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Blood Diner (1987)
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Crazy, crazy, crazy Crazy, crazy, crazy over you Umbadododo Crazy, crazy, crazy Crazy, crazy, crazy over you Crazy - Ooh doo wa I tell you that I'm crazy - Ooh wa... - So crazy that I'm hazy - Doo wa - Crazy over you Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy over you Ooh, crazy - Ooh wa Without you, dear, I'm crazy - Ooh wa... - So crazy that I'm hazy Crazy over you Kids! I can't... Where are those little shit-heads? There you are. Now pay attention. I'll be back in 20 minutes. Don't open the door. Don't let anyone in. Going to the market. Ran out of goddamn tampons. We interrupt this program to give you an important news bulletin. A suspect in the Happy Times All-Girls Glee Club slaying has fled the scene and managed to elude the police. He is armed and dangerous and has been spotted in the Westside area armed with a meat cleaver in one hand and his genitals in the other. We urge all residents to stay inside and lock your doors until the suspect has been apprehended. We now return you to your normal programming for your listening pleasure. Oh, love Will make your mind go wild Make your mind go wild Okay, George, I'm ready. Go get Spunky. Okay, Mike. Aw, come on, George. Stop fooling around. Here, Mikey. Look deep into my eyes, Spunky. You are under my power. You'll do as I say. Make your mind go wild Uncle Anwar! Uncle Anwar! And how are my two favorite nephews? Great, Uncle Anwar. I've been practicing my hypnotism exactly as you said to in your book. Well, that's fine, Michael. That's very fine. And what about you, George Forge'? Look, Uncle Anwar. Yum yum. Ah, why, George, you are going to be a great chef one day. Honestly, that looks good enough to eat. Heh heh. I have a surprise for you You remember the story I told you about the ancient Lumerians? And the goddess Sheetar. Boy, that's our favorite story! These are for you to keep. Absolutely genuine... - Ooh. - Lumerian amulets. Take good care... for they are over 5 million years old. Anwar Namtut... - Wow! Keen! - We know you're in there! I'm afraid your Uncle Anwar - is in a bit of a pickle... - Detective Paul Stanton... so I'll have to go and straighten things out. What's the matter, Uncle Anwar? I want you to promise me you will never forget me or all the things I taught you. And study your book hard for Sheetar. Can't you stay and play? We have the house surrounded. No. Got to go. Love you, boys. We know you're in there! Time's up, Anwar! We're coming in! There he is. Hold your fire. Drop the cleaver, Anwar! He's coming! Sheetar! Hey. Shh. What's going on? Hey, what's going on? Uhh! Boo. Bull's-eye! Hey, Mikey. Come on, Georgie. Stop screwing around. We have work to do for Uncle Anwar. What now, Mikey? Okay. Open up the coffin. Sit him up. Whoa. You see? He's happy to see us. Give me the hacksaw. Damn thing's stuck. Georgie, give me a hand, will ya? Whoo! We got it. What now, Mikey? "The resurrection from the veil of chaos and darkness has come again, Sheetar." - ls it working, Mikey? - I don't know. This type of thing hasn't even been tried since... 5 million years, you morons. And how are my two favorite nephews? - Anwar? Uncle Anwar? - Of course. - It's Anwar. Anwar. - Who do you think it is? Oh, it's Anwar! We did it! - Uncle Anwar! - We did it! We did it! Georgie, it's us! Quit fucking around, you two! - We have work to do. - It's... Mikey! Oh, my God. Oh, I can't believe it. Oh, my God. Grave robbers, maniac grave robbers, and it isn't even Halloween yet. What do you make of it, Mark? Beats me, Chief. Seems like the work of pathological weirdos. Without doubt, your most understated deduction to date, my friend, but... but where are the clues? Can't say I found any. I interviewed the watchman's daughter, good-looking babe. She said he didn't have an enemy in the world. Damn good thing he didn't. As it was, his eyeballs were popped out of his head, and the rest of his body was hacked to bits and strewn about like some ungodly jigsaw puzzle. There's gotta be some clues here somewhere, Chief. We just gotta put the pieces together and see what we've got. You're right, Mark. You're always right and a damn good detective, too, I might add. But when you've been on the force as long as I have, you begin to develop a sixth sense about the diabolical. It kind of slinks down surreptitiously and grabs you by the shorts. Lately, I've had this strange premonitive feeling about some inevitable event of cataclysmic proportions which is looming ahead of us. You need help. I'm assigning you a new partner, - a rookie from New York. - Ohh! She broke the enema bag rapist case wide open posing as a sex surrogate. You are now anointed disciples of Sheetar. If you follow my instructions carefully, we will be able to resurrect the goddess Sheetar from the dead. You must be disciplined and prepare for a mission far more taxing than anything you have ever confronted. What the hell are you gawking at, you idiots? Remember the night I came to see you? That night, on this mission, I lost my genitals and my life because of lack of discipline with the glee club girls. I couldn't stop myself from indulging! You boys must stay solid! This is a mission I failed to accomplish in my lifetime. You, my nephews, must construct Sheetar from the body parts of many immoral girls, but this is just the start. In order to raise her from the dead, a ceremony must take place. Michael, find a virgin to sacrifice to Sheetar at the ceremony. George, you must cook a blood buffet. That will summon the goddess to take over the body you have constructed for her. Sheetar. Sheetar. An immortal goddess more powerful than Superman. We will use your diner to find our victims. I will do the choosing. Sheetar, help us. Makes quite a thing out of it. Trying to break that bridge of Montclair's. Come on, Connie. All you have to do is take your top off. All you do is show your tits. No big deal. We need your answer now, Connie. Are you gonna do it? I told you she's a little fraidy-cat. Come on, Clarice. We can do it without her. Oh, I can't believe this. Listen, when I started as head cheerleader, I decided we'd all be vegetarians. Fine. Then another vegetarian cheerleader group came up, so I added aerobics. Last month, some other school added aerobics... Oh, my God! I'm getting a ticket! I hate wrestling. Turn that damn TV down! I'm