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Black Cadillac (2003)
( footsteps )
( car door slams ) ( engine sputtering ) ( engine revving ) ( tires screeching ) - ( crowd chanting ) Chug! Chug! Chug! - ( country music playing ) ( chanting continues ) Chug! Chug! Chug! Ain't that a man, huh?! Whoo! ( belches ) She let her hair hang down She's been out on the town I think she's fooling around... So, how old are you anyway, Billy? Oh, it's Robby, actually. Robby Katzen, but you can call me Billy if you want. - And I'm 20. - 20? ( forced laugh ) So what do you do? - You work, you go to school or what? - I go to school. - High school? - College. - Bullshit. - No, it's not bullshit at all. As a matter of fact, I currently attend the University of Minnesota. Look, you don't have to bullshit me, you know? I see guys like you in here all the time: Minnesota, high school, fake IDs. You ain't 18 and you don't have to lie to me. You're probably gonna get some anyway. I am? Hey, come on! Off the car! - ( chuckles ) - Jesus! Sorry... Oh, my boyfriend goes to Yale. I think that is just too cool for school. - Hey, listen-- - You know who goes there? - Yale, I mean? - Who? Claire Danes. - Do you know her? - No. Do you think I look like her? I mean, not the hair, but... Yeah, just like her. I could get used to the way that you talk to me. I gotta get outta here, you know? I gotta get out of this place, this life. Where is Yale, anyway? It's in Connecticut. That's far enough. ...All day Along come a bottle of red wine Gonna wash my blues away That's my excuse For these wasted blues... - So you wanna know how I got it? - What? The "what" you can't take your eyes off. How did you get it? It's okay, you can tell me. I'm studying to be a nurse. - I love nurses. - ( both chuckle ) Unbuckle those pants, cowboy! - ( unzips ) - Oh, finally. Okay, so, I had this dog Rinny. And when my parents had a baby, Rinny got a little jealous, ripped into me, teeth and claws-- the whole antiseptic hospital drama. I knew my old man was gonna kill him, so I set Rinny free. That's just about the kindest thing I have ever heard. Well, I'm watching him run. And I look up and see in the window the reflection of my face. So I figure, "Why should this goddamn dog get to run free while I gotta walk around looking like this? Like fucking Quasimodo?" So, I shot him... in the eye. Payback. That's the story of C.J. and the dog. What? Hey, maybe I could come and visit you sometime, you know, like you promised last year. Yeah, sure, that'd be great. Tomorrow? I mean, we could just try it out for a while and see what happens. C.J.: Crush your head. Hmm, crush your head. Crush your head. Spare you. Cru-- - Hey, zipper face. - Zipper face? I can only assume you're referring to me. - What did you say to Denise? - Who? Don't "Who?" The chick you freaked. Did you grab her ass? I would remember that, wouldn't I? No, I don't believe I did, my fine... corpulent friend. Well, you sure as shit did something 'cause she said you-- Stop! Please, you're about to say what you think I did. I'll deny it. You'll say, "Why don't we step outside?" I'll say, "Okay." Then out there, macho around a little bit, then you two would kick my ass. So why don't we just... save ourselves the headache and get it on right here? Besides, anything you may do to my face would be an improvement. So let's let the games begin, bitches. ( both laughing ) ( rock music playing ) ( gasps ) Hey! - Hey, go get him! - Come on. God damn it, C.J.! Girl: Friend of yours? C.J.: Oh, hi, gentlemen! ( rock music playing ) Oh, whoa. Why don't we just take it easy? Oh, shit! Man #2: Hit him! Motherfucker, come on. Men: Yeah! ( sighs ) C.J. - Shit. - ( zips pants ) I'll be right back. We like rock American style We like rock American style... Hey, hey. Hold up, hold on. Come on! Come on, man! Wild child, she wants to -- you Walk and hit the ground, child We like rock American style We like rock American style... Robby: Scott, look out! We like rock American style Scared to go on top! Oh yeah, yeah! Jesus, C.J., always putting me in such an awkward position. Look, if it's all right with you guys, why don't we just-- why don't we just pretend this whole thing never happened, huh? I mean, you guys look like you're cool and... Look, these guys after a few brews, I know. I know, they're-- they're jerks. So, uh... come on, guys. Let's go. - Let's go, go, go. - ( slaps ) - Oh. - Let's go. Again, again, really sorry. He'll be okay. - ( laughs ) Yeah! - Man, that was beautiful! Just keep walking. Stop walking like that. You guys didn't do anything except almost get killed. Christ, I can't leave you two for a second. C.J. and Robby: Sorry, Dad. Listen, there's someone in the Saab. - Cool. - Someone? Is this a sexless someone or does this someone have a sex? Shut up. Now I hope you two will behave and not be complete slobbering zit factories. - This sexless someone has split? - Huh? - In the car. - ( crowd yelling ) Oh shit, come on. Go, go, go! C.J.: Whoo-hoo-hoo! - Robby: Go, baby, go! - So long, cheeseheads! - And