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Alexander IRL (2017)
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I was living here Till you disappeared The house I used to know You're always bringing me down Take me all the way home Home, home, home Take me all the way home Home, home, home Take me all the way home Home, home, home Take me all the way home Home, home, home We wrap these songs in ribbons and hopes Hurricanes and first dates Photographs of birthdays, there it goes - Were you just staring at me? - Uh, what? What's going on over there, Lo? Alex is always staring at me. He's, like, obsessed with me. No, that's not at all what-- Which is amazing, because I've been in love with you for forever. Are you serious? I thought you didn't know I existed. How could I not notice a guy in our grade who has a thousand views on his last League of Legends stream? - How do you know that? - Check out my lock screen. The house I used to know Oh, my God, I've been waiting for this moment my entire life. Take me on a-- - That's a bop. - Nice. - Bravo. Bravo. - Alex Finn! What, what, what. It's not what it looks like. I mean, I've heard of online dating, but this is ridonkulous. Be careful in detention, Alex. I suggest if you want to pass this class... They'll eat you alive. Shut up, Darius. At least he got her to look at him. Maybe I should start making out with my phone. It's probably your best bet. All right, guys, peep this. "Multimedia Me." Your final project of this section is to combine everything you've learned in the last two months into a presentation about, as the name suggests, you. Alexa, what's the weather today? Currently, it's 69 degrees with clear skies. Yo, what's up, players? First day of the week. It's gonna be lit. Um, what's up, guys? Reporting from Rupert Bailey High School. Today, pretty nervous, I've got a quiz. I'll report to you the details. Sounds good. Hello Lo. Finished painting my nails. What's up, ladies? What? No. It's 7:30! I'm gonna be late. What's the rush? School starts in a half an hour. Can't Mom and Dad take you? They're about to leave for the airport. Oh, right, the honeymoon. Boys? Boys! Honey, they're just sleeping, they're not stubborn. - All right, - What is this, TMZ? Hey, Dad. You're gonna make us take our luggage down ourselves? Come on, boys, Lyft's waiting. All right, call my cell phone only in emergencies. It's two dollars a minute. And be sure you turn all the lights off in the house, otherwise you'll be paying the utility bill with your allowance. Yeah, roger that. And I want to see pictures. Of us just sitting around the house? No, I just like to see your faces. Oh, sweetheart. I'm gonna miss you so much. And you're gonna be tall by the time I get back. Probably. And remember to pick up your bother today after school, 5:30 p.m. sharp. - 5:30. - 5:30. And don't forget to feed Milton. I'll remind him. All right, I'm giving you $200 for food. Don't blow it all on steak chips and gelato. You'll be eating dirt for the rest of the week. Where you going, Arthur? Just pretend you can't hear him. - Be careful with this. - Um, are you serious? He's gonna blow it all on in-app purchases and zit cream. Uh, you try beating Candy Crush without the golden pineapple, mister. EJ, I'm trusting you, all right? Just don't be yourself. You got it, Dad. They play Nintendo too loud! Tell them I won't tolerate that. - What's that, Bernie? - Where are you going? Maureen and I are headed for the Bahamas - for our anniversary. - Hi, Bernie. Who's watching the youngsters? They're 17 and 24. They're perfectly capable of taking-- I don't trust the small one. Thank you, Mr. Delaney. Awesome. All right, boys, no horsing around. And you know what? Turn off those machines every once in a while and go outside. There's a whole world out there that you're missing, huh? - I agree. - Yeah, okay. Bernie, you're watering your shoes. Gosh dang it. - Bye. We'll miss you! - Bye. Bye. Maybe. Woo! No parents. Come on, man, don't spit in my face and tell me it's raining, You're my go-to guy, brother. I gotta say, man, I don't like what I'm hearing. EJ, what's the status on the sushi? The meeting's about to start. I'm on the phone with the delivery guy right now. - Should be here any minute. - Bring it in right away. And please button your shirt. You look like a child. Spalding Capital. One moment. Who hears that? Yeah, we're not hearing anything on this end, Owen. Exactly. That's the sound of Gray Pop doing nothing to change the world. Why haven't I heard of a single app worth submitting for General Electric's innovation challenge? Actually, sir, I do have-- Sorry. So I take it you weren't impressed with the ideas that I sent over to you, boss? I actually was impressed by how astonishingly off the mark you were. You're thinking inside the box, people. We need something that leverages their cloud technology to make this planet greener. - I actually got this. - Deadline's this weekend. Shut up! Jesus! - What's that, gentlemen? - No. No, no, no. I'm sorry. Sorry, boss. Not talking to you. I was talking to the receptionist. He keeps coming in and out of the conference room. - I'm very sorry. - The reception's fine on my end. Now get to work on this innovation challenge. It's not rocket science. It's data science. Yeah, of course. Yeah, I know the difference between data-- Okay, great. Hung up. Good job, guys. Smooth move, Jonathan. Shut up. Broadcasting from the middle of my class, this is ESKN. What's up, fam? I got my hair on point, know what I'm saying? This is Eskin Radio... There's no way that's Mr. Eskin's real hair. Do you think he got plugs or something? They can turn the scalp around. It has to be extensions. Hey, shh! I'm trying to podcast. Okay. Nice hair. Does anyone here know how to paste an Instagram photo into a document? Yes, yes! I mean, yes. I know how. I know how. I'm Alex, by the way. I know who you are, Alex. We've had, like, 10 classes together. Actually, 13 if you count P.E. Or is it 12? Anyway, ballpark figure. Anyway. Instagram. Okay, let's see here. Whoa! No. You have 72.4 thousand followers? Shh, that's my other account. I'm really into nail art, so I made an Instagram about it. Miley tweeted about it once and it kinda blew up. Why do you keep it a secret? Well, it's not a secret exactly, it's just when people find out, they treat you differently. It's gross, actually. But it's a big part of my life, so I thought I would put it in the presentation. That's so cool. If I had a fanbase like that... - There he goes! - He's doing it. Oh, uh, embedding. Yes, of course. See these three dots right here? Okay, so what we're gonna do is we're gonna click those three dots, boom, and we're gonna copy, boom, paste, voila! Whoa, you are really good at that. Looks like I'm not the only one with a hidden talent. Yeah, I don't like to brag or anything. It's just more of like it's a thing, like I-- - Oh, my God. - I'm all right. I'm fine. I'm fine. I didn't break anything. I'm good. I'm good. - Okay. - Thank you. Talk to you later. Okay. Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. What's going on? What are you doing in my office, Jonathan? I thought I'd just stop by and see what you've done with the place. I really, really like it. Especially that bookshelf. That's nice. That's great. Can I help you with something? No, I just-- I wanted to jump in here and let you know I wouldn't worry about what Owen said. Personally, I think you're doing a bang-up job, so-- What are you even talking about? You know, about how you haven't brought in any worthwhile companies, and how you've been pretty much useless during the innovation challenge. You didn't hear him say any of that? No, I didn't. Yeah, like I said, I wouldn't stress it. And, honestly, if all else fails, I'm sure there will be a receptionist job opening up soon. Yeah, that's a window. I'd put some stickers on there or something. It's a little misleading, and dangerous, honestly. - Get out. - Mm-hmm. Ellie, hey. Let me get that for you. - What do you want? - To congratulate you. On what? EJ! - Oh, my God! - I'm so sorry. Hang on. Hang on. I got it. I'm about to show you something that's gonna change your life. I don't have time for more YouTube fail compilations. I have a meeting that I have to go to. No, no, this is serious! Okay, so... I saw you talking about that GE whatchamacallit challenge about the app, but it just so happens that this folder, while appearing to be your run of the mill sopping wet folder, actually contains several billion dollar ideas. And the best part? I am giving you the first look. Oh, come on! This thing has your name written all over it. Actually, EJ, my name is written with two Ls. You don't even know the parameters of the challenge. This is not just any random app. We need an app-- That leverages GE's Predix cloud software to lessen our carbon footprint while enhancing everyday life through insights and solutions that leverage real-time data. Yeah, I read the all-company emails, too. Granted I had to Google most of those words, but I am 90% certain that there is a unicorn hiding inside these pages. You just made the best decision of your career. Debatable! I have to say, my camera roll from this past year was on fleek. I mean, me and my sister on stage at Comic-Con? And our family trip to Harry Potter World? - Expelliarmus! - Hey, were you bummed when the sorting hat put you in Hufflepuff? Okay, how are you guys not stressed out about this? What? We can bang this project out in our sleep. I'm not talking about the technical aspect. Photos and videos that communicate who I am? What am I supposed to show, this? Oh, but you love Pow Pow. Yeah. Or this? - That's crushing it, though. - Yeah. - What about this? - A-plus. I am not laughing, okay? I could humiliate myself in front of Lo. Relax, her best friend is Lamey Jamie. Hey, hey, Jamie is not that lamey. Okay, and as I was saying, maybe she has a secret attraction to ninja coders who rocked braces for nine years. - Thanks, Darius. - Yeah. Don't worry, there are people in this school way more suss than we are. Yeah, like, uh, like the math nerds. How about the foreign exchange kids? And the drama geeks. Okay, okay, I get it, but you're missing the point. All of those cliques have a thing. They're all unique. I'm just some kid. Not everybody's a thing. Look at Bernie Davis. Nah, he's on the basketball team. Um, Spencer Boyle. He's super into Jesus. - Ariel Green. - Oh, she talks loud. Hey, Tara! Save me a seat! Oh, yeah. Oh, I've got one. Cole Winnard. And then she said, "Are you just happy to see me or is that your phone in your pocket?" I didn't have my phone! I mean, he doesn't have a thing, and considering the fact that he's friends with Lo, I mean, he's doing pretty good for himself. Mmm, he throws parties. See ya! Have a good trip! Woo-hoo-hoo. - Dude, there's your answer. - What? Throw your own party. Aren't your parents out of town this weekend? Okay, there's a lot of legal risks associated with-- Don't ruin this one for us. Look, the guy who throws the party gets the girl. That means we do, too. Ain't happening. A, our guild practice is this weekend. B, I have no idea how to throw a party. Can we forget about the stupid guild for once? How dare you speak ill of the Crusaders of Xenith? We've played thousands of hours of Warcraft, and what do we have to show for it? A high ranking and literally the love of thousands of Ukrainians. I'd rather have the love of a few IRL for once, and you should, too. What if nobody shows up and I'm the laughingstock of the school? Dude, are you seriously considering this? Yes. Yes. Doo-dah, doo-dah Camptown racetrack's five miles long Oh the doo-dah day Gonna to run all night Gonna to run all day, I bet my money Aah! Are you kidding me right now? Was that even real? Please don't sneak up on me like that. Ah! Yes. So I see you have perused the X-Files. I have, and most of these ideas are absolutely terrible. Hey, hey, look, Ellie. Facebook wasn't built in a day. Actually, it was. - It was? - It was. I mean, come on, EJ. Look at some of these ideas. An app that monitors how much gas you pass when you eat certain foods so that you can track your carbon emissions and improve your diet? Yeah, I stand by Outsmart Your Fart. Lyft for couch potatoes? Sometimes the remote gets stuck on the other side of the room and you gotta get somebody to go get it. I guess there's really only one in here that actually kind of works. Really, there is? Monitoring your device usage to save time and energy. Ah, yes, okay. So that little gem came to me when my dad started yelling at me for spending all my free time on my cell phone. And I thought to myself, what if I could develop an app that would encourage you to go offline but then also conserve electricity? So, do you have a prototype for this earth-shattering idea? - Yeah. - Can I see it? Yeah, it's, um, right-- this guy right here. No, EJ, I meant a minimum viable product, okay? A working version of the app. Yes, I totally have that, too. The only thing is that my developer is working on fixing some bugs right now and I can't deliver anything less than perfection. Okay. Thursday morning then, before the staff meeting. Thursday, yeah. Okay, great. Thursday it is. Mother... Sorry, my sister was hogging the bike. It's not your fault. EJ was supposed to pick me up. Don't worry, I got you. When I was growing up I had a lot of dreams My mama told me, son You could be