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Anonymous Zombie (2018)
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(DEEP TENSE MUSIC) (HEAVY BREATHING) (THUDDING) (DISTANT GROANING) I'm sorry I couldn't help you guys. (THUDDING) (GLASS SHATTERING) Stay back, stay back! (SCARY DEEP MUSIC) Stay back! (SCREAMING) (GROWLING) (DEEP SCARY MUSIC) (STATIC) (SLOW SOLEMN MUSIC) (EXCITING RHYTHMIC MUSIC) (ENGINE TURNING) (SIGHING) (MUMBLES) Mmm. (SIMPLE PLAYFUL MUSIC) (GRUNTING) Here we go. Yow! (BUZZING) Hello? Hello. Hello? I know, mom. Get clean and stay clean. Yeah, you do kind of sound like that, mom. Hello! Hi. I'm Bert, your glorious rehabilitation host. Randy. Indeed, now there are no outside communication devices of any kind permitted on site. So, say cheers to momsie. No, thank you! But I, I... Thank you very much. (YELLING) Yeah, you took my ear with that, man. (GASPING) Oh, um. What the fuck! Well, laughter is the best medicine, isn't it? Now, there are 10 structures on the farm. Two guest cabins, two houses with shared kitchen and dorm, four greenhouses, a barn, and an equipment shed. And the porta potty, no one is to go in there. The equipment shed, that is. And also, sorry, and no weapons at all permitted on site. Does that mean you're gonna take my guns? Well yes, any weapons of any kind must, must go in the box. (DEEP TENSE MUSIC) (SIGHING) Uh, where can I put my stuff? Stuff? Mmm. This way. Welcome to zero obtainable matrimony by intoxication era, AKA Camp Life. You're staying in this cabin with, ooh, Mr. Ethan. Good luck. (DARK DEEP MUSIC) But. So you finally admit that you are a fuck up. (LIGHTHEARTED ORCHESTRAL MUSIC) (ENGINE REVVING) (MUMBLES) (DEEP SCARY MUSIC) (SCREAMING) (EXCITING RHYTHMIC MUSIC) Uh, it's okay, it's all right. (YELLING) Um... Get you down here. Hey. (SNAPPING) Stick out your tongue, say ahh. Ahh. (PLAYFUL FUN MUSIC) What is that? Eucalyptus. Whoa, that's amazing. Yeah, you like that? That's awesome. Man, I thought you were having category five withdraw or something. I'm trying to. How could she do that? (PLAYFUL FUN MUSIC) Light this house on fire right now Don't even wanna be the one to put it out Now get me a (MUMBLES) (MUFFLED TALKING) This one time, me and a bunch of guys just dropped a bunch of acid, we were gonna go to this party and... (SLOW TENSE MUSIC) (YELLING) (LAUGHING) (GROANING) It's feeding time. Toto, you're not in Kansas anymore. (WHISTLING) All right. Where are my keys? Son of a. Whoo. (DEEP DARK MUSIC) (GROANING) (SIGHING) What the hell? (EXCITING MUSIC) you dressed for dinner? (GRUNTING) Good job, Toto! (EXCITING RHYTHMIC MUSIC) (SCREAMING) (MUFFLED TALKING) MAN: (mumbles) and I brought her back from the party and (MUMBLES), that's the whole thing. Anyway. Ethan! (THUMPING) Yeah, you were like. Adulterer! You know it happened nine times, Ethan! Forgive and forget! Uh, name's Randy, man. Randy. I like Brandy. Yeah, um, no, it's Randy. Mmm, nah, I think I like Brandy better. So, what are you in for, Randy? Me, uh, I'm on probation. It was a court order to come handle my hallucinogenic addictions. What's your story? Well, my homicidal ex, Liz, she gave me her addictive personality and all that shit that comes with, too much to drink, too many unknown pills to pop. I managed to get rid of her, dump her and run. Came all the way out to the middle of nowhere to this rehab to get sober, and to hide out until she gave out and found somebody else to destroy. Guess what? She followed me out here. Running didn't work! Running from my problems didn't work. (SIMPLE RHYTHMIC MUSIC) (LOUD THUDDING) Hmm, all right. First I got rid of my problem, then I left my problem. Why didn't it work? Uh, okay, so you have an addiction problem, right? Yeah. You brought that problem with you. So, maybe this is the place to get the both of you clean, happy, and married. No, no! No! What's honestly wrong with a girl who's gonna chase you all the way to the edges of the earth? Fresh coat of paint, man, she'll