good night, Wisconsin! - Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! That was beautiful! We Eastwooded the joint! Those clowns went down like bowling pins, man. Bap! Wah! Pah! Whoo! Pah! Hmm, the sexless someone wears Chloe? So why'd you start the fight... this time? Why do you always think it's me, Scott? - Because it always is? - Oh, hey, hey, so I'm sitting in the bar, and I look out the window, and I see this Saab just swaying away like a ship at sea. Now tell me, what set that Saab a-rockin'? You know, a Yale man doesn't discuss such matters. - Oh, we need details! - Lurid details, Yalie. I have details. All right, for the first time in my life, I have details! She pins me against the wall and sticks her tongue halfway down my throat. - I think I'm gonna gag, but I-- - Very brave of you, my son. And then without me having to ask, she drops down to her knees and she-- ( sighs ) she starts doing things I've only seen on the internet, man. Oh-oh-oh! This night is gonna be a classic, man! A flat-out classic! The last stand of the Three Musketeers! Ah, two and a half, little brother. Look, I don't wanna get all "Felicity" all over the place, but I sincerely want to thank you guys for bringing me along on your annual pilgrimage to the wonderful land of the fake IDs. But I gotta say, C.J., man, one of these days... One of these days what? One of these days you're gonna get us into something Scott's not gonna be able to get us out of. Never gonna happen. Not in a million, jillion years. Because Scott-- Scotty-- Scott-tay is "the man," the man with the plan. Ain't that right, Scooter? - Take it easy. - Hey, I'm easy. I'm just saying-- Well, maybe you don't say so much, okay? How come you keep lookin'? There's this car that's been behind us the last couple miles. - So what? - They keep creeping up, and backing off, okay? It's weird. It's big, that car. I think this may be some of my fans from the bar, huh? - Oh, great! - Just relax, okay? We don't know who they are yet. Robby: Oh! A Cadillac El Dorado, 1957. Oh, man! It's so tough! I love that car! I love that car more than I love myself. The car's a goddamn dinosaur. Yeah, a dinosaur that eats Saabs for breakfast. Oh, yeah, it's all coming back to me now. - What? - The reason your ass sits in the back. ( laughs ) Scott: What the hell are they doing? ( tires screech ) C.J.: I guess they're not fans of mine after all, and I'm guiltless at last. Adios, Caddios! Hey guys, I gotta take a leak. - Are you kidding? - Dude, I never kid about such matters. Why didn't you go at the bar? Because I was too busy trying not to get killed! Well, just hold it for a while. I wanna put some miles between us and that bar, so just hold it. Dude, I have been holding it for a while, silently, uncomplainingly. - Mute, like a martyr? - Dude, if you guys don't pull over right now, I'll pee right here, and let that be on your conscience - and your upholstery. - ( yelling ) Whoo! - Robby: Jesus! - Whoo-hoo! - Come on! - Whoo! - ( laughs ) - Come on, guys, not the lake! - Oh my God! - Whoo! ( C.J. and Scott continue yelling ) ( engine chugging ) Whoo! I don't wanna sound like anyone's mom or bring anybody down-- - I can't hear you. - I'm just saying and feel way free to correct me if I'm wrong, but this is almost spring, right? The ice can be very, very-- - Very, very what?! - Thin! Thin is what I'm saying, very thin! Whoo! This is good, huh? Fast enough? Yes, fast enough. This is way fast enough! - ( gasping ) - ( chuckles ) Robby, I believe you wanted to whiz. - Whiz. - ( chuckles ) ( sighs in relief ) So... tonight, man. Yeah, I guess this is it, huh? I guess so. So you're really gonna do this? Just get on a tanker tomorrow? - Tomorrow. - And do what? Just go up and down the Great Lakes for like three years? Sounds really bleak, man. Nah, not bleak. Romantic. - ( brief chuckle ) - Yeah, I'm gonna read a lot of books, man. Hemmingway, Jack London. Swap lives with the crew, write my novel. Okay, all right, or maybe I'll just get drunk every night and pass out like my old man. - Right. - Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that sounds little more realistic. You came all the way from Yale just to say goodbye? A sorta goodbye. More to celebrate a rite of passage. You know, maybe we should-- nah, I don't know. Talk about it. - Talk about what? - You know-- what was? What happened? What do you want me to say? Do I have to hold up a cue card, man? You know what I want you to say. ( screaming ) Oh, shit. I told you, Scott. I told you it's too thin! - ( gasping ) - ( ice crackling ) Holy shit. - Okay, don't panic. Don't panic. - Okay. All right, listen to me. Listen to me. Just get up real slow on all fours. Okay, just keep moving, chief. All right, this should work. - Should? - Boy Scouts. All right. - Crawl over me. - ( ice crackling loudly ) - Easy. - Here we go. You made it. ( Scott grunts ) - Whoo! - All right. Okay. ( groans ) Whoa. Oh my God. Oh my God, you're unbelievable. Thanks, you saved my life! - You're my hero, I swear to