(engine humming)
(water babbling)
(horn toots)
(clock ticking)
(static crackling)
- [Michelle] From the Suffolk
County Police Department
have confirmed that the victim
in last night's fiery
crash was the only son
of Ronald Gallagher,
the disgraced financier.
Gallagher was last seen leaving
the Van Dyke Country Club
either late last night
or earlier this morning,
dead at 27, notorious New York playboy
and sole heir to the Gallagher fortune.
You're listening to Ulster
County Public Radio.
I'm Michelle Sanremo.
And now from our Massachusetts
affiliate, a touching story
(dial tone beeps)
about a young koala bear
(dial pad beeping)
and cheating the odds.
(phone ringing)
- [Woman] Zabar, Garrison,
Zabar and Associates.
- Get me Wolf Zabar, Jr.
- [Woman] One moment please.
(gentle music)
- This is Wolf.
- Master Wolf, James here.
(bright music)
- [Wolf Sr.] I know how you feel, son,
especially on your day off.
- What day off?
What's that?
- Hey, hey, hey, don't get fresh with me,
ya little ham-and-egger.
- [Gladys] Ham and egg, Mr. Zabar?
- No, I said Reuben.
You know that, Reuben.
I always have Reuben,
a Reuben with three slices of cheese.
Remember that.
You know, you can ask your mother,
but when Ron went up the river,
I cried like a little fairy Nancy boy.
You guys are doin' great.
Just stall and then, and then speed it up.
That's it.
- I mean, I'd be lyin' to ya,
Pop, if I said I was shocked.
I always knew he'd beat me to the grave.
I just, I didn't think it'd be this soon.
- (laughs) Ron was a quick one.
He was fast.
He was fast, too.
- Like father, like son.
- Now we got through that.
Look, your mother and I are gonna be
at Block Island for the weekend.
So I want you to execute the will.
Have fun.
- Uh, are you sure about this, Dad?
I mean, what about my
reservation at White Sands?
They're gonna rape me
with the cancellation fee.
- (chuckles) Your Pops is
ahead of you, as always.
I've taken care of it, chum.
Think of it as a pre-holiday bonus.
- You're too kind.
(sandwich plops)
- Mm.
Well, hey!
Hey, Gladys, this is,
where are my three pieces of cheese?
There are only two pieces.
God, jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick!
Uh, uh, oh.
Take it easy, and remember,
Ron and I took care of each other.
Yep, when Ron was in a
jam, I was there for him,
and I know he'd do the
same thing for my boy, yep!
And don't forget, on your way out,
turn off the lights.
We're not made of money, you know.
- [Man] Tax refund when
he filed with the state
and not only...
- Cancel your dinner plans, squirt.
These need to go out tonight.
- Great (sighs), guess I can get tickets
to Don Giovanni any night.
(dramatic music)
- [Ted] That was the turn.
- Oh, you've got to be kidding me?
- Missing it twice was impressive,
but three times is legendary, Jude.
- Don't get snippy with my, bucko.
This is all just as unfamiliar for me
as it is for you.
- I thought you grew up here.
Isn't that the whole point
of coming home to bury
the great child of love?
- Love is a very strong word.
And we summered here.
We grew up in Old Saybrook.
- Now just tell me the
part of Upstate New York
that actually has cell phone reception,
and I will be a happy camper.
- (laughs) Beats me.
It's like a Third World country out here.
- Judy, you know I hate
it when you say that.
You're being disrespectful to people
who actually live in the Third World.
- Look, there's a gas station
where we can ask for directions.
- No, absolutely not.
I'm not gonna let you disrespect yourself
by asking for directions.
You're a strong,
beautiful, powerful woman,
and by caving into those
patriarchal expectations
that you don't know how to drive,
you're giving them exactly what they want.
I hope you understand
that was the proper feminist thing to do.
- Well, when you figure
out the proper feminist way
to get us wherever the fuck we're going,
please let me know.
- I will.
(tongue clicks)
(solemn music)
- Dickie, I mean, Mr. Hamilton,
I just want to say,
I think what you're doing is so brave.
(solemn music)
(Dickie sighs)
- I miss you, bro.
- Good morning, young Master Wolf.
- Please, James, Wolf
was my father's name.
You can call me...
Actually, Wolf is fine.
- I never thought I'd live
to see the day the Gallagher
estate would be settled.
- Well, with the IRS' cut
of what Ronald had squirreled away,
I'm sure Gallagher didn't leave
behind anything too meaty.
- One never knows, sir.
- Has anyone else arrived
for the reading of the will, James?
- Just one, sir.
- And who would that be?
(sultry music)
- C'est moi, Wolf.
(sultry music)
- And you must be the great Arletty.
- Zabar, I know.
I'm Arletty.
- I'll say, Gallagher
sure knew how to pick 'em.
I've seen your pictures,
but they don't do
justice to your real-life
(lips smack)
I don't know what.
- Now, Master Wolf,
there's a small matter
I must run past you,
concerning the events
of this evening.
- I know!
I know.
Gallagher did not name anybody
from his actual family in
the will, and I am aware
that excluding blood relations
carries some controversy,
but I've come prepared with a set
of non-disclosure agreements
for everyone to sign.
They're on my good
letterhead and everything.
- Unfortunately, sir, it is not that.
- Oh.
- You see, sir, there is another will.
(papers clatter)
- [Wolf Jr.] I don't understand.
- Master Gallagher held
a, how do you put it,
private will, a video will, to be exact.
And it just so happens
that he revised it not five weeks prior.
- But, but I am his executor.
I should've been informed
about this second will.
- Everybody knew about the
video will, you silly man.
- I don't know, James.
This video thing reeks of illegitimacy.
I am his lawyer, and final wishes or not,
I must side with the law,
because that, my friend,
is always legitimate.
- And as his faithful servant,
I must abide by my master's final wishes.
- All right, dang it, we'll
watch Gal's stupid video,
but then we're goin'
through the paperwork.
- Well, I must prepare
for the festivities.
Many more lotions left to apply.
See you at the party, boys.
(Wolf Jr. sniffs)
- I can hardly contain my excitement.
- [Attendant] Fill 'er up?
- [Judy] Premium, please.
- [Ted] Regular will be just fine.
- You know we get better
mileage with premium.
- But we're almost there.
- How do you know?
Premium, please.
- Where you headed?
- Well, we're looking for Varenberg Road,
but we got turned around.
- Oh, Varenberg, you're
pretty close to there.
- See, I told you.
- Okay.
- You're gonna go about 1/2 mile.
There's a traffic circle.