be good as new. She's a psychopath. I need to get out from underneath her claws! And drugs, bad. Yeah, drugs are bad. What the hell are you doing? Bad! What, weed doesn't count. Yes, it does. (SIGHING) Really? Rehab, no drugs! No Liz. Yeah. I don't know how, but I'm gonna get this bitch kicked out of rehab. (ROOSTER CROWING) I'm proud you finally admit you have addiction. (PLAYFUL RHYTHMIC MUSIC) How can there be a 12 step program with only 11 steps? Where is step one? Someone has stolen step one. All right, no bother. (PLAYFUL RHYTHMIC MUSIC) Hello! Ah, right. Step A, time to get to know each other. Ah yes, of course, you in the, in the breasts. Okay, so my name is Elizabeth Blueberry and this is my boyfriend, Ethan. I am not her boyfriend! Funny story about how we met. So, I was waitressing at the Club B down on Union and in walks the cutest little unsober man in a sequins dress. He had the brightest blonde wig on with a little star hair clip in and he zigzags over to me and orders a strawberry daiquiri with a side of blueberry. Well, from that moment, I was hooked. I mean, I couldn't just leave this little transvestite. I lost a bet, I didn't have a sex change. Oh my god, there was this other time when we were together... Hi! My name is Ethan. And I like southern blues and stickers, and masonry, and chicken, sweet and sour. (SLOW PLAYFUL MUSIC) Right. And what about you, mister, uh... Mister... Step B. (GROANING) (SCARY TENSE MUSIC) Right. (PLAYFUL RHYTHMIC MUSIC) (GROANING) Seriously, more gray hairs, Ethan. (PLAYFUL RHYTHMIC MUSIC) Hey, let's get out of here. No! Did everyone see that? Did everyone see that? (PLAYFUL RHYTHMIC MUSIC) She'll destroy us all. I see. Nothing. (PLAYFUL RHYTHMIC MUSIC) Butter tart? Step B, knowledge! Know... (GRUNTING) Uh, found step one. (DEEP SCARY MUSIC) You want it. Ah, yeah. You want it? Yeah, give it to me. My god, it's so good. I know, right, I told you these new cheese dogs would be. (GURGLING) Minty! (LOUD SCARY MUSIC) (GROWLING) Step B. Step B, step B. Knowledge, knowledge. Acknowledge that your addictions are not in moderation, but are causing problems in your lives. (SIMPLE RHYTHMIC MUSIC) Or solutions. Now, I want you all to realize that your addiction is much closer to animal instinct than conscious choice. And therefore... (GROANING) Stomach virus. Okay, we're gonna practice these everyday. I want all of you to say after me, I have an addiction that an animal inside of me is trying to control, okay? After me, I have an animal inside of me, I have an addic... After me, I have an addiction that an animal inside of me is trying to control. I have an addiction that an animal inside of me is trying to control. The animal will not control me. I will control the animal. The animal will not control me. I will control the animal. Where is everyone? Do we have any drugs left? No, Garrett, my butt hole only holds so much. Hey, you think we should tell the others where we hid step one? Hey. Oh baby, oh baby. Mind if I do. (SPLASHING) (DEEP DARK MUSIC) Garrett, what gives? (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) What the fuck? (LOUD GROWLING) (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) (SCREAMING) Right, step D, turner of the grounds. What does this have to be with rehabilitation? (GROANING) Now this, this is progress. Just need to work on those violent outbursts. This is us controlling the animal inside. I think he's tweaking on drugs. Nonsense. (GIGGLING) Oh, more pupils, excellent. This is Liz, Randy, and Liz. One for three. Rosy. Zoey. Come along, children, come along. Yes, Zoey, soon you can have my tasty candy. (GROANING) (PLAYFUL MUSIC) So, are you new here? Yes, I'm an Algerian princess. (LAUGHING) But all my money is locked in my account. The bank said I need $100 fee in order to transfer all of my funds into this country. Those bastards. I know. (PLAYFUL RHYTHMIC MUSIC) I mean, if that's (MUMBLES). It's all I have but you could borrow it if that's, princess, if