1
I Am Merlin, And I Am Back,
Awakened From
My Eternal Slumber
To Reach Out Across Time...
For A Brave Warrior Who Can
Take Up The Sword Excalibur...
And Save Camelot.
Oh, Great Spirit Of Light,
Bring Me That Knight.
- [ Thunderclap ]
- [ Umpire ] Strike. Out.
You're Up, Fuller.
-Ventilate Him, Calvin.
-Try Swingin' This Time, Fuller.
[ Spectators Clapping,
Chattering ]
[ Girl ] Whoo-Ooo !
[ Man ] Come On, Cal !
- It's Only A Game, Son.
Just Give It Your Best Shot.
- Good Luck, Honey.
- We're All Rootin' For Ya.
- I Get Your Room
If You Get Killed.
- If I Die, You Can
Take Out The Trash.
- Mmm !
Fuller. Now Look, Just
Remember What I Told You.
Three Things:
Ya Lean In.
Ya Cover The Plate.
Ya Pick A Point In The Outfield.
Then Ya Let Her Rip.
Actually, That's
Four Things.
Just Try And Hit The Ball,
Will Ya, Fuller ?
[ Man ]
Come On. Play Ball.
Come On, Cal !
[ Cal ]
Three Things:
Lean In.
Cover The Plate. Pick
A Point In The Outfield.
- Let Her Rip.
- You're Dead Meat, Fuller.
- [ Crowd Yelling ]
- [ Cal ] Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
- [ Umpire ] Strike One.
- [ Coach Groaning ]
Ohh !
- Strike Two.
- Keep Your Eye
On The Ball, Cal !
Hasta La Vista, Fuller.
Now Swing !
- Strike Three. You're Out.
- [ Crowd Groaning ]
It's All Right, Son.
- [ Spectators Shouting ]
- Mom, He Didn't Even Try !
Fuller.
Get Me My Bat.
As You Wish,
Your Highness.
[ Low Rumbling ]
[ Rumbling Intensifies,
Woman Screams ]
Earthquake ! Everybody,
Out Of The Dugout.
Come On ! Come On !
[ Rumbling Continues ]
The Black Knight
Has Stolen The Royal
Money Box. Stop Him !
[ King ]
Hurry !
[ Horse Whinnying ]
[ Screaming ]
Aaah !
[ King's Guards Shouting ]
[ Cal Gasping ]
- [ Guard ]
Forward ! Together !
- [ Cal ] Here !
Whoa !
Hold, Boy !
[ Driver ]
Whoa Up. Whoa Up.
Ah.
Sire.
Find The Brave Man Who
Foiled The Black Knight.
I Want To Thank Him
Personally.
Please.
- Thank Thee, Lord Belasco.
- My Pleasure, Your Highness.
Spread Out !
Find The Boy.
Where Am I ?
Ride On !
[ Cal ]
Excuse Me.
[ Bleating ]
Oh !
Clumsy Mutton.
Sorry.
[ Guard ]
That-A-Way.
[ Guards Shouting ]
- Where Did He Go ?
- That Way, Sire.
He Went That Way.
This Way !
[ Gasps ]
Whoa.
[ Cal Grunting,
Chicken Clucking ]
[ Dog Barking ]
There's Nothing
Left To Steal
In All Of Camelot !
The King Does Not Steal.
He Merely Takes His Fair Share.
In Other Words,
Everything.
- [ Commoner Groaning ]
- I Have No Time For This !
I Am Looking For A Boy.
Do Not Fight Him.
The King Is No Longer
A Man Of The People.
- You Speak Treason ?
- [ Cal Gasps ]
Ah, The Little Mouse.
- [ Cal Yelling ]
- [ Guard ] Get Him !
Oh, Boy.
[ Gasps ]
Don't Kill Me !
I Didn't Mean To Do It.
I Don't Even Know
What I'm Doing Here.
Take Him To Camelot.
Let Me Go !
The King
Awaits His Presence.
King ?
[ Townspeople Chattering ]
Hey, Guys, Where's The Boys'
Room ? I've Been Holding It
Since The Third Inning.
Where We Going ?
Hey, Don't I Get
A Phone Call Or Something ?
Ho !
Ho !
Ho !
[ Man ]
Look Here !
Ah ! 'Tis The Brave Man Who
Frightened Off The Black Knight.
Bring Him Closer.
Not A Man, Father.
Just A Boy.
He Has A Very Pleasant Face.
Don't Be Ridiculous, Sister.
He Dresses Like A Fool.
[ All Laughing ]
Did You Find The Boy ?
Of Course.
Then Bring Him To Me.
Ah, He Was Taken To
The Great Hall, Milord.
The King.
You Take Your Orders From Me,
Not That Stupid Old Fool.
Look, I Have Arthur
Exactly Where I Want Him.
The Black Knight's Working
His Magic Wonderfully.
We Do Not Need Interlopers
Like This Little Boy
Spoiling It.
Now You Are
My High Chamberlain.
Deal With It !
Dost Thou Know
Who I Am, Lad ?
Um, The King ?
That's Right, Lad.
I Am King Arthur.
Cool.
Cool ? Ah.
[ Snaps Fingers ]
[ All Laughing ]
Ah !
[ Laughter Continues ]
Your Highness.
[ Stubs Toe ]
Oh !
It's Obvious This Boy
Is In League With
The Black Knight.
[ Cal ]
Who Me ? No !
No, I'm Not !
He's Nothing But
A Common Spy And
A Little Thief !
I Don't Know How I Got Here,
Your Honor, But I'm Not
A Spy-- Or A Thief.
Thou Has Been Challenged, Lad.
Step Up And
Prove Thyself Worthy.
Of Course, The, Uh, The Boy
May Be Allowed To Choose
The Mode Of Combat, Hmm ?
Combat ?
Can We Talk About
This For A Minute ?
