Here, are you starting again?
- What if I am?
- What if the police come?
Let 'em. The windows
are steamed up, the doors are locked.
It's like a Turkish bath.
It don't half make you thirsty.
Here! Watch your ring
with my stockings.
Move over a bit, then.
Get your knee off the wheel!
- I can't. I'm stuck.
- Look out. I'll do it.
That hurt!
I told you to be careful
with your legs.
- I was only trying to be helpful.
- I can help myself.
Hello.
They never make these cars
big enough, do they?
Well, you all settled in?
We can begin. My name is...
Alfie?
Alfie.
I suppose you think you're going
to see the bleeding titles now.
Well, you're not, so relax.
What time will your old man
be at the station?
- Never mind him.
- That's who I will mind.
Never spoil a good thing.
You women don't get that.
- Enough's as good as a feast.
- You've changed your tune.
That horn put me off. I hate noise
at a time like that. Eh, mate?
Don't forget your napkin.
The first time you put your hankie
over your shoulder,
I thought
you were going to play your fiddle.
I come from a musical family.
Here. Mind you don't catch cold.
I've had a lovely time, Alfie.
A married woman. Every one of 'em
in need of a good laugh.
It never strikes their husbands.
Make a married woman laugh
and you're halfway there with her.
It don't work with the single bird.
It'd start you off on the wrong foot.
You get one of them laughing,
you won't get nothing else.
Just listen to it. It was dead glum
when I met it tonight.
I listened to its problems,
then I got it laughing.
It'll go home happy.
Where'd you tell
your husband you were?
- Pictures with Olive.
- What pictures?
Just the pictures.
Never be vague. It plants suspicion.
No wonder there's all this
broken marriage and divorce.
It would never occur to him that
another man would wanna take me out.
No, I see what you mean.
Suck this sweet
so he don't smell the gin.
- I don't care if he does.
- Be human. Why should we hurt him?
- He's done us no harm.
- You want everybody happy.
I don't believe in making anybody
unhappy if I don't have to.
Or in making an enemy.
You could be crossing the Sahara,
and he'd be the bloke you met.
What about next week?
Same time, same place?
- Maybe.
- I'll go and get my ticket.
She don't know
we won't be seeing much more of her.
She's on her way out.
When a married woman gets too hot on,
it's time to cool off.
Next thing she'll want
is to introduce me to the husband.
I can see it coming.
- I'll say good night to you, girl.
- The firm's dance is on Saturday.
- I'll treat you.
- Won't your old man be there?
Yeah, I'd like you to meet. Night.
Don't forget your napkin.
I'm like the Boy Scouts,
always prepared.
Once I've met the husband,
it don't half put me off the wife.
He could be dying, but if I ain't
met him, I won't think about him.
It's once you meet. Like as not,
he'll turn out to be a good sport.
His sort usually are.
As I'm having it off with her,
I keep thinking about him
hanging up his shirts.
Or arguing in the pub
about football or cricket.
You get a lot of his sort,
Chelsea supporters.
Hello.
- Had a nice time, dear?
- Not bad at all.
Good film?
There was a queue, so we didn't wait.
We went to a restaurant.
Did you enjoy yourself?
That's the main thing.
Well, I did my best. What about you?
I went through that garden catalogue
that came. Very interesting.
You should go out more. You come back
so cheerful - made over again.
Now I'm off to visit a little bird
called Gilda.
While she ain't exactly stupid,
she is a bit on the simple side.
She'd never make a number one.
You couldn't take her out
and show her off.
She ain't an exciting dresser,
but she's a cracking little stand-by.
And for another thing,
she ain't a liberty taker.
Most birds go mad to get hold of a
bloke and then go about changing him.
I told Gilda from the start
that I ain't the marrying sort.
Do you know what? She don't mind.
She's a stand-by and she knows it.
Any bird that knows its place
in this world can be quite content.
Alfie?! Did you forget your key?
Humphrey, it's you.
Yeah. I'm sorry for coming round
so late, but I was just passing by.
Yes, I see.
I'd just finished work
and I was feeling a bit lonely,
so I thought I'd pop in.
Yes, I see.
Have I come at an awkward time?
I am expecting Alfie any minute.
There's a pong in here!
It's Phul-Nana. The scent of Araby.
Don't you like it?
No. I like things to smell natural.
I've got your meal ready.
Never push things at me
as soon as I come in.
- I like to get my bearings.
- Just as you like it.
That's enough of that, an' all.
I saw that geezer Humphrey going off.
Here. You're not having it off
with him, are you?
Alfie, I can't bear another man
to come near me since I met you.
I just wondered. Did he just call
to give you these chocolates, then?
No. He called to tell me he loved me.
- Love you? Some men are funny.
- Alfie, do you love me?
Well, shall we say I like you a lot.
Ah, well,
I will have that grub after all.
Hot-water bottle?
She's getting a bit previous.
Hello.
- Is today the 22nd?
- Yeah, I think so.
Shouldn't our little friend
have arrived on the 19th?
Don't worry, he'll turn up.
He always has done.
He's usually so punctual.
I had a really good day at the caf.
I took over 50 on the till.
Isn't that wonderful?
What's so wonderful?
It ain't your money.
I like to think of them doing well.
It keeps me busy.
It's time you started that fiddle,
playing the piano on the till.
Alfie, I couldn't.
That's the only till in London
that ain't bent.
Luigi and his wife
treat me like family.
All the more reason to do 'em.
Alfie, I'm happy as I am.
You could still be happy
with a few hundred quid in the bank.
Now, look.
The one thing you've got to get
into that head of yours
is that nobody helps you
in this life.
You've got to help yourself.
If you fiddled five bob a day,
you'd have 200 nicker
on one side by now.
Money isn't everything.
Only people who ain't got none
say that.
I've had a fiddle
on every job I've done.
A fiddle gives you an interest
in your work.
I believe that everybody should
take an interest in their work.
There's another little job done.
- You sound cheerful, Elkins.
- Some mornings, I feel chirpy.
Yeah? Not all that chirpy
on what I'm paying you.
You must be working a nice fiddle.
That's defamation of character.
I'll report you.
Come off it. How do you think
I got where I am?
I'm quite satisfied
as long as you do the job well.
But don't get greedy,
otherwise you'll kill the goose.
I tumbled at once.
I shouldn't whistle.
Never be cheerful
if you're doing a fiddle.
You're getting careless.
You can say that again.
Little Gilda, she's pregnant.
- No! How long?
- Couple of months.
You ain't thinking
of getting married?
Me, in my state of health?
Sorry, full up.
Room for just one more inside.
Humphrey, I'm glad it's your bus.
- Are you?
- I haven't seen you for so long.
You don't need flinging down stairs
to know you're not welcome.
- I'm sorry.
- That's alright.
- I've missed our little chats.
- Have you?
Two six pennies,
when you've got the time!
Ta.
I've never seen you looking lovelier.
Still can't get you out of my mind.
How's... How's Alfie these days?
He's fine.
Mind you, it doesn't hurt
like it used to.
- What doesn't?
- The old heartache.
Still, I wouldn't be without it.
You haven't got engaged
or anything like that, have you?
No, nothing like that.
He doesn't rush into things, Alfie.
I don't expect you'll ever need me.
