[BUZZING]
[DOOR OPENS]
I gotta say, it's a little strange having
you two show up at our doorstep like this.
[GRACE] Okay, okay. So then he
says, [JOEL] Tell him about the...
as if he's reliving some
memory, The lust part.
- The part about the lust. - Looking at our
priest, and he's looking out the window,
as if remembering
something long ago,
says, "Of course, everyone
can lust at first sight."
- "Lust at first sight."
- "Of course everyone can lust at first sight."
Priest says it?
[GRACE] Yeah.
Father...
Father Whatever says,
"Of course everyone can have
physical reactions."
No, he doesn't. [
CARLO] Yes, he did.
- "Everyone will gape at a white neck."
- He said...
But he said milky.
Wha... Fine.
- Fine "A milky white neck."
- He didn't say white.
- He said milky.
- "A milky neck."
"The-The gape of a milky neck.
- A beautiful lock of hair.
The pink of warm flesh." - No!
[ALL EXCLAIM]
- We said, "Whoa!"
- Pink?
- I mean, and we're stunned.
- We were stunned.
- Stunned.
- [ALL LAUGH]
- So Carlo offered him our firstborn.
- Oh, here we go.
Did you or didn't you? I had
to sign this piece of paper...
Carlo had to vow...
that he would do everything in his
power to raise his kids Catholic.
The paper said ours.
Did it?
Yes. It did.
[SCOFFS]
It was just a paper.
It was our spine.
It was just a piece of paper.
[WAITER] Whenever you're ready.
Oh, thanks. Hope
everything was all right.
- [JOEL] I got it, I got it.
- Okay. All right.
[CARLO] Well, thank
you, Mr. Money Bags.
You are too kind. [JOEL] Best
of the Midwest, my friends.
You are too kind.
Thanks, guys.
[CARLO] Yes, yes.
[GRACE] It's all fun until...
[CARLO] Leave it to the recovering
Catholic to make things difficult.
[GRACE]
Ex-catholic, not recovering.
You can't talk about religion in
front of someone. It gets weird...
when you talk about religion
and all things holy...
[GRACE] He asked us, "You two were raised
Catholic. Why not get married in a church?"
- And suddenly, he gets very paternal.
- He didn't get paternal.
- [CARLO] He was supposed... - Yes, he did.
"Don't you believe in God, young lady?"
And I say, "Well, of course, Father
Whatever. Of course I believe in God.
It's not that I don't believe in him.
It's just that he's become impossible.
[CARLO LAUGHING] She said this to
a priest, in that little office!
[GRACE] I should have whipped out
my diaphragm right on his desk.
[CARLO] Well, that would
have been really classy.
What are you two smirking about?
You both were raised Catholic.
The only thing Catholic left in me
is my love of the Sistine Chapel.
- [GRACE] Well, the priest was sweet.
- He got loaded.
[CARLO] I guess they have just as
much to stress about as the rest of us.
[GRACE] He was a very sweet drunk.
I even danced with him.
[JOEL] He danced?
[CARLO] Yes.
[SHARYL]
Did he lick your milky neck?
[GRACE]
He put his hands on my hips.
My mother couldn't
believe her eyes.
[GRACE] Your mother laughed.
Your mother danced with him.
[JOEL] Liddy? Liddy did not
dance with the priest, did she?
[CARLO] No, no, no. No. Her
mother danced with the priest.
Yeah, but my mother would, wouldn't she?
[JOEL] She would.
[CARLO] My mother did not
dance with the... Did she?
Oh!
That's revolting!
This sweaty, baldy priest dancing with
all these 20-something bridesmaids.
Come on. I'm sweaty and balding, and I would
love to dance with 20-something bridesmaids.
[CARLO] Ah. [SHARYL] That's
nothing new, sweetheart.
[CARLO] You're balding? Where?
Where are you balding?
[JOEL] Where? Where
does everybody go bald?
- Let me see. Show me.
- Oh, Jesus.
- Ooh! Look at that!
- [JOEL] Ooh!
[CARLO] It's over for you. Yeah, it's
been over for me for years. Just ask her.
- [SHARYL] Oh, Joel. - Reminds me
of it every night before we go to bed.
[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[CARLO] The show in Denver was great.
It was great. Thanks.
I'm just glad we were able
to make this layover work.
Oh, my God.
[CHUCKLES]
Wow, this is a long way from
your place in the Village. Baby!
[GIRL] Hi! [SHARYL] Hello, sweetie.
How was he?
[CONVERSATION CONTINUES,
INDISTINCT]
[SHARYL]
Here. I gave you a little extra.
[GRACE] That's the going rate?
Jesus, it pays not to leave the house.
Say hi to your boyfriend for me.
Oh, I will.
[GIRL] Have a good night.
[SHARYL] Thank you.
Are you, uh...
You okay?
Oh, man, are you kidding?
Come on.
This is the best day I've had in months.
You're here.
Hey, hey, hey! Speaking
of drunk, balding men,
this one is about to make a toast.
Oh, no. Please.
Sharyl.
Come on.
All right.
To the two of you...
- Thanks, Carlo.
- And your wedding.
We're sorry
to have missed it.
Grad school.
Such dreams.
Now look at us. Settled
down, starting families.
It's like we're, uh,
different people, um...
Oh, Joel, don't be
such a drunk ham. Ha!
[CARLO, SHARYL LAUGH]
Okay, anyway...
To Carlo and Grace,
to the two of you.
To love, success, fortune!
We love you!
We think you're the best. We really,
really do. Thank you, guys.
[SHARYL] Cheers. Mmm. Mmm.
- Look at that. I love it.
- [JOEL] Yeah.
[CARLO]
Check this out.
Hey, how many inches is this thing?
[LAUGHS]
Let me
show you something.
It's like my wing span.
- Come on, man. Easy. Easy. Put that away.
- Yeah.
Wi-Fi. Instantaneous.
Clients love it.
Boys with
their toys.
[CARLO]
Ha.
How are your photos coming?
- Uh, good.
- Hmm?
Really good, actually.
Great.
Wow.
[LAUGHS]
That's great.
Yeah. I have two
exhibits this year.
Really? Where? Mm-hmm.
Blott Gallery
and Hasselbanks.
- Hasselbanks?
- Yeah, I know. Right?
You should see what else they have
lined up at Hasselbanks in the spring.
The Romario. The Romario retrospective.
You know his work?
I can't believe that my face is gonna
be on the same brochure as Romario.
- Wow.
- I'm gonna be hanging out with him.
It's been a whirlwind.
Wow. Really?
Well, hey,
you deserve it.
[LAUGHS]
You know who's helped me out?
Del Piero.
- I haven't thought about that guy in ages.
I hated him. - Come on, man.
The only reason you hated him was
because he didn't like your work.
Yeah, well, he loved your
work, didn't he? He did.
His agent picked me up.
[JOEL] Wow. [CARLO] Mm-hmm.
Jesus.
You're in the big time.
Hey! That's me.
Yeah, Joel inserted some of
his old grad school shots,
so his clients still think
he's cutting edge.
College tuition.
Forty bucks an hour.
Oh, Jesus. Prints.
Fingerprints. Sorry.
[GROANS] Grace, are you still
managing the restaurant?
Uh-huh. Hopefully
not much longer.
I think I wanna
go back to school.
- Oh, really? In what?
- Probably social work.
Ah, that's honorable. Yeah.
[SHARYL] Wow.
Yeah, a social worker with an art
photographer. Debtors' prison awaits.
- [JOEL] Well, there are worse places to
end up. - [GRACE] We'll see.
- I, uh... I didn't know you were
interested in social work. - I am.
- But didn't you do communications in
undergrad? - That was a joke degree.
Gracie, I told you not to do that.
[SHARYL] Come on now, Grace.
No, seriously. What? You guys got
real degrees at real schools.
- I hate when you speak like that.
- Dartmouth, Wesleyan, Cornell.
Grace, if it's any consolation, I
learned my worst habits at Dartmouth.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Sounds great.
It's all great.
I think it's a good time for us.
Yeah.
Just beware of giving social
services with those legs.
[CHUCKLES] Don't you worry. I'm gonna
have her wear slacks. Woolen and baggy.
Right? Whatever I wear, I
probably won't look attractive.
