Tom's always is the tail light,
isn't he?
- I've gotta save my energy for ladies
at the club tonight. - Yeah, sure buddy.
- Who told you we're going
to the club tonight? - His dick!
All right... Three things
that make life worth living?
Cool movies!
Good beer!
Good sex!
Men have such primitive urges.
- And that's a damn good thing!
- Homo!
Hey, so why is Mandy
the only woman coming out here?
You can't tell?
Gang Bang?!
- Okay, I've gotta mark my territory.
- Me too.
Fishing for compliments?!
Hah!
- Ya know, I'm not gay.
- Sure you aren't, fag.
- Seriously. I've had sex before.
- I know, buddy.
- Sure, but men can also fuck men!
- Men can fuck everything with legs!
- And you'd do that?
- Not with you!
- The forest found new victims!
- Leave them die, hah!
You know, Nina, before
you get in the car,
I have to tell you
something.
You know, since the very
first day I ever saw you...
I've been crazy about you.
I'm still crazy about you.
To this day,
I'm still crazy about you.
And I can't even
fucking think straight.
Oh uh... You just wanna be
friends, huh?
Just friends huh? Alright...
Just friends. Yeah.
That's okay.
Just friends...
damn it.
You just gotta figure out
all the possibilities, man.
I mean, you're figure
something out.
Whatever.
So, when does her flight get in?
I dunno. A half hour or
so? Yeah, a half hour.
I gotta pick her up
at the airport.
Poor baby! Having to pick up the
hottest girl I've ever laid eyes on!
What an agony!
I mean, that's a Grade-A piece of ass
right there, man. You ever hit that?
C'mon, you know
we're just friends.
But nothing? Ever?
Don't tell her I told you this,
but about six years ago, um...
We had a little
too much vodka...
...and we went to her parents' lodge
and we made out... but that was it.
And you didn't fuck her?
You tool.
Look, she lives in New
York. I live in Germany now.
I mean, it just doesn't make
sense to start a relationship.
So? Who needs a relationship?
Just... bang her.
- Don't talk shit.
- I just tell it like it is, bro.
Yeah? Well don't.
Come off it, man.
I mean,
she's coming all the way
down from New York to see you.
She's gotta have some kind of
feeling for you.
Ya know, you've just
gotta think positive.
A beautiful actress
from New York...
...a lonely guy from Germany.
It just screams for a happy ending.
I dunno. It sounds like
'Mission: Impossible'.
Well, if it sounds impossible,
you'll just have to find yourself
a new girl to obbsess over.
Oh yeah? Well,
I'll do that... buddy.
I got it.
So, where are you? I thought
you were gonna pick me up at the airport.
Mikey's Dungeon of Love.
Ten bucks and
we love you long time.
Shut up freak.
Get Michael.
Oh baby, you're so naughty.
Don't stop.
Give me the fucking phone.
Mikey!
It's your mom!
- Hello? - Why do you keep hanging out
with that jerk... They lost my luggage.
C'mon, he's okay...
a bit freaky, but okay.
And keep him in mind the next time
you have a barbeque...
...you wanna have him
come over,
because he'll get rid of the flies and
the ants and all the stuff like that.
Yeah, I had a layover in Amsterdam,
but it was fast.
God, I'm sorry, Nina. David
was talking my ear off.
I'm sorry.
I lost track of time.
Seriously, it's fine. I mean,
I'm here and I'm in one piece,
so that's all that matters, right?
So, do you wanna take a nap
when you get inside?
No, I think I'll just catch a shower,
quick shot of vodka, and I'll be good to go.
Vodka?
You're still drinkin' that shit?
Hell yeah! Kept my granddaddy alive
until he was 98!
Oh, it's so good
to see you, Michael.
It's good to see you too.
You look... um, well.
"Well"?! Haha!
Jeez, ya ol' charmer!
Guys! Good to see you!
Come right in! Whoa.
Well, it's great to see you, too!
Yeah, I had a good day too! Come right in!
- So, David, where's Linda these days?
- Gone with the wind, baby.
- Really? Why?
- She caught David in that...
...eighteen-years-old
girl named Yvette.
God, you're disgusting.
- That's not what she said!
- Why are you proud of that? That's awful!
Well, I caught her doing
the same goddamn thing...
...to me three weeks earlier.
Well, my mom used to say, "Do unto others
as you would have them do unto you. "
More like
"Screw unto others"!
So anyways, Nina.
