnake
in your pocket
and I'll ask for a match,"
you moron!
Alright, you ask me,
we go the car,
we get a golf club,
and we pay that creep
a visit right now.
Relax, Carl.
[Duke whispering] Golf club
and a car. Psycho.
[Duke] Carl was especially mad
at Sebastian due to a situation
a few days before.
Redheads.
I've always been into redheads.
Well, too bad for you.
'Cause I'm not a redhead!
Got you.
[Duke] That little incident
cost Carl fifty grand.
[Duke]
Sebastian stiffed him
on a technicality.
[Duke] As the years went by,
the game shifted to mansions,
hotels... Went to another level.
[Duke] My winning streak
continued.
[Duke] I kept hiding most
of our cash in the backyard.
Just in case of the unknown.
[Duke] Then we were playing
in this mansion
in some day game
a couple of days
before Thanksgiving.
[Duke] We were supposed
to quit that night,
but Walter Brooks,
a wealthy billionaire
friend of Sebastian's,
was just getting started.
[Duke] Brooks was one
of the most successful
diamond field
and hedge fund owners.
[Duke] He was down
over 200 grand that day,
and he didn't blink an eye.
I'll buy another fifty, please.
Me, too.
[Duke] Then there was
Chucky Burns.
[Duke] The drunken,
drug-addicted sitcom star
having his own struggles.
[Duke] This was
the game of games.
The perfect storm.
[Duke] The problem was
we played right
into Thanksgiving Day,
and no one
had any thoughts of leaving.
[KC] You know that we are
four hours away
from people arriving.
[KC] Where the hell are you?
I'm killing it here.
I'm in the greatest
game of all time! This could
change our entire life!
If you don't get home soon,
I'm gonna change
your entire life!
[whispering] No! No, get out.
[Duke] Chucky lost a record
seven hundred thousand.
[Duke]
I won two hundred
and fifty thousand of it.
[Duke] The biggest score
of my entire life.
[Duke] A few weeks later,
Angry Jim came by
to pick up money I owed
him from a boxing bet,
about 10 grand.
[sighing]
You made me come out
to the San Fernando Valley.
You know they got
poison gases out here
that the government covers up.
Oh,
by the way, did you hear?
That actor prick, Chucky?
His check bounced.
Yeah I know,
I know. Mine too.
He owes me two fifty.
Don't worry about him.
He's very good for it.
Yeah. Well if he's not,
I'm gonna rip out his eyes
and rape his fuckin' skull.
A little much?
Maybe.
My blood sugar's low.
[Duke] Is that Carl?
[groaning]
[groaning]
Carl! What happened?
Carl! Oh!
What happened?
They took my car.
They accused me of cheating.
Who? Who accused
you of cheating?
The Mexicans,
in the Calexico game!
They said
I had phony dice!
Did you?
Duke! That's out of line!
Out of line!
How stupid do I look?
[Duke] That meant "yes."
[Duke] For years Carl
would run down to this
border town game in Calexico
in the back of a seedy bar
and roll dice
with scum bags and gangsters.
[Duke]
It was just a matter of time.
Anyway, they took me out
back in the alley.
Threw hot sauce
in my eyes. Hot sauce!
And then the last thing
I remember,
they're beating my knee.
Look at this.
Beating my knee
with a frying pan.
[Angry] Frying pan?
Fucking Mexicans.
Always thinking of food.
[Angry laughing] Okay, alright.
That's not funny.
Hey.
Can you pay this guy?
They took my whole roll.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, I got it. I got it.
[Angry] I got you covered.
[Carl] My God!
Can I stay for supper?
[Angry] Here you go.
I'm starving.
[Duke] From that day on,
my brother walked on sticks.
About a month later,
Walter Brooks flew us all out
to his Napa Valley vineyard.
It was to celebrate
this new fancy wine he acquired
for a zillion dollars .
We were all having
a blast, higher
than the state of Colorado,
before the temple
of doom cornered me.
That actor prick Chucky...
He still hasn't paid me.
I know, I know, Angry.
He's good for it.
Oh, man.
Fucking pisses me off!
Bad debts ruin games.
You know
what I ought to do?
I ought to throw
that cocksucker down
a fucking flight of stairs!
Easy, Godfather.
He'll pay.
[Duke] I sounded confident,
but I was owed
a lot of money, too.
[Duke]
Chucky was back in rehab.
[man whistling]
[clinking glass]
[applause]
Thank you,
thank you, one and all.
[Walter] I want to begin
by welcoming
all of you to my home.
Even my degenerate group
of gambling friends
who have
set such a terrible
example for me.
[laughter]
But seriously,
I am a very lucky man.
[Walter] But wealth is
of no value unless you have
friends with which to share it.
I regard
each and every one of you
as my friend.
[laughing]
And because
you are my friend,
you are my family.
[Walter] It would honor me
greatly if you would
accept my invitation
to participate
in my extraordinary
good fortune.
Hear, hear!
[applause]
[Duke]
Checkmate.
Slam dunk, over!
[Duke]
The most successful
business man in the world
just gave us an "in"
to all his investment riches.
[Duke] Impossible
for the ordinary man.
But we were chosen.
Congratulations.
[Duke]
As bad as Sebastian was,
I owed him for this one.
[Duke] When I got back to LA,
I rounded up
practically all of our money.
[Duke] Total about 1.2 million
and wired it immediately in
to Walter's main hedge fund.
[Duke] Deep down, I knew
money really couldn't
bring you happiness.
[Duke] But right now,
we weren't very deep,
and we were really happy.
[Duke] Time went by
and all was well,
even though Chucky
went sideways
and never paid anyone.
[Duke]
Then, the day got real bad.
We are following
breaking news tonight.
We've learned
that billionaire Walter Brooks,
chairman of one
of the most successful
venture capital firms,
has been indicted
by the US Government
for what appears to be
running a Ponzi scheme.
Now his whereabouts
are unknown at this time,
leaving disgruntled
investors in ruins
and desperate for answers.
What?
[KC] No!
[Duke] After days
of phone calls
to lawyers, cops, even FBI,
we finally realized
that our money was gone.
