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Banana Island Ghost (2017)
[pop music playing]
[man singing] [music fades] [no audible dialogue] [no audible dialogue] [coughs] -You have to say goodbye to Mommy. -Where are you going? I'm going to heaven. Are you coming back? No. Heaven is... is forever and ever. Aren't you afraid? No. Maybe because I know your father, my soul mate, will be waiting for me. -But I want to go with you. -[chuckles] No, no. Ndubisi... somewhere out there... is your soul mate. I don't want a soul mate. I want to go with you. Shh... Listen to Mommy. Think about all of the beautiful girls in this whole world. One of them is your soul mate. Okay? Come on, give Mommy a hug. And when you find her... you will live... happily ever after. [school bell rings] Ijeoma! Do you want to stay in this institution forever? They say your father was the first to own a house in Banana Island. Well, Ijeoma, I have news for you. If you don't shape up, you will never, ever, ever own a house, not to talk of one in Banana Island. -[Ijeoma shrieks] -[screaming] [woman] No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! No, no, no, no! Hmph! [no audible dialogue] [guard] Hi, I.J., baby. I.J. boo. Baby boo. Hi, how are you? Please, abeg, stop this nonsense and open this door. -Let me leave here. Leave me. -I'm here for you. I'm here for you. Don't worry, I'll take you out now. Now, now, now. [in Pidgin] Hey, beautiful lady. -[in Pidgin] Don't come here again. -[guard in English] Shut up! I'll deal-- Be fast. Quick, come quick. Nonsense men. Will you shut up? Corrupt criminals. Let's go. [groans] Is that what DPO says you should be doing? Looking at a prisoner's yansh? Me? Look at your yansh? For what, na? What do you mean "for what"? Is this not working for you? Is my yansh not lookable enough for you? So should I look at your yansh or should I not look at your yansh? So you were looking at my yansh! Madame, stop, na. It's not like that. [exclaims] [in Pidgin] It's just that your butt should have a name of its own. You are an animal. Oh, I.J., baby. Ije Ije. [exclaims] [knocking] Yes? -DPO, sir. -Ordinary Sergeant, dismissed! [door closes] [DPO chuckles] This is my new office as the DPO of Banana Island Police Station. Hmm? Before I sign your release paper, let me make sure you are familiar with what we approve as police and prisoners' conduct in this country. Now, for an example, if we are to dance together... Why would we dance together? What is wrong with you? It can happen. Listen, we police are humans beings. We are not animals. Or you think we are animals, eh? We are human beings! And listen, the quicker I show you what is appropriation and inappropriation... [in Yoruba] It will enter your head like a white person, I mean it. [laughs] [in English] You mean appropriate and inappropriate? Is the holy spirit of English not coming to your body? You behave as if you know too much. That is why you think you can easily walk into Banana Island and start picking pockets and we won't catch you, huh? -I'm not a thief. -Okay, let me ask you a question. Are we here for English lesson or you are ready to go home? Pick one. -Okay, DPO... -Mm-hmm? -Show me how we would dance... -[grunting] ...a police officer and a prisoner, how we would dance at some of your social functions. [in Yoruba] Good! Understand me. I'm horny. [in English] Now... [clears throat] This is what we call... "appropriaticity." [Ijeoma] Mm-hmm. "Inappropriaticity." This is... "appropriaticity." This is "inappropriaticity." [breathing heavily] -Hmm, DPO? -[grunts] Hmm? Yes. You have to sign the release for me. [in Yoruba] Carry on. -[in English] Is it just two or one? -Just sign. Sign. Sorry, I'm signing the wrong one. Love is a mad thing. [laughs] [panting] Yes. Yes... Yes... So now that you have signed my release forms, so if I did this... [whimpers] ...that would be "appropriaticity," right? -But then if I went like that! -[shrieks] [shouting in Yoruba] You've burst my testicles! [in English] That would be "inappropriaticity!" -[DPO groans] -[in Igbo] God forbid. My DPO! -Sir, should I help you rub it, sir? -Are you an animal? -Sorry, sir. -Are you mad? -Sorry, sir. -Oh! [in English] Should I go and attack? Should I go and arrest her now? No, no, don't go. You don't understand. That is how we usually play. You see, our own kind of love style is not this one you see in Indian films. You see them singing, carrying each other, no! Our own is Chinese love. She can go... [shouts] For you see that girl, I love her, I like her. [winces] [in Pidgin] She's extremely pretty. She's extremely pretty, right? Boss, that butt of hers, if she gives me an opportunity... [in English] I tell you, if God, if this God will just bless me and let me just have the opportunity to romance her, to caress. Now let me give you a special prayer so that you can reach the promised