[ rock music plays ]
Oooh-ooh
Yeah, yeah
Everybody has
their day
Tonight I want
to make it better
Don't you know
there's a price to pay
When you deal
with the devil?
Someday, we're all
gonna die
Some sooner
than later
One thing
that you can't deny
I want
to live forever
Don't get me wrong
I wouldn't say never
I'm living much too fast
to die young
I want to live forever
Nobody lives forever
I want to live forever
Nobody lives forever.
[ honking ]
[ engine sputtering ]
This section of the lot
is for Huns only,
enema head!
[ metal clanking ]
Hey, Drew.
Charity's old locker?
Mr. Douglas said that
a year was enough.
I guess they're
short on space.
[ sighs ]
I believe
this is my locker.
Hi, I'm Katarina.
It's ni--
it's nice to meet--
it's very nice
to meet you.
Um...
This is yours,
so I guess--
okay.
I hope I didn't
upset him.
It's because you're in his
late girlfriend's locker.
Late?
When will she be here?
No, she meant late
as in dead.
- Hey, babe.
- We broke up.
- Remember?
- Oh yeah. Well, look,
I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to call you a spoiled
slant-eyed bitch.
It was in the heat
of the moment.
Come on, T, you know
I still love you
anyway, right?
Yo, G Dog,
what's up?
- Get your dick mittens
off me, spooge.
- Okay.
- Hi, Danielle.
- Hi, wart.
Don't you love
her cool nickname
for me, huh?
- Hi, Jonathan.
- Yo, Brooke.
- Wanna have lunch today?
- Yeah, I'd love to!
Is Danielle
gonna be there?
Later.
Hey, you bros ever
need exam notes
or a paper done
or you want to scratch
some vinyl at my crib,
I'm your homey!
Hi.
How you doing?
[ bell rings ]
ALL THREE:
Good morning,
Mr. Chauncey.
Hello, Danielle,
Tiffany and Brooke.
[ rattling ]
Hi, Drew.
[ humming ]
[ pops ]
Before we get started,
I want to introduce a new
exchange student.
- Katarina Wolfson.
- [ whistling, cheering ]
- Whoo!
- MR. CHAUNCEY:
Settle down!
Miss Wolfson,
would you mind telling
the class a little about
where you're from?
I grew up
in Romania,
in a very small
and poor town
called St. George.
The population
is 375--
just make it 374
because I am here.
[ all laugh ]
Um, well...
my mother told me,
"In America,
if you study hard,
be honest
and always do
the right thing..."
[ gasps ]
"...everything
will be fine."
That's it.
[ applause ]
MR. CHAUNCEY:
Thank you, Katarina.
By the way
St. George
is in the province
of Transylvania,
whose main export other
than the Dracula myth
is chocolate.
My personal favorite
is the cherry-filled
chocolate crucifixes
at Eastertime.
Ew.
Our next
assignment
will be "The Merchant
of Venice."
- [ class moans ]
- Yes!
Who?
I'm sure all of you--
- [ feedback ]
- P.A.: Good morning,
students.
This is Principal Douglas.
As you all know,
it was one year ago today
that one of our students,
Charity Chase, passed away.
For those of you still
struggling with your grief,
Dr. Turner will be having
crisis counseling in room
105 this period.
Any interested student
is hereby excused from class.
Also, don't forget
the big pep rally!
Read the first two acts
for Wednesday.
- We should go.
- Why?
Because it's gonna
look weird if we don't.
Okay.
DOUGLAS:
And will the party responsible
for fire-bombing my car
please report to my office
immediately?
You're not--
you're not gonna
go with them?
I didn't know
the girl.
Well, neither did
the rest of them.
Not really.
Please,
if I'm not prying,
how did she die?
They say
she committed suicide.
They?
Not you?
Hey, yo, my people,
I'll slip you
some guts.
DANIELLE: My idea of hell
is being in a room with that
dork for five minutes.
How long is the
MC Wart persona
going to last?
I give it till the end
of the week.
What's with
this multiple
personalities?
It's because
he doesn't have one.
- [ door opens ]
- GIRL: Oh, Charity!
DR. TURNER:
Remember, time heals
all losses. Next!
- Oh, get over it!
- [ sobbing increases ]
So, where's Drew?
Probably in the classroom
with the new girl.
Holy--
Where the hell
are they?
I believe that's
them out there.
[ door creaks ]
- [ tacks drop ]
- [ gasps ]
[ moans ]
I'm just going
to the nurse's office.
[ groans ]
[ all groaning ]
Hey!
Hey.
You guys are late.
Oh, like they're
not gonna be old
anymore?
Brooke had to get
her lip waxed.
It took longer
than we thought.
- So, how are
you holding up?
- I'm okay.
It must have been weird,
it being the one-year
anniversary and all.
Yeah, I have to admit
it was pretty
- hard, but--
- If you need anything,
I'm here for you.
So, I'd better
get to my stroke
victim.
Don't want
Mrs. Witt to think
I flaked on her.
P.A.:
Can we have an orderly
to room 103 for body removal?
Wow!
- Do you have to get special
training for that?
- For what?
To run bullshit
so effortlessly.
It's a gift.
So, did he seem
a little down to you?
- Hello!
Dead girlfriend!
- Hey, girls!
Hi, Danielle.
- I'm on bathing
detail today.
- GIRLS: Ugh!
Yeah!
See you in the
break room.
Not!
God, I hate
the way this
place smells.
Why'd you pick old people
for this community
service project?
And why are
we here again?
Because you're helping me
get what I want.
And when I get
what I want, I'm happy.
And when I'm happy,
I'm not a bitch.
Surf's up, Winnie.
