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Alpha and Omega 5: Family Vacation (2015)
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HUMPHREY: Okay, pups. As we continue on our first family vacation to Alfred Creek Falls, it's time for my infamous animal impressions. (PUPS GROANING) KATE: Groans? (CHUCKLES) Come on, pups. You used to love dad's animal impressions. CLAUDETTE: (SCOFFS) Until they got weird. HUMPHREY: Weird, Claudette? STINKY: Yeah, Dad. I gotta agree with Claudette on this one. I mean, doing a porpoise impression. (HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING) PUPS: Weird. Claudette, why the long face? Mom, why couldn't we bring our friends? We've gone over this, Claudette. This is a family vacation. And our first one together. (ALL MOUTHING) KATE: We get closer when we have these shared experiences. And what do we always say about a strong family? Huh? Huh? ALL: A strong family can survive almost anything. She has puppy love. Puppy love? Like a boyfriend? (STAMMERING) Oh... Wait a minute. You mean Fleet? Mom, chill. He's not my boyfriend, he's just a friend. Okay, when you come to a corner, plant your front paws and just let your body slide. (GRUNTING) Your turn! Plant your paws! Whoa... (SCREAMING) Fleet? Mmm... (CLAUDETTE MAKING KISSING SOUNDS) (EXCLAIMS) Sorry. I was just, uh, thinking about all my great friends! (SNICKERING) Did you hear that, Stinky? Fleet's just a friend. Hey, I'm staying above the fray, but let me just say, Fleet is one fast dog. (SCOFFS) Especially with the kissy snout. Humphrey, did you hear that? Mom, stop it. You're being controlling! I'm being a parent! And, Runt, you wanna lose a patch of fur? Just keeping it real. Ha! How's this for real? (GRUNTING) You, uh... Hey! (CHUCKLING) Boy, she missed again. (RUNT LAUGHING) (SIGHS) Well, at least they're not bored anymore. Runt, you get down here! (CLAUDETTE GRUNTING) Claudette, stop it! Hey, you two, knock it off! Oh, she missed again, and again. Should have taken those tree climbing lessons I offered. Mom, Dad, may I suggest some parenting tips? When I become the leader, I will create a wolf park, so the younger ones can be supervised. Okay, Runt, come down. Claudette, stand down, and, Stinky, my eldest son, that was the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard. And, Runt, what about you? Constantly hugging Frieda and Fran, the porcupines! Yeah, that's really normal! Wait! That's why I'm always pulling needles out of you? They never get hugs! Because they're mean girls! Oh, they're not mean, they're just, prickly. And they wanted to come on our trip too! And just to roll with that, if I had been able to bring Brent, he could have helped supervise these two. Oh, great. All we need is your grizzly bear bromance tagging along! Seriously, Stinky, Brent is cool, but he is a hot mess. He's not a mess. Huh? He travels with a porcupine life coach! (SCOFFS) Hello. Agnes keeps him chill! Okay, Runt, you get down here right now! And, Claudette, when we get back, I'm going to leash Fleet and tie him to a tree! And, Stinky, you know we respect mixing it up with all the critters, but a little bit of Brent goes a long way. Also, his grizzly momma scares the heck out of me. If I had pants I would be wetting them. Seriously, Stinky, the last time I asked if you and he could have a play date, she growled at me! Brent and I have big plans when we lead the forest one day. We're gonna merge the wolf pack with the bear clan. Great idea! (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) What do they say about brilliance skipping a generation? Come on, guys, you love each other. Claudette, remember that time you and Stinky almost died trying to save Runt? This is for Runt! (GRUNTS) Ahhh! Ahhh! (GRUNTING) KATE: Stinky! HUMPHREY: Stinky! KATE AND HUMPHREY: Claudette! Oh, my gosh. What do we... Jump! Jump! (BOTH GRUNTING) Guilt. BOTH: Mmm-hmm. Can we please continue our lovely family vacation? (EAGLE SCREECHING) (SIGHS) Take a look at that view. Isn't it something? Just gorgeous. (SNIFFING) What is it, Stinky? I smell wolves, coming close. RUNT: And your smell is right again. Hurry, Julia, hurry! Wait, wait! What is going on? You need to get out of here! What? What for? They're trapping wolves! Trapping wolves? They're relocating us. When the caribou population dwindled... Relocating? Are we seriously back to that? Oh, they're taking away all the forest, and when the forest goes, so go the caribou. They're also capturing wolf pups! What? They're transporting them to the other side of the country. (GASPS) Humphrey and I have been through this before. KATE: Ow! Where am I? (GRUNTING) (HUMPHREY GROANING) Humphrey, is that you? Kate, where are we? I don't know. Oh, maybe we're dead. (BOTH GROANING) Nope. Definitely not dead. Ow! (SIGHS) Well, at least they left us some water. (GRUNTS) You got water? Nope, definitely not water. Little piece of advice. If you wake up in a crate, don't drink the water. Are they capturing wolves everywhere? No, not past the border or the mountains. Most of the wolves are hiding in the mountains. That's where Liz and I are going. (AIRPLANE ENGINE WHIRRING) Quick, under the trees. Now! They're even shooting from the air. But only tranquilizer guns. "Only tranquilizer guns." They can do a lot of harm. KATE: (GRUNTING) Oh, you make me so mad! (GROANING) Whoa, hey, I was just kidding. Huh. You're kinda cute. Really? You think? So... Wow! Okay. Cute, yeah. (TALKING GIBBERISH) That's the... Look. Thank you, first of all, but do you mean "cute" in like a rugged, kind of handsomely cute... Yow! Again with the butt. (GIGGLING) These mosquitoes are out of control. Ooh. (LAUGHING) I'll meet you on Mars. Ooh. Right after I eat the Milky Way. Ooh, that sounds good. (GIGGLING) Save some for me. (SNORING) (HICCUPS) So how are you two gonna get to the mountains? There are too many fields, you'll be spotted. We don't have a choice. They're combing the forest right behind us. You and your family need to hide. How long is this gonna go on? It usually lasts five moons or so. We're going for it! (AIRPLANE FLYING OVERHEAD) KATE: Be careful! Go, go, go! Oh, no! Come on, come on! Kate, the pups! (GUNSHOTS) We'll never make it to the mountains from here. Too many fields. We gotta go across the border. Okay, the border. But, Humphrey, we still gotta get across that field! STINKY: Wait a minute. I smell humans coming. It must be the trappers. How far is the train? The train? It's the fastest way to the border, and we did it once. Yeah, but getting to it was something else. (PANTING) Hey, need a ride? (GROWLING) Jump! Trust me! (KATE SCREAMING) I told you you could trust me. Angle left! (HUMPHREY LAUGHING) Roll right! Yee-haw! (GROWLING) (BOTH SCREAMING) (WHINING) Why are you looking at me like that? Huh? (ALL SCREAMING) Wow. Now that was a hybrid ride. Half wind power, half run for your life. Okay, let me listen for this train. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) There is one coming, but we gotta move fast! We can get across the field with that. (SCOFFS) You can't log board across a flat field! We're not going to. HUMPHREY: (WHISPERING) Kate, can you see the train tracks? KATE: Um... I think... Yes, we gotta turn. Okay, Runt, start to turn... Right. Right. (CLEARING THROAT) Your other right. Okay, stop. Now everyone forward. CLAUDETTE: Hey, Runt, how does it feel to be the caboose? (RUNT SNARLING) CLAUDETTE: Ow! Mom, Runt bit my tail! STINKY: Could you two exhibit some maturity in this very dramatic situation? (THUMP) (STINKY