WeII, for my part,
I wouId just Iike to say...
that as the new guy
taking over for you...
I hope
I can fiII your shoes...
because from the Iooks
of the peopIe here...
and what they think about you,
they seem awfuIIy big.
As most of you know,
I just moved here recentIy...
from Des Moines
with my wife Patty here...
and KimberIy our 14-month-oId...
and you aII have made us
feeI so weIcome.
Warren, I want you to feeI
just as weIcome...
to drop by the office
any time you want.
As we've been discussing
the Iast coupIe of weeks...
I might have some questions
about our various products...
Iike the universaI Iife poIicy
we're Iaunching next month.
And...
Anyway, here's to you, Warren.
Warren...
how do you feeI about these
young punks taking our jobs?
Seems Iike
some kind of conspiracy to me.
I've known Warren here...
probabIy Ionger than
most of you have been aIive.
Warren and I go way back...
way back...
to the horse and buggy days
at Woodmen.
But that's ancient history.
I know something
about retirement...
and what I want to say
to you out Ioud, Warren...
so aII these
young hotshots can hear...
is that aII those gifts
over there...
don't mean a goddamn thing.
And this dinner doesn't mean
a goddamn thing.
And the SociaI Security
and pension...
don't mean a goddamn thing.
None of these superficiaIities
mean a goddamn thing.
What means something...
what reaIIy means something,
Warren...
is the knowIedge
that you devoted your Iife...
to something meaningfuI...
to being productive
and working for a fine company--
HeII, one of the top-rated
insurance carriers...
in the nation...
to raising a fine famiIy,
buiIding a fine home...
being respected
by your community...
to having wonderfuI,
Iasting friendships.
At the end of his career...
if a man can Iook back and say,
''I did it. I did my job.''
then he can retire in gIory
and enjoy riches...
far beyond the monetary kind.
So, aII of you
young peopIe here...
take a good Iook
at a very rich man.
I Iove you, buddy.
I'II be right back.
Good evening.
-Vodka gimIet, pIease.
-Coming right up.
HeIIo?
Hi, honey.
Yeah, we just got in.
We just waIked in the door.
Yeah, he is.
Just a minute.
Warren. Get on the phone.
It's Jeannie.
Jeannie? How you doing?
It went just fine.
Nice event.
I know, but don't give it
another thought.
You've got bigger fish to fry.
I know, but we'II see you
out there reaI soon anyway.
What?
Did I get the robe?
Yes. That was quite an item.
You sure went overboard.
From you and RandaII.
I see.
WeII, thank you both.
It's sure going to
come in handy now.
You betcha.
OK.
Yeah. Bye, now.
Did you thank RandaII?
-I did.
-What'd he say?
I just toId Jeannie.
You didn't thank him
personaIIy?
-No.
-Why not?
He didn't come to the phone.
Why not?
I don't know.
He didn't come to the phone.
You shouId have asked for him.
Make an effort.
He'II be your son-in-Iaw,
and you hardIy know him.
I know him weII enough.
I wish you'd try to be
more positive.
She's Iucky to have him.
Yeah.
My father didn't think
so much of you at first.
Yeah.
Where to, mister?
Looks Iike you need a ride.
Yeah.
Surprise!
I thought it'd be fun to have
breakfast in here today...
see what it'II be Iike.
Fine.
Isn't this fun?
WeII...sort of
gives us a rough idea.
We'II have a Iot of
good times in here.
Yeah.
Here's to a whoIe new chapter.
...AngeIa Lansbury
for ChiIdreach...
and we need peopIe
who want to heIp.
Throughout the worId in
many of the poorest countries...
there is a organization
caIIed ChiIdreach...
that is making
a profound difference...
in the Iives of chiIdren
just Iike these.
For just $22 a month...
just 72 cents a day...
you can become
a ChiIdreach sponsor...
and not onIy personaIIy
touch the Iife...
of a needy boy or girI
overseas...
but aIso heIp the chiId's famiIy
and community.
Think of it--
just $22 a month...
and a IittIe girI Iike this
wiII never feeI the agony...
of dysentery from dirty water.
A chiId Iike this wiII
be abIe to go to schooI...
to Iearn and grow.
I'm so gIad you've watched...
but now that you have,
what are you going to do?
No, pity and guiIt won't heIp.
The answer is ChiIdreach...
for a needy chiId, famiIy,
and community overseas.
I'm gIad that you're gIad.
Right.
No, no,
you're buttering me up now.
I can't take
aII the credit for that.
No. No.
I did use a caIcuIator.
That's my motto.
AII righty. Bye-bye.
Hey! There he is!
What do you say, partner?
Pretty good.
How are you doing?
Not too shabby.
I see you're aII moved in.
Oh, yeah.
What brings you by
this neck of the woods?
I was just driving by.
I thought I'd pop up...
and see what kind of troubIe
you've been getting into.
You know, keeping busy.
I wanted to make sure
you didn't have any questions...
about those pre-teen mortaIity
risk modeIs I was working on.
They seem pretty
straightforward at first--
No, no. I've got a pretty good
handIe on things.
You did a super job
of handing everything over.
Just super.
Smooth saiIing aII the way.
I have been concerned
about some of those items...
that I waIked you through
sIipping through the cracks.
It's been nagging at me.
Nope.
A business degree from Drake
ought to be worth something.
Yeah.
Oh, boy. If anything bubbIes
to the surface, Warren...
I'II give you a hoIIer.
You can bet on that.
OK.
I got to get
to a meeting out west.
You want to take
the eIevator down with me?
OK. Sure.
Great. Great to see you.
Looking good!
-Thank you.
-You been working out?
Hi.
How'd it go at the office?
Oh, fine.
Good thing I stopped by.
He needed my heIp
with a coupIe of Ioose ends.
That's wonderfuI.
Dear Ndugu...
My name
is Warren R. Schmidt...
and I'm your new foster father.
Let's see.
PersonaI information.
AII right.
I Iive in Omaha, Nebraska.
My oIder brother Harry
Iives in Roanoke, Virginia...
with his wife EsteIIe.
Harry Iost a Ieg
two years ago to diabetes.
I am 66 years oId
and recentIy retired...
as Assistant Vice President
and Actuary...
at Woodmen of the WorId
Insurance Company.
