1
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
MICHAEL: There you go.
Good, bring it down. Bring
it down, bring it down.
Whoo! Great! That was
the best one yet.
You know, I think you might
be getting as good as me.
You'll never be as good as me,
but you're getting there.
- You're getting close.
- DAVID: I'm way better than you.
MICHAEL: Perfect.
What...
(LAUGHS)
What, are you trying to take a
little bit off the top right here?
- DAVID: Yeah, you need a haircut.
- MICHAEL: Yeah.
- Yeah.
- DAVID: Watch this. Ready?
MICHAEL: Yeah, go.
- Nice! Nice!
- DAVID: See? Ready? Wait, wait.
Upside down.
- Boom!
- MICHAEL: Nice! Nice!
(LAUGHING) Oh, man,
that was great, huh?
DAVID: Oh, yeah.
- MICHAEL: Turbulence. Turbulence.
- (LAUGHS) No.
- MICHAEL: Turbulence.
- DAVID: Oh, no.
- MICHAEL: Turbulence!
- DAVID: (LAUGHING) No, no!
- MICHAEL: Turbulence!
- DAVID: Whoa. Ah!
- Where is it? (LAUGHS)
- Turbulence.
- It's over there. Where is it?
- (LAUGHING) No!
MICHAEL: Okay, bring her in
for a landing, now, okay?
DAVID: I got it.
MICHAEL: Right,
nose down a little bit.
Oh, it's windy.
It's windy.
Can he do it? Can he do it?
Can he do it? Can he do...
Aw...(LAUGHS)
Oh! Whoo!
Yeah!
That is a dead stick,
my friend.
Absolutely perfect,
bring it right in to us.
Turn it, turn it,
turn it, turn it.
(ENGINE STOPS)
What? Boosh!
Unbelievable.
Who taught you how to
do that, I wonder?
DAVID: I don't know.
I guess I... Instinct.
- Instinct?
- Instinct!
You know what you can do?
BOTH: (IN MOCK NEW YORK
ACCENT) You can shut up!
(IN MOCK NEW YORK ACCENT)
You can shut up.
No, you can shut up!
I want a milkshake.
You're not getting one.
You're getting buttermilk.
DAVID: Dude, did you
see that landing?
MICHAEL: You get
warm buttermilk.
Thumbs out.
Big smiles.
This one's a looker.
- Hi
- Hi.
Sorry, y'all, I don't
usually pick up hitchhikers.
Especially people as
shady-looking as you are.
Well, if it's the little dude you're
worried about I can vouch for him.
Actually, you seem kind of
suspicious to me.
If he looks so shady, Mom,
why'd you marry?
I don't know.
I ask myself that every day!
All right, y'all ready
for some house-hunting?
Haven't we hunted
every house in the city?
Yeah, but we haven't
found one yet, Dad.
And our lease is about to be up
and we are gonna be out sleeping
under the Congress Avenue Bridge.
- That's awesome.
- Not awesome.
It is awesome.
No. MICHAEL: Yes, it is.
It's closer to the University.
I can walk to school.
Yeah, I'd love to see
that happening!
(BOTH LAUGH)
I hope you
brought your checkbook
because this is the one!
- This is it, huh?
- Yeah!
Right, we haven't
heard that before.
Oh! Hurry, come on. Before
someone else snaps up this gem!
Oh, this one looks cute.
Ah!
Rosalba. It's not done.
Where are the walls?
Oh, but you said,
"open plan." Open plan.
No, no, no, no, we need, um...
- Walls?
- We need a house that's done.
Look. Walls! Uh?
Huh. Yeah.
But no windows, Rosalba.
Uh, it's like a dungeon.
I like this one.
Hmm? (LAUGHS)
Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, windows!
- Look at this, man.
That's good.
Light, natural light!
Yes! This is, this is
a lot more our speed.
- Rosalba, how much are we talking for this one?
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah?
- Oh.
(MUMBLING) Um...
This one is just a touch
above your price range.
- How much is a touch?
- Just a smidgen.
- Like, 20?
- Above a hair.
Forty? What?
- More than 40?
- Come on. Let's go.
- Rosalba!
- Come on, Rosalba.
Ay...
Did you find anything?
- No.
- Nothing we can afford?
Nothing we can afford.
(LAUGHS)
It's all right.
Maybe we'll find something when
we get back from San Antonio.
San Antonio?
Uh-huh. Thanksgiving
with your family.
We were there last month.
I know, but this month it's
Thanksgiving with your family.
So, now that there's a turkey on the
table, it's supposed to mean more?
My dad probably put the Christmas
decorations up already.
I did get a call
from your mom yesterday.
She'd really love for us
to think about Christmas.
Christmas, too?
You know, David talks
about it all the time.
I got a better idea.
What?
Cancun.
Again with Cancun?
If we order the tickets now
we get awesome rates
and it's awesome-ly fun,
come on.
- I just, I know...
- Think about it. Just think about it.
I know Christmas
is hard for you.
Sunshine. Beach.
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
I know what you're waiting for.
What?
(IN SPANISH ACCENT) Massage.
No! Not in the
creepy voice!
- Massage.
- Not in the creepy voice.
Give me a massage, yeah.
Without the creepy voice.
Canc... Cancun.
No. (LAUGHS)
(IN SPANISH ACCENT) Where
you get good massage.
So, the ancient Greeks took the idea
of hospitality quite seriously.
It could mean the difference
between life and death.
For example...
When Paris...
Betrayed his host...
And took Helen back to Troy...
Professor Walker?
MICHAEL: Mmm-hmm?
- One quick question?
- MICHAEL: Go ahead.
