Hey, you got a safety pin?
Why would I have
a safety pin?
Oh, good God.
This is easy as hell.
Ready? One, two, three.
It's gone, ladies.
Where'd it go?
- That was so cool.
- Yeah, I know.
Hey, listen. I'm having
a party this weekend.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. You should come.
Hey, I need a pin.
Somebody have a pin?
Please?
What am I supposed
to do with this?
It's all I got.
People, people, people!
It's show time!
- Relax, Ameet.
- It happens to the best of us.
It didn't happen to you,
so shut up.
Oh, hey, Ameet, look.
I found a safety pin.
- You want it?
- It's not that funny, big boy
Don't count on me
for tomorrow.
Bobby's big day, huh?
I think it's pathetic.
I'd lose my pants any day
not to have to go through that.
Ruby Chandra, huh?
Yeah, why?
Poor you.
What's that supposed to mean?
You never exactly met her,
have you?
No. That's kind of the point.
What?
What's wrong with her?
What's wrong with her?
She's fine, man.
I don't know.
In a unique kind of way.
Go see what she looks like.
No
Come on, Ameet,
help a brother out.
No
Please?
Okay.
- Hi, Auntie.
- Hi, Ameet. How are you?
Hi, Uncle.
How are you?
Hi.
This is Ruby's mother.
This is Saima.
Isn't she beautiful?
Well?
Bobby? It's time.
Hi.
Hi.
Whew.
Hey.
Oh, hell no!
No!
Wait, wait, wait, wait
No
Sorry.
Whoa, whoa!
What the hell are you doing?
Did you see that thing?
She's a wildebeest!
Do you hear that shit? I can't
live with that the rest of my life.
- You got to go back and apologize.
- What?
I'm not saying you should marry her,
but you can't leave her like this.
Watch me.
I'm sorry.
I'll talk with him.
What the hell
is going on?
I got this under control.
You can just turn around.
I don't think so.
That's my best friend
down there crying like a baby.
- Wildebeest!
- Would you please leave?
Good idea.
I'm supposed to be
Sleeping Beauty!
- Hey, roll me out of here.
- No.
- Please? Please?
- No. No.
- Please?
- Shut up.
- Can you believe it?
- No.
Cheers
You idiot!
Saima, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to...
Ameet, this is
the ladies' room.
Is there anything
I can do to help?
Yeah. Get out.
Are you sure there's
nothing I can do?
Get out!
- What's the matter with you?
- Mom.
- It's just a spilled drink.
- Did Ameet do this?
It was an accident.
On behalf of my son, please accept
my apologies.
- That's all right.
- That boy.
I don't know how he can survive
without a woman in his life.
What?
Okay, okay.
Yeah, hi.
Okay, okay.
Mommy!
Aah! Ow!
- Hurts?
- Yes!
So we got married.
I didn't get a honey
moon, of course.
I got a nurse.
Hi, honey.
Hi, honey!
- Yeah, hi.
- Hold this.
Oh!
All right.
Oh.
- Thank you.
- Poor baby.
Little chips for my honey.
You want some more of this?
Thank you.
My baby.
I can't believe Bobby
got trapped like that.
- See ya.
- Where are you going?
Out.
Don't be late.
- Where are you going?
- Out.
You should concentrate on
your studies.
It's Friday night.
After so much hard work.
You are in medical.
Why you want to ruin
that opportunity?
Papa, it's just one night.
Hey, you work now.
Tomorrow we are taking
dinner with some friends.
You also come.
It'll be your layer time.
You enjoy then
But, Papa, what about Dave?
Is he also taking
dinner tomorrow?
God bless you, God.
o]
[radi
Oh, God.
Damn!
Why are you
always in heat?
Because I know
what I want, girl.
Look at that ass.
What's up, ladies?
- Hey!
- Aah!
Hey, Saima.
What's with her?
What happened to you?
Hurricane Ameet.
Huh?
Where is everybody?
Hey.
No.
What's your problem?
You are.
Take it easy.
I would if youd stay away from me.
Why can't you just
leave me alone?
Can't you see,
I can't stand you.
I don't want you around me
and I'm sick of you
spilling shit all over me.
What?
Drink?