And you're gonna go through.
(phone blares)
- Oh God, it's UEI.
I gotta take this, excuse me.
(door thuds)
Hello.
Yes, I understand.
Damn, that's a life school credit.
- [Attendant] You from around here, too?
- I'm from Connecticut.
- [Ted] Well, how soon would
I have to let you know,
because I'm out of town
right now, and I'm not...
Uh-huh.
All right.
Well, I'll just, I'll
let you know before then.
Thank you, bye.
(horn honks)
- The papers are gonna
have a field day with this.
- It's a mob scene at
the cottage in Newport.
- Post reporters have no dignity,
not even cold in his grave.
- (groans) You Americans
are such Puritans.
Back in the nations Benelux,
we never any of these hangups about--
(object clatters)
(dramatic music)
- Cut out that racket, James.
Get me my driver from the closet.
(suspenseful music)
(speaks in foreign language)
- Be careful.
(suspenseful music)
- Ah!
Dickie!
You made it here in one piece.
- Oh, it is good
to see you, bro.
- Come here.
- Give me a hug, man.
You're so thin, you're so thin!
Look at you, man!
- Come on! (both laugh)
- Where's James at?
James, ya piece of shit,
why don't you fire up the jacuzzi?
These boys are hankerin' for a soak, huh?
- But Master Dick,
the jacuzzi was removed two years ago.
- What?
Why?
Man, things have really
changed around here, huh?
Oh, I can't imagine
how rough these past few
days must have been for you.
- (sighs) Rough does not
even begin to describe.
I keep running through my mind
the last time I spoke to Gallagher.
- And when was that?
- Thursday soiree.
We were at the fundraiser
for the Ashram's annual
tennis tables championship.
- Oh, you play.
- Oh (speaks in foreign language), no,
neither did Gallagher.
For us, it was mainly spiritual.
We were strict adherents of the guru.
- [Dickie And Wolf] The guru?
- Ma oui, Papa Vicoda.
Gallagher and I met at one
of his meditation seminars.
I have always been a devoted follower.
(engine rumbles)
- Um, there's a Volvo pulling up outside.
(car door rattles)
Did one of you guys order
Chinese food or something?
(doorbell chimes)
- Lovely to see you, Ms. Judy.
- Same to you, ya old stinker.
- Good to see you as well, Master Ted.
- I, I've got it.
- [Dickie] Oh my God.
- Judy.
- Hi.
- Judy!
- It's nice to see you.
(lips smack)
Dickie.
- [Wolf Jr.] How was the trip?
- [Judy] Oh, it was all right, you know.
I haven't driven in a while,
so it was a little bit, a
little bit tough getting back
into the saddle.
- Of course, of course.
- How's everything here?
Are you guys--
- Hey!
- It's rough.
- Oh, you remember my fiance.
- Hey, Tom.
- It's Ted, Ted, actually.
- Of course.
- Yeah.
- It's good to see you guys again,
just wish it were different circumstances.
- Yeah.
- Ted, of course you remember Arletty.
- Of course, how could I forget?
- Pleasure's all mine.
(clock ticking)
(upbeat music)
You have to push the input button first.
- Ted, I'm a junior partner
in one of the largest
law firms in Manhattan.
I think I know how to use a TV remote.
- But that's the problem.
That's not a TV remote.
That's a DVD remote.
The TV remote's in the--
- Jesus, gimme that.
- My dearest friends,
if you're watching this,
then the worst has happened.
- Uh, as the executor of Gallagher's will,
I propose that we fast-forward.
- Wolf.
- As of this recording,
my estate is valued at
approximately $10 million.
Unfortunately, Uncle Sam has seen fit
to freeze the bulk of my fortune.
Sins of the father and all that, right?
Ezekiel 18:20, "The sun shall not bear
"the iniquity of the father."
(all groan)
There is, however, a silver lining.
Due to some creative accounting,
a scant four million has been saved
from Lady Liberty's gaping maw.
Split between my four closest inheritors,
each of you is entitled to a
million bucks, give or take.
- Is that before or after taxes?
- Shh.
- Dammit, Gal, why couldn't
you have died in California?
- That the Akokisa people
of present-day Galveston
practiced cannibalism
as a holy rite.
They believed that the consumption
of a loved one was the
highest form of admiration,
a way to absorb their power, if you will.
As my closest friends, I beseech you.
Heed my last, dying wish.
In order to inherit my vast fortune,
you must each collectively
agree to consume my corpse.
You have 48 hours to decide.
Goodbye.
Forever.
(playful music)
(clock ticking)
- We can all use a round of drinks.
What do you say, friends?
- Wolf makes the best Old
Fashioned on the Eastern Seaboard.
- What about the Western Seaboard?
- Oh give me another.
- Pace yourself, big boy.
- Man, Dickie, we've got
all night ahead of us.
Don't blow your wad just yet.
- Okay, first of all,
I think we all know that I have
plenty of wad to go around.
And secondly, you know,
if I'm gonna be eating my best
friend in this entire world,
I think I'm allowed to
be a little bit hammered.
- Dickie, we all know
this is just Gallagher
pulling our legs from beyond the grave.
(Wolf Jr. hums)
- That's okay, I don't drink.
- Well, you do now.
- That would be just like Gallagher, too.
Can't even let us mourn peacefully.
He has to spin the whole thing
into one of his famous gags.
- Well, you would know plenty
about Gallagher's famous gags.
Wouldn't you, Judy?
- Oh, suck my dick, Wolf.
- Gladly.
Oh, I'm sorry, Ted, did
I make you uncomfortable?
We're all just friends here.
I would never suck Judy's dick.
- No, no, I get it.
Just a couple of old chums,
sharin' a laugh.
- Cheers.
- Okay, what if this actually
is Gallagher's dying wish?
Can we really deny him that?
- Dickie, darling, it's just not possible.
- That's right, Dickie.
Gallagher was into some funky business,
but he always put business first.
- On the other hand,
it was our religion.
- Religion?
You call eating people a religion?
- The Catholics have been
doing it for centuries.
- Guys, guys, guys, look,
I think we're all just a
little woozy here, okay?
I think we need to get some food in us,
to settle in for the night
and forget any of this
nonsense ever even happened.
- Who put this guy in charge?
- I'm not.
- No one's in charge, Wolf.
- No, Judy, I am the executor of the will.
I am in charge.
- I think what my lovely
fiance is trying to say is
that we're all a little
hungry and a little confused,
and it's making us a
little crazy in la cabeza.
So let's have some grub and chill out.
- Thank you, Judy.
- Fine.
