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Baggage Claim (2013)
Marriage has always been
a big deal to my mother. She loves weddings. Especially hers. And hers. And hers. And, well... you get the picture. But as easy as it was for my mom to get married... Whee! My relationships... have never been cleared for takeoff. I fell in love again and it happened in a minute My eyes shot out like a fish out of water and I'm jumpin' in it Oh, I don't hold back No, I don't hold back I never stay within the lines I don't hold back No, I don't hold back I'm gonna take what's mine Oh, don't get scared for me Just be prepared for me 'Cause I'm in love with love In love When it comes to love can't get enough I'm not gonna change, I'm not gonna change, I'm not gonna change my ways 'Cause I'm in love with love When it comes to love can't get enough Can't get enough I always wanted to be a flight attendant. It's a great job. You get to travel around the world, meet interesting people and see exotic places. But that hasn't left a whole lat of time for love. My mom says it's because I'm too picky. I don't think I'm picky. I just know what I don't want. I don't want a man with wandering eyes. Or one that cares more about his work than me. I don't want a guy with too much attitude. Or too little ambition. But I also don't want to end up alone... living in a house full of cats... smelling like soup. And I don't want to spend my entire life... listening to my mother tell me how she can find five husbands... and I can't even find one. But she won't be able to say that for long. A few months ago, I met this amazing guy on a flight to Miami. His name is Graham. And I think he's the one. "I've had a change of business plans... "...and it looks like I'll be spending Thanksgiving at home in Chicago." "I know it's short notice, but..." Give me that. "... If you can make it, I would love for you to join me for a weekend... "...you'll never forget." "Love, Graham." Graham is... Someone I've been dating for a few months. - Wow. A few months? That's a record, Mo. - Shut up. Ta-da! Montana! Buongiorno! Buongiorno, Taylor. It's zeppole. Italian donuts. Thank you, but I'm watching my figure. Okay, but if you change your mind, there's plenty. - Aw! - Ciao bella. - Ciao bella. - I'll get you some milk. Sounds great. She's so sweet. What's with the Italian? She planned a trip to Rome for our one-year anniversary. William! How do you turn your oven off? Oh! Okay, babe, I'll be right there. I just put in a new oven. Of course you did. Are you ever going to finish that place? - William? - Hey? Got it. Aw, I'm coming. - Okay, good. - Okay. I got to go. Yes, you do. Good luck in Rome. If it were me, I would have chosen Paris. Hmm. So romantic. Good luck in Chicago. You think just because someone... sends me a rose, I'm just going to fly off to whatever town he's in? Absolutely. According to my mother, you're not a lady unless you're married... on or before your 30th birthday, and you're not a woman until you've had at least two kids. If you Te not a lady and you Te not a woman... you're like my best friend, Gail. Warm nuts? Oh, I'm so sorry. I got your nuts all messy. Sorry about that. That all better? Good. Happy Thanksgiving. Welcome. I could have been late, too. Remember 9F? Boston to Cleveland? He invited me to his cabin in Vermont. But I couldn't go. Why? Because I had to be at work on time. - Happy Thanksgiving. - Hi. Why are you working? I thought you were off. I was. And now I'm not. Hello. Sam. I misplaced my badge. Gail, could you check your cleavage? Trolling for men again, I see. Hi. Welcome aboard. So check this out. A friend of my cousin's... bought a penthouse on top of the Water Tower and he's having a party tonight. Lots of celebrities. Oprah's supposed to be there. And Stedman. How often does that happen? I have a plus one... it has your name on it. Don't thank me, it's no problem. Wow, Sam. That sounds amazing. I'd love to... but I can't. A person would need a hell of a reason not to party with Oprah. Like dying or giving birth or getting married. Cranberry juice. You're getting married? Montana is not getting married. If she was, being her best friend, I'd know first. - I'm not getting married. - See? Not yet. See? Does Mr. Not Yet have a name? Graham. Graham Jackson. 5C, Philadelphia to Chicago Graham Jackson? Blue Label on the rocks, seven figures a year Graham Jackson? He could have invited me for any holiday. Christmas, New Year's Eve. But Thanksgiving? Thanksgiving feels like... forever. - Yes, it does. - You think so? There'll be more than turkey getting stuffed. Such a hooker. Shut up. Does your mother know? No, and she won't until I have a ring on this finger, which may be this weekend. I just have a feeling. I'm sorry. Be right there with your vodka. Montana... when my grandmother was very sick, she gave me this. I couldn't understand what she was saying... she was in and out of consciousness, but... I want you to have it. It'll help you find true love. Aw! Thank you, Sam. That's so sweet. I'm about to go. But before I do, I want you to have these. Cranberry flavored for the holidays. Go get 'em, girl. Thanks, Gail. These waters Can get a little busy But I've got experience Don't mind trekking through the storm Wow. Graham, you've talked about this for so long. I can't believe I finally got to see it. It's absolutely beautiful. This is the first time we're together in the city where I actually live. I wanted this to be special. It is. I wanted you to see a part of me that most people don't. Look at that water. It just seems like it could go on and on, forever and ever. That's what I felt the day you walked into my life. And I was hoping... that we could go on and on and on and on. Forever. Really? And ever since we first met I knew that I, I knew I was ready baby To take that dive I'll be inside when the tides are rolling baby You'll be at my place tonight, all night All night, baby I'm not afraid to try And knew I, don't mind playing in the rain And I was hoping that I'd get to Take that dive It's raining and I don't mind if I get wet, baby Lovin' made you so wet, your legs, your thighs And ever since