1
But I'm gonna take
more now than later
get real reckless
and wake your neighbors
you know how we do
every time we're out
gonna make you scream and shout
pouring shots up in your mouth
Are you really going
to film everything?
Yes.
Hi. Hi, Claire.
Trust me. One day you'll watch this and thank
me for capturing your last night of freedom.
So come on, you're on.
Okay. Hi, I'm Claire Russell...
soon to be Clair Russell-Morris...
as I'm getting married
next Saturday.
Whoo!
And we're on our way to Vegas.
For my bachelorette party.
Whoo!
Yeah!
I don't know what else to say.
I feel stupid.
Just say anything.
Say whatever you want.
I'm in love.
With my soul mate Dave Morris...
and I can't believe it...
but I really did find the one.
Punch buggy.
Ow.
I'm Zoe.
I'm Claire's best friend.
And not a lot of people know...
but when Claire was 12...
I taught her how to kiss.
Shut up.
We need to get everything
out in the open.
No, but... But seriously.
No joke.
You are my BFF...
and you've always
been there for me.
Whenever I've been in trouble.
Yeah, like...
Like anything.
You've always been there for me.
And even though
you're getting hitched...
we're still going to have
a girls' night out, right?
Yes, Zoe.
I love this girl.
Punch buggy!
All right, Leslie, you're up.
Pass.
Come on.
Just say who you are.
Leslie bowman,
Clair's wiser older sister...
only by a couple of years.
Five, but who's counting?
Yeah, burn.
Burn. Sss.
I'm sorry. How do you and
Claire even know each other?
I have a mobile
dog grooming business...
you know, the kind
that go to your house.
Oh.
Yeah, I've been shaving Claire's
muffin for about three years now.
Her dog's name is scout.
I know. I was talking
about her pussy.
Punch... Punch...
punch pick up.
Stickers! Stickers!
You guys not from around here?
No.
Los Angeles.
Oh, yeah.
We're on our way to Vegas.
- Oh, you're on your way to Vegas?
- Yeah.
What happens in Vegas
stays in Vegas.
Yeah.
Mack mack all dressed
in black black black...
with silver buttons buttons buttons.
All down her back back back.
She jumped too high high high...
I got her.
Oh, daddy, yeah,
make 'em say "oh, daddy"
I need to pee.
Oh, look, champagne.
We should grab a bottle.
I really gotta pee.
Where do we use the restroom?
- Outside.
- Outside?
What did you get?
Oh, you got a wine.
Whoo! Party in the bathroom.
Don't drink all my wine.
Is it good?
Want some?
Yeah.
Par... Oh, you're driving.
You're driving.
Let's start off
on a high note
I'm the one who put
the "I dot" in the "I"
and I don't take no
from no man no way
never gonna give
into the know not robot
for real, never stand still
always on my grind,
always gotta bail
always gotta elevate
and never give in
one more breath now,
let's begin
... Party
with them girls again
and all the people
in the place
are in their places
and in their faces
lots of friends,
bottles in their hands
Whoo! Vegas, here we come!
Whoo-hoo!
We're here!
Let's lose control
like everything
is all right, all right
it's real,
the way that I feel
and we're gonna do it
all night, all night
let's roll,
let's lose control
like everything
is all right, all right
it's real,
the way that I feel
and we're gonna do it all
night, all night
all night
Okay, let's go over
the itinerary.
We check into the hotel...
penthouse suite of course.
Hey, I don't go
no penthouse money.
Relax. It's on me.
Leslie married a rich dude.
She's a one-percenter.
We'll have a privately
catered in-suite dinner...
lobster, caviar, the works.
Lobster!
Then we'll see Celine Dion
in concert...
front row center seats.
Wake up to brunch pool side
at the Bellagio.
Thank you, Leslie.
It sounds amazing.
It's very generous of you.
Yeah, sounds awesome.
But I never heard the words
"man-ass" or "footlong"
anywhere in your itinerary.
That's because it's not that
kind of bachelorette party.
Oh.
What about games?
What game?
The bachelorette party game.
You know, like,
getting a random guy.
To give us his underwear.
Or kissing a dude
with a mustache.
Uh, no.
Cool.
Show us your tits!
You show us your balls.
Show her your balls.
Yeah, baby!
Welcome to Vegas, girls!
The valet.
I got racks on racks
'cause I got it like that
and you can't beat that
with a baseball bat
I got it like that,
I got it like that
I got it like that
and you can't beat that
with a bat
I got it like that,
I got it like that
I got it like that
you can't beat that
with a bat, no
We have a reservation
under the name bowman...
Leslie bowman.
Okay, have fun,
but not too much fun.
Love you, too.
Bye.
What's Dave doing
for his bachelor party?
His friends got a hotel room.
For poker night
and "entertainment".
You're okay with that?
It's his bachelor party.
Boys will be boys.
But I trust him.
Sucker.
I have you for one night
in the penthouse.
Excellent,
that's our most opulent suite.
