1
[somber music playing]
JAY: The Oxford
American Dictionary
defines "dark"
as the absence of light,
gloomy, cheerless.
That's why I despise the night
and loathe sleep.
But no matter how cold
and dark my cell is,
I know it can protect me
from my living nightmare.
[snores]
[Jay continues snoring]
[moans]
[pants]
JAY: When the cold case lawyer
came into my life,
a tiny sliver of light entered.
But being locked up
made me afraid to hope.
[buzzer]
JAY: I was as stiff as a board
talking to her.
Hi.
KAREN: I'm your new lawyer,
Karen Haley.
I don't know
if you've heard of me,
but I've done pretty well
with cold cases.
So let's get to work.
In your own words,
tell me exactly what happened.
I'll tell you,
but you're not gonna believe me.
Try me.
It's like a bad B horror movie.
That's why my attorney
wouldn't use it in my trial.
That's okay.
Don't worry about what I think.
Just tell me the events
as clearly as you can.
JAY: We were
on this trip to see
where they made
The Mangrove Slasher,
which is some dumb movie
we all watched.
They say it really happened.
Personally,
I don't believe in that stuff.
Who were we?
It was my five friends
and Veronica's cousin.
- Is Casey Veronica's cousin?
- Yeah.
And who were your other friends?
Veronica,
Scott,
Donny,
Kate,
Trevor, and me.
[mysterious music playing]
[rock music playing]
Hey, Kate.
Yeah, babe.
Jay's sleeping pretty sound
in back right now.
So?
So I'm feeling pretty warm
and fuzzy, what do you think?
I'm not gonna climb
on top of you.
I'm not asking you
to climb on top of me.
You can use those talented hands
of yours, come on.
Okay.
But you have to promise
to be quiet.
TREVOR: Shh.
All right, let's do it.
[zipper goes down]
[whirring]
So, uh, guys, I met this
Egyptian chick the other night.
Yeah, we were gonna get it on,
but she was on her pyramid.
[Donny laughs]
So I did her mummy instead.
[laughs]
- Get it, babe?
- DONNY: Mummy.
- SCOTT: Mummy instead?
- DONNY: Mummy. Ooh.
[laughs]
No.
We all know you're not
gonna make it as a comedian.
Why do you always have to say
things like that to me?
VERONICA: Like what, Scott?
You're always trying
to bring me down.
You know I'm so passionate
about my comedy!
You know, babe.
I would never fuck a comedian.
But a businessman,
I would do
dirty, dirty things to him.
[rock music playing]
[Trevor moans]
Hey...
I think Kate's giving Trevor
a hand job.
No, no, I, I think she's
really giving him a hand job.
TREVOR: Yeah, do that.
Yeah. Yeah.
KATE: He's gonna hear you.
TREVOR:
He's not hearing anything.
Look,
he has a smile on his face.
JAY: Ah, dude!
DONNY: Wait, I think they're
both getting hand jobs!
What do you think, Casey?
No.
Aah! Watch where you throw
your cigarettes.
Burnt the tip of my dick,
you dick.
Oh, shit. It stings.
Oh, my God,
it looks like a red Popsicle.
[Kate and Trevor laugh]
[video game music playing]
BOTH:
Turn that thing off, Donny!
[music stops]
[grunts]
Hey, hey, you wanna try?
[Donny moans]
Okay, okay.
Great Scott!
That was a DeLorean.
Wonder how fast it was going.
Hey, do you think the car's
all right parked back there?
It said tow away zone.
Dude, look around.
There's no one here for miles.
I think we're all right.
TRAVIS: How the hell
did you find out
about this place anyways?
SCOTT: That wasn't me, dude.
That was all Donny.
You know how he works.
[Travis scoffs] Figures, man.
KATE: Sounds pretty cool.
Where's Veronica?
She stayed in the car.
She's putting on more makeup.
And she hates nature,
and I quote,
"hates old settler homes."
Of course.
Where's the bathroom? Uh...
I'll help you find it.
CASEY: Yeah?
Good luck with that one,
you guys.
Why are you so quiet
back there, Jay?
'Cause his pussy hurts.
Don't be so harsh.
JAY: Dude, I heard you, man.
Well, seriously, man.
You're bringing
the whole group down.
Will you please
lighten up a little bit?
So, what's up with Jay?
What do you mean?
Well, does he, like,
you know, have a...
SCOTT: A girlfriend?
It's okay, you can ask.
[laughs]
Yeah.
Uh, no.
But it's funny
that you mention that.
Dude, seriously?
How am I supposed to forget
about her in three weeks?
Plus, we used to go
on all this shit, man.
We used to go on nature hikes
and all this, man.
So, what happened?
Well, um, as you can see,
all of us guys,
we're really tight.
Oh, that's so gay.
SCOTT: Yeah.
We're like a hot boy band.
[laughs]
Well, we were, at least.
Until our backstabbing friend
Steve
decided to, you know, sleep
with Jay's girlfriend
and broke up our entire group,
essentially.
Scumbag Steve.
JAY: He's a fucking asshole,
man.
TREVOR: That's where her mind's
at, though.
You gotta realize that.
Are you interested?
Maybe.
Ah, I'm making water.
This is awesome!
[retches]
Ew.
[retches]
[steps come closer]
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Ooh, oh.
What the fuck do you think
you're doing, boy?
[Donny whimpers]
I'm gonna blow
your goddamned head off.
[Donny screams]
What was that?
What the hell was that?
It sounded like Donny screaming.
Come on, come on.
- Shit.
- Donny!
[Donny screams]
[Donny screams]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Dude. God.
Whoa, welcome
to the party, people.
Damn city folks, think you can
come terrorize my village?
