[film reel clattering]
[dramatic orchestral music]
[airy piano music]
[dramatic orchestral music]
[upbeat pop music]
[bass solo]
I got my heart
My hands, my
family, your friends
My soul, my song
But keep on pushing on
Nothing me can stop me
'Cause I know what's mine
I'm gonna light up
And let it shine
- [Pearl] Not bad, guys.
So, what do you think?
- That's hot, and
we're hot playing it.
- Just missing one thing.
- I swear, it would
be easier for me
to skin a cow and
make my own drum kit,
than it would be to find a
decent girl drummer around here.
- You wouldn't really skin
a cow, would you Pearl?
- Hey, did ask at
the store downtown?
- Only four girls
take lessons there.
Two are just beginning,
one has a band already,
and the last has
a dad that thinks
rock is Satan's tool, so.
- You know, it doesn't
have to be a girl.
We could use a little
testosterone in here.
- Yeah, Stef, I
know you'd love it
if we stacked cute boys
along the back wall,
but I really want my music to
be empowering to other girls.
[Stef sighing]
I've got seven months
'til the Grammy Camp deadline
and a ton of cash to raise.
- Don't worry, Pearl,
you'll make it.
- The competition
is fierce, Kara.
The top two campus
get to go on tour
with Torno Pilots and
Luminous Hearts for two weeks.
And I mean, I have no idea how
I'm actually going
to raise this money.
My dad said he'd cover
half, but who knows?
- How much do you really need?
- 5,000, less the 612 I've
raised over the past ten months.
- That's like, what, four--
- If we can find a
drummer, get a few gigs,
my dad actually comes
through with this money--
- Hey, chatting isn't
getting us anywhere.
Let's play.
- Uh, do you wanna start
at the top of her song?
[light acoustic guitar]
- And don't forget, Flossy
Frog is your friend, bye.
Sugar?
- Mm?
- I'm having trouble reading
on of your codes on this chart.
- Which one?
- Um, LB2, the second bicuspid,
DC1 descending canine,
oh, here, what is the
one that looks like HDA?
- Oh, that's a new code,
hot dad alert, mm-hmm.
- Seriously?
- Yes, mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm?
- Oh, he's hot.
- Look, I appreciated
the bad breath warning,
but can you at least faint
a tiny bit of decorum?
I didn't exactly hire
you for your name.
- Oh, no.
My mama gave me a perfectly
acceptable southern name,
and it suits me to a T.
Get it. [laughing]
- Okay, but a grown
woman named Sugar Cain
in a dentist's office is a
bit ironic, don't you think?
- I know your mama, mm-hmm.
You're lucky she
had you 40 years ago
'cause in her present state,
she would have
named you Pop Song.
- Ah, this morning she asked me
to brush the back of her
hair with a remote control.
- Bless her heart.
- Yeah, well, anyway,
no more hot dad alerts.
I'm in no position to
do anything about it
even if they are single.
- Hey, listen.
You're too young and too pretty
to waste away in the mom mobile
for the rest of your life.
- You know, I like my
life, thank you very much.
Anyway, keep the
codes tooth relevant.
We do get audited, you know.
- Dr. Song's dentist office.
- Hi.
- [Man] Hey.
- I'm Dr. Song.
- I'm Cole and this
is my daughter, Janis.
- Nice to meet you, Janis.
- Hi, I'm Janis.
I was named after the famous
musician, Janis Joplin.
- I love Janis Joplin.
Let's take a look.
- Um, Janis is a little
bit nervous about dentists.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ah, you got recommended
on the deaf chat boards.
How did you come to learn ASL?
- Oh, my ex had a little
brother that was deaf.
It's a comfort to some
of my younger patients.
Don't talk to my 14 year
old daughter, though.
She delights in the fact
that her favorite uncle,
taught her all the bad
words in sign language.
- Well, you, ah,
have a teenager?
- Yes, indeed, in fact.
Well, it looks like your dad
just earned a lollipop, too.
- You have grape?
- What kind of two-bit operation
do you think we're running here?
- I'm not sure.
- Let's get to work.
Open your mouth.
You can sing a Janis Joplin song
while we're doing
this, if you'd like.
Mm-hmm, great teeth, who's
your dentist? [laughing]
Well, Janis, it looks
like you need a filling,
but I have some giggle juice
that will fix you right up,
and you won't feel a thing.
Unless I lose control
of my tickle hand.
Ah, I will be right back.
- She seems nice.
Tell me the truth, was it you?
Did you eat the cookies?
- [Janis] I'm not scared, Daddy.
She's really nice.
- Yeah, sweetheart,
she is really nice.
- And she has a daughter
about the same age as me,
and her breath doesn't smell
like bologna like Dr. Dustbins.
- His name is Dr. Dreslin,
and no she doesn't
smell like bologna.
- And she's single.
Did you notice
that she has an ex?
- And single.
- She signs and she's smart.
- I noticed.
- She's really pretty.
Did you notice that?
- Yes, sweetheart, I think
Dr. Song is very smart.
She's nice and she's
very, very pretty.
And she's probably standing
right behind me right now.
Isn't she?
- Yes, daddy.
- You think there's any chance
she didn't hear all that?
- Nope.
- Hmm.
- Um, I'm sorry to interrupt
but I forgot to ask
our patient if she prefers
bubblegum, peppermint
or chocolate flavor.
- [Cole] I think our
little troublemaker
would like chocolate.
- Okay.
[kooky music]
- Way to go.
- Mira, was I wrong?
- Oh no.
He's very attractive.
- He's yummy.
Did I mention he's a widower?
- And where did you get
that piece of information?
- Ooh let me talk--
- I don't wanna know
what laws you've broken
in the interest of
playing matchmaker.
- Ooh, right there.
- Oh, hey.
- Bye, Dr. Song.
- Yeah, thank you so much.
I've never seen
my daughter smile
leaving the dentist before.
- Oh well she is a joy.
And don't forget, Janis.
Flossy frog is your boyfriend.
I mean friend.
He's not your
boyfriend, that's crazy.
I don't know why I.
Don't forget to floss.
- Oh, bye.
- You've been hitting
the novocaine, doc?
'Cause you're
drooling a little bit
like right there.
What was that?
- [Dr. Song] I don't know.
- So um,
I was thinking maybe we
could do coffee sometime?
Or not, um.
Yeah, you probably
get this all the time.
Um, I'm sorry, I'm
not good at this.
Bye.
- I'd love to sometime
get coffee, sure.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Um, I'll call you.
- Okay.
Did I just agree to a date?
- Well, it's hard to say since
there really wasn't
a complete sentence
in the entire exchange?
- Why did I just say yes?
- 'Cause he's hot and single.
And you haven't gotten
any in three years,
and roomie, I don't think
that's good for you.
- Stop it, I have
a very full life.
- Mhmm.
- Very full, and it's
not going anywhere.
But no one's gonna knowingly
take on my lovely baggage.
- Who said anything
about luggage?
It's just coffee.
And then maybe some dessert
later, okay? [laughing]
- Okay, get out of here!
So what do you do?
- I um,
- Dog manicurist with a little
brain surgery on the side?
- Close, yeah.
No.
I uh, I opened up my own
gym about a year ago.
And I used to be an MMA fighter.
I decided to finally
pursue my dreams, I guess.
- Good for you.
Yeah that's brave,
with a kid too
to take a chance like that.
- Yeah.
Sometimes stepping out of
that ring makes me feel old.
But most of the time,
makes me feel younger.
- It's kind of like parenting.
- Yeah, but with
far less bruises
and a lot less tears.
- Which?
Parenting or martial arts?
- Parenting.
- Super tough?
- Mhmm.
I haven't done this dating
thing in a long time.
- Oh my.
You thought this was a date?
- Yeah, I mean I thought, um.
- I'm kidding.
No, I make stupid
jokes when I'm nervous.
I haven't done this in
a long while either.
- We'll get through it together.
So, uh, I know you're a dentist
unless that's just a
front for your real gig,
touring ventriloquist
act with Flossy the frog.
- Busted. [laughing]
- Oh, come on old man.
You're gonna have to lay
off the kid's happy meals
if you wanna keep up.
- I've flattened out
punks bigger than you
long before you had
your first burger.
- You know when you tell
me how old you, are,
not just napkins come back.
- True.
So did I tell you I went
on a date last night?
- Date?
[bashing]
Mmm.
You know what, I might
be a little punch drunk
from that kick, but I
thought you said something
about a date.
- Yeah, you did.
- Wow, really?
All right.
