1
[music playing]
Trick or treat.
[scream]
Mom, why do we
watch these movies?
Maybe because we're
not supposed to.
And they're fun.
I thought these
movies were scary.
They are... so scary
that most people would
close their eyes or run away.
But we don't.
When the shadows are dark,
and the music is creepy,
and you know you should close
your eyes, we take a peek...
boo!... and laugh
because now you know.
Know what?
That you're stronger than
anything you're afraid of.
Pretty cheesy, Mom.
I'm going to
check in on Jeanie.
OK.
You two continue to
scare yourself silly.
Thanks, babe.
Chocolate milk?
Yeah.
[suspenseful music playing]
[muffled scream]
Mom?
No jumping out at me, OK?
Mom?
[suspenseful music playing]
FATHER: Honey?
Dax?
Dax!
[gunshot]
Don't look, Dax.
Don't look!
[gunshot]
[rock music playing]
Easy boy, Karloff.
"Blood feast."
It actually sounds
kind of boring.
Boring?
Come on, Sis.
"Blood Feast" is
a Herschell Gordon
Lewis cinematic classic, OK?
Blood Fest, the thing
that I'm going to,
is the greatest horror
event of all time.
It's gonna suck.
Whatever, Jayme.
DR. CONWAY: Dax?
Will you come to
my office, please?
(MUMBLING) Hey,
shut the fuck up.
Cheers!
Hey, you, uh,
wanting to see me?
You know, I'm being
interviewed on Network News
tonight.
It's kind of a big deal.
I really want you to be there.
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
I... I'll, uh, I'll try to come.
I'm going to be talking
about Blood Fest...
how I and my family are
totally opposed to it,
how no child of mine would
ever set foot on those grounds.
You understand?
Mm-hmm.
Good.
Then, uh, you won't
be needing this.
Wait a minute, I...
look, I think I'm old enough
to make my own decision.
You live in my house.
I don't understand this
obsession with violence, Dax.
Dad, it's... it's movies.
I don't know what to tell you.
It poses as
entertainment, but it's
these kind of movies that drove
my patient to kill your mother.
How do you not see that?
This isn't about her.
Please, don't... don't do that.
Blood Fest is a gathering
of freaks and degenerates
celebrating mindless
violence and gore.
ANTHONY WALSH: Blood
Fest is the gathering
of freaks and
degenerates celebrating
mindless violence and gore.
It's going to be extraordinary!
ANNOUNCER: Blood!
Blood!
Blood Fest!
Legendary field
producer, movie promoter,
and lover of all things
horrific, Anthony Walsh,
invites you to
run for your life!
Blood Fest!
ANTHONY WALSH: We've taken a
700-acre ranch in the middle
of nowhere and recreated
the most iconic
of cinematic horror locales.
Don't miss the biggest
names in horror,
celebrity panels, and the
most outrageous parties.
Recent additions include
the Original Arborist, Roger
Hinckley, the cast and
crew of "Hell's Nest,"
and late night karaoke
with Zachary Levi.
Get inside the gates before
sundown Halloween night.
ANNOUNCER (ON COMPUTER): Blood!
Blood!
Blood Fest!
Brought to you by
Walsh Corporation.
You've got to
stop watching that.
You're torturing yourself.
We'll find another ticket.
The whole thing has
been sold out for months.
Scalpers are charging more
money than I have pores.
Yo!
Yo!
Yo!
Y'all see my Overwatch post?
I hacked the game code, got
all badass on ultimate skills.
Three new subscribers.
None of them relatives.
Boom, boom, bah.
Morning, Krill.
I'm now ready to forsake
my virtual multiverses
for a weekend of Blood Fest.
Plus, I think it's
time that I find
the extraordinary lady worthy
enough to de-flower me,
the Krill.
It's mind boggling that no
one has snatched you up yet.
I know, right?
That's what I'm saying.
It's crazy out here.
It's crazy out here
in this world, man.
Where... what... what... what...
what's up with him?
His dad found his wristband.
You guys just go
ahead without me.
Maybe you should call Ashley.
She could probably get you in.
Oh, please don't
mention her, dude.
There's a "Hell's Nest"
panel at Blood Fest.
She probably has an extra pass.
I... I... I can't...
I can't believe... It's so wrong.
Ashley Spats... Ashley
Spats is at Blood Fest.
And I'm stuck here.
You know, Ashley who thought
"Black Christmas" was
a Tyler Perry holiday movie.
You know, sh... sh... she refuses
to watch "Seven," because she
didn't see the first six.
OK.
She thought that
"28 Days Later"
was a... was a health doc about
the fucking menstrual cycle.
Dax, you're pitiful.
Here's something
that you really want,
and you're going to
let your dad stop you?
He's a... he's a scary guy.
Everyone's dad is a scary guy.
Nut up.
You were made for Blood Fest.
Blood Fest.
I'll call her.
You happy?
Yeah.
That's what I'm talking about!
Pow!
[cell phone ringing]
Dax.
DAX (ON PHONE): Hey!
Ashley!
Long time no nothing.
DAX (ON PHONE): I just
wanted to congratulate you on
your new movie, "Hell's Nest."
Looks like it's
going to be awesome.
So you're... you're a...
you're an actor in it, right?
You're... oh, God... wha...
wha... what are you...
what are you playing again?
Topless girl number four.
Topless girl number
four, that's it.
It's a key role.
It's no topless
girl number three.
I'd kill for topless
girl number three.
Well, you're in a movie.
That's awesome.
You're making your
dreams come true.
Uh, if you need, uh,
a ride to... uh, to...
Blood Fest, you're more
than welcome to, uh...
Uh, I'm actually here already,
you know, to emotionally
prepare for the fans.
I'm trying to find a way in.
They have more barbed wire
here than an S&M summer camp.
Wait, Ashely, the...
the reason I'm calling...
What's taking him so long?
Why doesn't he just ask her?
I've known Dax a long time.
He survived some hard stuff.
And he's got his pride.
Dax is not going a
coward just so he can...
Please, Ashley, just...
just get me through the door!
I'm literally on my
knees begging you, look.
That's me begging.
Do you get it?
Scratch that.
He's cookie dough.