[Duke] The worst
part about it is
that Sebastian told people
he never really trusted Brooks
and never invested a dime.
[Duke] To make
matters worse,
he was having a game.
[Duke]
My game with my players.
I got a knife and duct tape!
And I'm bringing it!
Who do you think we are?
The Sopranos?
Get back in the car.
[Duke] Where's Sebastian?
What is
all the excitement? Huh?
Ah! Dukemeister.
What the hell's going on?
You're relieved, big man.
Thank you.
What's that?
What're you talking about?
What are you doing?
You having a game?
My game? And you
don't invite me?
This is
a hundred grand buy in.
You told me you're broke.
You're trying
to steal my game.
Wah!
Duke, remember.
I'm sixth degree in black belt
on martial arts scale.
Do not make me
karate the fuck at you.
Okay.
But for the record,
it's fifth degree black belt.
It only goes up
to fifth degree!
Not in Europe. It's
a different fucking scale!
Different scale? Really?
It's the metric system!
Explain.
What do you mean explain?
Didn't you go to school?
Yes, I did!
Right!
Well, the metric system!
What are you talking about?
The European metric system!
I know the metric system!
Is it fifth?
Fuck!
That's embarrassing.
[Duke] With my game stolen
and my bankroll destroyed,
I quickly tried to collect
on my Chucky Burns marker.
[Duke] This whack job
did owe me
a quarter of a million dollars.
Hey!
Hey! Hey! You look good.
You look good.
Thanks. You?
Yeah. I'm fine.
You look good.
You look good.
Very healthy.
[Duke]
Look, I got a problem.
I'm really busted.
I need money.
You owe me some money.
Two hundred
and fifty thousand.
[nervous laugh]
Do I really owe you
a quarter of a million?
I'm not doubting you.
I just have
no memory of it.
Yes. Yes, you owe me
250 000 dollars.
Remember the Thanksgiving
game? You got gobbled up.
Right. Right.
Can I offer you a line?
No.
You want some of these?
No.
Some of these?
No.
Some of this?
No.
Okay. So...
I wanna pay you.
I wanna pay you the money.
Thank God. Thank God.
I knew you'd come through.
Thank you!
But I'm broke.
You're broke.
Yeah. No one's
fucking hiring me anymore.
I don't get it.
Well, it's
a shock to me.
Look, I'll see you around.
Hey Duke! Hey,
uh, hey Duke. Duke?
I'm really sorry.
Hey, don't worry.
My old man used to tell me
everyone goes broke,
only bums don't come back.
You're not a bum.
No, I'm not a bum.
Winner. I'm a winner!
I'm a winner! Whoo!
[Duke]
Months went by
and things got worse.
[Duke]
I was dead broke
with bills to pay
and a family who acted
like I didn't exist.
Hey! Love you guys!
Yeah, right dad, right!
[phone ringing]
[Duke]
Then... a break.
Hello?
[Duke] A call
from Sebastian to meet.
He said he had good news.
[Duke] I was at his house
in twenty minutes.
Beautiful, last, we'll
sink a little bit lower
with each out breath,
each inhale,
lengthen,
from middle sternum
to crown of the head,
each exhale sink
a little bit lower,
there we go. One more in,
press your in...
Hey.
Now let's move...
[Sebastian] Get me
a nice towel.
Namaste, Duke.
So, why am I here?
To watch you
audition for Peter Pan?
What, does this make
you uncomfortable? Hmm?
Listen,
the reason you're here.
I know you've had
a tough time
with Walter Brooks.
I know
that prick Chucky
still owes you some dough.
So I'd like
to buy Chucky's marker
off of you.
Really?
It's worth 250 grand.
Yeah, but rumor has it,
he is one foot in the grave
and he's MC Hammer broke.
You know?
So, I'm thinking,
I'll buy his marker.
Maybe it pays off
in ten years.
Maybe it don't.
But for forty grand,
it might be with worth it.
Forty grand! No,
that's ridiculous.
Okay. I knew you'd bargain.
I'm willing to go up.
Sixty. But not more.
I'll take it.
Of course you will.
[Duke]
With the sixty grand,
I laid low for a while.
[Duke] And waited
for the right game.
[Duke] A thing happens
when you're used to playing
for a hundred grand
and now you're
playing for ten.
[Duke] You play bad.
I lost the entire sixty
in one night.
So... we're down
to the two dollar
tequila now, huh?
Pathetic.
Here's some bad news.
What? What is this?
Yeah. Great timing
to sell to Sebastian.
Chucky's rich again.
I heard he paid Sebastian
back the 250 K weeks ago.
It gets worse.
Read the part about who's
executive producing the show.
Sebastian.
Oh, my God! No, no!
Which means Sebastian knew
he was doing the show
and he couldn't wait
to hustle you.
Fucking...!
You better just straighten up,
you drunken fool. Alright?
You just got robbed again
by that scumbag!
Time to get
your balls back.
Let's snap this guy.
[Duke]
About a week later,
I met up with Angry Jim.
[Duke] I was gonna try
and sell him my golf clubs
for two hundred bucks
even though
they were probably
still worth a grand.
[Duke] I was
desperate for money.
You made me
come out to the valley
again for these?
These clubs look like
they've been through a war.
[Duke] Yeah.
[phone ringing]
Hello.
What?
[Duke] Sandor was dead.
He had a heart attack
at the racetrack.
Sandor was
a very special guy.
True gambler.
A man with great passion
and many, many friends.
Don't seem like to me.
There's what? Eight people?
If you were broke,
Sandor would give you money.
He wasn't about himself.
Unlike
other people in this room.
I think he's talking
about you.
He was about giving.
Oh, he gave.
He still owes me
like twenty five grand.
Welcher, welcher...
Hey, come on.
Sandor,
you were a great man.
May the river card
always hit you.
I'm sorry. So sorry.
You know, I think
I'd like to say
a little something.
Hey! You can't say a damn word!
What? I'm paying my respect.
Respects? Respect him?
Yeah.
You didn't respect him
when you broke him
for 250 000 when he was
stone cold drunk, did you?
