Subtitle By Braindead
[Police sirens blare, ambient street noise]
[Crowd talking]
HROLD: Thank you. Hi.
I'd like to go to the Adelphi Hotel.
This is my cab.
HAROLD: I was here first!
Oh, od.
Taxi! Taxi!
[Cars honking]
HAROLD: Taxi!
HAROLD: Let's go across. Come on.
HAROLD: We'll get one down the road.
Hurry.
WOMAN: For God's sake, Harold,
can we please get a taxi?
HAROLD: I'm trying to get a.... Taxi!
JlMMY: We're going the wrong way!
Jimmy, put that away.
We look like tourists.
HAROLD: Let's cut over to Seventh.
JlMMY: Seventh is that way.
HAROLD: I know where we are!
[Footsteps]
PANHANDLER: Hey, give me a dollar.
How about it? One dollar.
Are you deaf? You don't speak English?
HAROLD: Come on! Up here.
[Harold groans]
GOON: Hey, lady...
...do the kid a favor. Don't scream.
[Woman screams]
[Dramatic instrumental music]
Hey, all right!
American Express card.
GOON ON LEFT:
"Don't leave home without it."
[Goons chuckle]
Get out of here.
I don't like it up here.
Are you scared of heights?
I don't know.
After what happened to Johnny Gobs--
Look, Johnny Gobs got ripped and
took a walk off a roof. No big loss.
That ain't what I heard at all.
I heard that the Bat got him.
The Bat? Give me a break, will you?
GOON: Five stories. Straight down.
There wasn't no blood in the body.
No shit. It was all over the pavement.
-I'm getting out of here.
-Shut up. Listen to me.
There ain't no Bat.
You shouldn't have turned
the gun on that kid.
You want your cut of this money or not?
Now shut up! Shut up!
[Footsteps]
[Goon groans]
[Goon groans]
GOON: Don't kill me!
Don't kill me!
GOON: Don't kill me! Don't kill me!
BATMAN: I won't kill you.
I want you to do me a favor.
Tell all your friends about me.
What are you?
I'm Batman.
[Man cries and groans]
[Dramatic instrumental beat]
[Gasps]
[Police sirens blaring in the distance]
MAYOR: Across this nation...
...the words "Gotham City"
are synonymous with crime.
Our streets are overrun,
our public officials are helpless.
As mayor, I promise to root out
the source of this corruption...
...Boss Carl Grissom.
Now, our new District Attorney,
Harvey Dent...
...will carry out that promise.
[Cheering and applause]
Thank you, Mayor Borg. Thank you.
People of Gotham City...
...I'm a man of few words.
But those words will count,
and so will my actions.
HARVEY:
Commissioner Gordon informs me...
...that he has targeted those businesses...
...suspected of fronting for
the syndicate in this city.
Before this week is out...
...we are going to knock
down their doors...
...and shed the light of the law
on that nest of vipers.
[Cheering and applause]
HARVEY: Together, we can make
this city safe for decent people.
[Cheering]
Decent people shouldn't live here.
They'd be happier someplace else.
Pretty tough talk about Carl.
Forget about it.
If this clown could touch Grissom,
I'd have handed him his lungs by now.
If Grissom knew about us...
...he might hand you something.
Don't flatter yourself, angel.
He's a tired old man.
He can't run this city without me.
And besides...
...he doesn't know.
You don't worry about anything,
do you, Jack?
You look fine.
I didn't ask.
MAN: Yeah. Hanging on.
[Sirens blaring]
[Man groaning and crying]
ECKHARDT: Let me guess.
Giant, menacing, supernatural form.
Kind of like a bat.
COP: That's it. What are they seeing
up there?
They're drinking Drano.
COP: It's weird.
KNOX: Thanks for the tip.
Christ. Knox.
KNOX: Lieutenant, I hear we had
another Bat attack.
That's eight sightings in a month.
I hear the Commissioner's opened a file.
Sorry, Knox.
These two slipped on a banana peel.
GOON: I'm telling you, a giant bat!
Don't write about this. It will ruin
your already useless reputation.
Lieutenant, every punk
in this town is scared.
They say he can't be killed.
They say he drinks blood.
I say you're full of shit, Knox.
You can quote me on that.
KNOX: Is there a six-foot bat
in Gotham City?
Is he on the police payroll?
What's he pulling down, after taxes?
[Knox chuckles]
[Sirens blaring in the distance]
[Drumbeat]
JACK: Brought you a little snack, Eckhardt.
ECKHARDT: Why don't you broadcast it?
JACK: Shut up and listen.
Harvey Dent has been sniffing
around one of our front companies.
ECKHARDT: That's my territory.
If there's a problem, I deal with it.
Your problems are our problems.
I answer to Grissom, not to psychos.
You ought to think about the future.
You mean when you run the show?
You got no future, Jack.
ECKHARDT: You're an A-1 nut-boy,
and Grissom knows it.
[Gun trigger clicks]
Better be sure.
See?
You can make a good decision
when you try.
[Jack chuckles]
Where've you been spending your nights?
[Ambient traffic sounds]
MAYOR: I don't care if this festival
is in debt, I want a parade.
I want hot dogs, balloons, everything.
We'll celebrate this 200th
anniversary proudly and publicly.
