[SILVASTONE, "FULL MOON TONIGHT" PLAYING]
# What is that howl from the woods #
# What shadows that lurk on the ground #
# It's much too late
Just make your escape #
# Can't fight it, you can't stop it now #
# All the ghosts arouse in a metal room #
# Through the streets and all over town #
# On the dirt that day
They come out to play #
# Don't try to run
You can't get away #
[BOTH LAUGHING]
- Happy birthday.
- Don't.
- What?
- Don't remind me.
It's your 18th birthday. Aren't you happy?
- Yes!
- And it's the day before Halloween.
Yes, all of that is good.
So? What's the problem?
You wanna see a problem?
[SCOFFS] I'll show you a problem.
- Look at him.
- What?
He's so lame.
Hi.
No, it's cute.
He's wearing a birthday hat.
He's excited. It's your birthday.
He does this every year.
Like, when is it gonna end?
- [TIFFANY SIGHS]
- Hi, Mr. Simmons.
- Hi, Dad.
- [BRIAN] Hi.
[BEATBOXING]
Dad. Okay, you've been
doing this every year since I was five.
- Can you stop now?
- What do you mean, can I stop?
This is tradition. We have to do it.
[SING-SONG] Happy birthday! Happy birthday!
Thanks, okay. But can you take off
the stupid hat?
- This hat is not stupid. Come on.
- It's stupid.
Take it off. It's embarrassing.
Okay, all right. Fine. [CHUCKLES] Fine. Fine.
Okay! Now what do you say?
I'm not playing this game with you.
Fine. Then you won't get your gift.
[TIFFANY] Okay.
Okay, you know what?
On second thought, I'll play.
Yeah, there we go. See? See, I told you.
[BRIAN] Here we go, BJ. Here we go.
Dad, what are you doing here?
I just came to pick you up.
Why did you come to pick me up?
No reason.
Wow.
Mmm. She doesn't sound convincing, Dad.
BJ, stay in your lane.
Can I have my gift now?
Well, listen, why don't we
just wait until you get home?
Everybody's at the house.
Can't I just open it now?
Nobody's at the house.
What are you talkin' about?
- Nobody's there.
- What's going on?
My tired after-school birthday party.
Can I please have the gift now?
Fine. Bam! Take it.
- Thank you.
- There you go.
[LAUGHING]
It's headphones. So when we're driving,
I don't have to listen to your music.
You can just plug in
and listen to your own music in my car.
Wait, where's the car?
It's right there.
Mine?
For my 18th birthday?
No, that's mine. You're not getting
a car. What are you talkin' about?
Dad, no. This is the year
I'm supposed to have a car.
I'm graduating high school,
going to college. I'm 18!
[BRIAN] Okay. We talked about this.
First of all, you're not
responsible enough to have a car, okay?
And your driving sucks.
Okay, that's... But here's the thing.
If you're gonna have a car,
I think you need to earn it.
I don't think it should be given to you,
okay?
And you haven't earned it. I'm sorry.
Mom lets me drive.
You're not ready for a car, Tiffany.
You have to be responsible.
You have to learn what's going on.
I know your mom probably lets you drive.
But your mom kind of has a bit of an issue.
- [TIFFANY SCOFFS]
- I heard that.
Damn. Like Candyman.
I didn't mean you weren't,
like, the best judge...
You meant what you said.
- Hi, honey!
- Hi, Mom.
- Hey, baby. Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hi, Calvin. How you doin'?
- Hi, BJ.
- What's up?
- Hey, happy birthday.
- [MOUTHS] Okay.
Hi, thank you.
What are you guys doing here?
I knew your dad would be here
with that old hat.
And I knew you'd be humiliated.
So we came to do some damage control.
- Happy birthday!
- [GASPS]
- Mom, what?
- Yes!
Oh, my God! Thank you so much! [LAUGHING]
You're so welcome.
This is from me and your stepdad.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!
[DEBRAH] Yeah, go, go. Go for a ride.
Wait, wait, wait, hold on.
Hey, hey. Don't ruin this for her.
Tiffany, I need you to come home.
You can drive later.
- Are you serious?
- Yes!
For that tired-ass birthday party?
It's a surprise. Do you mind?
You've been doing it for 18 years.
It's not a surprise.
- Go on, baby. Have fun.
- Thank you. Thank you, Calvin.
- Bye!
- [CALVIN] You're welcome.
[SQUEALS]
Tiffany, I need you to come straight home.
- [TIRES SCREECHING]
- [GABRIELLA] Bye, Mr. Simmons.
- [WHOOPS]
- [DEBRAH] Have fun!
Okay. Did you have to do that?
Well, she's my daughter.
Okay, first of all, you walk out on us.
Then you undermine everything I do.
Then you won't discipline her,
and you walk in here like the hero.
I'm not doing this with you.
You're the one with the problem.
How am I the one with the problem?
She's 18, and you keep treating her
like she's still five.
Look, do not tell me how
to raise this child, okay?
She is not responsible enough
to have a car yet.
You need to learn to give her some room
to make a mistake.
[CALVIN] Can we not do this, please?
Can we not? BJ's watchin'.
I'll see you at the house.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you comin' to my house?
What are you comin' to my house for?
It's my daughter.
[BRIAN] Get in the car, BJ.
[BRIAN] Say hi to your Aunt Madea.
[ALL] Surprise!
[MADEA] Oh, it's just Brian.
How many times am I supposed
to say "surprise" for this little girl?
Y'all better get her ass up in here.
I don't have breath to be wasting like that.
Hell, I need my breath for when I inhale.
Then you need to stop smoking all that weed.
The devil is a liar.
I'm gonna be smokin' till I die.
Wrap me up in weed paper and cremate me.
I'mma get the whole damn funeral jacked up.
[LAUGHING]
[HATTIE] Oh, look at my baby.
Baby, you don't...
You don't look good at all.
No, he don't. What is it, boy?
- [BAM] Hattie.
- Hmm?
It's you. You the reason why he's not happy.
Bam, slow your roll. Slow your roll.
Brian is into me.
Got me? Brian loves me.
Don't you, boo?
Come on over here,
and let me make you feel good.
[MADEA] Hush all that.
Brian, what is wrong with you?
Nothing, nothing. I'm fine.
You don't look fine.
Speak up before I hit you in the nut
like I did when you was a little boy.
What is wrong with you?
Yeah. I'm fine. Is everybody here? I'm fine.
Well, just come on over here
and let me give you a hug, Brian.
I'll pass.
Okay, go ahead. Act like that, Brian.
You gonna wish you had
let me make you feel good.
[SIGHS]
[BLOWS KISS]
- Mmm.
- Damn.
Your breath came out your mouth
ass-backwards.
It was breech.
What the hell is that?
Joe, you smell it too?
I'm sitting right here by her.
Hell, that damn thing came over here,
walked past me like, "I'm funky."
Oh, y'all shut the hell up.
Girl, that breath smell like
it's been in the Civil War.
Girl, you need to just
bottle that up and sell it.
That cleared up all my sinuses.
Anytime somebody got breath
like that, honey, that bad,
something is going on inside.
That ain't just your teeth.
That's her esophagus.
It's down, way down there,
below her belly button.
No, Bam, it's comin' lower
than her esophagus.
That's comin' from down low.
Y'all shut the hell up. You shut up, Joe.
I know damn well you ain't talkin' to me.
I know when my breath smell.
If my breath smell bad, it's 'cause
of what I've been eating. Hello?
Joe, cut it out.
Where's Tiffany, boy?
I thought you went to get her.
Well, I did. I went to get her.
And her mother and her husband were there,
and they bought her a car.
[JOE] They bought a car?
A real one?
Wait, hold on. They gave her a car for free?
She didn't have to work for it?
That's... You see,
that's exactly what I'm saying.
Exactly what I'm saying.
Oh, hell no, honey. No.
Do you know how much work I had to do
to get my first car?
Oh, I had to walk up and down them streets.
My heels was run over just like this
'cause I was walkin' and workin' them
streets so hard.
Oh, that's not what I'm saying.
That is not what I'm saying.
No, no. They say...
They say like people's pets
start to look like them...
I'mma tell you right now,
if you give up too much ass,
your ass start to look like
whatever you gave it up for.
That's why this ass look like
a Buick Electra 225.
You see that shit, right there?
That's gonna make me throw up.
Madea, I'm not talking
about that. Okay? Thanks.
So, baby, so, you said that
they bought her a car for "pree"?
- For what?
- A car for "pree."
Ain't no P-R in "free," honey. "Free. Free."
Not one dime
did she have to pay for it. Yeah.
I was pimpin' hard to get my first Cadillac.
I had so many hoes out on the street,
I couldn't even keep count.
I had every ho from every nation.
Yeah, they used to call me NATO.
[BAM] What do you mean, "NATO"?
You don't know
what the hell NATO is? Damn, Bam.
NATO. I'm the National Pimp Association
that tolerates all the old hoes.
- [BAM] Oh!
- Yeah, NATO.
What the hell? [CHUCKLES]
[MADEA] Hush all of that.
Well, baby, a car is a nice thing
even though she got it for free.
No, it's not. It's not a nice thing.
Why not?
She's not responsible. Tiffany can't drive.
Duh, Brian.
You supposed to teach her
how to drive, honey.
I tried to teach her. I tried to teach her.
What did she do?
I was teaching her how to parallel park.
I said, "Put it in reverse
and back up," she hit a tree.
She hit a tree? Why?
I said, "Why'd you do that?"
She said, "I didn't hear the beeps."
Oh, yeah.
[MADEA] What you talkin' about, "Oh, yeah"?
What do you know about a damn beep?
Mabel, the new cars nowadays...
She don't know.
New cars nowadays, honey,
they beep when you start going
backwards, baby.
That's all, honey.
But you wouldn't know nothin' about that
'cause you ain't got no nice car.
She done went off on you
about your raggedy-ass car.
[MADEA] You ain't talkin' about my Cadillac.
My Cadillac is special.
I worked hard for that Cadillac.
That pole was bent when I leapt up off of it,
working for that Cadillac. Do you understand?
I didn't have them
kind of poles back in my day.
Them silver, gold ones.
They had telephone poles,
and I snapped it one night
when I was doing my somersault.
It's called a helicopter.
Where you run up to it, and you grab it
by the bottom of your legs,
then you come on down.
That's what I did.
That's what bought my Cadillac.
Don't talk about my Cadillac.
And listen to me, my car is nice too.
If I'm backing up and I'm about to hit
somethin', I hear noise too.
It's from the bastard I'm about to hit.
Okay, and so now, what did you buy her?
Wait, that's a good question, Bam.
What'd you give her?
I know you got somethin'
that just wiped her out here.
You ain't gonna let her outdo you.
If she got a car, what you got?
I bought her some headphones.
[EXCLAIMS]
[EXCLAIMS]
[MADEA] I'm sorry.
Headphones like you put on your ears?
[BAM] That's what I...