God. - Hey, hey-- - don't get all gay, okay? - Oh, right. ( loud cracking ) - Oh, shit! - ( screaming ) Go, go, go! Whoo! - C.J.: Go, man, go! - ( screeching ) Go! C.J: Keep it coming! We're home free! ( wind whistling ) ( engine chugs ) I wanna be a Kennedy... How many more miles? Oh, to the Minnesota line? About 90. You in a hurry? - Sort of. - For what? ( crunching candies ) ( gasps ) Right. Your future. Yale. Skull and bones. - All that shit. - Well, I have deep concerns about my future. You're in high school. You don't have a future yet. He wasn't talking about his future. - He was talking about his virginity. - I was not! Okay, I was. My virginity haunts me. Bullshit. You wear your virginity like a thorny crown. See, that's one of those things that you always say, and it sounds like it means something, but it doesn't. Robby, would you please stop talking about your virginity? You know what Granddad once said to me? He said, "People equate silence with brilliance, and stillness with depth." Yeah, uh-huh. That reminds me of what my grandfather used to say. "Tell your Grandmother I'll be home just as soon - as I get my Johnson out of this heifer. - ( both laugh ) ...and stillness with depth. Oh, busted. Me get a DUI, underage! Shit! We're so going to jail! Scott: No we're not, Robby. As long as you don't break into some sobby confession. And C.J., just keep your mouth shut. We're not going anywhere but home. Good evening, Officer. Is there a problem? There sure is. - ( sneezes ) - ( soft clink ) Bless you. The problem is mine. My cruiser, it froze to death on me. If I was in Oshkosh, I'd have back up, but-- ( chuckles ) - not out here. - ( Scott chuckles ) Don't you have a radio or something to call for help? Officer: Well, I am the help in this town. How about a ride? Come on, I'm freezing my stones out here. - ( officer grunts ) - ( door shuts ) Whoa, what a night. ( sighs ) Wind like that, turn your head around. ( officer chuckles ) Officer: There's a joint-- - ( clanks ) - about three miles up the road. Highway 50. I'll call my brother. - ( motor revs ) - Robby: Boy, it's cold out there. Hell, you can say that again. Coldest night on record for this time of year and my cruiser freezes to death on me. Officer: I've got to be the only cop in the universe still driving an '86 Chevy. - Charlie Harmon. - Oh, Robby, Robby-- Robertson. Yeah, so, you guys from Minnesota? Plates. Well, welcome to Wisconsin. This is a nice car. What kind of car is this? It's a Saab. A Saab 900S - Whew! Ain't she killer? - Yeah. So what brings you boys to the dairy state? We're... on our high school debate team. - Oh. - Yeah, we just got back from quarterfinals of... - The Midwest Regional-- - Debate-off. - Oh. - ( chuckles ) - How'd y'all do? - Oh, uh, we won. Yeah, and next week, on to the semis. - There you go. - ( chuckles ) Whoo! - Whoo! - ( bottles clanking ) Where did those come from? You guys! Have you been drinking?! All right, everybody. Knock it off. "Debate-off." ( chuckles ) Look, you guys saved my sorry ass tonight and I'm off-duty, so just relax, all right? And you-- selling out your pals, you little weasel. ( laughs ) C.J.: Yeah, you little dipstick. Yeah, nice brother you are. So what did you boys do tonight? Did you go to the roadhouse? Hey, how'd you know that? Son, I too was once underage. Did you get lucky? Of course you did. If you can't get lucky at the roadhouse you might as well snip it off and mail it in. Well technically, I got lucky. - Yeah? - Yeah. See, I was dancing with this one and she had a really thick bra strap, you know, - which indicates, you know, pendulousness. - Mm. And her bra, it was black, you know? Oh! And everyone knows what that means, huh? - Bonesville. - Exactly! Yeah! That's what I thought, you know. But, uh, her breath, it wasn't perfect, but I was willing to make allowances. I was just at the city limits when C.J. got into a fight and all roads to Bonesville... - ( blows raspberry ) blockaded. - Mm. What was the fight over? I have a lot of unresolved issues. Charlie: Did you fight too? - Only when I'm with C.J. - Yeah, I'm the fighter. - Scott's the lover. ( snorts ) - Charlie: Mm. Scott doesn't talk. He's busy equating silence with brilliance. - That's smart. - C.J.: Yeah. What is that, Pez? ( laughs ) I haven't seen one of these since... Well, it's either Pez or junk, Charlie. - Yeah? - Yeah, your call. ( chuckles ) What's that smell? Smells like perfume. Say... you boys... you ain't kinda, you know, "funny," are you? ( laughs ) - Huh? - ( C.J. lisping ) You're hilarious, Chaz. - Shit. - ( laughing ) You've got something there on your nice, clean letter jacket, Scott. Looks like lipstick. - Right there. - Mm. Charlie: Mm. Lipstick on your dipstick Told a tale on you. ( laughing ) - It's ketchup, okay? - Uh-huh. Well, we can't have the Yale jacket besmirched. That looms large in his legend. My brother-- All-Ivy League Quarterback, two years running, Yale. - Oh, great. - Yeah. The guys from the Browns and Vikes are already scouting him and Reebok-- Why don't we just pull over