1
I am a homosexual.
I am also a photographer
with a penchant for polaroids.
I am a film buff
with a preference
for women's melodramas.
And I'm just an all-around nice guy.
But more often than not,
I am identified as...
a homosexual.
Mother nature dealt me this,
her first blow,
26 years ago
when I was born in a small town...
in Indiana...
where there's plenty of corn, fast cars,
and straights.
Lots...
and lots...
of straights.
I mean...
a lot.
It didn't take me too long
to figure out
that I didn't really fit in--
I mean, at all--
so as soon as I got the chance,
I moved to the big city.
Los Angeles...
where there's plenty of movie stars,
fast cars,
and homosexuals.
Gays, lesbians, bis.
I mean, people will try
anything in this place.
But now I've become a misfit
of a different kind...
a romantic.
Contrary to popular belief,
all homosexuals
don't get laid all the time.
Some of us, in fact,
long for true love, kids,
a house in the country
with a white picket fence...
I mean, face it.
You straights have it all.
Well, this is what I've got:
a story which I offer
to the homos and the heteros
in hopes of bringing us all
a little bit closer
to understanding those words
"straight" and "gay"--
if, in fact,
they have any meaning at all.
I issue one warning.
There are no tits in this picture.
Just a tongue in an ear,
a brief bit of foreplay,
and, of course, one hollywood screen kiss.
My story begins
in a west hollywood apartment.
That's me, in bed with Fernando,
who I'm seeing, kind of...
sort of. I don't know.
See, he's already committed
to somebody else,
but more about this
and the rest of my story
after this really groovy credit sequence.
A cuban love song
Oh, not the ear thing again.
You are so special.
Mmm.
You are...
so special.
So, so, so, so...
special.
Oh, all right.
You are so special.
In spanish, spanish.
Estan especial.
More spanish.
This is Fernando.
Leave a message.
Fernando, it's Peter.
Tonto!
Pick up.
I can't do this.
You are so special.
Yeah, not special enough.
Billy.
Peter and I have an open relationship.
Yeah, wide open.
I picked you up at rage, for Christ's sake.
Maybe if you spent some time
with me and Peter.
Please.
I'm no bigamist.
A farewell kiss?
Un beso de despedida?
I'll see you here Sunday.
Ok. Call me.
What happened?
I didn't get it.
Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
She said it was cool.
It's just that not too many artists
will be buying vacuum cleaners this season.
Oh, no.
All right.
She's right.
Thank you.
Well, come on.
Most of the world's population
simply does not have good taste.
You can't expect a person like that
to appreciate something this--
Artsy?
No. She called it artsy?
Buy me a drink.
I'll buy you a coffee.
Ok, so what are you gonna do now?
I don't know.
I'm gonna have to borrow
money from somewhere
to cover next month's rent.
Maybe I should just leave L.A.
Come on, Billy.
My life here fucking sucks.
Hey, well at least you've got Frederico.
Fernando.
You know...
I hate being the other woman.
Ok, and the husband?
Peter, ok.
He's like 19.
I think he's the paperboy.
What do you expect, Billy?
You keep finding yourself attracted
to these totally unavailable boys.
On some level you must not be ready
for true intimacy.
Ok, you know what? Never mind.
You're just gonna go on
in this shitty relationship
just to torture yourself.
Better to be tortured and getting laid
than comfortable and not.
Hi, Billy, George.
Hey, Les.
We'll see you at Holly's party?
I'm meeting Perry there.
I'm meeting Perry there.
Freak, party of one.
Freak, party of one.
Come on. He's a nice guy.
You could be using this
down time productively.
You've got no job,
and you're angst-ridden
over a bad relationship.
Maybe that puts you
at your creative peak.
What about that idea
of shooting those romantic film stills?
Pretentious.
Billy, you're pretentious.
I don't have any models.
You know what?
We get mark to dress up as Deidre.
Ok, there's half a couple.
Yeah, and I'm sure I could
get Andrew to do it.
Andrew, your boyfriend?
You know what you're doing?
This is called creating obstacles.
George, one does not create
obstacles for oneself, ok?
They just kind of--
Excuse me.
Happen.
More?
Uh, yeah.
You can top me off.
Thanks.
Anytime.
No, thanks.
Snack.
That boy is far too beautiful
to be slopping coffee.
There you have it.
There I have what?
Your male model lead.
He's perfect.
George, stop directing my life.
A nice body, a gorgeous unspoiled face.
George, no.
Ok, you know what?
That's it. Fuck it.
Come on, don't go.
No. You're better off
locked up in the apartment,
withering away in front of amc.
Oh, God, I hate it when you do that.
Um...
regular, right?
Ladies and gentlemen,
messieurs et messieuses,
et cetera.
The delectable...
the delicious...
the delightful...
the lovely miss Deidre.
Where's the 20 bucks you owe me, bitch?
Say, love me, leave me
Let me be lonely
You won't believe me
But I love you only
I'd rather be lonely
Than happy with somebody else
You might find the nighttime
The right time for kissing
Nighttime is my time
For just reminiscing
Regretting instead of forgetting
Somebody else
There'll be no one
Unless that someone is you
I intend to be independently blue
Say, hey, hey
I want your love
Don't want to borrow
Have it today
To give back tomorrow?
Your love is my love
There's no love for nobody else
That drag queen is amazing, huh, Billy?
Totally looks like a woman.
Ok, I need to know
that his penis is large enough
to sustain this relationship.
Billy.
Just ignore him, honey.
I think we should take off the jacket.
I like this jacket.
It's not working.
Hi, Billy.
I love the earrings.
Milli Vanilli and John Tesh.
Hold it.
Have you got a job yet?
Hell, no.
Well, don't worry. People like us
are far too talented to be ignored.
Have you seen Perry?
Not yet, but if you're in the mood
for a little latino love tonight,
Francisco's here.
Fernando?
Mm-hmm.
I suppose I should pay my regards, huh?
Mm-hmm.
I love this picture.
Peter, just go in.
Relax, enjoy the party.
Fernando.
Mijo.
I thought I might see you here.
There's somebody I want you to meet.
Peter.
You must work with Fernando.