But if you do, I'll always be there.
Bye, Gilda.
God bless.
- Hello, Alfie.
- You're late, girl.
I ran all the way.
Any news? Any reports from the front?
No. It doesn't look like it.
We've got to do something
about this little lot.
I've tried everything.
You're taking stuff on the quiet?
You don't wanna make yourself ill.
Alfie.
- You're getting cooey lately.
- I'm sorry.
And in a way you're more bossified,
as if I've got to take notice of you,
instead of you of me.
I can't describe it,
but I can feel it.
- Do you love me?
- What can I say when you ask?
You shouldn't ask, you know.
I'll tell you, when I feel like it.
- I'll go and make the coffee.
- Yeah. Make it strong.
Alfie, I was thinking.
Why can't we... go through with it?
What an 'orrible thought!
I've never been through
with anything.
If I was to marry you, you'd gain
a husband but lose a friend.
You don't have to marry me.
I've got it worked out.
I don't care. Think twice before
you turn an innocent creature out.
I wouldn't turn him out.
I'll have him adopted.
What are you talking about?
Well, by a rich woman, see?
- A rich woman?
- I'd like to do that much for him.
I'd be certain
he'd have a good life, then.
Steady on, girl.
You can't be sure
there's something there yet.
This morning,
I thought I felt him kick.
How can they kick? It won't be
the size of my thumbnail.
- I'll tell you next time.
- You won't!
Don't give way to your impulses.
Something a woman
might think natural
a bloke will find sickening.
Mrs Artoni at the caf called her
husband every time their baby moved.
You don't realise that men
are more sensitive than women.
Remember that big bird
I'd dance with at the Locarno?
One Sunday night
she showed me her operation scar,
from when she was a kid.
A long scar with white skin round it.
I got straight out of bed
and put my clobber on.
"What's up with you?" she says.
"I'd sooner see a bleeding
horror film," I said, "than that."
Alfie, please.
Can I, you know,
go through with it and have the baby?
What you asking me for?
It's yours, isn't it?
Nobody in this world has any right
to stop you doing what you want to.
Steady on, girl. Now, then.
Don't break your bleeding heart.
If you wanna do something
and you think it's right, you do it.
To hell with 'em. Mind my shirt.
Now...
She was quite happy
them months she was carrying,
which to my mind
was out of place in a way,
her not being married.
Mind you, she came over
quite beautified for a time,
especially in the early months.
I told her. I says, "Blimey, girl,
you ain't as ugly as I thought."
Anyway, her time comes and into
the hospital she goes to have it.
I wasn't there,
so I didn't know till they told me.
Then, from all accounts,
the kid comes out a treat.
Right bang on the minute,
you might say.
Alfie?
I didn't see you there.
You look all different.
- What do you mean?
- Well, sort of mumsy.
I put my name down as Mrs Elkins.
Was that alright?
Course it's alright.
Put your name down as who you like.
It's a free country, isn't it?
I brought you some flowers,
but I didn't want to be seen
carrying them.
That's nice.
Freesias! How delightful.
I'll put them into a vase for you,
Mrs Elkins.
What do you think
of your son, Mr Elkins?
- My what?
- He hasn't seen him yet.
Here he is.
He's the image of his father.
Yes.
I can see more of me in him than you.
What are you gonna call him?
I thought Malcolm Alfred.
Malcolm bleeding Alfred?
He'll never forgive you
if you give him a name like that!
Here, he's moving.
Quick, you better take him.
The mistake I made with Gilda
was getting involved.
I was having a beautiful
little life and I couldn't see it.
There was this manageress
of a dry-cleaner's.
And I was getting
a suit cleaned in the bargain.
Well, you can't turn
something like that down.
Then, there was a chiropodist
from a foot-comfort service
I was having it off with.
She cut my corns handsome.
I never had my feet
in such lovely condition.
I was hopping about
like a little fairy.
She's got a little ginger moustache,
but I find I'm quite willing to
overlook the odd blemish in a woman,
provided she's got something else
to make up for it.
Well, that's why we're here - to
help one another out in this life.
Then there was Dora,
a little bird from Pimlico
I had it off with
Mondays and Wednesdays
when her young man
was at his body-building classes.
And, on top of them,
there was always the odd bird
that came my way by chance.
What a lovely baby.
- Is it yours?
- No, no, it's my sister's.
So why I had to get involved
with Gilda, I do not know.
- What's that brown round his mouth?
- A bar of chocolate I gave him.
Alfie, you shouldn't!
You smell a bit milkified.
I'm sorry, Alfie, I'll have a wash.
No, I don't mind, it smells mumsy.
How long will you do
the breast-feeding caper?
As long as I can.
It's the best thing for him.
Don't let yourself
get too attached to him.
Why not? I'm his mother.
And I'm his father,
but you've gotta be fair.
You've gotta think of him.
- What about this rich woman?
- What rich woman?
The one who was gonna adopt him,
so he'd have a chance in life.
I've got to think about it.
I can't rush into it.
- Make up your mind quick.
- Why should I?
He might get so drawn to you,
it'll fret his heart out
when they take him away.
- Who says they'll take him away?
- That's what you said.
You were gonna get him adopted
so he'd want for nothing.
That was a long time ago.
You know what you've had,
don't you, girl?
You've had a change of heart.
I can see it in your face.
What about it?
Haven't you ever had one?
Yes, but I've always resisted it.
Lying in hospital feeding him
brought it on.
I could see your face changing.
Coming over all mumsy.
- I'm not ashamed of it.
- But you've got to think of him.
You could never bring him up
like this rich woman could.
We'll see.
I'm going back to work next week.
She could really take care of him.
Dress him handsome.
Who says I can't dress him proper?
Look at that lovely shawl,
and the things for him
in that drawer.
You can't learn him to talk nice.
Not like this rich woman could.
I can if I try hard.
Not proper, you can't. He'll be
"bleeding" this and that and worse.
- I won't let him.
- These are dry, you can use 'em.
Who'll look after him
when you go back to the caff?
I'm not going back. I'll work in
the brewery. It's better paid.
Lugging bleeding beer crates about?
When will you learn some sense?
Who will look after him
while you're at the brewery?
A woman called Mrs Tippet.
She's got four children of her own
and she'll look after him
from Monday morning
till Friday teatime.
And I'll have him all the weekend.
I think that's best for him.
And what about... and what about me?
You think I'll spend my weekends
dodging under wet nappies?
You won't leave us, Alfie? Not now?
I'll have to think about it.
Please! I won't ever ask you
for anything, not a farthing.
But don't leave us now.
If you do...
Don't talk like that.
I haven't said I'll leave you.
I had to speak up. I don't think
you're doing right by that kid.
But I will. I'll look after him.
I'll never neglect him. Never.
I'm only telling you the truth
as I see it.
You won't leave us, will you?
- Promise me, Alfie. Promise!
- Let go. Don't ruckle my sleeve.
I ain't a savage.
I ain't gonna scarper.
But don't start crying, either.
I'll belt you one for sure.
I don't feel up to it.
Don't jump up to him at once.
It don't do.
You'll grow more attached to each
other, and he won't go to Mrs Tippet.
Here, mate. That's enough of that.
I'll give you something to cry for.
Come on now.
