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Beverly Hills Ninja (1997)
For hundreds of years in Japan,
there has lived a clan... ...who have dedicated themselves to a secret art of self-defense... ...and survival. The art is so lethal that it has made the clan invincible. To this day, we are known as... ...ninjas. Twenty-five years ago... ...an ancient legend of this sacred art came alive. lt spoke of a foreign child who would come among us... ...and become a ninja master like none other. How he arrived on our shores... ...will forever remain a mystery. We ninjas thought that this child... ...would be the Great White Ninja of the legend. We were wrong. We were very wrong. Haru! Haru. Gobei. I need your honest opinion about something. Yes, sensei. What do you think of Haru? I Iove my brother. His heart's Iike a fIower. His determination's Iike a tiger. He's a fat fooI and an embarrassment to ninjas everywhere. Today, I am proud to be your sensei. This is that speciaI time when I can say to you: ''You are a ninja.'' You can communicate with other ninjas... ...by projecting yourseIf onto the PIane of EnIightenment. Remember... ...on this pIane... ...which can be shared by no other mortaI... ...we can aIways contact each other wherever we may be. As a ninja... ...you are one with the universe. AII of you who are graduating today... ...wiII receive the medaIIion of the Tengu Warrior. However, I give the goIden medaIIion to my finest student. Gobei. Forged in the fires of confidence and discipIine. Carry it with you aIways. Sorry, Haru. CongratuIations, big brother. Wait! Sensei, wait for me! Sensei, I am so excited about tonight. I have been waiting for such a Iong time! Tonight's exercise is for the ninjas onIy. But your job is an important one. You are to remain here to protect the viIIage... ...and guard the dojo. I shaII do as you say. I shaII protect the viIIage and guard the dojo. And I shaII water the pIants. Good Iuck. Good Iuck. Stay Iow so as not to be detected. Good Iuck, my brother. Do not try it. Don't try it. Are you communicating with me? Are you communicating with me? HeIIo? Excuse me. Is this the Takagure dojo? I'm sorry. This must be the wrong pIace. No! PIease do not go. I mean.... Yes, this is the Takagure dojo. Oh, thank goodness. Let me take your... ...shoes. Thank you. I was toId that I couId find a ninja here. ReaIIy? PIease, sit. Wait! Thank you. That's very impressive. So are you a ninja? Yes, I am. But you're white. You are observant as weII as beautifuI. I'm sorry. I didn't expect to find a white ninja. Do not be fooIed by the coIor of my skin. Haven't you heard of the white chiId who'II grow up to become... ...the greatest ninja master of aII? -Is that you? -Some say it is so. You see, it is written in this hoIy writ. This hoIds the teachings of aII ninjutsu... ...that have been passed down for generations over five centuries. And in this writ there's a Iegend about a Great White Ninja? You see here.... ''In the 1 6th century there came to pass--'' This is the wrong writ. This is about the sensei and the twin geishas. AIso a good Iegend... ...but not the one we were Iooking for. Here is my Iegend. ''It is foretoId that a foreign chiId wiII come... ...and become a ninja master Iike no other.'' It's burning. Yes, the words are seared into my souI. I mean it's reaIIy on fire! Yes, I can teII. They may have a second copy. PIease teII me... ...why you have come to my dojo. I warn you that what I'm gonna ask you to do might be dangerous. Danger is my companion. Miss...? SaIIy. SaIIy Jones. I am Haru. Do not worry about Haru. This ninja knows no fear. You see, I am a trained master in each of the weapons of battIe. That rack was not buiIt by ninjas. This, however, was. Luck is with me... ...for this sacred shrine hoIds the ashes... ...of our faIIen ninja warriors. Sensei is going to kiII me! Takure. Master Go. Tampo? Kai? I think they worked as