Come on, let's go.
Come on, kiddo.
- We're going to have some fun.
- Yeah!
You know I'm the best friend
ever. Now get out of here.
- Have fun.
- We won't be back till after five, so
- have lots of sex with your husband.
- Marley!
Hot, steamy, unbridled sex.
Thank you. You all have fun.
Be good for Marley.
We're gonna be good, Mommy.
- No sugar.
- Course not.
- She said no sugar.
- Love you, Mommy.
Take care.
Have fun with her.
Make that magic happen!
- Ready, baby?
- Yes.
- What are we gonna do today?
- Go get some sugar.
What?! Sugar?
If you think
this is what I want out of life,
you know, the whole matrimonial,
maternal fairy tale, you're wrong.
It's not for me and that's okay,
because this idea
that you have to fall in love
in order to live happily ever after
is just not true.
Stanley...
Stanley...
you gotta get up, buddy.
I gotta go to work.
Hey!
Yeah, good morning.
Oh, Shit.
wake up one morning
you realize
your life is one big compromise,
stuck in the job
I would totally get my brother
to go out with you, if you walk Stanley.
If I had a brother.
feel like the world
is passing you by
Stanley!
Never done all the things
you would need to try
stuck in one place
- Let's go see Uncle Peter.
Good boy. Good boy.
There he is.
Good morning.
If I didn't have to work,
I'd cuddle with you. Love the undies!
What I'm living for
You ask yourself
there's got to be something else
something more, more, more
well, let the sun shine on your face
don't let your life go to waste
now is the time,
got to make up your mind
let it shine on you,
let it shine on you
you ask yourself
there's got to be more
than what I'm living for,
than what I'm living for
you ask yourself
there's got to be something else
Excuse me.
something more, more, more
Oh, my God.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
- Wow!
- You need to watch where you're going.
Hello. Poster child for not mixing
wine with vodka.
You drank twice as much.
How are you okay?
- Are you okay?
- Ohh h.
Are you? Say yes.
Ohhh!
- Glad you could join us. Ready?
- I thought you were doing this.
Okay, why don't we start.
Marley?
- Good morning.
- Morning.
I'm sure this town
has been pitching the hell out of you,
so I won't bother with that.
But I will tell you
that you'll never be number one
as long as your customer base
is 82 percent male.
Yes. Well, women don't buy condoms.
Not yours.
Come on, gentlemen.
As I'm sure you're all painfully aware,
it is women, myself included,
who dictate when, where,
how, with whom and how many times
we're going to have sex.
We can't always count on the man
to have condoms lying around.
So we actually do go buy them
and then we end up in the condom aisle
with a choice.
So which brand do we buy?
Do we buy Trojan, whose very name
conjures the essence of
penetration with protection?
Or do we choose the one
with the skanky-looking girl,
with big tits,
skimpy shorts
and stripper pumps?
I'll keep this one.
- Hey!
- Yay! Hi, baby.
She had them and their condoms
wrapped around her little finger.
- Alright!
- To the youngest, the hottest
vice president
in the history of advertising.
You should think about
buying a house now.
Yeah, why take the time
to stop and smell the roses?
What you need is a big, fat mortgage
like an albatross around your neck.
Okay, in honour of Marleys
white-trash taste buds we have...
Mac and cheese pizza?
You know what I want
for my birthday? Your metabolism.
I'll trade you my metabolism
for those boobs.
Throw in that necklace
and you've got a deal.
Baby, that's a good trade.
Hey. She's gonna have her own boobs
soon enough.
Way to keep a secret, Marley.
- Are you getting implants?
- No.
- I'm pregnant.
- You're pregnant?
- Cammie's getting a brother.
- Another one.
But we're not ruling out
the implant thing.
- You're disgusting.
- Cheers. To you, Marley.
To us.
- Bye, you guys.
- Good luck out there.
- Congratulations on the new boy.
- May he be happy and healthy.
- And may he have a huge penis.
- Geez! You are just terrible.
- Speaking of terrible...
- Speed down.
- Marley made a booty call.
- Shut up.
- I'm serious, baby.
- Bye, good night.
Good night, Doug.
- Love you.
- Love you.
Hey, Doug. Wanna come over?
Oh, you're coming over.
No, you are coming over.
Oh, my God! Oh!
Oh!
Mmm, not bad, mister.
Not bad at all.
Oh!
So, does this mean
I actually get to spend the night?
I mean, I love being the first number
on the booty call list, but...
Well, second?
Sure.
What if I want something more?
What if I don't'?
Really?
I thought we made that clear
when we met.
That's what people say at first,
so no one gets hurt.
Not me.
Oh! What? Oh, my goodness.
I love you. I love you.
Real.
That's not real. Got it?
- Yes.
Real. Okay?
Not real.
- Fake.
- Fake.
Silicon Valley. Got it?
You sure?
Here's a little something
to celebrate your promotion.
Thank you, Mommy.
Such a kind mama.
Okay. Let's see.
'Congratulations from your best friends
forever. Renee, Thomas and Cammie. '
Oh, you're so good with words.
Is this the actual gift, or are you
setting me up with him?
The idea is: You take him out
and you, um, put a real man in it.
What? Like maybe Doug.
- Who?
- Ohhh.
Come on.
We all know he wasn't a keeper.
- Poor Doug.
- No poor Doug.
- Ohhh.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
Could you tell him
that Marley Corbett called?
Yeah, that'd be great.
Bye, bye.
Okay, I gotta say something.
I think this Vice Presidency
is making your tits smaller.
Really?
Yeah.
- Really?
- Hm hum.
- Hey.
- Hey, Rob.