land. -Stretch your hands. -[in Pidgin] That is it! By God's will, thunder will fire you! [cursing in Yoruba] Your head will be useless! -[in English] Are you mad? -Me? -You! -No, sir! DPO, sir! -You are crazy, get out! -No, sir! [shrieks] Oh! [winces] [sirens wailing] What's happening? Bros, what's happening? Eh? Hey, bros, what-- -Hey guy, can you hear me? -[women sobbing] What is happening? What's happening? [man] They can't hear you. Who are you? Are you an angel? Jehovah? Some people just... call me Father. Come. Let's go somewhere and talk. Hmm? Everything will be all right. Don't worry. He doesn't know we are here. Now let's talk. Am I dead? I prefer... in transition. -But I'm not ready. -Most people never are. But I assure you, when you get to heaven, you will love it. It's not that I don't want to go to heaven but... I don't have a soul mate. [laughs] Well, I know a thing or two about heaven, and I can assure you, you don't need a soul mate. Hmm... With all due respect, sir, you are the presido and everybody there sings your praises 24/7. But from our history of Nigerian presidents, they always don't know what goes on within their own government. [laughing] Okay, you want a soul mate? Exactly. I think I have someone that will be just perfect for you. -Great. -I won't interfere with the feelings. You will have three days to make her truly fall in love with you. [chuckling] And if you do, then you can bring her to heaven with you. -Yes! -[both laugh] Okay. So, um, how will I know her? She will be the only one who can see you and can hear you. So, I'm a ghost? Uh, technically, you are still a human being. You can smell, you can taste, you can touch, but she will be the only one who can see you and can hear you. Can I fly? [laughing] You can't fly. You can't do any of those things that you couldn't do as a human being. So I still have to enter bus. -Habba, Father! -Fine. Just think of where you want to be and you will appear there. -Anywhere? -Anywhere. [giggling] -[Patrick] Yeah. -[chuckles] It works! -It works, huh? -Yeah! You get a chance to be anywhere in the world, and it is Damilola Adegbite's bedroom you chose? [nervous laughter] I was just testing, you know? Patrick... with great responsibility comes great expectation. You have a purpose. I know. I know... I mean, uh... thank you so much. You see, I want a correct woman, not all these yeye yeye small girls. And-- and-- and she should have money too. You know, when I was alive, I didn't have money. Not that I'm blaming you, God forbid! I mean, you forbid. And I want... Yes, Banana Island! Yes! I want a woman with a house in Banana Island. [thunder rumbling] You go to sleep now. When you wake up, you'll be with your soul mate. But remember, you have three days to make her fall in love with you, -and then you can bring her to heaven. -I wonder who she is. [laughs] Direct hook up from God himself. [upbeat music playing] [hip-hop music playing] [chattering, indistinct] -Is that Hippo? -[both squealing] [tires screech] [laughing] Hello, there. What are those? [Ijeoma stammers] It's my cousin's place. I know the owner of that place, and he's not your cousin. -Well, so what? -[mimicking stammer] -I like your head. It's so cute. -Give me-- Give-- no! Give me, give me... Here you go. Come and get it! Come on, girl. Stop! Stop! Careful, Hippo. -Stop! -Careful, Hippo. No, you don't. [laughs] Give it back to me. Give it. Just give it back to me. Come on! Come and get it! Just give it! Just give it back! She got it. See ya, bye. [Ijeoma] Wicked people! [horn honking] [screams] [woman laughing] [sighs] And it can be transformed into an Olympic-sized pool. And then, behind... [Ijeoma] Who is there? Who is there? Mr. Banker, what is this? Ijeoma, good evening. This is Mr. King and his associate. He's a very important client of ours and has come to take a look at the property. -For what? It's not for sale. -[banker laughs] -Madame... -But I have three days. Just where exactly do you think you are going to find the balance of 18 million in three days? That's my business, but I still have three days. Ijeoma, if by some miracle you find this 18 million in three days, the bank is not going to take it. -Why? -[sighs] I hate to say this to you, but your father gave us 70 million. You've managed to give us 12 million. And with 18 million, that comes out to 100 million naira. Now that was the mortgage value of this property when your father built it 30 years ago. Today, it is valued at over 600 million naira. Now... it's not all bad news, of course. Mr. King here is ready to pay the actual mortgage value and even throw in 40 million for you, for your pain and suffering, so everybody wins. Mr. King gets his house, the bank gets its money, and you get 40 million cash. You bankers are all the same. All you care about is money. No sense of responsibility, family, loyalty, nothing! My father died for