Biology 101 (2013)

1
[silence]
[piano music ]
[crickets chirping]
[piano music ]
Please, not... Diane...
It's Thursday.
I know just...
...not tonight.
This is the third Thursday
in a row.
I'm exhausted.
Next week, dear?
Tuesdays.
Thursdays aren't working out,
we'll just reschedule
for Tuesdays.
Tuesday sounds good.
[techno music ]
[piano music ]
[alarm clock blaring]
[exhales]
[groans]
[alarm stops]
Talked to Mr. Duke.
Guess what he told me.
Under consideration.
By the time we get the administration
to cough up the dough,
they'll be as outdated
as everything else in here.
Off to corrupt
some young minds?
I'll see you later, Marty.
I'll keep on
the administration.
They'll come to regret the day
they unleashed the wrath
of the Thatherton Community
College Science Department.
The, uh, uterus can be found
inside the pelvis
immediately dorsal
to the urinary bladder
and, uh, ventral to the rectum.
The human penis is made up
of three columns of tissue:
two corpora cavernosa
and one corpus spongiosum.
The enlarged,
bulbous-shaped end
of the corpus spongiosum
forms the glans penis...
[mysterious piano music ]
[door closes]
Okay, everybody, please turn
to page 63 in your books.
All right, I guess we'll end
a little early today.
Read chapter six for Wednesday
and work on
activities nine and ten.
Mr. Pollard?
I'm Marissa Weaver.
I emailed you
about transferring in.
Right, right.
Um... let me get you
an add slip.
I had you before.
No, I don't think so.
Are you sure?
You look really familiar.
I'm positive I had you before.
Nope.
I've just seen you around campus.
That must be it.
Must be.
[ambient music ]
[whoosh]
[Hannah, far off]
Dad?
[Hannah]
Dad?
[Hannah]
Dad?
Dad?
Dad?
Dad?
Dad!
I need money.
Mon...
[stammering]
What for?
Uh, we're going
to Big Bear this weekend
It's for school.
Big Bear for-for school?
- Yeah!
- No.
And what are you wearing?
Pull that down.
[scoffs]
Jesus, Dad.
Is that from my fund?
See?
Sixty grand,
and you can't even
part with $300?
300?
I'm sorry, what do you need
$300 for?
It's for school.
Really?
So if I get on the phone and I call Mrs.
Harris at the school office
she's gonna tell me
all about it?
- Forget it.
- Oh, hold on, what's this?
It's nothing.
Really, where did
you get "nothing"?
Is it from that boy?
Uh, what boy?
Uh-uh, I'll tell you what-
If you are not mature enough
to tell us the truth,
you are definitely
not mature enough
to be getting gifts from boys.
- But Mom, everyone else...
- You are not everyone else.
Hannah, get back here.
I got homework to do.
When did she start lying to me?
She's a teenager, Bill,
it's her job to make
our lives miserable.
She is not Daddy's little girl
anymore.
I wish she were seven again.
I miss my little girl.
She needs to stop this and
start acting like an adult,
and the sooner
that you realize that,
the faster she is
going to grow up.
[whoosh]
[ambient music ]
[computer beeps]
[typing]
Marissa?
Marissa.
Marissa.
[sighs]
[phone rings]
Hello?
Bill, can you explain something
to me?
I'm standing here looking
at our credit card statement.
Uh, what's it say?
What are all these charges
on here for "Dan's Hobby Shop"
that keep showing up
every month?
Um... chemistry supplies
for my classes.
From a hobby shop?
Yeah, some people's hobby
is chemistry.
Doesn't Thatherton give you
a budget for that?
Yes, dear.
Well, maybe you need to go
talk to Mr. Duke again.
I have a budget, Diane.
I know but last time
you talked to him,
he made you head
of the science department,
so it couldn't hurt to try.
All right, dear.
I'll do that.
You know, the worst that
can happen is he can say no.
Okay, dear.
[phone hangs up]
[techno music ]
Do you have any idea
how much your father and I
are sacrificing
so that you can have a future?
You keep this up, you're going
to end up going to Thatherton.
I'm s-I'm sorry,
but you know what I mean.
What happened?
That's what I'd like to know.
You know, I give up.
You-you try talking to her.
Do some parenting, Bill.
What happened?
I told Mom I was going
to Kristy's house,
but then Kristy wanted to go
to a party at Walt's
and I knew if I told Mom
she wouldn't let me go,
but then Mia's mom mentioned
the party to her this morning
and now she's bringing you
into it!
- Where were you?
- Walt's house.
[stammering]
Is Walt bracelet-boy?
Dad, that's not the point.
I didn't do anything wrong.
You can't blame your mom
for being angry.
You shouldn't lie to her.