HARVEY: We may celebrate
in bankruptcy court.
It's $250,000 in debt
and we haven't seen one balloon.
MAYOR: You fill the square with people,
and businesses will come back.
A lot of people may stay away.
They're scared.
They won't be scared when you
get Grissom in the courthouse.
MAYOR: I promised that, remember?
[Ambient newsroom sounds]
COLLEAGUE 1 : Welcome, Count Dracula.
Had any sightings of Big Foot lately?
COLLEAGUE 2:
They buried your story on Batman.
COLLEAGUE 1: They bury garbage.
KNOX: This is Pulitzer Prize stuff.
I got something for you.
[All laugh]
KNOX: Very funny. You should have put
more gore under the fangs.
What a dick.
Hello, legs.
VlCKl: I'm reading your stuff.
KNOX: Well, I'm reading yours.
Hi, I'm Vicki Vale.
Yeah, photographer. Vogue, Cosmo. Yeah.
KNOX: If you want me to pose nude,
you'll need a long lens.
Actually, I was in the Corto Maltese.
KNOX: You could get hurt doing this stuff.
What brings you here?
I'm here to see the wildlife in Gotham City.
KNOX: Wildlife?
VlCKl: Mm hmm.
Like what?
Like...bats.
-Who sent you?
-Nobody, really.
VlCKl: I just loved your story, and...
...l like bats.
Yeah?
My pictures, your words.
Pulitzer Prize material. Just think.
Okay, you're a visionary,
and also the only one who believes me.
I need something tangible.
Gordon's got a file.
I can't even get him on the phone.
He'll be at Bruce Wayne's benefit, right?
Yeah. I don't seem to be on the guest list.
No.
Yes, yes. Vale, will you marry me?
VlCKl: No.
KNOX: Buy me lunch?
VlCKl: Maybe.
KNOX: I eat light.
GRlSSOM: Say this...
...son of a bitch...
...makes a connection
with us and with Axis Chemicals.
What kind of damage are we looking at?
ACCOUNTANT: If he ties us with
Axis Chemicals, we're dead and buried.
We should move immediately.
I say we break into the place...
...trash the office...
...and make off with the records
and say it was industrial espionage.
Jack....
Smart thinking. That's the way to go.
In fact...
...I'd like you to handle
this operation personally.
Me?
GRlSSOM: Hello, sweetheart.
Would you mind waiting in the next room?
That's all, gentlemen. Thank you.
That's all.
Carl....
Can somebody else do this?
JACK: The fumes in that place....
Jack....
It's an important job. I need...
...someone I can trust.
You...are my number one guy.
Now...
...don't forget...
...your lucky deck.
My friend...
...your luck is about to change.
PHONE: Police Department.
Get me Lieutenant Eckhardt.
[Clicking of ball spinning
on roulette machine]
[Ambient casino sounds]
Can I help you, sir?
Oh, thanks. Thank you very much.
That's very nice of you.
Here you go.
-Good evening.
-A little crowded.
VlCKl: Excuse me. Excuse me.
Could you tell me who is Bruce Wayne?
I'm not sure.
Thanks anyway.
GORDON: Eight. I can make that eight.
I can make that eight.
KNOX: Commissioner!
Mrs. Gordon, you look lovely.
Is it true the Commissioner
has a file on the Batman?
There is no Bat. If there were,
we would find and arrest him.
Be straight with me, Commissioner.
How're you making out?
Mr. Dent, I love that tie.
We were discussing winged vigilantes.
What's your stand?
We have enough problems in this city...
...without worrying about ghosts.
Pardon me, but that's not a denial.
Excuse me, I'll be back.
Won't anybody go on record?
-Your Honor, great suit.
-No comment.
GORDON: Robert, what's up?
Anonymous tip.
Napier's cleaning out Axis Chemicals.
Why wasn't I told? Who's in charge?
-Eckhardt.
-Oh, my God!
Come on, let's go.
KNOX: Mr. Gordon?
KNOX: Mr. Gordon?
[Eerie sounds]
Wait, wait. Living room,
dining room, arsenal.
Look at this stuff.
Who is this guy?
He gives to humanitarian causes,
and then collects all this stuff.
KNOX: He probably does it to get chicks.
They like his charity balls.
Don't leave out his very large bankroll.
KNOX: The more they've got,
the less they're worth.
This guy must be the most
worthless guy in America.
Check this out. He must have been
the King of the Wicker People.
[Knox and Vicki chuckle]
Where'd this come from?
VlCKl: I have no idea.
It's Japanese.
How do you know?
I bought it in Japan.
KNOX: Who are you?
BRUCE: Sorry. Bruce Wayne.
Alexander Knox.
I read your work. I like it a lot.
Thanks. Can I have a grant?
Vicki Vale.
Hi. Bruce Wayne.
Are you sure?
Yeah. I've seen your pictures
from Corto Maltese, haven't l?
You've got a wonderful eye.
Some people think she has two.
This is an amazing house.
I'd like to shoot it sometime.
Mr. Wayne, we need more champagne.
Is that all right?
Sure. Go ahead.
BRUCE: How many cases? Six? Six?
Six is good.
BRUCE: Six. Thanks.
Will you be in Gotham for a while?