Actually, a village
is a group of houses
and associated buildings,
larger than a hamlet...
TRAVIS:
Donny, cut it out, dude.
...and smaller than a town
in a rural area.
- Are you wisecracking me, boy?
- DONNY: No, no, no, no.
I don't wanna die.
TRAVIS: You don't wanna do
this, man.
Oh, yes, I do.
After I off
this little pipsqueak,
well, I might just off
the rest of you.
I'll get you, too,
don't you worry.
[whimpering]
SCOTT: Just take it easy, man.
Ha!
I knew I had y'all.
I should be on the damn TV.
That wasn't funny.
Yeah, man.
You could have killed someone.
- What, this old thing?
- TRAVIS: Yeah.
Ah, this thing
hasn't shot in years.
Don't get your panties
all up in a wad.
DONNY: You really had me going.
Can I go back to my friends now?
- Here, have some jerky.
- Oh, thanks.
SCOTT: Big old fake gun trick.
Yeah, real good.
A little too good.
Yeah, you got me.
Well, I'm glad somebody
appreciates a good scare.
What do you besides scare
the shit out of people here?
TRAVIS: Yeah.
MAN: I don't know. Not much.
It ain't like it used to be.
Believe it or not,
this place used to be
the main attraction
off the main road.
Till they built
that goddamn highway.
Where you guys heading, anyway?
We're actually headed
to, um, Mangrove County
where, uh,
the infamous Mangrove Slasher
butchered, murdered a bunch
of teenagers very brutally.
And, uh, but, you know,
we like that kind of stuff.
So we're just stopping
roadside attractions,
kind of like the one
you have right here.
So you guys are sick fucks, huh?
Man, you like that twisted guts
and gore shit, don't you?
Yeah! Guts and gore.
Hey, hey, I don't mean
to be rude,
but we're already
behind schedule.
And we gotta get all the way
down to old country road
to get there,
so if you don't mind...
Well, a little word of advice.
I'd stick to the highway.
Wait.
Why do you say that?
Hmm, I don't know.
Heard stories about
the old country road, you know.
People not making it out alive.
[Jay scoffs]
Yeah, sure, man.
Thanks for not killing me.
And the jerky.
Sure, kid.
These people
are in for a real show.
TRAVIS: That was crazy.
[pants]
[pants]
[whimpering]
[laughs]
[deep voice] Going somewhere?
[laughing]
[girl screams]
[bell rings]
I was hanging pretty tough
till the last hand.
Thought I was
gonna get screwed again.
I was holding a ten,
jack of diamonds,
slot comes up, ace diamonds,
king diamonds, two of clubs.
So here I am with a first draw
and a spade draw.
Dumbass Ray raises the pot.
I'm thinking he's got an ace,
king, you know.
What the hell is
with this broke ass town?
So, you going to
the tractor pull Friday night?
Damn Skippy.
[screams]
- Dammit, Donny.
- [Donny laughs]
TRAVIS: Cut it out, man.
That's not funny.
Oh, that was funny.
Oh, you should have seen you.
You were like, aah!
And I was like...
You just scared the living
daylights outta him, didn't you?
Yeah, I did.
I did, I scared you.
Yeah. Whatever, yeah.
I got your number, Donny.
Hey, man.
The jokester over there
happened to lose our map.
So, we're kind of lost
right now, and in a pickle.
I don't know, do you have a map
back there we could check out,
maybe give us some direction?
Oh, yeah. Man, I got maps.
- No problem.
- Thank God.
Let me help you out here, buddy.
See, Donny? He's got us.
Right now...
DONNY: What?
That's, like, nothing.
Yup.
- Hi, there.
- Oh, hi.
Candy.
Well, I only... I only got four.
But you can have some.
Oh, no.
I'm Candy.
Oh.
Oh, I'm... I'm... I'm Donny.
We're going
to, uh, Mangrove County.
What's in Mangrove County?
Mangrove County?
All right. It's right here.
Wait, wait, wait. There?
DONNY: That's where these kids,
they were partying,
like, they were by the beach.
And this big, scary guy,
he was huge.
And he came...
He came and chased them.
And he had...
He had two, um, you know, um-
Those two machetes.
Yeah, yeah. Machetes.
And he's chasing them,
and he catches them.
And he starts, cuts them open
and chops
this one girl's head off.
It was down by the mangroves,
that's where we're going.
Well,
it's getting kind of late out.
Do you have a place to stay?
Well, actually,
we're kind of lost right now.
Well, if you wanted to,
you could stay with me
at the motel up the road.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
And there's a circus
right across the street.
No way. There's a circus?
[motorcycle motors running]
[shouts]
Hey! Guys, guys!
[pants]
There was a chick.
I was getting this candy.
I was getting some W and W's.
And she was all like,
"Hey, there's a circus."
And I was like,
"That's so cool."
And then, she said there's
a hotel we can all stay at.
And it's right down the road,
and we can hang out with her.
Ooh.
I don't know
if that's a good idea.
- CANDY: Hey, everybody.
- DONNY: This is Candy.
[Candy laughs]
Hi, y'all.
Holy shit.
You asshole.
[Candy laughs]
Ooh, you didn't tell me
there were more cuties out here.
Yummy.
[laughs]
Watch yourself.
Oh, don't worry, honey.
I was talking about you.
[laughs]
Ugh.
No, thank you.
DONNY: Tell them about
the circus and the motel.
And all...
And all the other stuff.
Oh, yes.
Well, I'm a trapeze artist
at our family circus
right down the road,
and right across the street
is a motel you all
can stay at for the night.
Would you like to come?
We'd love to have you.
Dude, I'm game for that, man.
