Julia, look, I can fly!
l can fly!
Come on, let's fly away.
Coming? Come on, wake up.
l can fly.
l've learnt how to do it.
You wave your arms like this, up
and down, not down and up.
Look. I'm flying out of the window.
Julia, look.
What about me?
Why don't you take me along?
What's the matter?
The matter? You can't fly with me
ever again.
Hey, are you mad?
We never have fun any more, you're
always going off with others.
Of course! Let me know if I'm
boring you and l'll go.
Quiet over there!
Stop that crap.
Fly out of the window, go on.
l will!
Go on, frog prince!
A problem a day, that's what you
need. Makes me sick!
Then be sick!
ls it all over?
lt's all over ...
l've had enough of
your bad moods.
l'm not n a bad mood!
Don't go!
lt...it didn't hurt, anyway.
Don't go, please!
- don't go, please.
- Leave me alone.
lt didn't hurt, really.
Don't go! You're mean.
Don't leave me alone!
Leave me alone!
Pig!
Filthy swine!
Get lost, you bloody Swiss!
K ss my ass!
The same to you
A LOVE STORY
Stand st ll, okay?
l'll come alone.
-- Who? --
Are you one of the "Friendly Duo"?
I'm calling about your ad.
Oh, l see!
What do you play?
l play the saxophone, but ...
Sucking, eh?
My friend plays the guitar, but
it's not easy at the moment.
He's not here, l'm alone.
lf you blow nicely, l'm sure we'll
be only two ....
lmpossible.
Give me your telephone number,
we'll ring you back.
When do you want us to perform?
How old are you?
E ghteen.
What do you look like?
Look like? Perfectly normal.
How about playing me a little
something?
Got it?
Hey, that's my place.
Llsten. I've been playing here every
day for the past three weeks.
Al the worse for you, tlny.
Get lostI Understand?
You'd better chop lt up for flrewood.
Firewood?
- Yes firewood.
- Firewood?
D'you think your tootling is any better?
Calm down, pack it.
lf l'm not paying, you're not.
What else can you do,
apart from playing the guitar badly?
Very funny!
l wasn't polte enough to be a
sales gir. l was a keeper at the zoo
untll the beasts became neurotlc.
No chance as a model wlth short legs
and a potato nose.
l wanted to be a bank cerk
but they wouldn't have me.
- My legs are much shorter.
- Stop it will you?
Haven't you earned anything?
- Oh, yes.
- What?
Head. Surgeon.
Smoke. Oh, thinking.
Romanticising. A romantic. Dreamer
-- Egg. --
The world. Thinking about the world.
Philosopher, eh!
Really?
Fantastic!
- l went to college.
- You did?
- Gave it up.
- Why?
- don't tell anyone.
Why not?
- My parents don't know.
Why did you give it up?
Tell me
l wanted to be an actor.
Come, unsavoury guide, ... run on
the dashlng rocks
thy sea-sick weary bark.
Here's to my love!
O true apothecary!
Thy drugs are quick.
Thus ... with a kiss ... I ... die.
You know what? l#l cal you Romeo.
What's your name?
Lucky l caught you. Are you free
tonlght?
lt's ike thls. Hod on.
No, l want it tonlght.
lt's my parents# weddlng anniversary
today and l forgot the music.
l can't do without music.
Then I saw your ad.
Friendly Duo, music and sketches for
every occasion, Beethoven to Tango.
Just what I need. Are you free?
Well, actually ...
You wll receive a suitable fee,
l am not paltry.
Shal we say 500 marks, expenses
lncluded? Would that suit you?
Oh, yes.
Flne. Wadstrasse 1 2A.
Evening dress, of course.
Any questions?
Right, 7 o'clock sharp.
l hope l can rely on you.
Don't forget your instruments.
Goodbye.
Thank God!
Good evening. Er, good day.
Oh, well, never mind.
Can l help you?
-- l ... --
l mean ...
This is a ...
That s right.
Yes, okay.
Can one perhaps ...
Choose for yourself.
Yes, okay.
Thank you.
Number three. No, number seven.
Jamaican g rl. Only speaks English.
First floor, room 4 on the left.
l ... l'd better get dressed.
- Well, what was it like?
- Fine.
1 00 marks.
Where's your partner?
Should be here any moment.
l hope so.
Ah, senator.
What a surprise.
Where is your dear wife?
I can't help it, Romi,
but we have a 500-mark job.
You're still an arsehole but
the rent has to be paid.
At 7 tonight, Waldstrasse 1 2A.
Be on time. No love, Julia.
The anniversary couple!
Leave it!
Where have you been?
ln a brothel.
Say thank you.
-- Why? --
Waltz! Waltz!
