1
7 EMOTIONS
Our childhood lasts for 5000 days,
on average,
but we remember
less than 400 hours of it.
(Andrzej Samson,
"The Myth of the Happy Childhood")
I was taught many things at school,
but no one taught me about
the seven basic emotions
that one should be able to express...
(Wiktor Osiatyski, "Sin or Disease")
...and experience.
(Adam Miauczyski)
What brings you to me, Adam?
My marriage has fallen apart.
My family is a wreck.
I can't keep up a single friendship,
not even casual acquaintances.
Everything scares me,
I'm afraid all the time,
I get this anxiety,
I'm angry at everyone,
for everything.
Envious for no good reason.
I'm sad all the time,
deep down... even when I'm smiling.
I spend the first hour of
each day in utter despair.
I feel that...
I'm not who I want to be.
I wish I was
righteous and strong,
like Gary Cooper in "High Noon".
"Be yourself"...
But how can I be myself
if I don't like myself?
If I loathe myself?
What feeling, what feelings
do you experience most often?
I don't know.
What do you remember
from your childhood?
Nearly all of it.
All of it?!
Our childhood lasts for 5000 days.
That's a lot.
But we only remember
400 hours of it.
400 hours?
A month, in total.
A month...
This is Adam and his mother.
Mother is darning a sock.
I like sitting with you.
In Damascus on a roof
The Devil sat, with cloven hoof.
A hat of scarlet he sported,
Trimmed with...
flowers assorted.
Who are you darning that for?
Daddy.
Oh, bother!
But you stitched the
first one crosswise.
"Darned."
Darned.
Well, I'm doing
this one lengthwise.
- But why?
- For a bit of variety.
And who's this one for?
You.
It's very nice.
One day,
you'Il find yourself a girl
and get married,
and she'll darn your socks,
much better than I can.
I don't want to marry a girl!
Who else, then?
My Mummy.
I can't get married to you.
Why not?
I could marry you off...
To yourself, you mean?
You'll stop fancying me
when you grow up.
No, I won't!
You'll find someone else.
Don't say that!
I'm always going to fancy you!
Stop it! I'm getting all mixed up!
We'll talk when you're grown up.
I don't want someone else!
And I don't want to grow up!
Mother is going out.
You're going out!
You said you wouldn't go out!
Wait!
Mummy needs to get changed!
You promised!
Because you were crying!
You lied to me!
I had to. You were yelling...
Zip it!
You tricked me!
Mummy needs to go to work, Adam.
I don't want you to go!
Mummy has to.
I don't want you to!
I have to.
Stop bawling! Krysia's coming
to look after you soon!
Mummy!
Don't cry, Adam!
Mummy!
Mummy will be back!
Mummy!
You're too big to be a cry-baby!
Boys don't cry!
Mummy!
Mummy!
Don't cry, Adam.
We're going to play.
Play what?
Whatever you like.
Let's play Doctor!
Does it always have to be Doctor?
I want to play Doctor!
Got any camarels?
Caramels!
Carmelars...
It's stinky.
Ooh, young lady!
You seem to have a
case of the farts.
Yes.
It's acute fartosis.
And the cure for this condition
is ten kisses.
Five on each butt...
...cheek.
Plus two...
hugs.
This is Adam's older brother,
Miki, and his friends.
Omingcay otay ethay
inemacay odaytay?
Onay, iyay antcay.
What are you saying?
Oh, omecay onyay!
Eyrethay owingshay ayay ilmfay
aboutyay ayay rostitutepay!
Iyay avehay otay taysay
ithway isthay itheadshay!
Talk normal!
Ogay crewsay selfyouryay!
Youreyay ayay untcay!
Ustjay isspay offyay!
Just you wait! You'll be sorry!
Some herring? Salad?
Pork jelly? Ham?
These are Mother's guests,
Dana and her husband.
And this is Adam and Miki's father.
Those sunflowers are by
Van Gock, aren't they?
Yes. Van Gock, of course.
But apparently the Dutch
pronounce it "Fan Khokh".
A facsimile, obviously.
The original would cost...
I dread to think!
It's a pity he died before
they were worth anything.
By the way, where do you
find the most liars?
Anyone know?
In a graveyard!
Because it says "here lies
so-and-so" everywhere.
"Here lies so-and-so"
and so on, and so on,
et cetera, et cetera.
Good one.
If you ask me,
it's too yellow!
I don't like yellow.
Well I like yellow -
sunflowers, anyway!
But it takes all sorts...
it's all relative.
Like they say: there's
no accounting for taste.
A propos of relativity,
there's that theory
by Eisenstein...
You mean Einstein, dear.
Einstein, maybe... But honestly
it's all Greek to me.
Well, I can explain it to you.
Really?
How interesting.
This whole theory of
relativity business.
Adam's father is an
expert on everything.
So-called natural intelligence.
You know Einstein's theory?!
Then by all means, tell us!
Well, my dear lady...
If I were to
insert my finger
into your
bottom...
Good Lord! What on
earth are you saying?
Lucjan! Jesus Christ
and Saint Joseph!
Is that really necessary?
Can't you put it another way?!
Go up to bed, Adam!
Miki, take him to his room.
Just a bit longer.
Go to bed, now!
A bit longer, Mum...
A bit longer?
Alright, a bit longer.
I meant hypothetically...