that bank, and the only thing he cared for more than his family was this house. And I'll be damned if I'll let you come here and just take it away from us just like that! So you know what? You tell Mr. King, Queen, whatever his name is, and that insect beside him that this house is not for sale. Mr. King, I am so sorry, sir. I'm so sorry, sir. I'm so sorry. Ijeoma... Get out! [snarls] -Ijeoma, what is this nonsense? -Get out! You can see yourselves out, or I will throw you out. What is it with all of these skinny girls? Did she just slap me with her leg? [in Igbo] Jesus. Get out! Go! [exhales] That bitch is strong. Just do many things in my life Anyhow you like in my life Just make sure there are plenty In my life Oh, Lord Father Lord! The hustle is real. Father, only me, only me is doing all these things. See me wearing suit of bush rat, see me working in office, see me doing all these things. Lord help me, please. It's only 18 million. You are more than that. Thank you. Oh, ah! Lord, before I forget, husband, wherever he is, send him forth. Let him not sleep, let him not rest. Come forth, come forth, my husband. Come forth! Be calling Ijeoma, Ijeoma. Ijeoma, Ijeoma, Ijeoma. When you lie down, Ijeoma, in your car, Ijeoma, in your work place, Ijeoma. Because I'm your wife, I'm your wife, I'm your wife. Find me, find me, husband. Find me, find me. [sighs] In Jesus's name, amen. ["Hallelujah Chorus" plays] Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah For the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth For the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth Hallelujah [both scream] Who are you and how did you get in here? You can see me? You can hear me? Which kind of mad man is this in my room again? [exclaims] Did you touch me? Did you molest me? Huh? Why would I want to touch you? Why wouldn't you want to touch me? Why would I want to touch a man? Ah! So because I'm in pajamas? It is your mother, your sisters, your aunties, -and all the women in your family that-- -It's your own mama that is a man. How am I supposed to know you're a girl? Where are the breasts? Oh, God. [muttering] God, what's happening? This can't be my soul mate. [in Pidgin] Excuse me, soul what? Soul mate? [in Igbo and Yoruba] God forbid! -Never! Get out! -[Patrick] What are you-- Stop! -I said get out! -Will you stop-- -Get out! -Will you stop stoning me? By the time I kill you, stoning you will be the least of your worries. You can't kill me. I'm already a ghost. You are a what? Gho-o-o-st. [laughing] Okay, he's a ghost. Oh, as in Banana Island Ghost, right? [in Igbo] Just wait for me. I'll show you today how they kill ghosts in my village, I'm coming. [in English] But you can't kill me. I'm really a ghost. God, I said Kim K, Kim K. Not... Kelechi. [groans] [gasps] [both scream] Oh, my God, I've killed somebody. I've killed somebody. I've killed somebody. [in Igbo] What have I done? I have killed somebody. [in English] He brought the fight to you. Ijeoma, calm down! He brought the fight to you. You killed him. Self-defense. All right. [muttering] [crying] I've killed somebody. I've killed... [in Pidgin] Oh, so you know what you did was wrong, right? I can't... [sighs] Hey. Psst. [straining] God! God! God! It's not about how loud you shout, Patrick. So you could hear me? See, this experiment you are trying to do, me and that-- that-- That what? It can't work. I asked you for a fine girl. I mean, correct babe. Every one of my children are beautiful. All of you are made in my image. Unless, of course, you think I'm not good-looking. -No, no... -[chuckles] I was just asking for, you know, a sexy mama. You know, a Damilola Adegbite-kind of woman. Actually, that's not what you said. -I know what I asked for. -Come, let me play you the video. -You mean like heaven CCTV? -Come. Let me show you what you asked for. I want a correct woman, not all these yeye yeye small girls. -But you know what I was talking about. -[laughs] Power of the tongue, Patrick, power of the tongue. -[clicks tongue] -Listen, get to know her. You never know what you might find. Hmm? -It's because of you... -[laughs] [mutters] [gasps] It was a dream. It was a dream. Mr. Ghost Man? [sighs] I need to stop watching Africa Magic Epic after 10:00. [upbeat music playing] [music continues on headphones] [Patrick] I'm back. [Ijeoma] Oh, my God. This broke ghost again. [groans] [music continues] Leave me alone, this useless ghost. Sorry, I'm just on the phone. [laughing] It's not funny. Oh, don't you know it's rude to ignore someone who's trying to talk to you, hmm? -Well, I don't want to talk to you. -[man chuckling] Yes! Yes, Stanley. Yes, I told him I wouldn't accept anything less than 30,000. Great British pound sterling, you pleb. I mean... This Lagos self, hmm? The person you want to talk to does not want to talk to you. It's the one you don't want to talk to