Why are you
bringing that up now?
Sit down.
You sit down.
I will sit down. You sit down.
I stood up first. You sit down.
Sorry.
He's very emotional.
He's emotional.
My apologies.
He's emotional right now.
Sit down.
You sit down.
No, you sit down.
Sit down.
I'm gonna sit down.
Sit down.
He's insensitive.
Insensitive! Yes!
[knocking on wood]
It's a nice fucking box.
What is that, oak?
I'm very sorry
for your loss.
Thank you.
[woman struggling]
[sighing]
Hi, Papiana.
Oh!
I'm so sorry!
Oh, sweetie,
that was so beautiful.
Thank you. Thank you.
And thank you
for what you said
about my brother.
Thank you.
Anyway, uh...
Every year my mother would
send Sandor a sum of money
to enjoy his life with.
Right.
Anyway...
In honor of Sandor
and your friendship,
my mother and I
would like you to have this.
Oh.
[Wing] What is it?
[Wing] You're kidding! No way!
Holy fuck! Oh my God! Oh my God!
[Wing]
Duke just inherited
a million dollars!
We're saved.
We won't lose the house!
[Angry]
Wow! Duke's rolling in
the big money now, huh.
[Wing] Woohoo!
My grandpa used to say
sometimes good can
come from sorrow.
Hey, listen.
Perhaps with this,
maybe the old man here
could buy his way
back in my game
with this sort of money.
Relax, conman.
I'll never play
in your game again.
Why are you calling me names?
Why is he being so hostile?
I was just coming over
to congratulate you.
No, you weren't.
You came over here
because of this.
We have a little money
again that we can
get out of debt with.
You want to hustle it.
I know you.
But I don't want your money.
Good! Good.
Now please leave
before I bust your face!
How about that?
[Wing] Hey, come on guys.
He's mean to me.
Now I am mad, I do want
your fucking money.
Hey, hey!
You want my money.
He is bragging
about how he wins any prop.
Smartest man
in the room. Right, Duke?
Don't know
what you're talking about.
Why don't
you put your money
where your mouth is?
You pick a prop.
Anything. Sound fair?
Head's up at poker?
Game of golf.
Whatever you want.
Be a big man.
Put your money down.
You're not really thinking...
Babe, stay out of this.
You know what I think?
I think the problem
is that you've played
the knowing gambler too long.
You're a has been
who just wants to play
in his shitty
little valley game.
I'll do it!
Get your million ready.
[Wing] Oh, no. Oh God.
Are you crazy?
We got our life back,
now you want
to risk everything?
Babe, Sandor
would've wanted this.
I've got the edge.
We'll win.
Who's crushing it?
Not you!
You're on your own!
This is without me.
[Angry] That was awkward.
So, what's the bet gonna be?
A million dollar
walk to Vegas!
Very sexy!
Okay assholes, the bet is on!
Either one of you
guys pulls out now,
you owe a hundred grand.
[Angry] After tonight,
it's two hundred!
The overall bet is a million.
Extra betting is encouraged.
Let's do this!
[Duke] We bickered
for hours going over
every little detail.
Okay,
so three times a day
for fifteen minutes,
Duke can come into the RV,
use the restroom,
the shower if he so pleases.
No! Twice a day!
Tops. That's it. I'm not
running a fucking hotel.
[Duke]
Most of the big issues
were settled on.
[Duke] I had to sleep outside,
I could walk or run,
90 % in the daytime,
no hats allowed,
and I could only eat or drink
what I packed in my bag.
Now let's talk
about the biggest
issue of all: days.
Wait, wait. What's he
talking about? We decided
it was going to be nine days.
No, we said
eight or nine days
to be negotiated.
But I'm
leaning towards eight.
Guys, get serious.
I'm 48 years old.
Okay, the walk to Vegas
in eight days is
36 miles a day. Impossible.
Yeah. There's no way
he's going to make that.
Look at him.
He's an old drunk.
Sorry, Duke.
No worries.
[Angry] He does drink a lot.
That is true.
[Hank]
Fuck, shit, fuck, shit.
Boys, he's
been playing professional
tennis his whole life.
He works out twice a day.
He's conning us.
No, it's eight days.
Take it or leave it.
Okay, you got me! Eight days.
And as long as you're
stealing my money,
how about this one?
How about seven days?
[man] What?
What are you talking about?
You're kidding?
I'll do it in seven days
in the tradition
of the Doyle Brunson bet.
But Doyle was 32
when he made that bet.
He was in superior shape.
He could run a marathon
in three hours in his sleep.
[man] Damn right.
I suppose you'd want odds on it.
Yes, of course,
I want odds. Big odds,
or I'm out of here.
[man] That's right!
That's crazy!
No, it's not. Seven
days to walk to Vegas
at 48 years old,
a semi drunk
in hot desert heat?
Give us a break. He could
never do it, so it's gotta be
twenty to one, at least.
[man] Yeah.
[man 2] Thirty!
[man] Thirty to one!
That's what I'm thinking.
What do you think
we should give him?
You think
he can actually make it?
It can't be done.
Not by him.
It's a fucking lock.
Alright, alright.
Here we are. Here we are.
In the tradition
of the Doyle bet,
we do it in seven days.
But big man here's
gotta wear a suit.
What? What?
A suit? You want me to wear
a suit in the desert?
Are you crazy?
[Sebastian] That was
part of the original bet
and you know it.
Seven days, you in a suit.
I'll give you
five to one.
This is crazy.
You know Doyle
never made the bet?
He stopped. He pulled
off because he knew it was
impossible to win. Yeah.
Yeah, because you knew
about the suit,
which I'm impressed by,
you must also know
about the Jack Binion clause.
That his best friend
Jack Binion could
actually relieve him
the last 25
miles if need be.
That's it?
That's all you're whining about
as our sticking point?
Fuck. Alright. Deal.
[Duke] Deal.
You'd better warm up some.
[Duke]
With only ten days to prepare,
I had to move fast.
[pop song]
You calm down, calm down
[Duke] To make it official,
all the money was put
into an escrow account.