Oh, Wake Up.
This Isn't
A Dream.
Quite Right.
It's Your Worst Nightmare
Come True.
Choose.
[ Muttering ]
Mode Of Combat.
I Gotta Choose A Weapon.
Oh, My God.
I Gotta Choose.
I Gotta Choose.
I Choose Combat Rock.
- Huh ?
- [ Guests Murmuring ]
- Here Goes.
- [ Rock Blaring ]
[ Music Stops ]
[ Man Exclaiming ]
- 'Tis A Miracle.
- In Full-Blown
Digital Stereo.
I Never Heard
Such A Clamor
In All My Days.
That Was No Clamor.
That Was Rock And Roll.
Come. Sit Here, Lad.
Now Tell Me:
What Do They Call Thee, Boy,
And From Whence Doth Thou Hail ?
Uh, Calvin Fuller, Sir.
From Reseda.
Oh !
[ Chuckling ]
Knights And Ladies,
I Give Thee...
Calvin Fuller Of Reseda !
Calvin Fuller
Of Reseda !
Calvin Fuller
Of Reseda !
Well, Now, Let Us Eat.
[ Guests Chattering ]
Oh. Looks Real Good.
-What Is It ?
-Braised Boar's Snout With
Haggis. Come On. Eat Up, Boy.
I Heard What Transpired
Between Thee And
The Black Knight.
Who Is This
Black Knight Guy Anyway ?
A Scoundrel !
His Mission
Is To Bring Down
My Father's Kingdom.
Eat. It Loses Its Bouquet
When It Is Taken Cold.
[ Whimpering, Panting ]
[ Arthur ]
Hmm, He's Got A Good Cut.
Say, Where's Merlin ?
When Does He Show Up ?
Sadly, Merlin Passed Away
Many Years Ago.
Your Highness ?
[ Garbled ]
Yes, Lad ?
I Don't Mean
To Butt In Here, But
Where's The Round Table ?
- Round Table ?
- You Know, Where You And Your
Knights Have Your Meetings.
It's Round So You Gotta
Look Everybody In The Eye. No
Favorites. Everybody's Equal.
Everybody's Equal ?
[ Laughing ]
Fascinating Idea.
- Where Did You Say
You Were From ?
- Uh, Reseda.
Reseda.
What An Odd Name.
Hey, It's The Bowling
Capital Of The World.
May I Suggest For Our Honored
Visitor From Reseda...
A Fortnight Of Training
With Master Kane ?
Oh, A Splendid Idea, Daughter.
Tomorrow, My Master At Arms...
Shall Instruct Thee
In The Ways Of
The Knights Of Camelot.
Prepare His Quarters !
Come On !
[ Belches, Slurps ]
Welcome To
Camelot, Sir.
Thanks... I Think.
Okay, Where's The Bathroom ?
Lord Elastic !
Belasco.
Right.
Listen.
[ Whispering ]
What ?
I Don't Hear Anything.
Exactly !
I Could Choke The Life
Right Out Of You Right Now.
No One Would
Hear You Scream.
Hold That Thought.
[ Creaking ]
[ Kiai ]
Hyah !
Oh ! Excuse Me, Good Sir.
Pardon My Intrusion.
My Father Asked That I
Make Sure Thou Art Comfortable
In Thy New Quarters.
You Want Me Comfortable, How
About Getting Me A Road Map
Out Of The Middle Ages ?
If I Don't Get Home,
I'm Grounded.
You Resedians Wear
Very Strange Garments.
Oh ! Excuse Me.
Okay.
Wait. Your Father
Sent You Here ?
[ Murmuring ]
I Cannot Lie To Thee, Sir.
My Father Knows Nothing Of
My Nocturnal Transgression.
Do Me A Favor.
Call Me "Calvin."
Calvin.
That Dance.
What Was It ?
Dance ?
You Know.
Oh. That's Not A Dance.
That's Karate.
You See, There Was This Big Kid
Who Was Beating Me Up Every Day
And Stealing My Lunch Money,
So My Dad Signed Me Up
For Karate School.
I Really Miss Them.
My Sister Too.
You Have No Idea
What I'm Talking About,
Do You ?
I Fear I Know Nothing Of
Karate Or Lunch Money,
But I Do Know
What It Is Like
To Miss One's Parents.
My Father Has Never Been
The Same Since Mother Died.
I Miss My Mother Deeply.
I Miss My Father Even More.
I Really Need
To Get Home, Katey.
Can You Help Me ?
I Truly Cannot.
Perhaps There Is
Somebody Who Can !
- Who ?
- Merlin.
- But You Said He Was Dead.
- Not Quite.
[ Rock Moving ]
Cool.
A Secret Door.
Come.
[ Rumbling ]
This Way.
[ Wind Whistling ]
We've Lost The Light !
[ Chuckles ]
No Problem.
It's Incredible !
[ Cal ]
Just Like
The Temple Of Doom.
This Is It.
[ Stones Creaking ]
These Were Once Merlin's
Quarters. 'Tis Now My
Father's Private Sanctuary.
[ Cal ]
Is That--
Aw, It Can't Be.
Oh, That. That's Just
Father's Old Sword.
"Old Sword" ?
That's Excalibur.
My, Thou Dost
Know A Lot.
I Watch A Lot Of Cnn.
No One's Touched It
In Years.
'Tis True.
Wow, You Even Have
A Hot Tub.
'Tis The Well Of Destiny.
Oh.
That Is All That
Remains Of Merlin.
If There Is A Way Home,
It Will Be In There.
Sweet.
Quick.
Someone Comes.
Hurry !
Here Is Where
We Must Part.
There's Something
Very Special About You,
Calvin Of Reseda.
Perhaps Your Arrival Here
Was No Accident.
Hey, How Do I Get Back ?
Follow The Wall.
It Stops At Your Quarters.
