1
JOE: The first time
I saw her,
I wasn't thinking about
whether she was a good mom
or she was gonna be someone
I would grow old with.
I wanted to nail her.
That's the truth.
Ha ha!
And then I got to that.
That's what it was.
If you were, like, some,
you know, one-toothed freak,
I don't care how good
you are to my kids.
I wouldn't have been--
or how good of a person
you are; I wouldn't have
wanted to be with you.
OK, that's true.
It's definitely true.
I definitely
have the same...
[Both chuckle]
When you're first
with someone and you start--
and you explore each other
and you start--become sexual,
every moment of your day is
when you're gonna fuck,
how you're gonna fuck,
when you're gonna
find time to fuck,
who's gonna fuck when,
what are you gonna do,
how does she do it.
And then, as you progress
in your relationship,
it's like, "All right,
"maybe Sundays, OK,
you know, but we got
so much to do for the week,
let's make Sunday the time
we're gonna do it."
So we went through that
at the beginning of
our relationship.
All we did was try
to figure out where
we're gonna fool around:
my office, our apartment,
wherever.
But I think now we plan,
like, special times,
do you know what I mean,
to be alone and stuff
like that.
It's a little bit
more romantic and, like,
meaningful, I think--
I got to get you drunk now.
Sometimes.
[Both laugh]
Usually night, morning,
and if we do anything,
if we see each other
during the day,
we'll have sex
during the day.
Right.
So, if we spend nonstop
with each other, 2 or 3
times a day.
Time to have sex.
I think one of the ways
in which Blanca and I
connect to each other
is sexually,
and people often look
at us and kind of, like--
They're like, "How do
you guys have sex?"
'cause, you know.
"Hmm.
"'Cause you're 6'6", 240,
and you're 4'10", 82."
Ha ha ha!
"How the hell?"
And the answer is,
surprisingly well.
She's probably the best sex
I've ever had in my life,
and she continues
to be to this day.
Sure.
A large part of it--
she doesn't believe me,
but it's true,
and it's really important
to me partially because
we managed
to make things work
physically so well
and partially
because of the way
I feel for her.
Yeah, I'm pretty happy
with our sex life
in terms of, you know,
the frequency and what
we do together when we
do things together.
Yeah.
I think chemistry
is non-tangible.
You just know it.
Been two years
and I thought I'd
be bored by now,
and not yet.
[Giggles]
Yeah, baby.
Yeah, baby.
[Growls]
Yow.
Yeah.
We met because Randy took
13,000 photographs of me.
He made a music video
for me.
I was stalking her.
I remember the first time
we got together.
It was really hot.
It was really hot.
Stop it. Shh.
I think sex is the
most important thing
in a relationship,
and I've always felt
that way.
Now, I don't know
if men see it that way,
but I feel pretty sure
that I'm speaking
for, like, just about
every woman in the world
that, like,
when you have sex
with your partner,
you kind of
can't have sex
with your partner
if you're really mad
at them, if you're upset
about something,
if you're stressed out
about something,
if your house
is a pig sty,
whatever it is.
And because I, like,
I would like to have sex
every single day,
I feel like all
those other things
have to be in order
every single day
as well.
I know not
of a situation
in which that initial
physical attraction
is something you could,
like, develop into,
whereas I think
it's a lot easier
to work on things
like "I'm not gonna
hang my underwear
on the door"
or "I'm gonna call you
if I'm running late"
or whatever, like,
all the little nuances
of your life
that are, like, kind of
the boring stuff anyway.
I'd rather work on
the boring stuff than
have to, like, "work"
on the stuff that's,
like, the fun,
exciting stuff.
Hear, hear.
And that was
a good answer, OK?
[Both laugh]
So eat a dick.
Ha ha ha!
I feel like I've met
my soul mate,
the person that
completes me, you know?
I had a hole
in my chest,
and when I met her,
that hole was filled
and I felt like I'm
a whole person now and not
a part of a person,
being with her.
Being with somebody
who just wanted
to be with me
and not anyone else--
that was really
very important to me.
And respect.
And it's what I needed
at the time and still.
Right.
Somebody who loves
when you walk in
the door,
says hello when you
come in and good-bye
when you go out,
and asks you
how your day is
and really cares
how your day was.
Goes to your
softball games.
And goes to
your softball games
and cheers you on.
[Chuckles]
Watches you umpire.
Oh, she's getting
misty now.
Ha ha ha!
I'd been umpiring
for 12 years
at that point
and nobody came
to watch me do it,
and she would.
She would just be happy
to sit there
and watch me do
my thing,
and she is so cute sitting
in her little chair
with her sunflower seeds
and her drink,
just to, like--
and then the moms
would, like, "Oh,
which child is yours?"
BOTH: "The umpire."
"I'm with the umpire."
Ha ha ha!
"Oh. Nice.
Ha ha ha!
"My Billy is playing
shortstop."
She's like, "Oh.
I'm with the umpire."
Ha ha ha ha!
That was hysterical.
Oversexed.
Oversexed.
He's...
No, he's normal
and she's not.
He could have his sex
anyplace,
even in the bathtub.
[Giggles]
We had plenty of sex.
Well...
You know, he'd come around
and want to have sex.
Did I ever say no
to you?
Never, never.
In all the years
we're married?
Never had a headache.
I never had a headache,
I never had a backache.
I was always available.
It was me having
the headaches.
Yeah, he was--
Ha ha ha ha!
But I never
refused him sex, never.
I had a very good lover
and he taught me
all I know.
If there's more to know,
I'll never know, so...
I had been living
with an older woman
when I was young,
and she taught me
that a woman has
to be satisfied.
And--
What are you scratching?
I'm just--just
rubbing my arm.
Stop scratching.
And, uh...
she was right.
No doubt.
MAN: Either you sleep
with each other
right away,
you know, or you don't,
and because we didn't,
I was like,
"OK, you know, what?
Is he interested
or, you know, what's
going on here?"
You know, and I think
he would say, "Oh, I'm not,
you know, I'm not ready
to rush into that."
I remember I used
to play on a gay
softball team,
and all my teammates,
you know, when they--
knowing that George was
10 years younger than
me, they would refer
to him as "chicken."
That's a term, you know,
for someone really young.
"Oh, chicken.
You eating chicken
tonight? You having
chicken tonight?"
And "Well, no, we're not
sleeping together."
"What? What are you,
crazy? You're not
having sex at all?"
I'm like, "No, I'm not."
I wouldn't necessarily--
I wouldn't explain myself,
but I just knew that,
you know, in the past
I would sleep with the
individual and they would
be gone the next day,
or I wouldn't sleep with
the individual and they
would be gone the next day.
I remember the first time
we had sex, too.
It wasn't--
I thought it was terrible.
Yeah, it wasn't good.
I thought it was
terrible.
Maybe, like,
he had hyped it up
to be something
and I wasn't even
prepared or I just--
it was like,
"Oh, OK," you know.
And I don't know what
happened after that,
if we, like,
"Oh, like, let's give it
another try."
For me, like, even though
the sex was bad,
I was like, "All right,
well, let's go on.
You know, there could be
Try Number 2, Try Number 3.
Maybe it'll get better."
I didn't just see him
as a sexual being.
I saw him more as a partner,
someone I can connect with
and, you know, it wasn't
just about sex,
you know, but I think
eventually--
I don't know what changed,
but it got better.
I mean, we're not
having sex, like,
every night of the week.
I think that would be hot,
you know--I mean, not--
I don't think I would
enjoy that, but I think
I would classify that
as hot, hot,
you know, but--
But is sex the relationship?
Is the relationship sex?
No, it's not.
For me, the relationship is
the comprehensive total of
everything going on here.
I think it's
a hot relationship.
Yes.
[Chuckles]
I think it's warm
and could be hotter. Yeah.
How could it be hotter?
I guess more sex
and having more intimacy.