I'd love to. I'm intrigued by
Alex's "giant bat" stories.
Oh, right. The bat.... Batman.
A bit light after the war
in Corto Maltese, no?
What do you do for a living?
Commissioner Gordon
was compelled to leave.
Very unexpectedly, sir.
Will you two excuse me?
I think perhaps this way, sir.
They need wine in the front room, and
a Mrs. Daley needs a copy of the menu.
And give Knox a grant.
Nice talking with you, Wayne.
The rich....
Know why they're so odd?
They can afford to be.
Look at this mirror.
KNOX: Maybe it should be Bruce Vain.
[Knox chuckles]
[Sound of video tape rewinding]
GORDON: What's up?
ROBERT: Anonymous tip.
ROBERT:
Napier's cleaning out Axis Chemicals.
GORDON:
if we could get him, we'd have Grissom.
GORDON:
Why wasn't i told? Who's in charge?
ROBERT: Eckhardt.
GORDON: Oh, my God!
GORDON: Come on, let's go.
[Electronic beeps]
ECKHARDT: Take a good look.
This is the guy.
Get a good look.
Shoot to kill. You know what I mean?
Let's move out.
[Suspenseful music]
[Drawer slams]
[Papers ruffling, folders being thrown,
banging, clanking]
We've been ratted out, boys.
Watch it.
Freeze!
[Hissing of fumes escaping]
ECKHARDT: You take the right. Move it.
GORDON: What the hell's going on?
ECKHARDT: What are you trying to do?
I'm in charge, not Carl Grissom.
This is Commissioner Gordon.
i want him taken alive.
i repeat. Any man who opens fire
on Jack Napier will answer to me.
[Explosions]
[Gunshots, hissing of fumes escaping]
[Jack cackles]
[Groaning]
GOON: Let me down!
Let me down!
Let me down!
Oh, my God!
[Banging, hissing of fumes and
water escaping]
[Gunshots]
[Man groans]
Get up on the catwalk, on that side.
You take that side. Be very careful.
Jesus!
BOB: Let him go...or I'll do Gordon.
Nice outfit.
Come on, Jack, let's go!
BOB: Come on!
Eckhardt!
Think about the future.
[Gunshot]
[Jack screams]
[Jack groaning]
[Jack screaming]
GORDON: Goddamn it, we had him!
GORDON: Hold it right there!
[Glass shatters, hissing]
[Swoosh of batgun]
COP: Who is this guy?
GORDON: I don't know.
Until we find out, keep a lid on it.
[Water bubbling]
KNOX: If there's no Bat,
then who dropped Napier into the acid?
Suicide? I want to get this on tape.
Hello?
He hung up. What have you got?
Here's the inner city.
VlCKl: Here's the sightings so far.
Maybe Batman has
some sort of flight pattern.
This is very good. Tonight we'll go
to dinner, then we'll walk the trail.
No can do. I got a date. Bruce Wayne.
Wayne! Wayne! Oh, no!
The guy's a stiff.
You could do much better.
Thanks for being so concerned. Bye.
[Phone ringing]
[Dog barking in the distance]
[Metallic clanking of gate closing]
[Voice echoes] How's the soup?
[Voice echoes] Excuse me?
BRUCE: The soup. How is it?
VlCKl: It's great.
[Voice echoes] Could you pass the salt?
Sure.
[Footsteps echo]
[Bruce clears his throat]
BRUCE: Did you have trouble
finding the house?
No....
VlCKl: It was no problem.
BRUCE: Good.
Do you like eating in here?
Oh, yeah.
I don't think I've been in this room before.
[Vicki laughs]
You want to leave?
Yes.
ALFRED: There was young Master Bruce...
...leading his gray pony
with me on its back...
...like a sack of old potatoes, covered
in mud and nursing a sprained ankle.
ALFRED: That was the first and last time
I gave him a riding lesson.
I think I've embarrassed him
for long enough.
ALFRED: I'm off to bed.
ALFRED: Please, leave everything.
I'll tidy up in the morning.
ALFRED: Good night, miss.
VlCKl: Good night, Alfred.
-Good night, sir.
-Good night, Alfred.
VlCKl: He's really wonderful.
He loves you a lot.
Alfred's great. I couldn't find
my socks without him.
He reminds me of my grandfather.
Were you close to him?
I used to spend summers with
him and my grandmother.
They had a house on the lake.
Nothing like this, but...
...it was fun.
-That sounds nice.
-Yeah.
What about your family?
Actually, Alfred is my family.
This house and all this stuff
doesn't seem like you at all.
Some of it is very much me.
Some isn't.
That dining room is definitely not you.
The dining room isn't.
DOCTOR: Let's see how we did.
[Jack gasping]
Oh, my God!
JACK: Mirror.
Mirror!
[Jack groaning and sobbing]
You understand that the nerves
were completely severed, Mr. Napier.
[Jack's sobbing turns into laughter]
You see what I have to work with here.
VlCKl: There are an awful lot of stairs
in this place.
My feet are killing me.
[Vicki giggles]
I feel a little drunk.
And you're not anything.
One drink and I'm flying.
Why are you afraid of flying?
That you, sugar bumps?
GRlSSOM: Who are you?
JACK: It's me.
"Sugar bumps."