- What, are you...
- No, no. [CHUCKLES]
But... maybe.
[JOEL] Oh, shit! Babies?
While I go back to school.
It's just speculation.
[SHARYL] Are you trying?
We're not not trying.
- Remember when we used to do that?
- Excuse me?
Remember when we, uh...
When we what?
When we speculated.
[CLEARS THROAT]
And you, Sharyl?
Sharyl? Working or... Me? What?
Are you working or...
No, I'm with
the baby for now.
Are you enjoying it?
Mmm.
Love it.
Well, uh, good.
That's good.
Oh.
[BABY CRYING]
Ooh. Sorry.
I'll be right back.
[BABY CONTINUES CRYING]
Give him the, uh,
Chubby Snubby.
- It's a brown bear. He loves it. [CHUCKLES]
- [SHARYL] I know he loves it.
I was talking to them.
[SHARYL] What?
- I was talking to them!
- [SHARYL] What? I can't hear you!
- [SHOUTING] I was talking to them!
- [GRACE LAUGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
Sorry.
[SHARYL] I introduced
the Chubby Snubby to him.
- No! I bought it, actually.
- You bought it and threw it at him.
[SHARYL] I've actually played with him
with the bear. Are they being serious?
And besides, Joel...
Chubby Snubby is dead.
[IMITATES CHOKING]
[PHONE RINGING]
Eh. He'll cry
himself to sleep.
[RINGING CONTINUES]
[BEEPS] Ah, mom-in-law. Yay!
Hello. [JOEL] What exactly
did you mean by that?
We just have some friends over. Excuse me.
What-What do you mean?
No, of course we're not bothered.
Is he dead? Since when?
Shh.
Since when...
Since when is he dead?
I do have to go, Mom.
Joel, easy, easy. I think this dead teddy
bear thing is really upsetting you.
Take the phone.
Sharyl?
You killed his Chubby Snubby?
Huh? Yes.
I ate his Chubby Snubby. Now take the phone.
[MOM CHATTERING]
What? No, the Chubby Snubby. The
one with the bow in its hair.
We took the bear to the Salvation Army, Mom.
We said bye-bye to it.
- The Chubby Snubby was fine.
- You had a Chubby Snubby.
No, what was the thing called?
What was the thing called, Mom?
It was a...
"Bing Bing."
Right. Yes.
- Bing Bing!
- Bing Bing.
It had a little bell. Ask her if
she still has Bing Bing somewhere.
Wait. Shh, shh, shh. We made the name up,
Mom. Sharyl. Sharyl.
Ask her if she still has Bing Bing.
Can I talk?
Ask if she still has Bing
Bing somewhere. Shh!
Ask. Ask her.
Do you still have his
Bing Bing somewhere?
Did you have
a Bing Bing?
Of course she still has
your Bing... Oh! What?
What? I shouldn't have
thrown the Chubby Snubby out?
Well, thank you,
Mom!
- Will you deal with her?
- I don't feel like talking to Mom.
[PHONE THUDS,
SLIDES ON FLOOR]
[JOEL]
Okay.
[MOM ON PHONE]
Sharyl?
[MOM CHATTERING,
INDISTINCT]
Hi, Mom. Yeah, um, I can't talk right now.
Can I call you back?
Thanks. Bye.
[BEEPS]
[VOICE BREAKING] So you
killed his Chubby Snubby?
[SHARYL] Shut up with the
goddamn Chubby Snubby.
Shut up!
[GRACE] I gotta say,
it's a little strange...
having you two show up
at our doorstep like this.
[SHARYL] We didn't plan on dropping in
like this. [JOEL] It was short notice.
[GRACE] I would've prepared something.
[JOEL] No, no, no.
We came to New York on this, uh,
romantic weekend. [SHARYL] On impulse.
[JOEL] Yeah, on impulse.
We do that a lot nowadays.
We travel on impulse. [
GRACE] That must be nice.
[JOEL] See some shows.
Visit old restaurants.
[JOEL] Yes! At Le Fou. We ate there.
[SHARYL] We thought of you.
[JOEL] Yeah, yeah. We thought, you know? It was
so delicious. [SHARYL] We just, you know...
Dropped in and...
Dropped in.
Right. [CHUCKLES]
[JOEL] Yeah.
Whoa. Come in, please.
Thank you.
[CARLO]
Have a seat.
We thought you guys
wouldn't see us, but... Uh...
[CARLO CLEARS THROAT]
We wanted to make things
better between us.
We didn't get a Christmas card
from you the last couple of years,
and you really haven't returned
any of my calls. I know.
And this is the only way
we could get to see you.
Okay, we won't
overstay our welcome.
No, no, no. Please. No,
stay as long as you need.
- You can sleep over.
- What?
No. We have... We have a
hotel room that's great.
Kind of amazing hotel room. We're
sort of dying to get back to it.
- [CARLO] Oh. Okay.
- [SHARYL SIGHS]
What is, uh...
What's with the cane?
What is...
Is this Mr. Peanut?
[CHUCKLES] Uh, no. I broke my leg.
But it's better.
It's getting better.
Good.
[CARLO]
Good.
It's great to see you guys.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Is it?
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
- I mean, you'd think after last time.
- Come on. We all have our days.
- Right?
- Things are...
[DOOR BUZZER BUZZES]
Things are better.
They are.
[BUZZER BUZZES]
Ooh.
We ordered...
No, please.
We ordered some milk shakes. Sit down.
Sit down. Put your cane back.
[CARLO] Excuse me. [
DOOR RELEASE BUZZES]
- [HORN HONKS]
- Is that your limo out there?
Oh, it's a town car.
With a driver inside?
It's a glorified cab really. We've-We've
been out all day. It's just so much easier.
He's just sitting there,
waiting for you.
You want me to invite him up?
Okay.
Sorry about that.
Uh, here, why don't
you guys take these.
[JOEL CHUCKLES]
No, no, no.
[JOEL] We should avoid... No!
[SHARYL] We can't...
I insist. [JOEL] Okay.
Oh. I gotta get you guys some straws.
Thank you.
Excuse me, baby.
How much did you tip the guy?
Uh, enough.
Here you go. One for you. One for you.
[JOEL CHUCKLING]
- The change. - Uh... She's just upset
that I gave you guys our shakes.
[GRACE] The change. It's
two milk shakes, baby.
Fifty cents? Not a tip. I
rounded up to the dollar.
- It's embarrassing.
- What am I supposed to do? Tip 30%?
Why be stingy over some milk shakes?
Stingy?
Would you stop her, please?
It's kind of funny, so...
Wait, look, he...
I'm glad we're entertaining you.
The poor guy
makes no salary.
He's probably an undocumented worker.
Poor guy? Whoa!
- Look outside. It's 90 degrees. It's like...
- Hey, easy. Shh.
Don't shush me! It's sweltering.
Shh.
For your milk shakes. And you tip
him some change. Okay, okay.
How about, I'm gonna call him back then.
Call him back, what?
I will call him back
and order two more milk shakes.
And tip him 20 dollars, okay?
How about that?
[CARLO SIGHS] Wow. No, no, no.
Excuse me. No, uh-uh. No, no!
Hi, this is...
Yes, 605 West 38th Street.
Hello? Yes, we would like two more
milk shakes, please. Yes, two...
Okay. Thank you very much.
All right? Now will you stop?
[BEEPS]
[GRACE]
What a little boy.
I cannot believe that you guys
are here right now.
- It's tripping me out. - Can you imagine
what these two must think they're in for?
- The next apocalypse.
- Well, to be honest...
No, I'm mean,
we're no saints.
We said we would never
see you again.
[LAUGHS]
Well, didn't we?
[CARLO] That's my Gracie.
We came here tonight...
[SIGHS] to apologize. Yeah.
We... We behaved...
Horribly.
Yeah, you did.
We never planned
for it to...
for that to happen.
Look...
Please let me finish. We didn't want or plan
for it to go the way it did that night.
- Stop, stop. You guys are our oldest
friends. - We're just really sorry.
Really sorry.
We're really sorry.
Yeah.
The shakes are delicious. Yeah.
They're good. Yeah, yeah.
[CARLO] Yeah. Yeah.
- We like 'em.
- We order them a lot.
