REPORTER: (ON RADIO)
Hello, citizens of Gotham.
This is Desmond Dumas
with breaking news.
Representatives from
Gotham PD and City Hall
are converging on the
State Penitentiary.
There in a top secret prison laboratory,
a revolutionary experiment
will be conducted.
The proceedings will begin as soon
as Gotham's leading crime crushers,
Batman and Robin,
the Boy Wonder, arrive.
Delayed no doubt protecting the
streets of our lovely city.
It's been a while since our last date,
Batman. I thought you'd forsaken me.
Crime fighting leaves little time
for affairs of the heart, Catwoman.
But you're never far
from my thoughts.
Those are the nicest words
I've heard in a long time.
Speaking of words,
I brought my handy copy of
the complete Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
After all, poetry opens both
the mind and the heart.
I'm more interested in you
opening these bars.
And open, they will.
After only 37 more reformative months,
you'll have paid your debt to society
and be a free woman once again.
Holy Romeo and Juliet!
How much longer is he going to be?
Do you know the perfect way
to cap this wonderful night?
Tell me, Catwoman.
ROBIN: (ON MEGAPHONE)
Batman, attention. Batman!
We're gonna be late!
I'm sorry, Catwoman,
but duty calls.
(DEVICES BEEPING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Please excuse our
tardiness, gentlemen.
I'm certain it was
for a good reason.
A very special criminal
rehabilitation project.
You already know
District Attorney...
Harvey Dent.
A pleasure to share a room
with Gotham's greatest
defender of justice.
Your perfect record for
convictions precedes you.
Couldn't do it if you didn't catch them
first, Batman. We make a pretty good team,
if I do say so myself.
Like Batman and Robin.
Isn't it past your bedtime?
And this is the inventor whose machine
we will be testing. Hugo Strange.
At your service. An honor to meet
the fabled Batman in the flesh.
You see, in a criminal,
the psyche's battle between
good and evil is often one-sided
but what if there was a way
to remove the evil?
No more criminal.
Intriguing. However,
there are no easy fixes
on the road to the
straight and narrow.
Gosh, yes. But a machine that extracts
the evil out of super criminals
would make our jobs a lot easier.
Correction. The Evil Extractor
will make your jobs obsolete.
Let's not be hasty, Strange. You've got to
prove this contraption works, first.
If it does, Batman and Robin
won't be the only ones out of a job.
McCarthy, bring in the prisoners.
My good luck charm, Batman.
A memento from the Cohen counterfeit case.
The first crook
I ever put behind bars.
And here I thought only criminals
were a superstitious lot.
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
Just a wash and set
for me today, thanks.
(LAUGHING)
Release me from this infernal
unconstitutional device! (SQUAWKS)
HUGO: The Evil Extractor will
siphon the reservoirs of evil
deep in the criminals' warped brains.
Then, deposit it into the vat.
Scintillating.
Can we get on with this?
I have dinner plans with our
mutual friend, Bruce Wayne.
And millionaires don't like
to be kept waiting.
Dr. Quinzel, instigate
the extractor protocol.
DR. QUINZEL: Ready-o, Doc,
decompressing the cerebral defibrillator.
(MACHINE POWERING UP)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
Adjust the hemostatic stabilizers!
Gosh, Batman,
I have a bad feeling about this.
That's why we're here, old chum.
Stay vigilant.
Behold, the awesome power
of my Evil Extractor!
(MACHINE THUMPING)
(LAUGHING) It tickles.
(ELECTRICITY CONTINUES CRACKLING)
All right, boys, pour it on.
(CRIMINALS LAUGHING)
(MACHINE POWERING UP)
(GASPS) They're trying to overwhelm
the machine with their evil.
Shut it down. Shut it down!
(MACHINE POWERS DOWN)
(ALARM BLARING)
(CRIMINALS CONTINUE LAUGHING)
(GLASS CRACKING)
Harvey, look out!
(HARVEY SCREAMING)
(BOTH GRUNT)
Great Scott!
Jeez, that looks like it smarts.
Strange, you quack.
I'll have you fired for this!
(LAUGHING)
Harvey?
Wrong, Batman, I'm not Harvey.
I am evil incarnate. I am...
Two-Face!
(ALL GASP)
(ALARM RINGING)
(ENGINES REVVING)
(GUNFIRE)
(MACHINE BEEPING)
Mr. Dent, I hope you'll find
my work impeccable.
HARVEY: It's not like you to be
speechless, Bruce. What's the verdict?
See for yourself, Harv.
I am whole again. There's no longer a
stranger in the mirror looking back at me.
(SIGHS)
How can I ever thank you
for your unwavering support?
It was the least I could do
for one of my closest friends.
They've agreed to let you
return to City Hall as assistant
to the Assistant District Attorney.
"Assistant to the
Assistant District Attorney"?
You bet, Commissioner. I'll do everything
in my power to earn Gotham's trust again.
From now on, Harvey Dent is
back on the side of angels
and in charge of his own fate.