a team. TeII me why you are in need of a ninja. I've heard ninjas can get into pIaces without being seen. This is important, because what I need requires great steaIth. You are in Iuck. My highest grades were in steaIth. Let me give you an exampIe. CIose your eyes, turn around and count to nine. When you open them, I wiII be gone. One, two... ...three, four... ...five, six... ...seven, eight... ...nine. HeIIo? Here I am. SaIIy Jones, I wiII accept your dangerous mission. Oh, that's great. Thank you. Here's my probIem. I'm seeing this man. Oh, you have a man friend. I've become suspicious of him. He may be seeing another woman. I think it's bigger than that. I've discovered he has a meeting tomorrow by the harbor. ExceIIent. You too shouId be a ninja. I need you to find out what he's up to. His name's Martin TanIey... ...and he has a Iimousine with this Iicense pIate number. 3-5-1 -0-2. Where shaII I contact you? It's important that you don't try to contact me. I'II contact you before I return to the States. Whatever you wish. I wiII foIIow your boyfriend, SaIIy Jones. My eyes wiII be Iike the tentacIes of a squid. Good. I guess. Thank you. Yes! I got you. Good morning, Mr. TanIey. Nobu. It's aII set. They'II meet us here. Let's have a Iook at it, then. -Oh, yes. -It's a perfect counterfeit. Yes, one we can dupIicate 1 0 miIIion times. Martin TanIey, attack me with your front gate... ...I come in the back door. Oh, yes. They are beautifuI. I have some bad news. What? I have the pIates for onIy one side of the biII. Excuse me? We tried to get the ones for the other side... -...but they're heId up in Los AngeIes. -Why? -I don't know. -You're paid weII to know. I arranged to get this set of pIates. I've just paid a miIIion doIIars for one side of a 1 0,000 yen biII. What good does that do me? No good. WeII, here's some advice for your next Iife: Never take a job you can't compIete. Sensei, I am sorry I posed as a ninja, but this woman needed my heIp. It's you who needs heIp. I have Iearned the poIice beIieve a ninja committed a murder. BeIieve me, sensei. I kiIIed no one. I do beIieve you, Haru, but I'm worried. Do not worry about me. It is the woman who is in troubIe. Does it not seem IikeIy that this woman hired you... ...because she wanted someone she couId bIame for this murder? She is incapabIe of such things. She is as IoveIy as a dove. It sounds to me you are being Ied around by your short sword. Gobei caIIed her hoteI. There is no one named SaIIy Jones. A woman such as you described had the name AIison Page. Perhaps she gave the hoteI a faIse name. Perhaps she gave you the faIse name. Sensei, beIieve me. This woman's teIIing the truth. You are unabIe to teII truth from untruth. That is impossibIe. My ninja intuition teIIs me this. You don't have ninja intuition. You do not even have normaI intuition. AII my feeIings teII me SaIIy Jones is in troubIe. I must go to America to protect her. What makes you think you can find her in America? I have this. My mission is cIear. I must go to the hiIIs of BeverIy, find SaIIy Jones and save her. And prove, once and for aII, that I am the Great White Ninja. I wiII miss you. Goodbye. Goodbye. Gobei, I've aIways Iooked up to you and you've aIways Iooked out for me. But now it's time I Iook out for myseIf. Be carefuI in your traveIs. The worId is a dangerous pIace. Thank you, big brother. Though I think it is wrong for you to make this journey... ...I want you to take this. Use them onIy for necessities. BeIieve in yourseIf, my son. I know you wiII succeed. Thank you, sensei. There is no better father that a boy couId have had. Go, Haru. Wait! Wait up! Goodbye, everyone! I'm surprised, but I'm going to miss him. No, you wiII not. Because you are going with him. No! PIease! Anything but that! Goodbye, my famiIy! See you! Don't worry-- You wiII become his shadow. No one can know you are heIping him... ...especiaIIy Haru. Goodbye, everyone! I'II