In the movIes,
DracuIa wears a cape,
and some oId EngIIsh guy
aIways manages to save the day
at the Iast mInute
wIth crosses and hoIy water.
But everybody knows
the movIes are fuII of shIt.
The truth Is It started wIth BIade,
and It ended wIth hIm.
The rest of us
were just aIong for the rIde.
What's this chicken scratch?
It's cuneiform.
It's about 4,000 years oId.
So why here?
Because this is the cradIe of civiIization.
He wouId've been comfortabIe here.
I don't know, Dan.
This seems Iike another dead end.
There's something beneath us.
You find a watch?
Is it a body?
Guys?
Aah!
Go! Aah!
What the fuck?!
Motherfucker!
Aah!
Tonight, Dr. Edgar Vance,
forensic psychiatrist
and author of the New York TImes
bestseIIer Human HeaIth,
The WhoIe BeIng Breakthrough.
AIso with us, Martin Vreede,
Chief of PoIice.
They'II be here for the next hour,
and they'II be taking your caIIs,
next on BentIy TIttIe LIve.
Okay, Dr. Vance.
You are a psychiatrist
and a biochemist. Isn't that true?
Yes, BentIy. I am both.
And it's for a reason.
I have aIways beIieved
that true heaIth can onIy be achieved
if we reconciIe
the body and the mind.
And of course,
in order to do that,
we have to get rid
of a Iot of oId notions.
Okay. And...how's that
fit in with vampires?
In the case of vampires,
we're deaIing with creatures that, uh,
are the repositories of some
of our most taboo thoughts.
- Okay.
- Predatory rage.
- Yeah.
- SexuaI sadism.
- SexuaI?
- SexuaI sadism.
These are very scary subjects
for peopIe to own up to,
and they're right inside.
So what you're saying is
we pass the buck onto someone eIse.
- You bet we do.
- And vampires...?
WeII, for instance,
there's a hereditary bIood disease.
I taIk about it in my book.
It's caIIed porphyria.
And the symptoms of this disease
are remarkabIy simiIar
to cIassic vampire traits.
The peopIe who suffer
from this disease are anemic,
they become intoIerant to sunIight,
they can't handIe garIic--
GarIic?
Chief Vreede. Okay.
What's your take on aII these rumors
we've been hearing about vampires?
Vampires, vampires. What?
The onIy vampires I'm worried about
are the ones passing the bar exam.
SeriousIy, though.
If vampires existed, don't you think
we wouId've found them by now?
Aah!
The truth is our streets
have never been safer.
Homicide, assauIts, vioIent crime
is down across the board.
If peopIe want to be concerned,
they shouId focus in on characters
Iike this BIade criminaI.
Now, that's the guy I wanna hear about.
I wanna hear about this character BIade.
What about him?
He's a sociopath
that we've been pursuing.
Ah!
BIade is a troubIed individuaI.
Aah!
I understand that he is
under the impression
that there is a vast conspiracy
of vampires.
Ah!
Now, you've got to Iook
at the psychiatric underpinnings
of a beIief Iike that.
Odds are he beIieves
that he is out there sIaying monsters.
- But what he's reaIIy doing...
- Mm-hmm.
...is trying to kiII
aspects of himseIf.
Aah!
Ah!
Aah!
Ah!
Aah!
I'm on the Stonebridge overpass.
Got it. Heading westbound.
I'm just beneath ya.
Go!
Aah!
Yaah!
Aah!
Yaah!
Come on!
I got him. PuII!
You aII right, man?
He's got a gun!
Oh, my God!
Ouch.
Staked you with siIver.
Why aren't you ash?
Why aren't you smarter?
Not a vampire, dumb shit!
Set your sorry ass up.
Hmm.
Damn.
Oh, BIade.
What the fuck happen tonight?
How shouId I know?
He was human.
You're gettin' reckIess, BIade.
KiIIing vampires is cIean.
They ash--don't Ieave
any evidence behind.
KiIIing humans is messy.
You better hope nobody ID'd you.
This worked reaIIy good.
What's this?
A new deIivery system for your serum.
It's an effervescent inhaIer.
Just bite down on the mouth guard.
DeIivery's automatic.
Some friends of mine made it.
Friends?
Yeah.
You remember those?
It was horrIbIe.
The one car crashed, and then the guy
In the coat was shootIng the other guy.
- It Iooked IIke there was a Iot of bIood.
- Thank you.
That was just a taste
of the mayhem that occurred
durIng tonIght's brazen shootout
that Ieft at Ieast four peopIe dead.
Now, apparentIy, an anonymous cItIzen
captured the whoIe event on vIdeo.
Hey, Ray.
Hey, we got a Iead.
Let's catch a pIane, WiIson.
It's time to take these cowboys down.
That's what I'm taIkin' about.
What's he been doing?
Fuck aII. Just feeding.
Been through five of them so far.
Do you think we have enough security?
We didn't capture him.
He aIIowed us to take him in.
You understand?
I'm gonna go in.
You shouIdn't have woken me.
We had to.
Your bIood, your sacrament,
can set us free now.
What makes you think I care?
Your peopIe need you.
My peopIe?
You're nothing but shadows
of your former seIves.
Look how far you have faIIen.
The worId's changed since your time.
The humans have a new hunter.
BIade.
And you'd Iike me
to kiII him, wouIdn't you?
Yes.
That it?
That it?
I'II take this too.
I'II take this too.
That fucker needs a new hobby.
That fucker needs a new hobby.
Let's hope not.
Let's hope not.
Subject is heading west.
Subject is heading west.
Got him.
Got him.
CongratuIations.
You're famous.
Tonight, Dr. Edgar Vance,
forensic psychiatrist
Somebody naiIed us.
Your face is aII over the papers
and teIevision.
and author of the New York TImes
bestseIIer Human HeaIth,
Media's eatin' it up.
- Like I care.
- WeII, you shouId.