I'm beat.
- Yeah.
- It's been a long day.
What do you think, Scott?
You wanna go stay at the motel?
I'm ready to go.
[dog barks]
So, this one time,
I had this dream
that I just got married
to this beautiful girl,
girl of my dreams.
I mean, I was in a dream.
And so, the night
of my honeymoon,
I wake up, and I'm all tied up.
And I'm still... I'm still...
I'm still in my tux.
And she's wearing her dress.
Except she's got a big chainsaw.
[laughs]
And she starts saying
how much she loves me,
and then starts cutting me.
No, it's not funny.
It was really scary.
I can think of scary things.
[laughs]
You know, maybe someday
I'll make your dream come true.
Oh, you're joking.
You're joking with me.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
I don't feel awkward anymore.
That was kind of...
That was kind of weird, though.
You're silly.
[Candy laughs]
What are you guys talking about?
That's a horrible dream.
Do you have to laugh that loud?
Oh, honey.
Money won't save you
here in the woods.
You're in
a survival situation now.
JAY: I heard
from another inmate
that they had gypsy circuses
all over the south,
with no regard for life.
They're all sick killers.
You damn gypsies!
This ain't no dog and pony show.
You perform, or you die!
Oh, wait till Mr. Kharver
hears about this.
Hey, boss, boss, these
performers, they're useless.
They just won't listen.
Let me off one of them
right now.
Come on, boss.
Please, boss. Let me off them.
You goddamn fool.
Don't you understand
what we're trying to do here?
I mean, we are trying
to show the world
the best goddamn circus
under the big top,
and how the fuck do you think
I can do that
if you go killing off
all our talent?
You fat, lunkheaded fuck.
[grunts]
You lumpy loaf.
[moans]
Oh, no. Oh, please. Oh.
Are you deaf?
SKID: I told you, boss,
I think he's one
of them retards or something.
[laughs]
Shut the fuck up.
Oh, now you can talk, huh?
[laughs]
You know, I don't even know
what the fuck you're saying.
But I see that you're not
so fucking deaf after all, huh?
I think I'm gonna kill you
anyway, you motherfucker.
Ah...
[laughs]
I got a better idea.
[moans]
[grunts]
Did you know that ten percent
of the human race
is left-handed?
Hey, hey, Bo...
Hey, I wasn't done
talking yet, Skid mark.
You know I hate it
when you call me that, boss.
It's just Skid, sir.
I am so sorry.
Skid scum.
Guzzle ho, motherfucker,
bitch hog.
[laughs]
Is that a little better?
Anyway...
I am left-handed.
And that means that I access
the right hemisphere
of my brain,
which means I am creative.
Hey, boss,
Einstein was left-handed.
He's a genius.
There you go,
I'm a motherfucking Einstein.
Yes, you are.
My cousin...
...on the other hand,
is a two-faced,
shifty, stupid bastard
who hasn't had
a brand new thought in his mind
in a thousand years.
Now, what he doesn't know
is I am an entrepreneur.
I've got the best acts.
That's right, boss.
I got you the best in the world.
You didn't get me shit.
All you did was kidnap
the ones that I wanted,
and I wanted
the best of the best.
That's right, boss.
It's your time to shine.
[laughs]
Right you are,
right you fucking are.
And don't you forget it.
[car stops]
[car doors close]
...report three convicts just
broke out of the county lockup.
Authorities say they
are considered
to be extremely dangerous
and advise everyone to stay
indoors and stay locked up.
DONNY: Oh, check it out!
Popcorn.
REPORTER: Back to you.
TRAVIS: Hello?
- Is anyone even here?
- I don't know.
Donny, you're probably gonna
have to pay for that, you know.
I'll let them know.
Man, this reminds me.
Me and her stayed
at a hotel just like this.
Seriously, you're
gonna get into that again?
It's like the same
wooden top, too.
Just lay go, all right? Please.
I'm tired.
I just wanna get to sleep.
Let me just chill for the night.
It'll be good.
We got some brews.
You know, it'll be fine.
- All right?
- All right.
Seriously, dude, we need a room.
Hello? Hello?
Come on.
Hi, there, fellas.
You guys looking for a room?
I got all kinds of rooms.
Donny, how do you have
this much energy?
I can put you
in the presidential suite.
Oh, whoa.
Donny, you might wanna
get out from behind there.
There's chicks in this room.
It's okay, don't worry.
I'm just checking vacancies
to see
if I can save us some time.
Oh, there's chicks in that room.
Yeah, could I just get you
to step over
to that side of the counter?
Oh.
Okay.
That side of the counter.
You guys need a room?
Uh, I guess two rooms, probably.
Yeah, just, yeah.
Just for tonight.
You guys need two rooms?
- Yes.
- Guys, girls, just...
No, no, no.
I need... I need my own room.
I need... I need my own room.
I need my... I need my own room.
I have money.
Okay.
What, you just got a hundred?
- Yeah.
- Mellow out, Donny.
- I need...
- Do you want two rooms or three?
- We're gonna get three.
- It's all right, dude.
- Thank you.
- All right.
- Here's a hundred.
- Need someone to sign this.
[inaudible]
Let's go, Donny.
Be the big dog, Donny.
No, no, I am the big dog, Donny.
That's right, Donny.
You're gonna get all up in that.
You're gonna get
all up in Candy tonight.
[exhales]
[groans]
[groaning] One.
[groans]
[groaning] Two.
[groans]
[groaning] Three.
Ff...
Four.
[grunts]
Ff...
[groaning] Fifty.
Ugh.
[whines]
[pants]
[shower running]
[shower running]
Ugh.
I need a brush.
[chuckles]
My hair is awful.
