O, vast shade-filled studio
destined to be a scenario
for public pleasure,
I salute thee.
And I must remind the set designer,
that we'll be starting
our film next Monday.
A switch of producers.
Charles...to work!
And a real leader succeeds
the one who left.
One piece of scenery is demolished
to build another.
But here we have
a poor out-of-work actor
coming to offer his services,
while passageways
already span the sets.
Come in.
I was wondering if
you'd have a part for me
in your film?
- No.
Don't forget I can play anything.
Idiots. Poets.
Drunks.
Lawyers.
Military types.
Beggars and
billionaires.
Those who are deaf...
or who stu...stutter.
- How about the role
of the one who leaves now?
The sound van
comes into the studio.
The operator will listen
through headphones.
Any chance you've got my costumes?
The props men come in indian-file
carrying the furniture.
But who's this casual visitor
wandering about the studio?
- You play very well.
Thanks.
Where'd you get that from?
It's mine.
For Mademoiselle Hortensia?
Yes.
So you're Louis Guy?
Yes, monsieur.
So would you like
to do the music for my film?
With the greatest of pleasure.
The set'll be ready in half an hour.
A few last brush-strokes
and the painters are finished.
Monsieur,
would you have a role for
an infantry officer?
No. Not at all.
Here's the camera,
that glutton for film.
Fitted with a large 6-plane lens,
it has no other purpose.
Make-up man!
Make-up man!
Make-up man!
Just a sec...I'm busy.
I'm playing an old woman.
So...?
Make me look older.
Say, boss...
you wouldn't have a role
for a Breton?
Wouldn't have a clue.
What are you doing?
- I'm drawing.
- Why are you drawing?
I am a draftsman.
What's your name?
- Penny.
- The doves man.
Right.
Keep going.
You draw wonderfully.
The electricians take their posts.
They climb up and down tirelessly,
working with precision.
They not only spread the light,
but position the shadows.
The director looks for
Ramet, the chief electrician.
Monsieur Ramet.
Would you introduce me
to your team?
I don't see them enough.
Give me 86 on the face over there.
Monsieur Flous.
Pleased to meet you.
Guy, my assistant.
Monsieur Dol and his assistant.
Thank you.
There wouldn't be a small role
for a priest?
Wouldn't have a clue.
What do you do?
Editor.
Editor?
Editor of what?
The film.
Ah, you must be Monsieur Rogier.
Delighted. Look forward to you
working with me.
Thanks in advance.
An order is passed on
by the administrator to Mr Leroux,
then to Monsieur Gire,
the assistant director,
then to Monsieur Forges,
the sound engineer,
finally to Claude Verya,
the script-girl,
and to the set designer,
and finally to Lpine,
the second assistant.
The unhappy actor
goes away disappointed.
There's nothing for him in this film.
Do you have an actor
to play the valet?
Get the colonel.
"The colonel"?
I suggest the priest.
- I'd say the Breton.
- Which one?
Come quickly.
We need you.
The poor guy didn't need to go home.
He's needed.
Franois, who are you waiting for?
Someone who's missing.
Here he is, your valet.
At your service, monsieur.
Everyone on set.
I'm coming to find you.
Now things really heat up.
Red light!
Quiet.
Shooting.
Red's on.
Roll film.
Yes, madame is here.
The same.
How are you?
I'm going to get
a huge surprise.
This very day.
Thanks.
I don't like that.
I don't like anonymous callers
promising surprises that don't bode well.
Do you like surprises?
I assure you I don't.
I don't like them...big or small.
For something to be agreeable in life,
it has to be something we want.
The day one of our wishes comes to fruition,
we're delighted but not surprised.
I believe a surprise can be
seen as an inconvenience,
like those little presents
we feel we have to reciprocate.
"I've brought you a surprise."
No. I don't believe in it.
You're never surprised when you
receive something horrible.
There should be a special store
that only sells things intended
for other people.
She said it would be "a huge surprise".
I should have asked her name.
It's outrageous that people
have the hide to come into your house like that,
at any time they like.
It's annoying and it's stupid.
I'd like to go after her
and tell her what I think.
It's not a case of
speaking ill of women per se...
you won't find a man
who loves them as much as I do.
Oh yes. A woman is in your arms,
then on your arm, then on her back.
A man wouldn't do that.
Here's me looking forward to a good sleep...
now I'm annoyed
almost worried...it's crazy.
What right has that idiot
to talk to me about a surprise?
- Darling.
- Yes.
- I've got a surprise for you.
- No, not you too.
- What do you mean?
- I'm only joking.
No...
what made you say that?
i just received a similar
anonymous warning.
"Anonymous"?
That's the limit!
You're too intelligent to
worry about an anonymous threat.
- It wasn't a threat.
- Well that's something.
But you're going to give me
the pleasure of throwing this in the fire.
"I don't want to see it".
So that's what I'll do.
A man like you?
What would they take you for?
- Tell me darling....
Yes, darling...
It wasnt a threat?
I just told you,
it's a warning.
"A warning"?
There's nothing sillier than that.
I'm not someone
who get terrified by an anonymous letter.
I'm not saying it's nothing.
Their warnings are
always the same.
" Someone betrayed you.
A danger threatens you. "
I swear I wouldn't care what
anyone like that said about me.
My darling it was nothing
concerning you.
Oh no?
The same as it wasn't
a threat or a betrayal.
What was it about?
A surprise.
"A surprise."
"You're going to get
a huge surprise."
That's stupid.
"A surprise"?
- Show it to me.
- What?
- That letter.
- I don't have any.
- No letter?
- It was a 'phone call.
- Who from?
- I told you it was anonymous.
- Who?
- "Who...who..." Luckily I'm polite.
The person who called
didn't give a name.
- You didn't ask?
- No.
- You see!...
- I am just as absent-minded as you.
You don't have to ask someone their name
for them to speak to you.
She hung up straight away.
"SHE" hung up?
- It was a woman.
- Yes.
- Well, well.
- What about it?
Nothing.
I find it odd, that's all.
- It's more stupid.
- It's better than "stupid".
Do you often get phone calls
from women?
This is the first of its kind.
There's always a first time.
You didn't recognise her voice?
Couldn't tell.
But voices can be disguised,
like handwriting.
Would you know it again?
- What?
- The voice.
Can't say, darling.
Maybe.
It could have been disguised.
She rolled her "Rs".
But that doesn't prove
it was disguised.
That's not what I said.
- Plenty of people speak like that.
- Yes.
Russians.
Rumanians, Bulgarians.
And Burgundians.
But I didn't recognise the voice.
I wasn't familiar with it.
In theory it's possible.
But it's extraordinary
that a woman, who doesn't know you,
calls you.
- "Extraordinary."
- You admit it.
- I've just fixed it.
- What?
I was just telling myself
when you came in.
You didn't seem perturbed.
I was annoyed.
But I wanted to hide it from you.
- "Hide it"?
- Yes.
- Why?
- Oh, Marie-Thrse... Why?
I've been hiding things from you
that you don't like for 20 years.
Why should a surprise
be something I didn't like?
Because it came out of the blue
and because it could be a threat.
- But it's not a threat.
- That's what makes it all so curious.
- What?
- Us.
How a phone call affects us two.
