OK, recent studies
have shown that
one in four men
cheats on their wives.
And one in ten women,
cheats on their husbands.
Ray, I will explain.
Hey man, I'm so sorry...
Now that's aweful.
Truly depressing data.
I know this must look bad,
but it's not what it looks like.
- You, stop talking now.
- Okay.
Dorothy, you see
the red Potiac Fierro outside?
He works for your husband.
But then I realized,
imagine how much more impressive
those numbers could be,
if people thought they could
actually get away with it?
Here put these up
Two minutes, out the door.
I will take care of the photographer.
You, ten minutes after that,
half a mile down the road
there's an Exxon garage
call a cab.
Cynical?
Well, I prefer entrepreneurial.
My former partner,
the Great Jack McCadden
taught me, our job in life
is not to judge the ones
and desires of our fellow men
is to profit upon them.
And well, some might see this
as an unravelling of our social fabric
I say business is good.
- Ray
- Ray, my files are ready
Do me a favour, will you?
Double check the receipts
for the Feing account.
I'm super sorry about the other night, Ray.
I just lost her.
It's not good enough, Vic.
That's the third time
in the last three months.
Ray, we deed three dollars for
Wendy's birthday cake.
That is two months severance.
You need any contacts,
we'll hook you up.
We've got some issues with
the new DMV holographs.
Give it to Walter.
Do you want to sign off
on the new souvenirs?
Track me down this afternoon.
Ray I need approval on the travel account.
I did it, it's on your desk.
- Ray, this OK?
- Good.
New client?
Your eleven o'clock. you said you wanted
bigger brains around here.
Don't let the twins fool you.
They may look affectionate, but they're
actually in a battle for tank dominance.
They also like to breed
under banana leafs.
You can call me Lola.
- OK, let's go by
- Ray?
Benjamin's root canal is going over.
Also Peter Miller's pass code
isn't scanning the rhythm...
And I will talk to you
about it later.
So Lola, do you have any lunch plans?
You worked under Randall Pual.
Can I ask why you left?
I was one of seventeen Jr. VPs in out division
specializing interest derivatives,
market risk exposure,
plus a little P/L analyses
on the side.
- Sounds...
- almost as dull as it was.
And just a point of clarification,
I work with people, and for people,
never under them.
And what would you say
Your best quality?
- My patience.
- Great, great.
So, how close to the street are you?
Your shoes. Very fashionable
about five or six years ago.
You look like a woman who would care.
- Do you wanna talk about it?
- OK
I had banked some stock options from
this blossoming internet start-up,
and decided to seek enlightenment
in the Holy land.
I would have guessed Tibet...
I'm old school.
Can I ask you a question?
What exactly do you do?
Well this is a surprise.
- Putty. Good to see you.
- How the fuck are you, man?
Fucking good.
Getting any work?
I'm Retired.
I banked some stock options
from this blossoming internet start-up,
then decided to seek enlightenment in Tibet...
by the middle East.
The Holy land, huh? No shit.
Ray
I hear Jack's back on the radar.
Well, I wouldn't know about that.
No? Don't keep in touch with your old boss?
You guys were like...Batman and Robin.
Without the capes, of course.
I hear he was seen at the airport
he's hiding out in a bangalow
just up the coast.
Yeah, I heard it was a villa in Sweden.
I wouldn't put too much stock in idle gossip.
Nothing idle about a 5 million dollar
contract on the guy's head.
Excuse me, Sir?
We need to keep this lane clear.
I was looking for some good guys.
Ma'am
Fuck are you looking at?
That was interesting, little creepy.
- So what can you tell me about him?
- I just met him.
I'd say high school graduate,
possibly a missionary or insurance salesman
although with obvious connections
to some sort of criminal enterprise.
Okay, what else?
So you know this, or you've heard this?
I know that Jack McCadden
conned the Sultan Qatar
out of 15 million dollars.
Yeah that's the legend.
What about this Ray fellow?
He was always just the frontman
Word is after the score
Jack disappeared with Ray's cut
of the Sultan's cash.
A Sultan?
That's some real Indiana Jones shit that is.
- Language Bobo.
- Sorry
- And would you say he is...
- Married or single?
Divorced.
If there were a woman's life
she'd make him a babe
little more with him
Excuse me.
So is this Sultan still want Jack bit?
What I hear, 5 million open contract
on Jack McCadden's head.
To clip a gifter, it certainly is.
OK, where is he now?
No no no, I will take it.
So, when can you start?
You asked me two questions
and offer me the job?
Ah, three.
I have sense about people.
We have to leave.
Now.
Seems like our new friend Ray
knows a very valuable man.
I don't know if Ray is still in touch.
He's handsome.
I think he's found religion.
What good is it for man to have faith,
if his actions do not prove it.
Con men don't reform.
They simply find better angles.
OK What do we do? We're a risk management firm.
- Which means?
- We're in the business of saving marriages.
How do you do that?
We grease the way
that makes state-of-the-art infidelity possible.
People who cheat get caught because, A they want to,
or B they're found somewhere they said they weren't.
Goodmorning Jay Z Incorporated?
Mr Williams is in meeting right now,
may I take a message?
We create a false reality,
making people appear to be
where they're supposed to be.
Adams and Randalph.
Mr North? Let me check.
I'm sorry, your wife
just got on a conference call.
I will try it when she gets off.
Fifth precinct.
Sykes?
He's running files to central. Can I help you?
I can try him on his walkie if it's an emergency.
So you help men cheat on their wives?
And wives cheat on their husbands.
We're an equal opportunity employer.
You're a professional liar.
Lies are the great foundation
of our society, Lola.