that-- Really? A wire transfer? Have them call my banker! Don't be so barbaric! [laughs] I mean, it's ridiculous. It's absolutely preposterous. My phone... My phone! Who took my phone? Who took my phone? Oh, okay. [in Pidgin] It seems like you guys want to see a crazy person. We will all die here together. Did you take my phone? You took my phone! -Perfect. -[rap music playing] You took my phone! Where is my phone? -No! Where is my phone? -[all clamoring] [Patrick] Stop it! What are you doing? Stop! [all shouting, indistinct] [stammering] Come back here! [Ijeoma] What is it? [Patrick] What do you mean by what is it? You just stole from all those people. [Ijeoma in Pidgin] Please, you broke ghost. If you don't have 18 million naira, just get out of my way. [in English] Is that all that matters to you, one stupid house in Banana Island? How much can you possibly have made from those people that will help your 18 million? People that ride BRT every day. So you think they don't need money too? [in Pidgin] Oh, oh, oh, you just want to be pretending that you are big girl. [in English] Meanwhile, you ride BRT to work everyday. My father died for that house, and I will be damned if I let them take it away after his hard work. Someone will just enter your life and be talking rubbish about something they know nothing about. Why don't you just go back to hell? Because you are surely too stupid to have come from heaven. Chief bus defender... [knocking] [Ijeoma] Morning, sir. Good morning. Um... I just wanted to... ask you a question. It's somewhat of a personal matter. Hmm? Sir, I consider myself one of your valued employees because I've worked here for quite a while. Ijeoma, as you can see, I am very busy. Spit it out. Okay, sir. Um... So I would like to humbly request a salary advance. -Advance? -Yes, sir. Nigerians and their advance. How much of an advance would you like, Ijeoma? -Seven... -Seven months? Are you out of your mind? No, it's not... not really. What I was really trying to say was... [clears throat] Sir... Seven years. You said seven years, is that right? Is that what you said? Yes, sir. -Sit down. -Okay. -Seven years? -Yes, sir. Not seven months, seven years? [laughs] Whoo! [clears throat] I'm sorry. Would you like some? -No, thank you. -No? Okay? -Ijeoma... -Sir. You are a Neanderthal, a nincompoop, an imbecile. [in Yoruba] And so, sir, should I just assume that that seven years can't work? [in English] Get out of my office! Get out of my office! Nonsense! -[faint whoosh] -[Patrick] Hello. Look, not right now, I can't... Look, I'm sorry for what I said. It doesn't matter. My boss has turned me down. I don't have the money, which means I'll probably lose the house. Come on! You still have three days. You still have me. And you are still the brokest ghost in history, so? Hey, hey, hey! Hey! [laughing] [woman] Oh, my goodness, did you see her? Oh, my gosh, it's her. Who? The evil twins from the office, Ogbanje and Mamiwater. -[laughter continues] -Evil. The ones that call me Hippo. -They call you what? -Hippo! -That's just mean. -[laughing] Is it, though? [screams] -Why-- What did you do? -Ugh, you are so dramatic. [upbeat music playing] [screams] -[gasps] -[sputtering] -[Ogbanje] Is that-- Oh, my God! -[Mamiwater shouting] [both screaming] [both crying] Hippo... My hair... [cries] [music continues] Baby, hey. How are you doing? Don't "baby" me. Who's that? She's my cousin. [soaring music plays] -Your cousin? -Mm-hmm. We have the same nose. So, why haven't you called me in over a week? Baby, my phone got stolen, what could I do? Hmm? -Your phone got stolen? -Mm-hmm. [phone ringtone plays] -Really? -[chuckles] I had to get another one quickly. In fact, that's why I'm here. This guy is just worrying me anyhow. I just need like... 200K. -Huh? 200K? -Mm-hmm. Oh, babe, it's gonna be tight. Because you know I need all the money I can get for my father's house. I know, I understand, but like I told you, I have a 50-million naira contract coming from Lagos State any day now. That 18 million of yours, we'll clear it. [in Pidgin] No problem. I got you, baby. I just need you to hook me up for a day or two, huh? -[in Pidgin] All this. -Please, now. You've come again. Wait. -[in English] Here you go. -Wow. That's my baby. [chuckles] Now give me some sugar. Hmm? -Ow! -[winces] -Um, that was-- It's not like me. -Just, you know like-- yeah, maybe... -Tomorrow. -Tomorrow. I can't believe she actually gave them to you. I'm bad. You don't trust your boy. -[woman] Be adorable. -[mouths words] [muttering] You're kidding me. You know he's lying. -Leave me alone. Is it your money? -It's not your money either. So you steal from all those people not to save your father's house, but to give to some loser. He's not a loser. He's my boyfriend. I hope jealousy will not kill you dead. Oh, sorry, too late. You know what? I don't know what I'm doing here. You are