Are you up for uh,
some German countryside tomorrow?
All little roadside gravel?
Yeah, sure.
Sounds nice!
- All right, well, you've got to get up
eary enough. - That's fine.
- In the morning?! - Yeah.
- Good luck with that, buddy!
- Aw, come on, you little shit! - Ah,
we're too old to go on a camping trip...
...and you're not dragging my
sorry ass out of bed before noon.
We'll see about that.
So Nina, you're like an
actress or something now?
Yeah, something like that.
Okay, for the sake of
necessary conversation,
what was the favorite role
you ever did?
- That I ever played?
- Sure. Why not?
I dunno, umm... I played this mom once,
with these three little kids.
It was a real serious role.
The kids die in a car wreck,
I wind up going insane, become an
alcoholic and blow my brains out.
- Wow, sounds like a real laugh riot!
- Yeah, it was rough.
Was it even fun doing
anything that dark?
Yeah, well the director was an asshole,
but I guess it could have been.
Why?
You like the dark stuff?
- David, what about you? - Me?
- I haven't heard you in like over a year.
- What? No e-mail or anything
ya big dork? - Ahh...
Lot of ladies,
problems with my PC, pot...
- Aw, come on...
- You really wanna know?
Yeah, I'm not asking
for my health, man!
Okay, I work for a TV station
in Hannover doing the news.
Nothing special, not enough money
but the ladies seem to like it.
I am the cameraman
on weeknights...
...and it seems to impress the
babes to see my name in the credits.
News? But that's not your thing, though.
- Nah, I'm better than the news. - Seriously.
You're a really good photographer, David.
You'll make it
in the business one day.
Excuse me, but can we uh...
You're a fucking perv, but
you're a talented fucking perv.
- Why thank you, Nina!
- So welcome! Any time!
- Hey, look! That's where we're going to go!
- Ah no, that's too high!
Aww, come on, man. It is such
a beautiful day. No retreat.
- Wait a minute.
- Why? What's up?
- This is an animal sanctuary, right?
- And...?
Then there's no better place
to let the snake out.
Snake? Yeah, and let me guess...
it's big and bad, too?
Sure, this monster could
swallow you whole!
Eh, go take a leak, you jerk.
You piss me off.
Is this a threat?
Andre?
Hello? Andre.
Andre? Come on, I've got
some snake food for ya...
Whoa! Is he gonna... Whoa!
- What the hell are you doing?
- Come on in, guys!
- The water's great!
- Oh no no, no...
- Haha! You first! - No I'm not goin'
in there! You go! Ladies first!
I am not going in with
that perv, by myself.
- Well, I'm not g-...
No! - I dare you!
I bet you don't think
I would, huh?
- No!
- All right, fine!
Okay... right.
I m not shy.
- Come on in!
- Yeah!
Yeah, come on!
Yeah, come on in, Mike.
- How is it? - It's great!
Come in! - Is it cold?
- Come in! - Come on!
Take your clothes off!
- Okay, okay...
- Yeah! Yeah right!
- Ready? - We've got a major sausage party
going on in here. - Get naked! Come on!
- Psyche! - Hey! Hey! Hey!
What are you doing?!
I will see you
back at the car!
- Hey, come back!
- Hey, hey! Come on! Don't do that!
- Hey!
- Hey, come back, you bitch!
Hey, you!
- Take these.
- Hey, hey you...
Hey you... You!
You! Could you tell her?
- Yeah, you!
- Are you talking to me?
- Thank you!
- Me?
- Where does this path go?
- To Waterfall Lake.
Awesome.
I love waterfalls.
Well, I hate to break it to
you, honey, but there aren't any.
I don't know why the
fuck they call it that,
- ... but they do.
- Frickin' Germany.
Do you have any ideas
where the bathroom would be?
Yeah. Right straight
ahead about fifteen meters,
there's a tree that's just p-...
- Ah, I get ya...
Watch out baby. Could be some nasty
shit out here. Wolves... bears...
And your fat
fucking mother!
- Ouch!
- Bears and wolves in Germany?
- Ya know, you're one beer short of
a six pack. - Ah, whatever!
Hey!
Tree, my ass!
Hello? Hello?
Fucking Germany.
Where is that tree?
David, if that's you, you've crossed
the line, even for a fucking perv!
Show's over, dick!
- You're fucking nasty
David! - What?! - What?!
David he was watching
me go to the bathroom!