- Think Marley's tits are shrinking?
- Like, right now?
- No, in general.
- Uh, yeah.
- How are we doing on Coffee Land?
- Great. Our favourite so far.
'Drink this dark-flavoured spit
and it'll make you shit. '
- Tell him the others.
- Can't. He has to be across town at 1,
beck here for storyboards at 3
and dinner at 6
and after dinner we have drinks
with the Home Depot.
That's why I love this woman.
I love you.
Jesus. He's running you ragged.
You look... not so good.
- When did you last see a doctor?
- Does Dr Phil count?
Ow!
Shit.
Oh.
You look familiar.
- Have we had sex?
- No, um, I'm sorry.
Never mind.
I was just joking.
- Marley, I'm Dr Goldstein.
- You're Dr... Goldstein?
- Yes, I'm Jewish, from Mexico.
- No. I mean,
I just expected somebody older,
not so...
young.
Take a seat.
- So, Marley...
- Hmm.
- What seems to be the problem?
- Not so sure. Hence being here.
Look up. So you've been experiencing
some weight loss, right?
- Umm...
- And you had some blood in your stool?
Yes, I've been experiencing
some of that bleeding
you're talking about.
Just lie on your back. I'm gonna
feel around your stomach, okay?
- Just relax.
- Okay.
I'm kind of ticklish,
so don't be a wuss.
Don't get all feather-fing...
Ow!
Okay, Marley,
we're gonna need to run some tests.
- Up! Time.
- Oh, no, no, no.
- Pens.
- There's still two more seconds left.
- What are you doing?
- Down. Pens down.
Is it weird that
I always find the word 'slut'?
Too bad you only get two points
for 'slut'.
Whore gets you three points.
Time.
It's pink juice time.
- Think of it like, like bubble gum urine.
- Yummy! Bottoms up.
Mmm. Uh mmm.
Isn't this stuff supposed
to clean you out?
Maybe you didn't do it right.
How can she not do it right?
She drank it.
Maybe she drank it too fast,
or, I don't know, too slow.
Ooh! Aw!
Yee-ha-ha.
Let us know
when it starts working.
Oh, my God!
- Good morning, Marley.
- Oh, really.
Is it? I'm about to get a huge camera
stuck up my butt.
So I don't know
if that qualifies as good.
I just need you to sign this document
which states that you understand
all the colonoscopy's risks,
which include heavy bleeding, uh,
infection, perforation, rupture.
On a scale of one to ten,
one being 'never'
and ten being 'happens all the time',
what are the chances of you
rupturing my ass?
Well, not.
The chances are very slim.
It's, uh, more procedural.
Good, well, procedure away,
my friend.
This is gonna be fun.
Would you mind rolling
onto your left side, please.
Thanks.
Wait a minute.
Before we go to whatever base
this is we're going to, um,
shouldn't I know your first name?
Julian.
Julian.
Julian Goldstein.
My hero.
Where the hell am I?
- Hello, Marley.
- Oh, my God.
Wait a minute. Oh, my God.
I mean...
- Are you God?
- Not really.
This is just the way
you wanted to see me.
Well, I love Whoopi,
so that's probably why.
Yeah, me too.
Oh, have a seat.
Wow!
- I can't believe this.
- Guess what?
- You're dying.
- I am not dying.
I'm just a little stressed,
that's all.
Marley?
You're dying,
but I'm gonna give you three wishes.
Then I want to
- fly.
- Okay. Done.
Wait a minute.
This is for real?
- I want a million bucks.
- Alright, but I just have to warn you
that that is only gonna be
500,000 after taxes.
- Just 'cause I didn't say 'tax free'?
- Even I don't mess with the IRS.
That sucks.
Third wish?
Okay. Let me think.
- Tic-toc, baby.
- Don't rush me. Jesus.
- Hey, hey.
- Oh.
- Wow.
- I'm sorry.
- You said it, didn't you?
- Yeah, I did.
Wow.
I don't know.
I don't know what I want.
You know.
You just don't want to admit it.
But I'm pretty sure
that if you give it some thought,
you'll figure it out.
Marley.
Marley.
Marley, wake up.
It's over.
What's over?
Where am I?
Where's Whoopi?
The procedure went fine.
We're going to move you
to the recovery room now.
I took some biopsies.
We should get results in a few days.
- It's delicious.
- I agree.
It's crunchy and chewy. Peter,
I'd like to share mine with you.
Here, Pop. I'll go.
Hey, behave.
Geez, what the hell?
Okay. Alright, alright. I forgot
to cook the noodles first.
- Ohhh.
- There's noodles in this?
Do not feed this to Stanley.
Take it.
No.
I got all this on my plate.
I have cancer.
I went to the doctor last week.
Remember?
I said I was fine
and that I was just stressed, but
- I'm not.
- What are you talking about?
I have, um,
colon cancer.
How does one get that, you might ask.
Because I did.
And, um,
- he said...
- We don't know.
Of course you don't.
Everyone is dying of cancer
these days.
Why would you try to figure it out
and put yourself out of a job?
I know this is rough, but we need
to talk about what to do next.
I'm going to consult with the head
of the oncology department, Dr Sanders.
Can, can, can you just take it out,
so I can go on with my life?
No, unfortunately we can't.
It's already spread
throughout the entire colon,
making surgery impossible
at this point.
And this other guy
would have a better idea?
Dr Sanders, yes.
He's one of the best in the country
for... late stage cancers.
Marley,
at this point you only have two options.
Either you start treatment immediately,
or you'll die.
Ah.
Okay Dr G., I'm gonna give you
a little free advice.