'Great outfit, honey.'
'Can't I give you flowers for no reason?'
And my personal favorite,
'Don't worry, it happens to lots of guys.'
But that's just being polite.
Fact is your average relationship
wouldn't last two minutes
if people told the truth.
We just help maintain the illusion.
Mom's happy, Dad's happy
and the kids don't have to
pick sides at Christmas.
So this is all for the children, then?
Families don't break up because of infidelity,
Thank you.
They break up because someone get caught.
Let me guess,
You're just a hard-working child
of a broken home
trying to save others
from the pain you went through.
I just see people for the well dressed,
good smelling animals they are.
Mate, eat, sleep and mate some more,
preferably with someone else. Come on.
But you can't really believe that.
Not everyone operate
on a purely primal level.
A man is as faithful as his opportunities.
Take your old boss, for example.
Perfect example.
Yes, he cheated on his wife they broke up
They got back together
they never been happier
When was that, about a year ago?
Yeah, How did you know that?
He just bought us lunch.
Been a client since January.
Are you ready?
I'll let you know.
You dare defy your emperor!
Robert? Lobby, two minutes.
And you might want to
put the jacket on.
Morning?
You ever consider a more traditional line of work?
Insurance? Sales?
Making money's easy.
Keeping yourself interested
is something else entirely.
OK here's the situation.
In a few seconds,
an angry wife is going to
steaming through that door
and raise Mary hell till
she finds her cheating husband.
Inside this is
a cheap knock-off necklace.
You can be anyone you want to be
for the next five minutes.
I need two thousand a week,
benefits and a month off
plus all the regular holidays.
We tend to work holidays,
we've got great dental
and I can go as high as 1,500.
What's going on here, Ray?
- Hey how ya doing there?
- One second, vision?
That comes with a co-pay.
OK, the objective
is to extricate him
from this situation
with his balls intact.
Ray...
Son of a bitch...
- Holy shit.
- How could you!
I give you the best years of my life
and you go and throw it away
to have your sick sex with some whore.
I don't know who you think
you think you are, Mrs. Hatch,
but no one speaks to me like that.
I can't work like this, Mr. Hatch.
We are Rogette's jewelers,
not Bob's Big House of Diamonds.
Diamonds?
To my dearest on this special day.
Much love.
But why are you meeting here?
Our office is in New york, so
Mr. Hatch has been flying in
members of our team
to work on the design
Robert...
Do you like it?
Robert...
I think this concludes our business, Mr Hatch.
So if I want to examine some other items
from your catalogue,
how could we arrange that?
I can have a catalogue
forwarded to your hotel room in Fiji.
You didn't tell her?
Robert!
- We need to go to Rodeo Drive, Hannibal.
- Yes, Mrs. Hatch.
Mr. Hatch needs new swim togs.
And in the future,
I'd rather you didn't improvise travel arrangements.
I was in the moment.
I'll also need a cell phone.
And moment or not, you didn't
have to make it a private island.
We both know he had it coming.
Company car?
I guess anyone can get away
with anything these days.
No we don't alibi crimes,
I will not be an instrument
of recrimination or revenge.
- Beyond that...
- Beyond that?
It's all smoke and mirrors.
So how rich do people
have to be to hire us?
We give discounts to cops, plumbers,
hotel workers and teachers.
Nice to give something back
to the chronically under-paid.
If it makes you feel better,
sometimes our clients stray
but then they go back a little wiser
for the experience.
Anything else?
Overtime, dress code?
Yes, for both.
Do we have a deal?
If I'm there for more than a year,
I want profit sharing.
OK on one condition.
Don't slap the spouse.
Don't micromanage.
Profit sharing?
Perhaps that was a bit much.
But I was temporarily seduced
by her lavish penetrating, truly sublime
attention to detail.
You see my current line of work
is all about
planning for every conceivable contingency
Accounting for every detail.
Every nuance, and every possible mistake.
I know exactly where he is.
Why?
Because I commit the one unpardonable sin.
The one my old partner Jack
would never abide.
I'm forced, on a daily basis
to rely on the intelligence of others
Ten days, Ray.
Ten days I had sleep with my wife.
You got any idea how that is?
Break the rules, these thing happen.
By the way, you'll be
swapping the necklace
You gave her with a real one
in about two days.
I've already billed your account.
You realize I actually had to...
I shudder just thinking about it.
You could always leave her, Robert.
Hey I'd leave, I'd leave in a heartbeat,
it's no secret the money's
all from her family.
I leave, I'm ruined you know that.
We all have our crosses to bear, right?
Now, for our lesson in remedial cheating.
Those damned matches.
Stupid habit.
I just keep losing my lighters.
Nothing from your liaisons
goes in your pockets,
on your breath or on your skin.
Got it?
Robert? you've already met Lola.
My son's getting married next month.
Good girl from a good family.
But you know the Hatch men...
You know, we always have
a little something on the side
that my grandfather, my father, me
and now my kid, can you believe it?
Amazing.
So, where's he not supposed
to be going
and who's he not supposed
to be going with?
Ray, I'd appreciate it if you handled this yourself.
Robert, apart for
the odd emergency,
I do very little fieldwork
these days.
You're my last personal client.
Yeah but I was your first client.
Think of it as a wedding present
to my fucking kid.
One you get to bill for.
After that, Lola takes care of me.
OK?
OK.
Don't let the Hatch thing bother you.
Some clients just prefer working with men.
So that man was your first client?
That man's libido paid the rent
for the first few months.
What? No start-up help
from the infamous Jack McCadden?
No.
He sounds like quite the character.
International man of intrigue.
Smart, handsome.