I think I have one.
Uh, I think Veronica has one.
I'm gonna check her bag.
- [laughs]
- KATE: Ooh, la, la.
[Kate laughs]
Oh.
Oh.
[both laugh]
Gross.
You know where that's been?
Ugh.
[laughs]
Oh, my God, that's...
Ooh, I'm Veronica.
Hmm, he loves me.
Ew.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
- Ew. That's so gross.
- KATE: He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
She's been in the bathroom
for a long time.
Let's get her out. Let's do it.
[Casey laughs]
All right, come on. Come on.
Let's do this. All right.
Hey, Veronica!
It's me, your best friend.
VERONICA: I'm getting ready.
Hang on.
Hurry up!
It's me, your best friend.
What's so funny? Why...
Like you don't have one.
You know how Scott's always
walking around
telling those jokes?
Yeah.
[laughs]
I got a joke for him.
I don't know if he'd appreciate
the punchline, though.
- What?
- His girlfriend.
- Ho.
- Dude, I hate that girl so much.
I know.
[sighs]
Weird thing is, I've been
thinking about them, though.
Thinking about, like, what?
Like, them doing it.
Screwing?
[laughs]
Yeah, screwing.
Let's be honest.
Scott has been
with some beautiful girls
in his time, right?
We both know that.
Oh, yeah.
So why the hell
does he put up with her shit?
I don't know.
Maybe it could be love.
[both laugh]
Way to get all sappy on me, man.
I don't think that's it.
Well, she comes
from a wealthy family.
She's a real rich bitch.
I don't know, man.
I don't think
Scott cares about that stuff.
Yeah.
Well, you know her dad's
supposed to get him that job.
Oh, yeah. The job
I've heard so much about.
Could you actually
picture Scott selling insurance?
First of all,
they would make him shave.
And then they'd probably dress
him up in this suit,
with a matching tie.
And he'd have some pens
sticking out of his pocket.
[laughs]
Oh, man.
I feel like working on
that song we were writing.
- All right, dude. Guitars?
- Guitars.
[guitar tuning]
One, two, three.
[upbeat music playing]
Now I'm trying
to understand you
So understand me
when I'm talking to you
Now I'm trying
to understand you
So understand me
when I'm talking to you
Da da da oh
Da da da oh
Da da da oh
Da da da oh
Can you feel
the way I feel?
Is this real?
Can you feel
the way I feel?
Is this real?
Da da da oh
Da da da oh
- Scott.
- The rock stars.
What's up, man?
I gotta go [inaudible].
I'll be white black.
- KATE: Hey, Trevor!
- Yeah, what's up?
KATE: Let's go back [inaudible]
Looks like I'm
outta here too, man.
"Theater of Thrills."
Huh, Donny is going to shit
his pants when he sees this.
Oh, my, he's gonna freak.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You're Jay, right?
- Yeah.
- Casey.
- Yeah.
I'm Veronica's cousin.
Oh, I didn't know. Cool.
CASEY: I just had to come over
and tell you
I really liked
that song you played.
Thanks. Yeah, I've been
working on it for a while.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Cool.
CASEY: So, have you
and the guys
known each other
for a long time?
Yeah, actually we've
been friends since high school.
But, uh, Trevor, the one
I was playing guitar with,
uh, we've known each other
since we were kids.
Actually, we met at Scott's
birthday party last year.
Oh, yeah.
You were with someone.
- Yeah.
- Girlfriend, maybe?
Ex-girlfriend.
I'm on this trip.
I was dragged here to try to,
I guess, like, forget about her.
It's just like every
little thing reminds me of her.
I'm sorry, I'm just
talking a lot. I'm just...
You're fun.
If it makes you feel any better,
I've actually been cheated on
four times.
Four times? Damn.
You got me beat by three.
[gasps]
Hey, there, buster.
I was just kidding.
So what was
the last jerk's name?
Um, Sean.
Sean. Sounds like a real pussy.
- [laughs]
- [laughs]
He was.
He is.
So, did you at least
get the T-shirt?
T-shirt? What T-shirt?
You know, the one that says,
"Some bitch broke my heart,
and fucked me up good."
That one
got held up in the mail.
See, it hurts
when you let it hurt.
Yeah, like, that's the thing.
All I've been thinking about is,
what's the matter with me,
and what did I do wrong?
No. There is something
wrong with her.
Put it this way.
Everything happens for a reason.
[pants]
We didn't realize
that these gypsy
white trash circus freaks
were eating human sushi.
They looked at us like we
were a juicy rack of lamb.
[grunting]
[groans]
Donny, come on, dude,
you don't even know
where you're going!
[pants]
Hey, guys,
you don't want to be late!
I wanna find Mr. Guy That Bites
The Heads Off Chickens and...
And the bearded lady.
My God, why are we here?
Bugs. I can't take this.
Seriously.
I'm hungry. I'm tired.
What the heck?
[whispering] She's ridiculous.
Yeah. She's something else.
[chuckles]
[circus music playing]
[people cheering]
Ladies and gentlemen,
children of all ages!
Welcome to the greatest show
under the big top.
The Theater of Thrills!
[applause]
[people cheering]
Me?
[squeak]
[people laugh]
[people laugh]
[screams]
Just a little bit hungry.
That kid just bit me, man.
Come on,
let's get out of here, guys.
God, dammit.
[people laugh]
Who needs you?
Donny was obsessed
with this Candy girl.
[sighs]
She was a barefoot, inbred...
redneck product
of a monkey fuck.
But we all wanted
Donny to get laid.
When Trevor got bit by some kid,
we all took off.
I was glad,
'cause it was creepy.
Then things got weird.
Really fast.
They're leaving?