not a good person. You're a thief, a liar. You don't care about anybody but yourself. In fact, I'm done. You can do whatever you like. Okay, go! Go! Useless ghost. Broke ghost. Animal. Oh, I'm practicing for my play. [laughs] [dramatic voice] Broke Ghost, useless ghost, animal! [hip-hop music playing] [music continues on headphones] [Patrick slurps] [screams] [no audible dialogue] You don't like the clothes? Whoa... Mom, you didn't have to. They are beautiful, thank you so much. How long do you have left? Two days. And how much do you have left? [sighs] 16.4 million. Mom, I've tried everything. I've done everything. I don't know what else to do. All right, um... come. To where? Please come. [exhales, mutters] Uh-oh... [whistling] [continues whistling] Patrick? [in Pidgin] Father. You know the meaning of omnipresent, right? Um... So, what were you doing here? You know, I didn't finish university when I was alive, so I thought it would be good to come and listen to some lectures. [chuckles] You know what they say, it's never too late. Never too late for what? To be sleeping in lectures? Do you think it's such a good use of your time, seeing as your soul mate has such an important afternoon? God forbid-- I mean, you forbid. That girl is not my soul mate. Eh? Look, I know you don't make mistakes. Maybe miscalculations or something, but... Everything has a plan, son, and everyone has a purpose within that plan. Yours is not to steal people's ice cream or watch Damilola Adegbite get naked. Ah-ha! It was you, totally unfair. It's okay, God, I don't need a soul mate for heaven anymore. I just want to enjoy my last two days on earth and then go back to the streets of gold. Yeah. -[thunder rumbling] -[God] You fool of a Took! [wind blowing] Maybe I should send you down to the abyss... and rid us all of your stupidity. [birds chirping] Come. I need you, son. Your purpose is the most important of all... to help others find their purpose. Have you ever wondered why that chair was there? I don't know, because Dad wanted it there? Hmm. No. As a little girl, when you took ill, your father would rock you to sleep in that chair. Both of you spent many nights here. And then I would come in and switch off that light. I bet that light hasn't come on in many years. [electricity sparks] It's as if someone heard us, as if your father heard us. You have no idea. [mouths] Thank you. So, my darling, a home is not about the bricks or cement, or being in Banana Island. It's about the love in it. Your father gave up everything, not because of this house, but because he wanted to give us a better life. And I would really hate to see you throw away that life because of cement and bricks. Sweetheart, this is no longer a home. Think about it, okay? -I will. -Oh, darling. -[sniffles] -It's okay. It's all right. Yeah, come on. See me off. See me off. Bye, Mom. Love you. [sighs] So, you're back. Why? To torture me? Because you have a charity event to get to. I'm not going to that. But you promised those people that you'd sing. I mean, they're counting on you. Yeah, I know I promised them, but look, I don't even have anything to wear. -It's in your room. -What is in my room? -Why don't you find out? -Patrick, did you... What? No! [upbeat music playing] [gasps] No! Oh, my God... no! Are you serious? Like-- Oh, no, look! Oh, my God! Oh, my God, look at this. Ah! Wait, how did you get this dress? Did you steal it? No, I borrowed it. You should go and shower. You smell like isi ewu. You just want to see me naked. Who says I haven't already? [chuckles] -Nasty ghost. -Go get ready. I can never get used to this. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God... [Patrick] Go get ready. Go get ready. Go get ready. [on speakers] Go get ready. Go get ready. [laughs] That's my new trick. I can enter into speakers now. [in Pidgin] It seems like you're misusing your ghostly power. I'm gonna go get ready. [romantic music playing] Hmm. "Caution. For extreme constipation only. May cause severe diarrhea. Half a pill only." [music continues] [Patrick] Half a pill, eh? One pill. Two pills, three... Ah, what the hell. [no audible dialogue] [music continues] [stomach rumbles] [groans softly] [rumbling continues] [gasps] Why'd you lock this door? -[stomach rumbles] -Why would I lock any door? Yeah? Then who did it, a ghost? [farts] Why did you give me a rotten strawberry? [rumbles] [farting] [farting] [farting continues] What is going on? [grunting] [diarrhea noises] [crying] Please. Please open the door. Open-- [diarrhea noises] Kilode, Kilode... are you okay? -[diarrhea continues] -Ah! No, no, no, no... [sobbing] [mutters] You look... beautiful. -Thank you. -You're welcome. Is that my dad's suit? Oh... I got this from one of the closets upstairs. I hope you don't mind. No. You look very handsome in it. Thank you. -Shall we? -Of course. [audience clapping] [piano: Cobhams