Let's go to Blood Fest!
SAM: Why all the rules?
Freddy only kills in
dreams, virgins survive.
Michael won't just build a
dirty bomb and kill them all.
These rules.
DAX: You've got to have rules.
Otherwise, death
would be random...
just chaotic and meaningless.
SAM: That's life.
DAX: If movies were life,
no one would buy a ticket.
[music playing]
ANNOUNCER: Blood Fest gates
are closing in one minute!
Come on!
The gates are closing!
Let's go!
This is gonna be the
best night of my life.
SAM: Come on, Dax!
[music playing]
Please have your
wristbands on and visible.
This is so beautiful.
It's like some twisted
and horrific heaven.
Tone it back, boys.
Hi.
Hey.
Wristband.
I'm actually supposed to
be meaning someone here.
Dax.
Oh, she's right there.
Whoa.
LENJAMIN: Oh, it's cool.
He's with me.
Thanks.
Ashley, you are a lifesaver.
This is Lenjamin Cain,
director of "Hell's Nest."
He's why you're here.
Thanks, baby.
Appreciate it.
Uh-huh.
It's my pleasure.
It's my pleasure to help out.
Uh, babe, I'm sorry,
but why is this fanboy
getting in under my name?
He's a friend.
And besides, you did it for
me, your little pooky pokey
pooky bear.
LENJAMIN: Oh, yeah?
ASHLEY: Yeah.
Rawr.
LENJAMIN: Pooky
bear needs a poke?
I'm a naughty bear.
Uh, OK.
Uh, well, thanks very much
for getting me in, Lenjamin.
And congratulations on the film.
Oh, thank you so much.
It's... it's shit.
It's the shit.
It's the shit.
I left out that article.
I got to ask you to leave.
I'm messing with you.
Oh, OK.
I'm messing with you.
Yeah, you're going
to love the film.
When it comes out,
everybody's going to love it.
Ashley's great in it.
- Stacked.
- Really?
We need to go.
Namaste.
OK.
That was awkward.
That's my balloons.
[music playing]
Clown Town?
That's not even funny.
We're not going there.
We're going everywhere, dude.
You don't like clowns?
You know I don't like clowns!
[music playing]
Nice balloons.
She's the one.
She's the one I will
lay with tonight.
SAM: Lucky girl.
Someone should tell her.
KRILL: Why do you joke?
Oh, my God...
the Arborist.
SAM: Whoa, he trimmed the beard.
KRILL: Dax, you've
got to go meet him.
It's the Arborist!
Roger Hinckley, you, sir,
are the scariest man alive.
Hey, check it out.
I got a, uh, tattoo.
Oh.
Arbor Day?
Between you and me though, part
four is my favorite, all right?
Never saw it.
Part four?
Never saw any of them.
You've never seen
any of your own films?
I don't like scary movies, OK?
It's too much gore.
The sight of blood
just makes me want to...
I used to puke after every take.
Wou... would it
be too much to ask
if you'd possibly do the
Arborist catchphrase for me?
Yeah.
It would be.
Hey, a big fan.
I actually disemboweled you in a
modded version of Mortal Kombat
the other day.
Um, dude, let's go.
The kick-off party's
about to start.
Asshole.
DAX: That was devastating.
SAM: Never meet your heroes.
It's always a letdown.
This should cheer you up.
[cheering]
[music playing]
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
five, four, three, two, one!
[applause]
[applause]
I've got a question!
Who wants some horror!
[applause]
Inside these gates,
we have re-created all
your cinematic scare-scapes...
from summer camps to
asylums to circuses!
Clowns, not the clowns.
Every monster or maniac
to ever spill blood
on the silver screen
has been granted
a portion of these grounds.
And it's all for you.
I want this man to adopt me.
But children... children,
we have a problem.
Horror is dead.
I mean, look around you!
Our vampires glitter!
Our zombies have become
soap opera stars!
Our slashers have
grown dull and old.
We put Freddy on a lunchbox!
We put Lovecraft
in a coloring book!
We have overconsumed
and overproduced,
and we have taken what was
forbidden, what was dangerous,
and we have made it common.
Wanna make movies scary again?
[cheering]
Wanna do it tonight?
Yeah!
Wanna make a horror movie
to end all horror movies?
Ladies and gentleman!
I give you Red!
[cheering]
Let me introduce you to your
new favorite nightmare, your
dark id, your boner for blood.
And if you come up on
stage, he will kill you.
Any volunteers?
Uh, should I?
You two girls, come on up!
Wonderful!
Give them a round of applause!
[applause]
Oh, my... oh, my god.
It's... it's them.
- It's them.
- It's your soulmate.
KRILL: Yeah!
Don't be shy!
You look beautiful!
Ladies, meet Red!
Oh.
[cheering]
That was amazing!
That was... that
was pretty good.
[suspenseful music]
So when do you start filming?
Oh, we're already filming.
[chainsaw starts]
And the best part?
This shit's for real!
[screams]
We gotta run now!
Go!
Welcome to Blood
Fest, mother fuckers!
Guys!
It's special effects!
All the blood is fake!
What are you running for?
Oh, shit!
Hey guys!
I'm running from the pigheads.
Not the kind you think.
Not the usual kind.
These have chainsaws!
Hey!
Come and get it!
No.
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!
No!
No!
No!
And remember, there's
no horror without hope!
If you know the rules,
you just might make it!
The rest of you are dead!
Everyone's going
to the main gate.
It's going to be a death trap.
This way!
[screams]
DAX: I can't see a thing.
SAM: Found a light.
Oh!
Oh my God!
Did you hear something?
Yeah.
Besides chainsaws,
death screams, and me
pissing my fucking pants!
No, there's something.
It's over there.
[suspenseful music]
Wh... wh... wh... wh... wha...
wha... what are you doing?
You can't open that door!
It'll be like a
cat or like a rake.
And then we'll all
breathe a sigh of relief.
And then something will pounce
from the other direction!
James Wan has made a
career on that shit, Dax!
Please don't!
Shut up, Krill!
Please!
[suspenseful music]
KRILL: See?
I fucking said so!
Ashley!
No signal.
How fucking cliche is that?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
And my vape's down.
Perfect night.