There you are.
All you need is a father's voice.
He's got a hard life in front of him.
Don't give him any wrong impression
from the start.
Now, about this little kid of mine.
He turns out
to be a real quick 'un.
And he don't half love it
when I play games with him.
Never wants his mother,
always asking for his father.
Very soon, I find I'm getting quite
attached to him. Know what I mean?
That's something
I always guard against.
Because sooner or later
that's gonna bring you some pain.
So if a bird ain't got you one way,
she's got you another.
That's the trouble.
Once you get a kid in your life,
it ain't your own.
- Look at the things you have to do.
- Next, please.
Well, you can't be too careful,
not with hereditary.
No smoking, please.
Queer job for a bird,
photographing people's insides.
Chin on the top, please.
Hands on hips. Shoulders forward.
What's she think I am,
a bleeding contortionist?
Nice hands, though.
Firm but gentle. Know what I mean?
- I wouldn't mind her giving me a...
- Hold it.
Next, they'll be taking pictures
of what you're thinking.
There'll be some X certificates
knocking around.
Sorry I'm late. There was
a traffic jam at Piccadilly.
It's alright, you're here now.
I brought you some cherries.
You shouldn't have done.
Well, we never got that rain
they promised us.
Doesn't look like it.
You had a hard morning?
The usual.
I don't like you working on that
brewery bay. It's no job for a woman.
You get used to it.
- What's that?
- That ring I was talking about.
- It's heavy!
- 22 carat. Solid gold.
Same as I say that was my mother's.
They don't make rings
like that today.
They made 'em to last then.
- Can I try it on?
- Yeah, go on.
Er, no. No, sorry, but it's bad luck.
Once you put a wedding ring on,
you should never take it off.
That's what they say. I don't know
if there's anything in it.
Humphrey?
How would you feel...
bringing up another man's child?
Have a cherry?
You mean little Malcolm?
Well, I mean...
Once we were married, I could only
look on him as my own child.
I'd try to be a good father to him,
if he'd have me.
Here. Look, can I have this?
Come on, darling, have a little bit
of the lady's sandwich.
Just a little bit.
Come on, darling. I won't hurt you.
Just a little bit. Come on. Good boy.
I must go. I shall be late for work.
Will you think over
what I said last Wednesday?
I've been thinking it over.
I'll tell it to you
for the last time, Malcolm.
Then you've gotta go to bye-byes.
"Abou Ben Adhem,
may his tribe increase,
awoke one night
from a dream of peace."
"And saw within the moonlight
in his room,
making it rich
and like a lily in bloom,
an angel writing
in a book of gold..."
What's a angel?
You know what an angel is.
I told you.
They're on guard, up in heaven,
all round God.
"Exceeding peace
had made Ben Adhem bold..."
Who's Ben Adhem?
He's the man it's all happening to.
Now,
shut your eyes and listen, Malcolm.
Lie down, and don't ask questions.
"And to the presence
in the room he said,
'What writest thou?"'
"The vision raised its head,
and, with a look
made of all sweet accord,
answered, 'The names of those
who love the Lord."'
What a lad. He could hardly keep his
eyes open, but he wouldn't give in.
Know what?
He went off just like that.
He'll be a real handful
in a few months' time.
We'll have to be careful
what we say in front of him.
He's as sharp as a needle.
Wait till he sees that teddy bear
I bought for his birthday.
It's about that size. Ever so soft.
The bloke who sold it to me
said it was a real rich kid's teddy.
Here, do you fancy an hour's kip,
girl, while he's asleep?
Cloth ears! I'm talking to you.
Humphrey's been to see me
twice this week at lunch time.
What's he after? A bit on the side?
Nothing like that.
We just talked a bit.
Don't tell me what you talked about,
because I don't want to know!
One thing I can't bear to hear about
is a bird and a bloke
having innocent talks together.
I think it's more intimate
than the other.
What is he after?
He wants to marry me.
- What did you tell him?
- That I'd talk it over with you.
Why talk it over with me?
You're a free agent.
- Malcolm needs a father.
- What do you think I am?
I don't mean just a weekend father,
I mean a proper father.
Yeah, well,
we all need proper fathers.
And proper mothers, too,
come to that.
It seems there's just not enough
to go around these days.
I don't love him.
I don't know what love is,
the way you birds talk about it.
But I respect him.
Well, you'd better marry him, then,
hadn't you?
You've got young buster in there
to think about.
I'll be seeing you.
Maybe.
Daddy!
Daddy!
Nice, isn't it?
Goes like a bomb, too.
This car-hire firm I'm working for,
they have all the best stuff.
Know where I'm off to now?
Pick up a party of publicans,
take 'em to Brighton for the races.
You've gotta get out
and enjoy yourself.
Once a bloke starts thinking about
a bird he's finished with,
well, there's a waste of time
for you.
I'm not picking 'em up till 11:30,
so I'm popping in here.
It's that X-ray.
Didn't come out right or something.
Load of red tape, if you ask me.
Tilt forward, please. Thank you.
You've done this before, haven't you?
Thank you. Have you been worrying
about anything lately, Mr Elkins?
Who, me?
No, I'm not the worrying sort.
You know what? Gilda's only decided
to marry this Humphrey geezer.
- Do you find you get tired easily?
- No, I'm always full of energy.
I got a letter from her, see?
"I don't love him," she says,
"but I do respect him."
I don't want no bird's respect.
I wouldn't know what to do with it.
- Step on the scales, please.
- I haven't got much time.
She's told me time and again
she loves me.
Loves me for myself,
whatever that means.
- Have you lost any weight?
- No, I always weigh 12 stone six.
Have done for years.
But I've never told her I love her.
Except when you've gotta
say something for appearances' sake.
- 11 stone nine pounds.
- Get out of it!
You sure these scales are right?
This suit don't weigh nothing.
Nine ounces, lightweight.
It's the new Terylene and mohair.
You don't feel as though
you've got nothing on at all.
The one thing I never do
with a woman, I never...
Would you take your shirt off,
please?
Would you take your shirt off,
please?
I never crawl to one. They either
take me as I am or not at all.
Do you perspire?
I mean, do you sweat much?
Sweat? No.
Tell a lie, I did sweat
last Sunday at the Locarno.
But I was dancing,
and I'd had a few beers.
I use a deodorant under my armpits.
Just rub it on. Quite good, they are.
I see. Do you ever sweat at night?
At night?
- You mean in bed?
- Yes, in bed.
Come to think of it,
I did sweat a lot last night.
I couldn't for the life of me
understand why.
Sit there with your back to me,
please.
Now take a deep breath.
Now breathe out slowly.
She said, "Malcolm will be alright.
I'll be home to look after him."
Again. A good deep one.
Hold it.
Let it out.
"What about you?" she said.
"Won't you miss us?"
- Say 99.
- 99.
- I came over quite choked at that.
- Again. Whisper it this time.
- 99.
- Whisper it again.
99. Course I managed before...
I managed before I met her
and I'll manage now she's gone.
- Do you ever feel any back pain?
- Pain? No.
You know what? Last week,
I find I'm missing her, so I calls...
Funny,
I do feel some pain there now.
- Where? There?
- No, a bit to the left.
- There?
- No, higher up.
- There?