Yes.
Oh, Brian.
[LAUGHING]
Now, don't you think that... that...
that made your little gift look like...
Shit.
I was going to say that,
but I was gonna say, "bull squat."
[JOE] Boy, what the hell wrong with you?
You're just... You're just a dork.
"Here's your car." "Here's your headphones."
[LAUGHING]
- [HATTIE] That's the same thing I said!
- [JOE LAUGHING]
He's full of it if he thinks...
[MADEA] Where you goin'?
Come on, we wanna see the headphones!
Keep the phone, just give me the head.
[ALL LAUGHING]
[LOWELL, "RIDE" PLAYING ON RADIO]
# Break the windows, ride, ride, ride #
- [TIFFANY LAUGHING]
- [GABRIELLA] Tiffany, look out!
Can you slow down?
[TIFFANY] I'm so excited! Aren't you excited?
[GABRIELLA] That was a red light.
# Love is in the air, hey, hey #
# Ride, ride, ride, break the windows #
- [MUSIC STOPS]
- Oh, I love this car.
Yeah, it's a nice car.
But your dad was right. You can't drive.
Yes, I can.
Uh, yeah. See,
the thing is you actually can't.
Wait, what are we doing here?
It's called a do-over.
What's a "do-over"?
See, last year I was too young
to come to the Halloween party.
But this year, I'm gonna be the life of it.
- No, no, no. This is not a good idea.
- Yes!
- No. Nope.
- Oh, okay, you...
You think everything is a bad idea.
You need to live a little.
No. Because I am not letting
you get me into trouble
like you did with Aday last year!
Come on!
No! No, no. Your dad got so mad,
Aday's dad was furious,
and Madea got everyone into trouble,
and the cops were called.
- Come on. It'll be fun.
- No. Nope.
No, yes, you're doing this with me.
We're doing this together.
We're best friends.
We're gonna do it. Come on.
- [HORN HONKS]
- Oops, sorry.
[GABRIELLA GRUMBLING] Not gonna like this.
Wait! Your dad is not gonna like this.
[TIFFANY] I don't care! I'm an adult. I'm 18.
He doesn't have to like it.
- Aren't you excited?
- [GABRIELLA] No.
- Be excited. It'll be fun.
- No...
- I don't wanna go.
- [TIFFANY] Come on!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
[DINO] Who is it?
[TIFFANY] It's a surprise!
Whoa. Whoa.
- Back up!
- [LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]
[GABRIELLA] What is wrong with you?
[TIFFANY] What's with
all the cloak-and-dagger?
Just being careful, you know? Do I know you?
- Well...
- [CLEARS THROAT]
No. Missed me with that.
I ain't the father, all right?
Um, is Jonathan here?
Oh. He ain't the father either.
I do know you. Okay.
Yeah, you're the 17-year-old charlatan.
Go ahead, take a hike, you rug rat.
Look, I just wanna talk to Jonathan.
Jonathan don't live here no more.
All right? He moved to Shanghai.
- Dino.
- No Dino here.
I am the security of this fraternity.
Right here, you see these toasters?
Make bread, heat it up.
Dino, come on.
The guest list isn't gonna write itself.
Oh, can I get on it? Hi. How are you?
[LAUGHS] Hey! Yeah, I'm not talking to you.
- Why not?
- Oh, I don't know.
'Cause last time I checked, you're 17.
Oh, well, last time I checked,
I just turned 18.
[CHUCKLES]
Really? She's 18?
[DINO] Don't fall for it, dude.
She's a temptress.
- Yeah.
- I just wanted to apologize
for last year, all right?
And I wanted to see if we could
get invited to this Halloween party.
"Oh, boo-hoo, I wanted to apologize."
Yeah, you're the reason we can't have
a Halloween party this year.
- What?
- Yeah, we can't have a party this year.
You just said you were
working on the guest list.
Well, yeah, but we can't have a party here
at the frat house anymore.
Why not? Because of me?
No, 'cause of global warming.
Yeah, 'cause of you.
It's because of your dad
and his old gangster friends.
Okay, look. She's sorry.
No party. Okay, cool. Let's go, okay?
- Bye, guys, see you later.
- But see, the thing is...
Adis.
...my birthday's today,
Halloween is tomorrow.
I'm just sad that
I messed it up for you guys.
I'm sorry.
Bro.
[DINO] ID. Fork it over. Come here.
- Put it right there. All right, let's see.
- There you go.
- Wow.
- Is she?
- I'm not good at math.
- She's definitely hot.
What do you say, 18 now?
- Eighteen.
- [DINO] Fake.
Probably. It's all right.
Whatever. I don't care.
[DINO] Here you go.
[SIGHS] I just wish
I could make it up to you.
[DINO EXCLAIMS]
[DINO] She just gonna throw it
at you like that?
No, she's not talking about it like that.
Sounds like she was to me.
You're so gross.
I just hate that you guys aren't having
a party this year.
You know, I could show you guys that I...
I actually know how to have fun.
Well...
Don't do it, dude. I'll do it.
- Don't do what?
- Whatever he's saying not to do.
- I don't know.
- What is that?
We are having a party!
[CHUCKLES] I know.
I knew you were just kidding.
What time should I be here?
Oh, it's not here.
- No?
- Nope.
It's at Lake Derrick.
- [CHUCKLES]
- What?
- Yep.
- Bingo.
Are... Where the people
got killed making out?
Yep.
Are you crazy?
Oh, my God. This is gonna be so much fun.
Tell that to the people
who died there. It's not fun.
Yeah, you can't. 'Cause they're dead.
Look, it's gonna be super creepy and scary.
- But that's why it's gonna be lit!
- Yup.
[DINO] You're gonna regret this, bro.
And for that reason, I'm in.
- And that's why it's gonna be epic!
- Epic!
Epic!
Dude, what are you doing here?
[DINO] Seriously, dude, you're like 40.
Just graduate.
- Um, what time should I be there?
- Do you know how to get to Lake Derrick?
No, but I have a car
that has a GPS and Gabriella...
- Gabriella won't.
- ...will be there.
- I'm not going.
- Yes, you are.
- It'll be fun!
- No, no. Are you crazy?
Have you not learned your lesson already?
I'm not hanging around dead people.
All right, look. I'll text the
instructions on how to get there tonight.
Alongside a shirtless selfie
that I took this morning
and only sent to two other girls
that you can save as your wallpaper.
We'll see you at midnight.
- Midnight?
- [JONATHAN] Yeah.
We start at 12:01 on Halloween.
I'm not about to go to this right now.
- Okay? Come on.
- See you there!
[SIRENS WAILING]
Stalker alert! Stalker alert!
Stalker alert! Everyone!
- Go, go, go!
- [BOYS CLAMORING]
I will not bitch out. I will not bitch out.
[HORN HONKING]
[SCREAMING] Bae!
- [ANNA SCREAMING] Bae!
- [GIRLS] Anna!
[ANNA] Baby! Bae!
- Anna, calm down.
- Anna! Anna!
Anna!
[ANNA] Why are you here?
We were just getting invited to the...
Library! To the library
with books and knowledge.
Are you guys lying to me, huh?
- No.
- You guys are lying to me.
No, there's knowledge in books
which are at the library.
How are you? Great parking job.
You crushed that.
Where's Horse?
Uh, probably shirtless,
taking a selfie in the bathroom
and stroking his hair?
Where's Jonathan?
Right next to him, high-fiving?
Where's Mikey, where's Byron,
where's my boyfriend? Where's everybody?
Anna, why are you here?
I've been calling Horse every single day,
day in and day out.
He won't respond, and I wanna know why.
Well...
I texted him 25 times in the last 30 minutes.
Just three bubbles.
What does that mean?
Somebody tell me what that means.
[QUINTON] You have really strong thumbs?
There he is. Baby!
- [GIRL] Anna!
- [GIRL 2] Anna! Stop!
[SCREAMING]
[ALL] Surprise!
It's just me. Everybody calm down. Calm down.
Do you kids mind?
Mind let us talk for a second?
Looks like you need to calm down.
[SIGHS] Yeah, it's this divorce.
Is it that bad?
I've been telling you about it
for years, man.
Yeah, it's that bad. She is that bad.
And be glad that your daughter loves you.
Come on. Tiffany loves you too.
She tolerates me, man.
There's a difference. She tolerates me.
It's all teenagers.
Teenagers. Yeah. Okay.
But how'd you get yours to be so responsible?
Well, me and Liz, we sit down,
give her a little space.
Sometimes, space works.
Yeah, well, she's got all the space
in the world now. You know why?
Her mother bought her a car.
Just bought her a car.
She's not responsible enough
to have a car. This woman...
[VICTOR] You just need
to sit down and talk with her.
It'll work out.
- Yeah, yeah.
- It's a car!
Yeah. Thanks, Dr. Phil.
Finish eating that dip.
Damn.
That's a nice little sports car
they done bought her. It's red.
Red, that means fire.
Bought her what looks
like a nice little car out there.
[BRIAN] Yeah, it is, isn't it?
Debrah bought her a nice car.
You bought her some headphones.
Why you let that ho do that to you?
Do not say that about my ex-wife, okay?
I don't want my son to hear that.
She's not a ho.
Ex-wife, old ho. Same thing.
Hear me good when I say this
to your ignorant ass, boy!
You don't let no ex-ho
show you up to your child.
You handle that! Do you understand?
Listen to what I'm saying. Call her up.
Do your pimp voice like
I used to do back in the day.
[CHUCKLING]
[HIGH-PITCHED] "Look here, ho."
[CHUCKLES]
That was my pimp voice. It had to be higher
so when you hit 'em low,
they didn't know what was comin'.
You understand?
She bought a car,
all you gotta do is walk up to her,
"You don't buy my daughter no damn car
unless I say it's okay.
You better take this car back
wherever the hell you got it from
or I'mma kick your ass!
You finna take this car back.
Your raggedy ass...
I shouldn't have married
you in the first damn..."
Excuse me?
[JOE MUTTERS]
Damn, she showed up
like Candyman, didn't she?
[CHUCKLES] Same thing I said.
What did you say?
I said, "Hey, baby, how you doin'?"
[CHUCKLES]
I'm fine.
You know, it's always good to see you.
Daddy?
You had the pony.
You didn't have the stallion.
Yeah, right. Come on, Calvin.
So, uh, who the hell is this?
Hattie, that's her new husband.
Oh, that's how y'all rollin' now?
That's how y'all doin' things?
You just gonna bring your piece up
and all through here?
That's how you go?
That's what the young folks do now.
That's how they all do.
Well, back in the day,
you would have got your ass whooped.
[JOE] Let me make sure I understand this.
Boy.
Boy.
You gonna stand there
and let this girl
bring this nigga up in your house?
Joe, watch your darn mouth, hush!
Have you ever in your life known anybody
that was able to watch their own mouth?
I bet you if I pulled your darn eyes out,
and turn them around have them look
at your darn lips, you'll see 'em.