So you're telling me
that after all this time
that I've been trying
to help you out,
help you get hooked up,
you figured it out for yourself?
- [Cole] Yeah.
- That's awesome, man.
Okay, well don't hold out on me.
Give me the deets,
what's going on?
- I met her when I took
Janis to the dentist.
- Oh, picking up ladies
in the waiting room.
That is some advanced stuff.
- No, she actually
was the dentist.
- Pff, even better.
Picking up doctors, that's dope.
Congrats.
All right, well.
Million dollar question.
Does she know?
- Oh no, no.
Way too early.
I mean I know it's impossible
but it's nice to
sit down and talk
to a grownup for a change.
- Dude.
- No, no, someone not
trying to punch my face in.
- Oh, well you know what,
she's a woman, give her time.
Oh, all right well,
tell me more about her.
What is she like?
Is she hot?
How old is she?
More importantly, does she
have a gullible younger sister
that I can you know?
- She's gorgeous.
And, uh, forty-ish I'd say.
Smarter than me, like Sarah.
- Well to your
credit, you have taken
a few more shots to the head.
[sighing]
So, when's the next date?
- I don't know.
How long are you
supposed to wait anyways?
- My man, you've come
to the right place
for advice about the
ladies, all right?
Okay, first things
first, all right?
You gotta stop being so nice
all the time, all right?
Dude like I get it, that's
probably your character.
It's lovely, but women like guys
who have a little bit
more mystery going on,
little more edge.
All right, stop with the
nice guy stuff, all right?
- Okay.
I mean I've been out of
the game for a minute
but I think women
like nice still.
And I'm pretty sure they don't
like being called chicks.
- Whatever man, okay?
It's just, number two is
your wardrobe, all right?
First of all, pick
something that looks like
it came from this decade.
Second of all, show
off those guns, dude.
Women love muscles, all right.
You know, show off
the six pack, or.
[belly slapping]
All right, my bad.
But you know what I'm saying.
Just bring her to the gym.
She'll love that, seeing you
flex and fight and stuff.
- Here's what I think.
I think your advice
is about as on point
as your head kick and
your sparring game.
So I say we get back
to working on that.
- Right.
- So there was all this
excitement and then
nine years later,
it was all gone.
Hollywood stopped calling.
Grandma got sick.
We moved back to Michigan.
Dad tried to revive his career
but mom didn't wanna
move back to LA.
Eventually she just
moved to Sweden.
- Oh my gosh,
that's unbelievable.
- Can't make this stuff up.
- But Mr. Bunsen is your dad?
- Yeah.
- TV's most lovable
science teacher?
- Right.
- God, my, hah.
My brother in law Adam was
obsessed with scientific method.
He used to beg us to watch
it with him every Saturday.
- It's crazy, those episodes
still air 30 years later.
Dad can't even walk
down the street
without getting mugged for
pictures and autographs.
But to tell you the
truth, he loves it.
- I mean, that must
have been a shadow.
I mean to a kid like Adam,
your dad was like
this perfect adult
with all the answers.
Always there for
those misfit kids.
But in reality it must have
been hard to share your dad.
- It's funny, most
people don't get that.
Like yeah, when we
moved back to Michigan,
being Sam Bennett's son was
a reason to get picked on.
They used to call me Hollyweird.
But that's what got
me into martial arts,
to stand up for myself.
- It's a wonder why
I became a dentist.
[cashier ringing]
- [Cole] Oh, that was good.
- [Susan] It was fast.
- [Cole] I know.
- You talking
about the fighting,
it's funny how those certain
moments in your childhood
change your path.
- So you became a dentist
to extract the teeth
of your enemies?
- Well, yeah, yeah of course.
But no, no, I mean.
That 1983 blizzard when
everything closed down
for a week?
My dad started reading
Pearl S. Buck's "Good Earth"
aloud by the fire.
And the lights and
the heat came back on
but we were so into it
we spent every night after that
huddled around the
candle, listening.
- That's a really
beautiful memory.
- Yeah.
And in hindsight, it
explains my fascination
with Asia and other cultures.
It was like, it was
this whole other world
no one knew anything about.
Now I have a
daughter named Pearl.
Did I tell you she's from China?
- Uh, no.
Did I tell you Janis is adopted?
- Oh, that's fantastic.
- Yeah.
- It's the best
thing I ever did.
- Kids.
- Kids.
[phone vibrating]
Oh, I gotta go.
My kid's swim party just ended.
- Okay.
Um, we should do this again.
- I'd like that.
All right, bye.
- Bye.
Oh gosh.
[sighing]
[phone vibrating]
Did you really think
I was gonna answer
any of your seven texts
while I'm on a date?
- Hey, I am like
Dr. Frankenstein
and you are my creation!
- So it went really really well.
But um, I gotta tell her soon.
- Oh, no no no,
too soon, too soon.
- [Cole] Yeah but it's not fair.
I feel like I'm lying.
She left her phone behind.
- Oh no, no that's good.
I know that trick.
That's the whole leave
something behind trick.
She has to see you now.
- Yeah, no, but she
said she was gonna go
pick up her kid.
And this is from
some dude named Paulo
saying, "Are you
coming, I'm ready now."
So here I am worried
about whether or not
I'm telling her the truth
and she's running off to
meet some latin lover.
- [Christopher] Dude, harsh.
- [Cole] Yeah well, so
much for re-entering
the dating scene.
[tense music]
- [Pearl] This is
obnoxious, dude,
you can't like, seriously?
- Ah, hi, is this?
- Okay, you need to chill
about this boy, all right?
You've been single
for what, three days?
Hold, please.
Stranger danger.
There's this random
dude at the door.
I don't know, he's kind
of cute for an old dude.
Screenshot this old
geezer in case he's here
under nefarious purposes.
I gotta go, right, later.
- Um, so, I'm pretty sure this,
- Oh, that voice.
Who's the old dude?
Are you really getting
desperate enough
to open your dating
pool to senior citizens?
Smart.
- I'm pretty sure I have
the right house, and your--
[girl screaming]
- Toni said she was
gonna cut off my hair
and make a throw rug out of it.
I like my hair and I don't think
it would make a very good rug.
- I wasn't actually
going to do it.
It was just a
science experiment.
- Toni, what science
experiment would involve you
threatening your sister
with household utensils?
- We're studying bees.
Bees teach us a valuable lesson.
You might be small.
You might be tiny in a
world full of giants.
- Yes?
- When you're chasing
somebody with a sharp object,
people will still run away.
- You guys, I'm trying
to get the baby down.
- I'm not a baby, Emmy.
- I know Theodore,
you're a big boy.
- Sorry, Em, I'll
get things sorted.
Night night Theo.
- Night night, don't
let the dead buds bite.
- That's bedbugs
Theo, not dead bugs.
- If there were dead bugs,
they couldn't even bite.
- There is live bugs in the bed?
- No, baby, it's an expression.
Oh, I'm not a baby, Emmy.
- I know Theo, I know.
- Has somebody fed the cat?
- Grandma, we don't have a cat.
- Oh, did he die?
Why wasn't I told?
- No, we never had
a cat, grandma.
- Oh well, good.
They're insufferable beasts.
[chuckling]
- Uh, so I'm pretty sure
this is the right house.
You're Pearl, and this is
Susan Song's house, right?
- Yeah, maybe.
Who are you?
- Cole?
What are you doing here?
- Um, hi.
- Who's that, mom?
- Give mommy a moment, Paulo.
Go change into some
dry PJs, okay sweety?
- Yo campers, what's
everybody doing out here?
- [Cole] Paulo was your son?
- Yes, I'm sorry, I,
why are you here?
How did you find our house?
- You left your phone behind and
you told me about your
sub and the buddha statue.
I'm still confused.
- Kids, please go inside.
Mommy needs to have a
chat with Mr. Bennett.
- Mom?
How many of them are yours?
- All of them.
I didn't think you
would consider,
I'm sorry.
I understand if you wanna run.
I don't blame you,
I know it's crazy.
No one in this day and
age has seven kids.
- Well that's a lot.
- But they're all perfect.
And this is my life.
I know I should have told you
but I just, I,
I haven't met anybody
in the past three years
that made me feel beautiful.
Or funny.
And you're perfect.
But I know, I know
this is impossible.
Why are you laughing?
This is a picture of your
youth class at the gym?
Are you offering
us a package deal?
'Cause I don't
think that's funny
or very appropriate right now.
I know I should have told you,
I probably deserve
to be mocked, but,
oh.
Oh, god, is that?
That's Janis.