If it had been a letter you say
you would have laughed it off,
because you thought
it implicated you.
But because it's a surprise for me,
you take it badly.
Very strange.
- Why?
- You're kidding me.
- Oh no.
- So much the better.
What's very strange, is that you said nothing to me.
- I told you.
- Not right away.
You didn't tell her
where to go.
- Didn't have a chance.
- What a pity.
- Why?
- She'll take advantage.
- To do what...?
- Phone you from time to time.
How do you know
she won't come back?
Every time the phone rings,
I'll think it's her.
- Bravo!
- Is that my fault?
- Is it mine?
- Yes.
I've had to worm information out of you.
Don't roll your eyes at me!
Allow me to believe in God
for once, darling.
- Jean-Pierre.
- Yes.
- Listen to me.
- I'm listening.
- What are you thinking?
- About what?
Sum it up for me
in a single word.
- Shit.
- What do you mean, "shit"?
Shit....I've had enough of it.
- Ooh!
- What?
- You said "shit" to me.
- There's no one else present.
- It's the first time.
- And maybe the last.
- "Shit."
- Aaah!
He said "shit" to me.
I hope you're not going to sit there
gargling that word for the next hour.
And it's not about you.
But for the last 10 minutes
you've reminded me of someone
who shall remain nameless.
- No.
Listen to me. Otherwise one day
I may call you by her name.
Don't do that.
Don't ever call me that.
You don't want to
make me jealous.
- And if it's her calling you?
- No.
- Do you swear?
- What? That she cancelled her subscription.
I'm an idiot.
Go on, make fun of me!
Ah, at last.
Good job of making fun.
Yes, right.
I'll give him to you.
- Her?
- No.
Your secretary wants to know
if you can pay the 12.
Wait on....
Yes. Say "willingly."
He'll willingly pay the 12.
Au revoir, madame.
Forgive me, Jean-Pierre.
- Forgive me.
- For...?
What have we had...the two of us?
Oh, the two of us...
Tell me, what have we had?
Maybe we shouldn't go there.
It's like a portent of doom.
I'm not going to get into
all that again.
I'm not trying to start something again.
I'm trying to apologise.
- You're not worried?
- No.
But all the same...
there's something I'd like to know.
Don't frighten me.
Don't frighten me either.
I'd like to know
what YOUR surprise is.
What's your surprise?
I'd like to know.
- It's nothing much.
- Tell me and I'll say if it's nothing much.
We're having business lunches
for the screening premires.
- That's your surprise?
- It's not a real surprise.
But maybe I won't like that surprise.
You're going out?
Yes.
I'm going to try a hat.
See you.
Hang on...
I need to say goodbye.
I may die.
That's funny?
Marie-Thrse!
Darling?
Don't reply to what I'm going to say
and don't question it.
Promise me?
I promise.
I didn't like your reaction
when you thought I'd got
an anonymous letter that
revealed something bad.
You said : "I swear I wouldn't care what
anyone like that said about me."
You thought I suspected you
of being unfaithful.
That displeased me.
You don't think the same do you?
I want to believe
you're above suspicion.
There's nothing you can say,
that'd be of any use.
There you have it....
You can go now, darling.
You can smile with your back turned.
See you later, darling.
Buy a nice hat.
Women are lucky to have us.
Angle.
Angle.
Say I'm out.
Yes, he's here...
oh no...he's gone out.
Madame isn't here either.
Very well, monsieur.
Very well, monsieur.
I'll pass on the message.
Got it.
Good day.
Who was it?
Martin Dupuis.
Eh?
He asked for Madame?
He asked for you first,
then he asked for Madame.
That's the third time he's called
to see if you're happy with that ladder.
I'll make a note of his number.
Jasmin 3939
Monsieur Dupuis must be
a good friend.
Are you crazy?
He's a phony.
- "A phony"?
- He's an antiques dealer.
I can live without him.
It's difficult for a lawyer
to consort with his clients.
It mustn't be nice to have to deal
with those who are in the wrong.
Those in the right as well.
So...that's enough on that subject
for today.
Oh, sorry.
Too bad.
It is...it's her.
Madame...
You have to stop calling me.
Why are you laughing?
It's you, Marie-Thrse?
Aren't you ashamed
to set a trap for me?
So much the better,
if it reassures you.
You did her very well.
You can roll your Rs
as well as I can.
So long as you're happy.
See you later.
She's still 8 years old.
Even when she's six times older.
How can I be so tired
when I've slept well?
I'm used to more rest.
What will the surprise be?
Can I say something
You can try.
Charles is very annoyed.
- "Annoyed"?
- Yes.
- Extremely annoyed?
- Yes, extremely.
- Who's Charles?
- The valet.
- Why's he annoyed?
- Because you never talk to him.
I've nothing
to say to him.
- Charles sees you chatting to me,
but never with him.
But he's only new.
Tell him that with you
it's a different matter,
that you're family,
you've been here...
- for...?
- 27 years.
How patient I must be!
Both of you
have been patient.
- You're part of the family.
'The Visitation
of the Virgin'.
The old woman of St Anatole.
And Charles
started when?
Last year.
Date?
'The Purification of the Saints'.
You're kidding me?
You're making it up!
No...it's all true.
I didn't know
you were so pious.
- You're a serious believer?
- My father made almanacs.
Tell Charles that when he's been
here 27 years, I'll talk to him.
Thanks.
Tell me then, O daughter
of an almanac-maker:
October 14?
St Seraphine.
Bravo.
And June 15...my birthday?
What is it?
St Modeste.
- You still there?
- Yes.
- Where's St milion?
- In the Gironde.
Bravo.
She's forgotten her key again.
One day she'll forget her head.
Monsieur, it's Madame.
So?
Is that so strange?
- Jean-Pierre.
- Marie-Jeanne.
Help me.
Quickly! Brandy,
Synthol, anything.
Marie-Jeanne!
I thought she was dead.
Don't scream so.
You can see she's not.
You're so calm!
Help me.
Hang on to that for a moment.
- What a surprise!
- Oh, yes it is.
To call it immense
wouldn't be enough.
- She's changed a bit.
- Yes.
She's obviously ill.
- What are you going to do, monsieur?
- Let events take their course.
If I were you I'd take things
one step at a time.
What will I do with
the other madame?
No questions please.
We're in the hands of the Lord.
You're right.
Madame's coming to....
Already?
This Madame.
- My Jean-Pierre!
- Marie-Jeanne!
Don't worry about
what just happened to me.
My little man!
My Jean-Pierre!
- Watch out with that feather, dearest.
- My Jean-Pierre!
Angle, you're still here.
The watchful witness
of our dear past.
Her presence here
says so much to me.
I scarcely believe my eyes.
And all those things
that are still in their place.
- It's all so moving!
- Darling.
'Bye for now.
Au revoir, madame.
You'll be more comfortable
over here.
Now...tell me all!
- What, me first?
- Yes, you first.
Good Lord, I'm overcome!
So...
So I left Paris
- I had... - Your rheumatic pain?
You frightened me.
- That's better.
- Is that better?
- Go on.
- We set sail
on the 6th at 3.30.
Sister, sister!
She's alright. Don't scream.
- You see each other?
- Yes.
- When are you seeing her?
- What day is it?
- Thursday.