and form a small religion around the guy? Maybe make him a shrine of ice and call it a night, huh? Hey, look, all I'm saying is... it's more than a letterman's jacket. It's, uh... - I don't know. What would call it? - Holy raiment. Yeah, okay. Look, all I'm saying is my brother's never lost at anything. Anything. We call it The Streak. You want to take a right up here on Cedar, Scott. ( Cadillac engine rumbles ) I think those guys are back. Who? ( Cadillac engine revs ) They sure are friendly. Scott: What the hell's the deal with this clown? These guys friends of yours? Charlie, are they acting like friends of ours? C.J.: You should've slammed on your brakes, - taught those fuckers a lesson. - That's nice language, son. The language comes with the face. - Know what I'm saying? - Sure do. This is what comes from the hunt. You must have some issues your own self, my friend. I don't have issues. - I don't sit on things that long. - How'd you get yours? Me and my brother were deer hunters, but we don't use guns; Bow and arrow, in the name of the sport. Chuckles, how manly. I hit this deer-- one shot, clean through the heart. I go to gut it, but the buck has life in him yet. He swings his antler, and the damned point cuts me right here and just goes-- whack! I knew what the old buck was thinking-- "heart for a heart." That's the way of things, isn't it? - Yours? - I got this Uncle Jimmy-- tripwire vet. Crazy dude-- 'Nam zombie. Takes me trout-fishing by moonlight. He says that's the best time. What the hell do I know? So, dumb ass that I am, standing too close, Uncle Jimmy casts and hooks me. Freaked and pulled away leaving half my face on the line. And that's the story of me and Uncle Jimmy. I call it "When You Wish Upon a Scar." The thing about a scar-- you shouldn't try to hide it. You know, wear it like a badge. That way, it takes on a kind of beauty. Chicks dig scars. You find that to be the case, C.J.? - I'm gonna miss you, Chuckster. - ( laughs ) But I can't say when. What the hell are they doing? Charlie, maybe you should do something, being a cop and all? Oh man. I'm off-duty and way too tired to deal with jokers like this. Just go around 'em. Scott: Well, so long, Caddy. Have a nice life. ( engine rattling ) ( softly ) Shit. ( engine revs ) - What do they want? - What do you think they want-- they want to drag. You gonna give them what they want? ( snorts ) With you in the car? I think I'd like to keep my license. I told you, I'm off-duty. If it was me, I'd kick their asses. - ( Cadillac engine revs ) - You do what you want. Come on, go for it. Oh shit. Jeep. Jeep! Very nice. Hey, you want me to drive, huh? ( tires screech ) - Why are we following them? - I'm not following, I'm losing. Holy shit! They're killing my Saab! Who are these guys? - Oh shit. - Scott, back off. - Scott, we gotta get in that lane! - C.J.: He's right this time. Robby: Scott! - Jesus! Oh God! - ( truck horn blaring ) ( tires squeal ) ( screams ) ( whispers ) Holy shit. Now that was excellent! Whoo! Look at my goddamn car, man. Well, perhaps now is a good time to re-evaluate your over-the-top attachment to material things. ( laughs ) I gotta hand it to you, Scott, you're one mean mother behind the wheel. Look what those crackers did to my car. I told you, Scott, you don't mess with the Caddy. Sorry. Whoa. God. I tried to call my brother. The lines are down. That's a bad storm! Don't they give you some kind of walkie-talkie thing? ( chuckles ) Yeah, right. We gotta get to a phone. - I'm gonna call Mom and Dad. - No, you're not. Well, then you call them. I'm sure they'll listen to Mr. All-State. Hey, Robby, Dad can't know about this. That's death. You know that. Yeah, I know. Charlie: Must be tough being the little brother. Invisible in the light of the hero? Hey Charlie, you talk like you know us. You don't know anything, so enough of the backwoods psychiatry, okay? - It's just making things worse. - ( sighs ) You had to come all the way to Wisconsin to get laid? They don't have girls back at Yale? Well, they do, but they're all kind of Jodie Foster-ish. And my man Scott? Well, he likes 'em a little road-tested. Is that the way you like 'em, Scott? A little dusty? A little dirty? ( chuckles ) Charlie, what the hell do you care? Waitress: Storm took the power. Everybody out. What the hell is that? Okay, what the hell is this? Well, it isn't fan mail. Robby: Sin? What sin? Will find who out? What the hell does that mean? It means Wisconsin is getting too weird and I really really want to go home. I'm just looking for a ride down the road, and I'm off-duty so I don't make any judgments, but... what the hell you boys been up to? This shit ain't coming off, man. Did it just get darker? ( engine revs ) Robby: Okay, let's deal with it, huh? What's "it"? Who did what, and who wrote that note? The guys in the Caddy. - It has to be. - Okay, so who did what? C.J.? Well, I did sorta make this one chick leave it in her pants. - What did you do? - Chuckles-- I never do anything. I just said some stuff and this chick got all geeked. I