Yeah.
We work together.
Excuse me.
Billy.
Jesus Christ, Mary, and Saint Joseph.
There will be no praying at my party.
And you, you filthy pig,
get off of my bed!
The Saints aren't allowed
to listen to the faggots anyway, kid.
Having fun?
Last night, she served much cheaper stuff,
and the guests were far more important.
Where have you been?
I saw Frederico.
Fernando. It's over.
I know.
Saw the wife.
Lucky you.
George told us you can't find a job, either.
Unemployed and loveless.
That puts you at your creative peak.
I've already had this conversation.
You need money?
I've already had this conversation.
And models?
You know what's so funny
is I've already had this conversation.
I could help.
No. You know, I...
I could be your patron.
What does that mean?
I could give you money for film and paper,
anything else you might need.
You can use my darkroom.
And Donna here
would be delighted to help, I'm sure.
Lesbians can be remarkable
with makeup and lighting.
Whatever.
No. I...
Come on.
It'll be fun to be on
the other side for a change.
Yeah, and don't feel guilty, either.
He's selling very well in Japan.
And when the photos are finished,
I can run them by my art dealer.
Why are you--
you don't have to do this.
Congratulations.
You are the first recipient
of the Perry wallace photography fellowship.
Wow, Perry, thank you so much.
A token of my appreciation.
See you, kid.
Wait a minute.
You don't even know
what I want to do yet.
Hey.
Hey.
Lights up.
Action.
A man is sleeping.
A man wakes up.
Billy.
One of the drag queens
said she'd make me up
before we leave.
You're jealous?
Yeah, that's great.
Hey, guess what.
Looks like i'll be exploiting
my creative peak.
Perry's gonna give me money
to do a series.
God, congratulations.
That's amazing.
And, looks like it's a sign.
Oh, my God. It's, uh...
Coffee boy.
Hey.
Oh, honey, the jacket.
Yeah. I got it.
So, baby, it looks like our son is in lust.
God, he's fucking gorgeous.
So go over and introduce yourself.
What, ask him,
"has anyone ever told you
you should model?"
Sounds like a sleazy hollywood come-on.
It's a professional introduction.
Did you hear him?
It's a profe-- I love you.
Right.
A professional introduction.
You want coffee?
I'll give you coffee!
Here!
Drink the coffee!
Too much sugar!
I was wondering if
anyone's ever asked you
or told you you should model?
In front of that thing?
Don't make fun of my camera, man.
I'm sorry. I'm Gabriel.
Billy.
How's it going?
Fine.
So, Gabriel, nobody in L.A.
just works in a coffeehouse.
I mean, come on.
I play the bass.
Really? I love the bass.
You're kidding me.
I had a band up in San Francisco--
Corn Hole.
Corn Hole?
Yeah. You ever heard of 'em?
I played all the time.
I can't seem to hook up
with anyone down here in L.A.
It seems every guitarist in Los Angeles
seems to want to play bass.
Well, people are more apt
to compromise their dreams in this city,
and they do.
That's cynical.
So?
Cigarette?
Yeah.
What do you do?
This.
Mmm.
Of course.
And you're gay?
Do I act gay?
Kind of.
And you're straight?
I have a girlfriend in San Francisco.
Oh, ok.
What is that supposed to mean?
Nothing. Some of my best friends are...
straight?
Whatever.
Do you want another beer?
Yeah. I'll go get 'em.
We can talk about this at home, Fernando.
Just give me a second.
I want to apologize.
I'll be in the car.
Peter liked you a lot.
You knew I would be at this party.
Yes.
Don't you think it was a bit tacky
to show up with Peter?
No.
Look, Fernando, if we're
gonna have an affair,
at least play by the fucking rules.
Billy, there are no rules.
What we have is a relationship,
not a suburban marriage.
I should just be glad I can get laid
every once in a while, huh?
It wasn't just about the sex.
Right. It was special.
So special.
Oh, I'd like you to meet
my ex-whatever, Fernando.
Hello.
And who is this?
Um...
Gabriel's my new husband.
Really?
Yeah.
Here's your beer, honey.
Thanks, dear.
Could you just take a picture of us
really quick?
Of course.
Yeah, thanks.
Thanks. Drive careful.
Thanks. Drive careful.
Hey, Billy.
Hey, Les.
Thanks for that performance back there.
I would have done it for any friend.
I'm glad I can call you a friend, then.
Did you need a ride?
No. I've got to go this way.
I'm close.
Ok. All right.
All right.
Gabriel.
About modeling.
It wasn't just a line.
I could really use you in something.
In something?
Yeah.
We should talk about it.
You want to go to a movie or something.
Yeah, sure.
When?
Whenever.
Look, if it's not on the calendar,
it ain't gonna happen.
Um, how's Monday?
Monday.
Look, it's gonna be great.
I promise.
Ok, well, you're gonna have
to convince me of that.
I will, I will.
All right. Take it easy.
Yup.
Ernest borgnine was really good,
but I think the dialogue
was a little ridiculous.
My God, he's too straight
to appreciate fine camp.
Georgiana.
Ignore him.
Come on, let's go home.
Ok. Hey, why don't we stay
at your place tonight?
My sheets are dirty.
We'll do the laundry.
I don't have any soap.
But--
don't speak.
What are you doing now?
I'm just gonna go home and get some Zs.
Come back to my place.
We'll listen to some groovy records.
I'm kidding. Come on.
The movie really bored you?
I mean, the romance was bullshit.
It's just making the beauty
of true love more beautiful.
Bullshit.
Come on. The way it was shot,
it's a photographer's dream.
That beach scene.
Hold on. I don't think so.
No, no, no.
I'm thinking of using it
for one of the photographs.
Yeah. We'll dress mark up as Deidre.
She'll be Deborah Kerr,
and you'll be the perfect
Burt Lancaster.
We'll put you in one of those tight little--
hold on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, now...
if I agree to do this...
Yeah?
I just got one question.
Are there gonna be guys, like...
you know, like,
into this picture?
What?
Does that bother you?
Well, no.
I didn't think so.
How old is this dinosaur?
I got it in fourth grade.