- Well, she's coming for lunch this morning.
- How nice!
- So, go on.
Set sail September 6
at 3.30pm
Went ashore at Lima
October 12 at 9.05.
You're so precise!
- I'll explain why.
- Good.
I get there in time
to see my papa.
- You got my telegram about that.
- Yes.
I bury him on the 15th.
I sell the hacienda on the 16th.
- 40 million.
- How much?
- 40 million.
- "40 million"!
- Yes.
- And it's been paid?
- I've got it.
- My darling little beloved!
Very well.
I'm arranging everything,
and on the evening of the 18th, alas...
Disaster.
- Yes, the horror of it.
Why did I go to the movies?
Don't try to understand.
It was a dark place
where you could go and cry...
So that's the disaster.
- I didn't go crazy.
- Ah.
- What've people said to you?
- Nothing, darling.
- You poor thing.
- And then?
Then I didn't go crazy,
but I lost my memory.
Complete amnesia,
which seemed permanent.
- There's the explanation.
- I didn't remember anything.
- And that's very understandable.
- Yes.
You'd have to experience something
similar, to understand.
I was 14 months in a clinic,
then in the rest home
run by Dr Enriquez,
where I spent 22 years.
- 22 years!
- Have you forgotten about it?
- What?
Do you have
memory problems?
No, I just realised how horrible it was...
But here you are, and here you are cured.
You're completely well?
Oh. Totally.
Miraculously.
Thanks to an idea of Dr Enriquez.
That man should be blessed.
He tried everything over 22 years.
When one day he asked himself
if the shock that I'd received
mightn't be cancelled out
by a shock of a similar nature.
So...
He had a shed made, where he
locked me in and set it on fire.
- What?
- The shock worked right away.
As soon as I was freed by the firemen,
I began screaming my name and yours!
Our address in Paris...
So there...I was cured.
It really was a miracle.
I need take no other precautions
than to avoid fires.
Sorry!
One match doesn't matter.
Thanks to this clever guy
fire restored your faculties.
Yes!
I'm completely cured.
Yes. "Completely cured."
Better than cured, besides,
as now I can remember
an incredible number
of useless details,
completely forgotten ages ago.
- The year Louis Xl died.
- No interest.
And that precision comes from my younger,
revived memory.
Let's talk about us.
Yes, darling.
Let's talk about us.
Do you have the feeling
this is all a dream?
Yes.
- My Jean-Pierre.
- My little Marie-Jeanne.
I see, I see, I see...!
What do you see?
That I put you at ease, darling.
I'm not stupid.
Apart from the joy it gives you,
my unexpected return
might cause you some trouble.
That's why I called
on the phone.
That was you?
Yes.
It was me, "the huge surprise".
So why did I do it?
To help you by softening the blow.
But who did you
have phone me?
The bewitching
Grand-Duchess Christine.
Good grief!
Direct descendent of Nicolas ll.
She was in the same
rest home in Lima.
She wasn't there for treatment.
She was in hiding.
- Because of...?
- We don't ask.
She's been like
a mother to me.
- She's elderly?
- No, she could be my daughter.
- You don't say!
- We made the voyage back together.
She was so sweet
in looking after me.
She didn't want me to
send you a telegram.
She told me in
her sing-song voice:
"Don't miss the joy of seeing
each other face to face"
- I recognise the accent.
- She put up with me on the trip.
That's exceptional.
Oh yes.
And throughout the crossing,
she spoke only of YOU!
About me?
My word!
I could have sworn
she knew you!
The telephone call
was her idea.
Oh yes?
Oh yes!
She thought that when
you heard about a huge surprise,
that'd give you a clue,
and you'd arrange to be alone.
- So you see...!
- And it's on that subject
that I want to set your mind at rest.
I'm not so foolish
to believe that in those 22 years...
...you weren't distracted.
- You bother me.
If you happen to have a "distraction"
right now
take whatever time to get rid of it.
Two days...three days...
let's make it eight days.
That'll be quite sufficient,
I'm sure of it.
Even if you feel a meal or two is required
during this period...
...you can take her!
No need to punish
some poor girl!
You're too kind.
But not later than Friday...
we'll have resumed our life together
as if nothing had happened.
That's fine, isn't it?
- No, darling.
- "No"?!
- No, darling.
- What do you mean, NO?
I'm going to tell you why.
I don't have, as you put it,
a "distraction" in my life...
that I can just toss aside.
So that's even better.
No, darling.
It's much worse.
Jean-Pierre,
you look very annoyed.
I'm very deeply distressed.
I'm going to tell you why.
It's very delicate.
But there's no other way of saying it.
- I believed you were dead.
- At what point?
There was no particular point.
I just believed you were dead.
So in the end, you thought
I was dead for ever?
As you know,
that's what "dead" means..
Why'd I think you were dead?
I'm going to tell you so you'll understand.
One fine day,
rather, one terrible day,
I open the papers and
what do I see on page one?
"Fire in Valparaiso,
"cinema completely burnt down :
I knew you were over there.
Imagine what went through my mind.
I cabled your hotel immediately,
and they replied
that on the night of the fire
you hadn't returned to the hotel.
But optimist that I am,
I didn't lose hope.
I thought you may could gone
to your father's friends' place.
But 2 days later your letter arrives.
And you said that you were going
to the preview
of Charles Band's new film.
I scoured the papers
and found that was
the evening of the film preview.
I thought you had met death
in that terrible catastrophe.
Think of it! 212 victims.
For all those reasons
you had to be one of that number.
After numerous subsequent
fruitless steps,
I had to face the fact :
I'd lost you,
and you'd died in the fire.
Now, please, understand...
think about it.
Even put yourself in my place.
- I'd've been happy with what I'd had.
- Let's be serious.
- You thought I was dead?
- Yes.
- That's crazy.
- You said it!
- And now I'm back.
- Yes.
- A tragedy!
- You can say that again.
- What do you mean by that?
- Pardon?
It was horrible to think of you dead.
But it's worse than that.
- I'll grant you thought me dead.
- You have to accept it my darling.
But over time, you had
no further confirmation.
- What do you mean?
- What about "benefit of the doubt"?
- "Benefit of the doubt"?
- Yes.
You're saying that as time passed,
I should less and less feel
you were dead?
My darling, it's hardly easy
to agree I should have felt that way.
One doesn't go into half-mourning
for someone
for 22 years.
- "Half mourning"?
- Yes.
- You didn't mourn for me?
- Of course!
No!
You never did,
I'm quite certain.
That's a horrible thing to say.
Marie-Jeanne, listen to me.
I did mourn for you.
- You did?
- Yes my sweet.
You've mourned for me
without being sure I was dead?
- Exactly what do you want?
- The truth.
I'm going to tell you
everything that's happened.
Sometimes I'd be thinking "She's dead",
and I'd go into mourning.
Other times: "No, she's not",
and I'd come out of mourning.
It was tearing me apart
It was exhausting.
But even apart from that,
my life was in turmoil.
Then one day I just had to accept
that you were dead.
And on that day...
I stopped mourning for you.
You stopped mourning for me
because I was dead?
That's not what I meant.
After a year had passed,
I was no longer in mourning.
- But tell me...
- What?
When you thought me dead
why did you never visit my ashes?
- "Your ashes"?