[CARLO]
We do.
We heard from Lucy and Mark
that you had a little baby.
- [CARLO] Yes. Yeah.
- Yes. We just put him down.
[CARLO]
How's your little boy?
- Forgive me. Li-Linus?
- Lucien.
- Lucien. Lucien.
- Yeah. He's good. He's good. He's, uh...
He's gettin' to be less and
less of a baby though.
- He's getting big, huh?
- Yes. He's ginormous.
He, uh... He's with his
grandparents this week.
We're very happy, mind you.
We finally had him baptized.
You did?
Yep.
We broke down. We felt
he needed to be, uh...
I don't know. What was the
word that we... Anchored.
"Anchored" is the word that we used.
[CHUCKLES]
Um... But, you know,
grandparents were in tears.
It was flowers and photos and happiness.
It was really quite moving.
[CARLO] Right. Yeah.
And now you're, uh...
you're anchored?
Yeah, we even go to church
periodically. Don't we?
[LAUGHS]
No, you don't.
You do?
About a month after
we saw you guys,
I was working in
that guest room upstairs,
and I was finishing up
the drywall.
[SNAPS]
[GASPS, GROANS]
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Sharyl!
[SHOUTS]
Sharyl!
I wound up in the living room for
about six months on that pullout bed,
because I couldn't make it
up and down the stairs.
I was living in filth
and I was drinking all the time.
I was angry,
and Sharyl and I were fighting.
And I...
Just one day I just, uh...
I was so angry.
And I just took off.
[GRUNTS]
[PANTING]
[SHOUTS]
[GASPING, GRUNTING]
[SHARYL]
Joel!
Joel!
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Joel!
[MOUTHS WORD]
Well, I'm sorry.
[GRUNTS SOFTLY]
I'm fucking sorry.
[CRIES]
- [PRIEST] It's okay.
- No. [SHOUTS]
[SOBS]
It's okay.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
It's okay.
"It's okay." And he kept repeating
it over and over again.
"It's okay. It's okay."
And then he didn't say anything else. And
that was it. [CARLO CLEARS THROAT] Wow.
You guys aren't trying to proselytize
us right now, are you? [CHUCKLES]
- You? It would be a waste of time.
- Okay, good.
'Cause that's the... that's the
last thing we need right now.
That was
the turning point.
I went cold turkey. We both went
cold turkey with fighting, booze.
And then
things changed for us.
[WHISPERS]
Yeah.
[CARLO]
Oh, yeah, that's great.
Never went back to that church. Never even
saw the priest. Some days I think I dreamt it.
[CARLO] Huh. Dreamt it?
Well, it doesn't really matter,
because it wasn't what he said.
It was the way he said what he said.
It was his voice.
It was like I heard
this voice from somewhere.
- A voice?
- Huh.
I'll always owe that man
something.
[CARLO] Well, maybe it wasn't
about a man. But it was.
Maybe you just needed
somebody to... to listen.
Yes, okay. Who in the end did listen?
Some voice in a dark confessional.
Right. Who was probably
masturbating. [CHUCKLES]
- That was inappropriate.
- Inappropriate? It was a joke.
- Yeah, well, it's not very funny.
- [CARLO] Whoa.
You used to think jokes
like that were funny.
[CHUCKLES] Really? Did I?
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. What-What are you
telling me though, Joel?
That you had some kind of,
like, a supernatural
experience or some cosmic...
[JOEL] It was just a guy on the
other end of a confessional.
He helped me. His voi...
His voice helped me.
- [GRACE] His voice?
- I was about to kill myself.
- Oh, come on, Joel. Don't be so dramatic.
- What?
- Seriously.
- You saw me then.
I know.
We all go through bad times.
Yes, and some of us kill
ourselves as a result of them.
I realize that,
but not you.
What's going on here?
I was about to overdose,
and Sharyl hid my pills.
- Okay, can we change the subject now,
please? - Jesus Christ.
Gracie... Was it really that bad?
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I- I, uh...
I didn't realize.
Suicide is
so removed from me.
- You never thought about it?
- [SIGHS] Actually, no.
Okay.
Dreamt about it?
Mm-mmm.
Everyone dreams about it, Carlo.
Not everybody. Not me.
I've had dreams about it.
- What?
- Just dreams, you know... That...
A nightmare.
I had one once.
Really?
[GRACE] I was in Buenos Aires.
- You've never been to Buenos Aires.
- I know.
But... I was there.
I remember the light. It was not
gold, but just lighter than gold.
Full but not heavy.
Like... good music.
Light and still full.
And I walked all over the city,
and I mingled with the whores.
[WOMEN CHATTERING] I told
them I was from New York,
and they thought
that was wonderful.
I thought it was more wonderful
to be from Argentina.
Being from that light,
from that music,
from those smells,
and the whores
with braids in their hair.
They... fed me,
and they told me stories.
And they asked me to take
them with me to New York.
But I wanted them to keep
me here in Argentina.
[WOMEN SPEAKING SPANISH,
INDISTINCT]
And they spoke of
their dreams.
And when they spoke
of their dreams, the...
word itself...
stung me.
[WOMAN]
Sueo, sueo, sueo.
And then suddenly I was...
I was home.
[SIGHS]
And the...
grief inside me.
I don't know
what it was about, but...
it was unbearable.
[CRYING]
And so,
I jumped.
You jumped.
It was just a dream. Don't you
ever have dreams like that?
No, I don't.
I'm sorry.
[JOEL] Come on.
Carlo. I don't.
- You don't have nightmares?
- I-I don't tell people about them.
- Why not, Carlo?
- Because they're private.
[JOEL]
We're friends.
[SIGHS] Well, that's... Look.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Please don't take this
the wrong way,
but I don't want to know about
your attempted suicide.
I don't want to know about you and
the church and the fucking snow,
or your sob story
in the confessional.
I definitely don't want to know about you
gallivanting with Argentinean whores.
I don't want to know any of that shit.
All that stuff is private.
Okay? There's such a thing
as privacy.
We can't all go running
around dangling our ids.
It was an important moment in my life.
I felt I should share it with you.
Oh, my God.
[LAUGHS]
Do you hear yourself? You
felt that you should sh...
Since when have you used
a phrase like that?
What is that, Joel? Share it with me?
What is what?
Look, every time an adult uses that
phrase, it's as if they've been neutered.
Church is where things
turned around for me.
I can't believe what you're...
I cannot believe this.
Look. My friends don't have
religious conversions.
- Who said religious conversion? It's just
a turning point. - It's the same thing!
- And now you're telling me your child is
baptized? - Well, isn't yours?
No.
[CHUCKLES]
Okay, fine?
What?
Don't look at me like that.
I could care less.
Right.
- I'm not judging you.
- "Isn't yours?"
Wow. Carlo.
Cut me some slack!
[SHARYL]
Joel!
[EXHALES]
Joel?
God, I am hot.
- Jesus, it's getting so warm.
- I'm fine.
I'm cold.
[GRUNTS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
[GRUNTS]
Beautiful pool.
How are things at, uh...
at the agency?
Abysmal.
What are you working on?
Oh, shit, come on.
[CHUCKLES] You don't wanna know.
What? Tell me.
Give me a break. Give me a break!
Tell me what you're working on.
Okay, fine. Last month,
I spent 117 billable hours...
trying to get honey to drip just
right off of this, uh, granola bar.
Granola bar?
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Okay, well...
[CLEARS THROAT]
Obviously you're-you're
exceptional at what you do,
so, you know, I think you
should be proud of that.
For real.
Yeah.
Good wine.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Sharyl!
He likes it!
What?
Sharyl!
He likes the wine!
Sharyl.
Sharyl.
He likes it. He...
Is that funny to you?
- Is it funny?
- [LAUGHS]
[LOCKS DOOR]
We had a little discussion
about that earlier today.
Joel, enough. And you see,
Sharyl, in her good mood...
Joel. Blindly picked it out
of the cellar this morning.
[GRACE] You have a cellar?
Oh, God, yeah.
[CHUCKLES] Sharyl didn't show you?
Joel.
Come on. Field trip.
Yeah. Oh!
Sharyl loves it.
It's her favorite room
in the house.
You know,
it's dark, damp, dirty.