1 , 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ...
Ladies and gentlemen, l have
a little story l'd like you to hear.
A man and a woman get married.
During the wedding celebrations
the man gets up.
"Where are you going?" asks his wife.
"To the loo," he replies.
He disappears and never returns.
25 years later ....
25 years later there's a knock on the door,
the wife opens it
and says: "Egon, where have you
been all this time?"
"On the loo," he replies,
"and now I'm off to buy some cigarettes."
Dear friends,
may l have your attention. Our dear
senator would like to say a few words.
Highly honoured jubilee couple,
50 years ago you took the pledge,
"till death do us part".
Champagnel
Now you are
much closer to your goal.
lt was not always easy, l m sure,
yet ... love, love.
Now ...
Just like that ... if you re not interested
anymore, let me know beforehand.
But l am.
Listen to me!
Someone else, l understand.
- He kept looking at me.
- You don't need to make excuses.
Just go.
l'm only a stocky Swiss fellow with
a speech defect and sausage legs.
How boring!
l know I'm bor ng.
Go and join your tall blond !
S nice when do you like blondes?
Can't you make a decision?
- lt's over.
- Rubbish!
Are you in love with me or not?
lt doesn't t ngle any more.
That s normal when one is together
every day for a whole year.
l don't think l ever reaIly loved you.
We might as well separate, then.
M ght as well.
You go first.
No, you.
l don't know e ther.
We'll separate. Promise?
Whatever you do,
don't cry for love.
l didn't mean
to frighten you. Here's to love!
l understand you both very well.
lt was the same with me. Over and
over again. l was forever in love.
We aren't any more.
Thank God.
l know what it s like.
That s how t is.
Love comes and goes.
Give me that glass.
Just a minute ... may l?
Give me a p ece of paper.
You have to meet them.
Go to this address.
They are good friends of mine.
Don't know how they do it, but they ve
been together for over 50 years.
Terr ble.
And still behave like newly weds.
After 50 years?
Yes. You see, they still have that tingling feeling.
A feeling of excitement, every day.
And they lived happ ly ever after.
Champagne!
l come home,
lt's the same every evening,
my husband comes home, puts on
his socks, goes to bed.
And who do you think l am?
Another glass!
That was our last piece.
-- When? --
Later.
For your entertainment: Romeo and Juliet,
the balcony scene.
Have you gone mad?
- W thout a rehearsal?
Don't be silly.
You forget my speech impediment.
lt will be fun.
- don't make a fool of yourself.
- Actor.
He jests at scars ...
He jests at scars that never
felt a wound
But, soft!
What light through yonder
window breaks?
lt is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
lt is my lady; Oh, t is my love!
Oh that she knew
she were!
See how she leans her cheek
upon her hand!
Bright angel ...
Julia, you're standing on my foot!
l'm up here!
Get down!
Champagne!
Murderers! Murderers!
Murderers! Stop!
Murderers!
Murderers!
Champagne!
lt wasn't us at all.
Try telling them that.
Why did you touch that knife?
Come on!
Boring living with me, isn't it?
Keep on swimming
... joking apart, we've just recieved
an important police announcement.
A murder was committed tonight
at a golden wedding
annlversary party.
l can't do it like that.
What are you gaping at? Get lost, voyeur!
What's the matter?
Hello, police? One of your men's
standing outside our house.
lt wasn't us.
lt wasn't us,
we didn't kill the corpse.
Hold on, we're connecting you.
- What did she say?
- Wait a minute.
Good day, pease
hold on, we're connecting you.
Can l help you?
Lehmann. I'm calling
about the murder in Grunewald.
Hello? lt's like this.
What they said on the radio ...
An hour ago a corpse was found
lying dead on my foot.
The lights went out shortly
beforehand. I just wanted to say ...
l didn't kill her!
- We know who the murderer is
- Yes, describe him.
Your name?
Thomas Hostettler. l m Swiss
and l live with my parents in Berlin.
D'you think you're the only one to
ring up tonight with some crazy story?
A man rang to say that the neighbour's
dog had murdered his goldfish.
Before that someone claimed that the
Pope had tried to assassinate him.
A woman said that her husband tried
to strange her wlth a condom.
Not to mention the school children.
Try golng less to the cinema.
You may not agree, but
this ls not what we're paid for.
Don't joke around with the polce.
No money left.
What about the 100 marks l gave you?
- Which 100 marks?
- Which 100 marks?
Have you gone mad?
Oh, yes, ..... l put it in
the bread-bin.
Well done! Why didn't you bring
it along, you diot!
Because l thought we were
getting paid tonight.
How could l guess that a corpse
would be lying on my foot.
ln the brothel!
l knew l'd seen her before.
