(TV CRASHING)
What the...the telly!
Psycho! You need meds.
How do I watch the
Arsenal-Leicester match?
Stupid French witch!
Delhi idiot, go watch the match
with the other idiot Mehra.
As for the TV, this French witch won
it at the Xmas fair. Remember?
But I paid for the fair tickets.
Remember?
Tough luck, Desi boy.
Get your own telly,
if you can afford it.
You wanna go there? Fine!
Wasn't even HD. I'll get the latest.
3D, HD.
7.1 surround sound. It's
Game of Thrones all night.
No more: "Turn the sound down,
I have an early start."
You can't take that.
I bought it.
It was my birthday present.
You know what. Don't want
your stupid present.
Just 'cos I like Tweety doesn't mean
you stuff the house with them.
- Bloody twit.
- That's my t-shirt!
You're impossible!
No swearing in French.
You know what.
You left Delhi but your hooligan
Delhi talk didn't leave you.
Oh yeah?
At least I'm not a French slut,
sleeping with every man in Paris.
You know what.
I thought it was my bad.
Thank you for clearing that up.
Goodbye.
Taxi.
Miss...
Ok.
(DOOR CLOSING)
(DOOR BELL RINGING)
Hi, baby!
Shyra darling, what a surprise!
If I can use my room without
the third degree, I'll stay.
Or I go to Kim's. You guys decide.
Delete his number from your phones.
Mum, block him on Facebook too.
You're on Facebook?
I'm from Delhi,
she's from Paris.
Delhi and Paris? Not happening, boss.
No connection.
It was too good to last.
Sat for an English exam, the questions
came in French. Had to fail.
Falling in love is like investing
in mutual funds.
We think they'll pay dividends
when they mature.
But we don't think: "Mutual funds
are subject to market risks.
"Read the offer document carefully
before investing." Otherwise...
...it's breakup.
Breakups are a pain in the...
When a boy gets dumped...
...his mates get busy perfecting
the vanishing act.
The married guys are busy with
their wives. You married?
- Yes.
- It shows.
The single guys are busy at work.
When a girl goes through a breakup,
that's another ball game.
Hi, Shyra. Heard about your breakup.
You ok?
I'm ok. No sweat. I'm on my
way to work. I'll call later.
Hi, Shyra. I heard the news.
Are you ok?
It's ok.
Guess it wasn't meant to be.
Hi, Shyra. I heard
what happened last night.
- You ok?
- I'm all right. I'm not depressed.
Not drinking, I'm not planning
to kill myself.
Busy at work. I'll call you later.
Welcome to Paris Sidewalk Tours.
One of the most romantic bridges
in Paris - Pont des Arts.
It's famously called
"The Love Lock Bridge."
There were over a million
padlocks here a year ago.
Couples pledged their love
with a signed padlock...
...then they'd throw the key
into the river.
They believed that their love,
like the padlocks...
...would stay locked forever.
A year ago the city authorities
removed all the love locks...
...because the weight was
weakening the bridge.
Now padlocks are banned.
Even the world's most romantic
city understood that...
...few can carry the weight
of love.
We stop here for 15 minutes.
So if anybody wants to click photos,
please do.
The only way to avoid the sting
of a breakup...
...is never to fall in love's trap.
If you don't hook up,
you won't break up.
The wisest of the wise haven't
escaped from hooking up.
So how could a fool like me
stay free?
- A poem!
- Please...
Thank you!
A guy called Dharam
came to Paris...
Bravo!
"A guy called Dharam came to
make Parisians laugh out loud.
"A girl stripped him so bare...
"All he's now left with
is his underwear."
(AUDIENCE APPLAUSE)
One year ago
9 rue Thodule Ribot?
What an address!
Welcome to Paris, Dharam.
Hi, I'm Natalie.
You are Dharma, right?
Dharam! No "a" at the end.
Sorry. Come with me.
So this is your room,
window opens to the church.
(CHURCH BELLS)
I love Jesus.
Bathroom - just one.
You and I using same.
Great. Superb, Natalie-jee!
So you have butter, eggs, fruit.
Coffee, tea.
Everything you need.
So just please yourself, ok?
Catch you later.
Yes! Paradise at last!
How are you?
Good, darling.
This is my girlfriend, Naomi.
Naomi...Dharma.
Bonjour!
You're terrific, Mehra.
The flat's paradise.
The ultimate!
Don't need Internet.
I've got free live shows.
Very nice people, the French.
Forget about caste!
They don't differentiate between
boys from girls.
What a culture! I love the French.
Started your old tricks?
You're here to work,
not to enjoy Paris.
If your jokes go limp, next flight
home for you, boy.
Relax, Mehra!
Since college my jokes
made you double up.
Now no confidence in your bro?
Your bro's not out of gas.
I'm pure kick ass!
I'll make your Delhi Belly the No.1
Paris bar, or change my name.
That's why I spent mucho euros
jetting you here.
Pull in all the Indians of Paris
with your comedy nights...
...then we'll print money!
Ok, Mr Slumdog Millionaire...
...print and mint we will.
But first tell me where's
the hottest bar in Paris.
Dharam, tomorrow's your first show...
Mehra, my love. For the show
to rock tomorrow...
Dharam needs to rock today!
(KISSING SOUND)
So sorry.
Franois, water. Quick!
Thank you.
- You're a lifesaver, Franois.
- No worries.
- Buy you a drink?
- Thanks, not drinking today.
Vodka? Bacardi?
Petrol? Jgerbomb?
No French, eh?
- Indian?
- I'm French. Parents Indian.
Sorry.
Thought French might score.
I've tried for hours. No luck.
In desperation I tried French.
Now that's quite honest.
I'm impressed.
See, for something like that,
my friend, I'm buying.
What are you having?
Franois, the same. Two.
Come on up.
- I'm Shyra.
- Dharam.
So Desperate Dharam...
...scan the lovelies.
Who catches your eye?
My eyes are stuck on you,
they won't unstick.
Ah! That's sweet but it's not
gonna work.
- Not into Indian guys.
- I can understand.
Not into Indian guys either.
They smell of fenugreek.
Wicked sense of humour!
Not bad, impressed again.