It's over 3,000 square feet.
With four separate
bedroom suites...
marble baths,
eight flat screens...
and a full time Butler.
Holy shit,
I think I just squirted.
Perfect.
The room is $4,500 a night...
and I'll need a credit card deposit
for additional incidentals.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Bowman...
but your credit card representative
would like to speak with you.
Wonder what happened.
I don't know.
Someone got hold of my credit card
numbers and just charged up a storm.
Oh, no!
But the credit card company
cancelled the cards.
I won't get new cards
for a couple of days.
I'm sorry.
Look, we don't need
the penthouse suite anyway.
How much for just a normal room?
I'm sorry, but we're
completely booked.
Seriously? Nothing?
I wish I could help, but there's
a shoe convention this weekend.
You're going to have a tough
time finding a room anywhere.
Check these out!
I got us bathrobes.
Egyptian cotton, super comfy.
You mind if I charge these
to the room?
What?
Okay. Okay, thank you.
Bye-bye.
Now, it's nothing fancy,
but I got us a room.
Yeah!
This isn't that bad.
Oh, God.
- What?
- Nothing. Nothing.
Home sweet home.
Ugh.
I call bed!
- Comfy?
- Yes.
Very comfy.
This place is a dump.
No, it's fine.
Oh.
What's that?
It's a black light app.
To show us if
the sheets are clean.
- Ew.
- Oh.
What? What?
Oh, my God,
I think they're moving.
Janet...
Get it off!
Get it off! Get it off! Oh, God!
What's that?
Oh, oh.
- Over here.
- Get them off!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, no!
This is our room.
And there's
my pissed-off sister.
I can't believe we're staying.
It's Vegas.
How much time are we gonna
spend in the room anyway?
Yeah, it's about being together.
Well, I am sleeping
in the car tonight.
Let's go already!
I'll be there in a minute!
How many kids do you have?
Oh, two. My little angels. You?
No. No kids for me.
Thank you.
Okay.
To Claire.
May you and David.
Have a happy, healthy,
wonderful marriage.
Cheers!
Thanks, you guys.
You're gonna make me cry.
How about we do gifts?
Yes. Gifts. Gifts. Gifts.
Mine first.
Okay.
I just hope you don't
already have one.
Oh, pretty.
Isn't it beautiful?
I am not wearing this.
You have to.
It's your bachelorette party.
That, and you have to keep it
on all night.
For the piece de resistance...
Oh, it's so pretty, Claire.
- Oh, Claire, it got so pretty.
- You look hot.
Okay, let's just go already.
We're gonna be late.
Fire. Fire.
Your hair's on fire.
Cab should be here in a minute.
Look at my hair.
I'm getting married
in seven days.
We're going to Caesar's palace.
It's Dave.
No, let's go already.
Hey, honey. You won't believe
what just happened to me.
Hello? Hello?
He butt dialed me.
Dave.
He can't hear me at all.
Dave. Dave.
Get on all fours, bachelor boy.
Oh, shit.
Dave.
- Oh, my God.
- Dave!
I don't think she's okay.
Okay, if we don't hurry up,
we're gonna miss Celine Dion.
Fuck Celine Dion.
It's on now.
Dj, play my shit again
take me off your speakerphone
I just wanna freakin' bone
party all night,
rappin' round
fuck it,
let's go back in time
You guys are so hot you're making my
g-string feel like a slip n' slide.
You can't film in here.
It's totally hidden in my purse.
You can't even tell
it's a camera.
So, do you think that just hearing
what happened made you?...
And was Dave getting spanked,
or was Dave doing the spanking?
What do you think?
Mas Tequila!
And you do know that strippers
are just a gateway to hookers?
Seriously.
Shut up. Shut the fuck up.
I'm just saying.
I mean, you were dating Randy
Rosenberg for three years...
and he totally cheated on you.
Really? Randy Rosenberg?
You're going to go there?
Wow, thank you so much
for being a bitch.
Ooh, harsh.
Dave's not Randy Rosenberg.
Hey! Hey!
My best friend's getting
married next week.
Zoe, no.
How much for the vip room?
- No.
- Yeah!
How are you doing, Claire?
Tell the camera.
I feel uncomfortable.
I really don't want a lap dance.
It will even the score, you know?
Tit for tat.
Or tit for dick.
And we just spent 200 bucks.
I wanna see some of this!
Whoa!
Yeah, yeah, make it rain.
Make it rain.
Make it rain!
One lap dance and we're out.
I promise.
It's a charbroiled dodger dog.
No way. He's doing the bow tie.
The unicorn.
I've only heard about
this in chat rooms.
It's in my eye.
Oh! Whoa, whoa.
That's it, you're in trouble.
What just happened?
Beats me. Our time's not up.
What the hell do you
think you're doing?
I don't know.
Did you touch Marcus?
I don't know.
Is he Marcus?
Yeah, she touched me down there.
No, I didn't "touch" him.