How long did you two date?
Okay, Jack is not a topic I care to discuss.
Bad break up?
Drop it.
Dropped.
She wants a friar to marry us.
A fucking friar, like what am I, Robin Hood?
Look, don't get me wrong.
I love Sandy. I fucking worship her.
Shit. "Til death do us part?'
Men aren't wired to be monogamous.
I'm sorry
You know, we gotta spread the seed.
Your father tells me
You want to go away for the weekend?
That's terrible, right? I'm a terrible person.
I don't know you, Wendell.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
- Alright, so this girl, do I tell you her name?
- No.
Alright, she wants to go to
a bed and breakfast in Santa Barbara.
Are Click and Clack going too?
What?
No dude. Just me and her.
OK. There's a brokers' convention
in San Francisco this weekend.
I'll book you a room
in San Francisco under your name
and reserve a flight
and a rental car.
OK.
Then I will book a room in Santa Barbara under my name
and give you a credit card to use while you're up there.
Friday, you go to Santa Barbara
and I go to San Francisco,
where I check into your room
and sign in at the convention.
I have dinner, make phone calls.
In short, you become me
and I become you.
Temporarily.
And when Sandy tries to call me?
We intercept all the calls.
If there's an emergency
I'll be contacted
and I will contact you.
Shit.
Dude, do you have a card?
I don't.
Anything else? No, I'm good.
Good.
Wendell.
In the future, don't make me do this
in front of your wife.
It's kind of tacky...
and it'll get you caught. Guaranteed.
It'd be easy for a man in my line of work
to become
cynical on the subject of relationships
So what's in San Francisco?
It's business.
What's her name?
Lola, I prefer to keep my work life
and my private life separate.
- It keeps things simple.
- Simple is boring.
Boring is safe.
And safe is for old people.
This is fun, want to keep going?
I got a plane to catch.
Have a good weekend?
But you see, romance is my greatest ally.
That makes people vulnerable.
Distracts it, and utterly idiotic.
You sure, you didn't tell anyone?
In short, perfect clients.
We've been over this a thousand times.
What did you tell your boyfriend?
That I'm visiting my mom.
Trust me, he's an idiot.
So after the wedding,
how long before we can get together?
I don't know we might have to
cool it for a little...
Oh shit, does your boyfriend
drive a black SUV?
No.
Will you calm down?
Did you ever get a blow job
at a hundred miles an hour?
We're only going sixty.
Then you better step on it.
Hey, hey.
One second!
You've got about ten seconds
before I rip off all your clothes
and fuck you right here
in the lobby.
Can't wait to do that.
Now, what can I do for you
nice young people?
We have a room booked.
Under Elliottt. Mr. And Mrs. Ray Elliottt.
Hi. Wendell Hatch, arrogant prick.
Wendell
Hi Wendell Hatch, good to meet you.
Hi Wendell.
Hello.
You son of a bitch.
Takes one to know one, Mr. Williams.
Good to see you.
God, didn't we have a hell
of a time in Bermuda?
My liver's still not talking to me.
They forget to print you a name tag?
That's what you get for pre-registering.
Say Michael, you ever talk to
that tax shelter guy
What was his name,
Jack something?
No I was hoping you could tell me
I got so much loose change
tied up with that guy.
Now I can't get the bastard on the phone.
So you know what Jack used to say
the only sure investment is tombstone.
I know what it means.
Come on I want you to
meet somebody. Hey Jimmy!
Come on.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
That was amazing.
All tingling.
Hello.
Hey, sugar,
how's work going?
Nope, just hanging out with my sister.
You want to say hi?
Hang on...
Sorry, Babe, she's in the bathroom.
Yeah, me too.
Study hard.
What are you doing?
You tring to get me killed?
Have you...
Now, while we let the little
blue pills kick in,
it's my turn.
OK, now what...
- You could have scratched me.
- The closer I get, the harder you pull.
Okay. But what if I hurt you?
Yes, please.
Fine, the safety word is 'gum'
Okay.
- Hello?
- Ray?
Who is this?
I think she's dead, Ray.
I don't...she's not waking up.
- Wendell?
- Hell fucked. This is so FUCKED.
Okay Wendell, get a hold of yourself.
She, you know, she liked it rough.
I just, I thought I was...
She didn't say 'gum' Ray
I was listening, she never said 'gum'!
Wendell, did you check her pulse?
She's blue. That's not normal, right?
Listen to me. Check her pulse.
Do you know how to do that?
I gotta get out of here.
I can't stay here.
Now Wendell, you must not leave the room.
Do you hear?
You need to call an ambulance.
It was an accident.
I can't go to jail
I'm not going to jail.
If I fucking call an ambulance.
This whole thing comes out,
do you understand me?
You, your business, my father,
Your clients, this whole thing.
- You gonna be ruined.
- Well It wouldn't be the first time.
Bull-shit. you work for me, goddamn it
You have to do what I say Ray.
It doesn't work like that Wendell?
You gotta help me please.
Please don't make me beg, man.
Please help me.
Okay I'll call you back in five minutes.
Don't fucking move.
Bobo, get increase on your money.
Just little bit.
Putty.
Hello?
Hello?
Hey Putty, it's Ray.
You up for
a little freelance work?
Ray?
Someone's coming to solve this out.
Oh Jesus Christ,
thank you so much, Thank you.
Now Wendell, this is very important,
so please pay attention,
Okay.
When he gets there, do NOT give him
Your real name, do you understand?
I'm Wendell. I mean Pete.
Hey Wendell.
- She come with the room?
- What?
Did the dead girl come with the room
- or did you bring her here yourself?