I found out where
everyone went.
They left.
What?
I can't find them,
and their cars are gone.
Great. And how am
I supposed to get home?
You...
I...
Tomorrow you're coming with us
You're going to take dinner
at a friend's place.
You be ready.
Come on, Deep.
You gotta play better
D if you want to win.
Play defense with your feet,
not like Bobby.
I wish Bobby
could play with us.
- He will... soon.
- When?
Four to six months
Why does he have to
be married anyway?
I don't know.
It was just his time, I guess.
- Does he love Ruby?
- It's complicated, Deep
- Love is just a part of it.
- What is love?
Well, um, love is...
Love is when two people
care for each other so much
that they'd be willing
to do anything for the other.
Is that how Bobby feels about Ruby?
Well, not yet,
but he will... soon.
When are you going to get married?
Ohh! Oh, God!
Ameet, are you okay?
- What happened?
- No!
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
What are you doing here?
I don't know.
I guess our parents
hit it off at the wedding.
So, Ameet...
I hear you are doing
computer science.
Good profession.
Huh, Saima?
You know, Saima is doing medical.
I'm an intern.
Yes, yes, medical.
And...
Mom, I'm gonna go to my room
Excuse me.
Saima, why don't you go
see if Ameet needs anything?
Mm-hmm.
Go, go.
She is quite something.
I told you so.
Come in.
What do you want?
Papa wanted to know
if you needed anything.
Is it me, or are your parents
acting kind of strange?
Yeah, actually they have
been acting kind of funny.
What's with them, huh?
I mean, I didn't know
our parents knew each other,
and then Papa sends me in here
to check on you and...
They'd never allow me to be
alone with a guy unless...
Oh, my God!
Ow.
Where are you going?
I'm leaving.
That didn't exactly work
for Bobby,
and I don't think it's going to work
for you, not in your predicament.
Shit.
- I'm not ready to get married
- You? What about me?
I can't get married.
Not now and not to you.
Yeah!
Hey, what's wrong with marrying me?
Okay, wait.
There has got to be
an easy way out of this.
Our parents are
reasonable people.
We'll just explain to them that
we're not ready to get married.
How old are you?
I'm 25.
That's not going to work.
My father already thinks
I'm an old maid.
Well, we have to
try something.
Okay. Okay.
Calm.
Reasonable.
Rational.
Calm.
Reasonable.
Rational.
This is an excellent match
You are both getting
good education.
Dad, we don't want
to get married.
We're not ready.
I did not want to get married.
I was not ready.
- Huh?
- Mm-hmm.
But it- it all
worked out for the best.
But we don't love each other.
Forget about love. We don't even
like each other.
Why are you worrying
about love?
I did not have any love
when I married your mother
Ask her. Did I have?
No. But you will learn it.
You guys don't care about passion
or desire or any of that, do you?
You are thinking of
romance, sho-mance.
You are seeing films and all.
It is not like that.
- Hey.
- Hmm?
- Please explain to them.
- Let me tell you.
It's very simple. You get married.
- You will have your home.
- Correct.
- You will be together.
- Correct.
Then you will have
children and family
and love will come.
- Don't worry, it'll come.
- Maybe 40 years.
It'll come automatically.
Look at us.
It came after 27 years, but it came.
What is the difference?
Yeah, I know, I know.
That's it.
You see?
So we're sitting
in his living room, right?
And his father is like bald
and I think he drinks too much
because he's got me
pinned in from this side
- and my father comes in-
- You're Iying.
I can't do this.
Then let them know you won't.
I can't do that.
Run away. I've got
some money saved up.
I can drop you off at the bus
station and you could...
I can't do that either. It...
It doesn't work that way.
How does it work, Saima?
They've always
looked out for me,
and I know I'm going
to get out of this,
but I just don't want to...
I don't want to upset them.
I just don't know how.
I don't understand.
It's not funny.
Hey, it happens
to the best of us, Ameet.
What do I do?
I am the last person
you should ask.
Can I get you
anything, Ameet?
Thank you, no.
By the way, congratulations.
Thanks.
So how are you guys
getting along?
Well, it's really weird.
But she's nice.
You'll know soon enough.
Where are you going?