Good Night, Sir.
Ah, The Knight I Sent For.
Come To The Well
So That I May Gaze
Upon The Face Of Greatness.
Who Said That ?
Come.
Come.
We Haven't Much Time.
Is Someone Down There ?
What Are You Doing Here, Boy ?
Stand Aside So I May See
My Great Warrior.
Where Is He ?
Come, Come.
Step Forward.
Um, I Hate To Tell You This,
But I'm The Only One Here.
- You Must Be Joking.
- No.
You're Merlin, Right ?
Something Has Gone
Horribly Wrong. What Was
That Wretched Spell I Cast ?
Half A Quart Of Pig Vomit
And The Two Monkey Bladders ?
- Pig Vomit ?
- Or Was It
The Other Way Around ?
Good Lord !
Oh, I Get It.
This Is All A Big Mistake.
That's Okay.
Everybody Picks Me Last.
No, I Couldn't
Have Got It Wrong.
But Look At You !
What Manner Of Armor
Is That ? And That Animal
Sleeping On Your Head.
Animal ?
It's My Hair !
Look, Your Wetness,
I Don't Understand
Any Of This.
- And What Am I Doing Here ?
- I Brought You Here...
To Save Camelot.
- Me ?
- Arthur Is In Trouble. His
Kingdom Has Been Shattered...
By The Iron Fist
Of Lord Belasco.
Oh, The Dork
In The Purple Dress.
We've Met.
And You Haven't Seen
The Last Of Him.
He Is A Dangerous Man.
He Means To Steal Camelot
From Arthur. And You...
Are Going To Stop Him.
Look, You Definitely
Have The Wrong Guy.
Why Don't You
Just Send Me Home ? I Mean,
My Family Really Needs Me.
Camelot Needs You !
[ Groaning ]
Help Arthur
Find His Way Back,
And I Will Help You
Find Yours.
[ Sighs ]
[ Battle Cry,
Shield Clanging ]
Nicely Done.
Thank You.
Now, Would You
Care To Show Us How
It Is Done In Reseda ?
Uh, Actually I Was
Hoping For A Desk Job.
As From Today,
You're A Knight
In Training.
Thanks, But I Won't
Be Here That Long.
Don't Tell Me...
A Brave Lad Like You,
Who Faced The Full Fury
Of The Black Knight,
Is Afraid Of A Dummy.
Uh, No Way.
I Was Just Testing You.
[ Clangs ]
God, These Things
Are A Lot Heavier
Than They Look On Tv.
"Tv" ? One Of Your
Knights Of Reseda,
No Doubt ?
Uh, Something Like That.
Good Fit.
Can You See ?
Perfectly.
Oh, It Smells Like
Something Died In Here.
Excuse Me.
[ Grunting ]
- [ Kane ] This Way.
- [ Cal ] Yeah, I Knew That.
There. Whoa !
Calvin ?
Yeah ?
Remember Three Things:
Lean In.
Protect Your Steed.
Fix A Point On Your
Opponent's Person
And Have At Him.
That's Four Things.
What ?
Never Mind.
Hit It.
Ah !
[ Splashing ]
Well, I'd Like To See
You Try That.
I Thought All Knights
Spent Their Time Rescuing
Damsels And Fighting Dragons.
What Are They All
Doing Here ?
They're All Training Hard
For The Big Tournament.
You See, The Prize
Is Quite Appealing
To All Men Of Royal Blood.
Really ?
What's The Prize ?
My Sister.
And Camelot.
What About Her ?
Doesn't She Have A Choice ?
She Has Refused All Suitors.
Therefore,
On Her 21st Birthday,
The Tournament
Must Decide For Her.
Bummer.
I Think I Agree.
Come. You Try.
[ Cat Screeching ]
You Are The Most
Exquisite Flower
In This Garden, Princess.
There Is One Major Difference
Between The Garden Flowers
And Myself, Lord Belasco.
Mmm ?
A Rose Will Prick You,
But I Will Do Far Worse.
You Cut Me To The Quick.
All I Want
Is What Is Best For My King
And His Kingdom.
Camelot Could Be Great.
We Could Make It Great Again.
"We" ?
Yes, Of Course.
The Two Of Us Together,
In Wedded Bliss.
I Will Marry The Man
Who Wins The Tournament.
Enter It...
If You Have The Nerve.
Good Day, Sir.
So, Master Kane,
Where's Your Castle ?
Oh, I Have No Land
Of My Own.
Does That Mean
You Can't Enter
The Tournament ?
Alas, The Tournament
Is Reserved For
Far Better Men Than I.
No Way.
You're The Best.
If Thou Art Trying
To Get On My Good Side,
Thou Has Succeeded
With Royal Colors.
Ah. Here Is Thy Opponent.
Wait !
I Can't Fight The Princess.
You Are Right
About That, Sir.
Come.
I Wonder.
Do The Knights
Of Reseda Swim ?
You Have Much To Learn
Before Supper.
I Hear The Kitchen Is Serving
A Poached Goat's Head
In A Brown Grub Sauce.
Oh !
Or Perhaps We Could
Catch Yon Goose.
[ Grunting ]
Oh. Whoa !
[ Laughing ]
Oh, Geez.
I Cannot Believe
I Fell For The Oldest
Trick In The Book.
Then Again,
Since I'm Here,
Maybe It's The Newest
Trick In The Book.
Hey. How's It Goin' ?
Ah, Good Sir. My Shop
Is At Your Service.
Really ? Well, Thanks. Uh,
I Hear You Can Make Anything.
Indeed, I Have
That Reputation.
What About This ?
By The Circle Builders
Themselves.
Well, I Need
Another Pair,
Like, Yesterday.
Ah.
- Who's There ?
- I Trust You Slept Well ?
Yeah. We All Did-- Me
And The Forest Of Crawling
Things Living In My Bed.
All Right.
