You screwed up!
Here we go, here we go!
Yeah! All right!
Whoo!
Got him.
Target is in sight.
Clock him close.
He's not going anywhere.
I'm hand-carrying this thing
right into the museum.
Stan, you've got more cover on you
than the president.
The diamond is safe.
This is an armed caravan,
completely bulletproof, magnetic locks.
- This transfer is under control.
- I'm hot.
FBI Travel Link climate control.
I don't understand your command.
I don't understand your command.
I don't under... I don't... I don't...
I don't under... I don't understand...
It's too damn complicated.
- That way.
- That's some bullshit!
Are you kidding me, ref?
That's the Lakers' ball.
My blind grandmother
coulda seen that!
- Sit down, fat boy!
- That's the Lakers' ball!
I'm callin' it!
What are you doing?
Green light go,
red light stop, buddy.
No, no, no. No, sir.
Thank you, thank you.
Okay, great.
Nice job. Bye-bye.
- Tip him. Get him outta here.
- Yeah, yeah.
Jesus.
No, come on, that's enough.
Okay, thank you.
Go take a bath.
There you go.
Let's roll.
That's what I'm talkin' about!
Every time!
Charge? Charge!
Ref, listen!
This is insane!
It's a foul on him.
Charge? I'll show you a charge!
I'll show you a damn charge, man!
That's the worst call I ever seen!
What do you think this is, a rodeo?
Then I'll be the clown!
- Let me in the game!
- Sit down, please.
Get out of my way!
Play some real ball!
Unleash the Beast!
Hey, put Malone in there!
Put in the Mailman, damn it!
Get Shaq in the game!
You gotta win this game!
You gotta win this game!
Don't take me,
I'm an American citizen!
American citizen, damn it!
You sons of bitches!
I'm the clown!
The Lakers need me!
I'm their clown!
Shit! He's gone.
We've lost him.
What?
- Burdett is gone.
- Find him.
He's coming after it.
We're fine.
Just relax.
Don't tell me to relax.
I've dealt with this guy before.
See him yet?
We're looking, we're looking.
Safeties off until they relocate Burdett.
Oh. Kiss me
Stand down. We got him.
He's still here.
On the Jumbotron.
He changed his seat.
Get a direct visual.
You got it.
See, Stan, we got you here.
No need to panic.
Do you have a direct visual yet?
Negative. We're still looking.
We're clear?
We're clear.
Come on out.
What?
That thing is going by itself! Damn!
Come on!
Jesus!
Transfer has been compromised.
Ah!
What's going on?!
Hey!
No!
Aah! Aah!
Thank the guys.
Good luck.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Your beard tickles.
Did he tip you?
- One lousy buck.
- Cheap bastard.
I love it when you undress.
Let's do this.
Aah!
Rollercoaster of love
Say what
Rollercoaster
Turn that shit off!
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh
Rollercoaster
Rollercoaster
Ooh. Ooh. Ooh
What about Mexico?
Can't take the water.
How about Paris?
Can't take the French.
Promise me paradise.
Can we talk about this
after we gas Agent Lloyd?
Aah!
Sure.
...a roller coaster. Baby. Baby
I wanna ride
Your love is like a rollercoaster.
Baby. Baby
I wanna ride
Yeah!
Move over there
'cause I'm a double dipper
Upside down on the big dip dipper
1.2. 1.2.3 I've got a ticket.
Come ride with me
Let me go down on the merry-go-round
All is fair on these fairgrounds
Let's go slow. Let's go fast
Rollercoaster of love.
Say what
Rollercoaster.
Oh. Yeah
A few... Aah!
M ax
Rollercoaster
Can you get back on
Max Max
Look at me.
Look at me.
Don't worry.
Get the diamond.
Stan.
Are you all right?
Your own pineapple wine,
your dollar fifty all the time
Turn around and let me see you
Turn around and let me see
Your own pineapple wine,
your dollar fifty all the time
Turn around and let me see you
Turn around and let me see
Your own pineapple wine,
your dollar fifty all the time
I got a new dance,
hot like pepper
From the old to the young,
gonna make your body rock
It's really easy, easy peasy
You can do it anywhere,
jump around like you don't care
Singin' turn around and let me see you
Turn around and let me see
Your own pineapple wine,
your dollar fifty all the time
Turn around and let me see you,
turn around and let me see
Your own pineapple wine,
your dollar fifty all the time
A young man broke his leg
Old granny broke her back
And Jimmy got a migraine
from a falling coconut
Dead uncle was confused,
he has a solution
A bottle of the apple wine
was his prescription
It cure the broke leg,
it cure the bad back
It cure the migraine,
even cure the heart attack
The people started jumping
'cause they were feelin' fine
This city's greatest sin
was their own fine wine, tell me
Turn around and let me see you
Turn around and let me see
Your own pineapple wine,
your dollar fifty all the time
Turn around and let me see you...
I wrote my vows.
- What?
- I wrote my vows.
- You?
- Work in progress.
Max, this is Ron and, uh...
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Gail.
- Gail, yes.
- Great to run into you again.
- I met them at the tennis club.
- Oh.
What kind of business you in, Maxwell?
Pest control.
- This is Sheila and Ed.
- Hey!
- Hi.
- Hi.
They're from Orlando.
I met them parasailing.
So, uh, what kind
of business are you in, Max?
I have a bunch of sweatshops
in the Philippines.
- Oh.
- Oh.
You should see those kids
make those hats.
- Great, huh?
- Wow.
- Scootch in.
- Hi.
Max, this is Wendell and June.
We met snorkeling.
- Max, right?
- Yes.
Yeah, Wendell.