- Are we doing this or not?
- Come! Yeah.
Show me the girl you fancy.
I'll tell you your chances.
Choosy, aren't we?
No one?
They're all gorgeous.
But I'm stuck on you.
No one else will do.
Thank you for helping me out.
One drink with you
is enough for me.
You'll ditch me soon. So till then,
let's enjoy the moment. Cheers!
Everybody, get ready for the
chicken wings contest!
(CROWD CHEERING)
The winner of the chicken
wings contest gets...
...free food and drinks for a year!
Now you're talking!
I dare you!
You win, I party with you.
Is that so?
Delhi folk can be weak in matters
of the heart, but not in dares.
You're on.
Ok.
Here's a player!
(WHISTLE SOUND)
Your smile is bewitching.
I'm crazy about you.
Desire takes me over.
Your voice melts me.
The girl's like a heady drink.
Like a soaring kite
cutting another.
She reeled me in,
no time to cut loose.
Like a lofty kite, a dervish entranced.
In a flash I was high.
Like a shock wave,
a search warrant.
Like a secret download.
The girl's like a heady drink.
Like a soaring kite
cutting another.
Like new spring,
like a clean slate.
Like cement filling
the cracks.
Like sparring sexy eyes.
Hitting the jackpot at last.
Her name is all over my lips.
She runs in my veins.
Like a crazy tale,
she's wild youth.
Like ice melting through
your fingers.
Like a river flowing,
mischief smiling.
Like a favour that's big trouble.
She reeled me in,
no time to cut loose.
The girl's like a heady drink.
Like a kite cutting another.
Like a kite flying over rooftops.
Crossing the crossroads
of my heart.
Smiling she wanders,
she roams.
She grabs my heart.
Your smile is bewitching.
I'm crazy about you.
Desire takes me over.
Your voice melts me.
Leaving?
Party's over, back to real life.
Without my number, how will you
call when you miss me?
Cute!
(LAUGHS)
You know I recently broke up.
Wanna be single for a bit.
Wasn't looking to hook up
last night...
...but your goofy lines, your
sexy dance moves got me.
I just let go.
So no phone calls, please.
Leave me your number.
Don't know a soul in Paris.
If I get molested or mugged,
I could call you for help.
One minute.
An Indian has a duty
to help another Indian.
Shyra! Where's your patriotism?
(DOOR SLAMS)
So, she didn't like what you had?
What to do? She also likes girls.
I'm going back to India.
What is this?
- Cornflakes.
- I hate cornflakes.
Hello, hi.
Can you tell me which cornflake
is this?
Follow me.
- Here.
- So many?
Madam! You don't understand.
My ex is crazy.
She takes out the cornflakes from
the box, puts in a jar...
...throws away the box. I don't know
the name of this cornflake.
I can't have breakfast without it.
My favourite!
Please tell me which one?
- Sorry, we don't have this one.
- Did you have to eat it?
My last cornflake! Now what?
- Anything else?
- Poison? Special present for you.
Run, baby, run!
Narrow escape, sonny.
Almost bowled out.
The witch has special powers.
She sprouts up out of the air.
Time to chill, sonny.
Hiding from me?
It's you!
What brings you here?
Sorry, I didn't see you.
How are you?
Mehra was asking after you,
call him sometime.
Cut it out, Dharam.
Politeness doesn't suit
Delhi boys.
And you don't have to run
when you see me.
I thought if we spoke, you'd get
a flashback of our past.
Look at me! Think I'm
the flashback type?
If we bump into each other again,
can I say hi?
Just hi!
Put them in a jar, they spoil
in the box.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Who's single tonight, besides me?
(CROWD CHEERING)
Bravo!
A beer from the singles for
the unlucky hooked-up guys.
(LAUGHING)
When you're single again...
...every girl looks appealing.
But the girls may not
find you appealing.
Only one rule to avoid being single.
Never give up!
(COUPLE GROANING)
Alcohol is not the only cure.
There are healthier options:
Gardens, parks.
There's an old saying: "You make
girls laugh and they're yours."
I say: "Make kids happy,
their Mummys are yours."
Especially single mums.
Antoine Griezmann!
Come, careful.
Papa's here for the night.
- Papa!
- He's not your Papa.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
- Hi. Dharam.
- Hi. Marie.
- Nice to meet you.
- Me, too.
I can see where he gets his smile.
Thank you very much.
My pleasure.
Long live Mummy love!
I love Indian food, Indian music,
everything about India.
I'm the most Indian thing
you'll find in Paris.
100% pure Indian. Exotic like
jungle boy Mowgli.
Like to see Incredible India?
Tonight!
Tonight. At your service, madame.
Chin-chin.
Here's the menu. Good evening.
(WINE SPILLS)
I'm so sorry. Should I show you
the men's room?
I'll be right back.
- Where?
- This way, please.
Why did you screw up my date?
Zip up your jealousy. We broke up
6 months ago.
Have you lost it, Dharam? Couldn't
you find another restaurant?
How did I know you switched
from guide to waitress?
- It's Sunday night.
- So?
I help my parents on Sundays.
Remember?
- Is this your Dad's restaurant?
- Thought I flipped seeing your date?
- Wasn't it the "Indian Summer?"
- Name change.
But why? It was doing ok.
- The chutney was bland, but...
- That's not...
...the point. Goddammit!
If my parents see you here
on a date, they'll freak out.
Our breakup still upsets them.
Indian parents are too sentimental.
Baby, what about table 18?
(HUMMING TO HIMSELF)
Bless me, uncle.
Bless me, auntie.
- He came to apologize?
- No, Mum. He's on a date.
On a date?
Scumbag! I could shove
a skewer up his...
Bad service, bad restaurant,
my bad.
I'm a bad boy, punish me.
Let's go.
- This is our specialty.
- Thank you.
You maybe my ex, but you've no right
to run Dad's restaurant down.
- It's delicious.
- Thank you.
So you mean...
...you have no problem with me
eating here?
I mean my ex serving
my new girlfriend?
No.
You really are French.
Always was.
- I'm Shyra.
- Delighted. I'm Marie.
- We lived together ages ago.
- I see.