- Yes.
- Are you joking?
- Do I look like I am?
No, seriously...
You didn't come to visit my ashes.
Your "ashes"?
- You were alive
- You thought I was dead.
That was the first thing
that came to mind.
- Aw...!
- But I'm not in the habit of lying.
I thought about visiting your ashes
from the beginning.
I found out from the papers
that the ashes
were all mixed.
Let's surmise I went and did it...
I write and ask :
"Please send me some ashes."
They arrive.
- D'you know what I'd do with them?
- No?
I put them in a golden casket.
And I put the casket...
Wait.
I'm embarrassing you.
No, no, you're not embar...
Do you know where
I put the casket?
I put it in the chest of drawers.
No, in the "happy-day-desk"...
as they used to be called.
...or in that little thingummy
on the left.
Your ashes are there.
Enough said about it.
I can think about them
as I walk past.
So on the day you come back,
what am I supposed to do with my casket?
Marie-Jeanne, you're not fair.
I've suffered too...
enduring your reproaches.
- You've "suffered"?
- Yes.
- You cried about me?
- You can laugh? Yes I cried about you.
- For a long time?
- Darling...for months.
How many months?
I can't tell you the exact
number of months.
But I cried a lot,
you can be sure of that.
- You didn't console yourself with someone?
- No.
It's better when you smile.
No, my darling,
I didn't look for consolation.
You can't be consoled
about a loss like that!
No, but I went on living.
That's what I had to tell myself.
- I would have killed myself.
- You would've been wrong.
What would've become of me
without you?
You would've remarried.
Come off it...
what a terrible thing to say!
Not at all,
what's wrong with that?
It's normal to remarry at 32.
Why 32?
- It was you who was 32.
- That's true.
I was 27.
- You were 27?
- And your sister?
- Funny thing to ask me.
- What'd I say?
- Nothing.
- What'd I say?
- Nothing.
- What'd I say, darling?
"Your sister..."
I didn't talk like that.
You told me your age
and I just asked your sister's.
She was 26.
I wanted to tell you.
Well, she's remarried...
if you want to know.
How come?
Yes it's true.
Did she lose her first husband?
- Of course.
- How?
He's dead, of course.
Gustave-Albert is dead?
Like all of us.
We're all mortal.
Has he been dead
a long time?
Right after you.
Sorry. After you...disappeared.
We're talking about what was
a very emotional time.
Your sister was lovely to me.
She came to me.
We were alone,
in the same situation.
The two of us in full mourning.
She came to me.
That sounds like my little sister.
And ups and re-marries!
You might say.
- Married well?
- Not bad, thanks...well.
How happy for her!
What did I just hear?
"How happy for her!"
- Did it just slip out?
- No...I'm truly glad she's happy.
She didn't score very well
the first time.
- I hope number 2 has helped her forget him.
- I get that impression.
I'm keen to point out to you.....
But youre not going to compare yourself
to her first husband.
Oh no, it's something terrible.
What do you want to tell me?
I'm remarried.
Angle!
Round one!
When she comes round,
you can give her the news.
She'll think I'm
just joking with her.
- How will I put it to her?
- In French.
You'll simply say to her :
"There it is Madame."
You'll build that into a nice story.
Here she is recovering
from her faint.
Why aren't I dead?
What can I say?
- Goodbye, Jean-Pierre.
- Yes, yes.
- Where's there a...
- A what?
A Metro station?
To do what?
To kill myself.
I beg of you!
You beg me to?
That takes the cake!
Begs his wife to kill herself!
No...calm down.
- You got married again!
- Yes.
You didn't have the right to!
I'll never forgive you.
Calm down.
Never!
To think I might see your wife!
Well, you're going to see her...
Your husband's wife.
- Calm down, you'll hurt yourself.
- What... - She's here.
- Horrible man. Horrible man.
- You want to see your husband's wife?
Well, here she is!
Hullo? That must be her.
Thank you Your Highness.
I have been appraised of the kindnesses
you have bestowed on her.
Yes.
She has a ravishing voice.
Yes.
How're you going there?
I would so much like to meet you
and express all the
feelings about you
I've had without even seeing you.
Where are they? They're both here,
but not together
Where are we up to,
I hear you ask.
They both fainted
As soon as they came to,
they started a screaming match
that went on,
I kid you not,
for 20 minutes...
Every now and again,
they'd sit down and have a good cry.
Then once again...up!
And scream like hell.
The things they called each other!...
Anyway, what they said to each other
is neither here nor there.
Neither of them heard
what the other was saying.
To be honest,
I didn't listen to either of them,
and decided it'd be best
to stay out of it.
I showed myself only when
I saw they were exhausted.
At that point I persuaded them
to have some lunch.
I divided the lunch in three:
Marie-Thrse had the turbot,
Marie-Jeanne had all the chicken,
and I demolished the pie.
We'll be regrouping here in 10 minutes
for Round 2.
Madame...
- That's not me.
- Sorry.
Your first wife wants to
make a phone call.
But I don't want to see
them in here before 3pm.
She can speak in the dining room.
I shouldn't have to tell you
what to do.
You can make a call, madame.
Make sure she doesn't
talk for 2 hours.
As for me, I'm just waiting.
That's all, thank you.
Between you and me,
it's a delicate situation,
I meant that I was waiting for a call
from the Grand-Duchess
whose voice just now
made a deep impression.
If she looks as good as she sounds...
Let's wait.
As for my story regarding these ladies,
if I talk like this,
it's because I've decided
to be the referee.
And nothing more.
Besides, in life
it should be the spectator who decides
who makes it.
This isn't the story of a man
who married two sisters,
but that of two sisters
who married one man.
It's family business.
I don't have to get involved in it any more.
- Madame has finished her call.
- Good.
- I don't care, but who to?
- I don't know.
Me neither.
How are the ladies going?
- They seem to be thinking about things.
- That's impossible.
I'd imagine their thoughts quite stupid.
That must be it...
what they shouted just then!
People came down from the 4th floor
to see what was going on.
- I told them it was the radio.
- Very good idea.
But they wanted to know
on what wave-length
you picked it up.
I thought it ironic.
The whole block must know.
If you wanted to keep them both...
You've got quite an imagination.
"Keep them both"?
It's not going to be easy
to have to choose ONE.
- Don't talk about it.
- That's what they used to say about
Charles, Ren, Henriette,
Marie and Joseph.
No more? You were in-between?
Marie amused herself working out
the odds on these ladies.
In my case I see them as two to one.
I sympathise with you.
You're very gracious.
What's happening to you
happened to my poor father.
He'd married two sisters?
No, monsieur.
My father had married my mother.
It was his duty, right?
My uncle went crazy
over a brunette,
some sort of Swede...
What do you mean,
"some sort of Swede?"?
She was Norwegian.
Then they went off to Spain together.
My uncle established a business,
by making off
with my mother's money.
- No connection with my situation.
- None.
But it's my only interesting story.
I thought it was a
good time to tell it.
Tell me zat you haven't
committed zis crime.
I'm ze Grand-Duchess.
Well,
that doesn't surprise me.
You don't say!
Don't deny me the enjoyment
of welcoming you to my place.
- You might say good morning.
- Good morning.
Good morning, Grand-Beauty.