Yes, she did.
Your thing,
which is really substantial...
was in my face, so I moved it.
- Ma'am.
- He was putting his thing all over me.
He gave her a unicorn.
I'm allowed to touch you...
but you're not allowed
to touch me.
That's the rules.
I didn't know the rules.
Nobody told me.
They're posted everywhere.
Well, I didn't know.
Sorry.
You essentially raped me.
Oh, come on.
You had your big black dick
in my face.
I can't believe we got kicked
out of a strip club.
I know, right?
- Where to next?
- Here, hold this.
It's not even midnight, and
it's your bachelorette party.
Where are you going?
Just wait there.
What did she say?
I don't know.
It's been, like, 20 minutes,
and Zoe hasn't come back.
Where are you going?
To find her.
Wait up.
I'm coming, too.
Where did she go?
Zoe.
Zoe?
Zoe. Zoe.
Shh.
Zoe, what's going on?
Hey. You got the money?
Here it is. $300.
I'm getting us some coke.
Oh, come on, seriously?
I'll try coke.
You guys,
I need a pick-me-up.
We do a little bit of blow,
we party our asses off.
You know, we need to switch up
the vibe a little bit.
You got our stuff?
The money's all there.
No, I'm gonna need everything.
That is everything.
Don't shoot us.
Shit.
Just don't look at his face.
Then he won't have to kill us.
We had a deal...
$300 for an eight ball.
Hey, bitch, I ain't no dealer.
I thought valet Parkers
had all the connections.
Come on. Just give me all your jewelry.
Come on.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Come on!
Yeah, I want the ring, too.
Gimme the ring.
I'll take the ring, too.
Okay.
Thank you.
Are those Christian Louboutins?
You're wearing a red vest,
but you know Louboutins?
Don't!
Don't sass me!
What size are those?
Hm? What size are those?
Eight and a half.
Eight and a half.
Eight and a half.
All right, I'll take them.
My lady's gonna give it up
to me tonight.
Lucky her.
Oh, and the purses.
I'll take that purse, too.
Stay put!
Hey, give it back.
Leslie, let him have it!
Give it back.
Leslie!
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
Are you shot?
No.
I tackled him
and the gun went off...
and it just scared him,
and he took off.
Oh, my God.
Leslie, why did you chase him?
I don't know.
I think some rage just kicked in.
You're like the incredible hulk.
That's what it is.
Thank God, the cops.
We gotta go.
Why?
We'll make a report.
I have a warrant out
for my arrest.
Awesome!
For what?
The purse!
Bobby broke up with me,
so I slashed his tires.
And keyed my name into his car.
I was supposed to go
to court two weeks ago.
Zoe!
Claire, honestly, I don't have time
to hear a lecture from you now.
Jump. Get in.
Oh.
God, what's that smell?
We're in a dumpster.
I know, but it's like
rotten fish.
We just passed a seafood buffet.
All you can eat for $2.99.
We should hit that after.
Shh, shh.
They're right out there.
Delta 1-5-6-6, give me a call
on your primary 5-5-7-4.
Checking the alley.
Shh, shh, shh.
Shh...
I can't breathe.
I gotta get outta here.
Really? Relax.
I can't breathe.
She's hyperventilating.
You're just having
a panic attack.
You have to calm down.
Shh.
25 years of my life and still
I'm trying to get up that
great big hill of hope
for a destination
Four non blondes?
It was their favorite song
when they were, like, eight.
They used to sing it
all the time.
It drove me nuts.
I realized quickly
when I knew I should
that the world was made up
of this brotherhood of man
for whatever that means
so I cry sometimes
when I'm lying in bed
just to get it all out,
what's in my head
then I start feeling
a little peculiar
when I wake in the morning
and I step outside
I take deep breath
I get real high
then I scream
from the top of my lungs
what's goin' on?
Uh, nothing here.
It's all clear.
And I say hey, hey, hey, hey
hey, hey, hey
I say hey,
what's goin' on?
And I say hey, hey, hey, hey
hey, hey, hey
I said hey,
what's goin' on?
And I try, oh my God,
do I try
I try all the time
in this institution
and I pray
oh my God, do I pray
every single day
for a revolution
and so I cry sometimes
when I'm lying in my bed
to get it all out,
what's in my head
then I... Feeling
a little peculiar
so I wake in the morning
and I step outside
I take a deep breath then
and I get real high
then I scream
from the top of my lungs
and I say hey, hey, hey, hey
hey, hey, hey
oh, oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh, oh
nah-nah, nah-nah
nah-nah, nah-nah,
nah-nah-nah
oh, oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh, oh
nah-nah, nah-nah
nah-nah, nah-nah,
nah-nah
You are such a fuck up.
But I love you.
So, what are we gonna do now?
We go home, back to L.A.
How?
Yeah, we're flat broke.
And we need at least a couple
hundred bucks just for gas.
We can't have anyone
wire us the money.
Because we don't have ID's
to prove who we are.