(GROANS)
That's right, peasant. Bow before
your pharaoh for he has returned.
MAN: We're stealing a plane, boss?
What gives?
Fool! Had I possessed such
a flying chariot when I first ruled,
we'd all be speaking Egyptian today.
What's the matter with normal English?
Ugh. Never mind.
(ENGINE STARTS)
Up, up, and away, my Tutlings!
It's the only way to fly.
(LAUGHING)
Saints preserve us, Commissioner.
King Tut is back to his old tricks.
Afraid so, Chief O'Hara. I need to know
if Gotham PD is up for the job.
Assured, we are, Commissioner.
We'll work this case from the ground up.
Lean on every lowlife
in every juke-joint in town.
Uncover every bit of forensic data.
And if the crooks won't talk,
we'll make 'em.
I have no doubt
you'll make this city proud, Chief.
Oh, Commissioner,
who are we kidding?
I know. We're woefully
out of our depth on this one.
There's only one man
who can handle this.
I'll head up to the roof
and activate the Bat-signal.
Oh, Caped Crusader. If ever
Gotham City needed you, it's now.
Oh, Alfred, isn't this exciting?
Rubbing elbows with
Gotham's upper crust?
Indeed, madam. Very generous of Masters
Bruce and Dick to send us in their place.
The annual millionaires' soiree ending
in a midnight tour of Gotham City.
Lucky for us, you boys have
another one of your fishing trips.
Really, madam.
Come, Alfred, we mustn't be late.
DICK: Bruce, look!
It's the Bat-signal.
Time for Batman and Robin
to suit up, old chum.
Right behind you, Bruce.
(ENGINE STARTS)
(BEEPING)
(TURBINES POWERING UP)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Do you think they'll show, Commissioner?
They've never failed to
answer our call yet.
BATMAN: And we don't
plan on starting now.
- GORDON: The Dynamic Duo!
- CHIEF O'HARA: The Dynamic Duo!
Thank goodness you've come, Batman.
It's that megalomaniacal
miscreant from Mesopotamia.
King Tut.
Him again.
This time he's stolen
an irreplaceable biplane.
He's a man to be pitied.
The struggles he must
face as a man divided.
But justice is a firm
but fair mistress.
And come to justice he will.
Gosh, Batman,
I still don't understand
- why Tut would steal a biplane.
- (COMPUTER BEEPING)
The plane was
owned by Thomas Hewell.
A man who made his fortune
through Egyptian cotton.
Holy hieroglyphics! It's so obvious now.
I can't believe I missed that.
You have to think like the professor, and
the professor thinks he's King Tut reborn.
Great Scott. The company that
sponsored tonight's midnight tour
is the Nile Double-Decker Bus Company.
That has to be
Tut's next target!
And we just sent Alfred and
Aunt Harriet in our stead.
To the Batmobile!
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(GLASSES CLINK)
(GRUNTING)
(ALL GASP)
Stop!
Good gravy, that's unexpected.
- Oh, my!
- (ALL CLAMORING)
Silence, plebeians. It is...
(CLEARS THROAT)
- It is I. King Tut! And I...
- (ALL CLAMORING)
- I command you to... I...
- (ALL SHOUTING)
- Ah, shut up!
- (ALL GASP)
(MAN WHIMPERS)
Proceed, Tutlings.
There it is, Batman.
- Activating Bat-autopilot.
- (BEEPING)
(WHIMPERING)
(GROANS)
Hand over the dough and
fancy rocks, grandma.
Heavens...
- (GROANS)
- Mrs. Cooper.
Now, see here, you ruffian.
Oh, a tough guy, huh?
BATMAN: Citizen, duck.
(GROANS)
(GASPS)
Egads! The Caped Crumbums!
Surrender, you poor deluded fool, and
throw yourself on the mercy of the court.
You'll be begging for mercy
when we get through with you.
Tutlings, ho!
(GRUNTS)
(BEEPS)
Alfred, get the patrons to safety.
At once, sir.
(MAN SCREAMS)
Quickly now. Watch your step.
WOMAN: Age before beauty, I suppose.
(ALL GRUNTING)
(ALFRED GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
That'll teach these thievin' thugs.
Indeed. Now for Tut.
Nuts to you, Masked Morons.
(BOTH GRUNT)
Fangs dipped with
a fast-acting knockout venom.
- Holy hypodermic!
- (BOTH GROAN)
I always knew you'd make
an asp of yourself, Bat-boob.
(LAUGHING)
(STRAINING) What are these things, Batman?
Canopic jars, Robin.
Used by the ancient Egyptians to store
and preserve the viscera of their owner
for the afterlife.
Holy entrails! But why?
Simple, Boy Birdfeed.
Once entombed in the foundation of the
soon-to-be-erected Pyramid Tower,
the Dynamic Dunderheads
will be preserved for all eternity.
Fitting, no?
You... You fractured pharaoh.
Hit it, boys!
Batman and Robin trapped in yon urns,
awaiting their fates as the cement churns.