Shyra and me are good friends.
Old friends.
Don't overdo it.
She knows you're my ex.
And, we were never friends.
We were lovers and they
can't be friends.
Spoken like a true Delhi boy!
Some free advice?
Don't lay it on too thick. I told her
you can't last long.
So typical of you!
Breaking up has fried her brains.
She's jealous, ignore her.
How's the kebab?
The witch must have spat on it.
Chin-chin!
(GLASS CLINKING)
Good morning, guys!
We start our tour in the
Tuileries Garden.
As you can see...
It lies between Place de la Concorde
and the Louvre.
Catherine of Medici built
the Tuileries Palace in 1564.
France's famous cultural hub.
It became a public garden after
the French revolution.
It's a very famous tourist spot.
Wow.
Slow down!
Love it!
- This is the Arc de Triomphe.
- Paris's India Gate.
This is one of the
most important lanes.
- Home to many celebs.
- Like Delhi's Vasant Vihar.
The Notre Dame, the world's
most famous cathedral.
Wow!
There's a beautiful story
about the Notre Dame.
A beautiful story.
The love story of Esmeralda
and Quasimodo.
Beautiful.
Happy honeymoon.
Thank you.
I'll be off, auntie. See you!
Lovely.
Bye!
Hello, hello.
Is our meeting a random event?
Or is God trying to unite lovers
who were made for each other?
You honestly didn't know
I worked here?
How the hell would I know!
We're not in India where
two people can get lost...
...and never meet again.
Actually, I begged barman
Franois to lead me to you.
You're forever blurting out the truth.
It makes you seem cute.
But I am cute.
Try your cuteness elsewhere.
I'm not in that headspace.
Not looking for any space
in your head.
Just one night, some drinks,
some dancing, some...
No! You'll fall in love with me.
It'll get complicated.
Are you crazy?
Beyond me why people fall into
the love trap. Total time waste.
Don't be a bore.
One night...
If you don't have a good time, I won't
show my face again. Promise!
(CHURCH BELLS)
- Ok.
- Ok.
See that cop?
Yeah.
Slap him hard. I'll go out
on a date with you.
(LAUGHS)
You don't want to date me, it's ok.
But I'm no suicide bomber.
I want to date you. But are you
worth my time?
He's a bloody cop. I'll get deported.
Life's a bitch.
You're psycho, right?
If I die, I won't spare you.
(SLAPS)
Run!
(LAUGHS)
(BREATHLESS)
Carefree hearts fly free.
Like sparks rising from embers.
Swinging all night long.
Touching the blue sky.
Kissing the moon.
Circling the stars.
Carefree hearts fly free.
Like sparks rising from embers.
Hearts beating.
Pulse racing - breathless.
Eyes sparkling when they meet.
Faltering, fluttering.
Fumbling - breathless.
Hands trembling when they meet.
Rolling the dice.
Gambling with hearts.
Rolling the dice.
Gambling with hearts.
Carefree hearts fly free.
Like sparks rising from embers.
There's no holding them back.
They swim in the deep end.
Caring not if they win or lose.
Caring not if they sink or swim.
Reigning in emotions...
...is chasing clouds.
Desires are the whims of souls.
Carefree hearts fly free.
Like sparks rising from embers.
(STIRRING TEA)
Look, son...
We know what it means if a daughter
brings a boy home. Parents know.
She knows all about
Shyra's boyfriends.
We don't question her. This is
Paris after all, not Patiala.
Son, are your parents in Delhi?
Auntie, Mum's a housewife,
Dad was in the army.
I'm so sorry, son.
Why not call your mother?
Let's fix the wedding date.
Relax, Mum. He's not proposing.
Then?
He's helping me to move out.
Moving out? Where to?
- Are you leaving Paris?
- No.
Dharam and I have so little
time together.
He has his stand-up at nights,
and I work all day.
His roommates are moving out.
It's just more practical.
All good?
Meaning?
You'll live together? Out of wedlock?
Auntie, you see...
...if we live together, we'll find out
if we're a good fit.
She's my daughter,
not a free yoga class.
Papa, I'm not asking for permission,
I'm just letting you know.
No scenes. We're 10 mins away.
It's not like a marriage,
just a live-in.
I think we better go.
Just a live-in?
Bless me, uncle.
Bless me, auntie.
Paying respect? In Paris?
Why did you touch their feet?
Didn't want them to think you're
living with a jerk.
Had to reassure them.
You overdid it. Now they're waiting
for the wedding.
Can you blame them?
Living with a guy for the first time,
it's a biggish deal.
We're never getting married.
Ever.
I know! Relax.
Think I'm dying to get married?
Stop the car!
Stop the car. On the side.
(CAR BRAKES)
- In the middle of the road...
- Shut up!
- We want to live together?
- Absolutely!
Are we an uncool couple...
...who call each other silly names
- honey, sweetie?
Never!
Why won't we say silly things
like "I love you?"
'Cos it turns all emotional,
sentimental. End of fun times.
Perfect.
Let's move in.
I dare you!
Now.
Right now, right here.
You're on!
Dharam!
Dharam! Open the door.
Where's the fire? My game...
It stinks! Oh my God.
(DOOR CLOSING)
(DOOR OPENS)
- What is it? The lights?
- Where's my charger?
Lights off! I've an early start.
Bloody lights off! Damn it.
- Are you insane?
- You're too much!
Shyra, get up, help me.
The cleaner has the same phone.
She took it.
(CURTAINS DRAWING)
Who's that?
What are you doing?
Shut that music!
I came home at 3.
Is this revenge for the other night?
So immature.
Music off! Or else...
You evil witch!
Good morning!
I hope you have a crap day!
- The keys?
- You had them.
You're kidding me?
The house keys?
- Look at the size of this bag.
- Do I have the keys at night?
You know what, just check it.
Let's check it.
- Shut up!
- You shut up.
Honey, I'm home.
Mehra took me to a great place.
We ate like pigs.
Have an acidity attack.
Expecting guests?
- I told you I was cooking tonight.
- Wasn't that on Thursday?
Today is Thursday.
(PLATE SMASHING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Yeah?
Hi! You well? All good?