Something Iike this--
taking out a human--
The WhoIe BeIng Breakthrough.
AIso with us, Martin Vreede,
Chief of PoIice.
as far as the rest
of the worId is concerned,
They'II be here for the next hour,
and they'II be taking your caIIs,
you're pubIic enemy number one.
Didn't know this was
a popuIarity contest.
next on BentIy TIttIe LIve.
Damn it, BIade.
Don't you see what they're doing?
They're waging
a goddamn P.R. campaign.
Okay. Chief Vreede, what do you make
of aII of these rumors
Now it's not just vampires
we gotta worry about,
we've been hearing about vampires?
If vampires existed, don't you think
we wouId've found them by now?
we're gonna have to take on
the rest of the worId, too.
PeopIe wanna be concerned,
You worry too much, oId man.
they shouId focus in
on characters Iike this BIade criminaI.
Now, that's the guy I wanna hear about.
That's why we're stiII aIive, goddamn it.
I wanna hear about this character BIade.
What about him?
He's a sociopath
that we've been pursuing.
I've been doing this
since before you were born, BIade.
You're Iike a son to me.
BIade is a troubIed individuaI.
I'm sorry I got oId on ya.
I understand that he is
under the impression
I see you aIone,
surrounded by enemies.
that there is a vast conspiracy
of vampires.
And it breaks my heart.
Yeah.
We can't win this war aIone.
And they Iive amongst us.
Now, you've got to Iook
at the psychIatrIc underpInnIngs
of a beIIef IIke that.
CongratuIations.
You're famous.
Look, he just gave me the eviI eye.
Come on, man.
Somebody naiIed us.
Your face is aII over the papers
and teIevision.
What about that guy?!
Media's eatin' it up.
Bro and prostitute, baby.
- Like I care.
- WeII, you shouId.
Something Iike this--
taking out a human--
So what?
as far as the rest
of the worId is concerned,
Quit fucking around.
you're pubIic enemy number one.
I'm hungry,
and I want to eat somebody.
Didn't know this was
a popuIarity contest.
Damn it, BIade.
Don't you see what they're doing?
How about him?
No fatties.
They taste Iike Cheetos.
They're waging
a goddamn P.R. campaign.
Now it's not just vampires
we gotta worry about,
No, I Iike him.
we're gonna have to take on
the rest of the worId, too.
Wait...what about that?
Shrunken appIe-headed bitch.
You worry too much, oId man.
They fucking saw us over there.
That's why we're stiII aIive, goddamn it.
Fucking bIow me, man!
Just pick one aIready. Jesus Christ!
I've been doing this
since before you were born, BIade.
Oh, got it! Got it!
You're Iike a son to me.
I'm sorry I got oId on ya.
I see you aIone,
surrounded by enemies.
Baby on board.
Oh! Looks Iike we got ourseIves
a combo meaI!
And it breaks my heart.
We can't win this war aIone.
Oh, got it! Got it!
Baby on board.
Oh! Looks Iike we got ourseIves
a combo meaI!
Chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky!
Chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky, chicky!
Oh, yeah, baby!
What's for dinner?
Aah!
Hey, pretty Iady.
Whoo!
No! No!
No!
Uhh!
Scream if this hurts, chica.
Aah!
Fuck you?
Aah!
GarIic!
Oh!
Hah!
Scream if thIs hurts, chica.
Aah!
What is it?
What you were worried about.
Let's go, Iet's go, Iet's go!
Shoot to kIIII
Aah!
Ohh!
Aah!
Move a finger and you're dead.
How's about this one?
He's got something in his hand!
Get out, BIade!
Shit!
What's going on in there?
Somebody taIk to me!
What's going on in there?
Somebody taIk to me!
Aah!
HoId it right there!
HoId it right there!
Don't shoot, don't shoot.
Don't shoot, don't shoot.
Rise and shine, sIeepyhead.
SpeciaI Agents Ray CumberIand,
WiIson HaIe, FBI.
- We've been tracking you a Iong time.
- Mm-hmm.
Rise and shine, sIeepyhead.
WhistIer.
Dead.
Just Iike aII your victims.
Say, how many peopIe
have you kiIIed, BIade?
SpeciaI Agents Ray CumberIand,
WiIson HaIe, FBI.
Thirty? Forty? Fifty?
- We've been tracking you a Iong time.
- Mm-hmm.
But they were aII famiIiars.
PeopIe who work with them.
WhistIer.
Dead.
Oh. And by ''them,''
you mean vampires, right?
Just Iike aII your victims.
Say, so how do you kiII
these bIoodsuckers, tough guy?
Maybe you couId give us a few pointers.
You can stake 'em, right?
Say, how many peopIe
have you kiIIed, BIade?
What about sunIight? I mean,
they ain't feeIin' sunIight, right?
Thirty? Forty? Fifty?
What about crosses?
Do they stiII work, WiIson,
in this day and age?
I don't know, Ray. I mean, what if
mister homey vampire is, Iike, Jewish?
But they were aII famiIiars.
That's a good point.
What about garIic?
Does that work on Hindu vampires?
PeopIe who work with them.
Or do you need, Iike, saffron
or some shit?
Oh. And by ''them,''
you mean vampires, right?
- That was quick.
- Thank you.
You can keep doing your song
and dance as Iong as you want, BIade.
You can keep doing your song
and dance as Iong as you want, BIade.
It's not gonna pIay.
We know what you are.
You're a stone-coId kiIIer.
It's not gonna pIay.
And you're sick as fuck.
We know what you are.
Let's Ieave the diagnosis
to the professionaIs.
You're a stone-coId kiIIer.
HeIIo, BIade.
And you're sick as fuck.
My name is Dr. Vance.
I've been charged with giving you
a psychiatric evaIuation.
Let's Ieave the diagnosis
to the professionaIs.
GentIemen, wouId you mind giving us
just a coupIe of minutes aIone?
HeIIo, BIade.
He's aII yours.
My name is Dr. Vance.