You really are gonna spoil dinner,
aren't you, Joel? God, she loves the cellar.
She loves the cedar shelves. She
loves the goblets. She loves...
Sharyl loves her decan...
I personally hate the decanter.
- But Sharyl insists on her prized
Internet auction... - Joel. Joel.
[MOCKING] Sharyl, Sharyl,
Sharyl... decanter.
Which I find ridiculous
and pretentious, by the way,
because if you know anything about wine, you
know you only decant something that needs air.
But not Sharyl. She decants...
[SINGSONGY] all of them!
So I was curious what we were gonna
drink tonight, and so I asked her.
I said, "Where'd you grab it from?" Because
I actually know a thing or two about wines.
I have them organized
in the cellar.
[GRUNTS]
Pinot, Carmnre, Malbec,
Riesling, Shiraz.
- Sharyl's white zins in a shitty box...
- Joel.
In the corner
beneath everything.
So I asked her. I said, "Sharyl,
where did you grab it from?"
And, uh,
she said to me,
in that lovely way that
she's known for, she said...
[IMITATING SHARYL]
"How the hell do I know, Joel?
I just grabbed one."
And so I pressed further. I said, "Sharyl,
come on. I mean, you're not stupid.
Just visualize the corner
you grabbed it from."
And she said to me...
I swear to God,
she said to me,
[SHOUTING]
"Hell's corner!"
[JOEL LAUGHING]
Exactly!
So, I mean... [CHUCKLES]
we could be drinking...
a hundred dollar bottle
of Ruffino, or...
or cooking wine.
[MUTTERS]
Well, you've decorated it beautifully.
Thank you.
You think? Yeah, copper pots in the
kitchen, digital baby grand piano.
Oh, hey, let me show you something.
Look at this.
It's a, uh... It's a limited edition
series monoprint by Roberson.
It's all kind of revolting,
if you ask me.
So much space. I'm really happy
the way it's turning out.
If you're not used to so much space, it
can make you anxious. Can we tell 'em?
Can we please tell 'em?
Look at that plant.
There's all this free space
around it, you know?
The sight of it nags me.
You know?
Sometimes I'll even take
something, and I'll move it,
just to fill up that space.
[SCRAPING SOUND]
Whoa.
Then of course the space I
moved it from is now empty.
So I put it back.
Well, you have
a beautiful house now.
[SHARYL]
Thank-Thank you.
It feels very...
opulent.
[SIGHS SOFTLY]
Really sorry to have you
both sleep in the living room.
It's just that, uh, we're... we're remodeling
the guest room on the second floor.
[WHISPERS]
I'm sorry.
[SIGHS]
I'll be right back.
So, hey, what else you got going
on out here, huh? Any shows?
Freelance?
Using that talent?
I'll go
and check on the baby.
[BABY CRYING UPSTAIRS]
Let's go do something fun.
Just me and you.
Okay.
Okay.
[SHARYL]
Oh. Shh.
Shh.
[BABY FUSSES]
[SIGHS, WHISPERS]
Here we go.
Ah. Shh.
He's beautiful.
Thank you.
You ever miss New York?
No.
[WHISPERS] No. [CAR DOORS
CLOSING, ENGINE STARTS]
[SHARYL WHISPERS]
Oh, they're leaving.
[SHARYL SIGHS]
- Maybe I should drive. Want me to drive?
- Nah, it's all right. Fuck you.
This is a real car. It's not
Sharyl's fuckin' mommy-mobile.
- [GRACE] Are you guys okay?
- How do you mean?
It's none of my business.
You're right. It's not.
But Joel obviously
wants to make it yours.
I'm sorry I asked. Oh, it's fine.
It is what it is.
[CARLO] Whoa, whoa, relax.
Relax.
You're originally from
the Midwest, right, Carlo?
Uh, well, I warned you...
I warned you. No paradise.
Oh, the cold.
Good God.
[CARLO] Yeah, the cold is uninhabitable.
And the people!
- [CARLO] The people are nice, huh?
- [CHUCKLES]
Do you like it out here?
I do, Grace.
I do.
Sure, it's been a change. But my
life has changed. My life is here.
[CARLO] Whoa.
Easy there, big guy.
Did you ever notice that when you ask
people from these uninhabitable places...
what makes this part
of the country so special,
they always say
it's the people, right?
"The people are good. The people are nice.
The people are friendly."
- Slow down. Slow down.
- You know why they say this?
- Because there's nothing else here.
- The roads are big.
The sky is big. The houses, as
you can see, are very, very big.
Joel. Whenever there's a
lack of anything decent,
you can always rely on
the good people. Joel!
- Ice cold winters.
- No grime.
- Gray skies. - You don't have to wash
when you walk in the front door.
- Mosquito summers.
- There's no sirens at night.
Joel, stop the fucking car!
The people are good.
- Traffic.
- Our sports teams are good.
The sound of your neighbors
fucking against the wall.
That touchdown last week
was so fucking good!
- Joel!
- [TIRES SCREECHING]
[WHISPERS]
It's quiet.
[JOEL SIGHS]
[EXHALES] Dresden
after World War II...
had more to do than
this fucking wasteland.
There's nothing.
There is nothing to do.
But... we have
our painted faces...
and we have
our sports teams.
And we have our sausages.
And we have our people.
- Let's just go home, all right, Joel?
- Fuck that!
Come on! Let's get some shit
beer, and let's get fucked up.
[PATTING SHOULDER]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
[PHONE RINGS]
Where are you guys?
Hey. Uh, we're at a convenience
store really, really far away.
Joel's pretty loaded.
Sounds like you're having fun.
When are you coming back?
Is she standing in front of you?
Uh-huh.
Yeah, all right. Well,
look, when I get back,
- we're leaving, okay?
- That's a great idea.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Cool. Oh, he's comin'.
I gotta go.
I love you.
Whoo! Go on. I know you
wanna drive this beast! Oh!
- Okay. Yes, gladly.
- Besides, my hands are full.
[EXHALES]
[ENGINE STARTS]
Oh!
What's a great idea?
Hmm?
You just said,
"That's a great idea."
Them coming back. That's a great idea?
[CHUCKLES]
Don't leave, Grace. Please?
We invited you here.
Besides, it's over now.
- [JOEL] Look at you. Whoa!
- Easy.
Fierce!
[GRUNTS]
I have time to work out. Does
it change when you have kids?
Huh?
Kids?
Um... Yesterday I played
with Lucien for an hour.
I touched his... his head.
I kissed his neck.
I kissed his nose.
And he laughed and squirmed.
And I laughed and squirmed.
- Suddenly, he sank his teeth into
my shoulder. - Damn!
Lucien did that? So that's
what it's like havin' a kid.
Wow.
Well...
[CHUCKLES]
We had an argument
in school.
Argument?
Yeah.
I remember very little.
You don't remember that?
No, I'm sorry. I'm not going
to jeopardize my career,
or who I am, my art,
so I can have some kids.
Why? Because society
says I'm supposed to?
'Cause my mom... So you're
below having kids?
Well, I'm not... No, I'm not below having
kids. Yeah. You're being difficult.
You're-You're... You're special.
I'm not.
- You think you're special.
- That... That I do.
That... I think that I'm special, yes.
[CHUCKLES]
Okay. Well, you know what?
You're not. Neither am I.
And we're both gonna wind up
having kids...
and living in the suburbs.
No. Sub...
I ain't livin' in no suburbs.
This is below you.
Mm-mmm.
Because...
You're drunk, because what
you're saying to me...
is simple
and sentimental.
[MOCK WHIMPERING]
"Have some kids."
You know what? Who am I
talking to right now?
You're actually drunk, and you're
pissing me off because you sound...
you sound phony.
Phony? [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
You're sitting here lecturing me about
how special you are as a photographer.
How is that phony?
These sort of views you've obviously
picked up from undergraduates...
who get Daddy's monthly check.
[CHUCKLES] Maybe.
- And you're acting phony.
- Don't call me phony. 'Cause I have an issue...
God, that actually
hurt your feelings.
I call your mom a slut, that doesn't
matter, but I call you a phony...
Call me phony one more time, I'm gonna
punch you in your fucking face.
For real.
How 'bout that?
Phony.
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
- [CARLO LAUGHS]
- Oh, yes.
