[]
[BARKING]
[SHOUTING]
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
[HORSES NEIGHING]
[BARKS]
All right! All right!
Don't they feed you
over there?
CLOWN 1:
Hey, lay off
the cold cream, Bingo.
Get to work.
Yes. Head up.
Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.
Such a good girl.
[DOG BARKING]
What is it, babycakes?
Oh, look at this.
It's been 30 minutes.
Oh, come on, Steve,
give him a break.
Thirty minutes.
What's he doing,
digging a well?
[DOGS WHIMPERING]
MAN:
Bingo! Yo!
WOMAN 1:
Hey, Bingo, what's happening?
WOMAN 2:
Bingo, how's it going?
[GASPS]
[GRUNTS]
Lovely color. Right?
And a touch of pink.
Absolutely smashing.
And the way that
outfit sets off your eyes,
now hold still, please.
I'm not finished.
[BARKS]
[NEIGHING]
[BINGO BARKS]
You good-for-nothing,
flea-ridden, worm-carrying cyst!
Look what you've done.
[HORSE NEIGHING]
Oh, you're hopeless.
Remember this?
You want to go back in this?
In the river,
where I found you.
GINGER:
Steve.
Something's
wrong with Lauren.
[WHIMPERING]
No wonder. Look
at the size of that thing!
Tenpenny.
Has Lauren been hanging around
the swami again?
Rhamjani.
When--
when I get my hands
on that guy,
I'm going to hammer him
to that stinking bed of his.
Slow down, Steve.
Lauren will be okay.
I'll just give her something
for the infection,
and she'll be ready to go
in a couple of days.
Couple of days?
I-I-I've got
network people coming.
Program development.
They're looking for a dog-
and-pony show for prime time.
Fine, just use
two dogs and a pony.
Oh, without Lauren,
we're dead.
Steve, look.
Why not use Bingo?
[GROWLS]
Bingo.
[UPBEAT THEME
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
MALE ANNOUNCER:
And now, last, but not least,
poodle number three,
in her death-defying leap
through the perilous
ring of fire!
You're doing this
on purpose, huh?
[WHINING]
You hate me, don't you?
You planned it.
You wanted to humiliate me.
Come on, you scumbucket mutt.
Jump!
[WHIMPERING]
[BARKING]
Jump!
[POODLES BARKING]
STEVE:
Jump!
[BIRD CAWING]
FIREMAN 1:
Get as many as you can.
FIREMAN 2:
Right.
FIREMAN 1:
Not going to get them all.
[WHIMPERING]
FIREMAN 2:
It's spreading too fast!
We're losing it.
FIREMAN 1:
Let's get out of here!
FIREMAN 2:
Hang on! I'll get a couple more.
FIREMAN 1:
Don't worry, puppy.
I got you.
[]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[WHIMPERING]
Jump!
[DRUMS ROLLING]
Jump! Jump!
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
ANNOUNCER:
Uh, thank you, ladies and
gentlemen, boys and girls.
Coming right up,
the amazing Swami Rhamjani!
STEVE:
Damn dog deliberately
scuttled my act.
You're wrong, Steve.
He was afraid.
Something about that fire
scared him.
I've got the cure!
Steve, Steve, you don't
know what you're doing.
It's about time I did the world
and him a big favor.
So he's not a circus dog,
Steve. Is that a crime?
He just needs a family
that loves and cares for him.
A little boy
to play frisbee with.
Frisbee?
Yeah.
The only thing that dog's
gonna catch is a bullet.
No, run, Bingo!
Run for cover.
[BOTH GRUNTING]
No, Bingo.
Not "covers." Escape!
Run for freedom.
Do whatever
makes you happiest.
[WHINING]
Not "playful" happy.
"Fulfilling" happy.
Start a new life!
Find a family!
[STEVE GRUNTING]
No, you idiot!
Your own family!
[WHIMPERING]
You're right.
Let's kill him.
[GUN FIRING]
[WHIMPERING]
BOY 1:
Yeah! Solid, Chickie!
BOY 2:
All right!
CHICKIE:
Yeah, hustle! Hustle!
Wait up, guys!
BOY 2:
Yeah, all the way!
BOY 1:
Yeah!
BOY 1:
Nice move, Chickie.
BOY 3:
Come on, hustle!
All right!
CHICKIE:
Oh, yeah!
Cowabunga!
Ah!
What are you
afraid of, dorkmeier?
Nothing!
Then what are
you waiting for?
Your farts to evaporate.
Come on, guys.
He choked.
BOY 1:
Hey, Chuckie,
get some training wheels.
[BOYS LAUGHING]
[SIGHING]
[SCREAMING]
Hey, Chickie, I don't
think he's coming.
That's the point. Do you want
him hanging around all day?
He's your brother.
[GRUNTING]
[WHINING]
[BINGO BARKING]
[GRUNTING]
[FEET PATTERING]
[COUGHING]
[BINGO BARKING]
Bingo.
[BINGO BARKING]
Come on over here.
That's it. Don't be shy.
That a girl.
[GROWLING]
Oh, a boy.
Heh, heh, sorry.
No offense.
You saved my life,
didn't you, fella?
[BARKS]
I don't know
where you came from,
but we're going
to be friends for life!
[WHINES]
Hey!
[PANTING]
Oh, you want to play.
Sorry, but I can't
right now.
I've got to get dressed,
and find something to eat.
Boy, I'm starved.
Wow, you really are something.
[ANIMAL GROWLING]
What's that?
[GROWLING]
[BINGO BARKING]
[GROWLING]
Holy shit! Sic him, Bingo!
Bingo, where are you?
[BINGO BARKING]
Bingo!
The fish. Right!
