1
- Hello?
Yes, I just showed up.
Yeah, I found it.
I know what to do.
Okay.
Yes, Mrs. May, I'm going in.
Here I go again.
This is sad.
Okay.
So here's the story.
You're probably asking
yourself why I'm back here.
Well there's yet another
new owner of the home.
Her name is Emily May.
Mrs. May knows the history of the house
and has hired me to
come in and cleanse it,
get rid of any ghosts or
demons that are in here.
And that's the real mystery.
I thought the house was
free of any evil spirits
several times, but somehow
they keep coming back
or new ones show up.
Why, that's what I aim to find out.
For some reason, evil is
attracted to this house.
So here I am, Tom Riley,
paranormal investigator,
tasked with making this house suitable
for Mrs. May and her family.
Where do I start?
Okay, let me check out these cameras.
What the hell is wrong
with this basement camera?
Alright, I've been hanging
out outside this house
for the past hour and I've
been monitoring the cameras
on the iPad and I don't see
anything happening in there.
So I know you think I'm crazy,
but I really need the
money this lady's paying me
so I'm going back in there.
Alright, the basement's all quiet,
so whatever burst through that door
isn't here right now, at least I hope not.
But I discovered two very strange things.
Number one, there's a fire
that was, it's burning out,
but it was recently
active in the wood stove.
But even more mysterious,
in all the times I've been in this house
I've never noticed this room over here.
Fucking smell in here.
Somebody's been living here.
That must be who busted through the door
trying to scare me away.
Oh.
No doubt, that's their
fucking shit bucket.
Oh no, what is that?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, please.
No, please.
It's a fucking doll.
Look at this ugly little bitch.
What, huh?
Where did?
Now things are getting really creepy.
The ghost meter.
Alright, let's see you do your job.
Nothing.
Nothing at all, which
is exactly what we want.
Set that over there.
What the fuck!
What the.
Where'd you go?
I know you're down here.
Alright so two hours
ago I was in this house
and everything seemed calm.
Then the door got busted off.
Then I waited an hour, I came back in,
I used the ghost meter,
everything seemed calm.
I have no idea how
these things are getting
back in this house, but it's
apparent things are heating up
and I gotta find a way to
get rid of these things
going on here because I need the money
this lady's paying me.
So what I'll keep doing is
I'll keep looking around
looking for anything strange,
seeing what I can find
out and dealing with it.
So I don't know what to expect next.
So I'm just gonna keep alert.
I don't know what exactly I'm gonna do
but I've been through this before,
I know how to handle it, I'm
not scared, I'll do it again.
God damn it!
Shit's too much!
Yeah, shit's heating up alright.
What the hell?
Damn it.
Ow, fuck!
Alright.
Okay.
Ghosts, demons, whatever's in this house,
I'm not fooling around with you this time.
I'm getting right to the point,
what is supposed to drive you out of here?
Do not perform unless you are
a canonized Catholic priest.
Oh well, words are words.
The power of Christ compels you.
Jesus Christ.
I'm gonna die.
I'm sitting here waiting for power
to come back on in the house
so I can get out there and
see what I'm up against.
Doing this in the dark is not easy.
Doing it in the light isn't easy,
but anyway, I'm waiting
for power to come back on.
I have to get rid of
whatever's in this house.
I have to find out how it's
coming back after it's gone.
I don't understand that.
How did I go from several years ago
having a ton of money in the
bank, my entire life savings,
to buying this house and losing it
and now working for the new owner
and I'm sitting here
locked in the laundry room
on the first floor, waiting
for a light to come back on.
I oughta just walk away from this thing
but I need this freaking money.
Fuck.
Give me that knife, you bitch.
I am not making any progress.
God damn it.
Where'd you go?
Hello?
I'm down here in this creepy ass basement
and after what happened with the dolls
I ran upstairs to get this ghost meter
and I came down, the dolls were gone.
The basement door was open.
I must be out of my fucking mind
but I came down here looking for them.
I can't find them anywhere in here
and they're not in that other room I found
and the ghost meter was active
when I started coming down
the steps, then it went dead.