sick to my stomach, God damn it. Shit. Son of a... Apparently not hurt by it. Just kicked out. Get himself... I'd like to wrestle that sideshow freak. George? George! George, is that you? Yes, Uncle. You miss me? George, get your fat ass over here, and get this off me. Good morning, Uncle. What the hell are you gawking at? Get me over to the window, you numskull! That's a better view for you, Uncle. Hmm... slim pickings. What an idiot. Hey, Georgie! Georgie, quit goofing off, and get to work, will you? Sheetar, help us. Sorry, Mikey. Excuse me. That's the best frigging veggie burger I've had in a son of a bitch long time. Yes, sir, damn good veggie burger. - Here you go. - If I didn't know better, I'd swear there was some meat in it. I'm an expert on veggie burgers. I've eaten them all across America. I've eaten in some of those health-food hangouts where the soup ain't fit to piss in. You're Michael Tutman, - ain't you? - Yeah. Pleased to meet you, Mr. Tutman. My name's Horatio Titus, but my friends call me Vitamin, see? Get it? Vitamin C. Pleased to meet you, Mr. C. Hell, you can call me Vitamin. Was everything okay? I noticed you hardly touched your food. It was really good. I'm just upset, that's all. Let me let you in on a little secret about those so-called friends of yours. A couple of years ago, they used to all come in here dressed up like "Flashdance", and they looked really stupid. Can I put you on our mailing list? We're planning a special feast for... Hey, will you turn that thing down? Special people. It's going to be a Lumerian feast. I never heard of that. That's because there hasn't been one since 5 million years B.C. Buddy, why don't you turn that thing down? How can you stand that homo sport? That hurts. - Connie. - Ooh. Oh, Mommy. What a lovely name. Do come see us again, Connie. Thank you. I will. Bye. Mm, I bet she's a virgin. Come on, girls! And up! Out! Yeah, come on, girls! Out! Yeah, come on! Let's go! All right! Up, out! Yeah, come on! Can you believe Connie could pass up a chance like this? 'Cause her dad's a cop. That's 'cause her dad's a jerk! All right, girls! Listen up! I've gotta some more tape, but remember, this is going on cable coast to coast. Not enough to be the only nude aerobicizing cheerleaders here. We've gotta be the best nude aerobicizing cheerleaders! Tony, take over. Come on, girls! And... up, out! Yeah, come on! Let's go! Ohh! At least eight tongues must be set aside for proper aging. Discard the vocal cords and any surrounding tissue, or use them for tomorrow's veggie patties. Am I doing this right, - Uncle Anwar? - That's right! Remove only one unblemished limb from each of the tramps. The body of Sheetar must be a composite, as she is a goddess of many facets, but it must be fair and appealing to the eye, especially the head. To choose the wrong one would be a desecration. My name is Sheetar. Oh, Jesus. Okay, take this one on down. Eww. Charlie, take a look at this over here. Hold it. Right. Ah, come on over here, give me a hand here. Uh, we get more bags down there? Uh, call someone down. Get some bags. Ohh. Jesus, Mary, Joseph. God damn that son of a... For God's sake, be careful, man! Sorry, Chief. Shh... Uhh! God. Well, what do you make of it, Mark? Looks like someone had a do-it-yourself lunch-meat party. - Ohh! - Chief's getting tough. Sorry, Mark. Perhaps I went too far. But I will not tolerate any disrespect for human life on my force! That's okay, Chief. A good detective, no matter how hard he becomes, can't lose his sense of decency. I'm glad you feel that way. Now, before we haul this goulash off to forensics, what do you make of it? Could be the work of the same killer. More likely two, judging from the disproportionate bite marks on this forearm. Mark Shepard, meet Sheba Jackson, your new partner. Bite marks. Cannibals? You know, there's a biker group called the Cannibals, but they... they've never gone to this extreme. Besides, they're supposed to be vegetarians, and what self-respecting vegetarian would be a party to such a gruesome display of monstrously inhuman degenerate behavior? This is disgusting. Arms sawed off. Organs removed. Head severed from its body. Nine perfectly healthy tongues ripped from their young, live throats. [ Gags 1. With your permission, Chief Miller, I would like to go down to the coroner's now so we can get a head start on any clues from the autopsy. Good thinking, Jackson. You two go over there. See what you come up with. I'll try to round up enough guts to call their parents. Now get moving, both of you! Right, Chief. I love you, honey Let me give you money I love you, honey, let me give you money I love you, honey, let me give you money... Thank you, Miss... Sanders. We'll be getting to you very soon. Thanks. I'm sure. I love you, baby Oh, yes, I do I love you, baby I love you true I love you, baby Through and through I love you, baby And I don't know what to do, whoo... George! Quit screwing around, would ya? We got two specials. All right. Coming up. I love you, honey Ah, um, ah, um Ah, loop de loop de loop Ah, loop de loop de loop... This is even better than the last time. Hey, I'm glad you like it, Vitamin. Thanks for all the business, too. I'm determined to make you boys famous. Good health food's hard to find in this dung heap of a city. By the way... what is the special ingredient in the Tuesday surprise? Well, if I told you that, it wouldn't be a surprise anymore, would it? Okay. ...long ago Stuck in his fly! Ah, pretty baby I sense your need Ah, pretty baby... Hey, Georgie. George. Cover for me, will you? Okey-doke, Mikey. And now a challenge to the public from one little Jimmy Hitler. Mr. Hitler... I have a message to tell this land! Any of you knot-head scum-heads who think that you're man enough to mess with me, Little Jimmy Hitler, then meet me here this Thursday night, and I'll be ready to wipe the mat with any of you gut-smelling butt-wipers audacious enough to try the true strength of professional wresting! That's this Thursday night here, baby! Be here! You better believe I'll be there! I'll wipe the mat with your ass, you Nazi scum! I wrestle! I'll show him good! Can you wrestle as good as you cook? Eat this, fat-ass. ' - [gagging 1 Connie, what's wrong? Michael, you don't understand. I knew those girls. If I'd... If I'd done that tape, I'd be dead, too. Listen to me. If anybody ever so much as looks at you cross-eyed, I want you to come and tell