You fuckin' asshole. You lucky.
You lucky, man. I know.
I live with me. I
mean... [LAUGHS]
What, uh...
No, but seriously.
All right.
What were we talkin' about?
Your mom.
[CHUCKLES]
You were right.
Was I?
You were right, yeah.
Uh,
I wanna have 'em.
I wanna have
a bunch of 'em.
A big family.
Like the one
that I grew up in.
I feel like life...
[CHUCKLES] I can't believe I'm say...
I feel like life is
meaningless without children.
Well, life doesn't necessarily
become meaningful...
because you have children.
Well, if not meaningful,
then what?
Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. I don't
wanna have this conversion, Carlo.
Do not ask me to repeat clichs that
parents pass around like cocktail napkins.
Fine.
"Oh. Oh, my God, kids.
They're so much work, but
they're worth it, you know?"
"My son teaches me
more than I teach him."
"They grow up so fast."
Oh, Jesus. It's more energy to
prop up these conversations...
than it is to actually have a kid!
Okay.
I'm just fumbling through it
like the next guy.
We should stop self-consciously chatting
about parenthood and about children.
I mean, do you hear apes in the zoo
going on about their offspring...
and what they've learned
from them,
[DEEPER VOICE] and how
much they mean to them,
and nyuh-nyuh-nyuh?
All right.
So, am I... Am I an ape?
Is that what's happening right now?
I don't know. You tell me.
Are you an ape?
[JOEL IMITATING APE HOOTING]
You made it back!
[HOOTING]
[JOEL CHUCKLES]
Ugh. Where did you go?
A convenience store.
More wine?
Oh, yes, please.
I wasn't talking to you. I'm
finished fighting, sweetie. Okay?
Just give me some more wine.
Please?
I don't think you want any more, Joel.
Oh, really?
I thought I just asked you
for some more.
No. I don't think
you really want any more.
Do you want more, Joel?
What do you think?
- I just told you what I thought.
- All right! For God sakes!
- All right, guys. We're gonna... - We can stay.
We can stay. We'll stay. We're gonna stay.
Gracie.
Scotch, anyone?
Just relax.
Mmm.
- You're looking really good, Carlo.
- Thank you. Thank you.
I was just telling Joel that
I'm, you know, working out more.
- Really? Where?
- Trying to stay in shape.
We're just about to have dessert.
[CHUCKLES]
Dessert. Yeah, crme brle.
Oh, my God.
[GRACE] Carlo's favorite.
Right.
- Remember when we took them to Le Fou?
- Right. Le Fou.
Fantastic crme brle at Le Fou.
For your anniversary.
- And the waiter spilled coffee all
over Joel. - That's right.
[CARLO CHUCKLES] That's right.
[SHARYL LAUGHS]
Wow, it has really been
a long time.
Oh, I love that place!
- And we live two blocks away.
- [SHARYL] You don't go?
- We try not to eat out anymore.
- Well, it's nothing like the food out here.
Just steakhouses, sausage
factories and slaughterhouses.
Well, thank you, Sharyl, for the crme
brle. That's very thoughtful.
Don't thank me yet,
Carlo.
I'm sure it's much better
than at Le Fou.
Are you always
so ingratiating?
Another toast.
Another toast.
Okay.
Age...
earns us...
our imperfections.
What the hell sort of a toast
was that, Joel?
So don't worry about it,
Carlo.
- Worry about...
- Age, baldness, kids.
You never wanna get
too perfect.
Me?
Well...
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Sure I do.
What he's trying to say, Carlo,
is don't try to be too happy.
- It would actually upset him.
- Sharyl.
It might actually make him realize just
how miserable he is. Really, it would.
- Yeah, it would.
- It would.
Well, you caught us
at a bad time.
Sharyl and I are...
- How would you describe it, Sharyl?
- Hmm?
Oh, um...
We're getting a divorce.
Crme brle, anyone?
Your son.
I mean, look at him.
Could he be more handsome?
[CHUCKLES] Thank you.
All those cheeks. Truly a Gerber Baby.
[BABY EXCLAIMS]
Every baby is a Gerber Baby.
That's not true, actually.
I think he's ugly.
It upsets her when I talk like that.
Of course it upsets me.
You shouldn't make jokes like that.
It was a joke.
Maybe you're just scared
that I believe it.
Do you? I'm the only person with
a sense of humor around here.
Oh. Can I take a peek?
[WHISPERS] Yeah.
He's usually so fussy.
I love how you did this.
Oh. Huh.
You wanna buy it?
It's probably out
of my price range.
I doubt that.
Hey, whatever happened
with that Romario exhibit?
It, uh, got canceled. Why?
Well, Romario
is a psychopath.
His wife left him,
so he pulled out,
and without Romario
there's no show.
And without the show,
you know...
[GRUNTS]
That sucks.
Yeah, it did suck.
Do you ever get anxious when
girls pair off like that?
You know, when they do something
that we should want to do.
Something that we should like to do, like...
stare at a sleeping baby.
Why would I wanna stare at a sleeping baby?
[CHUCKLES]
You know
what we should do?
We should both go in there a little
later on, play a joke on 'em.
Shock 'em.
You should say,
"Can I take a peek?"
And then I'll say,
"Sure."
And then I'll follow you
in there.
Want to do that?
[CHUCKLING]
Are you all right, Carlo?
Are you doing all right?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I am.
But now that, uh...
[EXHALES]
That story you told me,
I got so upset...
Look, it happened.
I was moved.
I know, but years from now you
are going to confess to me...
that that whole story
was bullshit.
No. No. Yes. Yes, you are.
You're gonna confess to me that
whole story was a load of crap.
It wasn't a story.
If I'm religious at all,
if I'm spiritual,
if I can even say that with a
straight face... you know me and my...
If I can do any of this,
it's because of poignancy.
Because of poignancy?
There are moments when life distills
itself very tightly, just for a second.
Something moves me, something...
tells me that I can go on.
That I should go on.
That I want to go on.
What is that thing?
[LAUGHING]
I can't do it.
- Jesus.
- That... That is a luxury.
- A-A luxury?
- A wealthy man's luxury.
What? What is that
supposed to mean?
Look, Joel, a lot of people
here on Earth...
are worried about their next
grand to pay for bills.
We don't have time to stare at our navels
and listen to men in confessionals.
- You feel me?
- Okay, fair enough.
All right.
What's wrong, Carlo?
I'm fine.
Come on. You can tell me.
Hey, I'm... I'm fine.
Okay.
I don't know.
You just seem...
It's money.
[SHARYL] Hello, beautiful.
He looks like Carlo.
I think he looks like you.
[CHUCKLES]
Hello, beautiful.
Yes, you're beau...
Handsome. You're handsome.
You did good, Grace.
Thanks.
You did good.
Did Daddy
wake you up?
Did Daddy wake you up
from your nap?
It's all right.
Yeah.
[WHIMPERS]
This is Auntie Sharyl.
[CRYING]
Ohh!
He's my little man.
[CARLO]
Our debt is crushing us.
Yeah, Gracie had to leave school
and go back to her restaurant job.
It's... I don't know.
Student loans
and credit cards...
and going out
a lot at night,
trying to keep up
appearances.
I said that it would all
work itself out, but...
You paid off
all your student loans?
Yeah.
I haven't sold
a photograph in...
Jesus.
I'm sorry.
Well, not as sorry
as my wife.
[LAUGHS]
I can get you an interview
with my agency.
I told myself
I would never do that.
How much money...
I- I wanted to call you a
couple of months ago, but...
Gracie, she...
she wouldn't let me.
Oh, so sweet.
Breathing in and out
so fast.
Did the delivery boy come yet?
No.
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
Oh, God. That I don't
miss about New York.
I'm beginning to hate it here myself.
Beginning?
You hate New York?
Everyone is always
moving, moving, moving,
and-and we... we just seem
to... we seem to be stuck.
But the rest of the world, forget about it.
They love New York.
T- shirts and Taipei.
"I Love New York."
It's disgusting.
I still
love the city.
Well, you're from here.
So?
So you have to say it.
I have to?
That's a stupid thing
to say.
Oh, can I take a peek?
What?
Can I take a peek?
Can you take...
[WHISPERING] Can I take a peek?