Mummy, Papa doing well?
Sorry. Am I disturbing?
Didn't I say? Politeness
doesn't suit you. What's up?
I'm at the police station.
Mehra is in Delhi. Who could I call
but you?
- Which station?
- Place Dauphine.
Coming.
Could you bring 500 euros?
(SIGHS)
Money coming! 10 minutes.
Don't hit me.
- Is that it? Can we go?
- Yes. You can go.
Very well. Thank you.
I paid the fine. Collect
your car tomorrow.
See you tomorrow. The car...
Merci. No thanks?
(FOOTSTEPS)
Thanks.
I'll return your money tomorrow.
If they catch you driving drunk
again, licence cancelled.
I know.
How come your wallet was stolen?
My date ran away with it.
- She just left with your wallet?
- Yeah.
(LAUGHING)
- Oh God, Dharam, you're unbelievable.
- She was classy and hot.
She didn't look a criminal.
How come you're all alone
on a Saturday night?
Just...
I am enjoying being on my own
these days.
No boyfriend?
What can I do, Dharma?
Since you left, my heart
beats for no one.
But I have a new girlfriend
every week.
Is that so?
You started much later than me.
You need a lot of catching up
to become a slut like me.
I'm sorry, Shyra.
I shouldn't have said all that stuff
the day we broke up.
I was judging you 'cos
I lacked experience.
Totally uncool.
I wanted to apologise right away.
But I was so mad.
I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
When did you grow up, Dharma?
The day you left me, Ma!
Since you left, I haven't peed
with the toilet seat up.
The remotes are in one place.
I wash up before I sleep.
Make the bed every day.
And there's not a single empty
milk carton in the fridge.
Wow!
- Should I come back?
- Come.
I dare you!
Actually, you know what.
Breaking up has reformed us.
You've learned how to say sorry,
I've stopped partying.
At least something good has
come out of it.
But you gotta admit,
it was fun while it lasted.
Too much fun.
Shyra?
Hi, Mum. Hi, Papa.
Late night at the restaurant?
Bless me, uncle.
Bless me, auntie.
Good night.
Thank you.
Are you back together?
No, Mum.
Modern relationships! You're too old
to get it. Don't stress.
Let's go in.
(DOOR CLOSING)
(CLUB MUSIC)
So, Jasmine!
I tried dating you for a year,
how come I got lucky today?
'Cos my boyfriend is a
cheating moron.
Today's my birthday.
My turn to cheat.
I chose you 'cos you're frivolous.
You're cool with this, right?
Right, right.
So happy freaking birthday to me!
One more.
(PHONE RINGS)
Your moron?
For the 100th time.
- No way am I taking him back.
- Absolutely not. Why should you?
11th December? Sagittarian?
My first Delhi girlfriend
was a Sagitt...
Is today the eleventh?
May I borrow your phone?
Urgent call.
(PHONE RINGING)
- Hello.
- Today is the 11th.
Whose cell is that?
Long story, not important.
December 11, remember?
I remember 9/11.
What's with 12/11?
A bigger crisis than 9/11...
our breakup.
You called to tell me this?
C'mon, Shyra, it's our breakup
anniversary.
People celebrate birthdays,
wedding anniversaries...
...so can't we celebrate our breakup?
I really don't have time
for this stupidity.
I am on the night shift.
You finish at 9.30. See you
at the Pont des Arts at 10.
No way.
Are you scared? Still haunted
by flashbacks of me?
You wish!
I've an early start. Must go.
Dare you!
I'll see you at 10.
All right, people.
Trocadero is to your left.
If anyone wants a selfie,
move to this side.
Hello. Sidharth?
Jasmine is at the Pink Flamingos,
bawling her eyes out for you.
Get over here now.
Me? I'm your lucky charm.
- What's this new drama, Dharam?
- No drama, just a goodbye.
We were together for a year.
Ours was a Titanic - type love story.
But the end was bad Bollywood.
Hasty, imperfect.
Now that we've
both moved on...
You have, right?
Or do you still have the hots for me?
To celebrate the joy of
moving on, here we are...
...a year later, saying 'bye
in style.
Let's celebrate our breakup
anniversary.
Damn it!
What's the plan?
- Whatever you want.
- That's a first.
You said that I've grown up now.
- Shall we go to Montmartre?
- No.
The soft breeze, the stars,
the silent night...
...then you'll bore me with
your life's woes. Can't do it.
There's a new nightclub in the Marais.
A nightclub?
You'll get drunk on vodka,
dance on the table...
...start a brawl and then
we'll get kicked out.
You've got a point. Drive to Lyon?
I was driving all day. Besides,
only one of us can drink.
Oh no! Today we have a drinking
contest. Long drive cancelled.
Want to see Salman's new film
at the Metro?
I've seen enough Hindi films
to please you.
Now that I'm your ex, I can pass on
those macho stunts.
Ok. Let's see something French
and artsy.
The last time you got worked up
in the sex scenes.
Can't do that now.
- I don't trust you.
- I don't trust me either.
Let's hang out in your
favourite park.
There'll be couples making out
everywhere. We'd look like fools.
Is there no place in Paris where
we can chat...
...peacefully without romancing?
- Have we grown old?
- You sure have. A little.
Very funny.
So basically there's nothing
we can do together.
Or have we done everything already?
- We parted at the perfect time.
- Perfect.
Your breakup anniversary
is a bad flop.
No way!
I'll be right back.
You won't leave?
I've already left. Forgotten?
Will you marry me?
Yes, you moron.
(SINGING, BOTTLES CLINKING)
One thing we haven't done together.
Drink beer?
- Padlocks are for lovers.
- I know.
They're banned here.
Do we the carefree
bother about bans?
No way! I was in jail once,
thanks to you.
- Enough.
- Listen.
This bridge was witness
to the start of love.
Today it will see an end.
Let's clip the padlock to the bridge,
throw the key in the Seine...
...and promise never to fall
in love with each other again.
Good idea?
The boy is older and smarter.
- Let's do it.
- Let's do it!
Lock. Yeah!
(LAUGHS)
Look at that.
- There!
- My master.
Bless you.
(THROWS KEY INTO RIVER)
Congrats on your breakup!