OK, let's calm
down, and let's think.
There's got to be
another way out of here.
The gate is locked, and
the fence is electric.
There's pigs with chainsaws.
We're dead!
Do you think the back
gate is locked too?
What back gate?
Well, I got here early, and
the doors were still shut.
And there was this
yellow warehouse
thing with a back door.
It was sealed shut, but
some guy gave me this,
and it opened right up.
It's not going to open now.
The whole place is locked down.
Hey, this a crypto-processor.
We use this on Doomlarp!
Doomlarp?
Jesus!
Geek!
Fuck!
I can hack this.
If you get me to the back
gate, I'll get it open.
We can do this.
Sorry.
It's on the other side of the
grounds near the circus stuff.
My God!
Fucking Clown Town!
Are you fucking serious?
All right, so, we are
by the main entrance.
Clown Town is here.
Yeah, we just gotta move quick.
Stay quiet.
You have flashlights?
I always have flashlights.
So you want to hike through
700 acres of nightmare filled
with those pig fuck
butchers and any other freak
that Walsh has cooked
up for the slim chance
that Mr. Robot here can
hack open a back door.
You got any other plans?
Uh, you turds go and get help.
Me and Ashley are staying
here where it's safe.
What?
DAX: No, we can't do that.
It's a bad idea.
Wa... Walsh said
follow the rules.
What rules?
Dude, ru... rules of the
genre, rules of the subgenres,
the tropes, the principles.
Rule number one is... is
don't split up, dude.
You... you seen a film before?
I don't see movies.
I make them.
Babe, I got a signal.
911 DISPATCHER (ON PHONE):
911, what's your emergency?
Uh, yeah, I'm at Blood Fest.
We're trapped on the
festival grounds,
and people are
being slaughtered.
I need immediate
assistance for two people.
911 DISPATCHER (ON PHONE):
We have your location.
Someone is on the way.
Thank you very much.
My name is Lenjamin Cain,
and I'm a film director.
And I'm a celebrity.
And I'm with an
up-and-coming actress, so...
- Coming actress.
- I'm with the coming actress.
So if that will speed things
up at all, that would be great.
911 DISPATCHER (ON
PHONE): Stay calm.
Remain where you are.
And if you can,
go fuck yourself.
What was that?
911 DISPATCHER (ON PHONE): If
you are able and so inclined,
put your penis between your
legs and into your anus.
Then proceed to fuck yourself.
And how would that help us?
No one's coming.
911 DISPATCHER (ON
PHONE): Oh, don't worry.
Someone should be
there any moment.
[chainsaw revving]
[screams]
Move!
Move!
Go!
Go!
Go!
Go!
Go!
Come on!
Through the door!
Don't rush me!
Anything else I
can assist you with?
Thank you for using 911.
So that was a pleasant start.
Billy, I want you to
double-check the outer fences,
get the voltage up to 700-plus.
Amy, let's talk Clown Town.
I want to see those
freaks all riled up.
They're riled up, sir.
OK, make sure you catch any
call that tries to get out.
But on a few of
them, play it cool.
I at least put some people to
think that help is on the way.
Why?
I mean, doesn't it seem
kind of cruel just to give
people a false sense of hope?
What if I told you that
you were going to die
tonight no matter what you did?
What would you feel?
Despair.
Despair.
Now what if I told
you, you had a chance
but only, only if you made all
the right calls, only if you
took all the right
steps, only you
dug down deep inside
your soul and you
found some hidden strength
you never even knew you had?
How would you feel then?
Motivated.
Motivation.
It's what every character needs.
[music playing]
DAX: I'm telling you, there
are rules you have to follow,
like don't chant
anything in Latin.
Don't get naked.
Never be alone with a doll...
those kinds of things.
ASHLEY: These rules
are ridiculous.
Ashley, Ashley,
Ashley, Ashley.
Let me see that badge.
Yeah, I think I
should hold on this.
Why?
Because I don't
trust the monster squad
to get us out of here alive.
Are we going backwards?
It's upside down.
Do you trust me?
Babe, no.
You're an actress.
All right, let's keep moving.
Well, uh, wh... wh... whoa!
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Maybe we should double-back
and find a different route.
Double-back?
This is a straight shot.
Oh, wait.
You don't think we're going
to wake the dead, you know?
Like get attacked by zombies?
Maybe.
Are you serious?
You're right.
We should be really respectful.
Excuse me, sir or madam,
I'm so sorry to tread
on your forever resting place.
[evil chuckle]
Those are props.
This is not a real
graveyard, OK?
Do you honestly think
that Walsh wouldn't spring
for real tombstones
but went ahead
and got a boatload
of corpses from...
God knows where you get corpses!
And then he figured out
a way to animate them.
And then he buried
them here in the hopes
that we would come
tromping through
and make a little too
much noise, wake the dead,
and get attacked by zombies.
Well, there's no such
thing as zombies!
What?
It's just... that's
usually when...
when something happens to you.
Like what?
Ah!
That.
Lenjamin!
[screams]
Maybe he's OK.
[belch]
ASHLEY: Oh!
Maybe not!
[music playing]
The cabin!
The cabin!
Go!
DAX: Go!
SAM: This way!
Oh, my God!
It smells like dead people!
Smells like dead people!
DAX: Come on!
Quickly!
Get the door!
Get the door!
KRILL: Go!
Get the doorbell!
Hello!
Help us!
HINCKLEY: I'm sorry!
We're all full!
I'm sorry there's no
more room in here!
What?
HINCKLEY: We have a...
we have a pregnant
woman in here.
And, uh, we have...
actually, we have two
pregnant women in here and...
DAX: Hinckley.
Barricade the door.
I was...
I was trying to open the lock.
The lock was kind of tricky.
He's gone.
He's gone.
And he was going to
direct a rom-com.
I was going to be the rom!
Dax!
What do we do?
How should I know?
Huh?
We're probably all dead.
And not just die in our sleep
dead, which is bad enough,
but "being eaten
alive by zombies,"
screaming, "waiting for
it all to end" dead.
SAM: Hey, can I have a minute?
KRILL: You'll be OK.
Don't cry.
SAM: That is not helping.
OK, we need to come
up with a plan.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know shit!