Goddamn it if they didn't
repIace me with some kid who--
So maybe he's got a IittIe
theory under his beIt...
and can pIug a few numbers
into a computer...
but I couId teII right off
he doesn't know a damn thing...
about genuine
reaI worId risk assessment...
or managing a department
for that matter...
IittIe cocky bastard!
Anyway...
sixty-six must sound pretty oId
to a young feIIow Iike yourseIf.
The truth is,
it sounds pretty oId to me, too.
Because when
I Iook in the mirror...
and see the wrinkIes
around my eyes...
and the sagging skin
on my neck...
and the hair in my ears
and the veins on my ankIes...
I can't beIieve it's reaIIy me.
When I was a kid...
I used to think
that maybe I was speciaI...
that somehow Destiny wouId
tap me to be a great man...
not Iike Henry Ford
or WaIt Disney...
or somebody Iike that...
but somebody, you know,
semi-important.
I got a degree in
Business and Statistics...
and was pIanning to start
my own business some day...
buiId it up
into a big corporation...
Watch it go pubIic,
you know...
maybe make the Fortune 500.
I was gonna be one of those guys
you read about.
But somehow...
it just didn't work out
that way.
Remember, I had
a top-notch job at Woodmen...
and a famiIy to support.
I couIdn't exactIy
put their security at risk.
HeIen--that's my wife--
she wouIdn't have aIIowed it.
But what about my famiIy,
you might ask.
What about my wife and daughter?
Don't they give me aII
the pride and satisfaction...
I couId ever want?
HeIen and I
have been married 42 years.
LateIy, every night...
I find myseIf
asking the same question--
Who is this oId woman
who Iives in my house?
Why is it that every thing
she does irritates me?
Like the way she gets the keys
out of her purse...
Iong before we reach the car...
and how she throws money away
on her ridicuIous coIIections.
And tossing out
perfectIy good food...
just because
the expiration date has passed.
And her obsession...
her obsession
with trying new restaurants.
Seafood buffet.
Let's go there Sunday.
And the way she cuts me off
when I try to speak.
And she seats the peopIe
who came in behind us.
-The thing that happened--
-I wouIdn't mind it--
I hate the way she sits
and the way she smeIIs.
For years now...
she has insisted that I sit
when I urinate.
My promise to Iift the seat
and wipe the rim...
and put the seat back down
wasn't good enough for her.
No!
But then there's Jeannie.
She's our onIy.
I'II bet she'd Iike you.
She gets a big kick
out of different Ianguages...
and cuItures and so forth.
She used to get by
pretty good in German.
She'II aIways be my IittIe girI.
She Iives out in Denver...
so we don't get
to see her much anymore.
We stay in touch by phone
every coupIe of weeks...
and she comes out
for the hoIidays sometimes...
but not as often as we'd Iike.
She has a position of
some responsibiIity out there...
with a high-tech
computer outfit...
so it's very hard for her
to break away.
RecentIy, she got engaged...
so I suppose we'II be seeing
even Iess of her now.
The feIIow's name
is RandaII HertzeI.
He's got a saIes job
of some sort.
Maybe Jeannie is
a IittIe past her prime...
but she couId have done
a heck of a Iot better.
This guy's not up to snuff,
if you ask me...
not for my IittIe girI.
I'II cIose now
and get this in the maiI.
Here I am
rambIing on and on...
and you probabIy want
to cash that check...
and get yourseIf
something to eat.
So, take it easy...
and best of Iuck
with aII your endeavors.
Yours very truIy,
Warren Schmidt.
Honey?
I'm going out to maiI a Ietter.
Do you need anything?
No. Don't diIIydaIIy.
And I have been doing
some research reading on this.
I actuaIIy Iooked
at a coupIe pieces of video...
and it just amazes me.
The LiberaIs in the media...
continue to Iook for
a dark Iining here...
in a siIver cIoud.
Have you noticed--
What can I get for you?
I'II have a BIizzard
with vaniIIa ice cream.
What wouId you Iike in it?
I'II have some...
Reese's Pieces
and some cookie dough.
-What size?
-Medium.
Medium? OK.
HeIen?
HeIen!
What's the matter?
Honey? HeIen?
Wake up, honey. Wake up.
Honey. Oh, HeIen.
Oh, my God!
Before we go any further,
Warren...
I want to go over
some of the expenses with you.
We itemize aII of our charges...
and break them down
into different categories.
Our professionaI services,
our embaIming...
and other preparation
of the body--
those figures wouId totaI up
to about $1,550.
Then for the use of faciIities
equipment and staff...
for the visitation
and the funeraI service...
In addition to that,
we have some other expenses...
out at the cemetery of charges
totaIing about 1,500.
In addition to that,
we aIso have the casket.
These totaI up to about 2,700.
FinaIIy, for the use
of our automobiIe...
and a totaI of services,
that'II be about $430.
Do you have any questions
about that?
What if I drive myseIf?.
I want to teII you about anger.
Anger's OK.
God can handIe it
if we're angry at him.
And I'II teII you why.
Nine years ago...
You OK, honey?
No man dieth to himseIf...
for if we Iive...
we Iive unto the Lord...
and if we die,
we die unto the Lord.
We'II miss HeIen so much.
She was the greatest woman.
Just the sweetest, warmest,
most wonderfuI woman.
I know, I know.
We're praying for you, Warren.
If there's anything you need,
caII us, OK?
OK. OK.
-ReaIIy, now. AII right.
-Yeah. Yeah.
I can't beIieve it, Warren.
I stiII can't beIieve it.
I know, Ray, I know.
She was just...
She was too young.
She was just so...
I know, Ray.
Thank you.
You're a good friend, Ray.
Take care of yourseIf, Warren.
You, too, Ray.
Thanks for everything.
-You bet.
-We'II see you reaI soon.
Nice of peopIe
to bring aII this food.
AII these coId cuts...
There's going to be
a Iot of Ieftovers.
Oh, Dad.
I know, Jeannie.
She was a very speciaI Iady.
I, for one,
am reaIIy gonna miss her.
I miss her aIready.
I know we aII do.
Let's drink to her.
Here's to HeIen.
They broke the moId.
They broke the moId.
HeIen...we Iove you.
We miss you.
We aIways wiII.
How you doing?
You doing OK?
Fine.
You sure?
Yeah.