Will you kindly tell me...
are you remarried?
Yes, madame.
Oh, what catastrophe!
"Catastrophe"?
Da!
Let's sit down.
You are remarried?
Yes, but hang on...
I can get divorced you know.
You will make that?
Right away.
You are adorable.
- So adore me.
- I adore you already!
During ze whole voyage,
she is only talking about YOU.
I have almost called you Jean-Pierre
when I see you.
I know you
from head to toe!
She did not spare me any detail.
I know your tastes,
your obsessions,
I know you love
paintings, ancient marbles,
that you smoke too much,
that you touch wood,
that you have screw-up character...
- You say "screw up"?
- You say "screwed up".
A screwed up character
when zings are going badly.
But when you are obeyed,
you are love-puppet.
That's absolutely true.
Out there on the street
I'm known as the "love-puppet".
- Lovely!
- Love-puppets?
No, your naughty character!
I adore ze love-puppet
who is brutish and demanding.
Deep inside you are brute...
I see in your eyes.
Zat is one zing
she never told me.
So to sum up, madame,
you know me better
than she does.
Do you beat women?
Do I beat women?
No, but I can give it a try.
You should.
I want to ask you something :
how did you know
I was remarried?
From your wife.
From Marie-Jeanne.
She phoned me 5 minutes ago
and screamed :
"Jean-Pierre has remarried."
- Nothing else?
- No.
- Zere is somezing else?
- No.
- Not for the moment.
- So divorce.
- Right away.
I must set one small condition:
I'll divorce on condition I marry you.
- You joking?
- Not at all.
But she's asking me for my help.
Me too...
I'm asking you for MY help.
But you, you must zink only of HER.
You can't abandon
a woman at zat age.
- And if she was only a year younger?
- It would be ze same.
The second wife is a year younger
Would you want me to leave her?
Same age as the other?
And you just married her?
I married her 22 years ago.
- Jesus Christ!
- You said it.
And that's all there is to it.
May I have a word in your ear?
Pardon.
They are, in addition...
"In addition"?
They are, in addition...sisters.
Poor Jean-Pierre.
Oh, excuse me.
Not at all, come on in.
Half-an-hour 's gone.
Is there a God in heaven?
- I thought I shouldn't say anything to them...
- You did right.
Ask them if theyd like to come in,
please.
How time flies
when I'm with you.
Now, madame,
would you please come in here?
- What is it?
- The small drawing room.
You can hear everything,
and at the right moment, make your appearance.
-Oh it's lovely...
- so pretty!
Madame, go to the mirror.
You'll see it's even more beautiful.
Have you two calmed down?
Completely.
Things are already on the up-and-up.
We had to discuss things.
- So there...
- It's settled.
How so?
There's nothing more to be said.
So you're in agreement.
"Agreement"?
We didn't see it like that.
-You've torn us apart.
- And how...
I think you both have to talk
calmly and sensibly
about a situation that's
turning our lives upside down.
I agree.
- That doesn't mean I'll agree.
- I'll wait and see.
I wanted to talk to you both
face to face,
because if I saw you one at a time...
As you already did.
...we'd never finish.
Why?
You hope to finish something?
- And you?
- Yes.
We agree to finish something.
Now I want you to consider a solution
that we still haven't looked at.
Is there such a thing?
Yes.
THAT SHE HAS TO LEAVE.
Agreed!
That I should leave?
Me, the first wife?
That'd take the cake.
That's a solution
I wouldn't even consider.
There must be
a question of right.
In questions of right,
I know better than anybody.
I want to know them.
This union isn't normal.
There must be a name for it.
What do you call,
such a marriage?
- Eh?
- I'm going to tell you.
- Tell me if you dare!
If you'll just let me speak,
I'll tell you.
The law is based on "presumption".
I didn't need him to tell me.
"Presumption", my dear.
You're just presumed to be his wife.
That's not what he wants.
Everything comes to she who waits.
Presumption!
And my rights?
Your rights are defined.
Ours are too.
Ah?
In order to marry your sister,
I obtained a death judgement,
Then after 3 years investigation,
we were able to get married.
We had to wait 3 years
to do it.
Listen to you!..."to do it".
I'll bet you weren't
holding off for 3 years!
We were both widowed.
I was 32.
No sordid details, if you please!
- You can talk!
- You mistake me.
It was kept in the same family.
That's enough from you!
You slept with my sister.
He'd slept with you
before he married you.
You idiot!
Now we're off again.
- I was the first.
- You were the elder, so you got to start.
- All the same,
it's not my fault.
I'm going to go a step further...
I'm going to go a step further.
If I hadn't loved you,
I wouldn't have done it.
What?
You two married
through your love of me?
Yes.
Not both of you
at the same time!
You married me
because of HER?
Now you know.
He would've wanted
to marry me first.
You told me.
Didn't you tell me that?
If you're both going to talk at the same time...
No!
- I never said that.
- You liar!
I have his letters where he
talks about my breasts.
And I've got the ones about your feet...
so what?
They mean nothing...
don't go there.
- Well...
- Since that's the way it is...
It's finished.
I leave him to you.
You can have him to yourself.
Too good to be true...
but that's not the question.
Two things strike me :
Zey are both unhappy, but not you.
It's not zeir fault, nor yours.
No, it's yours.
Oh, madame!
I wish they'd kill each other.
We aren't in Greece,
in 412 BC.
I take that back.
We have to find a solution.
You won't find one that'll
satisfy everybody.
The only solution is you.
I had a premonition
during your second phone call.
Your voice went
straight to my heart.
But now that I've seen you,
I'm certain of it.
I should get rid of both of them,
so at least each of them
will feel I left the other.
Don't forget they're sisters
and it's easy for sisters to hate each other.
Bad reasoning.
I want to support Marie-Jeanne...
to make her happy.
You'd support her
against ME?
If necessary.
"If necessary"?
But Madame it IS necessary.
You'll have the possibility right now.
- How? - You'll see.
Tell them to come in.
Very well, monsieur.
Ah no, madame,
you stay here.
You must support her happiness
against me,
because in that way I can
seize my chance.
Christine.
Marie-Jeanne.
He's married.
Who's this person?
- You're at home. Welcome a visitor.
- Introduce us.
Wait.
You see, they're speaking.
Madame Labolskaya,
Marie-Jeanne's lawyer.
"Lawyer"? What about me then?
- Aren't I here?
- That's true.
The court is in session.
Ladies and gent... Pardon, ladies...
fate has presented
us with a situation
which appears insoluble.
You're just in time,
come in.
Sit over there.
Angle will be our witness.
- Should I sit there?
- No, not there.
On the armchair.
That's the witness box.
What was I saying?
"Insoluble."
In actual fact
the situation IS soluble.
There's no doubt that right now
there's an impasse.
A dead-end in fact.
Dead what?
Dead-end.
An old legal term.
But first,
according to Article 139 of the Civil Code
all that concerns us,
the only point of interest :
"The absent spouse..."
- Me.
"...whose spouse entered into
a new union...
"...will be admissible only..."
- Me.
"...to attack this marriage."
Ah.
Just a moment.
"Subject to..."
Shut up!
"subject to the legal outcome,
"regarding a marriage
contracted in good faith."
That's it. That's the hearing.
That's the scandal of it all.