So you're saying
what the Greeks did
is kind of like when
we celebrate Christmas?
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
No, I'm saying just the
opposite as a matter of fact.
Personal gatherings
and celebrations
were powerful,
they were genuine.
They were very spiritual
for the ancient Greeks.
Just like Christmas for us now.
(STUDENTS LAUGH)
Um...
No, Christmas has become so
completely over-commercialized
that's it's really lost any...
(ALARM BEEPING)
Okay, Kylie, nice work.
We've run out of time.
See you Monday.
Thank your friend here
for, uh, no homework.
All right, watch the master now.
You watchin'?
This is why I get paid
the big bucks.
Ooh!
That's your "S".
One more for "HORSE."
We're playing
"HORSERADISH."
That's, like,
seven more letters.
Yeah, sure.
Okay.
If I make this one,
we get to go to
San Antonio for Christmas.
How 'bout if you
make this shot,
you get to pick where we
go for lunch, all right?
Come on, Dad.
Grandpa said that he'd
put up so many lights,
you could see it
from outer space.
(SIGHS)
I don't doubt that.
But we're going there
for Thanksgiving
and I think that's
enough, all right?
Go ahead, your shot.
David.
Okay.
Wait.
So, if I make this shot,
we get to go to
Grandpa's for Christmas?
I mean even if you don't.
(EXHALES)
Hey, look. Grandpa put up
Burp, Snort and Poot.
Yeah, he probably should just
leave 'em up all year round.
- CLAIRE: Whoo!
- LILY: Hey!
Y'all made it!
- THEO: Hey, hey!
- Look at that beauty, I love it!
- THEO: Hey, Suze.
- Hey.
Howdy y'all!
Yoo-hoo!
Travis! Oh, honey!
So happy you're
coming for Christmas.
Yes. It's great.
Good to see you!
You look beautiful.
- Happy Thanksgiving. Thanks for coming.
- Thank you.
Come on in.
Hey, brother. Hey, sis.
So I hear you're here for
Thanksgiving and Christmas this year!
- Grandpa!
- MA: What did you do to your hair?
David. God, you're
getting so big!
Hey, Pop.
Michael.
Wanna help me get
the food inside?
- See you in there.
- See you in there.
Here's my fruitcake!
Da-dah! Oh, wow!
Is that jalapenos?
Close, there's jalapenos
and poblanos and habaneros.
So, do you want
to try it? Come on.
- It's really...
- Um...
I call it my
"three peppers fruitcake."
- I'm gonna have a little taste...
- Just a little?
...'cause I don't wanna,
I don't wanna fill up.
- Well, you're gonna want more, because it's really amazing.
- Mmm-hmm.
Despite all these chilies,
you can still taste the pickles
and the pineapples and (IN
SING-SONG) the prunes!
Try this, it's so good!
You gotta try
Claire's fruitcake!
It's kind of like an explosion
of flavor in your mouth!
I worked so hard on it.
I made 12. I made a dozen.
One for everybody in the family.
We all get one?
Oh, Claire!
Hey! MAGGIE: Hey! Aunt Jocelyn!
You made it!
Of course we made it!
Everyone, you remember Bob?
He, uh... That's your
second husband, right?
Oh, God, no!
Totally different Bob!
(GIGGLING)
All in.
(SIGHS)
You are so bluffing.
When you dance,
you go, cha, cha, cha
And when you sing, you go
La, la, la
And when you laugh, you go...
- Ha, ha, ha
- Take it down.
Yeah!
Get the cards, get the cards.
- ALL: Aw!
- SUSAN: Suckers!
Yeah, yeah!
Whoo! Momma wins!
David! What are you
doing, man?
Are you crazy?
Think that's sweet enough?
- Yeah.
- Ahh-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Oh, everybody's tasting!
TRICIA: Mmm. Well, I might
as well do the same.
(LAUGHING)
I'm going to do it!
(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
Get out of my way!
Shut up! I'm doing it!
What is going on?
You have lost your mind!
No, 'cause, see,
there's a, there's a spring.
- Okay. Uh-huh.
- Yeah, I've...
See, it's... We're good.
We're good!
We're good to go.
I fixed it.
He was just making sure
it was safe.
I see that.
- Right, Dad?
- Yeah, I got it. I did it.
ALL: Yeah!
(ALL CHEERING)
ALL: Yeah!
SUSAN: Yeah. MAGGIE: Here we go.
(COLONEL STARTS
PLAYING GUITAR)
Pretty papers
Pretty ribbons of blue
Wrap your presents
To your darling from you
Pretty pencils
To write I love you
Pretty papers
Pretty ribbons of blue
Pretty papers
Pretty ribbons of blue
Y'all are okay.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(THEO PLAYING
FESTIVE MUSIC ON ACCORDION)
On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
An ostrich in a belfry
(ALL LAUGHING)
On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two purple thugs
And an ostrich in a belfry
On the third day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me...
Three Grinch friends
MAGGIE:
Two purple thugs
And an ostrich in a belfry
On the fourth day
of Christmas...
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
(BUTTONS CLACKING)
Four flirting jerks
Here you are.
- THEO: Three Grinch friends
- Hi, Ma.
MAGGIE:
Two purple thugs
And an ostrich in a belfry
- I was just checking my e-mail.
- Uh-huh.
Hey.
CLAIRE: On the fifth
day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Five chili...
Let's thank the Lord
for this wonderful food.
Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Thank you, Ma.
So, Grandpa, when are you gonna
put the Christmas lights up?
(SMACKING LIPS) Oh...
Maybe tonight after supper.
I thought you and Travis might
help me untangle all those lights.
It's a big job.