Come. Breakfast Is Served
In The Great Hall. We Must
Hurry Or We'll Be Late.
Just A Minute.
I Have Somethin'
To Show Ya.
What Is It For ?
[ Princess Gasping,
Both Laughing ]
Come On.
This Way.
Oh, Careful.
Come On.
So If It's "Bad,"
It's Good.
Right.
And If It's "Cool,"
It's Hot.
Oh, I Fear I Will Never
Understand Your Valley Speak.
Well, Belasco. What Dost Thou
Wish To Speak About ?
Decisions, Your Highness.
It's Time You Made One.
What Didst Thou
Have In Mind ?
I've Been Loyal To You
For Years, Your Highness,
And All I Ask For In Return
Is Sarah's Hand In Marriage.
Thou Knowest
The Laws Of Camelot.
The Tournament
Shall Decide For Her.
The Fate Of Camelot
Cannot Rest Upon
The Folly Of A Tournament.
Can It, Your Highness ?
I-- I Shall Speak
To My Daughter
On Thy Behalf.
- I Thank Thee, Your Highness.
- Watch Out !
[ Belasco
Gasping ]
Hey, The Round Table.
History Books Are
Gonna Love Ya.
Not Staying For Breakfast,
Lord Belasco ?
I Do Not Eat With Children !
Well, Sit, Sit
Before It Gets Cold.
So What's
For Breakfast ?
Leftovers !
Mmm.
Guard It
With Your Life.
Go For It.
For What Do We Owe
This Unexpected Pleasure,
Lord Belasco ?
Out Of My Way, Teacher.
Well, If You've Had Enough
Of Fighting Wooden Men,
How Do You Fancy
Taking On A Real Man
For A Change ?
But, Sir--
This Has Nothing To Do
With You, Teacher.
Boy, You Guys Are Really Hung Up
On This Dominant Male Monkey
Thing, Aren't You ?
- I Take It
Your Answer's No.
- Calvin !
[ Groaning ]
I Could Be Wrong, But
I Think I Just Qualified
For A Black Belt.
You'd Better Use It
To Hang Yourself With,
Because When I Come For You,
It'll Be Worse.
Far, Far Worse.
[ Groaning ]
As A Reward,
Thou Hast Earned
A Grand Supper.
On One Condition.
What Is That ?
I Do The Cooking.
Oh.
Mmm, Smells Divine.
What Is It ?
A Surprise, Princess.
- Oh, No ! Those Are
Poisonous Love Apples.
- Trust Me.
And No Peeking.
It Smells So Wonderful
I Can Hardly Wait.
Patience.
Okay. You Can Look Now.
'Tis Beautiful,
But What Is It ?
It's A Meal Fit
For The Round Table:
Double Cheeseburger,
Lettuce And Tomato
On A Whole Wheat Bun.
- What ?
- Big Mac.
Mmm. It's Good !
I Mean... "Bad."
Thou Called
For Me, Father ?
I Did ? Oh, Yes, Yes, Yes.
Of Course I Did.
Oh, My Dear Daughter,
I Believe I Know What Is
Best For My Kingdom.
I Mean, A Game To Settle
The Fate Of Camelot ?
I Fear The Tournament
Is An Outdated Notion.
Thou Art Dancing, Father.
Get To The Point.
I Have Decided
That Thou Shalt Marry
Lord Belasco.
If I Cannot
Marry For Love,
Then The Law Of The Land
Will Prevail.
I Shall Let
The Tournament Decide.
Thou Art As Stubborn
As Thy Mother.
Riding Isn't As Hard
As I Thought.
Avert Thy Eyes.
[ Clicking Tongue ]
Thou Was Not To See That.
Swear Your Silence To Me Now,
Sir, Or Risk My Wrath.
Hey, It's None
Of My Business--
Swear It !
Okay, Okay !
I Swear It.
Can We Put This Off
'Til Next Tuesday ?
It Is Time To Put
A Real Lance In Your Hand.
Look, This Is Too Soon.
I Still Get Car Sick
On Merry-Go-Rounds.
Lean Into The Charge
And The Lance Will
Do The Work For You.
Why Don't You
Do The Work For Me ?
Hast Thou No...
Confidence In Thyself ?
[ Horse Whinnies ]
Look ! There's
A Two-Headed Dragon !
I See Only Trees.
Yeah. Maybe I Need
To Get My Eyes Checked.
Calvin, Perhaps
You're Not Quite Ready.
Of Course I Am.
Let Her Rip, Professor.
Hyah !
Whoa !
Whoa.
[ Panting ]
No. No, No !
Go Left ! Go Left !
- Hold It ! Oh !
- [ Horse Whinnying ]
Oh. Aah !
Calvin ?
[ Groaning ]
Look What You've Done.
How Could You ?
- But, Princess,
It Was You Who Asked--
- How Dare You Contradict Me ?
This Is Your Fault !
Ohh.
I'm So Sorry.
Please Speak To Me.
You Deceived Me !
Thou Art Impertinent !
[ Laughing ] Ow !
Honest, Princess-- Wait !
[ Laughing ]
You Are A Clever Lad.
I Think She Likes Me.
Did Not Expect
To See You Again
So Soon, Sir.
The Blade Rollers
Did Not Meet With
Satisfaction ?
No, No, They Were
A Killer.
But This Time,
I Need Somethin' Bigger.
Bigger ?
It's Gotta Be Light As A Feather
But Hard As Belasco's Head.
I Know Of
No Such Metal.
You Will.
Melt This And That Together,
Stir...
And Then Stand Back.
How Does A Boy
Know So Much ?
Metal Shop,
Eighth Grade.
See, You Start
With The Frame.
What Is It,
Sister ?
Distress.
Burning Of The Heart.
No, 'Tis Not
Heartburn.
'Tis Heartache.
You Are In Love,
Little One.