- Yeah, there.
- Is it tender?
- It is when you mess it about.
Turn around, please.
Yeah, so I calls round, you see.
She wouldn't let me in.
She kept me at the door.
Take a deep breath.
But little Malcolm kept yelling
"Daddy!" so she had to let me in.
Breathe out.
She wouldn't let me touch her.
She drew back for the first time.
- 99.
- 100.
- What?
- 99.
Yeah, she drew back. "Sorry,
but I'm playing fair by Humphrey,
the way
I've always played fair by you."
- Do you cough much?
- Cough? No.
Only in the mornings, but everyone
does after the first smoke.
Fair by me? She never wanted
no other geezer when she was with me.
What playing fair was that?
Bleeding sauce!
- Bring anything up when you cough?
- No. I just clear my chest.
That's the point of coughing.
Bring something up, clear the tubes.
Now, the pair of 'em have taken
my little son from me.
There are times when I can still
hear him calling "Daddy!" after me.
Do you find
you get quickly irritable of late?
Funny you should ask. I do find
I do my nut very easily these days.
- Do you sleep well?
- Like a top.
The moment my head hits the pillow,
I'm off. I never wake up till...
Till when, Mr Elkins?
I never used to wake up
till it was time to get up.
That's Elkins with an S.
You know what I mean?
- I think so. And now?
- I wake up dead on the same time.
Four o'clock in the morning.
That is, no matter
how much I've had to drink or...
- Can I be perfectly frank with you?
- Certainly.
No matter who's beside me.
You know what I mean?
Yes, I understand.
Thank you. I never have been partial
to these all-night sessions.
For one thing,
I've rarely found a woman...
You don't mind
if I come out with it straight?
You can tell me everything.
Very few birds can get into my rhythm
of sleeping.
I see.
I find myself lying there in the dark
staring at the ceiling.
I keep thinking
about this kid I used to know.
I was friendly with his mother.
Nothing special,
just an ordinary girl.
But I knew him well, the child.
There's something I must tell you.
All I wanted was for her
to come back with little Malcolm,
so we could spend
our Sundays together.
But she never come.
Do you understand me?
- Yes, perfectly.
- Now.
If you lose a bird,
you can always replace her.
But with a child, it's different.
They're each one themselves.
Each one's got his different nature.
I may not be the best dad
in the world,
but I am his real dad.
Credit where credit's due.
There's something I must tell you.
He's come out of these loins.
What do you wanna tell me?
Look at this.
They can't get away from it.
He's my son.
This is your X-ray, Mr Elkins.
- Blimey! Is that me?
- Yes, it is.
I'm just a load of old ribs!
I'm afraid there are two shadows
on your lungs.
Shadows on my lungs?
What are you talking about?
Look at this patch. You've got
an infection here. And one here.
An infection? I can't have!
I ain't been with nobody!
- It's not a question...
- You have to do something about it.
We can deal with it.
I want the best attention there is.
I'll even pay for it.
It's just a question of rest.
That's all you need.
I can't rest. I'm off to Brighton
with licentious victuallers!
We're in for a blow-out. It's booked!
It has to be unbooked.
You need rest in the country.
I hate the country. How can you rest
with all that bleeding dawn chorus?
What's the matter?
My feet feel like lead.
The sweat's pouring off me!
Mr Elkins, do keep calm.
These are only shadows.
Shadows?
On my lungs?
I'm being eaten away!
This is the end of me!
God in heaven, help me!
Good afternoon, Mr Elkins.
Good afternoon.
Here, once you know
you ain't gonna die,
funny how soon
you pull back to normal.
I used to think
money was everything.
If you've got money, I used to say,
you can have beautiful birds,
handsome suits, a car of your own.
But those things ain't a bit of use
without good health.
Hello, Harry. Not come yet?
She's run off with the milkman.
Here, see this chap here?
His name's Harry Clamacraft.
He's 35 years old,
married, with three kids.
He's sitting in bed
waiting for his wife, Lily, to visit.
He's had nothing else on his mind
since Sunday.
I know for sure she'll be late.
Watch him. In a minute,
he'll pick up that book
and pretend he's not worried
and he's reading.
There you are, what did I tell you?
He's no more reading than I am.
He's all ears,
listening for her footsteps.
You know what? I ain't had a single
visitor since I've been in here.
I told 'em all I'm on silence,
not allowed to talk.
Oi, Harry, your old woman's here.
Mrs Clamacraft? Don't go all
the way round. Come through here.
- I'm not supposed to.
- Course you can. Come on.
- Here she is, Harry.
- Hello, love.
- Harry, I'm sorry I'm late.
- That's alright. Now you've come.
She's 20 minutes late and now she
wastes another 20 telling him why.
I left home in time, but everything
went wrong at the station.
You look worried.
I was only worried in case
something had happened to you.
Here's your new-laid eggs.
Here's your marmalade.
Bleeding great chunks of peel in it.
No wonder he's ill.
Did that chap come about the smell
in the garden?
He thinks it's trouble
with the main drain.
Now he's worried
about the bleeding drains.
- How were your last X-rays?
- I think they're improving.
Ask him to look at that loose gutter.
It might fall on you or the kids.
- Kill the bleeding lot of 'em.
- I will.
- How was your sputum test?
- Now there's a morale raiser!
They're waiting for the results.
Are you managing alright?
I mean, about money?
Yes, everything's going fine.
- You're sure?
- Yes, certain.
They're trying to get through
to one another. Know what I mean?
It ain't easy
with their sort of mentality.
Here, see this?
Carla, her name is.
Hear how her skirt rustles?
There's something
about that rustling.
I think I'll get on my bed,
just in case.
Don't let me disturb you.
You can take that later.
I know what it must be like,
seeing each other only once a week.
- She seems quite nice.
- Yeah, she's very nice.
I'll just get you ready
for your injection, Mr Elkins.
Thank you, nurse.
Would you like a banana?
Thanks.
Ta.
Did my mother come round?
What?! Yes.
Was everything alright?
She was put out because I
hadn't made the kids a cooked dinner.
She's mad about Sunday dinners.
- Young Phil's missing you ever so.
- Is he?
He woke up early this morning.
I could hear him talking away
to himself in his cot.
He kept scolding you
for not coming home.
Ah, bless him!
- I seem to have only just got here.
- Don't panic.
Dirty beast!
The sister will give you
your injection after tea.
Tell her to send the blonde
who's a good dart thrower.
- You won't forget to write?
- As soon as they've gone to school.
- Give my love to Phil and Shirley.
- I will.
- Bye, love.
- Eat your eggs.
Yeah, I will.
Don't worry,
I'll be alright in a minute.
Don't worry, I'll look after him.
- He hates me going.
- I'll soon cheer him up.
Thank you.
You get dependent on 'em coming, see.
And it don't do to get dependent
on nobody in this life.
They bring fruit and flowers
and say how well you look,
and after five minutes, they're dying
for the bell so they can get away.
I know, I've watched 'em.
They're no sooner out of the
door than they say to each other,
"Gawd, did you see old Ned?
Didn't he look rough?"
"Keep them insurance policies dusted.
Don't throw that black hat away."
I've heard 'em.
- Mr Elkins.
- Hello, nurse.
You should be in bed.