Whether I lie or not, she's
just going to scream at me.
You know she only screams
because she loves you.
Well, I'm glad you don't
love me that much.
She's right, though.
You need to grow up if you're
gonna go to a good school.
I don't care where I go.
You need to start caring.
Have you had a chance
to look at this?
You need to check it out.
Scantron and a #2.
Don't have 'em?
Borrow from a neighbor.
Neighbor's a jerk?
Should've thought of that
before you moved in.
Mr. Pollard?
The answers are already written
in my test.
I'm sorry, I must've given you
my grading key by mistake.
Thank you for your honesty.
I'll be right back.
Just continue with your mid-
term and I'll be right back.
Uh, you wanted to see me,
Mr. Duke?
Have a seat, Bill.
Close the door.
I was approached this afternoon
by a student
who gave me some very...
...distressing information.
He alleges that
you were gratifying yourself
during a mid-term exam.
Tell me this kid is bonkers,
Bill.
I...
You really can't believe that.
I didn't think so.
Had a look at this kid's file.
Seems he failed your
Biology 101 class twice
and probably wasn't feeling too well
about the mid-term exam, either.
The old "teacher masturbating
in the class" routine.
It's a joke, Bill.
[awkward laugh]
Okay...
So let's just keep it
in the pants from now on.
Oh, and Bill?
The whole thing
with the microscopes.
We've been going over
the budget
and maybe it's not
so far-fetched.
Keep your heads up.
Did he wink?
- Wink?
- Did Mr. Duke wink?
Yeah.
[chuckling]
So what's this about you
masturbating in class?
[students chattering]
Marissa, can I see you
for a moment?
I've been doing good
on my homework.
It'll even out.
You can do better than this,
Marissa.
Don't you want to transfer
to a good university?
I don't really care.
You need to start caring.
Look, I've been really busy.
I haven't had a lot of time
to study.
A lot of things going on?
Yeah.
I'll do better on the next one.
I know you, Marissa.
You're something special.
I don't know if many others
can see that.
Where'd you get that?
It was a gift.
Then I guess there is someone
who knows how special you are.
You know I'm available.
I'm here to help you
whenever you need it.
Why don't you stay after class?
I'll go over
the worksheets with you.
Thanks, Mr. Pollard,
but I'll be fine.
Just this once, Marissa.
I'll let you slide this once,
but you're really gonna have
to prove yourself on the final.
[door closes]
I need you to find out
who bought this.
So you want me to dig through
a shitload of backlogged files?
Fuck...
Fine.
[loud muffler rumbling]
Mr. Pollard!
I did some math, and if I get
a 70 or better on my final...
Are you really content
just to glide by in life?
- I'm...
- I've been too easy on you.
You know, real life isn't like this.
Real life sucks.
I'm sorry, what did I do?
What is the big deal?
I don't have time for tutoring,
okay?
I said forget it.
What is your problem with me?
I said fucking forget it!
[cell phone ringing]
What?
Yeah?
[techno music ]
[door clatters open]
[squeals]
[crying]
[screaming, crying]
[phone rings]
Hello?
- [Hannah] Dad?
- Yes, Hannah.
- I need you to come get me.
- Where are you?
I'm walking to the corner
of Elder and Sasdy.
What are you doing there?
Can you just come get me,
please?
All right.
Give men ten minutes.
You're not going to ask
where I was?
Where were you?
You don't care.
Of course I do.
Why? Did something happen?
It's just that, you think
you know someone, you know?
And then one day it's like they're
a completely different person!
And it's not like I care
what they're doing,
but it's like you don't even know who
your own fucking best friend is anymore.
You shouldn't swear, Hannah.
I should've just gotten
someone else to drive me home.
Drunk.
What's this?
It's, uh, nothing.
[phone rings]
Yes, Mr. Duke.
Take a seat, Bill.
- Bill.
- It was all a mistake.
I- We're all mean here, right?
These things happen.
I've never done anything
like this before in my life.
I never thought I could!
It's just...
Please!
You can't tell my wife.
I'm... confused.
[knock on the door]
Marty, this really isn't any...
You really didn't have to
bring him into this.
The hell he didn't!
I wanna hear the news.
Right.
I spoke with district
this morning.
They went over the budget,
and apparently
there's enough money
to get those damn microscopes you
two are always going on about.
The Schweitzhours?
The Schweitzhours.
[typing]
Where the fuck have you been?
Just leave me here
to entertain the perverts.
[typing]
Who's that fucker?
Our new favorite pervert.
[knock on the door]
Bill... it's three o'clock
in the morning.
What are you doing?
The final.
I'm s...
The what?
I'm just gettin' an early start
in the final.
Well, come to bed now.
I've just-I've got a lot
going on.
It's Tuesday.