Their clipped wings can't fly.
So, alas, they'll die.
And all the crooks of Gotham shall say,
"That Tut was one heck of a guy."
(LAUGHING)
It's already hardening, Batman.
Follow my instructions precisely.
Press the back of your soles
against the side of the jar.
The heat from the chemical reaction of
the cement might trigger the Bat-jets.
(RATTLING)
(BOTH STRAINING)
(STRAINING)
(MEN GRUNT)
Your reign is over, Tut.
A pox on thee
and all your ancestors! (GRUNTS)
(GROANING)
Oh! (GROANING)
Huh. Oh. Where am I? Batman.
But if you're here that means...
Oh. Tut again?
I'm afraid so, Professor.
(SIGHS) Having a split personality
can be so inconvenient at times.
The boss's scheme is
falling into place.
Two-fold. Too bad
about the professor.
Eh, just grab the bag, and let's
get out of here. On the double.
The stolen loot was missing from
the crime scene, Caped Crusaders.
And no sign of
the biplane either.
Holy Amelia Earhart!
Where do you hide a biplane?
Tell us what you know, Professor.
PROFESSOR McELROY: Oh, I wish I knew,
gentlemen. Honestly, I do.
You expect us
to believe that malarkey?
Remember, Chief, King Tut committed
the crime. Not this poor pathetic soul.
When he's knocked on the head,
he forgets everything he did as Tut.
I think I get your meaning,
Boy Wonder. (CHUCKLES)
Ow. How dare you
assault my royal presence?
Where'd you hide the goods,
you felonious pharaoh?
Fie on thee!
My secrets are as impenetrable
as any vault in the Great Pyramids.
Ah! Ah-ha!
Ow!
What's happening?
Even the pyramids were
eventually pried open, Tut!
Ow!
You'll have to chase me through
the 12 gates of the afterlife,
and you still won't get
me to talk, flatfoot!
Ow!
Oh, my head.
Why does it hurt so bad?
I won't give up that easy!
That's enough, Chief.
Our only recourse is to wait for
the professor to see his day in court.
And if I have any say,
he'll leave a free man.
Lucilee Diamond, public defender.
Now, if you'll kindly leave,
so I can advise my client.
Of course, Ms. Diamond.
Well, Harvey, do you have a case?
Looks like it, Commissioner.
Despite my winning streak since returning
to the DA's office, half of me
hoped the poor devil would confess
and save the expense of a lengthy trial.
I have faith that a jury of his peers
will have pity on a sick man, Mr. Dent.
Good day, gentlemen.
Chief, have you ever known
this poor professor
to break the law
when he was not King Tut?
Ms. Diamond, I'm not sure.
You'd have to ask Batman.
So when not suffering
the effects of a concussive state
that brings on
the King Tut identity,
he is a mild-mannered,
harmless member of society?
You'd have to ask Batman.
I object. Counsel is
confusing the witness.
Not hard to do.
Overruled.
And did you not try
to extract a confession
by bludgeoning this poor man
to recreate that concussive state?
Objection. Tut is on trial here,
not the professor.
It's true. All true, I confess.
(SOBBING)
(ALL GASP)
(MURMURING)
No further questions.
Thank you, Chief.
It's my honor to serve.
- (GROANS)
- Judge, I'd like to call my next witness,
Batman.
HARVEY: Batman, in all your
dealings with King Tut,
how would he rate as
criminal masterminds go?
King Tut's one of my
most deadly adversaries.
But I believe with
proper rehabilitation,
Tut can someday be
a productive member of society.
So you are saying the only hope to ridding
Gotham of the scourge of King Tut
is to send him to prison where he can
get the help he so desperately needs?
- Well, I...
- No further questions.
Your Honor, I'd like to call
Professor McElroy to the stand.
(GASPS)
Professor, you stated for the court that
you have no memory of your actions
when King Tut takes over.
None whatsoever. No one is more
horrified by King Tut's actions than I.
But isn't it true that without
your expertise in Egyptology,
Tut couldn't commit his crimes?
Well, I suppose that's true,
but...
Thereby making you the real
mastermind behind his schemes.
Homina homina homina.
No further questions, Your Honor.
(GLASSES CLINK)
Fifteen years with possible
time off for good behavior.
Tough break for the professor.
Yes, poor devil.
Still, justice was served.
At this rate, you'll be lead
DA again in no time, Harvey.
Batman nabs the super crooks,
and I send them to the state pen.
The same place Batman sent you.
Why, Dick, I hope you don't feel like
a third wheel when I'm around.
After all,
I'm only Bruce's best friend.
You're his ward.
But the truth is,
if it wasn't for Batman's help
or Bruce's friendship during my dark time,
who knows where I'd be right now?
Robbing a bank?
Oh, my! Two handsome bachelors who are
still best friends after all these years?
Oh! It's enough to give
a girl the vapors.
Anyway, it's time I confessed to
the other reason for my visit.
Go on.
There is a charity
that's dear to my heart,
the Society for Underprivileged
Fraternal Twins.