we first met I knew that I I knew I was ready, baby To take that dive Sweetie? We're here. I thought we were going to your house. We were. But I got an emergency phone call. I have to fly to New York. There's tons of paperwork I have to look over. I have to prepare for a meeting. I'm sorry. I booked you in the best suite in town. I'll make it up to you when I come back, I promise. I could help you. I could come with you. That's sweet. Let me just take care of this business. I'll be back in a couple days. Then it's just me and you. - All right? - Okay. Yes? Are you guys doing it? No. If we were doing it, I would not be answering my phone. I would. So, how was it? None of your business. That bad, huh? I didn't say it was bad. You didn't say it was good. It was good. - Damn good. - Then why are you on the phone? If you must know, Graham had an emergency... business call and had to fly out for an early meeting. Being a gentleman... he put me up at this amazing hotel in one of the best suites. Girl, please. Montana, that man did not ask you to fly all the way... to Chicago on Thanksgiving to insist... that you stay in a hotel. I smell a rat. I don't want to hear it. Hear what? That he dropped you off so he can dip his turkey neck in another woman's gravy? Graham is not seeing another woman. - Prove it. - How? Go to his house and see for yourself. Gail, I am not going over to that man's house. Do you know how crazy that would make me look? Gail, I'm here. - Where? - Graham's house. He came back and picked you up. Sort of. You went to his house uninvited? You told me to. I didn't think you'd do it. Are you kidding me? - What are you doing now? - Going to his front door. Umm-umm. Do not knock on that man's door. You'll look like a stalker. Right now you just look desperate. What am I supposed to do? Go to the back. Oh! Okay. What the hell was that? Hello? He's at the back door. What do I do? Do you see a trash can? - Yeah. Why? - Get in it. Are you crazy? I'm not getting in a trash can. If I'm wrong about Graham... - ...and he catches you... - Hello? At his house, forget any future together. Get in the can! What are you doing? I'm in the trash can. Are you nuts? You told me to. Hello? Montana? I have to go. Yes? What are you doing now? Looking thru his window. Gail... it's beautiful. Any panties on the floor? No. He's preparing for his meeting, just like he said he was. Gail was wrong. Graham was alone. And I was... right where I wanted to be. Sipping from the same mug. Resting on the same rug. Just the two of us. And the kids. And friends. Toasting to our wonderful life. What was that noise? The sound of us toasting. No, that is the sound of somebody coming in the house! Duck! Un-break my heart Say you'll love me again Undo this hurt you caused Oh my God. When you walked out the door And walked out of my life Un-cry these tears Montana? You want to talk about it? Go away. Hey. You've been playing that song all day. Let's get something to eat. I don't want to get dressed. Okay, you don't have to get dressed. But you got to get out of this apartment. Okay? I don't have to get dressed? My cooking always cheers you up. A little wine. - Mo, you love avocado. - All right. Look at that. Hey, vegan! We are so excited. We wanted you to be the first to know. I wanted you to be the first to know. After me. I'm engaged! Derrick proposed with a two-carat diamond ring! I didn't get my first carat until my third marriage. Montana, does this single rose mean you're not single anymore? It's nothing. Sheree's fiance is taking us all out to dinner tonight. I'm borrowing those earrings I bought you for Christmas. Oh, yes, honey. I should have bought them for myself! He's on track to break the college record for most receptions in a season, maybe win a Heisman. You know I'm happy for you, right, Sheree? But... you're just a sophomore in college. You barely know what you want to major in... much less, who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Why now? Why not now? He's a great guy. And I don't want to wait until I'm all old, like... Like me. I didn't mean it like that. What do you think? Yes? Fabulous? I hate them. Mom's letting me wear her wedding dress. You can pick whichever one you want. Only one thing that would make this the best wedding ever. A bridesmaid again? I can't go to my little sister's wedding single. I'll be the laughingstock of my entire family. If you need a man, I can get you one. Hey! Don't embarrass me. It's not a man I need... it's a husband, or a potential husband, in a month. Marry Gail. If she goes a week without waxing her moustache, they'll think it's Steve Harvey. I'm serious. Why is it so hard to find the right guy? Tell me about it. Tell me about it. A girl could have everything... an MBA, a J-O-B, but no M-A-N. That's because men are intimidated by strong women. I never tell guys that I have a degree. That's because you don't have a degree. Sam, you keep missing the damn point. I should give this back to you. It's hopeless with me. You won't show up single. Give me your phone. Uh, uh, uh! Hang on. Now, look. She hasn't got time to meet someone new. So why not revisit somebody old? But I don't even know... Picky is single. If we're lucky, one of these guys has blossomed into Mr. Right. Let me see. She hasn't talked to any of these guys in years. If she bumped into one of them on a plane, she might. How would I know if they were traveling? It's the holiday season... everyone's traveling. And when someone wants to fly, what do they do? Book a flight. There's Tanya in ticketing. I'm Tanya. Welcome to TransAlliance. May I see your I.D.? Frankie in the Frequent Flyer program. Thank you for choosing TransAlliance. I turned them on to my hook-up at Louis Vuitton so they owe me biggies. There's Calvin at curbside check-in. Hi, I'm Calvin at curbside. Welcome to TransAlliance, a flight you can afford... where your soul and bag can be on one accord. And there's Cedric in security. First name, Cedric. Last name, take everything out of your pockets! I need your pockets out of your pockets! For the next few weeks, any ex of yours who flies anywhere, we'll know. We just arrange your schedule