anything Go ahead and spread your wings I know one day you'll be great Just wait, soon you'll aim up at the sky And I'll watch you float away I don't want to worry 'bout nothing for a while I just want to play around, living like a child With old tunes jamming on my Walkman And some Sour Patch Kids and a Coke, yeah Welcome home. Aah! What is wrong with you? Were you seriously just sitting in the dark waiting for me to come home, you freak? Aren't you forgetting something? Is it national sibling day? You were supposed to pick me up from school, you jerk. Ah, that explains it. I wrote down "pick up Alex" on my hand, but it smudged, So I thought it said "pick up a lox." I bought all this lox for nothing. You are literally too dumb to get mad at. No, no, no, wait. Dude, no, don't go. I need your help with something, okay? It's for work, and I promise, I can't pay you right now, but shares of my future company could literally be worth billions of dollars. Trillions of dollars, dude, come on! - Nope, not helping. - Please? I guess it's just you and me, lox. I still think this is a terrible idea, but if we're gonna do it, we should do it right. So, I ran a Twitter search for the hashtag "sickparty", then aggregated the results, and what I noticed were that ping pong balls were featured a lot. So we're definitely gonna want ping pong balls. - I love ping pong. - Me as well. No, no, no, we do not have time to crunch numbers. Let's just think about all the rad parties we've been to in the past. Oh, my cousin Allegra had a piata at her quinceaera. Now we're getting somewhere. Piatas are a bop. Do you guys not watch CW? It's all about foam parties. Look in that book. I guarantee you it's somewhere in there. Look at it. Oh, that looks unhygienic. How about glow in the dark? We whiten our teeth and we get an advantage over all of the other guys. I can't believe I'm friends with you. Okay, Stu, search Yelp for party planners. I'll put an ad on Craigslist. Darius, keep an eye on Lo's Snapchat. All right. Is it on? The camera? Oh! Hola. Hi, how are you gringos locos? So I've seen that you've posted online that you need help for this fiesta, right? What's up, guys? It's Barry the beat-boxer. Heard you need a little "eh-wuh-eh-wuh" entertainment for your party. And if that is the case, then you go no other place than Kudro the Cowboy. Hello there. I'm Rickets. Like crickets, but without the "K". I'm a software developer. I made a game called Duck Hunter. Apparently there was already a game called Duck Hunter out there. I was not aware of this. Although we are not technically conjoined, we act as though we are. You can reach me on my Facebook page, or I got a SoundCloud because I'm also a singer. You were the first So was I Hey, it's me! Reddy the Clown. Hire me for your party. Hire me! Please! I need the work! I'm just kidding-- but I'm not. I got lots of special skills. I can dance, I can do balloon animals, I'm good with kids, archery, hiking. I used to be a barista. I don't know. I come with all sorts of fun stuff. I, Lady Maybelline, can make your party lit. - I'll bring yogurt. - Broken legs. I even have this pretty sweet thing. It's make me cough when I go too hard. Anyway, hire me. Go no place else than Kudro the Cowboy. - Call us. - Call us. I'm coming. Hit me up, Reddy the Clown. And 200. Now, you're sure you can get this out by Thursday? Yeah. Don't be so paranoid, man. - You're in great hands. - That's fantastic. I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous about giving that much money to someone I never met on the internet. Aah! Aah! Why? Dude, we could ask Cole Winnard for help. He's not gonna help us. That's like Kylo Ren helping Jar Jar Binks. That's like Taylor Swift helping Hannah Montana. - Whoa. - Oh. What happened with you? Craigslist. Why do you look all depressed? - Craigslist. - For what, Pokmon cards? If you must know, we're throwing a party on Friday night. You mean, like a Mario party? No, no, no, like a real party. Cool kids, lit music, glow in the dark, baby. L.O.L.! Big-time L.O.L.! - You guys can't throw a party. - Watch us. No, I'm not saying you don't know how to throw a party, though you don't know how to throw a party. I'm saying that dad will freak if he finds out and I'm not putting my butt on the line. Dude! Dude! Oh, come on, I'll do anything. I'll cook dinner for the next week. Shh! Hold on, it's coming. Wait, wait. Shh! Yep, I got it. Light bulb moment! What are you talking about? You know that app you didn't want to hear about? I need it built, fast. You guys build me a prototype, I'll let you throw your dumb party. What's the app? Basically we use GE's cloud technology to monitor the town's power grid. When demand surges, everybody's devices turn off except for emergency calls and Taco Bell. We all conserve energy and you guys have to go out and do stuff that doesn't involve being on your iPads and Xboxes and what have you. Have some decency, man. Okay, I am not interested in the peanut gallery right now. Can you build it or not? When do you need it by? Thursday morning. - Thursday? - It's doable. I mean, I'm down, but we need to set up for the party. Don't worry about that. I got a guy. - A guy? - A guy. Get in here. We need to spit up the server, then write the JavaScript, then Darius and Stu can handle it from there. Okay, so what does that mean? We accept your offer. Woo! Come here. You know what? No, forget it. Just get in the car. - Get in the car. - See you, guys. - See you, Alex. - Come on, let's go. - Later, nerds. - Bye, EJ. - Is it good yet? - What? The app, is it good? It's literally been three minutes. - Are you? - Nine. Come sit with me. Over there. You go first. Okay. So you're EJ's little brother. Yeah. You wouldn't lie to me, would you? - No, sir. - You wouldn't lie to me? I would not. So why don't you look like that? Okay, the timer is locked and loaded, the CSS looks sharp, and the AJAX is all set. How's the firewall tracking? Oh, it's all the way live. Mother, I don't want to practice the piano! Is someone at the door? You want to do something different, you know? Something they're gonna remember forever. Everybody's tweeting. Nobody's doing this. Oh, my gosh, that's insane! What is your problem? I just want people from my high school to show up, not random strangers. You're in high school? Huh. I mean, I guess it's pretty cool. - How'd you do it? - I know a guy. So, the GE cloud notifies us when the town is using too much energy, and then every device gets a two-minute warning. Then for three hours, we're all stuck in real life. - Huh. - Not bad, huh? I have no idea what you're talking about. Oh, my God. We'll text you the Cliff Notes. It's right here. How? It's EJ, bro. Weather