I couldn't sleep, so I come down
and made a cup of tea.
You're not supposed to.
I have been doing things all my life
I'm not supposed to.
You know what?
I had an 'orrible nightmare.
- You must have had too much supper.
- No, serious.
I dreamt
that the hydrogen bomb had fallen,
and I didn't get killed.
But I got some of that dust
on my shoulder, see?
I rushes in this house,
shuts the door,
and who's standing there?
Little Malcolm.
Who?
Oh, yeah.
It's this kid I used to know.
And then I realised that this...
this dust on me,
this poison I've picked up...
...will kill him.
And I was taking it to him.
I was taking death to him.
But what could I do? I had to save
my bleeding self, didn't I?
Made me feel rough, though.
It would make some sense
to a psychiatrist.
You know what? I wish just for once
I could get myself to do
something good in my dreams.
It wouldn't cost me anything.
I'd get a great deal
of satisfaction out of it.
They've got you when you're awake
and when you're asleep.
You'll be leaving here next month?
Yeah.
I'll be glad to get back to London.
It won't be the same
without you around here.
I ain't gone yet.
Would you like me to give you
something to make you sleep?
Now, there's a good idea.
Alright, then, come with me.
Marvellous what you can get
on the National Health.
- Bye, Mr Elkins.
- Bye, Mrs Clamacraft.
Bye-bye, love.
You know something? Visiting days
ain't doing you any good.
- How do you mean?
- Takes you a week to get over one.
If you're not careful, you'll be
leaving here in your wooden suit.
But that's all I live for,
to see her and talk to her.
You've got to live for yourself,
not for others.
You'd do without her
if she got run over.
Don't talk like that, Alfie.
No. All I'm saying is,
it don't do to get attached
to nobody like that in this life.
What your sort don't understand...
- What?
- Is...
Is the bond between husband and wife.
What I do understand
is human bleeding nature.
How do you know your missus
ain't got a geezer outside?
You say another word about my wife,
I'll knock your bloody...!
Harry.
Don't get aeriated.
Harry, sit quiet.
Here, have a fag.
The doc said not to smoke
more than five a day.
Take no notice of the doc.
You've got to get yourself better.
No, all I meant was,
with a bird, you can never tell
where it's been nor what it's done.
Say "she".
You're talking about my wife.
She or it, they're all birds.
What you've got to do
is start living for yourself.
Like I do.
They won't keep me here long.
No, but, Alfie, I miss the kids.
- Especially the youngest.
- Here, just listen to me.
Just listen to me for a minute.
Supposing tonight, you was
to snuff it. Know what I mean?
- You're a right 'un.
- Just supposing.
- Have a giggle. That's all life is.
Say your old woman picks up
with a bloke and brings him home.
Not Lily! She wouldn't.
Why not? She ain't bad.
She's got a fair little figure.
Not my type, but still.
She brings this bloke home
and introduces him to the kids
as Uncle Bill.
- Your kids'd get a kick out of him.
- Not young Phil.
He'd be the first
if Uncle Bill brought some toys.
You wouldn't buy Phil with toys!
Then your missus tells
the neighbours the kids need a dad.
- She'd blame it on the kids.
- What are you getting at?
I only want you to see the truth
and start getting better.
For a month or two after you're gone,
your wife and kids
might take flowers to the cemetery,
but once she's married again and the
kids start calling Uncle Bill "Dad",
your little grave
will become just a mass of weeds.
If you walked into your home
six months later,
your kids'd ask Uncle Bill,
"Dad, who is it?"
I'll knock your bloody head in!
You're driving me up the wall!
All I want is for you to see life,
see what it is
and what it does to you.
I never wanted to hurt you, Harry.
I never want to hurt anybody.
No, I suppose not.
But you do, Alfie. You do.
Want a game of draughts?
- Yeah, alright.
- Come on.
Oi!
- How are you?
- Alright.
- Look at you.
- I feel alright.
- I've got a gaff lined up for you.
- I'm not used to all this noise.
I've had six months
of peace and quiet and fresh air.
I'd be scared to take a car out now.
I've got just the job for you,
all the fresh air you want.
Street photography. I do it myself.
Up at Tower Hill. Tons of tourists.
Chat the birds up easy.
They're asking for it.
Nothing to it.
"Hold it, lady. Little to the left."
"Three for 12 and a tanner."
I think these photographers
are a damn nuisance.
I'm sure he's a nice gentleman.
You can have it on your own.
You got film in that camera?
Are you loaded?
- Yeah.
- Good. Good morning to you.
Nice to see you, madam.
Come on, lady,
give us a great big smile.
- Here you are, sir.
- Not today.
- They won't bite.
- I don't want my photograph taken.
What about the young lady?
- Nor does she.
- How would you know that, sir?
What about it? One on your jack...?
On your own?
- Alright, I think I will.
- Vacationing?
- No.
- Immigrant?
- In a way.
- Married?
- Sometimes.
- Now?
No, not now. How do you want me?
Well, I've got two positions,
straight up or sideways,
depending on your nationality.
I'll have you against the ships.
Alright. I've always been partial
to the navy.
You look a real treat there, you do.
- Ruby, we've no time to waste here.
- It won't take a tick.
We've got a fast film in today.
Allow me, madam.
- He's getting a bit choked up.
- Well, don't let it worry you.
It doesn't worry me.
It doesn't seem to worry you, either.
- I never let any man worry me.
- I see what you mean.
Now, that's lovely. Can you hold it?
I'll do my best, young man.
- Put a jerk in it!
- I'll put a jerk in you. Hold it!
Lovely. That's a real beauty.
Now the close-up. Lick your lips.
Strewth!
Now, watch the dickie bird.
Now, what's your address?
And your telephone number.
That's three of each.
It'll be 15 shillings, sir.
- Haven't you got any change?
- No, I haven't!
- I'll have to look for some.
- Keep the bloody change!
Hello. How about a little souvenir?
You can have an enlargement
for four and six, sir.
"I've got just the job for you,"
Nat says. "Plenty of fresh air."
Know what?
I got the flu twice in six weeks.
So I went back to the hire-car lark.
With the Rolls there.
Oh, yeah.
It's very nice of you to come, Alfie.
Wasn't it, love?
Yes, it was.
If I'd known you were gonna be here,
I wouldn't have come.
I didn't mean that.
Course not.
She looks real tired.
Don't you think so, Alfie?
I'm alright.
Harry, you think about yourself,
or you'll never get out of here.
Yeah. Alfie, do you think you could
give her a lift home in your car?
Harry! Please! No!
It's a long way for her by train.
Yeah, I'll take her back.
It's a pleasure.
He'll take you back.
She didn't want to come
and I didn't want to take her.
We both agreed to please Harry.
Looks real ribby, though,
don't she?
To brighten her up,
I'm taking her a roundabout way.
Show her a bit of the scenery.
Well, you can only try, can't you?
How would you like
a nice cup of tea, girl?
I don't want to be any trouble.
That's alright.
One thing about driving a Rolls,
they're pleased to see you anywhere.
Know what?
When she smiles
that little smile of hers,
I'm quite touched by it.
Yeah. Now I look at her,
she ain't so ugly after all.
It must be hard on you, girl,
old Harry being away so long.