To the hospital.
Good, good. Go.
Saima.
I'm only wanting to give
you a secure future, beta.
Yeah, I know, Papa.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Hey, Josh.
How you doing?
- I'm doing great.
- Great to see you.
- I need to talk to you about something.
- Okay.
I'll catch you a little later.
I'm in a rush.
- Okay, I'll see ya.
- See ya.
What took you so long?
Hey, don't snap at me.
We're not married yet.
If that's what you think it'all about,
then I definitely don't want to be with you.
What is that supposed to mean? It's not
like you have any idea what it's all about.
It's about love, cooperation!
Shh!
Working together
to live a better life.
It's about raising kids and teaching them
whats right and what's wrong
It's about trusting someone
with your innermost secrets.
It's about passion and fire and
emotion that you can just run away with.
That's what I think
a marriage is all about.
Aah! Aah!
Oww! Oh, God!Oh!
- Are you okay?
- Shh!
- I'm fine.
- Shh. Shh.
- I'm fine.
- Shh.
Owie!
Ow!
Feel any better?
I'm okay.
- I'm, I'm... Yeah.
- Huh?
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I'm... I'm peachy.
So, do you have a plan?
- Huh?
- A plan.
Uh, yeah.
Of course I do.
A toast to the happy couple.
Let us celebrate this union.
Not only a union
between two people,
but a union between
two families.
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
It is my greatest pleasure
to have Saima join our family.
Welcome.
I also would like
to say a few words.
I just want to take this
opportunity to thank you all
for setting me up
with this wonderful woman.
She's smart...
witty...
and, oh, so hot.
What do you think
you're doing?
What? You are my woman.
The hell I am!
How wonderful.
A lovers' quarrel.
Lovers' quarrel.
What? No.
It is not funny.
- It is not funny.
- Yes, it is.
No.
I can't even have Bobby and the
rest of my friends over anymore.
And I can forget about
a bachelor party.
It's over. Totally over.
Oh, no.
By the way, what was the deal
with that glass of wine?
Payback.
Fair enough.
At least I got a kiss first.
Oh, I'd say you
got a bit more than that.
- You liked it.
- Nah.
Did you?
Dream on.
So what do we do now?
About the kiss?
No, about getting out of this, jerk.
I don't know.
Hey. What's up, yo?
Hey, sweetie.
You're looking better there,
tough guy.
Yeah, I got a smaller cast
so I can use crutches now.
What happened to your face?
We'll talk about it later.
- Uh-huh.
- Long story.
Your mole.
I had it removed.
Oh, you look beautiful
Thanks.
- Ready?
- Okay. Ready?
One and go!
Thank you.
That's awesome, guys.
- Isn't he great?
- That was great.
Are you thirsty?
I'm thirsty.
Margarita time!
Oogie boogie boogie!
So, how's married
life treating you?
You know,
it's actually not so bad.
She's kind of okay now that
I'm getting to know her.
Really.
I got to admit, I didn't think
you guys were a good match.
Well, it was weird,
but... he's opening up.
So it's all working ouy.
No, I didn't say that.
She still does a lot of stuff
that really pisses me off,
but I'm assuming
I do the same thing.
That's great.
So it's working out?
Yeah!
It's all right.
- Get out.
- No.
I just never expected you
to say anything like that.
- It's been like a week now.
- I know, I know.
I've seen him naked now.
Hey, baby.
Hey.
How's it going?
Hey, man.
What's your problem?
Nothing.
Just thought the lady might
want to hang with a real man.
Thanks for the offer, but I'm
already with a real man.
- Really?
- Really?
Yeah, really.
Well, when you change your mind,
I'll be over there.
Eww!
Drink?
- What?
- Nothing.
Nothing.
- I didn't ask.
- Oh.
Hey, listen.
What?
I meant to ask you.
Are you seeing someone?
Why?
Just curious.
Well...
- Actually...
- What? You are?
No. Are you?
No, no.
No.
Hey.
You know, my dad used to
tell me stories
about these Indian princes
and how they'd ride to
their weddings on elephants.
I always dreamedl'd go to my
wedding on an elephant.
Like a prince?
Yeah.
You think it's silly?
No.
I think it's romantic.