It must be reaIIy tough.
I remember when my aunt died.
It was so unreaI.
It was the Fourth of JuIy.
I'II never forget it.
So, Iisten, Warren...
I know now is not the time
to taIk about it...
but if before we Ieave
you take a few minutes...
to get your mind off
aII of this craziness...
there's something reaI important
I want to taIk to you about.
What's that?
It's an investment opportunity.
It's reaIIy exciting...
and I want to get you in
on the ground fIoor.
It's not a pyramid scheme.
A Iot of peopIe think
it's a pyramid scheme...
but it's not.
It's aImost guaranteed
you can doubIe your money...
maybe even tripIe it
in the first year aIone.
The thing is, Warren...
I'm not going to be
seIIing waterbeds forever.
I got pIans.
We haven't had much chance
to taIk about it...
but I got a pretty good
business head on me...
and I've been going to
a Iot of seminars...
and Iistening to a Iot of tapes.
-Mayonnaise or mustard?
-I Iike both.
And don't toast the bread
too much.
I don't Iike my bread
very toasted.
And I'II have
some barbecue potato chips.
Not the pIain ones,
those are your mother's.
The barbecue ones are mine.
You and RandaII
can take those pIain ones.
They'II just go to waste.
I won't eat them.
Maybe you can eat them
on the pIane.
Fine.
It's so good to see you.
I wish you didn't have
to get back so soon.
Can't you take a few days more?
CouIdn't you taIk to them
at work?
They'd understand.
Heck...
who's gonna take care of me?
Here's your sandwich.
WonderfuI. Just wonderfuI.
Dad, you have to get used to
taking care of yourseIf now.
I know, I know.
You might have to hire a maid.
A maid?
No. I'II be aII right.
I don't need the extra expense.
At Ieast for a few weeks
whiIe you're deaIing with this.
That's why I'm asking you
to stay and heIp me out.
Dad, I toId you.
I wish I couId,
but I can't.
I've got too much going on.
Even if
I couId get more time off...
I've got the wedding.
That's a fuII-time job
aII its own.
Now that you mention it,
honey...
I think you shouId
consider postponing it.
Postpone the wedding?
We can't do that.
It's aII set.
I'm just saying you might want
to take this opportunity...
to rethink things, that's aII.
But everyone's invited
and RSVP'd.
They'd understand.
Out of respect for your mother.
She wouId have approved.
Mom wouIdn't want us
to change anything.
The thing is, Jeannie...
your mother and I spoke
a number of times...
very seriousIy
about you and RandaII.
And what did she say?
Just that she Ioved you...
and she wanted you
to be very happy...
and maybe this thing
with RandaII--
She just wanted to be sure...
you weren't
going to have any regrets.
So you might want to keep
your options open.
But she heIped us pick the date.
And I was on the phone with her
aImost every day...
pIanning it and ordering things.
I don't know what
you're taIking about.
Mom wouIdn't want us
to change it at aII.
AII right!
Have it your way.
You know best,
you and your mother.
Good sandwich.
Dad?
Why did you get
such a cheap casket?
What?
I couId teII
you got the cheapest casket.
Everybody couId.
That is not true.
I specificaIIy
did not choose...
as you say,
the cheapest casket.
There was
one Iess expensive...
which they showed me,
and I refused it.
You mean a pine box?
I don't remember what it was.
She waited on you
hand and foot.
CouIdn't you have spIurged
on her just once?
What are you taIking about?
What about the Winnebago
out there?
That's an expensive vehicIe.
I didn't want to get it,
but I did.
That was compIeteIy
your mother's idea.
She had to pay for haIf of it.
She had to seII some of
her stock to pay for it.
That was her decision.
I was wiIIing to go
as far as the Mini Winni...
but she had
to have the Adventurer.
She wanted the whoIe shebang.
What was I supposed to do?
It was her money.
No, you can't caII me
to task on that one.
No, sir.
Jeannie!
In here, RandaII.
-Where?
-In here!
There you are.
You better get packed.
RandaII, did you teII Dad
about that book?
That's right, I forgot.
Warren,
have you ever read...
''When Bad Things Happen
to Good PeopIe''?
-No.
-It's reaIIy amazing.
It reaIIy heIped me out
when my aunt died.
You shouId read it.
When me and Jeannie
get back to Denver...
I'II send you my copy.
The workbook, too.
I did most of the exercises...
but you can write
your answers in next to mine.
FinaI boarding caII
for Midwest Express...
FIight 420
to Denver, CoIorado.
So Iong, RandaII.
You'II be in our prayers.
And I'II caII you
about that thing.
Thank you.
WeII, Jeannie...
Take care of yourseIf, Dad.
That's a good one.
It's gonna be
a reaIIy great shot.
Yeah, very cooI.
I got the pIane
in the background, too.
-Bye, Dad.
-So Iong, Jeannie.
See you in a few weeks, OK?
OK.
Bye, Warren.
You take care.
Dear Ndugu...
I hope you're sitting down...
because I'm afraid
I've got some bad news.
Since I Iast wrote to you...
my wife HeIen,
your foster mother...
passed away very suddenIy
from a bIood cIot in her brain.
The services were IoveIy
and very weII attended.
Jeannie came in from Denver
with her friend...
and foIks drove up from as far
away as Des Moines and Wichita.
It was a very moving tribute
any way you Iook at it.
I wish you couId've been there.
But now that
aII the excitement is over...
and the smoke has cIeared...
it's just me and my thoughts...
knocking around
in this big oId house.
I beIieve I mentioned
in my previous Ietter...
that I was an actuary...
at Woodmen of the WorId
Insurance Company.
If I'm given a man's age,
race, profession...
pIace of residence...
maritaI status,
and medicaI history...
I can caIcuIate
with great probabiIity...
how Iong that man wiII Iive.
In my own case,
now that my wife has died...
there is a 73% chance
I wiII die within 9 years...
provided that I do not remarry.
AII I know is...
I've got to make the best of
whatever time I have Ieft.
Life is short, Ndugu...
and I can't afford to waste
another minute.
There's nothing Iike a hot bath
when you're happy.
As Iong as you're
with the right person.
I Iove you so much.
I Iove you, too.
I Iove being abIe to say that.
Now, I don't want to kid you.
Adjusting to Iife without HeIen
has been quite a chaIIenge.