Still, I'll say this for him,
he could hardly wait for those
visiting days to come round.
Don't worry about him, Lily.
He'll be home soon.
Course he will.
Cheer up.
Well, what harm can it do?
Old Harry will never know.
And, even if he did,
he shouldn't begrudge me.
Nor her, come to that.
And it'll round off the tea nicely.
I don't know
what you must think of me.
I bet you ain't been with many blokes
besides Harry.
I haven't been with anyone.
- Where you going, love?
- London.
That's a big place for a little girl.
Come on, hop in.
Hello, Frank.
What do you want to eat?
I'm not hungry.
Just a cup of tea, please.
- You must eat something.
- No, thank you. Just tea with sugar.
- Wotcher, Alfie.
- How you doing?
You wanna watch your loading ropes,
Frank, they look a bit dodgy.
- Ta.
- What's the fancy dress for?
Got a Rolls outside, ain't I?
You're almost a stranger.
Why didn't you turn up?
Sorry, darling, I couldn't make it.
A small tea and a slice
of buttered toast, please.
You won't get far on cups of tea.
I'll be alright.
Who's the mystery?
That one, Frank brought in.
Watch it, Alfie, that's Frank's bird.
It's not my type, anyway.
I'll just go and check those ropes,
see they're alright. You OK?
Bit dead in here, though, isn't it?
I think I'll have a tune.
They ain't half got some old ones,
ain't they?
Yes.
- Did you come in with Frank?
- Yes. Why?
He's a good bloke, Frank.
A good mate.
Yes, he seems nice.
Yeah. He'd share
his last cigarette with you.
Very good-hearted is Frank.
You know what? He'll even share
his birds with his mates.
One bloke told me,
he'll even lend you his wife.
Like the Eskimos do.
I wouldn't fancy that.
Well, I mean, she's so bad-tempered.
I didn't think he was married.
Yes, he's got at least one wife.
Being a long-distance lorry driver,
he's away from home most nights.
Funny, some blokes, aren't they?
I wouldn't like sharing a girl,
would you?
- No!
- No.
- Where are you making for?
- Well, London.
- Any particular place?
- Not really.
I'd like to get a room and a job
if I could.
Here, I might be able to help you.
I know the personnel officer
of a big toffee factory.
A lovely little number.
- Could I see you in London?
- I could take you down there.
I've got a Rolls-Royce out there.
A radio, heater, the lot.
I should have to tell Frank, first.
You daren't risk that. He'll knock
your block off. Mine, too.
See that door there?
Well, 50 yards down the road
there's a telephone kiosk.
You wait for me there.
- I don't like doing that.
- Don't be frightened of me.
I ain't a wolf, you know.
Go on, before he comes back.
You don't want sharing, do you?
- No.
- Of course you don't.
Go on, away you go.
Would you tell the driver
I came in with that I've had to go?
I'll tell him.
- How much I owe you, Flo?
- One and a penny.
- You ain't going yet?
- I'm in a hurry all of a sudden.
What about your toast?
Give it to Frank.
He could do with a slice.
- See you.
- See you, Alfie.
Did you see the way he lapped it up?
- Can't see what they all see in him.
- Frank'll go raving mad.
Good.
Sit back and enjoy yourself, girl.
Do your folks at home
know where you're going?
- I haven't got any.
- There must be somebody?
I want to make a new start in London.
I reckon you've landed on your feet.
You'll have a great life with me.
It ain't come up too bad, has it?
All it needed was a good wash
and a bit of care and attention.
It's quite dainty.
You know what I mean?
Here, I no sooner take a pair
of socks off than it washes 'em.
And it can cook, too.
A bit limited on the menu.
It goes in for Lancashire hotpot
and steak and kidney pie.
They blow you out a bit, but it
does do a marvellous egg custard.
I ain't never tasted nothing like it.
It's pretty fair
on the other, an' all.
A bit on the shy side, but I find
that makes quite a change these days.
Oi. Turn it down a bit, Annie.
It's in love, see.
Now, when it listens to that stuff,
it daydreams that the bloke who threw
it over will one day want it back.
What a bleeding hope.
Just watch how it works.
Scrub, scrub, scrub.
It takes some birds like that.
Not all of 'em.
Can I get you a cup of tea, Alfie?
Take it easy! You always want
to be doing something.
Here, I had a bird once,
a big fat thing it was,
got crossed in love or something.
The bigger they are,
the harder they fall.
She used to sit in front of the fire,
smoking cigarettes and drinking tea
till her shins were burnt red raw.
"Give us a cup of tea,
bracken shins," I said to it once.
"What," it said, "you paralysed?"
I soon got rid of it.
Are you visiting your friend
at the sanatorium?
Old Harry? I thought I would.
You fancy a ride in the car, girl?
I've some washing to do.
You're always bleeding washing.
Take a rest.
I feel better
if I'm doing something.
Well, if it makes you feel better,
I'm not going to stop you.
Punishes itself, you see. That way
life can't get at it the same.
- What time will you be back?
- You shouldn't ask me that.
When I go out, I don't know what day
I'll be back, let alone what time.
- I'm what is called a free agent.
- Sorry, Alfie.
I just thought
I'd have your meal ready.
Make a meal that's always ready.
Hash or stew or something.
- I thought I'd do something special.
- Get those boots for me, girl.
See, even she's started asking me
when I'll be back.
Know what? That little remark
could be the writing on the wall.
Annie? When will you start using
those gloves I bought you?
You'll ruin your hands
with all that scrubbing.
They don't matter.
They may not matter to you,
but they matter to me.
Nothing puts me off more than a woman
getting hold of me with horny mitts.
You've got pretty little fingers.
They're like a child's.
Look after 'em for me.
Sometimes, it gets a dead ghostified
look come over its little face,
as though it were all sick inside
with love,
and its poor mind was stumbling about
looking for a corner to rest in.
Take the other night...
After what we'd just been through,
it made me really mad.
There's a time
and a place for everything.
Even your thoughts
have a proper place.
Sorry, Alfie.
Forget him, girl.
I'm here and in the flesh.
Blimey! She looked dead guilty.
Know what? I was sorry I spoke.
"Alfie," I says to myself,
"she's as human as you are."
Well, I'll be off now, girl.
Like to give me a brush down?
Shall I say you'll be back
about seven?
Say what you like. Whether I'll
be here or not is another matter.
You have something ready.
If I'm here I'll eat it.
You know what, Annie?
You're a nice-looking girl,
only you want
to brighten yourself up.
Don't mope about depressed.
Think of others. So long.
Take care of yourself, Alfie.
I didn't like leaving it there
on a Sunday, scrubbing away,
but what could I do?
You know what I mean?
I couldn't take it with me.
Going up in the world, ain't I?
Do you know what the rents are here?
15 quid a week!
That's including central heating,
of course.
You'll never guess
who I'm calling on.
Well, I wouldn't have believed it
myself three months ago.
I'm here, girl.
That's life, isn't it? You can
never tell what's round the corner.
Down one minute, up the next.
You drop a tanner, look around,
and what do you find?
- Ruby!
- Hello, baby!
Hold it!
Gotcha!
She's in lovely condition.
- What are you so impatient about?
- What do you think?
Don't kiss my ear.
You know what it does to me!
- What about it?