Who?
The corpse!
l was there, understand!
- Where?
- ln the brothel!
What were you doing in a brothel?
Are you listening?
l want to marry you.
What's up? What shall l do?
l always thought ...
I don't know, l ...
l thought ... yes
Shall I kill myself out of sheer
passion for you? Okay!
When I say "now", reverse backwards.
No! Please, don't move, stay where
you are. Be sensible, please
-- Now! --
He doesn't mean it!
l want to marry you. Do you hear?
I want to marry you. l love you.
l don't want you to go off with
another man. l love you !
They still have that tingl ng feeling.
A feeling of excitement, every day.
Who are you looking for?
An old couple, name of Graf.
- Do you know them?
- No.
We don't know them.
My name s Fischer.
Come upstalrs at oncel
He's mad, he's been doing that
for 1 0 days now.
- Excuse me ....
- Yes?
Can you tell me whether ...
Leave the washing up!
Get lost, you stupid cow!
Graf, here it s.
Go on, then.
Good morning.
Who is t?
Don't know them. What do you want?
Hannelore, turn the record over.
- l think we're ...
- So do l.
Excuse me, do you happen to know
f an old couple lives in this house?
Funny people here.
What are we whispering for?
Yes, what for?
lt's a perfectly normal house.
Look, Graf! Here.
Do you love me?
Truly?
Don't keep on asking.
Then l love you too.
Stay here!
Let me out of here!
What's that?
The key s on top of the exit sign.
Are you still there?
Thank you.
l wanted to commit suicide.
l threw the key out of the window
and sa d to myself, that s it.
Then l sit down at my typewriter,
write a farewelI letter.
l write and write and l
can't stop writing.
At first l really want to end t all,
and then l change my m nd
but l'm Iocked in.
Oskar and Marlene ...
They're in love, those two.
They loved their life.
The whole time, the whole life.
They loved children
and the children loved them.
But people d dn t like that. The
children wanted to be as happy
at home as they were with the Grafs.
Then two men came along in a car.
Put them in a home for old people.
- They can't do that.
- Just like that.
- They can.
- l don't understand.
- And now they're in a home?
- Far from t!
l don't get it.
Disappeared. Without trace.
How do you mean?
Lying low.
Do you know where?
l not only know, l helped them.
ltaly.
Are they really as much in love
as on the day they were married?
Come on, we're off to ltaly.
What for?
To find the old couple.
You are a one!
- What of it?
How s lly.
ln the dark?
The pol ce are completely in the dark.
lt cannot be ruled out
that actually ...
the senator, should have been the
victim ...
.... seems to have been
m nutely planned ...
.... carried out by several .....
lt is presumed ....
terrorist organisations
could be responsible.
You can play those games at home.
We re only here in Berlin for
a few days.
That doesn't stop you buying
a t cket.
Your papers, please.
Just a moment!
And the young lady?
She's a patient at the psychiatric
clinic in Zrich. l'm responsible
for her. Unfortunately l ve left
her papers at the cl nic.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
Travell ng without a ticket,
2 persons, 80 marks.
But l have a ticket.
Here it is.
lt's not stamped.
What's she grinning at?
- don't smile, okay?
- lsn't t funny?
lt's not funny at aIl, is it?
That ll be 80 marks.
Why it only has to be stamped
at the end of the journey.
- Who told you that?
That s what someone told me.
l always do it.
I used to live in London,
you pay at the end there, too.
Are you trying to tell me that
you always pa d on the way out?
Of course. Every time.
That's why someone
sits up there to check.
But ... but that s rubbish.
That s how they do it in London.
Doesn't one pay afterwards here?
No, one doesn t.
l've always done it.
You could have saved yourself the
trouble.
Nice of you to admit that so openly.
But that means l was n danger
of being caught
by you every time,
like now.
- Exactly.
- But that s terrible.
Don't cry Heidi. don't cry.
Make sure you are better informed
next time.
Ticket, please.
Hey, he wants to pay n dollars.
lt won't work, young man. Come on.
You'd never believe the stor es
people think up. Unbelievable!
l can well imagine.
Come on!
Julia, come on!
- Happy birthday.
- They're after us!
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
What's the matter?
All you think about is your whodunit.
Do you still find me erotic?
- Does that matter now?
-Do you find me erotic?
- Does it really matter?
- Yes or no?
Yes, dammit, l find you erot c.
lt doesn't sound like it.
l don't want to have to prove it
to you 5 million times a day.
Because it's not true!
Exactly.
The love has gone, l can feel it.
- We don't fuck together any more.
- Where do you want us to do it?
Think of something.
Want me to sign a contract?
"A fuck a day seven days a week?"
- Get lost!