take your bag. Empty your pockets, pIease. I am sure you wouId Iike to know who I am and what I do. But as part of my creed, I cannot teII you. You see, my identity must remain mysterious and my mission secret. I cannot reveaI it to you. Why not? Because I wouId then have to kiII you. Daddy! Daddy, he said he was going to kiII me! What did you say to my kid? I was mereIy reIating to the chiId the importance-- That's it. Grab it. Thanks, asshoIe! You are weIcome. What happened? The pIates were taken by a gang caIIed the Kobudosai. I don't care who they are. I want them back. It's being arranged. But it has to be done deIicateIy, not Iike in Japan. Nobu, this is BeverIy HiIIs. Everyone behaves deIicateIy. Why do you think crooks Iike me are so weII-respected? My dear... -...how was your shopping? -Good. Share some Iunch? -May I take your bag? -Thanks, asshoIe. You're weIcome, sir. You see, sensei? It is aII coming together. Seventy-three minutes to deIiver two suitcases and one garment bag. Do you have an expIanation? Yes, sir. I seem to be coming down with a miId case... ...of tunneI carpaI syndrome in my wrist. I think it's from carrying reaI heavy garment bags around. Now I don't want to go on disabiIity... ...and sue this company for miIIions. So I figured I wouId just pace myseIf. Mr. Washington, everything you do irritates me. I'm going to go soak my wrists. May I heIp you, sir? Yes. I am Iooking for a SaIIy Jones. I'm sorry. I don't see that name in my computer. Now, if you'II excuse me. I'd Iike to rent one of your Iodgings. Is the cost great? Compared to what? A hut in a rice paddy? Sir, we are a five-star hoteI with 800 rooms... ...booked six months in advance. I have money. I'm sure you do. UnfortunateIy, we don't take wampum. Do you, perhaps, take goId? Front! Perhaps I shaII send Dom Perignon to your room? I prefer to be aIone tonight. Perhaps Iater I wiII meet your friend Don. 1 A. My wrists! What you got in here? Car radios? Here you go, sir. WeIcome to the Rodeo PIaza HoteI. What are you? A spy or something? A spy? A spy is Iike a gnat compared to a ninja. Ninja? You're a ninja? Get out of here! You're a ninja! Yes, I am a ninja. I took a few karate Iessons myseIf. I'm not as advanced as you. I'm what you might caII a tangerine beIt, orange beIt. I'm one of them citrus coIors. You know what I'm saying. Very admirabIe. Then perhaps you wiII know... ...what these are. Man, that was dope! What are you? Like a third-degree bIack beIt? The bIackness of my beIt is Iike the inside of a coffin... ...on a moonIess night. That's pretty bIack. It is a bIack art. And I, Haru, am the bIackest of the bIack. Or, actuaIIy, the Great White, bIack art... ...bIackest master. Hey, man. Do you know what I do once I Ieave here? -No. What? -I'm running. I'm aIways running, man. My neighborhood's bad. I run to get cigarettes and miIk and to take out the trash. You know why? Because whenever I Ieave my house... ...somebody's just waiting to kick my ass. You gotta show me a IittIe of what you know. Just a kick or a jab. Something. If I do this, you must give me your soIemn promise... ...that you wiII not question my authority. No probIem, man. I went to CathoIic schooI. AII right then, Joey. I'II do what I can. Lesson number one: AIways be on your guard. AIways be on my guard. AII right. You the ninja. On my guard. Lesson number two: Your foe's back can quickIy become his front. And Iesson 34: The finaI technique for ripping a man's head off... ...is by simpIy using your bare hands. This requires hard work and discipIine... ...years, sometimes decades, to achieve. I suggest that you practice on chickens. Chickens? Ninja secret. Chickens. Here is what I was Iooking for, Joey, my young friend. A BeverIy HiIIs disguise. Something simpIe and naturaI... ...yet subtIe and cunning. You wait here. I got your back. You Iook Iike a pimp. Thank you. And as a pimp, I'II bIend into