- Let's at least have a drink first.
- Whisky?
- You haven't got a beer, have you?
Yes, I've probably got a beer
on the ice.
She gets all this lot off income tax.
Business expenses, see?
She owns three hairdressers'.
The thing I like about Ruby,
she's a mature woman.
You can feel a lifetime
of experience in her fingers.
Know what I mean? I find I'm going
in more for that sort of woman now.
Here, don't you dig your nails in
like you did last Thursday.
- I've got scratches down my back.
- I may do more than that today.
Great long weals, they are.
She dug her nails right in.
She's had two husbands.
Both dead.
And I've a good idea
what they died of.
She don't keep asking do you love her
like young birds do.
She don't never mention love.
She knows what she wants
and she's gonna get it.
If there's any going.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Alfie, don't you ever think
about bringing your girlfriends
flowers or candy?
I often think about it,
but I never do it.
Not unless they're in hospital.
Don't put your wet glass
on my polished table!
You're getting bleeding fussy.
- I am not getting bleeding fussy.
- You are.
I am not fussy!
Hello!
She's in beautiful condition.
- You're a little sexpot, ain't you?
- Am I?
Yeah.
You're a little lust-box, ain't you?
My little lust-box!
I might settle down with her.
With a wife like Ruby, you wouldn't
want nothing on the side.
Bedroom!
Here, come and have a look
at this a minute.
Great, isn't it?
Have you caught the ceiling?
Look at the size of that bath!
King-size.
A bit of a tight squeeze
with two of us in it.
You can have a lot of fun
splashing about and whatnot.
There have been times when I've felt
lucky to get out of that bath alive.
- Hello, lads.
- Hello, Alfie.
- What you having?
- Brown ale.
Have you got the car outside?
I don't think I'll go up the club.
I've got this northern bird, Annie,
staying at my gaff. Can't half cook.
- Cook?!
- What's cooking got to do with it?
She don't like it if he don't
come home for his meals. Eh, Alfie?
No. She does some handsome nosh-ups.
Steak and kidney pie, hotpot.
I love her cooking, I do.
I thought you was looking
a bit blown out. Eh, Vi?
- What do you mean, blown out?
- It's just the appearance, Alfie.
- What appearance?
- Well, you look all puffed up.
Blown out.
Sort of... poncified.
Poncified? I've never felt fitter
in all my life.
He wasn't saying you wasn't fit.
No. You just look different,
that's all. Don't he, Vi?
What's bleeding different?
That bird Annie's putting the block
on you, mate, and you can't see it.
- What do you say, Perce?
- Looks that way.
She's only looking after me.
In 12 months,
you won't recognise yourself.
You'll be stuffed to the ears
with hotpot.
- How you going, mate?
- I thought it was you.
Remember that day
you came in the Busy Bee?
What day was that?
Couple of weeks back.
You was in a chauffeur's uniform.
Oh, yeah. What about it?
Did you slope off with a little girl
from Sheffield called Annie
when my back was turned?
Who, me? No, I don't know
what you're talking about.
You're a bloody liar!
Watch the suit.
It's just back from the cleaner's.
Is that you, Alfie?
Yeah, it's me.
I'm late, ain't I? Start rucking me!
What happened?
You've got an awful black eye.
Blimey! He's injured me for life!
- Where's that steak you bought?
- I've made you steak and kidney pie.
I'm fed up with hotpots
and steak and kidney pies!
Why can't we have something
out of a can for a change?
Corned beef or Spam.
Handsome grub, that was.
You said you liked
my steak and kidney pies.
If I get that lot on top of a skinful
of beer, I can hardly draw my breath!
I'll get an 'orrible feeling of being
full up, blown out, poncified.
You said you loved
that feeling of being full.
What I loved once and what I love now
are two different things.
Where's my button-down shirt?
Your blue one? In the drawer.
- No, the pink one.
- I washed it. It'll soon be dry.
Why did you wash it?
I only wore it for a few hours.
I thought it'd feel fresher for you.
I do believe you only wash
to fill in your bleeding time!
- Why should I?
- To get him out of your mind!
Get who out of my mind?
That bleeding Tony you write about
in your little diary!
You can't get outta your mind
or something!
Alfie, have you been in my bag
and read my diary?
Why shouldn't I?
You shouldn't
because them's my secret thoughts.
You ain't entitled
to secret thoughts living with me!
Everyone's entitled to them.
Then you shouldn't write them down
and let me see 'em!
I only wrote them
to get them out of me.
I'll show you what I think of you,
your secret thoughts
and your bleeding
steak and kidney pie!
And don't take nothing
that don't belong to you, either!
Don't let your custard spoil.
It's in the oven.
Annie?
Annie? Come back! I didn't mean it!
Come in.
You're a bit early, girl.
I didn't want to be late.
- Is he coming?
- Yeah, about two o'clock, he said.
Here, give us your bag.
Blimey!
Your hands ain't half cold.
You ain't worrying, are you?
A bit.
Yeah, you're all dark under the eyes.
I couldn't sleep last night.
Well...
And you can get ready for him
when you want to.
Thanks.
I've let myself
in for something this time alright.
It was that day
I took her up the river, see.
Round about three months ago, it was.
That was something
I thought I got for nothing.
But it don't never work out
that way, does it?
So, I agrees to help her
and lay it all on.
Well,
it was the least I could do,
knowing old Harry, an' all.
See what I mean?
Come in, mate.
Well, here we are.
What do you mean, here we are?
I mean
you've come to the right place.
And this is the young lady
I talked to you about on the phone.
Pleased to meet you.
- Got your gear with you?
- Don't ask questions.
Sorry. This is the room where
you can examine this young lady.
And why should I
examine this young lady?
Well, you got to, ain't you,
before you do it?
- Before I do what?
- Do what you've come to do.
Quiet, Alfie.
There must be some mistake.
You are the gentleman
I talked to last Thursday night?
- Alfie, please, be quiet.
- Don't worry, my dear.
Now, I must have a serious talk
with you both.
- Are you two married?
- Us two married?!
Blimey! Do we look it?
No. I mean, she's a married woman,
but I'm a single man.
Is there any chance of you
getting married in the near future?
I very much doubt that.
What do you say, Lily?
But you are the putative father?
The what?
Me?! I'm nothing.
I'm just obliging a friend.
Well, that's unusual.
It's very unusual.
You are the man who...
is going to help me?
Her old man's in a sanatorium, see?
And she's had a moral lapse.
- See what I mean?
- I'm not quite sure that I do.
It'll never happen again.
She needs helping because
her marriage would look very dodgy
if her husband came out
at this stage of the game. Got me?
She's got three other kids as well.
And where do you fit into all this?
Well, she had no place to go, see?
Well, that's most altruistic.
I hope you both
appreciate the seriousness
of this case.
To terminate a pregnancy
after 28 days is a criminal offence
punishable in a court of law
with seven years' jail.
Do you understand this, you two?
Yeah.
Not only that, but it's a crime
against the unborn child.
It's a course never to be
embarked upon lightly.
You must consider
the circumstances thoroughly
before you go through
with your decision.
Since afterwards it will be too late
to change your mind.
Have you given the matter
your fullest consideration?
- What do you say, Lily?
- I've no way out.