So, let's say I've already
inserted my finger
into your bottom.
Just imagine it for a second.
Well, if it's
essential...
To his explanation...
Saints alive! Restrain me!
So... Now that I've
inserted my finger
into your bottom...
Please, somebody pinch me!
The question is:
Do YOU
have my finger up your bottom?
Or do I have my finger
up your bottom?
Well?!
We BOTH have my finger
up your bottom!
There's your theory of relativity!
Good one.
I know a riddle!
Oh!
Out with it!
What's ayay rostitutepay?
Don't kick me!
Ayay prostitute!
Miki...
Jesus Christ, how do you know such words?
Where did you pick that up?
Adam is afraid and ashamed
for telling on his brother.
It's definitely too yellow!
Like the Chinese... They wear
yellow to funerals in China.
Right.
We'll be going now.
What? Already?
So much good food left!
All good things must come to an end.
- All's well that ends well.
- Well, then...
As long as it ends well!
But returning to the
theory of relativity,
isn't your version somewhat
oversimplified?
Everything brilliant is simple.
Father can be clever sometimes.
Ludwik...
Nevertheless, I'm much
obliged to you
for expounding such
a complex theory.
At your service, Doctor,
and yours, Madam.
If I may be so bold...
Father knows how to be chivalrous.
Ludwik...
Right then, Miki.
What?
I see that you and I need
to have a serious chat.
Come here.
What have I done?
I said come here.
What?
Father chastises Miki for swearing.
For God's sake, Lucjan!
Leave him alone!
Christ Almighty! You'll
kill the poor child!
Adam is worried that Father might kill Miki,
but is glad he's not the one being beaten.
Miki!
Come back, you'Il catch cold!
It's draughty out there!
I'm not coming back.
Take your scarf!
And stop annoying your father!
Their doting mother wants to make sure
Miki doesn't catch cold.
Miki keeps bringing
stray dogs into the house.
I found him on the rubbish dump.
Good heavens, another dog?!
It's the last one, Mum. Promise.
I've heard that before!
Give him some milk.
You're such a dog-lover.
Do you want him?
Yes!
Give him a name.
Why not "Doggie", maybe?
Doggie?! Real clever, retincay!
He called me a cretin!
Miki!
You little devil!
And don't tell tales!
Mummy likes Miki more than me!
That's rubbish!
Mummy loves you both the same.
The same! But Mummy likes HIM most!
- Don't be afraid, you chicken!
- He called me a chicken!
Miki!
He's wriggling!
Hold him then, loser!
Miki!
But Doggie seems to prefer Miki.
Good Doggie!
Give me a hug!
Come on! You gave Miki one!
Love me!
Well, I don't want you either!
Doggie's sorry now for sure!
Doggie's leg looks sore!
It might well be broken.
What did you do to him, kid?!
I wanted to hug him tight, like
you did, but he wouldn't let me!
He scratched me and squirmed away!
Atsthay ayay eedingblay ielay!
What now?
Here comes Dad. Dad has a
briefcase. Dad's briefcase is heavy.
That's why his shoulder's drooping.
It's due to Dad's heavy briefcase.
What's that you've got there...
whimpering and whining?
Something's wrong with his leg.
Let me see.
I'd say this requires
a different approach.
We'll take care of this.
Bring me a sack.
No... Dad!
Fetch a spade from the shed!
This is not good!
Put him in.
Aim for the neck.
Go and get Mum to give
you an old potato sack.
What are we going to do?
Drown the dog.
But won't that hurt Doggie?
Nah...
Well, maybe a little bit.
Adam is scared. He's sad for
the dog. But he's happy, too.
He's never seen a dog being
drowned. Gosh, how interesting!
Sleep!
Nobody loves me, not
even my own doggie.
Anything else?
I've been looking forward to
doggie-drowning time ever since.
Do you recall much from school?
Oh, plenty of things.
For example?
I know about 112 independent
countries by heart. Cuba makes 113.
The tributaries of the Nile.
The anatomy of a paramecium.
The names of the bones...
in a frog.
Do you still remember
any of it today?
Well enough to
pass a test in?
If someone asked you, now, today?
The tributaries of the Nile?
[Miauczyski...]
Probably...
Miauczyski!
You were saying?
No, YOU were saying.
Carry on.
With what?
Bahr al-Ghazal...
Oh, yeah...
Go ahead.
The main tributaries of
the Nile, the river Nile.
- Don't tell me the answer!
- Muszyska!
If you're so keen to share, why
don't you share it with the class?
Where did we stop?
I don't know.
Sit down. Fail.
Porankowska.
We stopped on the left-bank
tributary, Bahr al-Ghazal.
The Nile's other main
tributaries are-
Thank you, Porankowska.
Miauczyski, repeat.
Bahr al-Ghazar...
Ghazal.
Right, that's an F. Sit down.
Starecka.
The next tributary?
Porankowska.
The Blue Nile. The other main
tributaries of the Nile are-
Starecka, repeat.
The Blue Nile.
Blue Nile, another F.
Saacki?
I've forgotten, but I did
learn it, I really knew it.
You've forgotten, but you
learned it and knew it...
Porankowska.
Atbarah and Sobat. The main
tributaries of the Nile are...
the Blue Nile, Atbarah,
Sobat and Bahr al-Ghazal.
Thank you.
That's an F too.