I'll be in the study, working!
- I don't want to have to be the leader.
You know I hate being
the center of attention.
- I know, honey, I know.
(footsteps clatter)
- This is what he wanted, right, Arletty?
- Maybe yeah.
Anything is possible.
(ethereal music)
- I'll make them see, Master Gallagher.
You can be sure of it.
(gentle music)
(metal clanging)
- Do you need some help in there, Judy?
- [Judy] I got time, Dickie.
- Did you save the number
to the Italian place on speed dial?
- That place closed.
- No, it didn't.
- [Judy] It did close!
It's a Thai place.
- Oh, fun.
- But do you still have the number in case
of an emergency.
- No, I don't have the number.
- Why don't you boys take a powder?
If I need anything, I'll give you a call.
James!
- Yes, Ms. Judy?
- [Judy] I can't seem to find any rose.
Do you think there's any in the cellar?
- I'll have a look, Ms. Judy.
- Oh, you don't have to do
that. I'll take care of it.
- It's no trouble, Ms. Judy.
I'll just be a moment.
(toilet gurgles)
(solemn music)
(door clacks)
(gentle piano music)
(door bangs)
- We'll have to stock up.
These are the last two bottles.
- Well, open that one up.
I'll check on the quiche.
(quiche sizzling)
How long does it take a quiche to rise?
- Quiches don't rise, darling.
You have to put a knife in it.
- Mm.
- You know, it's not
too late to phone it in.
- (gasps) No!
- Who's gonna know?
(Judy sighs)
You know what they say.
If you can't beat 'em, order a veal parm.
(Judy groans)
We'll put it on the good china.
No one will be the wiser.
(gentle music)
- I was pretty burnt out
after that semester at UMass.
- Are you going back?
- I don't know.
The general says I have to go
back to school or get a job.
And I don't know what kind
of a job I'm gonna get
with a quarter of a B.A.
in sports management.
- Well, you could always teach.
(both laugh)
- Like Ted?
- Oh God!
- Oh man,
that guy is a sponge.
- Between you and me,
I never believed Judy was
serious about that guy.
- Yeah, I thought he was a rebound,
and now, you know--
- Of course!
- You can't tune him out
at these things.
- Hey, guys.
- 'Cause you're gonna seem--
- Hey!
- What's going on?
- Hey, what's up, man?
- What's up?
What are you doing?
You guys seen Judy around?
- Yeah, she's in the
kitchen, making dinner.
- Really?
- Oh, he knows.
He knows, baby.
- What are you guys talking about?
- Just that Dickie and
I have always maintained
that Judy's cooking is, shall
we say, an acquired taste.
- Well, if you don't like her cooking,
why make her cook?
- Oh!
- Oh, we did not
make her do anything.
She volunteered that.
- Mm-hmm.
- Judy would never voluntarily
humiliate herself like that.
- Uh--
- Uh, well,
maybe we'll get lucky,
and she'll put the
takeout on the good china.
- Yeah, classic Judy.
- (coughs) Excuse me, gentlemen.
- Wapew, wapew!
(Wolf Jr. purrs)
(gentle Eastern music)
(James coughs)
- Dinner will be ready soon, Ms. Arletty.
- [Arletty] I thought I was
making dinner tonight, James.
- Ms. Judy has offered to prepare dinner
for us, this evening.
She's in the kitchen now.
- No, this will not do.
(Judy mumbling)
- [Judy] Oh (laughs), I forgot
that your father was allergic to tomatoes.
We can't do Italian.
- [Ted] Who the fuck are you talking to?
- Myself, just talking
through an idea that I had
for a young adult novel.
(Ted sighs)
- This is beneath you, Jude.
- What, what are you talking about?
- You're slaving away in here
while Wolf and Dickie are out
on the porch having a smoke break.
It's total bullshit.
- Oh (laughs), it's not
bullshit when I cook for you.
- That's different.
- How is that different?
- It...
- Excusez-moi.
I did not realize you offer me.
- We'll talk about it later.
- It's no problem.
What's going on?
- I was just wondering
if perhaps I could
prepare a little, uh, dish
for our dinner.
- What did you have in mind?
(dramatic piano music)
- Great spread, Arletty.
- What he means is,
you are an excellent cook.
- Aw, it was no problem at all,
just a little something I threw together.
- Mm.
The sauce is divine, Jude.
It really is.
What'd you put in it?
- It's just an orange sauce
with a tahini reduction
with an anchovy rub
with mint and wasabi.
- That sounds disg--
- Sophisticated!
You're right, Dickie, very sophisticated.
- [Dickie] You can't get this
kind of stuff in a restaurant.
- That's for sure.
They'd go out of business.
(Dickie laughs)
- [James] I trust your dining
experience was pleasant.
- [Dickie] Well, now, you all
got to try all of these spuds.
- I don't mean to divert from your dining,
but I believe I must return your attention
to the matter at hand.
(gentle piano music)
The matter being, of course,
Master Gallagher's final wishes.
- Give it a rest, James.
We all know the video was a joke.
Gallagher's just messing with us.
- Unfortunately, young Master Wolf,
the contents of the
video will were serious,
dead serious.
- Wait, wait, wait, let
me get this straight.
You want us to decide whether
or not we're gonna eat another
human being this weekend?
- That's a bit crass, but if
you'd like to put it that way.
- All right, let's put it to a vote.
Who here is in favor
of eating our dead buddy Gallagher's body?
Raise your hand.
(gentle music)
- [Wolf Jr. And Judy] Dickie!
- This joke has gone on
a bit too far, Dickie.
Gallagher isn't here to see
whether or not we played along
with his little routine, so you
can just put your hand down.
- Gallagher was my best friend.
And I'm pretty sure he
was a damned good friend
to a lot of you guys, too.
And yeah, okay, maybe what he's asking
of us is a bit unorthodox, but you know,
what in this world worth
doing is not unorthodox?
And also, I want to remind you this, okay.
We are all alone here, okay.
This is just between friends.
So I think we owe it to Gal
to honor his dying wish.
Thank you.
- (scoffs) You've lost it, bud.
- Does anyone else want to pipe up
in defense of this hysteria?
- Arletty, you too?
- Oui, moi.
I think Gallagher's
request is very beautiful,
and speaking personally,
I want a little bit of
him inside of me forever.
- So that is two votes in
favor and three against.
- Yes.
- No.
- Yes.
- Well then,
since the matter must
be decided unanimously,
I suppose we'll have
another vote tomorrow night.
- Whatever.
- I hope you do all give this matter
the consideration it deserves.