me. They won't have a head left to think about doing it twice. Thank you, Michael. It's nice to know. One has a guardian angel to count on. Look, I want to give you something for good luck. It's a sacred amulet. It's very old, and it's very powerful. It represents the ancient goddess Sheetar. From now on, you belong to her. Two guardian angels in one day. I guess I have nothing to worry about after all. Wait till I tell my father. No! Don't... Don't tell anybody. This is just between you and me and Sheetar. Here. On the house. Goddamn right, on the house. Now I gotta start all over again. Damn shame about those girls getting butchered up like that. What beats the hell out of me is what do those meat creeps want with those body parts anyway? Ah, loop de loop de loop Ah, loop de loop de loop, ah... Vegetarians? You mean all the victims are vegetarians? According to the autopsy. The coroner found undigested bits of soybeans, carrots, celery in all cases, except for one girl who had something that might be cat meat. Cat meat? Jeez, how weird can this thing get? We got a make on that machine gun. It's the same one reported stolen from the Gangsters Museum on Third. Good work, Shepard. And I want you two to make rounds of all the health-food places in town. See if any weird characters have been hanging out, particularly that biker group, the Cannibals. You know, Chief, maybe it's not them at all. Maybe some hamburger franchise owner went berserk. You know, health food's pretty popular. - So suppose with the combined... - Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! Are you trying to tell me that some nut from McBurger's is respon... That's okay, Chief. Come on, Sheba. Let's go. See you later. Murderers from McBurger's! Jeez! Here's a list of all the health-food eateries between here and Sixth. I'll check some out on the north side. Then I thought that you and I could meet at Mr. Veggie's at midnight for a bite. Fool! Oh, yeah. Check that out. - Whoo! - Nice! You boys will learn from my mistakes. Ah, a little more wisdom, Uncle? Don't make the same mistake I made. I let my schlong do the thinking for me and got confused! Georgie. Georgie, would you stop screwing around? That's right! Aren't you dickheads done yet? Almost, Uncle Anwar. What the fuck was that?! Imbecile! I can't see! It's a photo we found of you from the good old days. Ah, yes, The good old days. People had ambition then. I, most of all, took pride in life's goals. Everything I did was done with care. I truly enjoyed my appointed destiny, no matter how difficult the test... I kept at it, again... And again and again. Like cleanliness, I was in a state next to godliness, as you, my nephews, are becoming in your devotion. Sheetar's body is complete, but it is just the beginning. You must now gather the ingredients necessary for the blood buffet that will bring her to life. Stop it. Georgie, you fucking moron, listen to your brother! Stop messing around with Sheetar. Now listen. The first ingredients we need are two stomachs from a couple of tramps. And, Michael, keep your idiot brother out of those gay bars. Do you want to come with us, Uncle Anwar? No. You boys go, but don't make the same error I made by ravishing the virgin before the sacrifice. I failed the mission, and for that disgrace, lopped my schlong off on the day of the glee club massacre. Good night, Uncle. Just don't forget! Two stomachs from two immoral girls! Sheetar, your body looks good. What a set of knockers. If I only had my schlong back, you would know the meaning of machismo. Oh, I don't know. You guys come here twice a week with this fake l.D. You'll never get in here. Hey, get out of here. Gentlemen, do you have any l.D.s? Yeah, we're on the guest list. Sorry. No l.D.s, no admittance. Hey, have a good time inside, guys. Hey, Jason. You okay? [song playing 1. Shake, shake, shake Shake it out - Uh-huh Shake, shake, shake - Shake it out - Oh, yeah Shake, shake, shake Shake it out - Mm-hmm Shake, shake, shake - Shake it out - I said please - Shake it out - Shake it out Baby, you know what it's all about 'Cause if your man's not here Then you're gonna have to do without - Shake, shake... - Uh-huh - Shake it out - Hey, hey - Shake, shake, shake - Mm-hmm I said shout and hoochie-coo Shout, rama-lama, if you're through 'Cause if you do me like you do Then I'm gonna have to see it through Shake, shake - Uh-huh - Shake it out - Yeah hah Shake, shake - Mm-hmm - Shake it out - I said spit - Spit it out - Spit it out Baby, don't you jump and shout 'Cause if the cat's got your tongue Then the tiger's gonna pull it out Shake, shake - Uh-huh - Shake it out - Yeah hah Shake, shake - Uh-huh Shake it out Shake it out The girl. The girl! Be cool. Just like this. Shake it out Be cool. - I said shout... - That one. - And hoochie-coo... - MICHAEL: No. She's not trashy enough. Keep looking. Then I'm gonna have to see it through... Over there! Yeah. Those two are perfect. I said, girl, shout it out Shout it out - Come on Shout, shout it out, come on I said shout and hoochie-coo - Shake it out - I said shake - Shake it out... - Hey. Buy us a drink? Yeah, sure. I said spit, spit it out... Hey, how come we haven't seen you two before? You two from around here? We're from around here. It's just that our restaurant keeps us pretty busy. Ah. We thought you were in a band. Yeah, we are. Uh, It's just that our cafe's keeping us busy until our LP comes out. Oh, yeah? What's it called? "Blood Hunger" by the Sons of Sheetar. Sheetar! Sheetar! Hey, listen. This dive's really a crashing bore. What do you say you come back to our place for a little Lumerian feast? - Is that something special? - Special? There hasn't been one served since 5 million years B.C. 