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A Tale of Love and Darkness (2015)
Go to sleep.
I'm not tired. All right. Let's make up a story. Shall I start? Yes. Once upon a time there was a village, abandoned by its inhabitants... Even the rats left. Even the rats left. The village stood silent and abandoned, year after year. Rain pounded the streets, washing away any human trace. When the rats cleared, birds swarmed over the village. There were so many, they almost blocked out the sky. It was night, all day long. But then, from one small house... A little boy opened the door. He was the only one left behind. My mother was 38 when she died. At my age today, I could be her father. Many things have happened in Jerusalem. The city was destroyed, rebuilt, destroyed and rebuilt again. Conqueror after conqueror came, ruled for a while, left behind some walls, some towers, some cracks in the stones, and then disappeared, like the morning mist down the hillslopes. Jerusalem's a black widow, who devours her lovers while they are still inside her. We're late. The boy, arieh. My mother grew up in the town of rovno, which was then in Poland, and is now in Ukraine. Her childhood there was made up of words like... Chandeliers, servants, mystery, romantic melancholy... As anti-semitism spread through Europe... My mother dreamed of Israel... As the land of milk and honey, where pioneers made the desert bloom... She imagined the pioneer as a poet, worker, revolutionary, born for fields and battlefields alike, but also emotional and intellectual. After my mother and her family fled Europe, back in Poland's sosenki forest, where my mother and her sisters once loved to pick mushrooms and berries, and sleep in sleeping bags on the riverbank beneath the stars. Germans, Lithuanians, and Ukrainians, opened fire with machine guns, and killed 23,000 Jews in two days. They killed almost everyone my mother had ever known. A million kiddies... A million kiddies... They killed a million kids like you! Jerusalem, 1945, under the British mandate good day, ma'am. May I please have Tel Aviv 648? Please wait a minute, sir. Mr. nashashibi is on the way. Of course I'll wait, but people are waiting on the other end too. It's too early, arieh. It will take time to get a connection. What if they connect us right way, and nobody is there yet? Hello? Tsvi? Speaking. It's arieh, from Jerusalem. Yes, arieh. Hello. This is tsvi. How are you? Everything is fine here. We're calling from the pharmacy. Ask my sister how she is. How's it going in Tel Aviv? Everything's fine. Nothing special. Life. No news is good news. There's no news here either. We'll write and set a time for the next call. Take care of yourselves. Be well. You too. They weren't actually sure if they'd talk again or not. There could be riots, or a pogrom. The British could betray us. The curfew will start soon. Hello. Good evening. Good evening. Close the windows! Close the doors, please. They're all gone now. It's like rovno was just a dream. It's here. A new book, hot off the press. My first book. The novella in Hebrew literature. It's like having a new baby. I'll invite your parents. "To my brother and teacher, David, whom I lost in the darkness." Who said your uncle would be the only important academic in the family? Well, it's only my first publication. And not the last. The borscht is good. Not bad... Almost tasty. But even gentile servants in Jewish homes knew that borscht should be sour and just slightly sweet-- never sweet and slightly sour. Like the poles who always add sugar, with no rhyme or reason. They even ruin horseradish by adding jam to it. Let's raise a toast in honor of the new book. Lehayim. Congratulations. If you have to choose between telling a lie or insulting someone, choose to be generous. I'm allowed to lie? Sometimes... yes. It's better to be sensitive than to be honest. Come, hold the peg. We'll make our own little kibbutz, and by our own efforts, "bring forth bread from the earth." Forward! You know, the word "kadima" means forward. But... The word actually derives from the word "kedem," which refers to "ancient times." Ahh! Ah! So the Hebrew speaker actually looks forward to the past. Interesting, isn't it? Yes. Are you hurt? Arieh? Can you recognize me under all this sweat? Watch this. Ha! That's it! My father once told me, "Amos, consider the etymological link between the words... Earth, man, blood, red, silence." You write a new novel every six months, and right away, all the pretty girls grab you off the shelf and take you straight to bed. At least my books have some fun. If you're trying to get girls, maybe you