More--OK.
So, on a scale
of one to ten,
how hot is it for you?
I'd say
it's a 6 or 7.
6 or 7?
And some more sex
would make it an 8?
No.
Well, in that area,
I'm saying.
In that area.
OK. Ha ha!
But I guess we see it
differently.
Hmm.
The last relationship
that I was in prior to
meeting George,
this was an individual
that--the image I have
in my head,
I would basically
show up with my heart
in my hand.
This individual
would, yeah, caress it
for a while, and then
take out a sledgehammer
and smash it to bits
and then walk away.
And then I would be in
pain, I would delicately
reconstruct this heart,
tape it, glue it,
bandage it all together
and come back:
"Here you go.
I'm willing to show up
again with this,"
and again: accept,
bash it again--even into
smaller pieces--
and I would again,
you know, construct it
again
and continue to show up;
whereas, in this case,
I was determined,
by any means necessary,
to not surrender this
and to really, really
preserve the integrity
and the wholeness
of what was something
that was so special
and fragile that I kept
surrendering over
to other individuals who
had no respect for it.
So, uh, yeah,
I was very--
I was very protective
of my heart.
[Distant dog barking]
JOE: We come to bed,
11:00, relaxing, whatever.
The kids jump in.
Alex dives in...
Ha ha ha ha!
Comes here with the dog.
She goes to bed,
I say, "OK, she's gone.
Joey, finish your homework?"
"Yeah."
Run, jump over the top--
pow!--into the bed,
hug and kiss
and "Love you, guys,"
doggie, doggie, fighting
with the dog, go to bed.
Fights with the dog,
we're always yelling
about the dog, the dog.
Right, and that's
what happened, and we
wake up, and the dog.
Here he is.
Joe has an issue
with the dog.
He hates the dog.
He really--he's
pretending
to like the dog;
he doesn't like
the dog at all.
And I don't want
to hurt the dog.
I don't want to beat him
or anything like that.
He doesn't want
to hurt him.
[Mouths "hates the dog"]
I got 3 kids
that are up our butts.
I'd like to be able
to not have anything:
pets, dogs.
Usually when he comes in,
he's like, "This damn dog!"
'Cause he's barking.
Every day I hear him
under his breath,
muttering about the dog.
Can we curse
a little bit here?
No.
He's a cock block,
this dog.
Ha ha!
No, he's not
a cock block!
Ha ha ha!
He totally is.
OK, OK.
He is not.
We try to have
Sexual Sunday,
as we call it;
like, everybody's sleeping,
kids are out, whatever.
Kids are probably
watching.
Oh, they're wa--no.
Ha! OK.
So she'll throw
the dog out,
and then we'll have
a little--I put on
some music,
put on whatever and make it
nice and comfortable,
we come back,
and here's what I hear
at the door.
[Scratching]
For an hour,
"Arf, arf, arf!"
Ha ha ha!
Look, he knows.
That's what he does
every Sunday morning.
He knows.
He's a kind of problem.
We got to change Sexual
Sunday to Sexual Saturday.
Maybe it'll throw
the dog off a little bit.
Sexuality, sexually,
everything's wonderful
between us, but it's not
the priority.
I have friends that
wish that they had
the relationship
that Patty and I have
when it comes to
touching each other,
kissing each other,
flirting, touching,
grabbing.
My guys, they--
it's not even about sex
for men when you get older.
It's about affection
and wanting to feel love,
and if you find time
to do it when the dog's
not scratching
and the kids not diving
on you, it's great.
Ha ha!
Oh.
[Giggles]
Well, this is
my second marriage.
And he's number 4
for me.
Yes, well,
I got married at 17
and divorced at 19,
and married at 21,
divorced at 24.
When was that? Divorced,
um--can't keep track.
Yeah, I know, you
need a scorecard.
Anyway,
then I got married at 25--
or 27 and got--yeah,
I got married at 27
and got divorced at 29.
Pretty much my marria--
this is the longest
marriage I've ever had.
Pretty much
my marriages have--
the longest one was
two and a half years
prior to Guy,
so I kind of, like,
got married, divorced,
married, divorced.
But then,
I was raised Catholic,
and Catholic girls--
you're supposed to marry
the man you sleep with,
so I kind of had
that theme running
through my life.
We met in high school.
She was a cheerleader
and played sports.
Well, she's told me
near recently that
all the women,
all the girls
thought I was gay...
No, I--
which explains
my problem finding
a date, you know.
Ha ha ha!
She did reveal that
to me here recently
which, you know,
I should have
divorced her right then
for that comment.
Ha ha!
I said I thought
you were gay.
Oh, you did.
I see.
I didn't say
everybody else thought
you were, just me.
Well, that's not the way
it sounded to me.
I didn't even know
what gay was
when I was 16,
but, you know,
I just thought
you were different.
I was monogamous, OK?
I had a girlfriend
for the whole year,
school year,
pretty much every year
is the way it worked
for me.
Deanne dated whoever
was the guy
that made the touchdown
that week.
Ha ha ha!
I got this award.
It was called
the PT Award--
"Prick Teaser Award"--
because I was probably
the only virgin
that graduated
from that school.
I still was a virgin.
Proud of that.
Ahem.
Ha ha ha!
No, excuse me.
Just--my throat
was stuck.
Yeah, don't--
It was pure
coincidence.
No commentary
intended.
Better not.
We hooked up
on Classmates.
The last time he saw me,
I was slim,
trim, beautiful,
16 years old,
and the last time
I saw him, he was...
wrinkleless--
ha ha ha ha!
What?
Without wrinkles.
Uh-huh. OK.
Ha ha ha ha!
So we tried to describe
each other, and of course,
we totally lied
over the phone,
and--ha ha!--so...
he told me that he had
been in construction,
so I was expecting
this big, burly guy to
come out, down, you know.
So I see him walking
down the pathway,
and it's like...
"Hmm.
God, he's really old."
Ha ha ha ha!
That was my first thought.
What was your first thought
when you saw me?
That you were big.
Ha ha ha!
There's no hiding it.
I mean, you had
described yourself
and done a pretty good
job, but that's--
you know, so, I mean,
I wasn't expecting
the 16-year-old that I--
I wasn't
expecting that, no,
so I wasn't
necessarily surprised,
and that was fine.
LEON: As of today's date,
we've broken up 26 times
and gotten back
together 27.
Yeah.
At least--well, we've
gotten together 27.
We've gotten back
together 27.
That's right.
His fault.
The hell it is.
Ha ha!
When things are good,
they are very, very good,
and when they are bad,
they are horrid.
Yeah, that's right.
That's right.
We can have
ultimate highs
and ultimate lows.
It's like being
bipolar.
Ha ha! We have
a bipolar relationship.
To be honest, though,
I think--and like I said
earlier, one of the reasons
I didn't get back together
with Blanca--
Is 'cause he thought
I was bipolar.
No, I don't think
you're bipolar, but--
Schizophrenic.
No, getting warmer.
Both.
You got me checked.
I'm a happy kind
of guy.
I tend to be very happy,
I love my life.
Be happy.
Things are going
really well.
But, you know, normally,
on a scale of one to ten
for happiness
in my general life,
I tend to be at least
a 7, maybe an 8.
When I'm with Blanca,
sometimes I'm a 10,
but then,
when things are bad,
they can go all the way
down to zero.
And that kind
of roller coaster of
emotions is no fun,
especially because
it wasn't something that
I felt I was doing wrong.
It was just situations
would come up and we weren't
communicating properly.
We just weren't,
and there were so many
assumptions being made,
we would just get
into these situations
where we'd be great,
and then the wrong thing
would happen and then,
all of a sudden,
she'd be blocking me
and yelling at me
and upset with me
and I wouldn't know
where it came from.
Usually it would be when
I was trying to go out of my way
to do something sweet for you.