[BEAR GROWLING]
Move over, Bingo!
I'm coming up.
[BARKING]
More, Chuckie?
I mean, chicken, Chuck?
No, chicken, chick.
Chicken, Chickie. There!
Well, I'm worried, Hal.
It's not like Chuckie
to be late for dinner.
He's just
manipulating us again!
Manipulating us? How?
May I be excused?
Because he knows
we'll be worried.
Then why should I
pretend I'm not worried
if he's thinking
I'm worried anyway,
since he's not here to see me
pretending I'm not worried?
CHICKIE:
Please may I be excused?
What do you have
to make everything
so difficult for,
Natalie? He'll show up.
And if he's locked himself
inside the pet store again?
Simple.
We leave him there.
No, no, no, I will not be
sandbagged on this!
CHICKIE:
I'm done, okay?
I hate animals!
And he knows that.
Can I please go upstairs?
All right. I don't need
that attitude, okay?
I've had a very tough day.
Listen, buster,
just lay off him, okay?
He's not the one who's missed
all the field goals lately.
Oh, great, great,
huh, great.
First the coach,
now it's you!
It just doesn't
feel right.
It hasn't
since Buffalo.
Hal, Hal! For god's sake,
leave your foot on the floor
and the game in the stadium.
Right now, I'm worried
about our son.
If we don't hear
something by morning--
Morning?
I'll call the police.
There was a kid
Who had a dog
And Bingo was his name-o
B-I-N-G
Woof!
B-I-N-G
Woof!
B-I-N-G
Woof!
And Bingo was his
Woof! Woof!
[OWL HOOTING]
[BEAR GRUNTING]
Help!
I don't care
what the paper says, Hal,
that is light out there,
honest to god daylight.
I'm calling the police.
Just-- Just hold it.
Just a few more seconds.
We both agreed.
3, 2, 1. There.
7:14, sunrise.
I'll call.
Hal, Hal,
it's Chuckie, it's Chuckie!
Look, right there!
Right there! Oh.
I told you
he'd show up.
I'm gonna rip
his arms off.
No, Hal. Remember?
You said no more
negative attention.
How about one arm?
[Whistling]
[]
[BARKING]
[DOGS BARKING]
[CHUCKIE LAUGHS]
Cool it, dude.
This is no time for girls.
Besides, she's way out of your
league. Pedigreed purebred.
[BINGO GROWLING]
Shh! Keep it down,
would you?
[TOILET FLUSHING]
HAL:
Next!
NATALIE:
Chickie, that's you!
CHICKIE:
Me? No way. I followed
him yesterday.
NATALIE:
Right now!
Go!
HAL:
'Morning, son. Sleep well?
MALE ANNOUNCER:
And the broncos are
still denying rumors
that place-kicker, Hal Devlin,
is gonna be traded.
So give us a break,
will you, guys?
Somebody needs
to be quick on...
Doesn't anybody want to know
where I was?
Do I need to appear
on a milk carton first?
HAL:
Finish your breakfast, Chuckie.
I don't want you
late for school.
[COUGHING]
Take a shower first, honey.
You smell like wet dog.
[SHOWER RUNNING]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
NATALIE:
Chuckie.
What?
Just getting
the dirty laundry.
About your father, sweetie,
he's having
a very hard time right now.
CHUCKIE:
Tell me about it.
Regardless, it's
important that you know
how much he and I love you.
Can you keep a secret?
We were really
worried about you, honey.
That's off the record. I'll
deny it if you tell him.
But it's true.
Thanks, Mom.
[GROWLING]
Sweetie?
Yes?
Wash extra good
under those arms, okay?
Uh-huh.
[CHUCKIE HUMMING "BINGO"]
[HORN HONKS]
Hey, mom, did you
get my bike?
NATALIE:
It's in the car, honey.
[BINGO WHINING]
[BARKING]
[BELL RINGING]
[ALL CHATTERING]
Okay, okay. Hold
your horses. I'm comin'.
[BARKING]
CHUCKIE:
Take it easy, take it easy.
Just one more second.
Bingo.
Guess that's the best feeling
in the whole world, huh, boy?
[BARKING]
[]
[ALL CHATTERING]
[BARKING]
"What is the
square root of 9?"
Woof! Woof! Woof!
Hold still, okay?
[SNEEZES]
Whoa!
Goddamn it!
Bingo.
Bingo.
Where are you, Bingo?
[WHISTLING]
[BINGO BARKS]
Bingo!
Woof!
Don't you ever do
that to me again!
[WHIMPERS]
I'm sorry. I just...
I never want to lose
you, okay? Promise me.
Hey, everybody, I'm ho--
Something got
into my cold cream.
And something chewed
my citizenship award.
And something
soiled our driveway.
What are you guys saying?
That I'm hiding a...
dog or something?
Bingo.
CHICKIE:
Give it up, Chuckie.
'Cause we're
going to find it.
When we do--
All right!
That's enough, son.
I'll do the threatening
around here.
Just...
go to your room
and pack your bags.
Pack? Don't you think
you're overreacting a little?
Right now,
young man, okay?
Go on.
CHICKIE:
What about this bronco hat?
NATALIE:
Aw, chuck it, Chickie.
HAL:
Now, if it's orange and blue,
I never want
to see it again. Okay?
We've been traded
again, haven't we?
That's right. We leave first
thing in the morning.
Chickie, just toss those in here
with the rest of the stuff.
Green Bay! I knew it! Talk
about quick on the trigger.
Okay, let's not have
any of--
That will be just about enough!
Ow! You stepped on the foot!
Your dad needs
our support.
I'm sorry, Hal.
Not our criticism.
Now go upstairs and pack.