Dax!
All you know is shit!
But that shit is of
particular value right now!
We've got a dozen
horror movies between us
and actually
surviving this mess.
Walsh is using every
trope in the book.
Jesus, if I was a
virgin, I'd probably
have a fighting chance.
You're not a virgin?
The point is that no one knows
these movies better than you.
So we need you to
pull it together
and help us get out of here.
OK, OK.
All right.
Let's think here.
OK, so what are we
dealing with here?
Huh?
Nothing outside
was running, right?
No Snyders?
No Boyles?
OK.
We know how to kill them.
HINCKLEY: How?
KRILL: Oh, shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
If this goes all Evil
Dead, I'm gonna pop!
The zombies are coming!
[screaming]
Oh, my God!
Hit him in the head!
Dax!
Somebody!
Get him...
A hit to the head
takes them down.
Wouldn't that kill anything?
This is a GoPro.
Walsh... he's filming us.
KRILL: Oh, oh!
Jesus.
Ah!
These... these things
are electrodes.
Those things resurrect the dead.
He's controlling them.
[suspenseful music]
I think I know where
the signal's coming from.
Let's move.
[zombies growling]
Faster, faster, move faster!
Go, go, go!
Come on.
VIDEO GAME: Great!
Powered up!
Zombie needs food fast!
Time to nom-nom, zom!
How's it going, guys?
Need anything?
Doritos?
Red Bull?
Corn syrup?
No, but these
super real graphics
are hella cheesing, my dude.
Also, my guys are moving slow.
Well... he's a zombie.
Yeah, that's boring.
When are we going
to play the victims?
Soon.
I promise.
[zombies growling]
DAX: Oh, shit!
Here they come!
[banging]
OK, yeah, got it.
[suspenseful music]
Excuse me...
Oh, shit.
Uh...
You have to hit
him in the head!
I'm not going to hit a corpse!
That's disgusting!
Oh, my God!
Oh!
Oh, my God!
Get away!
Oh, my God!
How's it coming, Dax?
Blue, green,
red, another red...
- instructions maybe.
- Do something!
There's too many wires!
All right?
Which one do I pull?
It's not a bomb!
Just pull them all!
George Romero, if you're
out there, save us.
[panting]
What?
Yo!
That's some bullshit!
A... are there autosaves?
Oh!
- They're dead?
- Oh!
Fuck!
They were dead before!
Come on.
We gotta get moving.
Let's... let's go!
Quick
Question do you mind
if I just tag along?
Are you... are you kidding?
Well, it just occurs
to me that the guy
that gets left behind is
usually the next one to bite it.
I mean, at least that's
the Arborist's MO.
Huh, you have seen the movies.
I read the scripts...
once.
Everyone deserves a
chance at redemption.
Come on.
[music playing]
Billy!
I'm going to need you to
fix that zombie transmitter.
While you're at it,
add a few extra dead.
God knows we have the corpses.
Sir, may I remind
you your partner
didn't authorize any repairs
after the first death?
Yes, but he's
not here right now.
And I am.
And I'm trying to make a movie!
Huh?
Cultists!
Go wide!
Go wide on the cultists!
Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Now smash cut to the yeti.
Oh, good.
You see how you juxtapose the
two, and you tell a story?
Oh, my God!
He is eating her face!
Oh!
Oh, my God!
That is deliciously disgusting.
Oh!
How do you do all this?
Like how do you get
all these participants?
Oh, it took a lot of work...
years of it.
I found some scary people.
And the homicidal maniacs?
You take a clinically damaged
mind, you force him to watch
one movie continuously.
Eventually, the movie mythos
becomes the man's mythos.
Eventually, the movie world
becomes the man's world.
You tell him he's
Leatherface, he's Leatherface.
The clowns I found
on Craigslist.
Uh, hey, sorry
about your boyfriend.
He wasn't my boyfriend...
not really.
Next time a director's
casting couch is a futon,
I'm walking the other way.
Futon?
Kind of reminds me of April
Showers from Arbor Day 4.
10 years ago, there was the
Arbor Day massacre, right?
And Hodderton High has
still not recovered.
So spring break at
Hodderton High, right?
School is closed, but the
botany class stays behind
for some extracurricular fun.
God, this is some of the best
kills of the series, man.
I mean, that one where you
drown that guy in a tub of sap.
Fuck!
I mean, shit!
That was horrifying!
So slow.
So sticky.
That was my idea.
What?
Oh, yeah.
The director, he
wanted to move on.
He wanted to just smash some
skulls, keep going... faster.
I said, no, no, no,
let's slow this down, OK?
Because the arborist would
take his time, like a tree.
I knew it.
Knew what?
I knew that you knew
more about the films
than you were letting on.
Come on, dude!
Just do the catchphrase
for me once!
Please!
Just once!
Come on!
I hate Arbor Day.
You don't!
How can you hate it?
I mean, you go to these
conventions all the time.
You did six films
for fuck's sake!
I am an actor, OK?
- I'm a serious actor.
- You guys?
Arbor Day was my
first fucking movie.
Somebody said me, "Hey, Roger.
You want to wear a mask?"
I said, "A mask?
Are you kidding?
I want to see my face!
I want to see my God damn
face on that big screen!"
If I had hidden my face, I
would've been able to move on.
But, no.
No, this is the
face of tree horror.
Guys!
Guys!
I... I... I think
someone's watching us!
Fuck me.
[music playing]
Ah!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
[zombie growling]
[screaming]
Go!
Go!
Oh, my God!
Ah!
Did you see that guy?
Oh, my God!
You played that guy?
Why is he so much
bigger than you?
I lost a lot of
weight, all right?
Plus, I have a thyroid issue.
I used to just eat a lot.
Wait, did you guys
see where Krill went?
He... he got away.
He went the other direction.
We should get in.
Come on.
It's Hodderton High.
You killed like 12 people
here in the original film.
I didn't kill anybody!
OK, let's just get inside!
Hey, that's... that's
not such a good idea.
We don't have a choice, Dax!
Did you watch the movie?
Hello!
Wait, there's someone inside!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Thank you.
Thank you!
Oh, thank you!
Wait, I know you.
You're Zachary Levi.