Hey, guys.
Peanut?
- What's up?
- You work here?
Yeah, part-time.
Monty here is gonna
be a veterinarian.
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
Yeah, he didn't want to, but he
figured it was the only way
to stay close to his girlfriend
in the gorilla exhibit.
Oh, ha ha ha.
This guy, huh?
Yeah, listen, I actually got to
get back to her. She's lonely.
- Cool. Say hi to wifey.
- See you guys at the party.
When are you going
to find me a nice girl?
Ameet.
I was wondering.
if it is possible for us
to broadcast the wedding
on this, um, Internet...
so our relatives in India
may share in our joy.
Sure, we can do that.
No problem.
No problem?
Excellent. Excellent.
You know,
this Internet.
Well, actually,
there is one problem.
What is that?
May I have your
attention, please?
I'd like to take this
opportunity to say a few words.
I just want to tell
all of you
how blessed I am
that Saima and I
will be together.
She really has brought out
the passion in my heart.
Saima has shown me
what it really means
to be true to myself.
As a result,
I would like to announce that,
with Saima's blessing,
I'm quitting my job
to pursue my dream.
I gotta dance!
I gotta dance!
Go, Ameet! Go, Ameet!
Go, Ameet!
What are you doing, son?
This is a total disgrace.
I tell you, this marriage
cannot happen.
My daughter will never marry
some dreamer.
- Papa?
- Don't worry.
We're just leaving
this place. Come on!
Come, come. Don't
even look at him. Come!
Shit.
Hey.
Hey.
You were great
last night.
Yeah?
Well, my parents
weren't too pleased.
- I'm sorry.
- That's all right.
They'll deal with it.
What's this?
Yeah.
I thought we'd
celebrate our breakup.
Come on.
Okay.
This one time,
a couple years ago,
I went out camping
with the guys.
We found this spot way out,
right by this
beautiful lake.
Anyway, everybody was all
passed out from drinking
the night before.
So...
I decided to go for a swim.
You know,
right there,
at that moment,
in the cool water
with not a care in the world,
I felt something.
Something I...
never felt before...
or since.
This... right here...
This is the closest
I'll ever get to that feeling.
To us.
Or... not to us.
Whoa!
I can't believe
we got away with that.
You were good.
Whoo!
Oh, my.
Ameet!
Ameet. Ameet?
Huh?
What are you doing?
Saima!
Saima.
Coming
Come. Sit here.
Listen, I don't want you to worry
about that awful fellow.
Ameet? He's not awful at all.
Do not say his name.
I will not hear it in this house.
I'll find a new husband
and for you to love.
No dreamers for you.
Not at all.
I'll get
an upstanding fellow.
Doctor. Maybe... engineer.
Trust me.
I will take care
of everything.
I will.
But, Papa.
Good morning, Auntie.
Shoo!
You...
You are not welcome
in this house.
But I was...
I'm warning you.
You just go away from here!
- But I was just-
- Just you go!
- But I was-
- Just you go!
You shitty fellow, yaar. Go!
Go inside!
Go inside.
Hey, Ameet, can I play?
Sure.
Nice shot, Deep.
Thanks.
Ameet, are you okay?
No, not really.
Why not?
Do you remember when
I told you what love is?
Yeah.
I was wrong.
Well, not really. Let's just say
I was a little off.
Oh, you mean like your jump shot.
Yeah, like my jump shot.
Then what is love?
Well, do you know how good you feel
when you do
something right?
Like when I beat the bad guys
in my video games?
Yeah, a little like that.
Imagine feeling a hundred times
as good as that
all day long.
Wow.
I know.
Pretty incredible, huh?
When you meet someone who makes
you feel as good as that,
then you'll know what love is.
Hey.
How are you?
Saima...
we can make it through this.
We just...
I just need to know
you want to be with me.
Of course I do.
Of course, but...
But what?
Papa's lining up
men for me to meet.
There's got to be a way.
We could just...
He won't even let
me talk about you.
Come here.
Come here.
What's this?
Open it.
There's more.
Hmm.
I understand
you are an engineer.
Uh-huh.
And then I got my second PhD
in electro nuclear physics.
"Hello. My name... is... Shili."
