(eerie music)
(flies buzzing)
(bell rings)
(blastoff noise)
- You ready?
- Okay.
(radio chatter)
(rock music)
How am I doing?
You sure you wanna know?
Does your boyfriend
always get his way?
Yes.
Does he admit when he's wrong?
Never.
Does your boyfriend know how
to build a fire with no matches?
The answer is D, who cares.
A, yes, very well.
Sorry, that question's not on here.
(Alex): It should be.
Sorry, so you're still at zero.
(laughing)
- Noooo!
- Oh yeah!
# Never put your hat on the bed, son
# Never put your hat on the bed
# 'Cause if your hat's on the bed
# You might wake up dead
# So don't you ever
put your hat on the bed
# Always keep an edge on your knife, son
# Always keep an edge on your knife
# 'Cause a good sharp
edge is a man's best hedge
# Against the big uncertainties of life
# Yes a good sharp edge
is a man's best hedge
# Against the uncertain varities of life
Put your hands on the wheel!
# (mumble) sharp an old knife
# Like the ones who give the advice
# Yodel-ay-ee, yodel-ay-ee, yodel-oo
# Never sell the old .22 #
(dramatic sting)
(ominous music)
-(Man): Hello?
- Hey!
(Man): Just give me
a second, will you?
Yeah, sure.
- How you doing?
- (Alex): Good, good, good.
We're reserved.
Under Louis.
- (Ranger): What's the name?
- Alex Louis.
(Ranger): Yeah,
I saw you in here.
You're ready to go,
your canoe will be right
down there by the water.
Bring it back Monday at five.
That's rig ht,
back to work Tuesday.
- Need a map?
- (Alex): No, I'm good.
You don't want a map?
Nope, no,
I know this park well.
It's kind of end of
the season, right?
I mean, the weather
can change on you.
Just turn on a dime.
- Less people.
-Amen to that.
You mind me asking you, Mr.
No Map, where you're headed?
Blackfoot Trail.
I can't wait to show her.
First time here,
it's gonna be awesome.
I got some bad news for you,
I'm really sorry about
this, but Blackfoot Trail's
closed for the season.
Why?
Had to, there were some
yahoos tramping around
there and
disrespecting everything,
This is a treasured site.
I don't have to tell you,
I guess,
and Parks and Recreation
wanna keep it that way.
Going to Blackfoot Trail is kind
of the whole point of this trip.
It's 500 bucks if you're
caught up there, each.
So that'd be a thousand bucks,
expensive little camping trip.
Honey!
Jenn, you ready?
- Yup.
- Oh, hang on.
Yeah rodeo,
there's your medical kit
and there's a whistle in there.
Try to bring that back
and I'll try not to charge you.
A thousand bucks?
(laughs)
(Ranger): You're pretty good!
Bye.
You have a nice trip.
(Jenny. Thanks.
- Really?
- Last one.
Come on, babe.
No, this is really important,
you knowl've been
waiting forever for this.
I'm just, just give me...
They're all important.
Can't it wait 'til we get back?
Okay, I'm done, good?
All right,
I don't believe you, but--
Well, putting it away, so--
Oh hang on, hang on.
Let's take a picture,
let's mark the departure.
Put it to good use, right?
Okay.
Ready?
(mumbles)
Yeah, one of us looks good.
All right.
(dramatic music)
- Hey.
- Hey, have a good one!
(Alex): Thanks a lot.
(9 runts)
- Fuck!
-You okay?
Fuck, fuck, that
fucking hurt like a bitch!
(Jenn): You sure you're okay?
Yeah, yeah,
I'll just walk it off.
This is for you.
It'll scare anything away.
You'll see.
Probably won't need it.
Got it taken care of already.
Look what I got.
When did you get that?
I got it a few days ago.
We're not gonna need it.
Do you wanna have a good time
on this trip, or do you want
me to be freaking out?
This is what makes me feel safe.
Okay.
Well if you're gonna have it,
it's useless in your bag,
give it to me.