You're alive! I heard you'd been--
JACK: Fried?
Is that what you heard?
You set me up over a woman.
A woman!
You must be insane.
JACK: Don't bother.
Your life won't be worth spit!
JACK: I've been dead once already.
It's very liberating...
...if you think of it as...therapy.
Jack, listen.
Maybe we can cut a deal.
Jack?
Jack is dead, my friend.
You can call me...
...Joker.
As you can see...
...I'm a lot happier.
[Joker cackles]
[Grissom screams]
[Repeated gunshots,
circus music plays in background]
[Joker cackles]
JOKER: Oh, what a day.
[Vicki moans softly]
[Rythmic squeaking sound]
Gotham City.
It always brings a smile to my face.
JOKER: "Winged Freak...
"...Terrorizes...."
Wait'll they get a load of me.
Oooh....
[Joker cackles]
I've got an idea. How about lunch
at my place? I'll show you some photos.
Sure. Okay.
Wait a minute. No, I can't. I can't make it.
VlCKl: Okay, we'll do it later in the day.
I can't make it then, either.
I've got a very important meeting today.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
I have to leave town for a few days.
-Okay, we'll do it when you get back.
-All right.
VlCKl: I have to go. I'm late.
Bye.
-Nice to see you again, ma'am.
-Nice to see you, too.
I'll talk to you guys when you get back.
Back, Miss Vale?
We'll be here for quite a while.
VlCKl: Well, bye.
[Footsteps]
JOKER: Honey....
You'll never believe
what happened to me today.
[Alicia moans]
[Joker chuckles]
JOKER: So, gentlemen, that's how it is.
Until Grissom...resurfaces...
...i'm the acting president.
And i say, starting with
this anniversary festival...
...we run this city into the ground.
Why don't we hear this from Grissom?
MAN: Yeah.
And what's with that stupid grin?
Life's been good to me.
[Joker chuckles]
What if we say "no"?
Well, Tony....
Nobody wants a war.
If we can't do business,
we'll just shake hands and that'll be it.
Yeah?
Yeah.
[Hissing]
JOKER: I got a live one here.
There'll be a hot time
in the old town tonight.
[Doors bang open]
[Joker cackles]
Antoine got a little hot under the collar.
You're crazy.
Haven't you ever heard
of the healing power of laughter?
JOKER: Now get out of here!
GOON: Let's go! Move it!
You think it over.
[Goons yelling orders,
Joker continues to cackle]
Go to the Globe, follow that reporter Knox.
Take your camera.
See what he knows about this Batman.
[Whispers] And, Bob...
...remember...you...
...are my number one...
...guy.
Yes, sir.
Your pals...
...they're not bad people.
Maybe we...
...ought to give them
a few days to think it over.
No?
Grease them now?
Okay.
You are a vicious bastard, Rotelli.
I'm glad you're dead.
I'm glad you're dead.
[Joker cackling]
I'm glad you're dead.
[Joker continues to cackle]
[Phone rings]
I need that.
KNOX: I'm losing confidence in you.
I thought we were a team.
Is this a personal issue for you?
I just want you to do your job.
I am doing my job.
And I'm protecting my partner.
There's nothing in these files.
Who is this guy?
Who cares?
Forget Bruce Wayne. I'm onto Batman.
[Car engine hums]
[Dramatic instrumental music,
background]
They'll be out any second.
I can't wait to hear the explanation.
REPORTER: What is this affidavit you filed?
Grissom gave you his business?
Mr. Grissom asked me,
as a personal favor...
...to take over all his businesses
until he returns.
That's a big favor.
You two must have been very close.
Did you do time together as children?
[Suspenseful music, background]
ECKHARDT: Our accountants are looking
into it. The affidavit is legitimate.
I smell fresh ink. You can prove this?
Of course you can.
We have witnesses.
Grissom's signature is legitimate.
JOKER: It is legitimate.
I saw it. I was there.
JOKER: I saw it all.
He reached up with his dead hand...
...and signed it in his own blood.
And he did it...with this pen.
Hello, Vinnie. It's your uncle Bingo.
Time to pay the check.
[Crowd screams]
The pen...
...is truly mightier than the sword.
[Machine guns fire]
[Crowd screams in panic]
[Car tires squeal]
BRUCE: Get down!
Won't this gang war dampen
the city's 200th anniversary?
The festival opens.
The police will stop these gangsters.
What about the theory
that the Batman is a Mob enforcer?
i don't have any comment.
[Minor explosion]
JOKER: Batman.
Batman.
Can somebody tell me
what kind of a world we live in...
...when a man dressed as a bat...
...gets all my press?
This town needs an enema!
[Party horn blows]
May I have a glass of...water?
I'm relieved that you're home.
ALFRED: Miss Vale telephoned.
She was rather concerned.
I feel there's a certain weight
that lifts when she is here.
Alfred...
...why don't you marry her?
That's not exactly what I had in mind, sir.
I can't go on with that right now.
If not now...
...when?
[Whispers] I don't know.
Jack Napier's still alive.
He's running Grissom's men.
I need any information on him.
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
Alfred....
She is great, isn't she?
ALFRED: Yes.
KNOX: Knox.
VlCKl: Hi.
Check something out for me.