Miss Shyra Gill...
...why did our love story flop?
Because it wasn't a love story,
it was a lust story.
You mean we were
lovers of lust?
Exactly!
We were in lust. But we mistook it
for love.
Before we got to know each other,
we started bickering about nothing.
If we were friends first, we'd be
more forgiving of our flaws.
Then our love would have
had a better chance.
So what are we now?
I mean, we're not lovers?
Not enemies?
So, who am I to you?
I think now we're friends.
Friends?
You mean...
So I'm my ex-girlfriend's
friend?
You made me French finally.
Ok, Mr Frenchy, let's see what
you've got.
Come on.
(GULPING DRINK)
Wet shoes flung about.
It's you and me.
No coffee in the coffee jar.
It's you and me.
That silly umbrella never opens.
It's you and me.
That window never closes.
It's you and me.
Our life is topsy-turvy
like our friendship.
Upside down but seems
right side up.
We shop and no taxi in sight.
It's you and me.
We walk, shoe strap snaps.
It's you and me.
The traffic is at standstill.
It's you and me.
The bus takes ages to show.
You and me.
When the path ahead
seems thorny...
...or changes shape and size...
...or feels just like a swamp.
Smile!
Spread your arms wide,
breathe in the fresh air.
It's free!
Wandering sailors, lost mariners...
...ever-ready to sail the rough seas,
turning the tide as we go.
A little nuts,
a little wise,
we're old-time sinners,
lovers of life.
Stumbling along the path.
It's you and me.
Smiling through life.
It's you and me.
Frozen and melting.
It's you and me.
Done and undone.
It's you and me.
Our life is topsy-turvy
like our friendship.
Upside down but seems
right side up.
(PHONE RINGS)
- Yeah?
- What's up?
Getting ready.
- Meet me downstairs.
- Where are we going?
It's Friday night, babe!
Deadpool 2 released today.
I completely forgot.
So why were you dolling up?
I have a date.
You have a... what?
Kim's idea. He works in her office.
I finally agreed. Why not?
Hell, no! Shyra, who can I go with?
Make an excuse and cancel.
I'm not in the mood, but if
I cancel now, it'd be rude.
You had to chose tonight to go
on a date.
Who's the loser?
He's not a loser. A hotshot
investment banker.
If he's dating you,
he gotta be a loser.
He'll bore you to bits.
He works at Citibank. Kim's boss.
She thinks he's perfect for me.
Have a glass of wine
and send him packing.
(SIGHS)
- I was silly saying yes.
- Think community service.
Take him to a bar. I'll call you
in 10 minutes.
Say there's an emergency, a friend
is in hospital. Bye bye banker.
Not a bad idea. Where will you be?
What if he sees you?
Ms Dumbo, how will he know me?
I'll be at the bar.
(DOOR BELL)
- He's here.
- No, it's me.
Bonsoir!
Bonsoir!
No laundry today, thanks.
Give me two minutes.
Hi!
- Where to?
- Wherever. It's only for one drink.
In fact, I can't have a late night
either.
Have an early start.
And you might get a call from
a friend. Hospital...emergency.
- Ok, bye. I'll see you guys later.
- Aren't you coming with us?
- It's Friday. I'm fasting.
- Think community service.
Guys, relax, it's cool.
I'm Anay, the boring banker.
I'm sorry.
"Sorry?"
Never heard that name before.
Your parents must've thought hard.
- Shyra.
- Hi, Shyra.
Dharam.
Call me whatever you want.
I deserve punishment.
Your punishment? You'll party
with this boring banker.
There's a karaoke bar in Belleville.
A Bollywood night.
You guys sing well?
No?
Perfect. I'm a lousy singer too.
Let's go.
Guys, guys, guys!
That's me.
- Don't go.
- Have to, man.
Thank you so much. I had a blast.
Brought back my college days.
- It's lovely meeting you, Shyra.
- Ditto.
Dharam, my brother!
You're a rock star.
Sorry for screwing up your date.
Thanks to you, I serenaded
a girl for the first time ever...
...and a lovely one, too. No date
could be as memorable.
Thank you, my friend.
Good night.
He's not going to look back.
Waiting for someone to look back
is so 90s.
I was just checking out his ass.
Cute, no?
Really?
I partied after a year. I had a blast.
The banker is a cool guy.
Cool, decent and fun.
A rare combination.
Come to think of it,
he's everything you
wanted me to be.
Hook him!
He was my date, but you're
the one swooning.
Ok. You stay cool. But if he
throws you a line, grab it.
I'm done with hooking up,
breaking up.
I want to stop. Be still.
Stay in one place.
You're scaring me.
I'm scared too. I feel as though
I've finally grown up.
Don't want to be stupid anymore.
So when will I get this
"grown up" feeling?
Not in this lifetime for sure.
But don't lose heart.
Guys like you are assured a rebirth
to repent for all your sins.
- You've sinned more than me, witch.
- But I paid up being with you.
Now I get it.
So all the boyfriends before me
were your "sins."
And I, your "atonement."
Anay, your "reward."
Exactly!
I don't believe it.
I'm your "atonement?"
- That's worse than "sin."
- Get over it!
Walk home alone.
Hope you're mugged.
(DOG BARKING)
Shyra, wait!
(PHONE RINGING)
Bonjour. Paris Sidewalks.
Can I help you?
May I speak to singer
Sunidhi Chauhan?
Pardon?
Singer Sonu Nigam here.
Anay!
You remember my name.
That's a good sign.
I had a good time last night.
Your pal Dharam is nuts. He's mad.
He has a crush on you too.
If you want to avoid me,
give me his number...
...I'll try my luck with him.
Seriously, Shyra, I really like you.
If you don't think I'm an
avoidable boring banker,
let me take you out next week.
Next month?
How about next year?
Tonight?
Tonight? I can't. I have a date.
I'm sorry.
I'm kidding! Pick you up at 8.
Ok.
(FOOTBALL MATCH, TV)
Off to Disneyland?
Yes? Looks hot?
Did someone die?
(GASPS)
Hello!
Meeting in a restaurant?
Or booked a hotel room?
- Idiot.