should write romance novels. All I'm saying is, don't rush. Ask your sisters. Your life is only your own for a very short time-- from the time you leave home to your first pregnancy. Even when your child grows up, you don't get your life back. You go from being a mother to a grandmother. But everybody says that children are the best thing that can happen to you. Who's everybody? Remember what happened to our neighbor? Ira? Steletsky's wife. Yes, the alcoholic husband, who ran our father's flour mill. He would bet on her at cards, and lose her, each time for one night, until finally she left him for the coachman's son. Anton! From this hut... She could see her children playing in the distance. Then one day, she decided to go see her daughter. As she approached, her daughter called her a whore... And refused to speak to her. Kira! That night, ira gathered whatever strength she had left, went into the little hut with a can of petrol... And lit a match. Our children don't realize how much they can hurt us. I just can't understand why... Why no one warned you? What did you expect? A warning in fine print? That you're only food? That you're what the chick eats to grow strong? No one warns us, because every mother thinks she's the only one who feels that way-- and every mother cries into her pillow, alone at night. Except for our mother, who just curses us. "Tarzan the invincible" stay out of trouble. Just be a good boy, okay? Okay. My parents' friends, staszek and mala rudnicki, had no children of their own, so sometimes my parents would let them borrow me. My father said that the Hebrew word for childlessness is related to the word for darkness, and that the word for darkness is related to forgetting. Lack of memory. Lack of children. Lack of light. My mother would go off on her own. To where, I could only imagine. When visiting an arab home, it's especially important to remember your manners. Children are expected to stay out of adult conversations. Only if spoken to directly, may you answer briefly and very politely. If refreshments are served, don't choose something that might make crumbs or grip. If they still insist you have something, just refuse, but delicately, like a gentleman-- even if you can't resist the sight of sweets. We were only invited because your uncle staszek took care of al-halwani's son. If, on this occasion, in such tense times, we behave like animals, not only will it be sheer insolence, it could cause enormous damage to the future of our two peoples. Jacket? Jacket? Ah! Ah, my friend, come, come, come. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Pleased to meet you, madam. Hello. Please, everybody, I would like you to meet my friend, the great Mr. stav. Mr. stav helped to clear my son Edward, from that unfortunate incident at the beginning of the summer. Thank you for coming. Please, come here. Maybe the youngster would like to go and play in the garden? Please. Please, madam. I want to show you... Good morning, miss. My name is Amos. And you? My name is Aisha. This is my brother, awwad. Your father... Your honored father suggested... That I come here to play with you. He's not my father. He's my mother's uncle. I don't live here. I live in talbieh. How do you know Hebrew? I've been studying piano in rehavia for three years now. It's a beautiful language, and rehavia is beautiful too, so well-kept and quiet. Talbieh is also well-kept and quiet. Would you mind if we talked for a bit? Aren't we talking already? There's enough room in this country for both peoples. We just need to learn to live together in peace and mutual respect. I have a big brother in London. He's studying to be a lawyer. What do you want to study when you grow up? What about you? You'll be a lawyer too, based on how you speak. What makes you think that? I'm going to write a book. Really? What kind of book? Poems. Poems? Yes. In French and English. I also write in arabic, but i never show it to anyone. Is there nice Hebrew poetry? Of course! Levin kipnis, Rachel. Vladimir jabotinsky, tcheminchowsky... "A generation of gods walks the land... "A generation drunk on life! "Estranged from a sick people. And the tribe of sufferers." Can you also climb trees? Rest a minute, just a minute. Rest a minute, just a minute. This is the father of Amos. May I please speak with Mr. al-halwani? Well, could you please tell him how very truly sorry we are about what happened? We are anxious for the health of the dear child. We'll pay any of the child's medical expenses, of course, in full. And we sincerely wish to effect a meeting at an early date to clarify and try to right the wrong. Once there were