so you're on that flight. First of all, this is the stupidest idea ever. Secondly of all... There's the degree. Assuming you could find out when these guys are flying... which I doubt, because it's your dumb-ass idea... Gail! These are all men you've dated before, and it didn't work out. So what is going to make this any different? Because this time, she's different. Same action, same outcome. New actions, new outcome. Clearly, we have all had too much to drink. This is illegal. We can all get fired, and we can go to jail. Or we could come to the aid of the sweetest... and most romantically deserving human being alive... and help her find the truest and fastest love of her life. We have thirty days and 30,000 miles. To be brought up on federal charges. To find me a husband. I don't understand why you guys think this is a good idea. It's the 21st century. You don't need a man to define you. Everyone I know is getting married and having kids. So what? I want someone to love me, too. Someone who thinks I'm the best. Who only sees me in the room. I know it might sound corny or unrealistic, but... I know he's out there. And I don't want to wait any longer. And you think you can find him in 30 days? Of course not! Maybe? Hey Sam. - It actually worked. - What worked? Our plan. He's flying from Los Angeles to New York, connecting in Houston. - Who? - One of your exes. Damon Diesel. One second! You've got to be kidding me. Damon Diesel could barely take care of himself, much less a family. Google him. He's produced three number-one singles in the last year. And he's Essence? "Bachelor of the Month". He is looking for Mrs. Diesel. Hey! I'm on the toilet! Sam? I love you, - but I'm not getting on that flight. Okay? - Montana! Oh, God, my mother came over uninvited again. I will jack you up! I will jack you up hard! I got to go. Montana. Honey, Mama's having a rough day. All this planning for your sister's wedding... it's making me feel like such a failure. Mom, five marriages doesn't make you a failure. I wasn't talking about me. I started thinking... my youngest daughter is marrying a wonderful... handsome, athletic young man. Yes, she is. And I might not even be alive to see my oldest do the same. Anyway, we have to discuss your sister's rehearsal dinner... seeing you are a maid of honor again. I would love to talk about this, but I have a flight to catch. Why didn't you tell me you had a flight to catch? If you had called, I would have told you. Make sure you call me when you land. I will call you whenever I get to wherever I'm going. - I love you. - Yeah, I love you. Sam? What's the flight number? I fell in love again and it happened in a minute My eyes shot out like a fish out of water and I'm jumpin' in it Oh, don't get scared for me Just be prepared for me 'Cause I'm in love with love in love Taxi! Taxi! Taxi! William! William! Sorry! I have to get to the airport fast... it's an emergency. - Somebody's looking good. - Yeah? I almost didn't recognize you. Some of us like to update our image every decade or so. This was the truck my father bought before he started his business. It's vintage. I wasn't talking about the truck. You want to get to the airport? So what's the occasion? Oh, I'm meeting a friend in Houston, then we're flying to New York. Why fly all the way to Houston to meet a friend when New York is just an hour away? He doesn't exactly know I'm meeting him. It's a surprise. Would this have anything to do with Sheree's wedding? It has nothing to do with it. Okay, maybe it does. A little. My parents were together almost 40 years... before my dad passed away. He kept the same job. Drove the same truck. And stayed in love with the same woman. Every night at six, there was an oven-cooked meal waiting for him. The same one? Poor woman. You know, Mo... the magic isn't in getting married. It's in the staying married. Yeah. William, I can't thank you enough. Bye. Wish me luck, okay? I got my bag. I know, I know. - Your phone. - I'm sorry. Bye. Hey! Hey! - Your earpiece. - I'm sorry. You know me. Okay, see you later! - Thank you! - Mo! Mo! Your lipstick! She's always forgetting something. Cedric! Nobody move! Back up! Nobody move! Sorry. Excuse me, it's an emergency. I have no life! Which gives me all day to ruin yours! Welcome aboard TransAlliance flight 143. Sam, I'm on the plane in a dress I can barely breathe in. But he's not here. - Who? - Damon Diesel. He's not on the flight. He is. No, he's not. This is ridiculous. I don't know how you convinced me to do this, but I'm leaving. I love you, bye. I'd love to be the stitches in that skirt. Montana Moore. Damon Diesel. - Wassup? - Wow. Not much. You look great. You're in first class? That's the only way to ride. Okay, I'll be sitting down. Usually, I don't really write about jewelry It's foolery, But something about the way you look on my arm An arm on my neck like you're my charm So, so fresh when we step out at midnight Up to the spat we chill and sit tight How long are you in town? Two or three days. I have meetings and family to see. How long are you in town? Long enough. Long enough for what? Long enough for us to spend some quality time, if I'm allowed. You're allowed. Great. Let's go. Let's go. After you. I can't believe we ran into each other. It's crazy. I'm busy. Damon Diesel. What's up, baby? Can I get you something to drink? The usual. A bottle of Chateau Margaux '66, coming right up. You should think way larger than that. - London, Dubai. - Your check. Thank you. See you next time. Damon, I should probably get back to my hotel. I have an early morning, and... a girl does need her beauty rest. Real talk? You could stay awake the rest of your life and still be beautiful. Thank you, Damon. Being with you tonight... you got a brother on some till-death-do-we-part shit. Don't laugh. Why are you laughing? Damon. I've been trying to reach you. Janine, Montana. Montana, Janine. Hi. Janine and her husband work with me at the label. Can you call me when you get a moment? I want to wrap up a few things. Have a good evening. It was really nice to meet you, Janine. You, too. Where were we? To us. So this is it. Work hard, play hard, baby. Clearly. I