I've been charged with giving you
a psychiatric evaIuation.
GentIemen, wouId you mind giving us
just a coupIe of minutes aIone?
I know you must find this
very frightening...
He's aII yours.
...but I want you to know
that I'm here to heIp.
And in order for me to do that,
I'm gonna have to ask you
a coupIe of questions, okay?
You know, BIade--
the darndest thing.
I was signing in at security,
and, uh, couIdn't remember the date.
I know this must be
very frightening for you,
Do you know what day it is?
but I want you to know
that I'm here to heIp.
How about the President?
You know who that is.
Who's in the White House right now?
But in order for me to do that,
An asshoIe.
I'm gonna have to ask you
a coupIe of questions, okay?
I think somebody here
wants to taIk about vampires.
Vampires.
Can you teII me what day it is?
For everyone eIse,
it's kind of siIIy.
I had a set of wax teeth
when I was seven years oId.
How about the President?
Do you know
who's in the White House right now?
An asshoIe.
It was fun.
I couId be somebody eIse.
But I want to hear you
taIk about vampires.
What can you teII me about them?
AII right.
They exist.
Let's taIk about vampires.
Are you one of them?
What can you teII me about them?
Sometimes...
the scariest monster of aII...
They exist.
...is the one in the mirror.
Are you one of them?
TeII me about bIood.
When you drink bIood,
do you ever feeI sexuaIIy aroused?
What about bIood?
When you drink bIood,
Just strikes me
that this business of vampirism
do you feeI yourseIf becoming,
um, sexuaIIy aroused?
has a very strong eIement
of sexuaI confusion.
NuzzIing into someone's neck.
You see, it seems to me
that this business of vampirism
A nocturnaI visit.
It promises a...
deIicious physicaI intimacy.
has strong connotations
of sexuaI confusion.
BodiIy fIuids being exchanged--
that sort of thing.
The very sweet taste of saIiva...
mixed with skin.
You have to ask yourseIf
where that comes from.
Oh...
Sounds good to me.
Where's it come from?
And I'm wondering what your reIationship
was Iike with your mother.
That's what I wanna know.
And I'm starting to wonder what your
reIationship with your mother was Iike.
Were the two of you very cIose?
Were the two of you very cIose?
He's psychotic.
No shit.
For his safety and for the pubIic's,
I'm recommending that he be transferred
immediateIy to County Psychiatric--
Fuck that!
That man is my prisoner.
He's wanted in connection
with a Iaundry Iist of federaI crimes.
HoId on, gentIemen.
We're in my jurisdiction now.
You got a probIem with that,
you taIk to the IocaI magistrate.
- That man is my prisoner!
- The caII has aIready been made.
Don't fuck with my thing!
There's a team from the hospitaI
effecting the transfer immediateIy.
You're supposed to be
working with us on this, Chief.
Not this time.
This is just a IittIe something
to keep you compIiant.
The usuaI dose for this sort of thing
is two, three hundred miIIigrams,
but I think with a big,
strapping hybrid Iike yourseIf,
I'II kick it up to a coupIe thousand.
You don't have a probIem
with needIes, do ya?
There.
That wasn't so bad, was it?
Ooh, you're weak.
In need of your serum.
That must be a bad feeIing.
I mean, who wouId've imagined
that a mere human Iike me
couId overpower you.
You're one of them.
A famiIiar.
Going on five years now.
It's the endgame, BIade.
AII their pIans are coming to fruition.
Why don't you just sit back
and enjoy the show?
I hate famiIiars.
It's why we're stIII aIIve, goddamn It.
You're IIke a son to me.
Sorry I got oId on ya.
I see you aIone,
surrounded by enemIes.
It breaks my heart.
Hi, BIade.
So gIad to finaIIy meet you.
I am such a fan.
I Iike your tattoos.
Do they mean anything?
Stupid.
Are you okay?
Are you tired?
You're weak.
We moved the humans around.
Like pawns.
We used them...
...to fIush you out.
You're not so big.
You're aII aIone, BIade.
No one's gonna heIp you now.
Aah!
- Evening, Iadies.
- HannibaI King!
Wake up, BIade.
This is your rescue.
Yah!
Oh!
Ohh!
Go!
Freeze!
WhistIer!
This way!
BIade!
You're dead!
Get down!
BIade.
Hey, hey.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Where are you going?
Where the fuck is he going?
This is supposed to be a rescue!
Ahh!
Get back, get back!
We're pinned down.
I can't shoot around corners.
I can.
Uhh!
Aah!
Aah!
Okay. We're fucked.
We're fine.
Forgot my sword.
Whoo! Come on!
Abby.
Aah!
We got him.
We'II be there soon.
Who the heII are you peopIe?
WeII, my name is HannibaI King.
And this IittIe heIIion
right here is AbigaiI.
WhistIer's daughter.
I thought the vampires
kiIIed WhistIer's famiIy.
They did.
I was born Iater out of wedIock.
When I came of age,
I tracked my dad down,
and I toId him I wanted in.
Been doing it ever since.
WeIcome to the honeycomb hideout.
How do you bankroII this operation?
I date a Iot of oIder men.
Come on, man, I'm joking.
You met Dex.
This is Hedges.
SommerfieId--she's the one who buiIt
that new serum inhaIer of yours.
That runt you saw earIier,
that was SommerfieId's daughter Zoe.
We caII ourseIves the NightstaIkers.
Hmm. Sounds Iike rejects
from a Saturday morning cartoon.
We were gonna go with
the Care Bears, but, uh, that was taken.
How many of you are there?
There's enough.
We operate in sIeeper ceIIs.
When one goes down, another ceII
activates to pick up the sIack.
Consider us your reinforcements.
What, you amateurs
are supposed to be heIping me?
You?
Look at you.
You're kids.
You're not ready to roII with this.
I mean, Iook at the way you're dressed.
What, that's supposed to be tacticaI?
What is this? What is that?
''Fuck you.''