Can she cook?
Uh-huh.
"Uh-huh." That's all?
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
"Women find me... exciting."
You?
How about some tandoori food?
You don't diet?
Sorry about that.
Uh-huh.
- I like tandoori food.
- Next!
And degenerative
chemical manipulation.
Um, can she cook?
You live here in town?
Oh, yes.
Oh, God.
Yes?
Yes. Hello?
Eating so much.
Eh?
Huh?
God.
"You... can... not... lose.
"I... am... the...
total... package."
Package?
What a package.
We don't deal in packages.
Carry on.
I don't know.
I'm not impressed.
Not a winner in the lot.
Cancel, cancel, cancel.
Stupid.
God, send me some
husband material,
not animals, okay?
Send me someone good.
Some... some eligible...
- Namaste.
- Namaste.
Asshole.
No, um, Ashol.
- Ashol.
- Yes.
A computer programmer.
Yes, sir,
I'm a computer programmer.
I have recently started
my own Web site design business.
Oh.
And, uh, why do you want
to get married?
Well, I feel it's
the right time in my life
to start to work with someone
and build a life together.
Fine.
And, uh, what about your family?
Unfortunately,
both my parents have passed.
I'm an only child.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Would you like
to meet Saima?
Sure. I'd love to.
Saima!
Saima!
Come here.
Come, come, come, come.
Saima
Ashol, Saima.
I would like for you
to sit and talk with him.
Come, sit.
Come. Sit.
And let me know when
you are done, okay?
- We're done.
- Ah, Saima!
Please, beta.
You know, Saima...
You're lookin' good, babe.
What are you doing here?
Looking for a wife.
Well, you've come
to the wrong place.
I don't think so.
In fact, I think
I've hit the jackpot.
Oh, nice ass.
Oh, the things
I'm going to do with that.
Oh!
Oh, yes.
Got to love that ass.
True happiness comes
when you love your wife,
you love your home and
keep your values intact.
Hmm?
Sir, I'm honored to have your
daughter's hand in marriage.
And I promise to devote myself to
providing her with a secure life.
I'm sure, I'm sure.
God bless you.
Okay.
Good night.
My dream boy. I got him.
Got him.
Ashol, my future
son-in-law.
But he's creepy.
What creepy-sheepy?
Such a nice fellow.
But, Papa, doesn't my happines
mean anything to you?
This is for
your happiness only.
Did you hear
the things he said?
Saima, where are you going?
I'm going to the library.
You really think
I'm some fool?
I know you have been meeting
that fellow. I know it!
So you're not
going out to study.
You're going
to study at home.
- But I-
- At home, that's all.
Up.
Where's Saima's mom?
I'm so confused.
Where has she kept my tea?
Saima's mom, where's my tea?
Ow!
Ow!
Sorry.
What- What are you
doing here?
I missed you.
Drop the dupatta.
You're crazy.
Yeah.
Saima?
Papa?
Saima, did you
hear anything?
Like what?
Some... scraping?
No.
No?
I can't sleep now.
Can you go downstairs and
make me some cha?
Papa, why don't you
take your medicine?
Okay, beta. I'll do that.
I'm old.
My bones are weak.
But that's okay. You don't worry.
I'll make my tea.
No, Papa,
I'll make it for you.
- You'll make it?
- Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Some scraping...
- Shh.
- But...
What's up?
Uhh.
Where's Ameet?
What happened?
Your father...
came after me.
Had to hide.
Aha!
Hey!
What?
Bye.
Stay away from my daughter!
You ruscle!
Stupid fellow.
Damn.
Did you see those things?
You know, you should
get a boob job.
What? What's wrong?
- Why are you doing this?
- Doing what?
Marrying me.
You know I don't love you,
and you know I never will.
You will grow to love me.
You can only resist
my charm for so long.
I can resist you forever.
Asshole.
Listen, you little bitch.
We're getting married.
If I say you get a boob job,
then you get a boob job.
You do what I say. Get it?
Ma'am, are you
all right?
- I'm fine.
- Bathroom's this way.
How do I get out of here?
- Is there a back door?
- That's off-limits.
Where is it?
Ameet! Ameet!
Saima.
What's wrong?