A worthy cause.
The stigma of being the
less-attractive twin
is a heavy burden no one
should have to bear.
Of course I'll do it.
Marvelous. I've already found the venue.
The newly refurbished Winning Pair Casino.
It'll be great fun.
It's the Bat-phone, sir.
If you'll excuse us, Harv. Dick and I
are due at our weekly badminton lesson.
Holy... Gosh, yes, you're right.
Of course, Bruce.
I'll be in touch.
Pigs in a blanket, Mr. Dent?
Yes, Commissioner?
Batman, an odd package has arrived at
my office, explicitly addressed to you.
Curious. We'll be right there.
To the Batcave!
- It's a book.
- A world atlas to be precise.
CHIEF O'HARA: Saints alive!
Looks like it's been eaten away by bugs.
Correction, Chief, worms.
Holy plagiarism!
It can only be from that
master of a thousand stolen plots.
- The Bookworm.
- Indeed.
Come, Robin, we have some reading
to catch up on.
Why would Bookworm
give us a world atlas?
Despite its poor condition,
I was able to detect
several pages were missing.
Pages of different world capitals.
I'm still stumped, Batman.
Think. Longitudes and latitudes.
ROBIN: Holy overdue book! Of course!
He's using longitudes and latitudes
to correspond to
the library's classification method.
The Dewey Decimal System.
Now you've got it, old chum.
Based on my encyclopedic knowledge
of the card catalog,
those numbers correspond to rare editions
of The Strange Case
of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,
The Man in the Iron Mask,
and A Tale of Two Cities.
Holy English Lit!
And they're housed in the Rare
Editions wing of this library.
Shh!
(SOFTLY) Sorry.
(SOFTLY) Quickly, to the
Rare Editions wing.
(BEEPING)
(THUDS)
BOOKWORM: Soon, the priceless
leather-bound beauties
contained within will be mine.
Their exotic bindings
will make a stunning cape
to add to my eclectic ensemble.
(GASPS)
Surrender, Bookworm!
You larcenous literatus!
Oh, Batman, dear, sweet,
insufferable Batman.
You didn't think I'd come here
without protection, did you?
Worms, attack!
Wait, aren't you
forgetting something?
Glasses!
(WORMS GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
Shh!
(GRUNTS)
Shh!
(ALL GROANING)
WOMAN: Shh!
All right, men!
Round up these four-eyed felons!
(GROANS)
(GROANING)
Ooh.
(CLATTERS)
Curse you, Batman. My glasses.
They're broken.
Since Bookworm can't see, Chief,
you'll have to read him his rights.
Good thing Batman was able to
piece together your little clue.
Otherwise you might have
gotten away with it.
"Clue?" What clue?
Batman, look!
The rare books, they're gone.
No doubt stolen while we were
distracted with the fight.
To the Batmobile!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
ROBIN: It's odd, Batman.
Bookworm knew nothing about the clue
that was sent to Commissioner Gordon.
Which is why I suspect
someone wanted us to catch 'em.
You mean there's another
fiendish force behind these crimes?
But who?
Think, Robin. What common theme
do the stolen books all share?
Hmm.
They were all stories
featuring themes of duality.
I see Tut's crimes, though Egyptian
themed, also focused on the number two.
The biplane, the double-decker bus.
The number two?
A double-cross.
- All signs pointing to...
- Two-Face.
But we just saw Harvey. He's been
fully rehabilitated inside and out.
There's only one way
to know for sure.
Let's head to Two-Face's
last known hideout.
The abandoned sign
factory on Gemini Drive.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
TWO-FACE: Quite a haul, eh, boys?
Enough to finance my
special plans for Gotham.
Now, we need to
abandon this hideout.
No doubt the Tiresome Twosome
have realized I've returned.
And will be here soon.
- But, boss...
- Get the lead out,
- or I'll put the lead in.
- (GUNS COCK)
Holy hideousity, Batman!
It is Two-Face.
But how is that possible?
It shouldn't be.
Scarred side up.
Get them, boys.
(BOTH GRUNT)
(BOTH GROAN)
(GRUNTS)
- (STRAINING)
- My arms are pinned, Batman.
TWO-FACE: I'm afraid you're
outnumbered, Batman.
(LAUGHING)
Nighty-night, Bird Boy.
What's the matter with you, boss?
The coin decides their fate.
Tough luck, boys.
Batman and Robin will live.
For now.
Boss, are you nuts?
We owe it to every crime-abiding crook
in town to crush the Caped Coppers.
It's the ethical thing to do.
Shut up, or else
the coin decides your fates, too.
Grab the loot.
Think twice before you try to
thwart my plans again, Batman.
Let's scram.
(LAUGHING)
(STRAINING)
(METAL CREAKING)
It seems Harvey is
back to his old tricks.
Yes, it looks bad.
But as District Attorney,
Harvey's made a lot of enemies.
I wouldn't put it past any of them
to try and ruin his reputation.
Gosh, you really believe
that's the case?