That's the way I felt,
and it would turn into
this big argument
and then we'd break up
and that would be
the end of it,
and I wouldn't
understand why.
During this time, I said,
"OK, if you break up
with me one more time,
"then I'm not gonna get
back together with you
because I can't handle
this roller coaster
of emotions,"
and she did.
She broke up with me
one more time. I said,
"Fine, that's it.
We're not getting
back together.
I'm moving on."
[Giggling]
But I like the idea
of building a romantic,
emotionally
significant relationship
with one person.
I just had this sort
of epiphany that,
you know, sex was sex,
but love is something
special, and love is
never to be trifled with.
Right.
So I reached out
to Blanca and I
explained briefly.
I said, "Listen, I know
that we shared something
once that was very special,
"and I know that we have our
problems, but I still believe
that we love each other.
And if we love each other,
maybe we should try this
one more time,"
and now here we are,
two weeks--
two months later.
Yeah.
We've been married
71 years.
I actually started
going out with him
when I was...
I think
I was 16 years old.
And we just went out
on one date.
I dumped her.
And then we didn't
see each other again
for a while.
I dumped her.
His crowd was
too fast for me.
I wasn't up
to them yet. Ha!
Well, I don't know,
but, you know, they were
older than me, so...
She was a prude.
He came to take me
on a date when I was
16 years old,
and there were
two other couples.
She was so frightened
that she kept talking.
And they were
switching around,
well, you know,
and I'm sitting here,
I'm rough on this guy.
I'm not gonna let him--
Didn't know how
to party, you know.
He took me home anyway.
Ha ha!
Oh, he was kind of wild.
He had a lot
of girlfriends and...
but he was so cute,
he had rosy cheeks.
Ha ha!
Beautiful auburn hair
and rosy cheeks.
He was just--
he was cute.
Yeah. Time does
things to us.
Yeah, it sure does.
Actually, my wild days
were ready to be
left behind.
Yeah, once he married me,
he became a homebody.
You're partying
or you're married,
you know.
It's a different thing.
We go out alone
to dinner; I say,
"Don't you want company?
Let's see if somebody
else will go to"--
He said, "I like being
with my girl, having
dinner alone."
True.
He still makes me
feel young.
Mmm. Mmm.
Ha!
January, February,
March, April, May,
June, July, August,
September?
So almost 9 months?
Just about 9 months.
Yeah. Wow.
I feel
like we've been...
Together for a lot longer?
Yeah.
Ha ha!
Like, we don't know--
I mean, it's been
wonderful, but, like,
I think--
That was a heavy sigh.
Ha ha!
No, it was a sigh
of contentment--
OK.
And happiness.
Ha ha ha!
Yasmin was beautiful,
and her laugh
was beautiful.
Aw. Stop.
No, there's just
something very beautiful
about you, so sweet,
so, I mean, of course,
physically
and all that, you know,
that all checked out,
but I think it was just,
it was, it was just--
Can't believe you just
said that.
Ha ha ha!
I don't know.
Ha ha ha!
And who can resist
your smile?
Who can?
Yeah.
He has a nice smile.
When he said, like, you know,
"I want to marry you,"
I was just like--
I think every, like,
any breath that was in me
just, like, was gone.
And I was just...
so overwhelmed
with happiness that
finally this person is,
like, is asking me to--
or is expressing,
like, his wanting
to marry me.
And she didn't even
give me time to, like,
be nervous, to wait
for her answer.
She was just like,
"Yes!" Ha ha ha!
Yeah.
I was like, "All right."
Not for one second
did I play hard to get.
"Whew!"
Oh, my God. Yeah.
In Islam,
between men
and women, there are
certain guidelines.
Obviously, no physical
contact whatsoever
except if you're married.
So, throughout
the process of us
getting to know
each other, which was--
I forgot how long.
I think it was about
a year and a half or so,
something like that,
so, yeah, we kept that up
until we had gotten
legally married.
After we had
the religious ceremony,
we had it at a mosque,
and then I think, like,
his friends came over
and, like,
he was talking with them
and we were laughing.
And then I held his hand,
and then, like--
I could feel him, like,
fidget a little bit,
like he was, like--
like I held his hand,
and he was
just like, "Whoa."
[Both laugh]
"Not--wait. "
So, for me, at least,
it was like, "Yay!
We get to hold hands!"
And for him, it was like,
"Oh, my God, we're holding
hands," you know?
But, yeah, I guess there
was, like, on both sides--
or at least for me--
it was, like, exciting
and, like...
I don't--it's special,
you know, 'cause it's
nothing--
it's something you've
never experienced before.
It just felt like
I was finally with
who I wanted to be
for the rest of my life,
and just to hold hands with
that person, it's like, "Oh,
this is my person now,"
you know, and she--
and I'm her person
and, my gosh,
it was just that--
you know, I always
wanted to have a person.
Ha ha ha!
And just finally having
the ability to have,
you know, to just be
with Yasmin and have
a person that's just--
to me, that was like,
"Ah! Finally."
LINDA: I was married
for 24 years.
I was separated for over,
like, a year and a half,
and I had been going out
with different men.
And so I couldn't find
the connection that
I was looking for,
and one of my gentleman
friends had said,
"You know, you had been
with a woman before.
Have you thought
about that again?"
And I said, "Actually,
no, I hadn't."
So I went on the dating
site that says "women
looking for men,"
and I changed it to
"a man or a woman,"
and Margie sent me
an email saying,
"I'd like to meet you."
We went to go have
Thai food
and that was
our first date,
and then we came home
to my place
and sat on the love seat
because I didn't have
a proper couch.
I had a love seat,
so we sat close together
and she made me crazy
because we were talking
and I was, like,
turned toward her
and she kept doing this
and touching
my arm and...
[Giggles]
Touching my--
I'm like, "Oh, my God!
She's making me crazy!"
It's like, you know,
she's, like--she's
touching me!
And we were talking,
we were just having
a good time,
and then she had to
be home at a certain time
because of her husband.
And I just put my arms
around her and kissed her,
and then she pulled away
and said...
BOTH: "I gotta go."
Ha ha ha!
MARGIE: It was not
a secret, by any means.
I think it's a lot
of men's fantasy
to see their wife
with another woman.
As a matter of fact,
it was kind of
a birthday gift idea
and, you know, I had
really just been given
the freedom
to go and explore,
so that was exciting
for me and scary
and, you know, there was
all kinds of emotions
going on for me.
That part
of our relationship
was very difficult,
'cause she was kind of
like, "I want my cake
and eat it, too,"
and you couldn't
have--both lives
didn't work.
And I let her
make the choice and,
you know, I wanted her--
I loved her enough
that I just wanted her
to be happy.
And I don't think
she even knows how big
of a risk she took
in saying,
you know, "I love you,
I'll set you free"
and hoping that I
would come back
because I really,
really was torn.
Fortunately,
she was there to help me
pick up the pieces.
Yeah, I couldn't have
lived with that guilt
of "ruining a marriage,"
either, but it wasn't--
it wasn't that.
I just said, "I want you
to be who you want to be
and be happy,
"whether that's with me
or without me. That's--
you know, I will forever
be your friend."
Right, baby?
That's true.
Forever.
That's a long time.
We're old ladies.
I know.
[Both chuckle]
LEON: I consider myself
polyamorous, which means I'm
responsibly non-monogamous.
I can have a girlfriend
and still be physical
with other people,
as long as everybody
involved knows and consents
to the other relationships.
So, for example,
Blanca is my girlfriend
and I'm her boyfriend,
but I may have
another date with
somebody else,
and Blanca would know
all about it.
Well, in the very beginning,
it was sheer torture.
I would go to bed
mortified thinking
about it
because, for me, sex is
about making love.
It's a very
intimate, personal,
beautiful thing
in which you share
your humanity with
somebody else.
I'm not into casual sex.
I don't understand it.