- Please change.
Perfect!
Enjoy!
So, did you have sex?
- Dharam, it was our first date.
- So what?
On our first date you shook
the Eiffel Tower.
- That's why we're just friends today.
- Oh, this is the forever guy.
Is that why you're playing
goody-goody with Mr Banker?
- Shut up.
- Did you kiss?
He's a gentleman, not
a pervert like you.
What a loser!
So you just whispered
sweet nothings in his ear?
How sweet!
You're giving me diabetes.
Oh, get lost.
The girl who fell into my cornflakes...
(OPERA, SINGING)
Every time I go to the opera,
it feels like the first time.
I can't explain it but...
Am I boring you?
Not at all. You know so much
about the opera.
In fact, if you hadn't explained,
it would've bored me.
I like you, Shyra.
I really like you.
So no kissy-wissy last night?
No.
I hope this banker isn't gay?
You better find out.
You're finally serious
about a guy...
...don't want you crying on
my shoulder, wetting my t-shirt.
- He's not gay.
- How do you know?
You would know. You have
a lifetime of experience.
So it's the opera every Friday?
What about our Friday movie night?
That's damn gay.
That's very rude.
- Not you! A movie? Friday night?
- Don't think so.
You want ball?
(MUSIC, RECORD STORE)
Anay, my man.
Dharam, my man. Am I disturbing?
I have a rule.
Never work so much that
a friend could disturb you.
Nice. Need a favour. Can you
gatecrash my date again?
Of course. That's my specialty.
When and where?
I have a yacht in Cannes. I'd like
Shyra to come for the weekend.
Come with us, it'll be fun. And
Shyra will feel more comfortable.
You must have a special friend.
Bring her too.
Of course, of course.
My special friend and I'll be there.
Great! I'll text you the time
and place.
Awesome!
You like French music?
I like French girls who like
French music.
Baby, I love your skin.
So nice and silky!
You're French rasmalai.
- You know "rasmalai?"
- No.
Like mille-feuille.
(WOWING)
New bikini for new boyfriend?
Your Miss Playboy is here, so I'd
better put up a good fight.
Hot, no?
- Do you ever talk or just...
- I have you for talking.
Oh, yeah. Right.
I have only one life.
Can't blow it talking.
Guys, ice-lollies.
Cool!
Give me one.
Baby, want an ice-lolly?
I can't. I have a Vogue shoot
on Monday.
A Vogue shoot on Monday?
Poor girl. She's a model.
I'll take both.
- Come!
- I don't know how to swim, baby.
Hey, Shyra. Can you please
explain to her in French?
- Come on! It's only a Jet Ski.
- Dharam, I'll save you.
(WATER SPLASHING)
(GROANING)
Mama...
I hope you're not bored
with the boring banker.
'Cos the banker is bored stiff.
Good night, Shyra.
I better go.
(DOOR OPENS)
Oh, what a gentleman.
(SQUEALING)
Round 2.
What an idiot!
(CAR DOOR OPENS)
"Shyra, please meet me at 8
at the top of the Eiffel Tower.
"Something very important.
"Wear that blue dress
I bought you. Please.
"Love you. See you there."
Shyra, I live in the modern world
but I'm old-fashioned.
I follow the traditional path
when taking life decisions.
Oxford-educated, work in an old
finance company and now...
...romancing at the top
of the Eiffel Tower.
I know it's a clich.
But it's classic...
...and beautiful...just like you.
I know it's the live-in age. Couples
try it out before the big leap.
But I don't need time to choose
my life partner.
I'm a banker, so I know a good
investment when I see one.
So Miss Shyra Gill...
...will you marry me?
WITCH.
(PHONE RINGING)
Can't talk, call tomorrow.
Meet me at the Place des Vosges.
Shyra, I'm in a highly sensitive
position right now. Can't leave.
I don't care, Dharam Gulati.
15 minutes!
(FOUNTAIN WATER GUSHING)
If it's anything less than cancer,
I'll kill you myself.
I sacrificed the hottest moment
of my life for you.
- Anay has proposed to me.
- Proposed, as in...?
Marriage?
Do you think I'm a girl someone
can spend a lifetime with?
I don't know why
I'm asking you.
No one has spent as much time
with me as you.
Never lived with anyone else.
Never felt scared getting into
a relationship before.
Didn't believe any relationship
was forever.
But a marriage is forever, right?
I have often failed in love,
I don't want to fail at marriage.
I'll tell you a little secret.
This forever kind of love is an idea
you girls are born with.
And you'd just have to wait
for the right guy to show up.
But till now you've only met lusty
fools like me. Can you think "forever?"
Now the right guy has finally
shown up.
Don't over-think.
Anay is perfect for you.
And he couldn't dream of
a better life-partner.
It's Dharam's guarantee!
You're 24-hour entertainment.
He'll never get bored.
Just say yes.
No chance you'll fail.
I can't believe...
...I'm asking you for advice in making
my biggest decision.
(LAUGHING)
- I'll be finished.
- Not really. You'll just get fat.
You'll walk in the park with
a milk bottle in one hand...
...a pram in the other. What a life!
I'm kidding!
You'll be just fine.
Mr. Citibank will keep you happy.
Open your account with him.
Marriage! Intense.
It's forever, like a tattoo.
- Thank you.
- Thank you?
I needed reassurance from someone
who knows me.
You're welcome, Ma.
(LAUGHING)
If I die, I won't spare you.
Don't. I'll be right here.
It's final? We'll never say
I love you, right?
- Right.
- Cool.
How do you say: "Never say
I love you" in French?
"Ne dis jamais je t'aime."
Ah! So sexy!
Never say I love you,
never say je t'aime.
Never say you're in love.
Never say je t'aime.
Your heart will desert you...
...go easy on yourself.
You won't sleep at nights...
...go easy on yourself.
Never say I love you,
never say je t'aime.
Never say you're in love.
Never say je t'aime.
You'll end up weeping,
losing your friend too.
Don't. No, don't say those words.
Why sleep on a bed of thorns
for no reason?
Don't. No, don't say those words.
Your breath will freeze on your lips.
I promise you.
You'll be all tied up in knots...