'Cause if you do me like you do Then I'm gonna have to see it through - Shake, shake, shake - Uh-huh - Shake it out - Yeah hah - Shake, shake, shake - Uh-huh - Shake it out - I said shout Shout it out, Come on! Shout, shout it out I'm impressed. You caught the enema bag rapist? How 'bout a date? Sure, sweetie. Find anything? Not a clue. So what is this, a dragnet or something? We're looking for a couple of psychos that like to pick on vegetarians. Any of your customers fit that description? Customers? You need glasses, officer? I'd be glad to serve Jack the Ripper himself as long as he paid the check. Hey, what about me? Ah, you get handicapped rates, you little fart. You don't count. Well, if you see anything suspicious... Mister, unless all the goddamn cockroaches in Los Angeles start eating at that place around the corner, I don't think I'll be seeing anything but the mortgage going up in smoke. Tutman Cafe? I checked it out. It's closed. The place is packed all the time. It's their seasoning. It makes everything taste real good, and they keep it a real tight secret. Why, you pint-sized Benedict Arnold! Thanks, Stan. Do you think they get any bikers there? If you mean the Cannibals, I don't think so. They run their own co-op now and do their own cooking. They should cook up the Tutman boys. They look like a couple of vegetables. Well, keep your eyes peeled, and give us a call if anybody or anything weird pops up. He'll probably serve it first. Come on, Jackson. I got an idea. Will wonders never cease? If you're not busy later, maybe we can meet at the Club Dread and boogie down. I'll wear my platforms. Don't bother, honey. For you, I'll get down on my knees and boogie. Hey, Valentino, finish your wheat germ! I thought I was a traitor. Aw, that's okay. Stan, competitive businesses are always spying on each other. Yeah. I'd give my right arm for that secret recipe. Say, George, why don't you show Joanne the back room while Peggy and I have a little... little chat? Yeah, come on, George. Let's go in the back room. I've got an idea. Yeah. A dirty idea? The Lumerian feast? Come on, Michael. Tell me. I'm so hot. Let's do something kinky. Ever hear of battered girlfriends? Ooh, sounds like fun. Ooh. You're so good at that. Yeah. What substances were you two on when you decorated this place? Sheetar. That's more like it, Samson. How's about a little kiss? Ah, how's about a real one, with the tongue? Just a little bit here... and here... and a little bit there. God, I must look a mess. On the contrary. You look good enough to eat. Ooh. There's just one last little spot that I have to get. Ohh! So big... Mmm. Ahh. Something's wrong. No, no, no. She's okay. No, Peg's in trouble. I gotta go. See you. Peg. Peg? Where are you? Peg? I want to go. Peg? Are you... Ohh! No! Oh, George. George, help me. [gasping 1 on, God. Help me, George. Ahh! Ahh! Oh, damn it. My purse. Shit! Shit. My shit. Oh, let's go! Aah! Aah! Georgie. Georgie, want to stop screwing around and help me with these leftovers? Sure. Of course it's Lumerian. The discovery of the Lumerian culture came quite by accident during the first expedition to find the lost continent of Atlantis. It is now believed that both cultures existed simultaneously and vanished simultaneously. Get out of my way! Go up the row! - Doctor, look what I found! - It's bones! Label it. Bury it. Don't interrupt me. Now, that artifact that you showed me happens to be from a deviant religious sect of Lumerians that worshipped a bloodthirsty goddess of black magic, Sheetar. Now, on the week prior to the arrival of Sheetar, this sect of Lumerians would have a wild orgy rife with debauchery, wine, food, weird drugs. Lust would completely overtake them until the final day of the celebration, when they would have this great feast called the ahmen lumo Sheetar ra, which roughly translated, means "blood buffet." Blood buffet? You don't believe me? It is suspected that some followers of this cult did survive. Who knows? Rumors persist. Even in today's society, there still may be some cult followers of this gruesome goddess Sheetar. - Thanks. - What are you looking at? Okay, Jackson, now tell me, what is this all about? Okay, what's worse than your average maniac? - I give up. - A religious maniac. I've been thinking that these murders have been too precise and sudden for your typical modus operandi of your average serial killer. - Yeah. - And when we found that weird religious artifact in that girl's palm, that's when I knew. Knew... knew what? Ls the pure of maiden stomach ready? Yeah, we just poured it in, Uncle Anwar. Excellent. Simmer the sacred recipe gently until the final ingredients can be obtained. Within the next 48 hours, the Moon will align with Jupiter, and Sheetar shall take her earthly body at the ceremony you will arrange. Here you go, Uncle. Ahh. That's such a regal flavor. Oh. How 'bout that virgin? Where's that virgin? Come on, Georgie. Stop screwing around. Got to open up the shop. Get her by tomorrow. Free hors d'oeuvres! Everyone, help... help yourself. Yeah! '59 Volvo, '59 The best car on the highway '59 Volvo, '59 You're going too slow, much too slow... Can I get something to go over here, please? I'm in a hurry. It's like... Could I buy one of these t-shirts? Oh, you sure can. It's free advertising for us, right? Here, Jared. I'm just gonna put it on your tab, okay? - Liz, what can I do for you? - Can I get some of this. George's aloe vera foot cream, please? Yeah. Five bucks. Put this slut in the shopping list. And have you found the virgin yet? She's in the guest book. Oh, but Michael says he found one. Other essential ingredients necessary for the blood buffet are the lungs and liver from two sluts. Don't forget! Lungs and liver! Lungs and liver! Yeah, just a moment, sir. I'll be with you. Can I get some Lumerian stew, too, please? Yeah, sure, buddy. Hang on a second. Two more specials coming up, Mikey. Peek-a-boo. There's no charge for you. Michael, you make me feel so guilty. I can't let you treat me to all this marvelous food and not give you something to show for it. So there is something you can do for me. I'd love it if you could go out with me tomorrow night. My brother's gonna be wrestling against Jimmy Hitler in the amateur wrestling competition. I was thinking maybe afterwards we could come here for a little Lumerian feast? Gee, Michael, I'd love to, but I have all this homework, and I don't think my dad would... I'd love to go. Partner, can I have a doggie bag, please? Say, George, wanna take care of this fuck... Customer for me? - Michael, I... - Say, tomorrow? Around 8:00? Okay, I'll meet you here. Come on, Stan. Let's boogie! Say, you know who that was? That's Stan Saldin. He owns that Mr. Veggie dump around the corner. Oh, really? So we're gonna have to return this guy's compliment, pay him a visit real soon, eh, Georgie? Hey, Mike, can we get some service over here? At the throat of Lord Layton, who seems to be in trouble. Lord Layton pinned twice. - Gets three! - Aw, shit! Does get a tag, and so Lord Layton comes in. - And take cover! - Ahh! Ah, damn it! Excuse me. I'm with the Internal Revenue Service, and I'd like