- It was an accident.
- Usually is.
- No, it was her idea.
I doubt that.
So no one saw you moved the body?
No.
Wendell. Wendell, look at me.
Did anybody know you were
taking her out of town?
No. I mean, the guys knew I was going,
but they didn't know who.
Is anyone likey come looking for her?
She has a Mexican.
She has a boyfriend who is Mexican
He is a Hispanic-American,
but he would fucking
kill us both if he knew.
The guy at the bed and breakfast saw me.
I think he saw me.
- You know this was all her idea.
- Shut up, Wendell.
Did you have any idea?
You killed a girl.
I'm sorry, believe me.
Fuck you think I want this to happen?
Look, the good thing is
it's your name on the town bill, right?
Not mine, so technically
I wasn't even there.
You're not gonna tell my dad, are you?
Give me my credit card.
Okay get moving
And don't, ever ever
let me see you again.
Hello, is this the number for reporting
a lost credit card?
Yeah.
Ray Elliott.
Hello.
I know what you are thinking
but a deal is a deal.
Darling, you should really try
and give me a little more notice.
Come on in.
Sorry to interrupt. Are you busy?
Yes, Ray, I was having a glamour night.
I'm goint to...
I'm going to tell you something
and I don't want you to ask any questions.
Well, we all know how good I am at that.
We slept together last night.
Did I like it?
I said no questions, remember?
- Did you like it?
- Lola.
How do you know I wasn't
with someone else last night?
Were you?
I thought the idea was
to keep our private life
and work life separate?
Okay,
go ahead.
You invited me over yesterday morning.
I showed up at seven-thirty PM
with a bottle of wine.
- What kind?
- Merlot.
And you cooked me dinner.
Don't tell this story my mother.
She'll know you're making it up.
A roast.
Lasagna. I can make lasagna.
Fine, lasagna.
I showed up at seven-thirty, we had dinner
and I didn't leave until
nine o'clock in the morning.
Just one more question.
What?
Are you gonna call me?
So you are the only one
that put my kid and that fucking girl
together at the bed and breakfast.
Plus the inn keeper but
I don't see how anyone's gonna register
in the cop's radar.
So how much do you
want to make this go away?
That's not what this is about.
I will give you 23 grand cash
right now to keep my kid out of it.
Hey that's what I've got.
My emergency cash reserve.
Robert, I don't want your money.
Hello, leaving the fucking conversation.
Our actions have consequences.
Yours, mine, everyone's.
Wait a minuite.
If this is some kind of con Ray
I pay up, and this chick shows up with
my 23 grand on some beach somewhere.
No way, no fucking way.
She's dead
Your son killed her. Deal with it.
So that I don't have to.
Okay Ray.
I will see what I can do.
- This is Carol.
- Hey it's Ray.
You working this weekend?
Come on man, you know that I never sleep.
So I heard my old friend might be in town.
- You heard anything?
- You mean Jack McCadden?
I've been waiting to call you.
He just came in.
And now, direct from an extended tour
where he played for and with many of the
crown'ed heads of Arabia and their wives...
Cam? Is this a joke?
What?
That's not Jack McCadden.
Are you sure?
Same age, same build?
But here's the thing
Jack doesn't have a snake tatooed on his face.
Or a steel bolt through his penis.
I gotta go.
Can I help you?
Detective Bryce to see Mr. Elliott.
Sorry! Never seen her before.
Right.
And your credit card was stolen or lost
just the day before it was used
to check in to the Bed and Breakfast.
Neat how that worked out, isn't it?
- You're not LAPD, are you?
- Used to be. I'm in Santa Barbara, now.
That's where the prices and
their occationally wayward daughter live.
What exactly do you do here
at Elliott Consulting, Mr. Elliott?
Risk assessment and management.
As a former confidence man
become an expert on that?
The same way you got to Carnegie Hall, Detective.
Practice, practice, practice.
Where is Ms. Price, Mr. Elliott?
Or should I call you Mr. Avalon,
Mr. Morgan, Mr. Weil.
- Detective, I swear to God
- What about
Your old boss Jack McCadden?
Would he know?
I heard this crazy story
the other day
about a really rich Arab
wanting to see Jack McCadden dead.
I haven't talked to Jack in couple of years.
Now when grifters
and cons knock each other off,
I really don't gice a shit.
But Ms. Price's father is an assemblyman,
and he's pushing really us
hard to fine his daughter.
It's how it works, he pushes me,
I push you. We find her,
Then I get to go home to my husband
who I'm pretty sure
letting our daughter overdoes
on pizza every night
I'm out of town.
- That sounds painfully domestic.
- To me, it's a little piece of heaven.
Now you make me stick around this town,
I'm gonna do my damndest to
just make sure that I
find something
to make it worthy my while.
For my scrapbook.
You know you don't have to waive
those things dry anymore.
It's a new process they've had it
for a couple of years now.
Download this, will you please.
- What did the cop want?
- It's nothing.
I'm going to need you to cover
some of my accounts for the next few weeks.
- Not a problem.
- Good.
Hey, Ray.
Putty, how nice to see you.
- Gotta go for a ride.
- Holding me up for that B and B thing?
That's not like you.
I'm hurt you'd even think such a thing.
- I take this is not optional?
- That's a real good way to put it.
So who you working for these days?
Guy used to run out of Salt Lake.
The Mormon?
You heard of him? Really nice guy.
I've heard of at least six guys who'd argue that point,
if they were still around.
E don't really keep track.
But me and Bobo get benefits ;
dental, eyecare...
- Nice uniforms?
- Nice uniforms.
- I remember you.
- Do you?