forecasts, grid maintenance, scheduling and outages, all processed in real-time through Predix, to our users because life is much better lived than watched. Nice. That's it. You may applaud now. Calm down. Do you have a technical cofounder? Yes. Yes, we do. It's this buddy of mine. He dropped out of Stanford, total rock star. This guy's still at Google but he wants to come on full-time once we raise money. - Money. - Enough. And what do you call it? - Excuse me? - The app, genius. - What's the name of the app? - Right. Yes, okay. We're calling it the Cloud Maximizer 2.0. Cloud Maximus 2.0. That's not even what he said. Shut up. These things take time. Based on what I'm hearing so far-- Where's the market value fit? I mean, how many kids are voluntarily gonna use this? That's a fair point, Jonathan. - Well, we haven't really. - Right, you know what? Owen, you are asking all the right questions. Is it okay if I call you Owen? - Sure. - Fantastic. It just so happens that actually we're throwing the world's first unplugged party where all devices will be voluntarily powered down for three hours. Genius. That's genius. Some people are already calling it the party of the decade. You wanna swing by? Witness history in the making? There will be live music. - Kids love live music. - Do they? Well, this is the closet thing I've seen to a good idea and GE's deadline is this weekend, so you got your shot. Jonathan and I are having dinner with a journalist from Tech Crunch. Why don't you and Ellie join, and then we'll head over together? I'm sorry to interrupt, sir, but what about that vegan delivery concept that we had been talking about? I've seen 12 competitors already this week. Owen, it is brilliant decisions like this - that demonstrate why-- - You may leave now. Yep. 'Kay, on my way. Good? Right, guys? Cloud Maximizer 2.0. Shut up. That sounds lit. An underground disaster party? This could do irreparable damage to our social status. You do irreparable damage to our social status everyday. Oh, hi. Hey. Hello, Lo, Jamie. - Hey. - How are you guys doing? I have to get to calculus. Hey, so do we. You wanna come with? Um, sure. Uh, were you eating lunch? No, I just like to carry around an empty tray. I'm actually an alien who doesn't eat, but don't tell anyone. Stupid question. How's the project coming along? I don't know. It's kind of hard to sum myself up in one presentation. Kind of stressing out about it actually. Same. Yeah. I mean, kind of, but-- I'm having a house party tomorrow night, - if you want to join. - Really? Didn't take you for the house party throwing type of guy. Well, the parents are out of town, so I thought it'd be cool to betray their trust. Can I bring Jamie? Yeah, absolutely. You know, friends, acquaintances, mortal enemies. Come one, come all. I've been looking to smooth things over with my enemies, so perfect timing. Awesome, yeah. It's the time. Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Yes, wouldn't miss it for the world. - Okay. - Ow! Oh, my God. I think that man just hit me with a muffin. It's not a man. It's my brother. I'm sorry. Let me go talk to him. Are you trying to ruin my life? There's my favorite and only brother. Don't you wanna know how the meeting went? Don't you wanna know how the party planning is going? Actually, yeah, that's why I'm here. Well, we've done nothing. Nine is useless. All he's done is send me text messages of gifs. Well, in his defense, Nine is a gif god. The party is tomorrow night! Chill, chill. That's where I come in. What are you gonna do? Well, what if there was a secret password and only people who know it will be admitted? So like unlocking a hidden level or something? Precisely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But stay with me though. What if instead of a password, it's actually an app? And if you don't download it, you can't get in. - Wow! - Shut up, shut up. I thought you actually cared about my party. I do. No, it's all about your stupid app. Hey, mi app es su app, bro. My new company, your big party, they are flip sides of the same coin. Let me show you how a CEO gets things done. Come on. You want a great party? You can't just invite the people you think should be there. If you want an instant classic, it's all about the people who shouldn't be there. Start with a clique that never gets invited to parties. I used to be in the drama club. Perfect. While you guys all reminisce about that 8th grade production of "Annie Get Your Gun", casually drop that you got invited to a party tomorrow at Alex Finn's. Got invited to a party tomorrow at Alex Finn's. Wasn't it Leibniz who said music is a hidden exercise in arithmetic? I am on the calculus team. And as everyone knows, there's only one word that's exactly the same in every single language. Fiesta? Partido? Fete? And from there, my young Padawan learners, the word is out and the party is on. Nobody knows who's hosting, and nobody cares. But come tomorrow night, everybody's gonna be there. Alex Finn's having a party? You really think that'll work? It already has. From the spires in the sky Down to the corridors beneath There's an energy that vibes In the faces that you meet Golden face that divides us Is calling and making me We're on fire Burn the ashes when it's over We're on fire The voices getting closer, closer We're on We're on fire We're on We're on fire Burn the ashes when it's over We're on fire The voices getting closer, closer Alexander Finn! Did you want to speak with me? What's up, dude? - Nothing much. - 'Sup, dawg. Boom. 'Sup, dawg? How you living? - Just busy. - Oh, really? Busy? Heard you might be real busy. - Planning something. - I mean, um... I know about your little soiree tomorrow night. I didn't mean for it to get this big. I invited a couple friends here and there, and all of a sudden everyone just wanted to come. I don't want to hear it! Look, dude, I get it. I was a kid once, too, dude, all right? So I'm gonna be straight with you, Alexander. I'm not gonna bust your party, dude. Really? You're not? Dude! Come on! Who am I? Remember who you're talking to. Yeah, man, I'm not whack. I'm lit. I got a mixtape man. It's fire. But look, I do need to ask you a question. Okay. And I need you to be 100% straight with me. Okay, all right. Is it cool if roll through? Uh, sure. That's, that's cool. Sick, dude! Whoo! Yeah! I needed this. Thanks, bro. Awesome. So I'll just come by. What time's the party? - 8:30. - 8:30. Okay, on the late side. You can come whenever, though. It's not-- Seven o'clock? Help you set up? Yes. Am I dismissed now? - Yeah, fam. Fo' sho. - Okay. Fo' sho! See you at the party tonight, playa! Rock on, fam. Hey, boys, it's your dad. How's it going over there on the home front? I haven't