All the ridicule falls on you two.
- On us?
- On you.
On me? Don't make me laugh!
Quite the contrary!
One man for two women
is a cry of hunger...
Nevertheless I can see
an advantage in it for me.
For me too.
Good...
so that's it?
- YES.
- As I wanted.
If she won,
what would you do?
- Kill myself.
- Perfect.
You understand me.
If SHE won, what would you do?
I'd make an appeal
to have the decision quashed.
Which 'd take 5 years.
We have the choice of
a suicide on our conscience
or five years of hassle?
- So zere will be no hearing.
- No hearing, colleague.
We must come
to amiable solution.
Why are you laughing?
You could also say
"amicable"?
No one's saying "amicable".
That's true.
Of all the thoughts that
will come to us now,
the craziest...
You want to go out? Not now.
We'll welcome ideas,
Just a moment...
we're going to discuss them..
What are you putting
your hand up for?
- You've got an idea?
- No.
What then?
- I had an impression.
- Interesting...what about?
Everything would be sorted out
if everyone told the truth.
Obviously.
How would that ever happen?
- It's an original idea!
- Unexpected!
- Extraordinary!
WE'LL ALL TELL THE TRUTH!
Oh! Thank you, Angle!
We've taken a giant step forward.
I feel deeply moved.
Now my dear colleague can dispense wiz
screwing us around.
I had him in mind
when I accepted ze truth proposition.
Raise your right hand and swear.
I beg your pardon, madame?
Aren't you equally part of the tribunal?
We can each take our turn.
if you'd like to take my chair...
I will start.
Take the oath.
I swear...
to tell the truth here.
The whole truth.
No...without any reservations.
I want to present the naked truth.
I took the oath to say it all.
You're dancing
while I'm speaking?
- I want to leave.
- No, stay.
No!
We need her...
she's seen everything.
Wait a minute...
she's your servant.
We can reject her statements.
Guilty conscience?
Get on with it!
Let me direct ze debate.
Ze testimony of ze servant
could be useful to us.
Right?
What business of hers is all this?
This is becoming interesting.
I demand the floor.
- I've changed my mind about this hearing.
- No, it's all fixed.
- If you were in charge...
- Ah no.
She's only got one aim :
to get our divorce.
Why don't you ask for yours?
So, that's it.
- Do you say he deceived you?
- No I don't say that.
And I protest about it.
So ask for a divorce.
You called me his "presumed" wife.
Him that you swore to be faithful to?
I never swore anything.
I'm not the only one at fault.
- We're both in the same boat.
- A leaky boat.
- Who said that?
A funny way of directing
the discussion.
Defend ME.
No, let me keep my lawyer.
Nobody can get a word in
with your yelping.
- I'm yelping?
- You yelp.
We yelp?
You yelp.
They yelp.
This discussion's
becoming too personal.
It's impossible to follow you.
Here's what I think.
Are you coming to the Opera Theatre?
What's on?
- Ballet.
- To sweep us off our feet?
I've been faithful.
- Me too!
- Oh...let's talk about that!
You were only married
for 6 years.
- I've been faithful for 20 years.
- Ah...she's said it!
A hearing doesn't frighten ME.
- Did it ring?
- I don't know.
Very well, monsieur.
I'll take the commission.
Thanks.
For the third time
this morning,
Monsieur Dupuis
has asked after you.
- Really?
- Yes.
- Thank you.
- Don't mention it.
Here's why
this hearing
isn't feasible.
- It isn't feasible...
- Certainly not feasible.
As for me...
- Be quiet. - I need to talk to you.
- Me too.
Why haven't you protested
when she cast doubts
on my being faithful?
Zat's a subject best
not to dwell upon.
And don't take oath in zat respect.
Why not?
For 22 years you were
Rosario's mistress,
wizout knowing it,
during your amnesia.
What a terrible disgrace!
He did it for your own good.
It calmed you down.
Might I hear the result of
this secret discussion?
- No.
- No?
- What?
- An impression.
- Out with it. We're nearly wrapped up.
- Monsieur...
These ladies are disputing you.
And I can quite understand that.
But while they tear each other apart
they ignore you.
It's all about...
"I want him, he's mine."
You don't have any say.
Isn't it possible for these women
to go along with
what you want to do?
In God's name!
- The maid's come up with a good idea.
- You think so?
I think that these two ladies should have
some confidence in themselves.
I really do.
- What's your opinion?
- I have no opinion.
It's for the ladies to respond.
Choose away!
You have to be
a good loser, in life.
Just think about me
saying : "Choose."
She has courage.
"Make your choice my love."
How presumptuous she is!
"Take you time,
"...choose well. And off YOU go!"
Look at us.
Think about our
good and bad points.
- Don't have any pity for the other one...
-just follow your heart...
...and your senses too...
you've got to think of your pleasure.
You've got to think of
your well-being.
- Think of the future...
of your old age...your health.
Think of yourself.
Don't give us a thought.
You're all that matters.
And for that...
WE SAY TO YOU: CHOOSE!
Jean-Pierre.
- The poor man.
He's going to choose.
Truly?
- YES.
- No, but...
- Truly?
- YES.
- All the same to me.
- Can't be.
- But it is.
- That's no good.
- Why?
Not to tell ze truth
under oath.
But I did just tell the truth :
it's all the same to me.
I'll explain what I mean.
It'd be insolent of me not to.
If it's Marie-Thrse,
what would you do?
Kill myself...I told you.
If it's Marie-Jeanne,
you'd seek revenge.
I didn't say that.
Youd seek it and you'd find it.
How's that the same?
What do you mean?
Your second wife frightens you?
I can't believe it.
I don't think the sing-song
about suicide's believable.
Choose, Jean-Pierre.
We'll see if she kills herself.
Be brave, darling.
Let her get revenge. Choose!
Well, if I don't choose,
it'd be for the reason
that my hesitation doesn't date
from today.
As early as the first day
I saw you both, I hesitated.
What I'm saying is
you've both pleased me already.
Having had the first one,
I seized the opportunity
to marry the second.
You loved us both?
I'd rather put it
as one, then the other.
My hesitation has brought me to...
one or the other?
- No different?
All the same, it was me
who you chose to start with.
- Not all the same, no.
My marriage request to your father
was put thus :
"I have the honour to ask
for the hand
"of one of your daughters."'
couldn't choose myself.
Madame, you made me tell
the whole truth...that's it.
When your father replied :
"Be nice and take the older one",
I took the older one.
That was the basis of
I regret to say, Marie-Thrse.
- You regretted it?
Yes, darling.
But...Marie-Jeanne...don't you cry.
I regretted you
for 22 years.
In that case, I'm the one
you have to look after.
Because I regretted
your sister as well?
No, no.
- What do you want to do?
- Do something.
You want I should do something?
You want me to
make up to them?
Give me a minute...
I'm going to perform a conjuring trick.
I just thought of something
when talking about your father.
Darling, have you thought to tell
your sister
about her inheritance.?
My "inheritance"?
- She didn't say anything to you?
- No.
I haven't seen her.
Maybe this is the moment.
Your sister's unhappy.
Papa left us 20 million each.
"20 million"?
- And you've got it?
- It's in a bank.
- Which...?
- Royal Dutch.