Just gotta clip it to
your belt, all right?
You're not gonna need it.
Bear spray.
I wonder what other
goodies you have in there.
Nothing, I'm serious, I don't
have anything in there.
See, there's nothing.
Oh, come on!
Seriously?
This is a road flare--
I know what it is!
Yeah, this is for when
your car breaks down
on the side of the highway.
You know this,
I know you know this.
Jenn, come on,
if you wanted a flare
I could've picked
you up a pen flare,
they sell them at
any camping store.
- There's your flare.
- Thank you.
You ready?
I think so.
Okay.
(grunts) Oh my God.
- (Alex): You good?
-Yes.
- Huh?
- What, sorry, what?
Jenn, you know we'll be lucky to
see anything bigger
than a chipmunk, right?
Mmmhm.
(dramatic music)
- Hi.
- Hey.
(scoffs) No!
Hey look at that, that's cute.
We should take it.
- This a good spot?
-Yeah.
Counselor, back up.
(laughs)
Do you wanna turn
me on right now?
- Is it working?
-Yeah.
It's pretty hot.
Speaking of...
Do you remember the little
swimming hole we walked by?
Nope, I don't.
Really?
You said you would.
(Jenn): I didn't say that.
- Yes, you did.
- No, I said maybe.
No, no, no,
you said yes.
Come on, babes.
No, it's like when you
say "Do you wanna
order Chinese food
tonight?" and I go "Maybe,"
and then we get Italian.
I'm gonna be all
lonely by myself.
(Jenn): Well no one's
making you do this!
Stop m
Oh my God, please,
what is this?!
Don't leave me hanging, babe.
(laughs)
Okay, okay, fine.
- You ready?
- No.
Come on.
Five, four, three-two-one!
(screaming)
woo,
- (Alex): Come on!
-(Jenn): No!
Woo, woo!
I'm gonna get some more wood
before it gets too dark.
Okay, I'll come help you.
No, no,
I'll be back in a sec.
Okay. Yup-
(bird squawking)
- Hello?
-Whoa!
(indistinct conversation)
(Jenn): Yeah, so it was deep.
(Brad): Huh,
that's weird, I don't, I...
It must have been on the...
(indistinct)
(Jenn): No, I don't think so.
(Brad): I got the bee.
(Jenn): That's a
really weird story.
(Brad): I did,
the honeycomb's enough.
(Jenn): No, I know you didn't...
Hey.
This is Alex.
Alex, this is Brad.
Brad, rig ht?
Yeah, hi, how are you?
I'm good, thanks.
Were you just walking by, or...
Oh, yeah,
I was coming up the trail
and ran into your
friend here and
she invited me up for a chat.
Yeah, turns out that
he also grew up
in the park, or the woods,
and he's got
a ton of fish,
so I thought maybe
we could all have
dinner tonight.
Couldn't eat them
all if I wanted to.
I mean I could try, but...
I just gotta put
a shin on, all right?
(Jenn): All right.
(Brad): So you were saying?
(muffled chatting)
- Jenn!
-Yeah?
Could you come help
me here for a sec?
Sure.
- What's up?
- Come on in.
Okay.
What?
You comfortable with this?
What, him?
Yeah, I don't know,
this guy could be...
I was talking to him for like
10 minutes, he's great.
He's great, hmm,
well he's a liar.
Why is he a liar?
Woods?
What, the woods of Ireland?
- Come on, come on.
- What's that have to
do with anything?
Did you invite him or
did he invite himself?
I did.
You want me to uninvite him?
No, we can't do that, can we?
I can do that, I can
do that, it'd be really
awkward, but I'll do it.
You'd never be able to do that.
What do you need help with?
I obviously don't need help.
I guess it wasn't
obvious because
you told me to come in here.
Know what,
I don't wanna bother y'all,
so probably better if I just be on my way
and have a nice trip.
Oh no,
no, no, stay.
No, no, no,
you're gonna stay and you're
gonna have some dinner with us.
Yeah?