ADAM MIAUCZYSKI
SELECTED WORKS
On your marks!
Get set!
One, two, two-and-a-half,
two-and-three-quarters...
Oh, come on!
GO!
- Who are you?
- A Polish maid, seldom get a passing grade...
Ds and Cs from time to time,
but that's only for the rhyme!
Mary, Mary, quite contrary!
I just flunked my tributaries!
Weronika's sure to pass!
She's forever kissing ass!
That's why I'm top of the class!
You little hellions,
damn the lot of you!
Krakw in the year 1320...
What happened then?
Bolechowski.
The Deluge?
You're deluged, Bolechowski. You're
not fit for the fifth grade - an F!
Miauczyski.
January 20, 1320?
What took place; what occurred then?
Problem with your head, Muszyska?
The Coronation of the Elbow-High?
The Elbow-High what?
Any Elbow-High in particular?
Did Mr Elbow-High have a title?
King!
And did this king have a name?
Mmm-yeah...
Miaow, Miauczyski?
I'm all ears.
Exercising, Muszyska?
Vladimir?
No, Lenin was never crowned.
Wadysawa...?
Wadysaw!
Correct.
He was my male namesake.
C-minus, Miauczyski,
and I'm marking Muszyska
down for prompting.
On January 20, 1320, Wadysaw
the Elbow-High... was crowned king
of Poland - the first to be crowned
in Wawel Cathedral and, um...
if it weren't for... the feud-al...
What other countries does
the Nile flow through?
Prawicz.
Uganda.
Uganda?
It flows...
Uganda flows?
Through it...
And where else? Name a country.
Porankowska!
Rwa-Rwanda...
The Nile flows through Rwanda too.
Any more?
Through Ennimore?
Any last guesses?
Porankowska.
Through Burundi.
The Nile, Nahr an-Nil, the lon-
longest river on Earth,
flows through Eastern Africa...
Burundi...
Rwanda, Uganda, Sudan and Egypt.
Length: 6671 kilometre... kilometres...
Drainage basin: 2.9 million
square kilometres...
I wish I could blow my own...
Blow your own what?
My y'know...
Idiot! Have you tried?
I can't reach it.
I can reach mine!
Bullshit.
Show me yours then.
Hmm, mine's shorter...
I guess.
I was kidding. I can't reach either!
Hey, you said you could!
Miauczyski.
Your grade book.
For talking in class.
And Saacki - outside!
If you talk in class,
you get kneed in the ass!
Idiot.
Bolechowski!
You moron! You idiot!
Pick up those keys.
Back where you were...
You blockhead!
You ass! You halfwit!
Don't flinch!
You dunce!
You fool!
You clown!
Sobieski, Jan... was a three-dog man:
one blue, one red... one yellow-tan!
King Elbow-High jizzed in his eye,
then had to pull it out to dry!
Did you all bring in your
friendship albums, children?
Anyone not got one?
Did you forget it?
You haven't got an album?
No, I haven't.
My mum couldn't afford one,
and Dad said he wouldn't
pay for stupid junk!
Well, here you are. Just
sign your name in it.
Anyone else not got one?
So, everyone has one...
I've got one too.
Now let's all swap albums and
share something with each other.
Start with your desk-mates,
then whomever you like.
You can write in mine, too.
Write in mine.
"I ask for little in my rhyme,
think of me from time to time."
"A memento for Adam, from Zosia,
his fond admirer. Yours."
"Roses are red, snowflakes are cool,"
"My name is Adam, and I rule."
Idiot!
"The pursuit of happiness is futile"
"but worth devoting your life to."
Deep...
Adam, Adam, do you love me?
He loves me! He loves me not!
Mr Difool... fell off a stool.
His leg it broke... and that's no joke.
Eggy-eggy... my poor leggy!
Buy a coffin... t'cart me off in!
Prake it up now!
Did you say "prake"?
It's BREAK!
My brother Miki says prake!
Maybe he said "prick"?
Prake! Prake!
Prick! Prick!
PRAKE!
PRICK!
Go on, hit me!
No, you hit me!
Shut your filthy mouth this minute,
before someone pisses in it!
I can make your tonsils float,
when I'm pissing down your throat!
[I'm sorry.]
[Awfully sorry...]
So, what was it - is it -
we're doing today?
Porankowska.
Today's task was to memorise
the first row of elements
in Mendeleyev's periodic table.
The first row of elements
in Mendeleyev's table is-
Enough, Porankowska.
Let's ask someone else.
Any volunteers?
Nobody.
Almost nobody...
Why don't we start with
the whizkids, shall we?
Bolechowski.
Hydrogen-helium-lithium-beryllium-boron
carbon-nitrogen-oxygen-fluorine-neon
Sodium-magnesium-aluminium-silicon
phosphorus-sulphur-chlorine-argon
Sit down.
Copper-potassium-zinc-calcium-scandium
gallium-titanium-germanium-vanadium-arsenic
Sit down... means sit down!
Chromium-selenium-manganese
bromine-iron-cobalt-nickel-krypton
Silver-rubidium-cadmium
strontium-yttrium-indium.
So, what mark do I get?
Oh... a B.
Sorry, I meant A. An A.
Bolechowski...
an A.
What are the two main distributaries
of the Nile Delta?
Porankowska.
The Nile originates-
The Nile, longest river on-
The Nile-
The Nile... forms a delta...