Ugh.
I do everything around here.
Jesus, man,
what the hell was up with that?
I say we just get
the hell out of here.
CANDY: Guys, stop,
where you going?
- Where are we going?
- What's wrong, yeah?
What the heck's going on
with that circus back there?
Oh, come on.
It's just their sense of humor.
Don't be such a baby.
Come on, we wanna invite you
to dinner
as our special guests
just to make up for it. Yeah.
- I don't know.
- Yeah, let's go.
- No, you know what?
- I'm hungry.
Come on, I'm making
something special for you.
Yeah, I guess, but, I mean,
dinner and we're out...
- Dine and dash.
- That works.
TREVOR: All right, Donny.
We will stay.
Oh, come on. I mean, wait.
Wait, we can stay?
Oh, dude, thanks.
To complicate things,
these escaped
petty armed robbers,
they were hitting,
uh, places near the circus.
Come on, Billy Boy.
Time's a wasting.
[scoffs]
Ah, we should go
get some beers, man.
No. We don't have enough time.
We'll get that cash.
We'll get that jacket you love.
Jesus.
You do love that jacket.
All right, all right.
Oh, do you have to do
that right in front of me?
What, is this scaring you?
What, with that little thing?
[scoffs] I don't think so.
What do you mean,
hitting places near the circus?
They held up a tow truck shop
and a gas station.
I think they were high on meth.
- Did you get that memo?
- I'm so sick and tired of...
Yo, Moe.
[neck cracks]
What do you know?
- [laughs]
- Yeah, that's right.
I know you got the payroll.
Nice tits, bitch.
I'm not fooling around.
Where's the money, fatso?
Fatso?
Is that the best you've got,
you creep?
Creep?
Creep.
[thud]
Oh. What are you hitting me for?
Money's in the drawer.
BILLY BOY: Ugh.
Yeah!
[Scabs laughs]
[muffled] Hey, that's my jacket.
Thanks.
[muffled] What the heck,
get off my fucking jacket.
[sighs]
Candy.
Hmm, Candy.
[gasps]
[whimpers]
[kissing sounds]
[Donny screams]
[moans]
[moans]
Oh, man, not again.
[sniffs]
Ew.
[buzzing]
[door creaks]
Hey, handsome.
Nice hardware.
You wanna hook up?
[laughs]
Yeah, I wanna hook up.
So what kind of beers
you guys got here?
Oh, man. We got the finest.
Roadkill Beer.
Hey, look at that.
They got Roadkill Beer.
And Finger Lick 'ems, too.
[Scabs laughs]
[laughs]
You know what else is funny?
I just heard on the radio
about some folks that look
just like y'all
out murdering and killing folks.
[laughs]
That's funny.
[laughs]
You think that gun's
gonna scare me, boy?
This ain't the city.
Look, old man,
we're not messing around here.
Yeah, me neither.
[inaudible]
just get him off of me!
You think you freaks
can come in here
and flash your guns
on me like that?
You're wrong.
BILLY BOY:
Get him off me, dammit.
Oh.
So much for hooking up.
Well, the offer's still
on the table, baby.
No! Here's the offer.
[car engine starts]
Oh!
Hey.
Ooh.
Oh.
She...
Ooh, wow.
What, me?
Yeah?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. Let me...
Oh, I gotta go get my...
I gotta go get my shirt.
[moans]
Hold on.
Candy?
Candy?
Oh, hey.
There you are.
Thought you got cold feet.
Oh, oh, no. My feet are hot.
Like, like, dirty hot.
Like, sweaty hot.
Come here.
I've got a surprise for you.
Oh, yeah? Surprise?
Have you ever had
moonshine before?
Wait, you want me
to drink your piss?
- No. It's moonshine. Try it.
- Moonshine?
Wait, won't this stuff
make me go blind?
[scoffs]
Give it here.
[sighs]
Now try it.
You'll like it.
All right.
[retches]
Ah, ah.
CANDY: That's not
how you're supposed to drink it.
It's, it's good.
It's good, though.
You're so cute.
You're beautiful, Candy.
Donny, do you like me?
- A lot.
- Yeah.
Do you want me?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
Why do you want me?
'Cause you're...
Look at you.
You're just... You're everything.
Drink it.
I think I had enough.
This is kind of...
[with foreign accent] No,
it will make you feel strong.
[Donny, distorted]
What happened to your accent?
Don't worry.
[distorted] I'm feeling kind
of [inaudible].
Oh...
[gurgling]
[retches]
[screams]
Are you okay?
Do you need to take a break?
No. It's just hard
bringing this stuff up.
I've been trying to forget it
for the last four years.
KAREN: Are you okay
to continue?
Yeah.
[sighs]
[moans]
[groans]
Candy?
Candy, where am I?
Hello?
Oh, no. No, oh, no.
What's that thing?
Candy?
What's going on?
Why are you wearing
a wedding dress? Why am...
Shh.
Honey, I'm here to make
dreams come true, remember?
No, no. No.
This is how you wanted it.
- No, no, no, no, God, no.
- Yes!
[laughs]
Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Oh, no. No, don't, no, no.
[screams]
[laughter]
[rock music playing]
Watch out, I gotta take a piss.
[yelling]
[laughter]
[violin playing lively music]
Hey, Sarge, you wanna come up
into my office for a quickie?
Ah.
Hurry up in there.
I need to take a shit.
[urinates]
KHARVER: Peter, Peter,
pumpkin eater,
his dick was only a centimeter.
All the fighting,
killing, and blow,
and still his little bobo
didn't grow.
[Kharver laughs]
Oh, Sargey, Sargey.
Why are you so glum?
Oh, look,
I was only pulling your leg.