want to show you something. Check this out. A little different than the last time you saw me. You think? Hope you like it. Come on. Okay, coming. It's sexy, right? Yeah. Wow. Damon, you're doing big things. I'm impressed. I'm not getting in the hot tub. You know you want to. Maybe, but I'm not getting in. Okay. Will you stop acting silly? Is that meant to be inviting? Damon? Damon! Damon, I know you hear me! Who is that? You said you weren't seeing anybody. That's Janine. From the restaurant? Damon! Damon, you better open up! It's your house. Tell her you're busy. - I can't. - Why not? This ain't my house. It's hers. I can't afford this shit. Damon, open this damn door! - You can afford a Range Rover. - Uh-uh. You have a titanium American Express card. That's hers, too. You said she's married. She is. Sometimes she not. I know you got that ho from the restaurant there! Who's she calling a ho? Shh! - I'm not shushing! - You better shush. She crazy. I'll shoot you and that bitch, 'cause you know I'm crazy! I told you. She crazy. Crazy! She crazy. Why are you doing this to me? Open, open, open, open, open. Open, open, open! When she come through the door... when she break the door down, you don't want to be here. Well, where should I be? I am not getting on that fire escape. Damon, open this damn door! Damon, I got something for you! - Where is this bitch? - Nobody's here. Is Sam's dumb-ass idea working? Did he pop the question? I'm on a fire escape! I'll assume that's a no. Anyway, bachelor number two... is on the flight in the morning from Atlanta to D.C. You need to be at JFK in an hour to catch the last commuter flight out... to make his morning connecting flight. You've now got... sixty-nine... I mean, fifty-nine minutes, honey. You got fifty-nine minutes. I'm looking for the bitch, too! Bitch, where are you! Could this get any worse? Hey, Montana, it's your mother. Listen. Sheree decided to have a bridesmaid slumber party. We're all here in our pajamas and we want you to come over. All right, sweetie, I love you. Uh-uh! You know you don't need that cookie. Sit down. This is your pilot speaking. The flight time today to Reagan International Airport is 1 hour, 40 minutes. Sit back and enjoy the short flight. Sir, may I offer you a blanket? No, thank you. Montana. Langston. Montana. Curtis. Hi. - Would you like a blanket? - I'm okay. Hey! Two of m y exes are on the plane. I know about Langston. Who's the other guy? Curtis. He and Langston are both here. I'll get Sam. Curtis is here, too. You said he got married. I thought he did, but I don't think he is now. No wedding ring. None of the married guys I date wear wedding rings. It's tacky. Go with Langston. He's running for Congress, so he needs a running mate. Curtis. Langston. You know Montana? Yeah, we're old friends. Flight attendants, prepare the cabin for takeoff You know, I'm running for Congress now. And I'm having dinner tonight with some potentially major... campaign contributors. Would you know a young lady. Gorgeous, intelligent... that would be so gracious as to join me? If asked, I might. Consider yourself asked. Consider yourself answered. Right over here, this is me. Wow. Langston, you've done very well for yourself. Thank you. This is probably my favorite room in the house. I can see why. Oh, you have a dog! Montana, this is Juicy. Juicy, this is Montana. She's so cute. Can I pet her? Juicy. Stop that, shame on you. I'm sorry. She's jealous. She likes to mark her territory. - Sorry about that. - I understand. If you were around more, Juicy wouldn't have these problems. So my being around more often would be just for Juicy? Yes, strictly for Juicy. I hope it's okay... I had my assistant pick you out something to wear. I'm assuming your size is the same as I remember. I hope so. It's hanging in the bathroom. Two doors down to the left. Great. Okay. Bye, Juicy. We're going to be friends. I certainly hope so. See you shortly. Juicy, pee. God, I love that Juicy. Montana, allow me to introduce you to Howard Donaldson... and his beautiful wife, Estelle. Mr. Donaldson is the owner and founder of Donaldson Steel... the largest contractor in the Washington metropolitan area. And who might this stunning young lady be? She is too pretty to be your date. You got that right. This is Montana Moore, my very significant other... who was gracious enough to fly here to join us for dinner. Well, young lady, I hope you're prepared to withstand the heat... which this coming election will surely bring. Montana comes from a long line of flame-retardant women. She'll be just fine. All right. I got a great table, let's go. Flame retardant. He surprised me. How you doing, sir? May I take your drink order? I'll have a scotch, single-malt, on the rocks... and a Shirley Temple with extra cherries for my wife. That sounds good. I'll have what the gentleman's having. The lady will also have a Shirley Temple, extra cherries. Oh, no, actually, I'd like a... it's okay, I got it. A Shirley Temple, please. Actually, would you excuse us? Lam dying to show Montana... the breathtaking view of the atrium. Excuse us. Sweetheart, listen. These are the kind of contributors who want to know the candidate they're investing in is a leader. A take-charge type of man. Now, if I sit there and let you order your own drink, then that would be like you're leading. Please, just bear with me. I promise, when this thing is over... I'll take you anywhere and you can order for the entire restaurant. But can you just do me this solid? For me? Of course. - I'll do it for you. - Thank you. You look great tonight. Langston? Your record in the city council is impeccable. Well, thank you. If you're not elected to Congress, it won't be because of... insufficient financial support. I like that sound. Mr. Donaldson. I can't tell you how much this means to me. Us. There is no reason you can't do something for your people. You could do something really great. Historic, maybe. I mean, we're talking the Obamas. The Williams sisters. And like Tiger Woods. Well, if, uh... you're referring to the American people... then, yes, I have every intention of making the American people very proud. Well, I