Mmm.
Still work?
Yeah.
There's a story behind it, actually.
It starts in the basement
of my best friend's house.
His name was Kent Bartlett.
He was this wicked little kid.
He lived just down the street from me,
and about the only thing we had in common
was that we both liked books a lot.
So one day I'm over at his house,
and he drags me down to the basement
to show me his dad's collection
of dirty magazines.
Sex at this age is nothing
more than a dirty word,
so I didn't have any problem telling Kent,
"I like naked men, not naked women."
I don't know how I knew
at such an early age.
It was just this feeling, I guess, you know?
And at some point in my life
this was gonna be an issue.
Like my whole sexual destiny
had been encoded
in my subconscious.
I certainly didn't know what
it meant to like naked men,
and I don't think Kent knew, either,
but we soon found out.
Kent started acting really weird.
He wouldn't talk to me
or sit next to me on the bus.
One Friday,
he came on the bus with all of his friends,
and they were all going
to his ninth birthday party.
So I played it cool, you know.
But the second I stepped off that bus, man,
I ran home so fucking fast
so nobody would see me cry.
And when I got home, my mom was there,
and she asked what was wrong,
and I told her.
And she immediately picked up the phone
and just fucking railed into Kent's mom
for not inviting me to the party.
And when she hung up the phone,
she was in tears, too.
Kent's mom told my mom
what had happened.
Kent probably naively
asked her what it meant
that I like naked men.
And now Mrs. Bartlett
no longer wanted me
hanging out with Kent anymore.
I never saw my mom cry before.
And it hurt me so much
to see that she was just as,
you know, fragile, I guess, as I was.
So she started crying more,
and I started crying more.
We just sat there crying
for the next few minutes.
And she said, "You know what?
We're gonna have a party of our own."
Now, my birthday was just
a couple weeks after Kent's.
And my mom already had
my present up in the closet.
It was a polaroid, of course.
I was so happy.
'Cause it was just what I wanted.
I forgot all about
Kent's mom and my mom.
Afterwards, she, uh,
she served us birthday ding-dongs.
And we just sat there
across from each other,
eating in silence.
It's so sad.
It's not that sad.
Are you still close to your mom and dad?
My dad's ok. You know.
He travels a lot selling insurance,
but my mom... she's a great woman.
Of course, she's turning out
more and more like
my grandmother these days.
That must be hard.
Sometimes.
Let's talk about you.
What?
So have you found true love yet?
Mmm...
I've got my girlfriend
up in San Francisco.
That's right, that's right. I forgot.
You must miss her.
Kind of.
What does she do?
She plays the drums.
Oh.
So you're like a regular Kurt and Courtney.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I mean, the only problem is
she doesn't really
like any of my music, but--
Oh, yeah? Like what?
Firehouse. You know,
bassy kind of stuff. Sugar.
I fucking love Sugar.
I saw them play at the palace once.
I even saw Husker Du play down in Indiana.
You saw Husker Du?
Yeah. So?
I don't know.
I just figured you listened to stuff
like Pet Shop Boys or Erasure
or something like that.
Jesus.
Yeah.
Oh, shit. Um...
Listen, I got to call my girlfriend.
I'll follow you out.
So, we'll set things in motion on Wednesday,
and we'll go from there.
Cool.
Congratulations.
You are now the star of Billy Collier's
soon-to-be-world-famous
hollywood screen kiss series.
All right.
Ha ha. Hold it.
For your girlfriend.
Thank you.
Wait. One more.
For me.
Ok, we'll talk.
Cool.
All right.
See you.
Good night.
I never knew it could be like this.
Nobody's ever kissed me the way you do.
Nobody?
No. Nobody.
Not even one?
Not all of the men...
women you've been kissed by?
Now, that takes some figuring.
Gabriel, listen to me.
I've never been so miserable in all my life
as I have since I met you.
Neither have I.
But I wouldn't trade a minute of it.
Nor would I.
Does that look like a straight man to you?
I'd need to meet him
before I dare subject him to my gay-dar.
He says he's got this girl
in San Francisco,
but every time he brings her up,
he doesn't want to talk about her.
Could be a lot of things.
Burroughs is his favorite writer.
He absolutely loves the movie Cabaret.
Sounds suspect.
And every time he looks at me
when we're laughing together,
I don't know, I'm getting this vibe.
Billy, you know better than this.
I think he might be at least a kinsey 2.
There are 3 options here:
One-- he's mostly or
at least somewhat gay,
and he does actually want
to screw around with you;
2-- he's gay and not attracted to you,
and you're merely projecting;
and 3-- he's straight, enjoys the attention,
and you're merely projecting.
And may I remind you,
you have a history of merely projecting.
Oh, really?
Mm-hmm.
Come on. It happened once.
Mm-hmm.
And that was in high school.
I was totally in lust for the first time
with this guy. I was a senior.
His name was Chris Jungblut,
very Deutsche,
and he moved to Indiana
from the west coast,
and we hooked up 'cause we
liked the same kind of music.
You know, The Cure, The Clash, XTC--
kind of like my CD collection.
Exactly.
But I wanted him so much, man.
I couldn't help believe--
you know, I thought
that he might want me.
You know.
Anyways, the violent femmes came to town,
and we ran to get our tickets
early like 2 dorks.
Which didn't matter much 'cause
nobody knew who they were.
And so we go to the concert,
and our shirts are off,
and we're all sweaty,
and we're moshing in the pit.
How old were you guys?
I was 17. He was 18.
Yum.
So we go back to his place
after the concert.
And we'd been drinking
all night. We were bombed.
What were you drinking?
Everything.
So we're sitting there
on the floor watching TV.
We're watching night flight on USA.
Remember that?
I taped it every week,
and, uh, they were having
video rock blocks
of David Bowie,
and they had young American son.
So I'm sitting there,
and I slide over next to him,
and he was, like, drifting off to sleep.
And I, you know, kind of put my arm...
touching his, and...
I don't know. Maybe he
wasn't as drunk as me...
but-- I don't know.
He didn't appreciate it too much.
After that, he didn't
talk to me for a few days,
but he kind of forgot
it happened,
which was cool on his part,
and after high school,
we just kind of went our separate ways.
