Oh, great spirit of Halloween.
I just really wanna know,
why is Robert not calling me?
Asshole.
Hey, Beth.
No, no, I'm fine.
I just saw a guy standing
across the street,
just staring at me, yeah,
it was really creepy.
I'm sure it's nothing.
No, no, I haven't heard
from Robert all night.
Beth, let me call
you right back,
I think someone is at the door.
Hello?
Hey, Beth.
Yeah.
Some creepy guy left
a VHS at my door.
Yeah, a tape.
I don't know,
some trick-or-treater
with nothing better to do.
Are you kidding,
of course I have a VCR.
You know how much better
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
looks on VHS than Blu-ray?
No, Blu-ray makes
everything look fake.
Okay, well, have fun.
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Okay, bye.
When I was a little girl,
we used to
plant pumpkins in our backyard.
Did they have
pumpkins back then?
Yeah,
and they didn't cost
25 fucking dollars either.
Fucking!
When can we go
trick-or-treating?
Don't you wanna make our
jack-o'- lantern first?
Why?
So we can put it out
here on the front steps.
Pumpkin soup, pumpkin bread,
pumpkin pie...
Maybe your mom can make you
pumpkin pancakes tomorrow.
Why don't you take one of your
crayons and draw the face?
You do it.
Do you want a happy face?
A scary face?
Scary face!
Excellent.
So what we're gonna first,
is cut a hole in the top.
Why?
So we can scoop
out the insides.
Like brains?
Yes, like brains.
Speaking of brains...
Looks like Elliott's
working late again.
When's
Daddy coming over?
Well, it better be
in the next 15 minutes
or somebody is not
having a happy Halloween.
Can pumpkins feel pain?
Of course not.
Like that lobster my dad threw
in the boiling water that time?
It screamed.
Okay, so why don't you
scoop out the insides?
Gross!
You want me to do it?
- No.
- Okay.
So while you are doing that,
I will separate the seeds.
Why?
So we can cook them.
Brains.
Good, now for the face.
Watch your hands.
Is that scary enough for you?
Wow!
Good.
Okay, so why don't you grab me
that candle over there?
All right.
Voila.
Hey, guys,
you got Elliott,
I can't take your
phone call right now
for whatever reason,
but you already know
what to do with the beep,
baby-boo, happy Halloweener.
Do you think I'm stupid?
Don't even bother coming over.
And tell Angie Del-Frisco
I said, hi.
Close your eyes.
They're closed.
Okay, now!
Oh!
It's supposed to scare you!
I'm terrified.
Do you want a pumpkin seed?
Don't, honey, he'll choke.
Here, here.
Okay, cough, cough!
Jack, cough!
Jack?
All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Your mom is gonna kill me.
Okay.
...Shut up, Oscar!
Okay.
What the...?
Jack?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, breathe, Jack.
Jack!
Trick or treat!
Ho, excuse me buddy.
Hello beautiful!
Lizzy?
Lizzy?
Easy, girl!
Trick or treat.
Stay there.
You be careful out there.
Knock, knock,
knock, knock, knock
Who's there?
Sam and Janet,
Sam and Janet who?
Trick or treat?
Aren't you all a little
late to be out this young?
Especially with...
Shh, I'll see what
I can find, shh!
It's not much, I'm afraid.
You should manage
more than anyone,
you're the devil.
Lucifer, Beelzebub,
the Horned One.
Go away.
Trick or treat.
You've got to be kidding me.
Go home,
there's nothing for you here.
Do kids even know Halloween?
Bad things happen
to trespassers.
Kate, get down here!
Trick or treat.
I said scram,
don't make me come out there,
go bother someone else
and leave us alone.
Now get the hell of my property!
Jack, they're kids.
Maybe we should let...
I think
they're leaving.
What if
they need our help?
Kate, it's not safe,
we can't just open the
door for anyone anymore.
They're kids.
They're hungry, we have enough.
No, we're not
taking that chance, not again!
They could be infected,
they could be crazy
for all we know, I mean,
they think it's Halloween!
I think it is Halloween.
They're getting
nothing from us, Kate.
We have to protect ourselves.
From what?
This?
Everything is gonna be okay.
I guess they're gone.
I don't see them anymore.
Good.