gotten any calls from the police, so that's a good sign. Anyway, I hope Mr. Delaney isn't giving you too hard of a time. Oh, remember to set the A/C to away mode if you're both leaving the house. And no ordering any on-demand movies unless you pay for them Too much camo? So, uh, what else? Yeah, um, we're about to hit the hay. Love you both. Good night. Alex? Lo? The party doesn't start for four hours. What are you doing here so early? I just wanted to give you a kiss. Oh, Lo. I love you. Shh. That is way too loud. No. Aah! Hi, Lo. It's me, Alex. Hey, no. Hey, what do you guys think? - Oh, Alex. - A-sharp. - On fire. - I'm digging it. Now aren't that cute? What up with the headphones? Makes it look like I don't care. Look, I'm not even plugged in. Nah, lose 'em. All right, party's about ready. Nine, you're working security, man. Keep everybody out of the front yard. Make sure that nobody gets in unless they've downloaded the app and their data's disabled. No disabled people, got it. That's not what I said. Stu, you're handling bugs and glitches. If I'm not too busy finessing the ladies. I am not joking, Stuart! This is serious! Darius. You're monitoring the back end, buddy. I have been training for this moment my entire life. Good man. - Alex. - Yes. Try to keep in mind that this is not just a house party. This is the most important night of my-- of our careers. I know. Make sure you don't burn the house to the ground. Try to have a little fun, too. - All right? - All right. I'll be monitoring everything from the Milton cam. Uh, guys? I think we might have a minor, minor issue. Dude, I don't have time for issues. What is this? Look what happens when I click on a user's profile. - Oh, my goodness gracious. - Yeah. I'm kidding. I have no idea what you're trying to show me. Are you seeing what I'm seeing? We have full access to people's phones. I mean, what happened to the privacy firewall, Stu? Did I forget to plug it in? Uh, all right, look, all I know is that this is super secure cloud software and if you guys figured out a way to muck it up-- Okay, Stu screwed up, but it's an easy fix, and we're gonna get on it ASAP. All right. I'm gonna be late. You twerps got this? Just go. I'll patch the security network. It'll take 15 minutes. Now we're talking, Patch Adams. I will see you guys at around nine. You will text me if there are any other problems, okay? EJ, it's Ellie. We're running late. Jonathan insisted on telling the driver how to get to the hotel and got lost, and then of course blamed me for giving him the wrong address. Anyways, can we please just impress the pants off this writer and Owen tonight so I can prove Jonathan wrong? I mean, let's kill it. You're gonna kill it. We have a great idea. So meet us at the bar, and maybe go over your pitch again, and again, and then, like, maybe one more time. And please don't say anything weird tonight, okay? Oh, and don't order anything too strong before we get there. I need you focused. Oh! Oh, scrumptious. Oh, that's fire. Yo, before y'all finish that patch, let me hit a lick and just get like five minutes to peruse a few girls' albums. You are such a creep. You're telling me you got full access to Lo's entire phone and you're not gonna do anything with it? That sounds a little irresponsible to me, Alex. I couldn't do that to her. Ten toes down, I can. - He doesn't want to. - Come on. Ooh, looks like she's into astrology. Looks like we got a Virgo on our hands, fellas! - Resist the temptation. - But I'm a Virgo, too. Based on her "recently watched" on Netflix, we got "Rick & Morty", "Archer", "Parks and Rec", and "Workaholics"! She likes all the same shows I do! Yes. Yes! People are here. - I gotta finish this. - Right here. Look, it's right here. Do you mind if you guys stall? I just want to take a quick peek at, you know, Lo's phone. Yes. Here's to the best night of our lives, players. Let's ball out. Come on, Darius. For the record, I think this is a terrible idea. 'Sup? Just-- it's fine. Chilling. How are you? Cool. Come on. - ...shiatsu message? - Yes. - There he is! - Ah, this guy. - You still rich? - Duh. - You are gonna love him. - Oh, thanks. I'm excited. Isn't that the next Mark Zuckerberg standing on the furniture like an oversized child? He's weird. I like weird! Guys, I can't believe we actually did this. I know, this party is amazeballs! Group effort, players. There's nothing we can't do when we put our minds to it. - What is this? - I know. This party's pretty lit, huh? No. Do you want me to tell the people out front to leave? Who? We're gonna need a bigger house. Our business is like a shark. If we're not moving forward, we die. Which is why I'm always looking for the next big thing. - Carrot! - EJ? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Synergy. - Innovation. - Ideation. - Okay. - Intubation. Right? Listen, Owen already leaked your app concept to me, and I'm a bit skeptical. I mean, every kid I know is glued to their phones. How are you gonna make them turn them off? Look, I was part of the last generation to grow up without the Internet. We had to have fun the old-fashioned way. Cow tipping, prank calls-- we didn't need tweets and listicles to let loose. Still not sure I'm following. You know what? Everybody close your eyes for a second. Just close your eyes. Stay with me here. Jon, close your eyes. Jonathan, close your eyes. - Close your eyes. - Close your eyes. All right, all right. Now, wait. Wait for it. Okay, open your eyes. You're still here. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah. You smell that? - Um... - Mushrooms? - They're right here. - No, no! That's not what it is. You know what it is? It's a whiff of the future. Look, it's not just about shutting down. It's about savoring what comes next. I'm getting excited. And when I get excited, I get hungry. - Cucumber, now. - Is a half one okay? - Do you want more? - No. Stu? Stu? Can you two get a room? Just not my room though. Stu? I will free you from the shackles of your job. I feel so unburdened. - Stu? - Hey, there you are. He told me you'd find us. Alejandro. Ale, Alejandro. Ale, Alejandro, eh? Live and dance. Lose yourself in wild romance. Fiesta, caramba. - Forever! - Forever! Alejandro, I have traveled long and wide to meet up with you esta noche. Tonight, your man EJ, he will confront his own destiny. Without him, you will face obstacles of your own in order to realize your dream. So it's time for you to put aside the chico, to put aside the baby, to put aside the nio. and become the macho you're meant to be! Fiesta musica! Party loco! Alexander Finn. Yes, that's it. You hit the nail on the head, Owen. In a world dominated by virtual reality, who needs a self-driving car? I hate to