Hmm, you're lucky you
didn't ruin a friendship.
I guess.
Anyway, it's different with Gabriel.
Yeah, right.
It is!
I mean, Billy, this is a classic case
of karmic repetition compulsion.
Any way you look at it with
this kid, you're screwed.
Thank you, Deepak Chopra.
I mean, even if he is gay
and attracted to you,
he's going to be
coming out of the closet,
and you know what we boys do
when we come out of the closet.
It's a dicey phase, not a relationship one.
So you're saying if I pursue this,
I should just be prepared
to sleep with him once?
You know, there are people
who really care for you...
you know, there are people
who really care for you...
Billy?
Check it out.
I love the way his smile
shows off his subtle imperfections.
Hmm.
I should meet him.
I can arrange that.
What are you two doing tonight?
Gabriel, you're about to see the work
of one of the most talented
photographers in the world.
Yeah, one of the
most overrated photographers
in the world.
Billy.
Yeah?
Shut up.
A Rex Webster will double
its value in 2 years.
I guarantee it.
Hi, Billy.
Hey, Les.
So you'll call me in the morning?
Delicious.
Mmm. Perry, honey,
oh, so good to see you.
I think you've met
my friend Billy before.
And this is Gabriel.
Hello, boys.
Enjoy the show.
Remember, prices are not negotiable.
Except for you.
We'll keep that in mind.
Thank God you brought some fresh ones.
Fabulous content running
very high inside,
but it's a tad tired.
Thank you.
All boys, no dogs.
You decide.
All right.
Ah, I like this one a lot.
You like this one?
Yeah.
Well, it's big.
I like how big it is.
Hey, hey, come here.
I want you two to meet somebody.
No, but seriously, what does it mean
to be a gay artist in today's society?
Well, it means responsibility.
Responsibility to recreate popular culture
in a pansexual mode.
I don't think anyone here
knows what pansexual means.
Oh, it means I fuck him, he fucks her,
she fucks her, she fucks me,
I fuck...Perry!
Get over here.
Let's reminisce about the interview days.
Andy and Henry.
The show is wonderful, Rex.
Oh, well, Whitey and I like it.
I'd like to...
I'd like to introduce you to
a couple of friends of mine.
This is a fellow photographer, Billy.
Mr. Webster,
any words of advice for
the struggling young artist?
Stick with Perry and hope
he keeps introducing you
to people like me.
And this is his model friend, Gabriel.
I... play the bass, actually.
And I suppose you'd like
Mr. Webster's autograph.
Sure. I love your artwork.
It's fantastic.
You have very... offbeat features.
Kind of like a male Kate Moss.
Hmm. And this hair, oh, my.
Yeah, it should photograph well
in the shoot he's doing for me.
we're having a little open bar
after the gallery closes...
a little private party.
Perry, would you and your
friends care to join us?
I don't mind.
Gabriel?
Ahem.
Never turn down a party.
Well said.
Lights up.
Action.
A woman is sleeping.
I'm tired.
A woman wakes up!
Really, she did.
She did.
So I said to her, "Sophia, darling,
tu sei molto bella, ma io preferisco uomini."
"almost like a male Kate Moss."
At least you know you have good taste.
How about the one standing next to him?
Oh, the things I could teach that boy.
So what do you think?
About?
Is he straight?
Gabriel?
He talks straight.
Every now and then, I get that vibe.
Exactly.
Oh, you know how I feel about all this.
So uh, are you and Rex, you know,
an item?
Doesn't mean he doesn't
want to lay your boy.
Thank you.
Well, Rex Webster is kind of
making me feel uncomfortable.
It's something you might
have to get used to
in this business, I'm afraid.
I think he wants me to do
some modeling for him.
What?
Yeah, he asked me to come by his hotel room
to do a test... on Friday before our shoot.
Oh, and you don't have
to sleep with him?
No. He's taking a bunch
of models over to Catalina
to do an underwear ad for guess?
Or something like that,
and, uh, he might want me to come.
An underwear ad. Ok.
There's a lot of money in it.
Would we have to postpone our shoot?
He's giving you an incredible break.
Would we have to postpone our shoot?
I don't know.
Well, I guess you got to go with it, huh?
It's a test anyway.
Who knows what's gonna happen?
You'll pass.
I've had good training.
Gabriel. Hi.
Hey.
Hi. And you must be Billy.
Connie Rogers.
Gabriel told me about your little shoot,
and if you need any help
with hair and makeup,
I just graduated from Vidal Sassoon.
Premier student.
Congratulations!
Thank you.
Gabriel, I'm gonna give you
my home number,
and if you need anything, feel free to call.
Great.
Ok, so I hope to be seeing
an awful lot of you...
soon.
Me, too.
Great.
Later, man.
Hey. Later.
Um, she does makeup,
and he's another model.
They're dating?
No.
Oh.
Well, then, I suppose somebody
should propose a toast.
to the discovery
of our beautiful, new, young supermodel.
Come on.
I'm really happy for you, Gabriel.
Really.
Like a cow.
Moo you.
Moo me.
Fine.
So Connie was nice.
What was her friend's name?
Brad.
Cold beers, you guys?
Thanks, but I should get some sleep.
Billy?
Sure, yeah.
Good night, Perry.
Thanks.
Good night, Perry.
Let me know what happens.
I will, I will.
Look what I found.
Wow.
Smoked one of these before?
Nice.
So...
I like your place.
It's a little small.
It's cute.
So um...
Friday, we're on the beach,
and then Saturday,
it's a really cool thing on a stage.
It's going to be great.
Yeah.
What's wrong?
Billy, you are so not happy
for me right now.
I'm happy.
No, I think I know you well enough
to know when you're happy for me.
All right, I may be a little jealous.
I just don't want to
have to postpone our shoot,
and it gets complicated.
Oh, shit.
Hello.
No.
Natalie.
I thought we were gonna
talk about this tomorrow.
Natalie.
All right, just hear me out.
I don't know.
Listen, I'm sorry, but...
I'm sorry.
Good-bye.
Natalie?
That's a pretty name.