Don't Be Silly !
Can't Hide Anything
From You, Can I ?
I Know It All
Too Well Myself.
Does It Always
Hurt This Much ?
Oh, Sometimes
It Hurts Much Worse.
Poor Father.
Every Day He Drifts
Further Away From Us.
What Is To Become
Of Our Family, Sarah ?
I Know Not,
But I Will Always
Look After Thee.
Farewell, My Beauties.
What Are Thou
Eating, Lad ?
Oh, Mad Dog Bubble Gum.
What ?
Here.
No ! You're Not
Supposed To Swallow.
You're Not ?
[ Sighs ]
Here. Just Put It
In Your Mouth And Chew.
Chew.
Never Swallow.
Never Swallow.
Then What Is
Its Purpose ?
There Is No Purpose.
No Purpose ?
Strange.
Why Do They Call It
"Mad Dog Bubble Gum" ?
I Have No Idea,
Your Highness.
[ Muffled ]
Mmm. Lord Belasco.
Uh-- Mmm.
Take A Seat.
Get Out.
Affairs Of The Court, Lad.
You Understand.
It's Okay.
I Have A Date.
- "Date" ?
- I'll Explain Later.
Have You Spoken
To Your Daughter ?
Yes, Of Course, Of Course.
And ?
Well, I Cannot Force Her
To Marry Thee.
But If She Means
That Much To You,
I Mean,
There's Always
The Tournament.
She Will Be Mine.
No One Will Have Her.
Ah, So You Are Planning
To Enter The Tournament.
Are You
A Complete Idiot ?
Do You Think
I Want To Die ?
There's Another Way.
[ Door Closing ]
I Came Only Because
My Music Lessons
Were Cancelled.
You're Still
Impertinent.
I'll Take That As A Compliment.
State Your Business
And I Shall Be On My Way.
I Have A Surprise For You.
What Is It ?
It's A Mountain Bike.
What Is It For ?
In Reseda,
We Have A Custom.
It's Called A Picnic.
Hop On.
Watch Your Step.
Here We Go.
Look At That.
Oh !
It's Not So Bad,
Is It ?
'Tis So Fast.
You Know The Night
You Took Me To See
Merlin's Book Of Spells ?
Mm-Hmm.
Well, I Went Back,
And I Don't Know If I'm
Goin' Crazy Or What, But
I Saw Merlin In The Well.
He Came To You ?
Yeah, He Said That He
Brought Me Here To Save Camelot.
Well, Actually,
He Didn't Bring Me Here.
He-- He Meant
To Bring Someone Else.
He Chose Well.
What Are The Girls Like
In Reseda ?
I Don't Know.
Course You Do.
Well, They're
Nothing Like You.
[ Horse Nickering ]
[ Townspeople Chattering ]
[ Man ]
Now What Do You
Make Of That ?
[ People Chattering ]
[ Man ]
Hurry, Before
Belasco's Men Come !
[ Cal ]
Boy, They Sure
Are Hungry.
[ Woman ]
Better Save The Rest.
'Tis Lord Belasco I Fear.
Where Did It All
Come From ?
[ Man ] Our Only Friend--
- [ Whinnying ]
- [ Child ] God Bless
The Black Knight !
The Black Knight
Is One Of The Good Guys ?
It Cannot Be True.
Are You Okay ?
Confused.
About The Black Knight ?
And Other Things.
I Shall Never Forget
This Moment.
Hey, Where You Going ?
[ Sighs ]
I'll Walk You
To Your Room.
Old Reseda Custom.
The More I Hear Of Reseda,
The More I Want To See It.
I Wish I Could
Take You There.
Good Night.
Princess,
I Haven't Had This Much Fun
In My Whole Life.
I Know You're Worried
About Your Father.
[ Cal Continues ]
Me Too.
I Promise I'll Do
Everything I Can To Keep
Belasco From Screwing Things Up.
I Guess That's All.
Oh, Yeah.
You're A Great Kisser.
Wise Girl.
Come On !
One Sound And It
Would Have Been Your Last.
[ Rumbling ]
Get In There !
Come With Me !
[ Katey
Screaming ]
[ Katey ]
Help Me !
Hah !
[ Whip Cracking ]
What Sorcery Is This, Merlin,
That I'm No Longer Able To
Brandish The Sword Excalibur ?
I Thought With Thee,
I Would Reign Forever.
I Was Wrong.
Camelot Rots,
And I Play At Being King.
I Want Her
Great Again.
But I Fear I'm Too Weak
To Bring Her Back.
Oh, Guinevere.
My Guinevere.
I'm Too Old.
I'm Too Tired.
Go Ahead.
Take It.
I Want You
To Have It.
We Need To Talk.
Oh.
You're Not Trying To Dodge Your
Way Out Of Our Deal, Are You ?
Oh, No, No,
Nothin' Like That.
- Hmm ?
- I'm Just Not So Sure
I Wanna Go Home Yet.
Ohh.
Of Course.
The Princess Katherine.
Yeah. She's Incredible.
True, But You Won't Have
Much Of A Honeymoon
In Belasco's Dungeon.
- Good Point.
- I Suggest You
Take Excalibur.
- What About Arthur ?
- You Must Lead The Way.
Now.
Wait !
- Was There Something Else ?
- Aren't You Gonna
Wish Me Luck ?
Very Well.
Good Luck.
Are You Going To Need It.
Ah ! Princess.
So Good Of You To Come
On Such Short Notice.
Your Servant Said
I Would Be Supremely Interested
In What You Have To Say.
Well, He Did Not
Exaggerate.
Then Say It
And I Shall Be On My Way.
How Dare You !
When My Father Hears
How You're Treating Me--
Look, I Didn't Bring You Here
To Listen To Your Incessant
Royal Prattle !
Now Shut Your Mouth
And Your Sister
Will Remain Unharmed.