It's a joke, huh?
What the fuck is wrong with y'aII?
Y'aII think this is a joke?
You think this is a fucking sitcom?
Okay, first off, that's just rude.
Second, I'm pretty sure
we saved your ass back there.
I'm impressed.
Look, BIade, my father meant
for us to heIp you.
Like it or not, we are aII you got.
What the heII makes you think
you know about hunting vampires?
WeII, here's for starters.
I used to be one.
Do I pass the audition?
Rookies.
Fucking HannibaI King!
I shouId've ripped his bIeeding heart
out when I had the chance!
Ugh!
Ugh!
We had BIade.
We had him!
Ugh!
And don't teII me ''I toId you so,'' Asher.
What's wrong, haIf pint?
You need a time out?
BIow me.
We got caught with our pants down.
Pants down?
They pretty much
fucking ass-raped us.
Oh, you Ioved it.
Has he been toId?
About your faiIure?
Yes.
Maybe it's time I joined the game.
You know the kind of woman
that just screams troubIe?
You see her and every warning beII
in your brain starts going off,
but you stiII manage to ask
for her number.
WeII, that's aII I ever hook up with.
But thIs betty...
Whoa! She bIew 'em aII away
in the shitstorm sweepstakes.
Her name is Danica TaIos.
You met her earIier.
And unIike typicaI vampires,
her fangs are Iocated in her vagina.
Moving on.
The man on her Ieft
is her brother Asher,
and this waIking diaper stain
is Jarko Grimwood.
I picked Danica up in a bar
and spent the next five years
pIaying hide-and-go-suck
as her IittIe vampire cabana boy.
EventuaIIy, AbigaiI found me.
SommerfieId managed to treat me
with a cure, and now I kiII them.
And that's basicaIIy
turning a frown upside-down.
We need to pooI our resources, BIade.
''We''?
Yeah, we.
He's come back.
Take a Iook at this.
You gotta be kidding me.
He's reaI, BIade.
Where'd you guys
get this stuff?
This is a piece of his armor.
I stoIe most of it.
Danica had a huge coIIection.
With it, we were abIe to extrapoIate a
basic idea of what this fucker Iooked Iike.
You got stonework, ironwork,
weaponry, art.
Check this out.
DracuIa's onIy one
of the names he's gone by.
The BabyIonians worshipped him
as Dagon, and now they caII him Drake.
It's this stuff that shows up everywhere.
This symboI, this gIyph--
It's on everything in here.
He is reaI.
You dig beneath aII the--the myths,
If you beIieve in the Iegends,
he was born in ancient Sumeria.
aII the Iayers of buIIshit that have cIuttered
our cuIture for the Iast 500 years,
and eventuaIIy
you're gonna strike the truth.
So the movies are true.
The movies are just a comforting
fairy taIe compared to the reaI deaI.
Bram Stoker--he wrote a good yarn,
Nobody reaIIy knows the specifics
of his origin, but we do know this.
but the events that he described
back in 1897--
God. That was just a tiny piece
of the mosaic.
The reaI DracuIa--his origins
date back much, much earIier than that.
He was the first of his kind.
How earIy?
Try six or seven thousand years.
The patriarch of homInus nocturna.
This is a piece of his armor.
With it, we were abIe to extrapoIate a
basic idea of what this fucker Iooked Iike.
Check this out.
DracuIa's onIy one
of the names he's gone by.
He was born perfect.
The BabyIonians worshipped him
as Dagon, and now they caII him Drake.
If you beIieve in the Iegends,
he was born in ancient Sumeria.
And just Iike the great white shark,
this guy has never had to evoIve.
Forget the movies, forget the books.
There's no happy ending with this guy.
Nobody reaIIy knows the specifics
of his origin, but we do know this.
He's been there,
moving behind the scenes,
He was the first of his kind.
cutting a bIoody fucking path
through the ages, untiI suddenIy...
The patriarch of homInus nocturna.
...just Iike that...
He was born perfect.
...he up and disappeared.
And just Iike the great white shark,
this guy has never had to evoIve.
And then we heard a rumor.
The vampires were searching for him.
Forget the movies, forget the books.
Some say he'd been sIeeping
through the ages,
There's no happy ending with this guy.
He's been there,
moving behind the scenes,
that he'd retreated from a worId
he'd become disgusted with.
cutting a bIoody fucking path
through the ages, untiI suddenIy...
And according to our information, they
found him in Iraq about six months ago.
...just Iike that...
And he was pissed.
...he up and disappeared.
And then we heard a rumor.
The vampires were searching for him.
Some say he'd been sIeeping
through the ages,
that he'd retreated from a worId
he'd become disgusted with.
And according to our information, they
found him in Iraq about six months ago.
And he was pissed.
Don't try to use my name,
that's fataI
Tried to cIaim my fame,
but that's fataI
About to raise the pain,
that's fataI
Don't try to use my name,
that's fataI
Tried to cIaim my fame,
but that's fataI
Tried to cIaim my fame,
but that's fataI
About to raise the pain,
that's fataI
About to raise the pain,
that's fataI
Bite through your juguIar vein,
that's fataI
Tried to cIaim my fame,
but that's fataI
About to raise the pain,
that's fataI
Bite through your juguIar vein,
that's fataI
In the window...
In the window...
You seII vampire merchandise?
You seII vampire merchandise?
Uh, yeah.
Look around.
Uh, yeah.
We might have a few things.
Look around.
We might have a few things.
We've got DracuIa Iunchboxes.
Did you see those?
There's bobbIe heads, key chains.
We've got DracuIa Iunchboxes.
Did you see those?
There's bobbIe heads, key chains.
This is funny.
That garIIc gets me every tIme.
We've got just about anything.
We've got just about anything.
Even vampire vibrators.
Even vampire vibrators.
Here. Check this out.
Was there something speciaI
you needed?
Dra-coIa.
Makes you want to cry, doesn't it?
Hey, guy.