HAL:
It's not an injury, it's okay.
Sorry!
Don't step on the foot, Natalie.
Well, you shouldn't leave it
lying around like that.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
Screw 'em.
Don't worry, fella,
you're comin' with me.
[WHINING]
[]
[WHINING]
[WHINING]
[BARKS]
[CORK POPS]
NATALIE:
Okay, Hal. This is it.
Chuckie!
You sure that boy
packed everything?
Bingo.
Bingo.
[CAR HORN HONKING]
Bingo.
[CAR HORN HONKING]
[CAR HONKING]
Bingo!
[]
[BINGO BURPING]
Buck up, son.
Wisconsin's got great cheese.
[GRUNTING]
[GROANS]
[CAR ENGINE STARTING]
Bingo!
Bingo!
What the...
Oh, I should've
known. It's a dog!
[SCREAMING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Arrivederci, Rover.
So, there was a dog, huh?
Yes, there was a dog.
Now stop the damn car!
You watch your
mouth, young man!
This is not a locker room!
Speed up, dad! Ha!
Go!
[]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
MOTORIST 1:
What are you yelling at?
MOTORIST 2:
What am I supposed
to do about it?
[PEOPLE YELLING]
[POLICE SIREN WAILING]
POLICEMAN:
Shut up, all of you!
I'll take care of this.
Easy, pooch. Good boy.
[SNIFFING]
What is that?
Champagne? What the...
You been drinking?
Okay, let me see you
walk that.
[]
Uh, you seem like
a nice enough pooch,
so I'll let you off
this time with a warning.
But listen, I catch
you around here again,
I'm gonna run over
you myself.
Have a nice day.
[WHINES]
[MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVS]
[CAR HORN HONKING]
[WHINING]
Hey, 2 minute warning, huh?
Come on!
I don't know why that boy can't
hold it between gas stations.
[BARKING]
NATALIE:
Honey, I had something
in mind besides stadium food.
HAL:
Truckers always know
the best spots to eat.
You guys are going to try
some good, old-fashioned
roadside cuisine
before it disappears forever.
Two American dogs.
All right.
One polish-style dog.
A Chinese dog for the lady.
You want soy sauce on that, hon?
No, thank you.
That's quite a selection,
huh, guys?
I have to take a leak.
"May I be excused?"
The boy has a bladder
the size of a walnut.
I haven't gone once.
He hasn't gone, have you?
Not once.
That's what he says.
Have you gone?
No.
[PEEING]
[DOG YIPPING]
[]
[DOGS WHIMPERING]
[MAN HUMMING]
Guaranteed fresh, partner.
Or Duke'll give
your money back.
HAL:
Oh, so it wasn't blessed
by Ronald McDonald.
So what? In France,
you know, they eat horses.
And venison,
that has kind of
a gamy taste, too.
Oh, it's nothing a little
mustard can't fix.
[]
[HORSE NEIGHING]
[WHIMPERING]
Thirsty, boy?
[WHINING]
[WHIMPERING]
[BIRD CAWING]
[WHIMPERING]
Another stray? This must be
your lucky day, Duke.
Give him some chow, darling.
Few more pounds
and he'll be perfect.
Get along,
little doggy.
Say howdy to the rest
of the herd.
[DOGS BARKING]
[]
[DOGS BARKING]
[DUKE HUMMING "BINGO"]
[DOGS BARKING]
[YIPPING]
Cocktail franks.
[WOMAN SCREAMING]
I'm comin', I'm comin'!
What the hell's the
problem, Emma Lois?
EMMA:
He's right there!
Over by the sink!
DUKE:
Where? I don't see anybody.
EMMA:
It's a roach!
We ain't got no roaches!
Big as your thumb, too.
Get him before
he gets to the baseboard.
[BARKS]
[BARKING]
[DOGS BARKING]
[ALL BARKING]
[DOG GROWLING]
Get back in there!
Nice doggy. You were
always my favorite.
[Dogs growling]
Heh, heh. Calm down.
[]
[DOGS BARKING]
[GROANING]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[BARKING]
[ALL BARKING]
[WHINING]
[]
[WHINING]
[]
HAL:
Hut 1, hut 2.
Hup, hup, hup, hike!
MAN:
It's only a dog.
Getting a little
goosy, aren't you, Lennie?
Can you blame me?
Okay, okay.
Club him, and
let's get some sleep.
Club him? He's not a harp seal.
What's the matter with you?
Didn't you have a dog
when you were a kid?
What's next? Save the whales?
It wouldn't hurt you to sign a
petition every once in a while.
What for? We're felons!
We can't vote!
That doesn't mean we can't
contribute in other ways.
I bet you're hungry,
huh, guy?
Woof!
He's smart, too, huh.
Woof, woof! Ha-ha-ha.
What's smart about waking up
the whole damn countryside?
Come on, we'll get
you some chow, okay?
[]
Don't mind Eli.
His bark's worse
than his bite.
That's okay. That's okay.
Hup!
Hup, ho!
ALL:
Yeah!
Yeah.
Three points for the big guy!
Once again.
Once again, yeah.
Where have you been?
It's your turn to snap.
CHICKIE:
I know. He's been
leaving a piss trail
for that stupid dog of his.
CHUCKIE: Bite my boxers!
Chuckie.
Suck my socks.
NATALIE: Chickie.
Could we get on
with the practice, please?
NATALIE:
Yes, dear, yes.
Come on.
I want you to put
that dog out of your mind.
Forget about him. Put him
totally out of your mind!
He doesn't have a mind.
Peed his brains out.
Hey, you should talk.
That dog is smarter than you.
In fact, he's smarter
than this whole family.
I've heard quite
enough from you.