You never told me her name.
So you and Natalie...
Billy,
I don't want to talk about it, all right?
Gabriel--
Billy!
Maybe I should just go.
Billy.
Listen, um...
I'm sorry, man, and...
you don't have to go.
Believe me, I have to go.
Billy!
Good luck on your test.
Why is my heart so light?
Why are the stars so bright?
Why is the sky so blue
Since the hour
I met you
Flowers are smiling bright
Smiling for our delight
Smiling so tenderly
For the world
You and me
I know why the world is smiling
Smiling so tenderly
It hears the same old story
Through all eternity
Love
This is my song
Here is a song
A serenade
To you
The world
Cannot be wrong
If in this world
There is you
I care not what the world may say
Without your love, there is no day
So, love
This is my song
Here is a song
A serenade
To you
I care not what the world may say
Without your love, there is no day
So, love
This is my song
Here is a song
A serenade
To you
I'm through with straight men.
Oh, that's the verdict.
His girlfriend's name is Natalie.
They had an argument last night.
Did he talk about it?
No. But he grabbed me.
What do you mean?
Yeah. He didn't want me to go.
He rushed after me and grabbed me,
and, Perry, I swear
I could have kissed him,
and he would have gone through with it.
But you didn't kiss him?
No. I didn't want to risk
our friendship just for a kiss.
Bet you're kicking
yourself in the ass now.
Well, whatever it was we had,
or whatever it was I had for him, it's over.
Which is fine.
I wish him all the luck
in the world on his modeling,
and I won't get jealous
if he goes to Catalina
and meets all these beautiful women--
Step 1 in 12 on the road to recovery.
Let's celebrate with a drink.
No. I got all this stuff to do
for the shoot tomorrow. Thanks.
Are you sure?
Yeah. You want it to look good, don't you?
It is my money.
Oh, Perry.
Thanks.
Good luck tomorrow.
Nam myho renge kyo,
nam myho renge kyo.
Nam myho renge kyo...
Ooh, girl, just got myself a great lay.
Fabulous insurance man.
Picked him up from Trader Vic's, you know.
George, George, stop fudging me.
Smudging. Donna, smudging, not fudging.
Thank you.
Hey, Andrew, you want to
help me out here?
I'll show you.
Gentle.
Come on, you guys,
we're not gonna have
this light for long, ok?
Oh! You're creating footprints.
All right.
Meanwhile, your boyfriend
seems to be having
quite a time behind the camera, huh?
Andrew, quit mingling!
Donna, get your ass over here
and check out this sassy suit, mama.
Not quite Deborah Kerr.
Deborah couldn't be this glamorous.
Have you seen Gabriel?
I think he's up in his dressing room.
Oh, girl, I can't wait to get these lips
on that hot doll of a model.
Watch it, baby.
I don't think he's gay.
Honey, boys who look like that
are always up for a change of fare.
Mirror. Mirror!
Sorry!
Shit!
How'd the test go?
Billy, I'm not coming out.
What's wrong?
These trunks don't fit.
Gabriel, I told you some of the costumes
might be a little tight.
Billy, you can see my package.
I'll give you my sock.
No, no, no. I don't need your sock. Trust me.
Well, just open the door and
let me see if it's working out.
Trust me, they're working out.
Now, you're sure you don't need the sock?
Let's just get this thing over with, Billy.
Let's just get this thing over with, Billy.
You're mean.
Billy, I don't think I want to be
the reflector guy anymore.
Oh, really? Maybe you want
to be the makeup assistant.
All right! A toast!
What's up, guys?
To a great first day.
And to the best bunch of friends
a photographer could ask for.
Aww.
Aww.
Well, I gotta go.
I thought you were
staying at our house tonight.
I got a meeting in the morning.
Oh, really?
I don't suppose this has anything to do
with that bitch from the set today.
Her name's Connie, and I think she's dating
a married couple from Silver Lake.
I mean, really, honey, get real.
She was all over everybody.
She was even flirting with me.
I was just helping her powder!
All right, let's blow.
You're driving.
Like I'd let your ass
behind the wheel of a car.
Oh.
Bye.
See ya.
That was a quick celebration.
I had a good time today, Billy.
See, once you accepted the fact
that I was exploiting your body,
things weren't so bad.
That was a joke.
Yup.
So how did your test go?
It was ok.
I learned a lot from Brad.
He's been modeling for almost a year now.
Um...
they're supposed
to call me tomorrow night,
and, uh, if I get it,
I'm gonna have to go
to Catalina on Friday night.
Well, you should go.
It'll be good for you.
I meant to tell you earlier. I--
if we have to postpone,
we have to postpone, you know?
So what about Natalie?
We talked this morning.
It's over.
What?
I don't think she understands
the laws of attraction.
It's like sometimes
people just lose interest in each other.
Or at least it doesn't
go both ways all the time, you know.
You can have a great time with someone,
you can start a great relationship, but...
I don't know.
It's like if the chemistry's not there,
it just doesn't work.
And Natalie kept pretending
that there was something still there.
You were never attracted to her?
I guess I was at one point.
What happened?
What about you and Fernando?
Jeez, why'd you have to bring him up?
It wasn't there for you two?
I don't know.
Something was there.
I don't know if it was "it."
I don't want him anymore.
Really?
Really.
So um, Ahem...
What makes you gay?
Yeah. I mean, how do you know?
You just know, I don't know.
Have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale?
The Kinsey scale rates gays and straights
on a scale from zero to 6.
Zero being 100% straight,
and 6 being 100% gay.
And everyone else lies
somewhere in the middle.
There's also the more biological argument
that gays are the result
of what some people call
"the show tune gene."
That we are, in a sense, human aberrations
with perhaps some higher purpose
in the great scheme of things.
Oh, like mother nature's way
of keeping the human population in check.
Personally, I prefer the Navajo approach.
Gays are special spiritual beings
sent here by some mighty deity
to essentially change society.
I mean, you've got to admit
our fashion is ages ahead
of what everyone else is wearing.
I mean, come on.
Huh? Hmm?
So where do you stand?
Hmm?
On the Kinsey scale.
Oh, I'm a perfect 6.