GROANS) CLAUDETTE: How's that for maturity, Stinky? HUMPHREY: (WHISPERING) Everyone, quiet. (TRUCK DOORS OPENING) (DOORS CLOSING) JETHRO: Well, two wolves is better than nothing. Okay. (GRUNTING) Let's each grab one. They'll be out just long enough to get them to the station. GRIFFIN: Where the heck have the rest of the dang wolves gone anyway? It's like they vanished. You know what? We gotta get us some dang wolf cubs. We get three times more for a wolf cub. Yeah, but our plane can't find wolf cubs, they're only in dens. Then we'll have to find them ourselves. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (GASPS) We gotta move now. GRIFFIN: What the heck is this log doing in the middle of this field? JETHRO: (CHUCKLING) Waiting for my butt to sit on. (LOG CREAKING) (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Wolves, you gotta run like you've never run before, okay? GRIFFIN: We gotta get these two back to the station and into a cart. One truck's leaving tonight. (TRUCK DOORS CLOSING) (ENGINE STARTING) Okay, now! (GASPS) Look! Wolf pups. There's wolf pups! There are three dang wolf pups! And two adults! Brother, we hit the jackpot! Wolves, give it all you've got! Come on, come on! Kate, weapons of wolf destruction. Everyone, break formation. Let's do our thing! You mean our being chased by big mean bears thing? (COUGHING) Good thinking, wolves! Where'd you learn to do that? CLAUDETTE: From being chased by bears. STINKY: We've clearly bitten off more than we could hunt numerous times. Hey, brother, I can't aim with you doing this. I can't see! I don't wanna run over one of them. We need them alive! When I say "now," skid and pivot! Now! Just great, Jethro! Where did you learn to shoot, dang it? Same place you learned to drive, Griffin! Missed it, darn. There's always a night train. We just gotta hide until then. (TRUCK APPROACHING) Somewhere they can't find us. RUNT: I have an idea. Oh, where could Kate, Humphrey, and the pups be? Winston said they were going to the Falls. They should be around here by now, but there's no sign of them! Oh, no! You don't think that they got captured and they're being transported already. Oh, I can't imagine, but it's happened before. Oh, Paddy, look down there. Uh, excuse me. Fleet, Brent, Agnes, what are you three doing? Oh, Marcel and Paddy, the only two birds that don't bother me. Now, Brent, if you can just get over the five billion other birds. Hey, guys, what's up? Fleet, haven't you heard there is a wolf curfew? There are trappers looking for wolves. You were supposed to go to the mountains. No, wait. Claudette is headed to the Falls, I gotta make sure she's safe and doesn't get captured! She's my girl. Young love. Well, a young something. Fleet, that is admirable, but there is a premium for wolf pups! We know. That is where we come in. We're all helping. Oh, helping? And how? We got it all worked out. When they try and capture Fleet, I do this! Ahhh! And I do this. (BRENT GRUNTS) You see, the humans aren't allowed to capture the other animals. Besides, I gotta stick up for my main bro Stinky. Huh? Oh. It's a bromance thing. Oh, I get it. Yes, your heart aches for your friends. But it's not practical to put yourself in danger while doing it. Claudette is gonna be with me for the rest of my life, and nothing is gonna stop me from finding her. Okay, okay, all right. Well, stay along this trail, lover boy. We'll try and locate them. And be very careful. Who are they? O-M-G, like, it's us, with bad needles. That girl needs some serious quill extensions! (BOTH LAUGH MOCKINGLY) Didn't someone tell them the Goth look is out? (BOTH GASP) Okay, ladies, cool the quills. I'm Brent. That is Agnes. As you can see some of my best friends are porcupines. Since you all look alike, can't