That sounds like
a good job for y'all.
MA: Uh, hmmm.
Hey, Dad, when we
come down for Christmas,
could we stay the whole week?
ALL: Oh, yeah. Yes.
I like that idea.
MAGGIE: Great idea.
We're, we're not
coming for Christmas.
CLAIRE: (WHISPERING)
What? Why?
You're kidding. Why?
It's Christmas. (SIGHS)
Well, that's that then.
Let's eat up here, folks,
that turkey's gonna get cold.
(EXHALES)
(CLATTERING)
Hey, son.
Hey.
(MICHAEL SIGHS)
Years ago,
when I was a kid,
the whole family used to go to your
great-grandpa's house for Christmas.
The one by the lake?
Yeah.
And one Christmas
in particular I remember
because I was your age and Uncle
David was about a year older,
and all we wanted
was one present
for Christmas, you know.
Just one.
Racers.
You know what that is?
Ice skates.
That's all we wanted.
So after lunch,
we snuck out of the house
and went down to the lake.
We were gonna race.
Now, you gotta remember something
about Uncle David. He...
He was older than I was,
you know.
So he is a better skater.
He's faster, he's stronger.
So, one, two three, go!
Flying down the ice,
and guess what?
I was winning this time.
I was beating him.
For the first time in my life,
I was beating him.
And I'm skating
as hard as I can.
I hear him calling my name.
(WHISPERING) Michael, Michael!
I didn't stop though
'cause I...
I knew he was playing
one of those tricks on me.
You know, he was trying to get
me to stop so he could...
Skate past me.
So I kept going, I kept going.
I was winning, you know.
I was going to beat him
for the first time.
And he caught up to me,
and he grabbed
ahold of my jacket
and swung me around
as hard as he could.
And I fell down.
And I went sliding
with my face on the ice
toward the shore.
(SIGHS)
I heard the ice cracking.
I could, um...
I could feel it cracking.
I looked up...
And, um, I didn't see him.
And that's why
Uncle David isn't here.
Mmm.
You did it.
How do you feel?
I'm really glad I told him.
- I am too.
- Michael?
I'll let y'all talk.
I got a favor to ask.
We'd like David to stay with
us here for a few days.
Not for Christmas,
but just a few days before
when he gets out of school.
Yeah, I don't...
I don't know, Pop.
You know, um...
You and Ma kinda...
We're getting old and creaky.
(CHUCKLES)
Maybe so.
But I think we can take care of
a 10-year-old for a few days.
Okay.
Thank you, Michael.
(GUITAR PLAYING)
Joy to the world
the Lord is come
Let Earth receive her king
Let every heart prepare...
Excuse me?
Excuse me.
I need the owner
of the silver Volvo.
We've got a little problem.
I got it buddy.
You're almost there.
Straight back,
straight back, buddy,
yep, you're all, yep,
all right. You got it,
you're clear, all right.
Merry Christmas!
BEAT BOX GUY:
Joy to the world
The Lord is come
Oh, no.
Mmm, yes.
Rosalba,
do you have any idea when the
new buyers want to move in?
By the end of the year?
This year?
Come on.
Oh, please tell us there's some
kind of silver lining here.
Of course there's
a silver lining!
Of course there's
a silver lining!
There's always a silver lining!
What's the silver lining,
Rosalba?
(EXHALES)
Oh, Rosalba!
(GRUNTS)
(BELLS JINGLING)
(CLANKING)
NICK: Hey! You're supposed
to ride that bicycle.
Oh, well, I...
I tried riding it, but you can
see how well that turned out.
Well, that's life for you.
You never know what's gonna jump
up in the middle of the road.
But you ain't the first guy I seen
come dragging a bike outta them woods.
I oughta start selling
lemonade here.
Or spare bicycle parts.
NICK: Yeah, really.
Listen, I, uh, I doubt I wanna
know the answer, but...
What are you asking?
Oh, I don't know.
It depends.
Depends?
You want the tour or not,
I'm a busy man. Come on.
MICHAEL: Unbelievable.
NICK: Come on, I'll show you
the rest of the house.
Oh, man.
(EXHALES)
I mean, everything looks
brand new.
Did all the work myself, you
know, I like to keep busy.
Well, this is the kitchen area,
you know, right in here.
Cool. Cool.
And this is the master bedroom.
(CHUCKLES) Oh.
- I don't know what to say, man, it's incredible.
- NICK: Mmm-hmm.
Well...
I'll meet you downstairs.
(EXHALES)
Oh, well.
Well, all right then.
After you have seen the whole
place here, what do you think?
I gotta tell you, I think it's the
most beautiful house I've ever seen.
And I've completely
wasted your time.
Oh?
This, this place is,
is way outta my price range.
I mean, way out of
my price range.
To tell you the truth, I don't have
any idea what this place is worth.
Uh, why don't you
make me an offer?
Just, uh, write it down,
the old school time way.
Yeah, um...
Mister?
- Call me Nick.
- Nick, yeah, I, uh...
I've looked at property for about a
year around here with my wife...
And, um...
I have a pretty good idea
what this house is worth.
Mmm-hmm, so, show me.
(CHUCKLES) Okay.
All right, uh...
Got a pen?
Sure.
Uh.
That's a feather.
- Thanks.
- Mmm-hmm.
This is easily twice
what we can afford.
So this is what you think
is a fair honest price?
MICHAEL: Yes, sir.
Well, you're either the most
honest guy I've ever met or...
The dumbest.
Take your pick.
Either way, it don't matter.
Buy you a lemonade.
(CHUCKLES) Sounds great.
NICK: So, my dumb,
honest friend,
what line of work you in?