mean, God-- Wisconsin chicks? So sensitive. I tried to have sex with that girl back at the bar. Jesus, maybe she has a big, mean boyfriend or something, huh? Jealousy-- it's a killer. Oh God. Yeah, great. I come to Wisconsin to get laid. I don't get laid and now I'm gonna get killed for it. Just calm down, Robby. It's nobody's boyfriend. This is just random shit. The note is just a mind-game, so just relax, okay? I told you I'm gonna get you home. Okay. ( mockingly ) Gosh, Scotty, I wish you were my big brother too. Where are we? At the intersection, take a left. A couple of miles and I'm out. Anybody got any breadcrumbs? What is the deal? ( engine revs ) Charlie, that road they're leaving open? Does that get us anywhere? Sure. Deeper into nowhere. And Scott? I'm off-duty and I got a wife waiting. Let's go. You guys get the feeling they're leading us somewhere? Scott, given our lack of choice here, I suggest we take what we're given. Charlie, you're a cop. What would you do? Listen to C.J. Take that road and get us the hell home. - Charlie, let me ask you a question. - Shoot. Why would I want to go where they want me to? Yee-haw! Whoo! Oh, that Caddy's history! Scott, you da man! Yeah! Those mothers are toast! Did I not tell you? Did I not? My brother, man, he never loses. Whoo! The Streak lives! - Ha-- ahh!! - Oh, Jesus! Robby: G-go, Scott! Go faster! God! Oh, shit! Scott! - ( glass shatters ) - Scott: Oh, come on! Why are they doing this?! All right, now that we've gotten our ya-ya's out, pull over, I'm gonna put a stop to this. - Slow down, man. - ( tires squeal ) Scott, back off! Slow down, Scott! Charlie: Come on, now. - C.J.: Scott, stop! - Charlie: Look out! ( panting ) ( sighs ) Oh shit. These fucking guys! Robby: They're trying to kill us. Oh Jesus, Scott, they're trying to kill us. I'm okay, by the way. Why is this happening to us? I don't know why this is happening. I just wanted a ride home. They want us dead, Scott. They don't want us dead, Robby. They want him. Hey, Charlie. How come you were so hot for me to drag those guys in the Caddy, huh? And why didn't you flash your badge when we were sitting back there? You wanted to get away from them, didn't you? Jesus Christ, Scott. What are you doing? Look, before we picked up Charlie, nobody was trying to run us off the road, nobody was scratching this spooky biblical crap on the windshield. After we pick him up there's nothing but this shit. They want you for your sins. Isn't that right, Charlie? C.J.: Yeah, the message on the windshield-- I'm not one to judge, Chuckster, but what'd you do? ( brief chuckle ) Hey, whatever it is... you're not dragging us down with you. No. You're going back to Yale. ( laughs ) That's right, Charlie. And you're staying here. Come on, guys, let's go. Have you lost your mind? We can't just leave him here for the Caddy or the cold. He's a cop. Jesus, Scott-- a cop! Here's a flash, chief-- he's a bad cop. and whatever bad-cop shit he did to those guys is between their ass and his, and not mine. Look, I say we give him a ride. It's just a couple more miles. This is not a democracy. - He stays. - My young friends, this is something you're going to have to live with. We all have nights where we're revealed. This is yours. Okay. If I wanted to, I could draw my weapon and commandeer your car and be down the road in a second and the law would be on my side. ( Caddy rumbling ) ( engine growing louder ) Come on, get in the car! Get in the goddamn car, Robby! - Come on, Robby. - Go, go, go! ( gunshots ) - Jesus! They shot him! - They killed him! - Oh, shit. - Scott, we should have let him back in! I know! We just have to keep going-- get home. Dude, home isn't gonna fix this, Scott, what we just did! Listen, guys. What we did, we had to do. And now we're just gonna have to walk with it. Dude, I am not walking with it very well. Look, it was him or us! - I know. - And now they got who they wanted, and we're done. We're done with that Caddy. It's over and we're not gonna say another word about this. We're done talking about it, all right? I mean done. Dude, it is not done, Scott. We gotta call the police. He was a cop! - Jesus, we let it happen! - Scott: Robby! Do you think those guys in the Caddy are gonna go to the police? No! The police are never gonna know anything about us, all right? Now, I don't know who that guy was, or why those guys in the Caddy wanted him dead, but I do know that I'm going back to Yale and C.J.'s hopping a tanker tomorrow, I'm taking my little brother home, and we're never gonna say another word about any of this to anyone. I'll get you home, Robby. Everyone in the car that thinks the storm did this, raise your hand. Where are they? - Fuck. - We can't go back, we can't go forward. We could take that road that happens to be right in front of the tree. They're leading us deeper into nowhere. I'd rather be led than caught. Scott, this is awfully romantic. I know what I'm doing. We'll wait the bastards out. Hey, kill the engine. He can see our exhaust. Just keep going, baby. Just keep going. I