to check your books. Hey, Georgie! Few more fish finger surprises. We're all out of specials, Mikey, but I'll see what I can come up with. Of course. Right this way. I want you, I want you, I want you so I need you, I need you I need you so, I love you... Two more specials coming up, Mikey. Mmm. These look real fresh. So fine - Ah ooh... - Let's do it - Let's do it - Let's do it - Let's do it... Here you go. Two specials. Enjoy. These look really good. Oh, I'm really hungry. Crunchy. Good. Get out that guest book, and find that ugly bitch that was in front of my window today. You two jerk-offs get your thumbs out of your asses, and get a move on! We still have many ingredients to gather to complete the blood buffet. Hello. Hello? May I speak to Cindy Sanders, please? Oh, I see. This is quite urgent. Would you tell me where I might locate her? Nature hiking at Bronson Caves with her boyfriend Buzz. Hmm. Have a nice day. Hang up the phone. Listen, we haven't got much time. You got that right, homo. I want you to take the van to the caves, and I'm going to take a cab to the clubs, and I want you to be back here around midnight. We got a lot of work to do. My mission left in the hands of two lamebrains. Son of a bitch! Shit! Fucking God damn! Ay, si, si, we want to mambo... God damn it! All right. All right. Hey! We want to mambo, mambo! Hey. Hey. All the kids want to mambo - Stupid fucking drivers. - Well, they mambo at home They mambo at school They know they got to mambo if they want to keep cool A' Ay, si, si... ' You got to be cool, amigo, you hear? Ay, si, si, we want to mambo And do the mambo Uhh Grown folks do want to mambo The grown folks do want to mambo Well, they all turn their radios way low down So nobody can't see them When they're really going to town - They do the mambo - Ay, si, si Yeah, the mambo, ese We want to mambo, ay, si, si Got everybody does the mambo Uhh! Ay, si, si, we want to mambo Mambo! Uhh! Come on. Get those clothes off. Shouldn't we be going? - Nah. - It's getting late. Relax, baby. It's gonna be all right. You're in good hands. Besides, this is where the good stuff starts. No, wait. I feel funny with all these weirdos around butchering vegetarians. Hey, sugar, I'm here. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you. This place... it could be full of bugs and strange animals. Besides... Heh heh. The only animal you're gonna have to worry about chomping on your sweet meat is gonna be me. - Touch it. - Mmm. Oh, yes. Squeeze it. Come on. I'm so horny, I could fuck a cow. - Buzz. - Oh, where is it? Touch it. Touch it. Uhh! Oh, come on, baby. Aah! Uhh! Aah! Waah! Waah! Wake up, Buzz. Unh... Bitch! Oh, jeez, I'm sorry. - Here. Let me get that. - Hey, no, it's okay. Relax. I got something in the back that's perfect for a mess like this. I also have a big surprise for you, something that's guaranteed to get your motor revving. A big surprise? Much bigger than that. Uncle Anwar, I forgot what I was supposed to get again. Get back. What do you want to know? This is a police line. No questions! Get back right now. Snap out of it, man. Get a hold of yourself. Take it easy. It's all my fault! She wanted to leave! She was scared! Easy, buddy. Take it easy. But I made a mistake 'cause I was horny, and now she's dead! Can you remember anything, Buzz, anything at all? Who knocked you out? Oh, Cindy! Oh, my God, Cindy! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Cindy! Oh, God! God, Cindy! Snap out of it, man. Who killed your girl? I don't know! It was so dark, and he grabbed me so quick. It... And then everything went black. I... I... I can't remember. I can't remember. I can't remember! Take this boy to the hospital now! Hey, you guys, uh, missed some over there. [crying 1. What kind of creature would do a thing like this, Mark? Deranged maniacs, Chief, perverts with sick, sick minds. Oh, my God! Cindy, I'm sorry! Frankly, this is starting to form in a definite pattern in relation to an old case. We think it's the work of a cult. - A cult?! - Sheba and I... Don't point that thing at me, fool! We've been doing some research. On the cults of Lumeria. Cults of Lumeria? Jesus fucking Christ, what am I paying you two for? Whatever happened to that biker group, the Cannibals? I don't think so. A patrol car just phoned in a hit-and-run involving one of the Cannibal gang. He wasn't the one who ran. As messed up as he was, they said he died of a heart attack. And whatever happened to the vegetarian angle? We've halted that temporarily. Halted it? On whose orders?! It's just that we have been looking into these past files, and this case bears a strong resemblance to the one that happened to a former squad member 20 years ago. That's right. His name is Paul Stanton, and we were going to see him when we were stopped... Now listen to me! You two aren't going to see anybody but the unemployment examiner if you don't start following my orders. 20 years ago is ancient history! Now I want you both to get back on that vegetarian angle right now! Get moving! Only a week, and I'm already in the shit hole. - And you're no help. - Oh, he'll get over it. Look, to be on the safe side, you continue your search on those, um, health-food freaks, and I'll go and question this Paul Stanton. These grisly murders can't go on much longer. Suck out all the blood. And where the hell is your idiot brother? He's late. He should be here any minute, Uncle Anwar. I'm sucking out every drop of blood for the blood buffet. Are you sure this is going to work? You stupid moron. Stop thinking, and do as I say. Did you get the lungs and liver? - They look good, Mikey. - Okay, put 'em in the pot. Good work, boys, but we still have lots left to do. Get over here. I have to tell you the next step. What now, Uncle Anwar? Prepare for the banquet. We need as many participants as possible. Shout it to the rafters! 