I teach at the university.
History.
- You married?
- Yes.
Kids? Yep, a boy.
How old? He's 10.
Piece of work?
- Several pieces.
- (CHUCKLES)
Yeah, well.
He'll get into a lot of trouble
running around this big old house.
Man, you're not kidding.
Hmm, well, let's do it!
- Excuse me?
- You wanna buy the house or not?
(STUTTERING) Nick, I've already told you.
I can barely afford
half of what
this place is worth.
Well, if you can afford
half of what it's worth,
half is what
I'm gonna charge you.
- What?
- It's important to me
that the right family
wind up in this house.
I'll take half.
You're not serious?
I'm serious as a heart attack.
You trying to weasel
out of the deal?
No, I just might...
I need an answer right now.
I'm taking a huge
leap of faith with you
and I need us to leap together.
What do you say?
Yes! Yes! Yes! (NICK CLAPS)
We got a deal.
Oh, one condition.
The people in this neighborhood take
a lot of pride in it, you know.
So you gotta
do the right thing.
It's important that
you keep the lawn mowed
and you can't
paint the house pink.
It's important that you keep
up the neighborhood standards.
I understand.
No pink.
It's very important.
I get it.
Absolutely. No problem.
Congratulations, you got
yourself a house.
Oh, I...
(LAUGHING)
(STUTTERING) My wife's gonna...
(EXHALES)
Hey, Susan?
(DOOR OPENS)
Hey!
It took you forever.
Where you been?
What?
I bought a house.
What? (LAUGHING)
I think he just said that
he bought a house.
What do you mean
"you bought a house"?
I wrecked my bike.
I'm walking it down the street,
and on the right side of the
street is this unbelievable house.
Unbelievable house. There's an
old man sitting on the porch,
says, "You want it?
You can buy it,
"but you have to
buy it right now.
"You can't wait, you have
to buy it right now."
I bought a house, Susan.
Hold on. You didn't
sign a contract?
I signed the contract. What?
I tried calling you,
but I got your voicemail.
- Hold on.
- MICHAEL: I got your voicemail.
What?
I'm gonna get between
you and the knives.
Because I don't want you to do
something that you're gonna regret.
You sign a contract. You bought
a house without consulting me.
Without consulting us.
Yes.
Michael.
Did you get scammed?
Okay, do you think
I got scammed?
I did not get scammed.
I mean, you fall off your bike,
some man walks up to you,
takes you to his "mansion"?
Susan, it happened so fast.
Hey, Mom? After you
finish killing Dad,
can we go look at our house?
Let's go right now.
Come on!
- Let's go.
- SUSAN: Let's go.
MICHAEL:
Let's go right now.
Let's see this house.
Dude, you're in trouble.
Hey, Nick! NICK: Hey.
How are you doing?
Didn't think we'd come back?
NICK: Welcome back.
Good to see you. You too.
Got my family.
This is my wife, Susan.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Hi, Susan. How are you?
- My son, David.
- Hey, David.
DAVID: Hello. NICK: Come on,
let me show you the house.
Hmm. Hmm.
Are those crown moldings
up there?
- Yes, yes.
- Beautiful.
- I like that fireplace.
- NICK: Yes, ma'am.
Mmm.
Eleven foot ceilings?
NICK: Twelve.
Twelve.
Hmm.
Oh, nice hardwood floors.
Yes, ma'am.
Ah-ha.
Oh, wow.
Blue ceilings,
that's interesting.
That keeps out the bees.
- I knew that.
- Mmm-hmm.
It's in the almanac.
I'd heard that,
I had heard that.
Is this a pantry?
- Yes, it is.
- Oh!
(GASPS) I've always
wanted a pantry.
I don't even know what a pantry is.
I know, honey.
Oh, this is just
gorgeous, my goodness.
(SUSAN INHALES)
That is a beautiful room.
Thank you, yes, it is.
Is this all original? This, that,
the bead-board up there, you know?
Uh, yes it is, every bit.
(SIGHS) Oh, my goodness.
(GASPS) Wow!
DAVID: (LAUGHS)
We have a pool?
You didn't tell me
there was a pool!
Of course there's a pool.
I'm sorry, uh, kid. The pool's
not included in the deal.
Wait, what?
Just kidding.
I still can't believe you
bought a house without me.
I think I'll give you
a pass this time, but...
(FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRCASE)
I've already picked out my
room, and it is awesome!
Well, you know, your husband
here should've checked with you
before he made the deal,
you know, but I...
(CHUCKLES) I have to admit
I kinda pushed him into it.
But say the word and I'll tear
the contract up right now.
Oh no, no, no, no, no.
(LAUGHS)
Well in that case...
Y'all come back tomorrow and I'll
have the keys waiting for you.
I just, I...
I can't help but feel like
we're gonna wake up from some
wonderful dream or something.
Yeah, this is,
this is unbelievable.
Y'all turn this place into a
home, and we'll call it even.
Okay.
(SUSAN SIGHS)
Could you pull up
to this house every day?
Oh, my gosh, my gosh.
How are you gonna ask him to
get his stuff out of here?
Why do I have to ask him?
MICHAEL: 'Cause
you have to ask.
It takes a long time to move
all that beautiful stuff out.
- Is he here?
- I don't know.
Hey, Nick?
Hello?
SUSAN:
Where is everything?
(READING)
Oh!
My gosh.
Unbelievable.
You're not getting tired,
are you, man?
- DAVID: Nope.
- Get up there.
Oh, good, honey, those can
go right into your cabinets.
DAVID: Mmm-hmm.
I can't believe how
big the bedroom is.
You could fit five families
in that bedroom.