The karaoke guy?
Listen, I think we're
going to safe, all right?
The windows are all secured.
The door is locked.
Flynn Ryder!
You're Flynn fucking Ryder!
You've never
seen a single film,
but you've seen "Tangled."
Maybe.
Are you... are you alone?
I was...
I was... I was with my friends,
some of my closest friends.
We stuck together
when things got nutty.
We made it through the woods.
And then we were
attacked by these
crazed cannibal hillbillies.
They tracked us down.
They hunted us.
They were killing and
eating my friends...
I think about
Flynn Ryder a lot.
I mean... a lot.
It was the saddest,
most terrifying
thing I've ever witnessed.
Like, I couldn't believe...
When Flynn smolders
at Rapunzel, I felt...
I don't know... humid.
There's this one gi... there
was a girl that I loved...
actually, she was
the love of my life...
and I didn't have a chance
to tell her, because we were
trying to run to the school.
Right before we got in the
door, they grabbed her.
And they started
to tear her apart.
- My hair is magical.
- It was...
Well, sometimes magical.
OK, let's focus.
I'm so sorry
about your friends.
Is this place safe?
Like I said, the
windows were all sealed,
and I've locked all the doors.
Without this key right
here, there's no way in.
Or out.
Well, of course, but we
wouldn't want to go out...
Flynn Ryder!
[screaming]
The classroom.
Go, go, go, go go!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
[MUSIC - SMASH MOUTH, "ALL
STAR"]
Somebody once told me the
world is gonna roll me.
I ain't the sharpest
tool in the shed.
Yo!
What up, dude?
Welcome to the party, bro!
GUY: What's up, dude?
Don't you know
what's going on?
People are dying!
It's Blood Fest, dude!
GUY: Fucking Blood Fest, bro.
No, I mean actually
getting killed.
Walsh made everything real...
the monsters, everything.
Oh, really?
He's created werewolves,
ghosts, vampires.
Oh, yeah.
It sounds like somebody dipped
into the K-2 a little early.
[laughter]
Dork.
If we don't get that key,
we're not going out of here.
I am not going to be
murdered by the Arborist!
That is just too fucking ironic!
Every... every answer is
in the origin story, right?
Jason's drowning,
Freddy's burning.
I got it.
Tommy Wakes.
- Tommy who?
- Tommy.
You!
The Arborist.
Oh, sure.
Good.
Guys...
So your dad was
the school arborist,
and you watched as some
teenagers accidentally
killed your father
and then used a wood
chipper to bury the body.
Jesus.
Yeah, you grew up alone in
the woods, raised by the trees.
Is... is that in the movie?
It's implied.
What about that scar?
What about that alien mark that
shows that I'm their spawn?
No, no, no, no.
That's part five, mistake.
In part six, they pretend
it never happened, right?
Faster.
OK, uh, all right.
You are solely killing to
avenge your father's death.
I'm not lying.
It... it... it's true.
Walsh somehow made
monsters real.
I don't know how
to explain this.
Well, I suppose vampires
would be simple enough.
There's a way out...
a back gate.
If I could just get to
the others, we'll be...
You would just lure
girls from Eastern
Europe with promises of visas
and high-paying American jobs.
Uh, yeah, I mean,
America's great for that.
And then you would
surgically sharpen their teeth.
And you would chemically
stimulate glands,
so they produce abnormal
amounts of pheromones,
making them sexually
irresistible.
Wow.
You are really pretty.
And then finally, you would
infect them with a chronic case
of porphyria.
Wh... what is that?
It's a rare disease
resulting in insomnia,
heightened sensitivity to light,
and an unquenchable thirst
for blood.
Is that a real thing?
Look it up.
[screaming]
Oh.
I... I'm sorry.
I... I'm not going to stay.
You're such a neat girl.
I really would love to stay here
and maybe have sex with you.
I really would.
I just...
You've never be with a woman.
Not in person, no.
Look, my friends are out
there, and they might need me.
Oh!
Such loyalty!
Such innocence.
You could come with us.
I mean, maybe...
there's a way out.
- No, get away.
- No, don't.
- Please...
- No!
Go!
OK.
Go!
I'm sorry.
I suck with girls.
So here's what
you're gonna do.
You are going to distract him
by pretending to be his dad.
- Whose dad?
- Your dad.
My dad.
Yeah, his dad.
He's, uh, he's a... he's a
complicated character, right?
A tragic soul, a ghostly
patriarch reaching out
to his troubled son.
It's Hamlet's father.
It's the role you
were born to play.
Son.
I am so... so proud of you.
You have avenged me, honored me.
You have ripped up all
the diseased roots.
You've thrashed all the weeds.
You've cleared the garden
of all the fickle growth
so that a true tree may thrive!
That tree is you.
He's amazing.
My son, you may rest now.
Your work is done.
Give me the trimmer.
That's it.
Well done, Timmy.
Tommy.
Tommy.
[growls]
Hey, tree hugger!
Oh!
Got it!
It's sticky.
Take it.
- Oh, shit.
- Dax!
- Dax!
- Go, go, go!
Run!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
I'm going as fast as I can.
[yelling]
Holy... Holy shit!
Hey, look, I'm sorry,
but I killed your ass!
Woo!
Woo!
That's what I'm talking about!
Woo!
The virgin took him out!
You're the best!
Oh, hi.
Hey.
Are you OK?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Hey, this goes down.
So?
It could be a tunnel
system for maintenance
for the grounds.
Do you think it's
safer down there?
Would you rather be in
Blood Fest or below it?
It's locked.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I can unlock this.
You have a lock-picking kit?
You don't?
Of course.
That was some amazing
directing back there.
Where did you get those skills?
I've seen a lot of movies.
And my mom, she loved
them, and especially
the black and white ones.
You know, Universal, Val Lewton.
We used to watch them all night.
Huh.
Well, that is some A-plus
parenting right there.
I mean...
She was murdered.
What?
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
Jesus.
It's fine.
You know, for a while,
I was so afraid.
Everything scared me...
everything except movies.
Now, movies I knew
that the blood
was fake, that the daggers
were made of rubber.
It was kind of like I could
play with fear, you know?
I could sit in the dark
for an hour or two.