Have you ever dipped your wick?
No way! That's disgusting.
Why?
Sticking it in the shitter?
Not up there, moron! In the pussy!
Huh?!
A whole different hole!
Bullshit.
I swear! My bro told me.
Miauczyski.
Only queers go for the shitter!
Miauczyski!
Your grade book.
But he's always cracking me up.
And Saacki - outside!
Go straight to the headmaster!
Tattle-tale, tattle-tale!
Stick your head in a garbage pail!
Silly cow!
It's almost the First of May.
What do we celebrate on May 1 st?
The start of the
Peace Race in cycling?!
Yes, but more importantly?
May Day is
International Workers' Day.
One day you, too, will be workers,
just like your fathers and parents.
What does your dad
do for a living, Starecka?
He's a drun-
Baker... A baker.
And what does a baker do?
Bakes bread.
Bread, and what else?
Buns.
Buns!
Why so sluggish, Starecka?
Put some life into it!
Go ahead.
From flour, bakers bake
tasty loaves and strudels.
Mummy uses flour to make
dumplings and noodles.
Correct! Muszyska?
Mine fixes radios.
So he's a...?
Radio...
...Iogist?
Radiographer?
Engineer! Your dad's
a radio engineer.
Porankowska?
My dad's a farmer.
A farmer. And what do farmers do?
Farmers plough the earth,
farmers sow the seed.
When the grain ripens,
farmers reap the harvest, the
miller grinds the grain...
Millerman, millerman,
your millstone does spin
as you make the flour
with a cheerful grin.
From flour, bakers bake tasty
loaves and strudels. Mummy uses-
Excellent, Porankowska!
Now you, Prawicz.
My dad's a director.
And thanks to him, the whole
class can go off on trips
in a coach from Teresa's
dad's factory!
That's Teresa's dad...
But we won't hear about Aldo's dad,
as Little Lord Aldo is off
playing truant somewhere...
Miauczyski?
Ah, yes - you have a new classmate!
Introduce yourself to the class.
Gott.
That's all?
Like this?
As in "God"?
It's German.
Richie?
Rich.
Short for Richard?
That's right.
So it's Richie...
Short for Richard, not RichlEard...
It's Rich!
Alright, Ri-Gott...
Sit next to Adam for now.
We were talking about our
parents' jobs, Richie... Rich...
What does your dad do?
He's a bailiff.
A bailiff.
What about yours, Adam?
You never told us.
I wrote it down...
Well now,
a plumber's assistant.
That's nothing to be ashamed of.
Can you tell us what a
plumber's helper does?
Assistant...
A plumber's assistant?
Plumber's ass...
Bolechowski. You're not...
- Fit to be a fifth-grader, Miss?
- Right!
I'm sorry, Miss.
Plumber's crack...
Bolechowski!
ADAM MIAUCZYSKI
SELECTED WORKS
Why don't you tell us who you
want to be, Miauczyski? Adam?
Aldo.
Aldo?!
Most people want to achieve things,
be useful, help other people...
but you want to be Aldo?!
Aldo.
Your friend Aldie missed 150 days of
school. Do you still want to be him?
Yeah.
Because?
Could you explain, tell us why?
Because it's cool when he's around.
It's always cool.
So you think life can always
be "cool", do you?
What about Gott? Who do you
want to be Richie... Rich?
Myself.
Yourself?
Yourself?
Maybe that IS a good thing
to want... to be...
What other Niles do we know?
Bolechowski?
The Dark Nile?
You're the one who's dark,
Bolechowski.
But it flows through the dark
contingent... Sorry, continent...
The only dark contingent
in here is you.
I meant continent. It could've
turned dark along the way, see...
All I can see is that you're
not fit to be a fifth-grader.
Porankowska?
Apart from the Blue Nile, there
is also the White Nile...
the Victoria Nile and
the Albert Nile.
And?
Is there any other Nile? Apart from
the ones, the ones you mentioned?
Porankowska?
The Senile...
The Sea Nile...
The what?
Sea Nile?
The Mountain Nile. Mountain.
Porankowska - that's a minus...
An A-minus.
An A...
minus?
Come now, Porankowska.
An A-minus is still an A.
Do you know what Bolechowski
would give for an A-minus?!
As a reward for knowing the
tributaries of the Nile so well,
I'll let you put on a play based
on "In Desert and Wilderness"...
then I might raise your grades.
And the play will be directed by...
Who'll direct it now?
Miauczyski will.
Erect?
Direct! You'll be in charge
of the whole thing.
You'll team up with the other Nile
experts, and perform the scene
in which Sta shoots the Lion.
A lion's a sort of a big
kitty, Miauczyski.
Cry, baby, cry!
Cry, baby, cry!
Stick a finger in your eye!
In your eye!
Shall I park it here,
or keep on driving?
Idiot.
And Sta will be played by...
You!
I can't be Sta!
I need to erec... be in charge of you!
So Sta will be played by...
Gott.
Rich?
And Nell will be played by...
Zosia!
Gosia.
Who will I be?
Saba!
The dog?!
I got another black mark from
the teacher because of you.
Don't be a pussy.
You and me, we're like
cookies and tea...
You and I are like whiskey and rye.
Gosia - Gross-ia!
Don't throw stuff at Gosia, it
makes her mad. Throw it at me!