Yes, of-of course.
Please. Of course.
What in God's name
are they doing?
I don't know.
Taking a peek, I guess.
Yeah.
They don't do that.
Well, I guess they do.
Now what?
Mmm.
I don't know. I think we just wait in
here until they're very uncomfortable.
Then we go
back out there.
Ah, you know what?
I remember this age.
It goes by really fast.
[MOUTHS WORDS]
[SLURPING]
[SIGHS]
You guys seem happy.
We are.
It's nice to see.
I'm really sorry
for what happened that night.
Oh, I know.
[COFFEE POURING]
I wanna make things better.
So what are you
up to now?
Oh, um, I'm running
the local arts council.
That's nice. Mmm. It's
really nice actually.
I've been meaning to ask Carlo if maybe he wants
to come in and run a seminar for the week.
I'm sure
he'd be flattered.
We had fun,
the four of us.
Joel says he misses that.
Misses you guys.
W- We miss you guys.
Oh!
Almost forgot.
I got a present
for the little one.
Aren't you
gonna open it?
Shouldn't I wait to open it
in front of the baby?
Oh. Okay.
I'll open it now.
Thank you.
Are you guys...
having any more kids?
[SIGHS]
I, uh...
I can't have any more.
[LAUGHING]
Is that funny?
Oh, God, no.
No. Oh, God...
I'm sorry.
Is that funny?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
No. No.
No, it's...
It's just that
you can't have any more,
and I don't want any more.
Then don't
have any more.
I'm pregnant.
But I'm not having it.
[SIGHS]
Carlo really wants to, but...
we can't afford it.
Oh, my God.
It's hard for me
to admit this, but...
I don't love being a mom.
It gets easier after
the first three months.
Don't tell me that!
I don't want advice.
What do you want me
to say?
Don't you ever
get angry about it?
Angry?
Taking care of your baby?
Well... a little.
But it passes.
I- I-I feel grateful.
I... I had a rea...
really bad day
last week.
Do you wanna get
a soda?
You wanna get a soda?
You wanna get
a little Japanese soda?
[BABY LAUGHING] Look
at those little fingers.
Look at those little fingers.
I could just eat them up.
I'm just gonna eat your fingers.
They're so tasty.
They're so tasty!
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
What if I bite them off?
[CRYING]
Oh, no. Oh, God.
Don't cry.
No, no. It's okay.
Shh-shh-shh.
I just can't listen to you cry anymore.
Yes. No. Yes, yes, yes.
Oh, you're laughing at me now?
Don't you fucking laugh at me.
Because I'll shake you. I'll shake
you, and then you'll stop crying.
I'm not joking. I'll shake you,
and then you'll stop crying.
And then I won't have to listen
to you crying ever again. No. No.
[KISSES]
What?
[BABY WHIMPERS]
I mean,
don't get me wrong.
I... love my little boy.
But sometimes,
when I'm alone in the shower,
I commit myself to getting on
the next flight to anywhere...
and never coming back.
[DOOR OPENS]
Oh, my God.
So cute.
So sweet.
He's breathing in and out.
[SHARYL] Go on. Mock me.
I would never.
Never.
- Did you miss me?
- Wow, you guys seem so, uh...
Repaired.
Yeah,
I guess we are.
[CARLO]
Ugh. Revolting.
- [CHUCKLES] - Blech.
- [JOEL] Sorry.
- You don't even have a 20 for the delivery boy?
- I spent all I had on the shake.
You should've thought of that
before you called him back here.
I called him back here
because of you.
Hey! Hey! Come on!
Stop. It's gross.
What? Kiss your wife.
She needs it.
- I'm going. Does anyone want anything?
- Um...
[CARLO] I'll go. I'll go.
Just let me tip the kid.
- No.
- No, no, no, no.
It's fine. Why not?
Because it was my idea...
- Your cheapness.
- It's fine. Look, here's a 20.
Only you would do some shit like that...
call me cheap in front of my friends.
Cheap.
Excuse me.
- I'll call him back, tell him not to come.
- And embarrass yourself again?
She's mad at me.
[SARCASTIC CHUCKLE]
You think?
[CARLO] She say
anything to you before?
Sh-She asked
if I was happy.
Did she say
she was unhappy?
Is she unhappy?
# [GUITAR]
# [MAN VOCALIZING,
GUITAR CONTINUES]
# [CONTINUES]
That wasn't fair.
They might be unhappy, but it
wasn't fair to put us through that.
# [GUITAR, MAN VOCALIZING
CONTINUE] Oh, no.
[CHUCKLING]
I can't sleep with that. Go
ask them to turn it down.
What? I can't sleep with that.
Can you?
No... I don't want to... You ask
them to turn it d... What?
# [CONTINUES]
Hey, guys?
You seriously want me
to ask them?
Yes.
Okay.
Guys? Could you turn
the music down, please?
# [CONTINUES]
Guys, could...
# [STOPS]
Thank you.
Sober or not, we're getting the
hell out of here in the morning.
Do you love me?
Of course I do.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
[SNIFFLING]
Hey, that had nothing
to do with us.
[CRYING] Just hold me. Okay?
We are not
like them.
[SNIFFLES]
[BEEPING]
[GRACE] I'm just gonna sit here,
'cause I need to calm down.
[CARLO] You're just gonna
sit there in the dark?
I do it all the time.
I sit,
and I drink my tea,
and I think.
And I watch you
sleep.
[EXHALES]
And then
when I get drowsy,
I put my tea down...
and I grope my way
to the bed.
And you groan.
And I say, "Shh."
And I think about...
how I like to watch you
watching me...
watch you shave.
Or how you sometimes sit at the bar
during my restaurant shifts...
and watch the stockbrokers
flirt with me.
Or how I sometimes sneak out at 3:00
in the morning to buy you flowers...
because
they're cheaper then.
[CARLO] And how you leave 'em on
the kitchen table for me to see...
when I wake up.
[GRACE]
They're not like us.
They don't understand
each other.
How could two people...
treat each other
like that...
if they really understood each other,
if they really loved each other?
How could that happen?
I love you.
You do?
Mm-hmm.
I love you too.
[HORN HONKING]
[HORNS HONKING]
[WHISPERS]
Jesus Christ.
[CARLO]
Oh, she's furious with me.
[JOEL] Why wouldn't she take a 20?
She's stubborn.
Well, so am I. Okay?
Why don't you call that guy?
[LAUGHS] I want you...
Send him back here.
I want... I want...
I want two more milk sha...
I want chocolate milk shakes,
and I will pay. Call the guy.
He's on his way anyway. You want a chocolate
shake? Yes. Two more chocolate shakes.
- Go ahead, ca... You want me to call him?
- I got it. I got it.
[BEEPING] [CHUCKLING
] Ridiculous.
[QUIETLY]
Let's go.
- Hello. Yes, this is 605...
- [MOUTHING WORDS]
Yes, I am calling again.
We'd like two more milk shakes.
Chocolate.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Appreciate it.
Apparently he left the diner already
and they're gonna call him back.
- [GROANS] - Oh, God, no. Call them back.
Tell them we can't do it.
I am not calling that man back.
You're crazy. No.
- Jesus, we better tip this kid after what
he put him through. - He's not a kid.
What do you mean?
You said, "Tip this kid,"
and he's not a kid.
What is he?
He's an old man.
What? Yeah. [CHUCKLING]
He's an old Mexican man.
An old Mexican man?
And you didn't tip him?
[LAUGHING]
- Well, how old is he?
- I don't know... 50, 60.
Sixty? He's, what...
He's probably 40.
He's got gray hair.
Probably didn't age well.
Of course he's not aging well. The
guy makes three cents an hour.
[GROANS] For real? Are
you gonna lay into me now?
I got an idea. I got a
hundred-dollar bill in my wallet.
Stop.
Let's give it to him.
Stop it.
What? Why?
It's patronizing.
Why is it patronizing?
Because it is. Now put it away.
Wait a minute.
Guy makes no money, has no education,
doesn't speak the language.
Why does it have to
be patronizing?
Why am I an awful person? Nine out
of 10 people wouldn't think of it.
10 out of 10 people
wouldn't do it.
Why... Come on!
A little generosity, huh?
It's not like we didn't get
any help along the way, Sharyl.