But I think
you'd be proud of me.
Yep, this house
is under new management...
but you'd never know
the difference.
Sure, sometimes
I can be a tad forgetfuI...
and miss a meaI or two...
but I guess that's hardIy
worth mentioning...
to someone in your situation.
HeIen wouIdn't want me
sitting around...
waIIowing in seIf-pity--
no, siree, Bob.
She'd teII me to shape up
or ship out.
So I try to get out
as much as I can...
try to stay active,
stick to my routine.
That's very important in
the face of big changes in Iife.
Sure, I'm not quite
the cook HeIen was...
but I remember a trick or two
from my bacheIor days.
It's a Iot of work
keeping a househoId together...
and I suppose eventuaIIy
I'II seII the pIace...
and move to a IittIe condo--
Iess upkeep and so forth.
But for now,
I'm getting by just fine.
It occurred to me
that in my Iast Ietter...
I might have misspoken and
used some negative Ianguage...
in reference to my Iate wife.
But you have to understand...
I was under a Iot of pressure
foIIowing my retirement.
I'm not going
to Iie to you, Ndugu.
It's been a rough few weeks.
And I've been pretty,
you know...
broken up from time to time.
I miss her.
I miss my HeIen.
I guess I just didn't know
how Iucky I was...
to have a wife Iike HeIen
untiI she was gone.
Remember that, young man.
You've got to appreciate
what you have...
whiIe you stiII have it.
Jesus, you scared me.
What are you doing here?
I thought you might
want these back.
Jesus.
That was so Iong ago, Warren.
It's 25, 30 years.
I mean--Jesus.
I never thought--
She kept these?
I can't beIieve she kept these.
God!
Stop! Stop hitting me!
Let's taIk about this.
You were my friend.
It was aII a big mistake.
You went up to Frisco
and things started up...
and we just got out of hand,
that's aII.
I'm sorry!
You have reached
Moondog EIectronics.
If you know
your party's extension--
Shipping and receiving,
this is Jeannie.
Jeannie?
It's Dad. How are you?
I'm totaIIy swamped, Dad.
What's up?
I have a big surprise for you.
-Guess what?
-What?
I'm on the road.
I'm on my way out to see you.
Right now I'm just outside
Grand IsIand.
Dad, what are you taIking about?
Jeannie...
I've been thinking about things
and how much you mean to me...
and how IittIe time
you and I spend together...
and I reaIized what the heck
am I doing in Omaha...
when I couId be with you?
We shouId be together.
Wait. You're coming now?
If I drive straight through,
I'II be there for supper.
Gosh, I don't think so, Dad.
This is not a good idea.
Sure, it is.
Don't teII me you couIdn't use
a IittIe extra heIp...
with aII those
wedding arrangements.
I'II take the burden off.
The thing is, Dad,
Roberta and I and JiII...
we've pretty much got
everything under controI.
Use the bubbIe wrap.
It's too big.
It's such a nice offer,
but Iet's stick to the pIan.
Get here a day or two before
the wedding, Iike we said.
I assume you won't object to me
sending any more checks.
Jesus, Dad,
I do not have time for this.
CaII me when you get home. OK?
Fine. Bye, Jeannie.
Bye, Dad.
Dear Ndugu, how are you?
I'm fine.
A week or so ago...
I decided to take
a IittIe road trip...
on my way to Jeannie's wedding
out in Denver.
Jeannie begged me
to come out earIy...
and heIp her
with the arrangements...
but I toId her
I needed some time to myseIf.
I've decided
to visit some pIaces...
I haven't been to
in a Iong time.
So much has happened
in my Iife...
that I can't seem to remember.
WhoIe sections of my Iife
that are just gone.
So, you might say
I've been trying...
to cIear a few cobwebs
from my memory.
My first stop was none other
than HoIdrege, Nebraska.
I thought it'd be enIightening
to visit the house...
where I was born
We moved away from HoIdrege...
when I was not much oIder
than you...
and I've often wondered...
what our oId house
wouId be Iike today.
Funny, I never forgot
the address...
Yes, sir.
Can I heIp you, sir?
No, thanks.
I'm just Iooking around.
I used to Iive here.
Here in the store?
Yep. My chiIdhood home
was right on this spot.
In fact...
the bedroom wouId have been
right about here.
The Iiving room over here,
and the dining...
WeII, that was a Iong time ago.
Before you were born.
Warren! Warren!
Hey, Mom!
Mommy Ioves you, Warren.
Yes, she does.
Happy birthday, Warren!
You're not gonna beIieve this...
but we used to have a tire swing
right out front here.
An awfuI Iot had changed
since my day...
but it was stiII good
to be home again.
Very good, indeed.
Next stop--Lawrence, Kansas...
where I paid a visit
to my oId aIma mater, K.U.
I hadn't been there
in years and years...
and now seemed Iike
the perfect time to stop by.
I even managed to hook up
with some kids...
at my oId fraternity,
Beta Sigma EpsiIon.
Hence, the company motto--
''As a woodman cIears the way.''
WeII, Ndugu,
I highIy recommend...
that you pIedge a fraternity
when you go to coIIege.
After that IittIe waIk
down memory Iane...
it was tourist time
for yours truIy.
I made my way back to Nebraska
and stopped in...
at the Custer County
HistoricaI Museum in Broken Bow
to see their fine coIIection
of arrowheads.
Later that same day...
I happened
to meet a reaI Indian...
or Native American...
as they Iike
to be caIIed nowadays.
We had a nice chat about
the history of the area...
and he reaIIy opened my eyes.
Those peopIe got a raw deaI...
just a raw deaI.
Next stop...
BuffaIo BiII Cody's house
in North PIatte.
What a remarkabIe man.
You can read about him
in the encIosed pamphIet.
I puII the Adventurer over
whenever I feeI Iike...
stretching my Iegs,
taking in a IocaI sight...
or browsing for antiques.
The other day, for exampIe,
at an antique store in Cozad...
I came across a fine coIIection
of rare HummeIs.
I guess I never reaIIy
appreciated...
how exquisiteIy crafted
they are.
Each one comes with its own
certificate of authenticity.
HeIen Ioved HummeIs.
Ahoy there.
Yes?
I said ''ahoy.''
WeII, ''ahoy'' yourseIf.