SUSAN:
But we don't have to!
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride in
a one horse open sleigh, hey
- (LAURA LAUGHS)
- GRIFFIN: Welcome to the neighborhood!
We're the Oswalts from
right across the street.
I'm Laura and this is Griffin.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Wow, I'm, uh, I'm Michael.
Susan. David. Hi.
Well, here you go!
This'll get you started!
- Oh! Thank you!
- Get us started?
Nothing fancy. Just
a dozen or so strings.
Crackle.
Clear finish.
Christmas lights.
My dad loves Christmas lights.
Don't you, Dad?
Yeah? Didn't Nick tell you about
the neighborhood tradition?
No, no-no-no. What's the
neighborhood tradition?
- Oh!
- Every year all the neighbors come caroling
and bringing over their
Christmas decorations for Nick.
For you now!
GRIFFIN:
This is Live Oak Lane.
The Live Oak Lane.
During the holidays, we're the
most famous street in Austin.
The Live Oak Lane
Trail of Lights.
This is that Live Oak Lane?
Yeah! Pretty cool, huh, Dad?
GRIFFIN:
Everybody decorates.
Every year we all go all out.
People from all over the world
come here just to see our street.
Oh! GRIFFIN: Nick's
house, your house,
is always the crown jewel.
That's why we bring over
so many lights every year,
so that your house will be even
more spectacular than the last.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah!
And I'll be happy to
give you a hand.
Putting so many lights on a
house this size is a big job.
(CHUCKLES) Wouldn't
wanna be a bother.
No trouble at all, I can
come over this evening.
We are so busy, uh,
unpacking, with the move,
and there's just...
Stuff. We'll definitely
try to get around to it.
(CHUCKLING) They'll try
to get around to it!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
All right.
Thanks a lot.
Great to meet y'all,
thank you so much.
Nice to meet y'all.
Nice to meet you!
- Bye.
- Bye-bye!
- (DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
- Well, they seem nice, don't they?
(EXHALES)
The Live Oak Lane
Trail of Lights.
Michael Walker moves into the
Live Oak Lane Trail of Lights.
- That's funny.
- It's not funny.
It's pretty funny!
And I think if our neighbors
are gonna be so generous
as to give us all these
beautiful lights,
the least we could do
is put them up.
Yeah, come on, Dad, it's
the neighborhood tradition.
Don't you want
our neighbors to like us?
No, I wanna understand why
people spend days and days
putting up thousands and
thousands of Christmas lights
so that people can
walk past their house
and ooh and aah.
How about hours
and hours putting up
hundreds and
hundreds of lights?
Or minutes and minutes putting
up dozens and dozens?
How about no time
putting up no lights?
I think our neighbors
will understand that.
And leave us alone, you know?
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(SINGING IN SPANISH)
Vamos a celebrar
Amor en la navidad
Christmas is
a time for love
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(O CHRISTMAS TREE PLAYING)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
His name is Jesus
Christmas love
He came from above
Christmas love
I'm talkin' about Jesus
(VOCALIZING)
He came to save the world
(DOORBELL RINGING)
(COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Deck the halls
Deck the halls
with boughs of holly
Fa-la-la-la
Don we now our gay apparel
Fa-la-la
Fa-la-la
Is everyone in this
neighborhood a musician?
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
Yep! Yeah.
Welcome to Austin.
Moses
Moses
Don't let King Pharaoh
overtake you
- Whoo!
- In some lonesome graveyard
Yay!
Michael, this house is amazing.
I know, man,
I'm pretty blown away.
(CHUCKLING) Yeah!
And this, this is
Live Oak Lane.
Yeah, it sure is.
It's the Live Oak Lane.
Trail of Lights.
Yep. (EXHALES)
Like, Trail of Lights
Live Oak Lane
as seen on Oprah Winfrey
Christmas Special Live Oak Lane.
Yes, it is. It's...
Yes, it is.
Wow. Live Oak Lane.
Okay, I got a question.
For the kids. (KIDS LAUGH)
Me and Uncle Jeff.
Fist fight.
Who wins?
(LAUGHS)
BOTH: Uncle Jeff.
What do yo mean, Uncle Jeff?
- It's the reach.
- Daddy!
But I got street skills.
I have street skills.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- Ooh! Honey!
We'll talk about this
in a minute.
- There's the door, I think that's for you.
- Yeah, whatever.
- This is (STAMMERING) 20 times.
- What?
This is incredible. (DOOR OPENS)
- (SINGING AT THE DOOR)
- I know.
This is gonna drive him...
It's driving him crazy.
- DAVID: Mom, listen.
- Crazy.
I love this one.
I know, it's...
They're wonderful,
but of course...
Who was it, honey?
Who was it? Was it
door-to-door salesmen?
- Oh. What'd ya get?
- Oh!
Was it the Christmas girls?
(ALL LAUGH)
- Whoa, whoa.
- Wait, little man.
Whoa, whoa, no,
come here, come here.
DAVID: Bye, Mom.
Bye, honey.
What am I gonna do without you?
I don't know.
Dad.
I don't know, you're
leaving me alone with him?
I know what I'm gonna do. I'm
gonna get some sleep finally.
- Yeah.
- Hey, do me a favor.
I need you to take care
of Grandpa for me.
- Okay.
- You promise?
Promise. All right,
man, give me a hug.
- I love you.
- Love you too, Dad.
Be safe, now. I will.
- All right.
- Okay. I love you, Mom.
- Call us.
- Okay.
Have a fun time, most of all.
Yep, okay, I'll... See
you whenever I get back.
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
(ENGINE STOPS)
Ho.
Ho.
