00:02:02,355 -- 00:02:03,720
(WHISTLING)
2
00:02:11,898 -- 00:02:15,857
Make the same. It's good for you.
Spring air.
3
00:02:16,236 -- 00:02:19,672
The way you're gulping it up,
there won't be enough left to go around.
4
00:02:19,739 -- 00:02:22,708
Isn't it very hot for so early in April,
Dr. Gurkakoff?
5
00:02:22,775 -- 00:02:24,140
I'm not surprised.
6
00:02:24,210 -- 00:02:27,202
This recent bombardment
by ions from the sun.
7
00:02:27,280 -- 00:02:30,408
You see, temperature is due
to the quantity of molecular...
8
00:02:30,483 -- 00:02:32,212
Hey, hey. Stop, stop,
9
00:02:32,285 -- 00:02:33,843
if you don't want me to retaliate
10
00:02:33,920 -- 00:02:36,946
by reciting all the tributary branches
of the Amazon.
11
00:02:37,023 -- 00:02:40,550
Incredible that only last week we were
drawing lots for our hot water bottle.
12
00:02:40,627 -- 00:02:43,824
Observe the forsythia or golden bell.
13
00:02:43,897 -- 00:02:46,161
I never knew it to bloom so early.
14
00:02:54,841 -- 00:02:56,809
Gentlemen. Gentlemen.
15
00:02:58,278 -- 00:02:59,939
It's 8:46, gentlemen.
16
00:03:00,013 -- 00:03:02,641
Oh, Potts.
Just once more around the park.
17
00:03:02,715 -- 00:03:04,740
Before we go back to our mausoleum.
18
00:03:04,817 -- 00:03:06,546
I saw a scarlet tanager
19
00:03:06,619 -- 00:03:09,918
which must have flown
all the way from Florida just to enjoy it.
20
00:03:09,989 -- 00:03:11,650
- 1,500 miles.
- Yes.
21
00:03:11,724 -- 00:03:14,591
Our constitutional
has taken up too much time already.
22
00:03:14,661 -- 00:03:16,185
We're working under pressure.
23
00:03:16,262 -- 00:03:19,527
After nine years of effort we are,
as the race track enthusiast might say,
24
00:03:19,599 -- 00:03:21,157
in the home stretch.
25
00:03:21,234 -- 00:03:23,225
Three more years
and our encyclopedia will be finished.
26
00:03:23,303 -- 00:03:25,567
Let's not bog down
in the middle of the letter "S."
27
00:03:25,638 -- 00:03:27,765
PROFESSOR: All right. All right.
That's done it.
28
00:03:27,840 -- 00:03:30,866
It's now 8:49, gentlemen.
I, for one, am going back to work.
29
00:03:30,944 -- 00:03:33,538
- Teacher's pet!
- Bertram Potts, the incorruptible.
30
00:03:33,613 -- 00:03:35,444
The eternal no-no man.
31
00:03:35,515 -- 00:03:36,504
Back home. Back home.
32
00:03:36,583 -- 00:03:39,108
Oh, well,
it may be raining this afternoon, anyway.
33
00:03:39,185 -- 00:03:40,743
(WHISTLING)
34
00:03:59,272 -- 00:04:01,365
- Good morning, Miss Bragg.
- Good morning, Miss Bragg.
35
00:04:01,441 -- 00:04:04,376
- Good morning, Miss Bragg.
- Good morning, Professor.
36
00:04:04,444 -- 00:04:06,309
- Good morning, Miss Bragg.
- Good morning.
37
00:04:06,379 -- 00:04:09,678
- Good morning, Miss Bragg.
- Good morning, Professor.
38
00:04:11,551 -- 00:04:14,850
Gentlemen, before you get down to work,
I have got something to say.
39
00:04:14,921 -- 00:04:16,912
One of you made off with
a jar of strawberry preserves
40
00:04:16,990 -- 00:04:18,252
from my pantry last night.
41
00:04:18,324 -- 00:04:22,761
I located the empty jar on the shelf behind
The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.
42
00:04:22,829 -- 00:04:26,060
That seems to indicate our historian,
Professor Peagram.
43
00:04:26,132 -- 00:04:27,565
I did no such thing, Miss Bragg.
44
00:04:27,634 -- 00:04:29,192
I'm not accusing anybody,
45
00:04:29,269 -- 00:04:32,761
but until it's cleared up, I think
we'll dispense with jam for breakfast.
46
00:04:32,839 -- 00:04:35,103
- Miss Bragg.
- Yes, Professor Oddly.
47
00:04:35,174 -- 00:04:36,766
I am the one.
48
00:04:36,843 -- 00:04:41,280
I was writing about strawberries
when suddenly I got a horrible craving.
49
00:04:41,347 -- 00:04:43,747
A crime confessed is half atoned.
50
00:04:45,385 -- 00:04:47,319
Miss Bragg. Miss Bragg.
51
00:04:47,387 -- 00:04:50,652
I had some material here.
What happened to it?
52
00:04:50,723 -- 00:04:51,815
What happened?
53
00:04:51,891 -- 00:04:54,359
I blushed for my duster
when I did your desk.
54
00:04:54,427 -- 00:04:57,453
You'll find everything
in the middle drawer, face down.
55
00:04:57,530 -- 00:05:01,830
I'm just starting my article on sex,
Miss Bragg. Any objections?
56
00:05:01,901 -- 00:05:06,031
No, I trust you have more control
of yourself than Professor Oddly.
57
00:05:10,043 -- 00:05:12,637
Professor Gurkakoff,
your window shade again.
58
00:05:12,712 -- 00:05:14,646
Yes, Miss Bragg.
59
00:05:14,714 -- 00:05:17,376
It's a crime
to carelessly expose this good carpet.
60
00:05:17,450 -- 00:05:19,941
You've just committed
a more serious crime, Miss Bragg.
61
00:05:20,019 -- 00:05:21,782
You have split an infinitive.
62
00:05:21,854 -- 00:05:25,620
Never "to carelessly expose."
Always "to expose carelessly."
63
00:05:25,692 -- 00:05:27,091
I'm not here to juggle words.
64
00:05:27,160 -- 00:05:29,890
It's my job
to conscientiously see that this house...
65
00:05:29,962 -- 00:05:31,896
You've just split another one, Miss Bragg.
66
00:05:31,964 -- 00:05:33,022
- Professor...
- Oh, oh.
67
00:05:33,099 -- 00:05:34,726
- Here's whatchamacallit.
- Who?
68
00:05:34,801 -- 00:05:37,702
The lawyer for the Foundation.
And Miss Totten's with him.
69
00:05:37,770 -- 00:05:39,965
And this place looking like a flicker's nest.
70
00:05:40,039 -- 00:05:43,941
Yes, we're in for our semi-annual wigging,
I suppose.
71
00:05:44,010 -- 00:05:45,705
- You'd better put your coat on, Potts.
- Why? What...
72
00:05:45,778 -- 00:05:48,269
- Better fix your tie.
- Fix your hair, fix your hair.
73
00:05:48,348 -- 00:05:49,645
Say, what is all this nonsense?
74
00:05:49,716 -- 00:05:52,685
GURKAKOFF: This nonsense is Miss Totten.
JEROME: And will you please smile at her?
75
00:05:52,752 -- 00:05:53,980
Say, this is all very undignified.
76
00:05:54,053 -- 00:05:56,385
- Lf you think you're being funny, I...
- Shh!
77
00:05:58,458 -- 00:06:00,756
- Morning, gentlemen.
- ALL: Good morning.
78
00:06:00,827 -- 00:06:03,057
Won't you sit here, Miss Totten?
79
00:06:03,129 -- 00:06:05,120
It's a very nice morning, Miss Totten.
80
00:06:05,198 -- 00:06:07,098
Would you like to speak, Miss Totten,
or shall I?
81
00:06:07,166 -- 00:06:08,929
You, please, Mr. Larsen.
82
00:06:09,001 -- 00:06:11,060
I'll make this as brief as possible,
gentlemen.
83
00:06:11,137 -- 00:06:16,575
To date, $283,000 have been expended
in writing this encyclopedia.
84
00:06:16,943 -- 00:06:20,777
You all realize that Miss Totten's father,
the late Daniel S. Totten,
85
00:06:20,847 -- 00:06:23,441
left only a quarter of a million dollars
for this project.
86
00:06:23,516 -- 00:06:26,781
Every additional penny will have to come
from Miss Totten's own pocket.
87
00:06:26,853 -- 00:06:30,949
We would like a frank estimate
of how much longer you will take.
88
00:06:31,023 -- 00:06:36,017
- Maybe three years, maybe four.
- It cannot be. It just cannot be.
89
00:06:36,095 -- 00:06:38,029
Oh, my dear Miss Totten,
90
00:06:38,097 -- 00:06:40,622
you wouldn't discontinue
your father's great gesture
91
00:06:40,700 -- 00:06:42,793
towards human enlightenment?
92
00:06:42,869 -- 00:06:45,394
"Human enlightenment."
What nonsense, Professor Jerome.
93
00:06:45,471 -- 00:06:48,838
Papa had just one reason for ever starting
this unfortunate enterprise.
94
00:06:48,908 -- 00:06:49,932
Vanity.
95
00:06:50,009 -- 00:06:52,375
He broke a blood vessel
because he found his name was omitted
96
00:06:52,445 -- 00:06:54,037
from the Encyclopedia Britannica.
97
00:06:54,113 -- 00:06:57,241
Because 30 pages were devoted
to Thomas Alva Edison,
98
00:06:57,316 -- 00:06:59,307
17 to Alexander Graham Bell,
99
00:06:59,385 -- 00:07:03,947
but not one line to Daniel S. Totten,
the inventor of the electric toaster.
100
00:07:05,391 -- 00:07:07,825
In our encyclopedia,
101
00:07:07,894 -- 00:07:11,091
Mr. Totten shall receive
an appropriate amount of space.
102
00:07:11,164 -- 00:07:12,722
- Oh, yes, yes.
- Yes, of course.
103
00:07:12,799 -- 00:07:15,996
- Three quarters of a page, I should think.
- Three quarters of a page?
104
00:07:16,068 -- 00:07:17,763
- That's all he deserves.
- Is it?
105
00:07:17,837 -- 00:07:19,498
You may go on, Mr. Larsen.
106
00:07:19,572 -- 00:07:22,097
All we ask is
that you bring this thing to a close
107
00:07:22,175 -- 00:07:24,837
somehow or the other.
Get on with it. Slap it together.
108
00:07:24,911 -- 00:07:27,209
Mr. Larsen, may I have a word?
109
00:07:27,280 -- 00:07:30,511
- Hello, Professor Potts.
- Hello, Miss Totten.
110
00:07:31,584 -- 00:07:34,485
Mr. Larsen, you said, "Slap it together."
111
00:07:35,321 -- 00:07:37,118
We're not the slapping together kind.
112
00:07:37,190 -- 00:07:38,851
We have started an encyclopedia,
113
00:07:38,925 -- 00:07:41,621
and we shall finish it
as thoroughly as is humanly possible.
114
00:07:41,694 -- 00:07:44,561
- Another $100,000?
- Lf necessary, yes.
115
00:07:44,630 -- 00:07:47,793
If our work goes slowly
it's because the world, it goes so fast.
116
00:07:47,867 -- 00:07:50,131
Take Professor Jerome, our geographer.
117
00:07:50,203 -- 00:07:51,329
He has to rewrite all the time.
118
00:07:51,404 -- 00:07:53,099
- And Dr. Magenbruch...
- LARSEN: I'm not interested.
119
00:07:53,172 -- 00:07:55,299
Don't interrupt, Mr. Larsen.
120
00:07:55,875 -- 00:07:57,502
Go on, Professor.
121
00:07:58,711 -- 00:08:00,736
I'm sure it's your wish that this monument
122
00:08:00,813 -- 00:08:04,112
to your father be finished
as nobly as it was begun.
123
00:08:07,620 -- 00:08:09,918
I'm appealing to you, Miss Totten,
124
00:08:09,989 -- 00:08:11,889
to your vision and to your heart.
125
00:08:11,958 -- 00:08:13,949
Maybe I'm a little inarticulate,
126
00:08:14,026 -- 00:08:16,460
but I've always regarded you as a...
127
00:08:16,963 -- 00:08:18,487
Yes, Professor?
128
00:08:20,132 -- 00:08:22,123
Always regarded you as a...
129
00:08:22,201 -- 00:08:23,168
(EX CLAIMING)
130
00:08:23,603 -- 00:08:25,093
Oh, Professor.
131
00:08:27,773 -- 00:08:31,265
- You know what I mean, Miss Totten.
- Yes.
132
00:08:31,344 -- 00:08:33,869
I warn you, Miss Totten,
another four years of this, with...
133
00:08:33,946 -- 00:08:36,744
After all, it was Father's wish.
134
00:08:36,816 -- 00:08:40,445
But, gentlemen, you will hurry
and finish the encyclopedia, won't you?
135
00:08:40,520 -- 00:08:42,545
- We will.
- Yes, yes, indeed.
136
00:08:44,624 -- 00:08:47,991
Last year, when all the other professors
came to my musical,
137
00:08:48,094 -- 00:08:50,426
where were you, Professor Potts?
138
00:08:50,930 -- 00:08:53,558
Sinus. But I shall be there this year.
139
00:08:53,933 -- 00:08:56,925
I shall look forward to seeing you again.
140
00:08:57,003 -- 00:08:58,664
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
141
00:08:59,171 -- 00:09:01,230
- Goodbye, madam.
- Good day.
142
00:09:01,307 -- 00:09:03,070
- Good day.
- Good day.
143
00:09:04,343 -- 00:09:06,538
(MUTTERING EX CITEDLY)
144
00:09:06,612 -- 00:09:09,103
That maneuver down my spine
was very unnecessary.
145
00:09:09,181 -- 00:09:11,046
- Was it, my dear Potts?
- Didn't it work?
146
00:09:11,717 -- 00:09:12,911
MAN: Hi.
147
00:09:13,119 -- 00:09:15,849
I hope you don't mind.
I came through the kitchen.
148
00:09:15,922 -- 00:09:18,356
- POTTS: Who are you?
- I'm the garbage man.
149
00:09:18,758 -- 00:09:21,226
I want to find out something
about Cleopatra.
150
00:09:21,294 -- 00:09:22,784
- Cleopatra?
- Yeah.
151
00:09:22,862 -- 00:09:25,023
This is some kind of a library or school,
isn't it?
152
00:09:25,097 -- 00:09:27,793
Neither, we are writing an encyclopedia.
153
00:09:27,867 -- 00:09:30,028
- Icyclo-what?
- An encyclopedia.
154
00:09:30,102 -- 00:09:32,764
A work which endeavors to compile
and catalog all human knowledge.
155
00:09:32,838 -- 00:09:34,533
Say, that's just what I need.
156
00:09:34,607 -- 00:09:36,666
Young man,
did you come through my kitchen?
157
00:09:36,742 -- 00:09:39,142
- That's right, sister.
- I'm not your sister, and you get out.
158
00:09:39,211 -- 00:09:41,145
- Oh, now...
- Miss Bragg.
159
00:09:41,213 -- 00:09:42,874
Please, Miss Bragg,
we find this intensely interesting.
160
00:09:42,949 -- 00:09:43,938
Go on, please.
161
00:09:44,016 -- 00:09:45,916
You can't tell me
he's not infested with germs.
162
00:09:45,985 -- 00:09:49,148
Then go and get your gas mask.
Now, shoo, scat, skedaddle.
163
00:09:49,221 -- 00:09:52,156
- Please, won't you take a seat?
- Thanks, bo.
164
00:09:52,592 -- 00:09:54,184
I seen all these books
through the window,
165
00:09:54,260 -- 00:09:56,194
and I figured
that maybe you can help me out.
166
00:09:56,262 -- 00:09:59,129
- In what way, young man?
- With this quizzola they got on the radio.
167
00:09:59,198 -- 00:10:00,222
- This what?
- Quizzola?
168
00:10:00,299 -- 00:10:01,926
Korn Krunchies Quiz-Quiz.
169
00:10:02,001 -- 00:10:04,902
Send in 100 box covers,
and you stand to make a little dough.
170
00:10:04,971 -- 00:10:08,498
Well, with my opportunities,
I got about 3,000 box covers together.
171
00:10:08,574 -- 00:10:11,042
Only some of the answers
you have to send in to the questions.
172
00:10:11,110 -- 00:10:12,975
You know, like true or false.
173
00:10:13,613 -- 00:10:14,773
(STUTTERING)
You have those questions here?
174
00:10:14,847 -- 00:10:15,836
Yeah, sure.
175
00:10:15,915 -- 00:10:18,145
Well, that's very interesting.
176
00:10:19,452 -- 00:10:21,943
"Question one. Cleopatra died...
177
00:10:22,021 -- 00:10:24,080
"A. From swallowing a needle.
178
00:10:24,156 -- 00:10:26,090
"B. From snake bite.
179
00:10:26,158 -- 00:10:27,921
"C. From hiccups."
180
00:10:28,661 -- 00:10:31,186
That's my province. I cover history.
181
00:10:31,430 -- 00:10:33,455
The correct answer is "B."
182
00:10:33,933 -- 00:10:38,029
Cleopatra, queen of Egypt,
daughter of Ptolemy Xlll, born 69 BC,
183
00:10:38,104 -- 00:10:41,130
killed herself
on the 29th day of August, 30 BC,
184
00:10:41,240 -- 00:10:43,470
by placing an asp to her bosom.
185
00:10:43,542 -- 00:10:45,339
- A what?
- An asp.
186
00:10:45,945 -- 00:10:47,503
A small snake.
187
00:10:47,580 -- 00:10:49,309
Well, patch my pantywaist.
188
00:10:49,382 -- 00:10:50,781
Well, well, next.
189
00:10:50,850 -- 00:10:52,579
"Which way would you say it?
190
00:10:52,652 -- 00:10:54,119
"Two and two is five.
191
00:10:54,186 -- 00:10:55,881
"Two and two are five.
192
00:10:55,955 -- 00:10:57,582
"Two and two makes five."
193
00:10:57,657 -- 00:10:59,682
Professor Potts covers English.
194
00:10:59,759 -- 00:11:02,159
- Did you hear the question, Potts?
- I did.
195
00:11:02,228 -- 00:11:04,321
As the verb
is always governed by the subject,
196
00:11:04,397 -- 00:11:06,831
the correct answer is,
"Two and two are five."
197
00:11:06,899 -- 00:11:09,424
- Potts.
- Oh, no, Potts.
198
00:11:09,502 -- 00:11:13,336
Correct for a grammarian perhaps,
but not for a mathematician.
199
00:11:13,406 -- 00:11:14,998
Two and two are four.
200
00:11:15,074 -- 00:11:16,336
(ALL CHUCKLING)
201
00:11:16,409 -- 00:11:19,401
That's a good one.
Nobody's gonna get that.
202
00:11:19,478 -- 00:11:21,070
Well, I certainly am obliged.
203
00:11:21,147 -- 00:11:23,047
I could use a bundle of scratch right now
204
00:11:23,115 -- 00:11:24,742
on account of I met me a mouse last week.
205
00:11:24,817 -- 00:11:26,307
- Mouse?
- What a pair of gams.
206
00:11:26,385 -- 00:11:28,683
A little in, a little out,
and a little more out...
207
00:11:28,754 -- 00:11:30,119
I am still completely mystified.
208
00:11:30,189 -- 00:11:31,588
Well, with this dish on me hands
209
00:11:31,657 -- 00:11:34,524
and them giving away 25 smackaroos
on that quizzola.
210
00:11:34,593 -- 00:11:38,120
- Smackaroos?
- Smackaroos? What are smackaroos?
211
00:11:38,197 -- 00:11:40,461
- A smackaroo is a...
- No such word exists.
212
00:11:40,533 -- 00:11:43,525
Oh, it don't? A smackaroo is a dollar, pal.
213
00:11:44,070 -- 00:11:46,561
Well, the accepted vulgarism
for a dollar is a buck.
214
00:11:46,639 -- 00:11:49,972
The accepted vulgarism
for a smackaroo is a dollar.
215
00:11:50,042 -- 00:11:53,102
That goes for a banger, a fish,
a buck or a rug.
216
00:11:53,179 -- 00:11:54,476
Well, what about the mouse?
217
00:11:54,547 -- 00:11:57,038
The mouse is the dish.
That's what I need the moolah for.
218
00:11:57,116 -- 00:11:58,447
- Moolah?
- Yeah, the dough.
219
00:11:58,517 -- 00:12:00,781
We'll be stepping. Me and this smooch...
I mean, the dish,
220
00:12:00,853 -- 00:12:03,481
I mean, the mouse. You know,
hit the jiggles for a little rum boogie.
221
00:12:03,556 -- 00:12:04,614
Please, please, not so fast.
222
00:12:04,690 -- 00:12:06,214
Brother, we're going to have
some hoytoytoy.
223
00:12:06,292 -- 00:12:07,350
- Hoytoytoy?
- Hoytoytoy?
224
00:12:07,426 -- 00:12:11,021
Yeah, and if you want that one explained,
you go ask your papas.
225
00:12:11,097 -- 00:12:13,361
(HORN HONKING)
226
00:12:14,834 -- 00:12:17,632
That's Archie. His water's getting hot.
227
00:12:17,703 -- 00:12:19,295
Well, thanks again, gents.
228
00:12:19,371 -- 00:12:21,896
And if you ever want to get into
a contest sometime,
229
00:12:21,974 -- 00:12:23,669
just call on me.
230
00:12:23,743 -- 00:12:26,974
Maybe you've got the brains,
but I got the box covers.
231
00:12:27,446 -- 00:12:29,744
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, come again.
232
00:12:31,183 -- 00:12:34,175
Well, kind of a breezy fellow, isn't he?
233
00:12:34,253 -- 00:12:35,242
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
234
00:12:35,321 -- 00:12:37,687
- He seems a most likeable gentleman.
- Yes.
235
00:12:37,757 -- 00:12:38,815
And I'm an idiot.
236
00:12:38,891 -- 00:12:40,552
- Idiot? Why?
- Why?
237
00:12:40,626 -- 00:12:42,253
Miss Bragg. Miss Bragg!
238
00:12:42,328 -- 00:12:43,795
- What's the matter, Potts?
- Well, what's...
239
00:12:43,863 -- 00:12:45,763
- I'm going out.
- PROFESSORS: Going out?
240
00:12:45,831 -- 00:12:47,765
What's your prognosis
on the weather, Gurkakoff?
241
00:12:47,833 -- 00:12:50,301
- Light showers toward the evening, but...
- Yes, Professor Potts?
242
00:12:50,369 -- 00:12:52,030
Miss Bragg, my hat and my mackintosh.
243
00:12:52,104 -- 00:12:53,628
And put my luncheon sandwich
in the pocket.
244
00:12:53,706 -- 00:12:54,832
- But...
- Immediately.
245
00:12:54,907 -- 00:12:55,896
- Yes, sir.
- What's happened?
246
00:12:55,975 -- 00:12:57,636
What do you mean
you're going out, Potts?
247
00:12:57,710 -- 00:12:59,473
- Where are you going?
- Research.
248
00:12:59,545 -- 00:13:01,103
Research? What research?
249
00:13:01,180 -- 00:13:03,546
- The garbage man. Didn't you hear him?
- Yes.
250
00:13:03,616 -- 00:13:06,141
Well, I didn't quite understand all he said.