But I don't want to throw stuff at
you! I want to throw stuff at her!
Zosia!
Zosia and Adam sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
Zosia and Adam sitting in a tree
K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
Think you're clever, think you're
slick? But you'll always be a hick!
Tall as a pole, dumb as a mole!
Lazy eye, lazy eye,
bet you're looking at my fly!
You're so fat and so conceited,
if you saw a fly, you'd eat it!
Pancake chest, butt like a dresser,
that's the shape of our Teresa!
Head like a pumpkin,
nose like a dumpling!
Ears like a donkey,
face like a monkey!
That won't do!
But it's true, so shame on you!
So there!
So there, you lose your underwear!
He's a poet, doesn't know it,
doesn't have the guts to show it!
Baby, baby, for your sake,
don't awake my trouser...!
...leg! What? I can't say trouser-leg?
Your trouser legs hold rotten eggs!
Stop shoving!
First the shoving, then the loving!
Mary, Mary! Your bottom's hairy!
Ooh! He's got a dirty mind,
stinks as bad as his behind!
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe!
Catch a tiger by the toe!
Eeny, meeny, pink bikini,
bet you wanna see my weenie!
Thank you but I'd rather die!
Here's a finger in your eye!
Incy-wincy eel, sure
to make you squeal!
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
Jack jump over the candlestick!
Jack jump over the candlestick!
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
Jack slipped up and burned his dick!
He burned his dick!
Jack and Jill went up the hill
and planned to do some kissing!
Jack made a pass and felt her ass,
now his front teeth are missing!
Fleas on your knees,
flies on your thighs!
Ants in your pants,
nits in your pits!
Me I like the smelly bits,
mainly twats and butts and pits!
Stinky winky, dinky as my pinky!
Me I like the smelly bits,
mainly twats and butts and pits!
Hickory-dickory dork,
the crow was screwing the stork!
Then they had another go,
the stork was screwed by the crow!
No matter how the thing is viewed -
it's the stork who wound up screwed!
So Zosia, who are you storking?!
Aldo-Dildo, shut your bill though!
Banging Zosia's not a thrill though!
And old Gosia'd never toss ya!
Later, babes!
Adieu.
See you later, alligator!
Bye, dear.
She called me Dear!
There's shit in your ear!
But she did...
You're hopeless.
I need to go and drop a log.
I'm in love and you're
dropping logs?!
Time and turds wait for no man.
Take care and don't get run over!
"Bye, dear..."
Sta,
why are we riding and speeding
and have not yet reached Smain?
I'm here about the dromedary.
What dromedary?
The one from "In Desert and
Wilderness" - the class play.
Oh, the camel!
The camel then...
My boy Jurek's best
friends with Jdrek...
So if Jdrek's one hump,
Jurek should be the other.
That makes sense, doesn't it?
Them being the dromedary together?
- The camel...
- Fine, the camel.
Action!
Put your back into it, Fatso!
Huh? Into what?
I meant get a move on!
Get stuck in, Jdrek!
I'm not getting stuck in Jdrek!
Not you! You wanted to be
a camel, so move your ass!
Sta,
why are we riding and speeding
and have not yet reached Smain?
Adam!
Adam!
Adam!
Yes?!
Quit stomping around, it's
giving me a headache!
What's that you've got
on your head?!
The lion's mane!
Tell her to stop making
such a racket!
What are you, nuts?!
I'm just getting into character!
Go!
Sta,
why are we riding and speeding
and have not yet reached Smain?
The young slave, Kali, went
on foot tied with a rope
fastened to Gebhr's horse.
The back of poor Kali
was covered with blood
under the courbash.
In vain he embraced his feet
and kissed his hands.
This amused Chamis very much.
Nell shed tears over Kali's plight.
Sta' heart raged
but he just set... his teeth.
Stop!
Didn't you have a long-sleeved
shirt on before?!
But it's hot.
Hot, my ass!
You want her touching your bare
arms and sitting on them... Pig!
She's not a pig!
- But you are! A filthy fucking pig!
- Watch your mouth!
Get out! You disgusting fat-ass pig!
Horse! You're the second hump now!
Mary Mother of God, Adam! Damn it!
Yes?!
Stop messing around
and yelling up there!
We're rehearsing, Mum!
Then go rehearse somewhere
else next time,
before they take me away
to the loony bin!
I hope they ask what's wrong. They've
no idea what I'm putting up with!
What's the matter? What's up, Adam?
My mother keeps scolding
me because of you lot!
I'm sick and tired of rehearsing!
But it's not ready! We haven't
even started properly yet!
Let's go and play at my place!
See the speeding choo-choo train,
full of folks who are insane.
Hitler's sitting on a potty, he
can tell if you've been naughty.
One, two, three...
and you are IT!
See the sailors at the ports,
all of them without their shorts!
All is darkness, all is still...
Shit can happen,
and it will!
Twenty horses in a stable. Time
to hide while you're still able!
Coming, ready or not!
Gotcha!
I did it.
I did it!
One child fare, please.
For a boy or for a girl?
Brush your teeth before bed.
Alright...
And by the way, incidentally
speaking, I just want to say
that my son would make a better
lion than Miauczyski.
He has the right quantifications.
It's obviously plain to see.
Instead of playing some monkey...
I beg to differ with you on that.
Miauczyski's a natural-born lion!