- Oh, I love lobster.
- Oh, yummy!
Wow, look at that!
Stocks may rise and fall,
economies may collapse,
but the American farmer's always
gonna need manure.
My family's been in manure
for three generations.
No shit.
Holy cow!
Sheila and I like to swoc.
Swoc?
We like to have sex
with other couples.
Check.
Ooh, honey, look at that!
Something wrong?
Six months.
I can't take any more lobster.
There's only one thing
I enjoy eating more than lobster.
Huh, huh, huh?
Man, do I love lobster!
So, I'm setting up
for this 30-foot putt,
I got a chance for an eagle.
An eagle. Now, sweetie...
Steal her bracelet.
I saw you looking at it.
Steal it.
You know you want it.
We're retired, baby.
All I want is you.
Come on, let yourself go.
Have fun.
I bet you can't get it.
Of course I can, but I won't.
Bet you can't.
Max. Aren't you having a good time?
Please come again.
Maxwell, this one's on me.
Oh, thank you very much.
That's weird, I can't find my wallet.
Did I give you my wallet?
No, you didn't give me your wallet.
That's so weird! I could swear
I put it in my pocket before I came here.
It's okay, big fellow.
I got it.
Oh, thanks, Maxwell.
That is so sweet.
Where the hell is my wallet?
Luc, what's in
the Caribbean Romance again?
Light rum, amaretto,
orange juice, pineapple juice,
and a splash of grenadine.
What about the Pink Paradise?
Coconut rum, amaretto, cranberry juice,
orange juice, and pineapple juice.
People actually drink this stuff?
They love it.
You know, it makes them feel exotic.
Give me a Jack on the rocks.
It doesn't have a fancy name,
but if it was good enough for Frank,
it's good enough for me.
Frank?
Who's Frank?
Sinatra.
Did Frank take an umbrella?
Not even when it was raining.
Hi, baby.
How was it?
Amazing! You'd love it!
The only sounds are your breath
and your heartbeat.
The reef is like a thousand jewels,
sparkling right in front of you.
You should really try it next time.
Mm-hmm. Well,
I like to breathe unassisted.
- Oh, really?
- Mmm.
I thought you liked it
when I give you mouth to mouth.
State your business.
You're gonna shoot
an FBI agent, Burdett?
All I see is an intruder...
...who just swallowed $80 worth
of my whiskey.
Put down the weapon.
Don't make me shoot you again.
Again?
Is that the way we're gonna play it?
What are you doing
in my house, Agent Lloyd?
Sitting, drinking, eating chocolate.
- You have a warrant?
- FBI doesn't have jurisdiction here.
I know, that's why I came down here.
Oh, I don't think it is.
The Seven Seas Navigator
docking here for a solid week.
They're having a nice promotion
for the maiden voyage,
calling it the Diamond Cruise.
A gem exhibit whose star attraction is
the third Napoleon Diamond.
Stop me when I get to the part
you don't know.
It's the only one you two haven't stolen.
Allegedly.
And it's gonna be right here
for a whole week... the last of the set...
and I suspect you plan to purloin it.
Well, I don't.
So finish your drink and get out.
It's okay to be happy to see me.
Just because you're English doesn't
mean you need to hide your emotions.
I'm Irish.
We let people know how we feel.
Now fuck off.
And you can take any bugs you planted
along with you.
I'm retired.
A retired guy wouldn't have anything
to worry about from those.
- Mind if I borrow this?
- Take it.
You might learn something from it.
But return it for me.
It's overdue.
Give my love to Lola, will you?
How was the tennis lesson?
Great. The teacher says I'm a natural.
He says I've got the best backside
he's ever seen.
That's backhand.
Don't go in there.
- Why?
- Let's talk.
Okay, you're making me nervous,
and I don't get nervous.
Agent Lloyd just left.
What's he doing here?
He came to show me this.
Damn it, Max.
Is this what we're here for?
No. It's not.
This is not retirement at all.
This is the next setup, isn't it?
Babe, you chose
this island, remember?
I hope you don't think
this is a gift from God.
'Cause this is God messing with us.
Oh, no. Max.
Did Stan do this?
Sort of.
I figured he'd bug the place,
so I started checking.
Did you find any?
Only what he wanted me to find.
There's another one here somewhere.
Now, don't worry.
I already checked.
There's nothing in there.
That's the problem.
There's nothing in here.
What is it?
What's wrong?
I hid the bullet in the camera.
What bullet?
The one he shot you with.
Oh, no.
I kept it to remind me
of how close I came to losing you.
Lola, you know that bullet
puts me on the scene.
I know, I know. I'm sorry.
I'll get it back.
Good morning, Mr. Lloyd.
Your suite is ready.
- Suite?
- Suite, sir.
It's a larger room.
Atlantis reserves this bridge suite
for our more dignified guests.
Breakfast is on the house, these are
vouchers for free tennis lessons,
complimentary skin exfoliant,
seaweed body wrap and facial scrub,
located in the spa on the club level.
Also, please remember.
Shoes and shirt are required
in all public spaces at all times.
State your business.
You can't bribe me
with a seaweed body wrap, Max.
This doesn't buy you one bit of space.
I'm gonna be on you wherever you go.
It's no bribe, Stanley.
I just want you to see
that if you lead the kind of life I do,
stealing is the last thing on your mind.
Mr. Lloyd.
Are you ready for your massage?
I'll do your back.
I'll do your front.
You son of a bitch.
- Lola?
- Yeah.
- He hid it in a black jewelry box.
- Good job.
Thank you.
Talented masseuse.
You get rid of it this time.
I will.
Good evening.
May I take your order?
No, thank you.