[Duke] Very reputable.
And I'm bound, I'm bound
In all our place
There is no sound
No sound
[Duke] I hadn't worked out
this hard in years.
But I was feeling great.
Hi, neighbor!
Fuck you!
Ey, ey
I'm the king
of the Valley!
I'm ready to go.
Where are these guys?
They said noon.
Yeah.
[musical car horn]
[man on speaker]
Welcome, K-Mart shoppers!
Oh! Oh! Lookin' sharp!
So this is what
a Valley looks like, huh?
Sweet RV, Sebastian!
Suck a dick, Carl.
[Carl] Yeah...
Where's the missus?
Where's the boy at?
I thought you guys
would be celebrating.
Have some confetti,
some balloons.
I got my family covered.
Don't worry about it.
Okay guys,
Pops is leaving!
I love you!
Fuck you!
[door closing]
In case you don't know,
they still aren't talking.
I fucking got it, Carl!
Alright,
love, ready, huh?
I wanna get out of here.
This Valley smog
is burning my eyes.
Yeah.
[Hank laughing]
Bye-bye.
Okay, million dollar
walk to Vegas, begins now!
[Duke] 280 miles
to the Vegas sign.
I had to win this bet.
I chose to wear the suit
that I proposed to KC in,
13 years ago.
It was my lucky suit.
I took the old back
route from the north end of the
Valley through Santa Clarita.
All the guys
had action on the bet,
most taking pieces
on Sebastian's side.
[Duke] Just Wing and Carl
making bets on me.
[musical car horn]
[man in speaker]
Hey, Dukey, we're all
having ice cream sandwiches.
[man] I don't wanna brag,
but we are having
ice cream sandwiches.
[Duke] I got
through 40 miles
on day one.
[Duke]
I was right on schedule.
[animals howling and barking]
Thank you!
Thank you, coyotes!
I'll be here all week!
I can't believe the bastard
made Vasquez Rocks
on the first day!
Vasquez Rocks? Isn't that
where Rock Hudson shot
that movie "Rio Bravo"
where he killed
all those Indians?
I don't care.
No, incorrect.
That would be John Wayne.
Did I ever tell you
I handled his son Patrick
back in the day?
You didn't. But you know what?
I'm having trouble
sleeping at night,
so why don't
you call me later
and retell that story?
[Duke] Day two
I hit it early
and sprung down the road.
[Duke] I cruised down
Pearblossom Highway.
And was making time.
[Duke] I breezed
through the mountains
like it was nothing.
[Duke] It was hot,
but I was kicking ass!
[Duke] With the beautiful sun
shining down, I was strong
and full of vitamin D.
[Duke] My body
was in its zone.
[Duke] I was excited
about life and at total peace
with the world.
Yo, Pops!
You're fucking sick!
[laughing]
Come on, punks!
[Duke] Fucking millennials.
They think they're all hot shit
with their craft beer.
After that debacle,
I started to hurt and slow down.
Around noon time,
I felt tingling
around my neck.
The start of heat stroke.
Alright, 15 minute
RV break starts now!
Give him room!
[Carl] Okay! Okay,
here he comes.
[Carl] Here comes the champ.
You know something?
You're getting a good tan.
[Carl] Uh oh.
Someone give him
a cell phone.
So he can call the misses.
Too soon?
I take it back.
Oh, my gosh! Yeah, it takes
a real tough guy
to hit a child.
[Carl]
Hey! You're looking good.
[Carl] And you're feeling good!
[Duke vomiting]
He's fine.
[Duke] That afternoon,
I was dragging.
But with five million dollars
to win, I pushed on.
There were times
I'd get ahead of the RV.
They'd stall,
have lunch or go to some
sleazy strip joint.
I cut across
a lot of open desert
to make better time.
Of course,
Sebastian wouldn't trust me,
so he hired this scout
to walk behind me
about a half mile away
just in case a motorcycle
didn't pick me up and drive me
ten miles down the road.
[Angry]
Oh, we're fucked.
Duke's already gone
a hundred miles in two days.
That guy's a fucking machine.
Nah.
We'll be alright.
He'll tire out
after day three.
Nobody beats
a fucking desert.
Trust me.
[door knocking]
Check or bet.
Hey, guys,
it's too hot in here.
I need some water.
Wonton,
get the fuck back in there.
You pop out again,
you lose the bet!
[Hank]
Water? He wants water?
I don't think so.
[laughter]
[Duke]
By the end of day two
I was exhausted.
And with everything at stake,
I went into autopilot,
and made Victorville
before nightfall.
Day three.
Way ahead of schedule.
My body
feeling surprisingly good.
I was off.
[police siren sound]
[man in speaker] Pull over.
[police siren sound]
[Sebastian]
What is this about?
I stopped
you because you're
slowing down traffic.
Ugh...I don't have
time for this. I mean,
clearly, you're insane.
How are we slowing down
traffic when there is
no fucking traffic?
Jesus Christ! Look,
I know for a fact
that we paid
all you hillbilly cops off.
Rather handsomely,
I may add.
Who you calling a hillbilly?
You.
Hey! What's the problem?
What's the problem?
This silly hick fuck
wants to shut us down.
Hey, sir,
return to your vehicle! Now!
My what?
Return to your vehicle now.
Do it!
[Sebastian] What did he say?
[Duke] Let go!
[Sebastian] My vehicle?
[Sebastian]
They don't even
speak English.
There they go with their guns.
Get in there!
For fuck sake.
Officer.
Vehicles. It's not even a word!
Officer. Can I explain?
My name's Duke.
I apologize for that guy.
He's a movie director.
Oh, I know who he is.
And you Hollywood pricks
think you can get away
with whatever
you want, don't you?
Yeah, actually,
I agree with you
about Hollywood pricks.
They all are.
I used to be an actor
in Hollywood myself. Yeah.
But anyway,
that guy in there,
trust me,
he's the biggest
Hollywood prick
you'll ever meet.
You know what?
I'm broke because
of that prick. Yeah.
I can't support my wife
and my kid. Honest to God
because of that prick.