BATMAN: I pray it is, old chum.
I pray that it is.
(GASPS)
Batman, look.
His face is normal.
Batman, to what do I owe
this unexpected visit?
Apologies, Mr. Dent.
But we've discovered
there's a mastermind
behind King Tut's and Bookworm's
latest crime sprees.
The audacity.
There's more.
The fallacious fiend's
assumed the guise
of your former criminal
alter-ego, Two-Face.
Where were you within
the last two hours?
I've been here all night, Boy Wonder.
Surely you don't think
I'm involved in this?
Why, it's positively
beyond the pale.
Excuse Robin's
over-zealousness, Mr. Dent,
but we can't rule anyone
out at this point.
Of course, Batman.
You'll receive my full cooperation.
I've worked so hard to
rebuild my reputation.
What kind of a twisted monster
would do such a thing?
I won't rest until we get
to the bottom of this.
I've total confidence
in you, Caped Crusader.
And I quiver with anticipation
at the thought of putting
this imposter behind bars.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to finalize plans for
my charity bachelor auction.
Perhaps you've heard about it
from our mutual friend Bruce Wayne?
I'm afraid my friendship with Mr. Wayne
doesn't extend to charity functions.
Good night, Mr. Dent.
It just doesn't add up, Batman.
Harvey has to be involved
with Two-Face somehow.
The crime fighter's crusade
not tempered by loyalty and faith
is hollow at best.
Harvey Dent has been
a loyal friend.
Therefore, I must
have faith in him.
For now.
It's me.
I can't go on like this.
I insist you stop
this madness at once.
TWO-FACE: (ON PHONE) Look, pretty boy.
We had a deal, remember?
I frame the super crooks
and used their stolen loot
to finance my criminal coup
while you convict them and reclaim your
sterling reputation as DA of Gotham City.
You've done all right for yourself,
haven't you?
Maybe, but the Masked
Manhunter is no fool.
Before long, he'll be on to us.
By the time Batman discovers
our secret, I will know his.
Once that happens, the Dynamic
Duo will be zilch zeros.
(TWO-FACE LAUGHING)
(SIGHS)
HUGO: How dare they fire me
after one little mishap?
I'll show them.
I'll show everyone!
They have not heard the last of...
Oy gevalt!
What now?
(GASPS)
TWO-FACE: Hugo Strange.
We meet again, face to Two-Face.
I believe we have unfinished business.
Ach! (SPEAKING GERMAN)
(CLATTERS)
HUGO: Nein. Nein. Nein!
(COMPUTER BEEPING)
The Bat-computer can't seem
to turn up any suspects
who might want to frame Harvey.
It's because Dent's the one behind it.
You're letting Bruce Wayne's
friendship with him
taint your crime-fighting objectivity.
And you're letting Dick Grayson's
insecurity taint yours.
Holy blind spot, Batman!
How can you not see
Dent's up to his neck in this?
Sirs.
Robin, I haven't had to
say this in quite some time.
Go to your room.
Gladly.
Master Robin...
BATMAN: Let him go, Alfred.
Two-Face has us all on edge.
The boy just needs some fresh air.
Perhaps I do, too.
Is there something else, sir?
I'm supposed to see Catwoman tonight.
But I can't lose focus.
A man's good name is at stake.
Friends before females, eh, sir?
Indeed, Alfred.
CATWOMAN: That does it!
No man, or Batman,
stands up the Catwoman.
(CAT MEOWS)
How did you get in here,
you little tramp?
(CAT PURRING)
Hello, Catwoman,
I'm afraid I've got bad news.
- The parole board denied your request.
- (CAT PURRING)
- Friend of yours?
- As a matter of fact, yes.
(SNARLS)
(GASPS)
(GROANS)
Well done, Hecate.
- You've earned an extra treat tonight.
- (CAT PURRS)
(LOCK CLICKS)
(GROANING)
(GASPS)
LUCILEE: Let me out of here!
- She's getting away!
- Hey, pipe down,
or you're going in solitary.
Hmm.
Not bad.
In fact, purr-fect.
Master Dick, may I come in?
I've milk and cookies.
My word!
The game is afoot, Mr. Dent.
(HORN HONKS)
Caught you, you duplicitous DA!
Holy resurrection!
The Evil Extractor!
HARVEY: Robin!
What are you doing?
Get out of here before it's too late.
I don't think so, Harv... (GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS)
TWO-FACE: You should've listened to Harvey.
Now sleep tight, won't you?
(LAUGHING)
Wakey-wakey, Bird Boy.
(GROANS AND GASPS)
(STRAINING)
Who are you,
you depraved devil?
How did you get
Dent mixed up in this?
Dent is a useful idiot.
He serves his purpose.
Now it's your turn, Robin.
The boy guinea pig.
Soon we'll see if lightning strikes twice.
You'll never figure out
how to use that without...
HUGO: Hugo Strange?
You know what they say.
If you can't kill them
in a horrible lab experiment, join them!
Consider this an experiment in terror.