Of course.
Thank you very much.
And you?
I don't know.
It's chilly.
Y-Yeah.
You got that stuff?
Yep.
Hey.
Cheers.
Mmm.
Billy, I almost forgot.
I made this for you.
It's a tape of my old band.
This is great.
It's to thank you.
To thank me for what?
For...
introducing me to all these great people.
Gabriel...
this is great.
And for trusting me.
Friends are supposed
to trust each other, no?
Yeah, I know.
But people treat me weird sometimes.
You can really tell
when you're looking
at someone in the eyes.
It's like they want something from you.
Because I turned out this way,
there must be something
else wrong with me.
But...
you've been one of the few people
who haven't done that to me.
Gabriel, you're gonna go far
with this modeling thing.
I'm sure they're gonna ask you
to go to Catalina.
You know what?
What?
I'm not gonna do it.
Really?
Wait.
Hold it right there.
Just for a sec.
Oh, come on.
Oh, come on. That was great.
Give me this.
No, no, no.
I hate pictures.
You've taken about
40,000 pictures of me.
I think I can get one of you.
One.
Just one.
That's ridiculous.
Wait till those turn out, huh?
You think it'd be all right
if I stayed here tonight?
Here?
On the couch.
This couch?
I'm not gonna drive home like this.
Well, George is gone.
I'll be out first thing in the morning.
Yeah, you'll need some blankets.
Shit.
Ah. Oh, Jesus.
Oh, sorry.
Shoot.
Sorry.
Don't worry about it.
It's fine.
Uh, it's a jacket.
Um...
Do you need a glass of water?
I could put soft music on
or something.
No, no, no. Fine.
I'm fine.
Just the couch.
Yeah. Ok.
Um...
I guess I'm gonna go to bed, too, then.
All right.
Ok.
Ok.
Uh...
Billy.
Good night.
Good night.
Good night.
Oh, shit.
Um...
Yeah?
If you want...
it might be more comfortable
in the bed.
No.
Are you sure?
I mean, your legs aren't too long?
No.
Ok. Good night.
Damn.
Fuck.
You're right.
Yeah?
My legs are too long.
Well...
there's plenty of room.
Actually, I like, uh, this one,
if you don't mind.
So you're going to sleep now?
I'm gonna try.
Sorry.
Good night.
Billy.
I can't do this.
What? What is it? What?
What's wrong?
Listen, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
No.
Gabriel, I'm sorry.
Billy, it's not you.
Listen, it's me.
Listen, I'm just gonna
sleep on the couch.
No.
Your legs are too long.
I'll sleep on the couch.
I'm sorry, Gabriel.
Good night.
Damn.
I play bass.
I've got my girlfriend up in San Francisco.
You have a history of merely projecting.
Connie Rogers, premier student.
Got my girlfriend up in San Francisco.
You have a history of merely projecting.
Aaaaah!
So this morning I wake up--
alone...
on the couch.
With blue balls, I might add.
You got what you asked for.
All I could keep saying
was, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
Isn't that pathetic?
Did you expect anything more?
You know, he could have
just been experimenting,
trying something he was
never meant to be doing.
I don't wanna confuse him.
But if he's feeling these feelings,
and he's having problems exploring them,
I wanna be there.
After all, what are friends for?
This is serious.
Billy, what you need to do now
is leave him alone for a while.
He wants you,
he'll come to you when he gets back.
Gets back?
From Catalina.
What?
I thought you knew Gabriel got the job.
Rex called me this morning
to thank me for bringing him
and invited me to a party tomorrow night.
Wow.
Billy!
Billy, I got the job,
so I'm going to Catalina Island tonight.
Later.
That's it?
That's it!
I'm gonna call him.
No, I don't think he wants to be called.
Face it, Billy. Men are assholes.
No shit.
Ask me about Andrew and I.
How are Andrew and I?
Finished.
No way.
Yeah. I mean, look,
It's my decision of course,
but it still sucks.
Don't wait up.
Ohh.
Poppy.
You don't look so good.
Come in.
What happened?
Hey, Billy.
Ohh, God.
Om
Pack your bags.
Shh. I'm meditating.
We're going to Catalina.
Really?
They don't have a Trader Joe's there.
Ok, you got the directions.
He lives on a yacht, Slip 85.
Thank you so much, Donna.
I owe you one, Donna. Big time.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Be careful what you say!
I'm not out to my cousin yet!
Oh, really?
I don't suppose
he's seen you in that outfit then.
I just assumed her cousin was gay.
Oh, yeah.
All relatives of gay people
are gay themselves.
Please! There aren't any homosexuals
on that entire island.
Sure there are.
They're hanging out with all the lepers.
Ahoy, Billy!
You're going to the party?
Wouldn't miss it for the world.
Anchors aweigh!
I swear that guy is following me.
Wow.
So how you doing?
Maybe I need to prove to myself
that I really love Andrew, you know?
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, and as for you, a disclaimer here.
Just because I'm going
with you to Catalina
doesn't mean that I approve
of your reasons for going.
Hmmph. You and Perry.
Well, Billy, I want you to be happy.
I just-- I don't think this straight kid
is gonna make you happy.
You know, I've gotta make my move now,
'cause if I don't do it now,
I don't think I ever will.
Otherwise,
the possibilities will be nagging me
until the day I die.
You've been reading Thetao Te Ching,
haven't you?
No.
Just practicing excuses
in case he really is straight.
Oh.
Homo.
Just...
ow, ow, ow!
This is a yacht?
Where are the oars?
Tss.
Um...
uh, excuse me.
Come on now.
Can't a man take a piss in private?
Oh, that's a good ass.
Hi.
Uh, we're friends of Donna's.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I been expecting you.
I'm George.
I'm George--
short for Georgiana.
But, uh, you know, I never
really felt like a Georgiana,
so when I was younger
someone called me George,
and it kinda stuck because I didn't...
I'm Billy.
Short for William.
And you must be Gundy?
So is Donna still a dyke, man?
What?
I know she's a dyke.
She's a big, big dyke, Donna.
No, no, no. She's...
"no dyke Donna," I mean,
that's what we call her.