And, sadly I made a bet
with that stupid prick
that I can, it's crazy,
walk to Vegas in seven days.
A walk to Vegas?
Are you out of your mind?
Yeah.
Maybe I am. I don't know.
But I'm doing it.
I'm out here right now!
I'm half way through
and, officer,
if you stop me now,
I will lose,
that prick
will have ruined me.
I don't know what I'll do.
I'm sorry
I called you a silly fuck.
Wow, he really is
a prick, isn't he?
Well, listen.
You got a bet to win.
And I'm not gonna stop you.
You're not? Really?
That's great! Thank you,
thank you, thank you!
You know what the difference
between a porcupine and a bus
full of Hollywood types is?
No, not really.
Don't know.
I don't know.
The porcupine
has his pricks
on the outside.
That... That's funny.
That's the porcupine
reference... That's good.
Yeah, yeah.
I just made that one up.
Yeah, we got
a little comedy
club in Lancaster.
Sometimes, I go
in there and I...
It's a hobby.
I try out some stuff.
That's clever stuff.
Great sense of humor.
If I was you, I would
get off this road.
You wanna head out up
over that mountain there.
It's a little terrain,
but you're gonna be fine.
The road bends back around.
It's gonna be
a real shortcut,
save you a few hours.
No, you're kidding.
That's beautiful.
Officer,
I can't thank you enough.
You are...
I'm so sorry about him,
and you're fantastic!
And you're funny.
It's been a real pleasure.
Oh.
Yeah. Real actor.
Meeting a real actor.
You ever been
in anything I'd ever seen?
Never.
Probably never. Way back.
Thank you though.
No, I've seen
your face before.
I know you.
Could I give you my card?
I can't really do that now.
So, listen, you get going.
Okay? You teach
that Hollywood prick a lesson.
Okay? You hear me?
Alright.
I will.
Hydrate.
Oy!
What's going on?
Is it happening or what?
Yeah, it's happening!
The race is still on!
And he agrees.
You're a Hollywood prick!
Adios.
Now they tell me!
[Duke] What is this?
[Duke] Hillbilly help!
[voice echoing]
Okay.
Is that irritating?
Some shortcut your pal took.
[Duke] Hours later,
I hit rock bottom.
[Duke] Literally.
[Duke] It was a miracle
I even found the RV.
Alright, your call.
Hey! What the fuck is that?
Come on.
You're putting
the heater on? Seriously?
I'm not fucking
Ben & Jerry's, Carl!
[Sebastian]
Freezing in here!
You hustling creep!
You got to that cop!
I'm sorry,
I can neither confirm nor deny.
You son of a bitch!
You're gonna play that way?
Look, I've got millions
riding on this, pitchman.
Remember all skinning
is allowed in a snake pit.
That's "I'll put
a rattlesnake
in your pocket
and I'll ask for a match,"
you moron!
You're misquoting
Amarillo Slim again!
[Duke] That little stunt
by Sebastian
cost me nearly six hours.
[Duke] So I decided to cash in
on some of my limited
night walking time.
[wind blowing]
[Angry] Okay. Oh, look at that.
[Hank] You feel that?
[Angry] Whoo!
I'm glad I'm in here
and it's cozy.
Are we gonna play?
[Hank] Some kind
of crazy sandstorm?
[banging the door]
Hey! Let me in!
Yes, can I help you?
I'm blowing away! Let me in!
Duke, I'm sorry, big man,
you've already had your break.
We've discussed this.
You cannot a take break
within three hours
of each other.
I mean, the rules are rules
unless you wanna concede.
Concede, my ass!
Take your hand
off my door handle.
Dukey?
[Duke]
Sebastian wasn't budging.
[Duke] I had to get
the hazmat suit
that Wing had
brought along
for emergencies like this.
Come on,
Sebastian. This is cruel.
Let him in!
What do you guys worried?
[Sebastian] If he dies, he dies.
Let my brother in, come on!
[Wing] Yeah!
[laughing]
[Duke] I need the hazmat suit.
The hazmat suit!
Huh? What's
he trying to say?
The hazmat suit!
I need it!
Little Dukey.
What's he trying to say?
He's trying to communicate.
He's trying to play charades?
Oh, I love charades.
[Hank] So do I!
A thousand bucks a man
to whoever figures it!
Whip out!
[Hank] No one beats me.
I can play
at Betty White's house!
[talking at the same time]
Give me something to write!
[Wing]
Dirty mag, soft porn.
He's cold. Rock the cradle.
A hazmat suit. Ebola!
Wings, wings,
it must be airplane!
He's saying airplane.
Write down "airplane."
[Wing] Airplane.
[Carl] Airplane.
Oh! Not airplane! E!
That's the letter E.
Write down E!
[Wing] Hold on. Hold on.
[Carl] E. E?
Yes! Yes.
Got it!
Second syllable. Looks
like he's pitching softball.
[Hank] Betty White cookies.
[Carl] Softball? Yeah, softball.
[Carl]
I know what he's doing.
He's bowling.
Bowling?
[Carl] Yes. Write down bowling.
[Angry]
Don't know anybody
who bowls like that.
Yes! Bowling! Ebola!
I need...
[Wing]
He wants the hazmat suit!
He wants the hazmat suit!
[Wing]
Got it! Got it!
I win four thousand dollars.
[Carl]
You'd better hurry.
He's gonna blow away.
[Carl] It's not in the fridge.
[Wing] I love this game.
[jazz music]
[Duke] Day four was torture.
[Duke] It was 110
in the cactus shade, I was
exhausted before the day began.
Hey, Carl.
Duke slowed down
real bad today.
Something's wrong.
Hey, Wing, get out!
[Sebastian] Five minutes.
You know the rules.
Duke!
[Duke panting]
Don't tell me... You won
another game of charades.
[laughing] No,
I came out for you.
You are very slow today...
What? What happens?
You mean
what's happening, Wing?
I tell
you say "what's happening."
I don't know Wing,
it's a little hot.
My legs,
they feel like cement.
They don't feel good.
[Wing] Uh, oh.
[Duke] Oh, man.
Duke, I'm worried about you.
What? You okay?