(gentle music)
- I'm callin' the police.
- No!
- Stop it!
- What?
- Hey, listen, you rube,
nobody's callin' the cops.
First of all, no crime has been committed.
Second of all, we've
always managed to take care
of our problems on our own.
- We?
- You know what I mean.
- Ted, shut up!
As for the rest of you,
I'm very tired.
I've had a very long day,
and I'm going to bed.
Ted is coming with me.
We will talk about all of this tomorrow.
Ted, come on!
- Ooh, that's so chilly.
- Jesus Christ.
(dramatic music)
- What is it, Little Richard?
- You, uh, plannin' on
turning in anytime soon?
- [Arletty] Hmm, well, first,
I must take off my face.
- Pardon?
- My face.
I must remove it before bed.
- I, uh, notice you
claimed Gallagher's room
all for yourself.
(Arletty laughs)
- My dear, they are all
Gallagher's rooms, and besides,
this bed was just as
much mine as it was his.
- You know,
I, uh, I wanted to thank you.
- Excusez-moi
- I wanted to thank you for
sticking up for me at dinner.
You know, you raised
your hand in favor of--
- Ah, yes.
Yes, Dickie.
There is something you
should know about me.
In Europe,
we take things very, very serious.
(door squeaks)
- Good night, Arletty.
(tongue clicks)
- Feel like tyin' one
on with the old Wolfie?
(Dickie sighs)
(object clacks)
(water pattering)
- So I heard back from UEI today.
- [Judy] The what?
- UEI.
The nonprofit I'm trying
to get the interview with.
- [Judy] The interview
before the interview?
What did I tell you about that stuff, Ted?
- May I continue, please?
- [Judy] Mm-hmm.
- So they called me up
to tell me that they got a seat for me
at the gala in two weeks.
- [Judy] Well, that's great, hon.
- Yeah, but downside is
it's $20,000 a ticket.
- [Judy] For 20 large,
you should get the chicken and the fish.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I guess I was pretty foolish
to get excited about it.
- [Judy] Mm-hmm.
- I just, you know, it'd
be great if I could just,
if I could go and make those connections
for later down the road, you know.
I mean, Peter Tavoli's gonna be there,
and he was PD in Queens
for like God knows--
- Yes!
- What?
- I was so POed at myself
for forgetting my toothbrush,
but look, it's my overnight one.
I must have left it here ages ago.
Isn't that neat?
- My God, are you even listening
to what I'm saying here.
I'm asking for your help, Judy.
- I'm sorry.
I was just excited to--
- I mean, you already
brought me up to this place
with all your weird friends
and your little inside jokes
where your ex-boyfriend is
apparently playing some kind
of sick prank on us, and all I'm asking is
to have a simple conversation with you,
and you keep shoving that
fucking toothbrush right
in my fucking face.
- Ted, I know this is a
lot for you right now,
but I really, really appreciate
you doing all this for me.
I know that my friends can be prickly,
but I don't know, give it some time.
Maybe you have more in common
with them than you think.
After all,
you love me, right?
(Ted chuckles)
Right?
- Yeah.
(Judy sighs)
You do think this is all a joke, though?
- [Judy] Ted, I don't know
what to believe anymore.
(Ted sighs)
- You need to open up
your pelvis like this.
For a man,
the pelvis is where you store the tension.
- [Judy] Gimme a break.
- Judy, why don't you join us?
- [Arletty] Yes, Judy,
you are looking so tense.
- Ooh, yoga!
- Did you know that the pelvis is
where the men store the tension?
- Who told you that?
- This one here.
She's a regular fount of knowledge.
(Arletty laughs)
- Yes, you can still teach a
downward dog new tricks, eh?
(Wolf Jr. laughs)
(Ted sighing)
- [Ted] Well, don't
everyone get up all at once.
- Sleep well, my love?
- Jude, would you kindly
inquire as to whether or not any
of your pals here have any
Claritin on their person, please?
- What's the matter, bro?
- These country homes,
they always (sniffs) give
me the worst allergies.
- [Wolf Jr.] Too rich for your blood?
- Oh, you are the worst.
Ted, you should try some yoga with us.
It will really open you up.
- That's right, Ted.
This is the real deal,
not like that bullshit yoga
they teach you on the kibbutz.
- I wouldn't know, so--
- Oh?
Judy said that you had taken
a trip to the holy land.
- Yeah, Ted, you went to Israel
two summers ago, remember?
- Technically, it was Palestine.
- Well, technically, Ted,
there's no such thing as Palestine.
- And that is exactly the kind
of fascist agenda the Israeli government's
been playing--
- Calling a Jew fascist,
how edgy!
- The reason for everything!
- Whoa, whoa, everyone, come on,
I haven't even had my grapefruit yet.
- Don't provoke him, Wolf.
- Who's provoking?
- Good morning, cherished guests.
I've prepared an itinerary for the day,
should you want for activities.
(Dickie sighs)
- Okay, uh,
quiet study time?
Prepared lecture on IRA management?
Uh, with all due respect,
James, F your itinerary.
- Dickie!
You are being too rude.
- In this day and age,
I can't conceive of why
anyone wouldn't have an IRA.
- Guys, we have all weekend
to rifle through Gallagher's shit, right?
I mean, right now, let's take a hike,
and we can deal with the
shit later, or something.
- That's the best idea
I've heard all morning.
What do you say, ladies?
- I'll pass.
- What do you mean you'll pass?
- If she doesn't want to
go, she doesn't have to.
- I wasn't talking to you
Ted. I was talking to Judy.
- I don't feel like it.
I'd rather stay here.
- I'll stay with you, Judy.
- You don't have to do that (chuckles).
- Really, I don't mind. It
will give us a chance to get
to know one another better, femme-a-femme.
After all, we have so much in common.
- What about all that talk
about yoga in the woods
and nature as a gateway drug?
- That can wait for another time.
You boys run along.
Sisters will do it for themselves.
Oh boys!
(Arletty mumbling)
- Sure.
- Thank you.
- What was that about?
- Oh, I just asked them
to bring me back a little
something from their hike.
- Oh, something?
- Oui.
A wildflower.
- Hmm.
- I like to dry it and drink it as a tea.
Can I ask you something?
- Can I stop you?
(Arletty chuckles)
- I was wondering how you
feel about all of this,
Gallagher's will and everything?
- Well, I think it's fucked up.
I'm sorry.
I know it's one of the
tenets of you belief system.
I don't mean to say that
your beliefs are fucked up,
only that I personally find
this particular situation
to be fucked up.
- Hmm.