TV:
I'd like to introduce
you to Gary Pease
who'll show us
the art and science
of gourmet gardening.
Let's go find Gary.
He's in the garden
right now.
- Hello, Gary.
Fabulous zucchini.
- Hi, John.
- How are you?
- Pretty good.
Good to see you.
I have to tell you,
this is the most beautiful
vegetable garden--
[ screaming ]
[ death metal music plays ]
[ music stops ]
Did I wake you?
What happened to
Mrs. What's-her-name?
Did she get bored with
your company and leave?
[ chuckles ]
So, what do you
want to do today?
Take a nap?
Works for me.
Ah... that's better.
[ thunder rumbling ]
DANIELLE:
Sorry, Charity.
- He's not coming.
- What are you
doing here?
You've got to learn
that only Huns
date guys from
Hundred Pines.
Especially Drew.
He's mine.
- Tie her hands.
- You people are not well.
DANIELLE:
Poor little Charity.
Looking for
something?
[ screams ]
Ever see one of those
women-in-prison movies?
Isn't it a little
late for that?
Maybe we're going
a little too far
with this.
- [ screams ]
- Jesus, where is she going?
- Wrong way!
- [ continues screaming ]
- Watch out
for the fence!
- [ screams ]
[ knock on door ]
Just a minute!
What?!
I have to tell you
something.
I was just down
at the front desk
and I overheard Drew
talking to Katarina.
Oh God, I can't
believe this.
Last year, it was Charity
Chase with her sad eyes
and her dish-mop hair.
- We took care
of that problem and--
- Shh!
What?
If she were any stiffer,
she'd be in the Petrified
Forest.
Look.
[ whimpers ]
By the by,
the three of us
stole my father's car
when we were 14.
At the age of 16,
we gave Brooke's
next door neighbor's
dog Ecstasy.
And, as you
already know,
at the ripe
old age of 17,
- there was that little
Charity Chase debacle.
- [ whimpers ]
Don't you think
if she was going to blow
the whistle on us
she would have
done it ages ago?
Stop worrying.
By the by, if I ever get
pickle tits like hers,
just shoot me, okay?
- My dad has a gun.
- [ knock on door ]
She still pissed
about Drew and Katarina?
Aren't you supposed to be
with Mrs. Fabrizio?
You know that stupid machine
she's hooked up to?
- The heart monitor?
- Yeah, well, it started
whining.
And it was
totally annoying.
So I unplugged it.
The doctors came in
and said I should take
a little break.
How could Drew resist?
Killer curves,
flawless skin,
perfect teeth.
- What more
could you ask for?
- Cherry truffle?
- What?
- It's Monday.
Chocolates from
Mrs. Witt's closet.
- [ rock music playing ]
- [ girls giggling ]
King me.
- Queen me.
- Eat me!
- [ thumps,
glass shattering ]
- Five's enough.
Whitney Houston's
husband...
umm...
what's his name?
He is so over.
Totally.
Tattoos?
They're cool
in the right places.
- Cargo pants.
- Oh, stupid.
Unless you're from Wisconsin
and need the extra pockets
for bricks and cheese!
Two-parent households.
Highly overrated, if you're
talking about mine.
- Nipple rings?
- DANIELLE AND BROOKE:
Oh!
[ music stops ]
[ disco music playing ]
- What's with
the annoying music?
- It's disco day!
- Don't you love it?
- I'd rather wax
my armpits.
Burn, baby, burn
Burn, baby, burn
Burn, baby, burn...
Hey, geek,
hand me two bucks.
You do want to pass trig
this year, right?
Do you want to live
through lunch?
- Hey, babe.
- Hi, babe.
- How's it going, Jonathan?
- Fine, thanks.
Burn, baby, burn
Disco inferno
Burn, baby, burn
Burn that mother down!
- Burn, baby, burn
- [ snaps fingers ]
Burn, baby, burn
Burn that mother down!
- Hey, Drew.
- Hey, Drew.
Okay, this is where
you make like sweat
and evaporate.
Bye, Drew.
So, to what do I
owe this honor?
I just thought you
might want some company.
Drew, I'm sorry
about all that stuff
with Charity.
You know, with me being
a bitch and all to her.
You were a bitch
to Charity?
Well, not
really a bitch.
Just some heated
words in gym class.
She seemed sweet,
even if she wasn't a Hun.
What the hell
is it with you guys
and this Huns crap?
Hundred Pines
is a high-end
housing project.
There's not
even any pines
there anymore.
The beavers ate the pines.
It should be called
Hundred Stumps.
Hey, Katarina.
What's up?
Hi.
My name
is Gavin Burke.
I'm fullback and captain
of the football team.
Drew used to be
the captain, but then he
got all sensitive and shit.
Now he thinks that jocks
are just a bunch
of thick-necked
Neanderthals, but...
[ laughs ]
[ fly buzzing ]
Anyway, I'm a solid
C+ student, you know?
And I have a serious belt
in Tae Kwon Do.
And I know eight ways
to kill a man,
so you know, maybe
sometime me and you
can get together
and I can show you
some of my...
[ groans ]
- moves.
- Oh my God.
Are you okay?
I took very, very few
lessons in my homeland.
So, Drew
I'm having
my 18th birthday.
It's a costume party.
It's totally
gonna rage.
I'd love
for you to come.
I'm going
as a Victoria's
Secret model.
I don't know.
Maybe.
- Drew!
- Katarina.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi!
- You don't
have to leave.
- Yeah, I do.
I'll just be over
in the Hun section
sucking the nuts
out of my dessert.
[ groaning ]
- What's with the limp?
- Must have pulled a muscle.
Got to remember to stretch
after my workouts.