251
00:13:06,218 -- 00:13:09,415
Nor did I. And it's catastrophic, gentlemen,
catastrophic.
252
00:13:09,488 -- 00:13:10,853
- Why?
- How so?
253
00:13:10,923 -- 00:13:13,153
I've just finished my article on slang.
254
00:13:13,225 -- 00:13:16,194
Twenty-three pages compiled
from a dozen reference books.
255
00:13:16,262 -- 00:13:17,991
- Eight hundred examples.
- Well?
256
00:13:18,063 -- 00:13:20,463
Everything
from the idiotic combination "absotively"
257
00:13:20,533 -- 00:13:22,194
to the pejorative use of "zigzag."
258
00:13:22,268 -- 00:13:23,792
I traced the evolution of "hunky dory,"
259
00:13:23,869 -- 00:13:26,360
tracked down "skiddo" from "skedaddle."
260
00:13:26,739 -- 00:13:29,503
Eight hundred examples and I may as well
throw it in the waste basket.
261
00:13:29,575 -- 00:13:32,066
- Three weeks' work.
- Potts, you're hysterical.
262
00:13:32,144 -- 00:13:34,806
Outmoded.
Based on reference books 20 years old.
263
00:13:34,880 -- 00:13:37,747
Take "smooch." Take "dish." Take...
264
00:13:37,817 -- 00:13:41,218
- Hoytoytoy?
- Hoytoytoy. Not one of them included.
265
00:13:41,287 -- 00:13:44,381
Living in this house cut off from the world,
I've lost touch.
266
00:13:44,456 -- 00:13:45,821
And it's inexcusable.
267
00:13:45,891 -- 00:13:49,258
That man talked a living language.
I embalmed some dead phrases.
268
00:13:49,328 -- 00:13:52,263
- But where are you going?
- Out to collect new data,
269
00:13:52,331 -- 00:13:55,323
to tap the sources of slang,
the major sources.
270
00:13:55,401 -- 00:13:57,096
The streets. The slums.
271
00:13:57,169 -- 00:14:00,036
- The theatrical and allied professions.
- Oh, now, Potts, don't you think that...
272
00:14:00,105 -- 00:14:02,073
I know it's regrettable,
this loss of time, gentlemen,
273
00:14:02,141 -- 00:14:03,904
but it must be done.
274
00:14:06,045 -- 00:14:08,377
Leave the key under the mat.
I won't be home before 9:00.
275
00:14:08,447 -- 00:14:09,709
Yes, sir.
276
00:14:11,183 -- 00:14:13,811
I'm writing about the planet Saturn.
277
00:14:13,886 -- 00:14:16,719
Do I insist on going to the planet Saturn?
278
00:14:17,656 -- 00:14:21,717
Maybe my data on sex
is a little outdated, too.
279
00:14:23,729 -- 00:14:27,028
Just a moment, please.
Do you mind if I ride along with you?
280
00:14:27,099 -- 00:14:28,623
Hop on, buddy.
281
00:14:30,002 -- 00:14:33,062
Extra! Extra!
Nab Benny the Creep in cement killing!
282
00:14:33,138 -- 00:14:36,335
Read all about it.
Corpse's dogs dunked into cement.
283
00:14:36,408 -- 00:14:37,432
Extra! Extra!
284
00:14:38,811 -- 00:14:40,711
Ice-pick killing!
Link Benny the Creep with Big Tom!
285
00:14:40,779 -- 00:14:42,144
Extra! Extra!
286
00:14:42,214 -- 00:14:44,444
Seek man behind the man
behind the murder ring!
287
00:14:44,516 -- 00:14:46,381
Extra! Extra!
288
00:14:48,187 -- 00:14:50,121
Hey, what are you,
checking up on me or something?
289
00:14:50,189 -- 00:14:53,181
Four words, blitz it, mister.
Blitz it, will you? You give me the mimis.
290
00:14:53,259 -- 00:14:55,489
- "Mimis"?
- Yeah, the screaming mimis.
291
00:14:55,561 -- 00:14:56,619
Extremely picturesque.
292
00:14:56,695 -- 00:14:58,492
Young man,
could I interest you in a research project
293
00:14:58,564 -- 00:14:59,895
in which you could be very helpful?
294
00:14:59,965 -- 00:15:02,627
And what you promoting?
Some kind of reform school?
295
00:15:02,701 -- 00:15:04,931
If you would come to this address
at 9:30 tomorrow morning,
296
00:15:05,004 -- 00:15:07,131
you'd be doing society a definite service.
297
00:15:07,206 -- 00:15:09,436
Who are you anyway? Father Flanagan?
298
00:16:05,431 -- 00:16:06,864
(BIG BAND PLAYING SWING MUSIC)
299
00:16:41,033 -- 00:16:42,057
(SINGING DRUM BOOGIE)
300
00:17:38,257 -- 00:17:40,691
Come on, Krup, knock yourself out.
301
00:19:03,108 -- 00:19:06,271
Three, four, five,
302
00:19:06,345 -- 00:19:10,509
six, seven, eight,
303
00:19:10,582 -- 00:19:14,109
nine, ten, eleven,
304
00:19:14,186 -- 00:19:17,781
twelve, thirteen, fourteen.
305
00:19:26,398 -- 00:19:27,592
Yeah!
306
00:19:35,574 -- 00:19:38,304
Young man,
what is the name of that song?
307
00:19:38,377 -- 00:19:40,345
- Boogie.
- What does "boogie" mean?
308
00:19:40,412 -- 00:19:42,004
Are you kidding?
309
00:19:50,789 -- 00:19:53,053
MAN: More! More!
WOMAN: Yeah!
310
00:19:53,125 -- 00:19:55,992
- Okay, what do you want, hep cats?
- More of the same.
311
00:19:56,061 -- 00:19:57,358
- Same thing?
- Yeah.
312
00:19:57,429 -- 00:19:59,897
Okay, we'll mix it up a little.
Come on down, Krup.
313
00:19:59,965 -- 00:20:01,626
You're gonna have to be
awful quiet on this.
314
00:20:01,700 -- 00:20:03,167
I'm gonna need a little help,
okay, squares?
315
00:20:03,235 -- 00:20:04,497
- All right.
- All right.
316
00:20:04,570 -- 00:20:06,834
I want this chair,
and we'll clean off the table.
317
00:20:06,905 -- 00:20:08,463
A little juice down here, junior.
318
00:20:08,540 -- 00:20:10,701
- What's cooking, Sugar?
- Match boogie, Krup. How about it?
319
00:20:10,776 -- 00:20:12,209
Want match boogie? You'll get it.
Where's some matches?
320
00:20:12,277 -- 00:20:13,369
I have some right here.
321
00:20:18,317 -- 00:20:19,341
You two go with me,
322
00:20:19,418 -- 00:20:22,046
and the rest of you take boogie
with you on the orchestra, right?
323
00:20:22,120 -- 00:20:23,178
- Right.
- Okay.
324
00:20:23,255 -- 00:20:25,849
Here we go, Krup, like buster's gang.
325
00:20:25,924 -- 00:20:27,915
Very quiet. One, two.
326
00:20:28,393 -- 00:20:29,382
(SOFTLY SINGING DRUM BOOGIE)
327
00:20:29,528 -- 00:20:31,189
(EVERYONE HUMMING)
328
00:20:45,043 -- 00:20:46,237
Boogie.
329
00:21:17,276 -- 00:21:18,573
Yeah!
330
00:21:21,647 -- 00:21:23,638
Young man,
what is the name of that young lady?
331
00:21:23,715 -- 00:21:26,047
- Sugarpuss O'Shea.
- An astounding specimen.
332
00:21:26,118 -- 00:21:30,054
She jives by night, root, zoot and cute
and solid to boot.
333
00:21:30,122 -- 00:21:31,953
- Are you kidding?
- No.
334
00:21:33,659 -- 00:21:35,251
- Come on, Sugar, quick.
- Yeah, quick is right.
335
00:21:35,327 -- 00:21:36,351
What's the fever?
336
00:21:36,428 -- 00:21:37,759
Listen, Sugie, you gotta take it on the lam.
337
00:21:37,829 -- 00:21:38,818
- Yeah, they're looking for you.
- Who?
338
00:21:38,897 -- 00:21:40,023
- The District Attorney's office.
- Why?
339
00:21:40,098 -- 00:21:41,292
You've got to get dressed and out of here
340
00:21:41,366 -- 00:21:42,799
- before they slap a subpoena on you.
- A subpoena?
341
00:21:42,868 -- 00:21:44,563
Shh! Come on, we'll talk about it
in the dressing room.
342
00:21:44,636 -- 00:21:46,399
Well, why can't you tell me now?
343
00:21:48,674 -- 00:21:50,301
What is all this subpoena business?
344
00:21:50,375 -- 00:21:52,070
On account of
Benny the Creep had an accident.
345
00:21:52,144 -- 00:21:53,702
I never heard of Benny the Creep.
Who's he?
346
00:21:53,779 -- 00:21:55,337
- One of the boys.
- He was on kind of an errand
347
00:21:55,414 -- 00:21:57,109
when he grazed into a police car,
that dope.
348
00:21:57,182 -- 00:22:00,174
And for that I've got to hide out?
That don't make sense, Pastrami.
349
00:22:00,252 -- 00:22:02,186
No, you see,
when the bulls gave Benny a ticket,
350
00:22:02,254 -- 00:22:03,721
they saw Kinnick in the back of the car.
351
00:22:03,789 -- 00:22:04,949
- Dead.
- In the accident?
352
00:22:05,023 -- 00:22:06,547
That's what Benny was trying to tell them.
353
00:22:06,625 -- 00:22:08,786
- Only they saw Kinnick's feet.
- They was in a cake of cement.
354
00:22:08,860 -- 00:22:10,418
Benny was gonna dump him
in the East River.
355
00:22:10,495 -- 00:22:13,191
- That was the errand.
- What is all this? Where do I come...
356
00:22:13,265 -- 00:22:15,233
Wait a second.
Is Joe Lilac mixed up in this?
357
00:22:15,300 -- 00:22:16,927
The DA had him picked up
about a half hour ago.
358
00:22:17,002 -- 00:22:19,300
That's why we're here.
That's why you got to beat it.
359
00:22:19,371 -- 00:22:21,202
- Joe Lilac mixed up in a murder?
- Yeah.
360
00:22:21,273 -- 00:22:22,706
I don't believe it, not for a second.
361
00:22:22,774 -- 00:22:25,072
He was framed, Sugie, honest he was,
may I drop down dead.
362
00:22:25,143 -- 00:22:27,543
- Wasn't he, Asthma?
- And there was them pajamas they found.
363
00:22:27,612 -- 00:22:29,307
- Pajamas?
- Yeah, that's where you come in.
364
00:22:29,381 -- 00:22:31,941
Remember the dozen pink ones
you gave to the boss last Christmas?
365
00:22:32,017 -- 00:22:34,212
Before you knew
that the only color Joe Lilac wears is lilac?
366
00:22:34,286 -- 00:22:35,878
- Yeah.
- So we handed them out to the boys.
367
00:22:35,954 -- 00:22:38,980
And in the suitcase right beside
Benny the Creep when he gets caught
368
00:22:39,057 -- 00:22:41,150
is a pair with that big JL monogram.
369
00:22:44,529 -- 00:22:45,757
SUGARPUSS: Who is it?
370
00:22:45,831 -- 00:22:48,857
I'd like to speak to Miss O'Shea
regarding an investigation I'm conducting.
371
00:22:49,067 -- 00:22:51,194
Okay, we'll take care of it.
372
00:22:51,536 -- 00:22:53,060
Just a minute.
373
00:22:57,743 -- 00:22:59,608
- How do you do, Miss O'Shea?
- Hello.
374
00:22:59,678 -- 00:23:01,578
I hate to intrude like this,
but mine is a very...
375
00:23:01,646 -- 00:23:02,840
Cut the corners. What is it?
376
00:23:02,914 -- 00:23:05,815
Well, this inquiry
is one of considerable importance.
377
00:23:05,884 -- 00:23:07,852
- Stop beating up with the gums.
- What was that?
378
00:23:07,919 -- 00:23:09,409
Get this. I don't know from nothing.
379
00:23:09,488 -- 00:23:12,184
Oh, but you do.
Every word you say proves as much.
380
00:23:12,257 -- 00:23:14,657
- Where's that paper?
- Subpoena?
381
00:23:14,726 -- 00:23:17,991
Suppose you tell the DA
to take a nice running jump for himself?
382
00:23:18,063 -- 00:23:21,191
Bewildering. And you want to tell me
you're not the person I'm looking for?
383
00:23:21,266 -- 00:23:24,929
- Say, how many of you are on this job?
- The entire project? Eight.
384
00:23:25,003 -- 00:23:28,131
Oh. The other seven waiting outside?
385
00:23:28,206 -- 00:23:30,197
Oh, no. They're at home.
Sound asleep I imagine.
386
00:23:30,275 -- 00:23:32,971
- Asleep?
- Yes, they go to bed at 9:00 every night.
387
00:23:33,044 -- 00:23:36,138
Do you mean to tell me
with crime what it is in New York...
388
00:23:36,214 -- 00:23:37,943
Say, are you a bull or aren't you?
389
00:23:38,016 -- 00:23:41,008
Well, if bull is the slang word
for professor, then I'm a bull.
390
00:23:41,086 -- 00:23:42,644
- A professor?
- Of English.
391
00:23:42,721 -- 00:23:43,710
Oh.
392
00:23:43,789 -- 00:23:45,950
I thought
there was some misunderstanding.
393
00:23:46,024 -- 00:23:47,150
Sure was.
394
00:23:47,225 -- 00:23:49,557
You see, I'm conducting an investigation
on current slang.
395
00:23:49,628 -- 00:23:52,426
Would you object
if I used you for observation and study?
396
00:23:52,497 -- 00:23:54,192
- Yeah, I would.
- Lf I could have your assistance
397
00:23:54,266 -- 00:23:55,358
for just a few days it would be...
398
00:23:55,434 -- 00:23:56,992
Out, out, Professor.
399
00:23:57,068 -- 00:23:59,468
- Then you won't help me?
- No. Out. Shove in your clutch.
400
00:23:59,538 -- 00:24:01,870
"Shove in your clutch."
Exactly the kind of thing I want.
401
00:24:01,940 -- 00:24:04,408
Perhaps if I could come back here again
when you have more time...
402
00:24:04,476 -- 00:24:06,740
Save the gas. I won't be here after tonight.
403
00:24:06,812 -- 00:24:09,337
Well, look,
here's the address of the Foundation
404
00:24:09,414 -- 00:24:11,507
if you should happen
to change your mind by any chance.
405
00:24:11,583 -- 00:24:13,710
- It's my residence, as well.
- Listen, not now.
406
00:24:13,785 -- 00:24:17,346
- Well, I'll just leave it here.
- Okay, scrow, scram, scraw.
407
00:24:17,422 -- 00:24:20,516
The complete conjugation.
All right, I'll scraw.
408
00:24:22,527 -- 00:24:24,586
Stop futzing around.
You haven't got time to get dressed.
409
00:24:24,663 -- 00:24:26,187
- All right. Only I...
- PASTRAMl: We'll go out the window.
410
00:24:26,264 -- 00:24:27,925
I think you're a pair of cracked dice.
411
00:24:31,136 -- 00:24:32,933
- Excuse me.
- Look out, mister.
412
00:24:38,276 -- 00:24:39,641
Good night.
413
00:24:40,812 -- 00:24:43,110
- Miss O'Shea.
- What do you want?
414
00:24:44,349 -- 00:24:45,782
Right there.
415
00:24:52,591 -- 00:24:55,116
Open up. District Attorney's office.
416
00:25:07,472 -- 00:25:09,997
- Where to?
- Just keep cruising, Jack.
417
00:25:11,076 -- 00:25:14,273
- Well?
- How about that warehouse on West 11th?
418
00:25:14,346 -- 00:25:15,779
- No. Too many rats.
- Hey, wait a minute.
419
00:25:15,847 -- 00:25:18,077
- Where are you taking me?
- It's just for the night, Sugarpuss.
420
00:25:18,149 -- 00:25:20,140
We can't take you to your place,
they'll have it covered.
421
00:25:20,218 -- 00:25:22,482
Joe's apartment,
they got sealed up like a can of coffee.
422
00:25:22,554 -- 00:25:25,114
Oh, I see.
Yeah, but you live someplace, don't you?
423
00:25:25,190 -- 00:25:26,589
Yeah, sure and the cops know where.
424
00:25:26,658 -- 00:25:30,059
Yeah, hotel, I thought of a hotel,
but they'll fan every hotel in town.
425
00:25:30,128 -- 00:25:31,425
Well, I could change my name.
426
00:25:31,496 -- 00:25:34,988
Listen, Sugie, why take chances?
It's an awful nice warehouse.
427
00:25:35,066 -- 00:25:38,399
He says rats, big mouth does.
Well, maybe a few little bitty mice.
428
00:25:38,470 -- 00:25:39,459
Uh-uh. That's out.
429
00:25:39,538 -- 00:25:42,598
Tomorrow we'll get hold of a lawyer
and figure out something with more class.
430
00:25:42,674 -- 00:25:44,505
Say, I got an uncle who's an undertaker
431
00:25:44,576 -- 00:25:46,806
and with business like it is,
he's always got an extra slab.
432
00:25:46,878 -- 00:25:49,870
That's fine. That's all I need.
Keep thinking.
433
00:25:50,982 -- 00:25:52,711
Hey, what's this?
434
00:25:52,784 -- 00:25:55,378
"Bertram Potts..."
Oh, that's that professor jerk.
435
00:25:59,991 -- 00:26:00,980
Uh-oh.
436
00:26:06,398 -- 00:26:08,389
I never would have believed it.
437
00:26:08,466 -- 00:26:10,263
But how do you account for the name?
438
00:26:10,335 -- 00:26:11,825
Have I missed anything?
439
00:26:11,903 -- 00:26:13,768
No, I was just about to explain...
440
00:26:13,838 -- 00:26:16,272
- You see, the word "puss" means face.
- Yes.
441
00:26:16,341 -- 00:26:18,935
As for instance, sourpuss, picklepuss.
442
00:26:19,711 -- 00:26:22,373
Sugarpuss implies
a certain sweetness in her appearance.
443
00:26:22,447 -- 00:26:23,436
- Sugar, yes, yes.
- Yes.
444
00:26:23,515 -- 00:26:25,073
Never mind the etymology.
445
00:26:25,150 -- 00:26:26,742
- Was she...
- Was she blonde or brunette?
446
00:26:26,818 -- 00:26:29,616
- Yes, which?
- That, I don't know. I didn't notice.
447
00:26:30,055 -- 00:26:32,080
But her vocabulary,
even in ordinary conversation...
448
00:26:32,157 -- 00:26:33,988
You spoke to her?
449
00:26:34,059 -- 00:26:35,856
- Yes, in her dressing room...
- In her dressing room?
450
00:26:35,927 -- 00:26:37,758
- Backstage?
- Yes.
451
00:26:37,829 -- 00:26:41,492
Unfortunately,
she disclaimed any interest in our project
452
00:26:43,134 -- 00:26:46,001
in words so bizarre
they made my mouth water.
453
00:26:46,071 -- 00:26:48,938
- "Shove in your clutch," for instance.
- Why, it's amazing.
454
00:26:49,007 -- 00:26:51,032
Potts, could you tell us
what was it like backstage?
455
00:26:51,109 -- 00:26:52,872
Very vivacious, I imagine.
456
00:26:52,944 -- 00:26:57,438
And perhaps, ballerinas giggling
up and down iron staircases.
457
00:26:57,515 -- 00:26:59,073
Around and around.
458
00:26:59,150 -- 00:27:01,778
- Possibly wearing tights.
- Tights.
459
00:27:01,853 -- 00:27:04,947
And that ineffable smell of rice powder.
460
00:27:05,023 -- 00:27:06,684
On nude shoulders.
461
00:27:08,426 -- 00:27:09,552
Well.
462
00:27:10,629 -- 00:27:12,494
It's getting a bit late, gentlemen.
463
00:27:12,564 -- 00:27:14,759
Perhaps we had better get to bed.
464
00:27:23,341 -- 00:27:25,309
Someday, I'll tell you my experiences
465
00:27:25,377 -- 00:27:27,242
with a young actress
named Lillian Russell.
466
00:27:27,312 -- 00:27:28,336
Did you know her?
467
00:27:28,413 -- 00:27:30,347
I stood in the snow four hours to get to...
468
00:27:30,415 -- 00:27:31,439
(DOORBELL RINGING)
469
00:27:31,516 -- 00:27:33,416
Is that our doorbell?
470
00:27:33,485 -- 00:27:34,952
But it's 12:25.
471
00:27:35,020 -- 00:27:38,319
It must be the statistics
on San Salvador's saltpeter.
472
00:27:38,657 -- 00:27:39,646
I'll get it.
473
00:27:39,724 -- 00:27:42,784
I asked for it to be sent registered airmail.
474
00:27:46,164 -- 00:27:47,426
Hi-de-ho.
475
00:27:48,600 -- 00:27:50,898
Don't tell me I'm too late for class,
Professor.
476
00:27:50,969 -- 00:27:51,958
Oh, my goodness gracious.
477
00:27:53,271 -- 00:27:54,863
Say, what is that?
478
00:27:56,107 -- 00:27:58,302
- Those are my colleagues.
- Oh.
479
00:27:59,077 -- 00:28:02,513
- I apologize for their lack of costume.
- Oh, that's all right, Professor.
480
00:28:02,580 -- 00:28:04,343
And the fact
that I haven't got my tie on and...
481
00:28:04,416 -- 00:28:07,647
Oh, you know,
once I watched my big brother shave.
482
00:28:09,454 -- 00:28:11,581
- Won't you come in?
- Why not?
483
00:28:12,624 -- 00:28:15,684
Frankly, your coming here
was the last thing I expected.
484
00:28:15,760 -- 00:28:17,022
Your "no" was so explicit.
485
00:28:17,095 -- 00:28:18,585
Well, I got thinking it over
486
00:28:18,663 -- 00:28:21,257
and "Foo," I said to myself,
"Who am I to give science the brush?"
487
00:28:21,332 -- 00:28:24,859
- Then I take it you've reconsidered?
- Yeah, that's the big idea.
488
00:28:24,936 -- 00:28:26,062
Well.
489
00:28:26,871 -- 00:28:28,600
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
490
00:28:29,507 -- 00:28:30,769
Look out.
491
00:28:32,010 -- 00:28:35,639
- Well, that was Professor Oddly.
- Any more of them around?
492
00:28:35,714 -- 00:28:37,113
I hope not.
493
00:28:37,849 -- 00:28:40,044
Say, who decorated this place?
494
00:28:41,453 -- 00:28:43,080
- The mug that shot Lincoln?
- This is our work room.
495
00:28:43,688 -- 00:28:45,849
The living quarters are upstairs.
496
00:28:45,924 -- 00:28:48,950
That's a lot of books. All of them different?
497
00:28:49,060 -- 00:28:50,049
- I trust.
- Uh-huh.
498
00:28:50,161 -- 00:28:52,686
- May I have your coat?
- Yeah, thanks.
499
00:28:54,199 -- 00:28:55,598
Miss O'Shea.
500
00:28:57,602 -- 00:29:01,732
Greek philosophy,
I've got a set like this with a radio inside.