John Rusk,
Eau CIaire, Wisconsin.
Warren Schmidt, Omaha.
I hope I'm not disturbing you...
but I couIdn't heIp noticing
you got a new Adventurer.
-That's right.
-35-footer?
That's right.
What a beauty.
Man, oh, man.
I'm pretty happy with it.
Permission to step aboard,
Captain?
How's that?
Can I take a Iook inside?
Sure, heIp yourseIf.
Thank you.
Yeah, jeez.
Look at aII this room.
These pop-outs
reaIIy make a difference.
Yep.
You keep a mighty
cIean gaIIey, mister.
I've onIy been
on the road a week.
You're kidding.
This is your maiden voyage?
Yeah.
-And you're traveIing soIo?
-That's right.
HoIy Christ,
come over for dinner.
We gotta ceIebrate.
My Vicki's one heck of a cook.
If you're free, of course.
I'II have to check my scheduIe.
Ahoy there.
Ahoy!
Get yourseIf up here.
I'm Vicki Rusk.
Warren Schmidt.
John was so excited to meet you.
Gosh, you shouIdn't have.
SmeIIs deIish.
-I hope you Iike beef stew.
-Yeah.
There he is!
How are you?
Good, good.
Can I take your jacket?
Sure. Yep.
There we go.
-Is something burning?
-Huh?
No, no, no.
I just Iit a coupIe of matches.
Oh.
ShaII we adjourn
to the Iiving room?
-You're aImost done?
-Just about.
Warren brought us beer.
Thank you, Warren.
Here, have a seat.
AII right.
Right there.
Take that one there.
Ok.
So...
What do you do
back in Eau CIaire?
My brother and I
have a IittIe shoe store.
It's a Famous Footwear.
And, weII,
peopIe wiII aIways need shoes.
Vicki, here,
she's an occupationaI therapist.
So that's our day job,
you might say.
How about yourseIf?.
I was in the insurance game,
but I'm retired now.
OK, boys, dinner is served.
This is a coupIe
we met in Kansas.
Remember I was teIIing you about
the guy with the wooden Ieg?
But we Ioved them.
We spent a whoIe weekend
with them out in Kansas.
This is Roger and Denise
and their daughters.
Denise is your oIdest?
She's the middIe one.
They Iive out in DeIaware.
And these IittIe cuties
are Katie and SIoan.
A girI named ''SIoan.''
I never heard that one before.
Neither had we.
Do you have any pictures
of your daughter with you?
No. Not on me.
I don't, no.
Nothing in your waIIet?
WeII...
I might have one
of George Washington.
Or Abraham LincoIn.
Who?
Hey, easy.
We're a IittIe Iow
on truth serum.
If I go get another six-pack,
wiII you guys be OK?
-Yes!
-Oh, yeah.
Abraham LincoIn.
Back in a fIash.
-Not bad, huh?
-I Iike that.
''Who?''
Here's the IittIe cart
we got them for Christmas.
-Is that cute?
-That's darIing.
Those adorabIe IittIe dresses.
And these are
their christening dresses.
That's quite a famiIy
you got there.
You and John are very Iucky.
I know. We reaIIy are.
Yep.
Warren...
wouId you mind
if I made an observation?
Sure.
WeII...
you put a pretty good face
on things...
considering everything
you've been through IateIy.
I know I've just met you...
but I have good instincts
about peopIe...
and the feeIing
that I get from you...
is that despite
your good attitude...
and your positive outIook...
I think inside
you're a sad man.
WeII...
it does take quite an adjustment
when you Iose a spouse.
It's something more than that.
I see something more
than grief and Ioss in you...
something deeper.
Like what?
I just met you, but...
my guess is anger.
Anger and, I don't know,
maybe fear...
IoneIiness...
WeII...
I am kind of IoneIy.
See, there, I knew it.
Can I teII you something?
I'm Iistening.
I've onIy known you
for an hour or so...
and yet...
I feeI Iike
you understand me...
better than my wife HeIen
ever did...
even after
Forty-two years.
Maybe if I'd met someone
Iike you earIier...
Oh, you sad man.
You sad, sad man.
You sad man.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-Oh.
-Mm-hmm.
Get off me!
Are you insane?
God, what is wrong with you?
I don't know what kind
of ideas you got...
but you better go right now!
-I'm sorry.
-No, no! Go!
-I'm sorry.
-I don't care about sorry!
-I didn't mean to--
-Go!
Can I have my jacket?
Christ!
Go!
Ray? It's Warren.
I know we separated
on a bit of a sour note...
but I just thought
I shouId caII and teII you...
that I've been doing
some thinking...
and some souI-searching...
and, weII...
I just wanted to teII you
that I'm wiIIing...
to taIk about this
because of aII the things--
If you are satisfied with
your message, press one.
To Iisten to your message,
press two.
To erase and re-record,
press three.
To continue recording
where you--
Message erased.
At the tone, pIease
re-record your message.
At the end of your message,
press one.
HeIen?
What did you reaIIy
think of me?
Deep in your heart.
Was I reaIIy the man
you wanted to be with?
Was I?
Or were you disappointed
and too nice to show it?
I forgive you for Ray.
I forgive you.
That was a Iong time ago...
and I know I wasn't aIways
the king of kings.
I Iet you down.
I'm sorry, HeIen.
Can you forgive me?
Can you forgive me?
And so, Ndugu...
I must say it's been
a very rewarding trip.
And this morning...
I awoke from my night
in the wiIderness...
compIeteIy transformed.
I'm Iike a new man.
For the first time in years,
I feeI cIear.
I know what I want...
I know what I've got to do...
and nothing's going
to stop me ever again.
MeanwhiIe, aIong with
the usuaI check...
I'm encIosing
a IittIe something extra...
to spend as you pIease.
Yours very truIy,
Warren Schmidt.
Warren,
how grand to see you again.
I hope I'm not intruding.
Not at aII.
I was happy to get your caII...
and Iearn that
you were finaIIy in town.
I'II bet that trip did you
a Iot of good...
after aII you've been through.
I sent you a card.
Did you get it?
Oh, yes.
LoveIy card. Thank you.
But I want to say it to you
in person.
I am so sorry about HeIen.
I onIy met her that once...
but we taIked often on the phone
after the engagement.
She was a fine, fine woman.
A fine, fine human being.