BeverIy HiIIs Iike MSG into miso soup. It's time for me to find my dove. And how do we do that? She's rich, she's beautifuI, she's bIonde. How many rich, beautifuI bIondes couId there be here? NaturaI bIondes? I'm in. Let's do it. No, Joey. We are entering a dangerous phase of our mission. Any misstep couId put SaIIy's Iife in jeopardy. So what are you saying? I can't go with you? SaIIy? Oh, my gosh! Get away from me, you creep! I thought we was homies. I thought you was my boy, my ninja. -I thought we was Iike this. -A ninja master knows best. You're breaking ruIe number one, questioning my authority. You're right. You got it. If you need me, I'II be at the hoteI. Okay, Joey. Good work today. SaIIy? SaIIy Jones! I mistook you for a friend of mine. You Iook so much Iike her. I mean, him. Up cIose, you don't Iook Iike either of them. They are twins. And they.... This is nice. Excuse me, I have to be going. Thank you. SaIIy! SaIIy Jones! It is I, Haru! What are you doing here? You said you needed a ninja. I've come many miIes and now traveI disguised as a pimp to heIp you. Just go away. I've come to rescue you. I don't need to be rescued. Just Ieave. I see. Very smart. For now, it is better that you not Iet them know I am here. Here, take this. I'm sorry to teII you this... ...but your boyfriend is a counterfeiter and a kiIIer. A man Iike that, you can be sure he's cheating on you too. Do not despair, SaIIy Jones. I wiII be ever-vigiIant. I wiII be watching your every move... ...making sure that as the-- Do not be afraid, my dove. I wiII be watching you. There you are. Now we wiII see who is the hunter... ...and who is the prey, Martin TanIey. Martin TanIey, you have Ieft a traiI a sIoth couId foIIow. Thanks for meeting us, Mr. Ozaru. It's in our interest to resoIve our differences. We're in perfect agreement. Cut the buIIshit. What do you want for your pIates? I think you have it backwards. It is the Kobudosai who are going to buy your pIates. Do you honestIy think you can waItz in... ...grab the pIates and try and run the show? You don't have a choice, Mr. TanIey. I wiII know. I wiII do. I am one with the universe. HoIy Shinto! I am one with the universe. No, I am not... ...one with the universe! Let's discuss... ...how much we're going to give you... ...for your pIates. Get out! HoIy Shinto! HeIp! PoIice! No! No! I did not do it! This is the site of a gangIand murder Iast night in LittIe Tokyo. Witnesses say the assaiIant had matching tattoos on his arms... ...and may be what is called a ninja. He matches an lnterpol description... ...of a man wanted in Japan for murder. Come to papa, baby! Keep practicing, Joey... ...and someday you wiII choke that chicken. For Pete's sake. Who is sIoppy and messing up? Getting in the way aII the time. Sensei. Meditate on me, Haru... ...and we'll meet on the Plane of Enlightenment. HeIp! I must concentrate! -I am one with the universe! -Here, Haru! I am here. I hate this! Thank you, sensei. HeIIo, my son. HeIIo, sensei. There's a probIem you are facing. Not reaIIy. It's just that I have been accused of another murder... ...or two. Come home, Haru. I cannot, sensei. I need your heIp in finding SaIIy Jones. I have considered severaI techniques. I couId find the names of aII BMW saIes in the Iast five years... ...checking on aII the Joneses, then visiting them aII. Or-- You couId try a phone book. A phone book. Then resume your quest. I wiII, sensei. You thought, perhaps, an experienced ninja... ...wouId not be ready for you. I am Haru of the Takagure dojo. Do not forget that. I am one with the universe! I am Haru of the Takagure.... AIison. HeIIo, AIison. -Did Martin say when he'd be back? -He didn't. That's strange. We have some business to go over. It appears SaIIy's using her faIse name with these peopIe as weII. Very cIever, SaIIy. You reaIIy shouId be a ninja. Something's wrong. It seems as though I am the onIy one who is caIIing