- Sorry hotlips, but I've been chillin' here
with Mikey since you left! - Grow up!
I'm being serious! Hey what's up
with the woman of your dreams?
- I dunno. Maybe she just doesn't like you...
- Bull shit! I'm the man!
Cut her some slack.
She probably still has jetlag.
Eh, okay...
Well, off it goes!
Nina wait...
Will you wait? Wait!
- He was with me the whole time, swear.
- You promise? - I swear!
Well, he acts a bit weird sometimes.
You can't blame me for thinking it was him!
Yeah, but you were a bit hard
on him, don't ya think?
Look, I know you're stressed.
Everything's all right, isn't it?
I... hope so.
That's why I'm here.
- You've gotta leave the past behind.
- It's tough, Michael.
I know, but ya know what? Just
because Rob got custody of your girl,
doesn't mean... you can't put up a
fight. You can get her back you know.
You're right. I just hate the thought of
my little girl just growing up by herself.
Look, I know you hate
to hear this,
but he does sound like a
good father. I mean I don't...
That's what everybody
thinks. But you know what?
He lies to her.
He lies to her about me.
Everyone just thinks I'm this little
starving artist, just begging for a bone...
- No one takes me seriously, Michael.
- That's bullshit.
You... Your parents are proud of you...
I'm proud of you.
Your daughter's old enough to know
if he's lying to her or not.
I mean, ya know.
She's a smart girl.
She is...
What's up?
Rehersal for another dying scene?
- Hey, hey! What the fuck?
- Michael, he didn't know.
- Hey! Do you know how much shit
she's been through?! - Oh shit! I didn't!
Well, just because your
dreamgirl's here doesn't mean...
...you have to treat me
like shit!
Hey man, I'm sorry!
Okay?! I'm sorry!
It's all right, we're
just a little high-strung.
This camping trip will
do us all a little good.
- I hope... damn it.
- Hey, sorry about unloading on you.
Any time.
So... 'dreamgirl', huh?
- Maybe.
- C'mon.
Hey buddy.
What's up?
No, nothing's happened with her yet...
but give me thirty minutes.
Nah, I'm just cleaning up
and brushing my teeth...
Ok, man. I'll call you later.
Ya know, Michael,
she's all I've got.
All I've ever wanted was a big
family. I just love her so much.
She's my whole life.
Well why don't ya just find yourself
a good man and... get her back?
I don't need a man
to be a good mother.
That's not what I'm
saying. I'm just saying...
You've got to find yourself
a good man, ya know?
Hah!
Where did that come from?!
Forget it... I just...
I want you to be happy.
Well, you could always move
to New York with me and shack up!
Hah! Kidding! Kidding!
Yeah... Kidding.
Ah, shit.
Shit!
- What is it, guys?
- The fucking car won't start!
- Wait, wait...
- The battery's dead!
- Hey, calm down, Mike. It's okay.
- Look! It won't start!
Shit! Now what do we do?
Huh?!
Fuck... Fuck! I'm gonna
find out what's wrong!
I have no idea...
about... cars.
I mean, my grandfather
was a mechanic,
but it didn't rub off on me,
so I have no idea what'm doing.
Yeah, well, I take the subway,
so... can't help you.
- Great fucking vacation. - Mike calm down!
It's not the end of the world!
Crazy girl is right, bro! Relax!
We're supposed to be having fun!
Fun?
The car won't start! I mean,
what the hell are we gonna do?
The car won't start! Will you
please come here? Can you help me?
- Um, how about 'No'?
- Will you please come here?!
As I said - We're supposed
to be having fun!
Forget about the car right
now! Grab a sleeping bag!
We can't leave the car here,
just like this! I mean...
You know, he's got a
point. Let's lock it up.
We'll just leave it right here.
We can't just leave
the car like this!
Hurry up, Mike.
Come on.
Come on! Just leave
the stuff in the car.
We can get back and
pick it up any time!
- Hey!
- Hurry up, Mike! Come on!
- Did someone get the tent?
- Got it right here.
- Mike! Come on! The perv's checking
me out! - Too late! - Hah!
Hey, you're still awake.
Yeah. I was thinking about you
leaving me in two weeks for London.
Yep, I hate it, but it's only
two weeks chilling with the boys.
And your vocabulary?
Should we work on it a little more?
Really?
Now?
Give me a massage.
Ahm: Please give me
a massage.
- Mmmm... Very good boy.