I just lost my appetite.
Just as well.
I don't take orders from criminals,
I arrest them.
Or fall asleep trying.
So you're admitting you were there.
No. I read about it in the papers,
just like everyone else.
You're famous.
I'm a punch line.
But like my grandma used to say,
he who laughs last laughs loudest.
By the way,
return that movie, would you?
The store called.
I haven't finished it yet.
They catch the thief,
but it's not who you think it is.
I don't like those twist endings.
Well, we don't like you.
Aw.
Lola.
They're playing your song.
Why don't you take Stanley
for a dance?
He's feeling lonely.
And I am feeling charitable.
Let's go, Stan.
Really?
I'll try to have her back by dawn.
Constable...
Can I help you?
I wanna talk to Moor.
Get out of the way.
Monsieur Moor is currently socializing.
Interrupting a man's leisure
is harassment.
That's not harassment.
You feel that?
- Ooh.
- That's harassment.
And you tell your boss
this is just the beginning.
I have two hands,
and I can't be bought.
Ooh.
Excuse me, constable.
May I have a word with you?
Audrey. Where you get that sugar?
Listen, Stan,
I know what you're doing.
But if you drag Max into your game,
he will not lose.
Eventually, they all lose.
Not my Max.
Do yourself a favor...
leave us alone.
We're just a couple of retirees
trying to enjoy the island life.
All the same, I'll stick around,
see what develops.
Excuse me.
In a second, honey.
You'll get your chance.
Damn, I got the stink on me tonight.
Step off the dance floor, sir.
Hey!
- Have fun, Stan.
- Hey. Lola!
Police.
Raise your hands, sir.
I'm law.
Federal B.I.?
It is illegal on this island to carry
a concealed weapon without a permit.
I'm working a suspect.
Are you not supposed to inform
local authorities when you arrive,
Agent Stanley P. Lloyd?
- You know him?
- He's my suspect.
Well, we're still gonna have to
take this to the station and register it.
You're letting the criminal go.
This is crazy.
You think this is crazy?
Your dancing, that was crazy.
This way, Agent Lloyd.
Welcome to paradise.
Okay.
- The watermarks and holograms match.
- Oh.
But I still have to register the gun.
You have a nice smile.
I haven't smiled at you.
You will.
That's just the way I feel about it,
and they have to deal with it.
Yes, sir.
Ah, Sophie.
I need to speak to you.
I'm getting complaints
about you bothering Henri Moor.
Just doing my job, Zacharias.
The man is practically
the unofficial mayor of the island.
In one year, he's made
everyone here like him,
something you haven't been
able to do in a lifetime.
I guess we can't all be
the kiss-ass politician you are.
I want you to stay behind tonight
so we can discuss your attitude.
You knew about my attitude
the day we got married
and knew about it
the day we got divorced.
You're not gonna learn
any more about it tonight.
Besides, I have plans
with Special Agent Lloyd of the FBI.
He's just arrived on the island.
Is that so?
Shall we?
We shall.
She's feisty.
Mmm. Isn't it beautiful?
Yeah.
Is it enough?
Of course it is.
Some people say the only way
to rid yourself of temptation
is to yield to it.
I don't know about that.
I say turn your back on temptation...
...or substitute something
more tempting.
See how easy that was?
What's the shortest amount of time
you've ever known a guy
before you kissed him?
I see what you're thinking,
and you can forget it.
Guys come down to this island looking
for a slice of paradise with a local girl,
and they will say anything to get it.
I resent being lumped in with all guys,
though, admittedly,
I would say anything right now.
How long have you been chasing Max?
Seven years... ever since the first
Napoleon Diamond went missing.
I got to the scene,
took a few shots at the getaway car.
Next day, bottle of champagne arrives
at FBI Headquarters for me,
with a note says,
"Aim for the tires next time. "
He was baiting you.
- Hmm.
- Is there a money trail?
Everything's plain...
taxes, bank accounts.
He doesn't buy
expensive paintings, yachts, nothing.
I think it's more about the challenge
and the alibi... that's his work of art.
Sounds like you admire him.
Would I like to live one day
in his velvety slippers?
Maybe
But I don't admire him.
He's beat me too many times for that.
Maybe you need the female touch.
That's exactly what I need.
Listen, I want a big arrest,
you need local help.
I'll extend the FBI courtesy on this one.
As long as I'm riding shotgun.
What's going on?
I'm expanding the deck.
You're trying to stay busy.
Look, on this deck,
we are going to sit here
and watch sunsets until we get old.
Can't wait.
Where are you going?
You said I need a hobby.
I guess I'll go find one.
Really?
I'll call you later.
He's here.
The centerpiece of our exhibit.
Napoleon had three priceless diamonds
set into the hilt of his sword.
After his defeat, they were pried out
and dispersed around the globe.
This is one of the rare occasions the last
remaining diamond is on public display.
And next, we have
some rare Egyptian gems.
Cute little rock.
I'm just here to look.
Just as well.
With six cameras...
four stationary, two revolving,
a dozen I.R. Motion sensors...
Sixteen.
You missed the ones at ankle level.
Plus your standard
Unbreakable polycarbonate display,
controlled by an uncopyable
magnetic key card.
I just realized...
you could never get it anyway.
You're right.
When you're right, you're right.
It's impossible.
Give me a ride.
I don't think so.
Maybe you should think again.
May I present Monsieur Henri Moor.
Mr. Burdett.
It is a pleasure to meet you, sir.
Oh, you're an American.
Hmm. Henri Moor?
Ah. My name is Henry Moore.
I placed the thing on the "e".
I felt it more appropriate
to my surroundings.