- I'm Adelle.
- Please to meet you.
And you are?
Too old.
Do you have a bathroom?
It's a little crowded
in here right now.
I may be married to the old creep,
but he doesn't own me.
Well that's good to know,
so where you from, young lady?
South Dakota. Tiny little town.
How are you enjoying life in the big city?
Yeah right.
It's like being in prison with a nice pool.
But...
I do manage to find the odd distraction.
Bridge?
Come on.
Let's do it right here.
- Are you insane?
- It wasn't my idea.
Doesn't matter who's
'idea' it was.
He'll tear your head off
You go near one of his wives.
You dragged me here, remember?
So, let's get this audience underway?
I spent a fortune for landscaping,
but I think it's worth it.
It's very beautiful.
Thank you.
Putty tells me you've met one of my wives.
How does that work anyway?
The two...
Three.
Congratulations.
Our Doctrine says 'Celestial marriage
is the gate to excaltation.'
Sorry, do they work in shifts
or is this more of a group effort?
Things manage to work themselves out.
But enough about me. Are you married?
No.
I guess I just haven't met
the right women.
Funny.
I've heard there's a price on the head
of your old partner Jack.
I've also heard he maybe in town.
And you want me to tell you where he is?
- You know my chosen profession, right?
- Yes.
People have been hiring hitmen
for thousands of years.
Ever since some Neanderthal
gave some other Neanderthal half a mastodon
to clock his brother with a rock.
Neanderthals? I would have taken you
for a creationist.
More of a pragmatist, really.
Which is where you come in.
Do I?
I think having a man of your skills
covering my tracks
would be extremely helpful.
Well I'm sorry
but I don't alibi crimes.
You alibied one.
For the Hatch family, wasn't it?
That was the first and last.
Oh, I think not.
I think from now on
there will be many, many more.
Unless becoming an accessory after the fact strikes you
as a
reasonable way to spend
the next ten to fifteen years of your life.
Good evening Ray, we'll be in touch.
The genious of Jack McCadden
was that he was part magician
part artist, part ghost.
Ray, Jack's back on the radar.
You guys were like Batman and Robin.
Although it was a previlege to
work alongside him
What was his name, Jack something?
I've gone to great pains
to leave that life behind.
Jack McCadden, would he know?
So I hear there's a price
on the head of your old partner.
But that's the problem with the past.
Bad breakup?
It's never really dead
until you are.
Dropped.
That's not a very comforting thought.
Yeah.
Dude, it's Cam.
I think I found Jack.
Cam, I can't really deal with
this right now. Something came up.
But if it is him
people are gonna come looking for him.
Hey asshole.
Ah no it's just
there's little thing that I need to deal with.
I will call you later.
Bye.
Wendell.
Wendell's posse.
You dick, I can't believe
you told my dad.
Somebody needed to straight things out.
I don't know who you think you are,
but you don't threaten me
and you don't threaten my father.
You're a fucking employee,
you understand me? you are a burtler.
You are a berger flipper.
So let's step outside
and get this party started.
What is that?
Is that sort of Kung Fu?
Tae Kwon Doe.
Oh Tae Kwon Doe.
Why do we do it here?
It's a little cramped in here.
If you move those two chairs.
And I will shift this table...
Hey!
That's what I'm talking about.
- You want some more of this, pal?
- No.
Wendell. I don't want to get all philosophical
but a person's life has been taken,
and someone has to account for that.
Do you follow me?
Please don't kill me, I'll pay you.
Go, go, go!
Come on!
Stupid, asshole.
I think you broke my fucking nose.
I think I did.
Using your intellect is nice
but nothing beats the thrill of
delievering a good old fashioned...
What's wrong with that guy?
Okay come on, get in.
Wakey, wakey.
Look who's up.
Look who's up.
I thought you were gonna sleep forever, princess.
I think there's been a mistake.
My house is that way.
This ain't no car service, motherfucker.
This is your worst nightmare.
Well, my worst nightmare has rats in it.
Well, we're gonna get to that.
Gurantee hat.
- I know you.
- Oh, you think so?
You're Hatch's driver.
That's right asshole and
what is that supposed to mean?
You think you are better than me?
You trying to put me down man?
What the fuck,
let me suggest something to you.
I suggest you get real smart real fast
and tell me where the fuck she is?
Look you better get smart.
Don't be annoyed but,
who?
Heather.
Heather Price, motherfucker.
Do you remember her now?
Little B-cup, ass like butter, right?
Mind like fucking pervert.
You took her to that hotel
in Santa Barbara.
Let me tell you something,
she's my fucking girlfriend, man.
H. It wasn't a hotel man,
it was bed and breakfast,
you shut the fuck up
and drive, keep attention man.
I wasn't at that hotel, I reported
my credit card stolen.
I spent weekend with friends
Check it out with any of them.
You expect somebody believe
that bullshit.
Is that your best shot?
It's the truth.
Come on, give me something before
I get me to engage
my suspension of disbelief
Give me something, man.
Something within the realm of Plausibility.
She wouldn't be cheating on me man.
No matter what she's done
or why she's ducking me
I have the capacity to forgive.
Unfortunately, tonight is not going to be
salvation to your fucking ass.
Do you want me to get extreme
cranial makeover on your ass.
Where is she?
Say something!
Listen, if you want to beat
information out of someone,
you gotta be
smart enough to let them answer.
Alright point taken,
back off man, back off.
Now where is she?
- Go ahead.
- She's...
She's dead.
- I didn't do it.
- She can't man.
You can kill me if you want to,
but it won't change what went down.
- You do it?
- No. No I didn't.
Do you know who fucking did it?