- Now if you'll excuse me,
I must go powder my nose.
- Don't forget to light a match.
- That's exactly what I'm saying.
It's no different from
anybody just stealing
from somebody else.
- You're wrong.
- No, look, for example,
let's say that I had a cookie, right,
and I came up to you, and I said,
hey, why don't we share
this cookie together, right?
But before you can say anything,
I just take a big, old
bite out of the cookie.
- Well, who made the cookie?
- You, you, you're
missing the point, Wolf.
- No, you're missing the point, my friend.
Someone had to make the cookie first.
- No, no, there is no cookie.
- You know what, Ted?
- There's no cookie!
- You were supposed
to bring the cookies.
- No, okay, maybe I was off
with the whole cookie metaphor.
- Cut out all this baloney.
Will you look at all this (sniffs) nature?
You know, I've always felt
this is my spiritual home.
- Yeah, I think I see a Best
Buy across the road there.
- Oh, what's the matter, Teddy?
Don't have the guts for the
demands of the free market?
- [Dickie] Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
- Probably explains why you didn't bring
the proper outdoor footwear.
- [Dickie] Come on, come on, hit me!
- [Dickie And Wolf Jr.] Oh!
- Touchdown, oh!
(Ted sighs)
(gentle music)
- I hate these guys.
(solemn piano music)
- [Arletty] Looking for something?
- No, I was...
I just--
- Oh.
Oh, Judy, come.
Have a seat.
I think I can help you.
- Seriously?
I have seen those since I was a Brownie.
(upbeat music)
- Oh!
Oh, fumble, fumble, fumble!
- Oh, fumble!
Team Ben-Gurion scores again.
- Man, you are not good at this game, bro.
- Yeah, I--
- Honestly, Ted,
you should be a bit embarrassed.
Didn't you play ball at university,
or did they not have athletics
at whatever liberal arts
backwater you smoked doTERRA at?
- First of all, you don't
smoke doTERRA, okay.
Secondly, I spent my
college years studying
and learning about empathy.
- Learning about empathy?
- Yes.
- Listen to this guy.
- I--
- You guys ready
to wrap this up.
I want to eat some snacks
and chill out or something.
- Honestly, Ted, what
did you study in college
while the rest of us were
knee-deep in classics
and six inches deep in beautiful coeds?
(Dickie laughs)
- As a matter of fact, I
majored in gender theories.
- Oh, all right, well, that makes sense.
That, that does explain your weak throw
but not your poor catch.
(playful music)
- What's going on?
What'd you say, bro?
What'd you say?
(playful music)
(Ted grunts)
(Dickie yells)
- Oh shit!
Dickie, I didn't mean to hit you!
- Oh, you're a regular
Ethel Roosevelt.
(bell rings)
- It's Eleanor, you heartless gasbag.
- [Sue] What's the trouble here, boys?
- This turd just hit my good friend
in the face with the pigskin.
- But I was trying to hit this turd.
- (sighs) Let me see the wound.
(Dickie gasps)
No big whoop.
Nothing a little Neosporin won't fix,
a little Neosporin, a
little, fix, a little--
- What, do you just go around
with Neosporin on your person?
- And you don't?
- I'm already feeling so much better.
(ethereal music)
- Remember, when you're
outdoors, safety first.
- Thank you, Ranger, uh, Ranger--
- Sue, but I'm no ranger.
I'm just a summer intern.
(Dickie gasps)
Well, be safe, boys.
- Thank you, Ranger Sue,
(bell dings)
whoever you are.
- Well, I guess sometimes
you want the steak,
and sometimes you want the hamburger.
- [Arletty] Shuffle them.
Concentrate on what's bothering you.
- I think you know what's bothering me.
- Do I?
This first card is how you
feel about yourself now.
Hmm, perhaps you feel
as though everything around
you is falling apart.
- Clearly.
- This next card is what you
want the most at this moment.
- A high priestess in my bed,
looks like I already got one.
- (scoffs) Be serious, cherie.
This is important.
What you want the most at this moment is
for a secret to be revealed.
Hmm.
(dramatic music)
- I definitely see what you mean.
- Really?
You think that it is accurate?
- Oh absolutely.
Why shouldn't my physical well-being,
my every material concern
in the not-too-distant future
all reveal themselves to me
in six cards scattered on a duvet?
(Arletty scoffs)
(speaks in foreign language)
- If I knew you were
going to be such a baby,
I never would've started.
- I'm sorry, mon petit.
- Now, this next card is your fears.
Perhaps things aren't turning
out the way you expected.
- Hmm, much more my style.
- This is the first time I
have seen you in the reading.
That's you there.
You are self-assured,
and you can get anyone to do
anything you want (chuckles).
You are at the risk of
doing something hasty.
But I warn you,
keep your ego in check.
- Well, that's what I have you for.
(Arletty laughs)
- Are you ready?
This is the last card.
- [Judy] What does it mean?
- It is inverted.
When you miss the devil like
this, it is a good omen,
(speaks in foreign
language), breaking away.
- I miss him so much.
I still feel like he's here,
like he could just walk in
at any minute, you know.
Last night, in the kitchen,
that's why I ruined dinner.
- Oh yes, I'm sure that's why (chuckles).
(Judy sighs)
- What's gonna happen to all this?
- Well, that's up to us now, isn't it?
(gentle music)
- I don't think I can do it.
- Think of it as a special gift.
Gallagher is a part of us.
We have already consumed
him in our own way,
in the way that only a
woman can consume a man.
(Judy chuckles)
Physically, it's no different.
Spiritually, (speaks in foreign language).
Oh he spoke so lovingly of you to me.
And I know that if things were different,
he would do the same for you.
- Really?
(speaks in foreign language)
- He would relish the opportunity.
(door rattles)
- I'm gonna set myself up.
Does anyone want anything?
- Yeah, I'll have whatever you're having.
- I'll have whatever you're having.
(gentle music)
(Judy and Arletty chattering)
(clock ticking)
(Ted sighs)
- Come on, you guys, that's my fiance.
- Ted, stop being an F-A-G.
(Judy and Arletty chattering)
(gentle music)
- What are you doing?
- [Dickie] And can we watch?
- Ah!
(speaks in foreign language)
(Judy laughs)
Come join us.
(all laughing)
He likes that.
- [Wolf Jr.] Chapeau!
- [Arletty] Oh, I like this.
- Already covering the old boy up, I see.
- Oh come on, Ted, it's
already all ours anyway.
- [Arletty] Mm-hmm.
- Does this mean you're in?
- Yeah, I think I am.
- Do you understand what that means?