The horses began to sit upon their
haunches, to wince and draw back.
Allah! Bismillah! Allahu akbar!
And the king of the wilderness
let out another roar!
Untie Kali and we will escape
on the horses;
the lion will first overtake him,
and kill him only.
Kali will climb on the rocks,
and the lion will chase after us!
I'll kill Kali with my knife,
then the lion will stop
to devour his body!
So he dragged Kali by
the rope to the saddle
and had already raised
his knife, when
in the same second Sta clutched
the wide sleeve of his jubha.
Villain! What are you doing?
Give me the short rifle!
I will kill the lion!
Give him the rifle!
He will kill the lion!
At the sight of the animal
his eyes grew dim.
He felt a chill on his cheeks and
nose, and could scarcely breathe.
He had a lion before him,
who now gazed at him
as if with amazement.
[The lord with the great head...]
The lord with the great head!
Sta overcame the inertness of
his limbs and advanced farther.
It seemed to him that his heart
had leaped up into his throat,
and this feeling continued until
he raised the rifle to his face.
Should I approach nearer,
or fire at once?
Nearer!
Too far!
The boy stood.
[A bullet...]
A bullet between the eyes,
or it will be all over with me!
In the name of the Father and of the Son!
And the lion stretched his body,
and lowered his head.
His lips began to open, his brows
to contract over his eyes.
This mite of a being dares
to approach too closely!
He prepared for a leap, sitting with
haunches quivering on his hind legs.
But Sta perceived that the bead
of the rifle was in a direct line
with the forehead of the animal,
and pulled the trigger.
The shot pealed.
The lion reared, so that for a while
he straightened out to his full height;
after which he toppled over
on his back with his four paws up.
And in the final convulsions he
rolled off the rock onto the ground.
[Ah! There has been enough of this...]
Ah! There has been enough of this!
He said through his set teeth.
You have exceeded the measure.
You shall not murder Nell
or anyone else any more.
He raised the rifle to his face.
Two shots, one after the other,
jarred the ravine with an echo.
Gebhr tumbled upon the ground,
and Chamis swayed in the saddle
and struck his horse's neck
with his bleeding forehead.
And mortal silence ensued.
It was broken only by the moans of
Kali in the broken Kiswahili tongue:
Bwana kubwa! Kill the lion! Kill
bad people, but do not kill Kali!
But Sta paid no heed to his cries.
For some time he stood as if dazed,
after which, observing Nell's pallid
face and half-conscious eyes,
opened widely from terror,
he ran towards her.
Nell, do not fear!
Nell, we are free!
I like you, Adam. I like you a lot.
I love you.
Beat it! I don't want you!
Shove off!
What was that hugging all about?
I never said you could hug her!
She's my girlfriend.
Yours?! But I kissed her.
On the mouth?
On her face, on the cheek!
I kissed her on the mouth.
You're lying!
I put my hand up her skirt.
You lying dog!
I don't believe you.
I felt her up, too.
Gott!
Magorzata's mine!
So she's "Magorzata" now?
Let HER choose!
Think it over!
Awwrite.
Forget about it!
I call plus, then.
Wise-ass! I'LL be the plus!
Okey, whatever.
She's mine anyway.
It's pronounced "Okay"
and we'll see about that.
Gosia, I called plus
and Gott called minus.
I called plus, Gosia!
And a plus is what she'll write.
Or maybe a minus?
Gosia!
Cut it out.
You have to do it, Magorzata!
Ma-go-rza-ta!
Do you guys like me?
Do you like me?
I would be remiss were I to imply
I am not exceedingly fond of you.
What? So, do you like me or not?
God knows how absurd it would be to
claim I'm not infatuated with you!
What?
So you don't like me?
Quite the contrary, actually!
And you? Do you like me?
Sure!
A lot.
I want you to be my woman.
It's a minus.
No, it's a plus!
But Gosia...
I did write a minus.
She chose. She likes
Gott better than me.
It can't be true.
You're over-reacting! There's
so many girls out there.
But I don't want girls!
I love my Gosia!
She'd rather have that Rich,
who says "Okey"!
You're letting some
dumb chick get to you?
I don't want to go on living!
I don't want to live any more!
Get a grip! Enough of the
fucking bullshit! Alright?!
That's my ride... My driver's
here for me. Later!
See ya!
You'll get over it, dammit!
You'll get over it - trust me!
Hang on tight, so you
don't drown in shite!
What's up with you?
Been sitting in a puddle?
Go and change!
And have some soup.
It's nice hot tomato soup.
Or else you'll be sick again,
sure as two and two is four.
I love her!
Who?
My Gosia!
What Gosia is that?!
Starecka.
What, from your class?!
Yes.
Have you been hanging out
on crazy street?!
Twelve years old and in love?!
In the fifth grade?
Have you lost your marbles?!
What do I do now?!
Do some work. You'll forget about
this foolishness. Fall in love with
STUDYING instead, then you'll
get over this nonsense!
Pretend you're breaking up with her,
then you'll know where you stand!
If the bitch comes running after
you, it means she loves you.
Aldo!
Your grades are lousy!
You're an underachiever!
I told you I got an F in maths
because I failed the test.
Not to mention how often
you skipped class!
I don't understand any of it, Mum.
You said it'd be easy...
- Because it is!
- And you said I'm a dunce!
They'll keep you back a year!