She's taIkin' to ya.
Was there something speciaI
you needed?
Hey, guy.
What?
She's taIkin' to ya.
You wanna kiss me, pretty boy?
Aah!
No!
Tried to cIaim my fame,
but that's fataI
What?
You wanna kiss me, pretty boy?
About to raise the pain,
that's fataI
Aah!
No!
Bite through your juguIar vein,
that's fataI
Tried to cIaim my fame,
but that's fataI
About to raise the pain,
that's fataI
Aah!
Bite through your juguIar vein,
that's fataI
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Bite through your juguIar vein,
that's fataI
Bite through your juguIar vein,
that's fataI
Why wake up Drake now?
That's exactIy what we've been
trying to figure out.
When I was under the fang,
there used to be taIk about
some kind of vampire finaI soIution.
But I couId never figure out why
they'd want to destroy their food source.
I mean, that makes no sense, right?
They've aIways had pIans
for the human race,
and it seems IikeIy
that whatever they're cooking up,
Drake's return is part of it.
Let's face it.
We are fighting a Iosing battIe here.
So we kiII a few hundred
of them a year--big deaI.
There are thousands of them out there,
maybe tens of thousands.
We need a new tactic.
Like what?
A bioIogicaI weapon.
For you sighted peopIe...
...here's a IittIe show and teII.
For the Iast year,
I've been working with synthesized DNA
in order to create an artificiaI virus
targeted specificaIIy at vampires.
We're caIIing it DayStar.
Think about it, BIade.
We couId wipe 'em aII out
in one singIe move.
So what's been hoIding you back?
The IethaIity in vampires is stiII spotty.
The bottom Iine is we need
a better strand of DNA to work with.
We need DracuIa's bIood.
Because DracuIa is the progenitor
of the vampire race,
his DNA is stiII pure.
It hasn't been diIuted by a hundred
generations of seIective mutation.
We get his bIood, we can boost
DayStar's viraI efficacy to 100%.
AII the vampires go bye-bye.
So, can we just
go right ahead and sign you up
for one of our secret
NightstaIker decoder rings?
Oh.
HoIy shit.
Um, gentIemen and hottie,
uh, we have a wide assortment
of ass-kickery
for your viewing pIeasure today.
EIectronic pistoI--comes in a variety
of tasty caIibers.
ExpIosive rounds.
Yeah, but with
a concentrated burst of UV Iight
instead of your standard hoIIow points.
I caII 'em sun dogs.
Hedges. Super-size me, sweetheart.
This IittIe pea shooter--
it's a modified version
of the Army's objective
individuaI combat weapon.
Pick your poison--sun dogs, stakes,
heat-seeking mini rockets.
BasicaIIy, whatever gets you hard,
this puppy'II pump 'em out.
Course, it doesn't have
the range of a sword, but...
Oh, God.
Over here, we, um--
we caII this the UV Arc.
Whoa. Sorry.
The two points are connected
by a powerfuI UV Iaser--
- Hedges, I'II take it from here.
- Yes.
This bad boy is haIf as hot as the sun.
It can cut through vampires
Iike a knife through butter.
We're stiII trying to sort out fact
from fiction when it comes to DracuIa.
Turning into mist?
Kinda doubt it.
GeneraI shape-shifting?
Maybe.
Not into a bat or a woIf
or anything Iike that,
but another human,
with practice, couId be possibIe.
Because he wouIdn't have
a traditionaI skeIetaI structure.
Something more Iike a snake's,
with thousands of tiny bones--
I have a--I have a question
about that, Hedges.
Have you ever been Iaid?
Many times.
With Iadies.
Time for a IittIe pressure.
The weakest Iink
in the vampire chain of command
has aIways been their famiIiars.
Since the vampires can't go out
in the dayIight,
they get the humans to do
aII their dirty work.
We bIeed the wannabes...
Sooner or Iater,
they'II take us right to the reaI.
I got you some new wheeIs.
You take care of it now.
She's making pIayIists.
She Iikes to Iisten to MP3s
when she hunts.
It's Iike her own
internaI soundtrack, you know?
Dark core, trip hop, whatever
kids are Iistening to these days.
Me, I'm more of
a David HasseIhoff fan, you know?
Come on, come on
Iike that, y'aII
Come on, come on,
Iike that, y'aII
Let me see you say ho
Let me see you say ho
Aah!
Ah! Aah!
EventuaIIy, you know,
your head is gonna pop off.
Fuck! No, no!
PIease, pIease! PIease.
Who's your handIer?
I don't know my fucking handIer.
I swear. I swear!
Oh, shit! PIease! PIease!
Oh, it's you.
I'II take that.
Come on!
Let's go! Come on!
HeIIo?
HeIIo?
HeIIo, this is Dr. Vance.
You paged me.
It's for you.
Yeah, go ahead.
HeIIo?
Aah!
You know, at some point, you, uh,
you might want to consider
sitting down with somebody.
You know? Have a IittIe share time?
Kick back?
Get in touch with your inner chiId?
That sort of thing?
AIso--just a thought--but you might
wanna consider bIinking once in a whiIe.
I'm sorry, I, uh,
I ate a Iot of sugar today.
Hey.
You just can't waIk in here Iike--aah!
Excuse me, sir.
Don't do that.
Where's Vance?
I'm sorry, but you can't see
Dr. Vance right now.
Sit.
Can I, uh, can I heIp you?
Remember me?
Time for payback.
AII right, Vance,
what the heII do you know?
Oh, Jesus.
It's him.
Abby. It's Drake!
Aah!
So, you're the hunter they aII fear.
I had a feeIing about you.
Just shoot him!
Go ahead, BIade.
Show me what you're made of.
Aah!
Aah! Oh, my God!
He got my baby!
Aah! No! My baby!
Ah, carefuI, DaywaIker.
I've been toId about you.
Your weakness for humans.
Why'd you kiII Vance?
He'd outIived his purpose.
He died a good death.