I'm trying to
concentrate.
All right.
You figure it out. How far do
you think we've traveled by now?
Sixty miles an hour,
times 8, times 2,
minus 42 for lunch.
Okay, hundreds of miles.
So what?
So, pee-pee all you want,
but no dog can
track you that distance.
Hike, already.
Ugh!
NATALIE:
Oh, my God!
HAL:
Hell, Natalie, that's
a 60-yarder. Come on!
[ELI LAUGHING]
Minnesota's looking hot.
Oh, no, not again.
Wait a second,
we could double our take,
if you let me put it on the
Vikings against this spread.
That's what you
said last time,
and we had to pull another
job just to break even.
Which is why this
is perfect. It squares us.
It's a 4-point
spread, Lennie.
Nope.
On the night that we find
a dog with 4 legs.
No.
This is a lucky dog, Len!
Do what you want with your cut,
but leave me out of it.
Ah!
Velveeta.
Hey!
Hey, I was going
to use that for nachos.
Ha. Nachos?
You need chips for nachos.
You got any chips, lady?
[WHINES]
That's okay.
Don't worry, folks.
We'll be gone
right after breakfast.
Forget the nachos.
Let's turn in.
Big day tomorrow.
Come on, fella.
You curl up on this.
Come on.
[WHINES]
[MEN SIGHING]
[]
[SNORING]
[PANTING]
[PHONE RINGS]
911. What's your problem?
[GROWLS]
Could you speak up?
[GROWLING]
All I can hear is your dog.
[GRUNTING]
WOMAN:
We've locked in your number and
location. Are you in trouble?
[BINGO GROWLING]
I think I got a prankster call
from a pay phone on I-70.
Hello?
[PANTING]
Hello?
Get me your pencil.
It's Morse code.
[PHONE CLICKING]
MAN:
Shh, shh, hurry up.
[SNORTING]
Where are you going?
[GROWLING]
ELI:
I'm gonna get you.
Come on. Let's go.
All right, you want
a piece of this?
I'll give you
a piece of this.
Lennie! Lennie!
[GUN FIRING]
ELI:
I'll give you rough.
I had the craziest dream.
Let go! Get this damn dog off of
me.
Hey, hey!
Down, boy!
That's enough!
I don't know which
one of you started this,
but you're both
gonna get us in big trouble.
[POLICE SIREN WAILING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[CHILD YELLING]
Shitfire!
[POLICEMEN YELLING]
They've got us surrounded.
We're okay.
Why do you think
we got hostages?
What the hell
happened to them?
[WHIMPERING]
One move, and
the dog gets it!
All right! That's enough!
That's enough!
Ow, take it easy.
I'm going.
FEMALE REPORTER:
...to end this terrible ordeal.
And the Thompson family
credits this remarkable dog
with saving their lives.
What are your plans
now, Mr. Thompson?
We still have a few
days vacation left,
but we're going back to
dog-proof our house so we can
give this little fellow
the best home he's ever had.
FEMALE REPORTER:
And there you have it,
live from the scene.
two ruthless
armored-car thieves
who had taken
this nice family hostage,
are now in custody,
thanks to the extraordinary
efforts of one brave dog.
This is Judy Marlin,
K.Y.A.P. Channel 9 News.
Back to you
in the studio now, Larry.
[]
NATALIE:
Come on, let's go, Chuckie.
We don't have all day.
Bingo, I haven't
forgotten you, pal.
Don't give up, fella.
You'll find me.
Just blow off
those dumb girls.
What have you
done with Eugene?
You mean Cuddles.
You can call him what you want,
but his name's Eugene.
Cuddles.
Eugene.
Cuddles.
[WHINING]
Ta-da!
[WHIMPERING]
Not again! You know how he
hates playing baby.
He's my dog, too, and you
don't get him all the time.
You'll both have
to wait to play with him.
You, uh, Bingo?
Woof!
It's a subpoena.
[WHINING]
[GAVEL TAPPING]
And do you swear
to tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but
the truth, so help you God?
Woof!
DEFENSE ATTORNEY:
Your honor, I object.
This is a court
of law, not a kennel.
Overruled! Didn't you ever have
a dog when you were a kid?
Proceed.
Thank you, your honor.
Were you present on the night
the Thompson camper was hijacked
by two ruthless armored-car
thieves who held
the family captive until
the following morning?
[BARKING]
And are those two thieves
present in this courtroom?
[BARKING]
Would you identify
them for us, please?
[BINGO GROWLING]
DEFENSE ATTORNEY:
That is not a legal point!
LENNIE:
Sit, boy, sit.
Traitor.
You're dog meat, pal.
[BARKS]
[CROWD GASPING]
Get out of my face, canine!
I'm going to get you,
if it's the last thing I do!
JUDGE:
Order!
[GAVEL TAPPING]
JUDGE: Order!
No further questions,
your honor.
The prosecution rests.
The dog may be excused.
Your honor, just a moment.
I would like to cross-examine
this witness.
Get back up there, fleabag.
JUDGE:
The court would like
to remind the witness
that he is still under oath.
Your honor, could we have
the court reporter
read back
the dog's testimony
in response to his whereabouts
on the day in question?
Ahem, ahem.
[BARKING]
Very well.
Now can you tell the court
where you were
during the armored-car robbery
earlier that day?
Objection, your honor.
Irrelevant.
Where are you headed
with this, counselor?
Your honor, I have witnesses
that can testify to seeing
this dog near a garbage can,
just before the robbery.
And I would like to introduce
exhibits Q and R.
A fecal sample
and a paw print...
that will substantiate that he
was at the scene of the crime.
PROSECUTOR:
Now wait just a minute.