You won't move up a grade!
The shame of it! What is there
not to understand in geography?
The distributaries...
What?
...of the Niles.
What damn Niles?
Talk sense or I'll kill myself!
The river...
Niles.
It's not the Niles, you bird-brain!
It's the NILE!
What didn't you know this time?!
Its tributaries...
You mean you can't even learn
the tributaries of some river?!
The Nile...
The Nile's a river, isn't it?!
Yes it is...
There's nothing to understand
about the Nile!
Just need to learn your
distributaries, lazybones!
Tributaries...
All you have to do is
learn about tributaries!
You don't even take out the trash,
and all you get are Ds and Fs!
How are you going to get into
a school, get along, move up?!
Wait till your father gets home!
He'll give you hell!
Maybe he'Il be too drunk?
We only drink because of you!
You're doing badly at school.
You do everything badly!
You're hopeless, is what you are!
Why were you even born?!
You're nothing but trouble!
And because of you we have to-
Magorzata!
Gosia is studying,
and so should you!
Tell her I don't want her, either!
What, what?!
I'll let you relax at last...
You won't have to be ashamed of me...
Cig, ma? Got a cig
for me, stepmother?
And maybe some time for me?
This balance-sheet has to be ready
by tomorrow; it's not adding up.
Don't smoke.
Are you going out?
Can't you see?
Then I'm going out too!
Well, I'm going out too...
Gott!
Take Marcie out to play.
Take good care of him.
And you can both
have some chocolate.
But don't give the dog any
or it'll drop dead.
Pass away. Doggies pass away...
And don't take it outside or
it'll run into the street.
Marcie?
Marek!
Marcie!
Have you seen Marcie?
I haven't seen any
little girls around.
A little boy! Sweet face,
this tall, wearing shorts.
Did you see a little boy,
he was wearing shorts?
With chequered braces, like so?
Did you see a little boy, mister?
He had shorts on, and braces,
and hair like so?
God, please let him come home safe!
What'll I tell my mum and dad?
What do I do now?
Marcie?!
No way he's in here.
I don't want there to be
a me if there's no him.
I don't want there to be
a me if there's no him!
Where's Marek?
Where's Marcie?
Marcie? Marcie! Marcie!
Mummy has to go away now...
Go home, Marek, or they'll
be worried about you!
Is Zosia in?
Dunno... Gone out... Dunno.
I bet she's out playing, going wild
on the frame for beating carpets.
Real life is out there somewhere...
Somewhere I'm NOT!
Hello, is Jurek in?
Jurek's having his birthday party.
Are you invited? I don't
think he invited you.
Jurek!
It's some classmate of yours,
come to crash your party, I bet!
No, I just...
I'm sorry.
When I die and it's my funeral,
they'll all be sorry then!
And they'll all wish they
hadn't been so mean to me!
How was school?
Good.
Good?
Is that all?
Very good. Almost.
What do you mean, almost?
What did you get?
An A...
minus.
Minus?
How do you want to measure up
to those city kids
if you're getting minuses?!
Learnin's all you should be doin'!
Learnin', learnin' and learnin'!
Excuse me, is Weronika in?
Get out!
Get out, the lot of you!
Smart-ass little shits!
I had to go get oxygen for my dad.
Oxygen?
He can't breathe good any more.
What do you mean, he can't breathe?
Tuberculosis.
That stupid mutt's rubbing himself
on the radiator again.
Bartek!
Here, I've brought you a girlfriend!
Behave yourself!
Ciao.
Ciao.
What's that noise?
That stupid dog again...
Bartek!
Bartek's in the garden.
What do you mean, the garden?
I let him out...
So what's that whacking noise?
What are you doing?
Nothing...
I can see you're doing something.
I'm punching myself in the belly.
Punching yourself in the belly?!
I'm working on my abs.
I think Adam's masturbating!
Who doesn't? To beat or not to beat?
Not even a question!
No! His spine could rot away!
Only thing rotting's his teeth.
He never brushes them.
What do you mean?!
He doesn't brush his teeth?!
I hear him brushing and scrubbing
them every night!
Scrubbing them, huh?
It's pumice or his comb
that he's scrubbing.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
These boys will be the death of me!
Don't cry, Mum.
This is stupid, it doesn't matter.
It might seem stupid to you,
but I can't take it any more.
I'm at the end of my tether.
I used to do it myself,
but I'm not rotting away.
Silly.
Why don't you have a talk with him?
Junior!
Don't wank so loud, huh? It upsets
Mum and she comes crying to me.
Well, they've sure got stamina.
Where've they scampered off to now?
You little hellions!
Damn the lot of you!
Grown sick of life, have you,
you little imps?!
I'll tan your hides! I'll chop those
puddin' heads of yours clean off!
Why?!
"Forgive me, I had no other choice..."
Why?!
"I didn't want to be alone..."
"Please don't bury me
unless I'm really dead!"
"Just make sure before you
stick me in the ground..."
Jesus!
Why?!
Why?!
Tell me! Out with it, or you're dead
meat! In deep trouble, I mean!
"I lost my little brother... I'm stupid
and dumb... He doesn't love me..."
"He loves somebody else... I did it
for the company, I guess..."
Why?!
I love Gosia, but she
likes Rich better...
And I love Adam, but he
likes Gosia better...
I got an F in the Nile.