- Yeah, cash money, baby.
(all laugh)
- What are we gonna tell our children?
- Whoa, whoa.
You know that I want to
concentrate on my career first.
I don't think I'm ready to have
that conversation with you just yet.
- That's not the point, Judy.
Are you just gonna carve me up
and eat me when I'm dead, too?
- If you wanted me to, yes, I would,
because I love you.
Sassy, just a little sass.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- [Judy] Just a splash of color.
- Oh, ho, ho, ho!
- Mm!
(phone rings)
- [Man] Urban Excellence Initiative,
how many I help you?
- Hello, this is Ted Hughes,
calling for Peter Tavoli.
- [Man] He's not in.
Can I take a message?
- He's not in?
- [Man] No.
- Okay, I'll call back later.
(upbeat music)
(door clacks)
(knuckles rap)
- Some bash, eh, Ted?
- Yes, thank you very, very much.
It really means a lot to Judy and I.
- Ah, anything for Judy.
(Gallagher chuckles)
It's funny, isn't it?
- Oh Gal, I don't want any
ill-will between us, okay?
- Why would there be?
- Well, I just thought that, you know--
- Lighten up, Ted.
You're the sporting type.
Survival of the fittest and all that.
May the best man win.
(guests chattering)
(upbeat music)
(phone blares)
- Yes, yes!
Hello.
This is Ted.
Yes!
Yes, Mr. Tavoli!
How are you?
Excuse me, just one second.
Hey, hey (laughs).
I really appreciate your call.
- Dibs on the jacuzzi tonight.
- Oh Judy, you didn't hear?
Uh, apparently, they took
out the jacuzzi years ago.
- It's true, Mistress Judy.
I'm afraid the jacuzzi is long gone.
(Judy sighs)
- Well, in that case,
if it's all right with everyone present,
I will just be taking
a fucking bubble bath!
Have you ever seen such
a silly house of cowards?
(speaks in foreign language)
- Wow, Judy is very wound up.
She needs what we call
on the continent (speaks
in foreign language).
- And what, pray tell, might that be?
- (laughs) Why, it is
two tongues, of course.
One in her you know what,
and the other in her vagina.
(Wolf Jr. gags)
Good evening, boys.
(water pattering)
(door clacks)
- Is there something in the air tonight,
or is it just me? (machine
buzzing) Does the air feel
crazy tonight, or am I just something?
No, no.
- [Arletty] Ooh, la, la!
- Holy moly.
(switch clicks)
Oh, Arletty (laughs),
is there something in
the air tonight, or--
- Wolfie, is there something
you wanted to talk to me about?
- (scoffs) No, no, no.
I was just, uh--
- I'm sorry.
I borrowed this from you knapsack earlier.
I found it very stimulating.
- Is that so?
- Oui.
She adore powerful men.
Won't you tuck me in?
(Wolf Jr. coughs)
Merci.
(speaks in foreign language)
(Wolf Jr. sighs)
- I think I'll just take myself
for a walk around the cul-de-sac,
if you catch my drift.
(upbeat music)
- My, were they ever right.
Look at this mess.
Classic Dickie.
- Gallagher.
(both laugh)
I, uh...
Oh, man.
- Oh dear Richard.
(Dickie laughs)
You know better than I do
what they say in Germany.
(Dickie grunts)
Oh!
Beer before liquor.
I like that.
Liquor, oh no, no, liquor
before beer, no, no, no, no.
(Dickie grunts)
(Dickie coughs)
Oh no.
(Dickie gags)
(vomit patters)
Oh.
All right, my friend.
(Dickie sobs)
Oh.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
- Gallagher, you mustn't blab
to anyone at the Post about this.
- No, no, no.
You can trust your friend Gallagher.
(Dickie sighs)
It's just between you and me.
(Dickie laughs)
(Dickie groans)
(Gallagher laughs)
(solemn music)
(Dickie sighs)
(solemn music)
- Nothing a little Neosporin won't,
nothing a little Neosporin won't fix.
Nothing a little Neosporin,
nothing a little, fix.
Nothing a little Neosporin,
a little Neosporin, fix, fix,
a little Neosporin won't fix.
Nothing a little Neosporin won't fix.
Nothing a little Neosporin won't fix, fix.
(solemn music)
(horn honks)
- [Dickie] Hey, ranger.
- I told you I'm not a
ranger. I'm an intern.
- [Dickie] Sorry, uh, intern, what's up?
Do you want to party or something?
- Um,
yeah, all right, but
I got to take my bike,
so I can get home in the morning.
- [Dickie] You're speakin' my language.
(gentle music)
- Oh, thanks.
(gentle music)
- Sue, you--
- Shh!
Don't say a thing.
- No.
No, I want to tell you something.
I have never met a girl, sorry,
a woman like you.
You're just so free, you know.
- Only between Memorial Day and Labor Day.
The rest of the year,
I'm just a garden-variety
landscape artist.
- No, like your life is, like, so pure,
so simple and stuff.
- You know, it's not so simple.
- Well, you know what I mean.
(gentle music)
When I go back to New York,
I'm gonna tell my old
man to go fuck himself.
- The general, why?
- 'Cause I'll be free.
I'll finally be free to
just, you know, live my life.
- Well, what are you gonna do about money?
- Don't worry about that.
I have a feeling that our
luck is finally starting
to take a turn.
- Hey, Jude.
- Mm.
- What's a four-letter
word for American Brahman?
- If you have to ask...
(door squeaks)
- Oh, hey.
Morning, Wolf, Arletty,
Tudy.
- What did you call me?
- Tudy,
like Ted and Judy.
It would be your celebrity
power couple name,
if anyone gave a shit about you.
I don't know.
Sorry, I thought of that yesterday.
- Ranger Sue, what a pleasure.
- I don't believe I've
met your friend, Dickie.
- Oh, um, actually we met yesterday
at the park when Richard was hurt.
- Ranger Sue saved my life.
- How did she wind up here?
- You know, you're out in the woods,
and one thing leads to another, and then--
- I'm so sorry about your friend,
and I really appreciate
you all making room for me.
I'm really excited for dinner.
(dramatic music)
- You're staying for dinner?
- If that's all right?
Richard invited me.
- Isn't that thoughtful
of our friend Richard?
- I'm gonna go freshen up.
It was really nice to meet you, Tudy.
- Wolf, Arletty, I'm
going to need a minute
with our friend Dickie.
- [Dickie] What?
- Listen, Dickie.
- No, Judy, no!
Okay, Sue is staying for dinner.
- I understand that you
want to have a little fun.
We all do.