Jesus Christ, this
fucking house of horrors!
Hey!
Come back here!
Come here!
Come here!
Alright now, you and I
are going to have a talk.
This has been going on, look at me,
this has been going on far too long.
Where's your sister, driving around?
I've got to document this.
I don't know who's inside of you,
what spirit or demon,
but I've gotta tell you this
has gotten out of control
and I have to get you out of this house.
So whatever spirit is inside of you,
I command you to leave and if you don't
I'm going to throw you
in that fire downstairs
and nobody is going to stop me.
No, no, no, no!
Oh God damn it.
So,
that's a claw mark.
That's like a claw mark.
I'm playing with dolls.
I told her nobody's going to help her.
In comes some demonic force.
Smacks me down, at least for the moment
it seems to be subdued.
And I've got a claw mark, a hand print
of Satan on my face.
This is just great.
How am I gonna handle this?
I need this fucking money, God damn it.
If I didn't need this money
I wouldn't even be here,
let her deal with it herself.
But I am here and I need this.
Man up.
Nothing.
Nothing.
This meter is picking up nothing.
It's like this what,
these forces just come
and go as they please.
There's nothing.
A couple minutes ago I'm
attacked by some who knows what.
I got some doll running around the house,
another one driving around the house
and now there's nothing.
Spirits of the house, make yourself known.
Whoa.
What the hell is this?
Some old painting.
There's something inside of here.
You're shitting me.
What the hell is this?
Why was this hidden behind this photo?
This is a book from the Leeds family.
And this crest here matches this exactly.
This is like an instruction
book for this house.
It mentions evil, ghosts, spirits.
This earmarked page, I am so lonely,
I let them in, I let
them in, I let them in,
written over and over again.
Talks about how to deal with demons.
This, this is gonna be real interesting.
So this book is just the book,
this is the book on witchcraft
and spells and demonology
and all that that I've been using.
This book however, is the
specific book about this house.
It mentions everything from the history
of when the witch coven
used to perform here,
the rituals years, decades
before this house was built here
and it says that the demon
that's leading these people,
not to antagonize him but the
commander of the 30 legions,
his name is Andras.
Christ!
What in the mother of all fucks was that?
What the fuck?
Where did she get off to?
God damn it.
Hello?
I gotta be out of my fucking mind.
Hello?
Fuck me.
Play time's over, ladies.
Okay, alright,
showtime is running short
if I'm going to complete
my goal here for Mrs. May and get paid.
I went, the book taught me a lot
and I went looking for around
the house and found this
which is vital to getting the answer
to an important question I need
to deal with what's in this house
or to rid this house of any sort of evil.
The book tells me I need
to find out how many forces
I'm dealing with in the house
that have come through the portal
and the portal's what I'm
going to look for next,
but first I need to find out with how many
demonic forces, ghosts,
whatever I'm dealing with
here in this house, which
I know of two specifically
which have taken possession of the dolls,
which by the way you'll
see there I have chained up
and they're chained to the
pipe that runs along the wood
behind the wood rack there.
So anyway what I'm going,
and I know you're not
supposed to play this game.
I don't consider this playing a game,
but I know you're not supposed to,
according to the instructions,
use this Ouija board alone.
But I don't have anybody else here
and I can't get anybody else here.
So the specific question the
book talks about me asking is
Ouija board, how many
malevolent forces are
in the house now?
So, here we go.
Ouija board, hello?
Okay, Ouija board, how many
evil or malevolent forces,
how many non-human spirits or evil forces
are in the house now?
No, no, no, don't go up there.
Go down, go down, go down.
Nine?
There's nine I have to deal with?
What the fuck?
Do I have to deal with nine?
Alright, it's going towards yes.
So apparently there's nine evil forces
I have to deal with in
getting out of this house
before I can consider it clean.
So the fact is, it says
I have to catch them
and I have to bind them
and then send them back
through the portal.
Well I've bound two of them
but it says I have to send
them through this portal
that's in the house.
Now, where the fuck is this portal?