[laughs]
Hey, Sarge, how's it going?
[laughs]
Hey, you're looking good, man.
I hope I didn't hurt
your feelings.
I am sorry.
You know me, old Mr. Kharver,
sometimes I do speak
before I think.
[laughs]
You know,
you're quite the cut of a man.
I really do appreciate that.
In fact, you know what?
I would have to say, you're a...
You're a goddamn fashion plate.
Look at you with your plaid,
and your...
Oh, those are real buttons,
aren't they?
And pockets. The whole thing.
I gotta say,
and that denim, you know,
unlike that stupid
son of a bitch motherfucker
that you work for.
You know,
that guy's got no imagination.
He's got no fashion sense.
In fact, Sarge, you know,
I gotta wonder,
why the fuck do you work
for that asshole?
[laughs]
You know what? I'm the one you
should be working for, frankly.
Because, you know,
I wasn't gonna tell you this,
but I got a surprise for you,
Sarge.
Right in the trunk.
You know why?
Because I'm an entrepreneur.
I'm a visionary.
And I've got
a real good sense of talent.
So, I want you to come over here
and take a look at this.
Come on, Sarge.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
There they are.
I tell you, Sarge,
they're the flying phenoms.
They're the flying fallacies,
I mean.
I don't give a bearded lady's
ball sack what you call it.
The fact is,
they are under contract
to Sir Duke Kharver.
[Kharver laughs]
SARGE: Fuck you.
Hey, you son of a bitch.
You're missing
a big opportunity, Sarge.
But of course,
you wouldn't know that
if it kissed you in the ass.
You sucker.
Ah, shit.
[screams]
Oh, fuck,
look what you made me do.
You're gonna have
a hard time on the trapeze,
missing that finger.
Ah, son of a bitch.
[both moan]
- Yeah.
- Oh, baby, it's a marathon.
I hate to admit it.
[laughs]
[Sarge laughs]
WOMAN: Yes, oh.
[Sarge moans]
[both moan]
WOMAN: Oh.
Quit fucking around,
Daddy says it's time for dinner.
[sniffs]
[grunts]
[somber music playing]
JAY: When we entered
the train car,
there was something
unnerving about it all.
VERONICA:
Is Donny here already?
JAY: Donny's
gonna meet us later.
He's with Candy.
VERONICA: Ooh.
Oh, we've been expecting you.
Please sit and enjoy.
Allow me to introduce you
to my associates.
Sergeant Psycho.
You could say he does
not play well with others.
[grunts]
[sighs]
And to my left,
this is Bellevue Bob.
[laughs]
- He's a real people person.
- [squeaks]
[pants]
- [laughs]
- [moans]
[sucks]
I am not eating this.
It's disgusting.
So, uh,
what kind of clown are you?
[farts]
Ugh, gross, dude.
[all laugh]
[blows]
[burble]
Excuse me.
Where's the ladies' room?
- Well, that's easy.
- Shut it!
If you exit the train car,
you go into the warehouse
and you'll find it.
What?
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
[breathing]
[flies buzz]
[Casey coughs]
Man, Casey's been gone a while.
I think I'm gonna go
check on Casey.
I'm not feeling well.
Thank you, thank you.
Babe?
Babe.
What? Why did she just run away?
Well, that was quite rude.
Slit that bitch's throat
and boyfriend pissed his pants.
[both laugh]
BOSS: Hey, look
at that window over there.
That's a place we could stay.
BILLY BOY: Oh, pull over.
Pull over.
Hey, we may be able
to stay here for the night.
[door creaks]
[girl hums]
What are you doing in here?
I'm playing.
Where's your mom and dad?
They're right here.
Why don't you come with me?
And I'll help you
find your mom and dad.
So you're not alone. Come on.
I'm not alone.
[laughs]
[Casey screams]
[laughter]
Hey, Daddy.
Why, hello, dear.
I made you
something very special.
Ah, a nice treat
from my lovely daughter.
[screams]
[screams]
KATE: Oh, my God!
[clowns laugh]
SCOTT: Baby,
you just gotta calm down.
VERONICA: Scott,
I'm not gonna calm down.
Seriously,
will you just listen to me?
I'm trying,
but you won't stop yelling.
No, you're not listening to me.
There's an eyeball in my soup.
- Just give me your key.
- VERONICA: I don't have my key.
SCOTT: Why don't you
have your key?
VERONICA: Because I don't
have my key.
VERONICA: You're supposed
to carry my stuff.
Shh.
This is all class.
Too bad it's all low class.
- You're screaming. Geez.
- Because...
SCOTT: Just give me your key.
That's all I want is your key.
Hey, guys. Having some problems?
- Can you help us, please?
- Sure.
- There's...
- What's wrong?
- There's these crazy people.
- Babe, just relax...
Stop telling me
to calm down, Scott.
There was a circus
a little ways up the road.
Can you help us, please?
She says there's
an eyeball in her soup.
- There was an eyeball...
- I think she's overreacting.
Do you have
a phone we could use?
- Sure.
- Please.
You know what?
Come on to my room,
and, uh, you can tell me all
about it.
Thank you so much.
Company.
What?
- Scott...
- I think we're just gonna leave.
- I think we have the wrong room.
- I think not.
There were these people
living in this dark warehouse.
JAY: I couldn't see them.
But I could feel them.
One of them grabbed Casey.
She got away, but they...
They scratched her up.
[whimpers]
[screams]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
[pants]
Casey, what happened?
I can't tell...
[mumbles]
What are you talking about?
We need to get out of here
right now.
- You're bleeding.
- We need to get out of here.
- What are you talking about?
- They...
They attacked me.
We need to get out.