- [ snoring ]
- What's up with Brooke?
She's been that way
for a good 20 minutes.
- [ computer beeps ]
- What--
Oh God, I am so tired.
I almost fell asleep
in Mrs. Putman's class.
- [ yawning ] I did.
- [ Jonathan laughing ]
[ burps ]
Yeah!
You know, maybe it's time
we had a little talk
with Katarina.
Like the one
we had at the gorge
with Charity Chase?
- Something like that.
- [ sighs ]
Maybe we should try
a different approach.
And that would be?
Well...
my mom says
that bad medicine
goes down easier when
you sugar-coat it.
- Point being?
- Well...
maybe we should take her
shopping with us tomorrow.
Break it to her gently.
Try to talk to her
as friends trying to do
what's best for her.
You're such a retard.
DANIELLE:
No...
I like that.
Like we keep
our friends close,
but our enemies closer.
Is that a map of Asia?
Oh, it's some weird
freckle outbreak.
I noticed it
this morning.
Okay, where the hell
is Heidi?
Hi!
Sorry I'm late,
but I'm still
getting used to
your streets.
Well, I'm excited about
going window-shopping
with my new
American friends.
- Window-shopping?
- What's that?
- You should get it.
- It's too much money
and I'm on a very
small budget.
Budgets are
for poor people.
Give it up, give it up,
give it uptown
Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown
Ooh-ooh, yeah
Give it up, give it up,
give it uptown
Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown
Ooh-ohh, yeah
Give it up, give it up,
give it uptown
Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown
Give it up, give it up,
give it uptown
Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown
Ooh-ooh, yeah
Let's party, let's go,
let's go, let's go
- Let's party
- Ooh-ooh, yeah
Oh yeah, yeah!
Everybody gonna shake down
- [ vocalizing ]
- Ooh-ooh, yeah
Give it up, give it up,
give it uptown
Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown
Give it up, give it up,
give uptown
Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown
Give it up, give it up,
give it uptown
Give it up, give it up,
give it downtown
Yeah!
I wonder
what the hell
the stupid limit on
her credit card is.
Anyway, I think
it's time
we put the poor
girl out of her
misery.
- And what about ours?
- Yeah, you should talk.
I'm the one doing
all the work.
Yeah
Ooh-ooh, yeah
Give it up,
give it downtown...
Hi, welcome to the store.
I'm Kristin.
If you need
anything at all,
don't hesitate to ask.
You could help
carry some of these
stupid bags.
Welcome to the store.
I'm Kristin.
Everybody uptown,
everybody downtown
Ooh-ooh, yeah...
[ vocalizing ]
Oh, my dogs
are beat!
I think I've lost
all circulation
in my hands.
Okay, this isn't
fun anymore.
You're gonna tell her
in a nice way, right?
We spent all
day with her
and she's actually
kind of okay.
What the hell
is wrong with you?
You are a Hun.
She will never be anything
more than a sheep farmer
from Romania.
She has to understand
that we Huns have rules
and boundaries
and that certain
things are off limits
to peasants like her.
Like for instance,
the Huns Coming Out Ball,
the Huns
parking spaces,
the Huns Invitational,
the Huns cafeteria
section,
- my birthday party and--
- KATARINA: Drew.
Yes.
Drew.
So, is my lesson over?
Yeah, it's over.
I just realized
you must have mycard.
Thank you for
a lovely day.
[ grunts ]
[ gasps ]
How the hell
did she pull off
that switch?
Maybe she knows
Siegfried & Roy.
They're German,
aren't they?
Do you need socks
or a belt with this?
It's underwear,
bitch.
Okay, how in the hell
do you lose a car?
Maybe Katarina made
it disappear like she did
your credit card.
Ha ha,
you so funny.
You funny girl!
Look, just find
the damn car, okay?
I gotta pee again.
Wait,
isn't that it
right there?
No, I think--
Wait, wait.
Oh no, this is it!
I'm sure of it.
[ car alarm blares ]
Where the hell
is my car?
[ alarm continues blaring ]
Did I even drive here?
[ whistle blows ]
Mine, mine!
Yes!
So much for
your little talk.
It's just a stupid
gym class.
JONATHAN:
Gavin!
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
What?
I'm over here.
TEACHER:
All right, guys,
back to the game.
[ Mr. Chauncey muttering ]
[ passes gas ]
[ all laugh ]
Sorry, it's all the fiber bars
that I've been eating.
All right, everybody,
practice is over!
Guys, put your balls away!
[ students murmuring ]
- [ screaming ]
- [ glass breaking ]
What a bunch
of boneheads.
[ whimpering ]
What's this say?
Did I make
the team or not?
Maybe you should
have your eyes checked.
Yeah. Is my name
on there or not?
Not.
TIFFANY:
But Gavin and I have
been working on my splits.
Oh my God.
[ screams ]
JONATHAN:
Hey, gorgeous.
- What's with the towel?
- Back off, wart.
Your breath is in
my airspace.
So, what was that
all about?
Apparently, I've
been replaced too.
I was supposed to do
a French paper
for Drew,
but now he's decided
to let Katarina
tutor him.
- Where were they going?
- It would have to be
her place.
Drew's house is tented.
Silverfish, I think.
The girl just doesn't
listen, does she?
There you go,
dear.
Good as new.
[ bell rings ]
[ phone rings ]
Nurse's office.
Yes.
Shop class?
Oh my goodness.
A metal rod?!
Whatever you do,
don't pull it out.
[ screams ]
Hmm... Maple.
725...
727...
729...
[ thunder rumbles ]
On your mark!
[ gunshot ]
What's with you?
You look like you've
seen a ghost.
- I may have.