Isn't it true
that you were the one
who robbed
the federal armored car?
And didn't you subsequently
frame my clients
in a clever scheme
to earn yourself
wealth, respect,
and a room of your own?
Objection, your honor, the
witness is not on trial here.
Your honor, now, unless this
witness can provide an alibi
as to his whereabouts during
the armored-car robbery
he should be bound over
until contrary evidence
can be brought forth!
This is absurd.
You introduced the witness
in the first place.
I think we ought to hear
what he has to say.
Please answer the question.
Do you have an alibi?
[GROWLING]
Don't answer that.
You have rights.
Answer, or I'll throw you
in the slammer for contempt.
What's the matter?
Cat got your tongue?
[GROWLING]
Take him away.
[CROWD CHATTERING]
[CAMERA CLICKING]
PRISONER 1:
Hey, Bruno, check out
the new guy.
[PRISONER WHISTLING]
Ay, Chihuahua.
PRISONER 2:
That ain't no Chihuahua.
[PRISONER LAUGHING]
PRISONER 3:
Hey, short stuff.
Keep your nose clean.
And no chewing
on the furniture.
[]
Well, this looks
like my lucky day.
[CLANKING]
[BINGO PANTING]
Hey, you're really good.
You done this before?
[GROWLS]
[MAN LAUGHING]
[BUZZING]
Someone's coming.
Just try to act natural.
[MAN WHISTLING]
You got mail.
It's about time.
Not you. You!
[GROWLING]
[WHINING]
All right, all right,
all right. I'm opening it.
Here, I'm opening
the letter, Bingo. There.
There.
Says here...
"Dear Bingo...
"I'm writing so you'll know
I still think of you as my dog.
[WHINES]
"And I want you to find me
So as we can resume
our happy life together."
Hm.
"If you do this and find me,
we will finally be happy
"Which I know you will like.
"See you soon, I hope.
"Your best friend...
[WHIMPER]
Chuckie."
[WOOFS]
Ha, ha.
"P.S. All you have to do--"
Lie down with dogs,
and you'll wake up with fleas.
[GROWLS]
You talking to me?
[LAUGHING]
[LAUGHING]
No.
[GRUNTS]
We're talking to
the hairwad you're with.
He wants
his letter back.
All right, let's
have the rest of it.
[WHINING]
Come and get it
before it's gone.
You think you're so tough.
Take a bite of this!
MEN:
Whoa.
[]
ELI:
Need a shave?
[ELI CACKLING]
[ALL CHATTERING]
[BARKING]
Huh, huh, huh.
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
Hey! Hey!
Come on, get back!
All right, who's doing
all that barking, huh?
[CROWD MURMURING]
Okay, that's the way
you want to play it?
Back to your cells.
Now! Move it!
Let's go!
Hey, hey!
What are you staring at?
Let's go, come on,
keep it moving,
keep it moving.
You're a bad dog.
See you
next time, mutt.
Bad dog!
[GRUNTING]
[]
Follow me.
[WHIMPERS]
[]
[PANTING]
[GROWLS]
[GROWLING]
[]
[GRUNTS]
[GROANS]
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
IN DISTANCE]
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[PANTING]
Shh!
[GUN COCKS]
I hope you know
what you're doing.
You want to sniff your way
to Chuckie, here's his letter.
The post office isn't
much for direct routes.
[WHIMPERS]
So, uh...
good luck.
[WHINES]
I'll never forget you.
[PANTING]
There was a con
Who had a dog
And bingo
Was his name-o
B-I-N-G-O
[GUN FIRING]
Halt!
[GLASS SHATTERING]
[GUN FIRING]
[GUN FIRING]
[]
[PANTING]
[BARKING]
[WHINING]
[BARKS]
[]
[WHINING]
CHUCKIE:
Don't give up, Bingo.
[BARKING]
[PANTING]
WOMAN:
Oh! It's a cute doggy.
[WHINES]
Oh, are you
hungry, fella?
What's this?
A letter.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
You have the olfactory
receptors for the transplant?
They're from
a Doberman.
Doberman?
It's the best
I could do.
[WHINING]
We have
no other choice.
Without a transplant,
his sense of smell is shot.
He's overworked
his own nose,
and his nasal membrane
looks like a worn-out shoe.
No wonder
he's exhausted.
I just pray
we're not too late.
All right,
knock him out,
and let's slap those babies
in his schnoz.
Don't worry, boy.
Doc's the best.
Now, I just want you to
count backwards, from 10.
[WHIMPERING]
[]
[BARKS]
[GASPS]
[DOOR OPENING]
Chuckie, sweetheart,
you all right?
It was a nightmare,
that's all.
No more chain-saw videos
before bedtime, okay?
Okay?
Okay.
Lie back down, honey.
Try and go back to sleep.
Here's your doggy.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
Motel man said
they're in Green Bay.
It's in Wisconsin.
The bus will take you there,
but, then you're on your own.
Find that little boy.
[WHINING]
And start your life again.
I'll be fine.
I, uh...
I knitted you
a little something.
Oh, it's a tail warmer.
And I packed you
a few travel goodies.
Dog biscuits,
puzzle, magazines,
cold-cream-and-jelly,
your favorite.
MALE ANNOUNCER:
The bus for Green Bay,
Wisconsin,
is now departing
from gate 19.
[ENGINE REVVING]
Come on, let's go. You want
to step to the rear?
[WHINES]
Oh, you crazy mutt!
Keep your nose clean.
[GROWLING]
Cold-cream-and-jelly?
Well, at least he's eating
something. I'm starved!
Here.
We're getting warmer.
Damn it, Eli.