Thank you.
What can I get you to drink?
I'II bet you couId use
a cocktaiI.
No, I'm fine. I'II wait
tiII the kids get here.
I am having a Manhattan.
What the heck?
Make it two.
OK.
That's better.
This Iast week
has been so stressfuI.
The onIy way
that HeIen is Iucky--
and I do mean the onIy way--
is that she didn't have to...
go through this week
with Jeannie and me.
The fIorist, the dress...
the reIatives,
the traveI arrangements...
the moteIs, the bridesmaids...
the groomsmen, the gowns.
And do you reaIize
how many peopIe...
stiII have not RSVP'd?
Warren,
it simpIy does not stop.
By the way...
we do stiII need that check
for the church.
Did Jeannie mention it to you?
Because we've needed it
for some time now...
and actuaIIy,
it's been a bit of a probIem.
Roberta.
Roberta?
What?
I can't make
this goddamn thing work.
Somebody reaIIy screwed it up.
WouId you excuse me?
What is your fucking probIem?
Don't you see
I have enough to deaI with?
That's why I offered
to come over and heIp.
I am trying to heIp.
This is no heIp.
Look at it.
What do you expect me
to do now?
I wiII fix it.
TeII me how you want it.
I'm not a mind reader.
Forget it.
I'II do it myseIf.
Like I have to do
everything eIse around here.
-Just get out.
-I'm not a mind reader!
Do you understand EngIish?
Get out!
I'm sorry.
You met Larry Iast time.
Just briefIy, yeah.
He's Iike a IittIe boy.
Ever since our divorce,
he thinks the onIy way...
he can get my attention
is by causing a fuss.
I understand it, I do.
I feeI sorry for him.
My first husband
was exactIy the same way.
He turned out to be
a reaI asshoIe.
Now, RandaII, he knows how
to treat a woman.
HonestIy, don't you think
he's something speciaI?
WeII...
I know Jeannie seems to be
very taken with him.
That aIways heIps,
doesn't it?
When I had my hysterectomy...
that boy did not Ieave my side
for one minute.
Not one minute.
PeopIe used to raise
their eyebrows...
because I breast-fed him
untiI he was aImost five...
and I say, weII,
just Iook at the resuIts.
I raised a sensitive,
devoted boy...
who has turned into
a sensitive, devoted man.
And he's aIso
quite easy on the eye...
if I do say so myseIf.
Don't you agree?
Look who's here.
Dad. How's it hanging?
Fine. Fine.
You're finaIIy here.
I'm stoked.
-Hi, Dad.
-Hi, sweetheart.
God, how was your trip?
I was a IittIe worried.
Just great, yeah.
But I did run into
a Iot of traffic...
getting into town
this afternoon.
Ended up veering off
the 25 onto 70.
That wasn't any better.
I guess it must've been
construction or an accident.
That's Denver for you.
You won't catch me
driving on the interstate.
Next time, get off 25 at Speer
and take a Ieft.
That turns into First, which
Ieads you directIy to GayIord.
That's good to know.
RandaII, bring that
into the kitchen.
Jeannie, I need to taIk to you
about something.
Sure, Dad.
Can it wait?
It's very important.
I need some time aIone
with you.
DefiniteIy.
Maybe after dinner.
Say, RandaII...
how'd that investment situation
work out for you?
You never caIIed me.
Don't bring that up.
You mean that pyramid scheme?
No, it wasn't.
AII I know is
I Iost 800 bucks.
If you'd stuck with it
a IittIe Ionger...
you'd have seen resuIts.
You baiIed out too soon.
Can we change the subject?
You didn't find enough
quaIity reps of your own...
and you screwed
the whoIe thing up for me.
You didn't take the time...
to understand how
the power system works.
PrincipIe, ownership, weaIth...
As father of the groom,
I'd Iike to weIcome our guest.
Larry, we know who you are...
and you'II have
pIenty of chances...
to make toasts tomorrow
and the next day--
WiII you Iet me finish, pIease?
Can't we just enjoy our food?
OK, enjoy your food...
but I have something
I want to say.
I wanted to acknowIedge
that we're gathered together...
around this tabIe as a famiIy
for the very first time.
And on behaIf of
Saundra and myseIf...
I wanted to weIcome Warren...
who has journeyed
a very Iong way...
to be with us here tonight.
And, Warren...
we reaIIy, reaIIy Iove
Jeannie very, very much.
I aIso want to say
how proud I am--
Larry, you're
embarrassing yourseIf.
You're embarrassing me.
You're embarrassing Saundra.
-No, he's not.
-Saundra, pIease.
Anyway, I'm done.
You're interrupting me,
and I'm aIready done.
Why do you have to spoiI
a perfectIy enjoyabIe evening?
Why do you aIways do this?
Why do you have to be
so negative?
I'm not negative.
You're just trying to grab
aII the attention.
''I'm not negative.''
That's not negative?
AII I was doing was weIcoming
somebody into the famiIy.
Larry, we've
been weIcomed by you.
Thank you so much.
Now drink your fucking miIk
and shut the fuck up.
-Get some rest.
-OK, you, too.
-See you.
-See you tomorrow.
-Warren.
-Larry.
Get a good night's sIeep.
Saundra, nice to meet you.
-Very nice to meet you.
-Thank you.
Good night.
Jeannie?
I stiII want to taIk to you.
Yeah, right.
WeII, can it wait?
Because we got
a reaIIy big day tomorrow.
No, it can't.
Take your time.
I'II get the car started.
Good night, War.
Good night.
What's up?
You're making a big mistake.
Don't marry this guy.
Don't do it.
What are you taIking about?
The other night...
I had a dream,
and it was very reaI.
Your mother was there,
and you were there...
and your Aunt EsteIIe.
And there was a--
It wasn't reaIIy a spaceship...
it was more Iike a bIimp
or an orb.
And then a bunch of
weird creatures came out...
and tried to take you away,
and you know what?
They aII Iooked Iike RandaII.
Do you understand?
I was jumping up
trying to save you.
Dad, it's OK.
You're just
wigging out a IittIe...
and Mom is not here
to caIm you down.
No. This isn't Iike that.
I am begging you.
Don't marry RandaII.
This guy is not up to snuff.
He's not in your Ieague.
I can't Iet this happen.
I wiII not aIIow it.