- Come again?
Last night,
I tried to find
Katarina's house.
- And?
- DREW: You're so funny.
Her address is the cemetery
where Charity is buried.
It must have
been a mistake.
- Are you sure you
had the right number?
- It was no mistake.
731 Maple.
Can I ask you
guys something?
Sure.
Shoot.
Has anything strange or weird
happen to either of you
since Katarina's
come to Valley Gorge?
No.
T, you?
Nuh-uh.
Why?
- Nothing.
- Hurdle.
- What?
- [ all scream ]
- Where did
that come from?
- Keep going.
I'm all right.
DANIELLE:
I can't compete
with that.
She's like Xena.
- I think we need
to go to plan B.
- What's that?
I don't know.
Never needed a plan
B before.
All I know is she
is ruining everything.
My birthday is in less
than two weeks
and I'm no closer
to getting Drew than
I was last semester.
We have to somehow
destroy this bitch!
How are we
gonna do that?
I think
I have an idea.
[ gasps ]
Hey!
Yo, as salaam
alaikum,
my brown brother.
Mr. Chauncey?
Mr. Chauncey?
Anyone here?
[ gasps ]
Oh God!
Yes, Tiffany.
What can I do for you?
I wanted to check out
one of those
digital whatchamacallits
with the zoom thingy on it.
[ chuckles ]
Yes.
I take it
you want a camera
with a telephoto lens.
Yeah.
What are you
planning to shoot?
Oh, wildlife.
You know, little
squirrels and birds.
Dogs.
This is a new
digital one.
It's a 1.5 megapixel,
5X zoom
with memory stick
and Firewire output.
Perfect for long-range
photography.
I think you'll
appreciate
the size of this.
Fill this out.
Name and date,
when you're planning
to return it.
Tiffany?
May I ask you
something?
If it's not
too personal.
Sure.
Just...
as a concerned
teacher and a friend,
I was just wondering
how you girls
are holding up
in the wake of
Charity's suicide.
W-- uh--
we really miss her.
Oh.
Foolish question.
Of course you miss her.
It must be difficult
when you don't
see it coming.
I mean...
[ sniffs ]
I certainly didn't.
Oh, me neither...
I guess.
Well...
enjoy wildlife.
MR. CHAUNCEY'S VOICE:
...in the wake of
Charity's suicide.
MR. CHAUNCEY:
Guilty!
Charity.
Oh Jesus,
he kissed her!
That should be me
he's kissing!
She spends a lot
of time down there,
just like
Charity used to.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm just cold
and hungry.
Me too.
Hey, aren't you
on a diet?
Lately I haven't
needed one.
- [ crunches ]
- Ow!
Oh my God.
Please tell me
that's not a tooth.
Can you believe the stuff
they put in candy?
I'm totally suing
this company.
TIFFANY:
All right already.
She loves you, you love her.
Just get out
of my shot.
Thank you.
Here's the money shot.
[ glass breaking ]
Okay, so what we need
is to download something
that's totally
disgusting, perverted
and embarrassing
and put Katarina's
head on it.
ALL THREE:
Ew! Gross!
- Doesn't the fur
get in the way?
- [ braying ]
Okay, let's just
rule out animals
completely.
Stop.
Back up.
BROOKE:
She's a dominatrix?
It's perfect.
Everyone looks
disgusting in latex.
Do you think
it'll be enough?
Would you want
to be with Katarina
knowing she put baby powder
on that guy's ass?
[ laughs ]
So we'll switch faces
and post it on
the school's website
tomorrow morning.
Every guy
at Valley Gorge High
is gonna see it.
I want to be there when
the first guy comes up to her
and asks her for a spanking
and a diaper change.
She'll be so embarrassed,
I'm betting she'll be
- on the next bus
back to Romania.
- I don't like this.
It's dirty
and underhanded and...
it's just cruel.
And your point being?
- What if we try talking
to Katarina again?
- [ sighs ]
Maybe this time
she'd listen.
[ sighs ]
You are so linear.
[ beeps ]
Okay, where the hell
is her head?
I don't know.
Well, can't you upload,
upgrade,
surf the wave
or something?
Come on, you're
the computer geek.
Fix it!
I can't fix
what isn't there.
I mean, look,
you can see Drew fine.
This is really creepy.
What is this girl?
The undead?
Damn it, T, you must
have had your stupid
finger in front of the lens.
Oh, you mean this one?
I gotta pee again.
What is that, like,
five times in an hour?
Hey!
I don't keep track how many
times you fart in an hour!
I gotta go.
[ Muzak playing ]
[ scanner beeping ]
- Hey, Danielle.
- [ screams ]
- Gavin!
What are you doing here?
- [ cart crashes ]
I'm helping out my old man.
He owns the place, remember?
What's with the diapers?
I'm buying them
for my great-grandmother.
She's visiting us
from Montana.
- Really?
Where in Montana?
- Des Moines.
Yeah, I've been there.
[ beeping ]
I need a price
check on the econopack
of Jumbo Relievers
- pine scented.
- [ moans ]
- [ phone clicks ]
- So, Danielle...
- [ beeps ]
- what--
what do you think about
maybe me and you going
out sometime?
What do you mean,
like on a date?
Sure, why not?
You know?
Anyway,
I kinda dig a more
mature woman.
What are you trying
to say, I look old?
Aw, no, well, you know,
I mean lately,
looks like maybe you've
clocked on a few more miles.
- [ groans ]
- But don't get me wrong.
- That's a turn on.
- What do you think
Tiffany's reaction
is gonna be to all this?
[ laughs ]
See T and I, we have
this understanding.
I don't tell her
anything and she
doesn't know anything.
You understand?