- You're not making any sense.
- We need to go.
We need to go. We need to go!
[growl]
See?
I told you.
It's coming.
[growl]
Come on.
Shit.
[pants]
It's fucking locked.
I guess it's door number two.
What the hell? It's a dead end.
The door's locked.
What do you mean
the door's locked?
I mean, I can't open it.
- Jay, open it.
- I'm trying!
[whirring]
- Jay!
- JAY: What?
The wall's moving in.
JAY: Holy shit!
[screams]
God!
Dammit! God dammit!
Fuck!
- [Jay groans]
- [screams]
Fucking thing jammed.
[Casey screams]
[both pant]
- Kate!
- [Kate cries]
Kate! Kate, Kate, calm down.
Shh, shh.
Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate.
- [cries]
- Kate, calm down.
- I can't calm down.
- Look at me, look at me.
- I can't calm down.
- Look at me, just calm down.
Calm down, okay?
Just calm down.
Just look at me. Look at me.
Just calm down.
We'll find help, all right?
We'll find help.
We're gonna
take care of it, okay?
We're gonna take care of it.
Just calm down.
Let's find a phone.
Let's get help and get
the fuck out of here, okay?
KATE: Okay.
- You have to help us, man.
- Please.
- Do you have a phone?
- Sure.
BILLY BOY:
I'm gonna call you Legs.
- Just get your hands off her.
- Hey, hey, don't be a hero.
- Oh, thank God.
- Jesus.
Hey, guys. Welcome to the party.
[cocks gun]
Scott!
You've gotta be
fucking kidding me.
[hissing]
[muffled] Jay, wake up.
CASEY: Jay, wake up.
- Where are we?
- I don't know.
I don't know, but we
gotta get out of here soon.
Let's go.
[Jay moans]
- CASEY: Are you okay?
- JAY: Uh, yeah.
Let's go that way.
I think there's
an opening up here.
Just go through it.
- CASEY: Come on.
- JAY: Let's go.
We need to figure out
a way out of here.
Someone's messing with us.
There's gotta be
a way out of here.
- CASEY: I don't think so.
- [growl]
JAY: Wow, did you hear that?
No. What?
Shh.
[rustle]
I don't think
we're alone in here.
I have a very bad feeling
about this.
[growls]
Oh, come on.
Uh, eight-foot clown creature?
You're not exaggerating
a little?
I told you
you wouldn't believe me.
Shit.
[growls]
[Veronica screams]
[growls]
JAY: Goddamn, let her go!
[screams]
Let her go!
Get off me!
[grunts]
[moans]
JAY: Come on.
[moans]
[clanging]
It's gonna be okay.
[pants]
Donny's dead.
What are you talking about?
[sobs]
- KATE: He's dead.
- What is she talking about?
They killed him, Scott.
Who killed him?
The clowns killed him, man.
Look, you gotta help us, guys.
They already killed
one of our friends.
[Scabs] They?
Who the hell is they?
The clowns.
The clowns.
The clowns?
[all laugh]
BOSS: Smell my flower.
They're gonna find you.
And they're gonna kill us all.
Find us?
No, no. They can't find us.
We cannot be found.
TRAVIS: ...circus, and they cut
my friend's fucking head off.
BOSS: I'll take care of this.
[cocks gun]
I gotta be doing
everything around here.
Clowns?
I'm out here
looking for fucking clowns.
Jesus Christ.
[laughter]
[laughter]
Ha!
[laughter]
Ha! Got a load of these clowns.
There's not somebody really out
there with a shotgun, is there?
He's just fucking
with me, right?
[laughs]
[thud]
[grunts]
Unleash the hoard!
[laughing and screaming]
[screams]
BOSS: Get off of me.
[Boss screams]
- What are we waiting for?
- Get outta here, guys.
Whoa.
There is a clown.
And he's juggling.
I'm gonna make
this fucker dance.
Oh, my God!
Scabs!
[screams]
No!
- [laughs]
- [Scab screams]
JAY: You're all right. Come on.
[pants]
[pant]
What are you doing?
Veronica!
[growls]
SCOTT: Veronica!
Veronica!
[pants]
Scott.
Scott!
[pants]
Scott!
SCOTT: Veron...
[gurgles]
[Scott moans]
That's a real side splitter.
Why aren't you laughing?
[laughs]
Scott!
[growls]
[Veronica screams]
[moans]
[moans]
[chuckles]
[laughs]
[laughter]
Did you hear that?
Here, come on!
Just stay quiet.
[growls]
[laughs]
What do you do
when you're getting chased
by a hoard of clowns?
What's that?
Go for the jugular.
[all laugh]
I'd go for the balls.
Shut up, Wiggy.
Faggot.
Fuck.
[grunts]
Whoa!
Oh, shit.
[screams]
[screams]
[both pant]
[whispering] Trevor!
Jesus,
where the hell were you guys?
- Where are Scott and Donny, man?
- Dude, Donny's dead.
- Shit.
- KATE: Scott just ran off.
Oh, shit.
What about Veronica?
I don't know.
They ran off into the woods.
We haven't seen her.
Dude, seriously,
where were you guys?
Ever since I followed Casey
to the bathroom,
- it's been fucking chaos, man.
- What are you talking about?
We were being attacked
by creatures.
I don't even know
what they were.
- What?
- Yeah, dude. Creatures.
Dude, what's going on?
I fucking stabbed it
in the fucking eye.
- What?
- Okay. Okay, okay. Look...
We need a plan.
Scott and Veronica
might be back at the car, okay?
I'd say that's our best bet,
right?
CASEY: No, no.
- We gotta go back to the car.
Are you insane?
We're all gonna die!
That's the only way out of here.