Then you've decided
to go through with it?
Yes, I must.
Then I might be able to help you.
- Thank you.
- Yes.
Have you got the money?
Yeah, the money.
The young lady's got it.
- That'll be 30.
- 25. That's the figure we discussed.
Very well, then, 25.
Right. Very well.
Right, young lady,
would you care to follow me?
- I'll need some boiling water.
- The kettle's on the stove in there.
Good.
I hate anything like this.
My understanding of women
only goes as far as the pleasure.
When it comes to the pain,
I'm like every other bloke.
I don't wanna know.
Have you done?!
Almost everything I can do.
- Can she go home now, then?
- Lord, no!
It's only been induced. It hasn't
happened yet. That comes later.
If her temperature rises rapidly,
give her two of these.
- I'll leave you six.
- How will I know?
Well, if she starts to sweat,
give her two.
Here, mate.
Shouldn't you see the job through,
considering
how much you've been paid?
Two if she sweats.
How you feeling, girl?
He gave me these tablets
to give to you.
Take two if your temperature goes up.
You do look old, girl.
He got his money easy.
Not so loud. My landlady'll hear!
I can't help it!
This pain!
- Lily!
- This pain! I can't help...!
I'm sorry, Lily. I'm sorry.
I had to do it.
If my landlady heard,
she'd have the ambulance here!
Doctors, police, the lot!
All this
would have been for nothing!
See what I mean?
That's why I had to do it.
Is there something I can get you,
Lily?
Would you like a cup of tea?
No. You go.
I'm better on my own.
There's nothing you can do.
You'll be alright, will you?
You're sure you'll be alright?
I know it don't look nice,
going off and leaving her.
But what do look nice
when you get close up to it?
Come on, Malcolm!
You naughty boy!
You're keeping everyone waiting.
Suzanne Elizabeth, I baptise thee
in the name of the Father
and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost.
Amen.
And now we join together
in the family prayer of Christians.
Our Father,
which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven...
Who's Daddy's best boy, eh?
Who's Daddy's best boy?
Who's the best boy in the world?
Lily?
Is it all over?
Yes.
- I'll be ready to go in a minute.
- There's no hurry, girl. No hurry.
Don't.
Don't go in there.
I could have dropped on the spot
with the shock.
All I was expecting to see was...
Come to think of it, I don't rightly
know what I was expecting to see.
Certainly not
this perfectly formed being.
I half expected it to cry out.
It didn't, of course.
It couldn't have done.
It could never have had
any life in it.
- Not a proper life of its own.
- No, I suppose not.
Still...
...it must have had some life,
of course.
And... as it lay there
so quiet and so still...
...it quite touched me.
And I started praying or something.
Saying things like, "God help me!",
and things like that.
And then I starts to cry.
Straight up. The tears
were running down my face.
All salty. Like I was a kid myself.
Crying for him, you mean, Alf?
No, not for him.
He was past it.
For my bleeding self!
You know, it don't half bring it home
to you what you are
when you see a helpless little thing
like that lying in your own hands.
He'd have been quite perfect.
And I thought to myself,
"You know what, Alfie?
You know what you done?"
"You murdered him."
Well, there's nothing you can do
about it now, Alf.
- Will you lend me 25 quid, Nat?
- Don't be bloody funny!
- That's all I've got in the world.
- Take this watch as security.
If I haven't paid you back
in two weeks, you can sell it.
I don't want no security.
I'll give you the money.
Thanks very much, Nat.
Well, that's that.
You all ready?
Come on, I'll run you home.
I'd sooner go on my own.
You say that again,
you will go home on your own.
- I want to.
- OK by me.
There's a bus to Waterloo
or a Green Line all the way.
Here. This is for little Phil.
Who?
Phil, your youngest. The one
who writes all them squiggly letters.
- What is it?
- You wanna see it?
I bought it a long, long time ago.
For a little kid I used to know.
Catch.
Tell him it's from his Uncle Alfie.
Come on, mate.
I'll take you home.
I'm definitely gonna settle down
with this Ruby.
I'm fed up with being on the move.
You know, I find I'm not stalking
these young birds any more.
Ruby! Where are you, girl?
- Alfie?
- I thought I'd give you a surprise.
I'll be right out!
Make yourself a drink.
Alright.
I was sleeping.
- I've got a headache. I took a pill.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- You said you were on a job today.
- It fell through. Want a drink?
No thanks. You better go, darling.
I've got a splitting headache.
Alright. You better have these
now I've brought 'em.
Alfie, what a thing for you to do.
I never thought
I'd live to see the day.
- I like surprising a woman.
- You did that.
Look at the wrapper.
They're not off a barrow.
I can see that.
They're lovely. Really lovely.
Thank you.
- I'll go. You take an aspirin, girl.
- I will.
- That's new.
- New? What?
That radio. Where did you get that?
I picked it up cheap.
Will you ring me tomorrow?
I'll be alright then.
I'll come around lunch time.
We might have a session.
- Yeah, why not?
- Right. See you.
Alfie?
Yeah?
I'm sorry about the headache.
- I'll make it up to you.
- Sure.
- What's that?
- What?
- That?
- It's a guitar.
- You doing it with groups now?
- Don't be so disgusting!
And the radio. You've got
a bloke in there, ain't you?
- It's none of your business!
- You pick him up cheap, too?
There is no-one in there!
I honestly
thought you had a headache.
- What a mug I've grown into!
- Get out of here!
I have a splitting headache!
Why him? Better than me?
What's he got that I haven't?
Apart from long hair?
Well?
Come on, let's have it.
What's he bleeding got?
He's younger than you are.
You got it?
"He's younger than you are."
That's what she said.
Anybody would think I was
doddering about on crutches.
Trouble is,
I still keep thinking about her.
I can't get her out of my mind.
Who'd have thought
a ruddy great lust-box like her
would have found her way
into anybody's feelings?
She might have looked a hard case,
but underneath she was quite mumsy.
And she was in beautiful condition.
Do you know, I'm beginning to think
she was beautiful.
After all, it ain't through the eyes
that you feel beauty,
it's how the heart hungers for
something that makes it beautiful.
Oi!
Siddie.
Alfie. Hello.
I ain't seen you in ages.
You didn't turn up.
Look, I can explain that.
I ain't half missed you.
I like that gear.
Where you going?
I've got the car round the corner.
- What about it?
- I can't, I'm gonna meet my husband.
It's nice material. Still,
you always was a snappy dresser.
What about Sunday, then?
- No, I'm not sure.
- Come on.
Same time, same place?
- We'll see.
- I'll wait for you for five minutes.
Don't forget your napkin.
I'm like the Boy Scouts, I am,
always prepared.
See you, then?
Maybe.
You know what?
When I look back on my little life
and the birds I've known,
and think of all the things
they've done for me
and the little I've done for them,
you'd think I'd had the best of it
all along the line.
But what have I got out of it?
I've got a bob or two,
some decent clothes, a car.
I've got my health back
and I ain't attached.
But I ain't got my peace of mind.
And if you ain't got that,
you ain't got nothing.
I don't know, it seems to me
that if they ain't got you one way,
they've got you another.
So what's the answer?
That's what I keep asking myself.
What's it all about?
Know what I mean?
Come on, boy.