you all be friends? Look, country bear, I'm Fran and this is my sister Frieda. We are here to help Runt. Like, he is a wolf in need and he is our king of Shadow Forest. Well, we're here for Stinky. And Claudette. Who's the pretty boy? Shouldn't he be in hiding? Ew. Look at that fluffed-up mane, now there is some serious product in that. My name's Fleet. He's Claudette's boyfriend. Claudette? As in "Little Miss Attitude?" There seems to be a lot of it around here. You two better go on your own road. Um, how would you like a giant splinter in your paw, tubby? (GASPS) It's my hibernation weight. Back off, sister! Ladies, stop it! We're gonna all find them together, okay? (SCOFFS) Let's go! Nope, burrow empty! Where could they have gone? The plane didn't see them leaving this dang forest! Where are they? RUNT: Okay, Mom, Dad, remember that thing you said about shared experiences? HUMPHREY: Runt, who taught you to climb trees anyway? Hey, I watch the porcupines. You know, guys, this isn't my first time in a tree. One time, I got stuck in one. You did? Do tell. STINKY: What? My dad was stuck in a tree? CLAUDETTE: I wanna hear this! Okay. Me and Uncle Mooch and Shakey were out wolfing around, and I was about to put the moves on Kate. Humphrey, you're talking to the pups. Oh, yeah. Well, uh, I was going to ask Kate out on a date, uh, but... Friends for life. (ALL EXCLAIMING) (SCREAMING) Whoa. (MUMBLING) (GRUNTING) LILLY: So, do you see Garth? (GASPS) Great. I'm not even sure what he looks like. But I'm sure... (BOTH GASP) We'll know him when we see him. Hey, hey, Kate. (GASPS) What? Uh, Garth... (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) Wow. Lilly, stand up. Garth? Hello. Good to see you. Humphrey? Oh, my butt, my butt. That really hurt. Wow, Dad, sounds like you crushed it. Hold on. (GASPS) Another burrow! Now, we've been combing this forest all afternoon and not one sign of a wolf. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Kate, get ready to take the pups to the train, okay? What are you going to do, Humphrey? I'm going to distract them. Distract them? Get ready, Kate, and no matter what, get the pups to the train! (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) (BOTH EXCLAIMING) (BOTH GROANING) (GASPS) (GRUNTS) (GASPS) There they are! (GRUNTS) (LAUGHING) (BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY) Dad is awesome, we can't leave him. Yes, Stinky, he is amazing. He'll make it. Your dad always makes it. (BOTH SHOUTING) Don't shoot, Jethro, don't shoot. You're a lousy dang shot! JETHRO: Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey! (SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY) (GASPS) (EXCLAIMS AND GROANS) (GASPS) (SCREAMING) Oh, man! Come on! (BRENT AND FLEET SNARLING) GRIFFIN: Oh! (EXCLAIMING) Okay, guys, this way! What the heck? Did you see that? The whole forest dang attacked us! There they are! (LAUGHING) Fleet! Brent, my best bro! Agnes, my homegirl! Fran, Frieda, you came! Of course, you're our king. (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) MARCEL: Sacrebleu! It's Noah's Ark. More like Noah's train. We're taking the train to the border. How long till an open box car? Very soon. Uh, 10 cars down. You're all taking the train? (TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING) Okay, Brent, grab the porcupines. Everyone, here it comes. When I say "now," we jump into the open car. GRIFFIN: There they are! Okay, aim! KATE: Just a bit more. (BOTH SCREAMING) Get them off! Now! (ALL EXCLAIMING) (ALL GROANING) (BOTH PANTING) What... We were attacked by birds? It's like every animal in the dang forest is protecting them! You say "dang" a lot, you know that, right? Come on, everyone, hug it out. Bro. Bro. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Hey. Hey. HUMPHREY: Hey! BOTH: No. BRENT: Wow. I'm usually more of a river person, but that is sweet! (LAUGHING) Humphrey and I fell in love right here. I finally got Kate to howl with me. Humphrey, you had me at "howl-lo." (SCOFFS) Is that wolf speak for falling in love? Well, what do you think it is? It's like when you had the hots for that woodchuck. He had a nice smile. That wasn't a smile, sister. Like, a woodchuck's teeth always stick out like that. Kate, let's make this moment last. BRENT: I have to pee. I have to pee. O-M-G. (GRUNTING) There was a little stream Who fed into a river BOTH: And the river flowed and flowed Into a giant lake (SCOFFS) Is this for real? (LAUGHING) Well, I can't say I haven't had my own tinkle time-outs. (WHIMPERING) What's wrong with you? I have to go. You can't leave. Can't you hold it? No! I Can't! Well, did you try crossing your legs? Yes! Holding your breath? Yes! I almost passed out! Closing your eyes and... In or out, I am going. Would you hurry? (STAMMERING) I can't go when I feel pressured. Go! (SIGHS) Come on, let's help him. One more time. ALL: There was a little stream Who fed into a river And the river flowed and flowed Into a giant lake (GRUNTING) Okay, so you have a few more suns till the border. We'll keep an eye out for planes. Okay, Stinky's got the best sense of smell so give him your food order and he'll find what you want. Okay, wait up. (SNIFFING) I'm smelling moose. Stinky, we could co-hunt it! (BOTH WHOOPING) No, Brent, we've got enough problems with the hunters. We don't need antlers in the party. Besides, Humphrey doesn't like moose that much. I kind of had a run in with one. Cool. Did you take it down? Did you go for the hind quarters, Mr. Humphrey? Did you? Huh? Go for the hind quarters? Ah, in a sense. Oh, my goodness, look out for the... Oh, no! No, no, no! Oh, he's a goner for sure. (THUD) (FARTING) (GROANING) (SCREAMING) HUMPHREY: It was horrible. He had this wide stance. I had to go into counseling. Oh. (MOOSE SNORTING) Hi. And he looked just like that guy. Wait, it wasn't you, was it? Oh, my gosh, it was! (SNIFFING) What is it? Wolf trappers. Son, are you okay? (AIRPLANE ENGINE WHIRRING) Okay, wolves, there is a human road to the right. You need to run to that. Human road? Yes, they can't shoot where there are humans! Okay, now! PADDY: Do hurry! We can't keep going. He could really hurt himself. It's just a sprain. It'll heal, but not if he keeps walking on it. (VEHICLE APPROACHING) Oh, no. Humphrey, we gotta hide. STINKY: Hey, Mom, Dad, Runt and the porcupines are gone? KATE: What? Are you sure? I'm sure. They must have slipped out! HUMPHREY: Quiet everyone. Here, wolfy, wolfy. Come on. Jethro's not gonna hurt you. I'm just moving you. (ANIMAL GROWLING) (BOTH GASP) What the heck is that? Sounds like a... It's coming closer. What the heck? It's a monster! Run! Run! (SCREAMING) Run! (GRIFFIN EXCLAIMING) (BOTH SCREAMING) Sorry, I saw an opening and I took it. Now, you know why we call him the king of the forest. Well, let's give it up for the porcupines. (ALL CHEERING) We have to find another way across the border. We've already done the trains. Uh, don't wanna do planes, so how about automobiles? You remember, like last time. That was no auto, that was a party bus. (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (LAUGHING) Humphrey? (MIMICKING GUITAR) (SIGHS) Ha-ha! Whoo! (LAUGHING) Yeah, you didn't know Papa was a Rolling Stone, did you? You... You don't get that reference, do you? Okay. Now, let us do a fly over and see what we can come up with. MARCEL: Well, what does every family vacation need? An RV! (LAUGHS) Recognize it? Kate, this is the same camper we took last time. Uh, yes, the same one, but this time from Jasper back to Idaho. How