Don't use the'D' word.
It's a bit of a downer.
And if you're trying
to sell me treatment,
I would rethink the 'B' option,
because dying isn't an option.
Maybe try something like:
'Try our new and improved chemo,
because the alternative
will leave you breathless!
When your 2:30 walks in here
and you have to tell him that he's dying,
just try it with a little more feeling.
Anyway... who wants dessert?
Mom? Hi.
Sorry to call so late.
Mom, I'm okay.
I'll make sure that you
get the best possible treatment.
- I don't care how much it costs.
- You're going to buy her a new colon?
I will not have
a money discussion.
The gloves are coming off.
Money is the only thing
you can talk about.
Marley needs our love and support.
At least pretend to be here for her.
I don't have to pretend.
That's your department.
I'm so glad we got together.
So what did you tell Rob?
- That I have mono.
- Right.
And I'm working from home.
I don't want anybody
from work knowing.
I got it.
Your butt is your business.
Huh? Huh?
- My Dad flew out this morning.
- Is your Mom happy?
So much so she's celebrating
by moving here.
We must warn the populace.
Marley's Mom is descending.
it could be ten but then again
I can't remember half an hour
since a quarter to four
throw on your clothes,
the second side of Surfer Rosa
and you leave me with my jaw below
Hey hey
just when you think
you're in control
just when you think
you've got a hold
just when you think
you get on a roll
here it goes, here it goes,
here it goes again
- I'll take caller 97...
- Get the phone.
- To win a prize in our contest
- What?
- Quick, Marley.
Code 9797.
- Go on! 9797.
- I got it.
Okay!
- Hello? Who's this?
- Marley Corbett. Did I win?
- You're caller 97! Congratulations.
- Oh, my God.
- You've just won!
- What did I win?
You won a free day of hang gliding
where you'll learn how to fly!
Oh, my God. Thank you.
- Hey, how you doing?
- Not too good.
Yo, J. G.
- Hi.
- How's it hanging?
Um... good.
You here
to work on your bedside manner?
- No. Checking on some test results.
- Ah. Of course.
- Are you on your own?
- Why? Want to keep me company?
Yeah.
- How do you feel?
- To be honest, I could use a good laugh.
- Want me to tell you a joke?
- I'd prefer someone funny.
Alright. What? Go.
Okay, um, there's this guy that...
No... It doesn't work.
It doesn't work,
because you just put me on the spot.
Did you hear about the medical student
who interrupted the proctologist
during a lecture?
He said: "Excuse me, sir, um,
uh... is that a rectal thermometer
behind your ear?"
The proctologist touched behind his ear
and said: "Oh, shit!
Some asshole stole my pen. "
You can use that one.
I've got so many more.
- You know, it's okay to feel nervous.
- I'm not.
Not really.
- I just...
- Marley Corbett?
- Wish me luck.
- You don't need it.
- You'll do great.
- Yes!
What are you doing here?
Just getting caught up.
It's Saturday. Go home.
- You look like shit.
- Mono's only moderately contagious.
- It's so nice not having you around.
- Yeah.
By the way:
I licked all the water bottles.
Good afternoon.
- Ummm.
- Hey! Oooh.
You. Hi. Wow.
Yeah, my belly button is in
a different zip code than the rest of me.
It just pops.
- How was the appointment?
- Oh, good.
My doctor says that
everything is good. Thank God.
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
'Cause I bet my doctor
is way cuter than your doctor.
Marley! Please tell me
you're not flirting with your doctor.
- So what if I am?
- Never mind.
- Say what you're gonna say.
- No, I...
Why do I feel like I'm more concerned
about this than you are?
Shouldn't you focus on getting cured
rather than getting laid?
Can't I do both?
Could you just for once
not treat everything like it was a joke?
Hey, sleepy monster,
do you want to go for a walk?
You need to go for a walk.
Fine.
Mommy's going for a walk.
you never know
when time stops hanging out
and your friends
stop coming 'round
I money comes
and money goes
it happens all the time
the sky will never give up on me
and the moon will always shine
at night
and old Mississippi River
just keeps on winding
it lets me know
it's gonna be alright
I gotta learn
to trust somebody
need to let someone in
Yes, I do
I wanna fly
but I keep falling down
please you all
help me get up again
why must I hide
behind the make-up of a fool?
- Hi.
- What do you think?
It's good. I like it.
Plus, I learned from those ladies
over there,
what do you call a jazz musician
without a girlfriend?
- Here we go. What?
- He doesn't have a home.
It's 'homeless'.
But 'A' for effort.
- So that was incredible.
- He's been performing since he was 8.
- Wow!
- So, what are you doing now?
Want to get
something to eat with me?
- Like, gefilte fish tacos, perhaps.
- No, I can't stay. I'd love to,
but it's not doctor protocol
to hang around with a patient.
Well, I won't say anything
if you don't.
I'm really fun.
How can I say no to that, right?
Do you mind if I ask you
a personal question?
- No.
- Why do you not have a girlfriend?
- Is it that obvious?
- Oh, yeah. Yup.
- I practically live at the hospital.
- Not much of a life.
Actually, Dr Sanders
called me to work here
out of more than 2000 applicants.
I can't sacrifice that for a personal life.
Uh-uh.
I guess I'm more of a
cake-and-eat-it-too kind of girl.
- Oh, yeah?
- Hm.
Then why aren't you
in a relationship?
Because I don't need to be in one
to have a personal life.
- You're not answering the question.
- Well,
read about it in my next book:
'Why relationships suck ass!
You know, I've never met anyone
that talks so much
and says nothing at the same time.
Okay. Fine.
That was so...