I do theoretically,
but not practically,
so, of course,
I would freak out.
Monogamy just is
painful to me,
just as my polyamory
might be to Blanca.
It put that hurt in her
that she describes
when she thinks,
"Maybe he's gonna leave me
for someone else."
And I also feel physically
pained when I'm--
when I have the opportunity
to meet somebody new
or be with somebody new.
Like, I don't--even if I'm not
pursuing it, just I like
the personal freedom.
I feel like it's
an important part of my
personality and my life,
and I feel that I would be
cheating myself and my life
if I were not free
to pursue some of the things
that make me happy.
It's not even that
I need to do anything
with other people,
it's just that I feel
like I need that freedom,
that part of my body...
just the thirst
for new experiences,
whatever they are.
Physical, emotional connection
with other people is really,
really important to me.
I've always felt that
I needed connection with
other people of all kinds,
and no matter how amazing
Blanca might be,
she can never be
someone else.
We definitely didn't
mean to fall in love.
[Chuckles]
No, we didn't,
because when Leon
first told me that
he was polyamorous,
I told him right away
that that wasn't
gonna be OK with me.
I told him I am
monogamous,
I come from a very
conservative background,
and I don't believe
in that.
I didn't even know
about polyamory.
I was like,
"What is that? "
[Giggles]
"My goodness."
And then he's like,
"Yeah, you know, OK,
I respect that,
"but I think
we have a connection
and, you know,
why don't we just
hang out from time
to time?"
And it turns out
that we started to hang
out from time to time,
and there was this thing
that happened
that I cannot put
my finger on it.
All I know is that you
start seeing sparkles
everywhere--ha!--
and you feel fuzzy
and you miss the person
and you think about them
all the time and...
Mmm.
You know, he's just...
you know, you just--
love does not alter
"when it alteration
finds."
It's...I can't put
my finger on it.
You're drawn to it
and you'll do
anything for it,
and so that's where
it all began.
It was an accident.
Yeah.
When we first met,
she was all about
this book called--
"Sex at Dawn."
"Sex at Dawn,"
which is about how
people are, like--
It's about, like,
polyamory.
Polyamory and polyamorous,
and she was like,
"Oh, we should be in
a relationship with others
and we should be--
it should be open."
And I was like, "Fuck that."
I was like, "You are gonna
be mine and that's it,
otherwise we're not
doing this" and I still
feel that way.
You know, like,
the idea of, like,
being open to others--
like, if she were to say
to me, "Hey, you can
sleep with others,"
I'd be like, "OK,
that's interesting,"
you know.
Like, do I think that
that would be good
for our relationship?
No, I think
it'd be terrible for
our relationship.
The idea of me going out
into the world saying, "Hey,
who do I want to fuck next?"
is not a mindset that is
gonna be helpful to
how do I keep Julie
happy, how do I keep
our relationship
moving in a forward,
positive growing place?
But she was totally
all about that
at the beginning,
and, like,
now she couldn't be
farther from that.
Well, I was coming from
a different--a very
different relationship
with, like, very
different rules,
kind of.
And it's like,
I think, again,
it speaks to, like,
the character
of my ex-partner
and of the relationship,
the relationship,
meaning what I was
putting in as well.
And it's like--that's
not this relationship.
This is a different
relationship.
I think it's
important when you have
an attractive partner
to show that, like, you
know you could lose it,
and a little jealousy
is a good thing.
And I think she's right,
you know. There's a certain
element of, like--
you know, you have
to watch your property--
heh!--you know?
It's like somebody's got
to be standing on the
property with a shotgun,
making sure that nobody
comes to loot you.
It's nice to feel
that you're worth
owning, you know,
and not like, "Oh,
you're my girlfriend,
I trust you."
It's like, "No,
I'm your girlfriend.
Fight for me.
"Make me feel like you
know someone else is
gonna pick me up
if you're not around
or if you're not checking in
or if you're not whatever."
It's, like, that's what
I want; I don't want
somebody who is, like,
doesn't think he has
to keep trying.
It's true.
When we first got together,
she wanted her ex
to come after me
and try to beat me up.
I'm not even kidding.
I'd go to my brother.
My brother was like,
"He should beat up
Randy."
I was like, "I know."
And I'm like,
"What the fuck are you
talking about?"
He should have,
but he--
Like, fuck that noise.
I don't need him to just
try to come and beat me up.
What are you, two cave men?
It speaks
to his character
that he didn't.
How I've always
perceived love is,
when you get that
sensation in your body
that you've never felt
before, you know,
that's not...
It's something
that you've never
felt before,
but you know it's coming
from a good place.
So it's more instinctive
than anything,
and...yeah, yeah.
Your inner soul, it
cannot tell you wrong.
It's just...
so extreme
and so intense
that you're just
bursting with it.
Hmm.
And I feel like I'm
bursting--ha ha!--
with all this love
for you.
It's a beautiful thing.
And it's scary
because all at one time,
you feel like you have
a fear and you have,
like, things
like these incredible,
awesome emotions
all bundled into one
and it's just like,
"Rrr! " Ha ha ha ha!
I don't know how to
describe it, but, you know,
it's a feeling like,
"No, baby, I love you
so much I don't want to
let you go," like, "Oh!"
And we play with each
other and we laugh
with one another...
Yeah, well,
I'm big on that.
And we can cry
and...you know?
And at times, we don't
even need to speak...
and it's that always knowing
that that person is there
and being secure
in that, so...
Yes, I do love you.
[Blows raspberry]
Ha ha ha ha!
[Blows raspberry]
Ha ha ha ha!
Mmm.
FARID: Most recently,
I don't know, something's
taken over me to tell George
while he's laying there
in bed, "George, I just want
you to know that I love you,
I really appreciate you,
I'm there for you."
You're awake for that,
aren't you? You do
recall? Ha ha ha ha!
'Cause it's just,
"Oh, I love you, too"
kind of thing.
What are you--
when are you talking--
No? Just in the morning
or before going
to bed at night...
I mean, yeah, of course.
I let you know
how much I love you
and I care about you,
and I just thought I'm
overtaken by just a sense
of great appreciation--
Well, if I'm awake,
yes, I'm hearing that,
but if I'm not,
why are you saying that
to a sleeping person?
I just want to know
that you hearing it
and that you feel it.
Oh, if I'm awake,
I'm definitely
hearing it, yeah.
Thank you for that, but it
sounds like you're saying it
to--while I'm sleeping.
No, no, just at times
I wonder if you're
listening,
if it's sinking in, if
it's something that
just kind of, like,
goes over you, if it's
meaningful to you.
I mean, this guy has
a big heart, you know.
He's got the biggest
heart I've seen and,
you know, and he's got
a lot of love to give.
Mm-hmm.
And I feel it,
you know.
How do you know
when you feel it?
Oh, I just feel the energy,
the presence of it.
I feel that--it's a feeling
of being showered by love,
you know, so I
definitely feel that.
And I know he wants that
so much in return,
and, you know, I do
my best to give him that.
You know, with Farid,
there are times when
I'll just surprise him
and acknowledge him,
and he bursts out
in tears so, you know,
I know I'm definitely
having an impact
and affecting him.
I used to ask George,
"How would you feel
if I were to ask you
to get married?"
Just testing the waters,
and his response was,
"Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!"
I remember early on.
I'm like, "OK, I'm just
gonna drop that,"
not that it was even
a possibility.
And then he sprung on
a--what was it, a couple
of Christmases ago?
Was it two years ago?
Yeah, 2008, actually.
Yeah, he sprung
a surprise engagement
party on me,
where he had assembled
a whole bunch
of people here.
And I walk
into my apartment,
this apartment, and--
I don't know how many
people were in here,
but, "Surprise!"
And in front
of all these people,
George proposed to me,
which is quite out of
character from what I
was expecting from him.