501
00:29:02,173 -- 00:29:04,266
Are you sure you don't want your coat?
502
00:29:04,342 -- 00:29:07,368
No, I'm fine.
Except I've got a run in this stocking.
503
00:29:07,445 -- 00:29:08,969
Well, how do we start, Professor?
504
00:29:09,047 -- 00:29:12,175
You see, this is the first time
anybody moved in on my brain.
505
00:29:12,250 -- 00:29:14,514
Have you got some kind of a machine,
506
00:29:14,586 -- 00:29:17,714
an X-ray or a vacuum cleaner maybe
that sorts out the words you want?
507
00:29:17,789 -- 00:29:19,347
What's your method, Professor?
508
00:29:19,424 -- 00:29:22,723
Well, it's quite simple. If you will be here
tomorrow morning not later than 9:30...
509
00:29:22,794 -- 00:29:23,783
Tomorrow morning?
510
00:29:23,862 -- 00:29:26,592
Why, yes.
I have arranged a round table discussion
511
00:29:26,664 -- 00:29:29,462
with a few people of various backgrounds.
512
00:29:29,534 -- 00:29:30,660
Uh-huh.
513
00:29:30,735 -- 00:29:34,535
You don't think we could sort of
begin the Beguine right now?
514
00:29:34,606 -- 00:29:36,699
Well, it's nearly 1:00, Miss O'Shea.
515
00:29:36,775 -- 00:29:38,868
Oh, foo, Professor,
let's get ourselves a couple of drinks,
516
00:29:38,943 -- 00:29:41,673
light the fire maybe, and you can start
working on me right away.
517
00:29:41,746 -- 00:29:45,011
I wouldn't think of imposing upon you
at this hour.
518
00:29:45,083 -- 00:29:47,950
Listen, I figured on working all night.
519
00:29:48,019 -- 00:29:51,614
Well, any hasty random discussion
would be of no scientific value.
520
00:29:51,689 -- 00:29:53,623
You see, I have to have my notes
thoroughly prepared
521
00:29:53,691 -- 00:29:55,716
- for the seminar tomorrow.
- Mmm-hmm.
522
00:29:56,361 -- 00:29:58,295
Okay. Where do I sleep?
523
00:29:59,030 -- 00:30:00,759
I don't know. Where do you live?
524
00:30:00,832 -- 00:30:02,561
Up on Riverside.
But I'm going to sleep here.
525
00:30:02,634 -- 00:30:03,828
Here?
526
00:30:03,902 -- 00:30:05,836
You don't understand, Miss O'Shea.
527
00:30:05,904 -- 00:30:09,806
We're all bachelors with the exception
of Professor Oddly, who is a widower.
528
00:30:09,874 -- 00:30:11,637
Why, no woman ever...
529
00:30:12,210 -- 00:30:14,303
Even Miss Bragg who takes care
of our needs
530
00:30:14,379 -- 00:30:16,711
goes home every night at 7:30.
531
00:30:16,781 -- 00:30:19,272
If you want me
tomorrow morning at 9:30, you...
532
00:30:19,350 -- 00:30:21,250
Oh, I do, Miss O'Shea.
533
00:30:23,555 -- 00:30:27,047
Even the most free-thinking people
must respect the...
534
00:30:28,193 -- 00:30:29,990
All right, feel that.
535
00:30:30,528 -- 00:30:32,393
Go on. Feel that foot.
536
00:30:33,932 -- 00:30:36,423
Okay, tootsie bell, what do you say?
537
00:30:36,501 -- 00:30:38,992
- It's cold.
- It's cold and it's wet.
538
00:30:40,638 -- 00:30:42,196
Now, come here.
539
00:30:44,309 -- 00:30:45,640
Come here.
540
00:30:48,246 -- 00:30:49,474
Closer.
541
00:30:51,115 -- 00:30:52,309
Closer.
542
00:30:53,117 -- 00:30:55,085
Come on, give.
543
00:30:55,153 -- 00:30:57,747
Hello, kids. Look down my throat.
544
00:30:57,822 -- 00:30:59,414
Go on. Look down.
545
00:30:59,490 -- 00:31:01,390
All right, right down there, look.
546
00:31:01,459 -- 00:31:03,620
I don't know what to look for.
547
00:31:03,695 -- 00:31:07,722
There is possibly a slight rosiness
in the laryngeal region.
548
00:31:07,799 -- 00:31:09,289
Slight rosiness?
549
00:31:09,367 -- 00:31:11,767
It's as red as the Daily Worker
and just as sore.
550
00:31:11,836 -- 00:31:13,360
- Who are you?
- I'm...
551
00:31:13,438 -- 00:31:14,598
Who is he?
552
00:31:14,672 -- 00:31:18,108
This is Dr. Magenbruch,
our physiological expert.
553
00:31:18,176 -- 00:31:20,007
This is Professor Robinson, law.
554
00:31:20,078 -- 00:31:23,912
- Professor Gurkakoff...
- Not so fast. Just let it creep up on me.
555
00:31:23,982 -- 00:31:25,381
I'll get to know them.
556
00:31:25,450 -- 00:31:28,681
Come here, physiology.
For all I know, I've got a fever. Feel.
557
00:31:28,753 -- 00:31:30,015
- It's possible.
- Certainly.
558
00:31:30,088 -- 00:31:32,488
And he wants to throw me out on my tin.
559
00:31:32,557 -- 00:31:35,321
There'll be no 9:30 for me
if you let me go out in the rain now.
560
00:31:35,393 -- 00:31:36,417
Naturally not.
561
00:31:36,494 -- 00:31:38,894
With the streets cold
and the subway hot and full of germs.
562
00:31:38,963 -- 00:31:41,397
I'm a push-over for streptococcus.
563
00:31:41,900 -- 00:31:44,494
- Can I have this now, kid?
- Pardon me.
564
00:31:45,370 -- 00:31:48,669
We'll call you a heated taxi and furnish you
with woolen socks and warm slippers.
565
00:31:48,740 -- 00:31:51,174
- How do you like that?
- Really, I don't understand you, Potts.
566
00:31:51,242 -- 00:31:53,574
- Why take chances?
- With valuable material?
567
00:31:53,645 -- 00:31:56,546
- You must think of your article, Potts.
- See, they get the point.
568
00:31:56,614 -- 00:31:58,741
If I might venture a suggestion,
569
00:31:58,850 -- 00:32:00,579
why couldn't the young lady
sleep in my room?
570
00:32:00,652 -- 00:32:01,846
- What?
- What?
571
00:32:01,920 -- 00:32:04,047
- Well!
- Professor Peagram!
572
00:32:04,822 -- 00:32:06,756
I can bunk in with Professor Robinson.
573
00:32:06,824 -- 00:32:08,655
I sometimes do
when there's an electric storm.
574
00:32:08,726 -- 00:32:10,523
Yes, he's afraid of thunder.
575
00:32:10,595 -- 00:32:12,927
Well, then it's all settled.
576
00:32:12,997 -- 00:32:16,262
Well, I guess I'll turn in.
Can I have my coat?
577
00:32:16,334 -- 00:32:18,928
- Of course.
- Thank you.
578
00:32:19,003 -- 00:32:21,062
- Hi-de-ho, fellows.
- Hi-de-ho.
579
00:32:21,906 -- 00:32:24,704
- I'll show you to my room.
- Yes, we all will go.
580
00:32:24,776 -- 00:32:26,141
I know where my own room is, thank you,
581
00:32:26,210 -- 00:32:28,303
- without any help from you.
- Why shouldn't... Why shouldn't...
582
00:32:28,379 -- 00:32:31,041
I'll find it. Don't bother.
Just rough out the directions.
583
00:32:31,115 -- 00:32:33,743
Top of the stairs
and the third door on the left.
584
00:32:33,818 -- 00:32:35,683
Gentlemen, just a moment, please.
585
00:32:35,753 -- 00:32:37,277
Gentlemen, this is all highly irregular.
586
00:32:37,355 -- 00:32:39,482
What if this should come
to the attention of the Foundation?
587
00:32:39,557 -- 00:32:40,922
And what about Miss Bragg tomorrow?
588
00:32:40,992 -- 00:32:43,552
What are you talking about?
This is research, isn't it?
589
00:32:43,628 -- 00:32:44,890
- Yes.
- Certainly.
590
00:32:44,963 -- 00:32:47,693
Who was that guy learned so much
from watching an apple drop?
591
00:32:47,765 -- 00:32:51,826
Isaac Newton, 1642 to 1727.
592
00:32:51,903 -- 00:32:54,565
- The law of gravity.
- Yeah, that's him.
593
00:32:55,139 -- 00:32:59,235
And I want you to look at me
as another apple, Professor Potts.
594
00:32:59,310 -- 00:33:01,039
Just another apple.
595
00:33:09,887 -- 00:33:11,752
It fits you like a glove,
you admit that, don't you?
596
00:33:11,823 -- 00:33:15,122
I like a little more effect around
the shoulders, sort of a puffed sleeve.
597
00:33:15,193 -- 00:33:18,754
- You know that JL could be Joe Lilac.
- Could be.
598
00:33:19,297 -- 00:33:22,391
- Still claim it isn't yours?
- No, it isn't and never was.
599
00:33:22,467 -- 00:33:25,493
Come on, loosen up, Joe.
It's 5:00 in the morning.
600
00:33:25,570 -- 00:33:27,902
How's about a little Benzedrine?
601
00:33:27,972 -- 00:33:30,065
- Put it on Benny the Creep.
- Sure.
602
00:33:30,141 -- 00:33:31,472
Take off your coat.
603
00:33:31,542 -- 00:33:34,943
I should have brought along my valet.
I'm a sucker for comfort.
604
00:33:35,013 -- 00:33:37,675
Why, don't worry, Joe.
You'll have your comfort.
605
00:33:37,749 -- 00:33:42,152
We'll have platinum bars on your cell,
and we'll heat up a chair for you, special.
606
00:33:42,253 -- 00:33:43,777
Twenty thousand volts.
607
00:33:45,256 -- 00:33:46,518
AC or DC?
608
00:33:50,261 -- 00:33:52,786
- So those are your pajamas, huh?
- Yep.
609
00:33:53,631 -- 00:33:56,191
You always wear them
three sizes too big?
610
00:33:56,267 -- 00:34:00,533
Allows for my chest expansion.
And my fingers get kind of chilly at night.
611
00:34:00,605 -- 00:34:02,539
And the JL?
612
00:34:03,775 -- 00:34:06,869
It stands for jellybean.
It stands for lollipop.
613
00:34:08,179 -- 00:34:10,010
- Take him away.
- Come on.
614
00:34:10,081 -- 00:34:12,208
That's fine. That's great.
615
00:34:13,484 -- 00:34:16,647
You never heard of Benny the Creep.
Benny the Creep never heard of you.
616
00:34:16,721 -- 00:34:18,985
There was no murder.
And there is no murder ring
617
00:34:19,057 -- 00:34:22,288
with you at the control boards
pushing the buttons.
618
00:34:22,827 -- 00:34:24,556
- Good morning, Joe.
- Hiya, McNeary?
619
00:34:24,629 -- 00:34:26,790
Morning, and pardon my glove,
Mr. District Attorney.
620
00:34:26,864 -- 00:34:28,491
Good morning.
621
00:34:28,566 -- 00:34:33,003
- All right, I've got a writ of habeas corpus.
- I've forgotten my reading glasses.
622
00:34:33,071 -- 00:34:35,232
Too bad. Come on, Joe.
623
00:34:35,306 -- 00:34:37,297
May be a couple of days
before I find them.
624
00:34:37,375 -- 00:34:40,503
- I won't stand for my client's...
- It's all right, McNeary.
625
00:34:40,578 -- 00:34:42,546
The man's trying to clean up the city.
626
00:34:42,613 -- 00:34:44,808
Why not give him
all the cooperation we can?
627
00:34:44,882 -- 00:34:48,340
- Does that mean you're going to talk, Joe?
- What about?
628
00:34:49,187 -- 00:34:51,712
Well, I'll make the pajamas talk.
629
00:34:51,789 -- 00:34:53,780
Here's the sales slip for them.
630
00:34:53,858 -- 00:34:56,918
They were bought by Miss O'Shea.
She bought them for you.
631
00:34:56,994 -- 00:35:00,088
Or maybe you never heard of her.
Maybe she isn't your girlfriend.
632
00:35:00,164 -- 00:35:04,362
- Why bring a lady's name into this?
- I'll bring the lady in herself.
633
00:35:06,504 -- 00:35:09,371
Where do we stand with that O'Shea girl?
What?
634
00:35:09,440 -- 00:35:10,839
What about the deputies?
635
00:35:10,908 -- 00:35:12,535
All right, let me talk to Collins himself.
636
00:35:12,610 -- 00:35:14,134
- What about the girl?
- Don't worry.
637
00:35:14,212 -- 00:35:16,578
We've got her in safe deposit temporarily.
638
00:35:16,647 -- 00:35:19,810
- Temporarily is not good enough.
- I've got something figured out.
639
00:35:19,884 -- 00:35:21,977
- Nothing gloomy, I hope.
- Strictly legal.
640
00:35:22,053 -- 00:35:23,577
A wife can't testify against her husband.
641
00:35:23,654 -- 00:35:25,349
- She's not my wife.
- Not yet, she isn't.
642
00:35:25,423 -- 00:35:27,653
But once they let you go,
we'll pull a fastie.
643
00:35:27,725 -- 00:35:29,056
Of all the incompetent...
644
00:35:29,127 -- 00:35:30,856
What sweetheart dreamed up that law?
645
00:35:30,928 -- 00:35:34,989
Don't give me that. You've had six hours.
Tell those guys to get a jump on.
646
00:35:37,768 -- 00:35:39,360
Having some trouble, Mr. DA?
647
00:35:39,437 -- 00:35:40,768
Don't worry, Joe.
648
00:35:40,838 -- 00:35:43,807
And don't underestimate this office
or the State of New York.
649
00:35:43,875 -- 00:35:46,935
I've got some boys
that can find a needle in a haystack.
650
00:35:47,011 -- 00:35:48,205
Why, that's a cinch.
651
00:35:48,279 -- 00:35:52,579
All you have to do is get a horse
to eat the hay and then X-ray the horse.
652
00:35:53,885 -- 00:35:54,510
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
653
00:35:59,957 -- 00:36:01,720
Okay. Okay.
654
00:36:03,261 -- 00:36:04,888
Hold your horses.
655
00:36:07,765 -- 00:36:10,029
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
656
00:36:10,134 -- 00:36:12,967
What time is it?
This is worse than being in the army.
657
00:36:13,037 -- 00:36:16,006
Professor Potts started
the round table discussion 10 minutes ago.
658
00:36:16,073 -- 00:36:18,439
He did? Say, that's divastigating.
659
00:36:18,509 -- 00:36:21,205
- And this came for you.
- Who brought it?
660
00:36:21,712 -- 00:36:24,180
- A couple of persons.
- Any message?
661
00:36:24,248 -- 00:36:27,308
- Well, they spoke very picturesquely.
- Yeah, very.
662
00:36:27,385 -- 00:36:30,479
Yes, they said it's getting hot and hotter
663
00:36:30,555 -- 00:36:33,353
and to stay in the icebox
like a good little salad.
664
00:36:33,424 -- 00:36:35,688
And this is the dressing.
665
00:36:35,760 -- 00:36:38,285
- The salad, huh?
- And we wondered what it meant.
666
00:36:38,362 -- 00:36:39,386
Yes, we did.
667
00:36:39,463 -- 00:36:41,260
I'll tell you, sweetie. I...
668
00:36:41,332 -- 00:36:42,697
Gentlemen. Gentlemen.
669
00:36:42,767 -- 00:36:44,394
- Miss Bragg.
- Oh, my goodness.
670
00:36:44,468 -- 00:36:46,766
Sounds like Mother calling.
Kids, you better go.
671
00:36:46,837 -- 00:36:48,771
See you later.
672
00:36:48,839 -- 00:36:52,832
- Gentlemen, where are you, gentlemen?
- We're coming, Miss Bragg, we're coming.
673
00:36:52,910 -- 00:36:55,378
- On our way.
- I would like to talk to you.
674
00:36:55,446 -- 00:36:56,435
I wanted to ask you,
675
00:36:56,514 -- 00:36:58,482
what were all your trousers
doing in my kitchen?
676
00:36:58,549 -- 00:37:00,847
- I wanted mine pressed.
- Well, that accounts for one pair.
677
00:37:00,918 -- 00:37:02,715
- I did, too.
- Mine, too.
678
00:37:02,787 -- 00:37:04,652
Seven pairs, all at once?
679
00:37:04,722 -- 00:37:06,781
What's going on in this house anyway?
680
00:37:06,857 -- 00:37:09,849
No constitutional this morning.
You've hardly touched your breakfast.
681
00:37:09,927 -- 00:37:13,260
Professor Potts in the dining room with
a conglomeration of dubious characters.
682
00:37:13,331 -- 00:37:14,457
You, not at your desks.
683
00:37:14,532 -- 00:37:18,059
- That's right, gentlemen, we have to work.
- Yes, we have to work.
684
00:37:18,135 -- 00:37:23,038
- What were you doing upstairs, anyway?
- We took up a suitcase.
685
00:37:23,107 -- 00:37:24,836
- Suitcase?
- Yes.
686
00:37:24,909 -- 00:37:27,173
- Whose suitcase?
- We're very busy, Miss Bragg.
687
00:37:27,245 -- 00:37:28,439
I said, whose suitcase?
688
00:37:28,512 -- 00:37:31,845
Well, now, Miss Bragg, there is...
689
00:37:33,584 -- 00:37:36,018
- There is someone staying with us.
- Staying with us?
690
00:37:36,087 -- 00:37:38,920
- That's it.
- Who?
691
00:37:38,990 -- 00:37:40,389
Who's staying with us?
692
00:37:40,458 -- 00:37:42,653
What's the matter? Cat got your tongues?
693
00:37:42,727 -- 00:37:44,854
- Who's staying with us?
- (VOICE CRACKING) Well, I...
694
00:37:44,929 -- 00:37:48,365
- Well, I... Oh, dear.
- Professor Potts didn't tell you?
695
00:37:48,432 -- 00:37:50,764
- No, and I want to know.
- Well, under the pressure
696
00:37:50,835 -- 00:37:53,030
- of a very trying assignment...
- Yes?
697
00:37:53,104 -- 00:37:55,368
- He's...
- Go on.
698
00:37:55,439 -- 00:37:58,067
- He's taken a temporary assistant.
- Yes.
699
00:37:58,142 -- 00:38:01,043
- So we're running a hotel now.
- Not exactly.
700
00:38:01,112 -- 00:38:04,240
It seems to me that... Professor Robinson,
701
00:38:04,315 -- 00:38:07,648
- is that one of your socks?
- No, not mine.
702
00:38:08,452 -- 00:38:10,079
I wish that it...
703
00:38:11,722 -- 00:38:15,021
Well, I know Professor Peagram
explains the corset he wears
704
00:38:15,092 -- 00:38:16,491
as due to a floating kidney.
705
00:38:16,560 -- 00:38:17,959
What's the explanation of this?
706
00:38:18,029 -- 00:38:22,329
Say, kids, I'm stuck.
Any of you can jerk a zipper?
707
00:38:22,400 -- 00:38:23,628
A zipper?
708
00:38:23,701 -- 00:38:26,067
Yeah, the darn thing's stuck...
709
00:38:26,137 -- 00:38:27,866
Hello, who are you?
710
00:38:27,938 -- 00:38:31,465
- This is our Miss Bragg.
- Miss... Did you say Bag?
711
00:38:31,542 -- 00:38:33,100
Bragg. How do you do?
712
00:38:33,177 -- 00:38:35,111
Great-o.
Do you know anything about zippers?
713
00:38:35,179 -- 00:38:36,578
- Do you? Do you?
- Well, I...
714
00:38:36,647 -- 00:38:37,944
- Well, do you?
- Do I?
715
00:38:38,015 -- 00:38:41,416
- No, I don't, but Professor Gurkakoff.
- Okay.
716
00:38:41,485 -- 00:38:44,511
- Well, it's purely mechanical.
- But look, you were married.
717
00:38:44,588 -- 00:38:45,782
No, I'm just a botanist.
718
00:38:45,856 -- 00:38:48,188
Look, kids, after all,
you know, this is only a zipper.
719
00:38:48,259 -- 00:38:50,489
- Come on, Gurky.
- Well, I can try.
720
00:38:50,561 -- 00:38:52,825
You know, I had this happen one night
in the middle of my act.
721
00:38:52,897 -- 00:38:55,730
I couldn't get a thing off,
was I embarrassed.
722
00:38:55,800 -- 00:38:57,199
How's chances for a cup of coffee?
723
00:38:57,268 -- 00:39:00,260
- No breakfast after 9:00.
- You see, it's a rule.
724
00:39:00,338 -- 00:39:03,432
Just like my Aunt Beulah that
brought me up, that's why I left home.
725
00:39:03,507 -- 00:39:04,496
- There.
- Oh, swell.
726
00:39:04,575 -- 00:39:06,338
Now where is this little clambake
of Professor Potts'?
727
00:39:06,410 -- 00:39:09,811
- In the dining room, just across the hall.
- In the dining room. See you later, kids.
728
00:39:14,685 -- 00:39:17,848
Don't tell me the jive session
has beat off without baby.
729
00:39:17,922 -- 00:39:20,390
Shut the door please, Miss O'Shea.
730
00:39:23,894 -- 00:39:24,918
You're late.
731
00:39:24,995 -- 00:39:27,190
I won't waste time with introductions.
These are our collaborators.
732
00:39:27,264 -- 00:39:28,788
- Hi, kids.
- Hi.
733
00:39:28,866 -- 00:39:31,391
As I was saying, I've worked out
a series of cross-references
734
00:39:31,469 -- 00:39:33,562
which I believe will be the best approach
to our subject.
735
00:39:33,637 -- 00:39:35,070
Going like gangbusters, isn't he?
736
00:39:35,139 -- 00:39:36,800
Sit down, please.
737
00:39:40,144 -- 00:39:43,341
I don't think
you'll find our venture dull, Miss O'Shea.
738
00:39:43,414 -- 00:39:47,248
The scientific conquest of
an important subject is never dull.
739
00:39:48,018 -- 00:39:50,680
"Slang," as the poet
Carl Sandburg has said,
740
00:39:50,755 -- 00:39:52,416
"is language which takes off its coat,
741
00:39:52,490 -- 00:39:54,651
"spits on its hands and goes to work."
742
00:39:54,725 -- 00:39:57,626
Let us... Let us, too,
then get down to work.
743
00:40:04,301 -- 00:40:07,202
Well, we've accomplished a lot
in the last three days,
744
00:40:07,271 -- 00:40:09,796
and I'm very grateful to all of you.
745
00:40:09,874 -- 00:40:12,365
There's another word
I'd like to take up now.
746
00:40:12,443 -- 00:40:14,502
It's recurred several times
in our discussions,
747
00:40:14,578 -- 00:40:16,569
and its meaning still eludes me.
748
00:40:16,647 -- 00:40:18,239
I think it was Miss O'Shea
who used it yesterday
749
00:40:18,315 -- 00:40:20,943
in reference to the cuffs that I wear.
750
00:40:21,018 -- 00:40:23,748
- The word is "corny."
- Yeah, wouldn't you say they were corny?