This is me.
And... that's me over there.
Good night, Dr G.
Good night.
I'm making you
a nice, big, juicy steak.
Ma! I've been a vegetarian
for 12 years.
Well, you need some protein.
Mm-hmm.
By the way, your father called again.
He said he was going to do
his best to make it out here.
Blah, blah, blah.
I don't know why you didn't have
your friend Sarah watch the dog.
Then I could stay here with you.
Strike one.
Wanna try for two?
Well, I can't control my allergies.
Or her complaining.
I heard that.
I just wanna help.
Tell me what to do.
Mom, you're here. That's enough.
Would you go to a nutritionist
if I could arrange it?
- Mom!
- Everybody,
- swears by this macrobiotic diet.
- I don't want that heely-feely shit.
So just back off.
Oh, this steak is burning.
Go rub some dander on her.
Go.
Shoo! Shoo! Call him, Marley.
Call him. That's not funny.
Hi, Dr Sanders. Marley.
Have a seat.
- Is anyone joining you? Mother?
- Trust me,
neither of us wants her here.
- Hi.
- Uh-oh.
Two against one.
This can't be good.
Marley, I'm sorry I have to say this,
but there's been no improvement.
- Wait. What are you saying?
The chemo hasn't worked
as we had hoped.
And the tumours
have continued to grow.
What now?
What...
There is one particular clinical trial
that's had some success.
Although, typically with patients
who had better result from chemo.
Success like people cured?
- Yeah.
- What is it?
It's a series of treatments,
two times a week.
It's injected into the affected areas.
The objective is to stop or slow down
the growth of the cancerous cells.
It's an option.
But you need to be aware that
the side effects are very extreme.
There are no guarantees.
Of course.
We have to do it.
So you're going to be a guinea pig?
It's not an experiment.
It's a clinical trial.
What do you know about this trial?
What are the success rates?
- He said they're pretty good.
- Pretty good?
And that's it? You're going
to do it just off of that?
Actually no, I flipped a coin.
Heads do it. Tails drop dead.
Look, I'm just saying
that we need to make sure this is
- the appropriate course of action.
- Excuse me. We?
As in you, Mom and me?
When have you ever been around
to make any important decision?
You know what? I'm not going to have
this conversation with you. I...
Will she be able to go home today?
Depends on how she responds
to the treatment.
Ow!
Can I be here
while you do the procedure?
No.
I'm sorry, you cannot.
What if I'm very, very quiet?
Sorry, but the concept of my mother
being quiet is incredibly funny.
It is.
- Am I gonna lose my hair?
- No, your hair will be fine.
- Ow!
- I'm sorry.
"Roses are red, violets are blue,
I've got ass cancer,
now you know too. "
Don't you feel guilty for
leaving me all those nasty messages
for missing work?
Yeah, but I'm...
You should have come to me sooner.
Why did you keep it a secret?
Because I didn't want you
to look at me the way you are now.
So, have you filed
with the insurance company?
Well, I'm not footing the bill
out of my salary.
No, I mean life insurance.
Look, people recover from cancer
and, um,
however much money you need
to make that happen, I want you to have.
There's an option in the company policy
that says that anybody who has a
life-threatening illness
- can cash out.
- Meaning how much?
A million dollars.
Let me guess. That would be
500,000 dollars after taxes.
I think my God will be Gucci.
- Yeah, definitely.
- I think so.
- Oh, I love it.
- You can fight me for it.
I've got a big G for gorgeous.
Cammie goes to college,
or Mommy gets this bag.
Love you.
Okay.
They're fabulous!
I want you to have these.
Am I making you hot?
What kind of cologne is that?
He was flirting with me.
- Oh, boy.
- You're so weird.
Hey-
There's a maternity department upstairs.
Want to check that out?
You know... I'm really tired.
I'm gonna go home and lie down.
Um, thank you so much for today.
- I'll call you later. I love you.
- I love you too.
I like that.
Looks like something
a stripper would wear.
- Is everything okay?
- No. It's not okay.
- She's really sick.
- I know.
I'm trying so hard to play along,
but I'm terrible at it.
And I... I just don't want
to ruin her day.
That's the last thing I want to do,
so... bye.
I'll take her home.
- NO!
- It would look so nice on you.
- Yes, it would. If I was you.
- A simple 'no' would have sufficed.
I don't need no clothes.
This is for you guys.
Everything you own
is swimming on you.
- The swimming look is in.
- I just want my daughter to look good.
When you look good, you feel good.
I don't need a new wardrobe
to feel good.
You also don't need
a negative attitude.
You need to wake up and realize
I'm not getting any better.
- Can we not do this here.
- No. Seriously!
You always bitch about
how Dad can't confront anything
and here you are
walking around in a haze,
like protein and a designer dress
are going to cure my cancer.
Ahhhh!
This is the car. This one.
Thank you.
- Was it really that bad?
- I heard you from Jimmy Choo.
- It's just that she drives me crazy.
- Well, duh! She's your Mom.
That's her job.
- Thanks for everything.
- Thank you.
Ah. OW. Ah.
Marley.
Hey. It's okay.
Just give me a second.
It's gonna be okay.
- Is she gonna be alright?
- She's dehydrated.
A couple of bags of saline
and she'll be feeling better.
She is right here, people.
'Shop till you drop'
is only an expression.
Not bad.
That's the best thing
I could come up with.
Dr G.
- Ah, hi.
- Hi. Hello.
GI extra ordinaire.
Artist extra ordinaire.
- Pleased to meet you.
- Nice to... oh!
I...
I'm suddenly in the mood for some Jell-O.
Do you need anything?