And I'd have Larry drive here
and bail us out, but...
He doesn't know I'm in Vegas.
Can Greg help us?
Probably not.
Why?
You know how when you Google
something on the computer...
the last word you wrote
will pop up?
I typed in the letter "M"
for Martha's vineyard.
I was gonna book a vacation.
For our seven year anniversary.
Anyway, I typed
in the letter the "M"...
and the site "Manstalk. La"
suddenly appeared.
Oh, no.
What's Manstalk. La?
Greg's password
was still entered.
That's when I saw it.
That is the worse thing
I could ever imagine.
Which one's you husband?
The one in the middle.
The irony is palpable.
What?
Well, there's the eiffel tower...
And they're giving him
the eiffel tower.
So, did you talk to him about it?
He filed for legal separation
the morning we left for Vegas.
And evidently he cancelled
all my credit cards.
Leslie, I'm so sorry.
I don't know what to say.
Thanks.
It's hard to talk about.
Well, we have it all on tape.
If you ever want
to watch it back.
That's fucking awesome.
So what do we do?
It's the middle of the night,
and we're stuck in Vegas.
If we don't get some cash,
we're never going to get home.
Uh, I've got an idea.
No way.
This is nuts.
I've always wanted to do this.
Seriously?
It combines
my two favorite passions...
wrestling and gelatin.
And we need the money.
Bad.
This is gonna be great.
Janet, you don't have to do this.
I can win.
Are you just saying that...
or do you actually believe that?
I can win.
Winner!
All right, ladies, who's up next?
Now remember.
It's amateur night.
So any one of you.
Who thinks you can pin the
reigning champ, Veronica...
Will win $500.
I'll do it.
I'll wrestle her.
Looks like we got a taker.
Why don't you come on down.
And sign these release forms?
You gotta love her.
Hi, I'm Trevor.
I'm Rick.
What are you two drinking?
Sex on the beach.
A girl after my own heart.
Nothing for me.
Would you excuse us for a second?
What are you doing?
Those guys are cute.
I can't be your wingman.
You're not married yet.
Zoe, no.
Come on.
For old times sake.
It'll probably be the last time.
You'll ever have a chance.
Of helping me find my true love.
Please?
Look, just say yes.
They are so cute.
Please? Please?
Please? Please?
Please? Please...
Okay, I'll be your wingman.
Everything all right?
Totally. I'm Kim.
And this is...
Antoinette.
Drinks, ladies?
So, antoinette, what do you do?
What brings you to Vegas?
Oh, I'm in the shoe business.
Right. Right, you're here
for the convention.
Yup. Yes. Exactly.
I'm a cobbler.
You're a shoe cobbler, like a...
Yes, I cobble.
Your eyes are following me?
You're cute.
And you?
Nothing as interesting as that.
I'm actually doing my residency
right now at Johns Hopkins.
You're a doctor.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm up next.
Are you gonna wrestle?
Fuck yeah.
It was nice talking with you.
It was nice meeting you,
antoinette.
Antoinette?
Long story.
Are you sure about this?
I'm sure.
You're leaking.
I usually pump and dump
before bed.
And now for our next bout...
weighing in at 129 pounds...
hailing from Simi valley,
California...
ladies and gentlemen,
Janet Simmons.
Wish me luck.
Can you see
my c-section scar?
Uh, no, not at all.
How was that guy?
Fine.
Fine?
He's cute.
And defending her title as
wrestling champion of Las Vegas...
Veronica!
All right, I want a good
clean fight, all right?
Keep it clean, but,
you know, make it dirty.
And remember,
the winner gets $500.
Come on, Janet!
You gonna die tonight.
Jesus Christ.
Is she gonna die?
Janet, are you okay?
Son of a bitch.
Help her, she's bleeding.
I bit my tongue.
I bit my tongue.
I'm okay.
I'm okay.
Did I win?
You got you ass kicked.
I did?
Pretty bad, actually.
At one point, you cried.
Bummer.
I thought I lost.
You did get $300 just for trying.
Whoo! Yes!
Yeah!
Janet, you did it.
Get me out of these. I don't
wanna go to the hospital.
Well, that's
where you're going so...
I'm not bleeding.
I'm okay.
I'm not bleeding.
Pathetic.
Excuse me?
She's too old to be wrestling.
Come on, look at her.
Fuck you.
Leslie, it's okay.
It's not okay.
You apologize.
No.
My friend has more guts
and courage.
Than you could ever know.
You apologize.
Fuck you, you crazy bitch.
Don't touch me.
You apologize.
Don't touch her!
Go!
Where are we?
I don't know.
How are we gonna get back?
There's no taxis.
We'll have to walk.
We should probably take
these pills then.
Where'd you get those?
I swiped them from the ambulance.
What are they?
I have no idea.
I'm not going to take
just some random pill.
It could be anything.
And there's only two.
I took one already.
Are you crazy?
I took one, too.
Leslie.
And I got a whole bottle.