- Oh.
- Please.
I imagine you're wondering
why you're here.
Well...
Forgive Jean-Paul's tactics, Mr. Burdett,
but to put it bluntly, the impoverished
people of this island need your help.
Hmm.
Five years ago, I was
a successful businessman in Detroit.
While vacationing on this island,
I was sitting on the beach
drinking a...
Citron martini.
I don't recall what I was drinking...
it's not important.
But I experienced a revelation...
that I had been brought to this island to
provide the commensurate social services
that were sadly lacking
for the poorer elements of society here.
And you want me to buy a table
at your next fundraiser.
No, Mr. Burdett.
But I am offering you the opportunity
to participate in the vital growth
of my infrastructure.
Uh-huh. How's that?
I want you to steal me that diamond.
I'm not a criminal.
Right. Neither am I.
Good.
Then we understand each other.
- Yes.
- Yeah.
Let me show you around, Mr. Burdett.
Do you think it fair
that the indigenous of this island
are not allowed to enter the casinos
unless they work there?
Why is it that only the rich should enjoy
pharmaceutically-assisted moments
of personal introspection?
The safety and security found
in owning your own machine gun.
The pleasures derived
from financially-procured
female companionship.
The underprivileged should not be
denied these essential diversions.
I mean, look around you, Mr. Burdett.
No one is turned away.
All I do, I do for the people.
And why do you need
the diamond for that?
I have an urgent need to expand
my humanitarian program.
A cash injection
in the tens of millions of dollars
would relieve the entire Caribbean.
What I'm suggesting
is a partnership, Mr. Burdett.
You are a stranger to this island.
I can give you what you don't have...
access to the marina, the crews,
rotation schedules, whatever you need.
I couldn't sleep.
Didn't wanna wake you.
I saw you on the ship yesterday.
I had a feeling you might be there, too.
Don't you ever feel
we weren't quite finished?
Look, Max, I miss it, too.
We were great.
And we went out
at the top of our game, undefeated.
The best time to quit.
Maybe
Max, I cased it.
It's not a one man job, and there's
no way you're pulling me into it.
We're retired.
Now the challenge is
to find joy in simple things.
And I like that challenge.
Yeah?
I lied on the ship.
I could get it.
Here's how.
I'd cut the camera feed
and go in from behind the exhibit.
It's blow able from the storage room,
and I'd do it after 10 P.M.
Why?
The retired arthritic cops
always get that shift.
So that's how you do it.
And now I've told you.
So now I can't.
Oh, my God.
- What are you doing?
- I'm cooking.
- Since when?
- This morning.
We are decent law-abiding people,
and decent law-abiding people
cook omelets for breakfast.
Oh.
State your business.
You almost had me last night
with that old David Copperfield
smoke and mirrors trick.
"Look at my assistant with the big tits
while I take the Rolex right off your wrist. "
What do you want about her?
I wanna know
how you're really gonna do it,
and you're gonna tell me
while we're fishing.
Fishing?
I don't fish.
I got a boat stacked with beer.
Drink it yourself.
You might as well come.
You're paying for it.
I charged it to my suite.
All the same, Stanley, I'll pass.
There is an option.
I get the local police to bring you down
to the station, we sweat you there.
And I do mean sweat.
There's no air conditioning.
So dress light.
The eggs on this island taste funny.
They must have some weird chickens.
What'll it be, Max?
I'll see you soon.
Tell me this isn't better
than standing in some lineup.
I've never been in a lineup.
Ooh, that's a hell of a watch.
What's that kind of thing run you?
A couple of grand.
Why don't you pick one up
on the Bureau's expense account?
Oh, they keep me on a real tight leash.
I got you to thank for that.
Ah.
Whoo! It's cookin' out here.
So if I didn't shoot you,
where'd you get the screen door?
Knitting accident.
Dab some of this on my back, will you?
Are you serious?
Yeah. I've got delicate skin.
I don't wanna burn.
I bet you were the best kid in the
neighborhood at hide-and-seek, huh?
So you joined the Bureau.
Yeah, I found them all.
No one ever found me.
Once I found a good spot,
I'd stay there for days.
There you go.
Now, turn around.
I'll do you.
I'll handle it.
No, come on.
You're gonna burn.
Good.
Okay.
There. That's good.
Wait. Don't you want me
to coat everything?
That's good. My pole.
No way, man!
I'm only doing your back!
My pole!
Hey, we got something.
Come on.
Oh, oh, oh. Look at this!
Oh. We got something here, Stanley.
Ooh! Aah!
Shit! Come on!
Come on! Help me pull it up.
Don't lose it, don't lose it!
- It's a monster.
- We can do it!
This is big.
Okay, come on, pull!
- Are you pulling?
- I'm pulling, man.
Jesus Christ!
Stanley!
One, two, three!
Oh! Aah!
Jesus Christ!
It's a shark, it's a shark.
Yeah.
Why is it not moving?
- Maybe it's in shock.
- What do you wanna do?
Maybe it's dead.
I mean, it looks dead.
Go over and shake it.
- Why me?
- Well, you're FBI.
What's that have to do with anything?
If it bites your arm off,
you get disability for the rest of your life.
- Go!
- You hooked it.
You go see if it's alive.
Yeah, I hooked it,
so you go see if it's alive.
- Go!
- Hey, hey!
Oh, okay.
Here I go.
I'm just gonna sneak up on it.
Why are you whispering?
So it won't know the plan.
Hey.
- Aah!
- Aah! Shit!
Watch out, watch out, watch out!
You have the right to remain silent!
Yeah, it's dead.
Yeah.
Look at them.
If you didn't know any better,
you'd think they were friends.