[ whimpering ]
I guess.
[ chuckles ]
- [ beeps ]
- [ sighs ]
[ whimpering ]
Hey, Todd, I really need
a price check
on those adult diapers
ASAP.
- Oh my God.
- GAVIN: Hey, girls.
Wassup?
[ gasps ]
- [ urinating ]
- [ sighs ]
[ girls laughing ]
- What the hell?
- Stupid perfume bottle
is leaking?
Oh, that's no problem.
I'll clean it up.
- No, no, no, Gavin!
- I got it.
[ girls gasping ]
[ thunder rumbling ]
[ clicks ]
[ clicks ]
[ phone rings ]
Did I wake you?
No, I had to get
out of bed to answer
the phone anyway.
Good, because I've
been thinking.
There's something
about Katarina
that's not quite right.
What are you
talking about?
Like when the light
flickered the first time
she came into
Mr. Chauncey's class?
And the way her image
wasn't on the film.
And she has Charity's
old locker.
And she's always
at Valley Gorge Park
just like Charity.
And her address
is the cemetery.
So, what you're
saying is
she's...
Charity's ghost.
Danielle, do you
realize how insane
that sounds?
Look, we caused her death
and wrote the suicide note.
Now she's come back
to get us,
and we can either do
something about it or let
her destroy all of us.
You're starting
to creep me out.
- [ both scream ]
- [ whimpering ]
[ strumming ]
Ow, ow, ow.
[ crunching ]
You girls okay?
Yeah.
Why wouldn't we be?
You look a little pale.
Well, except for Tiffany.
A little mishap
with the self-tanning oil.
You're also early.
That hasn't happened
in four years.
People change.
No they don't.
[ chuckles ]
So, what can I do
for you girls?
The real reason we came in
was, uh,
we were, uh,
wondering, um,
what would cause only part
of a picture to photograph?
- Yeah, like a body
with no head?
- [ sighs ]
Could be a number
of things--
sun flare,
a defective chip,
dropping the camera.
- Ghosting.
- Ghosting?
It's just a photo term.
Oh.
I didn't realize
you had
such a connection
with Charity.
Charity?
How so?
Love of photography.
She was the president
of the A/V club.
We knew that.
[ bell rings ]
[ students chatting ]
MR. CHAUNCEY:
Settle down.
[ clears throat ]
Act four, scene one.
"We do pray for mercy.
And that same prayer
doth teach us all
to render the deeds
of mercy."
These are words spoken
by the character, Portia.
She was a bored,
wealthy, young woman who,
to amuse herself,
created devious
and sometimes
sadistic little games.
Until one day
the game backfired
and she found herself
- [ snoring ]
- in a rather painful
position
- of having to plead
for a friend's life.
- Oh.
I think we can all
relate to this character
because we have done
things in our lives
that may have caused
another great pain.
Shit!
What?
- [ gasps ]
- Okay, let's go.
- [ engine starts ]
- [ motor revs ]
Put it in gear.
- [ gears grind ]
- [ tires screech ]
And close
the sun-roof.
- [ thump ]
- [ cat howls ]
- Great.
- [ door slams shut ]
[ honks ]
When the hell
did you get glasses?
There my mom's.
But for some reason
they seem to help.
You should have put
them on before you parked!
And by the way,
your blinker's been on
for the last three miles.
- [ all gasping ]
- My hips are killing me.
Oh, I have to rest.
My asthma's acting up.
- Since when do you
have asthma?
- [ passes gas ]
I'm finished.
You go on without me.
- Come on, get off
your asses, you wimps!
- [ thunder rumbles ]
[ girls coughing,
panting ]
You know I've never
actually talked
to a real ghost.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about you,
Katarina/Charity Chase.
I'm confused.
We all are.
Look, we won't be
after tonight.
Now to prove my point,
I just need you to walk
through that lamppost
over there.
- How would I do that?
- I don't know.
You're the ghost.
Look, it's either that
or I cut you open to see
if you bleed.
- Are you for real?
- DANIELLE: You know,
something's been
bugging me.
If you could come back
as anyone you want,
why would you come back
as pathetically poor
and low-class as you were?
The weed is a flower
whose virtue has not
been discovered.
- [ thunder roaring ]
- Maybe I'm many things,
but I can assure you
I am not Charity's ghost.
[ gasps ]
[ all gasp ]
DANIELLE:
Believe me now?
Wow, that's creepy.
Convinced?
Katarina's not mortal.
It makes sense, doesn't it?
The one-year anniversary
of Charity Chase's death
and a new girl arrives
out of the blue
from a far away country
at the ends of the earth.
- Since when is Romania
the ends of the earth?
- You mean it isn't?
It's so obvious.
It's just like
"I Know What You Did Last
Summer" part two.
And they always come back
to the place where they died.
[ urinating ]
- Why did she come back?
- [ toilet flushes ]
To avenge her death.
What is she
gonna do to us?
- She's already
done it to us.
- What?
You're gonna stand there
and continue to tell me
that nothing strange
or unusual has happened
to either of you?
No aches?
No pains?
No leakage?
No drainage?
I mean,
look at yourselves!
[ moans ]
Okay, fine.
I'm getting a six-pack
and heading to the pep rally.
You coming?
- [ crowd cheering ]
- ANNOUNCER: Let's give
a warm beaver welcome
to the Valley Gorge High
football team
and the Valley Gorge High
pep squad
as they lead us to victory
over Central High!
[ sobbing ]
And then
the optometrist said
that I didn't have
enough eyelid
to cover a contact
lens that thick.
Remember when I farted
in gym class and I said
it was because of all
the fiber bars?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well it was,
but it wasn't anymore.