Really? Jell-O?
- I'm good. Thanks.
- Okay.
Strangely, she's not so good
with needles. Ouch!
- So what happened?
- I don't know. I just had a
- sudden, searing pain.
- Hm.
Come on, doc. Level with me.
Is all this really
gonna be worth it?
Yeah, um... well just
- tell me where exactly...
- OW!
Sorry.
Well, there was a pain in my ass,
but then I realized it was my mother.
Marley, come on.
Just answer the question.
Is there a woman with a very big needle
standing next to me?
Ow! That's my skin
you're pricking.
I'm sorry. I can't seem
to find a vein.
Let me try.
Dr G?
I think I found one.
I don't know how it's doing
against my cancer,
but this treatment
sure is kicking my ass.
Two down, eight to go.
Hey, Marley. Hey. Marley.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hey, Marley.
There's, um, there's a fund raiser
on Saturday" for patients.
- Oh, nice.
- Yes, it's for patients, and...
Sorry. I'm just going to walk over there
where I can still eavesdrop.
I wanted to see
if you wanted to come with me.
Not come with me as a date,
or anything like that. No.
It's semi-formal, so I don't know
if you like the idea of getting dressed.
I can't tell if you're trying
to talk me into it,
- or talk yourself out of it.
- A bit of both.
- I'll see how I feel Saturday.
- Oh, good. Okay. Thank you.
- Sorry. Thank you. Bye.
- Bye.
Where, besides your life and General
Hospital, do doctors look like that?
I mean... come on!
Hello, Marley. It's your father.
First of all, I don't appreciate
you hanging...
Stanley meta really cute Shitszu today.
I think he had a crush.
I'm not saying you should,
but if you let him mate,
you'd probably start
a whole new breed:
BullShits.
BullShit Terriers.
Okay.
Someone needs comfort food.
I'm gonna go home and fix you
a really nice Italian dish.
So later on when your doorbell rings,
you answer it. Okay?
Okay.
Beautiful.
You Marley?
- Yeah.
- I'm Vinnie.
These are for you.
Thank you. L... whoa, whoa.
- I love you.
- Bastard.
Ah.
How do you know Peter?
Who?
I got a call from work
to be here tonight.
Especial Escorts.
I'm really sorry.
Well, you should know
that I definitely live up to my nickname:
Little Bit of Heaven.
Oh!
That is some offer, but, um,
no.
- Oh, don't forget your flowers.
- Nah, you keep them.
Beautiful flowers
for a beautiful lady.
Thank you.
Actually, I don't mean to sound rude,
but... you don't look so good.
I'm sick.
Probably dying.
There isn't anything to be afraid of.
I've died twice
and they brought me back both times.
Really?
Did you see anything,
like bright lights or anything?
Whoopi?
No.
It Was, uh,
more like floating in water.
It was real nice.
I could have floated there forever.
Nice to meet you, Marley.
Nice to meet you.
Vinnie!
Alright, I'm going all in.
You know why?
Because I got the nuts.
So you should probably fold,
or...
What are you doing?
Or I'm bluffing.
Fold.
- Ohhh!
- Ohhh! Woo!
- Okay. See?
- Oh, boy.
- Smart.
- Full house, baby.
- Are you really single?
- I'm the cancer chick, remember?
Hardly qualifies me for being
somebody's dream girl.
Why? Most of the great romances
in history end in death.
Romeo and Juliet.
JFK and Jackie.
- Siegfried and Roy.
- Um,
Roy is not dead.
Well, he didn't look too good.
- I haven't found the right guy yet.
- Bullshit.
Who wouldn't want a girl like you?
You are just afraid to let them in,
because if you do and they reject you,
it hurts worse than death.
You're like
- Sigmund Freud all of a sudden?
- Ja.
Actually, a guy I like asked me out
this weekend. Sort of.
He said it wasn't a date.
- What time does it start?
- Five.
- Dinner and a movie?
- Fund raiser.
- Formal?
- Semi.
- He's an idiot.
- I know. Right?
Well, maybe he'll wise up
and treat it like a real date.
If not, fuck him.
Would you mind doing me a favour?
Oh, I like that.
Yeah, a little bit of heaven?
- You want more heaven?
- Oh.
You want a whole lot of heaven?
Oh!
- Ooh! Oh, my God, baby.
- Oh, my!
Oh, my. Oh, my God.
Ohhh!
Ohhh! Ohhh!
Ohhh!
Oh, that feels good.
Oh, oh.
OW, the bottle. Ow, ow.
- Oh.
- Woo!
- Wow! Oh, my.
- Woo.
WOW, Vinnie.
- Oh.
- Marley.
- Thank you, Vinnie.
- You're welcome.
I had so much fun.
See what happens
when you give a guy half a chance.
You might be sore in the morning.
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
See ya.
- Is there a doctor in the house?
- Que guapa que ests.
No clue what you just said,
but it sounds so good I don't care.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- No, for coming.
- I know.
- Would you like to have a drink?
- Yeah.
Okay. There.
- I have a good one.
- Could you be more specific?
- A joke.
- Oh, God, I created a monster.
- You wanna listen to it?
- Yes, of course.
Okay, um, okay.
Why does it suck being an egg?
- I give up.
- Why does it suck being an egg?
Because you only get laid once,
you only get eaten once,
you take 10 minutes to get hard
and only 3 to get soft.
And then you have to share this box
with 11 other guys.
But the... worst thing is...
Oh, it's the funny part.
You are the worst joke teller
I've ever met.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that
the only person to ever
sit in your face is your mother.
You're just hopeless.
- Ms Corbett.