I did not break out of prison
to spend the rest of my life
tracking that damn mutt
from here to hell and gone!
Forget the dog!
Forget?
If you put me behind bars,
would I forget?
Well, I guess not.
Damn right! And if I put you
behind bars, would you forget?
No, no.
No, you'd never
forget. Never.
If word gets out
that we let a dog
get away with it,
we're finished!
Humiliated! We
are professionals!
[]
MAN:
Watch your step, pal.
Hind legs, too.
[]
[CROWD CHATTERING]
[]
HAL:
It's never been
better, Natalie.
I'm telling you, from heel to
toe, the foot feels lively.
NATALIE:
It sure does, Hal.
[PANTING]
[WHISTLING]
Kick the hell out
of Detroit, honey!
Make those playoffs!
Good luck, Dad!
[]
[WHINING]
[WHIMPERS]
[]
Here's Frisker,
Mrs. Wallaby.
And here's your dollar bill.
Well, he's a good dog.
Of course, he's
not like Bingo.
But then again, no dog is.
[]
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
[CROWD CHATTERING]
Hey, you're new around
here, ain't you?
I don't care how
pathetic you are.
If you want food from old Vic,
you got to earn your keep.
[LAUGHS]
I'll have more when
you finish with these.
Dave, here, will
show you the ropes.
[LAUGHS]
Stay on your toes, Dave.
This mutt looks ambitious.
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
LENNIE:
Five hundred bucks
is not chicken feed.
What's he talking about?
If we're gonna
dole money out...
why don't we send something in
to protect the ozone layer?
That wouldn't get us the dog
back, now, would it?
I'm just saying, $500
is a lot for a reward.
Who says
we're gonna pay up?
You mean we don't pay up?
Lennie, we're scum.
We don't have to pay up.
Now quit your bellyaching.
We got a lot
of ground to cover.
[CHILDREN CHATTERING]
"If you have any information
leading to our dog, Bingo...
"Contact room 557
at the Highway Motor Inn.
Ask for Mr. Smith."
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
I've got it.
Hi.
Hi, uh,
you Mr. Smith?
Eli, is there
a Mr. Smith here?
We're Mr. Smith.
Um, I think the dog
you're looking for
is working down at Vic's Cafe
as the assistant dishwasher.
Assistant dishwasher?
You sure?
Well, he hasn't been
promoted yet.
Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey!
What about
my reward, huh?
Oh, uh,
sell Old Blue.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[GROWLING]
[GROANS]
What's going on here?
Wanna buy a dog?
[GROWLS]
[BURPS]
Yeah, you're
a hard worker, Bingo.
Be here tomorrow at 6:00.
We'll talk more
about career opportunities
in the food-service industry.
[GROWLS]
[WHINING]
Well, if it ain't
Mr. Whole-Truth-and-
Nothing-But-the-Truth,
Flea-Carrying,
Turncoat Snitch!
Hi, Bingo. Miss us?
[GROWLS]
[BOTH CACKLING]
Before we're finished,
you're gonna wish
you'd never been whelped.
Hey, you!
Let go of my dog!
[]
[ALL GROANING]
[BINGO BARKING]
Okay, okay!
[WHINES]
[CHUCKIE SCREAMING]
LENNIE:
Okay. I got him!
CHUCKIE:
Let go! Run, Bingo!
No!
Run! Oh, you put me
down, you jerk!
Shut up, shut up!
You better
put me down, now!
Get in, get in!
CHUCKIE: Oh, let go!
ELI: Move it, move it!
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[]
I'm losing
my patience, boy.
He's your dog!
Now, you're gonna
tell us where he is.
How am I supposed
to know? E.S.P.?
Think real hard,
smart ass.
You don't scare me.
When my dad gets wind of this,
he'll beat the hair off you!
Yeah? Him
and who else?
How about the offensive line
of the Green Bay Packers?
[LAUGHING]
What is Daddy? President
of the Booster Club?
Try Hal Devlin.
Hal? Oh, Hal!
Devlin, Devlin, Devlin, Hal
Devlin, the place kicker Devlin?
He stunk up the Denver stadium.
Cost me some big dollars.
Well, he's 8 for 8
with Green Bay.
And they're gonna make playoffs
after they hammer Detroit.
What is this, The N.F.L. Today?
Both of you, shut up.
Wait a second.
Lennie, how would you like
to score some real dough?
W-What about the dog?
We're after the dog.
Forget the dog.
If we're smart,
we can make enough dough
to hire us a battalion
of dogcatchers.
No, I'm not listening
to another word from you.
Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, my boy!
My boy!
[]
ELI:
Lennie, it ain't gambling
when you mark the deck.
LENNIE:
I don't get it.
What does football
have to do with poker?
ELI:
Nothing. It's a metaphor.
LENNIE:
A what?
ELI:
All right,
never mind. Look,
here is your suitcase. Here is
your tape! Here are your wires!
This is your timer, right?
LENNIE: Right.
ELI: What is this?
LENNIE:
A screwdriver.
ELI:
Okay, good. Now you got
all the explosives you need
to do your job.
Now just let me do mine!
LENNIE:
Yeah, but Eli, everything
we have on one game?
You don't understand,
because you are a technocrat.
You build devices.
You work with your hands.
I, on the other hand, am a
visionary. I work with my mouth.
Now, I got to find a phone
and get the ball rolling
on this thing before kickoff.
But, Eli--
Lennie! You just worry about
the kid and rigging the device.
[PANTING]
If this plan
doesn't work,
the next one I wire
to your shorts, partner.
Visionary, huh?
[]
Bingo!
Go to my house.
Get somebody. Now!
Now!
[]
What's going on
in here?
[HUMMING "BINGO"]
Shut up!