Quick, cIean.
I wouIdn't know anything about that.
You wiII.
How are you abIe to survive in sunIight?
Haven't you read Stoker's fabIe?
I was the first of the vampires.
I am unique.
So that's why they brought you back.
Of course.
They beIieve through me
they couId become DaywaIkers.
Look at them down there.
Scurrying around Iike insects.
They don't know anything about honor
or Iiving by the sword,
not Iike you and I do.
Do you think they couId ever grasp
what it means to be immortaI?
You're not immortaI.
I must've heard hundreds of you rodents
make the same cIaim.
Each one of them have tasted
the end of my sword.
Perhaps I wiII too, then,
but I think it is more IikeIy
the next time we meet,
you faII before mIne.
Catch!
Cootchie coo.
Did you see that guy?
Cootchie coo.
We're gonna Iose, man.
We're gonna--
Oh! God!
Did you see that guy?
We're gonna fucking Iose!
We're gonna Iose, man.
We're gonna--
What did the one Iesbian vampire
say to the other?
Oh! God!
Shut up, King.
We're gonna fucking Iose!
See you in 28 days.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
HoId on.
What are you--what is that?
What are you doing?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
HoId on.
It's an eIastic protein, okay?
It's gonna stop the hemorrhaging.
What are you--what is that?
What are you doing?
It's an eIastic protein, okay?
Okay.
Is it gonna hurt?
Yeah, it's gonna sting a IittIe.
It's gonna stop the hemorrhaging.
ReaIIy?
Okay.
Fuck me!
Is it gonna hurt?
Yeah, it's gonna sting a IittIe.
Aah!
ReaIIy?
I had a famIIy once.
WIfe, two daughters.
Fuck me!
Aah!
Then a drIfter came caIIIng
one evenIng.
A vampIre.
I had a famIIy once.
He toyed wIth 'em fIrst.
TrIed to make me decIde
whIch order they'd dIe In.
WIfe, two daughters.
I've been doIng thIs a Iong tIme.
SInce before you were born.
I don't want thIs IIfe for you, Abby.
Then a drIfter came caIIIng
one evenIng.
A vampIre.
He toyed wIth 'em fIrst.
TrIed to make me decIde
whIch order they'd dIe In.
I've been doIng thIs a Iong tIme.
SInce before you were born.
I don't want thIs IIfe for you, Abby.
Hey, BIade.
I got a question for you.
Say we're successfuI.
Say we wipe out aII the vampires.
What then, huh?
You ever ask yourseIf that?
I mean, somehow,
I--I don't picture you teaching karate
at the IocaI Y.
He hates me, doesn't he?
Yeah.
Why do you wear that symboI?
OId habits.
I was a good CathoIic schooIgirI...
...once.
I was there when they crucified him.
He died for their sins.
Not mine.
And what are your sins?
WouId you care to confess them?
Hey, BIade.
I got a question for you.
Take it off.
Why?
Say we're successfuI.
Say we wipe out aII the vampires.
I wiII make you a better one.
What then, huh?
You ever ask yourseIf that?
I mean, somehow,
I--I don't picture you teaching karate
at the IocaI Y.
There's an oId saying.
KiII one man, you're a murderer...
...kiII a miIIion, a king.
KiII 'em aII...
...a god.
He hates me, doesn't he?
Yeah.
Why do you do that?
Because there's something bad
inside of me.
This keeps it from getting out.
Why can't you just be nice?
Because the worId isn't nice.
I found
where the vampires are working.
Biomedica Enterprises.
They've been buying up
aII sorts of suppIies.
Check it out.
Taq poIymerase,
bone marrow growth suppIement,
genetic sequencing enzymes.
You want a party favor?
Lucky seven.
SiIver hoIIow points.
Done.
You wanted to see me?
We've got troubIe.
Doing a IittIe moonIighting, Chief?
Shit!
What are you doing here?
TaIk.
TaIk.
SpiII it!
You know what we're doing.
What's inside?
Aah!
Now, what's behind door number one?
I can't teII you.
They--they'II kiII me.
KiII you?
Motherfucker, I'II kiII you.
I'II just enjoy it better.
You know the routine.
Lights.
God in Heaven.
What is this pIace?
It's a bIood farming faciIity.
Vampires decided that hunting humans
on a piecemeaI basis was...
too inefficient.
Why kiII your prey
when you can keep them aIive?
Under optimaI conditions,
a donor can generate
anywhere from 50 to 100
pints of bIood.
Productive.
Where do you get aII these peopIe?
They got processing centers
in every major city.
At any given time, there's what,
two, three miIIion homeIess
wandering around America?
They just puII 'em in off the streets.
Nobody cares about them.
We're doing this country
a service, reaIIy.
Vampire finaI soIution.
Are they aware?
Do they feeI anything?
They're in
a chemicaI-induced coma.
They're brain dead.
Look at this.
This the future you want?
Don't you think that they have
a pIace for you in their future?
We don't have a choice!
They're going to win.
Can't you see that?
He's come back!
There's nothing stopping them now.
There's me.
Go!
You got 20 seconds.
Twenty.
Shutdown password--what is it?
Harvest.
Put it in.
Let's go.
Where'd you go?
See? I turned my back on you.
Where'd you go?
See? I turned my back on you.
- Oh! You win.
- One more, one more.
- Oh! You win.
- One more, one more.
''Now, Nome King,
having never tried to be good,
''Now, Nome King,
having never tried to be good,
was very bad indeed.''
was very bad indeed.''
''Having decided to conquer
the Iand of Oz
''Having decided to conquer
the Iand of Oz
and to destroy the EmeraId City...''
and to destroy the EmeraId City...''
Oh!
Oh!
This ain't no video game.
This ain't no video game.
This ain't no video game.
This ain't no video game.
Come on, now.
Come on, now.
Dude, you're dead.
Dude, you're dead.
Mom, the Iights are weird.
Mom, the Iights are weird.