No! No. We can't. Kate.
Casey, it's the only way.
We have to get back to the car.
- Let's go.
- Let's get out of here.
- We gotta go.
- Come on.
Go, please go.
Just stay low.
KATE: Go, go!
See anything?
TRAVIS: I think
it's clear back there.
- Do you guys want to chance it?
- Yeah, let's go for it, man.
Let's go.
[screaming]
[laughing and screaming]
Shit.
Oh.
- Oh, God.
- This is not good, man.
[inaudible]
Hold your weapon.
[car engine starts]
Go, go!
Hey, get a load of this!
[laughs]
[engine revvs]
[laughing and screaming]
[screaming]
[sings opera song]
[grunting]
Run!
Wait, the clowns didn't attack
until the fat lady sang?
I know it's weird, isn't it?
But it's the truth.
[engine revvs]
[growling]
[laughs]
[pants]
[car engine revvs]
[laugh]
KATE: Guys, wait.
- TRAVIS: Kate!
- I can't breathe.
Kate, no! Get out!
[muffled] Kate! Kate!
No! No!
[laughs]
[clang]
[laughing]
[moaning]
[gasps]
Where are you, man?
Where are you?
[whimpering]
Why don't you just
finish the job, huh?
Just finish the job already,
you pussy!
[groans]
[screams]
[laughs]
I don't know how,
but me and Casey
found a way out of there.
Come on!
Casey, come on! Let's go!
Come on!
We ran until daybreak.
Made it to the highway.
Flagged down a cop.
Come on!
Come on, let's go!
Oh, my God, it's a cop.
Hey! Hey, hey!
Hey!
[police car siren wailing]
Thank you.
Thank God you're here.
Please help us.
Oh, shit,
they're all fucking dead.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just calm down.
- We can't calm down!
- Someone killed all our friends.
- Someone's coming to get us.
- You gotta help us.
Well, get in the car.
I'll call for backup.
Deputy Harris to base.
I got them.
Bringing them in now.
[police car siren wailing]
JAY: Turns out
the cop was one of them.
Brought us right back
to the circus.
[sighs]
Okay.
I... I think we need a break.
No.
Well, then, I need a break.
I need to finish.
Okay.
JAY: When he brought us
back to the circus,
they locked me up
in some old Civil War cages.
I don't know
what they did with Casey.
Until...
They tied us up.
About two feet apart.
We were facing each other.
With a chainsaw.
They chopped her up.
I was covered in her blood.
They just kept laughing.
So they took her head
and torso out of the room.
I got my hand free
and got out of there.
This time I didn't
go near the highway.
You ran through the woods again.
JAY:
I ran for three or four days.
[Jay pants]
KAREN: That was 85 miles from
where you claim this circus was.
JAY: I must have passed out.
[cardiac monitor beeping]
JAY: I woke up in hospital.
They took my clothes.
Well, you were sentenced
to 25 years to life
for the murder of Casey,
because they found two pints
of her blood in your clothing.
I told all this
to my trial attorney.
They had me plead guilty.
Plea bargain deal.
Yeah, some deal.
The deal was
to keep you off death row.
I bet they're eating
backwoods hillbillies right now.
I think we have a pretty
good chance for a retrial.
With your story and the fact
that they never found the body.
Thank you.
Thank you.
[sobs]
JAY: When they found the body
of that eight-foot clown
creature
in the middle of my retrial,
yeah, that's
when they believed me.
After my acquittal,
I got as far away
from those southern
back wood hillbilly clowns
as I possibly could.
I'm confident there's
no crazy clowns out here.
[growls]
[laughs]
Are you seeing this?
Yeah, fucking pull over.
This chick looks fine.
[girl cries]
What the fuck
happened to your face?
Holy shit.
Um, my boyfriend hit me.
Um, I'm really worried,
I don't know
how far away he is from here.
But can you take me
somewhere safe?
Yeah, he's fucking dead.
Get in, get in.
Thank you. Thank you.
Hurry.
[laughter]
[somber music playing]
[rock music playing]
Big top evil
Big top evil
Big top evil
Big top evil
We are coming to your town
Judge, jury
and executioner
Saints, sinner, salvation
What you're made of,
what you are
Big top evil
Bright lights
Big top evil
Big top evil
Good times
You never live alive
Welcome to the show
Who is ready to die
We've been expecting you
You better run
so you can hide
You better run
Oh, yeah
You're gonna die
Big top evil
Bright lights
Big top evil
Big top evil
Good times
You never live alive
Let's take a ride
Good night
[man laughs]
MAN: Hello, boys and girls.
Welcome to...
Cirque Du Slay.
[laughs]
Have fun.
I hope you didn't come here
to play
'Cause nobody plays games
at Cirque Du Slay
Admission is free today
Have a great time
and enjoy your stay
The hills have eyes
We have Mad Max
Cut your air supporter
[inaudible] clubs
I'm the ringmaster
Bring disaster
The whole family killers,
yeah
Man, we crank
If it [inaudible]
Trevor, Scott, and Jay
V is for Veronica
And Donny don't blame
I hope
you didn't come here today
Hoping to have a good time
And go back your way
It ain't happening
We kidnapping
We might go mangrove
and start neck snapping
That's how we roll
We're sick people
Tear limb and body
Won't need a sequel
I hope you didn't come
here to play
'Cause nobody plays games
at Cirque Du Slay
Admission is free today
Have a great time
and enjoy your stay
I hope you didn't come
here to play
'Cause nobody plays games
at Cirque Du Slay
Admission is free today
Have a great time
and enjoy your stay
[man laughs]
MAN: We all know
you won't be leaving.
[man laughs]
[somber music playing]