I can't watch my darn mouth.
I can't see it. That's ignorant.
Just shut up, Mabel. Hell.
Do you see my mouth? I can't see it.
Joe, shut the hell up. Just shut up.
Close your legs.
I know she can't close them legs.
You know why? Nuts.
[HATTIE LAUGHING]
[BRIAN] You wanna see
something funny? Watch this.
Hi, Calvin.
He never talks to me.
He ain't gonna say nothin' back to you?
[JOE] He don't speak to you
when you in your own house
and you won't set it straight?
That's all you got to say?
You don't let no woman bring
no man up in your house!
Beat his ass!
Daddy, we are not those kind of people.
We are people with class.
Bitch, did you hear one word that I said?
Class? We ain't never have no damn class.
We didn't even go to class.
[CHUCKLES]
Calvin, this is my father, Joe.
Hi, Mr. Joe.
Nigga, don't freakin' talk to me!
I don't know you like that, mothertrucker!
Joe, shut the hell up.
You are ruining my son's life.
Look at him, standin' there lookin' like a...
[SIGHS]
Daddy, that's enough.
Don't you damn say
no damn "Daddy" to me here.
- This woman...
- [MADEA] Joe, hush up!
You better watch your daughter
'cause she gonna be just like her.
- Ain't gonna be shit either.
- [MADEA] Joe.
Hello.
[MADEA] Oh, there she is!
[ALL] Surprise!
She's here!
Oh, hell. Surprise, then!
- Get on out my damn way.
- Oh, my.
[JOE] Move!
I need a joint.
S-Surprise!
- Surprise!
- Thanks.
Oh, babe, I was gonna get you somethin',
but my check was late, and I, I...
But my heart was in the right place.
Thank you.
You surprised?
Baby, you don't look too surprised
to see us sittin' here
after I done drove all the way over here
to this part of town
with no driver's license.
You need to at least look surprised.
Well, I had a feeling you'd be here
'cause it's the same people every year.
[BAM] Well, I mean, that's stupid.
You have a birthday every year,
what you expect?
Okay, somebody... somebody better get her.
[CHUCKLES] Y'all better get her.
Hey, Tiffany, come here!
Look who's here! Look who's here!
Look, your friends.
[TIFFANY] From elementary school.
[GABRIELLA] Even I don't deal with them.
I'm gonna put some music on.
This is gonna be so great.
BJ, put the music on.
- Hi!
- [TIFFANY] Hi, you're here too?
- Happy birthday.
- [TIFFANY] Thank you.
Your dad called me like ten times.
So I had to come.
I'm sorry, he does this every year.
Yeah, it's cute.
[CHUCKLES]
Hi, girls.
- Hi!
- Hi, Mr. Victor!
You guys are growin' up so quickly.
Dad, would you stop? You're so embarrassing.
He's so hot.
You have a thing with dads,
- and I'm worried for you.
- So what? It's just a little thing.
[CLEARS THROAT] Anyways, I'm so glad
you're here, 'cause I was gonna call you.
- Why, what's up?
- There's a party tonight.
Where?
Um, well,
[WHISPERS] it's at Lake Derrick.
The frat boys are having another party,
but it's my year to turn up!
My parents are gonna kill me if I tell them.
Don't worry about it. I have a plan.
Oh, I gotta hear this.
[THE WESTBOUND GANG, "WHOOMP! THERE IT IS"
PLAYING ON STEREO]
All right, all right.
Time for the father-daughter dance.
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Dad, no, no. Come on!
- Do the Fire Hydrant, do the Fire Hydrant.
- What is the Fire Hydrant?
It's the dog... Do the Fire Hydrant.
Do the Sprinkler. [IMITATING SPRINKLER]
Do the Toilet Seat. Do the Toilet Seat.
Oh, baby, how come we can't dance like that?
Because that's embarrassing.
I'm not doing that.
- [VICTOR] Just one.
- No. No, no.
- Come on, dance.
- No, I don't wanna dance, Dad.
Get it, get it, get it. Get it, get it.
Oh, get it, get it. He done told you.
Come on. Get it, get it, get it.
Come on, girl!
[EXCLAIMING]
What up, what up? Get your donk on.
Get your donkey whipped.
[LEAH] Look at that! Uh, uh, uh.
[BAM] Yeah, girl. Go.
I can't do this. I'm gonna go get some water.
Oh.
You're not enjoying
your party, are you, baby?
No, I'm not.
- [BRIAN] It's okay.
- Brian, that girl's so damn rude.
- I could just kill her!
- Okay, all right. Okay.
And pass it.
Pass it back, pass it.
- Take it, take it!
- Okay. All right, sure.
- [BRIAN MUMBLING]
- You know what? This party is bunk.
- Mom, please.
- [CHUCKLES]
I know you're not happy.
So tonight, I think you should let Calvin
and I take you to dinner.
That sounds great,
but I got invited to a Halloween party.
Halloween is tomorrow.
But the party starts tonight.
What? All night?
Now you know your daddy will not...
I know, but maybe...
I was thinking,
I could spend the night at your place
and you could just let me go.
You know what? That's a good idea. [LAUGHS]
I mean, you're 18!
- You're grown! Yes!
- [TIFFANY] Yeah!
So will you tell him or will I?
Oh, no, no. Let me tell him.
You know I love getting under his skin.
Okay! [CHUCKLES]
Almost sundown. You know what that means!
Pin the tail on the donkey call! [CHUCKLES]
And you know what else we gonna do?
I got a petting zoo outside.
A freakin' petting zoo outside.
You are not going to believe this.
I don't believe it.
- [BRIAN] Come on, come see!
- It's a petting zoo.
I'm sorry.
This is a birthday party for an 18-year-old.
Shit, Brian ought to be ashamed of himself.
It's so lame. He ought to feel bad.
Yeah, hell yeah, it's lame.
This girl don't bit mo' wanna be here
than the man in the moon.
Hey. When I think about a man in the moon...
[CHUCKLES]
You got one hell of a moon on you.
Have you ever seen it? It's full.
[CHUCKLING]
[MOCK CHUCKLING]
And here we go! Here we go!
Look what I have for you!
Look, a petting zoo!
[TIFFANY] A petting zoo?
Hi. This is Rose and Renee.
They were in the circus
and they are a part of the petting zoo.
They have these horses for you!
- Hi.
- Hi.
We'll be out here when you're ready.
- Okay, thanks.
- Thank you.
[BRIAN] You used to love this
when you were little.
[TIFFANY] Yeah, when I was four.
[SALT-N-PEPA, "PUSH IT" PLAYING ON STEREO]
# Number one in a hot party show
Now push it #
Lord, what the hell Hattie doing?
[JOE] Look at her.
- [BAM] Joe!
- [JOE] Look at that!
Watch it. Her knee's gonna
go out in a minute.
# Push it good, ah, push it #
[SCREAMING]
How you know her knee was gonna lock up, Joe?
- That's nasty, Joe.
- That's how I know.
[HATTIE] Time for this, here.
I'm too old for this.
That hurt like a son of a...
He ought to feel bad.
Bought that child some headphones.
Brian, you did a good job, baby.
You did a good job with this party.
You did a good job.
I don't feel like I did a good job.
Baby, she loved this party. She loved it.
Don't be lyin' to this boy.
He ain't do no damn good job.
That girl out there miserable.
[MADEA] Joe, shut the hell up.
Son, if you gonna throw
a party for an 18-year-old,
there's some things you need.
You got balloons and confetti
and blow... [VOCALIZING]
Eighteen-year-olds want drugs.
Ain't no 18-year-olds supposed
to be doin' no drugs.
What the hell you talking about?
I, I was doing drugs
since I was eight years old.
And that's how you turned out
as stupid as hell.
[JOE] I may not be able
to remember nothin'...
My brain might be fried, all I know is...
I don't know.
[MADEA] It was nice, Brian.
You know you lyin'. This party was suckin'.
Come on, I'll help you clean up.
Well, that's my cue to go.
[MADEA] Bam, you rode here with me.
How the hell you gonna go anywhere?
Come on, let's go clean up.
- Mabel...
- Stop being so darn lazy.
Lazy?
Now wait a minute, Mabel.
I may be a lot of things,
but lazy ain't one of 'em.
And you know I had hip surgery.
What that got to do with anything?
Mabel, the doctor said I can't have no sex
and I cannot stand up
for long periods of time, honey.
[JOE CHUCKLES]
I actually like it standing up.
Like horses.
[GRUNTS]
Shut the hell up, all this.
Come on, y'all, come on,
let's go on in the kitchen.
[BAM] Mabel...
Thank you, Madea.
[BAM] Mabel...
You wanna get paid, don't you?
[MADEA] You're right I want some money.
Hell, I don't do no services for free.
- I don't think this is cool at all.
- Ugh.
Stop, all right?
You're coming and it's gonna be fun.
Tell your dad you're staying
at my mom's place.
- Okay.
- We're gonna have a blast!
- Yeah.
- I'm so excited! Aren't you excited?
Man, I don't know what I'm gonna do
to make Tiffany happy. I have no idea.
Teenagers. I've been through it, man.
With Gabriella? No.
- No, with my other kids.
- Oh.
Gabriella? She's been nothing but a delight.
Hmm. That's good, man.
Tiffany was a delight too, when she was one.
It gets better. It gets better.
It takes time.
Yeah, okay. If you say so.
She's 18. How much more time? I've been...
Feels like I'm in prison. I don't know
how many years I gotta do this.
That's all right. I'm throwing
away one or two things.
That's all I'm gonna do. Come on.
Your mom is seriously the coolest.
Oh, thank you.
And get this,
she's letting us go to the party.
- [DEBRAH] Mmm-hmm.
- [LEAH] Yeah?
[DEBRAH] Wait, will your parents know?
Well, they'll know
that we'll be at your place.
- Tiffany.
- Come on, Mom!
You're so cool! Please.
Okay. All right.
But you have to promise to be responsible.
- We will.
- Yeah.
- We will, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
Wait, hold on. Where's this party?
You won't get mad, right?
You're 18. No.
It's at Lake Derrick.
Lake Derrick?
It's a haunted Halloween party.
Oh. Well, this sounds fun.
Yeah.
So you're gonna let us go?
Hmm.
- Yeah, you can go.
- [CHEERING]
You're only young once, honey.
You shouldn't be sittin' here
with a petting zoo.
- You know?
- Yeah, you're right.
So go, have fun.
- But be careful.
- We will.
Yeah, we will.
- [DEBRAH] All right.
- You're the best.
- I love you. [CHUCKLING]
- I love you.
I know this girl ain't not have said...
I know this girl did not just come out here
and say what I thought she just said.
Now, I know y'all didn't just hear that.
You ain't hear?
- What?
- Hear what?
Who said this? What'd they say?
That girl back there, her mama...
Debrah's gonna let her go down
to Lake Derrick for a party.
- Mabel!