Yeah,
I'm okay. I'm okay.
Maybe I'm not.
Maybe I'm not okay.
Alright?
If you ask me, you know,
I think it's your stride.
I don't think
you're walking right.
I'm walking right.
I'm just tired of walking.
You know what, right now
you look very slow.
You know,
you walk like this.
Like a tired creature.
You know
you have to think, like,
a Olympic style speed walker.
You know? Like this.
You look like
you have the runs.
It doesn't matter
what I look like.
This is how the best
walkers move, you know?
Like, uh,
like walking the catwalk
at a fashion show.
Yeah, move
that high knee. Come on,
move that high knee. Let's go!
Yeah! Yes! That's good, okay.
Now add some speed, okay?
Yeah! Like, uh, like
you're a model at a cat ramp.
Okay? Give me some attitude.
Attitude! Ah!
It's not bad!
It's not bad.
And now! Add those arms.
Yes! Like a butterfly! Yes!
Like a butterfly!
Oh, yeah, you're fine!
He's got a fucking trainer.
Swing the arms.
I'm good.
I told you swing the arms.
You're like a butterfly. Okay?
Yes!
Think like a butterfly.
Yes, yes, yes. I'm going.
We fly!
We're swimming.
I'm going.
We're swimming
on the ground, yes!
Like De la Renta!
You know, these big legs.
I feel uncomfortable
within my skin.
And I feel
like I can't look away.
Yes! Yes! Like a butterfly!
Oh yeah, you fly!
Dukey, you fly!
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
I'm not a butterfly.
You fly!
But. But. But, wait.
My hips hurt. My hips hurt.
I know your hips hurt,
but you got to look
sexy like me.
[Hank singing]
Dadadada
[Sebastian] Already I look
like Dolph Lundgren's
younger brother.
Now, take your clothes off.
I mean, like,
what if he said that?
What did you mean by that?
We were goofing on them
doing the voice.
Why would you say
he's taking his clothes.
Nobody's taking
their clothes off. Already
it's inappropriate enough.
Why would one of them be naked?
Don't look at me.
You say way more
disgusting things than me.
Hey! Hey! Why would one
of them be naked only?
I thought
it would be funny that...
I thought we were doing...
Like doing a bit.
And one
of them would be naked?
In the bit.
In the joke.
[Duke] As the day went on,
I continued on guts alone.
[Duke] The more I tried
to forget the pain...
The more it was there.
[Wing singing]
Can you bake a cherry pie
Billy boy, Billy boy
[Duke] At first I thought
it was psychological
warfare from the gang.
Darling Billy
[Duke]
But then it was clear.
Another prop bet.
[Duke]
How many patriot songs Wing
could sing word for word
in twenty minutes
with an over
and under of five.
Hurrah! Hurrah!
[Duke] Who knew Wing majored
in patriotic folk music
in college?
[Duke]
And was a genius in his field.
...in is hat
And called it macaroni
[Duke] Bunch of gambling
degenerates.
[Duke] Speaking
of gambling degenerates,
when word spread back
in Hollywood
about the walk to Vegas bet,
everyone wanted
to be a part of it.
[Duke] Squeeze showed
at the party and crushed
a few hands.
[Duke] Even Chucky showed up,
fresh from his new TV series
in a party bus.
[Duke] With just a few days
to go and still
ahead of schedule,
I decided to press my luck.
[Duke] I took some Korean herbs
that Wing had been saving for me
for emergencies.
[Duke] He swore it
would give me tremendous power.
[Duke] I started thinking
about my wife KC and my son.
[Duke] I had to win
this bet. For their sake.
[Duke] Wing's herbs
were making
me feel sentimental.
[Duke] I took some more.
[Duke] This was the greatest
day of my entire life!
[Duke]
Then actress and poker player
Jennifer Tilly showed up.
[Duke] Along with poker pros
Phil Laak
and Antonio Esfandiari.
No!
[Duke] This bet was getting
so big, there was
a betting line in Vegas.
When it comes to prop bets,
you should always
bet on the man.
[Duke] I was at Wimbledon.
I was down five-two
in the fifth set.
[Duke] It was ugly.
You cannot be serious!
I don't think he can do it.
Can I sell some of my action
to you because I am not
feeling good?
Yes, I'll take it.
[Duke] What the hell
was I on?
[Duke] Duke's here, yay!
Duke, I've heard
so much about you.
This is incredible
what you're doing.
Thank you.
This is my girl, Jennifer.
It's an honor.
Hi, Jennifer.
So nice to meet you.
You are a legend.
Everybody is
talking about you.
Far and wide.
Not just the East Coast.
Talking about you in Europe.
Everywhere, everywhere.
You can finish
a bet like this.
Do you know why?
Why?
'Cause you're having fun!
It's all in
the power of the mind!
We just wanted to see
how you're feeling
before we put any money down.
Don't take
any breaks at this point.
You take a break,
your body will seize up!
Oh, boy.
How are you feeling?
Not good.
Oh, we should bet on the...
Hold up! Hold up!
I gotta shake your hands.
Oh, okay. Hi.
No!
[Duke]
I got out to finish
the rest of the day.
Wing was right
about those herbs.
For some reason,
I just kept going.
Hey, man! You got a buck
I could borrow, man?
[traffic light] Wait.
[traffic light] Wait.
[traffic light] Wait.
Hey, forget it, man.
You're worse off than us.
I know. But I'm going to Vegas.
[traffic light] Walk. Walk.
[traffic light] Walk. Walk.
Vegas?
You ain't making it
to Vegas, bro!
You look
like Brad Pitt on crack!
[Duke] The rest
of the afternoon was hell.
My knee was starting
to blow up,
and I struggled to go on.
There was
some good news though.
There was a rumor going around
that Sebastian knew
I was so far out in front,
he might want to settle.
That kept me going.
It's over, guys.
I gotta get off this bet.
What are you talking about?
You're only 90 miles out.
You're gonna make this easily.
No, man, you don't know.
My knees are shot.
They're shot.
It's killing me!
I'm serious.
I gotta get off the bet.
Now look, I say
we settle right now.