...go easy on yourself.
Never say I love you,
never say je t'aime.
Don't. No, don't say those words.
A girl calls you 24/7.
Shall I buy this phone? You advise.
What to wear? You suggest.
Her car breaks down - you fix it.
Meaning...
...her life cannot function
without you.
She's the heroine, you her hero.
Then one fine day...
...another guy enters her life.
You realise that...
...the real hero is another man.
You're the supporting act,
the side hero.
(MAN LAUGHING)
Uncle, looks like you've been there.
You've probably played many
supporting roles too.
Let's raise a toast to that.
Cheers to side heroes!
Cheers, my boy!
(CLUB MUSIC)
(CROWD APPLAUDES)
Anay and Shyra!
Wow! You've become
Shah Rukh Khan!
Where the hell have you been?
No call, no message. I was going nuts,
wedding shopping alone.
Sorry. I was in Courchevel with
Christine's family. Skiing.
No network.
- Christine has a family?
- A massive one!
Two brothers, two fathers.
All footballers.
By the way...
Very soon a new member
is joining her family.
What?
Yeah!
I'm marrying Christine.
You, what?
She doesn't know yet. I'll surprise her
when the moment's right.
Had to tell you first.
(MURMURS)
One doesn't just get married.
Think about it.
You have nothing in common.
You're not thinking from your head,
but from elsewhere!
Wow!
You decide from head and heart.
Me? From elsewhere!
Remember you asked for advice about
Anay. I was so happy for you!
- But you?
- Don't imagine I took your advice.
- It was my decision.
- And this is mine.
Stop it, Dharam. Big difference
between Anay and Christine.
Christine is probably a nice girl,
but she's not right for you.
You need someone
to balance you.
Someone who can can
control your immaturity.
She is half-crazy too,
how will she handle you?
I know you very well. You're
not ready for marriage.
You're definitely not
marrying her. Got it?
I get it.
You get what?
Nothing.
- You laughing at me?
- No. I'm laughing at me.
It's crystal clear.
What's clear?
You're not over me.
You're still not over me.
That's why you can't bear
to see me with someone else.
You can't bear me settling down.
'Cos it reminds you of
your own shortcomings.
And what you lack that stops me
from marrying you.
I get it.
First you broke my heart
as a lover.
Now you're breaking it
as a friend.
It's good.
Finally it's over between us.
You can't hurt me anymore.
You know what. Do whatever.
(SHRIEKING)
What?
I'll be back in a minute.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Shyra's best friend Dharam has just
proposed to beautiful Christine.
Join me in raising a toast
to this wonderful surprise!
My man, fix the date now.
We're getting married
on the same day as you.
Same time, same place?
Done?
Done!
Everyone, you're no longer invited
to the Anay and Shyra wedding.
You're invited to a double wedding.
The Dharam and Christine...
Anay and Shyra wedding on 21 April
in exclusive Picardie.
(CROWD APPLAUDES)
Why did Christine bring bodyguards?
They're not bodyguards. They're her
footballer brothers and Dads...
...her mother is behind them.
Christine's brother is such
a gentleman, so loving.
- Like an Indian son, not very French.
- That's Christine's stepfather.
Don't drink with them.
They love whacking their
drinking pals. End of you.
That group is Anay's banker friends.
Highly educated, very rich.
Keep away, out of your league.
(CRIES OF DELIGHT)
They're Shyra's friends.
Hard figuring out who is straight
or who is gay.
So protect your family jewels.
Stay away.
So must I just say bonjour-merci
and run?
No silly jokes, please.
You're my only guest.
I have a reputation to protect.
- Must I wear a burqa?
- Yeah! You'll look slimmer.
Hi, guys!
Why the hell is Shyra marrying?
If I knew, I'd be
an expert on women.
Why are you getting married?
If I knew, I'd be
an expert on life.
Maybe she's marrying for
the same reason you are.
Hello, darling!
- So you're a Kamasutra expert?
- Learn from me.
Jogi, don't you feel like a guest
at a neighbour's wedding?
If we were in India, shehnais
would be playing.
There'd be a dessert counter there,
laden with goodies.
And the drums would be playing.
We raised her as a French girl.
Why cry now?
Sip your champagne.
Calm your nerves.
I feel like giving her a hard slap.
And bring her up all over again,
in full Indian style.
You're silly.
We don't bring up kids anymore.
They bring us up.
Bless me!
Mehra has ordered Indian snacks.
The waiter will serve you hot chai.
We'll make do with champagne.
No way, sir. My guests must
enjoy my style.
- Are you ok?
- Tip top! Doesn't it show?
Shows too much. That's what
worries me.
I can smell pakodas.
I'll be right back.
This rascal made Shyra's life hell.
Did Shyra behave any better?
Two nuts off the same tree.
Maybe that's why I could
never dislike him.
- I'm sorry.
- It's ok.
The real problem is Shyra can't
really dislike him either.
- It's piping hot.
- Thank you.
Shall I get you a napkin?
- Are you sure?
- It's fine.
Remember my crazy friend Chris?
- He wants to meet you.
- Really?
Good evening, everyone!
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to the Sangeet night.
In India, no wedding is complete
without this musical night.
Traditionally, it's a battle between
the boy's side and the girl's.
Tonight it's Dharam vs. Shyra.
All right!
We've seen their crazy anytime-
anywhere dancing.
Tonight they'll be dancing
together for one last time.
So put your hands together
for Dharam and Shyra.
No way!
No, I'm not dancing.
No seriously, Come on!
Yes!
Come on, guys! Make some noise
for Dharam and Shyra.
(CLAPPING AND CHEERING)
(BIG APPLAUSE)
(KNEADING DOUGH)
You still need Mummy's help
for some things in life.
How do you make a paratha
without a rolling pin?
That's cool.
How do you think your parents
became chefs in France?
That's true.
Why is my French child craving
an Indian paratha today?
You used to make parathas for me
to take to school till 3rd grade.
I remember. I also remember
you making...
...peanut butter sandwiches instead.
You stopped eating Indian food
from that day.
When I opened my lunch box, all the
kids would run away from me.
They hated the smell of your
Punjabi ghee-parathas.