Yeah, it was just a
misunderstanding, that's all.
All right then, let's do it.
(shudders)
You wanted fish.
Thought it was illegal
to fish these lakes.
Grandfather law.
So that's when
an old law applies
to existing situations, but then
a new law applies
to all future ones.
I know what a
grandfather law is.
Okay, So"!!-
Lawyer.
Yeah, I got that.
(chuckles)
What about you, Alex?
What do you do?
Well, right now my buddy has
a landscaping business,
so I'm working with him.
You Mexican?
I didn't mean anything by that.
It's just I thought that's a job
that the Mexicans do here.
Well what he does
is pretty high end.
And actually he's starting
a new company soon,
so it's great,
he's really talented.
Well done you, Alex.
Travel's good?
Travel's all rig ht,
yeah, and lucky for me
cannot find any fish, I got
a license to kill a deer.
Oh, cool.
Fuck me trying to get a
license for that these days.
You guys have
anything we can cook
for sides with these?
Yeah, you know, I can...
May be fry the
veggies or potatoes?
The veggies sound good.
- Okay.
-I say the potatoes.
Why don't we do both?
Nah, let's...
Let's eat the potatoes.
I'll get 'em.
So you're Irish?
- I'm from Tipperary.
- Is that New Mexico?
That's a good one.
Actually South of Dublin.
What do you do
for a living out here?
I give backcountry
eco tours to tourists
who want a deeper experience
of the wilderness,
something more than
camping in a parking lot.
Yeah, that's cool.
I mean you and
Jenn are doing it,
so it must be cool, right?
How much would
something like that cost?
Well, I wouldn't know.
You don't know
how much it costs?
I only know how much
they pay me, Alex.
Okay, so they're
already hard boiled,
we just have to put 'em
on for a few minutes.
(Brad): Hang on.
(urinating)
(m utters) Oh, my God.
(mouthing) I'm sorry.
All right then, let's
see what we got here.
- I can do that.
- No, I got it.
This smells delicious.
Yeah, there's garlic,
rosemary and some tyme.
You're a lucky man, Alex.
I know.
So what are your plans?
You guys gonna do
some amazing hikes,
see some spots, what?
I think we're--
You know we live
really hectic lives,
so I think we're
just gonna relax,
stay around here for a few days.
- Yup.
-All right.
You're really grabbing life by the
balls there, Alex, aren't you?
I'm just saying.
If I had a beautiful woman
here like Jenn
I'd wanna take her
to some spots that
weren't on the
tourist trail, right?
As a matter of fact,
Jenn, there is this
absolutely gorgeous waterfall,
I mean really beautiful.
You've probably been
there, right, Alex?
Yeah, totally.
Then you know which
side of the waterfall
to climb down on.
The right side.
The right side.
Good guess, Alex.
I wasn't guessing.
Always see these tourists always
trying to go down the left side.
I mean they think it's safer.
Fucking idiots.
There's also...
Frozen Arrow.
The Blackfoot Trail.
I mean if it were me,
I would wanna take
you to all those spots.
You sure you don't need a guide?
Already have one.
(Brad): Let's eat.
All right.
- That was fun.
-Yeah, thanks for the fish.
All right.
And I'm now ready.
- Cheers!
- Night.
Hey Alex.
Earlier, you said something.
It was a misunderstanding.
You wanna explain that to me?
It was nothing.
Well he's a big boy.
Let him answer.
It's just a funny thing to say.
What'd you mean by it?
I'm not sure I understand
what you're getting at.
Oh, yes you do.
What was a misunderstanding?
(dramatic music)
Is this important?
I wouldn't be fucking
asking if it wasn't.
It's on me, okay, I-
Jenn.
Well I come back here and I find
my girlfriend
talking to this guy.
And I'm not sure
it's a good idea.
That's all.
I mean, I don't know you.
So what was the
misunderstanding?
You could be some nut.
She convinced me otherwise.
Like I said, Alex.
You're a lucky guy.
I'm sorry.