Wendell Hatch.
He was having an affair with her.
He came to me to help him set up an alibi.
No way. Can't fucking be Wendell Hatch man.
The man is bullshitting man.
Couldn't be a little ain't no worth.
Think about it, Hannibal.
Weren't there times when she wanted to
meet people you never met?
- What!
- Just kill him right now.
She wanted to take shower
before she was with you. She ever do that?
Jewelry! Did she have a new jewelry
a bracelet or necklace?
Talk to me.
He's fucking right.
I caught her. I caught her with big-assed diamond ear rings.
Shit is right man.
Happens more often than you think.
I know where he lives.
Remember, what about that time
when we went to Jino party
and I told you we seen it...
Don't do it, Hannibal. There's a better way.
Better than shooting his ass?
Better than you going to
jail to avenge a girl
who was fucking around on you.
Better than you throwing away
what you've got going on for a third strike
that'll get you the needle.
A needle motherfucker,
what do you know about me man?
What do you know about me
you don't know me man.
The ink says you've been inside.
And I know you drive for Hatch
to pay for your tuition fees.
- You promise he goes down?
- I can make it happen.
Better make it happen.
If he walks,
I'm gonna finish it in my way.
You follow me?
You've made yourself very clear.
So I wanted to.
I said you made yourself very clear.
- Almost kept my first one in there.
- Told you there were rats, mother fucker.
Excuse me.
Hello?
Ray, my friend. Is this a bad time?
It is a very bad time.
Can you come by?
I was hoping we could firm up
some dates for our business.
I can't tonight.
I've got...
I've got laundry.
Tomorrow then.
Oh, by the way, a gentleman contacted me
regarding you this afternoon.
- What did he want?
- He wanted me to take you out.
I'm pretty sure I'm not your type.
It wasn't some sodomite tea party, Ray.
What did you say?
I said it was out of the question
as we have unfinished business, you and I.
What did he offer you?
A man should always know his worth.
Your asking price is twenty three thousand.
Tell Hatch you'll take it.
Very impressive.
But suicide is still a sin Ray.
If you take the constract at least
I know he won't be hiring anyone else.
You know,
if I had Jack McCadden's whereabouts,
you and I might never
need to speak again.
Five million dollars buys
a lot of forgiveness.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Shit.
Lucky for you I didn't make
any other plans tonight.
What happened?
Opera?
What happened?
I was car jacked.
Doubtful.
Care to try again?
It was Hatch's driver.
Why would he come after you?
It's better if you don't know.
I think I can decide
what I can handle.
Well?
It was Hatch's son.
He spent last weekend in Santa Barbara
where he killed his date.
And I...we were on the job.
I got that guy Putty
to take care of it.
And now the cops are all over me
and a very bad man has been hired to kill me.
You sure this job is worth it?
It's not normally this bad.
You ever consider asking
your old partner for help?
- It's not so easy.
- Why?
Because you are Jack McCadden?
It makes a certain amount of sense.
What that guy putty said,
your trip to San Francisco.
How much it must have
cost to set up your company.
Plus you calling Jack your boss
when I really can't see you
ever working for anyone.
A woman can tell when a man lies, Ray
If she's paying attention and
if she really wants to know.
And if I can figure it out
I might not be the only one.
It's funny.
You think I'm Jack,
the detective thinks I killed Jack
and the Mormon thinks
I know where Jack is hiding out.
So who's right?
I know you won't believe me Ray,
but not everyone is working an angle.
Well...
That maybe. But for five million dollars,
somebody might take a chance.
Then I suppose you have a choice to make.
I suppose I do.
You look like a man with a problem.
Several.
Care to add to the burden?
I need an alibi for Thursday night.
Something extremely sturdy.
Well the only absolutely air-tight alibi...
is death.
What's happening Thursday night?
Let me explain something.
It helps if I know where you are going to be,
so I can pretend you're somewhere else.
Honey?
Fine. I'll be at the Ellroy Hotel.
But that's all you get.
And where would you want to pretend to be?
Does it matter?
It's your neck.
Thank you, Adelle.
How about this?
How about if I write you a check right now
and you forget we ever met?
Do you have five million
in your checking account?
Unless you're trying to tell me Jack
is already a non-issue?
You wouldn't have me waste my time
looking for a man
who's already passed on to the
greater celestial court,
would you?
Anything else, Ray?
Not right now. No.
So...
is this a social call?
Business, actually.
I've heard you want my boss dead.
- Excuse me?
- Please, Mr. Hatch. I'm on a deadline.
- I kind of thought that you and Ray were maybe...
- You thought wrong.
Can I ask why?
No.
Now, your only problem is,
the man who you approached to get the job done
is now working with Ray.
You understand there's a difference
between wanting someone dead
and doing something about it?
And here I thought you were the proactive,
captain of industry type.
My mistake. I won't waste your time.
Okay. Okay.
So let's say...
hypothetically, that
I was remotely interested in this thing you're...
Then let's say, hypothetically,
you meet me here on
Friday with $100,000 cash.
And should I bring something else?
Your appetite.
Come in.
So it's not a problem?
- For you, sweetie, nothing's a problem.
- Good.
- How are things with you and Ted?
- I don't know.
Maybe I should have tried it harder.
There's no rule that says you can't
make up with your husband.
If you still love him.
Wow.
Did Ray Elliott actually just use
the 'L' word without smirking?
I'm just saying...
Oh my god.
Ray's got a girlfriend.
To be honest with you, Dorothy,
- I'm not sure what I've got.
- Oh sure you do.
- Ray.
- How's it going?
Pretty much as expected.
Let's get rolling.