Asuquo's "Empty"] [Ijeoma vocalizing] Swimming against the current Swimming against the current I think I need you I need you I'm trying so hard to finish I'm trying so hard to finish strong And I need you I need you I'm trying to make sense of it Trying to make sense of it all But I can't And that's the truth Oh You're all I've ever needed You're all I've ever needed And I don't know the truth [vocalizing] You are my star Show me the way The way back to you You are my sun You brighten my gray Make my sky blue You are the light in my dark Without you my world would be so empty Empty You fill the space in my heart Please don't leave me feeling so empty Empty Yeah Thank you. I guess they valet Kias here now. [laughing] [whispers] Hey, I have an idea. Follow my lead. -Patrick. -[car chimes] [engine revs] [Patrick on speakers] Good evening, ma'am. Would you like to drive? Or would you like Google to drive for you? Google, please. [engine revving] For your information, it's not just a Kia. It is the first Google car in Nigeria. What do you have? A common Range Rover that all of these yahoo yahoo boys have finished buying for all of their chingum girlfriends. [Patrick] How was your charity event this evening, madam? Oh, it was wonderful, Patrick, except for a few... haters. Well, you know what Taylor Swift would say: Haters going to hate, hate, hate, hate... Which one is Taylor Swift again? Don't you know where we are? [in Pidgin] My friend, give me something with a bit more ingenuity. Sorry, ma'am. Switching to Google NG now. [in Pidgin] Hello, madam. You want to show them who you are? Show them. [hip-hop music plays] [cackles] Meh. [scoffs] Animal. I remember how proud he was when he got that house. I mean, I was still a little girl, but I remember how happy it made him. And then the bank had to do some downsizing and they let him go. He probably should've sold the house, but... he decided to work four jobs just to keep it. Bank director one day has become a taxi driver the next. If you don't want to talk about this, you don't have to. No, I need to talk about this. Twelve years of hard work. Twelve years, and he misses one payment, just one payment, and that same bank starts to foreclose on the house. He had a heart attack the same day the letter came. He didn't even make it to the hospital. I guess... I guess the bank felt guilty, so they gave us eight years to pay up. And that ends tomorrow. And I'm still nowhere near 18 million naira. [crying] You know, I think you and your father worked too hard to let the bank take it away just like that. Did you hear me? I said I am nowhere near 18 million naira, and you're still the brokest ghost I know. -Yes... poker! -[in Igbo] What? There's this underground poker tournament every year. Well, the guys involved are very dangerous people. I've never had 1 million naira to enter, but I'm a very good player. Who cares if you are a very good player? All you have to do is look at people's hands, tell me what to play, and that's it. -Brilliant idea, Patrick. Yay! Yes-- -No, no, no. That would be cheating, which is stealing. But you said they are bad guys. They steal from other people, we steal from them. No harm, no foul. It's brilliant. You've done it this way all your life. Maybe it's time to try a different way. The right way. [Cobhams Asuquo's "Empty" plays] Trust me. I really need a miracle Patrick. Tell me, is that you? Trust me. Is that you? I really need a miracle I really need a miracle Tell me, is that you? I really need a miracle I really need a miracle Tell me, is that you? Is that you? 'Cause I really need a miracle I really need a miracle Tell me, is that you? You are my star... Good morning, sunshine. Let me get this straight. You had the beautiful idea to serve me breakfast in bed, you got tired of waiting, and decided to eat it? What do you need food for? I'm the one who's doing all the work at the tournament. All you have to do is sit back, relax, and just play whatever I ask you to play. Why can't you just look at people's hands and then tell me what to play? Hmm, no. I told you before, no cheating. We have to do this one fair and square. Look, are you sure you can do that? I have beaten the current champion at many smaller games. The only problem is I never had enough money to enter into the tournament. Okay, but why did you say they were dangerous people? Because it's all the bad guys in the city, and it's run by this Mr. King. Did you just say Mr. King? The same Mr. King that has one pelenge, mosquito-looking, like Indian bodyguard -with a scarf on her face? -You know him? Know him? That's the man that's trying to buy this house right from under me. [chuckles] That is not good. That man is a bad man, but don't worry. -You can come with your own bodyguard. -Really? I know who my bodyguard is going to be. Is that your useless Banana Island police boyfriend, right? Uh-uh. Don't