I've been over every
square inch of this house.
I'm looking through this book.
It gives no indication of
the portal, shows a tree.
But there's a page
missing out of this book
that I'll have to find.
Anyway what I'm going to try
to do is I'm going to try
to ask the Ouija board
where this portal is
so that I can send the evil
back through it and seal it.
Where the fuck?
Okay, I got two of you, seven more to go.
Fight's on, let's go, bring it.
Listen, I need this money.
I need to get rid of you.
You need to get the fuck out of this house
and this book's going
to tell me how to do it.
Oh fucking shit.
Fuck my life.
Fucking mess.
Alright, let me try and figure out
how to locate these fuckers.
I got two of yous, seven to go.
Okay, do not say his name aloud.
Yeah, no shit.
They will try to distract
you, stay focused.
To locate the demons and
ghosts do the following,
say aloud, priests only.
Stay focused, stay focused.
Ghosts, demons, malevolent spirits,
in the name of Saint Michael I command you
to make your presence known.
They will try to distract
you, stay focused.
I command you in the name of Saint Michael
to make your presence known.
Fuck is it?
Jackpot.
Now, these are the voodoo dolls.
But there's one, two.
I guess this is three and four.
Do you count as one or four?
Fuck.
Hello?
Hello?
What the fuck!
What the fuck are you?
Stop it.
Stop it.
Fuck, fucking stale.
Stop it.
Ow!
Ow, fuck!
Make sure to keep a
firm grip on everything.
They will try to, whoa!
Don't do it, come back
here, come back here.
Okay, this is Tom Riley,
paranormal investigator,
trying to earn a few bucks.
But anyway, I'm finally
making some progress.
You'll see, I've got the
dolls chained up and locked up
and I've got the voodoo
dolls tied to them.
So what I don't know,
there's four voodoo dolls
and the two dolls.
Each of the dolls is possessed
by something, so that's two.
I don't know if the voodoo
dolls count as four more
or just one more, if
they're individual entities
or one entity.
So I've either got three of the nine
malevolent forces captured
or I've got possibly as
many as six of the nine.
So that means there's three more.
So everything, once it's down here,
this freaking fire's still burning,
I don't know what is putting logs in it
and keeping it going, but here it is.
As far as figuring out whether this counts
as three or six spirits,
malevolent forces,
I need to find that Ouija
board or that missing page
from my book.
So anyway, let me get going, whoa!
Fuck!
I tripped over that fucking stool.
What the fuck is that noise?
Get away from me!
Son of a bitch!
Fucking somebody help me!
Fuck, this may be the last
moment I'm ever seen alive again.
I thought you were dead.
Fuck.
What the fuck!
Well, this is the next one
and I know exactly where you're going.
Now that I straightened up down there
I don't feel like having
you guys fucking shit up.
I got the dolls from up there
but I don't remember if the
ashes were still up there.
Okay, phone's recording in Tom Riley's
continued documentation of,
the Ouija board.
That's just what I've been looking for.
And yes, those ashes are still up here.
Be careful I don't break my ass here.
Where's the Ouija?
You know what, let me
set this camera down.
Tripod and get over here, let's see.
That looks like the outline, there it is.
The Ouija board.
Now I can get some answers
I've been looking for.
What's, no,
this is the missing page from the journal.
The nine demons lured here by witches,
and this is the dolls, which I've got.
This one, and all their names are on here,
this one is Yoko Ono or Yuki Ana.
Ar-dat Lilly, associated with children.
Well, it's a doll.
And here's my answer to the voodoo dolls.
They aren't four, shit,
they're not four separate
demons, they're one, a lee-gos.
Made, what's this say?
Made to represent, I don't know.
Oh, they were made to represent
former humans in the house,
like voodoo dolls,
but now occupied by demons.
The Crescent Moon Clown
is the demon Pay-ma.
Full of energy and loud noises, colorful,
bright lights make active.
Yeah, they sure do.
The music box, I haven't
seen that, Mal-pess.
I don't know what that word is,
but reveals secrets of enemies.