mean, what do they want? They got Charlie. Witnesses. They gotta get rid of the witnesses. - I didn't ask to be a witness. - Nobody ever does. Man, I wonder what Charlie did. Whatever it was, I hope it was worth it. Where the hell are we? ( sighs ) We're so lost. There's a map in the glove compartment there. No, no, no. Come on, come on. They'll see the light. I got one of these fluorescent tube things in here. Give me that. Okay, the thing with maps is they only help if you have kind of an idea where you are. We have no idea where we are. C.J.: Okay, well... we'll look at the map, find that really spooky tree we drove past like three times and then go left to the rusted tractor and then go to right to that shack where - I'm pretty sure someone was killed. - Look, will you shut up? I'm trying to get us out of here. Where the hell is the Minnesota line? We're never getting out of here. Robby: I can't feel my feet. - I can't feel my hands. - Jesus Christ. But, really, I really don't want to die here. I mean, I really don't want to die, but really not here. Robby, will you keep this shit to yourself? I was hoping maybe by the time I graduated - there would be this girl. - Oh man. You know, I can almost see her face. This girl who would love me... without me having to say anything. And her laugh would echo down the hall after math. I heard people can have this thing happen to them-- a moment that changes their lives forever. I always hoped I'd have one of those, so I didn't have to be... - so me. - Nobody wants to be who they are, man. God, we all have shit inside of us that we wish we didn't. But we do. And there's nothing we can do about that, I mean-- I don't think we can change that stuff. So what's the best we can hope for? Forgiveness. Well, that doesn't come so easy. Robby: You know what's weird? The last time we saw that Caddy, I think I saw a girl in the back seat. - Really? - But I couldn't see her face so good. It's "well," okay? You couldn't see her face so well. God, I hate it when people do that-- good instead of well. It's like when bad teachers ask you "Is there any questions?" It's "Are there any questions?" I fucking hate that. Look, I've been thinking about that note-- on the windshield? Then Charlie. Why after they kill him, are they still trying to kill us? C.J. was right. It's because we're witnesses. Yeah, I know, but why haven't they done it already? You know, they could have, back there when we were sitting by the tree. You know, they seem to be leading us someplace. Why? To where? Maybe they keep coming back because they killed the wrong guy. ( scoffs ) Robby, man, you are eating brain. And that note-- about sins? Maybe it wasn't Charlie's sin they were after. You know, maybe it was meant for us. One of us. Oh, that's right. Yeah, blame C.J. The ever-handy Judas. I called two guys in a bar "fat." They kill you for that? I don't think so, which brings us back to you, Roberta. - Me? - Yeah! Maybe while your friend was smoking your bone in the back room her gap-toothed old man was plotting your castration. Then why hasn't he done it already? You know, I think-- I don't know, I think it's something bigger than that. C.J.: And Scott, my man, you're being awfully quiet over there. How were things in the parking lot with the sexless someone? - Don't worry about it. - Actually, I am starting to worry. Don't shift the heat on me, man. When the shit tumbles, it's you in the middle. Oh, yeah, and you're so innocent? Mr. Skull-and-Bones? C.J., you're really starting to get on my fucking nerves. Oh, I know. It must be so draining... stuck in this car, sitting here all night, staring at this face-- this same old face! Fuck you, man! God damn you. - What the hell was that? - Grace under pressure. - Can I ask you a personal question? - No. How'd you get the scar? The squeaky voice in the back seat asked out of the blue. I've heard all of your stories. If I told you... it'd just be one more. ( Scott screams ) God damn it! Shit! Oh my God! Oh God, are you okay? - Robby: Scott? - Where are you, man? What the-- What? There's-- ( gasping ) there's something dead under there. It's Charlie. - No, man, it can't be. He's miles behind us. - Is he? We've been driving around lost for an hour. ( all panting ) There's only one way to find out. I'm not a huge fan of finding out, by the way. It's an animal. ( laughs ) It's a cow. It's a frozen cow! It's a cowsicle. How much do you think that thing weighs? Weighs? A lot, why? - ( all grunting ) - Scott: And pull! Pull! C.J.: Man, if you would've told me this afternoon while I was watching "Hitler's Henchmen" that I'd be doing this tonight, I'd say, "Where'd you get the 'shrooms and have you got any more for me?" - Come on. - Okay. Scott: Come on, guys, pull! - Robby: This is genius. - C.J.: Yeah. We bury old Bossy here in a mogul, then we lead those Caddy sons of bitches right into her, all one-ton-frozen- dead-ass rock of her. and we are as good as home. You know, I've sorta been going over my top 10 sins. Please don't feel compelled to share. One