What Have You Done
With My Sister ?
She's Safe.
For Now.
But I'm Getting Tired
Of Waiting For You
To Accept My Offer.
You Are Mad.
You Cannot Force Me
To Marry You.
Well, If You Do Not Consent,
Then Princess Katherine
Will Die.
This Pact Is Between You
And Me. You Utter One Word
Of This To Anyone...
And You'll Never See
Your Sister Again.
I Await Your Answer.
You Have Until
The Tournament.
Sweet Dreams.
Night-Night.
Huh ?
- What Do You Want ?
- You're Under Arrest...
For The Murder
Of Princess Katherine.
Seize Him.
[ Yells ]
[ Grunts ]
Find Him
And Then Kill Him.
Calvin, I Must
Speak To You Of Katey.
I Didn't Do It.
All We Did Was Go On A Picnic.
I Swear. I Didn't Kill Her.
She's Been Kidnapped
Under Belasco's Orders.
I Need Your Help.
My Help ?
You Must Bring Her Back.
Ahem. All Right,
This Way.
They're Looking For Me.
Belasco Tried To Arrest Me.
Then You Only Have One Chance.
Just One, Huh ?
My Father--
Give Him This.
He Will Know
You Speak The Truth.
- Guards. He Went This Way.
- Come With Me.
Calvin.
Calvin, Come.
Huh ?
[ Panting ]
[ Snores ]
[ Crashing ]
By Merlin's Prophecies,
Dost Thou Come At Me
In My Sleep ?
[ Grunts ]
Thou Shalt Not Take Me
That Easily.
Come Into The Light,
You Cowards !
Calvin, Which Way
Did They Flee ?
How Many Were There ?
Five ? Ten ?
Oh, The Royal Blood
Is Pumping Now. Leave Us
Ride After The Interlopers.
Sire, Stop ! There Are No
Interlopers Or Outer-Lopers.
Don't Be Ridiculous, Boy.
Get Me My Royal Wardrobe.
The Hunt Is On.
Katey Has Been Kidnapped.
Kidnapped ?
My Baby Is Sleeping
With The Goats ?
She's Been
Taken Prisoner.
That's Impossible.
Belasco's Orders.
But I Would Trust Belasco
With My Life.
Bad Idea, Sire.
You've Been Faked Out, Played
For A Sucker. Your Chain
Has Been Royally Pulled.
All Right, Boy,
I Get The Point.
Belasco Plans On
Stealing Camelot
Just Like He Stole Katey.
I Cannot Believe It.
So, It's All True.
[ Knocking ]
Yes ? Who Is It ?
Lord Belasco, Your Highness.
Oh, Lord Belasco.
Why Art Thou
Disturbing My Sleep ?
I'm Sorry,
Your Highness.
I Have Some Terrible News.
Princess Katherine Is Dead.
Dead ? Katey ?
My Poor,
Poor Katey Dead !
Who Has Done This ?
Calvin Of Reseda,
Your Highness.
Calvin Of Reseda !
After I Fed Him And
Clothed Him, This Is
The Thanks I Get !
Why Art Thou Wasting My Time ?
Find The Boy. Bring Me
His Head On A Pike.
Your Wish Is
My Command, Sire.
He'll Be Dead
By Daybreak,
Your Highness.
Calvin ? Calvin ?
Ah. My Artifice Was
Well Nigh Rewarded, Lad.
He Bought It ?
He Bought It.
You Know Where They
Might've Taken Her ?
I Do Indeed, Lad.
[ Driver ]
Hyah ! Come On !
[ Cracks Whip ]
What Are You Going
To Do With Me ?
Nothing...
If Your Sister Gives Herself
To Lord Belasco In Betrothal.
In You Go.
And If She Doesn't ?
Hmm.
[ Cal ]
Anyway, We're Gonna
Have To Go In Disguise.
Disguise ?
Yeah, I Figure
If We Look Like...
Miserable, Starving,
Pathetic Peasants,
No One Will Notice.
Peasants ? Hmph !
Don't Be Ridiculous, Boy.
The Royal Pendragon
Strikes Fear Into The Hearts
Of My Enemies.
Not Anymore It Doesn't.
What Do You Know, Boy ?
They Hate You.
Hate Me ?
Belasco's Been Stealing
From Your People For Years.
There's Nothing But
Sickness And Starvation
In Camelot, And...
They Think You Don't
Care About Them.
They Hate Me.
You Do Care,
Don't You ?
Of Course I Do, Lad.
Come. I Know
A Way Out.
[ Arthur, Cal
Yelling ]
[ Pigs Grunting,
Squealing ]
[ Hiccups, Burps ]
Yuck !
More Boar Snouts ?
[ Cal ]
Come On. This Is Where
We Get Off. Jump.
Oh ! [ Chuckling ]
I Rather Like This:
Out Among My Own People.
Watch Whom You Bathe,
O Washerwoman.
Washerwoman, Eh ? And
Who Do You Think You Are ?
The Bloody King Of England ?
As A Matter Of Fact,
I Am Your King.
And I'm
Cleo-Bleedin'-Patra.
Come On. Let's Go.
If Thou Were A Man,
I Would Call Thee Out !
If You Were A Man,
I'd Throw More
Than A Bath Over Ya.
Let's Go.
Stop !
Look, Your Majesty,
I Don't Wanna Insult You,
But Are You Nuts ?
This Isn't The Castle
Where Everyone Kisses Your Butt.
This Is The Real, In-Your-Face,
Car-Jacking, Drive-By-Shooting,
Kill-You-For-Your-Reeboks
Street Life.
What Language
Art Thou Speaking, Boy ?
Let Me Give It To You Straight.
They Find Out You're The King,
You're Dead Meat.
The Murderer !
Come On, Men !
[ Shouting, Yelling ]
[ Groaning ]
[ Groaning ]
[ Groaning ]
Merlin,
Where Art Thou Now ?