- Yeah.
Look, I didn't know
how to tell you.
I thought you'd just run away.
- They're all yours?
Seven?
[laughing]
I guess we're both crazy.
- Certifiably.
You know what's even crazier?
- What?
[dramatic music]
Cole, I can't do this.
I mean, it's lovely,
you're lovely,
but, seriously.
- I know it's only
been two weeks
but I think I'm falling in,
- No, no, no.
Don't finish that.
We have a lot in common.
Granted a lot more than
we both bargained for
but we're adults with
responsibilities,
a lot of responsibilities.
- Yeah, but we're
human beings too.
- I have a house
full of human beings
whose dad left
because I think I can,
I think I can take
care of the world.
I can't just waltz another
man in and out of their lives.
Thank you for a
lovely couple of weeks
but I can't, I can't do this.
- So, um,
you're dating.
- Yeah.
I mean, no, oh god, it was just,
it's just a few dates.
Anyway, I just ended it.
- That didn't look
like a goodbye.
- Well, why, because of us?
- Yeah, partially.
You guys are my world.
- You know you're entitled to
a world outside of us, right?
- Wait, you're okay with this?
- [Jules] Yeah, you're not?
- Well, I don't
know, it's just a lot
to take in, I guess.
I mean, I'm almost 15 and
my mom's been on more dates
this year than I've
had my entire life, so.
- Well I ended it.
It's complicated.
- Well isn't it always
when it involved boys?
- What would you
know, small bean?
- I live on planet
earth, bean pole.
[laughing]
- So, what's the scoop?
- Oh, ladies.
Buckle up.
I think this is going to
require some ice cream
and a pajama dance party
and some, oh too bad you
girls are too young for wine.
- A sip?
- No.
- Whatever.
[leather whamming]
- One one two.
One two three.
There you go.
That's some good work.
- All right man, see you later.
- Hey.
- Thanks for taking
the kids out to dinner.
- Son, you don't have to
thank me for spending time
with the best grandkids
on the planet.
They were like wild
animals though.
Fortunately I've got a
degree in lion taming.
- G- Pa, I was a
good girl, was I?
- You were an angel, sunshine.
- What about me?
- You were a dream, Peanut.
- You guys know he only
calls us by these nicknames
because he can't keep
our real names straight?
- That is possible.
Inga, Erma, Gertrude.
What are your names again?
[sighing]
- I just, I worked so hard I
burned off half of my dinner.
- How was first day
of second grade?
- A hot mess.
- Hey, but you tried.
How you all doing?
How's my favorite
bunch of savages, huh?
- Excellent, Christopher.
I'm president of the
mathematathlon team
and treasurer of the
junior chemists this year.
- Wow, that's ambitious.
- What's going on, Toph?
- Hey man, you know me,
just punching and posing.
So how does everyone feel
about the old man dating?
- Um, they, they
didn't know about it
till just now, thanks.
But it's over anyways.
- Actually, I was having
an interesting conversation
with Janis about the
very thing at dinner.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah really.
She said you asked
out her dentist
and you were stuttering
the whole time
- Really dad?
You used to do that
with mom all the time,
remember that, guys?
- Yeah, and where do you
think I got that from?
Listen, let's not make
a big deal out of it.
I mean she was amazing,
but it's over and I don't
have the time for this anyway
so I have my tribe to tame
and I have the gym to run.
- Chris, you got a sec?
Kids, would you go with Chris?
Son.
Sarah left you with
a big responsibility
and clear instructions
to be happy.
- Yeah, but she dumped me.
I mean, kind of.
It's complicated.
- Women are complicated.
Life is always
complicated with women.
But there is life after Sarah.
- Sarah and I were
once in a lifetime.
Besides, I'm not lonely.
- Really?
I saw the way you looked when
you were talking about her.
Find her.
Tell her.
Or you'll regret it, son.
The things we leave
unsaid will tell volumes
about the future.
- Did I tell you
she has seven kids?
- Seven, 14, who cares,
you're a great dad!
Besides, these kids
deserve to see you happy.
- You're right, dad.
- 14?
- 14.
- Here, I've got a plan.
Okay.
You wanna count one more.
Wait, what's it say?
- The strange loping creatures
who had found their way
through the fiery place
some years before,
it counted as a good friend.
We are not alone
- So dad, what do you think?
- Ah I think it's
brilliant, Pearl.
- Thanks.
Here, I should hand you off.
I've been hoarding you.
- As usual.
- [Dad] Well there's
something I really had to talk
to everyone about.
So I met someone I like a lot.
A girl here in Peru.
And it's kind of serious.
- That's cool, dad.
Mom's been seeing someone too.
- No she hasn't.
I mean she did for
like three seconds.
- Well I want you
all to meet her soon.
- Are you flying home?
- Well, no I can't really.
You'll meet her
online next time.
Mari's excited to meet you guys.
But nervous, so be nice.
- Hey, we're always nice here.
I'm always nice here,
can't speak for the rest
of these weirdos.
- All right, well I gotta run.
- No crazy stories this time?
- Oh man, B, I'm late.
But remind me to tell
you about the sloths
in my hammock Tuesday.
- [Kids] Bye, bye.
- Well, we should get immunized.
Looks like this love
thing is contagious.
- Dr. Song?
You have a surprise inspection
from the HDA at reception.
- Hey Sugar?
Can you please pull
out our ADA compliance
and bring them back to my,
I thought you said ADA.
- No, no, I said HDA.
Which as you might recall
means Hot Dad Alert.
You, you must have just
heard me wrong or something.
- [Cole] I've been
trying to call you.
- Cole, I thought it was clear.
There's nothing to discuss.
- [Cole] Yeah, but.
There's something I need to say.
- Okay.
- I'm not your ex husband.
- I know this, Cole.
But it doesn't change.
- No, but it should.
Because you walked away
based on the possibility
that I will make the same
selfish choice as he did.
And I don't know if you noticed
but I'm not exactly
irresponsible.
- I know.
- I was married for 20
years to a wonderful woman
and we brought each and
every one of these kids
into our hearts together.
And when she died,
a part of me died.
But you're not Sarah.
- Okay.
At least we agree on that.
Look, Cole, I know you're
hurt, but it doesn't--
- Susan, let me finish.
I know how lucky I was
that a lunkhead like me
with a woman like that,
kind and smart and lovely,
I would never feel
that way again.
But it's okay
because of the kids.
- I understand.
- Until I kissed you.
- Mmm, you didn't tell
me you two kissed.
You didn't tell me that!
- Sugar?
- [Sugar] Huh?
- I think maybe you can
go ahead and go now.
- Just when it
starts getting good
you tell me to leave, huh?
Okay, okay.
I'm leaving, okay.
Adios.
- Adios.
[speaking in foreign language]
Aye yai yai.
- What was I saying?
- I don't know.
- When I kissed you
and you kissed me back
I knew I was wrong.
And I came to tell you,
- And you have.
- I came to tell you
that I was wrong about
not being able to
fall in love again.
You're not Sarah.
You're Susan, and I
love how you talk fast
when you're nervous
and how you try
to fix the whole world.
I love how you find
beauty where others don't.
And I love how you search
people's faces for meaning.
Like you can tell more than
what they're actually saying.
Kind of like what
you're doing right now.
- This is crazy.
You know what, you're right
about searching faces.
I knew everything I
needed to know about you
the first hour over coffee.
You're the kind of smart that
knows the important things
books don't teach you.
You fight for
things that matter.
This is crazy.
- Certifiably.
- I can't just go off on dates
with little ones at home.
You can't go off anytime.
- I don't wanna date you, Susan.
- Oh, you don't.
- No.
I wanna marry you.
- Cole.
You can't mean this.
We've got 14 kids.
We've only known each
other for a few months.
You've got your practice
and I've got my business.
[dramatic orchestral music]
You try to find
Who I was, what
was left behind
And I, I try to
find a new way
Try to find a new way
- I like it, it's different.
- Thank you, but it's
still pretty rough.
Can you help?
My focus is off.
- You?
You're like a smart,
more focused than
a really intelligent laser beam.
- Thank you, but,
I don't know, my life is
just weirder than usual.
- Must be a boy.
Spill, girlfriend.
- Oh, it's a boy all right.
Do you remember that
guy you saw on my porch
a few months ago?
- Yeah, okay.
You got a serious daddy complex.
He was hot but ancient.
- No, no not me,
taco brain, my mom.
She's like seriously in love.
- Well, old people love.
Gives me hope of not
dying an old maid.
- You're 15 and on your
like 10th boyfriend.