Oh, my ass has dropped
a full six inches.
Hell, all of me's dropped
a full six inches.
I feel like with every
minute I grow a year older.
I've been wearing adult
diapers for two weeks.
- Oh.
- Ew.
[ sobbing ]
[ all moaning ]
- ALL: Ahhhh!
- CHEERLEADERS:
B-E-A-V-E-R-S!
Beavers! Beavers!
We're the best
damn beavers!
- We're not jammin'...
- Are we gonna die?
I'm too young
to die.
You?
I have to turn 18
in two days.
I look older than Madonna,
so shut up already!
Oh, this is all
your fault!
You got us into this,
- now you get us out!
- It's not that easy, okay?
You can't kill a ghost!
They're already dead!
DANIELLE:
Now listen,
I have watched these movies
a thousand times.
and there's only one way
to get a ghost like Katarina
back into the grave.
How?
We lure her back
into the hole with
the one person
she can't rest without.
[ yawning ]
So, we have to kill Drew
so he can be
with Charity/Katarina
for eternity.
Wait.
Who are we
going to kill?
[ voice echoes ]
ALL:
Central High!
- [ crowd cheering ]
- [ band playing ]
- [ crickets chirping ]
- [ moans ]
You know what's weird?
I've been
having hot flashes
and cold spells.
And my period,
it's practically
non-existent.
Oh my God, Danny,
that sounds like,
wait, what's the word?
Menopause.
Oh, Jesus.
I'm not even 18 yet.
Katarina screwed
us good.
I almost wish she'd get it
over with and put us
out of our misery.
Oh, me too.
Quit whining, girls.
It'll all be over after
tomorrow night.
The curse will be reversed
and we'll be beautiful again.
Oh, I feel faint.
TIFFANY:
Oh, I gotta get out.
[ gasps ]
[ screaming ]
ALL THREE:
Pickle tits!
[ loud rock music playing ]
- Good evening, ma'am.
- Hey, Nicole.
Oh my God!
Is that you, Danny?
Oh my God!
Who did your make-up?
It's so real!
- Oh my God, it's fabulous!
- [ bones cracking ]
- Yeah, fabulous.
- Happy 18!
- Try it.
It's nitrous
- [ inhales ]
- Hey!
It's not a toy!
- Aw, screw you, granny!
I can't wait
for tonight
to be over.
- What?
- Never mind.
Got a drill to my head,
got a monkey in my bed
Got some breath mints
in my hand
Gotta go work
on my tan
I got eggs over easy
and bacon in the pan
I got bread in my toaster
and more breath mints
in my hand....
I thought Gavin
was going to learn
more songs.
- Didn't he?
- No, he didn't!
He's been playing
the same song for
like an hour!
We're all rotting
From the inside out
We're all dying
- But isn't death
what life's about?
- Gavin!
Yeah!
Yeah!
[ maniacal laughter ]
- All right...
- [ music fades out ]
- we're gonna take
a little break.
- [ all cheer ]
Yeah. And then
we're gonna come back
in 20 minutes
and do another
song for you.
[ crowd groans ]
[ rock music playing ]
Hey, ladies!
[ grunts ]
[ inhales deeply ]
- Come on, let's dance.
- I don't know.
- Hey, you wanna groove?
- Get real!
- How about you?
- Finally!
- [ bones crack ]
- [ grunts ]
Hey, you all acting
like a bunch of old
ladies, for real.
[ horn honks ]
What the hell are you
looking at, Bozo?
[ honks ]
- [ bones crack ]
- Oh!
[ heavy breathing ]
- Hey!
- Ow!
Looking for--
[ hacking ]
[ spits ]
--someone?
Danielle!
Costumes?
Duh!
I was actually
looking for Drew.
Umm...
he sent me this
and said it was very
important that he would
see me tonight.
Oh my!
[ hissing ]
- [ kettle whistles ]
- So where is he?
He was here and he
was very upset.
Said something
about
him being so rich
and you being,
well, so poor.
And how it'd probably
never work out.
And he said it was
just like Charity
happening all
over again.
He used a lot of
buzz-words--
"dying,"
"eternity,"
you know, stuff
like that.
Did he say
where he was going?
Well, he said
he was going home
to get a jacket
warm enough for
the gorge.
After that...
Oh my God.
I must find him!
Have a hit
of chamomile!
Very soothing.
We're on!
I'll drive!
- TIFFANY:
Do you have the note?
- DANIELLE: Yeah, yeah...
It says all
the usual stuff--
disappointment in love,
indifference to life,
his battle with herpes.
I even threw in the guilt
he still feels
over Charity's
tragic suicide
and the part
he may or may not
have played in it.
Charity killed
herself?
Duh!
I see they finally
fixed the fence.
[ thunder rumbling ]
Let's just
get this over with.
DREW:
Katarina!
I think our human
sacrifice has arrived.
Katarina!
Danielle?
I thought you were
gonna go as a Victoria's
Secret model.
- Change in plans.
- Where's Katarina?
Oh, I'd say about
now she's probably
at your house
discovering
you're not home.
Then she'll most
likely come here
to prevent you
from committing
suicide.
You're very distraught,
you know?
Well, at least that's
what her note said.
You bitch.
Uh, uh, uh!
Holy shit!
Is that loaded?
Yep, it's loaded.
Now, if you'll just
climb that fence
and jump to your death,
you'll be saving us all
a lot of time and energy
which God knows
the three of us
are very short on.
Really, I don't
have the right shoes
for climbing.
Over the fence.
Why are you doing this?
You really
want to know?
'Cause you
and me were meant
to be together
and you were just
too blind to see!