interrupt, but I still don't get why kids are gonna willingly turn off their phones. That's where the parents come in. Yes. See, that is exactly right. You are living in a Web 2.0 world, my friend. The next era is all about focus, efficiency, undivided attention. You know what? I should take this. Just one second. So sorry. Just one second. You've gotta be kidding me. There's something about this kid. Sorry to interrupt, bro, but Alex don't got any sad, old 70-year-old, divorced, bald-looking white friends, do he? I don't know. I mean, he met up with some old guys at a World of Warcraft meetup last year. Does one of them live next door? Nine! That is a code 374! Repeat, 374! I'm sorry, 37 what? Nine, stop whatever it is that you are doing, and go find Alex ASAP, okay? It's so crowded, I can't find Lo anywhere. She's always with Jamie. How am I supposed to fulfill my destiny? I'll run a diversion on Lamey Jamie, you just go in for the kill. - Stu, you're just-- - I know, I know. I'm no hero. Anyone in my position would do the same. No, no. What I was gonna say is you're a little out of your league. Oh? We're about to find out. They're right over there. - Go get 'em. - All right, let's go. Wanna go outside and get a little air? You can go. I'm just gonna hang here. Whatever. Hey, you having a good time? Other than the secondhand anxiety I'm experiencing watching people trash your house, totally. We've been throwing bangers like this for a minute. Awesome. Here, come on. I'll tell you all about it. Great. I could never have a party at my house. I would just be following people around with cupholders. You sound like a Virgo. I am. That's so random. Are you into astrology? Yeah, I dabble. That's so funny, I've never met a guy who was into that sort of thing. It's usually such a girl thing. Oh, yeah, actually, I don't know. I was kidding about that. Forget I ever said that. Not much for big crowds, are we? Nope. You wanna go somewhere quieter? Fine. This party is lame. Sick! Hey! Yo, we're going upstairs. - Oh. - Yeah! Let's go. So, what TV shows do you like? I'm a big fan of "Parks and Rec", "Ricky and Morny", "Workaholics", and "Archer". Wow! You and my little brother would really hit it off. Those are literally his favorite shows. Uh, your brother? I was kidding about that. I kinda watch those shows, but I don't really watch those shows. I watch those shows sometimes. Is everything okay? Yes. I gotta go. - Aww, hell no. - Crap. Yo, Alex, we gotta end the party right now. That dude busted us back in '08. His own children don't even like him. Oh, no. We gotta end the party now, man. Stop playing. Tell everybody to go home. Hey, I got an idea. What's up, homies? Can I get through here real quick? Hey, everyone! Everyone! Yeah! If you don't want this party to end-- Yeah! Let's never leave! Yeah, so give me two minutes of silence. I will destroy everything you hold dear! I need you guys to be quiet. I don't want to hear a peep from you. Shh! Shh! I'll be right back. It's fine. Shh! Guys... Oh, hey, Mr. Delaney. Is everything okay? No, everything is not okay. You and your brother are creating a racket like I have never heard. Now how, how-- how many hooligans do you have in there? I'm sorry you're not able to sleep, but my parents are already back from their trip. Let me talk to your father. Of course, yes. Let me go get him. Hey, how's it going over there? Is that you, Arthur? Hey, how's it going over there, Mr. Delaney? I didn't realize you and the missus are back already. Yeah. Do the boys have some people over? Because I've been hearing this noise. No, we're about to hit the hay. Are you sure? No, we're about to hit the hay. - He already said that one. - I know! - Change it up! - I'm trying. Shut up! I can only keep this going for so long. - Well, keep doing it. - Okey-dokey. Good night. Love you. All I had was "I love you." He didn't record anything else. He thinks we love him now. Good night, Mr. Delaney. Dance when the bass hit, dab on a spaceship Me and all my homies going hard I'm hella high, brah, I cannot lie, brah I've got that mad look in my eye, brah Pull up in their skirts, got your main thing Looking at us like, "What's up?" Spinning all these bad soldiers Girls, they showing love How can I be down? Every day I'm calling up 1, 2, 3, 4 shots, we don't give a --- Just left Miami I'm going back to Cali In the club with my family Going hard with my family I don't need a lot, just a few... Nine, Nine, Nine, Nine! Nine, Nine, Nine! Party to the late night, yes, we --- do Do we need another round? Yes, we fucking do Yes, we --- do Why did I do that? I'm higher than my penthouse With the city view Party to the late night? yes, we --- do Do we need another round? yes, we -- Dance when the bass hit, dab on a spaceship Me and all my homies going hard I'm hella high, brah, I cannot lie, brah I've got that --- look in my eye, brah Pull up in their skirts, got your main thing Looking at us like, "What's up?" Spinning all these bad soldiers Girls, they showing love How can I be down? We don't give a --- We don't give a --- I don't need a lot, just a -- few A few loyal real Gs, that's my --- crew Party to the late night, yes, I do Do we need another round? Yes, we do Dance when the bass hit, dab on a spaceship Me and all my homies going apeshit I'm hella high, brah, I cannot lie, brah I've got that look in my eye Every day I'm calling up 1, 2, 3, 4 shots, we don't give a --- Hey, whoa, whoa! Don't you think we're moving a little too fast? Stop being a wuss and just kiss me. No, no! I have something I have to tell you. You don't want to kiss me? No, no, I do. I really do. But, no, no, no! I never kissed anyone before. You what? I mean, I know it's shocking, but-- I've kissed my mom, obviously, but not a girl, like, from school on the lips. Oh, you're so adorably pathetic. That's okay, we don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I'm sure Alex and Lo have kissed by now. - Wait, what? - Well, Lo was complaining about how she wanted to kiss Alex, but you two are always attached at the hip. So I had to run a diversion. No, no. I was distracting you. Whatever you want to tell yourself, loverboy. Oh, hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm gonna ride you like your skateboard! Well that went amazing, am I right? You're right. It did go great. There he is. What's the address of this party? - I've got a Lyft on the way. - 1538 Sycamore. So, tiny little disclaimer, before we go, the party that we're going to might or might not be a high school house party. I'm sorry, is it or is it not a high school house party? It is. Of course it is. I never thought of it being anything but. Look, teenagers are the ones dictating the trends anyway, so