A big apartment block in Rio
and the rest in dollars.
You own half of the building.
- It's wonderful.
- It's all incredible.
I didn't know he was so rich.
He had some and then by chance
his second wife died
He was happy.
After losing the first one.
There are some who get it all.
Yes, but where does this put us?
Always back to the same point :
to the saga of a marriage
filled with seeds of discord.
- Where's the money?
- In Paris.
Oh, good.
You have the proof.
Look at the difficulties
we have leaving...
- He didn't have anything in France?
- A villa in St Raphal.
I love the south of France.
Would you like to resume
this conversation in half an hour?
Would you like to be together?
That'd be nice for you.
Angle, give the ladies some tea.
And some small cakes.
Poor papa.
- How much in dollars?
- That depends on the exchange...
See you.
You're not going to believe this...
From now on,
nothing will surprise me.
What's going on?
Those two ladies entertained themselves
for a half an hour.
Now the two of them are both undressed,
and asleep.
- No?
- Yes, they're sleeping.
- Maybe it was the champagne...
- How come?
They preferred champagne
to tea.
They're on their second bottle.
- You want to look through the keyhole?
- Not my style.
- It's a pretty sight.
- I see enough of them here.
You seem preoccupied
about something.
No. I'm distraught.
YOU are going to get me out
of this predicament!
Didn't you once work for
some Russians?
Ah no, monsieur.
- They were Serbs.
- That might be much the same.
I'd like to know,
if kissing on the mouth
is a religious custom
in orthodox houses?
- Just between men.
- "Between men"?
Yes. Because between a man and a woman,
it means something else.
- You don't say!
- It can't be a prayer.
Could be a request.
- Exactly.
- Thank you, Angle.
So they're still asleep?
- That's a bit disturbing.
- Why?
Them sleeping together means...
I can't count on anything
or anybody.
That must be a worry,
if you talk about it.
It's quite useless to talk about it.
It'd be frightful,
if they both stayed.
- Do you have to admit that?
- Don't you?
No way!
If they both stayed...
I would not be happy.
- Is that a threat?
- I was joking.
- I'm not so sure you were.
- Me neither.
Not ashamed?
No? Be ashamed.
I'd have no hesitation choosing
between those ladies and you.
To prove it, I'm going to
keep a room at the hotel.
It'll be for one of the ladies
or for yours truly.
- You wouldn't rather phone?
- No.
While they're sleeping, I'll take the chance
to get a breath of fresh air.
If who I think should turn up,
have her wait.
That lady would wait.
Monsieur?
Madame.
You're leaving me alone with them.
- Call 1630.
- What's that?
Police emergency.
- Where is he?
- He's gone out.
Get us some more champagne.
- In the bedroom?
- No, here.
Here we go!...
Opra 3850.
What is it?
- It's a phone number.
- You don't say!
- A woman's?
- No, a man's.
- Yes...it's for you.
- What?
- Nothing.
- It's an antique dealer.
A trade I'd love to get into...
full of people of taste...
Please.
How much is the dollar
worth today?
Thank you, monsieur.
It's much better
than you thought.
Thanks, Angle.
Carlo1822 here.
Get me St Raphal 1219...
quickly...top priority
- 1219 is right?
- Yes.
I've been thinking over your idea
of selling the building in Rio.
I think it might be
a bad move.
- Possibly.
- Let's see.
Should we sell the apartments off
one by one,
or the whole building in one hit...
- This is crazy.
- Let's just leave it.
Where'd you get these pyjamas made up?
My lingerie place. Rue de la Paix.
Keep it as a pattern.
It suits you.
I like it.
- So...
- May I?
What's the garden like
in the villa?
Know nothing about it.
Being in the south, you'd think...
You don't have a photo of it?
I only know solicitor's the name.
- Do you like it?
- What?
- The south of course.
- I like the Basque coast better.
But I'll change my mind
if it's sea-front.
How do you feel about Jean-Pierre's
attitude towards us?
You don't really want to
talk about that, do you?
- Phone.
- It'll be St. Raphal.
Hullo? Here, Mme Walter,
at Blanc-Mesnil.
My sister and I are the owners...
...of the villa called "Blue Rocks".
It's not a villa?
What is it then?
It's a palace.
How big?
How many?
- Hang up.
- Thank you. Au revoir.
An estate of 37 acres.
How big is an acre?
You multiply
the short side by the long side.
Ah yes...
the short side by the long side.
If Madame would be so good
as to come in...
he'll be back shortly.
- Zank you, I'll wait for him.
I'd better warn the ladies.
- Are zey still together?
- Still.
- So we haven't made progress.
- I was thinking the same, madame.
Oh, pardon, madame.
Pretty in here isn't it?
The windows open onto the park.
There he is.
Sitting there without your hat,
you already seem to be
at home here.
You're not startled
to see me?
I'm not "startled"
because I took the elevator.
The elevator was filled with fragrance...
I recognized the perfume.
This evening at the Opra
the spectacle will be in the auditorium.
- I wanted to know what happened.
- Nothing's happened.
Theyre sleeping right now,
stretched out on the same bed.
Let's take advantage of it
to indulge in a dream.
I must talk to you seriously.
At times I've joked with you
a little too flippantly.
Please forgive me for that.
My attitude mustn't mislead you...
our ages are very different...
Sorry...
I thought you said something.
My age stops me from
acting like a schoolboy.
I wouldn't have the presumption...
"Presumption"?
Ah yes...
The effrontery.
- Cheek.
- That's it!
I wouldn't have the cheek...
- Let's call it "presumption".
- Let's not mince words.
I wouldn't have the presumption
to make a declaration of love to you.
Can I love you
when I scarcely know you?
That's obvious.
Therefore...I don't love you.
- I only...
- Yes?
...adore you!
Which pledges nothing to either of us.
"Adoration" doesn't demand response.
That's the advantage it has
over love.
We adore flowers without thinking
they should adore us back.
Give me the freedom to adore you.
In regards to love, we'll wait to agree.
That's something else altogether.
First, know that only
see love as shared.
- In two?
- No. By both.
I'd never be so careless as to
risk a refusal...
If you were ready for love one day,
you'd have to make
the first move, madame.
You smoke too much...
it makes you edgy.
Monsieur...
The ladies would like some
graph paper.
"Graph paper"?
- You don't have any?
- No I don't have any.
They want to work out additions
this way and that.
- They're awake?
- Unfortunately.
Can I give them this old pad?
And any other old pads you can find
Thank you, monsieur.
Thank you, madame.
- Tell me.
- Yes?
Was that marriage proposal
story true?
Absolutely, yes.
I said to myself...
"why pick one or the other"?
This evening I said...
"why keep one or the other?"
- Did both of them please you?
- Yes.
It was 1926.
Things were different then.
Were they pretty?
Were they pretty...?
I'll tell you, madame.
I thought one very pretty,
the other was as she was.
That oddity will have ruined my life.
That's the truth.
I always regretted about the one
I didn't have.
I believed I liked them.
The truth is I could only
have one or the other.
Now that I have the two of them
I'm a bigamist,
but I see that it was the one I had
who made me regretful for the other.
I ask myself, if, over 22 years,
while believing I loved them,
I really rather hated them.
- No... you loved zem, Jean-Pierre.
- So let's take it further.