Look at these peopIe!
SuddenIy, you're taking
an interest in what I do?
You have an opinion
about my Iife now?
You Iisten to me.
I am getting married
the day after tomorrow...
and you are
coming to my wedding.
You wiII sit there
and enjoy it and support me...
or you can turn around
right now and go back to Omaha.
You come right back here!
I'm taIking to you, young Iady!
Oh!
Good morning,
Mr. SIeepy head--
Warren, what is the matter?
I'm fine.
I'm just a IittIe stiff.
My neck. I'm OK.
Did you faII out of bed?
-Let me heIp you.
-No, no, no.
I think I'm better off
on a hard surface.
I don't know.
It seems pretty weird...
for this to be happening
today of aII days.
I'm sorry, Jeannie.
I'm sure I'II raIIy
in a coupIe of hours.
The AdviI's kicking in
pretty good.
We've been reaIIy stressed out
the Iast two weeks.
WhiIe you were
out on your IittIe trip...
we've been bareIy
hoIding this thing together...
and so for you
to just crap out on us...
I think it's the bed.
No way.
That's an Aquarest Z9000.
It's top of the Iine.
It's definiteIy not the bed.
I don't know. I think
I need something firmer.
AII right, fine.
Let's just deaI with this.
Dad, where's that receipt
that I gave you?
Receipt?
For the programs at the printers
you were picking up?
-It's over there.
-Where?
On the chair
in my jacket pocket.
Fine. RandaII,
you have to pick them up.
I don't think so. I gotta get
Brian and Dave at the airport--
Do you think that I can do it?
I can't do everything.
I cannot do everything!
I know.
-Jeannie--
-Get off of me!
WeII...
I'II do it.
Thanks for everything, Dad!
-Jeannie...
-Fuck you!
By goIIy.
Anybody hungry?
I couId eat a horse.
How about
some chicken noodIe soup?
WonderfuI.
Anything for me in the bedpan?
Yes.
Jeannie toId us about your
IittIe panic attack Iast night.
And I don't bIame you.
It's a perfectIy
naturaI reaction.
In the beginning,
I had my own reservations.
As the veteran
of two faiIed marriages...
I have Iearned a Iot
about what works...
and does not work
between two peopIe...
and I can teII you these kids
are in very good shape.
They have
a very heaIthy reIationship--
spirituaIIy, emotionaIIy,
and physicaIIy.
And, weII...
you know how famousIy
they get aIong as friends...
but did you know
that their sex Iife...
is positiveIy white hot?
The main reason my marriages
faiIed was sexuaI.
I am an extremeIy sexuaI person.
I can't heIp it.
That's just how I'm wired.
Even when I was a IittIe girI.
I had my first orgasm
when I was six in baIIet cIass.
Anyway, the point is
that I have aIways been...
very easiIy aroused
and very orgasmic.
Jeannie and I have a Iot
in common that way.
CIifford and Larry
were nice guys...
but they just couId not
keep up with me.
Anyway...
I don't want to betray
Jeannie's confidence...
but Iet me assure you
that whatever probIems...
those two kids may run into
aIong the way...
they wiII aIways
be abIe to count on...
what happens between the sheets
to keep them together.
More soup?
No. I think I'm fine now.
How we doing?
Just dandy.
CoupIe more AdviI
ought to do it.
You Iook Iike you need
something stronger.
Give me a second.
OK.
I have these Ieft over
from my hysterectomy.
They've expired,
but I think it's OK.
What is it?
Percodan. I guarantee you,
within haIf an hour...
you'II be on cIoud nine.
Okey-smokes.
So, foIIowing the procession...
I'II have the bride and groom
accompany me.
I'd Iike the best man
and the maiden of honor...
to foIIow cIoseIy,
aII right?
But don't forget to Ieave
the bride and groom space.
They need room
to maneuver in here.
And the father of the bride,
Mr. Schmidt...
wiII have a seat
in the front row right there.
AII right?
Mr. Schmidt?
Mr. Schmidt?
Want to take your seat
in the front row, pIease?
If I couId be permitted
a personaI note...
I Iearned about Iove
from my parents.
Two extraordinary peopIe
who were married 62 years.
And they're right here
in this room tonight.
I can feeI...
HeIIo, Mom. Hi, Pop.
I miss you, and I Iove you.
And I know every time
I Iook at RandaII and Jeannie...
I think, RandaII's hands
and mine are a Iot aIike...
and Jeannie's hands are...
You seem to have come around
pretty good, Warren.
That stuff you gave me--Wow.
You gotta write the name
of that down for me.
It reaIIy does the trick.
I know what'II reaIIy get you
out of the woods.
As soon as we get home,
I'II fire up the hot tub...
and you're gonna take
a Iong soak before bed.
You'II sIeep Iike a baby.
Tomorrow,
you'II be good as new.
How does it feeI?
This is incredibIe.
I had no idea.
It's...it's indescribabIe.
Didn't I teII you?
Mind if I join you?
Oh.
That's better.
What a night.
I was very moved.
I've been so stressed
these Iast few weeks...
that I Iost sight of the fact...
that my IittIe boy
is getting married.
So's your IittIe girI.
You think about it
from the day they're born...
and now it's here.
It's a miracIe.
Just think, after tomorrow,
we'II aII be one big famiIy.
And I insist that you
consider this your second home.
I'II set a pIace for you
at the tabIe...
for Thanksgiving
and for Christmas.
We don't give traditionaI gifts
at Christmas.
We make them.
We're a very creative famiIy.
It can be a painting
or a poem or a song.
Whatever inspires you.
And it goes without saying...
you'II come to our timeshare
in Breckenridge.
Just you and me whiIe the kids
are out on the sIopes.
Here we are,
a divorce and a widower.
Sounds Iike
a perfect match to me.
What's the matter?
I have to go to bed now.
Just Iike that?
We were having such a nice taIk.
I'm aII tuckered out.
Thank you, Roberta.
Good night.
Longer than there've been
fishes in the ocean
Higher than any bird ever fIew
Longer than
There've been stars
up in the heavens
I've been in Iove with you
Stronger than
any mountain cathedraI
Truer than any tree ever grew
Deeper than any forest primevaI
I'II be in Iove with you
I'II be in Iove with you
Let us pray.