Is that-is that why you
haven't come to bed?
I'm really trying,
and you are always in here.
I- I guess we could,
if you really want to.
No, that's okay.
Now I'm tired.
[pen clicking]
Who's that?
Your new girlfriend?
What kinda guy
do you think I am?
I know exactly what kinda guy
you are.
You're supposed to be
answering e-mails.
I was doing research.
Fine, I'm doing it.
Okay?
Hannah, let's go!
Uncle Ron and Aunt Tricia
are already at the restaurant!
[Hannah]
In a minute!
[sighs]
[phone rings]
[Diane on line]
Hello?
It's for me, Diane.
I got it.
- [Diane] Bill...
- I got it.
What do you want from me?
What do you want?
[knock on door]
Bill, we need to get going.
Just-just a minute.
Who are you talking to?
Just a minute!
I never...
When did I...
You can't do this.
[stammering]
I never touched you.
I never did anything to you.
What do you want from me?
[phone hangs up]
Who's that?
Nothing.
Ready to go?
We're still waiting on Hannah.
[Hannah]
Dad.
Hey, Dad, I've been thinking.
Yes, dear.
Madison University is great
and everything, but...
...I've been looking at
the Thatherton catalogue, and...
How 'bout we talk
about this later, okay?
But I...
Now's really not the time.
Bill.
How 'bout I go get the mail?
Okay.
[Hannah]
Hey, Dad?
You got a message.
[answering machine beeps]
No!
[Marty on the phone, crying]
Bill, Marty.
They're beautiful, I...
I just don't know what to say.
I'm at a loss for words.
Okay, okay, so they're
not here yet,
but I am looking at them
in the catalogue
and-and-and they're jumping
out of the page at me!
[answering machine beeps]
Oh, shit.
What the hell
is wrong with you?
Bill, you've been acting
so incredibly strange today.
I- I don't know.
Oh, that's weird, there's no
return address.
[loud muffler driving away]
[sighs]
Are we okay?
Yeah, I guess so.
I mean...
...do you still find me
attractive?
Diane... of course I do.
Say something, anything,
so that I know that we're okay.
Bill!
They're here!
[giggling]
360 revolving binocular heads!
Inter-pupillary
distance regulation!
Double focusing regulation!
Micrometrical and macrometrical!
Movable stage
with micrometric movements.
End-stop to ward off
slide crash, Bill!
End-stop to ward off
slide crash!
[door closes]
[phone vibrating]
[grunting, moaning]
[techno music ]
The, um, female praying mantis
will release...
...pheromones to attract
a mate.
In perhaps 30%
of the cases studied,
um...
the female will start to...
...eat the male
during copulation.
This usually only occurs
if the, um, female is hungry,
but for the Mantis religiosa
it is necessary for
the head be removed
for the... mating process
to take effect properly.
In fact, in all mantises...
...eating the head causes
the body to...
...ejaculate quicker.
I guess it's that time.
Um, for tomorrow...
...read what's in
your syllabus
Fascinating stuff today,
Mr. Pollard.
Tell me what you want so we
can get this over with.
We want money.
Do I look like I have money?
I work here.
They don't even give me dental.
You have a pretty nice house.
Oh, the house,
with two mortgages against it?
Minivan in your driveway?
You want that?
Take it.
And what about your kid's
college fund?
Scholarship.
I've got nothing
for you to take.
The school is loaded...
and you're the head
of the science department.
You think they give me
an expense account?
They don't trust me with
anything but the keys to the...
You'll think of something.
I can fake rape
just as well as I faked
every orgasm you ever paid for.
What if I can get you
something valuable?
Expensive science equipment.
A whole set, brand new, worth almost a...
a grand apiece.
Serial numbers?
Engraved on the bottom.
You can file 'em right off.
I just-I forget to
lock the door
and someone breaks in.
When?
Headed home, Marty?
Yeah.
I'm gonna stick around
and finish up some paperwork.
Okay.
I'll lock up.
You just can't get enough,
can you, Professor?
[laughing]
Didn't trust us?
No.
Just take the microscopes,
don't touch anything else.
They all work?
We haven't had a chance
to try 'em yet.
[stuttering]
They're brand new.
Just take the microscopes,
don't touch anything else.
- This is it.
- What's it?
This is it, we're-
we're finished.
[laughs]
[engine starts]
[tires screech]
[metal clanging]
Diane?
Diane?
[techno music ]
[door closes]
What are you doing up so late?
Can't you guess?
Doing my daughterly duty.
Living out the dreams
of my parents.
What are your dreams?
I don't know.
It sucks not knowing.
Dad, do you think a person
should take every opportunity?
Depends.
There are some things I wish
I could've done differently.
But how can you know if
it's going to be a mistake?