- True.
But you on the other hand.
- Hey look, I have my music.
Speaking of which, help
me with this bridge.
Okay, so.
There's a piece
that's missing
A part still hidden
No easy answers to
questions I'm bidding
And I try to find a new way
Try to find a new way
- The rhyming and rhythm
scheme is kind of off.
I think we should
play around with it.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Did you find any
tapers this week?
- No such luck this
week, sweetheart.
But I did get some sweet
shots of a jaguar on the hunt
stalking a wild pig.
- Did it end well?
- Well depends on
your perspective.
The jaguar or the pig's.
Everyone has to eat, right?
- Oh gross, I don't wanna know.
Hey guys, dad's on the phone.
- Well, I think
it's fascinating.
Part of nature, right dad?
Did you get the kill shot?
- You're twisted.
- Of course.
So is everyone there?
Well I mentioned that
I was seeing someone
and it's gotten quite serious.
And I wanted to let
you guys know that
I'm gonna be moving in with Mari
and help run her ranch in Peru.
- Oh that's huge.
- Yeah.
Well I guess I'm settling
down a bit in my old age.
- How is this gonna
work with the magazine?
You need to be able to take
off at a moment's notice
to chase down pics.
- Well, I quit.
- What?
Are you serious?
You love your work.
- How are you going
to make a living?
- Well from the ranch.
It'll be a struggle at first.
I won't make as much.
But I'm not gonna be on the
road all the time anymore.
I'm gonna be settled
in one place.
- Yeah, like a thousand
miles from your family.
- Well Mari is my
family too, Pearl.
I'm gonna marry her.
- What?
- Sorry, I meant
for that information
to come out differently.
But yeah.
Congratulate me,
I'm getting married.
- Congratulations, dad.
- Is she nice, daddy?
- Ah, the best, B.
I want you all to meet her soon.
- When are you coming?
- Well I meant online.
I can't afford
travel for a while.
There's not gonna be a
lot of extras this year.
- What about Grammy camp?
You promised.
- Oh man, sweet P.
Not this year.
We have some serious financial
investments on the farm.
- Well, I'm happy for you.
- Thanks.
So, who wants to hear about
the sloth in my hammock?
[kooky music]
- Well hello.
How's the rat race?
You feeling like the
cheese or the rat today?
- Oh my goodness.
You're Mr.,
I mean Sam Bennett.
It's nice to meet you in person.
- Nice to meet you, Miss Song.
I hear you'd made quite
an impression on my boy.
- Oh I suppose so, but then
again he's easily impressed.
- [laughing] If you say so.
- So, you're famous for
your perfect advice.
You got any suggestions
for meeting the kids?
- Huh.
Yes.
Don't look them
directly in the eye.
They can smell fear.
It's kind of like
blood in the water.
- Okay, yeah.
You, you're not
really making me feel
any calmer about this.
- Look, they love their dad.
You make their dad happy.
What else does
anyone need to know?
- [Dylan] Hey grandpa.
- Hey Dylan.
- It's so nice to meet you.
- Dylan, I'm gonna leave
this lovely lady with you
'cause I need to change
clothes for a news interview.
- Okay.
- Good luck, Susan.
- Thanks.
How are classes going?
- School's never really
been my strong suit
but a college dormitory
is a lot quieter
than living here.
Can I get you
something to drink?
Wine, beer?
- No.
No, I don't drink very much.
But some water would be nice.
- Certainly.
Yo, Miles, Frank,
come say hello.
This is Dr. Song.
- Good evening, Dr. Song.
- [Frank] Hi.
- Please, call me Susan.
I have heard so much about
you two little geniuses.
- Well, speak up boys.
I was just gonna get
Susan a glass of water.
- Oh, no, we've got it.
How about a cup
of blackberry tea?
Janis and I just made a pitcher.
- Sure, that sounds lovely.
- Yeah, we'll go get that.
- Daddy'll be home any minute.
- You're pretty.
- Oh, thank you.
So are you.
- Thanks.
- Jimmie?
- Mhmm.
- And that little
cutie must be Billie.
Which would make you Etta.
[growling]
Oh!
- She's been like
a lion all day.
- Well lions are my favorite.
- I like orangutans.
Wanna see me be like one?
- I would like nothing
better than that.
[hooting and Susan laughing]
Thank you.
Mmm.
This is delicious, girls.
I feel like I know each of you.
Your dad is so proud of you all.
- So we know you're
a dentist and all.
I guess you must
have perfect teeth.
- Well, that doesn't
always go hand in hand.
I had a dentist as a child
with a mouthful of fillings.
[door opens]
- Sorry to leave
you to the wolves
but I'm in here now.
Better late than never.
Oh, and it looks like
I'm a little late.
Someone care to explain?
- What's the matter, Cole?
We've been getting along great.
- Oh, yeah.
I'm sure you have.
But someone had a little
bit of fun at your expense
and we're gonna need
some toothpaste,
a toothbrush, Etta
fetch the supplies.
- It's just food dye.
- A lot of food dye.
- Ah, yeah.
And maybe a little
baking soda as well.
And boys, if you're
thinking a little,
sorry, a lot of food dye
is going to scare me away,
you're seriously underestimating
my capacity for vengeance.
- Yeah, baking
soda on the double.
Good luck, boys.
- And here I thought
they liked me.
- Oh no, you were.
I mean if they didn't like you
your hair'd probably be
falling out right about now.
- You know what?
I do look good.
- Sure.
- Give me a kiss.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Mom, stop moving, you're
gonna look like a clown.
- [Susan] I can't
help it, I'm nervous.
- You got cold feet,
we can call it off.
- Nope, sorry Pearl,
but this is happening.
There's no going back now.
- Why, you're not
pregnant, are you?
- Huh.
Did you hear from your dad yet?
- No, change the subject.
- Pearl.
He has to be able to have
some life of his own.
- I know.
I was just really
counting on him,
but I'll figure it
out myself, okay?
It's fine, like.
- Well mom, you just have
to have your own life too.
And today is your day.
- You're right.
I'm sorry, mom.
You look beautiful.
- Let's see.
Something borrowed,
something blue.
Something old.
- Oh!
Mom, did you find
grandmammy's locket yet?
- Oh, locket.
You know my mother had
the prettiest locket.
I think I had it here
in my purse earlier.
- That's what you're
meant to be looking for.
Do you need any help?
- What is this?
It's a whisker.
I think the cat's been
nesting in this bed.
- Grandma, we don't have a cat.
- You know, on the
television last night,
there was a lion.
And this woman in
a kimono killed it
with this video game guns.
And then she put the lion's
whiskers in her soup.
A lovely seat!
Did you buy this chair, Susan?
- No mom. [laughing]
- Now, which of you
girls is getting married?
- I am, mom.
- You're not pregnant, are you?
- No mom.
- Good.
I'm too young to be a
grandmother, you know.
- Well, it looks like
it's time for you
to be getting into that dress.
- Yup, all right.
Well, this is it, yeah.
Quick, group hug
before I'm surrounded
by 20 yards of satin.
I mean, quick, group hug
before I'm surrounded
by 20 yards of tool! [laughing]
- Ooh, what a lovely locket.
This looks just like my mothers.
I wonder how this got in here?
[laughing]
- Blessed are those who gather.
For life is full of firsts.
And for this family,
the surprises are
just the beginning.
And I am certain that life
from this day forth
for this family
be full of surprises.
Shall we get to it?
- Please.
- Who here gives this
woman to we'd this man?
- I.
- [Kids] We do!
[crowd applauding]
[dramatic music]
[sighing]
- One more trip
and then we got it.
And then we got some
serious unpacking to do.
- Can't we just get
takeout, start tomorrow?
- Ah, you wish.
- Can't we just live in the
backyard and start next year?
- Yes, no, no, no, no.
No.
- Oh, fine.
- Hi, I'm Stevie Hawkins-White
and these are my daughters
Elizabeth and Winnifred.
- Hi.
- Hi, you must be our neighbor.
I'm Susan Song.
I mean Susan Bennett-Song.
This is my husband,
Cole Bennett-Song.
- My grandfather
built your house.
Well, his workers did.
- I'm the president of
the homeowners association
so we just wanted
to welcome you.
- Thank you.
Yeah, I appreciate it.
- And I also brought
over the HOA bylaws
so please make
sure you read them.
- Okay, thanks.
Hey Jules, can you
put this in the study
in the home filing cabinet?
- Jules is such an
interesting name.
I mean what girl
doesn't like diamonds.