was thinking specifically of your people, the black people. Well, I live in Georgetown, so I guess these... these would be my people. And Tiger Woods lives in Florida, so those would be his people. Are you saying that where Tiger Woods lives... makes him irrelevant to people of the same skin color? You'd first have to determine Tiger Woods' skin color. He's black. Well, I think... what would make Tiger Woods black... would be his passion for things, uh, that... are related to the African-American race as a whole. Which he has not yet proven to have. What I think would make Tiger Woods black... is the fact he drives an Escalade and his daddy's name is Earl. An Escalade? Why... A daddy named Earl? It was a joke. Things were getting heavy and I was just trying to lighten them up. Juicy, no! This is Langston. Good evening, sir. Yes, she is quite the funny lady. I'm sorry? Of course, I accept. Thank you again, sir. Good night. That was Mr. Donaldson. He just doubled his contribution. Apparently your little Tiger Woods joke... was the highlight of his evening. Juicy! Go pee. Then the dinner was a success. Langston, we should celebrate. Okay. Sweetheart. You're so pretty. There's a saying. Behind every great man... there is an even greater woman. I want that for you. I want you to be greater. But sometimes being greater... means being quiet. Hmm. I always thought the saying was, Beside every great man... Beside, behind, between... it's all semantics. The point is... that if she is to be great, wherever she is... she must follow. And he must lead. Well, when I led... I got you twice as much money. - It's not just about money. - What is it about? I'll tell you, Juicy. I'm running for office. Did you just call me "Juicy"? - Did I? - Yeah, you did. Well, I apologize. I don't know how I could confuse you two, because Juicy knows how to obey. Juicy, come! See that? You know what? "New actions, new outcome." Same asshole, same outcome. You haven't changed a bit. And I'm keeping the outfit and the shoes. I earned them. Get off, you little rat. Juicy. Juicy! Hello? Hey, it's me. I didn't wake Taylor, did I? No. Her grandma got sick, so she went out of town to see her. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope she feels better. - You doing anything? - Not anymore. Want to watch a movie? Sure. Great. Can you pick me up? You live across the hall. I'm not at home, silly. I'm in Georgetown. Hello? William? Hello? Hello? Sorry. I guess we got cut off. No, I hung up. Yeah, sure, of course. I guess a 25-year friendship doesn't give me the right to call you or expect you... to drive less than an hour when I'm stranded at midnight in the crime capital of the world. Wait, stop, don't! I don't have any money, or any real friends, either! Stop! So cold out there. Yeah? Comfortable? Why didn't you get one of your friends to pick you up? Oh, that's right. He lives in Chicago. Or was it Houston? No, no, no. New York City, right? I know this all seems very silly to you. I'm sorry you had a rough night. It has been a very rough night. God, it's cold in here. Does "vintage" mean you don't have any heat in this car? I'm so cold. Come sit next to me. I'll keep you warm. Thank you for coming. You're welcome. You give me hope that there's still some good men out there. Are you ever going to finish this place? - It'll be finished... - When it's finished, I know. I can't believe you're making me watch a movie at two A.M. On VHS. All righty. Our choices. - Enter the Dragon. - Uh-huh. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Or The Last Dragon. Whoo! You have Misery? The Last Dragon? There you go. Get it started. I'll make us some drinks. Mo? What color in the dining room? Cherry or Espresso? Espresso. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Wait. Is this our high school yearbook? Yeah. My mom was cleaning the garage and found it. I'm surprised your photo didn't slide off the page. You'd be walking around with that activator... Funny. You must have forgot how you looked. There wasn't a tube of gel in a thousand miles that was safe. Oh, my gosh. Look at our prom. We were gettin' down. No, I was getting dumped. My date got jealous and left. It's not my fault she couldn't dance. What was that song we were dancing to? I don't love her I tried to tell myself But you can see it in my eyes So don't deny I can't fool no one else The truth is in the tears I cry Cause if it isn't love Why do I feel this way Why does she stay on my mind And if it isn't love Why does it hurt so bad Why does she stay on my mind If it isn't love Oh, my God. I'll get us a drink. This is for you. - Thank you. - Mmm-hmm. Here we go. This is a toast... to us never dancing... or dressing... like that ever again. Cheers. Know what else my mom found? Some DVD's? A couple romantic comedies, hopefully? Stop talking about a black man's mama. Remember this? Please don't tell me you still have that. Paging Dr. William Wright. If not for this, you wouldn't have known you had a heartbeat. You didn't know, either, because you were always trying to put it on my booty. You saying your booty ain't got a heartbeat? I don't think it does. You don't? Let me check. Can you check it? Oh, my God. I can tell, young lady, you're of African heritage. Thank you. I'm starting to hear something. Be glad you know a doctor who makes house calls. Is that all you can make? William... Montana? William? Montana, we're here. We sure are. You still up for a movie? Mo, you forgot... She's always forgetting something. Ahh! That was quite the dream you were having, little girl. You were sleeping so peacefully, I decided to clean that nasty little kitchen of yours. The way a woman keeps her kitchen is the way she keeps her man. I ought to know. Mom... in the interest of me keeping my sanity... I think we should establish some clear-cut boundaries. Boundaries. After 74-and-a-half hours in labor, struggling to give you life. This is how you thank me? Well, you're welcome. And I am leaving. Mom? And do me a favor, Pig-pen. That funky little attitude you got? Don't bring that to your sister's wedding. We don't need it, okay? Uh-huh. Maybe I want to have a funky little