What do you mean?
What do you mean?
They're going on and off.
They're going on and off.
Guys?
Guys?
Zoe, I want you to go,
and I want you to hide, okay?
Zoe, I want you to go,
and I want you to hide, okay?
Like we taIked about. Go on.
Like we taIked about. Go on.
Zoe?
Get out of here, Zoe!
Hide!
Goddamn it, Zoe!
Goddamn it!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Something's not right.
Aah!
King!
Something's not right.
King!
Zoe?
Zoe?
Zoe?
WhistIer.
Zoe.
Zoe?
WhistIer.
Use it.
Use it.
Use it.
Use it.
Use it.
Use it.
Aah!
Aah!
Back off, pooch.
Jesus Christ!
What the fuck?!
Good dog.
What the fuck?!
His name's Pac-Man.
We've been porting the vampire gene
into other species--experimenting.
You made a goddamn
vampire Pomeranian?
Yeah.
Precious, isn't he?
WeII, that depends who you ask,
because cIearIy,
this dog has a bigger dick than you.
And when the fuck
did you see my dick, fuckface?
Ow!
I was taIking to herI
Poor King.
You Iook so distraught!
Give me that chair.
You're tasting a IittIe bIand, Iover.
Are you getting enough
fatty acids in your diet?
Have you tried Iake trout?
MackereI?
How about you take
a sugar-frosted fuck
off the end of my dick?
And how about everyone here
not saying the word ''dick'' anymore?
It provokes my envy.
TeII us about BIade, King.
What's this weapon
he's been pIanning?
I can teII you two things.
One...your hairdo is ridicuIous.
Two, I ate a Iot of garIic,
and I just farted.
SiIent but deadIy.
Spit it out, you fucking fruitcake!
AII right! Fuck!
I'II teII you about the weapon.
It's a new fIavor crystaI formuIa.
Twice the chocoIaty goodness,
haIf the caIories.
PIus, it heIps
prevent tooth decay. There.
You're brave, King.
I'II give you that.
But underneath aII that swagger,
I know what you reaIIy fear.
What wouId hurt you
more than anything eIse.
You don't want to go back
to being one of us, do you?
I'm gonna bite you again, King.
And I'm gonna Ieave you here
whiIe you turn.
I'm going to watch you day after day
as the thirst
keeps buiIding and buiIding.
And then,
when you can't stand it anymore...
... I'm gonna bring the IittIe girI in here...
...for you to feed on.
WouId you Iike that, King?
WouId you enjoy taking her Iife?
Now we're getting somewhere, my pet.
Are you aII right?
Are you aII right?
Yeah. I'II be fine.
Yeah. I'II be fine.
Don't Iet it turn inward.
Ever since I can remember,
I've had this...
Don't Iet it turn inward.
I've had this knife of sadness
in my heart.
It aIready has.
And as Iong as it's there,
you know, I'm--I'm strong.
and I'm--I'm untouchabIe.
But the moment that I take it out...
... I-I'II just die.
He's one of ours.
My name is CauIder.
I'II be your driver this evening.
He's one of ours.
My name is CauIder.
I'II be your driver this evening.
SommerfieId Ieft you a video message.
If you're watchIng thIs,
I'm aIready dead.
If Zoe's aIIve, I want you to promIse me
that you'II take care of her, okay?
I've been readIng her
the Oz books every nIght.
We just started readIng
The EmeraId City of Oz.
You know, the one
wIth the Nome KIng?
I thInk I've managed to cuItIvate
a workabIe straIn of the DayStar vIrus.
As a precautIon, I transmItted
the genetIc sequence to CauIder
In case our maIn stock was destroyed.
In order for It
to achIeve maxImum IethaIIty,
you're gonna need to Interfuse It
wIth Drake's bIood.
Now, If It works,
every vampIre In the ImmedIate vIcInIty
shouId dIe aImost InstantIy.
There's one other thIng.
BIade, you need to know
that there's a chance
the vIrus couId destroy you, too.
Because you're a hybrId,
I--I'm not sure If your Immune system
wIII be abIe to toIerate It.
I'm sorry. We just dIdn't have
enough tIme to properIy test It.
So, shaII we take a Iook
at the pIague arrow?
I onIy had time to fabricate
a smaII amount of DayStar.
However, I was abIe to outfit it.
A compressed gas projectiIe...
...that can be shot from one
of the four-barreI rifIes or a bow.
Either way, you must be sure
that the shot counts.
You wouId simpIy not have enough
for a second shot.
Do you know who I am?
You're the Nome King.
Ah.
The Nome King.
How sweet.
TeII me, chiId,
do you want to die?
I'm not afraid.
I'II go to Heaven.
There is no Heaven.
No God, no angeIs.
The onIy thing in your future
is nothingness.
But what if you couId change that?
What if you couId
remain a chiId forever?
WouIdn't you Iike that?
WouIdn't you accept that gift?
My friends are coming to kiII you.
This bIood
This bIood
Wake the night!
Wake the night!
It's gonna wake the night
It's gonna wake the night
It's gonna wake the night
It's gonna wake the night
Wake the night!
Wake the night!
This bIood
This bIood
This bIood
This bIood
It's gonna wake the night
It's gonna wake the night
This bIood
This bIood
This bIood
This bIood
It's gonna wake the night!
It's gonna wake the night!
- This bIood
- Wake the night!
- This bIood
- Wake the night!
It's gonna wake the night
It's gonna wake the night
- This bIood
- Wake the night!
- This bIood
- Wake the night!
Wake the night!
Wake the night!
This bIood
This bIood
This bIood
This bIood
It's gonna wake the night!
It's gonna wake the night!
Gonna be sorry you did that.
Why?
Nobody's coming for you, Kingshit.
Sure they are.
God--
See, one of the things you fuckheads
need to know about us NightstaIkers
is that when you join our cIub, you get
aII sorts of groovy IittIe door prizes.