The ashes, which are
here, are the demon Came.
So these are actually
possessed by a demon,
which is what tried to hide this from me.
Yeah, well that didn't
work too good, did it?
The vacated ashes of humans
that used to occupy house.
Demons are in the ashes now.
The Ouija board, the communicator,
this is that name I
called when I got attacked
and it's, that looks
like what was chasing me.
This name here, which
I'm also not gonna say,
is President of the
High Council of Demons,
rules the portal, king of fire,
rules the portal for the underworld,
it's the king of fire, look for fire.
This is the missing page,
so now I know the individual
names of the demons.
Let me ask you a question, Ouija board,
where is this portal?
Okay, let's do this this way.
Ouija board, where is this portal?
Come on, come on, do something.
Ouija board, where is this portal?
Oh, give me a break,
let's try it this way.
This worked before.
Ouija board, where is this portal?
Fuck, let me go get
something to clean this up.
And take with me.
I'll be back in a.
Okay, I got a dustpan here.
What the fuck?
It worked, it spelled out a message to me.
O-S-T-V-E.
O and E, what's that spell?
V-O-T-E-S, votes?
Votes, what the fuck does that mean?
Anyway, let me clean this up.
Fuck.
What the fuck?
Where did they go?
What the fuck?
I'm not going forward
here, I'm going backwards!
Where the fuck is this portal?
Votes, votes, what the
fuck does votes mean?
King of fire?
Fire, votes, the Ouija board
didn't spell out votes,
it spelled out stove, it's the wood stove!
Okay, so here I've set up the iPad
because in searching around here,
hang on, I want to have this tripod.
In searching around down here,
here's the fireplace, which
is like this eternal flame
that's always burning,
so I'm looking for the
way in that the evil
keeps getting in the house
and of all the times I've been down here,
I never looked back here,
but here behind the wood stove is a door
and I'm gonna try to set the
phone up in my holder here
on the tripod so I can show you this.
Now, outside is the other
side of this wall, but
here you see a tunnel.
I'm gonna keep the iPad running over there
so that you can see me,
see what's happening here.
The camera in the basement is broken,
so that's not filming anything
so I can't look and see anything
coming in and out of here
nor can I take a see at
what's feeding this fire,
but anyway I'm gonna put my fat ass
through that small hole
and I'm gonna take my
iPhone with me and record
what's going on on the other side
and hopefully I come back.
Man, that thing's flaring up.
So it's, uh, it's cold in the tunnel,
so I'm going to go through there
and here I go.
Jesus.
Well here I go.
What the fuck am I doing?
I have no idea what's on
the other side of that door.
Well that door is still open.
Well, here we go.
Fuck.
I don't know where I am
but the absolute feeling of
dread and evil is unreal.
Do you hear that?
Now let me put this camera on the tripod
so that I can,
is that on there?
Okay.
So anyway, this is the door
I just came through from the house.
This has got to be the way that evil
is coming and going into the house
and here's what's even crazier,
this tunnel I just climbed through,
there is no tunnel.
But when I open the door,
you can see the tunnel.
No tunnel.
So anyway, I'm going back through here
to get back to the house
but this is the way
that evil's been getting
in and out of the house
and if I can seal this,
no more evil coming in
and out of the house.
Anyway, that's part of the plan.
Oh shoot, what am I closing it for?
Let's go.
That wood stove's gonna feel pretty good
after being out here
but I'm gonna have to get these things
to come back through this door
and then seal it with them inside.
Probably the only guy on Earth
that's ever been in hell and come back
or whatever the fuck that was.
Alright, here we go, I can squeeze out
behind this fucking stove.
Fuck.
Alright.
So for now,
I'm gonna find a lock.
So for now, I'm gonna try
to find a lock and lock that
but I'm shutting all this shit off
because I'm wet and I'm cold.
I found it, that has got
to be the way in, alright.
Okay, I had to get out of
that house and get a break.
So I came out here to walk
in the woods a little bit
behind the house, just to relax.
It's loud out here, crickets and all.