Sire !
Sire, Run !
[ Soldiers Groaning ]
We Are Lost.
The Royal Stables
Is Under Heavy Guard.
We Shall Never
Reach The Princess In Time.
Yeah, We Will.
Huh ?
This Is Sorcery !
We Are Going To Die !
Your Highness,
Are You Okay ?
If "Okay" Means
A Sore Bum, Then Yes.
[ Groans ]
- Great.
- The Black Knight !
After Him !
Chill Out.
He's On Our Side.
On Our Side ?
I Don't Understand.
[ Sighs ]
Let's Boogie.
Boogie ?
Boogie ?
I'm So Sorry About
The Princess Katey.
I Missed You
Desperately.
I Came Not For Comfort.
I Came To Say Good-Bye.
Good-Bye ?
Oh, Dear Sweet Kane,
I Have Lost Everyone
I Have Ever Loved,
And Now I Have Lost You.
No ! You Have
Not Lost Me.
No Matter What We Think,
No Matter How We Feel,
Our Lives Are Not Our Own.
Well, Then, We Will
Make Them Our Own.
It Is Too Late.
I Must Marry Lord Belasco.
Come On, Men !
We've Got Him !
Go On.
Right.
You Know,
When I Was A Boy,
Much The Same As You,
I Could Not Face
The Things I Feared.
It Was By Sheer Accident
I Pulled The Sword Excalibur
From The Stone.
Oh, It's True
Over The Years I Grew
Into A Strong King, But...
Now, Alas,
I Fear I've Become
That Cowering Boy Again.
I've Lost All Faith
In Myself.
And If I Cannot Believe
In Myself, Who Will ?
You Know, Sire,
Where I Come From, There Are
No Swords In Stones That Turn
Dweebs Like Me Into Heroes.
I Used To Think
I Needed One.
But You Know What ?
I Don't.
You're A Good Man,
Calvin Fuller.
This Is Impossible.
There's No Way
Into This Place.
How Did You Say It ?
"Chill Out."
[ Sighs ]
[ Horses Neigh ]
Cool.
A Secret Passage.
Ahh. Merlin Showed It
To Me Long Ago...
When I Played Here
As A Boy.
[ Squeaking ]
- [ Shrieks ]
- Shh.
Help !
He's Got Her
In The Dungeon.
[ Shrieking ]
Hey, You.
Hey, Where Do You Think
You're Going ?
Bow To The King,
You Dog !
- Father !
- Katey !
Oh, I Knew You'd Come !
[ Cal ]
Hi.
You Wouldn't Happen
To Have A Key, Would Ya ?
I Have Something
Better, Lad.
A Father's Love
For A Daughter.
And A King's Shoulder !
Ohh !
Ah ! I'm Sorry, Lad.
I'm No Match
For Merlin's Door.
Maybe Not.
But This Is.
- What Sorcery Is This ?
- A Swiss Army Knife.
"A Swiss Army Knife."
The Very Name
Conjures Up Greatness.
Yeah,
It's Right Up There
With Harley Davidson.
Cool.
Come, Daughter.
Come. Quick. Come.
Guards !
[ Groaning ]
Nice One.
Shh.
Your Majesty.
- Welcome.
- We're In Big Trouble.
- What I'd Give
For Excalibur Now.
- You've Got It.
[ Excalibur Ringing,
Vibrating ]
[ Screams ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Cal ]
Behind You, Katey !
Gee, This Always Works
In The Movies.
Hyah !
[ Katey Screams ]
- Help ! Let Me Down !
- [ Arthur ] Katey !
Katey !
After Him, Boy !
[ Katey Screams ]
Let Me Go !
Richard.
Stay Where You Are.
Let My Daughter Go.
Stop There !
Or She Flies Like A Bird.
- No, Take Me !
- Stay Put !
Or Her Blood Will Be
On Your Hands, Boy.
Come. We'll
Charge Together.
I Have A Better Idea.
Oh, I'm Afraid Rock And Roll
Will Not Work This Time.
You're Wrong.
It Is The Great Equalizer.
[ Screaming ]
Oh, Calvin.
So, What About Me ?
Father.
[ Both Sighing ]
[ Cal ]
Why Are We Stopping Here ?
Come.
This Is As Fine
A Place As Any.
For What, Sire ?
Kneel, Lad.
- Kneel ?
- Just Do It.
Calvin Fuller
Of Reseda,
Dost Thou Swear
Allegiance To Thy King
And Thy Kingdom ?
Dost Thou Swear
To Uphold The Laws
Of Camelot ?
And To Always Follow
The Paths Of Righteousness
And Goodness ?
I'll Try, Your Highness.
I Will.
Then Let All
Who Witness This Know--
It Doth Not Take A Sword
In Stone To Make A Hero.
By The Sword Excalibur,
I Dub Thee...
Knight Of The Round Table.
Arise... Sir Calvin
Of Reseda.
We Have Some
Unfinished Business.
Thank You For Coming.
Your Wish
Is My Command, Princess.
Made Your Decision Yet ?
Yes.
And ?
I Will Consent
To Marry You.
I Always Knew You Were
The Smart One In The Family.
Oh, Thank God.
Oh, Father !
I See You Have
Your Old Friend With You.
I Do Indeed,
Dear Daughter.
I, Too, Am Delivered.
You're Looking, Uh,
Extremely Well,
Your Highness.
If You'll Excuse Me, I'll Go And
Get Ready For The Tournament.
Welcome Back, Darling.
You're Gonna Let Him Walk
After All He's Done ?
Well, I'm Not.
Wait, Lad.
Now Remember:
The People Believe Me
To Be A Coward, And The Guards
Are Still Loyal To Belasco.
Bide Thy Time, Young Knight.
When The Hour Is Nigh,
We'll Nail Him.