do you two know everyone's travel patterns? Oh, we have a way of marking vehicles. Specifically windshields. Now, humans think it's random, but it's not. (GASPS) What is she doing? Her biker boyfriend left her and now she's a bit lonely. So some cousins of ours have become her new best friends. Cousins? Oh, gosh. (WHIMPERING) Oh, no. What now? Oh, no! (GRUNTING) Brent, what are you doing? Uh, he's got bird issues. (SCOFFS) Bird issues? They're not birds, they are monsters! You want a piece of me? CLAUDETTE: Order! Order on the field! Where did it go? (BIRD YELPING) I hear it over there. Tweet, tweet, tweet. Oh, look, it's a cub. Let's flutter around his nose. Brent, time out! BOTH: Ow! (BIRD TWEETING) I still hear it! (WHIMPERING) (YELLING) Oh, no. (WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) (EXCLAIMING) (GUN COCKS) (GASPS) (GASPS) What the heck? Oh! STINKY: Oh, no! She died. Poor, poor lady. What do we do? I'm so sorry. (SCOFFS) Agnes, this is your guy's fault. Yeah, I know. I'm under a lot of stress. I'm a stress eater! I mean, we, like, killed her! How am I going to live with myself? I mean, we're vegans! We don't kill! I'm so sorry. Ah! (DEBBIE LAUGHING) That feels good. Hi there, you little cuties, you. Oh, I see it's, uh, a sort of a family. Wolves, bear, porcupines, and fowl? Okay, we hit the mother lode. Served in a bowl, too. O-M-G, its china. I mean, that's class. (VEHICLE APPROACHING) Hi. Sorry to bother you, but we're animal trappers and we're looking for wolves. Relocating the dang things. Well, I'm no wolf, but I have been called a fox in my time. (GIGGLING) (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) So no wolves? Nah. (BOWL SCRAPING) Hmm. Got pets, huh? Oh, yes. Oh, well, thanks for stopping by. I'll keep my eyes peeled. (TRUCK ENGINE STARTING) Well, what're we gonna do with you? Uh... You wanna go inside the camper? (GASPS) You want to hide in the camper. You want to drive the truck? You want me to drive the truck? Oh, well, the only place I was planning on driving to was Idaho. Idaho... Oh, I get it! They wouldn't be looking for wolves there. Pull over! Pull over! (SCREAMING) (TIRES SCREECHING) (HORN HONKING) (TIRES SCREECHING) Now run. Run towards the mountains. Come on now! I'll miss you all. Where are they? I don't know. They just have to set a paw on this golfing green and they're officially in Idaho. (GUN FIRING) Okay, everyone, spin to the left. (GUNSHOTS) I gotta do something. Get our pups out of here. What is Dad doing? He'll be okay. (SNARLING) (GUNSHOT) (THUD) Now, welcome to Idaho! Where is Humphrey? We were being shot at, he wanted to divert them. (PANTING) Marcel, Paddy, watch them. Uh... Is Dad okay? Is he? He's the best dad in the world. And Mom, she might be in danger, too. What if they are taken? Oh, please... Please let them make it past one more... One more disaster. Don't let this be the last drama for the drama wolves. Look, everyone! (ALL GASP) (ALL CHEERING) KATE: Well, wasn't exactly the route we wanted... HUMPHREY: But, here we are, Alfred Creek Falls. HUMPHREY: So, how was our first family vacation, guys? STINKY: Awesome! RUNT: The best! Yeah, let's do it again. CLAUDETTE: (SING-SONG) Awesome! RUNT: Can we do it again? Can we do it again? BRENT: Can I come along next year? Please? STINKY: You know what we're missing now? HUMPHREY: Oh, what's that, son? STINKY: Your famous animal impressions. (CHUCKLES) CLAUDETTE: Okay, let's hear it, Dad. RUNT: Yeah, surprise us. BRENT: Come on, Mr. Humphrey. AGNES: This I gotta hear. KATE: Humphrey, pressure's on. HUMPHREY: Okay. All right, you ready for this? ALL: Ready! (MIMICS ELEPHANT'S TRUMPET) (ALL EXCLAIMING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) |
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