Mm-hm.
What? They're not dead.
Look how happy they are.
Come, Claire.
Stop peer-pressuring me.
This is not high school.
I'm not taking it.
Let's go
let's loose control
like everything is all right,
all right
it's real,
the way that I feel
and we gonna do it all night,
all night
let's roll,
let's lose control
like everything
is all right, all right
it's real,
the way that I feel
and we gonna do it all night
all night
r-o-t to n
let's roll it up
and breathe again
I hate to lose, I need to win
now move the crowd,
let's squeeze it in
two girls around the outside
drank too much,
they found me outside
that's right,
I'm a party star
feelin' all right
at the Mardi Gras
who's ready to party?
Who came here to dance
who's running on a hotty
tryin' to get
in her pants?
I know I am
I'm guilty as charged
only brought $5
but I'm buying the bar
let's go, let's lose control
like everything
is all right, all right
it's real,
the way that I feel
and we gonna do it
all night, all night
let's roll,
let's lose control
like everything
is all right, all right
it's real,
the way that I feel
and we gonna do it
all night, all night
put your hands up
We should play those games now.
The bachelorette party games?
Play to 21?
Wait, what happens
if we don't get to 21?
Your marriage is doomed.
Doomed.
Well then, we better play to 21!
Yeah!
Put your hands up
let's start off
on a high note
I'm the one who put
the "I dot" in the "I"
in the I don't take
sh... From no man no way
never gonna give
in to the no...
Oh, well, never stand still
always on my grind,
always gotta bail
always gotta elevate
and never give in
one-one-one more breath,
now let's begin
here we go, open wide,
there's my soul
it's on display
so you can touch it
I touch you back
because you love it
one, two, three,
I'm in the zone, I'm in 3d
if you can't take it,
shake and bake it
you're the cook,
life is what you make it
you're at the summer party
with them girls again
and all the in their places
are in their places
and in their faces
are lots of friends
bottles in their hands, huh
they pop in there maybe,
they pop in there
jump jump, everybody, jump
get high, get dumb,
get f... Up
throw...
Off the floor like Jordan
fly off the ground,
saying you in the orbit
so high no one can touch you
so far lady can't tell
what you're up to
throw like a slam dunk
p-p-p-arty over here, wanna
party, you can all come
I-I-I-I feel the bass
and you feel the bass,
and it's pumpin' down
deep down below and inside
my chest like a heartbeat
- dance
- dance
feel the wind and inside
my head I'm a wild boy
this is all for fun
feels like I'm walking
on the sun
you're at the summer party
with them girls again
and all the in their places
are in their places
and in their faces
are lots of friends
bottles in their hands, huh
they pop in there maybe,
they pop in there
you're at the summer party
with them girls again
and all the in their places
are in their places
and in their faces
are lots of friends
bottles in their hands, huh
they pop in there maybe,
they pop in there
jump jump, everybody, jump
get high, get dumb,
get f... Up
throw...
Off the floor like Jordan
fly off the ground,
saying you in the orbit
so high no one can touch you
so far lady can't tell
what you're up to
throw like a slam dunk
p-p-p-arty over here, wanna
party, you can all come
I-I-I-I feel the bass
and you feel the bass,
and it's pumpin' down
deep down below and inside
my chest like a heartbeat
- dance
- dance
feel the wind and inside
my head I'm a wild boy
this is all for fun
feels like I'm walking
on the sun
you're at the summer party
with them girls again
and all the in their places
are in their places
and in their faces
are lots of friends
bottles in their hands, huh
they pop in there maybe,
they pop in there
you're at the summer party
with them girls again
and all the in their place
are in their place
Where's Janet?
I don't know.
Stop the car.
Pull over!
Pull over!
Pull over right now!
Pull over!
It's the last challenge,
and we can't afford a limo.
Whoo! Ooh!
I am loving me
some fucked up Claire.
Fucked up Claire!
Fucked up Claire!
Fucked up Claire!
Fucked up Claire...
Yeah! You know what
fucked up Claire does?
Fucked up Claire flashes her
tits out the sunroof, yeah!
Fucked up Claire, yeah!
Believe it or not, I don't
have a lot of girlfriends.
- No.
- No, seriously.
My day's packed.
I wake up, feed the twins...
give Larry his morning cup
of coffee and blowjob.
I get home, watch duck dynasty...
have glass of box ros...
blow Larry again and crash.
You blow your husband
twice a day?
Well, yeah, you have
to reciprocate the cunnilingus.
Yo, full disclosure.
I kinda invited myself to
Claire's bachelorette party.
To make some new friends.
- Aw.
- Aw.
Eat my ass and learn
how to fucking drive!
Oh, my God.
I need to get laid.
Dude.
No.
No, I need to get back in the
saddle and get over my marriage.
You go, girl.
I need a guy like Larry.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want my ring back.
Sorry, honey.
That's not gonna happen.
The guy's long gone,
and so is your ring.