- Where would we be without your dead
grandparents? - [DOOR OPENS]
Before, I was angry.
Now I'm fuming.
He's fucking ancient, and you
sent him back for more shakes?
[CARLO] No. They
wanted more shakes.
- It's boiling outside!
- Grace, we ordered the shakes.
- They wanted more shakes. - That poor
old man traipsing about for your whims.
- Where is he?
- They ordered the shakes.
He's gone. I paid him and tipped him.
No! I wanted to tip him.
[GRACE] Oh! Thank
you, but I got it.
Jesus, I said I would tip him.
It's done.
All right. Take the money. No.
Come on. Take it.
Are you kidding me?
- No.
- That's a hundred dollars.
I know.
Did my husband
ask you for money?
- No. What? No.
- I didn't ask him for anything.
You did, didn't you?
[QUIETLY]
Thanks.
[DOOR CLOSES]
He asked you for money?
I'm not going home with this hundred-
dollar bill. I'm calling that diner.
That guy is coming back here
and I'm going to tip him $100.
- What?
- I'm calling... Where's the redial?
- Can we just go back to the hotel, Joel?
- Hello? Yeah, hi.
- Uh, I don't know the ad... What's
the address? - How the fuck do I know?
I don't know the address. We just had the
milk shakes. Yeah, yeah, could you, uh...
Uh, uh, could... Oh, Jesus Christ.
He hung up on me.
Yeah, hi. Please don't hang up on me.
Yeah, thanks. Would you...
I'd like you to send
that old man back here.
'Cause I'd like to tip him
a lot of money.
Yeah, okay. Well, do that then.
That's terrific. Absolutely.
Great. Okay.
Thank you so much.
He didn't believe me,
so I ordered four more shakes.
- How much money did he ask you for?
- I don't know. He didn't say.
He's always been irresponsible, Joel.
Never managed his money.
You know that. Let's not judge.
Who knows what happened to 'em.
It's not a mystery. He's been in
debt ever since we've known him.
I was in debt once.
And we took care of it.
Well, some people
aren't as lucky, Sharyl.
Is that what this is about? Luck? Your
luck or his luck? We're not gonna fight.
Showing your generosity by tipping
a stranger a hundred dollars?
He's not a stranger.
He's a delivery guy.
[WHISPERING] We're not
floating in money, Joel.
No one admits they're floating in money. If
they did, they'd actually have to feel guilty.
Guilty?
We earned that money. Come on. Do not
start with the meritocracy line.
I don't want to talk politics.
You know we inherited money.
I took a job I can't stand...
that kills me day in and out.
People inherit money all the time, Joel.
We sacrificed.
We moved away
from New York!
We made choices.
How much does he want?
I don't know. He didn't say.
He didn't?
No. We were interrupted. You
think it's a lot of money?
There isn't. We have the same dreams,
the same ideals. Come on. Look at him.
So you're just gonna
give him money?
If you agree, yeah.
And if I don't agree?
Then we'll talk about it. And if after
we talk about it I still don't agree?
Then we'll flip a coin.
Very funny.
No.
I won't give him money that would
get him out of his crushing debt.
He said,
"crushing debt"?
Joel, when somebody says "crushing
debt" and they ask for money,
they mean
a lot of money.
Maybe we should give 'em money.
Okay, great.
Let's just give away all our life savings
to beggars, friends, delivery boys. Great.
[JOEL]
Jesus Chr...
Um, Grace said that the delivery
man speaks perfect English.
I started to ask him
do you have any change,
and I stopped myself
mid-sentence,
figuring he probably didn't
speak English, and he said...
"I have change."
And I said,
"Oh, you speak English."
And he said, "Of course.
Why wouldn't I?"
And I said, "My husband said
you didn't," and he said,
- "Your husband's wrong."
- I didn't even say he didn't speak English.
- You still want to give him a hundred
bucks now? - Yes, of course. Why not?
Well, he's coming back.
He's coming back?
Yeah. Joel called him back.
You called him back?
I said I was gonna tip the guy $100.
He's coming back for the tip.
You called that poor
old man back here?
To tip him
a hundred dollars.
For some reason, my husband wants to
show his generosity this evening.
Sharyl.
- You must be enjoying this.
- Enjoying what?
- [CARLO] I thought we said we were done
fighting... - I'm not done fighting.
- What the... Enjoying what?
- Him groveling.
Look at your smug little face.
You love this, don't you?
What the fuck are you talking about?
This is your revenge.
Revenge?
[CARLO] Grace, please...
Whoa. No, no, no.
Revenge? For what?
[GRACE] For your mediocrity.
What?
He was the more talented of
you two in graduate school.
Oh, my God! In fact, you had very
little talent, if any at all.
And you had an inferiority
complex about it for years.
Did I?
You did.
Grace... My husband got
all the attention.
- He was the star of that program.
- [CHUCKLES] That he was.
And this is your revenge,
isn't it?
Oh, it must be delicious for you
to see him so weak and needy.
So I harbor an inferiority
complex, and I'm without talent.
- Is that what I'm supposed to believe?
- They're not my words.
[MUTTERS]
Jesus Christ.
[EXHALES]
This is why I don't
like dinner parties.
Divorce.
[CARLO] No, you
can't... You can't be.
Yeah, you're right.
It would be
an annulment.
The Catholic Church would tell
us our marriage never existed.
Invalid from the beginning.
It was all a mirage.
You guys...
[JOEL] What? You
guys were so happy.
Were we?
We had plans... our
vacation in Costa Rica.
Well, we're not divorcing
to inconvenience you.
Well, you could see a counselor.
Counselor?
A referee? Please.
[JOEL] Please.
That beautiful baby boy up
there... What's gonna happen?
Are you being serious? You see
that couch you're sitting on?
That is a pullout bed.
Okay, Joel, enough.
I have a feeling my name is embroidered
on it. Enough. It's getting old, Joel.
What?
The joke is getting old.
Who said it was a joke? Your
sarcasm's getting very old.
She ordered it last year. Joel
thinks I ordered it for him.
We have never had a pullout
couch in our lives.
Not even in our little
apartment in New York.
And she orders
a pullout couch here.
Sharyl claims to be above my nasty words,
but Sharyl fights in very subtle ways.
Look at the way you're behaving.
I refuse to sleep on it.
I have sequestered myself up in
the unfinished guest room...
amidst the paint cans
and the drywall.
I think I'm becoming
asthmatic as a result of it.
[SOBS] But I have to finish that
room so I can get some sleep,
because I refuse to
even sit on that couch.
Because if I do,
she wins.
This is...
This is too much.
This...
This is nothing.
We are fine with the couch.
Good. It's all yours.
I'm asking you...
politely...
to please...
stop.
My wife was fucking
a Brazilian.
[SIGHS]
Oh, no. God.
# [BOSSA NOVA]
# [CONTINUES,
MEN SINGING IN PORTUGUESE]
Goddamn you.
Goddamn you.
I used to play
our bossa nova CD's...
to get a rise
out of Sharyl.
Then she found them, and she
threw them out. You asshole!
So I bought some more
and she threw those out.
Then I bought some more...
Back and forth, back and forth.
All right, listen, we gotta go.
Asshole!
Go? Go where? You're in
the fucking tundra!
Sweetheart,
I'm asking you nicely...
to please stop.
Please.
After Sharyl had the baby,
Bossa Nova
wouldn't fuck her anymore.
So now I have to watch her
mope around in a robe...
in this vacuous palace
of shit!
Well, maybe when I'm around
you I intuitively mope.
Oh, really? Your Brazilian
depression is my fault then?
Depression? Who said anything about
depression? I'm talking about moping.
I guess what I'm saying, Joel, is I'm not really
moping because I have nothing to mope about.
I'm quite satisfied
is what I'm saying.
How do you know
he was my only?
Only?
Bossa...
nova.
That's clever, Sharyl.
Really?
Yeah.
What is? Tell me.
What? What's clever?
You're smug.
But the truth is,
you know nothing.
[WHISPERING] And I would never
tell you what you want to know.
One day...
I'm gonna murder you.
I look forward to it.
[SNIFFLES]
Crme brle, anyone?
I feel sick.
What do you mean
by "only"?
We don't socialize much
anymore because Joel...