It's been a very stressful weekend.
- No, you don't understand, okay.
No one understands.
Sue gets me, okay.
She is a real person.
She is an authentic person.
- Oh, Dickie, wise up.
You just met this girl.
She doesn't get you.
She's a rando, a townie.
To her, you're just another tourist.
What are you gonna tell this girl
when she asks about dinner?
- It's fine.
She's a vegetarian.
She can just eat the sides or whatever.
- Listen to me, Dickie.
Take my advice.
The last thing you need right
now is morganic marriage.
- Actually, Judy, it's morganatic.
- What is that?
- It's when you marry beneath you.
(bell rings)
- Cherished guests,
lunch is served.
- But as I was telling Richard,
I used to see the Gallaghers pretty often.
- Is that so?
- Of course, they were fixtures up here,
at least in the summertime.
- So where do you live in the off-season?
- Oh, I'm from here.
- A year-rounder, how fascinating.
- They don't call it that, Wolf.
What do you call it?
- I'm just a regular
old resident, I guess.
(Dickie laughs)
- I didn't even know people lived here.
Do you have a, uh, post office?
- Yeah.
(Arletty slurps)
- Uh, how much have you
guys had to drink today?
(Wolf Jr. sighs)
- That is none
of your business.
- Yeah, lay off her, Dick.
- I see you're trying on
the white knight role today.
- Oh, stop it.
- You know what?
I'm simply trying to have a nice--
- Everybody, relax.
Let's show a little respect.
We have a guest with us.
Sue, what you were talking about.
- Oh, um, you know, just that I, uh,
always really respected the Gallaghers.
They made a lot of charitable donations
to local organizations.
Gerty Gallagher led the local
lifeguard training class
for many years, in fact.
I wish I could've gotten to
know your friend a little better
while he was still alive.
- Yeah, he was quite a guy.
- Quite a guy.
(dramatic music)
- So she wants to get
to know me better, eh?
Well, why doesn't she
try this on for size?
(dramatic music)
- You know, I'm surprised to
hear you say those things, Sue.
I mean, let's be honest.
You're not really the sort
of company Gallagher would've kept.
- Uh--
- Oh?
- Well, sure.
I mean, look at those calves.
They'd look great on one
of Gallagher's horses,
but on a woman?
- Judith, you're being
incredibly rude right now.
- Oh stuff it, Dickie, don't pretend
that Gallagher wouldn't
have said the same thing
to her face.
Do you want to get to
know Gallagher better?
Listen up.
- Too true, sweet Sue.
You have a sort of peasant-chic,
but you are not really one of us.
- Peasant-chic?
Let's not mince words.
She's low-rent.
I mean, Gallagher wasn't above slumming it
from time to time, but Sue
here's practically Haiti,
and I don't mean before the hurricane.
(all laugh)
- Judy, honey, now I think
you're all being quite cruel
to this poor girl who just came in here,
and Dickie's trying to--
- Oh, you're just saying
that, because she's the kind of fat geek
that was giving you blow jobs in college
before I stooped to letting
you get up in my jean shorts.
- Oui, Dickie, how does the mouth
of the sans-culottes compare
to that of the bourgeoisie?
- Stop it!
I will not let you pieces
of shit make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck all of you!
- Sue, honey--
- Don't honey me.
You're the biggest shit of them all.
You're sitting here
while your friends are
being shit-bags to me.
Go fuck yourself, Dickie.
I was trying to be courteous,
because that's what decent people do.
They look out for each other.
But you're all monsters.
And you know, you don't get
to call me low-rent, either.
I went to Brown.
- There's no reason to
be an elitist about it.
I went to a public university.
- Who gives a shit?
Nobody actually cares where
you went to college, you snob.
I sincerely hope Gallagher's death
makes you all feel fucking awful.
Maybe then you'll act like humans.
(door thuds)
(bell dings)
- Judy, guys.
- She was asking for it, Dickie,
coming in here all uppity like that.
- I can't believe she called me a snob.
- No one thinks you're a snob, Teddy Bear.
- No?
- That brat deserved it.
Hey,
nobody talks to my friends like that.
- Mm (laughs).
(solemn music)
- Yes, hi.
This is Ted Hughes.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, I'd like to reserve a
ticket for the gala next week.
Yes.
Plus one.
(solemn music)
Thank you.
Well, I sure hope that's not how you talk
about me when I'm not around.
- Never.
(dramatic music)
You're different, ambitious.
Everyone knows that.
That's what I love about you.
You want more than what's
right in front of you,
not like that backwoods tramp.
You're one of us.
(dramatic music)
- You know what?
I'm in.
I'm all in.
(Judy sighs)
(Ted sighs)
- I've always wanted to see you in this.
Everyone.
Ted has something that he'd like to say.
- Oh boy.
(Ted coughs)
- I've been doin' a lot of thinkin',
these past couple of days,
and frankly I have come to a consensus.
I know things might've been
a little rough (chuckles)
when we first got here, but I realize now
that this is important to all of you
and especially to my Jude here.
So I'm in.
Now let's eat.
- We should get this in writing.
- Or better yet, in blood.
James!
- [James] Coming, Ms. Arletty.
- James, would you do the honors?
- With pleasure, Ms. Judy.
Cherished guests, you have
all made a very wise decision.
The body will be delivered
fully cooked this evening.
To Gallagher.
- [All] To Gallagher!
(dramatic music)
- Lighten up, Dickie.
It's like Kipling said,
better to stick with your own kind.
(Dickie chuckles)
- You can always trust your true friends.
(lips smacking)
(Judy and Dickie moaning)
(all laugh)
(solemn music)
- Don't you know this is Gallagher's room?
(upbeat music)
(speaks in foreign language)
(intense music)
- Now that's entertainment.
(intense music)
- Well, we did it.
We really fucked ourselves.
- Who invited you, Ted?
- Gallagher.
- Well, there's no accounting for taste.
- Oh stuff it, you shriveled cunt.
- [Wolf Jr.] I already took
care of that, old sport.
(tongue clicks)
(Dickie chuckles)
- You know, I knew this would happen.
In that tarot reading, Judy,
when I pulled the ace of cups card.
It's a powerful card.
It symbolizes new connections
between friends and family.
- Hmm.
- You didn't pull the ace
of cups card, Arletty.
- Didn't I?
- No.
- Hmm.
Well, it still happened, didn't it?
- Cherished guests,
(Ted burps)
I suggest you all take a
few moments to freshen up.
Dinner will be served shortly.
- Ted, try to relax!
You're giving me indigestion.