be jealous. Just see it as our marketing communication strategy. When I'm trying to talk to you, I just talk to him, see? I need to go get ready. Yeah, go get ready for your Banana Island police boyfriend. Jealousy is the root of hatred I'm taking my flower back. Oh, no, no, no. Please don't take the flower. You know I have to eat it now, seeing as there's no breakfast. [muttering] -[DPO breathing heavily] -[woman moaning on computer] -[in Yoruba] Oh, crazy white girls. -[knocking] Devil is a liar! -My D-- Oh, my God. -[moaning on computer continues] -Hey... -[computer stops] [exclaims] -Let me help you, sir. -Are you mad? -Sir? -Go, go, go back! I will deal with you later. Hello, my sweet potato. Don't "sweet potato" me. [in Pidgin] Didn't I hear a white woman on your computer just now? [moaning] -Huh? -[in English] "Sweet potato." -Me? -Yes. No, no. Maybe you heard that from outside. Not here, not here at all. -Outside? -Yes. [stammering] You see, I needed to iron my trousers. I knew you'd be coming here today so... You! What are you still waiting for there? -Sir! -Get out! Yes, sir! [in Yoruba] What a pity! [in English] Sorry, my sweetheart. [stammers] Yes, my darling. Now, why are you here? -Do you need anything? -[mutters] Is that how you greet your sweet potato? Ijeoma, as you are touching me, as you are touching me, it's okay. But Ijeoma, warn yourself. Warn yourself. Now tell me, what do you want? -[in Pidgin] Don't be angry. -Angry? Why? -[in English] I need a gun. -Huh? Ah, I.J., what do you need a gun for? Why? Ah, no, no, no. Uh-uh. Look, I have to go somewhere dangerous. Okay. In that case... All right, I will give you my men. -They will follow you. -No, no, I can't take police there. Okay, they will wear mofty. No, I'm only allowed to go with one bodyguard. But, IJ, what is going on? Where are you going that you need a bodyguard, you need gun? What happened? I'm trying to win some money for my father's house. IJ, you and this, your father's house thing, be careful, be careful. Anyway, I will follow you. I will be your bodyguard. -Eh? -I will follow you, I will. But IJ, please, I am doing all this for the sake of love. -I'm not joking. -Thank you, DPO. You are my property, I must protect you. But these are dangerous people. What do you mean dangerous, IJ? [scoffs] Sergeant! Sergeant! Now, we are going for one special operation and you must be on alert. I want you to gather all the men in this zone. Hmm? Once I give you a call, -you must come there. -Okay, sir! -When I say attack... -We attack. -When I say withdraw... -We attack. [in Yoruba] I hope you're fine? -Hold on. When I say attack, then attack. -We attack. When I say withdraw, you do what? -We should attack? That is it. -Where? [in English] Fall out. Ah, minus one. [door closes] Don't worry, he is the best. One of the best you can be proud of anywhere. -I.J., yes. -Aw, thank you, DPO. Thank you so much. -I will do anything for you. -You are such a good friend. [laughing] Attack! [hip-hop music playing] What up, people? It's your boy, DJ Obi. And welcome to King Industries Annual Poker Tournament. Shout-out to Mr. King for making all this happen. If you're ready, I'm ready. Let's get it! [music continues] [no audible dialogue] [music continues] [upbeat music playing] [no audible dialogue] I can't-- I can't do this. I need to go to the toilet. [camera hums, whirs] [Mr. King laughs] [hip-hop music playing] [sighs] I'm sorry. I thought I could do this. I thought I would be the hero and save your father's house, but I messed up everything. But we are not done yet. That's it, we are down to 200,000 when we should be going to 18 million. [sighs] You see, that's the problem. You're playing for the house. If we're not playing for the house, then why are we here? Listen, Patrick... I'm so sorry because I've been so selfish. I've carried this burden around for so long and I've been looking for someone to pass it on to. It never occurred to me once to even bother to ask about how this is all affecting you and why you're here. I've just been worried about me, me, me, and me, and that house. Here we are, you're at a tournament you've always wanted to play in, and once again, you're playing for that house. So... what are you saying? I'm saying I don't want you to play for that house. I want you to play for you. There are so many things that are way more important than a house in Banana Island. I mean, things like-- like family, like friendship... like love. [pounding on door] [hip-hop music playing] Whoo-hoo! [no audible dialogue] [camera whirs] [cheering, laughing] Shit. She can't come here, use my game to beat me, and get that house. How did she get in? [in Hausa] What can I do? [music continues] [Ijeoma, in English] I want to go all in blind. Wait. [camera whirs] [dealer] Are you sure, madam? Yeah. Yes. -Yeah. -You know what? I may be losing anyways, but I'm not going