751
00:40:23,821 -- 00:40:27,188
- Because of the cornstarch in them?
- Because it's 1941.
752
00:40:27,925 -- 00:40:31,884
- Then corny means old-fashioned.
- Kind of hick, loose-tooth.
753
00:40:31,962 -- 00:40:33,486
Mortimer Snerd.
754
00:40:34,298 -- 00:40:35,856
Oh, gee.
755
00:40:36,467 -- 00:40:38,128
There's other kinds of corn, too.
756
00:40:38,202 -- 00:40:39,863
When you give your girl
your fraternity pin,
757
00:40:39,937 -- 00:40:42,235
well, if she says, "I'll keep it forever,"
758
00:40:42,306 -- 00:40:44,570
- that's corny, too.
- Yeah, or take a joke.
759
00:40:44,642 -- 00:40:46,439
"That's no lady, that's my wife."
760
00:40:46,510 -- 00:40:48,842
Making your baby's shoes into ashtrays.
761
00:40:48,913 -- 00:40:50,278
- That's corn.
- Right off the cob.
762
00:40:50,347 -- 00:40:52,645
Well, let's stick to corn.
763
00:40:52,716 -- 00:40:54,581
Is it synonymous with baloney?
764
00:40:54,652 -- 00:40:57,746
No, it's anything
that gets them in the sticks.
765
00:40:57,822 -- 00:41:00,416
"Long time, no see," that's Indian corn.
766
00:41:00,491 -- 00:41:02,049
Yeah, when a guy comes to see a girl
and says,
767
00:41:02,126 -- 00:41:03,957
"Let's turn off the lights,
it hurts my eyes."
768
00:41:04,028 -- 00:41:05,723
Brother, that's corn.
769
00:41:05,796 -- 00:41:08,856
The implication is
he's trying to pull some hoytoytoy.
770
00:41:08,933 -- 00:41:12,892
- You're catching on, Professor.
- Countrified, old-fashioned, sentimental.
771
00:41:25,916 -- 00:41:27,406
Business kind of peaked, Jack?
772
00:41:27,485 -- 00:41:30,386
Yeah, it takes up a lot of time
being on the faculty.
773
00:41:30,454 -- 00:41:32,422
- I'll buy the heap.
- There's no call for you to do that.
774
00:41:32,490 -- 00:41:34,321
Why not?
I want to line my bureau drawers.
775
00:41:34,391 -- 00:41:35,517
Gee, thanks.
776
00:41:36,293 -- 00:41:39,524
- Back in a second, Professor.
- Oh, yes, all right.
777
00:41:53,511 -- 00:41:55,672
- Miss O'Shea.
- Just a minute.
778
00:41:59,950 -- 00:42:01,076
- Miss O'Shea.
- Yeah?
779
00:42:01,151 -- 00:42:03,016
We saw you pass the library arch,
780
00:42:03,087 -- 00:42:05,385
and we kind of got a little problem
on our hands.
781
00:42:05,456 -- 00:42:06,889
- Would you help us?
- Why, I'd love to.
782
00:42:06,957 -- 00:42:07,981
Oh, good.
783
00:42:08,792 -- 00:42:10,760
You're kind of spruced up today,
aren't you, Professor?
784
00:42:10,828 -- 00:42:12,455
- The spats?
- Yeah.
785
00:42:12,530 -- 00:42:16,159
I ran across them in my bottom drawer.
Why let the moths eat them?
786
00:42:16,233 -- 00:42:18,292
Attaboy. What's your problem, sweetie?
787
00:42:18,369 -- 00:42:20,234
- Well, look.
- Let me start again.
788
00:42:20,437 -- 00:42:22,462
ODDLY: But, Professor,
I'm completely exhausted.
789
00:42:22,540 -- 00:42:25,737
But we've got to get it right.
Now, start with the right foot.
790
00:42:25,809 -- 00:42:27,470
- The left foot.
- The right foot.
791
00:42:27,545 -- 00:42:28,603
Gentlemen, it's the left foot.
792
00:42:28,679 -- 00:42:30,738
- Which foot, please?
- The right foot.
793
00:42:30,814 -- 00:42:32,907
All right, but you're wrong.
794
00:42:33,417 -- 00:42:35,612
One, two, three, four.
795
00:42:35,686 -- 00:42:38,086
One, two, three.
796
00:42:38,155 -- 00:42:40,623
But I can't "humph" from here.
797
00:42:41,825 -- 00:42:44,988
We've been working on it
ever since luncheon.
798
00:42:45,062 -- 00:42:46,188
Holy smoke.
799
00:42:46,263 -- 00:42:49,858
- Start again with the left foot, come on.
- The left foot.
800
00:42:52,069 -- 00:42:54,503
One, two, three.
801
00:42:55,639 -- 00:42:57,334
Well, it's the right motion.
802
00:42:57,408 -- 00:43:00,775
- But it doesn't feel right.
- It doesn't look right.
803
00:43:01,312 -- 00:43:03,109
Possibly it isn't right.
804
00:43:03,180 -- 00:43:05,512
There was two "humphs." Humph, humph.
805
00:43:05,583 -- 00:43:08,017
Well, that would make it right.
Humph, humph.
806
00:43:08,852 -- 00:43:10,114
You're wrong, my dear Gurkakoff.
807
00:43:10,187 -- 00:43:12,815
Mathematics can never be wrong.
Look here, I'll show you.
808
00:43:12,890 -- 00:43:15,120
- Stay there, Professor Oddly.
- Show him.
809
00:43:16,860 -- 00:43:18,293
One, two.
810
00:43:18,362 -- 00:43:20,159
Professor Oddly, please stand up.
811
00:43:20,230 -- 00:43:21,458
I beg your pardon.
812
00:43:21,532 -- 00:43:25,093
- One, two, three. Humph, humph.
- Just one.
813
00:43:26,170 -- 00:43:28,934
- The expert is here. We need you.
- What's the trouble?
814
00:43:29,006 -- 00:43:30,837
Well, that dance you showed us last night.
815
00:43:30,908 -- 00:43:32,637
- Yeah?
- Yes, maybe we're not very bright.
816
00:43:32,710 -- 00:43:36,510
Professor Gurkakoff has been trying
to reconstruct it by compound fractions.
817
00:43:36,580 -- 00:43:38,912
- You'd better relax, lover.
- Who, me? Thank you.
818
00:43:38,983 -- 00:43:42,942
I can't find the common denominator
between the steps and the music.
819
00:43:43,020 -- 00:43:45,716
You bet you can't, you're playing
a polka, and I taught you a conga.
820
00:43:45,789 -- 00:43:48,417
How about some light in here? Come on.
821
00:43:49,226 -- 00:43:51,126
Look, kids, this is the tempo.
822
00:43:51,228 -- 00:43:52,786
(SUGARPUSS HUMMING
CONGA TEMPO)
823
00:43:52,863 -- 00:43:54,694
(EVERYONE HUMMING TEMPO)
824
00:43:54,765 -- 00:43:55,993
Got it?
825
00:44:00,037 -- 00:44:02,369
- That's right, hit it.
- Hit what?
826
00:44:02,439 -- 00:44:04,066
That's what I told you.
827
00:44:04,475 -- 00:44:08,434
- One, two, three...
- Attaboy, Gurky! You're wonderful!
828
00:44:10,247 -- 00:44:12,943
Wing it, Professor. Hang on.
829
00:44:14,184 -- 00:44:15,651
Good afternoon.
830
00:44:17,921 -- 00:44:19,183
How do you like the new suit?
831
00:44:19,256 -- 00:44:21,383
What the well-dressed professor will wear.
832
00:44:21,458 -- 00:44:23,892
A young lady chased me all the way up
Fifth Avenue.
833
00:44:23,961 -- 00:44:25,929
Probably to tell you
to take the price tag off.
834
00:44:25,996 -- 00:44:27,964
Did you... Did you get the records?
835
00:44:28,032 -- 00:44:30,466
Well, they were all out of
Beat Me Daddy, Eight to the Bar.
836
00:44:30,534 -- 00:44:32,434
- Oh, dear, oh, dear.
- But I got Chicka Chicka Boom Boom
837
00:44:32,503 -- 00:44:36,200
- and Shoot the Sherbet to Me Herbert.
- Now watch us go.
838
00:44:38,709 -- 00:44:39,903
Thank you very much, gentlemen.
839
00:44:39,977 -- 00:44:42,036
The same time tomorrow,
all of you who can.
840
00:44:42,112 -- 00:44:44,080
- Okay, coach, so long.
- Goodbye.
841
00:44:44,148 -- 00:44:47,049
This has given me
a new interest in life, Doc.
842
00:44:47,117 -- 00:44:48,141
Me, too.
843
00:44:48,218 -- 00:44:50,584
I'm gonna use some of those
two-dollar words hollering my papers.
844
00:44:50,654 -- 00:44:54,613
Park Avenue bigamy scandal,
most illuminating, most illuminating!
845
00:44:54,692 -- 00:44:56,956
- So long, Prof.
- And thank you very much.
846
00:44:57,027 -- 00:44:58,324
That's all right.
847
00:44:58,395 -- 00:45:00,192
Excuse me for talking shop,
848
00:45:00,264 -- 00:45:03,131
but your garbage certainly
has cheered up these days.
849
00:45:03,200 -- 00:45:07,899
Flowers, candy boxes, perfume wrappings
and an empty of that sweet French liqueur.
850
00:45:07,971 -- 00:45:10,872
(STUTTERING) Why, that's not our garbage,
I'm sure.
851
00:45:10,941 -- 00:45:13,000
Maybe it wasn't, but it was in your pail.
852
00:45:13,077 -- 00:45:14,066
(DOOR OPENING)
853
00:45:16,113 -- 00:45:17,944
I'm leaving, sister.
854
00:45:18,949 -- 00:45:20,780
(CONGA MUSIC PLAYING)
855
00:45:21,285 -- 00:45:22,684
Miss Bragg.
856
00:45:22,753 -- 00:45:24,152
May I have a word with you,
Professor Potts?
857
00:45:24,221 -- 00:45:25,620
That music, is it coming from next door?
858
00:45:25,689 -- 00:45:28,123
From this door, and that's what
I want to talk to you about.
859
00:45:28,192 -- 00:45:29,819
Either she goes or I go.
860
00:45:29,893 -- 00:45:33,090
- You're speaking of Miss O'Shea?
- I am, Professor Potts.
861
00:45:33,163 -- 00:45:37,463
That is the kind of woman
that makes whole civilizations topple.
862
00:45:37,534 -- 00:45:41,664
It's always been my pride to scrupulously,
untiringly, efficiently...
863
00:45:41,739 -- 00:45:44,105
Now, now, Miss Bragg,
you've split that infinitive three times.
864
00:45:44,174 -- 00:45:46,472
I repeat, either she goes or I go.
865
00:45:46,543 -- 00:45:49,376
I don't like ultimata, Miss Bragg,
but I shall look into the matter.
866
00:45:49,446 -- 00:45:52,643
Don't look into the matter,
look into the library.
867
00:45:57,721 -- 00:45:59,154
(PROFESSOR WHOOPING)
868
00:46:00,290 -- 00:46:02,520
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)
869
00:46:08,932 -- 00:46:11,264
Hiya, Pottsy, come on, hook on!
870
00:46:11,335 -- 00:46:12,962
I feel so abandoned.
871
00:46:22,246 -- 00:46:23,907
Hey, what's the big idea?
872
00:46:23,981 -- 00:46:27,348
As soon as you gentlemen get your breath,
we had better have a conference.
873
00:46:27,417 -- 00:46:28,907
Will you please leave the room,
Miss O'Shea?
874
00:46:28,986 -- 00:46:32,945
- But we've only just started.
- Lf you please, Miss O'Shea.
875
00:46:33,023 -- 00:46:34,957
Loose-tooth again.
876
00:46:35,025 -- 00:46:36,890
Now, if you gentlemen will be kind enough
877
00:46:38,562 -- 00:46:40,427
to get together all that you've written
in the last three days...
878
00:46:40,497 -- 00:46:41,828
(TAPPING AT DOOR)
879
00:46:48,639 -- 00:46:49,765
Well, it's about time.
880
00:46:49,840 -- 00:46:51,740
I thought you two had amnesia
and forgot where you parked me.
881
00:46:51,809 -- 00:46:52,833
Hold the phone, Sugie.
882
00:46:52,910 -- 00:46:55,208
Dropping me on the doorstep
like a throwaway for a credit dentist.
883
00:46:55,279 -- 00:46:57,304
- You said it was for one night.
- Sugie, for snap's sake.
884
00:46:57,381 -- 00:46:59,611
You're as hot as a pistol.
The DA's got 100 men on the job.
885
00:46:59,683 -- 00:47:02,311
Why, they're squeezing this town
through a sieve, borough by borough.
886
00:47:02,386 -- 00:47:03,614
You tell her, Pastrami.
887
00:47:03,687 -- 00:47:06,349
They're tailing us, Sugie. Took us
three hours to get here from 48th Street.
888
00:47:06,423 -- 00:47:08,220
Detoured through Jamaica, Long Island
to shake them off.
889
00:47:08,292 -- 00:47:09,350
Okay, you wait here.
890
00:47:09,426 -- 00:47:10,825
I'll get my things together
in two seconds flat.
891
00:47:10,894 -- 00:47:12,293
Hey, wait a minute, Sugie.
892
00:47:12,362 -- 00:47:16,025
- We got a surprise for you.
- You ain't leaving, not right yet.
893
00:47:16,099 -- 00:47:17,361
I'm not? Joe's out, isn't he?
894
00:47:17,434 -- 00:47:20,403
Yeah, but for how long? They're laying
for you so they can get him back.
895
00:47:20,470 -- 00:47:21,494
That's the surprise.
896
00:47:21,572 -- 00:47:24,302
I'm supposed to stay in this old mans'
home till the moths eat holes in me?
897
00:47:24,374 -- 00:47:26,865
Say, when I say a surprise,
I mean a surprise.
898
00:47:26,944 -- 00:47:28,639
Go on, flash it to her.
899
00:47:28,712 -- 00:47:31,078
Put on your sunglasses, Sugie.
900
00:47:31,715 -- 00:47:34,582
- Oh, boy.
- Seven grand boiled into that one, Sugie.
901
00:47:35,385 -- 00:47:37,751
Joe doesn't have to bribe me
just because I do him a little favor.
902
00:47:37,821 -- 00:47:39,379
It's not a bribe, don't take it like that.
903
00:47:39,456 -- 00:47:40,616
Let him try and get it back though.
904
00:47:40,691 -- 00:47:41,851
Say, it's not your size, is it?
905
00:47:41,925 -- 00:47:43,790
Lt'll do, if I have to whittle down my finger.
906
00:47:43,861 -- 00:47:46,091
Third finger, left hand, Sugie.
907
00:47:46,163 -- 00:47:48,256
- Who do you think you're kidding?
- The future Mrs. Joe Lilac.
908
00:47:48,332 -- 00:47:50,129
- Come again?
- Wedding bells, sweetheart.
909
00:47:50,200 -- 00:47:51,792
Joe and the lawyer have got it
all figured out.
910
00:47:51,869 -- 00:47:53,666
Yeah, a wife can't testify
against husband, see.
911
00:47:53,737 -- 00:47:55,068
Don't put it like that, you dope.
912
00:47:55,138 -- 00:47:59,336
Say, he's been thataway about you
ever since he first picked you out.
913
00:47:59,409 -- 00:48:01,843
Yeah, but it took the DA
to make him pop the question.
914
00:48:01,912 -- 00:48:03,038
He sent you a love message.
915
00:48:03,113 -- 00:48:06,139
He says to tell you he gets more bang
out of you than any dame he ever knew.
916
00:48:06,216 -- 00:48:09,413
And he's the top, Sugie,
do you realize that? He's the top.
917
00:48:09,519 -- 00:48:10,986
Mrs. Joe Lilac.
918
00:48:11,054 -- 00:48:13,716
Third Avenue girl
in the major league at last.
919
00:48:13,790 -- 00:48:16,088
Wait till they find out,
those other dolls in the show.
920
00:48:16,159 -- 00:48:18,252
Watch me break their crockery with this.
921
00:48:18,328 -- 00:48:19,920
Here, here,
the wedding's got to be a fast one, though.
922
00:48:19,997 -- 00:48:21,259
Over in New Jersey someplace.
923
00:48:21,331 -- 00:48:23,765
Now, this is the application for the license,
and you sign right here.
924
00:48:23,834 -- 00:48:25,495
- Will I? You got a pen?
- Yeah.
925
00:48:25,569 -- 00:48:27,799
- Unscrew it for Mrs. Lilac.
- Right here, right here.
926
00:48:27,871 -- 00:48:28,963
You know, I can't make up my mind.
927
00:48:29,039 -- 00:48:33,373
Will I continue my night club career
or bust in on the Helen Hayes racket?
928
00:48:33,443 -- 00:48:35,206
Say, this ought to be signed
before a notary public.
929
00:48:35,279 -- 00:48:37,975
I'm a notary public,
permission expires 1943.
930
00:48:38,048 -- 00:48:39,777
Were those pajamas a good investment.
931
00:48:39,850 -- 00:48:41,875
You'll get the final dope
by tomorrow morning.
932
00:48:41,952 -- 00:48:43,044
Joe will phone around 10:00.
933
00:48:43,120 -- 00:48:45,554
Now, meantime lie low
and stick close to the Ameche.
934
00:48:45,622 -- 00:48:47,920
- Okay, the what?
- The telephone.
935
00:48:52,396 -- 00:48:55,229
- Miss Sugarpuss.
- You'd better duck.
936
00:48:55,299 -- 00:48:57,392
- Okay, 10:00, I'll be waiting.
- Okay, okay.
937
00:48:57,467 -- 00:48:59,435
- Miss Sugarpuss.
- Here I am.
938
00:48:59,503 -- 00:49:01,403
Just getting a little air.
939
00:49:01,471 -- 00:49:04,031
- Miss O'Shea.
- What's buzzing, cousin?
940
00:49:04,107 -- 00:49:06,507
Professor Potts would...
941
00:49:06,576 -- 00:49:09,443
He wishes to speak to you.
942
00:49:09,813 -- 00:49:11,075
- Yes.
- Yes.
943
00:49:11,148 -- 00:49:13,378
Don't worry, kids, cheer up.
944
00:49:13,450 -- 00:49:14,439
(CLICKING TONGUE)
945
00:49:14,918 -- 00:49:17,148
- Shut the door, please.
- Sure.
946
00:49:21,224 -- 00:49:24,682
- Take this chair, please, Miss O'Shea.
- This particular one?
947
00:49:24,761 -- 00:49:25,887
Okay.
948
00:49:29,032 -- 00:49:31,000
- Open your mouth, please.
- Hmm?
949
00:49:31,068 -- 00:49:33,536
Open your mouth. Wider.
950
00:49:34,671 -- 00:49:35,695
Thank you.
951
00:49:35,772 -- 00:49:37,330
- Can I close it now?
- Please do.
952
00:49:37,407 -- 00:49:38,704
- Okay.
- Miss O'Shea.
953
00:49:38,775 -- 00:49:39,799
Yeah?
954
00:49:39,876 -- 00:49:43,243
Circumstances, under, over which
neither of us has the least control,
955
00:49:43,313 -- 00:49:46,373
force me to a step
I am most reluctant to take.
956
00:49:47,684 -- 00:49:50,676
The sky is perfectly clear.
The thermometer stands at 76.
957
00:49:50,754 -- 00:49:53,848
Your throat seems quite normal.
I must ask you to leave.
958
00:49:53,924 -- 00:49:55,983
Leave here? Why?
959
00:49:56,059 -- 00:49:58,892
Miss O'Shea,
I want you to look at our project,
960
00:49:58,962 -- 00:50:02,125
I mean the encyclopedia, as a voyage,
961
00:50:02,199 -- 00:50:04,667
a long, hard, tedious one.
962
00:50:04,735 -- 00:50:06,794
A voyage from "A" to "Z."
963
00:50:06,870 -- 00:50:08,735
Now, when the Foundation
launched our vessel,
964
00:50:08,805 -- 00:50:13,265
it very wisely followed an old rule
of the sea, no women aboard.
965
00:50:13,343 -- 00:50:16,210
It chose a crew of single men
with nothing to distract them
966
00:50:16,279 -- 00:50:17,871
from the course they were to sail.
967
00:50:17,948 -- 00:50:21,145
Say, junior, couldn't stop
walking around a little, could you?
968
00:50:21,218 -- 00:50:24,346
For four days, we have been drifting,
Miss O'Shea.
969
00:50:24,421 -- 00:50:26,753
The needle of the compass
no longer points to the magnetic pole.
970
00:50:26,823 -- 00:50:29,451
It points, if I may say so, to your ankles.
971
00:50:29,526 -- 00:50:31,824
Come now, Admiral,
a bunch of grown men,
972
00:50:31,895 -- 00:50:33,886
they've seen a pair of ankles before.
973
00:50:33,964 -- 00:50:35,454
Not for nine years.
974
00:50:35,532 -- 00:50:39,525
Except for the singularly uninspiring
underpinnings of Miss Bragg.
975
00:50:39,603 -- 00:50:41,002
Now, my colleagues...
976
00:50:41,071 -- 00:50:43,301
If you think I'm bothering them,
I'll sit on my legs.
977
00:50:43,373 -- 00:50:45,773
- And I'll do it in my room or in the kitchen.
- Too late.
978
00:50:45,842 -- 00:50:49,073
- You must leave, Miss O'Shea.
- Well, I can't leave now.
979
00:50:49,146 -- 00:50:51,637
How about that slang?
It's not finished yet.
980
00:50:51,715 -- 00:50:53,615
There's a lot of words
we haven't caught up with.
981
00:50:53,683 -- 00:50:56,516
For instance, do you know what this
means, "I'll get you on the Ameche"?
982
00:50:56,586 -- 00:50:57,814
- No.
- Of course, you don't.
983
00:50:57,888 -- 00:50:59,253
An Ameche is the telephone.
984
00:50:59,322 -- 00:51:01,153
- On account of he invented it.
- Oh, no, he didn't.
985
00:51:01,224 -- 00:51:05,854
- You know, in the movies.
- I see what you mean. Very interesting.
986
00:51:05,996 -- 00:51:09,659
Make no mistake, I shall regret
the absence of your keen mind.
987
00:51:09,733 -- 00:51:13,794
Unfortunately, it is inseparable
from an extremely disturbing body.
988
00:51:13,870 -- 00:51:15,098
(WHISTLING)
989
00:51:15,172 -- 00:51:17,470
All right. I'll go, only don't shove.
990
00:51:17,541 -- 00:51:20,237
- I'll leave sometime tomorrow.
- Not tomorrow. Right away.
991
00:51:20,310 -- 00:51:22,437
- But I tell you I've got a...
- I insist, Miss O'Shea.
992
00:51:22,512 -- 00:51:23,945
Oh, Crabapple Annie.
993
00:51:24,014 -- 00:51:25,675
- Listen, Pottsy...
- Crabapple Annie?
994
00:51:25,749 -- 00:51:27,910
Why, that implies
that I'm puritanical and narrow-minded.
995
00:51:27,984 -- 00:51:29,008
Yeah.
996
00:51:29,086 -- 00:51:31,782
I am a perfectly normal man
with perfectly normal instincts.
997
00:51:31,855 -- 00:51:34,323
- But an awful high boiling point.