- Hi, Dr Sanders.
I'll grab an appetizer.
- She's a brave girl.
- Yeah.
You know she quit the trial.
NO, I... I didn't know that.
It seems to me that your patient's
having an easier time
keeping emotion out of this decision
then you are.
I'm just trying to save her life.
What else am I supposed to do?
Why did you invite her here?
Because there's patients, survivors.
It's a fund raiser for cancer.
The line is there for a reason, Doctor.
Not just for the patients.
You'll need to think about
what you're doing.
- Hey, can I?
- Yes, sir.
Thank you.
What did I miss?
- Do you wanna get out of here?
- Yeah, I know just the place.
First dinner, then a surprise.
Let's go.
What... a surprise in a dark alley?
- Do you really know where we're going?
- Yeah, I do.
Where are you taking me?
Come on.
In all the years you've been here,
you've never been
to a little place called Paradise.
Hey, hey.
Hey, Marley. Hey.
- Hey. Wow.
- Don't worry, they don't bite
much.
Isn't this fun?
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Are you new in town?
Hey-
Marley.
Hey-
Hey, no, wait.
No, wait, wait, wait.
You look amazing.
You're such a tranny magnet.
If I wasn't there, you could have
for sure gotten some action.
I know.
Actually, you know that Adam?
She was kind of hot, no?
Yeah.
Ahhh.
Where did you go?
Do you believe in God?
- Wow.
- No, really.
Okay, if you ask me, Dr Julian Goldstein,
if I believe in God...
I mean, I believe in science
and in empirical evidence, so,
no, I don't believe in a higher power.
But if you ask me, Julian,
I'd say I don't know.
Why?
I envy people who do.
They're so sure
that something exists.
What a great way to live.
Without fear.
What are you afraid of?
- No.
- Come on. Come on.
I want to know.
- The whole list?
- How about the top three?
Fine.
I'm afraid if I die
my Mom will never recover.
Okay.
I worry about who'd take care
of my dog.
Anything else?
I'm scared this entire night
is gonna go by without you kissing me.
Ah.
So this is a date, right?
Yeah... It's just that I...
they don't wanna...
I quit the trial.
I know.
- Why?
- I want to enjoy quality of life.
Besides, and you're gonna think
I'm crazy, but Whoopi Goldberg...
She is a lady who knows
what she's talking about.
- You don't.
- Right.
Coming from a guy
with a yo-yo collection.
What?
You don't like yo-yos?
You have a problem
against yo-yos?
Well, let me show you.
Okay.
You really are the biggest dork
I've ever slept with.
That's a very nice thing of you to say,
but it's afar better compliment
if you leave dork out of that sentence.
You are the biggest
I have ever slept with.
What a trick!
What a trick!
Yeah, yeah, I know, but I...
I know you're fed up
life don't let up for us
all they talk about
is what's going down
and what's been messed up for us
when I look around
I see blue skies
I see butterflies for us
listen to the sound
and lose it
its sweet music
and dance with me I
'Cause there is beauty in the world.)
(Julian): Stanley, out, out.
so much beauty in the world
so shake your booty boys and girls
for the beauty in the world
pick your diamond
pick your pearl
there is beauty in the world
All together now
Wee!
- Hey, do not look over.
- Okay.
Do you see those two guys
talking to Julian?
Okay, look now.
Stop. Stop looking.
I'm having drinks
with Clark Kent tonight.
And dinner with Superman tomorrow.
Oh boy, you have taken my whore crown
and are wearing it so well.
It's a little big.
I've been wearing it as a belt.
Ahh!
You know, actually, Renee's life
is looking pretty good to me lately.
Marley, I...
I'm sorry, Marley, I don't know.
I just... I'm sorry.
Sssh. It's okay.
Oh, that's sweet, isn't it?
Let's put it right in here
with your name on it.
What do you think Martha Stewart
would think of my arrangement, Stanley?
Okay.
Maybe I could quit planning parties
and do my own flower arrangements.
You're home early.
- Is everything okay?
- Yeah, it's fine.
- Did something happen?
- I'm going back to bed.
Did you and Julian have a fight?
No.
Do you want to talk about it?
Maybe I could help.
Right. 'Cause you're the expert
in relationships.
Mom, please, not now.
I may have made a mistake
marrying your father.
May have?
The man is emotionally constipated.
I'm grateful he gave me you.
Oh, my goodness.
Can I have a big hug?
Oh.
Mmm.
- Hey.
- Did she tell you?
God, my mother is a walking mouth.
- A walking mouth.
- Hello, Cammie.
- You look very pretty today.
- What do you tell him?
- And I'm smart.
- Good girl. Good girl.
Oooh!
Oh grody, he's peeing!
So what was this morning about?
- I don't know. I couldn't sleep.
- I know.
- But why?
- Well, a reminder: I'm dying.
Yeah okay, and I haven't helped you,
um,
get in touch with all the...
the anger and...
You know what? Just stop.
I'm so not in the mood
for a lecture right now.
Hey! It's obvious that you're scared.
It's normal. It's fine.
Is it normal for doctors
to screw their patients?
We had a good time.
Let's just leave it at that.
Wow!
- Whoa, already past tense.
- Well,
reality check: It's going to be
past tense soon enough.
- Hey, Marley...
- Mmm.
I love you.
Oh, great.
Fantastic.
You love me.
What kind of guy
falls in love with a dying girl?
Don't diminish what's going on
between us. Okay?
- I know what I'm feeling.
- I do too.
I feel smothered
and I need you to back off!
No, no...
- Ow!
- Are you okay?
Leave me alone!
- Come on, let me help you.