You're gay, too, man.
Do I act gay?
Yeah, kinda.
Why does everyone keep saying that?
Oh, but let me tell you, sweetie,
you...
you are definitely not gay.
Well, no, actually.
I'm, uh, I'm not.
I'm not gay.
Well, welcome to Catalina.
Thanks.
These are gonna be your beds here.
Oh, and while we're getting acquainted,
I'd like to have you both know
that I'm gonna be trippin' tonight.
Oh, that's nice.
Hey, it's Saturday night.
And every Saturday night, I take acid.
And when I dose,
I like my music to be really loud.
Ok, then.
Billy.
Billy.
Obviously coming here was a huge mistake.
Oh, come on. It's not that bad.
Look at this thing. It's filthy.
You expect me to sleep on that?
And that asshole...
I thought he was kinda cute.
Yeah, in a drug addict sort of way.
He had nice eyes.
When his pupils aren't dilated.
This is your rebound, George?
Ok, you know what?
There's nowhere else to stay, right, Billy?
Just give me the stuff.
Gundy...
Hey.
You.
Me?
Yeah, you.
Come here.
What are you doing here?
I just thought I'd check things out.
Ohh.
Check things out, eh?
Fft. Come here.
I wouldn't worry
about that gorgeous boy of yours.
I'm keeping an eye on him for you.
Whitey,
don't you dare harass
a fellow photographer.
Welcome to our set, Willie.
It's Billy.
Yes, but you wouldn't mind
if uncle Rex called you Willie, would you?
You wouldn't mind
if uncle Rex calls you anything, would you?
Shut up, Whitey.
You're just in time
to see us get off our last shots of the day.
Yeah, the light's beautiful today.
Yes.
And the boys.
Um, I was just wondering if...
what are you doing here?
Well, Rex invited me to a party tonight.
I never turn down a party.
You're invited, too, Willie.
By God,
this island's gonna see
some action tonight!
Why are you really here?
I could be asking you the same thing.
Billy!
You followed me here.
I did not follow you here.
If you came to convince me
to abandon this, you--
Ok. Is that what you wanna hear?
I came to stop you
from making an ass of yourself
over your stupid infatuation
with this kid.
First of all, it's not some stupid infatuation.
And second of all,
he's not some fucking kid.
He's got nothing to do with any of this.
He's got everything to do with this.
You know, get off my fucking back.
And quit meddling in my life
long enough for me to at least figure out
if he's gay or not.
Life's been so empty
Without one like you
Your gay friend caused some friction
But you don't condemn my drug addiction
I wanna eat you
I wanna taste you
I wanna swallow you
She calls herself Georgina
Georgiana.
Oh, I need her
Oh, I do
She calls herself Georgina
Georgiana with an "a."
I need her, I do
I wish I would've met you
Just a week ago
'Cause I smoked something
And what it was, I just don't know
And now I'm hearing voices
Who they are, I haven't found
But now that you're here, baby
You're the voice I want around
I wanna eat you
I wanna taste you
I wanna swallow you
We brought sandwiches.
She calls herself Georgina
I wanna eat you, I do
She calls herself
Georgina. Georgina
What a name that is
I wanna eat you
It's beautiful.
Wow.
Thank you so much.
Oh, it wasn't that--
you know.
I loved it.
There's a certain sound
Always follows me
Hi, Billy.
Hey, Les.
Around
When you're close to me
You will hear it
It's the sound
That lovers
Finally will discover
When there is no other
For their love
It's my
Happy heart
You hear
Singing loud
And singing clear
And it's all
Because you're near
Me, my love
Take my
Happy heart
Away
Make me love you
Make my day
In your arms
I want to stay
Oh, my love
Yeah
Feeling
More and more
Like I've never
Felt before
You have changed my life
So completely
Music
Fills my soul
Now
I've lost all control now
I'm not half
I'm whole now
With your love
It's my
Happy heart
You hear
Singing loud
And singing clear
And it's all
Because you're near
Me, my love
Take my
Happy heart
Away
Make me love you
Make my day
In your arms
I want to stay
Oh, my love
My happy heart
Can't you hear
My happy heart?
Whoa whoa
Cheers.
Whoa oh oh
Darling
See
See my happy heart
Come on.
What are you doing?
Jesus Christ!
You scared the fuck out of me.
I'm sorry.
It's a little pathetic
hiding behind a palm, Billy.
Spying on people?
You know that's what you're doing, right?
I say it was pretty fucked up, Bill.
Since when were you two
invited to the party?
Since Gundy scored some pot
for Mr. Webster last night.
So you've been tripping
all day back on the boat?
Oh, come on.
I don't need to be dosing
when I'm getting laid, man.
Mmm.
I'm gonna go see
if I can get rid of this last dime bag.
I'll be right back, ok?
Ok.
That's class.
Please keep me company.
No. I'm cowering.
Ok, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to ask you.
I meant to tell you.
Of course.
Look.
There he is.
Every time I look at him
my stomach starts to hurt.
I know. Well, Billy, you came all this way.
Why don't you just do
what you gotta do?
Oh, here comes your new lover.
Ok, listen. I went that way.
Oh, yeah!
I don't see this kind of decadence
around these parts too often.
Where's Georgina?
She went that way.
Rrr.
Georgina
Yeah, man.
Hey.
Oh.
I-- I am sorry about earlier today.
No. I should've--
Let's just forget it, ok?
I'm glad you're here.
So?
So what?
So did you do it yet?
No. I mean, he's over there
with all the beautiful people.
I don't wanna muss their essence.
Billy, just do what you came here to do.
Ooh. What do you think
of that one over there?
Not my type.
Exactly.
Eliminates the competition.
Hello, Billy.
Oh!
Help, Billy!
What are you doing here?
I was invited to the party.
Really?
Yeah.
Can we talk?
Sure.
Somewhere else?
Can you guys give me a minute?
Ahh.
So how was the shoot?
It was excellent.
Rex Webster, he's really
great to work with.
Rex?
Well, not as good as you, of course.
Please.
No, I'm serious.
He doesn't pay as much
attention to all the details.
He's got a million people
running around
doing everything for him.