you need to... How can I ever repay you? Well, with money, it's not a big deal. Damsel in distress, if I can be there. Such a waste of time. Help you out, that's fine, I mean. Come with me. Okay, yeah, all right. (DEEP TENSE MUSIC) Fuck this shit. Ah, do me a favor, put these upstairs on the table, okay? (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) (GROANING) This is such a waste of time. Don't you have a better file? I know, I'm never gonna get anywhere with this piece of shit file. Good thing a girl's got a lot of hiding places. Hey, hey, she's leaving, leaving! She's quitting, she's quitting. She has to leave the farm, right, Bert? Well, maybe she's just going to take a shit. A woman's body is her own business. Things that try to control us are evil! She will suck out your soul and fill you with all sorts of drug paraphernalia because she can't be alone with her own morbid fascinations and hallucinations! Maybe you shouldn't try and date people like that. Well, unless you wanna bring them with you. Right, Ethan? You're doing great, Bert, thumbs up. Hey, Teddy Dexter, my main man! It's Ted, Bert, I have you told countless times! Insurance purposes. For insurance purposes, yeah, yeah. Now, over here, we have lots more buildings, which many of you... (STATIC) Nah, they won't be any problem at all. (DEEP SCARY MUSIC) (LOW GROWLING) Ride me. Ride me, cowboy! Yeehaw, woo! Yeehaw! Oh, oh. Thanks, really enjoyed it. It was great. (SLOW PEACEFUL MUSIC) That is so true! Run, run from your demons! Right on, brother! (DEEP SCARY MUSIC) Demons. No, no, no. No, no, no, I've got my own demons. (LOW GROWLING) (SCREAMING) What the hell's all the screaming? (SCARY FAST MUSIC) (SCREAMING) We got one! (LOUD GROWLING) You owe me another five grand. Fuck! (SIMPLE RHYTHMIC MUSIC) I love this music. (DEEP SCARY MUSIC) (GROWLING) What the fuck. (FAST INTENSE MUSIC) Oh, why are there never any lids in these things? (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) (GROANING) Oh, my phone. I so would've status updated that, click. (SCREAMING) (SCARY LOUD MUSIC) Hey, sexy. Shit. See ya. (DEEP SCARY MUSIC) (SCREAMING) I'll wait it out for a bit. (DEEP DARK MUSIC) Why do you hate me? Are you serious? We love each other. No, pill head, that's the drugs talking. You don't know what love is. I met your mom. And all the time we spent together. Time? You don't get somebody's love by giving them something they don't need, getting them addicted to it, and then control them with it. That's not love, that's all kinds of twisted. You're cute. And then you take naked pictures of me (MUMBLES) and post them to an all gay men's fashion show contest. And we won! You really needed the money too. So you could buy more cocaine to make me look like an even bigger fucktard. And have you looked outside lately? There's zombies, like fucking for real zombies! You should concentrate on that. Okay, baby. (DEEP SCARY MUSIC) (LOW GROWLING) I think the coast is clear. (SCREAMING) (SCARY INTENSE MUSIC) (GROWLING) Sorry. No means no! For men too! (MUMBLES) Randy! Ethan! (LOW GROWLING) Where are you? I'm stuck in the toilet! Um... Zombies! There's zombies! I know, right! And they, they have me trapped! We need something. Weapons, we need weapons. (DARK SCARY MUSIC) Whoa. I knew it, insane psychopath. You're so adorable. What, I found it. I noticed. Let's go save Randy. Why do I have such fear and hesitation about this mission? (DARK SCARY MUSIC) All right, come on. We are not together. What is with you? (GROWLING) (SLOW SCARY MUSIC) We'll use the tractor as a decoy. It's all right, Randy, we got ya. (LOUD GROWLING) (ENGINE REVVING) Oh, I think I can escape. (GROWLING) Crap. (SCARY SLOW MUSIC) (LOUD GROWLING) Worst possible outcome ever. Oh, no, no, no. (GROWLING) (GAGGING) Help! Help! (GAGGING) (GROWLING) I guess he's done in the washroom. Randy. Randy! You! We gotta get to the house! (SLOW TENSE MUSIC) Hello? MAN: Hi. All right, nice bloody hatchet you got there. Okay, Liz, we