But I do think that
being able to show this
off and tell people--
it's still kind of new
for me to--I don't know
how to refer to you
as--you know,
I hear people say
"my husband,"
And "my husband"--
that, to me, sounds
very strange.
Yeah.
I still don't know
how to address...
what titles...
Yeah, I guess "husband,"
yeah, "husband partner."
That's weird.
Like, would you tell
your mom I'm your
husband? I don't know--
I guess I would.
Ha ha ha! Would you?
I would.
That, to me, sounds
very strange.
I don't know. I'm not
comfortable with that yet,
but it just feels good.
I just felt a deeper sense
of commitment
around this little piece
of jewelry right here
when we did get married.
MOHAMED: We were legally
married November 6th,
and then our wedding
was January.
YASMIN: The wedding
is, like, the party
celebration part of it.
So, in Egyptian culture,
there's another--heh!--
another layer of rules
kind of, where, you
know, like, obviously
we're together,
but we don't full--
we don't--you know,
we're not fully together
in every single sense.
And so it was kind
of like, between
November 6th
and January 1st was
kind of like...
You're dating.
You're dating, yeah,
like dating in the
commonly understood way.
In, like,
the western concept.
Yeah, you know, go out,
hold hands, talk, you
know, like, just stare
into each other's eyes.
Ha ha ha!
When we spent our
first night together--
Wait, wait, hold on
a second. Do you feel
comfortable right now?
I do.
Really?
I'm saying I feel
comfortable in what
I'm about to say, yes.
OK.
OK, so when we spent
our first night
together,
you know, it felt right.
It felt like all
of that waiting,
all of that time
we had spent holding
back and not engaging
in the kind of actions
that we would've
probably physically
wanted to engage in,
it just made it all
worth it and it made it
all make sense.
It's special, you know,
'cause it's something
you've never experienced
before.
We were both just...
It was lovely, yeah.
She was mine
in the full sense and...
Mm-hmm.
And I was hers
in the full sense,
so that was--
Yeah, it was really,
really lovely.
It was really special.
It's no longer
Mohamed and it's
no longer Yasmin.
It's Mohamed and Yasmin,
or Yasmin and Mohamed,
so in that--
It's not "I am me,"
it's "we."
Ha ha ha!
JOE: This is the first
relationship that I've
ever been in
where I don't talk
about my sex life
to my friends.
I talked--in the old days
before marriage, whatever,
"You fuck any?"
"I fucked her, man.
I did what I had to do."
"Hey, what'd you guys
do last night?"
"None of your
business, bro."
Yeah.
"Man, this is
a classy lady."
I'm not gonna tell you
what I did with her,
nothing like that.
Not gonna need to know that,
you don't need to know that.
I've done it
with everyone else.
But you got older,
too, Joe.
I think, when you get
older, you stop telling
your war stories, no?
Yeah, plus the woman
I spend all the time
with now,
do I want my friends
looking at her about how
I tied her up and did her?
I don't want those guys
to know that shit,
you know...
[Both laugh]
So that's very private
to us when it comes
to that,
and it's not
the biggest issue
in our relationship.
In my 30s, I was, like,
a lot more wild.
Now I'm like,
"All right,"
you know, like it's--
"All right,
just do it already."
It's more mature,
it's not--
"Just do it."
I don't think
it's the most
important thing.
I don't think it's
the thing that keeps--
"Oh, if we don't have,
you know, sex today
we're gonna break up,"
or "You were with
someone else."
Some people get
into that mindset,
that "Oh, if we didn't
have sex this week,
maybe he's looking for
someone else, maybe he's
with someone else."
Like, I don't think
we go there.
I think we both know
that we're busy,
the privacy was an issue
at the time or whatever.
Whatever happened that
we didn't, you know,
have sex that week
or that day or whatever,
that it was a kind of
a mutual, like, "Ah,
forget it this week."
Ha ha ha!
You know, we're OK.
We're fine.
LEON: If I didn't think
that I have a future
with Blanca, she wouldn't
be my girlfriend,
and I wouldn't be
here right now.
If you turned out to be
really happy with me
the way I am...
[Giggles]
And...
I mean, that's really
all that I want.
I want to know
that the person I love
loves me back the way
I am and is willing
to work with me
to find ways to keep us
both happy.
That's what I want.
That's my fantasy.
Hmm.
I've examined
Leon's heart...
with my eyes closed,
and he doesn't do
certain things
to hurt me.
He does certain things
'cause he's being true
to himself,
and it's up to me
as a grown human being
with a lot of life
experience to decide
is this space where
I'm going to be in,
or is this a space
where I'm gonna get out?
No one is forcing me
to do this,
and I'm doing it
for love.
Hmm?
Hmm.
Yeah.
Yes.
And she's fun to kiss.
Yeah, and she's cuddly.
Hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And she's hot.
Ha ha!
Stop it.
Sorry.
But you are.
Stop it.
It's true.
Mine.
I'm fired. Ha ha!
Guy and I,
our sex life is nil,
to be real honest
with you.
We don't have sex.
It's not available,
so you move on
with your life.
That's just the way
I've taken...
just look at that,
and we just go from there.
And I would never,
ever think of cheating
on him, ever,
and I don't think he'd
ever cheat on me.
Well, he can't,
so he wouldn't.
Ha ha ha!
I see.
Well, you could look
at it that way.
Thanks. Great.
Yeah. Ha ha!
Now I know
I could get away
with it now.
Ha ha ha ha!
Answered
that question
pretty easily.
Thank you very much.
You're welcome.
OK.
We're talking about me.
You know, I take
certain prescriptions
that sort of take you
out of the picture
in that regard,
so it's do I want
to be sick or not?
[Sighs]
I have a vibrator.
You know, if I really have
an urge and I need him,
there's other ways
to have sex besides,
you know...
What do you call it?
Anyhoo, well...
Intercourse. There's
other ways to have sex.
You're the one
talking, honey.
Ha ha ha ha!
I'm totally embarrassing him.
If you think I'm
gonna bail you out,
you're crazy.
Ha ha ha ha!
So, right.
[Distant siren]
JULIE: In April,
Randy went on a shoot
for 3 1/2 months, OK?
Fought away directing
commercials, and I--
and when we met, I was
touring all the time,
and we kind of came
to this, like,
decision together
that I was gonna make
some changes in my career
so that I could be here,
so we could, like, get
married and have a kid
and have a life and be--
you know, that's
what we both decided
we wanted.
And Randy had this
opportunity to go away,
and it was really hard
for me to feel--
be supportive of that
when I felt like
suddenly he was saying,
"This is what I'm doing.
I'm going away and I
might go away again
"and again and again
and again, and that's
just what's happening,
so deal with it,"
and I felt like it was
really insensitive and--
I did not--first of all,
I didn't say that.
That's my experience of it,
is that you were,
like--well, how much is
too much to go away?
You're not asking
this question right.
No, I'm asking you now.
Like, what do you think
is an appropriate amount
of time of the year for
you to be away that's,
like, fair to us?
This is why I went
to see the therapist,
because I can't--
like, that conversation,
like, I can't--it's
very stressful for me
and it's like I feel
like I can't make
any headway on it.
And so we went to see
someone who was basically
trying to help us, like,
just discuss
this issue, but...
you're not really
willing to discuss
this issue,
so it's just
kind of on hold.
The long and short
of it is that, like,
our work lives are
in different areas and,
like, that's something
that, you know, we just
have to deal with.
It's like I've been
working for a long time
to try to get my career
to a place where I can do
these kind of things,
and the idea of...having
to answer those questions
that I can't answer
is not something that
I can answer.
And it's like,
"Hey, if we want
to be on this team,
then we kind of have
to deal with that."
Whatever. We talked
about it ad nauseam
when it was me,
and that's what's
frustrating to me,
is that--like,
I mean, I don't know
why you're even
talking about this.
It's so stupid.
It's like we're not
in therapy right now.