He's awful!
- Figured you'd go running bac
- You want a piece of me?
Just in case you
don't understand...
Hey!
What are you doing? Wait! No!
Oh...
- Are you okay?
- I'll live.
I can't believe
this is happening.
What else could go wrong?
Well, um, I don't
know how to tell you this,
but they decided to
move the wedding up.
What? When? Where?
Well, they already had the banquet
hall reser ved for you and Saima,
so they just kind of figured
they'd go ahead and use it.
- But that's tomorrow.
- I know.
I'm helping Nadi with
the Internet broadcast.
It's her mother.
Oh, so you're helping them now?
Yeah. It's my wife's best friend.
What about your best friend?
Ameet, wait a minute.
Yeah, that's right.
You will come on time, huh?
That's very, very important.
Yeah. Of course,
food is arranged.
- Everything's arranged.
- Good, good, good.
Dev, see if Mom is ready or not.
Listen, that holy man
should come on time.
Yeah, yeah, he's very busy.
Just a minute. Yeah, yeah.
Papa, please.
Is there any way for me to speak to Saima's
mother? Because you are confusing me.
Come, come.
Come.
Ah.
Now, tell me.
What is it?
Please.
Don't make me do this.
Saima, it is all for the best.
But I don't love Ashol.
Beta, love will come.
Why do you keep saying that?
Look at Ruby and Bobby.
Are they not happy
and in love?
That's different.
How? How is it different?
Ruby wasn't in love with someone
else when she married Bobby
Saima.
Saima, you're too young
to know what love is.
Ashol is a fine young man.
And he will give you security.
No, he wont.
There's something creepy
about him.
I don't trust him.
He'll take good care of you.
Didn't he take care of you
when that fool attacked?
But that's just it.
- Ameet didn't atta-
- Shh!
Go get ready.
This is your big day, okay?
Bobby, get dressed!
In a minute, honey.
Bobby, the wedding starts in
less than an hour.
I have to make sure the Internet
telecast works before we go.
- Just give me a minute.
- Okay.
Good. Let me check the search engine
to see if it's listed.
Okay, Saima's name comes up fine,
and...
What's this?
What?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Call- Call Ameet.
I'll get ready.
- It's busy.
- Well, try- Aah!
Bobby?
Ashol, my son!
I really welcome you
to my family.
I welcome you.
A real welcome!
Ameet.
Do you love Saima?
Yes.
Then go and do something
about it, son.
If she makes you happy,
she makes us happy.
Ameet!
Call Bobby on his cell phone.
He has something
to tell you.
Bobby, we're gonna miss
the wedding! Hurry up!
Coming!
Come on, Bobby! I'm going to
go start the car.
No! Don't start the car!
- I'll be right there!
- All right! Hurry!
I'm hurrying,
I'm hurrying!
Come on, Bobby!
Don't do this to me!
Yeah, that's my baby!
Where have you been, man?
Just go.
Hi. How are you?
Fine. Very good.
Okay, ready, gentlemen?
We are starting the ceremony.
Here.
Beta, what's wrong?
I can't do this.
Saima, stop this nonsense.
I'm sorry, Papa.
I love you, but I love Ameet.
I can't do this.
Saima!
Just hear me out
for one minute.
I don't need to spend
the rest of my life with you
to fall in love with you.
I don't even need to be
with you for a little while
to find out that
you're kind of okay.
All I know is
I spent most of my life
prophesizing about love.
And now I know what it is.
I feel what it is,
and I can't let go of that.
I won't.
Let me take care of this.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
If you could please
turn your attention
to the screen in front of you,
that would be wonderful.
Thank you.
That's...
This is Ashol.
I'm your fantasy man.
Oh, my God.
This is Ashol.
Do you like what you see?
For as little as 19.95 a month,
you could see all of me.
- What a perv, man.
- Ohh!
Come to papa.
Who's your daddy?
Don't believe it, sir! They put
my face on somebody else's body.
Hey, asshole!
- Yes!
- Yeah!
I'm sorry.
I did not know.
Go. Go ahead.
- Honey...
- What?
Come, come.
Nice ride.
My princess.
You know what's scary?
What?
I love you.
Now, what about you two?