two monks... Who imposed all sorts of restrictions on themselves. Among other things, they resolve to cross all of India on foot. They also took a vow of complete silence. Even in their sleep, they would not speak a single word throughout their years of travel. But once... While they were walking along the bank of a river, they heard a drowning woman crying for help. Without a word, the younger monk jumped into the water. He bore the woman on his back and laid her on the ground. The two monks continued their journey in silence. Six months later, the younger monk suddenly asked, "tell me... Do you think i sinned when I carried that woman on my back?" His friend answered with a question: "What? Are you still carrying her on your back?" Amos, when I was a student, i loved to read here among the flowers. And one day, after class, she met your future father here. Do you remember what I told you about the word "flower"? Flower is a combination of the words "bull" and "scent." "Bull" has the same root as "fertility," and "scent" lures the insects that fertilize the plant. He took advantage of my weakness for words. What could I do? All the boys were courting her! I had to make myself stand out. That's what happened. Remembering is like trying to restore an old building with the stones from its ruins. And the stones have memory. May I please have some apc? I have a headache that won't go away. I don't believe them. I don't believe anyone anymore. It's a big conspiracy. What do you think? That our boys will fight for you, that they risk their young lives for you, when you say it's all a conspiracy? Yes, because it is all one big conspiracy! It's like theater! Ben-gurion secretly agreed to sell Jerusalem to king Abdullah so that he can keep his kibbutzim. They don't care if they slaughter and burn us all. What's wrong with you? How can you say that? A million kids... If there is a war-- when there is a war-- we will win. Our state is standing right at the gate. It's not standing. There is no gate. There is an abyss. Not in front of the child. Mm. Nothing grew! Come here. You know... That if you open up someone's head and take out his brain... You see that our brains are nothing but cauliflower-- a cauliflower this size. What a miracle it is that this small cauliflower can hold the sky and the land, the sun and all the stars. It can hold Plato's ideas, and Beethoven's music, and Chekhov's plays, all the dinosaurs and the whales... And the hopes and the passions and mistakes and fantasies... And that's it. Amos! Come play with us! I can't. My grandma is coming today. Kids! What are you doing? You've abandoned me. I have no life here. You spit on me, your own mother-- the only person who will take care of you! Just look at you. How can you stand it? This place is disgusting! Oh. I'm not good enough for you to answer? I should have left you in rovno! I would have been better off! Fanitchka! Fania! Amos, where's your mother? Fania? You won't believe it! My book is sold out! All five of them! He said he'd order more. He already did, by phone. Five more! He says this is just the beginning! Let's go to the Edison and see a film. Zarchi will watch you, okay? For us. You can find hell and paradise in every room. A little meanness, and people are hell to each other. A little compassion, a little generosity, and people find paradise in each other. Congratulations again. I still can't believe it. Give my love to garbo. Amos, behave yourself. Want a book? Tchernichowsky. It seems that your Patience has helped our plants. Why don't you go see for yourself? When my family moved to the house on dubinska street, we inherited some tenants from the previous owners. A Polish officer named jan lived in the front room. Every Friday, my mother would send one of us with a tray of hot biscuits, straight from the oven, to wish him a good sabbath on behalf of the entire family. Sabbat shalom. He would stroke my head... Call me cyganka, a gypsy. And promise he would wait for me and marry me when I grew up. But, one day... A Sunday morning before the sun came up... The colonel decided to try out his pistol. He fired two bullets through the closed window into the garden. By chance, he hit a pigeon which was found wounded in the garden the next day. Then he fired one shot at a bottle on the table... Two more at the chandelier... And then... Once, I found a note in a crack in a desk drawer. It was written in a woman's handwriting. "To my precious little wolf cub. "In all my life I've never met a better, more generous man than you. I am not worthy to kiss the soles of your shoes." There were two spelling mistakes. It was