I didn't bring it up.
But whatever.
It's, like, it's
frustrating for me.
It is.
I hear that it's
frustrating for you.
But you don't care.
Just for the record--
no, it's not
that I don't care.
For the record,
I told you that that's--
I didn't want that.
I never said that
that wasn't a part
of my job.
Right, but--
And also--wait, hold on.
It never was
a part of your job
until this year.
Yes, it was.
It was always
a part of my job.
That you were
gonna go away
for 3 1/2 months?
Then you should have
told me that when
I stopped touring.
I did, and then I went away
for two and a half months,
and you know what?
When an opportunity
like that happens,
it happens,
plus you're forgetting
something that's
a big deal,
is that at the time when
we first got together,
you didn't like
touring anymore.
It wasn't something
that you wanted
to be doing anymore,
you didn't like
the lifestyle.
You wanted to try
something new,
so it's not like
I just said to you,
"Don't do this anymore."
But when we had all
those talks, you said--
Let me--
can I just finish?
I said to you,
"Why don't you explore
some other things,
some, like, different
ways for you"--
Stop doing that.
It's disgusting.
I'm like, "Well, why don't you
just explore some different
things in your career?"
And it's something
that you should be
setting up now
if you want to try
a different kind
of lifestyle.
We danced a slow dance.
I liked his hands.
His hands seemed
really strong to me.
I wanted to stay there.
But I really liked
his lips. Ha!
They were
really soft and...
and I wanted some more.
Ha ha ha ha!
Of course, I didn't
let him know that
right away, no,
but I really enjoyed
that first kiss.
You don't have
to tell me.
What do you mean?
Because...
you were in love with me.
Oh, stop it.
[Both laugh]
That's not true.
My mother was there.
I was not all over you.
It was a physical thing
at first.
The dancing, when he
held me close...
it was physical,
and it didn't bother me.
I could feel his...
I could feel him.
Ha ha ha ha!
And I used to think
to myself,
"Why am I not pushing
this man away
"and slapping the heck
out of him, you know?
He really shouldn't be
holding me that close."
But I didn't mind it.
I liked it.
The sexual attraction
was very intense...
and when I met him,
he was married.
Uh-oh.
I don't know what...
[Chuckles]
And told me
he wasn't married.
Right?
Right.
I'm ashamed to say that,
that I fought for him,
and I shouldn't have
'cause he was
a married man.
He just went along
with his life again.
Ha ha ha ha!
Because I'm
his fourth wife.
Speak.
Yeah. I don't know
what to say.
Ha!
You're the one talking.
I don't what--
I don't know, um...
I don't know. Heh!
FATIMA: Anything
and everything he could
do to make me smile,
he'd do it,
and I don't know.
All of a sudden,
something just said
something's not right.
And we had gone
to a wedding,
and it was a little chilly
that day, so he gave me
his jacket,
and in his jacket,
he had his cell phone.
Plenty of times before,
where I've never looked
through it,
I never was suspicious
of anything,
and something just said,
"Pick it up and look at it."
So I start looking through
the phone, and I put it down
'cause I said,
"There's nothing in here,
put it down," and something
said, "Pick it back up."
And I picked it back up
and I started to really
look through it,
and I found some
very disturbing
text messages,
extremely disturbing.
The text would say, um,
uh, "Oh, when," um,
oh, um,
"Are you very sexual?"--
I'm sorry.
I'm a little embarrassed
to even say it,
to repeat it,
but, um, "Oh, are you
going to suck my...
dick?" "Yes," and all
of this other stuff,
very--
OK, I'm gonna stop you.
Very graphic,
it's very graphic.
Um...yeah, it's hard.
It's hard for me
to even just say.
It was a greedy nature,
I guess you can say,
me just inviting
or taking upon myself
to, um...
take liberties that were
presented to me.
So I guess, you know,
in the name of me
not thinking...
too far ahead,
it was more of, like,
temporary satisfaction,
you know?
So, "Hey, oh,
I can do this?
Well, why not do it?"
Or we can get done
or, you know, I might
suggest something.
I might, you know, write
a check that my ass
shouldn't be cashing.
FATIMA:
But it was very graphic.
It was just like,
"Oh, is your pussy wet?"
you know,
and pictures were
being sent...
back and forth.
I mean, I saw a lot.
I saw a lot.
Most things that
most women wouldn't have
ever even known about,
and that's the type
of situation ...
[Sighs]
And I hated him
for making me feel
like that.
Truly, I hated him
for what he did...
'cause I never did
anything.
To tell you truthfully,
there was a part of me
that was taken away.
He took a certain piece
of me away, you know,
so I couldn't be,
like, the happy,
bubbly person anymore.
I had to be the...
the bitch.
I had to all of a sudden
become that bitch, to say,
"Well, if you want this
to work, this is what
you're gonna need to do,
"because it's no--I've done
everything that I could,
"I can right now to show you
that I want it to work.
"You have absolutely
showed me that you don't
want it to work,
"so now it's time for you
to show that you do,
"and I don't mean, like,
by giving me flowers
"or telling me
that you love me.
That's bullshit right now.
It's bullshit.
It means nothing."
[Dog groans]
JOE: You have had
relationships, I've
had relationships,
before marriage,
after marriage,
where that was a big issue
in the relationship.
The trust.
The trust.
"Where you going?"
Or calling people,
everybody calling
all the time.
"Where you been?
Where you been?
Where you going?
"Who you with?
What are you doing?
Who's there?"
We don't have any
of that stuff.
No looking
at text messages,
no checking phone records
of who you called,
no checking your story
to make sure you really were
with Jimmy at the ball game.
Yeah, we don't get
involved in that.
I don't think I would
ever want to be
in a relationship
where I felt like that.
That's why my
first relationship
didn't work,
so I would rather be
single, you know,
than have to deal
with trying to run
after someone to see
if I could trust them
or find out where
they are or they're
lying to me.
I just couldn't be
in that kind of
a relationship.
That is the worst thing
you could possibly do
in a relationship,
is have sex
with another person.
You can have conversation,
you can enjoy another
person's company,
you can even, you know,
hold hands with somebody.
Once you go to, like,
the intimacy of--
Who you holding hands with?
I'm just say--you know
what I mean. Sexually,
that's what I'm saying.
Sexually, like if you,
you're in a bed
with someone else,
you're fucking having sex
with another woman
and you have a woman at home
that's yours, that you
pledged your faith to
and you're doing that,
you're a dirt bag.
Yeah, I don't think--
And my father was like that,
I know many people
like that, and I said
to myself,
"I am not gonna be
like that." I never
cheated on my first wife.
I was married for 10 years.
I never cheated on her.
Never, and believe me,
that was hard.
[Both laugh]
So I think it would
be over, totally.
That's...
Yeah, that would
be it for us.
It would be done.
Why, you got something
to tell me?
No.
Ha ha ha ha!
Well, everybody
has chances,
a girl or a man.
There's always women
that'll...
try to make a married man,
you know,
and there's always men
that'll try to hang onto a--
my butcher used to always
want to take me out.
Ha ha ha!
But I would never do that.
I'm just--
I'm just not the kind.
I'm lucky to get undressed
in bed with one man.
Ha ha!
But I wouldn't.
The thought of getting
undressed in bed
with another man?
No way.
Yeah, she's a prude,
all right.
No way, no way.
And that was kind
of unique for me, too.
Whatever it was,
it's worked.
Whatever made it work,
I don't know, but--
Because I married--
I can truthfully say
I've only slept
with one man.
I've never fooled around.
Well, I--you know,
a little bit.
The old days, they'd be--
fool around a little bit,
but otherwise,
outside of that...
We feel fidelity's
very important.
I think my--just
the ability to trust--
I need stability in
order to move forward
in this relationship,
and as long
as I know my partner
and I are on board,
moving in
the same direction
and not veering off,
cheating on each other,
I can feel confident
to keep moving forward.