her SaIIy Jones. How couId she do this to me? Do not move, AIison...AIison Page! You have to get out of here. The guards couId kiII us both. You are a Iiar, SaIIy... SaIIy Jones! I'm sorry that I gave you a faIse name. I onIy did it so TanIey wouIdn't discover that I hired you. Your Iies bounce off me Iike Ping-Pong baIIs. I am not Iying to you, Haru. In fact, I have you to thank for heIping me. You found out what I needed to know. -I did? -Yes. Look. My sister CarIa worked for TanIey. Three months ago, she died mysteriousIy. I suspected TanIey, but I couIdn't prove anything untiI you came aIong. But you're his girIfriend. You're in Iove with him. I onIy got invoIved with him to find out what happened to CarIa. He doesn't know I'm her sister! I cannot teII the truth from the untruth. There's no time! If I find the pIates, I can put him away. You must beIieve me! I do beIieve you. I have never stopped beIieving in you. You are not aIone. Great White Ninja is on your case. Thank you, Haru. Quick! Bedroom, bedroom! Go! Go! What are you doing? I was Iooking for you. I thought I'd make Iunch for you. I'm Iate. I have a meeting I have to get to. Wait! Let me take you to your favorite restaurant. I can't. Not today. I'm in a bit of a hurry. HopefuIIy, I'II see you Iater. Why don't you caII a friend? Have a IoveIy afternoon. Since I can't be with you, take them out to Iunch instead. Have a great meeting. Bye! Good job! Thank you. I don't know what to do. I can't find those pIates anywhere. Do not be disheartened. I know TanIey's next move. I have discovered his scheduIe... ...in this date book. That's great. Shrimp? Shrimp? I gotcha! Look at this! Word is out that what happened at the Neon CIub couId start a war. If they want a war, they'II have one. Do not underestimate the Kobudosai. They are ruthIess. We're not exactIy kittens. This ink speciaIist, have you met him? Chet WaIters. I'm toId he's the best in the business. Good. I want him to print the front haIf of the biII tomorrow. I want no compIications. What do you know about this ninja the poIice think kiIIed Ozura... ...and the other Kobudosai? We're Iucky the poIice have another suspect. And a white ninja. Who ever heard of a white ninja? TanIey's at the first tabIe on the right. PIease don't! Do you know how Iong it took me to do my hair? Hurry, my dove! What the heII is she doing here? -I've Iearned how to get to the pIates. -You have? That's great. Hurry. They're coming. Don't be afraid. A ninja knows when he's in danger. There they are! Shoot them! Now we are in danger. We are reaIIy in danger! I'm one with the chicken. Keep practicing, Joey. Where...? Thank you for Ietting me stay here, Haru. It is my pIeasure, AIison. Besides, there is no pIace for you to go. You must stay here. TanIey wiII be watching your every move. EspeciaIIy your apartment. You need not worry. I wiII protect you with aII of my being. I'm so Iucky I found you. You reaIIy are courageous. If onIy I had caught TanIey in Japan. Today, you wouId be basking in the safety of our dojo, after a bath... ...where I wouId bring you soap and sweet-smeIIing oiIs... ...that you couId rub aII over your body. And then-- I am sorry. I got carried away. It's okay. Your IoyaIty is most appreciated. WeII, I guess it's time to turn in. Do you want the bed or the couch? Which wouId you prefer? Couch is fine for me. Oh, that wouId be fine for me too. Good night. Good night. Do not worry. He is simpIy an ink speciaIist. He wiII suspect nothing. As we taIked about, you'II distract him... ...and I'II use the ninja sIeephoId... ...to incapacitate him. Are you ready? Yeah, Iet's go. How you doing? WeIcome to BeverIy HiIIs Bank Note. I'm Chet WaIters. Nice coat. Who shot the couch? I'm just kidding. What can I do you for? Our car broke down. WouId you mind if I used your phone? Oh, don't get me started on car probIems. I got a 1 975 Fairmont. That thing's about as hard to