(TWO-FACE LAUGHING)
(GASPS)
(LAUGHING)
(STRUGGLING)
(ALARM BEEPING)
- BATMAN: Yes, Alfred?
- It's Master Dick, sir, he's gone missing.
The arrogance of youth.
I took the precaution of activating
the Bat-homing beacon in his utility belt.
- I'm sending you the coordinates now.
- (DINGS)
Good job, Alfred.
I'm on my way.
(LAUGHING)
Robin, I know you're upset,
but this is not an appropriate
way to blow off steam.
You should have joined
a young man's basketball league
or taken up model kit building.
For your own good,
when we get home, you're grounded.
Not if I put you in the ground first.
(LAUGHING)
Robin, old chum, what's happened?
Batman, stay away. (GROWLS)
How's that for a sidekick, old chum?
(ROBIN GRUNTING)
Batman, look out! (GROWLS)
(GROANING)
(GRUNTS)
(ROARING)
The evil extract formula
seems quite potent.
But for your plan,
we'll need a much bigger batch.
Don't worry about that,
I know just where we can get some.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Don't hold back, Batman,
I must be stopped.
Your mother wears combat boots.
This'll hurt me more
than it does you, old chum.
(ROBIN YELLS)
(GROANS)
(GROANING)
ALFRED: Master Dick.
- (GROWLS)
- Goodness.
What's the matter, Jeeves,
never seen someone get up
on the wrong side of the bed?
Don't talk to Alfred that way.
Tell me he can be saved, sir.
I hope not.
I'm tired of being a square.
- Please, Batman, help me.
- (COMPUTER BEEPING)
Not to worry, old chum.
I think I have an antidote.
I've got your antidote
right here, Batman.
(GRUNTING)
Ah...
Gosh, I feel like I need to
wash my mouth out with soap.
Good show, Master Bruce.
Batman, Dent is
working with Strange.
I owe you an apology, Robin.
I was remiss in not giving
the evidence its proper weight.
But you were right,
Dent is involved.
But someone else is
pulling the strings.
Then my faith isn't
entirely misplaced.
There's still hope for Harvey yet.
(COMPUTER DINGS)
What is it?
Batman took the liberty of testing
your costume for any foreign residue.
According to the Bat-computer,
your cape contained traces
of a fine blue chalk.
Holy billiards!
Precisely.
And this particular brand of pool chalk
is used by only one place in town.
The newly refurbished
Winning Pair Casino,
where Harvey is holding
his bachelor auction.
A crime fighter forewarned
is a crime fighter forearmed.
To the Batmobile!
Batman, look at the
size of those balls.
They must have cost a fortune.
BATMAN: The previous owner made his
money running small time gambling dens.
He knew luck always
favored the house.
It's easy to forget that statistically,
gambling is always a losing proposition.
TWO-FACE: Boy Wonder, your sudden
breakout seems to have cleared up.
Who are you, Two-Face?
We're done with your ghoulish games.
Then you shouldn't have come here.
Batman in the corner pocket. (LAUGHING)
ROBIN: Holy compaction! We'll be crushed!
Quickly, Robin, this is the only way.
(BEEPING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
What now, boss?
Prepare them for the show stopper.
But first, take a memo.
Dear Gotham's Criminal Elite...
(JOKER LAUGHING)
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
Huh?
(GASPS) Oh, how delicious,
it's an invitation.
"Two-Face cordially invites you to..."
"The unmasking of the Dynamic Duo.
"Batman and Robin."
(LAUGHING) Oh, rapturous day.
(LAUGHING)
"Follow the directions to the newly
refurbished Winning Pair Casino
"on 2222 Janus Lane."
Huzzah! Huzzah! (LAUGHING)
(CAT PURRING)
(BOTH GROANING)
(GASPS)
Holy half dollar!
Is this how it ends, Batman?
Steady, old chum.
A level head is the crime fighter's
greatest asset.
If I could just reach.
No, Robin, it's booby-trapped.
Any sudden movement could trigger it
and we'll be catapulted over those spikes.
(GULPS) At least
he's giving us a 50-50 chance.
Don't be fooled, Boy Wonder.
Our weight will ensure that
we fall face down on those spikes.
HARVEY: Batman's right.
BATMAN: Harvey, it's not too late.
Help us take down the man
who put you up to this.
But I'm as guilty as he is.
I just couldn't take being
a peon in the DA's office.
So, when he offered me this
Faustian deal, I took it.
I still believe in you, Harvey.
Then you're a fool.
Mr. Wayne had your face restored.
You were reformed.
I'm afraid Bruce only...
(HARVEY GROANING)
Healed the scars...
On the outside, Batman.
(GROANING)
(YELLS)
No mere surgery could keep
Two-Face at bay for long.
Holy Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!
Of course, the scars
are a physical manifestation
of the Evil Extractor's gasses.
You've been living a double life
this whole time.
Harvey's not the only one
living a double life, is he, Batman?
And soon, the secret beneath that cowl
will be exposed for all of Gotham to see.