You settle for as much
as possible before this thing
gets really bad.
Well, there he is.
You're gonna die, huh?
Fucking freezing in that RV.
[Sebastian] Hey.
Guys.
How're you feeling champ?
Good. Pretty good.
Yeah?
Yeah.
You look a little shaky
out there, buddy.
Shaky, no. I'm fine.
I like it.
Good. Good.
I've been thinking about it.
I'm thinking 'cause
we're friends, maybe.
Maybe I'll be
open to a deal.
A deal?
Yeah.
A deal? Why? A deal, man?
Why would I do a deal?
'Cause you're a dummy.
I'm ninety miles out.
Got three days to do it,
can probably do it in two.
So.
Do you think he can do it?
[Carl]
Yes, he's gonna do it.
Yeah? You got his back, hm?
I tell you what.
Hey, look.
Because I have
this horrible sunburn
and I'm a nice guy.
You know what?
You give us
three million bucks.
Not a penny less.
And we'll think about it.
Three million?
I gotta lock.
We're gonna be
in Vegas two days.
That's it.
Yeah. Alright. Alright.
Call it, square.
What do you think?
Ah, fuck, I don't know.
I suppose so.
Works out
for everybody. You know?
Then it's over?
It's a deal?
Just in time. It's, uh,
a little surprise
I have for you all.
Just before we
lock this down,
you know, set it in stone.
Come with me.
You're gonna love it!
Come here!
Oh. Thank you,
Lawrence. My friend.
So, guess who I found playing
poker in an Indian casino
down in San Diego?
Any takers?
Who's under hood number one?
Sandor?
What the fuck is going on?
Fucking moron.
He's alive! Thank God!
Yes, thank God! Thank God.
Shut the fuck up, Carl.
It's a scam. Don't you
understand that?
Of course he fucking
understands. He's in on it.
Oh!
Come on, guys.
Why did you do that?
You motherfucker!
You're next!
Alright,
everybody get back!
Get out! Go on! You want
it again, you piece of shit?
You will be dead!
Get in the bus.
All of you. Move it!
Come on! Shut the fuck up!
Who! Whoa! Whoa!
Shut the fuck up!
So this asshole
is still alive?
Which means there
ain't no will.
There ain't no mil.
What were you
betting with, Duke?
Nothing.
You were using a fake
escrow guy. Right, Carl?
Yeah. It's true.
My buddy Max.
Great actor.
Did a lot of theater.
Crossdresser, actually.
I don't need
a fucking monologue, Carl!
You guys were trying
to rob me? I'm insulted.
Guys, relax. If I lost the bet,
I was gonna get you paid.
I guarantee it.
What about when you hustled me
with Chuckey's debt? Huh?
What about
when you made me
climb up that mountain,
lose six hours
with your cop friend? Huh?
Whatever happened
to all's fair
in the snake pit?
I guess he's
kinda got a point.
Yes. The point is,
is he wasted my time.
Laid down a bet and he don't
have the money to back it.
It's insulting.
I was hustled.
I'm telling you, Duke.
Even I wouldn't go that low.
[man] Take it easy.
[man 2] Don't do that.
Step the fuck back!
[Sebastian]
This fucking bet is over,
and you guys are done.
I'll back him.
The dead has risen.
Chucky, you're hammered.
Go back to sleep.
Why?
Look, seems to me
this bet could still happen.
You want to take a walk?
[man] Chucky. Alright.
[Sebastian]
What the fuck are you
talking about?
See, Chucky,
you can't blow
your money, man.
My knee is bad. It's shot.
Okay, there's
no guarantee out there.
Hey! His fucking
knees are fine!
They've been
that way the whole race!
I'm not worried.
Okay. No worries.
No worries.
But the line is no
longer five to one.
It's even money.
So tell me big boy,
can you get five million
by the morning?
Yeah. Can you?
Can I? It's in the van.
My boys just collected it.
Wait a minute.
There ain't no free ride
for this guy here.
Chucky, you're down
for four mil.
But the last mil
is on Duke here.
[Wing] What?
[Angry] Yeah.
He's gotta
have pain in this game.
Are you kidding?
I'm broke.
You know that.
A few seconds ago,
you had a way to cover it.
Now you're broke.
That's your fucking problem.
Bad shit's gonna happen
if you stiff me.
[Sebastian] Alright then.
Bet's back on.
Five million dollars.
That's it.
A game of poker?
Huh? Come on.
You fucks have balls,
I'll give you that.
You're
crazier than I thought.
I'm an actor.
Besides, you said only
bums don't come back.
I'm betting you're not a bum.
[Angry]
We're gonna win, right?
Listen. His knees. Shot.
His feet no good.
That's real. He's done.
Tomorrow's gonna be
about one-twenty, so there's
a good chance he might die.
God willing.
[Duke] Ninety miles
to financial freedom.
I was ready.
I took my maximum
six anti-inflammatories
and was off.
I took
the old highway hidden away
from the average world.
I always heard
people that got shot, they
didn't really feel any pain.
They'd go numb.
That's where I was right now.
Day six was a blur.
I continued on guts alone.
I slept for twelve
hours straight, with
horrible nightmares.
Home again, when Johnny
comes marching home
[Duke] I woke
up early drowning in sweat.
I got myself ready.
[Duke] Day seven.
The last day.
[Duke] Twenty-five
miles to the Vegas sign.
[Duke] I had to do this.
[Sebastian] It's over.
You're a has been.
[KC] You're not doing this.
[KC] We got our lives back
and you're going
to risk everything?
No!
[KC] You're on your own.
Stay away!
[KC] This is without me.
[KC] Be a big man.
Put your money down.
[Angry]
But the last mil
is on Duke here.
[Angry]
Bad shit's gonna happen
if you stiff me.
[Angry] You want me
to throw you down
a flight of fucking stairs?
[homeless man]
You ain't making it
to Vegas, bro!
How're you doing there?
You're gonna have to say it.
You're done.
Oh.
Oh. I'm done.
[cheering and laughing]
With only twelve miles to go!
Duke Madson cannot
answer the bell.