- Not even that.
998
00:51:34,391 -- 00:51:37,189
I, too, have been acutely aware
of your presence.
999
00:51:37,260 -- 00:51:39,057
- You have?
- Twice, to be exact.
1000
00:51:39,129 -- 00:51:40,460
Once when you leaned over my shoulder
1001
00:51:40,530 -- 00:51:42,464
to correct my spelling of
the word "boogie-woogie,"
1002
00:51:42,532 -- 00:51:44,261
I could feel your breath on my ear.
1003
00:51:44,334 -- 00:51:46,768
And yesterday afternoon when you
happened to stand against the window
1004
00:51:46,837 -- 00:51:49,135
with the sunlight in your hair.
1005
00:51:50,874 -- 00:51:54,037
- What'd you do about it?
- I left the room,
1006
00:51:54,111 -- 00:51:55,703
dipped my handkerchief in cold water
1007
00:51:55,779 -- 00:51:57,679
and applied it to the back of
my neck right there,
1008
00:51:57,747 -- 00:52:00,807
- where the nerve center is.
- That's cute.
1009
00:52:00,884 -- 00:52:03,944
You see, that's the basic difference
between me and the other professors.
1010
00:52:04,020 -- 00:52:06,750
We are all beguiled,
but I am relatively young.
1011
00:52:06,823 -- 00:52:08,120
I can suppress temptation.
1012
00:52:08,191 -- 00:52:11,752
I generate enough energy
to take precautionary measures.
1013
00:52:12,963 -- 00:52:16,421
A little sun on my hair
and you had to water your neck.
1014
00:52:18,502 -- 00:52:20,936
Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned it,
Miss O'Shea,
1015
00:52:21,004 -- 00:52:22,869
but I'm merely trying to point out the fact
1016
00:52:22,939 -- 00:52:25,772
that the success of our enterprise
is at stake.
1017
00:52:25,842 -- 00:52:27,901
I want you to...
1018
00:52:31,748 -- 00:52:33,272
Cooperate.
1019
00:52:33,350 -- 00:52:35,113
I want you to leave.
1020
00:52:36,219 -- 00:52:38,016
All right, I'll go.
1021
00:52:38,922 -- 00:52:42,153
But if I'm going to go anyway,
I guess I might as well spill it.
1022
00:52:42,225 -- 00:52:44,489
Spill it? Spill what?
1023
00:52:44,561 -- 00:52:46,324
Why do you suppose
I came here in the first place?
1024
00:52:46,396 -- 00:52:47,454
To help with the research.
1025
00:52:47,531 -- 00:52:49,522
- I did not. I came on account of you.
- Me?
1026
00:52:49,599 -- 00:52:51,533
And not on account of
you needed some slang.
1027
00:52:51,601 -- 00:52:53,296
On account of
because I wanted to see you again.
1028
00:52:53,370 -- 00:52:55,964
Miss O'Shea, the construction
"on account of because"
1029
00:52:56,039 -- 00:52:57,734
outrages every grammatical law.
1030
00:52:57,807 -- 00:53:00,605
So what? I came on account of
because I couldn't stop thinking about you
1031
00:53:00,677 -- 00:53:02,440
after you left my dressing room.
1032
00:53:02,512 -- 00:53:07,074
On account of because I thought
you were big and cute and pretty.
1033
00:53:07,150 -- 00:53:08,481
- Pretty?
- Yeah, I mean you.
1034
00:53:08,552 -- 00:53:11,919
Maybe I'm just crazy, but to me,
you're a regular yum-yum type.
1035
00:53:11,988 -- 00:53:13,979
- Yum-yum?
- Yeah, don't you know what that means?
1036
00:53:14,057 -- 00:53:15,115
No, we never got to that.
1037
00:53:15,192 -- 00:53:16,887
Well, we've got to it now,
and I'm glad it's out.
1038
00:53:16,960 -- 00:53:18,689
I don't give a whoop
whether the others went for me.
1039
00:53:18,762 -- 00:53:20,627
You're the one I'm wacky about,
just plain wacky.
1040
00:53:20,697 -- 00:53:22,460
- Can you understand that?
- Please, Miss O'Shea.
1041
00:53:22,532 -- 00:53:24,693
Oh, please, nothing.
Maybe you can generate or whatever it is
1042
00:53:24,768 -- 00:53:27,032
for all that suppress business, but...
1043
00:53:27,103 -- 00:53:29,401
I can't. No, you're too tall.
1044
00:53:32,142 -- 00:53:33,404
- What are you doing?
- You'll find out.
1045
00:53:33,476 -- 00:53:35,068
Those are Professor Gurkakoff's
reference books.
1046
00:53:35,145 -- 00:53:37,204
- Now, isn't that just too bad!
- And they're very...
1047
00:53:37,280 -- 00:53:38,872
- That's perfect.
- What are you going to do?
1048
00:53:38,949 -- 00:53:41,713
Come here,
I'm going to show you what yum-yum is.
1049
00:53:41,785 -- 00:53:43,150
Here's yum.
1050
00:53:44,688 -- 00:53:46,519
Here's the other yum.
1051
00:53:48,525 -- 00:53:50,288
And here's yum-yum.
1052
00:53:54,164 -- 00:53:55,495
Excuse me.
1053
00:53:56,233 -- 00:53:57,257
Hey, where are you going?
1054
00:54:08,745 -- 00:54:11,805
Did you see?
He practically stepped on my hand.
1055
00:54:11,881 -- 00:54:13,712
- Three steps at a time.
- Shot out of a gun.
1056
00:54:13,783 -- 00:54:15,444
- But where is he going?
- Why?
1057
00:54:15,518 -- 00:54:19,215
To get a razor strop, I hope,
and I hope he knows where to apply it.
1058
00:54:24,160 -- 00:54:28,062
- Well, Professor Potts?
- Yes, Miss Bragg.
1059
00:54:28,131 -- 00:54:31,430
Will one of you call a taxi
from the corner for Miss O'Shea?
1060
00:54:32,102 -- 00:54:34,093
- Right away.
- Thank you.
1061
00:54:40,010 -- 00:54:42,376
- Fine business.
- I beg your pardon?
1062
00:54:42,445 -- 00:54:44,072
What's the idea of
running out on me like that?
1063
00:54:44,147 -- 00:54:46,240
Nothing, nothing.
1064
00:54:46,816 -- 00:54:49,876
The last few minutes
only confirmed my former decision.
1065
00:54:49,953 -- 00:54:51,944
Your further presence here would be fatal.
1066
00:54:52,022 -- 00:54:55,583
You must get me out of your mind
just as I must get you out of this house.
1067
00:54:55,659 -- 00:54:59,026
- Your hair's wet.
- Well, never mind, please.
1068
00:54:59,095 -- 00:55:01,586
- Well, it is wet.
- Well, what of it?
1069
00:55:01,665 -- 00:55:02,893
Nothing, I just happened to mention it.
1070
00:55:02,966 -- 00:55:05,560
- Well, forget it, please.
- Okay, okay.
1071
00:55:06,269 -- 00:55:09,295
Now to get back to the subject
under discussion.
1072
00:55:09,372 -- 00:55:12,739
It would be idle of me to deny that I, too,
feel the affinity
1073
00:55:12,809 -- 00:55:16,176
that you mentioned a few minutes ago,
very strongly.
1074
00:55:16,246 -- 00:55:18,111
After three years,
when my work is finished,
1075
00:55:18,181 -- 00:55:20,979
perhaps we can take up where we left off.
1076
00:55:21,051 -- 00:55:25,988
In the meantime, I hope we can keep up
some sort of correspondence.
1077
00:55:27,223 -- 00:55:31,319
- Would you, Miss Sugarpuss?
- Oh, Pottsy.
1078
00:55:32,629 -- 00:55:35,894
I know that's the way I feel, too,
but it has to be.
1079
00:55:37,434 -- 00:55:41,768
Sugarpuss, before you go, would you...
1080
00:55:44,441 -- 00:55:45,806
(POTTS CLEARS THROAT)
1081
00:55:48,511 -- 00:55:49,978
Would you
1082
00:55:51,514 -- 00:55:53,414
yum me just once more?
1083
00:56:00,790 -- 00:56:03,486
- It seems so unnecessary.
- Yes.
1084
00:56:03,560 -- 00:56:05,187
- Yes.
- The taxi's here.
1085
00:56:05,295 -- 00:56:06,785
I'll tell him.
1086
00:56:12,168 -- 00:56:15,660
Professor Potts,
the taxi for that young woman is here.
1087
00:56:17,774 -- 00:56:19,071
The taxi.
1088
00:56:20,611 -- 00:56:22,841
- Yes, what is it?
- The taxi's here.
1089
00:56:22,913 -- 00:56:24,278
Taxi? What taxi?
1090
00:56:25,149 -- 00:56:27,049
Miss O'Shea's or mine.
1091
00:56:28,853 -- 00:56:31,219
It's all yours, Crabapple Annie.
1092
00:56:35,292 -- 00:56:36,281
(CLICKS TONGUE)
1093
00:56:53,911 -- 00:56:56,675
What is the delay, young man?
Delivery was promised for 10:00.
1094
00:56:56,747 -- 00:56:58,112
Sign here.
1095
00:56:58,649 -- 00:57:01,516
- I trust that it's engraved correctly.
- I guess so.
1096
00:57:01,585 -- 00:57:03,849
- $39.85, wasn't it?
- Yeah.
1097
00:57:03,921 -- 00:57:06,685
Here's $40. Keep the change.
1098
00:57:11,729 -- 00:57:14,129
- You're sure the setting is solid gold?
- Why, of course.
1099
00:57:14,198 -- 00:57:16,462
There was one $5 cheaper,
but not nearly so handsome.
1100
00:57:16,534 -- 00:57:18,024
- Let's see it, Potts.
- Yes, please.
1101
00:57:18,102 -- 00:57:20,229
No, no, it's wrapped so neatly, I hate to.
1102
00:57:20,304 -- 00:57:22,670
- I'll take it, Miss Bragg.
- Room service.
1103
00:57:22,740 -- 00:57:26,676
- Now we've got room service.
- I thought she might like this.
1104
00:57:26,744 -- 00:57:28,678
- Thank you.
- It's nothing, really.
1105
00:57:28,746 -- 00:57:30,145
Be careful.
1106
00:57:32,983 -- 00:57:35,781
If I were the cream
for that woman's coffee, I'd curdle.
1107
00:57:35,853 -- 00:57:38,754
I thought you meant to leave us
in protest, Miss Bragg.
1108
00:57:38,823 -- 00:57:39,949
- Yes.
- Yes.
1109
00:57:40,024 -- 00:57:43,983
A nurse does not quit her post
when an epidemic reaches a crisis.
1110
00:57:54,503 -- 00:57:55,765
SUGARPUSS: Come in.
1111
00:57:59,909 -- 00:58:03,276
- Morning, Pottsy.
- Good morning. I brought your breakfast.
1112
00:58:03,345 -- 00:58:07,145
Good, I'll have it right here
in the snooze stand, thank you.
1113
00:58:07,950 -- 00:58:10,441
- How do you take it?
- Just jav, no cow.
1114
00:58:10,519 -- 00:58:12,214
- Just what?
- Black.
1115
00:58:13,055 -- 00:58:14,750
- Sugar?
- Straight.
1116
00:58:15,958 -- 00:58:17,721
- Toast?
- No, thanks.
1117
00:58:18,661 -- 00:58:21,186
- You sure you don't want some toast?
- Uh-uh.
1118
00:58:21,263 -- 00:58:23,788
Well, here's some jam to go with it.
It's blackberry.
1119
00:58:23,866 -- 00:58:26,130
- Never use it.
- Not just one bite?
1120
00:58:26,202 -- 00:58:27,328
Mmm-mmm.
1121
00:58:28,070 -- 00:58:29,662
Sit down and take a load off your feet.
1122
00:58:29,738 -- 00:58:32,138
Say, I found out what's wrong with
"on account of because."
1123
00:58:32,208 -- 00:58:33,232
It's saying the same thing twice,
1124
00:58:33,309 -- 00:58:35,573
you know, like calling somebody
a rich millionaire.
1125
00:58:35,644 -- 00:58:39,671
You call it a pleo...
No, wait a minute, a plea...
1126
00:58:39,748 -- 00:58:42,308
- A pleonasm?
- Yes, that how you pronounce it? That's it.
1127
00:58:42,384 -- 00:58:44,318
- Who told you that?
- This room's full of books about grammar.
1128
00:58:44,386 -- 00:58:46,047
I read for a couple of hours.
1129
00:58:46,121 -- 00:58:47,179
I couldn't sleep, either.
1130
00:58:47,256 -- 00:58:50,225
I walked in the park till the sun
came up over the East Sixties.
1131
00:58:50,292 -- 00:58:52,089
It took me all that time
to gather my thoughts,
1132
00:58:52,161 -- 00:58:55,619
to analyze my impulses
and clarify our relationship.
1133
00:58:55,698 -- 00:58:56,824
Have we got one of those?
1134
00:58:56,899 -- 00:58:59,663
It's a very important moment,
a new chapter.
1135
00:58:59,735 -- 00:59:01,726
In fact, for me, it's the first chapter.
1136
00:59:01,804 -- 00:59:06,241
For what has my life been up till now?
A preface. An empty foreword.
1137
00:59:06,308 -- 00:59:08,435
You couldn't talk a little plainer,
could you?
1138
00:59:08,510 -- 00:59:10,569
Not if you won't have a piece of toast.
1139
00:59:10,646 -- 00:59:13,581
At least just... At least look under the lid.
1140
00:59:17,653 -- 00:59:20,884
- You went and bought me a present.
- I hope it fits.
1141
00:59:20,956 -- 00:59:24,392
Gurkakoff calculated the circumference
of your finger.
1142
00:59:33,969 -- 00:59:36,870
I woke up the jeweler at 7:00 this morning.
1143
00:59:38,407 -- 00:59:42,468
- It's a lovely ring, Pottsy, really it is.
- I hoped you'd like it.
1144
00:59:43,679 -- 00:59:46,978
It's our... It's our engagement ring.
1145
00:59:48,083 -- 00:59:52,611
- Pottsy, do you mean you...
- Yes, I did, I...
1146
00:59:53,522 -- 00:59:55,422
You mean you really...
1147
00:59:59,261 -- 01:00:00,387
Well?
1148
01:00:02,431 -- 01:00:05,491
- What am I supposed to say?
- Just say yes.
1149
01:00:06,368 -- 01:00:10,737
After you've declared your feelings,
it's the only logical step to take.
1150
01:00:11,907 -- 01:00:16,071
Don't you think you'd better take
another turn around the park, Pottsy?
1151
01:00:16,512 -- 01:00:18,275
I'm just as surprised as you.
1152
01:00:18,347 -- 01:00:21,111
Marriage? I thought
I was married to my books.
1153
01:00:21,183 -- 01:00:23,242
The only thing
I thought I could care for deeply
1154
01:00:23,319 -- 01:00:25,787
was a correctly constructed sentence.
1155
01:00:25,854 -- 01:00:31,520
The subject, predicate, adverbial clause,
each in its proper place, and then you...
1156
01:00:31,593 -- 01:00:34,994
You see, I've had rather a curious life.
1157
01:00:35,064 -- 01:00:37,658
I graduated from Princeton when I was 13.
1158
01:00:37,733 -- 01:00:41,260
I recited Tyger, Tyger Burning Bright
when I was a year old.
1159
01:00:41,337 -- 01:00:44,135
Before I was two, I could read fluently.
1160
01:00:45,040 -- 01:00:48,066
People like that just, well...
1161
01:00:49,244 -- 01:00:52,736
You see, dust just piles up on their hearts.
1162
01:00:52,815 -- 01:00:55,215
And it took you to blow it away.
1163
01:00:56,752 -- 01:00:58,379
Yeah, but I...
1164
01:00:59,021 -- 01:01:02,115
I didn't mean
to blow it smack into your eyes.
1165
01:01:02,191 -- 01:01:06,059
Well, that's what happened, look.
Look inside the ring.
1166
01:01:08,464 -- 01:01:10,489
Oh, yeah, there's writing.
1167
01:01:11,333 -- 01:01:14,791
- "Richard III." Who's Richard III?
- Richard III.
1168
01:01:14,870 -- 01:01:18,101
Act 1, Scene 2, line 204.
1169
01:01:18,941 -- 01:01:22,138
- There wasn't room for all the words.
- What words?
1170
01:01:22,211 -- 01:01:25,510
Well, they go like this, quote,
1171
01:01:25,581 -- 01:01:28,709
"Look, how this ring
encompasseth thy finger.
1172
01:01:28,784 -- 01:01:32,276
"Even so thy breast
encloseth my poor heart.
1173
01:01:32,354 -- 01:01:35,517
"Wear both of them,
for both of them are thine."
1174
01:01:38,093 -- 01:01:39,856
Unquote, I suppose.
1175
01:01:41,697 -- 01:01:44,825
I hope you don't think it's too corny.
1176
01:01:47,169 -- 01:01:48,295
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
1177
01:01:48,370 -- 01:01:51,464
- Pottsy, I...
- Come in.
1178
01:01:53,542 -- 01:01:55,669
- There is a telephone call for you.
- For me?
1179
01:01:55,744 -- 01:01:59,202
We didn't want to interrupt, but the man
on the wire said it was from your daddy.
1180
01:01:59,281 -- 01:02:01,408
- Daddy?
- That's what he said.
1181
01:02:01,517 -- 01:02:02,506
Oh.
1182
01:02:03,152 -- 01:02:06,553
- Oh, yes, Daddy!
- It's long distance.
1183
01:02:06,622 -- 01:02:08,317
Yeah, I'll get it.
1184
01:02:09,224 -- 01:02:12,022
- How did it go, Potts?
- She seemed quite overwhelmed.
1185
01:02:12,094 -- 01:02:13,288
That was to be expected.
1186
01:02:13,362 -- 01:02:16,388
You see, excuse me,
you see, the customary procedure
1187
01:02:16,465 -- 01:02:18,933
is to approach
the parents of the young lady first.
1188
01:02:19,001 -- 01:02:21,196
- Yes.
- Yes, I realize that.
1189
01:02:23,639 -- 01:02:26,472
- Hello?
- Hello, hello, it's Asthma, Sugie.
1190
01:02:26,542 -- 01:02:27,668
The boss wants to talk to you,
1191
01:02:27,743 -- 01:02:30,303
only we're relaying the call
so it won't be traced, dig me?
1192
01:02:30,379 -- 01:02:32,210
Here she is, boss. Ready?
1193
01:02:32,281 -- 01:02:34,977
Okay, Sugie, don't use no names, though.
1194
01:02:43,425 -- 01:02:46,292
Oh, boy, did you call at the right minute.
Where are you?
1195
01:02:46,361 -- 01:02:49,922
Some whistle snort in New Jersey.
Rancocas, it's called.
1196
01:02:50,466 -- 01:02:53,731
Well, how you been, Sugie? I hear
you're hiding out with the seven dwarfs.
1197
01:02:53,802 -- 01:02:56,930
Eight. And it's kind of indicated
I'd better get out of here quick.
1198
01:02:57,005 -- 01:03:01,066
Oh, no, nothing like that, it's just that one
of the professors got off the beam a little.
1199
01:03:01,143 -- 01:03:03,668
Yeah, a slight case of Andy Hardy.
1200
01:03:03,745 -- 01:03:08,148
Why don't you just take his umbrella
and whack him over the knuckles?
1201
01:03:08,217 -- 01:03:11,380
Well, everything's all set, babe.
The license comes through this afternoon.
1202
01:03:11,453 -- 01:03:14,286
I got a justice of the peace all lined up.
1203
01:03:14,756 -- 01:03:17,953
Yeah, that's what we're trying
to figure out, how to get you here.
1204
01:03:18,026 -- 01:03:21,154
No, I don't want you to take a train.
They'd spot you like a lead dime.
1205
01:03:21,230 -- 01:03:24,199
They'll be watching everything,
Holland Tunnel, Washington Bridge.
1206
01:03:24,266 -- 01:03:26,097
I don't even trust the highways.
1207
01:03:26,168 -- 01:03:28,363
I don't care
if I have to hook a ride on a hearse.
1208
01:03:28,437 -- 01:03:30,837
I want to get out of here.
I don't like it. I want to blow.
1209
01:03:30,906 -- 01:03:31,895
(DOOR CLOSES)
1210
01:03:33,775 -- 01:03:36,642
Well, what other news is there, Daddy?
1211
01:03:36,712 -- 01:03:40,204
Everything fine at home? Is Mom all right?
1212
01:03:44,086 -- 01:03:48,750
For Easter? Well, I don't know, Daddy.
1213
01:03:49,224 -- 01:03:52,489
Just a minute.
I won't be long, just wait in the library.
1214
01:03:52,561 -- 01:03:55,428
Do you mind if I have a few words
with your father?
1215
01:03:56,565 -- 01:03:57,725
Sure.
1216
01:03:59,801 -- 01:04:03,601
Daddy, this is the professor
I was telling you about.
1217
01:04:07,609 -- 01:04:11,204
Mr. O'Shea? My name is Bertram Potts.
1218
01:04:12,080 -- 01:04:16,915
I judge your daughter has already
told you of my aspirations in her regard.
1219
01:04:18,020 -- 01:04:19,544
Hey, are you crazy?
1220
01:04:20,355 -- 01:04:23,347
You're quite right, Mr. O'Shea.
1221
01:04:23,425 -- 01:04:25,154
It's inexcusable for one
to introduce oneself
1222
01:04:25,227 -- 01:04:28,458
to one's future father-in-law
over the telephone.
1223
01:04:29,331 -- 01:04:31,458
But before even considering
1224
01:04:31,533 -- 01:04:33,433
entrusting your daughter's
future happiness to my care,
1225
01:04:33,502 -- 01:04:36,232
I'm sure you want to know all about me.
1226
01:04:38,106 -- 01:04:39,698
Well, as character references,
1227
01:04:39,775 -- 01:04:42,642
you might get in touch with the head
of the Rockefeller Foundation,
1228
01:04:42,711 -- 01:04:45,544
and the President of Princeton,
my own university.
1229
01:04:47,516 -- 01:04:50,007
Well, except for occasional trouble
with my left sinus,
1230
01:04:50,085 -- 01:04:52,679
I am in excellent physical condition.
1231
01:04:53,355 -- 01:04:56,654
- How's your digestion, son?
- Good.
1232
01:04:57,492 -- 01:05:00,461
I draw a salary of $3,200 per year.
1233
01:05:01,463 -- 01:05:04,830
In the last election,
I voted the straight Republican ticket.
1234
01:05:05,000 -- 01:05:07,093
That's fine, that's fine.
1235
01:05:08,704 -- 01:05:11,172
I just had a brain flash, McNeary.
1236
01:05:12,040 -- 01:05:15,237
What did you say your first name is, son?
Bertram.
1237
01:05:16,144 -- 01:05:18,442
Well, Bertram,
I don't know if Sugarpuss told you,
1238
01:05:18,513 -- 01:05:20,777
but she's our only child.
1239
01:05:20,849 -- 01:05:24,080
We kind of never figured
on having a professor in the family,
1240
01:05:24,152 -- 01:05:27,053
but if that's what she wants,
then that's fine with us.
1241
01:05:27,122 -- 01:05:30,250
Well, I shall do everything I can,
Mr. O'Shea, to make her happy.