But I've got my phone on the tripod,
I'm just headed out here into the woods.
I must be nuts, but I just
had to get out of that house.
I have no idea how I'm going
to recapture these things
and get them through that portal,
but I'm gonna have to.
So I'm walking back here.
The quiet is deafening, the insects.
Anyway.
So I'm just back here.
Back here near where the grave was of Ben
behind the house.
Try to gather my thoughts
out here in the fresh air.
Trying to figure out,
oh the motion sensor light's
on, that's what's up there.
Trying to figure out how I'm
gonna capture these demons
and move on,
it seems like every step forward I take,
I take two steps backwards,
so I don't know where I'm gonna go from.
Did you see that?
It's the dolls.
Do you hear the music box?
It's like they're taunting me.
They're right there.
I know who you are.
And I'm going to put
you through that portal.
No, no, no!
No, fuck.
Where the fuck did it go?
Where did it go?
Oh, I don't need this bullshit.
What am I doing out here?
I should be home finishing
that book by Kellen Geneva,
Red Oak Lane.
Such a good book but here I am.
Sorry, whenever I'm nervous, I babble.
Where the fuck did this thing go?
I'm gonna go deal with this fucking thing.
I'm gonna go deal with him right now.
Okay, let's get this done.
This is it.
I'm running out of time.
I had no idea this was
gonna be this tough.
I should've let Mrs. May hire
those paranormal investigator
hacks from Minnesota, Matt
and Amanda Lamm-Hoffman.
But no, I had to be a big shot
and tell her I could do this.
What was I thinking?
Jesus Christ, what was that?
Hello?
Oh shit.
Ben, help!
Yes!
Thanks, Ben.
Got you.
I gotta get all of you now.
Got three of yous.
Okay, here we go, using my trusty iPad.
We're at the boiling point, folks.
What the fuck, this is in Latin.
Oh thank Jesus, here it is in English.
Okay, here we go.
To be read by a priest only.
Well, we don't have a priest,
so I'm doing it, so here goes.
Demons, I cast you out.
Every unclean spirit.
Every Satanic power.
Every infernal adversary.
Every legion.
Every diabolical group and sect.
I will now call you by name
and command you to be gone.
First, I got this stuff,
which I have already.
Py-ma, the Crescent Moon
Clown, enter the portal.
Co-ball, the Ouija
board, enter the portal.
The rest of you I will call
from where you shutter in fear,
you cannot hide.
Ar-dat Lilly, enter the protal.
Get in there.
Yoki-anin, enter the portal.
Enter, get in there, you bitch.
El-gis, enter the portal.
Fuck you, douchebag.
Oh, cock.
Mow-pass, enter the portal.
Yeah, we'll miss your music.
Oh fuck, here we go.
An-dras, enter the protal.
And now I command the President
of the High Council of Demons,
the king of fire, the
gatekeeper of the portal,
Ad-rom-o-lick.
In the name of Jesus
Christ, enter the portal.
Okay, that wasn't as hard
as I thought it would be.
Wait, who am I missing?
That was eight.
Oh, the ashes.
Alright, here we go.
Came, I command you to enter the portal!
Okay, locked and loaded,
all demons cleared.
Hello?
Yes, Mrs. May, it's Tom,
well of course you know it's Tom Riley.
I'm happy to report to you that the house
is cleansed of all evil, it's all gone.
Well, what do you mean?
Of course you could.
You've been what?
You've been watching this whole time?
I've been getting my ass
kicked by these fucking demons
and almost killed and you've been watching
and you've been live streaming it?
A million hits?
So wait a second, you
didn't see what I did
to get rid of all the demons, did you?
Alright, well,
no, I don't think it's funny.
You've been sitting there
streaming me the whole time,
was this just for your enjoyment?
Alright, fine, don't worry then.
Hey guys, Ad-rom-o-lick, all of you,
come on back in and party.
Fuck this lady.
Fucking,
fucking all this work for nothing.
You having a blast?
You think it's funny streaming me?
PlayStation four.
Stream this, bitch.
Fuck you.