I have a big concern,
too, about, um,
about venereal disease;
I somehow--
I've managed--
by the grace of God,
I've managed to go
through the HIV,
that heavy period
through the late
seventies, eighties
where every day
it was making news,
and I've managed
to escape it, you know,
unscathed,
HIV-negative here.
Last thing I want is
to do something stupid.
Think about
the consequences
'cause I feel too many
people don't think about
the ramifications
of a simple act.
I do also do think
it's quite possible
to be monogamous.
As human beings,
we're sexual beings,
and it's completely natural
to explore and want to be
with other people.
It's just--what really,
you know, stops me is,
really, hurting
someone else.
So, like, if he's not--
if he wants monogamy,
um, you know, for me,
I guess
I'll--I'll be
monogamous, you know.
ROBERTA: I have...
not been faithful
in the sense of...
desiring, um,
and thinking
of someone else.
And I think--
I know that that's
a betrayal to him,
and he--right?
Right.
It's not that I didn't
feel desired,
because Antonio,
at that time,
our, um...
our love life was
very active,
but I was obviously
missing something
in my life,
some kind of
understanding, I think.
It's hard for me to talk
about this because he
doesn't want to know.
I can feel it
from him right now...
that he doesn't want
to hear this,
right?
No, it's fine.
Really?
Yeah. That's fine.
You know, I mean,
what happened happens...
[Sighs]
And you know that.
Yeah.
He did get even.
I never thought
he would...
have an affair.
I never did.
and then that was--
reality, you know,
strikes and slaps
you in the face.
And...I believe
that the reason
he had an affair
was because
I had gotten so fat,
so overweight
that he had
no desire for me,
and, um,
and that he didn't
want to be with me
and I didn't think
he loved me.
[Chuckles]
And I thought it was
all physical, I thought
it was sexual;
you know, that I couldn't--
that I wasn't sexually
attractive to him anymore
and that's why
he went off and
had this affair.
I couldn't stand to walk
in front of him.
I couldn't stand
myself--heh! --
'cause I truly did
blame me
that he was sleeping
with this other woman
who wasn't fat...
and who would go out
dancing with him.
I still think that.
Ha ha!
I still think that he...
[Sniffles]
That he desires other
women, not me. Heh!
RED: There probably
are some people
that have an obsession
with sex,
and they need it
almost as much as you
need new blouses.
Ha ha ha!
You know?
What a comparison.
Well, it is,
because Helen is
continuously
buying blouses,
continuously.
She may need slacks,
but she'll wind up
buying blouses.
I do need new pants.
See?
She'll go
to the store to
buy underwear,
come back with
a new blouse,
you know.
Do you wear
the new underwear they--
Some people that--
Do you wear
the new underwear
the girls wear,
that bikini-style
underwear?
I bought some.
I hate 'em.
I really don't like 'em.
They suck up,
they come up here,
and your fat sticks out
here, I'm telling you.
But I bought 'em
because they're modern.
Ha ha!
But I like--go back
to regular pants.
I think, too, that
we don't browse among
the different racks...
No, but if--
Where the women do
look around.
What do I wear
every day, Red?
I wear pants
and a blouse.
Right.
That's what I wear
every day.
But there's only
365 days of the year.
[Scoffs]
Ha ha ha!
KEVIN: She made
her decision, I made
a decision to be here,
so I have to do right by
what we've both said
is our foundation...
so that's
pretty much it.
I don't like--
I don't like talking
about stuff like that
too much at all,
so I'm just like, "Yeah,
I screwed up."
Uh, It happened.
You know, you have
to take ownership to
a certain degree,
which is something that I've
recently learned as well
because I would have--
and I did--just sit
there and apologize:
"Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it."
She's like,
"No, you meant it
because you did it,"
and I'm like,
"You know what?
You're right.
"I meant it 'cause
I did it and 'cause
the time I was in it,
I was doing it
with conviction
and it felt like
that's what I wanted to
do and nobody could tell
me anything different.
That was like
a weight lifted off
of my shoulder,
and that's when
we started the whole
healing process,
which was and is
still a fun ride
because we're always--
nowadays we're always
preaching new ways
of falling in love
and being in love
and stuff like that.
So it's like I'll
tell her nowadays, like,
"Oh, this is why
I love you all over
again" or, you know--
What is it I said
the other day?
I said, "I'm falling
in love with you
all over again"
or, you know, whatever
the case may be.
So we're still trying,
you know.
It's hard to get him
emotional.
It's like, if you tap,
you have to tap softly.
You have to go like this,
and then eventually, like,
the skin is gonna give way.
Eventually,
one of these days.
Like, it does.
Eventually
it breaks, right?
And you get in
a little bit deeper,
but then,
if you get in too deep--
you have to keep tapping it,
but if you get in
too deep and he feels it,
he pulls it back out.
You do, and when he
pulls it back out,
he puts his shield there,
he's just like, "No!
What are you doing?"
And he'll crack jokes.
I'm not cracking a joke now.
But I'm gonna
tell you one thing.
When we first made love,
he cried. Ha ha ha!
Like a baby.
Ha ha ha ha!
That's how you know
how emotional
he can--and is.
That didn't happen.
Rome was
not built in a day,
and neither were we.
It took a lot for us
to get to where we are,
and it's gonna take
a lot to get to where
we want to be.
Yep.
I agree.
Ha ha ha!
Can I go back
to sleep now?
OK, thank you.
No!
I'm gonna kill you!
Ha ha ha!
Oh...ha ha ha!
JULIE: At the forefront
of what we're working on
right now
in our relationship
is how we fight.
And I think that, if
in a perfect world,
if it was,
like, a normal thing
to do, that everybody
for one hour a week
worked on
their relationship
with a mediator,
I think that would
actually be really
helpful for everybody,
and I feel like
what we could work on
is how we fight
or how we communicate
or whatever,
which probably most
male-female couples
need help with.
And I think that it was
certainly helpful for me
to understand
certain things about,
like, how your mind
works a little bit.
And I hope
you got something
out of it, too,
although I'd probably
venture to say no.
Ha ha ha ha!
We saw an
Israeli man, though.
That was helpful.
Right?
Yes.
You told me to say
whatever, so I'm
saying--being honest.
That's cool.
She's always
accusing me of, like,
not learning anything,
I never think I'm wrong,
and all that kind of stuff,
which, like--
That's true.
You think it's true.
You said to me in that fight
the other night. You said,
"I don't like to be wrong."
I don't like--
who likes to be wrong?
I didn't say--but not--
A lot of people do like
to be wrong because when
you're wrong, you say,
"Oh, you know what?
I didn't think of it that
way," like, "I learned"--
I've never met anybody
that likes to be wrong.
I mean, one--
it's, like, liking being
wrong or understanding
that you're wrong
are two totally
different things.
Liking you're wrong is
like--that's some weird--
I've never even heard of that.
OK, but understanding
that you're wrong is,
like, admitting
you're wrong,
apologizing, you know.
I think everybody has
places that they need
to grow...
Those are all things
that I am accused
of never being.
I think those are things
you need to work on,
not just accusing.
I think that there's
things I need
to work on.
That's not "I don't need
to work on them."
I'm very good at being
like, "Oh, that was wrong,
I'm sorry," you know?
Understanding--
You are,
you definitely are.
Right, I'm great at
that, but the problem is
when one person's
excellent at,
like, apologizing
and admitting their wrongs,
and the other person is
not as good at it
or needs more work
in that area, you can very
quickly fall into a pattern
of one person seeming like
the villain and, like,
they're always wrong
because they're able to see
their mistakes clearer,
perhaps, than
the other person.
And I think that
that's a challenge
for the person who is,
you know,
very introspective,
my opinion.
GEORGE: I've always
wanted kids, and we went
down the adoption route.