1242
01:05:30,325 -- 01:05:32,623
Just one thing more, Bertram.
1243
01:05:32,694 -- 01:05:36,994
Mom is kind of an invalid,
doesn't do any traveling.
1244
01:05:37,065 -- 01:05:39,863
But it would just break her heart
not to see Sugarpuss married.
1245
01:05:39,935 -- 01:05:42,529
- You understand that?
- Of course, sir.
1246
01:05:42,604 -- 01:05:45,801
My mother's dead,
but I know it would have...
1247
01:05:46,675 -- 01:05:49,508
It would have made her happy
to be present.
1248
01:05:49,978 -- 01:05:53,004
So, suppose you just bring the kid
right down here.
1249
01:05:53,081 -- 01:05:57,177
We want to see you and
let's have the ceremony in our hometown.
1250
01:05:57,853 -- 01:05:59,946
Why, of course, Mr. O'Shea.
1251
01:06:00,722 -- 01:06:03,213
May I call you Father, Mr. O'Shea?
1252
01:06:04,226 -- 01:06:06,126
Thank you, Father.
1253
01:06:07,362 -- 01:06:11,389
It was better than I hoped for.
Your father wants to talk to you.
1254
01:06:15,404 -- 01:06:17,872
Well, Sugie,
this solves your transportation.
1255
01:06:17,939 -- 01:06:19,702
That Jack was made-to-order.
1256
01:06:19,775 -- 01:06:23,677
Who's gonna stop the Rockefeller
Foundation and Princeton University?
1257
01:06:23,745 -- 01:06:26,646
And suppose you get a couple of the other
old beavers to come along in the car.
1258
01:06:26,715 -- 01:06:29,115
Maybe there's some other way.
1259
01:06:29,184 -- 01:06:31,414
I don't want to take them
for that kind of a ride.
1260
01:06:31,486 -- 01:06:33,886
That's quite all right.
I'll take a couple of days off.
1261
01:06:33,955 -- 01:06:36,583
- Yes, we all will.
- That's a good idea.
1262
01:06:36,992 -- 01:06:40,257
Now cut out the menkenkes, Sugie.
This gets you to Rancocas.
1263
01:06:40,328 -- 01:06:42,728
Once you're here, we'll give the professor
the boot, easy like,
1264
01:06:42,798 -- 01:06:44,857
where it won't blind him.
1265
01:06:44,933 -- 01:06:47,868
I don't want any discussions.
Just one thing.
1266
01:06:48,470 -- 01:06:52,600
Watch out for the Washington Bridge.
That'll be swarming with cops.
1267
01:06:53,642 -- 01:06:56,008
Hello? Hello?
1268
01:06:59,081 -- 01:07:02,812
- What's the matter, my dear?
- He's always in such a rush.
1269
01:07:02,884 -- 01:07:05,546
Which is my great good fortune,
the sooner the better.
1270
01:07:05,620 -- 01:07:08,418
Gentlemen, I now have the honor
to announce our betrothal.
1271
01:07:08,490 -- 01:07:09,821
Congratulations.
1272
01:07:09,891 -- 01:07:13,657
Very sensibly condensed,
as in the Reader's Digest.
1273
01:07:15,831 -- 01:07:18,959
- Please don't cry, I'm very happy.
- Can't help it.
1274
01:07:19,034 -- 01:07:22,435
Look, why don't you go upstairs and
pack my fiance's things for her? Please.
1275
01:07:22,504 -- 01:07:25,405
- I want to be an usher.
- We'll all be ushers.
1276
01:07:26,074 -- 01:07:28,304
One kisses the bride. May I?
1277
01:07:28,376 -- 01:07:30,901
- We'll all kiss the bride.
- Yes, of course.
1278
01:07:30,979 -- 01:07:33,971
- May we?
- Go ahead.
1279
01:07:37,986 -- 01:07:40,216
We are very happy.
1280
01:07:40,288 -- 01:07:43,451
We feel that you are marrying
all of us, a little.
1281
01:07:43,525 -- 01:07:45,220
Yes, yes, indeed.
1282
01:07:51,399 -- 01:07:54,027
We wish you every happiness, my dear.
1283
01:07:56,471 -- 01:07:57,802
All of us.
1284
01:08:01,209 -- 01:08:05,270
If we're gonna get started
this afternoon, I'd better be going.
1285
01:08:11,086 -- 01:08:12,383
(DOOR OPENING)
1286
01:08:13,455 -- 01:08:14,547
Well.
1287
01:08:18,393 -- 01:08:21,760
- Kind of a cheesy picture of me, isn't it?
- Recognizable, thank heaven.
1288
01:08:21,830 -- 01:08:22,956
- Wait a minute.
- Get your things together
1289
01:08:23,031 -- 01:08:24,589
and get down the back stairs
before I call the police.
1290
01:08:24,666 -- 01:08:25,758
I've got something to say.
1291
01:08:25,834 -- 01:08:28,462
A gangster's moll thinking
she'd marry one of my professors.
1292
01:08:28,537 -- 01:08:30,368
Don't worry,
I'm not marrying any professor.
1293
01:08:30,438 -- 01:08:33,134
- Certainly not.
- I'm mink coat. I'm no bungalow apron.
1294
01:08:33,208 -- 01:08:34,641
That's the guy I'm getting.
1295
01:08:34,709 -- 01:08:36,870
Pretty good getting for a gal
that came up the hard way.
1296
01:08:36,945 -- 01:08:39,436
We'll have this room fumigated
when you're out of it.
1297
01:08:39,514 -- 01:08:40,742
- Well, you ought to, I guess.
- Let me past.
1298
01:08:40,816 -- 01:08:43,376
No, no, no, any spilling that's to be done,
I'll do, but not yet.
1299
01:08:43,451 -- 01:08:46,011
- Not while it would bug up everything.
- Lf you think I'll hold my tongue...
1300
01:08:46,087 -- 01:08:48,385
Why don't you look at it this way, Braggo?
The harm's been done.
1301
01:08:48,456 -- 01:08:51,482
Pottsy's gonna wear his heart in a sling
whether he finds out sooner or later.
1302
01:08:51,560 -- 01:08:54,427
Here or in New Jersey
won't make any difference to him.
1303
01:08:54,496 -- 01:08:57,056
Only, in New Jersey's
a darned sight better for me.
1304
01:08:57,132 -- 01:08:58,258
Better for you, indeed.
1305
01:08:58,333 -- 01:08:59,459
- No, no, no.
- Why, you, you...
1306
01:08:59,534 -- 01:09:02,002
- Open that door or I'll scream.
- No, I can't have you screaming, not now.
1307
01:09:02,070 -- 01:09:04,595
- A piercing scream...
- Sorry, Braggo.
1308
01:09:25,427 -- 01:09:27,019
- What did you say?
- What?
1309
01:09:27,095 -- 01:09:29,893
I was just running
through the marriage service.
1310
01:09:29,965 -- 01:09:31,262
"To be my lawful wedded wife.
1311
01:09:31,333 -- 01:09:33,358
"For better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer."
1312
01:09:33,435 -- 01:09:35,164
- Please, Pottsy.
- What?
1313
01:09:35,237 -- 01:09:36,704
Don't, please.
1314
01:09:38,506 -- 01:09:40,872
You're very nervous aren't you, darling?
1315
01:09:40,942 -- 01:09:42,603
It's been a very exciting day.
1316
01:09:42,677 -- 01:09:45,942
It's just this business of going to Jersey.
I mean, back home.
1317
01:09:46,014 -- 01:09:49,211
Every time I get to this old bridge,
I get worried for fear I might get stuck
1318
01:09:49,284 -- 01:09:51,081
and not be able to get back over again.
1319
01:09:51,152 -- 01:09:53,985
We'll bring you back, don't you be afraid.
1320
01:10:00,562 -- 01:10:02,086
Okay, go ahead.
1321
01:10:09,938 -- 01:10:12,463
- Hey.
- Sorry, sorry.
1322
01:10:12,540 -- 01:10:14,940
You trying to play piggy-back?
1323
01:10:15,010 -- 01:10:16,568
Listen to that.
1324
01:10:16,645 -- 01:10:19,512
- I don't see any reason for sarcasm.
- Neither do I.
1325
01:10:24,286 -- 01:10:26,254
Something wrong with your brakes,
sonny?
1326
01:10:26,321 -- 01:10:30,189
I couldn't locate it for a moment.
This is a rented car.
1327
01:10:30,258 -- 01:10:32,954
- Got a driver's license?
- I have, indeed.
1328
01:10:39,901 -- 01:10:44,167
"1903."
This should have been renewed 20 times.
1329
01:10:44,239 -- 01:10:46,366
- This is as far as you drive, brother.
- No, no.
1330
01:10:46,441 -- 01:10:49,308
But, Officer, this is a wedding party.
1331
01:10:50,445 -- 01:10:51,912
A wedding party?
1332
01:10:51,980 -- 01:10:54,141
- Are you the bridegroom?
- No, I am.
1333
01:10:54,215 -- 01:10:56,410
- Is this the bride?
- Yes.
1334
01:10:56,484 -- 01:10:57,883
- Pardon me.
- Officer, please.
1335
01:10:57,953 -- 01:10:58,942
What is it?
1336
01:10:59,020 -- 01:11:02,251
It's good luck to touch a bride,
and I got a promotion coming up.
1337
01:11:02,324 -- 01:11:05,851
Well, could you reciprocate
by letting us proceed?
1338
01:11:05,927 -- 01:11:07,417
- Yes, we'll drive very carefully.
- Yes.
1339
01:11:07,495 -- 01:11:10,225
Postponing a wedding
is bad luck, you know, Officer.
1340
01:11:10,298 -- 01:11:12,232
That's right.
Well, what are you waiting for?
1341
01:11:12,300 -- 01:11:13,892
- Get going.
- Okay.
1342
01:11:13,969 -- 01:11:15,596
A very nice gentleman.
1343
01:11:19,107 -- 01:11:21,940
All that nonsense with my driving license.
1344
01:11:23,144 -- 01:11:26,477
With that license I once drove
President Theodore Roosevelt.
1345
01:11:26,548 -- 01:11:28,778
And he pronounced my driving bully.
1346
01:11:28,850 -- 01:11:29,874
(HORN HONKING)
1347
01:11:29,951 -- 01:11:32,351
- He said that...
- Look out! Look out!
1348
01:11:36,257 -- 01:11:38,020
Look out, look out!
1349
01:11:39,361 -- 01:11:40,350
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1350
01:11:40,628 -- 01:11:41,925
(PHONE RINGING)
1351
01:11:46,101 -- 01:11:47,500
(BANGING ON DOOR)
1352
01:11:56,644 -- 01:11:58,407
Help! Help!
1353
01:11:59,981 -- 01:12:03,417
Police! Police! Help! Help!
1354
01:12:04,052 -- 01:12:06,145
How's that, operator? No answer.
1355
01:12:06,221 -- 01:12:07,848
- Jam it.
- Jam it.
1356
01:12:08,356 -- 01:12:10,085
(PHONE RINGING)
1357
01:12:11,593 -- 01:12:12,582
Huh?
1358
01:12:13,294 -- 01:12:16,559
All right, I didn't mean to say it, I'm sorry.
1359
01:12:16,631 -- 01:12:18,826
Hey, wait a minute,
there's a car driving up now.
1360
01:12:18,900 -- 01:12:19,889
(PHONE RINGING)
1361
01:12:21,836 -- 01:12:24,202
Listen, sister, I said I was sorry.
What do you want me to do?
1362
01:12:24,272 -- 01:12:26,570
Send you a bouquet of...
1363
01:12:26,641 -- 01:12:29,371
It's you, wait a minute.
Hey, it's Sugarpuss.
1364
01:12:31,679 -- 01:12:33,943
Sugie, say,
what the sweet Judas gives out?
1365
01:12:34,015 -- 01:12:35,004
Where are you?
1366
01:12:35,083 -- 01:12:38,917
We're not down here to enjoy ourselves.
This is a wedding.
1367
01:12:38,987 -- 01:12:41,785
A what? They had an accident.
1368
01:12:42,490 -- 01:12:47,484
Nothing serious.
No, it just shook the old boys up a little.
1369
01:12:48,163 -- 01:12:50,529
I couldn't get to a phone before.
1370
01:12:50,598 -- 01:12:52,828
I don't know,
some little hotel near Kingston.
1371
01:12:52,901 -- 01:12:55,199
Poplar Grove, it's called. Yeah.
1372
01:12:56,504 -- 01:12:58,995
Oh, sure, Joe,
there's a midnight bus. I can grab that.
1373
01:12:59,074 -- 01:13:00,541
Midnight bus, what are you talking about?
1374
01:13:00,608 -- 01:13:03,736
I'll have Asthma and Pastrami
pick you up in about 40 minutes.
1375
01:13:03,812 -- 01:13:04,904
Sure tonight.
1376
01:13:04,979 -- 01:13:07,140
I've got a justice of the peace on call.
1377
01:13:07,215 -- 01:13:08,978
There'll be a justice
of the peace tomorrow.
1378
01:13:09,050 -- 01:13:10,984
Now, why not do this thing right?
1379
01:13:11,052 -- 01:13:15,284
I want to wait until the old boys go to bed.
I can't walk out on them cold.
1380
01:13:15,356 -- 01:13:16,448
Maybe you'd like to sit down
1381
01:13:16,524 -- 01:13:18,856
and knit them eight little sweaters
to remember you by.
1382
01:13:18,927 -- 01:13:22,158
I've told you how it's going to be,
now stop barking orders.
1383
01:13:22,230 -- 01:13:23,458
So long.
1384
01:13:27,168 -- 01:13:28,863
Get the car ready.
1385
01:13:30,472 -- 01:13:33,066
GURKAKOFF: I could prove to you
by the laws of relativity
1386
01:13:33,141 -- 01:13:36,372
that it was not I who ran into the signpost,
1387
01:13:36,444 -- 01:13:38,639
but that it was the signpost which ran...
1388
01:13:38,713 -- 01:13:41,113
That's all right, go ahead, sit down.
1389
01:13:42,050 -- 01:13:45,144
But that it was the signpost
which ran into me.
1390
01:13:46,554 -- 01:13:47,680
Let me explain.
1391
01:13:47,755 -- 01:13:51,816
If you do, by that same law,
your head will run into this bottle.
1392
01:13:52,660 -- 01:13:56,357
- Before you do that, I'd like a drink, please.
- By all means, excuse me.
1393
01:13:56,431 -- 01:13:58,194
No, I think I'll hit the hay, get some sleep.
1394
01:13:58,266 -- 01:14:00,097
- Why?
- The evening's young yet.
1395
01:14:00,168 -- 01:14:02,568
Oh, no, I don't belong here.
This is a bachelor dinner.
1396
01:14:02,637 -- 01:14:04,969
- But this one is different.
- No, that's the law.
1397
01:14:05,039 -- 01:14:07,473
We've heard from the garage.
The car will be ready in the morning.
1398
01:14:07,542 -- 01:14:09,476
Perhaps it will hold together
until Rancocas.
1399
01:14:09,544 -- 01:14:10,602
Then we'll be leaving early.
1400
01:14:10,678 -- 01:14:15,342
Yeah, after issuing an urgent appeal
to all signposts not to charge at us.
1401
01:14:15,550 -- 01:14:16,574
That's right.
1402
01:14:16,651 -- 01:14:17,777
What...
1403
01:14:17,852 -- 01:14:20,116
What time shall we waken you,
about 7:30?
1404
01:14:20,188 -- 01:14:22,213
I'll be awake all right.
1405
01:14:23,158 -- 01:14:26,093
Well, kids, here's to you.
1406
01:14:26,161 -- 01:14:28,857
- Here's to you.
- Here's to all of us.
1407
01:14:28,930 -- 01:14:30,056
Yes, to all of us.
1408
01:14:35,069 -- 01:14:36,502
Pottsy, I...
1409
01:14:38,706 -- 01:14:41,174
You know,
you boys still have time to warn him.
1410
01:14:41,242 -- 01:14:44,370
- A man is a goof to marry any woman.
- Just let them try to warn me.
1411
01:14:44,445 -- 01:14:48,074
He'll have to console us that
there aren't seven more just like you.
1412
01:14:48,149 -- 01:14:51,846
- Yeah, one for each of us.
- Of assorted ages, of course.
1413
01:14:51,920 -- 01:14:53,251
Naturally.
1414
01:14:53,821 -- 01:14:54,810
I...
1415
01:14:55,857 -- 01:14:56,846
Well, I...
1416
01:14:57,425 -- 01:15:00,360
I'd like to keep you all in a locket, always.
1417
01:15:00,962 -- 01:15:04,125
Eight squirrelly cherubs
right out of this world.
1418
01:15:05,934 -- 01:15:08,630
- Bye, kids.
- Good night.
1419
01:15:08,970 -- 01:15:10,096
Goodnight.
1420
01:15:10,171 -- 01:15:12,731
Did you hear, Potts?
I'm a squirrelly cherub.
1421
01:15:33,361 -- 01:15:36,592
No, no, no.
No, I insist, the happiest marriages
1422
01:15:36,664 -- 01:15:38,894
are those which produce three children
1423
01:15:38,967 -- 01:15:42,232
at intervals of not less than two
or more than three years.
1424
01:15:43,871 -- 01:15:46,203
Gentlemen, gentlemen. Please.
1425
01:15:46,941 -- 01:15:50,138
You are all speaking very glibly
about a subject
1426
01:15:50,211 -- 01:15:52,475
of which you know practically nothing.
1427
01:15:52,547 -- 01:15:54,742
No, I know what I'm saying.
1428
01:15:54,816 -- 01:15:59,810
If you feel the need of any guidance,
may I suggest that you turn to me.
1429
01:15:59,887 -- 01:16:01,752
That's right.
You were married, weren't you?
1430
01:16:01,823 -- 01:16:06,556
Oh, yes. Genevieve has been dead
for some 24 years but...
1431
01:16:06,628 -- 01:16:10,530
I have relived every moment
of our happiness so many times.
1432
01:16:10,598 -- 01:16:13,726
And my experience
is entirely at your disposal, Bertram.
1433
01:16:13,801 -- 01:16:15,029
Thank you, Oddly, but I really...
1434
01:16:15,103 -- 01:16:20,666
I judge I do not have to start
with basic principles.
1435
01:16:21,576 -- 01:16:23,305
Being...
1436
01:16:23,678 -- 01:16:27,114
Being a botanist,
I find an astonishing parallel
1437
01:16:27,181 -- 01:16:30,810
between a woman's heart
and the wind flower
1438
01:16:30,885 -- 01:16:33,149
or Anemone nemorosa.
1439
01:16:33,221 -- 01:16:37,157
Perhaps you know the plant,
how it waits for the warm sunshine
1440
01:16:37,225 -- 01:16:41,821
and soft winds before it unfolds its petals.
1441
01:16:42,897 -- 01:16:44,489
Sensitive and delicate.
1442
01:16:44,565 -- 01:16:48,968
One rough, impetuous bee
can completely destroy the bloom.
1443
01:16:49,103 -- 01:16:51,230
Come out of the garden, will you, Oddly?
1444
01:16:51,306 -- 01:16:52,568
- Jerome.
- Have a heart.
1445
01:16:52,640 -- 01:16:53,834
I'm much obliged to you, Oddly, but I...
1446
01:16:53,908 -- 01:16:58,106
Please, please, Bertram.
Think of me as an elder brother
1447
01:16:58,179 -- 01:17:02,548
or father, anxious to send you off properly.
1448
01:17:03,117 -- 01:17:05,347
As we all are. Of course.
1449
01:17:05,420 -- 01:17:07,684
Now, tenderness,
1450
01:17:08,423 -- 01:17:12,553
that is what I advocate.
Tenderness and patience.
1451
01:17:13,961 -- 01:17:16,020
Genevieve was a watercolorist.
1452
01:17:16,097 -- 01:17:20,693
Therefore, after the wedding reception,
we went straight to the Catskills.
1453
01:17:23,338 -- 01:17:28,640
We spent there a beautiful week
filled with promise.
1454
01:17:29,377 -- 01:17:32,972
And returned to New York
with 14 excellent watercolors.
1455
01:17:33,614 -- 01:17:35,047
Fourteen watercolors.
1456
01:17:35,116 -- 01:17:39,416
Back in New York, I flung my enthusiasm
into preparing a lecture,
1457
01:17:39,487 -- 01:17:41,717
"The Flora of the Catskills,"
1458
01:17:41,789 -- 01:17:44,519
whilst Genevieve painted
a flight of swallows
1459
01:17:44,592 -- 01:17:47,117
around the walls of our living room.
1460
01:17:47,695 -- 01:17:48,889
Ah, me.
1461
01:17:49,897 -- 01:17:54,459
I remember for three months,
every time I bade her goodnight
1462
01:17:54,535 -- 01:17:57,732
I would kiss the palm of her little hand,
1463
01:17:57,805 -- 01:18:00,638
astonished at my own boldness.
1464
01:18:00,708 -- 01:18:02,699
What did you say
the name of the flower was?
1465
01:18:02,777 -- 01:18:06,269
Anemone nemorosa,
of the buttercup family.
1466
01:18:07,148 -- 01:18:10,709
Genevieve was a blonde.
1467
01:18:12,453 -- 01:18:14,546
Here is a lock of her hair.
1468
01:18:15,022 -- 01:18:16,489
- Very lovely.
- Yes.
1469
01:18:16,557 -- 01:18:19,526
I remember, it used to shine a great deal.
1470
01:18:19,594 -- 01:18:23,121
And there was a song at that time
everyone sang.
1471
01:18:23,798 -- 01:18:26,562
Unfortunately, I can never carry a tune.
1472
01:18:26,634 -- 01:18:27,828
(HUMMING)
1473
01:18:28,035 -- 01:18:29,400
That's it.
1474
01:18:31,839 -- 01:18:33,568
Please sing it all.
1475
01:18:34,876 -- 01:18:36,935
(SINGING SWEETGENEVIEVE)
1476
01:18:37,779 -- 01:18:39,770
Does anyone else know it?
1477
01:19:02,103 -- 01:19:03,695
Please sing it again.
1478
01:19:10,912 -- 01:19:14,211
(PROFESSORS SINGING
SWEETGENEVIEVE)
1479
01:19:37,171 -- 01:19:38,661
Please, go on.
1480
01:19:45,079 -- 01:19:47,206
Thank you, thank you so much.
1481
01:20:19,013 -- 01:20:20,776
(HUMMING)
1482
01:20:22,617 -- 01:20:23,948
Good boy.
1483
01:20:27,622 -- 01:20:31,251
(ALL SINGING)
1484
01:20:34,195 -- 01:20:36,493
Robinson, what did you make
of what Oddly was saying?
1485
01:20:36,564 -- 01:20:38,759
Don't ask me, Potts. He's the expert.
1486
01:20:38,833 -- 01:20:42,269
- What's his bungalow number?
- I don't know. Ask Peagram.
1487
01:20:42,336 -- 01:20:45,134
Peagram, what's the number
of Oddly's bungalow?
1488
01:20:45,206 -- 01:20:46,605
He's in six.
1489
01:21:10,765 -- 01:21:11,925
Oddly?
1490
01:21:14,235 -- 01:21:15,998
I'm sorry, Oddly,
but I've got to talk this out.
1491
01:21:16,070 -- 01:21:19,267
I must get this off my chest
before it stifles me.