- Oh it's J-U-L-E-S.
After Jules Verne.
- Is that an actress?
- No, he wrote 10,000
Leagues Under the Sea.
- I don't really read that much.
I'm always on the go, you know.
You're really lucky
that your daughter
has so many friends to
help you with the move.
- Yeah, um, they're all ours.
[laughing]
No really, they're all ours.
- You're kidding.
- Nope, happily.
We're still getting used to it.
We just got married last week.
[sighing]
- Wow, that's a lot.
Eight of them?
- [Cole] Uh, yes, 14.
- 14?
Oh [laughing]
- Yeah, oop, there's my
little jumping bean right now.
Hey.
- I'm not a jumping bean, daddy.
I'm a girl, I have a vagina.
- Oh yeah, right.
Billie, say hi to
Mrs. Whitehawk?
- Mrs. Hawkins-White.
- Daddy doesn't have
a vagina, he's a boy.
Right daddy?
- Right sweety.
- What's a vagina, mama?
- We're leaving.
- Well that was weird.
- Do you think we're
gonna get an invitation
from Mrs. Hawkins-White
to the yacht club
for our family this weekend?
- I wouldn't go off
start blocking up
your social engagement
calendar anytime soon.
- Ah, man.
- All right, slacker.
Back to work.
Come on!
- I like the new group, girl.
- Yeah, it's cool.
A little crowded.
- Instruments in
the garage, right?
- Yeah.
- Did you see that?
- That looks promising.
- Promising?
Looks like every
Christmas wish come true.
- What?
- Is that your new brother?
- Yeah.
All three of them.
Dylan's actually really nice
but way too old for you.
And Miles, the second
one, is a total geek.
But the pale one has taken up
half of one of the bedrooms
with enough technology
to launch NASA
and has the same sparkling
personality as his robots.
- Dylan, huh?
How about Hotty Mchotness?
How do you live in a
house with a teen version
of Johnny Depp without
breaking all laws of nature?
- Down, girl.
I don't think they were talking
about the hot stepbrother.
Did you see what they were
carrying to the garage?
- Besides my neatly
packaged heart?
No.
- A drumkit and a
nice one at that.
- I vote that we can forget
about this girl drummer thing.
If he's good he's in.
- I really wanted to
stick to an all girl band.
- Hey but you said,
there aren't any decent
girl drummers around.
- Oh I think there's something
you guys should know.
- Not now, Etta, okay please?
We're in the middle
of something.
- Whatever.
- Look, you're always saying
that we should be trying
to sell diversity and story?
I mean and he's your
brother right, and Romanian.
- You know what, fine.
But he has to be really good or,
[drumming]
- [Janis] Hi, what do
you guys wanna know?
- Janis, how can you?
Like I had no idea
you were so good.
So I mean, do you think
you can hold down a beat
with a full band?
- No, I miss cues.
If I can't hear what you
guys are all playing.
- Oh yeah.
That's okay sis.
- Well, what if
you could see it?
- How?
Even if someone was
right in front of me
I wouldn't be able to see
every note over the kit.
- Well I could hook up
the other instruments
to an adaptive music program
and Miles could help
me with the coding.
You'd see color coded notes
and rhythms on a screen
right next to you.
Real time.
- You would do that for us?
- Pff, no.
But I'd do it for her.
If she wants me to.
- Yes!
Thank you!
- Looks like we have a drummer.
- And a sweet story too.
- I mean, if robot and
braniac can get this to work.
- Pff, we can get it.
- [Pearl] We got a drummer!
Oh my god, this is gonna work!
- Yes, finally.
- We're gonna make the deadline.
- Uh, [speaking in
foreign language]
[doorbell ringing]
- Hey, what can I do for you?
- I was just wondering if
you read that HOA bylaws?
- Uh no, we've been swamped.
So maybe you can sum
up the highlights.
- The highlights are that you
have to read the HOA bylaws.
It's all very important.
In the meantime, there
is a noise ordinance.
- Did I scream too loud
when I smashed my thumb
with a hammer earlier?
- It's 62 decibels.
And the sounds coming
out of the garage
far exceeds that.
- 62.
Sounds like I'm gonna
have to put a muffler
on my lawnmower.
I'll insulate the
walls in the garage.
But let me hang my curtains
and let me put
some beds together
'cause I'm sure you don't
want me walking by the windows
in my skivvies, right?
- Fine.
Please, just have your
children quiet down.
- Sure, my daughter though,
she has some music deadlines
so um, I'll have
them stop by eight.
- These are quiet estate homes.
Not Bourbon Street Whiskey
halls.
- Let me assure you,
I put strict limits
on the amount of whiskey
that my kids can drink.
- Your jokes aren't
gonna work with me.
Good day.
- Hey.
Can one of you tell
me why I found holes
with scorch marks on the back
end of both of your jeans?
- We were lighting
each other's farts.
- Yeah it kind of
got out of hand.
You know how it is.
- Uh huh.
And I don't suppose
either of you know
how we ended up with a dead frog
in the washing machine?
- Oh no, Bob is--
- No, definitely not.
We have no knowledge
of this frog.
- Yep, nothing.
- Uh huh.
And Toni.
I just got milk out of
the family room carpet.
Will you stop letting the dog
lick milk out of your mouth?
- But she likes it!
- Dude, that's nasty.
- Yeah, well you're the one
that peed in the backyard.
- Paulo, please.
Mrs. White is developing
an entire dossier
on our family and probably
has hidden cameras installed.
- What's a dossier?
- Never mind, just come
indoors when you need to pee.
Please.
Please?
Please?
Well, someone is
up from her nap.
- Where's Pearl?
- She's in the garage.
Did you get into the
birthday cupcake, sweety?
- It was an accident,
I'm going to be four.
- Really, an accident?
- I think the dog did it.
- Dog, huh?
Well, let's get you a bath.
- No, Pearl, Pearl can help me.
- Really?
Okay, let's go find your sister.
- Hello.
- Hey.
They called you in too?
- Yeah, I don't know why
they'd bug you at work,
I said I'd be here.
- Maybe Pearl pushed
them to call me.
- Pearl, what does she
have to do with this?
- She and Toni are
the ones in trouble.
Jimmie's fine.
- Jimmie?
I'm here for Miles.
- What?
- Mr. Bennett.
We have a strict policy
on inappropriate language.
- Okay.
- Miles is an
excellent student but,
I cannot exempt
him from the rules.
- I understand, I'm
just not used to him
being a rule breaker.
What exactly were the
offending remarks?
- For the purpose of
enlightening your father,
you can repeat the joke.
- It was a science joke.
Snowmen have snowballs,
what does a snowwoman have?
- What?
- Snowvaries.
[Cole chuckling]
See, it's funny.
- It does show a
good understanding
of human biology and puns.
- The discussion of
ones private parts,
whether in jest or
not, is a violation
of the respect
code, Mr. Bennett.
- Yeah, but he said snowballs.
I'm sure an otherwise
well adjusted student
could say tennis balls
or chicken breasts
without the PC police
carrying them off to juvie.
- Context is important.
But I can't make exceptions.
Look, this is just a meeting.
No permanent record.
Can you please
just bring him home
and have a conversation with him
about filters and
boundaries in school?
- Certainly, Miss Anderson.
Well, I apologize
for the trouble.
- Thank you for your
time, Mr. Bennett.
- So?
- Oh, no biggie.
They said to talk to Miles
about boundaries and filters.
- You, really?
- I know, right.
- Anyway,
Apparently, Toni hit
both of these boys.
- Two dudes?
Why?
- They were calling
Jimmie bad names
like racial stuff.
And she was really scared.
She was trapped, and
I was really mad.
- Okay now I understand
that you'd be angry
but just because you
get mad doesn't mean
you can hit people.
You know what I
do when I get mad
is I take a deep breath
and I blow it out slowly
while I count to 10.
Like this.
[exhaling]
- How does blowing on them help?
- All you need to do
is meet hate with love.
When you love your enemies,
they become your friends.
- Wow, that is wise, Paulo.
- That doesn't mean you
should smooch them though.
That would be gross.
- Yeah.
So what are you here for?
- Witness for defenseman.
- And you?
- Paulo ran to get
me and I told them
if they wanted to mess
with my other sister,
they were gonna have
to go through me.
- I don't see a
problem with that.
- I may have implied that
I'm an Asian karate ninja
that knows how to rip out
the hearts of their enemies.
- Okay, so that's terrifying.
- And?
- And I may have called them
racist little punk ass bitches.
- Ooh.
Okay.
- Listen.