And then we switched
gears and went down
the surrogacy route,
and just the idea
of having your own
biological child is
something that,
growing up gay,
you never thought of.
But having your own
biological child--and in
this case, we have twins,
where I'm the
biological dad of one
and Farid's the biological
father of the other--
you know, just was
an exciting road
to go down.
Yeah, and then
to see these,
you know, squirmy,
squiggly, gooey things
coming out
and, like,
"Here's your baby!"
And I'm--you know, it
was very strange 'cause
I wasn't--you know,
I don't know how
you prepare
to love an object
that shows up
in your life.
"I guess I'm
supposed to love
you, starting now."
Ha ha ha!
It's just deeper
and, you know, being
more committed
and more involved
in a relationship.
[Voice cracking]
But that they're aware
that they're loved.
Yeah, he gets
very emotional when
it comes to the kids.
Sure, I love
these babies. I really do.
I'm so in love with them.
I think he's gonna be
a super father.
I think he's gonna be
a great dad,
so he's great to have
as a co-parent, you know.
I have no doubt the kids
are gonna benefit.
I benefit; I have no doubt
the kids are gonna benefit.
And I'm hoping the kids,
you know--as he goes
through his journey
and through life, you know,
I hope the kids also offer
some sort of healing,
you know?
What about you?
[Sniffles]
Me offer you? I feel
like I'm offering you--
He's putting the,
you know, the--
No, I'm not.
The responsibility
on other people.
Oh, look at you.
He's checking out.
No, I'm not.
Let's talk
about checking out.
I'm calling him out.
He should stay in
his vulnerable stage--
Uh-huh.
What about you, huh?
What about taking
ownership of--ha!
You know I don't tear up.
What I need from you?
Yeah, I feel I'm doing
a good job as--I feel I'm
doing a very good job.
Instead of, like,
"I'm hoping the children,"
don't worry about hoping.
How about "I know
that I can, but"--
Oh, I can say "I hope"
about the children,
the children to...
Ha ha ha!
Anyway, where were you?
You were crying.
[Both laugh]
LINDA: It affects
the relationship
if you don't get
that intimacy
and connection.
It just--you just feel
like you're starting
to pull apart.
And then, when you have
that again, you're drawn
back together
and you're closer,
you know?
It just--it makes
a big difference,
you know?
Yeah.
And we know, I mean,
and we're free
to tell each other,
"You know what?
"I need to reconnect,
I need a little
something-something, so..."
"When I come home,
if you happen
to be in bed..."
[Both chuckle]
Text-messaging is wonderful.
"If I come home
and you happen to be
ready to go in the bed,
I'm just saying..."
"Taking care of business
will happen."
We have a great
relationship. The sex
is just the icing.
Yeah, I just feel
so safe with this woman
that I don't need that--
I don't want
to say I don't need
that physical release.
I don't know how
to put it.
Oh, yeah you do.
But--shh!
[Giggles]
ROBERTA: I've grown
to love him
differently than when
I started loving him.
Um...
it was a clingy kind
of passionate love
that starts off,
and, um...
I do love him.
When you get together
with somebody,
you don't know what
you're getting,
and you don't know what
they're capable of.
And I think that...
I love the fact that...
he may not be trusted
with other women.
Ha ha ha ha!
And dancing. Heh!
But I can trust him
with everything else.
I think it was--
it is a good marriage
with bad episodes...
in it throughout
the years.
I say, from one to ten,
it's about...
7 1/2.
[Both chuckle]
[Sighs]
That's, you know...
If I fixed him
3 meals a day,
he might change that.
Ha ha ha ha!
If.
PATTY: You know,
because we work hard
and we take care
of everyone,
you know, so much,
I hope there's time
for us...
To do the things
we want to do.
I worry about that
'cause your health
is not that good.
My health is not good?
What, are you kidding me?
You eat McDonald's
all the time.
I'm in great shape.
You want to wrestle?
Ha ha ha!
I swear to God--
You worried
about my health?
Yes.
I'm in great shape.
No, I worry about
his health a lot.
Really? I only
never knew that.
I'm fine.
I have no issues at all.
Never been to the doctor--
So I just hope there's,
like--you know when
you work so hard
at everything, and at
the end you're like,
"Oh, do I have time?"
I want us
to have time...so--
So you're worried
about me dying
because I'm sick?
I'm not sick.
You have a family
history of issues.
All right, I didn't think
that was--I never, never
thought that about--
I always think about--
I'm always yelling
at you--
Wow, oh, so you mean time
for us, that when the kids
are finally out,
I'm gonna croak?
No, yeah, like,
I don't want that
to happen.
All right.
I never expected
to be alive when
I had my heart attack.
They all thought
I was gonna die.
The family all came
to the house.
I said,
"What are you doing?"
They thought
I was really dead.
So I did my best
to take care of her
and do all the shopping
and the cooking
and whatnot.
He took care of me.
But the kids
were worried
that it was
too big of a strain
on somebody my age,
and that's how come
we wound up--
Here.
In a senior home.
If I go, he's not gonna
last too long after me.
I gave him orders.
He cannot die till I die.
I don't want to be left here
with all these women,
these old women
that have no husbands.
And they're miserable
and unhappy people.
So I have my orders.
I don't want to be
left on this earth
alone like that.
He takes care of me.
No more.
No more?
I didn't like something
you said, so no more.
Did I say something wrong?
No, I'm kidding.
Oh, OK.
Heh!
I think it would be fun
if we got along all
the time, actually.
I think that would
actually be, like,
the funnest thing ever,
which is something
that I'll keep in mind.
It never occurred to me
like, "Oh, it'd just be more
fun if we just don't fight."
I think maybe sometimes
we fight and I'm like,
"Oh, if we're not fighting,
then we won't see
each other, we'll disappear,
we'll lose each other,"
but, like, actually,
we could just be together
and do all the same stuff,
but just not fight.
Oh, my God.
Is that a new one for you?
Yeah. Ha ha!
Oh, Jesus.
I wish I could have
coaxed you into
that one before.
I know, right?
We're even.
But I think our
relationship's hot.
What do you think?
Yeah, I think
our relationship's hot.
[Both snicker]
Excuse us.
Ah! Ha ha ha ha!
I think we have
a good marriage.
Yeah, I think
we do, too.
Ha ha ha!
He's not really the
gabby one in the family.
Did you notice that?
I am.
Well, you never stop,
so why would I bother,
you know?
It's just coming out
now, now that you're
asking her.
Heh! I love you.
Maybe not like you,
but I love you.
Ah, OK.
No, I do.
All right.
No, we, um, we just--
you know, we don't have
a hell of a lot in common,
but there's just
something that we have
that's hard to explain.
We just like
to fight the world
off together.
Ha ha!
Yeah.
You know, that's what
we kind of do, I think.
We're a couple.
We're a couple
who deeply love
each other,
respect each other,
and are together,
and it's not--
We just happen
to be two women.
Yeah, we just happen
to be two women.
Big deal.
If we were two men,
two women, man, woman,
it doesn't matter.
It's just, you know,
we're a couple,
a loving couple.
I don't know.
I really...
don't have a clear-cut
definition for love...
for the word itself.
But whatever it is,
I have it for Helen,
but I don't have a clue
to what it means.
If I was just sitting alone
and just trying to think
about all the things
that I feel about her,
I'd be very emotional.
I would be thankful
that I found this person.
That's so cute.
That's her,
that's the emotions that
I have towards her.
I think
what we have is
true love
because we, we--
We weather it
and restore it.
We get through it.
And we don't keep
anything back
from each other.
Um, I think Joe is
the love of my life.
I really do.
I don't think
I've ever met somebody
that is compatible
and that I look forward
to being with every day.
But it's not overbearing.
That's the coolest part.
It's not overbearing.
And it's really hard
to find that, you know?
You're silly. Ha ha!
It's true.
I know.
We're happy.
It's important.
That's what love is.