1492
01:21:20,341 -- 01:21:21,831
If you don't mind,
we won't turn on the light
1493
01:21:21,909 -- 01:21:25,106
while we're discussing
these things extremely personal.
1494
01:21:25,179 -- 01:21:26,976
What you said,
1495
01:21:27,048 -- 01:21:30,814
I recognize the beauty and delicacy
of the relationship you described.
1496
01:21:30,885 -- 01:21:33,353
But I'm... I don't trust myself.
1497
01:21:33,421 -- 01:21:36,185
I'm afraid
I'm a lot bolder than you are, Oddly.
1498
01:21:36,257 -- 01:21:39,124
You don't think that would necessarily
endanger everything? Do you?
1499
01:21:39,193 -- 01:21:42,685
Why, the very idea that I should
have to spend my honeymoon
1500
01:21:42,763 -- 01:21:44,731
watching her paint in watercolors
1501
01:21:44,799 -- 01:21:48,565
just because she's like somebody
from the buttercup family, I...
1502
01:21:49,904 -- 01:21:51,895
I'm a man in love.
It's the first time in my life.
1503
01:21:51,973 -- 01:21:53,907
I want to take her in my arms.
1504
01:21:53,975 -- 01:21:58,139
I thought because I was young,
I had self-control but that's not true.
1505
01:21:58,212 -- 01:22:00,476
I think of her every waking moment.
1506
01:22:00,548 -- 01:22:03,415
Why, if this marriage had been delayed,
I mean, should have been delayed,
1507
01:22:03,484 -- 01:22:05,281
I mean, should be...
1508
01:22:06,053 -- 01:22:09,113
Listen to that.
Oddly, I don't know my tenses anymore.
1509
01:22:09,190 -- 01:22:13,286
I've gone goofy, completely goofy,
bim-buggy, slap-happy.
1510
01:22:13,361 -- 01:22:16,956
Can a man like that keep his mind
on the Anemone nemorosa?
1511
01:22:17,832 -- 01:22:20,357
- Pottsy.
- What...
1512
01:22:25,673 -- 01:22:30,269
I'm sorry, I don't know
how I could have made such a mistake.
1513
01:22:30,344 -- 01:22:34,075
To say such things to a woman.
You'll have to forgive me.
1514
01:22:34,649 -- 01:22:36,742
Don't apologize, Pottsy.
1515
01:22:37,218 -- 01:22:39,482
It was illuminating.
1516
01:22:43,090 -- 01:22:44,523
Professor Potts!
1517
01:22:46,594 -- 01:22:49,995
- Somebody is calling me.
- Are they?
1518
01:22:52,133 -- 01:22:54,067
Maybe it's just as well.
1519
01:22:54,135 -- 01:22:56,160
- Professor Potts!
- Professor Potts!
1520
01:22:57,672 -- 01:22:59,162
I'll be back.
1521
01:23:12,286 -- 01:23:13,981
- Were you calling me?
- Yes, we were, Potts.
1522
01:23:14,055 -- 01:23:16,182
Potts, something has come up.
1523
01:23:16,257 -- 01:23:18,020
- Yes, well...
- Well, what?
1524
01:23:18,926 -- 01:23:22,862
- You better tell him, Martin.
- Maybe he'd better tell him.
1525
01:23:22,930 -- 01:23:24,329
- Who?
- Potts.
1526
01:23:26,400 -- 01:23:27,560
There's a gentleman here. No.
1527
01:23:27,635 -- 01:23:28,727
There's a man here. No.
1528
01:23:28,803 -- 01:23:32,068
- Four men, four men inside.
- Yes, they'll tell you.
1529
01:23:41,749 -- 01:23:45,446
- Well, what...
- So you're the bridegroom?
1530
01:23:45,519 -- 01:23:48,886
- Yes. This is Professor Potts.
- How are you, Bertram?
1531
01:23:50,324 -- 01:23:53,157
I thought
you'd look like these other squats,
1532
01:23:53,227 -- 01:23:55,821
only with a beard and pea soup on it.
1533
01:23:56,297 -- 01:23:58,822
What about me evoked
this interest on your part?
1534
01:23:58,899 -- 01:24:01,663
- Sounds like it was engraved, don't it?
- Yeah.
1535
01:24:01,736 -- 01:24:05,069
- What is this all about?
- It's about Sugarpuss.
1536
01:24:05,139 -- 01:24:09,132
- Perhaps if we talked to him...
- There's been too many detours as is.
1537
01:24:09,210 -- 01:24:12,771
Maybe you recognize my voice, Bertram,
do you?
1538
01:24:15,616 -- 01:24:17,243
How's your sinus?
1539
01:24:18,986 -- 01:24:21,682
- You're not her father.
- You're getting warm.
1540
01:24:21,756 -- 01:24:22,745
I'm her daddy.
1541
01:24:22,823 -- 01:24:23,812
(GANGSTER LAUGHING)
1542
01:24:23,891 -- 01:24:24,880
Shut up.
1543
01:24:25,359 -- 01:24:28,351
I believe I'm entitled to some clarification.
1544
01:24:30,197 -- 01:24:31,391
So am I.
1545
01:24:41,609 -- 01:24:42,906
Lipstick.
1546
01:24:47,148 -- 01:24:48,877
What are you doing?
1547
01:24:50,618 -- 01:24:52,449
Calm down now, Wimpy.
1548
01:24:57,091 -- 01:24:59,685
I was kind of counting on Sugarpuss
to tell you the score.
1549
01:24:59,760 -- 01:25:03,093
Trouble is she's all right giving out
with the twists and the wise cracks.
1550
01:25:03,164 -- 01:25:04,756
When it comes to leveling off,
she gets chicken.
1551
01:25:04,832 -- 01:25:07,528
He's trying to say that our wedding trip
was nothing but a vast lie.
1552
01:25:07,601 -- 01:25:09,296
A vast lie?
1553
01:25:09,370 -- 01:25:10,894
Don't you believe it, Bertram.
1554
01:25:10,971 -- 01:25:13,940
There's going to be a wedding all right,
with Sugarpuss the bride.
1555
01:25:14,008 -- 01:25:15,032
Only I'm the bridegroom.
1556
01:25:15,109 -- 01:25:16,098
(LAUGHING)
1557
01:25:16,443 -- 01:25:17,501
Shake it off.
1558
01:25:19,713 -- 01:25:23,444
I certainly do appreciate the way
you guys delivered a hot cargo.
1559
01:25:24,952 -- 01:25:27,352
She was to be handled with care.
1560
01:25:27,421 -- 01:25:32,984
- Potts, it seems that your bride to be...
- His bride. That's a laugh.
1561
01:25:33,828 -- 01:25:38,026
It seems that Sugarpuss has used us
to circumvent the police.
1562
01:25:38,098 -- 01:25:41,465
- We serving as protective coloration.
- PROFESSOR: Yes.
1563
01:25:41,535 -- 01:25:42,729
I don't believe it.
1564
01:25:42,803 -- 01:25:45,135
Professor, you really thought
she was going to marry you
1565
01:25:45,206 -- 01:25:48,175
with your $3,000 what-was-it a year?
1566
01:25:48,242 -- 01:25:50,972
She spends that much
for having her toenails painted.
1567
01:25:51,045 -- 01:25:53,775
She sulks if she has to wear
last year's ermine.
1568
01:25:56,450 -- 01:25:58,884
He don't believe it. Look at him.
1569
01:25:59,854 -- 01:26:03,381
All right. Suppose you go tell Sugarpuss
Daddy's here.
1570
01:26:07,728 -- 01:26:09,525
Joe Lilac's the name.
1571
01:26:21,208 -- 01:26:23,335
Professor Potts! Professor Potts!
1572
01:26:23,410 -- 01:26:24,900
- Why, Miss Bragg.
- Is it too late?
1573
01:26:24,979 -- 01:26:26,742
Have you married that girl?
She knocked me out.
1574
01:26:26,814 -- 01:26:28,714
Nine hours in a closet.
Something told me all along.
1575
01:26:28,782 -- 01:26:30,477
Hold the phone, sister.
1576
01:26:30,551 -- 01:26:31,711
We traced you through your accident.
1577
01:26:31,785 -- 01:26:34,549
There's a warrant from the DA's office
for this girlfriend of Lilac's.
1578
01:26:34,622 -- 01:26:36,112
Where is she?
1579
01:26:58,412 -- 01:27:00,937
There's a Mr. Lilac waiting for you.
1580
01:27:01,548 -- 01:27:02,640
Yeah.
1581
01:27:03,584 -- 01:27:07,076
The situation has been explained to me
in simple terms.
1582
01:27:07,655 -- 01:27:12,752
You don't have to worry about the police.
I told them you and he left a half hour ago.
1583
01:27:12,826 -- 01:27:14,623
Probably were in Trenton by now.
1584
01:27:14,695 -- 01:27:17,129
- Thanks, Pottsy.
- Thanks for what?
1585
01:27:17,731 -- 01:27:21,565
You've given us all a fine course in
the theory and practice of being a sucker.
1586
01:27:21,635 -- 01:27:24,103
It was a very small tuition fee.
1587
01:27:24,171 -- 01:27:26,366
Perhaps it wasn't quite worthy
of you choosing us
1588
01:27:26,440 -- 01:27:29,068
as subjects of your demonstration.
1589
01:27:29,777 -- 01:27:33,338
Eight pushovers,
like shooting fish in a barrel.
1590
01:27:34,682 -- 01:27:35,671
I...
1591
01:27:36,383 -- 01:27:39,011
I didn't want you to get it this way.
1592
01:27:39,553 -- 01:27:41,418
Not right in the face.
1593
01:27:42,723 -- 01:27:44,156
I've been...
1594
01:27:45,292 -- 01:27:48,784
I've been sitting here
trying to write you a letter.
1595
01:27:48,862 -- 01:27:50,853
Here are all my excuses.
1596
01:27:54,601 -- 01:27:58,503
The handwriting of a...
What would be your word for it?
1597
01:28:05,512 -- 01:28:06,809
A tramp.
1598
01:28:30,337 -- 01:28:32,965
- Good morning, Miss Bragg.
- Good morning, gentlemen.
1599
01:28:33,040 -- 01:28:35,565
What about some nice hot breakfast?
I made some Parker House rolls.
1600
01:28:35,642 -- 01:28:37,439
- No, thank you.
- Even have some jam.
1601
01:28:37,511 -- 01:28:38,876
Strawberry jam, Professor Oddly.
1602
01:28:38,946 -- 01:28:40,937
Thank you, Miss Bragg,
but I don't think so.
1603
01:28:41,015 -- 01:28:42,949
- Nobody wants any breakfast?
- No, thank you.
1604
01:28:43,017 -- 01:28:45,451
Why? What? Very well.
1605
01:28:48,555 -- 01:28:52,218
(CONGA MUSIC PLAYING)
1606
01:29:06,206 -- 01:29:08,640
Gentlemen, just a moment, please.
1607
01:29:09,510 -- 01:29:12,343
Before we attempt to get back to work,
I'd like to say a few words.
1608
01:29:12,413 -- 01:29:17,180
You've been very kind and very tactful.
If I may say so, over-tactful.
1609
01:29:18,352 -- 01:29:19,717
The entire ride home in the car,
1610
01:29:19,787 -- 01:29:23,553
you avoided a certain subject
and made empty conversation.
1611
01:29:23,624 -- 01:29:26,491
Now, let's have it out.
I made an ass of myself and I know it.
1612
01:29:26,560 -- 01:29:28,585
Oh, well, we all have, Potts.
1613
01:29:28,662 -- 01:29:30,823
Yes, but I was the lead donkey.
1614
01:29:31,398 -- 01:29:36,028
Why not just regard the episode
as a prolonged constitutional?
1615
01:29:36,103 -- 01:29:38,196
That's right. That's what we'll do.
1616
01:29:38,272 -- 01:29:39,296
Thank you.
1617
01:29:39,373 -- 01:29:42,934
What happened to our emotions
can't be undone.
1618
01:29:43,010 -- 01:29:45,604
What happened to our work
must be remedied.
1619
01:29:45,679 -- 01:29:49,775
I'm sorry, but because of me
we must work two extra hours a day.
1620
01:29:49,850 -- 01:29:51,442
In a month,
we'll be back on schedule again.
1621
01:29:51,518 -- 01:29:52,712
- Sure.
- That's right.
1622
01:29:52,786 -- 01:29:54,344
Now, we are all scholars.
1623
01:29:54,421 -- 01:29:57,049
Let us withdraw behind our wall of books,
1624
01:29:57,124 -- 01:30:00,355
and may her name never
be brought up in this house again.
1625
01:30:00,427 -- 01:30:04,363
- We didn't mention it, Potts.
- Not even by omitting it so obviously.
1626
01:30:04,431 -- 01:30:07,059
Excuse me, Bertram, but...
1627
01:30:07,134 -- 01:30:10,626
Well, now that
we are burying her memory,
1628
01:30:10,704 -- 01:30:15,300
I feel it only fair, you see,
she gave me something for you.
1629
01:30:15,375 -- 01:30:20,972
I found her crying in her bungalow,
and she slipped your ring into my pocket.
1630
01:30:21,048 -- 01:30:22,743
Put it in the wastebasket, please, Oddly.
1631
01:30:22,816 -- 01:30:24,545
(STUTTERING) Just a moment.
Just a moment.
1632
01:30:24,618 -- 01:30:28,384
- Is this your ring, Potts?
- That for $39.85?
1633
01:30:28,455 -- 01:30:31,481
- Doesn't look like it.
- Why, no it is not.
1634
01:30:31,558 -- 01:30:33,526
- Are you sure?
- Positive.
1635
01:30:34,461 -- 01:30:40,093
Because if this is the one she gave
back to you and not the one you gave her,
1636
01:30:41,268 -- 01:30:42,565
it's enormously interesting.
1637
01:30:42,636 -- 01:30:45,196
- But why?
- Why? How so?
1638
01:30:46,473 -- 01:30:48,100
Potts.
1639
01:30:48,175 -- 01:30:50,302
- She loves you.
- How can you say that?
1640
01:30:50,377 -- 01:30:52,538
Please, she happened
to pull that one off by mistake.
1641
01:30:52,613 -- 01:30:55,081
- Not according to Professor Freud.
- Freud?
1642
01:30:55,149 -- 01:30:57,982
The subconscious mind
never makes mistakes.
1643
01:30:58,819 -- 01:31:02,152
She gave you the ring she didn't want,
his ring.
1644
01:31:03,023 -- 01:31:06,857
And she kept the one she wanted, yours.
1645
01:31:06,927 -- 01:31:10,727
- That's right, Potts.
- Bosh and nonsense.
1646
01:31:10,797 -- 01:31:12,321
I agree with Miss Bragg.
1647
01:31:12,399 -- 01:31:15,300
I refuse to be coddled with
a lot of psychoanalytical nonsense.
1648
01:31:15,369 -- 01:31:18,270
As one who understands a woman's heart,
I would like to...
1649
01:31:22,509 -- 01:31:24,136
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
1650
01:31:24,211 -- 01:31:25,906
Quite an eventful night
last night, gentlemen.
1651
01:31:25,979 -- 01:31:27,344
At least, so we see by the papers.
1652
01:31:28,515 -- 01:31:32,110
We're quite fresh this morning, however.
And we're going back to work with a will.
1653
01:31:32,186 -- 01:31:33,813
- Yes, indeed.
- There's no hurry about that.
1654
01:31:33,887 -- 01:31:36,720
- Not any longer.
- We've had quite enough of your activities.
1655
01:31:36,790 -- 01:31:40,248
It has cost the estate some $300,000
to at last have its name
1656
01:31:40,327 -- 01:31:42,352
spread across every tabloid in New York.
1657
01:31:42,429 -- 01:31:45,193
"Night club babe hides out
in Totten Foundation."
1658
01:31:45,265 -- 01:31:47,165
- And this one.
- Yes.
1659
01:31:47,868 -- 01:31:50,666
"Professor bridegroom carries
ball of fire across state line."
1660
01:31:50,737 -- 01:31:52,534
And many others like it.
1661
01:31:52,606 -- 01:31:57,202
For my father, I feel profound humiliation.
For myself, unutterable disgust.
1662
01:31:57,277 -- 01:31:58,938
- Shall I go ahead?
- Please.
1663
01:31:59,012 -- 01:32:00,445
For the aforesaid reasons,
1664
01:32:00,514 -- 01:32:02,607
Miss Totten has decided
to discontinue the encyclopedia.
1665
01:32:02,683 -- 01:32:03,741
What?
1666
01:32:03,817 -- 01:32:05,842
- How soon can you vacate?
- Vacate? After nine years?
1667
01:32:05,919 -- 01:32:08,012
- Expelled in disgrace?
- Pull the chair from under us?
1668
01:32:08,088 -- 01:32:10,215
Thrown out like eight old shoes?
1669
01:32:10,290 -- 01:32:13,020
I'm sorry, gentlemen,
but my mind's made up.
1670
01:32:13,093 -- 01:32:14,321
Go ahead, Mr. Larsen.
1671
01:32:14,394 -- 01:32:16,385
Several real estate firms
are interested in this property.
1672
01:32:16,463 -- 01:32:19,489
One of the companies wants to erect
an apartment house here, giving you...
1673
01:32:19,566 -- 01:32:20,794
Whoa! Please don't do that.
1674
01:32:20,867 -- 01:32:22,198
I'm sorry.
1675
01:32:22,803 -- 01:32:25,363
One word, Miss Totten, may I?
1676
01:32:25,439 -- 01:32:29,000
In your very understandable excitement,
a great injustice is being done.
1677
01:32:29,076 -- 01:32:30,236
I am the guilty one.
1678
01:32:30,310 -- 01:32:33,336
And I accept my dishonorable discharge
without protest,
1679
01:32:33,413 -- 01:32:36,075
but that others should suffer
and be punished
1680
01:32:36,149 -- 01:32:38,583
(STAMMERING) for my misconduct
is unthinkable.
1681
01:32:38,652 -- 01:32:40,051
(WINDOW BREAKS)
1682
01:32:40,120 -- 01:32:42,452
Oh, my goodness, what was that?
1683
01:32:46,893 -- 01:32:48,656
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
1684
01:32:48,729 -- 01:32:52,165
Everybody line up over there,
like for a photograph.
1685
01:32:53,467 -- 01:32:55,833
With you, Bertram, in the foreground.
1686
01:32:55,902 -- 01:32:57,426
Come on, get going.
1687
01:32:57,504 -- 01:33:00,871
Get around, get around. Go on.
Faster. Keep moving.
1688
01:33:02,242 -- 01:33:06,542
Saint Valentine's Day!
1689
01:33:23,930 -- 01:33:26,262
Is the bride ready yet?
1690
01:33:26,333 -- 01:33:28,198
- No, not yet.
- What?
1691
01:33:28,969 -- 01:33:32,837
- Louder, please.
- We're still talking it over.
1692
01:33:32,906 -- 01:33:34,931
Good idea. Important step.
1693
01:33:36,209 -- 01:33:39,701
- Hey, wait a minute. Where you going?
- For lunch. Five minutes late.
1694
01:33:39,780 -- 01:33:43,773
- When are you going to be back?
- After I've ate and had my nap.
1695
01:33:44,384 -- 01:33:46,784
How long are we gonna argue this?
1696
01:33:47,454 -- 01:33:50,753
- Now look, Sugie.
- I said no. And no is no.
1697
01:33:50,824 -- 01:33:53,952
Sugie, when I was nine years old,
I was in love with my piano teacher.
1698
01:33:54,027 -- 01:33:56,825
She played classical.
You're not nine years old.
1699
01:33:56,897 -- 01:33:57,886
I love him.
1700
01:33:57,964 -- 01:34:00,432
- She loves him.
- Yes, I love him.
1701
01:34:00,500 -- 01:34:03,594
I love those hick shirts he wears
with the boiled cuffs.
1702
01:34:03,670 -- 01:34:05,831
And the way he always has
his vest buttoned wrong.
1703
01:34:05,906 -- 01:34:08,374
Looks like a giraffe and I love him.
1704
01:34:08,442 -- 01:34:09,841
I love him because he's the kind of a guy
1705
01:34:09,910 -- 01:34:12,902
that gets drunk on a glass of buttermilk.
1706
01:34:12,979 -- 01:34:16,380
And I love the way
he blushes right up over his ears.
1707
01:34:17,617 -- 01:34:21,212
I love him because he doesn't know
how to kiss, the jerk.
1708
01:34:22,022 -- 01:34:25,185
I love him, Joe.
That's what I'm trying to tell you.
1709
01:34:25,258 -- 01:34:27,249
I'll never see him again.
1710
01:34:27,928 -- 01:34:30,294
But I'm not gonna marry you.
1711
01:34:30,364 -- 01:34:32,491
Not if you tie a ton of cement
around my neck
1712
01:34:32,566 -- 01:34:35,091
and throw me into the East River
like you did to all the others.
1713
01:34:35,168 -- 01:34:36,999
- I tell you, Joe was framed.
- Oh, sure, sure.
1714
01:34:37,070 -- 01:34:39,504
So you tell me, I know better now.
1715
01:34:40,374 -- 01:34:43,036
I guess she'd better talk to her professor.
Get him on the phone.
1716
01:34:43,110 -- 01:34:44,668
You leave him out of this.
1717
01:34:44,745 -- 01:34:47,236
Imagine that big giraffe
at the bottom of the East River.
1718
01:34:47,314 -- 01:34:49,578
You wouldn't like that to happen
to him, would you, Sugarpuss?
1719
01:34:49,649 -- 01:34:52,083
- That ain't funny, McGee.
- Who said it's funny?
1720
01:34:52,152 -- 01:34:53,744
I mean business.
1721
01:34:54,488 -- 01:34:56,854
That is if you don't say "I do"
like a nice little bride.
1722
01:34:56,923 -- 01:34:57,912
Uh-uh.
1723
01:34:58,492 -- 01:35:01,893
I kind of figured you'd bumped your brains
into one of them pink clouds.
1724
01:35:01,962 -- 01:35:04,726
- You can't do this, Joe.
- It's too late, Sugie.
1725
01:35:04,798 -- 01:35:07,528
- The pressure's on already.
- What is this? Putting the screws on me?
1726
01:35:07,601 -- 01:35:09,933
You said it,
and right where it'll do the most good.
1727
01:35:10,003 -- 01:35:12,699
- Neighborhood of the heart.
- Hello.
1728
01:35:12,773 -- 01:35:15,435
This is McNeary. Hang on. Here you are.
1729
01:35:16,376 -- 01:35:17,775
You take it.
1730
01:35:22,149 -- 01:35:24,014
- Hello?
- Hello, Sugie.
1731
01:35:25,185 -- 01:35:26,948
Sure, it's Pastrami.
1732
01:35:29,055 -- 01:35:30,989
Just dropped in on the boys,
Asthma and me,
1733
01:35:31,057 -- 01:35:33,389
with our little old typewriters.
1734
01:35:34,361 -- 01:35:36,090
That's up to the boss.
We're waiting for orders.
1735
01:35:37,364 -- 01:35:40,094
- For orders?
- Can we make a deal now, Sugie?
1736
01:35:40,834 -- 01:35:45,362
Sure we can, brother.
Put him on, Pastrami, just a word.
1737
01:35:46,640 -- 01:35:49,370
Would you mind stepping
to the phone, Professor Potts?