You must be Lola.
Sophie?
Nice gun.
Sig Sauer P228.
Custom trigger action.
Oh.
- Nice shoes.
- Thank you.
- Chanel?
- Cruz collection.
How bad was it?
Oh, not too bad.
Sophie seems nice.
Yeah, for a cop.
Lola seems cool.
For a thief.
Yes!
I resign. You win.
Make a wish.
Okay.
I wish you'd write your vows.
I'm so tense.
Come here.
Let me relax you.
What are you doing?
Why are you taking off your clothes?
Now we're talkin'.
Are you being naughty?
Naughty enough to spank.
Oh, yeah!
I'll bite you.
Can I bite you?
The door.
Are we expecting anyone?
Yeah. A friend.
- A friend?
- A friend?
A girlfriend.
You didn't.
I love you. Baby.
You know I'll do anything for you.
Wait here.
What's she gonna do?
Tell him.
Tell him.
She's gonna help me relax you.
You're kidding.
Nice.
You're gonna like this.
Lucky bastard.
- Who is she?
- You'll see.
Max. I'd like you to meet Stan's mom.
Night. Stan.
Son of a...
You're only in port 48 more hours.
Stay on high alert.
Agent Lloyd, we have the most sophisticated
security system
ever installed on a seagoing vessel.
And you'll need it.
Excuse me, sir.
There's been a security breach.
Don't move!
Turn around.
Turn around!
- No!
- Stan!
Damn it.
The other side!
Just stop him!
Let's do it, come on!
Although the famed
Napoleon Diamond was undisturbed.
The unknown intruder knocked out
a Seven Seas Navigator
maintenance worker.
Stole his uniform.
And slipped onto the ship.
You're cheating on me, aren't you?
What are you talking about?
Maybe not with a woman,
but with a diamond.
You want her.
And I'm jealous.
You've got nothing to worry about.
Where were you tonight, Max?
I've been home, writing my vows.
Oh! Let me see.
Sorry.
You have to wait.
Well, I'm not gonna let
that little bitch take my man.
I'm gonna fight for what's mine.
Really?
And how exactly are you gonna do that?
I'm a thief.
I know a thing or two about distraction.
It's a beautiful jewel, Max.
But I guarantee you,
it's no fun in the tub.
Mmm.
I had him.
You shoulda stayed out of my way.
I didn't want you to get hurt.
I'm sorry.
You're the one who's hurt.
You should ice that.
Why are men always trying
to protect women?
'Cause you smell good.
It's all about sex, isn't it?
Why can't we just be
two cops working a case?
Hey, I happen to agree with you.
From now on,
we're just partners on this.
Fine.
- So, let's have dinner and discuss it.
- No, thanks.
How about a steam?
What... I... no, I always steam
with my partners.
Okay, you wanna go
for a Jacuzzi, partner?
I have a big tub in my room.
We have to talk.
Max. Great timing.
Ride with us.
Can we just do this one on one?
Oh, of course.
California dreaming...
Are you familiar with the pleasures
of anonymous love, Max?
No.
Recently I found myself experimenting
with alternative lifestyle parameters
based largely
on the free love philosophy
as found in the collected works
of The Mamas and The Papas.
I never made that connection.
Oh, it's there.
That Michelle Phillips,
she could walk it like she talked it.
Earl, burn one of my CDs for Max.
Yes, sir.
This is it, Max.
My vision.
My infrastructure growing
before our eyes.
It used to be a children's hospital,
but I'm revitalizing it
into a paramilitary training facility.
More importantly,
that ship is leaving in two days.
What's this?
Everything you need.
Schematics, detailed plan.
You can do it yourself.
Go in through the air conditioning vents.
The exhibit is accessible
from the storage facility behind it.
There's cameras there, so you're
gonna have to cut the central feed.
Red wires in the control panel here.
If you don't cut the red wire,
they'll see everything.
- What next?
- Blow the wall.
- C-4?
- Uh-uh.
I'd use a shape charge
with a detonation cord.
Smaller but more effective.
And... you'd wanna blow it
after 10 P.M.
- Why is that?
- Graveyard shift.
Always the retired cops
with arthritis.
That's how I'd do it.
Then that's how I'll do it.
You know, we're not partners anymore, Max.
In fact, you see me,
cross the street.
You gotta go
Go where you wanna go
Do what you wanna do
With whoever
you wanna do it with
You gotta go
where you wanna go
Do what you wanna do
With whoever
you wanna do it with
You don't understand
that a girl like...
Good afternoon. Atlantis.
How may I help?
Mr. Lloyd,
the Bridge Suite, please.
Hello.
- Stanley.
- Yeah.
- It's Max, just checking in.
- Cut the crap. Max.
You're making sure I'm in my room
and not following you.
How could you be following me
if you're in your room?
- See you soon, Stanley.
- Okay.
Hello!
What?
What?
If you're gonna forward your calls,
don't tail me so close.
Aah!
Hey.
I heard the call
over the radio.
Every year there's one white boy
that goes down at Junkanoo.
Here's what I found out.
Max closed escrow,
and then a month later
the cruise booked the diamond.
- Maybe he is retired.
- I doubt it.
He met with Henri Moor today,
the biggest gangster on the island.
Thanks for coming.
You know, this one
you really do have to ice.
- Ah!
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Better?
There's another one here.
Now?
This one's particularly painful.
There's some referred pain.
It's somewhere around... here.
I'll have to get hurt more often.
And in more interesting places.
- Oh, God, I'm vibrating!
- So am I.
No. No, no.
- I'm getting a call.
- What?
Is nothing sacred?
Shit, I have to go.