signed with an n, and she sketched lips below it. Nobody knows anything about anyone... Not even the person you marry, and not even about ourselves. We know nothing. But if we sometimes imagine that we do know something, that's even worse. It's better to live without knowing than to live in error. November 29, 1947 tonight... At lake success, near New York, the general assembly of the un will vote on what? Adopting the unscop proposal. And what's the proposal? To create two states out of the British mandate: One Jewish, and one arab. Who opposes it? The Muslim bloc and britain. And why? They want an arab state under British protection. Like Egypt, transjordan and Iraq. Well done! You know, the name lake success... Is the opposite of the sea of tears, with symbolized the fate of our people for the poet bialik. It's interesting. Interesting. Norway -- yes. Pakistan -- no. Panama -- yes. Paraguay -- yes. Could you please help me? Philippines -- yes. Poland -- yes. Saudi Arabia -- no. Siam-- absent. Sweden -- yes. Syria -- no. Turkey -- no. Ukraine -- yes. South Africa -- yes. Soviet union -- yes. United Kingdom -- abstained. United States -- yes. Uruguay -- yes. Venezuela -- yes. Yemen -- no. Yugoslavia -- abstained. The resolution of the ad hoc committee for palestine was adopted by 33 votes-- 13 against, 10 abstained. The Jewish nation lives! The Jewish nation lives! Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Everything is about to change. I told you it would. We brought peace unto you! You can't imagine what the gentile boys did to me in my school in vilna. Then, when my father, your grandfather, came to the school to complain, they attacked him too. They threw him to the ground, and removed his pants in the middle of the yard. All the children laughed. And the teachers watched and were silent. Some of them also laughed. Bullies may well bully you someday in the street or at school. They may do it just because you're a bit like me. But from now on, now that we have our own state, you will never be bullied just because you are a Jew. Never again. A few hours later, at seven in the morning, while we were all asleep, shots were fired on Jewish vehicles in Jerusalem, which turned into riots across the country. My code name is garibaldi. I'll be instructing you how to help in our patriotic wartime efforts. You will help... You will search all the storage yards and sheds for empty bags to fill with sand, and empty bottles to make "cocktails" that will be very tasty for the enemy. You also will gather edible Greens from empty fields, to help relieve the hunger in Jerusalem. And we'll also serve as look-outs... To observe any movements by the brits. Now go! How beautiful. Wash them off and I'll cook them right now. You must be hungry after all your food foraging. Put some water in this. Fanitchka? I joined the national guard. Don't you have anything to say about that? What do you want me to say? Congratulations. You're very brave. The war infiltrated our home. Life became rations, sandbags, mourning. In the lives of individuals, and in the lives of nations, the worst conflicts erupt between two persecuted people. Only in the imagination do the persecuted unite in solidarity to fight together against their ruthless oppressor. In reality, two children of the same abusive father will not necessarily become allies. Often, each sees in his brother their father's threatening ways. Europe abused the arabs, humiliating them with colonialism... And the same Europe persecuted and annihilated the Jews. But the arabs see us as an arrogant new branch of European colonialism and exploitation, and we do not see arabs as brothers in adversity, but rather, as anti-semites, Nazis in disguise. ...after 30 years of the British mandate... The new state was born with David Ben-gurion's declaration in Tel Aviv just hours earlier. For weeks, our basement apartment was turned into a kind of bomb shelter for the residents of the apartments above us. You're pulling. It hurts! What is this? Crumbs everywhere! You can't make such a mess here! A hundred Jews were burned alive yesterday near sheikh Jarrah. They were in a convoy going up to the hospital and university. A hundred people! Doctors, nurses, students. -Why didn't we save them? -The British wouldn't let us. Who can even stomach this chicken, when horrors like that happen right in front of us? The children haven't eaten meat in two months. Here you go, ma'am. Who's next? When her friend died, when real tragedy landed outside the pages of my mother's novels, the suffering wasn't romantic at all. There's an armistice agreement with Egypt. Next will be