- Thank you.
- Kiss my neck...
- 'Kiss my neck'.
- Whoa. I feel like I need a cold shower.
- I think you need a cold shower.
No, not yet.
- WHOA!
- Close your eyes...
- Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- Me!
- Me... who?
Come and get me.
(People are singing)
Nina, look. This is
'Landschaftsschutzgebiet'
Lambchop Shishkabob?
No no, it's pronounced:
'Land - schafts - schutz - gebiet'.
- Lannnd - shoft - skoch - kapeech?
- Landschaftsschutzgebiet.
Lambchop shishkabob!
Lambchop Shishkabob! Haha!
I don't know how I feel
about being here, Mike.
I mean, I feel guilty
being here with you...
...when I should be home,
trying to get Tasha back.
Yeah, but you need some time to yourself.
You can't be fighting all the time.
- This's good for you! Come on!
- You're 'prolly right.
You need to relax.
I'm lad,
I'm here relaxing with you.
Ya know, Nina... I do think about you a lot.
I think about you a lot, too!
But... I do think about... that night...
at your parents' lodge... a lot.
Oh! Wow!
Um, I don't know.
I mean, we've always been close. I...
Yeah.
I... think we could give it a try.
Seriously?
- Yeah, I guess!
- You guess?
What? That's not enough
for you? C'mere!
- Better?
- Yeah. - 'Kay!
Where you goin'?
Eh, well, since there's
no chance of a threesome here,
I'm gonna go bail for a while.
- What are you gonna do?
- Gonna make some calls.
- Are you insane? We're in the middle
of nowhere. - Eh...
It's no martini,
but it'll do.
So, how many times have you thought of
that night in my parents' lodge?
- What? I do not...
- Yes, you do!
Eh... um... 432, okay?
And counting!
Hey!
"Ihr da im Zelt. "
"Das hier ist kein Platz
fr Euch. "
"Bitte sprechen sie langsamer.
Sprechen sie Englisch?"
- Eh, English? American?
- Yeah. - Sure.
You need to leave right now!
What the hell?
- Get out of here! - Whoa.
- You have to go right now.
No, buddy. You're the one who needs to
go. What? Do you think you own this place?
- This place isn't safe.
- Michael, call the police!
- No, call the cops now! Michael!
- Hey. Relax... relax.
- My name is Marc.
- Who cares?
My mother was a nurse...
my father, a policeman.
One evening, he was driving them home
after work.
They took the scenic route...
then they had an accident.
They... were killed!
That's good... now go.
- Who killed your parents?
- They did.
- Wait... was it an accident
or murder? - Both.
What?
They crashed their car. Then...
I don't know what... took them.
You know what? I've had enough of you.
You need to leave!
I'm serious. This place isn't safe.
You have to go right now.
No, you're the one who
has to go. Now! Get out!
Hey guys. What's up?
Nothing...
This guy was just leaving.
Uh, was that a threat?
Do you think
he's dangerous?
Well, he's drunk. I could
smell the booze on his breath.
He probably just left a few of his
friends to come here for a while.
That guy was crazy.
- So, you didn't get any cell service,
did you? - No. No, no.
I walked a ways out,
but didn't get anything.
Well, I'm not tired yet. I'm gonna stay up
and keep an eye out if he's coming back.
Well, thanks. I'm kinda tired,
so I'd like to hit the sack.
- Yeah, me too.
- You're free to join us if you like.
Hah! And ruin your dream-come-true?
Fuck that!
Come on. You're dead
on your feet. Let's go.
- Hello in there?
- Good morning! - Morning?
- Pretty sure it's more like
afternoon. - Whateva'!
- Sleep okay?
- Yeah. You? - All right.
Just don't know
what the fuck happened to Dave.
Yeah, that's odd.
Especially with that weird guy
creepin' around and everything?
I wouldn't worry. Ya know,
when we were in college,
David and I went to a party and
he drank about seventeen beers...
and, well, he ended up home just fine.
- Wow. What a champ. - Eh, well, I know
he's just fucking around out there.
Dave?! You didn't by any chance
bring your cell phone did you?
No. Left it at home. Because,
I thought I'd use Dave's!
Dave! Where ya at, buddy?
Dave?!
Hey Dave! Where ya at?
- C'mon...
- Dave! Where are ya, Dave?!
No! No!
David!
David!
David?!
Step, step...
be careful.
Ya know,
I was thinking...