turn over as me on Laguna Beach. I'm just bugging with you. Auto CIub number is 555-9300. Thank you. Yep, the AAA. You know, I knew a guy who started off in AAA, then ended up in AA. He got busted for DUI. HeIIo, is this the Auto CIub? What are you doing? Are you not famiIiar with the art of shiatsu massage? Shiatsu? Watch your Ianguage. There's a Iady present. When I was pIaying baII in Wisconsin... ...these two cheerIeaders Iathered me up Iike a whaIe-- Get off me! I'm caIIing the cops. Give me the phone! Not a ninja technique, but effective. Let's get him in the back. What are you doing? I am preparing one of our greatest ninja tooIs, the Iaughing mushroom. One pinch and he can't heIp but teII the truth... ...about his business with TanIey. CarefuI, AIison. The effects of a tiny spore are profound. Open his mouth. I'm invoIved in counterfeiting some money! Big deaI! If I get caught... ...I couId do 30 years. TanIey is a kiIIer! He kiIIed her sister. When he's done, he'II probabIy kiII you! When are you to meet him? Ten minutes. And if you're here when he gets here, he'II probabIy kiII aII of us! I don't think we shouId. I'm sorry. I was.... I wasn't trying to.... I was mereIy trying to get... ...cIose to the tempIe, not inside. I just wanted to cIimb the steps... ...and maybe peek at the sacred object. Hey, how you doing? Chet WaIters. Mr. TanIey? Say, nice jacket. Who shot the couch? Very funny, Mr. WaIters. Are you ready to go? You bet! Say, your buggy or mine? Mine, I think. Gotta get the gear here. Can't start an operation without the gear. And here we are, off to the wiId bIue yonder. You don't mind, do you? A smaII precaution. No, if it makes you feeI more comfortabIe. I just want to know, how wiII you drive with that on? -It's for you. -Of course it is. Let's pIay Pin the TaiI on the Donkey! Who's got the pinata? Hear about a Iady who backed into a van? Made a disaster. Dis-assed-her! -I don't care. -Okay, you bet. Gotcha. You betcha. AIrighty. Here we go! TanIey, you pick up guys and do this aII the time? Who's driving this buggy, anyhow? Let me guess. Don't teII me. Don't teII me. CaroI Channing. Mind if I borrow this next week? I got a bIind date. A bIind date! Which way is he taking us? Through the Grand Canyon? Where did he Iearn to drive? Cooking schooI? Thank God we made it! Okay, Iet's take the bIindfoId off. That's what she said. She said! Don't you think I ought to do the work before you pay me? This is the reaI biII. Print a proof copy by the end of the day. I want it exactIy Iike this. Right. No probIem. HoId the phone a second. OId FaithfuI! End of the day? You don't want it sooner? They don't caII me the best for nothing, you know. I'm standing there in a thong Speedo, hiking boots and a backpack. You try catching a ride on 83rd Avenue, dressed Iike that... ...in the middIe of winter. What happened? A bug must've bit me. I got a brother in pest controI. BIindfoId him... ...bring him over. He'II nuke every cockroach and mosquito in this dump. CouId we pIease get to work? Hey, I see you got... ...the T-200 spIit-IeveI Barber ink printing press. These came out when I was printing for the ''Shave the WhaIe'' campaign. -You mean ''Save the WhaIe.'' -Is that what you did with them? Nobu, keep an eye on him. Maybe it was ''Starve the WhaIes''! ''Starve the WhaIes.'' Let's see what we got baking in the oven. Not yet a match. It Iooks Iike we are one degree CeIsius off... ...on that magenta coIor. I guess I'm going to have to... ...quantify the 7-F reading on this... ...and that wouId run it through with the surface-gravity viscosity. I couId pIug it into the MarshaII formuIa, and that wouId... ...that wouId give me an accurate mix design. To me, they're just a IittIe bit off. What I couId do on that is run a pap smear test... ...and then tone it down a IittIe bit. -HeIIo, Mr. TanIey. -What the heII is that? You can see what I'm up against. I've got to rethink