why not test it out on them, am I right? Now that's what I call a killer instinct, huh? No, it's great. It's a brilliant idea, a bunch of unsupervised high school kids partying. Yeah, it is, grandpa. We're gonna have a good time, so let's go. You know what? I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick. I'll just meet you outside. One second. Yo, this party is totally lame, am I right? Wait, what? This party, it's lame as hell. Why would you have a party if you can't Snapchat it? My parties, on the other hand, are lit! My bad, dude. Who are you? It's me, Mike, you know who I am. It's Cole. You know, Cole Winnard? You come to my parties every weekend. I took your sister to prom. Right on, man. I'm gonna jet over here. I'll see you a little later. Yeah, you will. Yes, I'd like to report an out of control party next door. Yes, definitely underage drinking, possible drugs. Yeah, just send someone over if you can. Thank you so much. Chill, chill, chill. Yo, yo, yo. So I had a wild time unplugging with you guys, but as of right now, all your phones are back on. I can't believe it's been three hours already. Time flies when you're having fun. Hey, let's turn off our phones and keep the no phone party vibes alive! Pull out your phones and power down! Before we power down, do you want to take a selfie? Definitely. All night I think about you, baby I think about you, baby All night I think about you, baby, I think about you, baby - All night - Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh, are you kidding me? Lady, back off. I'm sorry about that. It's fine, seriously. Do you want me to lend you a shirt or something? That might not be a bad idea. Yo, yo, yo, Alex Finn! If you in the house right now, Darius needs to see you right now. Not again. Okay, meet me in my room. I'll be right there in a sec. Good luck. God, you're so sexy. You got this. You can have Lo, I can have every girl I want. Does Alex have these? What's up, girl? How are you doing? Hey, I'm Cole, but you already know me. Okay, I'm trying to have a good time at my party But you, Captain Buzzkill, comes in here and ruined it. You asked for my help. I'm just trying to be a good friend to you, but you don't even care if I'm having fun! Do you think I want to spend the entire party monitoring the app? As a matter of fact, yes, I do! If you're glued to your phone, you don't have to actually talk to people. Are you hearing this, Stu? Stu, what's wrong with you? Nothing, for I have blossomed. You guys have been cool for literally, what, 15 minutes, and you're already acting like complete jerks? Don't forget, if it wasn't for the stupid app and the privacy bug, you wouldn't have even been able to snoop through Lo's phone or talk to her. Sorry, I was-- - Hey, thought you were-- - Alex? We were doing this as a favor to you and EJ. We don't even care about the app. And some help you've been. The party was nonexistent until EJ got involved. The security bug was caused by you idiots. Some guys are just desperate. I'm sorry you had to find out like this. I know, it's just I thought he was one of the good guys. Those are the ones you have to watch out for the most. - What are you doing? - I just thought-- You thought me in tears was a good time to kiss me? Maybe? Do you want me to walk you home? That's the last time we ever do you a favor. That cinnamon really messed me up. If you guys really want to do me a favor, you'll leave me alone. Thanks for having my back, dude. Stu! Hey, did you find a T-shirt? Oh, my gosh, this is interesting. Holy guacamole. I didn't know you were like this. All right, come on in, guys. Here we go. Hey, how's the party? Okay, I guess some people just aren't ready to unplug. Mi casa es tu casa, bienvenidos. Yeah! This fiesta is gonna be mucho caliente! Go crazy loco. You know, we could have a fun time if you'd just lighten up. - Lighten up? Really? - Woo! This party is insane! Woo, woo, woo! Oh, my God. Is that a full-grown man? You've never been this good of a kisser before, Vin. - You're not Lo. - You're not Vinny. I'm Vinny. And I'm scared. Yeah! Now, as you can see, nobody here is so much as texting. Told ya. Cops! - Aww, come on! - Hey! Policia! Oh, my God, I'm gonna be fired. Don't touch me. It's okay. It's okay. Everybody, just chill out. Watch it! - You! Creepy guy. - Me? No, you. Come here. Nope, no, no. Get back here. No. Don't you make me tase you! - Okay, okay, okay. - What happened? Don't tase me, bro! Don't tase me, bro! I was the first money at Facebook! Aah! This is a huge mistake. Owen? Owen, are you mad? Owen, please don't be mad. I'm sorry, Owen. Officer, you don't understand. We work for a venture capital fund and we were just throwing an event. Lady, look, I don't understand fancy words like "venture capital" and "event". All I know is you got a house full of out of control kids, and these two bozos sitting there watching the action. They're coming with us. Owen, I'll call the attorney, okay? I can't imagine Life on earth now I can't imagine Life on earth now I can't imagine Life on earth now I just want to know Is my bedroom still there? Is it still standing there? Is the tree That I planted still there In the backyard? I want to know Are things still burning? Still burning I want to know Are things still burning? Still burning down Burning down Burning down Burning down Down, down I can picture my mother Killing black widows With an old broom I'm making all the neighbors laugh I was laying in the blossoms When the sky went black I want to know Are things still burning? Still burning down Oh, you're back. Jail was great. Thanks for asking. Where are the dweebs? They're not talking to me right now. I take it things didn't go so well with-- Lo. Yeah, no. All right, well, at least we got each other, right? That's got to count for something. Yeah. Besides, we'll win 'em back. No. All right, look, I know you idolize me, so I'm gonna go ahead and drop a truth bomb here. Remember when we were little, and mom would buy us those nutty bars, and they would be completely gone after like a day? And I would accuse you of taking them, and dad would accuse me of taking them, and we never quite figured out what was going on? Yeah. Yeah, well I was hiding them in the laundry closet. I knew it. Well, what does that have to do with anything though? Seriously? Who did you invite to this party? That's just gross. All right, look. In the same way that I didn't let anything get between me and those nutty bars, you can't let anything get in between you and something you want. Oh, so you're saying I should lock Lo in a secret compartment. Yes! Maybe. That could be illegal. You know how many app installs we got? Oh, I don't know actually. Let me check. - Did you miss us? - You did get taller, didn't you? - Arthur? Arthur! - Yeah, hi, Bernie. Didn't I just talk to you on Friday? Uh, I don't think so. No, no, I did. I definitely did. You were in the window, and I said-- Yeah, that's great, Bernie. That's great. We'll talk to you later. We're gonna be there ourselves pretty soon. You know what? I think he is finally really starting to lose it. Wait. Smell that? - That's the-- - I can explain. You can't take the smell out of a man's home. - It's in the walls. - That's right. I am so happy to be home. Who wants Chinese food for dinner? That sounds so great! Hey, kids, Monday morning here on ESKN, Eskin Radio. Welcome back to reality. Did your brains turn to mush? 