Let's say I can't love one
without the other.
Having stopped loving
one of them...
I automatically
detach from the other.
Zat's right.
I have seen it happen.
You were cruel to bring up
ze inheritance business.
Oh, the inheritance!
I was keeping that as a tit-bit.
The money's all disappeared
...through corruption.
I was sure that the
prospect of millions
was going to calm them down.
And there you have it...
sleeping side by side.
No harsh words...
just numbers.
Not arguing their rights...
adding up what they might have.
No more digging in,
just subtracting.
No more discord, or division.
No more of the three-way problem.
Now they're doing
multiplications.
And at dinner time,
they're going to sit at
the table of Pythagoras.
And do you know
what I get out of it?
Peace and quiet...
Spoke too soon.
- You should go in.
- Oh, no!
That'd be weird.
- I'll go then.
- I forbid you!
God have mercy!
Will she snatch the villa
from under my nose?
From under your nose.
- Monsieur...
- Yes?
- They're hitting each other.
- "Hitting each other"?
Hitting each other.
Well, listen, Angle,
I guess we'll have to separate them.
That's odd...
that was my first thought.
But I didn't know
what you wanted to do.
Angle's killed them.
Move in now forevermore, madame.
- So?
- It's alright.
- What happened?
- I separated them.
"Separated"?
One of them tore my apron,
but that's nothing.
They're in separate rooms.
I locked the corridor.
They can only come this way.
It'll be a circus.
Sit down.
Please do...
after such a fracas.
Please may I sit
beside you?
Report please, Angle.
What have they broken?
The big violet vase
you didn't like.
Good idea.
The statuette with incense.
I'd never have dared do it.
The old pendulum clock
that's been playing up for 19 years.
- Showing 11.35.
- A present from their mother.
It's proud man who has
two women fight over him.
Oh no! Frankly,
I think it's ridiculous.
Who was ze most
aggressive of the two?
One wants you
as much as ze other.
They weren't fighting
about him.
It was about the villa
they have at St Raphal.
That upset you, Monsieur?
Bit disappointing.
St. Raphal?
On that subject...
St. Raphal?...
October 24.
We have a phenomenon
here.
She knows the saints calendar
by heart.
Is there any saint
whose date you'd like to know?
St. Beuve.
"St. Beuve"?
Angle, go to it.
"St. Beuve..."
It's in August.
The date.
The sixth.
You took a bit long with your answer.
Could you hear anything?
No. That's a worry.
When they're bashing each other..
at least you know what they're up to.
Be kind...
tell me right away.
- Because I'm waiting.
- For what?
What do you mean "for what"?
To know if you love me.
Tell me,
I'm waiting.
You're a jump ahead of me.
Do you love me? Perhaps I can
read it in your eyes.
Perhaps.
Can I leaf through your eyes
for a moment, madame?
You have a good view.
At a distance, excellent.
But we don't even know
each other.
I count on it.
Maybe I don't adore you
personally.
No. Maybe it's that life once again
feels divine.
- You didn't like life any more?
- That was no life.
- You were unhappy?
- Unhappy...amongst other things.
The only things that make you unhappy
are those that could make you happy
- What if I made you unhappy?
- Who told you I've suffered for you?
Tickle...tickle!...
tickle...tickle!...
Please come in.
I can wait 'til
you finish playing games.
We just finished
the first round.
Monsieur...
Madame, can I speak for a second,
would you know the address of a good kinnel.
What's a kinnel?
You know...a kinnel.
It barks.
Ah, a "kennel".
Well... 3 Rue Pasteur.
Madame, tell me...
does the thought of it bore you?
"Zought of" what?
You loving me, helping me.
No, no...
I love fairy stories.
What if one day,
I have had enough?
Enough of me?
Leave the day before.
Because I'm going to tell you...
Women always leave too late.
You're the one who'd cheat.
Me? Oh no, madame.
And I know I'd be able
to convince you.
Tickle...tickle!...
tickle...tickle!...
Come in, come in.
End of the second round.
The beautiful lady's still here.
Monsieur...
Madame, first off,
is asking for the pink dress
with the green belt
that she wore for the election
of President Doumergue.
- They've drunk a lot, eh?
- A bit too much.
In 22 years, her dress never
come back from the dry-cleaners.
But we're expecting it any minute.
Madame, I know
what's going on there.
Those two women are going
to become creatures from hell.
Creatures from hell.
So go and sort it out.
No.
That won't achieve anything.
Neither of them will ever
agree to leave.
What's this?
Goodbye.
Wha...?
I'm leaving.
Don't say a word...don't do a thing.
Too late to keep me.
I've waited in vain
for a gesture from you.
Nothing...,
apart from your reply about the kennel.
That was related at length.
That was to get you to come.
You didn't come.
I understood.
You prefer Marie-Jeanne...
you only knew her 6 years.
You can tell her I left
of my own accord.
You've been very hard on me.
You've shown no sympathy at all.
You loved her...she's my sister...
...so you can keep her!
It's too late,
to discuss money.
I trust you.
You'll protect me well.
Now I'm going to live my life.
Goodbye, Jean-Pierre.
Madame...
Marie-Thrse!
Zat's great isn't it?
- What's great?
- For her to leave like zat.
But she left me the other one.
- That's preferable.
- "Preferable"?!
She is entitled to happiness.
"Entitled to happiness."?
What about us,
the downtrodden masses?
- Goodbye, Jean-Pierre.
- That's out of the question. No.
- Right, now...yes!
- What is it you're saying?
Oh... You've already said it
in your funny fashion.
Would you have said the same thing
if Marie-Jeanne had left?
- Perhaps not.
- "Perhaps not"?
- Surely not.
If Marie-Jeanne had left,
I would have said zat I loved you.
I loathe her!
Admire my frankness
and integrity of character.
Goodbye, Jean-Pierre.
You're staying.
I no longer can.
I implored you
to give her a chance...
- Goodbye.
"Goodbye"?
Yes, I'm leaving.
Don't do anything.
It's too late.
I waited in vain for a word from you.
Nothing.
I'm sorry.
I got nothing except a mocking reply
on the subject of a dress.
She spent some time on the reply.
I would've given anything
for you to 've come.
You didn't come.
It's understandable you
prefer Marie-Thrse...
...you lived with her for 20 years.
You'll be able to tell her
you didn't have to chase me away...
as I left of my own accord.
You've been very hard on me today.
you've shown no sympathy.
But I don't want it from you.
You love her...she's my sister...
Keep her!
All the questions of money...
...will be fixed by law.
You know the horror I have
about anything to do with money.
I trust you. You'll protect me
better than I can myself.
Henceforth, using my independence,
I'm going to live my life.
Goodbye, Jean-Pierre.
Goodbye, Christine.
Marie-Jeanne is leaving,
now you're supposed
to tell me you love me.
They've both gone...
so what do you say?
I love you.
Goodbye, monsieur.
"Goodbye"?
Don't say anything.
My decision is final.
Questions of money
can wait.
From now on, using my independence,
I'm going to live my life.
From the moment
you took in those two women...
"Those two women" have gone.
- You haven't taken in any of them?
- Well...yes.
Three weeks later I learned
that the ladies had become
antique dealers in St Raphael
under the sign of "The Two Doves".