I think it's wonderful that
you both stood up for Jimmie.
But we need to understand that
there is an appropriate way
to deal with things in school.
Tonight I think we need to have
a family chat about boundaries.
- Now the standard in these
situations is to speak
with the victims of
school violence first.
- Excuse me, victims?
- You are aware that
your daughter hit
both of these boys.
- They were calling
my sister names
and made her cry.
- Toni, I'm sure you
heard the expression
sticks and stones.
Now name calling is never an
excuse for physical violence.
- No, sometimes they
hit a lot harder.
Look, I understand that
you have your policies,
I really do, but,
you gotta understand
that we live in a world
where a lack of respect
for cultural identity
is stirring up a hornet's nest.
- I'm not sure
what you're saying.
- They called her by a
racial slur that marginalizes
her birth culture.
- Mr. Bennett, I think you're
being a little sensitive.
Jimmie's an American.
She's always lived here.
- Not always.
And that doesn't mean
that she doesn't feel
or understand the
sting of those words.
- They also told her
that her real daddy Kumar
was going to come take
her to live at 7-11.
- If you don't understand
the girl who's lost
both of her birth parents and
then her real mother to cancer
is going to feel real
pain when somebody implies
that they're gonna take
her away from her family,
then you don't understand
an eight year old child.
- Is this true, Donald, Mike?
- We didn't hit
anybody, she did.
- Some black kid comes
out of nowhere claiming
to be her sister, and
then this oriental girl
starts yelling bad words.
- It's Asian, you neanderthal.
- So you're concerned with
Donnie making a childish joke
about convenience store owners
but not with this girl
calling our son's names
after her so-called
sister punched them?
- So-called?
If you think Pearl's language
after they use racial slurs
is somehow more offensive
than your so-called response,
look, I'm not defending
the violent response
but I will not tolerate anyone
implying that we are
not a real family.
- Okay, okay, there
are a lot of feelings
in this room right
now, but I'm sorry.
My hands are tied when it
comes to physical violence.
Toni will be suspended
for two days.
And Pearl, one for
their language.
And Donald and Mike will
be suspended for one day
as well for their language.
- Oh come on, suspended?
- I hope you all
take this opportunity
to think about the
power of your words.
I know I will.
- No, no.
I took a half day to get
my mom to the doctor.
Yeah.
Well I let the nanny off and
got Theo and Billie to home.
Mhmm.
- No one here seems to recognize
this is a crisis situation.
- Well mom's taking
the littles to the park
so I can finish up
some paperwork at home
before I have to pick
up Frank from robotics,
Jimmie up from violin and
somebody else from something.
- I think the FBI's been rooting
through our cabinets again.
Or maybe the CIA.
JC Penney, that's the worst.
- Hey, can you hang on a second?
Mom, do you need help
finding something?
- I'm looking for my big
blue gin and tonic cup.
The small ones just fall
through the sippy cup holders.
- Do you think it's wise
to drink at the playground?
- Have you been to the park
this time of day, Susie?
I don't think it
wise to go sober.
- Whoah, this is like
mining for diamond armor,
but smellier.
- Theo, no, no, no, no, no.
Why do we have kitty litter?
- Oh, for the cat, dear.
Are you losing it?
- We don't have a cat.
But yes, I am losing it.
Yeah, you're right, I admit it.
Yeah, I'm gonna need you
to rescue me this weekend.
I don't know, I need a new
hairstyler, a new hobby.
I don't have enough brainpower
to make a decision either way.
- Full impact yodel wrestling,
that's a great hobby.
And as for the hair,
how about bald with a
tattoo of a chipmunk
clinging to your scalp?
You're welcome.
- I just love the wrestlers.
I think their
uniforms are dishy.
I think I might call
for cheerleader.
Hey team, what's that sound?
Eagles running
prey to the ground!
Then shake it.
We shake it.
- Go grandma.
- Oh so you agree?
Hey, uh,
I gotta let you go.
Yeah, okay, all right, bye.
Mom?
Are you okay to go
to the playground?
- I'm a good
babysitter Missus, um,
- Mom?
- Oh Susie.
I'm okay.
- You sure?
- Well,
I get confused sometimes
with the time and the year
but they'll be fine with me.
They ground me.
When it's just me with them,
I never get confused.
Hell, you call them by their
wrong names half the time.
- You're right.
You take good care
of your grandbabies.
- I don't know how
you do it, Susie,
taking care of all
those babies and me.
And it means the world to me
being here with
them and with you.
- Mom.
We're a family.
You belong here with us.
Come here.
- You're my favorite
child, you know.
Don't tell your brother.
- I'm an only child, remember.
- I'm just pulling
your damn leg.
Besides, you ruined my uterus,
tore that place right up.
- Mom!
- I'm taking off with
the little beasties now.
You get your work done.
- Yeah, I will.
Get my work done, right.
- Well you look happy.
- That is because I am a genius.
- Well tell that to
your last report card.
- Please, Grade Point
Averages are big brother's way
of controlling the masses.
More importantly, I'm going
to Grammy camp after all.
- What is this?
- The answer to
all of my problems.
We can record the performance
in front of a live audience
and it all goes down three
days before the deadline.
- Look, Pearl.
I know you're excited
and you guys are awesome
but I mean there's a lot
of talent in this state.
- Yeah but this is my last shot.
And I have a few
tricks up my sleeve.
- Oh yeah, like what?
- You'll see.
- Okay.
Well, buckle up.
We have four minutes to pick
up Frank from Robotics club.
- Can't we just leave him
with his fellow robots
where he'll actually be happy?
- I thought you guys
were getting along.
- You have to question
the values of someone
who suddenly respects
you after getting busted
on school profanity.
- True.
- See you guys.
- Hey, Chris.
Hey man.
- So you said you got some
favor to ask, get clothes,
want more advice about women?
- Ah no.
You said you had a friend
who pays top dollar
sports memorabilla collectibles,
that type of thing.
- Ah yeah, yeah I do.
What you got?
[knocking]
- Hey, you got a minute?
- Um, yeah sure.
Not like I'm making any
real progress here anyways.
- Ah, what's that?
- We're studying
DNA and identity.
Part of the project is
examples of dominant
and recessive factors
we get from our parents.
And how you're very
related to our siblings.
- Hm. Sometimes we get
the opportunity
to educate our teachers.
How are you planning on
expressing yourself on this?
- During research on the
majority and minority groups
in the area of China I'm from,
which is actually
really fascinating,
I just can't find the
right words to relate it
to the assignment.
- Maybe you'll have some
interesting perspective,
some nature versus nurture.
- Maybe.
So what's up?
- I've been thinking about camp.
- Look, I understand
with the move and all,
we can't afford it.
I get it.
Lot of maths.
- I know, I know
it's important to you
but yeah it's been a crazy year.
- I don't need
lectures on patience.
This year was different.
And Tyler freaking Joseph will
be there in New York Week.
I mean Tyler and Luminous Hearts
is masterclassing the LA Week.
I mean those are two of
my biggest influences.
But seriously, don't
worry about it, okay?
I'll figure this out myself.
- First, I'm not
here for a lecture.
And second, maybe you
don't need to do everything
all by yourself.
- Okay, I get it.
We're all family, yay.
- I know you weren't
thrilled about,
you know, all of this.
I know what it's like
to want something so bad
that you'd sacrifice your left,
left hand for it.
When I was trained
to become WXC champ,
I sacrificed my day
job, most of my friends
and my girlfriend.
- And you won, right?
That's that big gaudy
belt up at your gym.
- Yeah.
It was.
And now it's here, ready
to follow a new dream.
- That's not.
Are you serious?
But that was your dream.
- Yeah, and now it's yours.
I can go visit it
on display in LA
whenever you become
a big rockstar.
- No, you can't do this.
I mean Frank wants
that Robotics kit
and Miles is probably
going to get early entry
into MIT next year.
That belongs to
your kids, not me.
- Jesus Pearl, you are my kid.
I mean I know Clive is your dad
but you're my family too.
Frank's got a part time job,
he's won most of
the money he needs.
Miles has got scholarships.
- Just because you
married my mother
doesn't mean you have to
cut off your left, whatever
to help me or my
brothers and sisters.
- I didn't marry your
mother and end up
with the rest of you
guys in the bargain.
I fell in love with each
and every one of you.
I fell in love
with the way Emily
needs to care for everyone as
if her life depended on it.
I fell in love with
Toni's wit and swagger.
B's whimsy.
- Don't suppose
I made that easy.
- Are you kidding me?