[HUMMING "BINGO"]
Shut up!
[HUMMING CONTINUES]
I hate that song.
[BARKING]
Who are you?
What?
No, no, no.
We don't want any.
No, no, no!
Go away. Goodbye.
Go away. Goodbye.
[]
ANNOUNCER [ON TV]:
Welcome to the Pontiac
Silverdome.
We got a capacity crowd
on hand to watch
the Green Bay Packers
battle the division-leading
Detroit Lions. At stake...
[GROWLING]
Where'd you get this?
[BARKING]
[WHINING]
Just a sec.
Who was that at
the door, honey?
A dog with a hat.
Looks like Chuckie's.
Don't be silly.
Do you know how many Packer
caps there are in this town?
[GROWLS]
[]
Huh?
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
Excu-- Excuse--
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Just a moment,
please. Hold on.
Uh, Chickie, could
you please get that?
You know what? I'm having
difficulty understanding you.
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
NATALIE:
What? What's that?
I said...
"We've got your kid, lady."
[]
You again? Get out of here
before I call animal control.
[BINGO WHINING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING ON TV]
What's wrong, Mom? You look
like you've seen a ghost.
Who was that
at the door?
Uh, it was that
dumb dog again.
The dog, the dog!
Mom! Wait!
[CROWD CHATTERING]
[PLAYERS CHATTERING]
PLAYER:
Hut, hut, hut!
[GROANS]
Devlin!
For you.
Yeah. What? I--
I-I told you never to call me
here. What are you doing?
Hal, they've
got Chuckie.
HAL:
What? Who's got Chuckie?
Kidnappers.
Kidnappers, they said
that if we want to see
him alive again, we--
You pay them. You understand?
You pay them.
He's our son, for God's
sake, we'll pay anything.
NATALIE:
It's not exactly
that kind of ransom.
They uh, they want you to miss
all your field goals.
What?
Don't make any field goals
against the Tigers.
The lions.
Detroit. Whatever, Hal.
They're serious. Please!
You call
the police and you--
No, I can't do that.
What? Tough to hear.
I can't call police. They said
not to call the police, Hal.
Can-- Say again, please.
They said no police.
They're serious, Hal!
How can you be sure?
Because a dog dropped off
some of Chuckie's clothes.
They've got a dog
working for them?
Apparently.
What the--
Chickie's out trying
to track him down now.
Oh, Hal,
what are we going to do?
I got to go!
Look, just do what
you think is best.
It's probably just
a whole, stinking--
Chuckie's our son, Hal.
Look, I got to go.
There you are.
Everything okay,
Devlin?
Oh, yes, sir.
Just, uh, a little, uh,
little pep talk from the wife.
That's the ticket!
Yeah.
[ALL YELLING]
Hey coach,
you got a minute?
Tell me, what's more important
to you? Family or football?
Are you kidding?
Football's my life!
That's what I thought.
ANNOUNCER:
And with less than a minute
to go in the 3rd quarter,
Devlin will try
a 32-yard field goal
that could put
the Packers ahead.
There's the snap, the kick
is up, and it is wide!
Oh, hell!
[LAUGHING]
Oh, he's done it!
What did I say?
[THUD]
[]
LENNIE:
Another one?
ELI:
Shh!
[SNARLING]
[BOTH SCREAMING]
ELI:
Ow! Oh, God!
LENNIE:
All right,
I got him, I got him!
I got him, Eli.
I got him.
No! Go, get off of me!
I'm gonna break his legs.
All right, I'll get him!
Okay, I'll get him. Okay, okay!
[GROANS]
Oh, shit!
Yeah!
No, no! No, no!
[GROWLING]
[SCREAMING]
Lennie, Lennie!
Get this damn
dog off of me!
ANNOUNCER:
And so, the Packers
go to Devlin again.
This time, it's a chip shot
from 22 yards out.
His 3rd attempt
of the day.
The Packer fans
have got to be wondering
what's wrong with their
field-goal ace, Gar.
And there it is, Mel.
The kick is up, it is--
Mom,
I found him!
Shh, shh, shh!
Long enough.
Wide left!
Yes! Yes, Hal, yes!
Oh, God!
Mother! I found Chuckie!
Oh, my God, where?
He's in an old warehouse! We've
got to call the police, now!
Oh, no, I can't do that.
I can't call the police.
But we got no choice!
They're gonna kill him!
LENNIE:
B-I
[TONGUE CLICKING]
G-O
B-I
[TONGUE CLICKING]
G-O
ELI:
Shut up with that song!
I can't get it
out of my head.
[LAUGHING]
Boy, he really did
a number on your pants.
Yeah, my pants?
Yeah!
He almost made
a meal of my nuts.
Is this thing ready? I want
to push the button so bad.
Hey, I'm the technocrat.
I push the button!
Carry-on size. But, with enough
wallop to level a city block.
And we can
activate the timer...
[CLICKING]
With a simple...
[CLICKING]
...garage-door opener.
[]
There was a crook
That had a bomb
And
Ka-blooey!
[GROWLING]
[CACKLING]
[GROANS]
Let's get
out of here!
God!
Ah! Ow, ow!
Oh, oh, ow!
Oh, that mutt.
[WHINES]
Eight minutes left in the game,
and then we are in fat city.
Guess what?
What?
No, go ahead,
guess.
I give up!
I synchronized
the bomb timer...
with the game clock.
Lennie...
I like it!
[SIREN WAILING]
Uh-oh!
[]
Hey, that's him,
right down there.
All right.
Right there.
ANNOUNCER:
...was superb! There wasn't
much more he could do to...
[]
[PANTING]
Faster,
Bingo! Hurry!