You don't suppose there was
any truth to that story...
...that guy was
tellin' us last night?
What? About monsters in the woods killing
his entire family? Come on. No, no.
Ugh...
that guy was just creepy.
Well, you've gotta excuse...
...if I think that story's just
a little hard to swallow. I mean...
- Ahh! - Shit! What happened!?
- Aah! Ow! Jesus! It's a fucking trap!
Okay, we're gonna have
to pull it out, okay?
Okay. You ready?
On the count of three.
One, two, three!
Aaah! Fuck!
- Go - go back!
- Are you sure?
- Go back to the car and get help.
- Okay, I'll be right back!
I'll be right back!
Jesus... Christ!
"You have butchered them!"
Oh fuck, I'm back
at the river again!
Fuck.
Oh, God.
Jesus.
Natasha...
Oh, thank God.
Help!
Help!
Help!
Is anyone home?
Hello?! Is anyone there?
We need help!
Hello?
Hello?
Government Official Found Butchered
More than 120 missing
persons since 1976
New Victim Discovered
Mutilated body found
in Black Forest
No... No! No!
News? That's not really
your thing, though.
Nah, I'm better than
the news, though.
Seriously, you're a really
good photographer, David.
Michael! Oh my...
Michael! Michael!
Help me... help me...
Wait, wait... I'll cut you down.
I'll cut you...
I... I was lying on the ground...
And these guys dragged me away.
- This one guy... he... he pulled
the board out of my foot. - Oh God.
They... beat the hell out of me.
- I... I must have blacked out.
- Michael, we've got to get out of here.
We've got to leave now.
Come on.
Wait. Where's Dave?
Michael... Michael, we have to leave now.
Michael, we have to go.
We need Dave. Dave...
We need Dave.
We need Dave... Where's Dave?
Where's Dave?
Where's Dave?
Gone.
Where's Dave?
He's... he's over there.
Please. Please don't look.
Michael.
Oh God, Michael.
This can't be happening.
Stop!
What the fuck
is going on here?
Marc! Marc, help! They killed David!
She got this kid and she...
Back the fuck up!
And now, since you're here, you might
as well say hello... to my family.
You've got to be
fucking kidding me!
They aren't my real family...
...but after my parents were killed,
they decided to keep me around.
- It's just...
- Wonderful? Yeah, I know.
I spend my Summers here with them.
When Autumn comes, I go back to university.
I love university.
It's where learned English... and it's
a good place to meet the ladies.
And always recommend that
they come camping right here!
Did you see my clippings?
So... Mrs. Sweetface... Did you see
my clippings? Did you see my clippings?
Sometimes it's all we have
to remember you people.
Sit down. Now!
No... No.
Why the hell
are you doing this?
We are hunters... and a hunter
always eat what he kills.
It's been a damn
good year for meat.
Your buddy over there
was number thirty-two.
His name was David Neumann.
His name could have been Jesus H. Fucking
Christ for all I care!
He'd still be dinner.
You're fucking sick.
Shut up. Shut up!
Shut up.
Go to hell!
Now, I'm going out again.
It's like a buffet out there.
Ma and Pa... We will take
real good care of you!
Those are gonna be some
damn good ribs!
So... take care...
bye bye.
Look at them, Mike.
They're idiots.
Pure animal instinct.
We can outthink them.
We can get out of here.
They're predators. They don't need
to be smart. Just strong.
I never bought into...
...that "Only the strong survive"
bullshit anyways.
What do you suggest we try?
We just try...
Try what?
We kill them.
All of them.
But before you do anything stupid,
remember, you have a daughter.
Yeah, well if I don't do something,
my daughter's not gonna have a mother.
If I am gonna try, I'm gonna die trying.
Not strung up by my neck.
- I don't wanna lose you.
- Well, I don't wanna lose me either.
Wait, wait, wait...
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
- I heard something...
- Fuck!
- Oh, shit!
- Come on! We gotta go!
Can you go?! - Yeah.
Come on. Get up...
Come on, come on...
- Quiet! I've been tracking them!
- What!?
You know what.
I've been... watching you.
You've been watching us this whole time
and you haven't helped!?
I couldn't give away my position.
I've been tracking them
almost a year.
My frend is dead...
if you could have helped...
They killed my family!
I had to stay quiet.
Any little slip-up and...
Listen, Sweetface.
So, what do we do now?
I don't know.
I love you.
Well then...
...I guess life goes on, huh?