Father.
My People--
My People,
You Belong To The Land,
And So Do I.
I Was But A Stable Boy When I
Pulled Excalibur From The Stone
And You Made Me Your King.
For Years, Together,
We Made Camelot Great.
And Then I Turned
My Back On You.
I Betrayed Your Trust.
But, My People,
I Shall Fail You
No Longer !
From This Day Henceforth,
The Tournament Shall Be
Open To All Free Men.
[ Crowd Cheering ]
And Let It Be Known:
The Great Sword Excalibur,
Camelot,
My Daughter's Hand,
All Shall Belong
To My Successor,
The Last Man Unhorsed
In Honorable Combat.
Let The Tournament Begin.
[ Crowd Cheering ]
That's Your Cue,
Professor.
I Can't Believe My Ears.
Go, Son.
Prepare Thyself.
Thou Deserveth A Place
In My Court.
Let's Go, Loverboy.
You Still Gotta Win
This Turkey.
Here. I've Been
Saving This For
A Special Occasion.
It's Called
A Candy Bar.
Is It Food ?
Compared To What
You're Used To,
It's Gourmet Dining.
You Are Truly
A Great Knight.
[ Crowd Applauding,
Cheering ]
[ Neighs ]
You Have Defeated
All Opponents.
Only One Of You Will Leave
This Field Of Honor...
And One Day Rule
In My Stead.
Kick His Butt.
[ Whimpers ]
No !
I Fear That Kane
Is Defeated.
Hey, You Know The Rules.
He's Still On His Horse.
He's Right, Father. As Long
As He's On His Steed,
He's Still In The Game.
Stall Him.
I'll Be Right Back.
It Is Done.
I Claim My Victory.
As You've Not
Unhorsed Master Kane,
He Is Not Yet Defeated.
- But, Sire--
- Rules Are Rules.
Very Well Then.
I Shall Await The Allotted Time.
Then You Can Proclaim My Legacy.
Ah, I Can Hardly Wait.
Hurry.
Sir Kane, How Many Fingers
Am I Holding Up ?
Just A Little Off The Top.
Keep The Sideburns.
He Speaks In Tongues.
Hey ! Where Are
You Going ?
To Announce Sir Kane's Defeat.
He's Not Defeated.
He's--
He's Meditating.
Oh, Hurry, Calvin.
The Time Has Passed,
Your Highness. Please,
Declare My Victory.
Wrong Again... Dweeb.
[ Crowd Cheering ]
[ Crowd ]
Ohh !
'Tis Black Magic.
You're History, Belasco.
Your Blood Is Mine !
Hey, Chill Out, Dude !
[ Yells ]
Prepare To Meet
Thy Ancestors.
[ Grunting ]
He's Got My Cloth !
[ Crowd Laughing,
Cheering ]
Thou Hast Won
The Tournament,
Sir Knight.
Sarah's Hand Is Thine.
Sarah ?
But I Hardly Know Her.
Oh, It Is Not A Question Of
Familiarity. It Is A Question
Of Victory. Isn't It ?
No, Father.
It Is Not.
Hmm.
Listen,
I'm Not Your Knight
In Shining Armor. He Is.
It Seems I Owe Thee
More Than One Debt
Of Gratitude, Sir Knight.
Reveal Thyself So That
We May All Know Thee.
[ People Murmuring ]
Who Is It ?
[ Crowd ]
Ohh !
Hello, Father.
[ Woman ]
The Princess !
Daughter.
Daughter,
Thou Hast Won
The Right To Choose.
[ Woman ]
God Bless Princess Sarah
And Master Kane !
[ Crowd Cheers ]
[ Grunting ]
As For Thee, Lord Belasco,
Thou Art Banished
From My Kingdom Forever.
If I Were Thee,
I Would Not Stop
Until Thou Reachest--
- Cucamonga.
- Cucamonga.
Cucamonga ?
You Are
A Great Knight.
I Had
A Great Teacher.
Sir Calvin.
My Kingdom Is Thine.
What Dost Thou Want ?
A Castle ? A Dukedom ?
I Just Wanna Go Home.
Godspeed, Sir Calvin.
You've Given Me So Much.
Is There Anything
I Can Give You ?
No.
[ Chuckles ]
I Wouldn't Mind
That Swiss Army Knife.
Is There Nothing
I Can Say Or Do
To Make You Stay ?
I Have To Go Back.
You Won't Forget Me ?
How Could I ?
I'm Ready, Merlin.
You Have Done Well,
Brave Knight.
Thank You,
Sir Calvin.
And Now It's Time
For Me To Keep My End
Of The Bargain.
Behold:
Your Way Home.
Are You Sure About This ?
[ Merlin ]
Trust Me.
I'm Back.
There Wasn't
Any Earthquake.
You're Up, Fuller.
- Ventilate 'Em, Calvin.
- He Brought Me Back
Before I Struck Out.
Try Swingin' This Time,
Fuller.
Thanks, Hal.
I Love Your Tan.
[ Cheering ]
Come On ! Whoo !
It's Only A Game, Son.
Just Give It Your Best Shot.
[ Mother ]
Good Luck, Honey.
We're All Rootin' For Ya.
I Get Your Room
If You Get Killed.
- You Got It.
- Yes ! Yes !
Relax. Just Remember
What I Told You.
Three Things,
Right, Coach ?
Go For It, Kid.
[ Crowd ]
Yea !
[ Crowd Cheering ]
Come On ! Come On !
You Can Do It !
[ Arthur ]
Calvin.
Remember:
It Does Not Take A Sword
In Stone To Make A Hero.
You're Dead Meat,
Fuller.
Not This Time, Baker.
[ Shrieks ]
Run !
Nice Going, Fuller.
Katey ?
[ Chuckling ]
You Were Great.
I Knew You
Could Do It !
Taught The Kid
Everything He Knows.