- I said: Leave me the hell alone!
- I'm sorry, sweetie.
- I wanna go home.
I know.
I'm gonna take you home right now.
I'm sorry.
Let me see.
Let me see that beautiful face.
- Let me see...
- Hey, you're back early.
- Hi, Mommy.
- Hi, pumpkin. Did you all have fun?
- You're having a party.
- No.
Some of the other moms dropped by.
Sort of an impromptu thing.
It's not contagious, you know.
Of course not.
Um... why don't you go back
and play for a little bit.
- Bye, sweetie, I love you.
- Bye.
I've just been really busy, you know.
With the baby coming and...
Oh, really? You obviously have time
for those women in there.
- That's different. They're...
- What? They're fat, boring and
- not dying?
- Okay.
Want me to make this
more palatable for you?
- That's not what I want
- Are you just
angry because you're going
to have to find a new babysitter?
Yeah.
Come on.
That's exactly what I'm angry about.
They could fire you
on the first day.
Oh, yeah?
- Hey, the zoo, how was it?
- Oh, you know. It was fantastic.
Um, Marley, this is Matt. My friend
who moved here from Brooklyn.
Nice to meet you.
Peter's told me a lot about you.
Really?
- Did he tell you I was dying?
- Yeah.
A couple more weeks
and I'm out of here.
Why don't you take a look
at my apartment.
Then maybe you guys
can be neighbours and love buddies.
Excuse me.
Babe.
- What are you doing?
- Nothing.
Have a good day.
Well, there's a pretty little girl
such a pretty little girl
I think she lives
around the corner from me
sometimes is see her walking
past my window as I stare out vacantly
Shut up! I hear you!
Pretty little girl are you in love?
I always see you out on your own
Really? Asshole.
God!
I'm scared.
I'm scared to death.
Of what?
- Of dying.
- Everybody dies.
What are you really afraid of?
I didn't have enough time
to do all the things I wanted to do.
- Like what?
- Buy a house!
Have a baby.
Find somebody who loves me.
You have that.
Or, you had it.
How do you know?
He could just have said all that stuff
because he felt sorry for me.
He doesn't strike me as someone
who loved you out of pity.
You should try again.
- I don't know what his issues are.
- I don't care what his issues are.
- Do you love him?
- Um...
Do you love him?
- Do you?
- I do, I do, I do.
- Say it in a complete sentence.
- I love him. I love him.
L... love him.
I really do.
I really love him.
Maybe you should go back down
and tell him.
- I can't go back down. I'm dead.
- You're not dead.
The car didn't actually hit you.
Aside from a little headache,
you should be fine.
Ah! Oop.
Ohh!
Ohh.
Oh look, he's right here.
- Mom? Hey.
- Right. Okay. I'll wait for you outside.
Thank you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- What happened to you?
- A street hit me in the face.
- What?
- Can I talk to you?
- Yeah.
- Okay. Come on.
My whole life I've been so afraid
of guys lying to me,
not being there for me
and ending up Shafted like my mother.
Somewhere along the line
I decided to take charge of my life,
and to never let anybody
ever get close enough to hurt me.
- Ever.
- Okay. Okay.
And then you come along.
With your nose in your books
and your yo-yos and your
spouting off ridiculous jokes like:
"My Mom sat on my... face.
- So you can see how I missed it.
- What?
What? You missed what?
You're my third wish.
I love you.
Put your turn signal on. Don't make me
guess which way you're gonna go.
Just surprise me.
Remember when I was little how I
used to masturbate all the time?
Do you remember when we went
to that rug store
and I hopped up
on one of those rolled-up rugs?
Then you gave me
a two-week time out
and told me never to touch
my jingle bells again.
Yeah, I remember that.
You know?
My whole life I think that was
the only time you were a bad Mom.
Yet I was such a shit.
You're a daughter.
That's your job.
Will you help me plan my funeral?
Sure.
I don't want it to be some sombre affair.
I want it to be a celebration.
I want to put the
f-u-n back in funeral.
Hi.
Listen, you've been a real bitch lately.
Really mean and ugly.
I just want you to know
that I don't appreciate it.
- You don't?
- No.
Because I've done nothing
but support you
- through this so-called difficult time.
- Well, it has been hard.
Please- listening to you
going on and on about
feeling sick and "I'm too tired"
and "Oh, that Vinnie
really rocked my world. "
- He was awesome wasn't he?
- He was.
- So back to you.
- What?
Your behaviour has really
made me angry. It has.
But you wanna know what makes me
blow my top, see red
and makes my blood boil
is the fact that I'm gonna miss you.
So much.
Do you think I could have
that dance now?
No.
That ship sailed so long ago.
You know?
I thought you'd never ask.
You're just scared.
- Break it down.
- Take all that. Aw. Take that.
Woof. Woof.
I mean it's so high.
Hi, Marley, it's Dad.
I'm coming into town tonight
and I'd like to see you.
I'll call you once I get to the hotel.
Hope you're doing well.
Bye.
He sounds like he's making an effort.
Its too little too late.
Mmm.
Go ahead.
You know, I don't know the guy,
and he might be as big a schmuck
as you say he is,
but, um, it might worth
listening to him.
Some people have a hard time
opening up about their feelings.
Low blow.
Goal!
The Penne Arrabiata sounds good.
Oh thanks, but I'm trying to lose
a couple of pounds.
- What are we doing?
- What do you mean?
Making chit-chat like nothing's wrong
between us. I hate it.
- I'm trying to have a nice visit.
- By not saying anything?
- What do you want me to do?
- Nothing. It's fine.
- No. I'm here aren't I?