'Cause it's Monday, baby. Hey, heard things got a little out of hand this weekend at Alex Finn's. We're hearing some disturbing reports of phone hacking? Not cool, Alex. Not cool. - Hey! - Oh, EJ! You don't know when to concede, do you? I don't even know what that word means. - Seriously. - It's over. We already submitted a different app for the innovation challenge. Yeah, I figured, but, look, forget about the challenge for a second, okay? We accomplished something awesome. Spalding would be stupid not to invest in us. This is not just my thing. This is our thing. We did this together. I just need you to get me into the room. I'll take care of the rest. Okay, peep this, guys. Tomorrow are your "Multimedia Me" presentations. If you have not started yet, I strongly urge you to control, alt, delete all recreational activities. ..body you can trust me with your body I'm not a doctor but I got that prescription Im not a builder but I fixed your broken bridges Trust me with your body you can trust me with your body Maybe you can find someone who's not just tryin to hit and run And as they say in St. Tropez where, if you look on the screen, I've been there-- Si este la vie. Which in French means... No. ...I live a crazy awesome life. Thank you everybody for coming out. Winnard out. Thank you, Cole, for your enlightening speech. Definitely follow him on Instagram. He's got a number of pictures of making duck faces on there, so you're gonna want to check those out. Next up, Alexander Finn! Alexander Finn. I actually spent an embarrassing amount of time stressing about this project. I was so obsessed with creating a character that you guys would think is cool. But, in doing so, I realized I'm not cool. This is the headgear I wear for my teeth. I'm supposed to wear it every night, but I'm a bad boy, so I wear it every other night. I don't really have any talents that will get me into college, but I am pretty bomb at World of Warcraft. I don't go to cool parties or go to exotic places, but I like my life because of the people I get to spend it with. I might not always feel special or like I have a thing, but that's okay, because as long as I'm myself and I treat others the way I want to be treated, I know that people will always want to be my friend. I guess what I'm trying to say is... Well, I just hung up on Mark Cuban, so this better be going somewhere. ...when I stopped obsessing over what everyone else was doing, I realized how great I had it. All it took was getting off my phone and living in real life. And I needed some help to learn that. Is this serious? I have a lunch with Dan Rather in 45 minutes. What? Thank you, Alex. oh, c'mon, what is that? Life doesn't happen here. I'll try that that again. It happens here. Here. And, yes, even here. We set out to leverage the best data science on the planet to make for a more sustainable environment. And while there were a few missteps, - the fact remains... - Hey, I look good. The technology that we created not only met our expectations, it exceeded them. - I just-- - Shh. 8,356-- the amount of kilowatt hours we saved by having everyone on their devices power down. Trust me, these are exaggerated numbers. Not now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 4,234-- kilograms of CO2 we stopped from poisoning the atmosphere. 517-- the number of hours people weren't on their devices. But wait, there's more. 10,000-- the number of times the app has been downloaded only by word of mouth. Why choose between saving humanity and saving the environment, when we can do both? - Yeah. - Yes, that was lit! - Thank you. - This could be big. Yeah. Yeah, the three of us back together, just like old times. Just like "Entourage." Thank you very much. Where were we? Hey, guys. How are you feeling? Great, great. Owen, pleasure. Uh, excuse me, do I know you? So, are you in charge of this venture? Yes, sir, I'm the CEO. Got a good team? Meet our head of marketing. He organized the house party. - Lovely. - What about a CTO? Meet Mr. Eskin. He teaches multimedia to high school students, so he's basically a genius. What's up, dude? Do you see what you're doing? You're not really going to invest in these half-witted losers, are you? Look at them! I've been in this game a long time, and I think I know a good business opportunity when I see one. You have lost your mind. You've lost your mind! What your problem is is that you let your ego get in the way of business. So guess what? You're on time out. Go sit down. - No, no. - Yes, go sit down! I will not, because you're come over there and you're gonna fire me. And you know what? You can't fire me, because I quit. I quit. Don't say anything. I quit, I'm done. I hate this job! I never liked that guy anyway. Looks like we have a pretty big opening at Spalding Capital. How do you feel about that big promotion? I would love to take it, sir. As for you three... you're funded. Yeah! Yeah! We're committed to a half million dollars on a pre-money valuation of two million. - Don't let me down, boys. - Nope. Can I? - Yep, bring it in. - Thank you. Not you. Not you. I don't like you. Okay. Well, I guess that means you're not my boss anymore. Actually, we now own 20% of the company, so get back to work. I don't recall giving you permission to use our image. Yeah, I reckon we got a lawsuit on our hands. Okay, let's settle out of court. I'll offer up my friendship and unlimited snacks at my house. And a video game to be named later? Deal. So are we millionaires now? Well, if you value the company at about, what, a billion dollars? What's up, nerds? That was interesting. Interesting as in you'll forgive me for being a complete jerk? Interesting as in I'm glad I have the opportunity to get to know the real you. Selfie time. Let's just live in the moment. Nah! Yo, get it right here. There you are. Right there, right there. - Duck face? - Duck face. Hey! We're on fire Burn the ashes when it's over We're on fire The voices getting closer |
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