No one would play with me.
I was always alone.
But with sandwiches - that's when
I made friends.
From that day I became
completely French.
Disliked everything Indian.
The strange thing was...
...whenever I got upset...
...did badly at exams or fought with
a friend or...
...broke-up with a boyfriend,
I quietly made myself a paratha...
...and enjoyed eating it all alone.
Don't know why it changed
my mood.
It had the warm feel of Dad's hug,
the fragrance of your clothes.
It made me feel no matter what...
...I was fine.
- I know.
- How?
Who cleared up the kitchen after
the mess you made?
What's the reason you want
a paratha today?
No reason. I just felt like having
a paratha.
Don't know why.
Today you're fighting yourself.
You're getting married
but you're unsure...
...if this guy is as comforting
as a paratha.
It's not Papa's hug you seek,
or the fragrance of my clothes.
Today you're looking for love...
...wrapped in laughter and fun,
in songs and dances.
Someone who makes up after
silly fights. A lifetime best friend.
Find what you're looking for.
If you don't find it, don't marry.
This is not India. Take advantage
of being French.
(PHONE BEEP)
(FOUNTAIN WATER FLOWING)
What is it?
I don't want to get married.
What an idiot!
(LAUGHING)
You're the biggest fool
in the world. Know that?
I know.
You've always said that.
I totally agree now.
How did you get into
this marriage mess?
It's your fault.
- My fault?
- What else?
You suddenly decided to marry.
I didn't want to be left alone.
Damn it!
I'll get married too.
- You were marrying because I was?
- What else?
I was angry, upset, alone.
Why were you upset?
I don't know.
You know I don't know
why I do what I do.
Also, I had to play
your best friend.
You were happy. I was trying
to be mature and a good friend.
And what if you didn't need to behave
or to be mature?
What would you have done?
I don't know.
Anyway, what's the point now?
You're right.
- No point now.
- Tell me what can I do...
...to get out of this mess?
Can I play dead?
Mehra could say I drowned.
Body missing.
Should I leave a note and run?
Or say I have a bad heart,
6 months to live.
Tell her straight.
What do you mean?
Look Christine in the eye,
and tell her the truth.
Truth and nothing but the truth.
That's the only way.
If you say I love you
or break a heart...
...there are no shortcuts.
Go and tell her.
At first she may cry.
But she'll be ok soon.
The most important thing is...
...you would've finally become
a gentleman from a Delhi lad.
I'm off.
Don't know about you, but I'm
marrying in the morning.
Shyra.
I would've been such an idiot
without you.
True!
Another truth?
When I see you with another man,
I'm sick to my stomach.
I hope your marriage breaks up
tomorrow.
If you have the guts, you break it.
I dare you!
No.
I can destroy only
one marriage in a day.
Don't ever look back...
...at the street you have
left behind.
If you see him somewhere...
...turn and walk away.
Never say I love you,
never say je t'aime.
Never say you're in love.
Never say je t'aime.
Thorns are strewn on this path...
...careful where you tread.
Impossible desires will
swallow up your heart.
Go easy on yourself.
Come, come.
One minute.
Just wait.
Anay, my friend!
Let me tell you,
you're my worst enemy.
You're taking Shyra away from me.
I wanted to wish you bad luck.
Now you're marrying Shyra,
I don't need to.
(LAUGHING)
I'm not joking.
This girl has destroyed so many guys.
Me, too.
She'll turn you into a lap dog.
Has she told you how many guys
she's messed around with?
Oh sorry.
She hasn't messed around with you.
Your love story is platonic.
She's done everything with me.
Now she's being a saint.
She's a cheat. Careful!
She'll make your life hell.
She deserves a supporting act
like me. I'm already doomed.
Careful. Don't blow your life
by marrying her. Run!
Shyra...
...will you handle your friend...
...or must I?
(SLAPS)
Behaving like a Delhi idiot again!
What did I tell you?
Look straight into her eyes
and tell her...
...the truth, nothing but the truth.
I love you. There's no
greater truth in my life.
Can't live without you. I tried.
I could manage without
the old Shyra.
But I can't live without
this best friend Shyra.
I'm going to kiss you now.
Slap me. Stop me forever.
Or never ever stop me.
(PUNCHING)
(SCREAMS)
You're dead.
Let go of me!
Wait! What is this?
(SHOUTING)
(SCREAMS)
(SCREAMING)
Hail Mother Goddess!
(GROANING)
(LAUGHS)
See how I saved you from
that silent terminator?
You were marrying a serial killer.
Never trusted him. No one can
be that sugary.
Go back to Delhi. They won't
spare you here.
I'm French now. Paris is my home.
You still haven't learned
a word of French.
You're with me. My French dictionary.
I tried living with you once.
Not interested.
Marry me.
The biggest dare of your life.
Do you have the guts?
Know what marriage means?
Your life is in another's hands
forever.
Very few get it right.
That's why it's a dare.
It's one dare that
no one does alone.
It's a dare for two.
I know.
Ok, Dharam Gulati.
I put my life in your hands.
If you have the guts,
then put your life in mine.
If I die, I won't spare you.
After three years of
French kissing Shyra...
...I finally understood what love is.
Love is a bungee jump.
Jump if you dare.
No guarantee of a safe landing.
The one who thinks will be
left behind. The one who jumps...
...will fly!
So till you're in the air,
be carefree...
...and enjoy the flight.
Maybe you won't need to land
after all.
I told you the knife
would be useless.
I'm no carpenter. How can I be
carrying a hammer?
I'm going.
Whose idea was
this love lock anyway?
- It's still your fault.
- Mine?
Obviously, all my ideas are stupid.
Why did this breakup love lock
excite you?
You knew you weren't over me.
But you insisted we'd promise
not to love each other.
You're so stupid.
- Can't believe you're blaming me.
- Of course!
Some days you say: "Never say
I love you."
Then you say: "Look into my eyes
and say you love me."
You're nuts. You break the lock.
You know what. Forget it.
I'm done with you.
- Where to?
- Anay's.
- I'll beg him to marry me.
- The psycho is in the madhouse.
I'm not coming after you.
Ok.
Fine.
(LAUGHS)