Find out what's special
about the alley at Pearl and Phillips.
KNOX: Pearl and Phillips?
VlCKl: Yeah.
KNOX: You got it.
VlCKl: Okay. Okay, bye.
Mr. Wayne.
[Whistling]
So much to do and so little time.
The photos.
Who's that loss?
BOB: Knox.
JOKER: Bad tie. No style.
Stop the press!
JOKER: Who is that?
BOB: Vicki Vale.
The photographer working with Knox.
That girl has style.
Jesus marimba!
A lovely beast like that running around...
...could put steam in a man's strides.
She's dating some guy named Wayne.
She's about to trade up.
It's hard to stay inside the lines.
I'm about...
...to get a new girl, Bobby.
I'm of a mind to make some mooky.
Phone book.
Yes, sir.
JOKER: So much to do...
...and so little time.
[Truck honking]
JOKER:
Have you shipped a million of those?
MAN: Yes, sir.
Ship them all! We're going
to take them out a whole new door!
FLOOR MANAGER:
Ten seconds to transmission.
Five...four...three...two...one.
TV DlRECTOR: Cue music.
Cue Becky.
Good evening. The fashion world
was stunned today...
...by the sudden deaths of models
Candy Walker and Amanda Keeler.
Cause of death has been attributed
to a violent allergic reaction...
...although authorities have not
ruled out the possibility of drug use.
Peter.
Plans continue
for the city's 200th birthday...
...as Mayor Borg announced today,
the unveiling--
This just in.
Three mysterious deaths
at a beauty parlor--
[Becky giggles]
...were discovered today.
[Becky laughs hysterically]
What's going on?
This is hardly the....
Kill the camera.
This is Rene on the news floor.
I need paramedics up here now!
JOKER:
New and improved Joker products!
With a new secret ingredient.
Smylex!
What's that?
JOKER: Let's go over...
...to our blind taste-test.
Love that Joker.
Where's it coming from?
He doesn't look happy.
He's been using brand X.
But with new Joker Brand...
...i get a grin again...
JOKER:...and again.
That luscious tan...
... those ruby lips...
...and hair color so natural,
only your undertaker knows for sure.
[Joker laughs]
JOKER: You're saying:
"Where can i get these fine, new items?"
That's the gag. Chances are,
you've bought them already!
Love that Joker.
JOKER: Remember...
...put on a happy face.
[Joker laughing]
The information you requested.
BRUCE: "Jack Napier, assault with
a deadly weapon, age 15.
"Results of psychological profile...
"...violent mood swings, highly intelligent,
emotionally unstable.
"Aptitudes include science,
chemistry, and art."
Chemistry.
Let's go shopping.
Yes, sir.
...six new deaths, with no clues
as to the Joker's deadly weapon.
And what is the pattern?
Foods, alcohol,
or beauty and hygiene products?
Cologne, mouthwash,
underarm deodorant?
Or worse yet, there may be no pattern.
The search goes on
through Gotham's shopping nightmare.
MAYOR: We are having a festival, if I have
to use a gun to get people there myself.
Do you hear the words coming from
my mouth? The festival is on!
MAYOR: Find out what this madman
is poisoning us with.
Do you read me?
We're working on it.
I need all the help I can get.
[Answering machine beeps]
VlCKl: Hi, it's Vicki.
i'll be ten minutes late to the museum.
i'll see you when you get there.
A message from Miss Vale.
She'll be late meeting you at the museum.
Okay, thank you. Wait a minute, Alfred.
I'm not meeting her today.
Jack, where are you going?
Daddy's going to make some art, darling.
[Classical music plays softly, background]
VlCKl: Mr. Wayne's table?
He hasn't arrived yet.
We have a table waiting.
Miss Vale, this just arrived for you.
[Hissing]
[Crash]
[People panicking]
[Bang]
Gentlemen!
Let's broaden our minds. Lawrence.
[Pop rock song by Prince]
Give him a shave.
Terence, brush.
"All hail
The new king in town "
"Young and old,
Gather 'round
"Black and white,
Red and green
"The funkiest man
You've ever seen
"Tell you what his name is
"Partyman, Partyman
"Rock a party
Like nobody can
"Rules and regulations
No place in this nation
"Partyman, Partyman
"Party people
Say it now
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah "
The one-dollar bill.
"Somebody holler
if you wanna party"
JOKER: Hold it!
I kind of like this one. Leave it.
You can take that off now.
You're beautiful...
in an old-fashioned kind of way.
But I'm sure we can make you more...
today.
[Hissing]
Your portfolio?
I'm meeting someone
who wants to see my work.
JOKER: Crap.
Crap. Crap.
Crap. Crap.
Now that's good work.
The skulls, the bodies.
You give it such a glow.
I don't know if it's art, but I like it.
Let me tell you what I'm thinking about.
I was in the bath one day...
...when I realized
why I was destined for greatness.
You know how concerned
people are about appearances.
This is attractive, that is not.
That is all behind me.
I now do what other people only dream.
I make art...until someone dies.
See?
I am the world's first
fully-functioning homicidal artist.
What do you want?
My face on the one-dollar bill.
[Vicki sighs]
You're joking.
Do I look like I'm joking?
No.
Listen.