1738
01:35:49,443 -- 01:35:51,638
A lady friend of yours.
1739
01:35:51,711 -- 01:35:54,339
I have nothing to say to Miss O'Shea.
1740
01:35:55,015 -- 01:35:58,576
- Oh, please, please!
- You haven't?
1741
01:35:58,652 -- 01:35:59,641
Just a moment.
1742
01:35:59,719 -- 01:36:01,380
Goodness, this is awful.
Yesterday, a nightclub...
1743
01:36:01,455 -- 01:36:03,116
Shut your clam, sister.
1744
01:36:03,190 -- 01:36:04,350
Hello.
1745
01:36:05,158 -- 01:36:08,286
Yes, Miss O'Shea, this is Professor Potts.
1746
01:36:08,361 -- 01:36:10,226
Your friends are here.
1747
01:36:10,864 -- 01:36:13,856
Not at all.
Your methods are familiar by now.
1748
01:36:13,934 -- 01:36:16,494
I don't know the exact purpose
of this maneuver.
1749
01:36:16,570 -- 01:36:19,038
What more can be gained from us?
1750
01:36:19,105 -- 01:36:21,573
But I hope
that it works to your advantage.
1751
01:36:22,642 -- 01:36:25,702
I'm sorry, Pottsy,
but it'll be all right in a little while.
1752
01:36:25,779 -- 01:36:30,478
They won't hurt anybody.
Just don't do anything foolish.
1753
01:36:30,550 -- 01:36:32,643
- Promise me, Pottsy.
- Give it.
1754
01:36:35,589 -- 01:36:38,615
Okay, Bertram, put Pastrami back on.
1755
01:36:39,259 -- 01:36:41,727
I imagine he wants to talk to you.
1756
01:36:42,696 -- 01:36:44,027
Yes, boss?
1757
01:36:44,698 -- 01:36:49,567
Okay, we'll wait for the call.
And best wishes, boss. Congratulations.
1758
01:36:51,271 -- 01:36:55,002
Well, all we have to do
is to wait for the all-clear signal.
1759
01:36:56,009 -- 01:36:59,342
We'll dismiss the class
right after the ceremony.
1760
01:36:59,412 -- 01:37:02,973
- Did you say after the ceremony?
- That's what I said.
1761
01:37:03,049 -- 01:37:04,448
You mean they're not married yet?
1762
01:37:04,518 -- 01:37:06,349
Why do you think
we're futzing around with these?
1763
01:37:06,419 -- 01:37:07,545
Well, I don't know, I thought...
1764
01:37:07,621 -- 01:37:11,648
A little trouble with Sugarpuss'
vocal chords. Wouldn't say yes.
1765
01:37:12,025 -- 01:37:14,516
She wouldn't say yes? What...
1766
01:37:14,594 -- 01:37:16,027
You very ugly young man,
1767
01:37:16,096 -- 01:37:18,826
you know, to me at this moment
you look perfectly delightful?
1768
01:37:18,899 -- 01:37:20,457
- I mean absolutely beautiful.
- I what?
1769
01:37:20,534 -- 01:37:22,058
- Positively wonderful.
- Are you nuts?
1770
01:37:22,135 -- 01:37:24,296
(LAUGHING) No, I feel like yodeling.
1771
01:37:24,371 -- 01:37:25,360
(YODELING)
1772
01:37:26,873 -- 01:37:28,135
Pardon me.
1773
01:37:28,208 -- 01:37:32,008
Dr. Gurkakoff,
my apologies to Professor Freud.
1774
01:37:32,078 -- 01:37:33,340
Thank you.
1775
01:37:33,413 -- 01:37:36,109
But you don't understand.
This visit is no longer a mystery.
1776
01:37:36,182 -- 01:37:37,877
Apparently, it requires those two guns
1777
01:37:37,951 -- 01:37:40,852
leveled on us
to force Sugarpuss to marry Mr. Lilac.
1778
01:37:41,087 -- 01:37:42,520
- You mean to say that...
- Yes.
1779
01:37:42,589 -- 01:37:45,615
- That explains everything.
- Break it up, break it up.
1780
01:37:45,692 -- 01:37:47,523
- We can't allow that.
- No, no, indeed.
1781
01:37:47,594 -- 01:37:49,186
Can't, huh?
What do you think we're here for?
1782
01:37:49,262 -- 01:37:53,255
But, young man, you see,
we all love this young lady very dearly.
1783
01:37:53,333 -- 01:37:55,233
Better look out. It's gonna spit.
1784
01:37:55,302 -- 01:37:56,963
What is going to... Oh, dear.
1785
01:37:57,037 -- 01:38:00,404
- Now, sit down, all of you. Sit down.
- Yes, we're... I mean, we're...
1786
01:38:07,380 -- 01:38:08,404
Ah.
1787
01:38:08,481 -- 01:38:11,712
Don't look so big now,
them eight big brains.
1788
01:38:11,785 -- 01:38:13,548
Not to me they don't.
1789
01:38:14,988 -- 01:38:16,615
You are under the impression
that you are big
1790
01:38:16,690 -- 01:38:17,850
because you have those firearms
1791
01:38:17,924 -- 01:38:20,654
because you know how to load them
and pull the trigger.
1792
01:38:20,727 -- 01:38:23,161
It would be interesting
to teach them the contrary...
1793
01:38:23,229 -- 01:38:25,254
Button it up, understand?
1794
01:38:27,267 -- 01:38:30,031
Hey, fellows, this won't take a second.
1795
01:38:30,103 -- 01:38:32,298
They're pulling a double or nothing
on that quizzola.
1796
01:38:32,372 -- 01:38:35,068
Three new questions. First.
1797
01:38:35,141 -- 01:38:37,905
"The sword of Damocles, was that a..."
1798
01:38:39,212 -- 01:38:41,009
Say, was you holding a meeting
or something?
1799
01:38:41,081 -- 01:38:43,049
More like a wake, maybe.
1800
01:38:46,553 -- 01:38:49,215
- Excuse me.
- Just a minute, Jack.
1801
01:38:49,789 -- 01:38:53,247
We got a loge seat for you,
right in the back row.
1802
01:38:53,326 -- 01:38:54,918
This way, please.
1803
01:39:01,267 -- 01:39:02,734
That's right.
1804
01:39:03,937 -- 01:39:05,427
ASTHMA: Now, sit down.
1805
01:39:23,223 -- 01:39:27,751
Young man, your...
You don't mind if we talk, do you?
1806
01:39:27,827 -- 01:39:30,125
- PASTRAMl: Just keep it funny.
- Thank you.
1807
01:39:30,797 -- 01:39:35,063
Your question as you came in was about
the sword of Damocles, I believe.
1808
01:39:35,368 -- 01:39:36,426
Yeah.
1809
01:39:36,503 -- 01:39:39,063
- But I'd just as soon skip it.
- No, but it's a very interesting subject.
1810
01:39:39,139 -- 01:39:41,334
- Never mind.
- Yeah, but I do mind.
1811
01:39:42,042 -- 01:39:44,840
I just wanted to tell you
that the sword of Damocles
1812
01:39:44,911 -- 01:39:46,606
was suspended over his head.
1813
01:39:46,680 -- 01:39:49,114
- Yes, by a single hair.
- Exactly.
1814
01:39:49,215 -- 01:39:53,549
Did you hear that, Robinson?
Suspended over his head by a single hair.
1815
01:39:53,620 -- 01:39:55,850
A constant source of danger.
1816
01:39:55,922 -- 01:39:58,982
Mr. Pastrami,
you know your history, don't you?
1817
01:39:59,693 -- 01:40:04,187
It's not one of my best points.
I never went in for that kind of stuff.
1818
01:40:04,864 -- 01:40:08,391
- At least, not very much.
- Well, I thought I'd just ask you.
1819
01:40:08,468 -- 01:40:11,494
- A very interesting lesson indeed.
- Yes.
1820
01:40:12,205 -- 01:40:16,574
Yes, indeed. I've always found it
a most absorbing subject.
1821
01:40:16,643 -- 01:40:19,134
But Mr. Totten is not suspended by a hair.
1822
01:40:19,212 -- 01:40:20,770
(SHUSHING)
1823
01:40:21,014 -- 01:40:22,379
ASTHMA: Uh-uh.
1824
01:40:22,449 -- 01:40:25,976
No secrets, boys, talk upstairs.
1825
01:40:26,052 -- 01:40:28,782
- I thought you'd see it.
- Don't you agree, Dr. Gurkakoff?
1826
01:40:28,855 -- 01:40:31,187
- What did you say?
- I said, don't you agree?
1827
01:40:31,257 -- 01:40:35,751
Yes, yes, yes. A danger very often
overhangs the unsuspecting.
1828
01:40:35,829 -- 01:40:37,194
What kind of jive is that?
1829
01:40:37,263 -- 01:40:39,823
If you're gonna talk, talk so we can dig it.
1830
01:40:39,899 -- 01:40:42,265
Oh, I'm sorry. We'll try.
1831
01:40:42,335 -- 01:40:44,496
- Dr. Gurkakoff?
- Yeah?
1832
01:40:44,571 -- 01:40:47,563
What was that about
the Roman fleet and Archimedes?
1833
01:40:47,640 -- 01:40:50,700
I don't remember.
You know, it's not exactly...
1834
01:40:50,777 -- 01:40:53,803
Why, he set it afire
with the use of reflectors.
1835
01:40:53,880 -- 01:40:57,008
You can talk just as well sitting down,
can't you?
1836
01:40:57,083 -- 01:40:58,641
Yes, yes.
1837
01:40:59,352 -- 01:41:02,617
POTTS: I find that vastly instructive,
don't you, Dr. Gurkakoff?
1838
01:41:02,689 -- 01:41:04,589
Extremely enlightening.
1839
01:41:05,892 -- 01:41:08,690
- Potts, you were saying...
- Yes.
1840
01:41:08,762 -- 01:41:11,128
Now if I... May I stand?
1841
01:41:11,197 -- 01:41:14,894
- Sure, if it's gonna help.
- Thank you, it will a lot.
1842
01:41:14,968 -- 01:41:18,267
Now, if I may have your attention
for a few moments.
1843
01:41:18,338 -- 01:41:21,330
Gentlemen,
you see your inferiority is a question
1844
01:41:21,407 -- 01:41:23,637
of the bony structure of your skulls.
1845
01:41:23,710 -- 01:41:27,237
- What's the matter with our skulls?
- Now, just listen, please.
1846
01:41:27,313 -- 01:41:29,372
Let us take
the glandular syncopation of your eyes.
1847
01:41:29,449 -- 01:41:31,849
Kindly look at me, both of you.
It's very important.
1848
01:41:31,918 -- 01:41:34,614
They are the doliocephalic and
the brachiocephalic
1849
01:41:34,687 -- 01:41:36,985
with a somewhat
Mediterranean estrafuge.
1850
01:41:37,056 -- 01:41:38,785
Now try to follow me closely.
1851
01:41:38,858 -- 01:41:42,817
Now, the double smorgasbord
of your chins, for instance,
1852
01:41:42,896 -- 01:41:45,694
convexing into
the cataclysmic protoplasm...
1853
01:41:46,766 -- 01:41:48,358
Am I boring you?
1854
01:41:49,636 -- 01:41:53,504
- I don't get it.
- Now, the latest centrifugal research
1855
01:41:53,573 -- 01:41:57,509
as performed by
Bronxville scientists has proven
1856
01:41:57,577 -- 01:42:02,173
that syllogism is enigmatic to prolonged
resistance, especially in the cavalry.
1857
01:42:02,248 -- 01:42:05,217
Now take your ears.
The totalitarian mastoid
1858
01:42:05,285 -- 01:42:09,881
of their basic lobes prematurely
extricated from the paranoiac agriculture
1859
01:42:09,956 -- 01:42:12,447
- and molecular cadenzas...
- Get down to it.
1860
01:42:12,525 -- 01:42:15,289
- What's wrong with us?
- Nothing.
1861
01:42:16,996 -- 01:42:19,464
You're just fine. Everything's fine.
1862
01:42:19,532 -- 01:42:22,160
Now, on one hand
we have the sword of Damocles,
1863
01:42:22,235 -- 01:42:24,567
and on the other hand we have...
1864
01:42:25,405 -- 01:42:27,134
Professor Quintana,
would you look up something
1865
01:42:27,207 -- 01:42:28,765
in Tate's Oriental Philosophy for me?
1866
01:42:28,842 -- 01:42:31,834
- I think I saw it last on your desk.
- Yes, yes.
1867
01:42:32,745 -- 01:42:35,145
- Line one, chapter seven.
- Yes.
1868
01:42:35,215 -- 01:42:36,580
Do you mind?
1869
01:42:37,417 -- 01:42:39,942
Hey, this mixed-up talk
is giving me a headache.
1870
01:42:40,019 -- 01:42:43,079
All that book talk. That's a lot of mahaha.
1871
01:42:43,156 -- 01:42:45,317
I assure you this is not a lot of mahaha.
This is...
1872
01:42:45,391 -- 01:42:47,916
I'll show you
what makes the world go round.
1873
01:42:48,428 -- 01:42:50,919
Kind of spread out a little bit, will you?
1874
01:42:55,568 -- 01:42:58,731
- My globe! My globe!
- Me, I don't like globes.
1875
01:43:00,373 -- 01:43:01,635
Now me.
1876
01:43:06,112 -- 01:43:08,307
I saw me a picture last week.
1877
01:43:20,960 -- 01:43:22,951
There's gonna be a lot
of trash tomorrow, sister.
1878
01:43:23,029 -- 01:43:25,122
If there is any tomorrow, brother.
1879
01:43:31,604 -- 01:43:33,265
(ASTHMA WHOOPING)
1880
01:43:35,074 -- 01:43:36,598
(PASTRAMI LAUGHING)
1881
01:43:42,315 -- 01:43:45,148
Ain't there some more of
them things around?
1882
01:43:45,218 -- 01:43:48,381
- Don't get up, please, just...
- Please.
1883
01:43:50,290 -- 01:43:52,417
What's the matter with all of you?
1884
01:43:52,759 -- 01:43:54,590
We thought...
1885
01:43:54,661 -- 01:43:56,788
- Young man.
- What do you want?
1886
01:43:56,863 -- 01:44:01,095
Do you think you could shoot this dime
1887
01:44:01,167 -- 01:44:04,796
if I held it between my fingers?
1888
01:44:06,139 -- 01:44:07,504
Why, sure.
1889
01:44:09,142 -- 01:44:10,541
(VOICE CRACKING) I mean...
1890
01:44:10,610 -- 01:44:13,101
I mean from where you were sitting.
1891
01:44:18,017 -- 01:44:19,109
Okay.
1892
01:44:25,091 -- 01:44:26,888
All right, put it up.
1893
01:44:28,861 -- 01:44:32,991
- Perhaps we'd better use a quarter.
- Well, that's twice as easy.
1894
01:44:33,066 -- 01:44:34,533
I'm glad.
1895
01:44:44,210 -- 01:44:47,236
Or maybe even a 50-cent piece?
1896
01:44:49,215 -- 01:44:51,445
He's not as dumb as he looks.
1897
01:44:52,051 -- 01:44:54,383
Has anyone change for $1?
1898
01:44:54,754 -- 01:44:57,655
Never mind, never mind.
A quarter will do. Put it up.
1899
01:44:57,724 -- 01:45:00,955
- Oh, no, I can get change.
- Never mind, put it up.
1900
01:45:20,146 -- 01:45:22,114
(SHOUTING)
1901
01:45:22,548 -- 01:45:23,708
I've got him!
1902
01:45:32,125 -- 01:45:34,559
- Hold him, hold him.
- I've got him.
1903
01:45:38,898 -- 01:45:42,061
New Jersey? That's an awful big order.
Whereabouts in Jersey?
1904
01:45:42,135 -- 01:45:45,298
You just keep on driving.
Further orders will be forthcoming.
1905
01:45:45,371 -- 01:45:47,805
I warned you, Miss Totten,
you should never have come along.
1906
01:45:47,874 -- 01:45:49,501
It may be very dangerous.
1907
01:45:49,575 -- 01:45:51,668
This is my encyclopedia,
and I am going to stick with it.
1908
01:45:51,744 -- 01:45:53,939
I've never had so much fun in my life.
1909
01:45:54,013 -- 01:45:55,947
How are they doing inside?
1910
01:45:56,015 -- 01:45:57,482
Are we ready?
1911
01:45:57,550 -- 01:45:59,984
- Shall we start the torture now?
- Just one moment.
1912
01:46:00,053 -- 01:46:02,681
First, we are going to give him
just one chance to talk.
1913
01:46:02,755 -- 01:46:04,586
Where is that ceremony taking place?
1914
01:46:04,657 -- 01:46:07,820
Listen, monkey, I've been given
the third degree by all kinds of cops.
1915
01:46:07,894 -- 01:46:09,987
- All over.
- But not by us.
1916
01:46:10,063 -- 01:46:12,691
You will see, I am an authority
on Chinese tortures.
1917
01:46:12,765 -- 01:46:14,733
(LAUGHING) That tickles!
1918
01:46:14,801 -- 01:46:17,463
- Are you ready, Dr. Gurkakoff?
- That's right.
1919
01:46:17,537 -- 01:46:20,597
- Now, between the 12th and 13th vertebra.
- No! No! No!
1920
01:46:21,674 -- 01:46:25,872
- Hold his head down.
- Hey, cut it out!
1921
01:46:25,945 -- 01:46:28,709
- Stop it, will you? Look out.
- No, no, no.
1922
01:46:31,484 -- 01:46:33,918
Will you cut it out? Stop it.
1923
01:46:34,253 -- 01:46:36,619
No! No!
1924
01:46:37,090 -- 01:46:38,421
Around and around.
1925
01:46:43,896 -- 01:46:47,491
All right, all right!
All right, I'll talk! I'll talk.
1926
01:46:47,567 -- 01:46:49,865
They're in Fulham, New Jersey.
1927
01:46:50,603 -- 01:46:54,437
- Fulham, New Jersey.
- Fulham, New Jersey.
1928
01:46:54,507 -- 01:46:57,965
Shortest route, Bloomfield, Pine Brook,
Mine Hills, Allamuchy.
1929
01:47:07,253 -- 01:47:08,743
And now repeat after me.
1930
01:47:08,821 -- 01:47:11,346
- I, Joseph Lilac.
- I, Joseph Lilac.
1931
01:47:11,424 -- 01:47:13,892
- Loud, please.
- I, Joseph Lilac...
1932
01:47:13,960 -- 01:47:15,154
Head of Murder Incorporated.
1933
01:47:15,228 -- 01:47:17,287
- Quiet.
- Take thee, Katherine O'Shea.
1934
01:47:17,363 -- 01:47:19,763
- Take thee, Katherine O'Shea...
- Who hates and despises you.
1935
01:47:19,832 -- 01:47:21,629
- Loathes you.
- To be my lawful wedded wife.
1936
01:47:21,701 -- 01:47:24,829
- To be my lawful wedded wife.
- For better or for worse.
1937
01:47:24,904 -- 01:47:27,031
- For better or for worse.
- For worse.
1938
01:47:27,106 -- 01:47:29,904
For richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health.
1939
01:47:29,976 -- 01:47:32,274
For richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health...
1940
01:47:32,345 -- 01:47:33,744
- I'm sick right now.
- Cut it out.
1941
01:47:33,813 -- 01:47:35,713
- What?
- Never mind. Keep going.
1942
01:47:35,781 -- 01:47:37,612
- Huh?
- Keep going!
1943
01:47:37,683 -- 01:47:40,413
To love and to cherish
until death do us part.
1944
01:47:40,486 -- 01:47:41,919
They'll put you in the chair
and fry you like...
1945
01:47:41,988 -- 01:47:42,977
(PROFESSORS SINGING)
1946
01:47:43,055 -- 01:47:46,286
And now repeat after me.
I, Katherine O'Shea.
1947
01:47:47,226 -- 01:47:49,126
I said, repeat after me.
1948
01:47:49,195 -- 01:47:50,662
I, Katherine O'Shea.
1949
01:47:50,730 -- 01:47:52,527
Come on, come on, Sugie.
It's just a parade or something.
1950
01:47:52,598 -- 01:47:54,589
Is it? Just wait and see.
1951
01:48:00,506 -- 01:48:01,700
What is this?
1952
01:48:01,774 -- 01:48:04,902
I believe...
I think it is known as an upstick.
1953
01:48:04,977 -- 01:48:06,706
- A stickup.
- Put 'em up.
1954
01:48:06,779 -- 01:48:08,872
- Hold up your hands.
- Hold 'em up!
1955
01:48:15,621 -- 01:48:17,145
- Back door!
- Don't do that!
1956
01:48:17,223 -- 01:48:18,986
I didn't mean it.
1957
01:48:19,058 -- 01:48:23,017
Hold 'em up there. Hold 'em up!
I mean it! I mean it.
1958
01:48:23,095 -- 01:48:27,293
Come on, now.
Put 'em up. Put 'em up. I mean it.
1959
01:48:36,175 -- 01:48:38,234
Get his gun, get his gun.
1960
01:48:46,552 -- 01:48:48,986
All right, Joe. Put up your dukes.
1961
01:48:50,590 -- 01:48:52,080
Okay, Bertram.
1962
01:49:16,215 -- 01:49:17,876
Come on, Bertram.
1963
01:49:22,088 -- 01:49:23,612
(SIRENS WAILING)
1964
01:49:39,438 -- 01:49:42,339
This load of garbage
goes to the DA's office.
1965
01:49:43,776 -- 01:49:46,370
Something must have went wrong, boss.
1966
01:49:48,581 -- 01:49:52,950
Listen, you squirrelly cherubs,
you eight wise idiots, it wouldn't work.
1967
01:49:53,386 -- 01:49:55,650
Remember, Pottsy, no women aboard.
1968
01:49:55,721 -- 01:49:59,953
And now, above all women,
you want to take a dizzy dame like me.
1969
01:50:00,026 -- 01:50:03,723
If you'll allow me, I can prove to you
the inevitability of this step
1970
01:50:03,796 -- 01:50:06,424
- by higher mathematics.
- I can cite examples from history.
1971
01:50:06,499 -- 01:50:09,627
Or from geography,
two rivers converging irresistibly.
1972
01:50:09,702 -- 01:50:10,726
Yes, indeed.
1973
01:50:10,803 -- 01:50:12,361
PEAGRAM: I can prove it
by examples from literature.
1974
01:50:12,438 -- 01:50:14,030
MAGENBRUCH: Physiology.
ROBINSON: By law.
1975
01:50:14,106 -- 01:50:16,074
- All of them.
- Gentlemen.
1976
01:50:16,542 -- 01:50:19,602
As a grammarian,
I know when words cease to be of use.
1977
01:50:19,679 -- 01:50:21,840
There remains one argument.
1978
01:50:23,849 -- 01:50:26,579
- Come here, dear.
- Oh, no, please, Pottsy.
1979
01:50:26,652 -- 01:50:28,916
- Get up, darling.
- But, Pottsy...
1980
01:50:28,988 -- 01:50:30,512
- It isn't fair.
- It isn't?
1981
01:50:30,589 -- 01:50:32,318
No. It is not fair.
1982
01:50:33,125 -- 01:50:36,891
Oh, my goodness, Bertram.
Remember the Anemone...
1983
01:50:43,769 -- 01:50:45,600
(CLICKING TONGUES)