need to get you some better protection. Did anybody else just hear... Holy shit, stab, try some perfume. (CHIMING) (GRUNTING) (DEEP TENSE MUSIC) (SCREAMING) This will do. Hey, we need to find a landline to call for help. What's a landline? Like that? Yes! MAN: Squeeze those thighs around me tighter. ROSY: Baby, you like that. (MOANING) Did you get a dial tone? ROSY: Mmm, baby, yeah! You said you wouldn't love another! MAN: Who's that? Is this some kind of joke? No baby, I don't know who that is. (MOANING) Who is this? MAN: I like this, the man voice needs to go away. Is this the police? We're having a zombie apocalypse here. Okay, it might be an isolated incident, it might not be a worldwide epidemic. Somebody told me I sounded like Sting. I'd have a lot more money. Whoever this is, I'm on a business call, hang up. Rosy! Liz, just give me like 10 minutes. No, five minutes. It's an emergency, we have to call the police! Rosy, are you in the main house? ROSY: I'm in the basement. Did you close the door? ROSY: Did I close the door? (DEEP RHYTHMIC MUSIC) (SCREAMING) Rosy! Hey! (SCREAMING) (INTENSE FAST MUSIC) I'm really not into this shit. Damn. (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) Rosy! Shit. (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) What the fuck. LIZ: Shit! We have to do something! (SCARY DARK MUSIC) (GROWLING) Get her out! Come on! (SCREAMING) (POUNDING) (DEEP RHYTHMIC MUSIC) That was too close. (GROWLING) Whatever. Well, dibs on whatever the fuck this all is because this is gonna be for me. We are not together. No? You hit me in the face with a shovel. Well, you had a fly, sweetie. Blow it away. Well... Have you ever been woken up by having your face smashed in? I broke up with you. You were just kidding. No, I even said, seriously, this isn't a joke, and then I left. And then you came back. To get my shit. I said, even then, the only reason I'm here is to get my shit. I reminded you four times we were not back together. Well, I just thought you were sleepwalking again. No, I said I hadn't done that since I was a kid. Just because it's dark doesn't mean I'm asleep. It was 4:00 in the morning. Look, if I didn't have Gabriel under the covers with me, I would've invited you in. I thought you were either sleepwalking or there for a usual late night booty call. (SIGHING) I was there for my shit. (SIGHING) True love. Still don't know where you got that shovel. From Jane and Tina, our neighbors. It's for my garden. What is this shit now? Whoa, lady, okay! We need to just focus on survival, zombies. We need a plan. (BEATBOXING) (SCARY MUSIC) How are you doing that? (BEATBOXING) Yeah, okay, we need a plan. Yeah, yeah, we need a plan. (ROOSTER CROWING) This couldn't possibly be more messed up. (SIMPLE SOFT MUSIC) (GROWLING) (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) Whoa. What the fornicate kind of party is going on here? (DEEP RHYTHMIC MUSIC) Holy shit, there's a lady outside. (TENSE DEEP MUSIC) (GROWLING) There's a zombie running for her. Wait, what's she doing? Oh, she's picking up a rock. (EXCITING MUSIC) No, you don't! BOTH: Holy. Shit! Yes, direct hit. Way to go, lady. Hey, the way is clear. The way is clear. We could probably get to the fence. The way is clear. Try to get the bedpost. (DEEP SCARY MUSIC) Shit! Clear the way. Okay, it's even more messed up. Guess I'll see you around rehab land, honey. Leaving, infestation here. SHe's cute. Affirmative. (EXCITING RHYTHMIC MUSIC) (GROWLING) Here, hold this. (DEEP TENSE MUSIC) We should try and get to the country store. Yes, oh man, I need some fine sweet barbecue thinley sliced potato heaven. What? To call for help. Right, like the FBI. Or the state trooper. Or the Seals! Or pest control! Good thinking. Here, help me move this pallet, Liz. (GROWLING) (DEEP TENSE MUSIC) Holy shit fuck! I almost (MUMBLES) first! It's good that you got that on. At least now we have proof that we're not totally insane. (SCARY TENSE MUSIC) Whoa, whoa, we're not