We mustn't compare ourselves
to regular people. We're artists.
JOKER: For instance, let me challenge you
with a piece I did.
Bob. Alicia.
You will photograph and record my work.
You will join me in the avant-garde
of the new aesthetic.
ALlClA: Jack, you said I could watch you
improve the paintings.
I'm in trouble now.
VlCKl: Why is she wearing a mask?
She's just a sketch, really.
Alicia, sit down. Show the lady
why you wear this mask.
Alicia's been made over in line
with my new philosophy.
So now, like me...
...she is a living work of art.
I'm no Picasso, but...do you like it?
It's great.
So...what can I do for you?
A little song, a little dance.
Batman's head on a lance.
What do you know about...?
I don't know anything about Batman.
Really?
Well, how about a little "you and me"?
You're insane.
I thought I was a Pisces. Come on.
JOKER: Let's make up. Have a little...
...whiff of my posy.
[Vicki screams]
JOKER: Help me!
I'm melting!
I'm melting! Help me! I'm melting!
[Vicki screams]
[Glass shatters]
[Swooshing sound]
[High-pitched hissing]
Hold on.
[Vicki screams]
Where does he get those wonderful toys?
BATMAN: Get in the car.
VlCKl: Which one?
[Car engine roars]
[Tires squeal]
[Crash]
[Gunshots]
[Gunshots]
[Vicki screams]
[Crashing]
[Police sirens blaring]
[Vicki screams]
[Hissing and clanking]
Let's go.
[Sirens scream]
[Tires screech]
[Running footsteps]
BATMAN: Shields.
[Clanking, buzzing and hissing]
[Metallic clanking]
[Vicki screams]
How much do you weigh?
About 108, I think.
[Tires squealing]
[Hissing]
Hold on.
[Car screeches to a halt]
[Vicki screams]
BATMAN: Grab that thing on my belt.
BATMAN: Don't let go.
[Vicki screams]
[Grunting and groaning]
[Gunshot]
GOON: No blood.
Who is this guy?
Check his wallet.
-Wait.
-What is that?
GOON: Some kind of body armor.
He's human after all.
Take off the mask.
BOB: Shoot her!
[Gunshots]
[High-pitched raging scream]
[Swords clink]
[Loud hissing of sword cutting the air]
BATMAN: Shields open.
[Mechanical buzzing and hissing]
[Engine revs]
[Sirens blare]
BATMAN: You weigh more than 108.
VlCKl: Really?
BATMAN: Let's go.
Stop.
[Vicki gasps]
[Batmobile screeches to a halt]
Where are we going?
[Dramatic instrumental music,
background]
[Vicki screams]
BATMAN: Be careful.
[Clanking of lever, explosive sound]
[Bats flapping their wings]
[Whispers] Bats.
BATMAN: They're great survivors.
VlCKl: What is all this?
BATMAN: The police have got it wrong.
They're looking for one product.
The Joker's tainted hundreds
of chemicals at the source.
VlCKl: Then whole shipments
would be poisoned.
And we'd all be dead.
BATMAN: No.
The poison only works if the components
are mixed. Hairspray won't do it alone.
But hairspray mixed with lipstick and
perfume will be toxic, and traceable.
How did you figure this out?
BATMAN: Take that to the press.
I might have trouble with that.
A lot of people think
you're as dangerous as the Joker.
BATMAN: He's psychotic.
Some people say the same thing
about you.
BATMAN: What people?
Well, let's face it.
You're not exactly normal...are you?
BATMAN: It's not exactly a normal world.
VlCKl: Why did you bring me here?
VlCKl: You could have sent that stuff
to the press yourself.
BATMAN: You're right.
BATMAN: There is something else
you have that I want.
VlCKl: What?
[Bats screeching]
[Vicki moans]
He took the film.
[Phone rings]
Yeah?
Where have you been? Are you okay?
Should I come over?
VlCKl: No, Allie.
If I bring something to you,
can we make the evening edition?
Just barely. Is it hot?
Yeah, it's real hot.
Yeah, bye.
Copy!
Avoid the following combinations:
Deodorants with baby powder,
hairspray, and lipstick.
Safe products are flying in
as Gotham City goes on a forced fast.
And all of Gotham is wondering
what to make of Batman.
Friend or foe?
I have given a name to my pain...
...and it is Batman.
[Gunshot, minor explosion]
You must possess strength
to inflict pain, Bob.
We've got a flying mouse to kill...
...and I want to clean my claws.
ALFRED: Sir, Miss Vale called again.
ALFRED: Dare i suggest
that your present course of action...
...might simply strengthen her resolve?
She is quite tenacious.
You're right.
And quite special.
Perhaps you could try telling her the truth.
[Doorbell rings]
VlCKl: Coming.
Hi.
May I come in?
BRUCE: This is a nice apartment.
Lots of space.
Listen, I came over to...
-...clear--
-I don't know who you think you are!
-You hurt me.
-I know.
VlCKl: I called you and called you.
And you lied! You lied about leaving town.
-Let me tell you why.
-Let me tell you!
I thought we felt something.
And I trusted you.
I even slept with you.
Then you wouldn't return my calls.
You must be some kind of jerk.
You're a real nice girl and I like you a lot,
but right now, shut up.
I have something to tell you.