Ho.
You think you might think about
putting up some lights this year?
Just because of the new house
and it'd be so fun for David.
Maybe?
(DOORBELL RINGS)
- I'll get it.
- It's for you.
Howdy, Michael.
What is that, Griffin?
It's a ladder.
You know, I got to thinking I bet I know
why Michael hadn't put his lights up yet.
He needs a ladder.
I don't.
So, you have one already?
No.
Michael, Christmas here on Live Oak
Lane is really something special.
Everybody's included.
We got a Jewish family, a Muslim
family, there's a family from India.
Heck, they got a Santa Clause
with four arms and three eyes.
It'll blow your mind.
That's great.
Look, Michael.
These lights and these
decorations mean a whole lot
to a whole lot of people.
Last year, a family flew here all the
way from Japan, just to see 'em.
That's wonderful.
I don't mean to poke my nose
into your business...
- But...
- Then don't.
Boy, you don't think we have
enough lights up there, already?
No way.
Let's put them all up.
You know, I haven't used these
lights for a long time.
(SIGHS)
Maybe we better test 'em.
They still work.
(EXHALES)
I'll bet these lights
haven't been used since...
Since your father,
your uncle and I used them.
My dad used to help you
put Christmas lights up?
He sure did.
I remember one Christmas,
when the three of us put up so
many lights, the roof sagged!
No, it didn't.
It did.
And then, your father said, we have
to remember Burp, Snort, and Poot.
COLONEL: So, up they went
on the roof
and the roof sagged even more.
Till everyone had to crawl
around on their hands and knees.
(CHUCKLES)
(CHRISTMAS CAROL PLAYING)
(CHRISTMAS CAROL PLAYING)
(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING)
(CHRISTMAS CAROL PLAYING)
(GROWLING)
REPORTER: One more question.
Are there gonna be camel rides through
the neighborhood for the kiddos?
BOY: Watch out!
Sorry, mister.
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING FURIOUSLY)
Well. He insists on doing
his packing all by himself.
He told me, "Grandma, I'm
not a little kid anymore!"
- He's not.
- (CHUCKLING)
Hey, what's this?
I thought I might
take it with us
when I drive David back up to Austin.
(SIGHS)
What? Give it to Michael.
Just in case.
Oh, honey, you think
that's a good idea?
I don't have
any others left, darling.
Hey, Grandpa,
I just thought of something.
Maybe we could wait a few
hours before we drive back.
Till after dinner.
And why would we wanna do that?
Well, because then we could see the
lights on the house lit up before I go.
Your father
won't like it, David.
I told him I'd have you
home before dark.
Yeah, but we'd only be there
just a tiny bit after dark.
So he'll only be
a tiny bit mad.
David.
Please, Grandpa.
DAVID: I mean...
We worked so hard
on the lights and...
It'll be my only chance
to really see them.
Five minutes at dusk.
Not a minute longer.
Deal?
Deal.
(COLONEL CHUCKLES)
Good King Wenceslas looked
out on the Feast of Stephen.
When the snow lay round
about, deep and crisp and even.
Brightly shone the moon that
night though the frost was cruel
When a man came into sight.
gath'ring winter fuel.
How you doing? BARISTA: Hey!
Medium black coffee
to go. Thank you.
Would you like to try our Christmas
gingerbread latte? MICHAEL: No, thanks.
Ah. Our holiday
eggnog hot chocolate?
No, thank you.
How about our festive
peppermint candy-cane tea
- made with real...
- I just wanna get a black coffee.
I don't... I don't want a bow on it.
I don't want it... I just...
I just want
a cup of black coffee to go.
- REPORTER: (ON TELEVISION) Thanks, Lacy.
- Right up.
REPORTER: (ON TV) Just days away from
Christmas, we're here on Live Oak Lane,
which has long been famous
for, shall we say,
its exuberant celebration
of the holiday.
Well, this year, Live Oak residents are
getting something they never expected.
A real-life Grinch.
Sir, we're doing a piece on the
Christmas lights of Live Oak Lane.
Do you think you could tell us
how you get ready for Christmas?
MICHAEL: (ON TV) Sure.
By sticking it
where it belongs.
Hey, buddy.
Hey! That's you!
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you.
Excuse me.
GRIFFIN: (ON TV) Some of
the folks on the block...
I won't lie to you,
it's been a shock.
(BARISTA CHUCKLING)
GRIFFIN: We just don't
understand why someone...
But we're pulling together.
And we're gonna make this
the best Christmas ever.
- Nice work today, guys. I'll see you next time, okay?
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
Babe.
SUSAN: Michael. Hey, yes.
She ran at me with a camera...
Thank you very much, Kylie.
- SUSAN: Michael.
- I know I look a complete idiot.
No, no.
And I'm sure you've started
divorce proceedings.
Michael.
There's been an accident.
Hey, babe.
Are they okay?
David is getting an x-ray
and your dad's in surgery.
What happened?
- A truck went over the median or something and hit the car.
- (GASPS)
They were right... Hi.
Now, your son's
x-rays look good.
Uh, he's got a
slight concussion
but we're optimistic
he'll make a full recovery.
My father?
He's still in surgery.
Silent night
Holy night
All is calm
All is bright
Round yon virgin
mother and child
Holy infant
so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace
When can we see David?
Well, he's unconscious, but I
can let you look in on him.
Please. Thank you. Thank you.
Mr. and Mrs. Walker.
Can I speak to you?
We did everything we
could for your father.
He never regained
consciousness.
I'm sorry.
- (SOBBING)
- (SOBBING)
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
What's happening?
David, um, has a concussion
but they say he's gonna...