(both laugh)
Darling, what did I tell you about sitting
on the bed in your street clothes?
- Just because you're putting on the ritz,
doesn't mean that I have to.
- Are you wearing jeans?
- Uh, black jeans.
(Judy sighs)
(upbeat music)
(clock ticking)
- Places, everyone.
(gentle music)
Normally, I would have
prepared an opening course.
But given the particular
nature of this evening's meal,
I thought it would be thoughtless
to fill you up too much beforehand.
The instructions left behind
by Master Gallagher do provide
for blindfolds, should anyone wish
to consume with some sense of peace.
Would anyone wish to have one?
(clock ticking)
- What's the matter, friend?
- I thought this would
all be funnier somehow.
- Death is never funny, Wolf.
(Dickie laughing loudly)
- I'm sorry, everyone.
I had been holding that
in for a long time.
- Excuse me, everyone (coughs).
I need to use the
restroom before we start.
Won't be a minute.
- [Reporter] State prosecutor
Peter Tavoli confirmed
that financier Ronald
Gallagher was found dead
in his Suffolk County home this morning
of an apparent suicide.
- Get it together, Wolf.
You can do this.
- [Reporter] Until recently,
highly respectable savings corporation.
He's survived by his wife Gerty Gallagher
and their son Ronald.
(switch clicks)
- Sorry, pal.
It could happen to anybody.
(Gallagher chuckles)
- I've already moved mother
out of the Mallorca house,
probably for good.
That just leaves me here,
to sort through this mess.
- Senior says you always
have a place with us.
It's a guest quarter, so
it's a little musty, but...
- Thanks, Wolf.
I've always said the
Zabars are true friends.
- So, sole heir of the
Gallagher estate, eh?
- (chuckles) Don't get carried away.
It's just this house.
It's a dump.
It's worthless,
just like the Gallagher name.
You know, I thought the
Gallaghers were destined
for something more than this.
Folly got in the way, I suppose.
(Gallagher sighs)
One day,
I'm gonna do something to get
this family back on track,
something grand,
something to show the
world who I really am.
- [Wolf Jr.] I think you will, Gal.
I really do.
(clock ticking)
(Wolf sighs)
- Ew.
- [James] Are we ready, friends?
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Oui.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Well then.
- Ted.
- Yes, Judy?
- Despite everything
that's happened today,
I want you to know
that I still really appreciate
you doing this for me.
- We'll talk when we get home.
(dramatic music)
- Well, who's going first?
(clock ticking)
Nobody?
- I do not hear you volunteering.
- Oh I'll do it.
- Did you do it?
- One second!
(clock ticking)
(Ted sighs)
(silverware clangs)
(clock ticking)
- That's not what I was expecting.
- Mm.
It's kind of sweet.
- Saccharin.
- Mm, what is it spiced with?
- Wait a moment.
This is not Gallagher.
This is not even meat.
This is...
(Arletty gasps)
(all gasps)
(dramatic music)
Huh?
What?
(hands clapping slowly)
(dramatic music)
(all gasping)
- Now this, friends, is rich.
- What the fuck?
- You're alive, bro.
- I've never felt more alive, in fact.
- So what was all this?
- I'll tell you what this was.
This is another one of
Gallagher's goddamned pranks.
- [Ted] That's what I told you
(all chattering)
- Friends, friends, friends, friends.
I can understand if you're
a little bit upset with me.
Allow me to explain.
It's true.
I have not died.
I still possess of all my faculties.
There was no accident of any kind.
Inspect me if you must.
You won't find a scratch on me.
Now, you may ask yourselves,
why bring the five of you up
here to endure this weekend,
to experience such tremendous guilt,
to question the self and the limits
of humanity and whatever?
Some of that, sure.
But when it came down to it,
I was curious about one thing.
What did you really like about me?
My good humor?
My, uh, skills at entertaining?
Perhaps you retain some fond nostalgia
for growing up with me?
Or, and here's the kicker, folks,
maybe it was my fortune.
(Arletty hisses)
Simple, isn't it?
My wealth is the last thing I possess.
As cultural currency, the
Gallagher name is done.
It won't get me farther
than a wooden nickel.
Think of all you could do with my money.
- This is all a little
simplistic, isn't it, Gal?
- But friends, you all
surprised me with that lesson.
The money was a perk, sure,
but what you really wanted,
what you sought to gain
by devouring my corpse,
was something far more valuable than cash.
It was the permission to
trespass, to cross a boundary
that few humans have ever
dared to cross before.
You accepted the absurd and
frankly stupid terms of my will,
because you wanted to believe it was true.
You wanted to be allowed to
be as awful, as villainous,
as inhuman as you each
secretly wanted to be.
And you all came so close, too.
(dramatic music)
Pretty good cake, though.
- But what about the money?
- (scoffs) There's no money, friend.
And even if there were,
I wouldn't hand it over
to the likes of you.
Get a job.
(dramatic music)
- This is bullshit, Gallagher!
You have made a mockery of our morality,
of our religion.
You have tricked us all,
your closest friends.
(dramatic music)
- I was in love with you.
- I loved you, too, Judy,
but that's the way the cookie crumbles.
- No, no, Ted, no, no, no, no, no!
No.
(dramatic music)
Fuck you, Gallagher.
(clock ticking)
(Dickie sighs)
Let's go home, guys.
(Arletty spits)
- See you at Christmas.
(gentle music)
Well, James, I must commend you.
It was quite the affair.
I could not have done it better myself.
- You don't have to do
it yourself, Master.
That's why you have me.
- Too true.
You do have a way with words.
Tell me, did the baker
who made my lovely cake get
the thank-you gift I sent him?
- Yes, Master.
He said the flowers were just
the kind his wife prefers.
- Well then, splendid coincidence.
- Anything else, Master?
- No, that'll be all, James.
(gentle music)
James.
- [James] Yes, Master.
- We showed them, didn't we?
(gentle music)
- Yes, Master Gallagher.
I do believe we did.
(bright music)
Who are you friends, Mr. Gallagher
To tell us what would we do for you
Is this a scheme, a ruse, a plan
The feast, a feast of man
Now tell us where have you
gone, dearest Gallagher
I need to shout, to mourn or laugh
Show no remorse
When your heart's the main course
In a feast, a feast of man
You stood at the front
of our social ranks
But in spite of your famous pranks
We still fell for your gags
You showed everyone who you truly are
But this time, Gal,
you've gone too far
When will we go, sweetest Gallagher
To take our leave or resign to stay
To dine on a feast, a sumptuous feast
To dine on a feast
A sumptuous feast of man