ANNOUNCER:
Ellsworth over
right tackle...
And that brings
up a 3rd down...
Look out!
...flag on the play...
I see it, I see it!
[SIREN WAILING]
Sorry!
And the referee starts
the clock with 4 minutes left.
Detroit's gonna
have to hold here...
Come on, baby!
Go!
The Packers will
be nearing field...
[]
Oh, go on!
Come on, Bingo.
Almost there.
But hold on, the Packers
quickly call for a time-out...
Voila!
Lennie, that's enough!
Quit screwing
around with that thing.
Shut up and drive!
It's time I had a little fun,
for a change.
[SIREN WAILING]
Impressive drive, Gar.
Green Bay's best today.
Hey, can't you go
any faster?
You want me to
blow the engine?
You want my dad
to miss another field goal?
[ENGINE REVVING]
Come on!
Bingo, undo me!
I said it's no use.
Get to the fire alarm.
[WHINING]
Over there, Bingo! Now!
Go on, boy. That's it.
[COUGHING]
There you go.
Jump! You got to!
[]
What's wrong, boy?
Jump!
Jump.
CHUCKIE:
Jump!
[COUGHING]
[]
[ALARM RINGING]
Eli!
This is it!
Stop, stop!
...this would be a good time
for the free pass or draw.
Cover him.
[SCREAMING]
They're there. The play to
Shepherd in Lion territory,
and the Packers stop
the clock again,
with 40 seconds
remaining.
Hey, the hell's
the matter with you?
We're trapped, and you're still
playing with that stupid remote!
You're not the boss of me!
Now he's hamburger,
Now's he not!
Now he's hamburger,
Now's he not!
It's a good thing he's
on artificial turf.
He's gonna have
to beat his personal best...
SHERIFF:
Let the boy go.
Nobody'll get hurt.
[LAUGHING]
Yeah?
Make sure Devlin
misses this field goal,
and we won't
toast the kid!
...to keep his head clear. But,
with stakes this high, Gar,
even the most seasoned veteran
gets cotton mouth and...
I'll think about it!
Think about it? What's to think
about? What about my son?
Dispatch. Patch me through to
the Silverdome. Major emergency.
What are--
What are you doing?
First thing's first.
And with the score
tied, the Lions call
a time-out with 34 seconds
remaining. The Lions
apparently want Devlin to think
a bit more about his kick.
Devlin! For you.
Again?
Yeah?
This is Sheriff Clay
from Green Bay.
We got your boy, everything's
okay. So go out there
and nail this field goal
for Chuckie.
Give me that.
You bet!
Thank you, Sheriff.
[MUMBLING]
Come on!
[CROWD CHEERING]
Hal! Hal, it's me,
Natalie, Hal! Hal?
Come on, lady,
calm down!
A lot of us have
money on this game.
Besides, I have
it all figured out.
Time's running out,
copper!
Now, let me see
the kid first.
He ain't here.
Well, then
where the hell is he?
[BINGO BARKING]
What's with the dog?
Forget the dog,
call in the paramedics.
Wait! There's a suitcase in that
bin. There's a bomb in it!
Forget the paramedics.
Call in the bomb squad.
[]
MAN:
Which one is it?
ANNOUNCER:
Devlin's coming back
onto the field.
The Packers, 52 yards away
from playoff berth.
The Lions, moving
back and forth, on the line.
Hoping to rattle
Devlin one more time.
[WHINING]
Are you sure it's that one?
[BARKS]
Come on, just get rid of it!
That's it, Bingo,
you got it!
Good dog! Good dog!
FIREMAN:
The bomb squad's on the way.
[]
Let him go.
ANNOUNCER:
Devlin's ready. The kick.
Up, up, up,
and it's on its way.
Is it long enough?
NATALIE:
No, no, no!
No, no, no!
No, don't do that.
Lennie!
[SCREAMS]
[]
Yes, it's good! Incredible!
[]
Hal Devlin has sent the Packers
into the playoffs!
Ladies and gentlemen,
this game is over!
[SCREAMING]
Yo, kid.
[WHISTLES]
[GASPS]
PARAMEDICS:
Here we go. 1, 2, 3, lift.
Tell the sheriff that
the kid is in shock.
He's on his way
to the hospital.
We're still
looking for the dog.
Since the blast, we haven't
seen hide nor hair.
NATALIE:
Mommy's here. Hi, sunshine.
HAL:
Hey, partner.
It's your old man.
Dad?
That's the boy.
You know, they
found that dog, son.
How is Bingo?
[CROWD CHATTERING]
[DOG BARKING]
CHUCKIE:
Who are all those dogs?
NATALIE:
They're Bingo's
friends, honey.
They've been here
all night.
Who are all these people?
They all heard Bingo's story
on the nightly news
and wanted to wish him well.
May
I get you anything?
I'm glad
he found a family.
DUKE:
Carrot stick, son?
Jeez, I hope your
dog doesn't die.
Good luck.
[]
Bingo, you got
to pull through.
[WHINES]
I need you, boy!
[BARKS]
I think he's going to
be just fine, Chuckie.
Can I keep him, Dad?
Can I?
[WHIMPERS]
ALL:
Hmm?
Sure, son.
[ALL SIGH]
Just as soon as we
have him neutered.
[]
[GROWLS]
[JOEY SCARBARI'S COUNTRY
VERSION OF "BINGO" PLAYING]
There was a farmer
Who had a dog
And Bingo was his name
B-I-N-G-O
B-I-N-G-O
B-I-N-G-O
Bingo was his name
There was this farmer
Who had a dog
And Bingo was his name-o
I-N-G-O
I-N-G-O
I-N-G-O
And Bingo was his name-o