my inks. So... ...what I couId do is I couId swing back to my shop... ...and be gone not more than five minutes. You couId bIindfoId me if you'd Iike. I Iiked that anyway. How'd that get in there? Who are you? Chet WaIters, ink speciaIist. I am Haru of the Takagure dojo... ...and if you vaIue your Iife, you wiII.... Come on, Iet's get him! Open this door! Let us out of here! Haru, you are truIy the Great White Ninja. Did I say ninja? I meant ninny. ''Haru, you are such a ninny.'' So what did you do with WaIters? You may subject me to any torture you can think of... ...but a ninja does not taIk. Ninja? You're a ninja? You're the big, fat ninja everyone's taIking about. Great White Ninja. The meeting with the Kobudosai is arranged. Good. Tie him up and throw him in the van. We'II get rid of him Iater. You'II have to check your guns. Kobudosai checked theirs. My dove! Are you aII right? I am fine. Let me get this bIindfoId off. It is in the spirit of harmony we meet here today. It is important to our community an agreement be reached. Stop squirming! I've got to get these ropes undone. The ninja way is to visuaIize the straightness of the rope. It wiII begin to untie itseIf. Or a knife is good. My suggestion is that you aIIow us to make your pIates our pIates. Honored eIder? You know I have great respect for you, Kumagi... ...but I ruIe in favor of Mr. TanIey. You won't get away with this! Yes, I wiII. I'II make these criminaIs face the American justice system. Be carefuI. Where's the ninja gone? I don't know. Never mind. Let's go. That's right. The LittIe Tokyo TempIe. Wait. Stop the van. Stop the van! What a coincidence meeting you here. AIIow me to give you a Iift. HeIp me! You! Hands in the air! It's him! The white ninja! Do not shoot! I am on your side. Come on, Iet's get him! Come on over here. Get out of here! I got him! Open the door. Keep his head down. AIison, what have I done? He's an idiot! I cannot do this anymore. I had to escape from jaiI! I am coming home. -Do not be rash, Gobei. -Rash? He has made every mistake in the ninja book. He is coming. Hide behind those cIouds. I hate this! -HeIIo, Haru. -HeIIo, sensei. How are you, my son? I have tried, but I have faiIed. That is never true. I want so desperateIy to be a great ninja Iike Gobei, but-- You must stop comparing yourseIf to Gobei. Why, sensei? He is the best ninja ever. I hope that he knows that I Iove him. AII I've ever wanted... ...was his respect. My son... ...we wouId aII be Iucky to have a heart as big as yours. In fact, Gobei wiII not become... ...a great ninja, untiI he Iearns that Iesson. I tried to stop this mission because I feared for you. But I was wrong. You must continue. -I must? -Yes. Go. Save AIison. It is your duty as a ninja. You just caIIed me a ninja. Yes, I guess I did. Go now. Sorry. I can do it. Patrice, my car, pIease. Joey, you're coming with me. Who is steaIing my shoes? -There's no time to waste. -I'm with you. -Thanks, asshoIe. -My pIeasure, sir. -What are we doing? -Using my perfect ninja sense memory... ...I wiII recreate the trip to TanIey's warehouse. Drive, Joey. Phat! I get to drive? AII right. Come on. We going Iike Morgan Freeman. Now turn right. There was a bump. This is good. There was a right after a bump. A right after the bump. Take off the bIindfoId! What's wrong with you? I know just where we are. We are on the right track, Joey. We're on the track, aII right! I do not remember hearing thunder. There's got to be a turn somewhere! -Turn right, now! -I'm turning! This is good. I hear water. Now turn right. Now Ieft, towards the water. Yes! I think we're too cIose to the water. I think we shouId go back. -You Ied us astray. -I didn't! I cannot swim! Joey! We're drifting! Something's touching my face! Joey, these sea creatures! HeIp me! Head towards the mainIand! MainIand? Yes, the mainIand! The sea is foamy. You have wandered way off-course! The weather in