[Bruce sighs]
You know how people have...
different sides to their personality?
Uh huh.
Sometimes...
...a person will have to actually
lead a different life.
Oh, my God, you're married.
No, I'm not married.
You see...
...my life is really...
...complex.
All right, listen. You know how
a normal person gets up and...
...goes downstairs...
...and eats breakfast...
...and kisses somebody good-bye,
and goes to...
...a job, and, you know....
No.
No.
Look.
What I'm trying to tell you is....
Hey, it's okay.
VlCKl: You can tell me.
BRUCE: Okay.
[Doorbell rings]
What I'm trying to tell you is....
[Doorbell rings again]
VlCKl: I'll be right back.
[Vicki screams]
JOKER: Miss me?
Nice place you got here. Lots of space.
Vicki, we've really got to talk.
JOKER: I'm very upset.
JOKER: We were having dinner.
I was a man doing well
with a beautiful woman.
And without so much as an apology...
...you ran off with that sideshow phony.
You know...
...I've recently had a tragedy in my life.
Alicia...
...threw herself out a window.
Oh, my God.
But...
...you can't make an omelet
without breaking eggs.
[Vicki screams, Joker cackles]
Well, Miss Vale...
...another rooster in the hen-house?
Take thy beak from out my heart.
Bruce....
Bruce...Wayne, n'est-ce pas?
BRUCE: Most of the time.
I know who you are.
Let me tell you
about this guy I know, Jack.
Mean kid. Bad seed. Hurt people.
I like him already.
[Joker and Bob cackle]
You know what the problem was?
He got sloppy. You know, crazy.
He started to lose it.
He had a head full of bad wiring, I guess.
Couldn't keep it straight up here.
He was the kind of guy who...
...couldn't hear the train
until it was two feet from him.
You know what happened
to this guy, Jack?
Well....
He made mistakes.
Then he ended up with his lights out!
Now you want to get nuts?
Come on! Let's get nuts!
Tell me something.
Have you ever danced
with the devil in the pale moonlight?
What?
I always ask that of all my prey.
I just like the sound of it.
[Gunshot, Vicki screams]
Never rub another man's rhubarb.
Why is it, every time I come for you...
...somebody always gets in the way?
JOKER: I'll need a moment alone.
I'm only laughing on the outside.
My smile is just skin deep.
If you could see inside...
...I'm really crying.
You might join me for a weep.
[Joker cackles]
[Vicki gasps]
[Metallic clanking as tray falls]
[Vicki gasps]
[Ambient newsroom sounds]
VlCKl: You really wouldn't believe it.
KNOX: While you were entertaining, I've
been finding out about your street corner.
KNOX: I think your friend is screwed up.
VlCKl: More good news.
Oh, my God!
His parents were murdered in that alley.
That's why he went there.
KNOX:
He watched it happen in front of him.
VlCKl: Look at the look on his face.
It was the same at City Hall.
What do you suppose this does to a kid?
Vale....
Don't get personal!
BRUCE: Alfred....
Did you get the file on my parents?
ALFRED: It's on your table.
BRUCE: Thank you.
BRUCE: What's on your mind, Alfred?
ALFRED: I have no wish
to fill my few remaining years...
...grieving for the loss of old friends...
[Metallic clanking]
...or their sons.
[Scattered conversations]
[Banging on microphone]
MAYOR:
The 200th anniversary birthday gala...
...has been indefinitely postponed.
We cannot guarantee public safety.
JOKER: Joker here.
TECHNlClAN: We got interference.
JOKER: Now you fellows have said
some pretty mean things.
Some of which were true
under that fiend...
...Boss Grissom.
He was a thief...and a terrorist.
On the other hand,
he had a tremendous singing voice.
JOKER: He's dead now,
and he's left me in charge.
i can be theatrical...
...and maybe even a little rough.
But one thing i am not...
...is a killer!
[Young people laugh]
JOKER: i love a good party.
So, truce.
Commence au festival!
JOKER: And i've got a surprise
for Gotham City.
At midnight, i will dump
...on the crowd.
[Crowd gasping]
JOKER: Don't worry about me.
i've got enough.
We are not prepared to discuss any deals.
You heard it, folks, 20 million.
JOKER: And there will be entertainment.
The big dukeroo. With me in one corner,
and in the other corner...
...the man who has brought
real terror to Gotham City...
...Batman.
JOKER: Can you hear me?
Just the two of us.
Mano y mano.
i have taken off my make-up.
JOKER: Let's see...
...if you can take off yours.
[Clicking footsteps]
[Ominous choral music, background]
[Echoing footsteps]
[Echoing gunshots, distorted screams]
JACK: [Distorted voice] Tell me, kid.
Have you ever danced
with the devil by the pale moonlight?
Let's go!
GOON: Let's go, Jack!
See you around.
VlCKl: Am I crazy?
That wasn't just another night
for either of us, was it?
VlCKl:
We both got to each other, didn't we?
Why won't you let me in?
Why?
You got in.
I've loved you since I met you.
But I don't know what to think of all this.
Sometimes I don't know, either.
It's just something I have to do.
Why?
Because nobody else can.
Look....
I tried to avoid all this, but I can't.
This is how it is.
It's not a perfect world.