attitude. Maybe because I'll have someone of my own. And I'm bringing him to the rehearsal dinner. What do you think about that? Really, Montana? You told your mother what? I had to get her off my back. You know how she is. She got off your back, but a 10,000-pound gorilla jumped on. You'll see. - I'll see? - You will. - Montana. - Weisha! It's so good to see you. Good to see you. This is my good friend, William. Hello. For bridesmaid. Again. Try on. Thank you, Weisha. For the groom. Try on. Um, I'm not the groom. But you're same size as groom. Try on. I need measurement. This could have been you. I proposed to you and your answer was, "Eaugh!" You proposed to me in elementary school during recess... "because you wanted my cupcake... and the only way to get it... was by giving me the toy ring from your Cracker Jack box. At least I offered you a ring for it. That's more than I can say for the men you've dated since. Touche. If I had known the proposals would be so infrequent... I would have accepted. And then we'd be married. Mo, you look amazing. You don't look half bad yourself. I have to get this. Taylor. How's your grandmother doing? I miss you, too. Got one... flight 1763 headed to Houston, sitting in seat 3A. Houston, we got a problem! Move, move, move! Feet can't touch the ground And I can't hear a sound But you just keep on running up your mouth, yeah Walk, walk on over there 'Cause I'm too fly to care Oh, yeah He's on his way to D.C. Right there with my President. This boy got some Frequent Flyer miles. He's going to Miami. Got another one, Sam, on his way to Detroit. Motown! Just one second. One minute, please. One second. Don't let what they say keep you up at night And they can't detain you 'Cause wings are made to fly And we don't let nobody bring us down No matter what you say, it won't hurt me Don't matter if I fall from the sky These wings are made to fly She like light-skinned dudes? I got Leo DiCaprio up here. Do her husband have to be a man? Now is not the time to get down on yourself, Montana. In a week, maybe. Thank you. Don't mention it. Ohh! Taylor? Montana. What a... Ho-ho-ho. Surprise? How's your grandmother? William is better looking. And he's a great guy. And she's here being a two-timing... Whore. - Montana. - Taylor. I know this looks really bad. But what you don't know is me and William broke up. It's a long story. I'd appreciate it if you don't mention it. You know how it is when you break up. The wound's still open. Sure, yeah. Thank you. Could you get me a hot tea? Two sugars, no cream. Ciao! Flight 901 is headed to New Mexico. Feliz Navidad. Got another one, Sam, 506... coming straight to Los Angeles. You want him? Do you mind if I... Sorry, I'm really sorry. Sorry. No, Gail, there's four days left before the wedding. I'm just going to get some rest and... hop on the first flight in the morning. Thanks for trying. Yeah. I love you, too. Okay. Bye. Montana Moore. Do you know what time it is? It's ten o'clock in L.A. it's one A.M. in Baltimore. I know. I'm sorry, I just thought maybe you might want to... you know... talk. About? Come on, William. How long have we known each other? You can tell me. What are you talking about? I'm talking about... Montana. Taylor. I was thinking about you, too. Oh, you got another call. Taylor, don't do that. And Merry Christmas to you, too. Bye. What happened to the Italian guy? What are you working on? Just trying to figure things out. I like this little thing here. Oh. Yeah? Anybody in a holiday spirit? Come on, it's open mike. A cottage small is all I'm after Not one that's spacious and wide. A house that's filled... What are you guys whispering about? Hey, I'm singing right now. Sam e people like the high life. I like the low life. Sounds corny and seedy, but yes, indeed-y, Give me the simple life You know? Okay. Bravo, bravo. That was amazing. Quinton! Montana. Oh, I'm so embarrassed. Oh, please. Don't be. You were wonderful. - Really? - Well, no. It's so good to see you. You, too. I'm so pleased you still remember me. Of course I remember you. You were on my route for over a year. L.A. to New York. Let me see if I can remember. Columbia graduate, top of your class, of course. Hobbies-racquetball, skiing and art. I guess it's obvious how much I enjoyed talking to you during our flights. Luckily, there was always an empty seat next to you so we could talk. It wasn't luck. I paid for both seats. You didn't. Of course. Excuse me. I have no idea what you just said, but you don't... Please. I insist. Let's go have a drink. Okay, if you insist. So you've been a maid of honor nine times. I should call the Guinness Book of World Records. More like Ripley's Believe It or Not. It could have been ten, actually... but my cousin called off her third wedding the day before. So it's really nine with an asterisk. Yeah, I know. As you requested, Mr. Jamison. Oh, Quinton, this is too much. You can never have too much of a good thing. Besides, it's on the house. You work for the hotel? I own the hotel. This hotel? Yes. It's a lovely day for going nowhere It's a lovely day for being in love It's a lovely day Feel like chasing the clouds away To a perfect place I'm dreaming of It's a lovely day for going nowhere Have you ever imagined what it would feel like... to take off a year and travel the world? What woman hasn't? But without the means or the time... it remains just that, a thought, a dream. So if you were given the means... would you find the time? I don't know what you mean. Oh. You think this sunrise is beautiful? Wait till you see the sunrise in the Serengeti. Or the view from the top of the Eiffel Tower. We could shop in Milan. Cruise the Greek Isles on a private yacht. Wow, that... that sounds incredible. Quinton, I'm so flattered. I don't know what to say. Say... "I accept your invitation." You mean... your proposal? If that's what you want to call it, then yes. What do you want me to call it? I'm taking time off to travel the world and I'm asking you to join me. Montana... if you thought I was talking about marriage I've tried it, twice... and all it did was ruin two very good friendships. Listen. If marriage is what you need, you