Alright ladies, it's on.
Yes, Mr Sykes.
That's right.
Ray would consider it a personal favor.
- Wendell Hatch?
- Yes
I'm Detective Sykes, this is Detective Holbrook.
We'd like you to come down to the station
and answer a few questions.
How well do you know Ray Elliott?
He's involved in a missing person's case
we're working.
- He is?
- What did he just say?
Young lady named Heather Price.
We believe Mr. Elliott took her to
a bed and breakfast last weekend.
She hasn't been heard from since.
Mr, Elliott took her to a bed and breakfast?
What do I always tell you about mumbling?
No one can hear you.
Seems like He's been spinning some tail
to the Santa Barbara police department
about how his credit card was stolen...
but we're pretty sure he killed her.
Thank you.
You know anything about it.
Why would you think that I would?
One of our officers saw you
talking to Mr. Elliott
And he says there was
an altercation at the bar.
I don't, I don't really know him.
He, I think he works with my dad sometimes
and I, I was in this bar and he was
he was drunk, really drunk,
Were there words exchanged?
- Words?
- Yeah words.
You know those things
you used to form sentences.
Only this time in a hostile context.
Yeah there were words,
but there were just...
Hey you jerk...
You know so it wasn't anything
but he did hit me out of nowhere,
just swung at me.
We never talked about
any missing...dead girl.
That's what your question was.
Okay. Okay.
Thanks for clearing that up, Mr. Hatch.
I hope you find this guy
cause that's terrible.
Hey you know what?
We always get the bad guy.
As a matter of fact, the owner of
the bed and breakfast coming in
and take a look at some pictures.
Have you been to this place?
Shady Grove in Santa Barbara.
No I, I haven't been.
Hey! Hey!
It's just routine, Mr. Hatch.
We want to mix in some photos with Mr. Elliott's,
You know, give the guy
some faces to choose from.
I mean, don't you have to ask my permission
before you do that?
- You don't mind, do you?
- He's not going to pick you out, so
- what's the harm?
- No it's just...fuck.
Detectives!
Will you excuse us for a minute?
Ellroy Hotel.
Sorry about that.
- So what were you saying?
- Nothing. I...just remembered. I have a thing...
- Thanks for coming in by the way.
- Sure.
Something like that?
I think you've earned yourself
a store credit
It's Shady Grove
- Matthew Klump please.
-Speaking.
Mr Klump. Congratulations.
Today is your Lucky day.
You've just one a night of total luxury
in beautiful Los Angeles.
All for being a loyal subscriber to B and B magazine,
yes, we'd remove
all the outstanding items
from your bill plus
we'll give you a small credit.
You got it.
And those would be red roses?
- Yes I'd like one dozen.
- Okay, no problem.
Right, so deliever the envelope
to the front desk of Ellroy Hotel?
That's right.
Adelle, these flowers are a pale
comparison to you, love Bob.
Who's Bob?
Bob's the man who make the mistake of sending
my wife flowers.
Don't let her out of your sight.
Where you going?
Dressing room.
Unless you boys want me
to strip right here?
Was wondering when you'd show up.
- Oh, Ray. I could just eat you up.
- Hold that thought.
You like your gift certificate?
That was from you?
- Ray, you're gonna spoil me.
- You know I think I am.
Now can you come to the Ellroy Hotel
at six-fifteen PM?
I've got us a room.
I'll have no miss choir practice.
I can write you a note?
Okay, maybe I'm no Casanova.
And maybe I'm in way over my head.
But this was always Jack's job
I was the pencil pusher. The statistical expert.
Unfortunately, being able to tell you
that seven and ten murders of crimes of passion or
three and four hitmen are hired by one spouse
to kill the other isn't
terrily relevant information.
Unless of course you are the one
they are hired to kill.
Jack was right,
I should never have gone straight.
I need a piece.
A piece of what?
You know a gun.
Oh why do you say that Snoop Dog?
Let me show you what we've got.
Ever get the feeling you're
running out of leads?
- This is Walsh.
- I'm a happily married mother of two
and this guy stand my fucking left breast...
Think we might have something.
This guy I have watching
Hannibal picked up something
going down this afternoon
at the Ellroy Hotel.
How good is your guy?
Good enough to supply a room number.
Worth a look, right?
Great. Let's go.
- Ray.
- Your boy's here.
Any sign of Wendell?
Are you sure this is gonna work out?
Low ranks circus?
Where did you get that clown from?
- I'm off to church.
- Shit.
Ma'am, could you hang on
for a minuite?
You clear it with the boss?
I go every Thursday,
but you can check with
the choir master if you want to.
We got that thing, anyway. Remember?
Don't be late.
To new partners.
To the late, great Ray Elliott.
That is why, if we stay cool,
things are going to be just...
What tells you to
tell me stay cool. I am cool alright?
Little piece of shit just arrived.
God Damn it. He's bailing.
I told you he's gonna bail.
Tell me what's happening.
He just left. Look we did it your way
I'm gonna try my way. How about that?
We have to stay to the plan.
Otherwise, people are going to get seriously hurt.
And Wendell will walk.
- Just get him in inside.
- Yeah whatever.
I must get him killed.
Hey Holmes!
- Park my car right there.
- Thanks.
Alright he's inside.
So I brought what you told me to bring.
I like a man who takes direction.
Why don't we go up to your room and talk?
My grandfather's staying here.
And what's your grandfather's name?
Oh, Klump.
Yes, sir. He just checked in.
I will just...
Thank you.
Sir?
It's room 1015.
Mr Klump? What are you doing here?
I won a contest.
Welcome to the Ellroy Hotel.