Comes with age, I guess, huh?
Yeah.
Or success.
Or success.
How's the makeup girl?
She's nice.
Actually, she's kind of driving me crazy.
She's...
tends to dote on me a little bit too much.
I don't dote on you, do I?
A little bit.
It's ok, though.
It's in a different way. It's...
I'm really glad you came.
You know, I wasn't even going to come,
but Perry practically dragged me.
It's about the other night.
Gabriel, I'm so sorry.
Listen, you didn't make me do anything
I didn't want to do.
I didn't?
I'm just not sure if it's something
that I'd want to do again.
Maybe...
what went on wasn't supposed to happen.
For you, I mean.
Maybe...
you were just testing
things or exploring--
whatever you want to call it--
and that's ok.
You know, when I first came out,
I didn't have anyone...
and now that I look back,
you know, I wish I had someone.
I...
certainly wouldn't be as fucked up as I am.
You're not fucked up.
I swore to myself
that if I could ever be there
for somebody, I would,
so that that person
wouldn't have to go through
all the shit I went through.
What I'm trying to say is,
if you're having problems
figuring out
where you stand,
even if you're not sure
of what you're supposed to want...
Billy, I'm--
This is not coming out right.
Gabriel, I--
Gabriel?
Billy, I'm pretty sure of
what I'm supposed to want.
Maybe we can still--
You know, just...
What are you doing?
You were right.
Talk to me.
I've just seen too many
goddamn movies, you know?
Billy.
Spent too much time
behind that fucking camera.
I actually imagined this
perfect kiss between us.
Of course you did.
I thought for sure
it was going to happen.
Billy, I've made the same mistake.
A couple years ago, I met this guy.
He was-- he was good-looking
and smart and funny,
and I fell for him.
He seemed to like me, in his own way.
It became obvious that
his way wasn't my way.
It took some time, but I accepted it.
I was happy for the friendship.
Billy...
the guy was you.
Yeah?
Perry?
Give me one moment, Raymond.
The men in my life keep disappearing
into voices in the night.
I would gladly give up
the thrill of a one-night stand
with Catalina's sole homosexual
if you want to be
with someone right now.
I kind of want to be alone, you know?
You sure?
Yeah.
Good.
Thanks.
Billy!
Jesus Christ, you got
to stop doing that.
My God, I got away from him.
Can you believe he wanted
to two-step? Two-step!
I lost the polaroid.
Oh, that sucks, Billy.
And Gabriel.
So when's the next ferry
back to the mainland?
Come on.
Georgina!
You know, I fucking hate
being the token drag queen.
At least you're not the token dyke.
No, girl, I look like shit.
No, that's a pretty good picture of you.
No. I'm giving you so much
fatness in this picture.
No, no, no, no, it flatters your figure.
You're flattered by anything with tits.
You know, Whitey,
in some of these photographs,
he's captured an aspect of me
that I thought only you knew about.
Rex...
do you think I could learn
how to take pictures?
Well, if you're serious,
I'd be glad to show you
the fundamentals.
I am serious.
All right. From now on,
I'll introduce you as my protg.
Aw.
Rex...
what are you doing
to Brad in this picture?
Ohh.
Wow.
Thank you very much.
That's very nice of you.
Did you hear that?
I did.
God, what's it like?
You having fun?
Yeah. It's pretty amazing.
Yeah? Was it worth it?
Yeah.
Ohh.
I think you've made your first sale
to Rex Webster.
No fucking way.
Oh, my God.
Take a look at this.
Wow.
Ok, that's incredible.
Have you talked to him yet?
You should probably call.
Yeah, maybe you should invite him.
I mean, you are exploiting
him after all, you know.
I don't know. I...
I just need some time, you know?
Billy?
Am I the only straight guy
in any of your photographs?
Yeah...
but it'll be our little secret, ok?
Come on, guys, it's quarter to 8:00.
Oh, ok, let's get out of here.
You're going, too?
Yeah. Well, we're just
dropping them off
at the ferry launch, right?
Oh. He doesn't want me near the island.
'Cause he's jealous 'cause I got lucky there.
Believe me, Drew,
lucky is not the word.
Hey, would you bring the car around?
Can we say "please"?
I'm sorry.
I was bad,
but you can punish me later.
Really?
Yeah.
Ok?
Ok.
That's my man.
Are you going to be ok?
Yes.
All right.
Go. Get out of here.
Billy...
I am proud to be your patron.
Thanks.
I couldn't have done it without you, Perry.
Thank you.
Good show, Billy.
Thanks. I was wondering
when you'd show up.
I hope you don't mind.
I've got someone
who's dying to meet you.
Sure.
Listen, got to fly, Billy.
see you around.
I'm sure you will.
You're the artist?
Sorry?
These are your photos?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some nice stuff.
Thanks.
Is this the camera?
Uh, actually, this is a new one.
I love polaroid film.
I mean, it's worth it for the texture and all.
Yeah, it's great, isn't it?
It's nice.
I'm sorry. You're--
didn't get your name.
I'm Joshua.
Joshua, I'm Billy.
You're a photographer?
No, but, uh...
you know, I know a good photo...
when you see one.
Yeah.
Well, we have that in common.
Yeah.
So...
shoot something.
Um... so, you know,
there's a story behind this camera.
Actually, not this particular one.
My other one is, uh...
sitting at the bottom of the ocean
somewhere off the coast of Catalina.
The end.
She was the love slave
Of Catalina
Prisoner of a man
She'd seen there
Back on the streets
Of Los Angelina
Their eyes met in a small cantina
And in his eyes, she saw the sun
She thought she'd found the one
She longed to hear the words
I love you
But all the time she spent
The days he came and went
She never heard the words
I love you
Her man, he went to Catalina
The love slave followed on the steamer
Her friends, they said she was a dreamer
She should give in to a man that we know
And on a windy beach, they met
And as the sun began to set
She longed to hear the words
I love you
As they stood face to face
Lover came to the man's embrace
She never heard those words
I love you
So now she roams
The streets of Catalina
Looking for the man
From Los Angelina
She was the love slave
Of Catalina
Still waiting for those words
I
Love
You