- [MADEA] Yes!
Down there where them children died?
All of them people got killed.
She's gonna let
her go down there for some party.
What the hell they going down there for?
I just said, a party.
A Halloween party, Hattie.
Why do these children insist
on playing around with the devil these days?
You tell me, honey. You tell me.
- Does Brian know?
- [MADEA] No, he does not know.
I'm sure gonna tell him,
soon as we finish cleaning up in here.
I was about to say...
Soon as we finish cleaning up in here.
- I was about to say...
- Soon as we...
You know what? I'll do it my damn self.
- I ain't gonna be able to help.
- I'll do it my damn self...
- So...
- Okay, Dad, I'm off.
- You're off?
- Yeah.
Where you going?
She's coming with me to my house.
Why?
Because we wanna have a nice dinner
with her for her birthday.
Okay, great. I'll get my keys.
Well, no, no. You're not invited.
She wants to spend the weekend with us.
- [BRIAN] Really?
- [DEBRAH] Mmm-hmm.
All right, fine. Um...
Well, be careful.
Okay, I will.
- And I love you.
- I love you too.
All right. No driving after dark.
No, I won't.
And it's Halloween, so be careful.
I will. Bye.
Hey, Dad.
Um, Tiffany's having
a sleepover at her mom's.
Can I go?
Well...
Come on, you know you can trust me.
Okay. Okay.
- Thanks, Dad.
- You better make sure you call me though,
- as soon as you get there.
- I will.
Okay.
Bye, Mr. Simmons. Rad party.
Really?
- Ah, hold on, hold on.
- Yes?
Ain't there somethin'
that you wanna tell Brian?
No.
- [MADEA] Debrah...
- [DEBRAH] What?
- Yes, there is.
- What?
Debrah, don't be sittin' there lyin'.
Yes, there is.
- What?
- [MADEA] Brian,
Debrah gonna let Tiffany
go up to Lake Derrick or somethin'
for a Halloween party,
and you need to know that.
What?
That's what she said. That's what I heard.
- [BRIAN] Are you kidding me?
- Look, she's 18.
Eighteen is not grown.
Well, I said she can go.
You have to let her grow up at some point.
Are you crazy? People died up there!
Damn it, she's gone.
She's fine. She's an adult.
You have to stop doing this!
- She is not fine.
- I'm telling you...
You know what? I'mma let
y'all handle this. I'mma let you...
Brian, y'all handle that. I'm gonna sit
down. I'mma let y'all handle that.
[DEBRAH] You're gonna push her away
if you keep treating her like a toddler.
Now the girls are gonna go,
they're gonna have a great time.
And they'll all be together. It's okay.
Wait, my daughter's going too?
Oh. Yes, but it's okay.
She lied to me.
[BRIAN] Your daughter's not going,
and neither is mine.
Yes, she is. Goodbye.
[BRIAN] Debrah...
Debrah...
Debrah, wait a minute. What...
Listen to what I'm saying to you.
Debrah. Hey.
[DEBRAH] I know you aren't trying
to tell me how to
- bring up my daughter!
- [BRIAN] She is my daughter, too.
We have got to figure this out.
[DEBRAH] Well, I said she can go,
so she's going.
[BRIAN] Where are you going...
I heard them arguing when I was sittin' here.
I know he's sayin' somethin' to her.
[DEBRAH] She is grown. She is 18.
- [BRIAN] What are you saying?
- I am telling you, she's fine.
[JOE] Oh, yeah.
It's gonna end up on Nancy Grace.
[BRIAN] I don't care. You need to listen
to what I'm saying!
[DEBRAH] Wonder why we split up?
I don't know he gonna...
Go see out there, girl.
[DEBRAH] ...you and all your craziness.
- Move!
- [CAR DOOR CLOSES]
[CAR DRIVING AWAY]
I heard y'all out there fussing, Brian.
What happened? Did you go get her?
- You put your foot down?
- [JOE] No, he handled it.
That's my seed right there.
He went out there and handled it like a pimp
supposed to handle a ho.
Did you handle it, pimp?
Daddy...
Wait a minute, did you kill her?
You ain't kill her, did you?
I know you put them big-ass foots down
when you went out there, didn't you?
Or somethin' else down.
Did you put it down, player?
No.
- Why not?
- [MADEA] Listen to me, Brian.
That girl cannot go up there.
You know all them folks that died up there?
These kids is crazy.
Debrah lost her damn mind.
[BAM] No, no, no.
He went out there, but he didn't say nothin'.
- I'm gonna let her go.
- [JOE] What?
Brian, I'm telling you right now,
do not let that child go up there.
You ain't gonna do nothin'?
Well, she thinks she's grown.
I'mma let her go and see if she's grown.
That's crazy as hell.
But what if something happens
to her up there in them woods?
I'll just pray that nothing happens, okay?
That's what I'm gonna do, so...
No, pimps don't pray. The hoes is the prey.
Daddy...
Your mama...
Your mama was... I guess...
I get sentimental when I think about her.
'Cause your mama was a hard-working ho.
She was committed to being
on top of the game.
All her teeth out her mouth,
she had her tonsils out and everything.
She wanted to be a professional.
You know what, Daddy? Okay.
You know, your mama was my first,
so she's my bottom.
Daddy, you know what? Okay, listen.
I'm going upstairs.
I'm gonna say good night to all of you.
See your way out, please.
Nobody's moving.
I think he wants us to leave.
[MADEA] Is anybody moving?
I don't damn think so!
Wait a minute.
I know damn well you ain't trying
to put me up out of this house.
We ain't leaving
till we good and ready to go.
You ain't gonna treat me like this, you hear?
You got me?
We done cleaned up this place for you
and this the thanks we get?
You're so darn rude!
I will leave when I get good
and ready to leave.
It takes my car a little while
to warm up anyway.
- You know, your mama was my...
- See your way out, please. Thank you.
[JOE] You just gonna
let her walk all over you?
He been drinking that "buice." [CHUCKLES]
- [BAM] Joe?
- Yeah.
What is "buice"?
Bitch juice.
[LAUGHING]
[DARION JA'VON "BEAST" PLAYING]
# I come alive in the nighttime #
# Yeah, the nighttime be the right time #
# Yeah, I would put it down
In beast mode #
# I come alive in the nighttime #
# Yeah, the nighttime be the right time #
# You know what it is, baby girl
I'm a beast #
# Baby girl, baby girl, I'm a beast #
Do you believe this? Look. Look.
- [VICTOR] Wait, 14 murders?
- Fourteen murders.
[VICTOR] This makes me so angry!
I don't like being lied to.
This is not like Gabriella.
Well, it's definitely like Tiffany.
She lies all the time.
Why would they wanna go to a party
where people have been murdered?
Even though the killer's been caught,
this still is unsettling.
[BRIAN] Yeah, paragraph two. Two brothers.
The brothers were never caught.
So they don't know what's goin' on up there.
Look, look, let me read it. Here.
It says, "In 1976, crime scene investigators
were baffled by the murders at Lake Derrick.
Authorities believe that the two men died
in the vast wilderness surrounding the lake,
but locals in the small town,
they take another view.
'I believe they're still up there, '
says Ray Jones.
The Connor brothers, Jimmy Wayne Connor
and Bobby Joe Connor,
were never apprehended."
[RAE SREMMURD, "BLACK BEATLES" PLAYING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
# I sent flowers #
# But you said you didn't receive 'em #
[CHEERING]
# But you said you didn't need 'em #
# That girl is a real crowd pleaser #
# Small world
All her friends know of me #
# Young bull livin' like an old geezer #
# Quick release the cash
Watch it fall slowly #
# Frat girls still tryna get even #
# Haters mad for whatever reason #
# Smoke in the air, binge drinking #
# They lose it
When the DJ drops the needle #
# Getting so gone I'm not blinkin' #
# What in the world was I thinkin'? #
# New day, new money to be made #
- # There is nothin'... #
- [HORN HONKING]
# I'm a... black Beatle
Cream seats in the Regal #
# Rockin' John Lennon lenses
Like to see 'em spread eagle #
# Took a bitch to the club
And let her party on the table #
# Screamin', everybody's famous #
# Like clockwork, I blow it all #
# And get some more #
# Get you somebody that can do both #
# Black Beatles
Got the babes belly rollin' #
# She think she love me
I think she trollin' #
# That girl is a real crowd pleaser #
Honestly, I am never riding with you again.
We're here, aren't we?
Yeah, barely. We almost died along the way.
But did you die?
No, but a kitten died.
It was a kitten.
I hear music!
Yeah, let's dance!
We all know how she gets
when she hears music.
Yes, come on!
No, come on. No, listen.
You know how much I hate all this lying.
Okay, who are we lying to though?
Your dad, my crazy dad?
No, no, no. We did not lie.
- We just didn't tell them the whole story.
- Oh...
Please tell me what the difference is.
The difference is,
I just didn't tell them the whole story.
That makes zero sense.
What is she doing here?
I'm sorry. She followed us.
We couldn't just leave her at home.
Tiffany, are you really gonna
ruin my party again?
No, I'm not. She'll be fine.
You'll be fine...
No, she's not fine! Not for him.
[SCREAMS] Horse!
Who is that girl?
We are not together.
Yes, we are!
No, we're not. You got my number
from some random guy at a bar.
What are you doing?
We're over when I say it's over.
- We never even went on a date!
- Yes, we did.
I've never even talked to you on the phone.
You're my man, and you'll always be my man!
We were never anything.
What are you talking about?
Bae!
That girl is mental.
- Is she stable? What was that?
- She has issues.
- That girl needs help!
- [TOGETHER] Help!
# That girl is a real crowd pleaser #
# Small world
All her friends know of me #
# Young bull livin' like an old geezer #
# Quick release the cash
Watch it fall slowly #
# Frat girls still tryna get even #
# Haters mad for whatever reason #
# Smoke in the air, binge drinking #
# They lose it
When the DJ drops the needle #
[CRYING]
- Are you okay?
- No.
He doesn't want me anymore.
Well, I'm...
[SCREAMS] Don't say you're sorry!
Don't say you're sorry!
I wasn't gonna say that.
I think I should just...
What is that behind you?
What?
[BREATHING LOUDLY]
Hey, man, sick costume.
[CHOKING]
[SCREAMING]
[VLC, "TWERK IT" PLAYING]
# Twerkin' it for daddy
Twerk-twerkin' it for daddy #
- # She say she #
- # Twerkin' it for daddy #
# Twerk-twerkin' it for daddy #
- # She say she #
- # Twerkin' it for daddy #
# Twerk-twerkin' it for daddy #
- # She say she #
- # Twerkin' it for daddy #
# Twerk-twerkin' it for daddy #
# Lil Mamma 'cause ya booty got swag #
# I ain't never seen... like that #
- Oh, hi. How are you?
- Hey.
Looking good. Costume's looking...
- Damn.
- Thank you.
Yeah, no doubt.