Jenn, I...
I think you dropped something.
(Jenn): I got n.
Thanks.
Why don't you invite him to the
house next time, that'd be fun.
I said I'm sorry.
Should we worry about him?
What's that?
Should we worry about him
coming back or I don't know.
No, he's just weird.
Let me get my axe.
I'm gonna sleep
with it in case your
fucking dinner guest
wants to come back
for dessert or something.
You're mad.
Jenn, I don't understand you.
(Jenn): What?!
You invite a total
stranger to eat
dinner with us our first
night on this trip.
Okay, I...
I didn't know what to do.
Okay, I was just being kind.
I'm sorry.
Just stay here.
If he turns around and
comes back you yell for me.
(dramatic music)
Oh my God,
that smells amazing.
Wm,!
Thank you.
Remember the survey that we
took on the way over here?
The first question was
about how many times your
boyfriend has made
breakfast in bed for you.
- Remember that?
- Really?
Yeah, and I had to write zero.
Well, I guess I have to change
that from zero to one.
- One, huh?
- Mm hm.
Was it really zero?
Yeah.
- You embarrassed?
-A little bit.
This isn't even a bed,
sol don't--
Believe me, this counts.
Thank you.
What is it about this
place that's so amazing?
- The Blackfoot Trail?
-Yeah.
Why's it called that, anyway?
The local tribes
called it that because
when the trail ends
it circles around
this really small lake,
and the earth
around the lake is black,
so when they hunted
they followed animal
tracks in the black earth
and called it Blackfoot Trail.
What was the lake called?
I don't know.
Seriously?
No no no, picture it,
picture it,
picture it, all right?
You come up this
steep rocky trail.
And then all of a
sudden it levels off
and it's this
beautiful, pristine...
When I was a kid
this was my favorite
place in the whole world.
It all looks so out of
place that high up,
it's like out of some fantasy
novel or something, you know?
Yeah, I have a
feeling your geeky
side is about to come out.
What geeky side?
What geeky side,
the one that made
me watch Legend four times.
Just wait for the pan
where Tom Cruise
is waiting by the
lake for the big
white unicorn to come out.
It's an awesome scene,
what are you talking about?
Yeah, indeed.
We're good?
Yeah.
Of course you're going that way.
This is the way.
Let me see it.
Alex, that's disgusting!
Ugh!
It's pretty bad.
Are you ready?
Ahhh!
Sorry, babe.
(laughs) That's not good.
I don't know why
you're laughing about it.
Why not?
Ow, just don't touch the...
Don't touch it.
Here, let me finish it here.
- (Jenn): It looks...
- It looks terrible.
You got the...
Could use some new socks.
- Two pairs.
- Oh, thanks.
(twig snaps)
(twigs snap)
Alex.
Alex!
Alex!
Alex!
- Alex, get up!
- (Alex): Mmm hm.
- (Jenn): Listen.
- (Alex): What?
(Jenn): Just listen,
what is that?
(Alex): What?
(Jenn): Someone's
throwing shit at our tent.
- (Alex): What?
- Just listen.
(twig snap)
What is that?
That? Oh, that's
acorns just falling
from the trees on our tent.
It's fine,
just go back to sleep.
(mud)
That's not an acorn.
(whispers) What is it?
You think it's him?
Let's just listen
for a bit, okay?
Fuck this,
now you got me all paranoid.
Maybe he came back
to throw stones at
the tent or something stupid.
(Alex): No, no, no,
that can't be it.
Whatever it is, it stopped.
So let's just go back
to sleep, okay?
It stopped.
(dramatic music)
That wasn't there
last night, was it?
No.
I wanna go home.
I don't wanna be here anymore.
Jenn, come on,
don't overreact, okay?
An acorn did that?
Come on, I've waited
so long for this trip.
We're here, and when you
get there, you'll love it.
I promise.
Yeah, okay.
- Can you do this for me?
-Yes.
Thank you.
All right.
(growls)
She's a very good artist,
I have no idea
why you don't
give her a chance.