No, that's the guy
that robbed us.
I want my ring back.
Oh, my God.
Is that him?
It looks like him.
It's fucking him, all right.
He had a gun to my face, and I
looked at him dead in the eye.
Claire's right.
It is him.
I'm not getting married
without my ring.
Well, what do we do?
It's because of me
your ring got taken.
So I'm gonna get your ring back.
Did you get everything?
- Oh.
- Oh.
Oh, cool.
Where'd you get all this stuff?
The mini-mart.
They had everything.
They sell stun guns
at the mini-mart?
They do in Vegas.
What is this for?
It's to conceal our identities.
In case anyone sees us.
It's to cover your face.
Here.
Oh.
Here.
How do I look?
Pretty cool actually.
The green brings out your eyes.
Thanks, Janet.
Hey.
This yellow's mine.
Are you crazy?
With your pale complexion,
you should wear orange.
It doesn't matter.
Here, take that.
Great, so you're taking yellow?
Leslie.
Does everyone know the plan?
Now let's get my
motherfucking ring back.
L-I-let the shots come
t-t-till the cops call
c-c-cock back and ready,
let the shots come
t-t-till the cops call
Get him!
Get him!
What the fuck?
Get him.
Get his gun, Janet.
It's not here. No gun. No gun.
Get off me.
Get off me.
Get in the car, bitch!
What the hell?
What do you want from me?
I want my ring!
I'm not getting married
without my ring!
I don't have your ring.
Damn, Claire.
You messed with the wrong girls.
Check his pockets.
There's over $500 here.
That's our money.
Anything else?
I'm sorry, Claire.
Your ring's not here.
Maybe he pawned it or something.
Or maybe it's at his house
with the rest of our shit.
Driver?
Yeah?
Take us to 972 Filbanks Avenue.
Where the hell is that?
I'll map it.
Do you guys think maybe we
should just ditch him.
And the stolen limo
and get out while we still can?
No?
That's the house.
Gimme the keys.
I'm going in.
What if someone else is there?
I'll knock on the door,
and if someone answers...
I'll say I'm looking for...
- Charlie.
- Charlie.
Are we even sure this is
the guy that robbed us?
What do you mean?
This guy is wearing a tie.
So?
I distinctly remember
the guy who robbed us.
Was not wearing a tie.
Obviously, he put on a tie.
I checked the house, but no ring.
But I found these.
My Christian Louboutins.
It is him.
You asshole.
Oh.
When he comes to...
we'll find out
where your ring is.
Leslie?
I don't know
if it's all the pills...
or the whole, you know,
home-invasion thing.
It's just a little stressful.
This is really good weed.
How do you know?
I'm a daily toker.
You are?
I wake and bake.
Otherwise, I'm really uptight.
Let's teach Charlie here
a lesson.
He victimized us...
and now it's time
for a little payback.
What are you gonna do, Janet?
Big deal,
you shaved off an eyebrow.
- No good?
- Not for what he did to us.
Yeah, you're right.
That was bullshit.
That was just me getting
warmed up.
In girl with the dragon tattoo...
Lisbeth was raped
by this pig, this asshole...
so she tied him up
and tattooed his chest...
"I'm a rapist pig"...
Or something like that.
I don't remember exactly.
Janet, what are you writing?
Gimme his phone.
I'm gonna take a picture.
And send it to every one
of his contacts.
Yes, and now every one of
Charlie's Facebook friends.
Know that he's
a "rapping pig."
Raping pig.
Yeah, but you spelled it,
"rapping."
And he robbed us altogether.
Fuck.
We have to humiliate
this piece of shit.
Once and for all...
so forever he is punished
for what he did to us.
Whoa, Janet, what are you doing?
I'm going to piss in his face.
- No.
- Don't do it.
That's even too hardcore for me.
Whizz away, girlfriend.
Whizz away.
Janet, don't.
That's so gross.
No.
I'm gonna defile him
the same way he defiled us.
They're tight.
Why are they so tight?
They don't fit anymore.
He's coming to.
Ask him where your ring is.
Where's my ring?
Tell me where my ring is.
These are size seven.
These are size seven.
So?
Mine's an eight and a half.
These aren't my shoes.
That's not the valet
that robbed us.
That's not the valet
who robbed us.
Hey! What the hell
are you doing to our son?
Oh, God.
Oh, my...
Oh, shit.
Suzie, get the shotgun.
Don't do it, Suzie.
You move one inch...
and my friend here will put 300
thousand volts of electricity.
Into your son's nut sack.
You want grandkids, don't you?
Dead battery.
Come on, get the gun.
Goddamn it!
Go, go, go, go...
Let's roll.
You went through the whole house.
And you didn't
see his parents there?
It was dark and I'm hammered.
You pooped
on an innocent man's face.
I have a nervous stomach.
I'm not proud of it.
And we electrocuted him
and we stole all his money.
We have his address.
We'll reimburse him.
We'll send him
a "get well soon" card.