transjordan, and then Syria and Lebanon. When the British left, the green line was drawn around Israel. Our neighbors moved back to their own homes, euphoric and optimistic, and left us along to ourselves. The improbable creation of the new state of Israel extinguished thousands of years of Jewish longing for a homeland of its own. Maybe my mother felt the loss of this passion, this dream, because suddenly she stopped telling her stories. What do my eyes see? A boy, about three, standing in the middle of the street, and a military vehicle rushing toward him. I mustered all my strength. I yelled to him. "Boy! Boy!" It seemed my shout reached him, because he quickly jumped aside. Who knows? Maybe his mother left him alone, or maybe she's poor and can't support him-- and can't stand to see him starve, or maybe he's an orphan. Yes, there are children like that in our world too. Give me your sandwich! Give me your sandwich! Our blood will not be spilled in vain! Abandoned property I'll be back in fifteen minutes. Can I go with you? I need to be alone for a bit. You can be alone too. I'll be back soon. Maybe you can finally tell me. What is it about you that makes me love you so much? More than anything... More than anything, i love your innocence. I've never encountered anything like it. Even after you live out your entire life, and have all kinds of experiences, your innocence will never abandon you. I think you'll grow up to be a man... Who is open and enthusiastic like your father, but you'll also be a man who's quiet and closed and full... Like a well in a deserted village. You can be both. I felt a terrible dread as if on the distant horizon, a vague disaster was taking shape. My mother started having frequent headaches. Her migraines gave her insomnia. The doctor prescribed sleeping pills and sedatives... But nothing helped. Please don't be angry with me, Amos. It's a little hard for me right now. You see how much I'm trying to make things right. Thank you, Amos. I know I can rely on you completely. -Good night. -Good night. Papa? Sleep... sleep. I'm so lucky. I'm so lucky. It's 7:00, and these are the headlines. This year too, there is an urgent need to find homes for innocent children with foster families across the country. Last year alone, 50,000 children were placed in homes. Despite this achievement, there are still 20,000 children, who will have to spend the winter months in tents. 10,000 children ages 5-12, need temporary housing this winter across the country. The roots for children project appeals to every home in Israel to host a child from the camps... She's punishing herself. Just to punish me. I have done. I have done. I have been doing. I have been doing. I should have done. I should have done. I should have been doing. Go... Go play a little outside. But be careful. There are all sorts out there. Not all women are as kind and honest as you are. You can come home whenever you like. Do you need anything? Amos is here. My father and I told people that she had the flu or a particular sensitivity to sunlight, or that she gets very tired. We didn't tell anyone what we both knew. The only one who knew was my mother's best friend. Amos. You're a ray of sunshine, you know? Your mother says that you're her light. You're such a clever, sensitive child. You know, i have a feeling... That when you grow up you will be a writer. I won't be a writer. I'm not sensitive! I'll be a farmer or a dog-poisoner with a syringe full of poison. Have a good day. You too... Do you know what happened when Tarzan met the cowboys and Indians? What happened? Tarzan watched from a tree as the cowboys and Indians fought below. A cowboy caught a snake by the throat and poured its venom into the Indian's mouth! So the Indian grabbed a thorny cactus and stabbed... The cowboy in his blue eyes. Tarzan watched from above and thought about what to do. And then what? I'll tell you tomorrow. The story was great. Where did you hear it? Hey-- isn't that your dad? Where? Ah! Amos... you're being very good. Your mother has a terrible headache. Keep your voice down. And no running around, okay? Get the door. - Do you need anything? - No, thank you. Then why don't you lie down? I'm fine like this, thank you. Do you see a doctor? I don't need a doctor. Mother, leave her alone. Don't interfere, arieh. She's being so dramatic, as if she deserves the moon. So what? Moods. Melancholia. It just shows that her heart is still young. As if she's the only one having a hard time here! That the rest of us are living in luxury! Behold, I call heaven and earth today to bear witness that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. Therefore