- You look good too.
- Yeah, I know. It's all right.
This little thing right here. How about that?
- This party: Rockin'.
- Yeah.
But the weak ones are about to leave
because they're scared of
the sheriff comin' out here.
Wait, we're not even supposed to be here?
Oh, come on!
This is an underground party, baby.
Well, the music is pretty loud.
Well, we're a long way from town.
[LAUGHING]
Damn, habibi, you look good!
- Thank you, thank you.
- [DINO] All right, all right.
Abe Lincoln, shots to the dome.
Who's doin' 'em?
Uh, no, no, no. I don't do shots, okay?
I'm a Christian.
Well, you know, Jesus,
he turned water into wine, right?
Don't you dare bring Jesus into this.
We should all bring Jesus into our hearts.
- [LEAH] That's true.
- Hey, ladies.
Hi, Horse. Do you remember me?
Of course I remember you.
What's goin' on?
You tell me.
Well, the DJ's killin' it.
Let's go get a drink.
Yeah, but we're outta ice.
I'll take care of that. Hey, yo, pledgee!
Can you get us some ice?
- Yes, sir.
- [LAUGHING]
See, I did that.
[LAUGHING] Let's go.
[GULF COAST BALLA, "WERK" PLAYING]
# Work, you better work, you better work #
# Why you think you got high? You better #
# Work, you better work #
I'm tired of gettin' ice, man.
Need to get their own damn ice.
[SCREAMING]
[CHAINSAWS WHIRRING]
[SCREAMS]
# Kill it, zip it, flip it #
# Can't nobody beat us, hey #
[SONG STOPS]
Is it me?
It's always you.
[JOE] No. It seems like we've been
in this car for a long time.
Is it me or we going a long way?
Joe, you're right.
We have been in this car a long time.
- Right.
- [BAM] Mabel...
Why are we not goin' home?
How you know this ain't the way home?
Mabel, this ain't the way to the house.
No, we ain't goin' home.
We goin' up there to Lake Derrick
to look after that little girl.
- What?
- [HATTIE] The hell you be...
Yes, we are.
What the hell we goin' up there for?
Madea, why?
So we can go get that girl.
- [BAM] What?
- Yes, we goin' to get her.
- What the hell?
- [BAM] Mabel.
She shouldn't have lied to her daddy.
She might be up there
in trouble or somethin'.
Look here.
Her daddy didn't care if she was goin'.
I don't give a damn if she goin'.
Put this chick in reverse.
Let's go back to the house.
Joe, shut your mouth. We goin'.
Mabel, people got dead up there for real.
This ain't like that last time
when we was playin' around.
That man named Derrick,
Mabel, he killed all them children up there
for trespassing on his land.
We can't go up there.
Please don't forget about Mr. Wilson.
You know Mr. Wilson up there
done killed all them children.
He dangerous.
I sure hope Wilson is there,
so he can take your ass away.
Hattie, shut up.
There ain't no Wilson up there.
They were playin' around with you.
Right.
And why you gotta sit so damn close to me?
Ma, you let me out this dang car
right now, and I mean it.
You sure you wanna get out right now?
- Let me out right now!
- Okay.
[JOE] Get on out.
[HATTIE] I "shanged" my mind.
I don't wanna go out there.
You did what?
I "shanged" my mind.
What the hell is she saying?
She's "shanged" her mind?
Changed her mind.
[JOE] Say "changed your mind."
And girl, put your teeth in.
You ain't goin' to work tonight.
[HATTIE] I ain't goin' out there
with them woods and things.
You know I don't like the woods
and things out there.
You don't like woods,
but I sure love a nice bush.
Then sit there and shut the hell up, Hattie.
- Mabel...
- What?
Why you didn't go up here by yourself?
Yeah, Ma, go on, answer that.
- Go ahead, Ma.
- Shut up.
Y'all was in my car, that's why.
I didn't wanna drop y'all off at home
and then come up here by myself.
So I had all y'all to ride with me.
That is a lie. Mabel, you scared.
- Sure are.
- I ain't scared of nothin', okay?
Mabel, you are scared.
You know you are scared.
If Brian don't wanna
look after his own child,
then we gonna have to look out after her.
Bruh, you better take me home.
And me too.
You know when them children
be having parties,
they have all kind of drugs up here.
[MADEA] That's right.
That's why we need to go up there.
This girl might be out there
strung out on that Ever C.
Hold the hell on. Hold the hell on.
Y'all say somethin' about drugs?
Yeah, they be havin' all kind
of drugs up there, Joe.
Wait, we goin' where the drugs at?
- All kinds of good things.
- Come on, let's ride.
What the hell are you slowin' down for?
Speed up! Let's hurry up and get there, girl.
Yeah, hurry up and get over there
before all the good-good is gone.
I don't know why everyone
thinks this place is so creepy.
I think it's kind of romantic.
Romantic?
[TIFFANY] Yeah.
You're kind of out there, aren't you?
- I can be.
- [JONATHAN LAUGHS]
- Hey...
- Back up, frat.
This one here belongs to me.
Hey, relax. She does not belong to anyone.
[LAUGHING]
She's jealous. You see that?
Hey, you don't gotta be jealous.
You got Dino.
- That's capital D, capital [SING-SONG] O!
- [CHUCKLES]
[MOCKINGLY] Oh... No.
Not interested, thanks.
Does she ever stop dancing?
No, clearly not.
Guys, get up. Let's dance.
There's no music.
So what?
Okay, I really think we need to leave.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, why?
You leaving, Panda?
- Yeah.
- All right, then. I'll see you.
- Have a good one.
- Yeah.
Bye.
That is like the 20th couple
I've seen leave tonight.
- We need to get outta here.
- [JONATHAN] So? We're not scared!
We're gonna ride this out through the night!
- [WHOOPS]
- I heard that.
No one is riding anything, okay?
We gotta get outta here.
Why is everybody leaving?
This happens all the time. People get scared.
They got curfews and their parents.
And you know what? It's usually the girls.
Yeah, but don't worry. We're here for you.
[JONATHAN] We work out,
like, three times a week.
We can protect [SING-SONG] you!
Yeah, and if there's no DJ, I'm here.
All right? I got my eye on you.
And I'm gonna get your number
before you leave.
- No.
- [HORSE] You're pretty sexy.
We can make our own music.
I don't care.
All right, well, come sit down, then.
[GABRIELLA] She's annihilated.
How much have you drank, Leah?
Not enough.
Speakin' of that...
- Where's the ice?
- Yeah.
[DINO] Yeah, where the hell is Kevin?
I sent him for ice, like, a while ago.
All right, Dino, go check.
Hey, Horse, find Kevin.
I sent him for ice, like, a while ago.
What? He just told you to do that.
Yeah, and I told you.
It's like telephone. Like, pick it up.
"Hello, Horse, go get the ice."
Fine.
But only if you come with me.
Giddy-up, Horsey.
Attaboy.
[JONATHAN] How many girls is he talking to?
I know. He's talking to two
at once right now.
All right.
Looks like there's only one
thing left for us to do.
Oh, yeah? What's that?
Two words.
What?
Bang.
[LAUGHING]
- That's not funny. You're disgusting.
- Listen...
Look, look, you got them two.
You got Jonathan and Tiffany.
Then do the numbers,
crunch the math... [BEEPING]
- Bingo! You're the lucky winner!
- [GABRIELLA] No, thanks.
- None of this is happening. Move.
- Oh, come on!
- Move over! I'm sitting. Okay?
- Bro.
I'm tryin' here, man. I'm bringin'
my A game. You're hearin' this.
It's true.
So tell me what happened here.
- You mean with the deaths?
- Yeah.
We are not gonna
start talking about this. No.
Let's just say...
A couple of kids came out here
who shouldn't have been out here.
They were trespassing.
- Kind of like we are right now?
- Yes.
Legend has it, they were out here,
and Derrick saw them having sex in the car
and started picking them off,
one by one, and now...
That's the fun part.
Tryin' to make it to the next day.
Dying.
That's not fun.
- How is that supposed to be fun?
- Will you relax?
How am I gonna relax?
Listen, the guys do this
so they can make us scared
and they can feel like they're protecting us.
- I am scared.
- Okay.
Is it workin'?
Touch me, and you'll die
before Derrick gets here.
I'm already dyin' for you, baby.
Know this.
Hey, Kevin!
Where is he?
I don't know.
Well, let's not keep looking for him.
These damn pledgees.
Well, come on, no one's around.
- Oh, it's like that?
- Yeah.
Especially your crazy ex-girlfriend.
- [SQUISHES]
- What are you doing? Oh!
- [HORSE] is that blood?
- [LEAH] What is that?
Oh, it's everywhere!
- It's gotta be some kind of joke.
- What do you mean?
Kevin, the pledgee,
he's gotta be playing some kind of joke.
This isn't funny. Let's go.
[GASPS]
What is that?
I don't know.
[CHAINSAWS BUZZING]
[LEAH] Oh, oh, my God.
[WHISPERING] Okay, we're gonna leave.
[LEAH WHIMPERING]
[SCREAMS] Go! Go! Go!
[LEAH SCREAMS]
Hurry up and get over there before
all that good-good is gone.
Joe, shut your mouth. We goin'.
- [SCREAMS]
- Shit!
I'm gonna knock you in your throat.
Did you see that?
- See what?
- Did you see that?
[BAM] See what, girl?
- What?
- [BAM] What?
That little girl.
- I just seen a little girl.
- Look, look, you blowin' my high.
You better shut the hell up, okay?
Girl, don't nobody see no little girl.
- [MADEA] What the hell?
- [TIRES SCREECHING]
- [BAM] Mabel!
- [ALL SCREAMING]
- Mabel!
- [TIRES SCREECHING]
[BAM] What is this?
The hell wrong with you?
Oh, my God!
What the hell is you doin'?
- I hit the brakes!
- We know that.
Hell, I almost threw up
all over the damn car.
All my Milwaukee's Best
was almost in Bam's hair.
Mabel, you hit somethin'!
No. I... No, no, I saw horns.
That was a buck. That was a male deer.
Nuh-uh. I saw a white dress.
Well, maybe the deer's transitioning.
[JOE] What the hell you mean, "transition"?
What the transition of a deer?
How the hell a deer gonna transition?
Mabel, I saw a little girl.
And she had on white?
She did have on a white dress.
That's the same thing I saw.
How the hell you see a girl
that was back there, up here?
That don't make no damn sense.
She defyin' gravity?
I don't know, but I know what I seen.
Mabel, what if you killed her?
Well, that little ho is outta her misery now.
- Let's get the hell outta here.
- Mabel, you gotta go check on her.
I ain't finna get out this damn car
and check on nobody.
Mabel, what if the little thing is hurt?
Then she'll die soon like a deer
on the side of the road.
I'm not goin' out there lookin' at her.
Hey, that's what I say.
Put 'em out their misery, babe.
Put 'em out to the pasture.