I'm sorry, Claire,
we didn't get your ring back.
I think it's time that we
ditch the stolen vehicle.
And definitely take more pills.
Nope.
Which one's our room?
Fuck, I don't know.
They all look the same.
I'm so wasted.
Hey, who ordered more girls?
What the... what the hell?
Come on in.
What's a bachelor party
without a little talent?
No, Claire, let's just go.
No.
Where's the bachelor?
Mike! Mike! Mike!
Mike! Mike...
No. No.
Who are these chicks?
You're getting married.
Married tomorrow,
but single tonight.
How do you think your fiance
would feel.
If she knew what you're doing?
Is that a camera?
- No.
- No.
Yeah, it is.
You've got a fucking camera.
You been filming this?
Leave her alone, you raisin dick.
Give that to me.
Claire. Get your
fucking hands off her.
Oh, yeah?
Rick?
Get out.
Come on. Out. Out.
Oh, God.
We gonna hook up or what?
What happened to Claire?
Where's Claire?
I don't know.
I think she ran off
with that guy.
Claire!
What's up?
I'm looking for Claire.
Claire!
Claire.
She's driving off with that guy.
We have to go after her.
Hey, don't cock block.
She's a big girl.
Yeah, but she's drunk.
And I don't want her
doing something.
That she's going to regret.
Let's go.
I can't believe you had
those guys come over.
Why not?
Because Claire's getting
married next Saturday.
She was my wingman.
Okay. Sorry.
Okay, so I'll just wait here then?
Hurry, start the car up.
Let's go. There.
Take a left.
Come on, we can catch up, go.
There. There.
Catch up. Come on.
Quick, they're getting away.
Go, Janet, go.
Hurry.
Go, go, go, go, go!
Hurry. Go!
Put your foot on it!
Go.
You okay?
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
And there's no real damage
here, so it's cool.
No real damage?
You guys all right?
Yeah.
What happened?
Where are you going?
Hey. Get back here.
Shit, there's no sign of them.
Wait, is that them?
That's them.
That's them.
Make a right.
Make a right.
They're going
in the parking garage.
Here. Here.
Park. Park.
If we keep going there
you think you're going anywhere
I don't think so
if we keep going there
you think you're going anywhere
Fifth floor.
Okay.
Follow me.
Hurry, Zoe, hurry.
Hurry.
Fifth floor.
There she is.
- Claire.
- Claire.
Claire.
They're in there.
I can see them.
Shit. Don't do it, Claire.
They turned out the lights.
Open up.
Go away.
Open up now!
Hey!
Claire, you're making
a big mistake!
Goddamn it,
I was just about to come.
Oh, man.
Who the hell are you?
Uh, housekeeping.
Wrong room.
Which room did she go in?
I'm not sure.
Zoe, don't!
What are you doing here?
You dirty little slut.
What?
I didn't do anything.
I mean, it's not like he
didn't try, but I love Dave.
And I'm getting married.
Shouldn't we be evacuating?
There's no fire.
There's no fire.
- It was Zoe.
- You!
Come back here.
I think we should go.
Hey, come back here!
I'm gonna get you.
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
Hey!
Get back here!
Get back here!
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
Claire. Claire.
Morning.
How was your bachelor party?
Right?
Well, that happens.
No, nothing special.
Okay.
Love you, too.
Bye.
Well, what happened?
He said that he lost
$300 at poker...
got shit-faced drunk...
had a stripper whip him...
then he puked and he blacked out.
That's it?
And you believe him?
He doesn't know he butt dialed me.
He could have lied
about the stripper.
Where's Leslie?
Whoo-hoo!
You did it.
You got laid!
Walk of shame.
Walk of shame.
My head is killing me.
How many pills did we take?
Last night was crazy.
Fucking crazy.
I want you to have this.
Your wedding ring?
I wasn't wearing it last night.
It was in my suitcase
the whole time.
Leslie, I can't.
My marriage is over...
but yours is just beginning.
You're my little sister.
You can't get married
without a ring, right?
Thanks.
Wow, it's actually much bigger
than mine, so...
Zoe, did you record
everything last night?
Like everything everything?
Like, you know what I mean?
- Let's have a look.
- Wait.
No, I don't wanna watch.
The whole thing was like...
All right,
we won't watch it then.
Fuck that, I'm watching it.
They're getting away!
Go! Go!
I'm glad we interrupted
your orgasm!
Please evacuate.
Elevators are inoperable
during a fire alarm.
Please use stairs.
Please evacuate.
Elevators are inoperable
during a fire alarm.
Please use stairs.
Oh, shit.
Now please, will someone.
Tell me why that large woman
was attacking us?
I made a list
of all the things I would...
I thought I'd give it a try
don't push me down, don't
leave me flat on my back
you know I'm sick
and now I'm under attack
hooah, hooah
do all the things
I wish I thought of before
to many, too many nights
on the floor
took the wrong way
I got so lost, so step up
step up, step up, step up
give me one, give me two,
give me three
now, baby, give me store
baby, give me the store
whoa-oh, oh-oh,
oh-oh, oh-oh
yeah!