I mean, Jesus,
all you had to do
was ask me out again
and none of this
would have ever
happened.
I'm free next weekend.
Too late.
God! Hello!
Mouthwash!
Now jump.
Now look, if you
really cared about me,
then why would you
want to kill me?
Because I would
sacrifice anything
to be beautiful again.
Even you.
- You're nuts.
- KATARINA: Drew!
Katarina, run!
I mean away.
Run away.
- What is going on here?
- Nothing.
So you mean
you weren't just
kissing her?
Katarina, it's not
what it looks like.
I suppose she had
a gun to your head.
- [ dogs yelping ]
- Come on, let's go.
[ horn honking ]
[ dog growls ]
[ barks ]
Fluffy!
Hey you, Casper,
why don't you
float over here next
to your boyfriend?
What is going on here?
This...
is what's going on.
BOTH:
Jesus.
You're the ghost
of Charity Chase,
come back
to exact revenge.
Oh, not that again!
What about
Charity's quote?
Drew showed me
that quote in
his yearbook.
It's Emerson.
Everybody knows that.
Okay,
you live
in a cemetery.
What are you
talking about?
I went there--
731 Maple?
North or south?
Screw this!
You,
quit avoiding
the inevitable.
Climb the fence
and join Charity,
- who wasn't even a Hun!
- And who we killed.
You killed Charity?
We sort of all did.
[ cocks gun ]
- Could you
climb the fence now?
- Danielle, don't!
- This is crazy!
- Move!
I would have given anything
to be a Hun.
Jesus Christ!
You area Hun!
No, I'm not.
In reality, I'm no
different from Katarina
or Charity.
My family lived
in a trailer park
and ate
mayonnaise sandwiches
three times a day.
How did you end up
in Hundred Pines?
Tri-State Lottery.
56 mil after taxes.
- [ gasps ]
- DANIELLE: That's great.
Now move so
I can kill Drew.
[ clown horn honks ]
- [ gunshot ]
- [ grunts ]
[ groans ]
[ screams ]
- [ bullet ricochets ]
- [ grunts ]
DANIELLE'S VOICE:
Blood?Ghosts don't bleed,
but apparently
dirt-poor exchange students
from Romania do.
Was it possible
I had been wrong?
That driven by obsession,
an overactive imagination
and blind jealousy,
I had made a mistake
about Katarina?
And if she didn't
do this to us,
then who did?
- How's that again, ma'am?
- It's Romania.
R-O-M-A-N-I-A.
OFFICER:
That near Tacoma?
OFFICER #2:
Yeah, I'll take
a half dozen glazed.
Oh, and the captain
wants 50 on Bonespur
in the third race.
Surprised?
Mr. Chauncey.
- Why?
- I'd been watching
Danielle and the others.
I knew they knew
something about
Charity's death.
I just didn't know
to what extent.
I did it for Charity,
to clear her good name.
I loved Charity
like a daughter.
Not in a dirty
sort of way.
Did you know she was
the best A/V president
I ever had?
And she didn't just
do it to get out of
PE or study hall.
She did it because,
damn it, she loved
the job!
[ sobbing ]
I waited.
I kept hoping Danielle
and the others
would slip up,
and they did.
I'm splashing blood
all over my rented
clown suit.
By the way,
you failed English.
[ theme music plays ]
ANNOUNCER:
Welcome to "The New Garden."
I'm Liz Druitt
Those of you
who think a deck
is just a place to sit
and drink beer
and swat mosquitoes
are in for an eye-opener,
'cause today,
we are going to talk
with Dr. Sam Bats,
head of horticulture
at Texas A&M University
about how he combined
his gardening with
his leisure living
and made himself
a vegetable deck.
Let's go meet Sam.
- Hi, Sam!
- Hi, Liz. How you doing?
- LIZ: Good, how are you?
- I'm fine.
- Sam, you have
fabulous zucchini--
-[ TV turns off ]
MRS. WITT:
My goodness,
how you've changed.
You don't remember me,
do you, Danielle?
I'm Mrs. Witt.
And I certainly
remember you.
[ groans ]
- [ coughing ]
- Oh, poor thing.
Barely holding on
by a thread, isn't she?
[ Mrs. Witt chuckles ]
Oh...
happy birthday--
though I am
a couple of days late.
Not much to show
for 18 years of life,
is it?
A friend of mine died
just last month.
She was my roommate
when you first came
to visit.
[ chuckles ]
Of course, we'd known
each other for years.
Our husbands
worked together.
She's the one
who taught me how
to play chess.
Oh, she suffered agonies
waiting for death.
But then, one day,
her husband
gave her a shot
of some kind
and it just
whisked her straight
up to Heaven.
For her, death
was a blessing.
But it isn't
always so, is it?
Take Charity's death,
for instance.
Did you know Charity
was my granddaughter?
I didn't think
you did.
You see...
after my stroke,
I couldn't speak.
But I could see
quite well.
And I could hear
very well.
Which, of course,
is how I discovered
that you and your friends
were responsible
for my Charity's death.
I asked Estelle's husband
to give me an extra large
dose of his potion.
Of course I had
to write it out for him.
The dear man.
He worked for
Denton Chemicals,
specializing
in biological warfare,
aging complexes.
I remember how much
you enjoy chocolates
and these are
to die for!
The poison was
extremely concentrated.
Your little friend--
oh, what was her name?
Brooke, that's it.
She was the only one
with any self-control.
- Oy.
- She only ate
a couple of pieces.
Otherwise, she'd
be lying here with
the two of you.
My symptoms...
completely disappeared.
Which is often the case
with stroke victims.
Youwon't be so lucky.
[ distant sirens blaring ]
Isn't it silly?