He's gonna be all right.
(EXHALING) Oh, thank God.
Oh, my God.
And your daddy?
(SOBBING) No!
No, no, no!
Please God, no!
I ain't gonna study
war no more
I ain't gonna study
war no more
I ain't gonna study
war no more
I ain't gonna study war
MICHAEL:
How are you, Ma?
Well, you know...
I keep saying to people,
I'm fine.
(SIGHING)
But you know,
truth be told,
it all feels...
I don't know...
Unreal, somehow.
I know, Ma.
I want you to come and
live with Susan and me.
- (EXHALING)
- I know Maggie is a lot closer.
(LAUGHING) Well,
what makes you think
that I'm gonna go living
with either one of you?
Because, Ma,
we have a big house.
We have plenty of room.
I know, I know, and...
It's a very generous offer.
I tell you what.
I'll come and stay
for a few weeks
until David is back
to himself again.
- Ma.
- No!
You hold your breath.
(CHUCKLING) You know
where you get that
- stubborn streak from, don't you?
- (LAUGHS)
Yes, I do.
Michael, you know,
your father was
so very proud of you.
(CAR DOORS OPENING)
How you doing, sir?
Mr. Walker?
Yeah, is there a problem?
Uh, no, sir. Uh...
I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you.
Anyways, uh, your
father's car was totaled,
but we did find
some personal belongings.
Dad?
What do you need, son?
I thought you were
finally asleep.
When people die
do you think they can still
see you and hear you?
I wish that I could
tell Grandpa...
That I'm sorry.
Sorry for what, son?
It was all my fault.
I didn't wanna drive back
till after dark.
I just wanted to see all the
lights on the house lit up.
David, that's not true.
It was an accident.
You had absolutely
nothing to do with that.
You have to understand
that, okay?
David, welcome home, honey.
Oh, how good that you're here.
Come on in!
You know what?
We might be able to rustle up
some hot chocolate for you.
- How about that?
- That sounds good.
I think he wants some more
of that hospital Jell-O, Ma.
Hey, man.
You're not gonna eat
that mac and cheese?
I know it's your favorite.
I'm just not hungry.
Yeah.
(SIGHING)
David, I want you
to listen to me.
You are not to blame
for what happened to Grandpa.
The truck that hit you...
The tire blew out.
You had nothing
to do with that.
The driver tried
to keep from swerving.
He couldn't.
I think I'm tired now, Dad.
Hey, hey.
Listen to me.
That highway should have
had a center barrier, man.
It didn't.
It was an accident.
Nothing was your fault.
Hey, you know
what this house needs?
Christmas lights.
How about you take a couple
of bites of mac and cheese...
No.
Dude, we've got this big giant
Christmas tree out back.
- You know how great...
- (SHOUTING) No.
You were right, Dad.
Christmas is stupid.
(SIGHING)
What in the world?
Michael?
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(GASPING)
David hates Christmas now.
He blames himself
for what happened to Pop.
(SIGHING)
- I know.
- I told him it was an accident.
It couldn't have
been his fault.
I explained it to him.
I explained it to him
every way I know how.
Well, sometimes that just
isn't enough, is it?
(SIGHING)
Look at me, Michael.
You remember
all those years ago
after it happened,
you remember what your
father said to you?
Morning, noon, and night
for months on end, you remember
what your father said?
"Michael, it wasn't
your fault."
He only said that
'cause he had to.
Oh, Michael.
You're a smart man.
Who was it who gave you
and your brother
those skates? Hmm?
Right.
(EXHALING SHARPLY)
Go get some air.
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
NICK: (SINGING)
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost
but now I am found
And I was blind,
but now I see
Twas grace that taught
my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did
that grace appear
the hour that
I first believed
An amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch
like me
I once was lost
but now I am found
And I was blind
but now I see
You leaving already?
You didn't stay
in there too long.
That's the most time I've
spent in church in a while.
Well hop in.
Let me take you
to another little
place of worship.
You're gonna love it.
Hey you ain't gonna
miss me this Christmas
No, you don't
give a damn where I am
I'm stuck in county jail
in Minneapolis
Just waiting' on my
Christmas beans and ham
Like the jailbird
that misses his jailer
And the warden'd
miss us if he let us go
Hey, you miss me just like
they miss mistletoe
on Death Row.
That's right
House of worship?
Wait till you
taste the brisket.
It's a religious experience.
Hey, Ray.
Howdy, Nick. I haven't seen
you in here since breakfast.
- Give us some of everything.
- All right.
You know, Nick, I'm
really not that hungry.
I should probably
be heading home.
What's that? You say
you're not hungry?
Oh, come on, Michael. For once in
your life have a little faith!
- Wow!
- Hmm...
It's really good.
Thank you, sweetie.
Just like
they miss mistletoe
on Death Row
DALE: Ha! Ha!
- (APPLAUSE)
- Oh, thank you very much. Appreciate that.
Hey, Nick!
How 'bout sitting' in?
Hey, Dale.
Thanks, maybe later.
Okay, I gotcha.
Let's take a break, boys.
I thought we had
an understanding.
What do you mean?
You promised not to paint
the house pink, remember?
Paint the house pink?
Christmas lights.
Not a one.
It's not really living up to the
neighborhood standards, now.
Can I ask you a question?
Does this really
make sense to you?
People celebrating
the birth of Jesus
by seeing how many lights that
they can cram onto their houses?
Come on, man. I mean,
doesn't that sound
like a bunch of...
Horse hockey? Yeah.
Horse hockey.
Maybe it is
a lot of horse hockey.
I guess it depends
on the way you look at it.
Well, how else
are you gonna look at it?