zombies, we're people, see. You disgusting maggots, get back in your cage! Oh. You pathetic excuses, you go back to the lions. Of course the groundskeeper is evil. Move that pallet. Come on, move it! (DEEP TENSE MUSIC) No, I got them before they got too far. (SCREAMING) Fuck! Run! Run! (SCREAMING) (INTENSE DARK MUSIC) (GROWLING) (GUN FIRING) We still have one. Shut the rest of them down. What the fuck is that? Rehab, didn't think there'd be zombies. I'm not designed for running. Hey, give me your ax! Hey! (GUN FIRING) (GROWLING) (SLOW TENSE MUSIC) Rosy! (GROWLING) It's gotta be, Rosy. (SCREAMING) (FAST TENSE MUSIC) (GUN FIRING) It wouldn't have worked anyway. (GROWLING) German engineering, my ass! (DARK SCARY MUSIC) (PANTING) I shouldn't have skipped cardio day. (SCREAMING) (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) (GROWLING) You scream like a girl, Randy! (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) (LAUGHING) Randy? Oh, shit! (GUN FIRING) (YELLING) (DARK SCARY MUSIC) Hey, who was that? Some crackhead with Gatling gun. There. (SIGHING) (GRUNTING) I got the scurvy. (LAUGHING) Zombie sniper. Here. Well, there's a cure for zombie bites, right? Oh. Let's have a baby. Liz! Ethan! Shh. (SCARY LOUD MUSIC) We have to leave. (SCREAMING) (GUN FIRING) Back here, back here! (DARK DEEP MUSIC) (GROWLING) What is this zombie surfing mastermind up to? We've been watched this whole time! LIZ: Why? Dead serum. Ah, guys. (DEEP TENSE MUSIC) Hey, check it out, experiment camp two. Wait, we weren't the only rehab? I'm good. (SCREAMING) Our cabin. (GROWLING) (SCREAMING) Tough luck, bud. (INTENSE SCARY MUSIC) Your gun, get your gun! (GUN FIRING) What the hell were you waiting for? Did you just right now start your period? Because she's TNT. She's dynamite. Not dead, not dead, not dead, not dead! No, no, no, back door, come on! (GROWLING) (SCARY TENSE MUSIC) (BEEPING) Kaboom! Oh! Whoa. Are we following what is clearly a very active bomb now? (RHYTHMIC SCARY MUSIC) (GROWLING) (BEEPING) Is it safe? I mean, there's no other zombies in here yet. Jackpot. (HEAVY BREATHING) (EERIE SLOW MUSIC) I think you guys should... Get away from me. (BEEPING) (DEEP DARK MUSIC) You like the craftsmanship of my bomb, Ethan? Who are you? I'm the one who's gonna cure this planet of your kind, Ethan. What? You think you're the victim, don't you, Ethan? Well, you're not the victim! I'm the victim! (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) That's right, it's because of people like you that impossible laws have been made to restrict the medications that people like me need to live on! I didn't do anything! You and your types, you drug and alcohol abusers. You give us true medicinal drug users a real bad reputation! Your time is over. Your time is over, Ethan! (SLOW SOLEMN MUSIC) Medications. You're pathetic, Ethan! You use drugs to escape reality! You'll never know what it's like to embrace reality, to control reality, to control your life! (SLOW SOLEMN MUSIC) (BEEPING) (INTENSE RHYTHMIC MUSIC) Relax, Ethan. I'm not gonna blow myself up. (SCREAMING) You think you can eat me! Randy, are you okay? (GROWLING) (SLOW SOLEMN MUSIC) Randy! Stop it! (SLOW TENSE MUSIC) Alan here's got some authority related issues. (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) You'll never destroy me! (GRUNTING) (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) I will never be destroyed! Control that! (SOLEMN SLOW MUSIC) (LAUGHING) I don't need drugs, I just need you! You weren't making me do drugs! And you weren't making me drink like a fish! I was doing drugs just so I could stand you! Oh shit, that's it. I'll never let you go, ever! Turn me too. (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) Okay, or turn her. (KNOCKING) (TENSE RHYTHMIC MUSIC) (GROWLING) (RINGING) MAN: 911, what's your emergency? (GROWLING) (FAST RHYTHMIC MUSIC) Goodbye, zombie Randy. I can't believe you did that! We are so over! (DEEP RHYTHMIC MUSIC) Okay. (LAUGHING) (SOFT