I could scream, I
could jump, I could
laugh and know that
everything was going to be OK.
I don't know.
There's something honest
about those movies.
[chuckle]
Honest?
Those films are ridiculous!
In "Arbor Day,"
"Friday the 13th,"
"Halloween," it doesn't
matter where you run
or where you hide, death
is always going to get you.
And even if you do survive,
you'll just die in the sequel.
So death is inevitable?
That's the takeaway?
I don't know.
Gotta live while
you can, I guess.
Make the most of what
little screen time you got?
Is that what you do?
Live life to the fullest?
Not even close.
Who knew Arbor Day
was so life affirming!
[chuckles]
KRILL: Got it.
Uh, you first, Dax.
Hello?
Now this is pleasant.
Looks like the matinee crowd.
Where the hell are we?
Thought I'd be
safer down here.
Not safer, unsafer!
We gotta turn back, Dax!
No, we keep going.
Tortureville leads
to Clown Town.
Clowns!
Clowns!
And past Clown
Town is the service
gate Ashley came through.
We're close.
We're dead.
Just don't touch anything.
OK?
I owe you an apology.
If I hadn't hounded
you, you'd be at home
right now, safe on your couch.
Sam, is it
weren't for you, I'd
always be at home on my couch.
And I'd rather be right here...
with you.
MAN: Help!
Guys, guys, don't...
we shouldn't go that way.
It could be a trap.
MAN: Somebody!
Help!
I've seen too many
people died tonight.
No more.
Sam...
- Hey, let's...
- Hey, Sam!
Let's not...
TRAPPER: Please!
Help!
Somebody!
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
MR. LEADFOOT: When it strikes
12, the game is through.
These chains will
rip up a man in two.
Please, you got to
get me out of here.
But you... you worked her.
You... you're a part of this.
I sell fucking hot
dogs, scan bands.
I wasn't even paid!
I did it for a wristband.
Please, help me.
Wh... what do I do?
Over there against the wall.
There's a button in the box.
OK.
I got it.
You gotta hit them
at the same time.
Please hurry!
Ah!
Sorry.
What?
Sam?
Who the fuck is Mr. Leadfeet?
Come on.
In here.
Hey!
Hey, mother fucker!
Sam, what's going on?
Dax!
Uh!
So much blood.
Ah!
- Ah!
- What's happening?
I traded places with him.
It was dumb.
It was... it was so stupid.
What?
Oh, shit!
It won't budge!
We're fucking stuck.
We're stuck, Ash.
We're... Ashley?
We're never
getting out of here.
We are.
We are!
We just gotta get to
the other warehouse.
And I'll use the
card to hack it.
And we'll be free, I promise.
Lenjamin had it.
Oh, crap.
Um, OK.
We'll find another
way out of here.
I'm gonna to die.
And I can't die like this,
covered in dirt and filth
and Zachary Levi's blood on me!
You could always
take a shower.
You're right.
No, no, no, no, that's
actually not a good idea.
That's just what I need.
No, no, I was kidding.
Ashley, please.
Think about the rules.
I'm sick of the rules, Krill.
I'm sick of people
telling me what to do.
No, no!
Oh, my God.
Uh, hot water.
Thank God.
Uh!
That feels so good!
Oh, oh.
I thought you were
just washing your face.
You know, all my life, I've
acted the way other people
wanted me to act,
dressed the way
other people wanted me
to dress, wasted time
with dicks like Lenjamin Cain.
I'm gonna start doing
what I want to do.
Be with guys that
I want to be with.
Good guys.
Hey, Krill?
Yeah.
Do you think I'm shallow?
Shallow?
I'm just here because
I want to be famous.
How fucking shallow is that?
Well, I just came
here to get laid, so...
and hear... and hear you
speak at your panel.
I... I like hearing you talk.
I'd watch you on anything...
A Tommy Wiseau movie,
a driver's ed video.
I'd watch you in a
commercial for granola,
and I hate granola.
Hey, Krill.
Yeah?
Maybe we could still make
one of our dreams come true?
Stop!
OK, OK, OK, OK.
We, uh, we... we gotta
call help, right?
Maybe we should
trick somebody else.
No, no, no, no,
I won't do that!
You can't cheat time.
That just won't do.
But time will
always cheat on you.
[screams]
Sorry!
Oh, God.
Sam, what do I do?
- What do I do?
- Dax, I don't know!
OK?
I don't know!
This is going to hurt!
This is going to hurt!
- This is going to hurt!
- Dax!
Dax!
Dax!
OK?
Hey, you've got to
get them out of here.
Find that back gate.
Get the...
- [screams]
- Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey!
Listen to me.
I'm right here.
What can I do?
I'm scared.
It's OK.
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no, no...
Stop.
You were right.
Everybody gets a
shot at redemption.
You know, I think they're going
to need another poor bastard
to play Timmy Wakes.
Tommy.
Tommy.
About to get pruned, punk.
He said it.
The glorification of violence,
the over-sexualized crowds,
the rampant exploration of
humanity's darkest sides...
this is what horror gives us.
Horror begets horror,
especially in the...
especially in the young.
Are you all right, Dr. Conway?
Sorry, yeah.
Just my son was
supposed to join us.
I... I'm fine.
Doctor, perhaps you are
exaggerating the issue?
Blood Fest is a...
Blood Fest is a deadly
tragedy waiting to happen.
I wouldn't let my children...
I wouldn't let... excuse
me just for a minute.
We're actually
broadcasting live.
So... Dr. Conway?
Krill?
Ashley?
Have you tried...
Oh.
You are amazing.
Ashley!
- Where have you guys been?
- We were stuck in the bathroom.
We weren't doing anything.
Hinckley is dead.
Oh, God!
Yeah, we got to move now.
We got to get to this warehouse.
About that?
Lenjamin, he had the key card.
And you're only
telling us now.
I just thought another
solution would pop up.
Don't get mad at her!
I'm sure as hell
getting mad at her!
Dad was right!
All these monsters,
these nightmares...
and we paid for it.
We enjoy it.
And now it's going to kill us.
Speaking of.
Come on!
Go!
Go!
Go!
Go!
Which way?
Come on!