should find someone willing to give you that. But if passion and adventure are what you want, you'll never want it again. I'm passing through D.C. in a couple of days on my way to Rome, then London... and then to Greece. I'll have my assistant book you a ticket to all three places, just in case. Okay. If you're going to be in D.C... I'd really like you to come to my sister's rehearsal dinner. If won't be anything fancy, like you're used to, but... we could talk about it then. Okay. Now you get some rest and think about it. Yes? Okay. It's been a great night. Now I realize why it's so hard to find the perfect guy. Maybe he just doesn't exist. From the first time we met Saw a glow I can't forget Felt the sun rise and set In your eyes I knew that I wanted You near me Is it love I feel? Tell me, is it real? Is it love, please tell me Now What you doing? About to get ready for the rehearsal dinner. It's your mailman. From your mailbox. You didn't have to do that. And that's from me. Early Christmas gift. Thanks. It'll help get your mother off your back. That's no longer a problem. Tonight at Sheree's rehearsal dinner, after my sister introduces her soon-to-be husband... I'll make an introduction of my own. What's so funny? You're turning into your mother. No. I'm just realizing that maybe fairy tales don't come true. We weren't all lucky enough to have parents like you... that ate dinner every night together for 40 years. I never said my parents were perfect. They went through it just like any other couple. But when they took those vows, they meant it. My mom loved my dad. And my dad loved her back. Well, my mom loved my dad. And then she loved another man. And another man and another man. People get married and divorced. That's just what people do. You spent your life being your own woman. Why change now? Who said I wouldn't be my own woman? I just would really like to be somebody else's, too. Somebody's? Or anybody's? You know what? William... why don't you save your really great relationship advice for someone who really needs it? Like Taylor... when she's kissing some Italian dude at 30,000 feet. Wow. That's my cue. Merry Christmas, Mo. I thought you should know! Thank you, I know. William? I'm sorry. Montana, it's your mother. I have told everybody about your announcement... so don't let me down! Good evening. As you all know, my youngest daughter... is marrying a handsome young man... from Rhoda Island. Rocky Mountains. What are you doing here? Same as you, just being nosy. This is to welcome him to the family. And give him a last chance to back out. But before I bring you my youngest daughter... I'd like to present my oldest... who has an announcement that is lovely... and long overdue. I give you Montana! Montana, come up. Come up here. So, um... ...I have an announcement.. ...as I am sure you are all aware. The tricky thing about announcements is... you need to have something to announce... in order for it to be an announcement. What is she doing? I don't know. So, here it is. Friends... family... fellow Americans. Langston. Langston? Montana, I was flipping through the newspaper... and saw the notice for your sister's wedding. Congratulations. You look ravishing. Thank you. - Montana... - Who is he? I thought about what you said. You were right. A woman can lead. Under the right circumstances, of course. One of which is a campaign brunch next week, with a very influential senator. A senator. This is to beside... behind... and to nothing... coming between us. Montana... would you... Oh, yes, she will! No, I won't. - Yes, you will. - I won't. - Will. - Won't. What's gotten into you? What's gotten into you? You don't even know this man. - Hi. - Hello. How are you? Fine, thank you. You're just going to marry me off to the first person you see? Unbelievable. This is a man... who I would... never marry. I wouldn't even vote for you. I don't trust black Republicans, I'm sorry. I'm actually a Libertarian. You know, I spent the last thirty days... looking for somebody, anybody... to come here tonight. So I could... fit in. Be part of the club. So all of you would say, "We love you, Montana." "You did it. We're so proud of you. You're a lady." But... marriage doesn't make you a lady... any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. That's a weird analogy. So, um... where's my announcement. I'm not getting married. I don't even have any prospects. No, none, zero. I'm all alone. But I did meet somebody... have been really, really needing to meet. Me. And it turns out... I like me. A lot. With or without a husband. And I say this, from your older sister... that... if you are really in love with Derrick... and you can't imagine... spending another day without him... then you two should absolutely get married. And I'm so happy for you. But... if you're making this decision for any other reason... sweetie, you're making the biggest mistake of your life. A really good friend once told me... the magic... the magic isn't in getting married. It's in staying married. I don't know. What are you saying? You don't want to get married? Do you? I was just doing this 'cause your mom said we had to. Baby, we can wait until after we graduate. Maybe get to know each other a little better. Are you sure? Yes. I am. That's okay. Give me a kiss. - I'm fine with that. I love you. - I love you, too. I feel so much better. Let's get out of here. Thank you. I love you. Hello. My name is Langston Jefferson Battle Ill... and I am running for the United States Congress. You met someone? You met yourself? I had to say I was introducing someone. Whatever you need, we are here for you. Right by your side. Montana! From way over there. Way, way over there. Wait for me, okay? Not now, Mom. Montana, wait. Listen, Mom. I need a few days. Weeks. Maybe even a month. I can't give you that. I can risk losing another husband, but not my daughter. I was proud of you in there. That woman in there was the woman I raised you to be. Confident. Smart. Independent. A lady. I'm sorry. I was scared. I put all that pressure on you and your sister... 