I can't even decide what moment.
Maybe a little at
your fearlessness.
Undoubtedly, standing up
to two racist little punks
picking on your sister
that you've known
for all of three months.
But, without a doubt
the first time I heard
you sing and play.
Uh, it's like you popped
into existence from stardust
to create art.
You're 14.
And you create magic in
ways I could never imagine.
I love you Pearl, including
your stubbornness.
And I wanna do this for you
not because you're
Susan's daughter.
But because I couldn't
love you any more
if I would have been
there the moment
you were created.
[dramatic music]
- I love you too.
- What?
- You heard me.
- Okay I think
everyone's been fed.
Keyboard is loaded.
- We just finished
loading up the drums.
You ready, Pearl?
- No.
I mean yeah, maybe.
- You got this, little nugget.
And we got you.
- Thanks, Dylan.
Oh Frank, the um,
yeah, it's fully charged, the
camera's fully charged right
and you have the storage thingy?
- Chill, everything's
checked and ready to go.
- Okay, let's load everyone up.
[clapping]
Everyone check their
travel buddies.
- I forgot my travel buddy.
- I got you buddy, you me and B.
Let's go.
[chattering]
- [Janis] Um, what
is she doing here?
- I don't know.
- Lila Jean, this is
my sorority sister,
Betsy Snowden, the new
CEO of Snowden Meats.
- It is such a
pleasure to meet you.
- And you.
After the show, I have a
few juicy college stories
about your aunt.
- And, that you
wouldn't dare, actually.
- On second thought,
you probably have a few
stories on me as well.
- This is Paul Deville,
of Deville Real Estate.
- Charmed, I look forward
to hearing you play.
- Pleasure's all mine.
- And he's also a member
of the club with me.
- Oh and I've had the pleasure
of getting in the way
of her golf slice.
- [Stevie] Oh come on, I'm
not that bad. [laughing]
- [clearing throat]
Welcome everybody, hi.
Before we begin,
we're about to start,
I'd like to ask everyone to
turn off your cellphones please.
- Do you know if
grandpa's here yet?
- I don't know mom, are we
saving the seat for G-Pa?
- Um, I don't know honey.
- No, he's tucking in.
He's about a half
hour out still, so.
- Social media,
texting, nothing.
Please, no sharing until Friday
when the show airs on
TV18 White Murdoch Cable.
Okay?
And we are going
live in five, four.
Welcome friends to
the first Annual
State Youth Talent Competition.
[dance music]
[piano music]
Everything's oh so fun
Nobody's safe when
we can't find a nun
Spread your arms
across that tree
I spread the love
you gave to me
[accordion music]
[crowd applauding]
- Pearl Song, you're
on deck in five.
- [Haley] We're
next, are you ready?
- I think.
Only two more acts after us, so
assuming I don't faceplant,
I think we have a good shot.
Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Are you Dr. Bunsen?
- Why yes I am, young lady.
- I loved your show, can
I have your autograph?
- Well sure.
You have a pen?
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
What's your name?
- Laura.
- [Sam] There you go.
- [Laura] Thank you.
- You're welcome.
But, that's the autograph
you should be getting.
Pearl Song, she's
my granddaughter.
- Hi everyone,
hi, it's me again.
Just a quick note.
I've been informed
that our next act
has a change in name.
Instead of the Pearl Song band,
please welcome The United
Colors of Bennett Song.
[crowd applauding]
We are stars beneath the sky
We are roots
beneath the stone
We offer up our lives
We offer up our bones
Each one of us different
yet so much the same
We weather the
sunshine and the rain
Through seasons of heartache
Seasons of change
Somehow we still remain
We are not alone
Roots beneath the stone
[crowd applauding]
We are voice upon the sand
Seeking answers in the dark
We create the future
with our hands
In the image of our hearts
Each one of us different
Yet so much the same
We reach out for love
through joy and pain
Pray that our struggle
is not in vain
Somehow we still remain
We are not alone
Roots beneath the stone
My family give me roots
My family give me wings
We'll always eat together
No matter what life brings
My family may be crazy
but they make me strong
We're the United
Colors of Bennett Song
I've got a sister from Kenya
And a brother from Romania
Now here's some knowledge
from my sister from Albania
So many siblings from
Mumbai to Guatemala
Syria, Russia, China,
Congo, Colombiana
But no matter
where we came from
Our hearts all beat as one
Who you love or
what you look like
You're never alone
When you see the world
in black and white
Life is so much duller
It's so much sweeter when
we live in living color
[rapping in foreign language]
We are storms
beneath the sky
We are roots
beneath the stone
In our brief uncertain time
Let our light
be clearly shown
Each one of us different
Yet so much the same
All the same soul
From many names
So many fires just one flame
Forever we shall remain
We are not alone
Roots beneath the stone
We are not alone
[crowd applauding]
[girls chattering]
- That was surprising.
You're really good.
- Thank you.
- I'd say the best so
far, but I'm up next, so.
I'm kidding.
- Okay, well break a leg.
- Thanks.
I think we have the
same voice teacher,
Miss Berthal, right?
- Yeah.
- She mentioned another
one of her students
is applying for Grammy.
- Yeah, well, that's me.
So uh how do you know
Stevie Hawkins-White?
- She's my aunt.
You must be her neighbors.
I've heard all
about your family.
- [Pearl] That's kinda crazy.
- Lila Jane, you're on deck.
- Well, I'm up.
Best for last, I guess.
Kidding.
- Do you guys wanna watch her?
[crowd applauding]
Guys, I'm still freaking
out from our performance.
I mean, did you see
that standing ovation?
I seriously think we've got this
unless she's really really good.
And this place
we're bound forever
Hold me close
Don't let me go
We fight sometimes
We kiss and make up
Heavy hearts and
pointless breakups
- You know it's
technically bad luck
to say good luck.
- Really?
Oops.
Be the one you
always want to
Everlasting
close enough to tell
You're secrets to
So take a seat
We'll watch the
world go blue
Ooh
Blue
[crowd applauding]
Ooh
Blue
[applause continues]
- Our third place prize
of 200 dollars and
dinner for four
at Luca's Steak Palace goes to,
Let's hear it for the magic
of Kent Michaels, everybody.
[crowd applauding]
And finally, one of
these next two acts
will win our second place
prize of 250 dollars
and dinner for four at
Costa's Italian Villa.
And the other will
win our grand prize
of 2,500 dollars and
a three month supply
of meats for the whole
family from Snowden Meats.
Second place goes to,
uh I could puke.
The United Colors
of Bennet Song.
[crowd applauding]
And our big winner is,
Miss Lila Jane.
[crowd applauding]
Great job everybody.
One more round of applause
for our big winners.
[crowd applauding]
- [Cole] Sorry, sweety.
You guys were awesome.
- You were great.
- You really were extraordinary.
- You got my vote, kiddo.
Keep up the good work.
- Very nice.
- Mr. Bennett, a word please.
- Sure.
- This is Paul Deville,
he's one of the judges
of the talent show.
- Mr. Bennett, it's been
brought to our attention
that this young man videotaped
portions of the show.
- Yeah, what's the problem?
- Well the application
of programs stipulate
that the show or results
couldn't be taped
without permission
from the committee.
Due to the risk
that it would air
before the actual TV debut.
- But other parents were taping.
- Well I don't know
about any others
but I'm afraid we're gonna
have to confiscate the drive.
You can file the paperwork
online today for clearance.
- What, can we do
it here and now?
- [Stevie] We don't have
any of the paperwork here.
- No, I need that footage
edited two days from now.
We won't post it
anywhere, I swear.
- I can't do anything.
- Mom?
- Oh my god.
- Stevie, I can personally
deliver the form to you tonight.
Can we, I mean surely you
can provide that clearance.
- I can't tonight, I'm sorry.
- [Pearl] Dylan will you
help me with my keyboard?
- [Dylan] Sure girl, let's go.
- What are we gonna do?
[somber music]
- Well, there's my
little rockstar.
And up by the crack of noon.
- It's spring break.
You're lucky the sun's still up.
- Ah, to be a teenager.
[Chuckles]
You know, I'm very proud
of what you did yesterday.
- But I lost.
And I needed that money.
Even more, I needed that video.
- Well I suppose you
could look at it that way.
But you created
art out of thin air
and you did it with
people you love.
- Yeah.
I get it, process is more
important than the result.
- Pearl?
Pearl.
Art gives a voice
to the voiceless.
It opens minds and hearts
to progress and healing.
It inspires, it unites.
We need our stories, our songs
to help us through tough times.