- What do you mean? - Has the
habit of embarrassing us.
It was one of the reasons we
didn't make it to your wedding.
I am so sorry
you had to see this.
Are you kidding? This will do them good.
See what a marriage can become.
It will do them good to know
that I find you abominable,
that the thought of having
sex with you revolts me.
Sharyl...
I would rather you
fuck a whore...
than put your hands
on my shoulders.
My stomach churns at the
thought of our wedding day.
[GASPS]
[SHARYL SOBS]
[SOBBING QUIETLY]
[SOBBING CONTINUES]
[TAPE ROLL CLATTERS
AGAINST DINNERWARE]
[TAPE TEARING]
[EXHALES, SOBS]
Carlo and Grace,
the mold, the archetype
of a good relationship.
Such passion,
warmth, humanity.
Sharyl and I used to joke.
Didn't we, Sharyl?
[SOBBING] Before we
started to fall apart.
When we still had a sense
of humor, we used to say...
that we wanted the two
of you, Carlo and Grace,
bronzed
into a statue...
and put
in our backyard to...
To remind us
of happiness.
[GIGGLES]
[GIGGLING]
[SHARYL SIGHS]
We really...
hoped tonight
would be different.
Go to sleep.
[SIGHS]
We'll have coffee and bagels
in the morning...
and forget
all about it.
Good night.
I'm gonna go to bed.
Um...
thank you, guys,
for staying.
Uh, linens are in
the hallway closet.
The fridge is yours. The
bed, as you know, pulls out.
Good night.
[SIREN WAILING, FAINT]
[STREET NOISE]
First you ask me
for money.
- And then you insult me.
- You loved that he asked you for money.
No, I didn't.
I actually wanted to help.
- We don't need your help. We can handle
this on our own. - Can we?
This is between you
and me, no one else.
- How much did he ask for?
- That's none of your business!
Well, I think it is, 'cause your
husband asked us for it. How much?
- Well, my husband is rescinding his request.
- We need $55,000.
Believe me, your husband doesn't need to rescind
anything, because there's no way in hell...
Okay.
Excuse me? I'll
give you the money.
You thought of me as
talentless all this time?
Tell him the truth,
Carlo.
Uh, well...
Tell him the truth!
Let me speak!
I thought of you
as an underachiever.
Wasted talent.
You let me down.
- I let you down?
- Yeah. You had so much potential.
Oh, please!
You said "talentless"
over and over again to me.
Have a spine.
If we were being honest like you're
being, we wouldn't have any friends.
What's a marriage without the
gossip you share with your spouse?
You should respect
that gossip.
I'm not talking about money. You're not getting
any money, no matter what my husband says.
- I'm giving them money.
- I'm talking about manners.
It's not like
we don't talk about you.
When we visited New York after Lucien was
born, we laughed at your expense for a week.
Do you remember how you fed him? Right
to his mouth with your unwashed fingers?
God, I remember so clearly.
You took your dirty,
stinky fingers,
and you scooped up
some food,
and you laid it
to my baby Lucien's lips.
So natural. Oh!
So endearing. So earthy.
So disgusting!
Okay, that's enough.
No, please let me finish.
The next morning, over coffee,
my husband and I laughed at you.
What a load of crap,
we thought.
It's bad enough she has
such slutty taste in clothes.
I mean, what? Ripped
stockings, short skirt.
Hooker boots?
Come on.
But that she takes her hands,
her unwash hands,
and lays them to my baby's
lips and feeds him,
like it's natural to her.
[GASPS]
You're a fake.
You're a phony.
You were terrified.
Hey, hey, Sharyl... Okay, that's enough.
Just stop it.
Stop now, Sharyl. Stop, Sharyl.
Please stop now.
Grace is pregnant again.
[GASPS]
[SIGHS]
You told her?
So don't attack us, Grace, because
my husband can support a family.
It's not our fault
you're embarrassed for Carlo.
And let me tell you the truth.
He's no Ansel fucking Adams.
[LAUGHING] He's a snob.
Yeah, you are.
Always telling Joel about this photographer
that's coming through New York...
and this painter that's
coming through New York,
as if my husband
doesn't read the trades,
as if he isn't wishing he was here
doing those exact same things.
I don't tell you those things to look
down on you, Joel. Yeah, you do.
- Do you really think that?
- Come on. Come on. You do.
I...
What are you doing? I'm
writing them a check.
[GRACE] We're not taking that check.
Why not?
Because... you made
a commitment to us.
This is between
you and me.
Who else is gonna get you out of debt, Grace?
[GRACE] Not you.
Oh, really? What are you gonna do?
Call a bank? Ask for a loan?
With what equity? Huh?
Your restaurant job?
His photos?
He's got an exhibit next
month in New Mexico.
It's just a matter of time.
I believe in him.
Well, it takes more than
belief to sell photos.
We're gonna pay him back, Grace,
as soon as I sell something.
Why would you take that money?
Because I deserve that money.
You deserve it?
I deserve it.
Jesus Christ.
Okay.
[EXHALING SLOWLY]
Don't cash this right away.
I have to call the bank.
Joel... Joel.
What, Sharyl?
Oh, please let me do this.
Please. Why?
- I'm paying you back that money.
- No. It's a gift. It's a gift.
No.
Absolutely not.
[JOEL] Please let me do this.
Why?
Because I need to.
[CARLO] We're gonna pay you back.
No, you won't. It is a
gift, or you don't get it.
We're not taking that money.
Yeah, we are.
Why not, Grace? Am I a mobster?
Is the money dirty?
No. It's just
not ours to take.
Okay, when I asked Carlo... I said to him, I
could get you an interview at my agency.
Do you know what he said? He said "I
told myself I would never do that."
"I told myself
I would never do that."
Why would he say that?
Why would he say that to me?
I mean, why not say, it's not
for me, I'm not interested,
I want to keep doing exhibits,
I want to keep selling art?
Instead, he said, "I told
myself I would never do that."
There's this line
that Carlo will never cross.
There's something
he will never sink down to.
- Joel, you know that's not what I meant.
- That's exactly what you meant!
- I meant I have different plans. -You
have the same plans that I once had.
But you changed your plans.
Maybe you should too.
- No. Why?
- Because they're not working.
Don't resent me for that.
Grow up.
Your dreams, your plans, they
beat you down, they destroy you.
Ask anybody who makes a living and they
will tell you exactly the same thing.
Let me fill you in
on something.
We're not special.
We're not brilliant.
We never were.
Any artist out there that doesn't think
that they're special, they're lying.
Okay, then I guess I was
never a serious artist.
I guess not, Joel.
You think I don't look in the mirror
and want to scream sometimes?
But I have a family
and a place to live,
and people around me
that I love, and... a yard.
Yeah, a yard...
where my little boy...
where my one little boy
can play.
Now, at the end of the day,
what more can I ask for?
Tell me.
What more can I ask for?
It's not about
wanting more, Joel.
I just want
something different.
Well, then,
you pay a price.
[DOOR BUZZER BUZZES]
[INTERCOM BUZZES]
[KNOCKING]
Thank you.
Here. Keep it.
Thank you.
[RHYTHMIC GRUNTING]
How old was he?
Mmm.
Sixties.
Was he happy?
Happy?
That you gave him
that tip?
He smiled.
I think he even bowed.
[CHUCKLES]
- [CARLO] He didn't.
- I think he did.
Oh.
That's embarrassing.
[JOEL]
Yeah.
Are you glad you gave it?
The tip?
Come on, man.
I don't know.
[CHUCKLES]
I don't know.
Do you enjoy
having money?
[SLURPS]
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
When you have it,
what do you worry about?
Keeping it.
[SIGHS]
Take me home, Joel.
Mmm.
Yeah, let's go.
Good night.
Good night.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
[CHATTERING CONTINUES,
LOUDER]
[JOEL] Come on. There's a
lot of power in those words.
I want you to say it with me.
[CARLO] All right.
For richer, for poorer.
For richer or for poorer.
In sickness and in health.
In sickness and in health.
Till death
do us part.
[CARLO]
Ugh.
I'm gonna write my own.
Oh, man!
[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]
[CARLO]
Oh. Wait.
[MOUTHING WORDS]
[CHATTERING FADES]