What do you mean?
She's a great performer.
It's just not my thing.
- I don't-
- Oh, hey.
Hang on a second.
(Jenn): What?
This is wintergreen.
And you can eat this.
Tastes like spearmint gum.
- You want some?
- No.
- You sure?
-Yes, an animal probably peed on it.
(laughs) Your loss.
What's that smell?
(dramatic music)
It's nothing.
(Alex): Babe!
(flies buzzing)
Oh my God, Alex!
No.
Oh God, get off of me!
(9 runts)
Oh my God!
UM!
(Alex): Found it!
Thank God!
(laughs) Uh-oh.
What is so funny?
I think you have a little
piece of poo on your face.
Yeah, 'cause
I just fell down on it.
- You fell? You okay?
- I'm fine.
Shouldn't we be saving
that or something?
No, we got plenty of water.
It's just a couple drops.
Here.
- Thank you.
-You're welcome.
- Is this it?
-Yeah, just up there.
It's a real bitch
to get up, isn't it?
I know.
But it's worth it.
- Alex...
- Come on!
- I'm coming.
- Come on!
(dramatic music)
Come on!
(Jenn mumbles)
Alex?
(dramatic sting)
Where's the lake?
I can't believe this.
- Alex...
-I don't understand.
This can't be it, right?
Fuck, I was sure, I was
fucking 100% sure I was.
(Jenn): Can you look
at me please--
Just let me think,
just let me think,
let me think,
let me think!
Fuck, god damn it,
what the fuck is this?!
Please tell me you
have a map in your bag.
I never needed a map!
Well, we do now.
I don't have one.
So then where are we?
I obviously don't
know, all right?
Well you said that you've done
this so many times,
you said it was
like a few years
ago you did this!
Yeah, I've been in the
park a bunch of times!
Trail, Alex,
you said you did the trail.
Yeah.
Not since high school, but...
- It's not...
-I put it here!
I put it right here!
It's not...
- I took it out.
-What?
Your phone.
I took it out.
Where is it?
- In the car.
-Why would you do that?
I didn't want you on that thing
the whole time we were here.
I didn't reach for that once.
I wanted to bring it in case
we needed it, which we do!
(Alex): Can't get
reception out here anyway--
Well, I would have loved to try!
When was the last time you were
sure of where you were?
I was sure the whole time!
No, think, Alex!
When was it?
I don't...
Maybe the fork in the trail.
The first one,
the second one?
First one.
Are you serious?
(Alex): Come on,
don't freak out!
I don't want to be
freaking out rig ht now,
but we are in the middle
of fucking nowhere!
We don't have anything,
we don't have a map,
we don't have a cell phone!
We don't have anything, we
haven't seen anyone in so long!
(Alex): It's okay.
Why, why did we have to come
so far out on my
first camping trip?
Why couldn't it have
just been a regular trip?
Why do you always
have to show off?
I'm not showing off--
(Jenn): Why do you
always try to impress me?!
I'm not trying to
impress you, okay?!
(Jenn): Good, 'cause I'm not
fucking impressed rig ht now!
Good!
I'm not trying to
fucking impress you!
Alex, could we be
honest for a second?
I'd love to be honest for once.
I wish I never came.
This whole thing was a mistake.
(Alex): Come on, Jenn, don't-
We should be going
home tomorrow,
but you fucked it up!
You always fuck it all up,
you're such a fucking loser!
This stupid lake, why did
we have to come here?!
I don't even care, why?!
Why?!
I was gonna propose to you.
(dramatic music)
I'm really sorry.
I had no idea.
It's okay.
We should probably make camp.
We can go tomorrow
- Okay.
- Okay.
Sounds good.
(eerie music)
(eerie music)
(twig snaps)
(twigs snap)
(animals skitter)
(thunder)
(heavy breathing
and footsteps)
(sniffing)
(growling)
Was it a-
No, no, no, no,
it was a raccoon.
You can tell me the truth.