Let them go harass someone else.
Honey?
Kate?
Jack!
Kate, Kate!
Kate.
Jack.
Where's my wife,
what did you do with my wife?
What do you want, food?
Take it,
just take it and get out.
It's too late, Jack.
It's too late, Jack.
It's too late, Jack.
Too late, Jack.
Kate, Kate!
Happy Halloween.
Hey, relax.
It always happens
this way, remember.
It's not exactly
something you forget.
That's it.
So, go.
It's looking good, Dad.
It's not here.
- What?
- The meat.
It has to be,
you grabbed it, right?
I don't know,
I thought I did,
it was right there
on the table.
Well, did you or didn't you?
I thought I did!
Christ, you said
you had the meat!
I don't know, I don't know,
I was scared, I was rushing.
Unbelievable!
We're fine.
We'll figure this out.
We're fucked.
You've got to go out there.
It's been years, Isaac,
he won't listen to me anymore,
he'll listen to you,
you haven't missed a year.
But this is your fault.
- This is your offering!
- I know.
Please.
Be ready to go.
Son...
thank you.
It's me!
My father's here.
But he made a mistake.
There's no meat.
It's a mistake,
we're sorry.
We'll bring double next time.
Please, just take what's here.
Please!
Oh, my God.
Forgive me.
Open the door,
open the fucking door!
- It won't open.
- What do you mean?
It's jammed or something.
For Christ's sake,
Dad, the door!
Dad...
He's coming soon, isn't he?
Hi,
this is Vanessa,
I'm not home right now,
leave a message after the beep.
...Vanessa, hello?
I've been sitting at
JB's for 45 minutes
getting hit on by
the dregs of humanity
and your ass is
nowhere to be seen.
Hello?
Vanessa?
Oh, hey.
I, uh, was just about to
take those stairs again.
Looks like we're
the last ones, eh?
Yeah, I think so,
but I didn't realize
it was so late.
Oh, yeah, well at least
we're getting out of here.
Looks like I'm pulling
an all-nighter.
Goddammit.
These fucking things.
I don't think that's gonna help.
Just your luck, huh?
Are you okay?
Are you claustrophobic?
Don't worry.
There's plenty of room
in here to breathe.
We'll be fine.
I mean this happened
just last month,
just give it a second and
it should reset itself.
I think it might be a good
idea if you sit down.
Is there something
I can do to help?
No, no, I'll be fine.
Well, I guess we're stuck
here until it resets itself.
Or until somebody finds us.
Sorry, bad habit.
You're up on 26 aren't you?
Yeah, I'm sure I've
seen you before.
It's a shame what happened
to that girl from up there.
Too bad.
Hey...
Don't you fucking move,
lock it down.
Jesus.
All right, Sam,
how did you get out of that?
It's too early for my
dad to close his bar tab.
Hey, Wheezy,
you're wheezing again.
Yeah, forgot my inhaler.
Wow, what's this?
Step right up, step right up!
For the one,
the only, Masochist!
Relieve that tension,
take out that aggression,
in a game so cruel it's cool.
Give him what he wants,
get what you want.
What are the rules?
Use anything you see,
to make him bleed.
Get enough blood,
win yourself a bud.
I'll give it a shot.
You may be a winner
by giving it to this sinner,
take your pick, son,
take your pick.
This one.
Ah, pins for the sins.
How about you?
No thanks.
Jesus, Sam,
stop being such a puss.
I'll do it.
Take your pick,
take your pick.
These.
You can cross this
off your wish list.
Now, give it to this masochist!
Thanks,
I needed that.
Now I'm getting ticklish.
Sam!
Oh, my God, Dad!
Sam, come on,
help me get these off,
get me off of here!
- Give him what he wants.
- Sam!
Get what you want.
You can win, Sam.
Come on,
help me, get me off of here!
Looks like we
may have a winner,
- if he gives it to
No, Sam, don't do it!
- this sinner!
- Sam, stop!
Sam, just stop!
Ah, stop, stop it, Sam!
Sam, just stop!
Quit crying like
a little girl, Dad.
Where's your balls?
Stop, Sam,
I'm sorry, Sam...
Sam, Sam, I'm sorry!
Sam, Sam!
Step right up, folks,
a game so cruel
it's cool.