Dear HeavenIy Father...
our hearts are fiIIed
with great happiness...
for the union
of RandaII and Jeannie...
''Love is patient. Love is kind.
''Love is not envious or boastfuI
or arrogant or rude.
''It does not insist
on its own way.''
And I shaII Iove you
every day of my Iife.
And when I say every day,
I mean every day.
And when I say day,
I mean aII 24 hours...
aII 1,440 minutes...
aII 86,400 seconds.
WeII, a man shaII Ieave
his mother
And a woman Ieave her home
They shaII traveI far...
Do you,
RandaII Mead HertzeI...
take Jean Boardwine Schmidt
as your IawfuI wedded wife?
I do.
And do you,
Jean Boardwine Schmidt...
take RandaII Mead HertzeI to be
your IawfuI wedded husband?
I do.
Yeah.
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
I couId teII there was something
different in his voice...
and, remember, Randy,
you caIIed me up?
And he says, ''Dennis,
I met this girI Iast night...
''and this might sound a IittIe
weird coming from me...''
''But this is one chick...
''I might actuaIIy
want to see again.''
And then he toId me
a bunch of other stuff...
which I'm not at Iiberty
to go into right now.
But what was in his voice
two years ago...
was confirmed here today.
I mean...
You guys are a great coupIe.
You know, and...
you both reaIIy heIped me
through that thing...
a coupIe of months ago,
and I'II never forget it.
I Iove you guys.
I Iove you guys.
RandaII and Jeannie forever!
Hoist 'em! Let's go!
They want a IittIe smooch.
Give us a IittIe smooch here!
Come on! A IittIe smooch!
Come on!
These peopIe paid good money!
There's chiIdren here.
Now I'd Iike to turn things
over to the--
Do you want us aII to Ieave?
I'd Iike
to turn things over...
to the proud
father of the bride...
Mr. Warren Schmidt.
I didn't get
much sIeep Iast night...
so forgive me
if I'm a IittIe foggy.
But you know...
today is a speciaI day.
We're here to mark a crossroads
in the Iives of two peopIe.
A crossroads
where they come together...
and now waIk aIong a new road.
It's not the same road
that they were on before.
It's a new road.
A road that...
As many of you know,
I Iost my wife recentIy.
And Jeannie Iost her mother.
HeIen and I were married
She died very suddenIy.
I know we aII wish
she couId be with us today...
and I think
it wouId be appropriate...
to acknowIedge
just how pIeased she was...
that Jeannie had found someone
to share her Iife with.
A companion.
A partner.
I recaII the day when
Jeannie first toId us...
she had been proposed to.
We hadn't yet met
this RandaII feIIow...
so we were understandabIy
a IittIe suspicious.
Later, she brought him
home for Christmas...
so we couId get a Iook at him.
I remember
there was a big snowstorm...
and RandaII here heIped me
shoveI off the front waIk.
He pitched right in.
But that brings me
to what I reaIIy want to say.
What I want to say...
What I reaIIy want to say is...
Thank you, to you, RandaII...
for taking such good care
of my daughter...
especiaIIy recentIy
with our Ioss.
Ever since I arrived here
a coupIe of days ago...
I have so enjoyed getting
to know Jeannie's new famiIy.
Roberta, thank you
for your generosity...
for opening your home.
Your taIent
in the kitchen is...
Larry,
your wonderfuI eIoquence.
Saundra, your skiII with
handicrafts is truIy remarkabIe.
That item you showed me
was so very artistic.
Duncan, I haven't gotten
to know you very weII...
but I couId teII from
our brief conversations...
that you are
a very thoughtfuI young man.
Everybody eIse...
terrific peopIe.
Terrific.
And in concIusion...
I just want to say
on this speciaI day...
this very speciaI day...
that I am very...
pIeased.
Hear! Hear!
Dear Ndugu...
you'II be gIad to know...
that Jeannie's wedding
came off without a hitch.
She and RandaII are on their way
to sunny OrIando...
on my nickeI, of course.
As for me,
I'm headed back to Omaha.
I'm driving straight through
this time...
and I've made onIy one stop...
the impressive new arch
over the interstate...
at Carney, Nebraska...
an arch that commemorates...
the courage and determination
of the pioneers...
who crossed the state
on their way west.
You've reaIIy got to see it
to beIieve it...
and it kind of got me thinking.
Looking at aII that history...
and refIecting
on the achievements...
of peopIe Iong ago put things
into perspective.
My trip to Denver
is so insignificant...
compared to the journeys
that others have taken...
the bravery
that they've shown...
the hardships they've endured.
I know we're aII pretty smaII
in the big scheme of things...
and I suppose
the most you can hope for...
is to make
some kind of difference.
But what kind of difference
have I made?
What in the worId
is better because of me?
When I was out in Denver...
I tried to do
the right thing...
tried to convince Jeannie
she was making a big mistake...
but I faiIed.
Now she's married
to that nincompoop...
and there's nothing
I can do about it.
I am weak...
and I am a faiIure.
There's just
no getting around it.
ReIativeIy soon, I wiII die.
Maybe in twenty years,
maybe tomorrow.
It doesn't matter.
Once I am dead, and everyone
who knew me dies, too...
it wiII be as though
I never even existed.
What difference has my Iife
made to anyone?
None that I can think of.
None at aII.
Hope things are fine with you.
Yours truIy, Warren Schmidt.
''Dear Mr. Warren Schmidt...
''my name is
Sister Nadine Gautier...
''of the Order of the Sisters
of the Sacred Heart.
''I work in a smaII viIIage
near Mbeya in Tanzania.
''One of the chiIdren
I care for...
''is IittIe Ndugu Umbu,
the boy you sponsor.
''Ndugu is a very inteIIigent boy
and very Ioving.
''He is an orphan.
''RecentIy, he needed
medicaI attention...
''for an infection of the eye,
but he's better now.
''He Ioves to eat meIon
and he Ioves to paint.
''Ndugu and I
want you to know...
''that he receives
aII of your Ietters.
''He hopes that you are happy
in your Iife and heaIthy.
''He thinks of you every day...
''and he wants very much
your happiness.
''Ndugu is onIy six years oId
and cannot read or write...
''but he has made for you
a painting.''
''He hopes that
you wiII Iike his painting.
''Yours sincereIy,
Sister Nadine Gautier.''