INSPIRING MUSIC) (YELLING) (SIRENS RINGING) (GROWLING) (GUN FIRING) (GROWLING) Motherfucker! (EXCITING RHYTHMIC MUSIC) I get a lot of people telling me they're listening To my shit, they love it, they dig it But are you really listening? Do you know what I'm doing here? This is one of the many dirty EP's There is something I can't live with Anytime that I ever took shit At this point you don't want to try Oh, because you're gonna die, die, die There is something I can't live with Anytime that I ever took shit At this point, you don't want to try Oh, because you're gonna die, die, die Murder (MUMBLES) I'm making a turn I'm amazing and you don't got the patience to burn wells Packing you all up in the fashion that's raw Because you were asking abroad Don't come out rapping, you all suck Every college has a wondering mind you laugh about UP until they blacks out with a bat out at the frat house Rushing the place, cussing your face Bust every plate You got lots of cake, must've been great Get back down You are (MUMBLES) mind but then you just set a style In reality, you're a pedophile, Gepetto style You spend a while getting off to pillows And talk through windows But know me as a closet sicko Feeling off my ventilation Abroad with patience And feeling loss with women until they (MUMBLES) Feeling high in the sky Got a problem, I see you're willing to die, die, die There is something I can't live with Anytime that I ever took shit At this point, you don't want to try Oh, because you're gonna die, die, die There is something I can't live with Anytime that I ever took shit At this point you don't want to try Oh, because you're gonna die, die, die Every demon I've seen has been dressed with blessings Less of confessing and more about getting the (MUMBLES) Wouldn't of thought he could take it Learned a heck of a lesson Manifesting until this man is messed up and vesting I desire (MUMBLES) bragging MC's like to call me (MUMBLES) rapping Stop the beat, make the speeds dryer than deep cabins If you want the heat, I can breathe fire That breeds dragons I love twisting my raw shit because it's not written I don't talk shit, I'm an honest kid with a god vision The libraries, they're all talk until I walk in They're moving all apocalypse novels Off to the non fiction I'm legit, don't fall victim to locked prisons Because god visions (MUMBLES) in them I won't forget the time I tried to sic mom on them Nah, you ain't crying, Get out the backdoor and stomp on them There is something I can't live with Anytime that I ever took shit At this point, you don't want to try Oh, because you're gonna die, die, die There is something I can't live with Anytime that I ever took shit At this point, you don't want to try Oh, because you're gonna die, die, die I try to look out for the pals that are honest A mouth full of frolic Will tell you I will vouch for your product Every time they (MUMBLES) There was no doubt when they bought it Because I'm out to be hip hops greatest alchemist on it I can call in a favor and you could call me your savior I'm the boss of the topics (MUMBLES) in nature You can file in and wait for the damn sloppy, you hater But I made the slice cheddar Because they're calling me greater Yeah, (MUMBLES) breaking the law (MUMBLES) shaking it off Thinking that they're gonna break when I pause It's understandable if any of you are hating me, dog Fix (MUMBLES) the same, they ain't gonna talk You plan to rush but you can't get around What I'm gonna do when I come back You gonna feel so bad when I come At your ass with a (MUMBLES) Should I get unsatisfactory, Your punkass will still be the number one Rock kicking scumbag There is something I can't live with Anytime that I ever took shit At this point, you don't want to try Oh, because you're gonna die, die, die There is something I can't live with Anytime that I ever took shit At this point, you don't want to try Oh, because you're gonna die, die, die |
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