- Yes, Dad, physically you are here.
- Marley, come on. I'm trying.
- Give the man a trophy.
He's trying.
Could we have just one pleasant meal?
Just one and then talk about this later?
- Fine.
- Thank you.
No. It's not fine.
I don't know if I have a "later".
So we need to talk about this right now,
or I walk out the door
and may never see you again.
Marley, wait!
I don't know what to do, kiddo.
Tell me what to do.
Dad, I don't want to have to tell you.
And I shouldn't have to tell you.
Do you remember that time
probably 20 years ago?
You said: "I'm glad
God brought me into this world,
but I wish it was
from a different father. "
Do you remember that?
And yet I said nothing,
because I didn't know what to say.
But it killed me inside.
And now my little girl is very sick
and I can't fix it.
So please tell me what to say,
because I can't have you
hating me like this anymore.
I love you so very much, Marley.
Just tell me what to do.
You just did it.
Thank you.
Renee?
Renee!
I know you're in here, so I'm just
gonna say what I came here to say,
which is: I'm sorry.
It really hurt when you started
distancing yourself, but it's okay.
I get it.
A new baby coming
and me... leaving.
It's not fair having to be so happy
and so sad at the same time, is it?
Our friendship is one of the best things
in my life.
I'm sorry I'm not gonna get
to know that little boy.
But I know he'll be beautiful.
Just like Cammie.
Oh, my God, that little girl is amazing.
So, please, when she gets older
tell her that I loved her
like she was my own.
Bye.
You sure you still want to do this?
Yeah.
baby
Wooo! Oh, my God.
it's been a long day
things ain't been going my way
and I need you here
here by my
Wooo! Yeah!
all the time
baby, the way you move me
is crazy
it's like you see right through me
and make it easier
you please me and you don't
even have to try
oh, because you are the best thing
you are the best thing
you're the best thing, baby
you are the best thing
you're the best thing
that ever happened to me
baby, we've come a long way,
baby
you know, I hope and I pray
that you believe me
- Same as ever?
- Yeah.
Really?
Hey, what are you gonna do
after I'm gone?
Hum?
Come on. You got on my case
about not opening up.
I just don't like thinking about it.
Julian, I need to know
that you're gonna be okay.
Oh, my God.
We should talk about
what we're feeling.
- Now I've created a monster.
- Yeah, you have.
So?
Um,
so... this old man
he goes to the doctor,
and he brings his wife along.
It's the yearly physical,
so the doctor says:
"I just need a urine sample,
a blood, a sperm and a stool sample. "
The old man can't hear very well,
so he looks over to his wife
and asks: "What?
What is he saying?"
And the wife yells back at him:
"He wants your underwear!"
My work here is done.
Ohh.
Oh.
So, I have to go back
to New York for a few days, but
call me if you need anything. Okay?
Okay, I will.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
Bye.
And this includes
a big opening party?
Alright, that's what I want.
Great.
The name is Sarah Walker.
It's a surprise.
Okay, thank you very much.
Bye, bye.
Mom, would you do me a favour
and give this to Sarah for me?
She's gonna be here in a minute.
You can...
Oh.
I'll make sure she gets it.
And this is for you.
- It's for me?
- Hm.
Mom?
Yeah?
Will you take care of Stanley for me?
- I wouldn't have it any other way.
- Check.
Ah.
Ah.
a Mercedes Benz
You used to sing me that
to sleep every night.
my friends all have Porsches,
I must make amends
worked hard all my life
no help from my friends
oh Lord, won't you buy me
a Mercedes Benz
Wanna get the ball?
Go get it.
Get it, buddy.
Hey-
I was gonna go for a jog up the hill.
Do you want to come?
- Sure. You start. I'll catch right up.
- Okay.
Woo! Yeah. Here we go.
Oh, Oh.
On second thought,
that's a really big hill.
Pussy.
I'm not afraid to admit it.
Ah.
When's Julian getting here?
He had to work late,
so I just left a message.
Trying to let the poor man sleep.
- Sarah?
- Hm?
I'm sorry.
- What?
- I've been so wrapped up in all this,
I haven't stopped to ask how
it was affecting all of you guys.
- Oh, that's...
- Ask how you're doing.
- It's...
- How are you're doing?
How are you doing?
Not so good.
See?
I didn't know that.
Why didn't you wish
not to die, huh?
Hm, something else I wanted more.
Well, I wish it.
I wish it right now. God?
Hey? God?
You listening?
You can't take her away.
Okay?
I want her to stay here.
It's not gonna work. You need
an anal probe and a morphine shooter.
- Are you scared?
- No.
Not anymore.
Marley?
Marley?
Marley?
Hey-
Marley...
Here you go, sir.
This is Peter.
Ahh!
Hey you, it's me.
Oh, I didn't think
this was going to be so difficult.
I thank God you came into my life.
I do.
Because you showed me
how to be the person
I always imagined myself to be.
That's not even
giving you enough credit,
because until I met you
I had no idea who I could be.
So... take care and try
not to fall in love again. Ever.
Ever again.
That's kind of a joke.
- I love you.
- I love you.
Oh, oh, oh.
I know.
So, that's my story.
I had some pretty amazing friends,
didn't I?
And I include my parents in that group,
even though my whole life I blamed them
for, well, everything.
But the truth is: I was afraid.
I was afraid to trust and forgive.
I was scared I wasn't enough.
But I was.
I just have to say: To Marley.
To Marley!
- Thank you, Marley.
- Thank you, Marley.
Hi.
Stanley.
What I wouldn't give
to experience just one more time,
to feel that incredible sensation
when he looked at me
and I felt... alive.