Madea, stop it now.
Ma, you need to move this here car now!
Joe!
I wish your big ass would ask
me to go out there
and check to see what you hit.
Hell, you'll scare
every damn thing out there,
looking like Sasquatch.
Fine. Fine.
You gonna get out?
What the hell else?
I'mma go check on this... The deer.
I told y'all that was a deer.
Get your big ass out
and go check and see what's goin' on.
[HATTIE] Yeah, go ahead, Ma.
You check on that.
Yeah, see what the hell I...
I know I hit somethin'.
[BAM] Well, Mabel, what is it?
What is it, Mabel? What is it?
Bam, hush! Damn!
It's a little blood on the car, that's all.
Must've been a deer.
That's all I hit, was a deer.
Mabel, you didn't hit no animal.
[CRYING IN DISTANCE]
Okay, well, come on. Get back in the car.
Hush!
What is it?
- Shh!
- [CRYING CONTINUES]
I hear somebody cryin'.
Sounds like a little girl.
It's a little...
[CRYING]
Oh, Lord, I see her.
I don't know. Y'all come out here.
- Joe?
- What?
Get outta here and go help your sister.
I don't like that dude.
- [BAM] Come on, Hattie.
- [HATTIE] Oh, uh-uh now, Bam...
- Here we come.
- Get out, get out.
[HATTIE] Y'all know good and well
I don't like these here woods!
Hey, when all y'all got up
here outta this car,
it raised up nine inches.
Mabel, I don't like this.
These some ignorant-ass fools right here.
[HATTIE] I don't like this!
Mabel, look at that blood!
Look, I ain't high enough
to be dealin' with this bull.
You know what? Yeah, y'all... y'all do that.
Come here, Hattie. Hell.
[SOBBING]
[MADEA] You see?
Hey, little girl.
You all right, little girl?
Mabel, I think she hurt.
Oh, you a Sherlock. I know she hurt.
Maybe, you know what, Mabel? She'll be fine.
If we give her some water,
she'll be just fine.
Bam, water ain't the answer
to every damn thing.
Let's go see about the girl.
Mabel, I don't wanna do this.
- I can't do this.
- Hush! Hush! She might be...
What if she die or somethin'?
- Mabel, you got a record already!
- Hush your mouth.
- [CONTINUES CRYING]
- [MADEA] Come on, let's go.
Hattie, keep pullin' away from me.
Keep pullin' away from me.
- Come on! Come on!
- Here we are.
Keep pullin' away from me.
She is cryin'.
- [CONTINUES CRYING]
- Hey, little girl. You all right?
[BAM] Don't cry though.
[SCREAMING]
The hell?
- [SCREAMING]
- [BAM] Mabel! What the hell is that?
- [MADEA] I'm out! I'm out!
- [SCREAMING]
[BAM] Mabel, why you runnin'
down there? Get in the car!
[MADEA] Start the damn car!
Joe, what the hell you doin' up there?
We gotta get outta here!
- This ain't good!
- [HATTIE] Drive!
- [GASPING]
- [BAM] Mabel! Oh, Lord!
- What the hell was it?
- [BAM] Drive, Joe!
The car won't start.
Oh, hell no!
[MADEA] Where she go to?
- [BAM] I don't know...
- [MADEA] Where did she go?
[THUMPING]
Where is she? Where's she at?
[BAM] Mabel, I really don't know.
I really don't know!
Oh!
[GIRL CRYING]
I know that damn girl
is not on top of my damn car!
[BAM] I don't know. Where'd she go?
[HATTIE] I don't know, I don't know now!
Oh. Hey. Oh.
[CRYING CONTINUES]
Oh!
[HATTIE SCREAMING]
- Drive! Drive, Joe!
- [MADEA] What is it?
- [JOE] Hey!
- [BAM] Look at this!
[HATTIE] Ma, there she go! There she go!
[ALL CLAMORING]
Get... Move!
[HATTIE] Get it, Ma!
You know how to get this bitch started.
- [ENGINE STARTS]
- [BAM] Joe, drive!
[HATTIE] Go, Joe!
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Why are you so tense? Will you relax?
Where's Leah?
She went with Horse. You should go with Dino.
I'm not going with that creep.
Gabriella...
No, come on. I'm just gonna go look for her.
Don't, don't. Don't, don't, don't.
Why not?
You don't know what they're doin'
out in the woods. Just don't.
You should go with Dino.
I don't wanna go with him!
[SIGHS]
Look, I just wanna go home.
No. Why? We're having fun.
No, I'm getting sleepy.
- I'm tired. I just...
- Okay, well,
here, have a drink and dance!
No! Are you not aware
of how creepy this place is?
Fine. Go in one of the tents
and zip it all the way up.
People do all kinds of things in those tents.
I'm not going in one of those tents.
Okay. Okay, listen,
we got another tent, all right?
You can stay in there.
Just us girls?
Yeah, just us girls.
- Where is it?
- [DINO] Come on.
It's over there. I could show you.
What? Okay.
Bye! Good night!
- I'm coming back.
- Why?
So we can go in our tent.
Honey, I'm staying with Jonathan.
- What?
- Yes.
- Are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious!
Bye, don't wait up.
- Fine.
- Fine!
- Fine!
- All right, come on. Let's go.
- Don't touch me. I'm not walking with you.
- [WHOOPING]
[CHUCKLES]
[LEAH WAILS] Wait, wait, wait! Wait.
Hold on. I need to call my dad.
Wait, what is your dad gonna do right now?
I don't know!
There's no reception!
Where's your phone? Give me your phone!
Leah, phones don't work out here, all right?
- What are we gonna do?
- Let's go! Let's go!
- [CHAINSAW BUZZING]
- [SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
[CHAINSAW WHIRRING]
[LEAH SCREAMING] Help!
[HORSE GROANING]
- [LEAH SCREAMING]
- [GRUNTS]
[LEAH] No! No! No!
[HORSE] No!
[LEAH] I'm gonna get help!
[MADEA] Joe, people like you
work on my nerve when they drive.
Put a little on the gas, let up
on the gas. That's how people get carsick.
[JOE] Shut up! Let me drive.
You better shut the hell up,
talkin' to me like that.
I will show you how to talk back...
[MADEA] This car is old.
It can't handle that.
Why is you tryin' to drive my car so hard?
Damn, that's what the hell I do
with a car and a woman and a ho.
I drive 'em hard.
[HATTIE LAUGHING]
Well, now, we ain't goin' nowhere.
Well, look like I'm finna put all you hoes
out on the streets to walk.
I'm not gettin' out this car
and walkin' goin' nowhere.
Do you know what the hell exercise is?
Exercise and exorcism,
that's what the hell...
You need to exercise, exorcism...
And a "circumcism." You need all them things.
Get out and exercise sometime, Mabel.
I ain't gettin' out this car. I know that.
I know that I'm not either.
You know I ain't walkin' nowhere.
'Cause you know you ain't exercisin'.
And you know what?
You gonna be the first one to go.
Why you say that?
[JOE] You know they gonna catch you.
'Cause everybody else gonna outrun your ass
and that's all they need,
is one little piece of meat
hangin' around behind
and they grab the low-hangin' fruit.
Hush, Joe.
- [LEAH] Help me!
- [SCREAMING]
What the hell?
Girl, I almost punched the hell outta you.
They're trying to kill me!
This that girl from the party.
[BAM] Don't open that door.
They're trying to kill me.
Who tryin' to kill you?
- Derrick!
- [BAM] Listen, baby...
Ain't no room in here. [STAMMERS]
We already are spread out in here.
Please, please, you have to let me in.
I seen that ass. Let her in here.
What's up, mama?
They already killed one man.
They're gonna kill me too
and they're trying to get Tiffany.
Wait, who they kill?
Horse!
- [HATTIE] Horse?
- Whores, huh?
That fine, sexy college boy?
What a waste of a man.
- Please.
- Calm down, baby. Calm down.
Ain't no need in gettin'
all excited. Big Papa here.
No, please help me.
Please, you have to help me.
[HATTIE] Nuh-uh! Nuh-uh!
I want both of them in here.
- [BAM] Both of what?
- Don't worry about it.
Girl, go ahead and get in the damn car.
- [HATTIE] Uh-uhh!
- [LEAH] Thank you.
[BAM] We don't have enough room for her.
Get in the car.
It's always the ones that's fat
tryin' to keep the sexy ones out.
Okay, we gotta go right now!
Wait a minute.
Talk to me, honey. Where's Tiffany at?
She's at the camp still!
Where is the camp at?
It's all the way up there.
- Well, we gonna have to go get her.
- [LEAH] Yeah.
- No, we don't.
- Uh-uh!
- Mm-hmm.
- Let's put it to a vote.
Well, look here. Go on and get her.
You know, they always need
a man to come rescue a damsel.
So go on, damn man.
I'm so sick of this.
Wait till this car stops smokin'.
- We will drive back there and get her.
- We'll what?
[SIGHS]
[BAM SCREAMS]
What the hell wrong with you?
- [CONTINUES SCREAMING]
- What the hell's wrong with you?
Look, look, look, look, look!
Oh, no, no, no!
I ain't gonna see him for a long time.
Yeah, you know what? I ain't worried.
That ain't nothin'
but them damn frat boys from that college.
No, no, no. It's not!
- You sure?
- Yes, I'm sure!
Look here, partner.
Go on out there and see if that's them.
Go on out there.
No, that's not them!
You know what? I'm not playing around.
I'm tired of this.
- [LEAH] No, no, no.
- [BAM] Mabel...
To hell with it. I got this.
Y'all sit there and hush.
[BAM] He is not turned on by you.
I'mma tell you this one time, okay?
I'm not gonna deal
with none of this bull from y'all.
I don't deal with this Halloween bullcrap!
Okay?
So let me make this perfectly clear.
I know it's y'all frat boys up in there
playing with this fake...
[CAR ENGINE CRANKING]
What the hell are you doing, Joe?
I'm getting ready to drive off.
You gonna leave your sister?
I don't like that dude.
[CAR ENGINE CRANKING]
Where your eyes?
[BAM] Mabel, here he come.
[HATTIE] Ma!
- Drive, Joe!
- [AIR HISSING]
Joe, I think you better drive.
- [CAR ENGINE CRANKING]
- Mabel, where did he go? Where did he go?
I don't know. I don't know now.
Drive, Joe!
- I told you, the tire flat.
- [ALL GROANING]
Let me tell you somethin'.
You ain't never seen me run from the po-po.
You better drive this son of a... Drive!
[CAR ENGINE SPUTTERING]
So, uh, this is the tent.
You've been saying
that for the past 20 minutes, okay?
Yep.
Sure you don't want me to stick around?
- No. I'm good, thank you.
- Check for spiders?
You can go.
It gets kind of lonely in here.
I can protect myself. Can you just go?
What if Derrick comes?
I don't care. I'm fine!
Okay, so it's cool if Derrick comes in.