time, I jerked off in the boys' locker room after swim practice-- - Oh, come on. - when I caught just a little shot of Kim Ward's "beave." I don't suppose the guys in the Caddy could have known that, huh? No, but if they catch us, I'm gonna sing like a canary. ( C.J. coughs ) I made love with Miss Collier. - The English teacher? - Yeah, freshman year. Details. She told me to stay after class one night because... I didn't understand gerundive phrases. So I do, but all I can do is watch her-- cross and uncross her legs while she's sort of explaining stuff to me. And the next thing you know she's crying. Crying? Right there in school? Yeah, about how lousy her life was, what a jerk her husband is. And the only way I can figure to make her stop crying is by kissing her. Well, the next thing you know, I'm laying on her living room floor staring at the ceiling while she's doing everything. And all I'm doing... is falling in love with her. Oh come on, get out. You would have told me. I don't tell you everything, Scott. All right. Let's go get 'em. - Whoo-hoo! - C.J.: Yeah! - Yeah! - Oh, yeah! ( engine revving ) Smoke signals. ( laughing ) How do you spell "Come and get us, you greasy murderous pig bastards"? I think we lost them. Can we go home now? ( engine rumbling ) Just like Pavlov's puppy. - Okay, let's go. - Scott: Wait, wait, wait. Let's just reel them in. ( engine revs ) - Well, can we go now? - Not yet. - Now! - ( engine racing ) Shit! Get out! Push! Get out! Come on! Go, go! ( engine roars ) - Robby, come on, man, push! - I am pushing! - ( engine roars ) - Push! - ( tires spin ) - Come on! Come on! Let's go, go, go. Go, go, go. - I've got them. - ( glass shatters ) Shit. Scott: Oh, shit. Shit. - What? - Scott: Which one? - Which one what? - Which one with the cow? - Which mogul? - Are you kidding me?! - Look, I can't tell. - That one. - Are you sure? - No. Yes. No. Ho! ( laughs ) It worked! - Yeah! - ( all cheering ) ( all laughing ) Yeah! Game over, man! Yeah! ( hooting ) Game over, sons of bitches. Scott: Come on, Robby. Let's go! Get in the car! I told you, Robby. I'm gonna get you home. Minnesota, here we come. What? I saw that girl in the back. - There was no girl. - Yeah, there was a girl. She's down there in the snow. She was just going along for the ride, I bet. Now she's dead with the rest of them. A girl, man, a girl. You talk about sin. What sin? She was riding with those goons, okay? She's probably a stone killer just like the rest of them. Jesus, Robby. You think that all girls are innocent just because they're girls. Man, this night is confusing. Very confusing. - ( sputtering ) - ( dings ) Shit. - We're overheating. - It's like 20 million below-- We're over-fucking-heating! God damn it. ( sighs ) Oh God. What the hell are we gonna do? Pack the radiator with snow. ( chuckles ) Roberto? You are a goddamn marvel. From the depths of despair flies genius, hmm, a phoenix from the ashes. ( sizzling ) Hey uh, you, lad, have earned shotgun status. Now you are a man, my son. Let's go. ( engine sputters, roars ) ( sputtering ) ( dings ) That's not supposed to happen... is it? The back seat beckons. Look, just pull over, okay? - Pull over. - I'm sick of pulling over. - Dude, we gotta pull over. - Look, it's my car. I know what she can do. I'm not pulling over. We're going home. - Enough of this pulling-over crap. - You can crack your block. - I'm not pulling over! - If you crack your block, this Saab dies! And so do we. Is that where you're going with this line of thinking, Roberto? - That exactly where I'm going. - Pull over. - Stop telling me what to do. - Who are you, The Car Czar? - Yeah, you bet I am. - Not anymore! - Maybe you'd like to do something about it? - Maybe he would! - Maybe he'd like to kick your fucking ass! - I would? - Why not? - I think you wanna kick his fucking ass. Yeah, why don't you ask your brother why I wanna kick his fucking ass? - Okay, Scott, why does C.J. wanna kick your fucking ass? - How the fuck do I know? Oh, you know! You fuckin' know! Oh, fuck! Oh, yeah! ( mimics ) "I know my car, man! - I know what she can do." - I'm so fucking sick of you, man! You and your fucking anger and your loser old man and your fucking broken-down old woman, and your nowhere fucking future! And fuck you! Fuck you and your old man's money and your fucking Saab, and your mom's martinis and your fucking "boola boola" future, and fuck you! - Fuck you! - Look, stop it! Come on, knock it off! Cut it out! Get off him! - Get off him! - Get off me, you punk! C.J.: Oh my God! Scott, stop! Hey, hey! Fucking stop! Stop that! Fuck you, Scott! Really, fuck you! You were right, man. Shit don't change. Scott: What do you want me to say? Sorry. Come on, man, I said I'm sorry. Will you say something? - Say something. - Just don't talk to me. From now on, you wanna say something, you say it to C.J. Hey! Hey! Whoo! Whoo! Whoa! Whoo, come on, guys, go! C.J.: Thank you, Robby. So I wanna know. How I got the scar. - This isn't exactly the time-- - Did I or didn't I make it clear, Scott? You don't