- l will.
No, Romi, stay here, please.
Can't you make up your mind for once?
What are you crying about?
Can't understand a word.
Can't understand a thing.
l'm always the arsehole.
- lt's aIways me.
You cry and I'm the swine,
it's aIways the same.
Don't touch me!
- You don't love me!
- l do!
- You don't love me!
- l do, l love you !
l'm hungry.
So am l.
Coward, coward, coward, coward.
Come on over here, coward.
Be quiet!
Do you find that funny? We've been
waiting for you all day, Thomas.
- l forgot.
-What are you doing?
You know that Father takes the day
off on your birthday.
What have you been getting up to?
Is that a normal way to behave?
You could have telephoned at least.
- I told you, I forgot.
- How did you get in? Oh, never mind.
What a sight you are!
Come and sit down.
Wash your hands.
You could at least have dressed decently
on your birthday.
Dirtiness has nothing to do with freedom.
You don't look well.
Don't you ever eat a warm meal?
l told you before,
always have a warm meal.
Come and sit down.
Aren't you well? Here!
Do you need any money?
Happy birthday.
Don't tell your father.
Right.
Now it s off to ltaly.
And then?
We ll visit the old couple.
And then?
We'll find out their secret.
And then?
Then we ll know.
And then?
And then ...
l don't know.
And then?
Then we ll separate.
You're so stupid.
Right ...
Here?
Why not?
l don't know.
- Don't you feel like it ?
- Oh, yes. It's so sandy.
Don't be afraid, he won't hurt you.
Come on. Here!
What's that?
l found it in my saxophone.
Just a minute!
l'm off to ltaly.
Come and help me nstead.
You don't understand a thing.
l'll go aIone, then.
That s the corpus delicti, understand?
- What's that?
- The evidence.
Do you have your passport?
- Am l your ideal man?
- No.
Too small, eh?
You're a weakling.
l think you're lovely, too.
What?
What d d you say?
Do you still want to leave me?
We'll see. Not now, l m too tired.
l'm no hero.
Do you think it's silly,
still being together?
What makes you say that?
You'd be in New York now if it
wasn't for your whodunit.
l'll go tomorrow.
And l'll go to Moscow and marry
a Russian.
A Russian?
Do you find the Swiss ugly?
All they think of is sex.
My new girl fr end shall be as
scurrilous as you, but love me more.
l love you more.
Why do you want to leave me?
Because you're such an diot.
WeIl?
Well what?
Are you staying here tonight?
l m ght as well.
Wake up!
We have to go. Come on!
Wake up!
- I'll get a divorce.
- Go ahead.
We have to find the fiIm. You'll
get the knitting machine. Nuisance.
- Screw your knitting machine.
- Screw it then.
Decide wheter you want the
knitting machine or not.
- l don't want one.
- You're always talking about it.
l don't want one any more.
Here are some porno magazines,
Hope you enjoy them.
Thanks,
they're more entertaining than you.
You always have to have the last word.
What w ll you do without me?
Excuse me.
They're kidnapping my girlfriend.
Yes or no?
- Do you find me erotic?
- Yes!
- l don't believe you!
- Damn shit!
you ve said it so often.
Prove t to me!
lt's always the same!
Go away, l ve had enough.
You haven't paid!
Are you carrying on?
What the hell!
The nice thing about you
ls that you're so stupid.
Really.
I'll never find such a crazy
boyfriend again.
Plty, realy.
Lovable idiot.
Romi, do you think you' ever
grow up?
Where's the film?
Young man
with the car
number plate B - R 5431
You are blocking an entrance.
- Oh, I see.
- Driving licence, please.
Hands up.
Help! Let me out!
Be quiet!
Help! Police!
Having it off n the middle of town!
- Where shall we split up?
Here.
Now.
What'll your next girlfriend look like?
My next one will be tall and blond.
- l know.
- A tall, blond Moroccan.
Your next friend w lI be blond,
a little fat,
sort of fleshy.
Your girIfriend will be small and fat
with a speech impediment, like you.
Come here.
Attent on please! May l have
your attention, please. All aboard.
Put on your safety belts.
Seduce me.
What?
You never have.
l have.
- When?
- Can't remember.
You see?
You seduce me.
I can't. You haven't got your thing in,
the diagram.
- Diaphragm.
- That's what l said.
You see, you'l have to seduce me.
The best is when I'm asleep.
lt's impossible if you're seeping.
Try
How do you expect it to work?
Perfectly normaly.
What if you don't wake up?
Never mind.
Then I might as well fuck a corpse.
A lot of people do.
Romi, stop it!
Wil you do lt?
What?
Ravish me in my sleep.
We'll see. l feel so tired.