5 million years have not gone in vain. At last, an authentic Lumerian feast will be served. Hey, we can do that easy. You don't even need an excuse to have a party out here. Yeah, big party and pretty girls right after I wrestle. Oh, you must take care against abstainers. Most of the guests must participate of the feast. Hey, that's no problem. We got some little goodies here that work like a charm. George puts 'em in his stew when business gets low. Yeah! Excellent. Now cool the sacred brew, and get a good night's sleep. Tomorrow night, the Moon will align with Jupiter. The result is a window in the universe for Sheetar to be able to take the earthly body you have constructed. The transference must take place tomorrow at midnight. You must follow from the "Book of Sheetar." Sheetar's body, the buffet, the participants, and the virgin must all be present. For her resurrection, the participants must ravage the buffet, and Sheetar must eat the virgin simultaneously. Plan carefully! If we miss this opportunity, another is not foreseen in a lifetime! I'm so excited about wrestling that... that savage Jimmy Hitler. Shut up. I'm thinking about the master plan. Hey, Mikey, wait for me! I'm going to find their recipe. You wait here. Don't do it, Stan. Stan, you'll get in trouble. Don't do it, Stan. Stan, don't do it. Honk if they come back. No, don't do it, Stan. Don't, Stan. But we'll cater it absolutely free. Well... We did have a Lumerian feast about a year ago. And since yours is the best in town and we don't have to do anything, ah, I guess it's okay. Uh, what do you think, Henry? I don't know. I don't know. Kinda bored of mummies and health food. This isn't just any mummy. - This is Sheetar. - Sheetar. Besides, we'll donate all the drugs you guys need for a swinging time. Just pass the word around. Damn. This'll pack the place for sure. Oh, hey. We'll do it, but you be here. Okay, great. We'll see you then, huh? We're gonna be at the wrestling match first. Then we'll get here about, uh, say, midnight, a little bit before, okay? Mm-hmm. Fantastic. Yeah, just pass some out when the crowd gets going, and we'll have a real event. Let's do it. That's right. I was a detective here years ago, Homicide Division. Made my wife here just a little jittery. We'll make sure we don't get too rowdy or nothing. That right, honey? You can bet your bottom dollar. Well, give me the hard dope, young fella. You didn't come here to listen to an old coot rant on about his R.V. It's like this, sir. I'm working on a serial killing, and this bears a strange resemblance to your trial with Anwar Namtut. Easy. Okay. - Oh, that horrible man. - That's okay. That's... It's okay, baby. Okay. Gets a little jittery on that subject. Thought maybe the crazy guy'd get the best of me. - Didn't, though. - What exactly happened? I'll never forget the day we caught him. What a freak show that was. Who? Anwar Namtut. Anwar Namtut, we know you're in there! This is Detective Paul Stanton. You have exactly 60 seconds to come out peacefully with your hands up. There he is. Hold your fire. Drop the cleaver, Anwar! He's coming! Sheetar! Keep back. Can't get close. Watch him. He still might be alive. Had the wildest damn eyes. I looked into them just as he died. I could have sworn they were saying, "One day, Detective," "one day, I'll be back for you and your little girl, too." Silly, huh? Didn't even know I was gonna have a little girl. Is this her? Yeah. Ain't she a pip? She's a good girl, too, not like them trashy cheerleaders that got killed recently. Well, I hope that helps you some, Mr. Shepard. Whomever these killers are, they can't be working with Namtut. Stop. Oh, honey, honey, now. Oh, it's gonna be fine. It's okay. I'm not so sure, Mr. Stanton. You see, they've stolen Anwar's brain. Oh, all right. All right. - The brain? - Ohh. Well, get that pansy off the mat! Get the next match started! Ladies and gentlemen, a three-round bout for $1,000 and the honorary heavyweight title between our champion and a brave occupant of tonight's audience. - Yeah! Yeah! - The challenger claims to be a direct descendant of the ancient pharaohs, and a mean-looking one he is. Ladies and gentlemen, the monster of the Nile, the killer of the Sphinx, Luscious Lou the Lumerian. Hey, you're a bum! Get out of there. - I'll kill you! - All right, Georgie! - I'll kill you! - Georgie! - And now our champion... - Boo! Boo! The Teutonic terror of the Fatherland... - Boo! Boo! - Little Jimmy Hitler! Shut up, or I'll break you in half. Ah, you suck! Go home! You ought to kick the bum out of here! He can't fight! Take care of him, little baby! Come on, Georgie! Drop the shoes on him! Hey, Hitler, get out of the ring! - Come on. Come on. - Come on, Hitler! You suck! - You know it! - Come on. You got him, Georgie! Come on, little baby! Come on. Come on! - Come on, Lou! Get up! - Come on. - This guy's nothing! - Get up. Come on! Go for it, babe! Go for it! Come on. Come on. All right, come on. Up! Up! Up! You can do it! Get a leg! Get up there! - My hero! - 1, 2, 3... He's yours! I can tell he's scared. - 4, 5, 6, 7... - Go on. Get back in there. You got him, babe. Get up! Lou, get up! Come on, Lou! Get up! Oh, Mikey! Aah! You suck, Hitler! Come on. Come on. Come on, baby. Come on. Come on now. Come on. He's getting the shit kicked out of him. Georgie, watch out! Georgie! Hair. Break it up. Oh, Michael! Oh, my God, Michael! - You stupid shit, go on! - Oh, my God! ' Mikey! ~ Aah! Yeah! Yeah, Georgie! Come on, Georgie! Come on, Georgie! Get him off me! Yaah! Lou! Lou! Lou! Lou! Yeah, you got him! Oh, my God, Mikey! You... Ahh! All right! All right! Yeah! Beautiful! I think I'm gonna be sick, Michael! - Oh, my God. - Michael! You got it! You got it! Aah! I give up! - Aah! - There you go! Lou, all right! Shit. Sheetar! Sheetar! Sheetar! Sheetar! Sheetar! Sheetar! Sheetar! Sheetar! Sheetar! Sheetar! Sheetar! Sheetar! - 2, 8! - Sheetar! Sheetar! Yeah! Shee... Jesus, Connie, I'm really sorry. I probably should have warned you. I mean, George gets really crazy, huh? Michael, take me home now. I thought we'd go back to the place and celebrate. We just won the competition here. I just want to go home, please. Well, I mean, I got the feast all ready. It's all planned. It's waiting. Please, Michael, just take me home now. Guess I don't have a choice. Uhh! Sheetar! Sheetar! She can't stand the sight of blood. Sheetar! Yeah. Jackson, this is Shepard. I got good news for you. - You died and went to heaven. - Very funny. I'm relieving you of your restaurant search. I'm sorry to hear that. You know I just love vegetarian food. Now what am I gonna do with myself? I'll tell you what you're going to do. You're gonna go down to the hall of records first thing in the morning and see if you can find out if there are any surviving relatives of Anwar Namtut. Shepard, you motherfucker. Miller said he would barbecue my butt if I so as mention pharaohs and blood cults. Phil is not gonna know anything. Tomorrow's our day off. You know, your