'cause I didn't want you to go through five husbands like I did. Do you mean that? Of course I do. And you know I do. I don't know if I ever told you this... but your father... was my first... and only... true love... And I loved him... until the day he died. You're too young to remember, Montana. But every Sunday, your father would let me sleep. He'd rush downstairs... to make pancakes. He'd rattle his pots and pans and carry on down there. And then he'd yell up the stairs, "Catherine, you come on down here and eat these pancakes!" I wouldn't move. And then he'd come and kiss me on my cheek. So sweet. And he'd say, "Get up, baby. Come and eat." That was thirty years ago, Montana. And some Sundays... I still close my eyes... and I can smell those pancakes like it was yesterday. So, yeah. Love does matter. And when you find love... and you will, baby... No, no. Don't ever let it go. I love you, Mom. I love you, too. Mom. Come on, let's go. I just want to make you proud of me. I don't think I'm ever going to meet somebody. Who knows? But you can have really great sex while you look. She can. We get it, Gail. You like to bone. Montana! Did you enter the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes? Who is that? Montana! Montana, I think the King of Zamunda might be here to see you. Oh. That's Quinton. That is Quinton. That's who you were supposed to meet at the rehearsal? That's the one that gave you... Those diamonds are... Those diamonds are real? Montana! Get ready, go down there. No. I'm not. What are you doing? Gail, move. Put the bracelet down. Let her go. Don't do something we will all regret! We can all retire off that bracelet! Quinton! I apologize for being late. I had an event that ran longer than expected. I hope I didn't ruin anything for you. Look. I thought about what you said in Los Angeles. I said a lot. And I listened. I want more than extravagant trips and... expensive gifts. They're nice. They're really nice. But... I want a lifetime. And as silly as it may sound, I'm not going to settle for anything less. And as silly as it sounds... I don't think you should. Thanks. I can't see! I can't see! That was super brave. Thanks. That was super stupid. Uh, uh, uh! I just... I want a commitment. Real love. He just wanted international travel booty. That man could have intergalactic travel booty. So who gave you this? William. Did William wrap that himself? He can wrap a gift. You going to open it? No. Okay, I will. Hey, hey. She said she doesn't want to open it. That's why I'm opening it. - You want it? - Yes. I would. Don't you touch my...! I'll open it! God! I have had enough drama for one night. - You said you didn't want to open it. - Stop it! I'll open it. Really. Is William going through a bit of a financial situation? When we were seven, he proposed to me with a toy ring... and I laughed at him. And he said, "Someday." it's a plane ticket. Is it? Hey, now. Okay. This is a plane ticket to France. He wants you to marry a Frenchman. Gail. He was going to take his girlfriend to Italy for their one-year anniversary and I said... if it was me, I would have chosen... France. What date is the ticket for? Today. At 11:45 P.M. Here we go, looking for a taxi! That one! Stop in the name of the law! We need to get to the airport! I'm off duty! What are you doing? Sir, you must! Hey, my brother, I'm Calvin. Let me help you with your bag. I'm good, bro. You can't go in there with liquids and gels. You got any? Cabbie, cabbie! Stop! Brother, you don't have no lotion or nothing? No, I don't. So you out here for the holidays just ashy? You already dark-skinned. Brother, we got a black President. I am not sitting bitch! I resent the implication! I want the seat by the window! Happy holidays, brother. I couldn't hold him. Drive, drive, drive! How may I help you, sir? I'm going to Paris. I need your passport. Here you go. Calvin couldn't stop him. I'll text Tanya and Cedric. Here you go. Actually! These computers are always doing something weird. Just one second. Enjoying the holidays? Is it snowing? Paris sounds amazing. Is the Eiffel Tower there? I'm stuck here! Where are you going? I have to try! Is there...? Sorry, Mr. Wright, just one second. Good luck! We love you! I love you! Thanks, guys! Text me Quinton's number! - Really? - Really. Finally, I got it. Here's your ticket. Enjoy your trip to Paris. Your gate is that way. Have a safe flight, Mr. Wright! What are you doing? - Please, please, please! - It's too late. I'm sorry. William. Montana? William, oh, my God. I just saw your plane leave and I thought you were gone. The agent entered the wrong gate on my boarding pass. But I thought you... I thought you got your proposal. I said no. No husband? No Taylor? Not anymore. The only baggage I've got is on the way to France right now. It's just me. What are you trying to say with the Cracker Jack box? I don't understand. Mo, listen. I was standing alone in my apartment. And I realized... why wasn't it finished? It wasn't finished because you weren't in it. And I realized that little Cracker Jack box ring wasn't gonna fit no more. So... I found one that would. Montana Christina Moore... for the second time... and this time for all the right reasons... would you marry me? Yes, yes, yes. William. After thirty days and 30,000 miles of searching the skies for Mr. Right... it turns out he was living across the hall the whole time. And with any luck, he'll work the same job... drive the same truck and love the same woman... for the rest of his life. - We did it! - Yes! We did it. I am so glad that's over. Now I can finally get back to my life. Which starts this weekend. I have a date with an amazingly gorgeous man. Oh! Looks like I got a hot date, too. Oh, Sam. He works at the Renaissance. Well, mine's the manager. No. You bitch! Why? That's my man! I had him first! He's mine! I'm going to... I fell in love again and it happened in a minute My eyes shot out like a fish out of water and I'm jumpin' in it Oh, I don't hold back No, I don't hold back I never stay within the lines I don't hold back No, I don't hold back I'm gonna take what's mine Oh, don't get scared for me Just be prepared for me 'Cause I'm in love with love In love |
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