You grisly gargoyle,
there's no way you can know
Batman's secret identity.
Ah, but that's where you're wrong,
Boy Blatherer. (LAUGHING)
This fiend forced me to set up
this charity auction as a ruse
to trap Bruce Wayne in a lie.
I only agreed because
I didn't believe him.
Bruce wouldn't keep anything
that important from me.
And yet, the always
punctual Bruce Wayne
hasn't shown up
for his own auction,
which could only mean
that he's been indisposed,
as Batman is now.
Voil.
The indignity of it all.
Holy indecent exposure!
Batman and Bruce Wayne,
one and the same.
Bruce, how could you keep secrets
from your old friend?
And you must be his youthful ward,
Dick Grayson.
I told you they were
living double lives.
What devilish diabolatry
have you devised for us next?
I know people who would pay
dearly for this information.
Which is why I gathered them all here.
(LAUGHING)
Now, one of Batman's greatest
enemies will have the opportunity
to buy his identity.
We'll start the bidding at $1 million.
(LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING)
Me, me, one million bucks.
Oh, it's a good thing
I had some spare change
laying around between
the couch cushions.
(LAUGHING)
Ah, cease that cacophonous cackling,
you malignant mutton-head.
The Penguin says a million and five.
Riddle me this!
Why are we like Two-Face's henchmen?
Answer, because we're all
doing his bidding. (LAUGHING)
(BOTH GROWLING)
Two million.
Three million.
(GRUNTS) Catwoman, you larcenous lynx.
Four million.
(ALL CLAMORING)
(ALL CONTINUE CLAMORING)
(BELL DINGING)
Silence! No one outbids
the princess of plunder.
Batman is mine to undo,
when I see fit and not before.
No one will see under
his hood besides me.
Five million.
(ALL GASP)
Oh, that's a little rich for my blood.
But what do you say we combine
the pot and we all get a peek.
(ALL AGREEING)
Then 10 million it is. (LAUGHING)
Going once, going twice...
Sold to all the villains of Gotham.
(LAUGHING)
Now, let's claim our prize.
Have your fun, boys,
but I have another engagement.
I'm sorry, Batman.
If they find out our identity,
it'll be the end of Batman and Robin.
The we have to trigger this giant coin.
But you said it yourself, it's rigged.
There's no choice. Now!
Egad! Come back here.
We paid good money for you.
BATMAN: Robin, do precisely as I say.
Shift your weight 10 degrees to the left.
Based on my calculations,
it will change the coin's
center of gravity, and thus...
(ALL YELLING)
Thanks for your help, Catwoman,
I'm sorry about standing you up.
I've accepted the fact
that your first love will always
be crime fighting, Batman.
So if you won't join my side,
perhaps I'll join yours.
(EXCLAIMS) The Caped Crusaders are free.
Treasonous trollop!
Get them, men, or it's curtains.
Let Robin and I handle this,
you might get hurt.
Silly boy, I know cat-rate.
- Hi-ya!
- (MEN GRUNT)
(ALL GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
(BOTH GROAN)
BATMAN: Strange's New
and Improved Evil Extractor.
While those fiends were bidding,
Two-Face was collecting
their evil essence.
Why would he need so much?
Great Scott, that's it!
He plans to turn all of Gotham
into Two-Faces.
Forgive me if I don't face
this foe with you, Batman,
but green isn't my color.
You've done more than enough, Catwoman.
Promise me you'll turn yourself in
to the nearest authorities.
Of course, Batman, cross my heart.
Quickly, Robin, there's no time.
(BI-PLANE ENGINE WHIRRING)
There, Batman,
we'll never catch him.
I already summoned the Bat-cycle.
This antidote is our last chance.
We may cure Harvey yet.
(GAS HISSING)
(ALL GASP)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(ALL GROANING)
(BOTH LAUGH)
Hey... (COUGHING)
(YELLING AND LAUGHING)
(ALARM BLARING)
(ALL CLAMORING)
(LAUGHTER)
(GASPS) Look out, men.
(LAUGHING)
REPORTER: (ON RADIO) Citizens of Gotham,
this is Desmond Dumas,
warning you to head for cover.
That mutilated master of multiplicity,
Two-Face,
he's dousing the entire city
with some strange kind of gas.
I repeat, head for... (COUGHING)
(LAUGHING)
(ALL CLAMORING)
(GRUNTING)
(ENGINE REVS)
Robin, use the mini Bat-zooka
to disable his flight gear.
(BEEPING)
(MISSILE WHISTLING)
(LAUGHING)
Holy hairpin turn!
(MISSILES WHISTLING)
(LAUGHING)
(WHIMPERING)
It's no use, Batman,
that fiend's an ace pilot.
BATMAN: Then there's only
one thing left to do.
Use our ejector seats to get altitude
and pray the Bat-boot
jets can do the rest.
Brace yourself.
Now, Robin.
(TAPPING)
(POWERING UP)
(BOTH GASP)
(BOTH YELL)
Batman!