Just as we need our
family to lean on
when times are tough.
And guess what,
kiddo, you have both.
- Yeah but, all I
did was write a song
and perform it.
At a talent show which I lost.
- Hello, earth to Pearl.
Have you heard anything
I've been saying here?
Pearl.
You did so much more.
My show was on for a long time.
It still is.
And many people thing Dr. Bunsen
was all fluff.
Not to kids.
To the kids, I was the voice
of support and authority.
A kind adult with answers.
I made a difference.
And so can you.
- I never really
thought about that.
But I mean I can see
that in your fans.
- Hey, if I spend
the rest of my days
doing community theater or the
occasional bedpan commercial,
I'll still be taking my
audience on a journey
because it's not about
winning or losing.
It's about making something
that didn't exist before
mean something to others.
It's about sharing our dreams,
our songs, with our audience.
- Thanks, Sam.
G-Pa.
- It's all in a day's work.
Now if you'll excuse me.
I have an appointment to
help your brother Patrick
with a dilemma.
It seems that he's got
a crush on a brunette
cutie at school.
- I don't have a
brother named Patrick.
- Are you sure?
- I'm pretty sure.
- Really?
Blonde curly headed, 16.
Usually wears a ballcap.
- That's Patrick King, he
lives like a block over.
- He's not my grandson?
- No.
- Oh well.
Chase is always on the case.
I go where I'm needed.
[birds chirping]
- [Stevie] Excuse
me, Mrs. Bennett.
- It's Doctor, actually.
Dr. Bennett-Song.
- Okay.
Look, I went through a lot of
trouble to get you this file.
- It's been three days.
Did you get my text, my emails?
- You should be thanking me.
- I'm sure.
And this would have
been great yesterday.
Before today's
delivery deadline.
- Look, I know we haven't
gotten along on the best foot.
But I'm on my way to
the mayor's right now
to speak to him about
the noise ordinance.
We don't run
halfway houses here.
- Whoah, I'm sorry, did
you just call my family
a halfway house?
- I didn't mean it like that.
- No, no, did you?
- Did you say you're going
to the mayor right now?
- Yeah I have a private meeting.
- You know what, you're right.
We did get off on the wrong foot
and we're going to try
to be better neighbors.
But um, it's quite
the scorcher today.
Could I send you off with a cup
of the Bennett's
famous blackberry tea?
- Yeah, that'll be lovely.
- Cool, all right.
- Hey Pearl, come
here for a sec.
- I'm not gonna step in a nut
and get shipped to Burma, am I?
- Don't give me any ideas.
I just wanna show you something.
- You've hacked NOAH
and don't want my help
stopping global
thermonuclear war?
- Again with the
ideas, just come here.
- All right.
- Well you know how you
told me to upload your video
a month ago?
- I haven't watched
it lately, but sure.
- Well I did a little
demographic research
and developed my own algorithms.
And watch this.
We are stars
- Wait.
Wait.
That's, that can't be right.
- It's right.
- That's six million
views, Frank.
- Look, that's not all.
- Oh my god!
- I'm not finished yet.
Once it hit a million views,
I was able to sell ad space
and as of this morning, we
have made, 2,435 dollars.
- What?
- Yeah, without even
selling dad's belt
you could still afford
to pay for your camp.
- But it's too late.
With my band out of town,
I have to send them
some lame solo tape
and I didn't get accepted.
- Sorry, I didn't know.
- Do you realize
what you've done?
A camp doesn't even...
You put my music in the ears
of six million people, Frank.
That's amazing.
And you keep the
money, all right.
I have 11 months till next year
and apparently, six
million new fans.
- That's not the end of it.
- How can this day
get any better?
- Well, I got this email from
the Sunshine Maddox Show.
- What?
- Read this.
- Dear Mr. Bennett, we at
the Sunshine in the Morning
blah blah blah.
We loved your video and
would like your band
and family to appear on the
show in the next few weeks?
Oh my gosh, Frank!
Dude, this is amazing!
Frank?
- Yeah?
- Two things, one,
thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
- And two, please don't
tell anyone I hugged you.
- Not a chance.
- Yes, yes I have been, but,
well no.
I mean,
what?
- Hey, babe.
Everybody's in the
car, you ready to go?
- I'll be there in a second.
- Okay.
[somber music]
- Are you sure?
Okay.
I'm leaving town.
I'll see you on Thursday.
[exhaling]
- Weren't they amazing!
So we heard before that
astounding performance
just how this lovely
family came to be.
And I hear that you
wrote that song.
And I hear that you've written
several, is that right?
- Yes ma'am, I've
written quite a few.
- Well that's impressive.
And you wanna be a
singer-songwriter?
- Absolutely, but I, well,
wewouldn't be
here if it weren't
for my computer-wiz brother.
- Ah, so you're the reason.
Well, you and your sister
must be very close.
- No, we actually didn't
get along at first.
- Oh, well that's not
what I was expecting.
- Oh no, but she's okay now.
She stood up for
my little sister
and called some bully--
- I don't think we need to
hear that story here today.
- Well this family
is full of surprises.
And we love surprises here
at Sunshine in the Morning,
don't we audience?
Well first we heard that
transportation is a challenge.
So back home, we have two
vans with seating for 18.
And all Pearl could talk
about was her brother's
incredible software invention.
So with her help, we have
an offer from JQ Robotics
for an internship
working with the company
to develop his software
to launch worldwide.
- That's amazing, thank you!
- Now I understand that
you have one in college
and seven more in the next
six years, is that right?
- Um, I haven't,
I haven't done
that math just yet.
- Well, one of our sponsors,
Freeman International Textiles
would like to hire you
for a series of ads
for their international
inspired clothing line,
Gypsy Chic.
And they'd like to pay you
with a 150,000
dollar college fund.
[crowd applauding]
So now besides
all the tech help,
we do know that this
all started with a dream
of a 14 year old girl.
Is that right?
- Well 15 now.
And I did originally for
a spot at Grammy camp
but I mean, this is the
best day of my life.
- Mom, do you have what
we asked you to bring?
- I sure do.
- So we made a call to
a few of our friends
and we shared your video.
And when your family
flies home in two days,
you'll be staying
here in New York
to begin your
first week of camp.
- Dude, are you for real?
Oh God!
- Well we just love
surprises, right audience?
Now I'd just like to take
this moment to thank
the lovely United Colors
of Bennett Song and Family
for gracing our stage
with their talents today.
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.
We have one more gift for
you from one of our sponsors.
- Okay, I get this one.
A private jet for our
family to fly around on.
Yeah, yeah, right?
- No, this is a tiny one.
We have a 2,000 dollar gift card
from Blushing Babies
Furniture and more.
- Um.
Our, our youngest is four?
I mean thank you.
But I don't even really see how.
Oh, unless you...
[crowd gasps]
[crowd clapping and cheering]
- You're gonna be a
big sister, Billie.
- I am, I'll be
a good big sister
just like Pearl.
- [Pearl] Yes you will.
Oh, I got an A in
my science project.
But honestly I can't
say I know a whole lot
about DNA and how it
shapes our identity.
I do agree with my
teacher that it's hard
to look at families
and be able to argue
against some higher
power at work.
But it can't all be chemistry.
Science may eventually come
up with all the explanations.
But that doesn't deny the
existence of
miracles in my book.
Most of my classmates
focused on their eyes,
ears, noses, mouths,
in showing how their
identity was carved
from generations of family DNA.
My biological parents gave
me the greatest gift of all.
What I got from their
sacrifice is this...
- Do we have a cat?
- [Pearl] Crazy, chaotic miracle
of love that is my family.
There's no denying
that wherever I go
and whatever I
create in this world,
they are the biggest
part of who I am.
We are fires upon the sand
Seeking answers in the dark
We create the future
with our hands
In the image of our heart
Each one of us different
Yet so much the same
We reach out for love
through joy and pain
Pray that our struggle
is not in vain
Somehow we still remain
We are not alone
Roots beneath the stone
My family give me roots
My family give me wings
We'll always eat together
No matter what life brings
My family may be crazy
but they make me strong
We're the United
Colors of Bennett Song
I've got a sister from Kenya
And a brother from Romania
Now here's some knowledge
from my sister from Albania
So many siblings from
Mumbai to Guatemala
Syria, Russia, China,
Congo, Colombiana
But no matter
where we came from
Our hearts all beat as one
Who you love or
what you look like
You're never alone
When you see the world
in black and white
Life is so much duller
It's so much sweeter when
we live in living color
[rapping in foreign language]