I guess you never do.
What's on your mind?
Nothin'.
It's cracked.
Screwdriver, probably.
These locks aren't worth shit.
I locked up,
just like I always do.
And what time was that?
Around 10:30.
I stayed behind to finish up some
paperwork, but I had to get home.
Is there anything else missing?
Only my hopes and dreams.
Probably some students
heard about the microscopes,
waited 'til Mr. Pollard
had left,
broke in and took 'em.
But they didn't take
anything else.
Probably just grabbed
the most expensive things.
Look, we'll put a report out.
You'll hear back when we do.
I locked up just like
I always do.
We'll hear back when they do.
All right, let's get started.
Hey, Bill?
The maintenance guys
just installed the new lock.
They let me take a look
at the old one.
You know, the door was
scratched to kingdom come,
but the lock itself was fine.
I'm gonna keep my eyes open.
You should, too.
[stuttering]
Thanks, Marty, I'll do that.
What are you doing here?
What do you want?
I thought it was over.
Now, what made you think that?
I got you what you wanted.
I thought we were even.
Even?
I don't think that's
how this works.
I decide when it's finished.
I have nothing else.
Nothing left in the bank,
nothing left for you
to take from the school.
You're lyin' to me, Professor.
Do you have any idea
how stupid it is
for you to lie to me?
You got 60 grand stashed away!
Had it all along.
You put me through
all that bullshit
of fencing your fucking
tinker toys,
when you had $63,400.
Isn't that the exact number,
Professor?
You're not going to touch
that money.
[struggling]
You think I'm fucking
around here?!
Do you?!
You better get your priorities
straight, Professor.
You need to learn a lesson
about harassing girls.
They're all
somebody's daughter.
[tires screech]
[voices on TV]
Where's Hannah?
- What?
- Where's Hannah?
Oh, she's out.
She should have been back by now.
She usually calls.
[giggling]
No, stop it.
[Shawn]
No really, I'm a photographer.
Uh-huh.
[Shawn, giggling]
Don't hide.
You've got a great face.
Show it off.
You've got a beautiful face.
No!
[laughs]
[Shawn]
No, really.
You really are beautiful.
Do you know that?
Hey, you should pose for me.
I am not a model.
[Shawn]
Huh...
Well, that's a shame
because I've seen
a lot of models
but I've never seen one
that has what you have.
Really?
Well, what is it that I have
that they don't?
[Shawn] Well, let's just
say it takes a lot more
than just a pretty face.
[giggling]
You're dirty.
[Shawn, laughing] Well,
you've got such a great look.
So youthful.
You could really work
as a dirty little daddy's girl.
Hmm?
What do you say?
Come on, beautiful.
Come on.
Just try it to see
if you like it.
[Diane]
What are you doing?
- I need to go out.
- Why?
I'm going to get Hannah.
What is going on?
Bill!
[dog barking in the distance]
[bang]
[bang]
[crash]
Where is she?!
Where is she?!
- Hannah!
- Take it easy.
I got you what you wanted.
You had to bring
my daughter into it?!
Daughter?
What the fuck is he
talking about, Shawn?
My daughter!
Where is she?
She's gone, she couldn't do it.
- Did he touch her?
- No.
So, this was your idea
to expand the website?
You bring his fucking daughter
into it?!
Shut up.
Don't worry,
you really were special.
Come on, you're not gonna
shoot me, are you?
I know you, Bill.
I know you.
Aw man,
you just fucked up.
That's attempted murder,
motherfucker.
You wanna go to jail
for attempted murder?
Hand over the sixty grand!
We'll tell your boss.
We'll tell your wife.
Oh, we'll make your life
very interesting.
[sighs]
Do it.
What?
You want to get me fired
from that miserable job?
Go ahead.
You want to ruin my marriage?
It's already done.
Just stay away
from my daughter.
You really wanna throw it
all away, huh?
In a heartbeat.
That's fuckin' bullshit.
You think you
can fuck up my life
any more than
I fucked it up myself?
Shawn!
Do you not see he doesn't
fucking care anymore?
You are such a loser!
Get out.
I am done with the both of you.
I have paying perverts
to deal with.
Get the fuck out!
Can I get a ride?
What happened to your car?
It's hers.
I'm going home.
[piano music ]
[cat meows]
See ya later, Marty.
[Hannah] No no no no, he
did not tell me that.
No no no, really!
Oh my God, no way!
[laughing]
No.
No, I didn't say that.
No.
What did he say?
I... um...
Yeah, I gotta go.
Yeah, I'll talk
to you tomorrow.
Bye.
Is Hannah in bed?
Yeah.
You staying up for a while?
Probably not.
[typing]
[techno music ]
Hey, lover.
How can I please you tonight?