Go? No, you can't go.
I just unwrapped my head.
Sorry, I need a rain check.
What, are you crazy?
It never rains here.
Just give me five minutes, all right?
Five minutes?
You should be embarrassed.
Okay, three.
Oh, Stan, come on.
Okay, two!
Please don't make me beg. Please.
A quick two?
Oh, don't worry, I'm quick.
Hello.
Mr. Burdett, it's Luc from the bar.
There's a guest down here
that's bombed that's shouting your name.
Welcome to paradise, Frank!
Well, it's only paradise
for criminals, like Max Burdett.
Yeah. I hear him.
I'll be right there.
- Where'd he go?
- Over there.
Oh, thanks, Luc.
What are you doing to yourself?
What's wrong?
- Nothing.
- Nothing's wrong?
Me and Sophie hooked up.
And it was beautiful.
But it's only gonna
last for one more day.
Why is that?
Because the ship's only gonna
be here 24 more hours,
and you're gonna clip Napoleon III
and make me look
like a jerk again.
- I'll have another one!
- You've had enough.
You are not my daddy.
I didn't take you as an umbrella
kind of guy, Stan.
These remoras really have
a kick to 'em.
Hey, Stan, buck up.
You're a good agent.
No, I'm not.
You know, I used to blame you,
but now I see it clearly.
It's not you, it's me.
You've got genius, man.
If I had an ounce
of what you have, I'd never stop.
You've got a gift, man.
It's inspiring.
I love these remoras!
Bartender! Give me another one!
It's okay, Stan.
It's okay.
Luc, you're not working tonight, right?
Give us a hand here.
Come on, Stan,
here you go. Come on.
Here you go, buddy.
Yeah.
Come on, come on.
What about me?!
That's it, Stanley.
Here you go.
That's it.
That's it. Here we go.
You tell anyone I tucked him in,
I'll kill you.
- Sure thing, Mr. Burdett.
- Call me Max.
- Max.
- Okay.
Lola!
It's locked.
And don't try to break in.
You're not welcome.
I finished the deck.
You promised to spend
the first sunset on it together.
- Lola.
- That's not all.
I found your notebook.
Lola.
I'll sit down right now
and write my vows, okay?
The vows are not for me,
they're for you.
You have to figure out if what
we have means anything to you.
Come on, Max.
Do you really think the third one's
gonna make you whole?
- I don't know.
- Well, don't come back until you do.
Where am I supposed to go?
She threw me out.
Why is it my problem?
'Cause every hotel
on the island is booked.
Can I move
this surveillance stuff?
Don't mess with it!
It's very expensive.
Listen, I'm not gonna
sleep on the floor.
Well, I guess you're
out of luck.
We both are.
M ove ove
Shit.
So what'd you do?
I missed our first sunset
on her new deck.
That's it?
I'm no good at sunsets.
Of course you're not.
The world is divided up between people
who like to watch the sunset
and those who don't.
Yeah.
People like you
are never happy.
You're anxious, type-A, egocentric
perfectionists who can't sit still
and die alone with a million bucks
and a thousand regrets.
The people who can relax,
enjoy the sunset,
hold hands at the end of the day...
they're the happy ones.
So why can't you do that?
Because of you.
Don't hog the blanket.
- Good night, Max.
- Good night.
You know, the Bureau's got
a "don't ask, don't tell" policy,
but this is pushing it, Stan.
Kowalski, Stafford.
Sophie?
The L.A. Office got a call
from Inspector Bethel here.
He wanted to know the scope
of the FBI's operation on the island.
Since we don't have
an operation on the island,
we felt we'd
come here and check it out.
What's he talking about, Stan?
Let me explain.
He's on suspension.
He has been for three months.
Suspension?
He was deemed unstable
after he lost Napoleon II.
You told me
you were here on the case.
I am here on the case,
and once I bust this guy,
get reinstated, upped,
these slobs will be saluting me.
Are you guys dating?
He's nothing but a suspect to me.
- Oh, really?
- That's not what these show.
Your suspect's paying
for this suite.
And the seaweed body wraps.
You two look pretty chummy.
So you lied to me, Stan.
And you got your
slice of paradise, hmm?
I hope it was everything
you thought it would be.
Sophie...
You might want to do more
of a background check next time
before you partner up.
She didn't have to be
so hard on you, you know?
Storming out like that.
She's got grounds.
The thing you gotta understand
about us law enforcement types
is we don't much
appreciate lying.
Come on, Stan, you fibbed,
maybe withheld a little.
But lie? Nah.
You are an FBI agent
working a case.
You know, when you put it like that,
it doesn't sound so bad.
I could explain it to her.
What about you?
You are a hell of a catch.
I've seen the way
you are with Lola.
You love that girl.
So you're working out
some personal issues.
All you need is a little support.
Exactly.
Hell, I could
make her understand.
Max can't eat, can't sleep.
He's like an injured bird.
Stan's hurt.
He's in pain.
He's like a wounded dog.
He needs you, Lola.
You're his better half.
Just give him one more chance.
He's a good guy, Sophie.
I'm sure he's a liar,
but that comes with the job.
I don't know.
This is all a bit strange.
What do you think, Lola?
- I don't buy a word of it.
- I'm with you.
- No, no, no.
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Listen, hear us out.
- Come on, one second.
Look...
Tonight the lies stop.
He's serious. It's over.
He's not chasin' it,
and I'm not chasin' him.
I'm sorry, but I won't believe you
until that ship is gone.
And we still got a few hours
before she sails.
Look, I can't make
that ship disappear tonight,
but I can make us disappear.
- What are you talking about?
- I found a hobby.
Wait a minute.