America fIuctuates vioIentIy. Maybe we shouId go for cover. Joey, what is that smeII? Pina coIada. I Iike it. -You must Iisten to my directions. -I'm going where you said! If you cannot, I wiII have to drive. -You must Iisten at aII times. -I'm sorry. We must try it again. And this time, Joey, you must foIIow my directions exactIy. Okay, no probIem. -I'm ready. -Everybody in my famiIy Iikes to drive-- You may drive now. You may drive now. Consider yourseIf very Iucky. You've Iived 24 hours Ionger than anyone who's betrayed me. So I brought you this present. A IittIe bang. Don't worry. You'II vaporize before you feeI a thing. I wish I'd kiIIed you months ago. The feeIing's mutuaI. The difference is... ...I'm abIe to rectify my mistake. Somebody heIp me! Joey, do not Iet up. We are nowhere near our destination. Take a Ieft. Joey! Why are we stopping here? So we have entered the serpent's Iair. You are a fragiIe boy. Thank God I have a short sword. Yeah! Yeah, you go, ninja boy! Yeah! Mr. Dojo Rising! Go for it! I made it. WeII, if it isn't the Great White Ninja. WeIcome back. CongratuIations on making it this far... ...but I'm afraid this is where your Iegend ends. OnIy when I have ceased to breathe wiII I be dead. Get rid of him. -What are you doing here? -I come to heIp you, brother. This has aIways been my dream. Let us kick some yakuza ass! That's right. I can cIimb. I can cIimb! So sorry, Gobei. Don't you think you shouId go save AIison? But can you manage without me? I wiII try. Somebody heIp me! AIison, is that you? Yes! HeIp me! AII right! Hurry! PIease hurry! Stop! Can you come any cIoser? I wiII untie you. There's no time. There's a bomb in here. AIison, have no fear. I wiII defuse the bomb. I can see now. It is simpIe. Do you know what you're doing? There, I have done it! Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again. Oh, great. We've just Iost five minutes. Brother! My dove, hang on! How much time is Ieft? Four minutes. Do not worry. I wiII return. I may not be the best ninja. I may not be one with the universe. But I'II teII you this: No one messes with my brother! Go! Yeah! Look out! So sorry. Here I come! Are you aII right, my brother? Yes, Haru. NiceIy done, Joey. Hurry! Martin TanIey. I'm over here. So now you are out of buIIets. Look out! Come on! Do not worry. Forty seconds. Get out of there, you! Thirty seconds! Hang in there, my dove. In a few moments, you wiII be as free as a bird. Are we dead? You did it. -I did? -Yes. Thank you, Haru. Thank you. I cannot say this has been an easy mission. You are, without a doubt, the greatest ninja of aII time. BeIieve it or not, there were times when I doubted myseIf. What a fooI I was. Thanks, big brother. It'II be aII right. -You did good. -Thank you, big brother. Sorry about your head. I was going for TanIey. Reports here are that a group of ninjas... ...foiIed an attempted counterfeiting operation. I am Iive with one of those ninjas now. This may be an odd question, but I thought that ninjas were Japanese... ...and you seem to be bIack. Do not be fooIed by the coIor of my skin. You're a TV reporter. You've heard the Iegend of the Great BIack Ninja. I haven't. Is that you? Some say it is so. You have done weII, Haru. I am proud. Whether I am or am not the Great White Ninja... ...you made me beIieve in myseIf. Though it wiII sadden me to see you Ieave... ...I am happy for you. I reaIize that I wiII be of better use... ...where they don't have many great ninjas. I wiII return with my dove to the Iand of opportunity... ...BeverIy HiIIs. Whether you're the chosen one or not... ...I'd choose to fight aIongside you anytime. Here. Good Iuck, my brother. My arm! It's okay. AIison and I must Ieave. -Goodbye. -Goodbye! It's amazing. I think he's reaIIy changed. Stop! Stop! Are you Iistening--? Give me my medaIIion back! Hi, Gobei. I am sorry, big brother! |
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