exist! Now how did you get the scar? How I got the scar? Well, there was this Bengalese tiger that escaped from the zoo-- Shut up, man! Tell me the truth! We're not talking about this, okay? Oh, and who are you now, The Conversation Czar? I should shut up because you tell me to? I always do what you tell me to, Scott. "Robby, shut up." "Robby, get in the back seat." "Robby, just disappear in the brilliance of my All-State big-brother-ness and just stop being!" Fuck! Now we're really fucked! - What? - I'm outta Pez. I need sugar. Pronto. Got any money? It's in my jacket there. ( snow crunching ) Oh, you suck. ( girl screams ) Oh, shit. Come on, come on. So it's C.J. they wanted-- the whole time! Oh, C.J. Go, come on. ( dinging ) Shit. ( sputtering ) Dude, back off! She's gonna blow. Come on, it's gonna blow. Back off. Ease up, Scott! Come on, listen to me this one time. Back off. God damn it! Shit! Come on, Scott! Let's go! Let's go! Come on, man! Come on, Scott! Okay, come on. Oh, Jesus. ( gasps ) Oh my God. C.J. They killed him. ( sobbing ) Oh, Jesus, they killed him. Oh, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Shit. A deer, man. They killed a deer. Oh, Jesus. What the hell did they do to you? Scott, Robby, you guys gotta get outta here. Not without you. ( echoing yell ) Come on! Come on! Come on! We're here! What are you waiting for? Huh? Let's go! Oh shit. ( grunting ) Did I not tell you a night like this can turn your head around? Turn your life around, change a man, like one of you boys changed me. Meet my brother Luther. Look what you did to C.J. - Don't you wanna know why? - There is no fucking why, Charlie, - and I wouldn't give a shit if there was. - You're getting awfully close. Luther. Tonight I went looking for my wife. And I find her at the roadhouse where I figure she's been hooking up with another man. But it wasn't another man, it was a boy. Jeannine! Oh shit. - Charlie, I have something to say-- - No, you don't. So I find my little queenie putting on her pretty little panties in the back of a Saab. A burgundy Saab. So before I kill somebody, I gotta make sure. Which one of you in that car took my wife? Took my life from me? She didn't name names, bless her little heart. ( chuckles ) That's why I got in your car, I wanted to watch you boys behind a wheel. And Robby, when I smelled my wife on your brother's jacket... well, game over. Tonight could have been a dream come true. If I had just gotten ol' Mr. Cream-Jeans here alone, I thought I'd done it too, but then zipper face, he goes and puts on the wrong damn jacket at the wrong damn time. So we had to use him as bait. Do us a little ice fishing. And lo and behold, we caught ourselves a couple of Minnesota dickless perch. ( laughing ) Too small to keep, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Jesus, son. What the fuck did I ever do to you? You take my wife, you take my life from me. You took my life. Now I take yours. Eye for an eye, a heart for a heart. Charlie, stop it! - Just stop it! - You shut up! Or what? What are you gonna do to me that you ain't already done? - Get back in the car. - What, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna kick the shit outta me again? Are you gonna kill me after you kill him? - Maybe. - Well, aren't you tough? Get back in the fucking car! Run! Come on, C.J., Scott! Come on! Come on, C.J., are you okay? Are you okay? Come on. I should have done this on our honeymoon! Come on, come on. ( engine roars ) Whoa! Go! Go! Go, guys! Go, come on! - Hang on! - Let's go! - Scott: Run! - Robby: Come on, guys! We've gotta run! Look out! - C.J.: Oh, shit! Go, go, go! - Scott, where are you going? Oh my God! - Run, Scott! - They're gonna get him! C.J./Robby: Run, Scott! C.J.: Scotty, go! ( windshield shatters ) Come on. Oh, Jesus. Hang on. ( Scott screams ) Let's go. Are you okay? C.J.: Come on, come on, come on. Robby: Come on, Scott, go! Come on! Oh shit! ( engine roars ) Thus endeth the streak. ( engine revving ) Shit, I can't-- I can't walk on that leg. Sit right here. Here, I got you. Okay? Shit. Easy. Oh God. I gotta make a tourniquet. Hang on, I'll be right back. Scott. Put it underneath. - C.J.: Are you all right? - Yeah. Careful. Okay. Pull it tight. - Oh, fuck. - Sorry. - That's okay. - Okay. So we were in eighth grade and just-- just wrestling around. I was... losing... to runty Crockett James. And I got so mad I just started swinging. I think it was your mom's gardening hoe. Scott: It happened so fast. I just... swung at his face. - The gash was all deep. - C.J.: Hospital deep. The blood just kept on coming. I couldn't even see. All over Dad's lawn and his perfect Japanese grass. I kinda liked that part. Yeah, me too. We told everybody it was an accident. C.J.: We were riding our bikes. But it wasn't an accident. Oh no. No, it wasn't. That's who I am, Robby. No one's anyone forever, man. Come on, guys. Let's go home. Jeannine. Come on. C.J.: Oh, hello, Minnesota and good night, Wisconsin! ( flute music playing ) |
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