I see how it is.
You know you're a little uptight?
- I don't care.
- Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
- [DISTANT LAUGHTER]
- You hear that?
You hear that right there?
How much fun they're having out there?
- That we're not?
- No, that sounds like little kids.
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
The hell?
- [GABRIELLA] What is that?
- I think I'm tripping out.
Yeah. You hear that? Definitely tripping.
Yeah, I hear that. That sounds like little...
[GIGGLING]
Oh, my gosh. Do you think
those are Derrick's daughters?
[GIGGLING]
I'm getting out of here, okay?
I'm grabbing Tiffany,
I'm getting out of here.
- Hey, quick question.
- What?
How fast can you run?
- Why?
- That.
[CHAINSAW WHIRRING]
[SCREAMS] Oh, my God! Run! Go!
Get out of my way!
So you know what I want for my birthday?
No. [LAUGHS]
You.
[CHUCKLES]
You should take your clothes off.
- Right now?
- Yeah, right now.
[GIGGLING]
- Dino told me this was gonna happen.
- No, no, no.
- No, no, no, no!
- No? Do I look fat?
- Look, look, look!
- It was my cheat day!
[BOTH SCREAMING]
Oh, no, no, no!
[GROWLING]
- [BOTH SCREAMING]
- [JONATHAN] Oh, my God!
No, no, no!
- What?
- We have to look for Leah and Gabriella.
No, Tiffany, they're on their own!
We came here with them. We can't leave them.
- Oh, Tiffany, come on. I don't wanna die!
- We have to find them!
I don't wanna die either,
but they don't wanna die!
Gabriella! Oh, my God!
- [WHIMPERING]
- We gotta go.
- We gotta go.
- We have to go.
- There's something going on here.
- I know. We need to leave!
I saw a road over there. Let's go.
All right, who has a phone?
Um, uh... It's in my boobs. Hold on.
[TIFFANY STRUGGLING]
[GRUNTING]
I have reception. I have reception.
I can make a call.
- Who are you gonna call?
- I'm gonna call the police!
No! We don't wanna get in trouble again!
I'll call my mom. She'll know what to do.
You're caring about
getting into trouble when we're gonna die?
- Yeah!
- [GABRIELLA] Oh, my gosh.
[LINE RINGING]
- [DEBRAH] Hello?
- Hello? Mom? Mom?
- You havin' a good time?
- No!
- You need to come and get us!
- What's goin' on?
There's something happening.
There's a guy with a chainsaw.
- What?
- I don't know!
- [GABRIELLA] There's ghosts.
- Where are you, Tiffany?
I don't know. I'm in the woods.
Someone's trying to kill us!
- Where? Where are you?
- I don't know!
Stay on the line.
Hello? Hello?
The call dropped.
- What do we do? We gotta get outta here.
- I don't know.
[CHAINSAW WHIRRING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
- [BAM] Mabel, doesn't look good.
- [MADEA] Be careful, Joe. Hell.
[JOE] Here we go again.
Tryin' to tell a man...
[MADEA] Joe, pull over there.
You're going too damn fast.
- Pull right here.
- [JOE] Look here, bruh.
- [MADEA] Pull up, Joe. Hell.
- [JOE] Shut up, dude.
[MADEA] Get off the damn road
before somebody hit my Cadillac.
- [JOE] Shut up, sir.
- [MADEA] Pull up right here.
Pull up. You got to let it cool off, Joe.
- [JOE] Let a man drive.
- [MADEA] Pull up here.
[JOE] We all know you wanna be a man.
[MADEA] Stop, stop, stop! Damn!
- [MADEA] Turn the car off.
- [JOE] Can't run with y'all.
- [MADEA] Turn it off. Hell.
- They have a car out here!
[MADEA] Is this where they supposed to be?
- [LEAH] They were.
- [JOE] Need some air freshener up in here.
[MADEA] The hell? This girl got me
out here lookin' all over for her.
Get on out the car, y'all.
[HATTIE] Ma, you sure?
[MADEA] Yes, hell.
[HATTIE] We gonna get out here?
[MADEA] Yes, this girl got me out here
lookin' for her.
Come on, Bam!
[BAM] There's another sign, Mabel.
Why, we need to...
Why, we don't need to be out here at all.
I just want you to know.
If they don't come back, I'm here for you.
- Uh... [SIGHS]
- Good girl.
Look here, I'm just trying
to be me, you know?
It's okay.
Yeah, you, you over 18, ain't you?
No. Mmm-mmm.
Oh, hell. Well, never mind.
- No.
- I was just gonna make you feel like a...
- Nope.
- ...a woman.
Where is she at? Come on down here!
- [HATTIE] Ma!
- Come on down here!
We need to get on up outta here
before these here people get back, Ma.
Which is another sign
why we need to get outta here, Mabel.
- Where is everybody at?
- We need to go!
- Ma?
- What?
I gotta use the bathroom.
Well, do like Bam here.
Go on, squirt and just piss on yourself.
I do not piss on myself.
Okay, well, do like Bam
and squirt a little pee then.
- Squirt a little pee.
- Mabel...
Who you know don't squirt?
I don't squirt. I shakes.
I'm gonna need y'all to quit this here now.
I said I got to go to the bathroom.
- Well, where the...
- Look it.
That look like an outhouse over there.
Go on over there and use it.
We'll be right here.
- [HATTIE] Say what?
- That outhouse.
- That's where the bathroom's at?
- Yes.
Over across the waters over there?
Yeah, girl, go on.
Ma, you, you want...
What if that little girl over there?
- [BAM LAUGHS]
- What?
What if that little girl over there, Ma?
I ain't in the mood for this tonight,
I ain't lyin'.
God, we left that little girl way back there.
She ain't round here nowhere.
Go on over there to use the bathroom
so we can get the hell outta here.
Ma, you'll go with me?
Why the hell I gotta go? I don't gotta pee!
Ma, I'm scared to go
over there by myself, Ma.
- I don't wanna go over there.
- [SIGHS]
Look, I just need to find this girl,
let my car cool off,
try to put some air in my tire
so I can get the hell up outta here.
Come on. Go with me, Ma, please.
Hell, come on, then. Hell, come on.
I know I ain't goin' over there with y'all.
- I'll be right here when ya'll...
- We know, Bam.
I love your little outfit you got on.
You see... What is that? A pussycat?
- [CHUCKLES]
- I'm a leopard.
You're a leopard?
Oh, okay, if you're a leopard,
then I will make sure
your stripes get in order.
[CHUCKLES] Shit.
I know you want me.
They say once you go black,
you never go back.
Once you go old,
you might get mold. [LAUGHS]
Molded into what I want you to be.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Ugh.
Yeah. You know, they call me a mule.
[GASPS] No! No, no, no!
[SHOUTS] No! Ah!
That's pretty much what happens
every time I tell a woman that, that I'm...
They call me "mule." [CHUCKLES]
- 'Cause I'm hung.
- [CAR SEAT STRAINING]
[CHUCKLES]
I know she run.
You better run, 'cause once you go old...
Little girl,
I don't know where your mama and daddy at,
but I'm not the man you wanna mess with.
They should have warned you about me.
I'm a pimp from back in the day.
I would slap your ass silly.
Go on somewhere with that bull, little girl.
[SOBBING]
That's just what the hell I thought.
[MADEA] Come on, Hattie. Hell.
Walk on over here to the bathroom.
[HATTIE] Ma, that sure is a long way
- across the bridge.
- [MADEA] Go on across the bridge! Hell!
Scared of everything.
[HATTIE] Ma, this here water
look kind of spooky here.
[MADEA] Ain't nothin' wrong with it.
Just an outhouse over here.
We used to have these back in the country.
Outhouse? Well, I don't know
nothin' about that.
[MADEA] Go, come on! Go ahead.
This bridge bouncing.
[HATTIE] I don't like the looks
of things around here.
This here... What is that?
Uh-uh, I play about a lot of things,
but my life ain't one of them.
Ma, make sure you stand here with me, hear?
Fine, there, the outhouse is there.
[HATTIE] All right.
You stay here. You wait right here for me.
I'mma wait right here. Go on in there.
- All right.
- I'mma wait right here.
- Go on in.
- All right.
I'm right here, Hattie.
- Don't go nowhere, Ma.
- Go on in the outhouse.
- I'll be right back, Ma.
- Go on in there. Hell.
All right, Ma. I'll be out directly.
- Yes, okay. Go on in.
- All right.
Okay. Ma?
- Yes?
- You still there?
If I wasn't out here, Hattie,
would I be saying "yes"?
All right, I won't be a long time.
Be out in a while here.
In a minute. Just give me a minute.
Just hurry the hell up.
All right, Ma.
It's crazy out here.
All right.
- You still there, Ma?
- [SQUELCHING]
Ma?
[GROWLING]
Ma?
Ma, you still there?
- [MADEA SCREAMING]
- [HATTIE] Madea?
Help me, Jesus! Help me!
You still there, Ma?
Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jesus!
Help me, Jesus!
- Help me, Jesus!
- [HATTIE] Madea?
Help me, Jesus! I need you, Jesus!
- I repent all my sins!
- Madea?
Help me, Jesus!
[WAILING]
Ma?
Madea?
Madea?
[MOANING]
[MOANING CONTINUES]
- [BANGING ON DOOR]
- [SHOUTING] Madea!
Ma!
[SCREAMING] Ma!
Ma!
Madea!
Madea!
Yeah, Bam. Hell. That's what I know.
So, you know, if it don't work
out with them, you know...
Just, I got you covered.
Don't worry about it.
- [MADEA GRUNTING]
- Mabel!
- Get in the car. Get in the car.
- Joe...
- What?
- Uh, I need you to go check on Hattie.
[SCOFFS] Why you ain't help out, bruh?
We got to get the hell outta here.
What happened?
[MADEA] I saw him, girl. He out there.
I saw Derrick, baby. He out there. He real.
What?
- What the hell happened?
- [MADEA] I saw him.
Mabel, what?
I know this gotta be them dumb college kids
playing a game, I know it.
[HATTIE SCREAMING] Madea! Madea!
- Madea!
- [JOE] What the hell is wrong with her?
[HATTIE] Madea! Ma, open the door!
- Madea!
- The hell is wrong with you?
- Madea!
- What?
Ma!
You didn't have to leave me like that, Ma.
I sure the hell did.
You should've seen him
comin' out that damn water.
I had to get the hell outta there.
Around here, it's every man for himself.
[BAM] Ma, Ma.
- I saw her, Ma!
- [JOE] Saw who?
- That little girl.
- That little girl's back there.
How the hell you see her over there?
[HATTIE] Joe, that little girl.
I just seen that little girl.
And she tried to get me!
- You say she was what?
- She was...
She was watchin' me piss!
I saw him too.
Nah, Ma.
Uh, uh, uh.
Joe, don't start nothin'.
Uh, oh... Hell no.
I ain't finna look back there, Joe.