You didn't tell me about this.
When we come up for air,
that ship will be headed to Paris
and the diamond will be gone forever.
So, where you taking us?
We're headed to a hidden reef
where there's rumored to be
somewhere among the wreckage.
You're kidding.
Wow!
Look at this.
Yeah, these ships have
been down here since the '40s,
but nobody's ever
found any gold.
Well, maybe with the help
of the FBI we'll get lucky.
My money's on Max.
that's 25 million apiece if we split it.
Have any idea where to start?
It could be anywhere down here.
Let's split up, look around.
You guys sure this is safe?
I'm allergic to shellfish.
You've got nothing to worry about.
I've seen how you handle sharks.
When we get back,
I'm buying everyone umbrella drinks.
Hey, little guy,
have you seen any gold down here?
Hey, Max, I'm counting on you
to make me a rich man.
Lola, hypothetically speaking,
what's it like to hold
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Right.
- Good night, old-timer.
- Eat shit.
What the hell is that?
There is an intruder
in Storage Facility B.
- Attempted break-in in progress.
- Son of a bitch!
All security
to Storage Facility B.
Hey. Max.
What's up?
Where are you?
Oh, I'm somewhere inside the ship.
Oh, yeah, me too.
Thanks, that helps a lot.
Max, did you say
you were inside the ship?
Yeah, it's amazing.
Hmm. Really?
What do you see?
It's pretty dark.
I think I'm in the captain's quarters.
That's interesting.
Max, suddenly I don't feel like
having an umbrella drink.
I'm beginning to think we're gonna
go home empty-handed.
Where are you, Max?
I'm gonna come hunt with you a while.
I'm coming to you.
How you see me?
I cut the red wire.
Ah, nice work, genius.
You cut the heating to the Jacuzzi.
Max. You at the stern?
Max?
Stan Lloyd to Max Burdett.
Come in.
Who'd he think he was,
the Invisible Man?
Dear God.
Shit.
It was a diversion.
Get back to the diamond!
Max. Where are you?
Will you answer me?
Hello!
There!
He's in the vents!
He got the diamond!
Max, what was that?
Max!
I think he left his radio.
I thought I heard
something else.
Where'd you go?
Is something wrong?
Nice costume.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
Party all the time.
Party all the time
Party all the time
My girl wants
to party all the time...
Go back to your cabin, please.
Aha, there you are!
Hey, Max, come on.
Last night we were spooning.
Now you're running away?
Come on!
Yoo-hoo, Max.
Oh, I get it.
A little hide-and-seek.
Like I told you on the boat,
I caught 'em all.
You're good,
but you're not that good.
You know what they say...
the FBI always gets their man.
M ax
I'm having an air problem!
Stan, are you okay?
I can't breathe! Help!
Where are you, Stan?
I'm coming, Stan.
It's okay, Stan.
I'm right here.
Take off your mask.
I got him, honey.
I'm right here.
You're okay, Stan.
Nothing to worry about, partner.
I saw my life flash
before my eyes.
Leave it to me to get
the faulty regulator.
You know,
I never dove before.
- I would like to propose a toast.
- What are we celebrating?
Retirement.
- I'll drink to that.
- Good.
Hello.
What?
How?
- What's wrong?
- The diamond's been stolen.
- What?
- Half an hour ago.
You set us up.
Come on.
This whole thing.
You got your perfect alibi... me.
Hey.
Get your hands up.
Are you serious?
No wonder you just retired.
You don't have
anything left to steal.
I've got to get to the ship.
You couldn't resist, could you?
You had to screw me
one last time.
You had to make an ass
out of me!
Hey, Lola.
Lola, wait.
Hey.
You really did save me down there.
I'm sorry I kept you in the dark.
I was only trying to protect you.
How generous of you.
You were right, you know.
I couldn't do it without you.
You gotta admit, though,
the look on Stan's face was sheer poetry.
Shut up, Max.
Hey.
Lola, please.
Max, I helped you
because I love you.
But now I'm leaving you.
Lola, I thought you'd
appreciate how I did it,
you of all people.
Hey, hey.
I do.
It was a smart plan, Max.
You're a great thief.
But I want a great man.
Lola.
Move inside.
What, you thought this was over?
Turn around!
I tried to deal with you
from an elevated place, man,
appeal to your intellect,
spit poetry and shit at you.
But no, man, you had to bring me
down to the gutter.
Where is the diamond?
- She's got nothing to do with this.
- Oh, she does now.
You kill my dog,
I'm gonna slay your cat.
Don't get...
Aah!
Nice throw, bitch!
No!
Where'd you come from?
He asked me to help him steal it
a week ago. I turned him down.
He must have stolen it himself,
then he came back here
to make sure there were no loose ends.
So why didn't you come to me,
tell me what they were planning?
He said he'd kill us.
You wouldn't have believed him anyway.
You thought Moor was
the Second Coming for this island.
Don't tell me
what I think, woman.
- Where's the diamond?
- I have no idea.
- They were trying to frame us.
- Are we finished here?
You know, I don't believe a word
of what you're saying.
I know.
Don't leave.
Good luck, Max.
Lola, wait.
Hear me out.
It's not gonna work, Max.
Not this time.
I know it's too late,
but I finally wrote them. See?
Lots of words.
But I don't need to read them
because I know it by heart.
I've spent my whole life chasing things
which I thought were valuable,
when the only thing I really cared for
was right in front of me all along.
You are my heart, Lola.
From this moment on,
you are my only jewel.
I want a life
filled with sunsets.
And I never wanna watch
one of them without you, not ever.
The first diamond I've ever bought.
I love you, Lola Cirillo.