Max?
You can't keep doing this.
There's nothing to be scared of.
Go back to bed.
Come on, jump up.
Empty.
Messy, but no monster!
- Come on.
- It ate my slipper.
Monsters don't
eat slippers, under.
What about the noise?
Baby, it's just the wind.
The entire house
has been sprayed
and inspected for
anything bad, I promise.
What happens when you
throw water on them?
Monsters hate water.
What did I say about
playing with those?
- Not to.
- Give 'em.
I'm gonna put this
right here, okay?
Just close your eyes.
And think happy, happy thoughts.
And when you wake
up it'll be morning.
Good night.
Don't shut the door.
Max?
Max were you playing in
the guest room again?
No.
Really, then what's
around your neck?
Mrs. Lieberman
called this morning,
she said you're
telling stories again.
Max, please look at me.
You're giving Little Scotty
Michaels nightmares again.
He's afraid of everything,
he doesn't play in the
sandbox because he's afraid
the worms are gonna eat him.
Well, that doesn't
make it any less scary,
he's still afraid
like you are at night.
It's not the same.
Well, how's it like?
Max?
You know, um,
when you were still in diapers,
we lived in this
100-year-old cabin,
you should've seen
this place, Max.
It was very different
from anything I knew.
And on one really windy night,
I put you down to sleep,
and I heard these noises.
Coming from outside the house
and I got a little scared.
So I checked that all
the doors were locked,
and then I called your dad,
but he didn't pick up.
I lied in bed and
I tried closing my eyes,
but I couldn't sleep,
so I got up,
I looked out the window
and I only saw darkness.
And I remember that my heart
was beating so fast, Max,
then my imagination
just started going wild,
I was thinking,
oh, gosh, what if someone's
trying to break in
or maybe it's a
bear, or Bigfoot,
or, I didn't know!
And as the noises continued,
I became more certain
that something was there,
and it wasn't just
the wind, Max,
and I knew that I needed
to stand my ground,
because that's what your
father would've done
if he were home, right?
So I put my slippers on,
I grabbed a flashlight
and I walked outside.
And my heart was pounding.
Boom, boom.
And then suddenly,
I saw two red eyes
staring back at me,
I pointed my
flashlight right at it
and you know what I saw?
What?
A raccoon.
No monster?
No, it was just
this little raccoon,
just playing with these
old milk containers.
Holy mackerel!
Yow!
Time for bed.
Come on.
You've had a busy day.
You're gonna sleep in
your room tonight, okay?
Good night.
Go away!
Mom, Mom!
Mom, Mom, wake up, Mom, wake up,
Mom, hurry, hurry,
I caught it, Mom!
Max, what's wrong,
what's wrong?
Hurry, come on,
come on, I caught it!
What's wrong, Max?
Max, what's wrong?
It's under there.
Why is the floor wet?
- Mom!
- Max, stop it,
there's no monster!
Monster!
We're coming for you.
Did you hear that?
Quick, this way.
Here, get down.
Okay.
Put this on.
Take this.
You go near the nightstand,
I'm gonna investigate
near the toy shelf,
and we meet by your pillow
at 22 hundred hours, okay?
What?
Thirty seconds,
go, Max, go, go, go, go!
Do you see anything?
Uh, a few casualties,
I think Stevie the
Bear is wounded!
- Save him!
- Copy, copy!
Quick, under the bed!
The monster is under the bed!
Did I get him?
I think you did.
Snug as a bug.
It's time for sleep.
I love you.
Good night.
Mom!
Motherfucker!
Shut up!
Trick or treat!
Okay now.
Come here, come here, come here.
Yeah.
Motherfucker!
Oh, my God!
This looks so amazing!
Mr. Tricker you always have,
like, the best
Halloween decorations!
Oh, my gosh, this one is,
like, so real!
It's, like...
Is this a real person?
I'm just kidding!
I just love all this like
murder-y stuff and everything,
it's, like, totally puts me
in, like, the spirit of the day
and that's, like,
what it's about,
because it's Halloween,
and it's, like,
sometimes we lose sight of,
like,
what is Halloween about, so,
thank you, Mr. Tricker.
Awesome, well,
have a happy Halloween!
Fuck this.
Fucking, fucking!
Yeah.