I might get it past Mum,
but Dad will go ballistic...
If Gosia's doing it, then so am I.
I had nothing better to do.
They left me on my own.
And went off somewhere...
And I lost Marcie...
And besides, there's
the constant anxiety...
I envy the kids in the playground...
Why do you envy them?
They get to have fun, run around
and climb trees. They can swear...
I los-
She lost her brother!!!
- My parents wanted a boy...
- And I was meant to be a girl...
Because I'm ugly...
Mum and Dad drink a lot...
Nobody likes me...
They say mean things...
Why was I even born?
I'm nothing but trouble...
I'm no good at learning stuff...
I do everything wrong. No wonder
my parents drink because of me...
Except the periodic table, maybe...
I got an A-minus for
the distributaries...
But that's wonderful!
...of the Nile. Pops told me not
to come home until I get an A.
A full A.
Don't bother coming back
without an A...
A full A!
I'm a millstone around my own neck...
I'm drowning in anxiety, like
it's the waters of some black sea...
poisoning every
second of my life...
I'm not worthy of my parents' love...
I'm not worthy of divine grace...
What makes you say that?
I lost Marcie...
Your little sister?
Little brother!
I bet he drowned in the outhouse.
I poked around with a stick
but it didn't do any good...
I don't deserve anyone's friendship...
- Not even your sister's or brother's?
- My brother likes his friends better...
Not even your dog's?
Your doggie's?
Dogs like my brother better...
I guess I'd hang myself too,
if I had it that bad.
But you've got to live!
Why? What for?
So you can live!
You need to live so you can live!
You live.
That's what
life is about.
I'd better take those ropes.
No, we need them for skipping!
Huh, to dance to their tune?
Kids -
you need to talk to them!
You must!
You need to listen to kids,
pay attention!
That's easy for me to say...
Fuck!
Don't ask kids questions if you're
not interested in their answers!
Just don't!
Don't judge,
reject or fucking deny
a child's thoughts and feelings!
Don't order kids around!
Fuck! "Do your homework!"
Fucking respect a child's dignity!
Don't fucking insult them!
Don't fucking ridicule them!
Don't fucking question their word...
their truthfulness!
Fuck!
Their truth-ful-ness!
It's fucking hard enough
living in the world today!
Where do you think you're going?
Where are you rushing to?
To school!
I have the impression that you
don't know how to cope
with the seven basic emotions.
That no one's taught you
how to deal with them.
What emotions are those?
What are they?
Sadness, fear, anger,
loneliness, shame, guilt.
But isn't that six?
There's also joy.
Great.
What?
Anxiety, apprehension, fear,
terror, panic, guilt, remorse,
inferiority, humiliation, aversion,
anger, resentment, rebellion,
hatred, rage, fury, disappointment,
dejection, solitude,
longing, depression.
Peace of mind, trustfulness,
jollity, cheerfulness, hope.
And?
So that means
that most of the emotions I feel
are unpleasant! And...
We feel...
What?
We all feel that way.
And love?
I don't see love here.
There's no such emotion.
What do you mean?
Love doesn't exist?
Not separately.
There's a bundle of emotions
that together make up love,
but on its own
there's no such feeling.
So how am I supposed to
know if I love a woman?
When she feels loved.
And when is that?
When she feels:
a) desired,
b) safe,
safe around you,
and c) when she can
bloom in your presence.
What about me?
How will I know if someone loves me?
When you feel as if you're sprouting
wings in her presence,
instead of drowning.
What do you feel now?
Ashamed.
That's good.
That I feel ashamed?
That you know what you're feeling.
Back when I was a youngster,
I was cute as a button,
I was smart, I was funny
I was sweeter than honey.
How they all smiled and clapped,
they sat me down in their lap.
How they all wished me well,
my bright future they'd tell.
Now my life is misery,
my own dog now growls at me,
and there's nothing left
of those good times I had.
Winter's too cold, summer's too hot,
fall makes me sad
spring just feels bad.
Back when I was growing up,
and my spots were popping up
I was cool like Zamorra,
like the Beatles and Zorro
but somewhere I must have slipped up.
Wimbledon I did ace,
won the Golden Mile race,
Though I once was a bard,
I've come crashing down hard,
and each day is a nightmare for me.
Never thought it'd turn out like this.
It was meant to be all fun and bliss.
Now I'm stuck in a state of despair
I laugh and cry without reason
I dread the turn of the seasons
...first it's cold... then it's hot...
sad... and bad.
Used to be able to feel love and hate
joy and sorrow, desire,
but now it's all gone to waste
...first it's cold... then it's hot...
sad... and bad.
All the times I imagined
how I'd bask in success,
are all gone now,
I'm always depressed.
Though my life turned out crummy
I was never a commie
...first it's cold... then it's hot...
sad... and bad.
I'm unhappy wherever I go.
It's a feeling that with me did grow,
in the winter and summer
in the fall and the spring
I keep fearing the blows
life may bring.
In the daytime this fear
makes me shake
in the nighttime it keeps me awake:
the same fear that I felt as a lad
...first it's cold... then it's hot...
sad... and bad.
There used to be love in the spring,
in summer the skylarks would sing;
autumn colours once brought delight,
in winter we'd have snowball fights.
When did all that fade away?
How did I end up this way?
Now it's all just greens and whites,
green and whites, greens and whites...