Marry me.
- On one condition.
- Anything.
I want the receipt.
Here you go, Luc.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Jack on the rocks, with an umbrella.
What the hell, I'm celebrating.
Forget the Jack on the rocks,
let's have remoras all around.
Remoras all around.
Stanley, what the hell
are you doing here?
Well, I thought I'd stick around.
Oh, yeah, look familiar?
Treated myself,
maxed out the credit card.
But it suits me,
don't you think?
Well, it must take a bite
out of a government salary.
Ah, I can afford it all right.
Come on, let's sip
our remoras and talk, shall we?
I thought you said
these things have a kick.
Luc, what's in this?
Orange juice, mango juice,
grenadine, and coconut milk.
No liquor?
Nada.
I love these remoras!
Bartender, give me another!
You tell anyone I tucked him in,
I'll kill you.
- Sure thing, Mr. Burdett.
- Call me Max.
- Max.
- Okay.
You know,
I really like that cove.
Are you okay?
'Cause you don't look too good.
As an underwater enthusiast, you should
know what a remora really is, Max.
A remora is
kind of a stowaway,
a suckerfish that sticks
to the shark's body and feeds off it.
The shark does all the work,
but the remora gets the spoils.
You did it, Stan.
Right from the start.
It's the only one
you two haven't stolen.
You set me up.
I revel in it.
I revel in it!
Could it be that the great
Max Burdett has finally lost?
No, I didn't.
I got Lola.
Congratulations, Stan.
I'm looking at it right now.
My plane takes off
in ten minutes.
Tomorrow morning the bidding
will start at $30 million,
and if I were you,
I'd bring cash.
You win some,
you lose some.
We still have the sunsets.
Yeah.
Don't worry,
one day you'll find a hobby.
You know,
I think I already have.
Bye-bye, paradise.
No.
No!
Max!
No, you bastard!
Last time, right, Max?
Last time.
You son of a bitch!
Max!
If you want it,
come and get it
I've got it
Oh, whoa
If you need it,
come and get it
I've got it
Oh, whoa
If you want it,
come and get it
I've got it
Oh, whoa
If you need it,
come and get it
I've got it
Ahh
I'm a pro
when it comes to the getaway
So don't even
try to follow me
Bonnie and Clyde,
me and my lady
Right on down
to the end of the story
I'm wanted in so many countries
Not even the feds can catch me
'Cause I am made to run
In this profession
there is no other like me
If you want it,
come and get it
I've got it
Oh, whoa
If you need it,
come and get it
I've got it
Oh, whoa
If you want it,
come and get it
I've got it
Oh, whoa
If you need it,
come and get it
I've got it
Oh, yeah
What you think you saw,
you did not see
'Cause it's so easy for me
To get away
from sharks and security
I love to challenge my ability
So never underestimate me
I'm versatile with agility
Don't you be surprised
if you lose the prize
'Cause I've done this before
If you want it,
come and get it
I've got it
Oh, whoa
If you need it,
come and get it
I've got it
Oh, yeah
Yo
To all the ladies in the dance
To each and every princess
Hey, ah, ha, ah
Yo, confess
I lose all control when I see you
standing there in front of me
Your style, your clothes, your hair
Hey, woman, you look so sexy
The way you wind
and the way you dance
And the way that you
twist and turn your waist
Leaves me wanting,
leaves me yearning
Leaves me feeling for a taste
Before the end of the night
I wanna hold you so tight
So tight
You know I want you so much
So much
And I'm so tempted to touch
Yo, uh, uh
Tempted to touch,
tempted to touch
My little woman,
man, I need you so much
Tempted to touch,
tempted to touch
My little woman,
man, I'm inside your clutch
Tempted to touch,
tempted to touch
My little woman,
man, I need you so much
Tempted to touch,
tempted to touch
My little woman,
man, I'm inside your clutch
Yo
To all the ladies in the dance
I'm lookin' at these ladies
Thinkin' about one of them
havin' my babies, huh
I don't even know your name
Little woman,
I don't even know your age
But there's somethin' about you, girl
When I see you winding
in front the stage
I'm talkin' about you
Please forgive me,
please excuse me
But there is nothing else
that a man can do
Excuse me
I can't help myself, little woman
I just need to be next to you
Before the end of the night
Before the end of the night, huh
I wanna hold you so tight
Wanna hold you
You know I want you so much
Want you so much, huh
And I'm so tempted to touch
Come on, huh
Tempted to touch,
tempted to touch
My little woman,
man, I need you so much
Tempted to touch,
tempted to touch
My little woman,
man, I'm inside your clutch
Tempted to touch,
tempted to touch
My little woman,
man, I need you so much
Na na na-na-na-na na-na
Na na na-na-na-na na-na
Yeah
She's got the touch
I love so much
That's all I ever wanted
I'm surely God-blessed
Uh, under her spell
she had me crushed
I sworn I was anointed
Got caught by her magic
Ah, she had me
drooling for a while
With her sexual motion
Like taking candy from a child
Suck on her love potion
I can't believe
the changes I've made
Since I met my baby
You know,
she drive me crazy
On and on
What a beautiful lady
On and on
She drives me crazy
On an on
And there's no ifs nor maybes,
she goes
On and on
Yeah-eah
Like a volcano she erupt
Blowing up my pager
Every minute, every hour
Whoo-whoo, yeah
I realize she likes my stuff
I chose the right flavor
This moment I will savor
Lord
I've never trusted pretty smiles
'Cause looks are deceivin'
Sexy want my love profound
Some pretty girls are misleading
Lesson learned,
don't judge a book
By looking at the cover
You know, she drive me crazy