Sending for an ambulance
when someone is already
half dead?
I mean, Christ,
what's the hurry?
[ monitor flatlines ]
MINISTER:
We are gathered here
to bid a fond farewell
to our dear sweet friends,
classmates and daughters...
DANIELLE:
So here we are, another rainy
day, another funeral.
Mine.
[ chuckles ]
Oh, and Tiffany's.
Must have been a two-for
down at the mortuary.
On the bright side,
I'm rid of that annoyance.
Oh, get over it!
Who are they?
He's still a moron.
What's their problem?
I mean, I'm the one
who's dead.
Oh my,
look at Brooke.
A couple of tucks
and a laser peel later.
You know, in the right light,
she could easily pass
for mid-50s.
I guess she won't be
dating any more seniors.
In high school,
that is.
Okay, I'm sorry,
that's just wrong.
MINISTER:
Our deepest sympathies go out
to Tiffany's boyfriend, Gavin,
whose broken heart,
we are sure, is drowning
in endless grief.
Remember, my son,
in this life and the next,
time heals all losses.
As we lift
our eyes to Heaven,
we remand these children
back to their Maker
for all eternity.
Amen.
- Danielle, Danielle...
- BROOKE: Jonathan!
[ sobbing ]
JONATHAN:
Danielle, I'll
always love you!
BROOKE:
Mr. Chauncey?
Mr. Chauncey?
[ moaning ]
[ moaning continues ]
Oh my--
oh my--
oh my God!
Oh my God!
- Danielle?
- T?
[ screams ]
- Can you believe this?
- My God!
Wait, wait.
Where the hell
are we?
I don't know.
But I've got a room
just like yours.
Who cares
where we are?
We are young again.
It's so totally
beautiful!
But these rugs
have got to go.
- Who do you
think cleans it?
- I'll tell you,
from the looks
of this place, we're
set for eternity.
- Wait, you mean--
- Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
BOTH:
We're in Heaven!
Okay,
let's celebrate!
You put on some music
and I'll go make us
some lattes.
Uh-oh,
I think we've
got a problem.
No CDs.
[ doorbell plays
"Hallelujah" ]
Don't you dare
answer that.
Relax.
This is Heaven.
It's got
to be Brad Pitt
or Ben Affleck.
At the very least,
Luke Perry.
Hello.
These are for you.
- What--
- And I brought
some tunes.
Let's party, huh?
What the hell
are you doing here?
When I was
at the funeral,
I realized
- I couldn't
live without you.
- This isn't happening!
Where are the cute guys?
How long exactly
were you planning
on staying?
Forever.
[ both scream ]
[ disco music playing ]
Burn, baby, burn
Burn, baby, burn
To my surprise
- 100 stories high
- [ urinating ]
People gettin'
loose y'all
Gettin' down on the roof
Do you hear?
The folks was flaming
Out of control
It was so entertainin'
When the boogy
started to explode
I heard somebody say
burn, baby, burn
- Disco infern--
- [ music stops abruptly ]
- You're really sexy.
- [ crew laughs ]
Burn, baby, burn
Burn that mother down
Burn, baby, burn
Disco inferno
Burn, baby, burn
burn that mother down
Burn, baby, burn
Disco inferno
burn, baby, burn.
[ rock music playing ]
Yeah!
We're all rotting
From the inside out
And we're all dying
Isn't that
what life's about?
Come on, yeah
Yeah, got a drill
to my head
Got a monkey in my bed,
got some breath mints
in my hand
Guess I'll go work
on my tan
I got eggs over easy
and bacon in the pan
I got bread
in the toaster
And more breath mints
in my hand
I'm pumped up,
I'm put down, I'm screwed up,
I'm tight wound
I'm bushwhacked and tight
sacked, what you think
about that?
'Cause we're all rotting
From the inside out
And we're all dying
Isn't that
what life's about?
'Cause we're all rotting
From the inside out
I said that
we're all dying
Isn't that
what life's about?
I'm down with that black shit
but living in the 'burbs
Anyone got a thesaurus?
'Cause I'm running out
of words
I got a drill to my head,
monkey in my bed
Got some breath mints
in my hand, guess I'll go
work on my tan
Eggs over easy
and bacon in the pan
I got bread in the toaster
and more breath mints
in my hand
I'm pumped up, I'm put down,
I'm screwed up, illiterate
Whatever, I don't give a--
watch your mouth
'Cause we're all rotting
From the inside out
And we're all dying
Isn't that
what life's about?
We're all rotting
From the inside out
I said we're all dying
Isn't that
what life's about?
Yeah, come on,
bring it
Yeah, come on,
now bring it
Come on, yeah,
now bring it
Yeah, yeah, now let me
hear you all say
Hey, huh,
come on and say
Hey, huh,
come on, uh
Hey huh,
I got it, uh
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I said my name
is Gavin Burke
I may not know
too many things
But that don't matter
'cause as long as I'm getting
Fatter and fatter
every hour on the hour
I got more girls than--
know what I'm saying?
I'm rough, rugged and raw,
oh yeah
And forget what you saw
or else you'll get yours
And I'm getting
mine till my demise,
I be beating up
People in the schoolyard
People look at me weird
but I don't fear
I don't care,
my knife is bare
You're thinking 20,
I think you're no 20
I'm the bully,
I look in your eyes
Till your demise,
much to your surprise
Till I realize
I can't get everything
I look at your girlfriend's
thighs, oh me, oh my
I knock you on
the dance floor, I say whoa
And so
'cause I don't care
Oh yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!
[ laughing ]
Oh, all right.
Seriously, we're gonna take
a little break
and then we're gonna
come back in 20 minutes
and do another song for you.