May I help you?
Yes. There should be an envelope for me.
My name's McGillicutty.
Here you are.
Mr Klump.
This is very important.
Exactly what kind of contest did you win?
A magazine kind?
- Drink?
- Is that all you're offering?
Let's get the business out of the way first.
You're sure you still want to get rid of Ray?
I'm not a man prone to second thought.
- And you haven't found anyone else?
- No.
Good.
How do I know you're for real?
You'll never know for sure,
but I promise you won't be dissapointed.
Adelle!
You son of a bitch!
- Take care and keep an eye on.
- Sir!
Whoever you are
somebody really want you dead.
Now I don't know about you, Bobby,
but I'm feeling pretty dirty.
Can't I watch?
- Ray?
- Hey. Was starting to worry about you. Where you been?
Just covering our accounts, as instructed.
So I think I need to tell you something.
I'm actually a huge opera fan.
That's what you needed to tell me?
But I always preferred Carmen to Salome.
You know why?
Because in Salome the hero loses his head
and in Carmen the evil temptress
is made to pay with her life?
Oh no. Actually, it's the overture.
Hey Lola, Are you okay?
Yeah I'm ready.
God Damn!
Excuse me sir.
- Ice for Champagne?
- Oh forget the ice.
Why don't you get in the tub with me?
I know these things that
we can do with the water jets
- I tell you what...
- Trust me when I'm done with you
You're going to need ice.
Can I help you?
I'm looking for Ray
I mean Bob.
He's a guest here.
- Are you Adelle?
- Yes.
Room 1215.
Thank you.
I've learned not to rely on
a single person in this world.
And I'm not.
I'm relying on a dozen.
Mostly cheats, killers and cons.
And I happen to trust these people.
Or at least trust on their baser instincts.
Let's hope they don't disappoint me.
Nice shoes.
Thank you.
Oh fuck!
I got a paper cut.
Boss, you better down.
But the most important thing
I learned from Jack,
within the face of real danger,
make certain that
you are never ever around
I don't like this.
Mr Klump I think we need to
get you out of here.
Hell no!
This is Detective Walsh.
Officer needs assistance,
we're at the Ellroy Hotel,
room 1015.
I swear it was her.
I'm gonna kill him.
Then I'll pray for God to resurrect him
so I can kill him again.
Ray. Where are you?
Ray?
- Front desk.
- You have a Robert in the hotel?
- I'm sorry?
- A Robert. A Bob...
What's the last name?
I don't know
Just tell me.
If there are any Roberts or
God damned Bobs in the hotel
or I will come down there and
personally shove that phone...
I have a first initial 'R'
- Yeah?
- R. Elliott. Room 1215.
Sir? Hello?
Hello?
So...you never thought
it would come down to this.
You try to cover all the basis
do your homework.
At the end of the day
It's the people you trust.
I'm not a huge proponent of that word.
I prefer leverage to human nature any day.
Sometimes, you just have to roll the dice...
Come on in, the water's fine.
- I ask you a question.
- Shoot.
Making a speech.
You almost done?
Room service!
It's open.
Oh my god.
You friend of Lola's?
Oh shit.
Listen. Please. I swear to God
I've never seen this woman before in my life.
My name is Robert Hatch...
- Bob Hatch?
- If you prefer.
You see any flowers
for my wife down there.
What's going on here?
To be honest, I'm not quite sure.
Hey. That's him. That's the guy
you were asking about.
I've never seen this old guy
before in my life.
- He's lying!
- What are you doing in his room with a gun?
- Hey boss!
- What?
It's six thirteen.
God bless it. Give me the envelope.
Don't kill him until I get back.
Suppose we will...
Contest will be just fine...
Step back into your suite.
Come on.
I don't know you
but you don't look that stupid.
House keeping.
Hello?
This is dispatch, I need two uniforms
to room fifteen-seventeen.
Maid reports an immobile Caucasian male.
Possible shooting victim.
Roger that.
Victim with several gun shot wounds
to the chest
Roger.
We have a positive ID on the shooting victim.
Victim identified as Jack McCadden.
- Lola!
- Here, it's yours.
Lola!
What the hell was wrong with
the other fifteen bodies that I showed you?
I just wanted to make sure
it was a good match.
You just couldn't stand the idea of
You not leaving a good looking corpse.
Vatiny's gonna be the death of you, Ray.
Let's hope.
That should cover the cops
and any incidentals?
And then some.
Hey Cam!
Put him somewhere nice.
It's not every day you get to bury yourself.
What are you gonna do with the money?
Assuming the Sultan actually pays what he says?
I don't know.
Five million's a lot of cash,
but I am a river to my people.
Enough warmed over Lawrence of Arabia, Sudhir.
You're from the Boston.
Where I have people.
Goodbye, Jack McCadden.
May I rest in peace?
Here's a new spin.
If one in four men cheats on their wives
Then three in four are faithful
And even more admirable
nine in ten women.
Not bad odds to play.
So no more Jack
no more Alibis, no more worries.
Just the thought of waking up
every morning and hearing...
You are such an asshole.
Sometimes it helps
if you don't know the whole story.
In business. Not relationships.
I want you to be part of
my new life, not my old one.
So where should we go?
It's up to you.
You said you've already been to the Holy land
I also mentioned not everyone
is working an angle.
Noted.
I think we should try the full
discloser thing, see how it goes.
I'm not sure about Asia. How's London.
Not a good idea, at the moment.
- Caribbean?
- Some minor, unfinished litigation.
- Paris?
- Yes. Actually no.
- Amsterdam? Greenland?
- Come here.
I just realized you are
quite a bit taller than me.