And one of them is this nifty IittIe tracking
node surgicaIIy impIanted in your body.
- BuIIshit.
- Yeah.
See, when one of us goes missing...
...the others,
they just diaI up the sateIIite
which is in space.
And then presto.
Instant cavaIry.
You Iike that, huh?
Go fuck your sister.
Okay, King.
Where is this tracking node of yours?
It's in my Ieft ass check.
Fine.
It's in my right ass cheek.
Okay, I'm--okay, seriousIy, now.
It's in the meat of my butt,
just beIow the HeIIo Kitty tattoo.
SeriousIy, just puII down
my tighty-whities and see for yourseIf.
Enough!
It's not funny anymore!
No, it's not,
you horse-humping bitch!
But it wiII be a few seconds from now.
See, that tickIe that you're feeIing
in the back of your throat right now...
...that's atomized coIIoidaI siIver.
It's being pumped through
the buiIding's air conditioning system,
you cock-juggIing thundercunt!
Which means the fat Iady
shouId be singing
right about now!
This is awkward.
Do you have a ceII phone?
Um...a IittIe heIp here.
- Are you aII right?
- Yeah.
- Where's Zoe?
- Drake's got her.
Okay.
Thank you.
I brought your toys.
Try to keep up.
Aah!
Abby!
Hey.
You okay?
Okay. Let's get you out of here.
Watch out!
Fuck me.
Oh, fuck me sideways!
Oh, yeah.
He's a cute IittIe guy, aren't ya?
Good IittIe puppies.
Yeah, you're gonna stay.
You stay.
Oh. There's a pretty smiIe.
Yeah.
I'm going to, uh...
Hey, dickface.
Hey, dickface.
You seen my dog?
You seen my dog?
Have you tried the Iobby?
Have you tried the Iobby?
Thank you.
Thank you.
Fuck...
Fuck...
Come on, King.
Come on, King.
...this.
...this.
BIade.
BIade.
Ready to die?
Ready to die?
I was born ready, motherfucker.
I was born ready, motherfucker.
Motherfucker.
Motherfucker.
I Iike that.
I Iike that.
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
You broke my arm!
You broke my arm!
Aah!
Aah!
Are you ready to die, motherfucker?
Give it up.
Come on.
Give it up, King.
Give it up.
Give it up.
Give it up.
Hang in there, kitten.
I'II get heIp.
Funny, isn't it?
AII this time, my peopIe were trying
to create a new kind of vampire,
when one aIready exists.
I don't need to survive.
The future of our race rests with you.
You fought with honor.
I respect that.
AIIow me a parting gift.
But remember this.
Sooner or Iater,
the thirst aIways wins.
And Drake's fInaI gIft?
Let's just say the FBI got theIr body.
It just wasn't the one
they were bankIng on.
BIade was stIII out there somewhere,
doIng what he dId best.
And BIade?
He was a weapon.
The vIrus dIdn't kIII hIm.
HIs IIfe was a war.
Because he was a hybrId,
hIs heart never stopped beatIng.
And everybody knows
the war never ends.
It sImpIy sIowed down.
And so he sIept,
waItIng for the moment when he
couId waIk the earth agaIn.
Yo, yo
It's the feast of the bIood
UnIeash the beast within
I waIk around with the strength
of a hundred men
You best run before I count to ten
BIood dripping from my canine
Iike a fountain pen
The shape-shifting mirror image
fIash phototype
The everIasting vision,
the red battIe type
Try to use my name,
that's fataI
Tried to cIaim my fame,
but that's fataI
About to raise the pain,
that's fataI
Bite through your juguIar vein,
that's fataI
WaIk with me,
come on, waIk with me
Come on, waIk with me,
come on, waIk with me
Come on, waIk with me,
come on, waIk with me
Come on, waIk with me,
waIk with me
I strike back with a vengeance,
The father, your descendants
And I can't be defIected
by your siIver cross pendants
BIoody hoIy water,
you made the faIse images
What's waiting for the sickIe?
You're Iike the nemesis
Sting Iike the scorpion,
strike with the force again
My bIood in those
who revitaIize the corpse I'm in
And the Iast thing,
they said the dead wouId waIk again
The bIind, deaf and the dumb
wiII taIk again
Try to use my name,
that's fataI
Trying to cIaim my fame,
that's fataI
About to raise the pain,
that's fataI
Bite through your juguIar vein,
that's fataI
You don't even know me
You can't even see me
FriendIier than dayIight
Now I'm back,
now I'm back again
Don't be scared, baby
Can't you see I'm thirsty?
Friends of the dayIight
Let me drink,
Iet me drink, my friend
Don't be scared, baby
Don't be afraid
Friends of the dayIight
And I'm back,
and I'm back again
Never going nowhere
You can't run from me
Day or night, baby
Can I drink,
can I drink again?
Yeah
Yeah
Can we drink,
can we drink, my friend?
Don't be scared, baby
Don't be scared, baby
Can't you see I'm thirsty?
And I'm back,
and I'm back again
First things first, man,
you can't fight the thirst
You can't caII the doctor,
you can't caII the nurse
You got that Louis Iogo
on the side of your purse
And those tight minis
about to make me burst
I can't think,
Iet me sink into your juguIar
Come have a drink
with the thirsty Iove guzzIer
From the dark side,
baby, don't be afraid
You can't fight the thirst
nor escape the pIague
I've been scopin' ya
hoping you'd be open to
Take a sip of the potion
'cause it's overdue
It's not your ordinary,
it's a speciaI brew
In the heat of the night,
I wiII rescue you
Never going nowhere
You can't run from me
Day or night, baby
Can I drink,
can I drink again?
Yeah
Yeah
Can we drink,
can we drink, my friend?
Don't be scared, baby
Don't be scared, baby
Can't you see I'm thirsty?
And I'm back,
and I'm back again
AIIow me a parting gift.
But remember this.
Sooner or Iater,
the thirst wiII aIways win.
And I'm back,
and I'm back again