No, I saw the
little shit last night.
Shit!
(dramatic music)
Is this right?
Yeah, just need to take a
turn at that overgrown trail.
It doesn't seem this far down.
No, we're good, we're good.
Watch your step.
Watch your step there.
Shit.
Should we go back?
I don't know.
What are the chances of
this leading to something?
Pretty good, right?
It's a national park,
it's gotta lead somewhere.
Here.
Thank you.
What is that?
Bear bed.
Okay.
Okay.
Let's get as far as
we can before dark.
Right?
Come on.
Let's go, Alex.
I'm so sorry.
Did you mean those
things you said?
No, I didn't.
'Cause Jenn, I mean if
that's the way you feel--
No.
I should have never said that.
I was just really mad.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
Do you wanna see it?
The ring?
(Alex): Yeah.
If you want to.
No, no, no,
no, don't, no.
Actually, just...
Wait.
Okay.
So hungry-
I think I have half
a protein bar left.
This is all we have?
This is it?
Yeah.
Oh, wait a second.
Except for...
Ta-da!
Come on, really?
Yeah.
- You want some?
-Yeah.
Oooh, screw top.
(laughing)
- You first.
- Okay.
To us.
To us.
That is so good.
Have some,
it's great.
(Alex): That is good.
I know this sucks.
Could be worse.
How's that?
At least we're together.
I mean it.
Come here.
(twig snaps)
(twig snaps)
(whispers) What is that, Alex?
I don't know.
Alex, do you think it's a bear?
Hey!
(footsteps)
Is it gone?
- Let's get back in the tent.
- Okay.
Okay, let's go.
It's okay.
You scared it off,
we're good.
Okay, we're good.
- Hi.
- Hey.
So I was thinking...
That I should phone
down to the front desk
and order us some room service.
Maybe a couple's massage?
Deep tissue.
(laughing)
We're gonna be okay.
I know.
- We should get going, okay?
- Mm hm.
(growling)
What?
Alex?
- What?
- Stay quiet.
- You're scaring me--
- Stay quiet, stay quiet.
Did he come back?
(growling)
What the fuck is it doing?
What the fuck is it doing?
Did he come back?
Shhh.
(growling)
Please move on.
Please move on, please move on,
please move on, please move on.
Please move on.
- Ah, fuck.
-What?
Oh God.
Is it out there,
did it come back?
What do we do, we don't
have any food in here!
- I know.
-Where's my axe?
Fuck, where's my axe?!
In your bag?
I left my bag by the fire.
(growling)
I can't believe
this is happening.
What do we do?
What do we do?
We don't have any fucking air.
Alex?
(sniffing)
(growling)
(roaring)
(screaming)
Behind me!
Get behind me!
Get the fuck out!
Get the fuck out!
Get out!
(roaring)
(screaming)
(roaring)
I'm gonna wrap it.
I know, just...
Okay, Okay-
It's okay, I'm gonna wrap it.
(screaming)
It's all right.
It's okay.
(Alex): Jenn,
I can't feel my foot!
It's okay!
It's okay, it's okay.
I can't feel my foot.
We're gonna get you out of here,
we're gonna crawl out
of here if we have to.
You hear me?
My God,
I'm gonna fucking die out here!
- No you're not!
- I'm gonna fucking die!
Alex, you're fine!
Alex, you're gonna be fine.
(roaring)
(screaming)
Alex!
(screaming)
(Alex): Run, Jenn, run!
(roaring)
(heart beating)
(inaudible)
(roaring)
(thwack)
(ringing)
Help!
Help!
Help!
Anybody!
(sobbing)
(twig snaps)
(footsteps)
(dramatic music)
(helicopter whirring)
Help!
Help!
(running water)
(coughing)
(groaning)
(grunting)
(sobbing)
(roaring)
(dramatic music)
(whistle blows)
(roaring)
Fuck.
Fuck!
(crack)
(screams)
(groans)
(crunch)
(screaming)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music)
(inaudible)
(melancholy banjo music)