choose life, so that you and your descendants may live. Did you finish your homework? Fania? How did you sleep? Well, I finally slept well. The new pills must be working. I had so many dreams. One was about someone I hadn't thought about in years. In rovno, there was a rich fur trader who even got orders from Paris, because he had a rare type of fur, the silver fox. Furs that sparkled like frost in the moonlight. But one day... The merchant became a strict vegetarian. He left his home and built a small cabin in the woods, because he felt sorry for the thousands of foxes hunters had killed for his furs. And then he disappeared completely. When my sisters and i wanted to scare each other, the three of us lay on the carpet in the dark. And took turns telling... How the man who was once a rich furrier now roams naked through the forest. Maybe he has rabies? Maybe he howls bloodcurdling cries? But anyone who meets the fox-man in the forest at night... His hair instantly turns white in terror. Excuse me. What is that supposed to be? An allegory? An old-wives' tale? Sorry. Don't be late for school or work, boys. What's the matter with you? What's your problem? I'm sorry. It's all my fault. Today I decided to invite the two men in my life to lunch at a restaurant. Does dad know? We'll surprise him. Let's go to his office and drag him out like a moth from a book. Come. Today, you'll be my cavalier. What's a cavalier? A cavalier is a knight. Cheval is French for horse, and chevalier is a knight on horseback. Thank you. Arieh. Excuse me for a minute. What happened? Are my parents all right? Your parents? Is everyone all right? Yes, everyone is fine. We're surprising you. We're taking you out to lunch. Sure. Why not? Today I'm hosting, and I'd love if you ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Are you ready? Yes. Vegetable soup and chicken with mashed potatoes, please. The same for me, please. Fania? Fania? Just some white rice, please. And a cup of black coffee. Thank you. Fania? Fania? Fanitchka? Mummy, are you all right? She needs total rest. I'll take care of it. Thank you, doctor. These are the new pills. They'll help you sleep. Have some more water. I don't know how to help you. I'm not your responsibility. Fania, I don't know how to help you. Maybe I'll take you to Tel Aviv to be with your sisters and get some fresh air. Yes, fresh air. It's not reparations. They can't keep what they stole from us. And we need the money to absorb the survivors. What are you talking about? It's blood money. We can't sell them forgiveness. A few days in Tel Aviv and you'll be good as new. No wonder you're miserable. You live in Jerusalem. We're going to pamper you. All you have to do is rest. Fania, maybe you'll try some cake? I'm not hungry. You're not eating at all. You sound like mother. The change of scenery will do her good. She's from Jerusalem. She doesn't even know what a beach is. Summer here would be too much. It's true. That night, the ayalon river overflowed the banks and flooded part of Tel Aviv. My mother grew up in an ethereal culture of misted beauty whose wings were finally dashed on the harsh Jerusalem stone, hot and dusty. Twenty years after completing her studies in rovno, that romantic schoolgirl was confronted by daily life, the heat waves, poverty, and violence, diapers, migraines, ration lines, marriage. The promise of her childhood was trampled underfoot and ridiculed by the monotony of life itself. Perhaps when life failed to fill the promises of her youth, my mother began to envision death as a protective, soothing lover. My version of her story would have ended differently. But it was her story to tell. Is your father home? There's a call from Tel Aviv. It's urgent, please! A few years after my mother's death, I left my father and all of Jerusalem, changed my name, and went to kibbutz hulda on my own. My mother's dream, milk and honey, make the desert bloom, pioneer. Hello. Amos? Hello! You're taller than me! Can you hand me my suitcase, please? Thank you. Though I forced myself to learn how to drive a tractor... Lay irrigation hoses, hit the target with a Czech rifle, I still did not manage to transform myself. No one was taken in by my suntan. They all knew perfectly well, and I knew it myself, that even when my skin was bronzed, I would still be pale on the inside. This is my school now. The only way to keep a dream whole, hopeful and not disappointing, is to never try to live it out. A fulfilled dream is a disappointing dream. This disappointment is in the nature of dreams. Mother |
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