Um, well...
What ties a family together?
It's not the blood. It's not
having the same last name.
It's the memories.
Well I have plenty
of bad memories.
Well there's nothing
you can do about those.
But you do have a say-so
over the good ones.
Let's eat!
DALE: (SINGING)
Christmas time in Texas
Leaves are on the ground.
Christmas time in Texas
You know where I'll be found
Home with Dad and Mom
Smell the evergreen
Almost didn't recognize
the old home place.
It looks a little bit...
Dark?
Sticks out like a missing
tooth in a big smile, huh?
Christmas lights.
You sure you got enough lights?
- Now, if you need lights...
- (LAUGHING)
No, no, please.
I got plenty of lights, man.
I got...
I got plenty of 'em.
Yeah.
You got more important things
to be thinking about, anyway.
I'm sorry about your son.
But don't forget.
Memories are what
ties a family together
down through the generations.
And memories are the greatest
gift a father can give his son.
The last gift my dad gave me
was a box of Christmas lights.
You sure about that?
You better take another look.
Thanks, Nick. You got it.
(INAUDIBLE)
(LAUGHING) Oh, come on.
(SIGHS)
GRIFFIN AND KAT: (SINGING)
Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Olden times
and ancient rhymes
of love and dreams to share
Sleigh bells in the air
Beauty everywhere
Yuletide by the fireside
and joyful memories there
Christmas time is here
We'll be drawing near
Oh, that we could always see
such spirit through the year
Sleigh bells in the air
Beauty everywhere
Yuletide by the fireside
and joyful memories there
Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all
that children call
their favorite time of year
Christmas time is here
Christmas time is here
Hey, Griffin. Uh...
Can I borrow a ladder?
(LAUGHS)
Michael?
The girl at the grocery
She's pretty and seems nice
but she looks
right through me
with eyes cold as ice
She never answers...
Hey!
Hey!
What are you doing'?
I'm hanging lights.
I see that.
You wanna come down
and talk about it?
I'm all right.
Okay.
Not anything more
You know this is kind of unusual
behavior for you, right?
Totally. (LAUGHING)
Okay.
Okay.
I mean, this is
just nutty, right?
Completely insane.
- (LAUGHING) Okay.
- (LAUGHING)
All right.
Want some help?
But, hey, what could
she mean by that?
Perhaps I'm the fool
she takes me for
Not anything more
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Now each Christmas morning
I sit in my chair
and I look up at the angels
that float through the air
Some look down beside me
Some come to my side
and tell me that Jesus
he said to say hi
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
MA: Well, I never!
Guess this is what happens
when you've
bottled up Christmas
for the last 30 years.
Yeah, and then "whoosh!"
Hey, look what I got!
(SIGHING)
About ready to call
the fire marshal.
Why don't you come inside?
It's cold out.
I'll be back.
Where are you going?
I'll be back.
Where are you going?
(TIRES SCREECHING)
- Where on earth's he going?
- I... I don't know.
I thought he was supposed
to turn the lights on?
You know, I don't think
there's really any explaining
his behavior today.
(INAUDIBLE)
Are you still
having bad dreams?
(THUDDING)
What is that?
(SCRAPING)
I don't know.
Sounds like it's on the roof.
Be right back.
Hey, Maggie!
Ma, y'all hear that?
(PEOPLE CHATTERING
INDISTINCTLY)
What are you looking at?
Burp, Snort and Poot.
Couldn't do it without them.
You know, I learned something
pretty cool from
your grandpa yesterday.
Yesterday?
Yeah.
I was blaming myself.
I was blaming Christmas.
That's about the worst
thing I could do.
Grandpa loved Christmas.
So did your Uncle David.
Remember you were laying
in bed in the hospital
and you asked me,
"Do you think people can still
see us after they die?"
Yeah.
I think they can.
So let's make it
worth their while.
Ready?
Wow, Dad.
You put a lot of
lights up this year.
(LAUGHING)
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
They're amazing.
(GASPING) This is
wonderful, Michael.
What do you think, Ma?
And you got the reindeer!
Mike! Santa Claus's gonna have
no trouble finding this house!
It's so beautiful.
Thanks a lot, Michael, now we gotta
get more lights for our house!
(ALL LAUGHING)
I think you'll manage, Griff.
You'll find some.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
(CHUCKLING)
Whatcha say, man? It's
Grandpa's guitar!
God, isn't that amazing?
That's very cool.
It's awesome. Mmm-hmm.
Maybe we can play
something together.
Maybe.
Let me just learn how to play guitar.
(LAUGHING)
Yeah, I'm working' on this myself.
Then, we can play.
Jocelyn!
- Bob!
- You remember?
Bob!
Merry Christmas!
MAGGIE: Hi, Bob.
(SCREAMING)
Oh, my God!
(MICHAEL SINGING) On the
first day of Christmas
my true love gave to me
A bat in a belfry
(ALL CHUCKLING)
On the second
day of Christmas
my true love sent to me
Two slimy slugs
and a bat in a belfry
On the third day of Christmas
my true love sent to me
Three grinchy friends,
two slimy slugs
and a bat in a belfry
(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
That's me.
That's Uncle David.
That's...
That's Grandma.
When my hair was long
and red and gorgeous.
MICHAEL:
And that's Maggie.
(ALL CHEERING)
And this was the most
exciting time of all,
going to the mall
and seeing Santa Claus.
(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
- MICHAEL: Don't laugh at me.
- MAGGIE: Where did your hair go?
MICHAEL:
It went far away.
(ALL LAUGHING)
SUSAN:
It went to the North Pole!
MICHAEL:
Way to go, Grandpa.