Careful, old chum,
it's quite a drop.
(GRUNTS)
(FIRING GUNS)
(YELLS)
(SCREAMS AND GASPS)
(SCREAMING)
(FIRING GUN)
You'll never take me
alive, Caped Coppers.
Robin, behind the Bat-shield.
(LAUGHING)
- (TWO-FACE CONTINUES LAUGHING)
- Batman, this place is going to blow!
Then this is
as far as you go, old chum.
I'm going after Two-Face
and try to get close enough
to use the antidote.
ROBIN: It's gone!
It must have cracked
open during the mayhem.
Then you can't go after him, Batman,
it'll be certain death.
I have to.
I can't give up on Harvey.
His friendship means a lot to you,
doesn't it?
Yes.
But not as much as
yours does, Boy Wonder.
I wouldn't want anyone else at my side
in this never ending fight against crime.
Now move to safety,
that's an order.
As a duly deputized officer
of the law and your friend,
I implore you to fight this, Harvey.
(BOTH GRUNT)
I detest cheap sentiment.
(STAMMERS) Bruce, I can't tell you
how terribly sorry I am
about all this.
You're weak, Dent.
And now that you've
outlived your usefulness to me
it's time I snuffed you out. (CHOKING)
(HARVEY SCREAMING)
There's no one left to protect you,
Masked Manhunter. (GROWLS)
(GUNS CLICK)
(GRUNTS)
BATMAN: I've been counting your bullets.
Now it's you that's on the auction block,
and my fists are the highest bidders.
(GROWLS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Harvey, stay strong.
(GROANS)
(GROWLING)
(GRUNTING)
(AIR WHISTLING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(GROANING)
(GASPS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
Goodbye, Batman.
Wait, doesn't the coin have to decide?
Curse you, Batman, for being right.
No! Impossible!
Oh.
(GRUNTS)
No!
Tell me what to do.
Can't decide.
Now's your chance, Harvey, fight him.
(STRAINING)
(YELLING)
You did this.
I'll destroy you.
No, he's my friend.
He believed in me
when no one else would.
He was a fool to trust us.
There's no us anymore, Two-Face.
I'm Harvey Dent... (GRUNTS)
District Attorney... (GRUNTS)
And I'm bringing you to justice. (GROANS)
(GRUNTING)
(GROANING)
Harvey!
Batman. Bruce, old friend.
BATMAN: Let's get out of here, Harvey.
Batman, are you all right?
- I'm fine, Robin.
- (SIRENS BLARING)
What about Two-Face?
He's gone, Boy Wonder.
He's... (GROANS)
GORDON: Batman, we rounded up
all of the super criminals.
But Catwoman's gone.
That tricky minx.
Still, Robin and I
owe our lives to her.
However were you able to outwit
that Grand Guignol gonzo, Two-Face?
I'm afraid to say
I cheated, Commissioner.
During our fight, I replaced
Two-Face's coin with a blank.
His inability to act
gave me the opening I needed.
That poor abandoned soul.
But even Harvey Dent must
again pay for his crimes
no matter what his mental state.
True, but for now,
there's quite a mess in Gotham
we must clean up.
Initiating Bat-evil-essence antidote bombs.
(BEEPING)
(BOMBS WHISTLING)
- (CONTINUES FIRING)
- Take that, you two-faced fiends!
Decorum, old chum,
they are citizens after all.
Gosh, yes. Sorry, Batman.
(CONTINUES FIRING)
Batman's cured all of Gotham.
That is, most of Gotham.
(GROWLING)
(BOMB WHISTLING)
(GRUNTS)
Faith and begorrah. I feel like
I've been on a three-day bender.
GORDON: No matter how dire the peril,
no matter how hopeless the odds,
you can always count on Batman.
Gosh, Bruce, it's been months.
How do you think Harvey will act
when he sees us?
The warden says
Harvey's been a model prisoner.
I mean, about him
knowing our secret identities.
This is one time I'm afraid even
Batman doesn't know what to expect.
Master Bruce, Mr. Dent has arrived
for his charity bachelor auction.
Thanks, Bruce.
Once again, you've helped me
in ways I can never begin to repay.
Ah, don't mention it, Harvey,
that's what old friends are for.
Say, I'd better get up there.
Holy amnesia! He doesn't remember.
Two-Face knew our secret,
but it seems Harvey has
repressed that memory.
Clearly, Two-Face lies dormant,
buried deep in Harvey's psyche.
For now, we can only
hope it stays that way.
(CROWD CHEERING)
I wonder if Harvey
will be auctioning himself.
(LAUGHING) Oh!
I might need to borrow
some money, Alfred.
Why, Mrs. Cooper.
Heavens to Betsy,
I'm all a tingle, Bruce.
Bruce?
HARVEY: Thank you for that warm welcome.
And now, without further ado,
I'd like to present
our first item up for auction,
the most eligible bachelor in Gotham City,
Batman.
(ALL GASPS)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Who will make the first bid?
Holy Hugh Hefner!
Meow.