[laughing]
Alright kids,
what do you say?
Little drinking?
[cheering]
Hold on everyone! Hold on.
You might want to hold off
on your celebration.
What'chu
talkin' bout, Willis?
[Sebastian] Pour the drink.
[Angry] Please.
[Angry] What you talking about?
[man] Come on. Alright.
It's not quite over yet.
What are you talking about?
I have this.
What the hell are you
talking about Carl?
I'm talking
about the Jack Binion clause.
Binion. He's right!
He is right!
Sit the fuck down.
He's just conceded.
No, he said "he's done."
And according
to the Binion clause,
it says that anyone in the RV
in the last 25 miles
can take his place.
So we're not done yet.
Yeah! That's right!
[Wing] Exactly.
[Squeeze] Right!
Alright.
Alright, yeah. Okay.
It's in here, but it also does
state that I get to choose
who replaces him.
And I can pick
anyone in this RV. Huh?
I'm ready.
Anybody I want.
[Sebastian] Anybody.
And I pick you, Carl.
[Wing] What? No!
[laughing] Oh!
You can't do that.
It's not fair.
Hey! You, shut it.
Alright? Zip it.
You'll be dead
in like three minutes.
Relax.
The man's on crutches!
He's a gimp. He can't even walk!
[Sebastian] So, Carl,
what's it gonna be?
Can you get
your ass out there?
If not, you quit,
just like your brother did.
Fucking hustler, huh?
I've been called worse.
Tick-tock.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah?
Chop, chop, Sunshine,
cause we've got a...
Hey don't get all
butt hurt on us,
okay, there, sticky boy?
It's a lot of cobblestones
out there as well. Go easy.
[Wing] Good luck, Carl.
[Hank] You can do it.
You can do it.
Bro, that's ill advised.
Look at that little
name dropper go!
Hey, don't get
too excited, alright?
He's got twelve miles to go
and three hours to do it in.
It's basically impossible.
Really?
Yeah.
What are the odds
on impossible?
What are you doing?
Are you crazy?
Look, that gimp has no chance.
Wait, wait, wait. Shh!
He's a big boy.
He knows what he's doing.
Feeling frisky?
Are you lush? Huh?
Give you five to one on it.
Oh! Don't do it. Don't do it.
I'm in.
[Wing] What?
Three million more.
Three million?
To your fifteen.
Fucking hell! He's got
some balls, isn't he?
I like it! My man knows
how to gamble! I'm in!
Yeah, baby.
[Wing] Okay.
[Duke] With the extra
money bet, eight million
on me and Carl now.
Sebastian was
in for twenty.
And it didn't look good.
As time went on,
it was apparent.
[Duke] Carl wasn't
going to make it.
This is not right, Sebastian.
The man has no chance.
[Duke] Everyone wanted
the bleeding to stop.
Wing and Sandor wanted
to settle for eighty cents
on the dollar.
But Sebastian declined.
He wanted all their money.
Chucky, get your dough ready.
No one beats me,
huh, big man?
[Duke]
Then, something
happened to Carl.
A determination
I hadn't seen since he stole
my girlfriend in ninth grade.
What the fuck's
he doing now?
Moving like that?
[Angry] You gotta be
fuckin' kidding me.
What heart,
what determination
from the name dropper.
Now shut
that fucking puppet up,
will you? Fucking shit.
Is this possible?
Can the gimp
really be doing this?
[Duke]
Five and a half miles
outside of Vegas,
with only 42 minutes left,
Carl was still pushing hard.
Ah! Ah-ha, yeah!
[Angry]
He's quitting. It's over.
[Angry] It's over!
[Angry] Show me
the money, baby.
[Angry] What the fuck
is he doing?
[Wing] Ey... There...
[cheering]
He's sprinting?
Now he's
fucking sprinting!
How can he be
doing that?
[Wing]
He's three miles out!
He can make it!
[Wing]
He's only got
two miles to go! Go!
Move it!
Ah!
Go!
[Duke]
I see the Vegas sign.
Sprint, Carl. Sprint!
[Duke] Yeah!
[Wing] Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
[Duke]
He's done it! He's done it!
[cheering]
[Duke] When Sebastian
went to pay, it was like
he was another person.
[Sebastian]
No dramatics,
no whining, no crying.
[cheering]
[elevator bell]
You had to cut it
to the last minute, huh?
Thought I'd make it
look interesting.
Besides, I thought
I'd give us a chance
to get more action.
Here's your cut.
A million bucks.
[Duke] What're you
gonna do with it?
Definitely gonna
hang around here
for a few days.
Roll the dice with it.
I'm gonna turn this
into ten mil.
Ever tell you
about the time I played
craps all night long
with Johnny Depp
in this very hotel?
It's back when he was
doing 21 Jump...
Hey! Hey!
Hey,
Johnny's my best friend!
A toast! Yes!
[Duke]
It took Carl three years
to set up his mark.
So you're telling me
you're gonna walk around
on crutches
for who knows how long
just to set one
of these guys up?
Yep.
Alright, a toast.
To my brother Carl.
We did it!
Twenty million!
[everyone] Yeah!
Hello.
Sandor is dead.
Wait for it.
Wait for it! Emotion!
What?
Who's crushing it?
Okay, guys!
Pops is leaving!
I love you!
Fuck you!
Oh, honey, I'm sorry
I was cussing. You know
that we're just acting, right?
You want
a hot fudge sundae?
We are,
and we always will.
Well,
we still have each other.
[Duke] Yeah, let's hear it
for Chucky birds!
What a performance!
Look. Carl does not really
need crutches. It's a sting.
You in?
[Wing] Duke just inherited
a million dollars!
[Duke] I never did
go back to the big game.
With the five million I won,
with Chucky's four million
dollar free roll incentive,
I spent more time
with my wife and my son
and never looked back.
Then I landed
a great gig as a poker host
of a big show.
And I've
been doing it ever since.
Now,
the big game's behind me.
And the poker needle
slowly disappears.
I don't miss
it much either.
But not a day goes by
that I don't think
about that bet in the desert
and what we pulled off.
[pop song]