I know your face,
I think I've seen you before
yeah, what's the difference,
I'm just looking...
Got nothing, women,
you know better than that
you ain't no diplomat
I take it slowly
for a minute or two
could take 'em all
or leave it from you
I'm always searching
for something new
so step up
step up, step up, step up
give me one, give me two,
give me three
now give me,
give me the store
whoa-oh, oh-oh,
oh-oh, oh-oh
baby, give me the store
whoa-oh, oh-oh,
oh-oh, oh-oh
baby, give me the store
whoa-oh, oh-oh,
oh-oh, oh-oh
oh, baby, give me the store
whoa-oh, oh-oh,
oh-oh, oh-oh
I'm gonna give it a try
I wanna give it a try
yeah!
Step up, step up, step up
step up, step up, step up
step up, step up, step up
give me one, give me two,
give me three
now, baby, give me the store
yeah!
Let's start off
on a high note
I'm the one who put
the "I dot" in the "I"
in the I don't take
sh... From no man no way
never gonna give
in to the no...
Oh, well, never stand still
always on my grind,
always gotta bail
always gotta elevate
and never give in
one-one-one more breath,
now let's begin
here we go, open wide,
there's my soul
it's on display
so you can touch it
I touch you back
because you love it
one, two, three,
I'm in the zone, I'm in 3d
if you can't take it,
shake and bake it
you're the cook,
life is what you make it
you're at the summer party
with them girls again
and all the in their places
are in their places
and in their faces
are lots of friends
bottles in their hands, huh
they pop in there maybe,
they pop in there
jump jump, everybody, jump
get high, get dumb,
get f... Up
throw...
Off the floor like Jordan
fly off the ground,
saying you in the orbit
so high no one can touch you
so far lady can't tell
what you're up to
throw like a slam dunk
p-p-p-arty over here, wanna
party, you can all come
they pop in there
they pop in there
they pop in there
they pop in there
I'm about to get it on,
take my breath
lace up quick, take my step
I'm here to get it done, but I
got a middle finger in the air
like oh no, oh no
h-h-he didn't do
what I think he did
oh, no, silver tongue, they be
shuffling in in old clothes
where the money at?
New angle
let's move to the...
No angel
you're at the summer party
with them girls again
and all the in their places
are in their places
and in their faces
are lots of friends
bottles in their hands, huh
they pop in there maybe,
they pop in there
love, love,
who needs it anyway?
Can you tell me, please?
I love that boy,
he's oh, so cute
but he drives me crazy
why, why do I even try?
It's a hopeless case
he sleeps all day,
he plays all night
never listens to what I say
love, love,
can't live without love
not I without my girl
she's sugar and spice
and all things nice
but she drives me crazy
why, why do I even try
when it's a hopeless case?
She works all day
and worries much
she's always getting
on my case
when I look into your eyes,
the truth is plane to see
I could never live
without you
you're the one for me
I would rather argue with you
than wake up
with someone else
'cause when you hold me close
you take my breath away
love, love, life would be
so much easier without love
love, love, can't imagine
what such life would be worth
why, why can't you try for me
to be on time for once?
Pick the laundry
off the floor
for God sakes
put the seat down
tell me, tell me, baby
why you always need
to talk things out
life's to short to sweat
the small stuff
you're always stressing out
when I look into your eyes,
the truth is plane to see
I could never live
without you
you're the one for me
I would rather argue with you
than wake up
with someone else
'cause when you hold me close
you take my breath away
- when I look
- when I look into your eyes
- into your eyes
- the truth is plane to see
- cannot have
- I could never live without you
- but realize
- you're the one for me
- you're the only
- I would rather argue with you
- one for me
- than wake up with someone else
- there's no one else
- 'cause when you hold me close
- in the whole world
- you take my breath away
that's for me
What can I get you?
I'll have
a double cheeseburger...
extra onions, fries,
and a diet coke.
I don't see a salad.
Could you make me one?
We don't have salad.
We just have burgers,
fries, and drinks.
Oh, please?
They do do a burger
without the bun.
Where they do wrap
the burger in lettuce.
Okay, I'll do that.
Oh, and dressing on the side.
You want, like, a hamburger...
cheeseburger, double?
Actually, just do
a grilled cheese.
Do a grilled cheese, and you
want it wrapped in lettuce?
Yes, please.
Okay, so grilled cheese...
and you said you didn't want the
bread on it but on the side?
Yes, thank you.
Do you want onions on it?
No onions.
So lettuce, tomatoes only.
You want pickles
or anything else?
No pickles.
Okay, so lettuce, tomato only.
On that grilled cheese
protein style...
And you wanted the side of bread.
There you go.
And is that just the sandwich...
or would you like a drink
or French fry with that?
No, just the sandwich.
- Okay.
- Okay.