It doesn't have to be a perfect world.
I just have to know,
are we going to try to love each other?
I'd like to.
But he's out there right now.
And I've got to go to work.
[Metallic clanging]
[Dramatic instrumental music]
[Engine revs]
[Gunshots]
[Metallic clinking]
[Thunderous explosion]
JOKER: into the air, Junior Birdman!
Miss me?
[Joker cackles]
JOKER: Yeah! Watch me!
[Helicopter propellers pelting]
[Pop rock song by Prince continues,
background]
[Ambient festive sounds]
[Crowd cheers]
Get them. Take the pictures.
Gotham's greed.
[Dramatic instrumental beat]
And now, folks...
...it's time for, "Who Do You Trust?"
Hubba, hubba, hubba!
Money, money! Who do you trust?
Me? i'm giving away free money.
And where...is the Batman?
He's at home, washing his tights.
[Joker cackles, crowd cheers]
Winged battle flies through
the night and finds me ready.
Bob. Mask.
Masks! Put them on now!
JOKER: And now...
...comes the part...
...where i relieve you, the little people...
...of the burden...of your failed...
...and useless lives.
But, as my plastic surgeon always said,
"if you've got to go...
"...go with a smile. "
My God.
VlCKl: Smylex gas.
He's going to kill everybody!
KNOX: Get in the car. Get in the car!
[Sounds of panic and chaos]
Hurry!
[Vicki screams]
[Crowd yelling and screaming
from panic and fear]
[Swooshing sound of Batmobile]
[Glass shatters]
[Minor explosions]
[Swooshing sound]
[Sounds of chaos]
[Tires screech]
Aaa....
[Crash]
[Swooshing sound]
[Beep]
My balloons!
They're my balloons!
[Hissing and clanking]
He stole my balloons!
Why didn't somebody tell me
he had one of those...things?
Bob. Gun.
[Gunshot]
I'll need a minute or two alone, boys.
Get out of here!
[Gunshots]
[Yelling and screaming]
[Beeping]
[Clanking and hissing]
Come on, you gruesome son of a bitch.
Come to me.
[Beep]
[Multiple gunshots]
[Beeping]
[Multiple gunshots]
[Gunshots]
[Engine roaring]
[Explosions]
[Roaring explosion]
[Flames crackling]
[Explosions]
JOKER: Darling.
JOKER: I've got to get you
to the church on time.
GOON: Yes, sir?
Gotham City Cathedral.
Transportation for two.
GOON: Right away, sir?
JOKER: Five minutes.
Better make it ten.
[Metallic clanking]
[Crashing and banging]
[Ominous instrumental music,
background]
[Sirens blaring]
[Crash]
GORDON: Let's go.
Point those searchlights at the tower.
Now! Move!
JOKER: [Voice echoing] it can be truly said
that i have a bat in my belfry.
JOKER: Shall we dance?
[High-pitched screaming]
[Waltz music plays]
[Goon yells]
[Crash]
[Grunting]
[Crash]
You know, without you...
...l just wouldn't want to go on.
[Vicki screams]
[Joker cackles]
[Grunting and groaning]
JOKER: We were made for each other.
JOKER: Beauty and the Beast.
Of course, if anyone calls you "Beast"...
...I'll rip their lungs out.
[Kissing sounds]
Mr. Joker?
VlCKl: You say such beautiful things.
And you're so powerful. And purple!
I love purple!
BATMAN: Excuse me.
Have you ever danced with the devil
in the pale moonlight?
[Crashing, banging, grunting]
I'm going to kill you.
You idiot!
You made me, remember?
You dropped me into the chemicals!
That wasn't easy to get over!
And don't think I didn't try.
I know you did.
[Joker groans]
[Fake teeth rattle]
[Joker grunts and groans]
BATMAN: You killed my parents.
What?
What are you saying?
BATMAN: I made you,
but you made me first.
I was just a kid.
I say you made me, you say I made you.
How childish can you get?
You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on?
[Vicki screams]
[Joker cackles]
JOKER: What are you laughing at?
Let me lend you a hand.
[Vicki screams]
Lend you a hand!
JOKER: They don't make them
like they used to!
Hey, Batsy!
[Helicopter propellers pelting]
There he is! Down there!
It's time to retire.
Feel free to drop in.
Sometimes I just kill myself!
Hold on!
[Swoosh]
[Joker groans]
[Joker screams]
[Vicki screams]
[Mechanical laughter]
HARVEY: Our police have rounded up
all of the Joker's men.
The reign of crime is over.
Public safety in Gotham City is
no longer a laughing matter.
-Aren't you covering the press conference?
-No.
What about our Pulitzer Prize?
What about us?
What about your picture of Batman?
Take care.
HARVEY:
We received a letter from Batman.
"Please inform the citizens of Gotham...
"...that Gotham City's
earned a rest from crime.
HARVEY:
"But if the forces of evil should rise again...
"...to cast a shadow
on the heart of the city...
"...call me. "
KNOX: Question. How do we call him?
He gave us a signal.
[Dramatic instrumental theme song]
ALFRED: I thought champagne would
be in order, ma'am.
VlCKl: Hi, Alfred.
Mr. Wayne told me to tell you...
...that he might be a little late.
I'm not a bit surprised.