Go, go, go!
Come on!
Run!
- Hurry up!
- Go, go, go, go, go!
Right here!
- Come on!
- Come on!
Come on!
Block the door!
Block the door!
Block the door!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
These barrels are
rigged to blow!
These were all
over the grounds.
Up the ladder!
Go!
Go!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You don't go upstairs in
a fucking scary movie!
You do when
you're in a dungeon.
- Now just go!
- Come on!
Go, Krill!
You've got this!
Oh.
It smells like cotton
candy and death in here.
They get into the
skull just fine,
but they get stuck in there.
All the gears get gummed up.
OK, keep working on it.
Yes, sir.
Mac, talk to me!
Almost done cutting
the first half.
Little faster!
Kill your darlings!
Sir!
Sir!
The containment
system just failed.
We have principals leaving their
zones all over the grounds.
Life finds a way.
I'm on it.
Well, wait, wait, wait.
I've always loved a genre mash.
Let's just see what happens!
Not good.
Not good.
Not good.
Krill, calm down.
There's no one even in here.
We're OK.
[suspenseful music]
This is not good.
This is not good.
It's not good.
Ah!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
What do we do?
What are the rules?
There's no rules with clowns!
They'll cut your throat,
make a balloon animal,
and shit in your mouth.
They don't care!
I fucking hate them!
[evil laugh]
Oh, my God.
Ah!
[evil laugh]
We are so fucked.
Oh, dude!
Do you hear something?
Zombies!
Oh, my God!
[heavy metal music playing]
Let's move!
[evil laugh]
KRILL: The scissor
clown super clown!
Back off!
This one's mine!
Lenjamin?
Ashley!
No!
No!
Ash...
- What is she doing?
- Got it!
No, no, no!
Ashley!
Ashley!
No!
We gotta...
We gotta go.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Hey, boy!
How's it going in there?
Aw, dude!
This clown level
is fucking dope!
I noticed that you were...
[laughter]
...killing all my clowns, which
I'm kind of pisses me off.
I think it's time we unplugged.
Amy?
Thanks for playing, cockbites.
Oh, what a fucking chaod!
I think I see it.
The yellow warehouse...
just like she said.
We made it.
Let's get inside,
hack the door,
and get the hell out of here!
Hey!
You got out of there.
That's... that's great!
Son of a bitch!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Can we save kicking my ass
until we get out of here?
I know where the door is.
Huh?
I... I can't get it open.
You need a key
card or something.
- On it.
- Oh, God.
You have a key card, yes!
ALARM SYSTEM: Enter
security code.
Hold on.
DAX: Can you do it, Krill?
Yeah.
I can hack it.
I ju... I... I just need a second.
Come on.
Hey.
Check it out.
Don't jinx it, please.
[evil laugh]
Krill?
Yeah, I'm almost there.
Just wait.
Krill!
I got it.
Just... just one more second!
DAX: Krill!
What?
Hey.
It's cool.
It's cool.
I know her.
DAX: What?
Hey.
You made it.
I try to stay
away, but I couldn't.
Uh, my sweet little virgin.
Actually, I... never mind.
You have a little something...
You... you... you got it.
Run!
Run!
Run!
Ah!
No!
Krill!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck.
It didn't have to
be a wooden stake.
Seemed to do the trick, bitch.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
[screams]
Is going to be OK, all right?
Don't... don't...
don't say that.
Th... that usually
means I'm dead.
Oh, come on, man.
Come on, Krill.
We need you!
Come on, man.
You'll be OK.
The virgin always
survives, right?
Then... then I
guess I'm a dead man.
ALARM SYSTEM: Access granted.
It's open.
It's open!
[buzzing]
Oh, shit!
Dad?
Dax.
How did you...
- Everybody's dying in here!
- It's OK.
It's going to be all right.
Don't worry.
Yes!
You got a gun!
Dad, you' were right.
You were right about everything.
[muffled screams]
Sam!
Stop!
Shoot him!
Unload the fucking clip!
DAX: You'll hit her.
I will never do anything
that would hurt you, OK?
Do it.
Do it!
Do it!
DAX: What?
- Dad...
- It's OK, Dax.
You can look.
You're old enough.
[gunshot]
OK.
Jayme.
This is going to take
some time to process, Dax.
But I told you...
I told all of you...
these films, they're dangerous.
They're savage.
But you wouldn't listen.
None of you would listen!
Well, you'll listen now.
They'll never make
another horror
film again... not after tonight.
You did this because
you hate horror movies?
Horror killed my wife!
Horror killed your mother.
So tonight, I kill horror.
I'm going up to the tower.
This spectacle has
gone on long enough.
Take care of him.
Jayme, let her go.
You should've known, Dax.
Dad's been planning
this for years.
I've been helping.
But the masks, th...
th... the killing!
Dad's idea.
Kind of an
experiment... you know,
become the thing you fear,
and you won't feel afraid.
And I don't.
Truth is I don't feel
much of anything.
So are you going to
kill us too, or w...
No.
Maybe her.
I'm kidding!
But seriously, you should go.
Everyone else here
is going to die.
The door's unlocked.
You should go.
I'm going to help
Dad in the tower.
Jayme, w...
I know this is all...
I don't know... ultraviolent.
But I did warn you Blood
Fest was gonna suck.
Let's go.
Thank God it's Friday.
TGIF.
So...
Maybe we could go
grab queso or something.
You love queso?
I love queso...
all the dips.
All the dips?
Double-dip, triple-dip...
You can handle all that?
I can handle...
oh, oh!
What just happened?
Oh, no, no, no, no!
No fucking way!
Oh, that was close.
Hey!
Open the fucking gate!
Are you fucking kidding me?
Fuck!
I'm sorry.
This is all because of my dad.
OK, let's think, huh?
How do horror movies end?
There's got to be an answer.
It doesn't matter.
Some monster is going to
come out of the shadows
and kill us, rip us apart.
We might as well just
sit here and wait for it.
OK.
You know, my mom...
she always used
to say that I'm...
I'm stronger than
anything I'm afraid of.
It's bullshit.
We're going to die here.
Fuck you.
What?
Fuck you and your dead mom.
Whoa.