to sit here and let this arrogant girl beat us all. I'm all in. [Patrick] Do you trust me? Do you trust me? [Ijeoma] I don't just trust you... I love you. [DJ Obi] Looks like we have a winner, people. Yeah! [DJ Obi shouting, indistinct] [man] Stop, stop! Stop, I said. [laughs] She loves me. She... I mean, she... She loves me! Three days... I love you, you love me Won't someone just help me? I've been on this earth for 34 years and no one loved me. But just three days as a ghost and the most amazing woman loves me. And that most amazing woman needs you, Patrick. -[laughing] She loves me! -Patrick! She needs you. Enough! Ahh! You are the most frustrating human being ever. Do you want to lose your life because of 20 million or a house in Banana Island? How did you ever think you were going to beat me? How? You and this clown you brought? Twenty million? You lost it, it's over! I have guns, I have a ninja. What do you have? What do you have? [wind blowing] [no audible dialogue] She has a ghost. Get her. [bones cracking] [cracking continues] [grunting] [in Hausa] Hey! I'm in trouble! Who's there? Come out. Let me see you. [DPO exclaims] [in English] You are shooting the Banana Island DPO, soon to become area commander. Surrender now. I am coming out. -[gunfire] -[yelps] [in Yoruba] This guy is quite insane. -Hello. Over. -[bullets ricocheting] DPO. Should we attack? -[DPO exclaims] -Over. -I need men here! -Sir? -I want you all to come down here! -Should we attack? Come down as a police officer of the federal republic of this country. Sir? Should we attack? [in Yoruba] You're quite foolish. Action, yeah! [in English] Attack! Attack! Attack! Attack! Attack! Give it to me. Hey! [all shouting] [no audible dialogue] I'm so passionate about my country. Are we ready? -Yeah! -Let's go! Arise, O compatriots Nigeria's call obey To serve our fatherland With love and strength and faith The labor of our heroes past Shall never be in vain To serve with heart and might One nation bound in freedom Peace and unity [all cheering] It's okay! Verse two. O God of creation... [heartbeat thumping] [grunts] [heartbeat continues] [panting] Nonsense. [bones cracking] Ninja, ninja, see yourself? [exclaims] See yourself? [in Igbo] Come. [in English] Are you on bleaching cream? You are bleaching? So Indians are bleaching too? Hey! What am I not gonna see in this, my life? [gasps] Jesus, Chineke. Did you say Chineke? [in Igbo] Where are you from? Where are you from? Enugu? Owerri? Raised in Aba? Where are you from? Answer me quickly! I'm from Awka. You're from Awka? So you're from Awka? And you're performing magic! [in English] You've got no respect for your elders! You know what? Stay here. Don't move. Let me pursue my money. [in Igbo] Wait a minute. Where are the police? Where is this police? Wickedness. [In English] Don't try it! Which one you want? [in Pidgin] Honestly, sir. Give me Rambo. I'm not scared. Attack! -Yes, sir! -Which style? Sir, give me X and O. X... and the O. Attack! [growls] -Yes, sir! -Which style? -[in Pidgin] It's Ogbomosho I want, sir! -Ogbomosho! Yes, sir! -I will give it to you. -Yes, sir! -I believe in you. -Yes, sir! -It's your style. -Yes, sir! -Attack! -Yes, sir! -Uh-uh. Dudu? -Yes, sir! I've told you before. You can't waste Nigeria's resources. It won't show. But I want to strike, sir. -It's not going to show. -Yes, sir! -Move. -Yes, sir! -Fall out. Next! -Yes, sir! -Which one? -Any one, sir. -Any style? -Yes, sir! Eye shadow. Hmm! Hmm! [gunshot] Ijeoma... [stammers] Ijeoma. No... She can't die. She can't... She can't die. She's my soul mate. Now... she can come to heaven. I didn't mean for her to die. What did you think would happen, Patrick? How else did you think you could take her to heaven with you? You thought only of the thing that you wanted? But did you stop to think what that could mean for her? Please, God. Please... She-- She can't die. She can't, please. Even if it means... you won't go to heaven? Yes. Now... you're ready to go to heaven. -She will be fine. -[Ijeoma coughs] Ijeoma. Ijeoma. Hey, you can see me? I saved your life, you know. [in Pidgin] Please, can you keep quiet? -You almost crossed. -That's not the issue. -You are still a useless goat, animal. -My friend, get out. [God clears throat] Um, Patrick. I think we should be on our way now. Ijeoma! [Patrick] I will always be with you, my love. [no audible dialogue] [whistling] Am I free to go now? Free to go, ke? I brought you a friend. What are you talking about? [DPO] Congratulations. This is the Warri mountain. No, please! No, no, no, please help me... -Don't worry. -Help me, please! -You just enjoy yourself. -I have money. Take your time and be a very good dancer to his music. -Please help me. Help me, please! -[whistling] No! No! Come back and help me! Please! Please! Help me! [upbeat music playing] |
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