colleague was right. Well, thanks a fucking lot. Don't mention it. Now write this down. N-A-M-T-U-T. Namtut. You got that? Yeah, I got it. If you find any cousins, nephews, daughters, or whatever, get their addresses and put out a tracer if you need to. And a rap search. Don't forget that. Now, I know we've had a trying and a disagreeable time on this first case, but when it's finished, I want the both of us to get to know each other better. Maybe over dinner... Or something. I know it sounds like a big come-on... But I'll put my masculine ego aside, and I'll make a constructive effort to understand you, not only as a partner, but as a person. Heh. You know, it's funny when you think about it. You're a tough New Yorker, me a laid-back California kind of guy. We could have killed each other, but we didn't, and because we didn't, the answer to this case is just ahead of us. Cut the bullshit, Shepard. - I'll play the hunch. - What? You'll go out? Meet me at the Tutman Cafe. If that King Tut that you want so badly is ever there, dinner's on me. Come on, George. Hurry up. We haven't got much time. The Moon's gonna be in Jupiter's path within the hour. Cut it out, you ingrate. Look, you can't escape from Sheetar. We've been saving you especially for her. When she wakes up from her centuries of sleep, she's gonna be hungry. Get the hacksaw, brother. "Spirits of the dark powers in league with Jupiter, "hear our sacred cries, "and bestow your aid in our appointed quest. "Tonight we raise your sister from the grave. Tonight we invoke the resurrection of Sheetar!" Sheetar. Say the words, Uncle Anwar. Say the words, Uncle Anwar. Uncle An... war? Georgie, you been playing with Uncle Anwar's jar? Hey, this is no time for your stupid jokes, Georgie. Where's Uncle Anwar? Hey, where is he? L... He was here last night when I tucked him in! Shit. Ah, son of a bitch! Somebody's broken in here. Damn it! Who the fuck would want... Saldin. That competitive little weasel. Looks like we're gonna pay a little visit to Stan tonight. Look, I want you to go, make sure the front door's locked. I'm gonna take the van around to the back and start loading up everything we need in. Hop to it. We gotta get Uncle Anwar back. Stop right there, crazy. Don't you know it's not nice to moon an officer? Now let's see those hands up in the air. Now move that lard ass of yours real calm like, and stop when I tell you to. All right, that's far enough! You take one more step, and I'll blow your guts out. I told you not to mess with that girl. She gave me the finger! I'm gonna give you a lot more than a finger if you don't stop goofing off tonight. Sheetar might want a little snack in the morning. Oh, Sheetar, why has thou forsaken your servant? Do I deserve to be held by the hands of a greedy unbeliever? Ah, damn! That last batch was awful. As I told you, Mr. Saldin, only a priest ordained in the cult of Sheetar has the proper skills to prepare this recipe. - If attempted by... - Horse manure. When I found you in that back room mumbling sacred recipes to yourself, I didn't recall anything about sour goat's milk. If you don't cooperate with the correct ingredients list in 10 seconds, I'll see to it that you get a private tour of the city sewer system, beginning with my commode. Capisce? You are a shrewd man, Mr. Saldin. I shall not deceive you further. Okay, let's have it right this time. First, you need the desiccated flesh of three black felines. Cat flesh? Are you sure? Mr. Saldin, I am but an old brain, but I am not so old that I cannot remember the recipe which has been a goal of mine for two lifetimes. All right, all right. Three dried cat bodies. What else? Three pints of virgin's blood. And three hard-boiled eggs. And three hard-boil... Georgie! Michael! Quit fucking around, and get in here! You're dead meat now, Stan. Wait till my nephews get a hold of you. Oh, shit. Hey! Uhh! You're a kidnapper, Stan. Mere slaughter's too good for you. - Uhh! - Aah! Aah! Stanley. You keep away from me. Georgie, Michael, stop fooling around! Get me out of here! You keep away from me. - I'll kill you dead! - Stanley! Ha ha! Hey, that's my brother, Stanley. - Come on! - Stanley! He's got me, Stan! - Ohh. Ohh. - Help me! Help me, Stan! Stan, these guys got me! Come on. Come on, Stanley! Stupid idiots, get me out of here! Stan! He's got me! Help! Help! - Mr. Green Jeans, he's got me! - Get me out of here! Just do what he says. Stan! I'll smash him. Help! Help! Swear to God, I'll smash him. Now, both of you, - stand together real quick. - Michael, do as he says. Back off! Back off! Whoa! Nice catch, Georgie. Get him. Now get him! Get him! - Keys. - Kill him! Move! Get him! Get him! Ohh! - Hey, babe. - Now wait a minute, fellas. I really wasn't gonna hurt him. I swear to God. Quit fucking around, and kill him! Sure, Stan. Aah! Bastards! You goddamn freako bastards! You'll pay for this! I'll see that you grill in Hell! Goddamn sons of bitches. They won't get away with this. Cut off my hand, will ya? Car, start. You son of a bitch of scrap, please, start! Aah! Stumpy Stan! Hah! Go on! Laugh, you veggie-ridden idiots. I'll get you. I'll show you. Make me a cripple, will ya? Cut off my hands, and laugh about it, will ya? God damn it! I'm gonna get the cops! Yeah, we'll see who laughs last then! We'll see who laughs, Mr. big-shot restaurateurs! Holy Christ! I was just trying to give you some air. I swear I wasn't gonna go any further than the second or third button. Mark, man, am I glad it's you. I thought that gruesome guy with the green tongue had come back for the finish. Tell me, Jackson, are all of your people masters of the complimentary phrase? Or is it something inside me that inspires you? Shepard, if you can get me to the car so I can put out an A.P.B. on those Tutman goons, I'll give you the prettiest apology I've ever given to a white boy. One A.P.B. coming up. You know, and judging from the hideous leftovers inside, I'd say we've found our killers. As for you, you're going to the hospital. Now come on. Let's go. I want those two, Shepard, and I want them now. Sheetar, have mercy. Sheetar, have mercy. The goddess, have mercy. Goddess, have mercy. Georgie, pull out the dead mortal's brains, and gently place me inside. Sheetar, have mercy. Sheetar, have mercy. Ah, yes. Perfect fit. Excellent. Okeydokey, Mikey. Michael, you must perform the ceremony to resurrect Sheetar. O, Sheetar, mother of a dark, new age, accept this