We've gone up against
clowns and zombies,
vampires, arborists, and
you're still afraid of Daddy?
Check it out, Dax.
This is life... right now.
And you can sit there
watching, or you
can get up and do something.
Hey, hey, hey,
where are you going?
There's one thing these
movies have taught me...
that you've taught me.
It's that you can't
run away from death.
So I won't.
I'm going to run right at it.
You want to stop Blood Fest?
You stop whatever's
happening in that tower.
Sam... there are three
ways a horror movie ends.
One, a single hero survives...
"Halloween,"
"Chainsaw," "Get Out."
Two, no one survives...
"The Thing," "Sinister,"
"Night of the Living Dead."
What's the third?
I don't know.
Let's go find out.
Fuck yeah.
[music playing]
It's a real shit
show out there, Walsh.
Uh-oh.
Doc!
What are you doing here?
You're the silent
partner, remember?
Your goddamn festival
nearly killed my son.
Your son?
He's misguided.
Loves all this
repugnant ghoulishness.
Hmm.
Must run in the family.
- I beg your pardon?
- Doc!
Will you relax?
Go home!
This will all be
over by morning.
What's the mortality rate?
I don't know.
There's maybe 100
people left alive.
Thanks, Amy!
Did not need that.
That's too many.
That is too many.
I need to get my
family and finish this.
I'm pulling the plug.
- I'm blowing it up.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Doc, Doc!
Our plan... it's rigged
to blow in the morning.
Come on!
I give you the fans!
I give you the filmmakers!
And you give me till
dawn to make my movie!
And explosion is simple.
It's easy.
It was part of the
original plan before you
talk me into this
ridiculous exhibition.
Doc, where's the fun in it?
Where's the tension?
Look around!
We've made nightmares.
We've made monsters!
I've seen adults on these
screens shit themselves.
You...
My son has been
here all night!
Dax is fine!
I sent him home.
See?
He's perfectly safe!
Should've worn seatbelts.
A little late for that.
Safety first.
[heavy metal music playing]
[growling]
Start the truck.
SAM: Start the truck, Dax!
I'm trying!
Seatbelts.
Forgive me, Father, because
I'm about to fuck this nun up!
Let's do something
with a little pizazz...
something a little
extraordinary.
Let me do the pulse.
- Walsh...
- Come on!
You know you want to see it!
Look, look, look.
We'll do the pulse.
And then... then
we'll blow it all up.
No survivors.
Uh, when you say,
"no survivors,"
could you be a little
bit more specific?
You just keep editing and...
and... and save your work.
What do you say?
Have a little fun?
All right, well,
activate the pulse.
What was the pulse again?
The pulse is something I
developed at the asylum...
an accident, an attempt
at a synoptic lobotomy.
It's a vibration that
goes through the skin,
through the pulse, to the brain.
It was supposed to
calm my patients.
It didn't... not at all.
It drove them mad.
Well, weren't
they already mad?
It drove them more mad!
So filled with rage, they tore
each other apart before they
turned on themselves.
You saved your
last cut, right?
Yeah.
Uh, I'm sorry.
Could you go back
over that part again?
How exactly would you activate
a vibration through the pulse
of every surviving...
Get ready to be very angry.
Wait, wait, now
wait a second here.
OK?
Let's not do anything
that we might...
regret!
Nice.
Mother fucker.
I'm glad I don't
have a wristband.
Amy, did you see...
You're right.
It's very entertaining.
We're close to the tower.
What's... what's
wrong with them?
They're not...
they're not monsters.
It's like they're possessed.
Sam!
Sam!
Sam!
Come on!
ALARM SYSTEM: Tower breach.
Tower breach.
Tower breach.
Oh, I love it when
they fight back!
ALARM SYSTEM: Tower breach.
You're gonna be OK.
Hey!
Come on!
Dad?
Dad!
Just let them all
kill themselves.
It's Dax.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
You said I was made
for Blood Fest.
It's not true.
I was made for you.
I think I love...
Thought that would work.
Sam, wa... wa... wa... wa... wait.
You did this!
Do you have one sliver
of self-awareness?
You helped birth all of this!
Half the monsters
are your patients!
And Doc, if you haven't
looked in the mirror lately,
you're looking a little
bloodthirsty yourself.
You're right.
I am a little bloodthirsty.
OK.
Dad!
Dax.
Dad, stop whatever
it is you're doing.
You're killing her!
Don't worry, son.
It will all be over very soon.
We'll get out of here.
No one will know we're here.
He's filmed himself
doing everything...
everything.
He'll take all the credit.
And then we'll walk out of
here, blow the whole place up,
and we'll be a happy family.
Let's not blow
it up quite yet.
I still need my
ending... something big!
Something I didn't
expect coming!
How's this?
See?
There's no need for
re-animated corpses
or blood-sucking clowns!
All you need is a gun...
just one God damn gun!
Dad!
Stop right there.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm gonna stay here and save
my friend and my sister.
And if I get out of
this place alive,
I'm telling the whole
world what you really are.
Every time I look in your
eyes, all I see is fear.
Well, there won't be anything
to be afraid of anymore, Dax.
The only thing I was
ever afraid of was you!
Stop right there, Dax.
Right now.
No.
Mom was right.
I'm stronger than
anything I'm afraid of...
including you.
Ah!
I can't let you die...
unless I die with you.
Dad...
Yes.
I'm going to end
this God damn farce.
[growling]
It's for the best.
Honestly.
Dad... Dad, no.
Here we go.
It's OK.
Let's figure this out!
Sam!
Hey, Dax?
Try the wristband.
You're covered in black vomit.
I don't mind.
It's yours.
A "thank you"
would be appreciated.
You know, Sis, you, uh,
you killed a number of people
tonight.
Yeah.
Phew!
I mean, murder.
Horrible.
Lesson learned.
I think maybe they're
going to send you somewhere.
Uh-huh.
Maybe get some good
psychiatric help.
Jesus Christ, Sis!
Happy Halloween, big brother!
[truck starts]
[truck drives away]
So is this the third
way a horror movie ends?
Classic.
[music playing]
You think anyone survived?
Maybe there's a chance.
Never mind.
No.
Fucking Blood Fest.
[music playing]