humble servant as your priest and guide. Michael, the final incantations are yours. Good luck, and Sheetar be with you. Yes! Hah hah! Blood river dance It starts to bleed Give a little squeeze Body is getting over I aim to please Don't be ashamed, baby Don't be ashamed, yeah Your mama Your mama! Your mama Your mama! Would do the same Would do the same! Your mama'd do the same Your mama'd do the same Your mama'd do the same Your mama'd do the same Everybody get some Everybody get some Everybody get some now Everybody get some... That's it. There is no more. Ohh. Where are those guys? Damn. 1,2,3,4 Oww! Super bad All right Oh, yeah, oww Hah, hey Everybody get some Oh, yeah, hey Everybody get some now Hunh! Everybody get some Ooh-ah Everybody get some now Huhh Everybody get some Oww Everybody get some Everybody get some Oww Everybody get some now Ooh-ey Yeah! Oh, yeah All right Oh, yeah, oww... "Therefore, I, the lord, "justify you and your brethren of my church "in defending that law which is constitutional law of the land." What's wrong? "And as pertaining to law of man", - "if so ever..." - I don't know. I don't feel so good. What's the matter? Are you okay? Stew looks good. Eat meat. Want meat. Everybody get some now... "Nevertheless", "when the wicked people rule, - "law shall also make you free." - Feelin' down... Meat. The meat. Get down, little dude God, am I hungry. The sooner you find that van, the sooner you'll eat. 1187, clear. 187, clear. Hold it. There it is. Double trouble. You motherfuckers, get back down! That's the back entrance to the Club Dread. Call for reinforcements now. Now wait. Just a minute. Don't mess with me, Shepard. I need your help. Do you still request a radio unit? Baker 7793, come over. Get them mules hitched up. Yea-ha I' Stud pony Let's kick in the stall, stall, stall - Stud pony! - Stud pony! Let's kick in the stall, stall, stall 'Cause I can pet you And I can scratch your nose They feed you carrots They watch you grow and grow... "What are we to understand by the four beasts of Sheetar" "spoken of in the same verse?" "We have figured of expressions used by the revelative..." "describing Heaven, the paradise of God, the happiness of Sheetar." Sheetar, the dark side of Jupiter commands you. Awake, and take your vengeance! Awake, and begin to feed. Awake! Sheetar, wake up! We get killers in here all the time. The point is, as I said before, if you don't have a warrant, you gotta pay the cover charge. Is this enough? Stud pony, stud pony Stud pony, stud pony Stud pony, stud pony Stud pony Kick in the stall, stall, stall - Kick in the stall - Stall He wants it all - He wants it all - Wants it all Wants it all - All Crazy. What's that? Look. Over there. Sheetar, wake up! Die! Die! Die! Yeah... Sheetar... awake, and claim your vengeance now! - Ohh! - Sheetar! I, your humble servant... Respectfully offer your first meal on Earth! No! Ahh! Stud pony, stud pony Stud pony, stud pony Stud pony Kick in the stall He wants it all Die! Die! Die! You don't say Ohh Yeah Ohh Yeah, yeah - Yeah, yeah, yeah Goddess of evil! Use your powers of Jupiter to invoke your vengeance! You freak! I couldn't find a parking place. Get those two onstage. Pretty wild, huh? Yeah, but it's making my ears hurt. What? I said I think my ears are gonna explode. Excellent! In the stall, in the stall Kick in the stall He wants it all He wants it all, wants it all Come on, little stud Stud pony, kick in the stall Stall, stall Yes-haw I' Die! Die! Die Stud pony, stud pony Over there! - No! - Let's do this. No! No! Cover me! No! No! Stop it! This isn't going to hurt a bit. No! No! Wake up. Mikey, wake up! Get her out of here. No! No! Please don't! - You killed my brother! - Aah! Stop! Stop! Hurts! No, really hurts! Stop it! Stop! Kill you! No, please! Please don't! No! No! Please no! No! You killed my brother! Oh, no! I'm gonna feed your head to Sheetar! No, don't! Please! Please don't! Please! Hey, gruesome, look up. Please! Ahh! Come on, Shepard. Let's get out of here. You okay? Yeah, okay. Just fine. How you doing, Shepard? Okay for a white boy. - Everybody dead? - I'm not so sure about that mean and ugly thing on the bandstand, but everybody else is. Good. You two did a fine job. Maybe the streets will be safe from fiends and freakos for a while. Shepard, get on the ambulance with a stamp and go. Jackson, I'll expect a full report on my desk in the morning. Come on, Mark. I'll buy you a cup of the finest hospital coffee in town. Aw, you're so sweet. Ah, Sheena... Hey, baby, you in the red. Hey, blondie. Hey, you look kinda nice. You look good. You ought to come home with me tonight. Huh? All right. Come on in, honey. Come on in, honey. I'm hot, bothered, and horny. Hey, baby. Right before I stick my big sausage in ya, what do they call ya? They call me Sheetar. - Ba-doop - Whop doo-wah doo-wah - Da-doo - Whop doo-wah-da doo-wop Listen, sugar, honey Listen to me I-I-I need your lovin' Now, can't you see? - Let's do it - Let's do it - Do it, do it - Let's do it - Let's do it - Let's do it Let's do it, oh - Ahh Baby, let's make some love Baby, let's make some love Oh, Oh, Oh Hold me, and kiss me, and squeeze me tight I want your lovin' all day and night - Let's do it - Let's do it - Do it, do it - Let's do it - Let's do it - Let's do it Let's do it, oh - Ahh Baby, let's make some love Baby, let's make some love - Ba-doop - Whop doo-wah doo-wah - Da-doo - Whop doo-wah doo-wah - Ba-doop - Whop doo-wah-da doo-wop I want you, I want you, I want you so I need you, I need you, I need you so I love you, I love you, I love you so Yes, I do Sugar, honey, listen to me Now, you're so fine Mellow as a dream Y'all got peaches I've got the cream - Let's do it - Let's do it - Do it, do it - Let's do it Let's do it, oh - Ahh Baby, let's make some love Baby, let's make some love Ba-da-da da da da da Ba-da-da-da da da da da Ba-da-da da da da da Ba-da-da-da da da da da Ba-da-da da da da da Ba-da-da-da da da da da Ba-da-da da da da da Ba-da-da-da da da doo-wop I love you, baby I'll tell you why When you thrill me Holler, "Oh, my" - Let's do it - Let's do it - Do it, do it - Let's do it Let's do it, oh - Ahh Baby, let's make some love Baby, let's make some love Ohh, Ohh, Ohh, Ohh Baby, let's make some love Aw, come on, baby Baby, let's make some love Let's make a little love Baby, let's make some love Aw, come on, baby, love me, love me tonight |
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