Somethin' back there,
I'mma punch you dead in yo' face.
Look! Look!
Look!
[CHAINSAW WHIRRING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
- [JOE] Oh, hell.
- [HATTIE] Go, Joe! drive, Joe! Drive!
[YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
Sheriff? Sheriff.
Calm down.
My daughter is at Lake Derrick.
We told those kids not to go up there
and they sneak up there all the time.
Okay, well, she needs help
because she says she's in trouble.
Well, I've got a deputy
up there and I'll look in...
No, no, no. I need help now, Sheriff.
I'm working on it.
Have a seat.
I'm not gonna sit down. This is my daughter.
Well, there's nothing you can do.
Oh, God, I shouldn't have let her go.
I shouldn't have let her go up there.
No, you should not have let her go.
I know. I'm sorry, Brian.
But can you please help?
- I don't know what I can do.
- Please.
Do something!
- How are you this calm?
- Okay, fine. All right.
Sheriff, do you think...
[SHERIFF] Okay, come on. I'll take a ride.
I appreciate it. Thank you.
Calvin, it may be, uh...
A little dangerous up there.
Do you wanna go with us?
Uh, no, no, it's okay.
You guys got this, right?
I'll stay and, you know, comfort her, okay?
- Yeah, okay.
- Yeah, thanks.
Really, she needs me, you know?
My dad calls it "buice."
"Buice."
Thank you, guys. You got this, you know?
[MADEA] Joe, this car ain't gonna make it.
[HATTIE] Mabel...
[MADEA] I don't know what's goin' on, but
I don't believe it's gonna make it.
[BAM] That's what I mean
about this not a nice car.
[HATTIE] We need to take cover, Ma.
Hell no.
What the hell you stoppin' for, Joe?
This car. That's what she was talking about.
You ain't got no nice car.
Joe, come on, y'all. Let's go!
Do you know what a woman's car say about her?
It tells you if she any good in the bed.
If a woman got a nice car, that means
a man done put down some money
and got her a nice car.
You know what this car say about you?
Don't nobody give a nuts!
You bitch ass!
[JOE] Look here. We gotta take cover, I say.
What?
Yes. That's what I did
when I was in the military.
Joe, you was a cook in the army.
What you taking shelter for?
How the hell you know
what I was doin' in the army?
Was you there, bruh?
They only allowed dudes in there.
Was it you who was in the [MUMBLES] platoon?
And where the hell
is we supposed to take some shelter?
- Right.
- There.
[WOMEN SCOFFING]
Ain't no way I'm goin' up there.
Now, first of all,
Bam don't climb no steps. Number one.
And she ain't goin'
up in that raggedy-ass house.
Look at that. Uh-uh.
Haunted house. No.
[JOE] Bam, somebody tryin'
to kill your ignorant ass,
and you won't walk up five steps?
- Joe.
- That's somethin', man.
You'll walk up them steps for a honey bun.
I know that.
Your ass'll get up there
for a damn honey bun.
Ain't no dang way I'm goin' up there.
Fine. Sit here and be goat meat
for one of these killers.
You think somebody livin' up in there?
Hattie, that's just ignorance
fallin' out your darn lips right now.
That is ignorance fallin'
from your lips through your brain.
That don't make no sense to me at all.
Look at that house. Do you believe
anybody lives up in that house?
I know all that, Ma. But doggone!
[STUTTERING] Will you just hush?
[MADEA] Please!
Y'all think they got a telephone in there?
Is she serious?
Is she serious?
Why the hell
would they have a telephone up there?
- They windows is boarded up.
- Right, if they can't afford a window,
how the hell
are they gonna afford a telephone?
I don't care if they got a phone in there.
That's shelter. Y'all better go on.
Wait, wait, wait. Wait.
Joe, why don't you just go
up there and knock on the door?
[MADEA] Right. Then why don't you go knock?
Go on up in there and knock?
You go knock. I think a man
should go up there and knock.
Yeah, you just answered your own question.
Go on up there and knock.
You know you got a scrotum.
[SCREAMING]
Hattie, you gonna have to stop that!
[HATTIE] That's that little bim!
That's that little bim!
What's that, little bim?
Ma, look at that little bim!
That's that little bim!
- Hattie!
- Get off, get off!
Get out! Get out of here, Bam!
Here I go!
[MADEA SCREAMING]
[HATTIE SCREAMING]
[BAM] Oh, lordy! Oh, these steps!
- [MADEA] My knees! My breasts! My back!
- [HATTIE] We gonna need a bottle.
[INDISTINCT BABBLING]
[BAM] Mabel, I can't take...
Yeah, got rid of them asses.
I told my dad and uncle
the awful things you said to me.
And they wanna talk to you.
Hurry up! Get the hell in here!
- [MADEA] Why the hell are you so slow!
- [BAM] Mabel!
Mabel! Slow, nothin'.
Y'all tryin' to kill me, ain't you?
Hell, somebody tryin'
to kill all of us. Damn!
Where they at?
Behind me.
Oh, okay, I'll talk to 'em.
'Cause I'm sick of y'all and this bull.
I saw this movie,
and I'mma show you what
they do to this kind of...
Good luck.
[CHAINSAW RUMBLING]
[CHAINSAW WHIRRING]
I changed my mind.
[GROWLS]
Where the hell is Joe?
I don't know
and I don't give a damn where he at!
We need a phone!
Old people, we don't have reception!
[ALL SCREAMING]
Why are you screaming?
The hell y'all doin' up in here?
We've been hiding out here!
You scared me!
I'm scared!
Who the hell else in here with y'all?
Me and...
Jonathan.
And your boy.
- Your boy's here.
- And me.
Are you pranking us?
Hell no, ain't nobody pranking you. Hell.
I thought y'all doin' this to us!
No, it's not us!
And it sure the hell ain't us.
Oh, hell no!
- What is it?
- Ma, look!
[MADEA] What is it?
[HATTIE WAILING]
What is it? What is it?
Joe!
Aah, look!
- [MADEA] Joe!
- Look!
They got my baby now! That's my baby!
Oh, Hattie, that's too much damn drama.
Not my baby! That's Joe! They got him, Ma!
You not gonna go out there
and help your brother?
Hell no, I ain't goin'
out there to help him at all.
He on his own now.
He been on his own for a while.
Mama always said he was special.
Damn. Cold-blooded, sister.
Well, he dead now.
We'll look for him in the daylight.
- Praise the Lord.
- [BAM] Mabel,
if he dead now, what the hell
we gotta look for him for in the morning?
You know what? That's right.
When you're dead, it don't matter.
We'll let Jesus find him
when he comes. Praise Him!
Right! Right.
That's your boyfriend.
You carry your ass out there
and you look for him!
Well, I'm just gonna pray
and ask God for me another one.
[MADEA] I'm not gonna do this.
I'm not gonna be runnin' from no man!
Do I look like I'mma be
runnin' from a damn man?
Let him come his ass over.
Let him come his ass over here.
- You know what I'm gonna do?
- What?
Go out there and I'mma beat his ass!
Okay, so I get it.
You are big and bad and everything, Ma.
You just got to beat his ass.
That's all you gots to do.
That's right, that's right.
I'm goin' out there.
Soon as I catch my breath.
Them brownies ain't sittin' right.
I shouldn't have eat
them little brown doughnuts.
[CHAINSAW WHIRRING]
Well, there he is!
Where? Where? Who?
[CHAINSAW WHIRRING]
[MADEA] What is he doin'?
Is that a chainsaw?
Yes, ma'am.
Is he about to saw up my car?
He can't hear me, can he?
You better leave my car alone!
- Look here, Lake Derrick man!
- [BAM] Mabel...
- What is it?
- Oh, no, no, no.
Bam, don't start that wiggle.
Mabel, I gotta...
I gotta teet...
I gotta tinkle. I gotta tee-tee.
- [MADEA] Bam.
- Mabel, I gotta pee.
- Come on.
- Bam.
Tinkling is for little people.
Pissin' is for big-ass people like us.
Well, Mabel.
Lord have mercy.
[MADEA] You better damn hold it!
Well, now, Ma, you know good
and well she ain't able to do that.
[SHUSHING] Just hush.
I gotta figure out what we gonna do.
- Guys, we can make a run for my car.
- Yes!
Girl, how the hell all of us
gonna fit in a damn Mini Cooper?
Well, I was hoping that you'd stay here
and we'd go for help.
- Yes.
- You know what?
That's what we gonna do. We that damn stupid.
We gonna stay here and let you go
get in the car and leave.
[MADEA] Y'all need some help.
[GIRL] I'll go for help.
[ALL SCREAMING]
[ALL YELLING]
- [HATTIE] God almighty!
- [CHUCKLES]
[ALL CLAMORING]
[MADEA] Hattie, stop swinging
that damn purse before you hit me!
- Dad?
- [BRIAN] Hey!
- [WHISPERS] Dad.
- Gabriella.
[GRUNTING]
- I'm so happy to see you.
- What's goin' on?
- There's people coming. We have to go.
- What?
We gotta go! To the other side. Other side!
- [TIFFANY] Run, run, run.
- What is goin' on? What...
There's people in the house.
They're killing us! And then the little girl!
Look!
- Yes!
- [ALL SCREAMING]
Hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
You mean this little girl?
- Yes! Yes, that's her!
- Yes! Obviously, that one!
- I'm just gonna talk to her.
- [TIFFANY] No!
Everybody, calm down. I'm just gonna talk...
[ALL CLAMORING]
- Come on, bro!
- [HATTIE] He talkin' to her!
Look at him! He's crazy as hell!
Look at that girl.
He's the ghost whisperer.
Cool. Cool.
He bringin' her over here!
No, no, no!
[MADEA] Hold the hell on, Brian.
Why this little girl not attacking you?
Why you got all that damn mud on your shoe?
What you and Victor been doin'?
Well...
- Dad, did you do this?
- [BRIAN] Uh...
Well...
It's a good one.
- Look. We got you!
- [LAUGHING]
[BRIAN] So you think this is funny, right?
No. I did not think it was funny.
No, you wanna sneak up here
and come up to Lake Derrick
without talking to me. This is not good.
This place is dangerous, as you can see.
Really dangerous.
This was not funny.
[BRIAN] I thought it was funny.
Didn't you, Victor?
I really did.
Seeing that you lied to me.
I'm sure you're sorry now though.
Look, I'm sorry, Dad.
I didn't mean to lie to you.
Wait, so where are all the other people
that were here?
[BRIAN] Um, uh... Don't worry
about that. And you, son.
You wanna date my daughter?
Let me explain something to you.
You have to come and knock on my door
and say you wanna take her out.
- Do you understand?
- Yes, sir.
You don't just sneak up here with her.
- Yes, sir.
- [BRIAN] Hey.
You remember Rose and Renee
who brought the ponies?
This is Rose and Renee.
Come on, let's go. Come on!
All right, everybody. Come on.
You wanna know where they are?
Get in the car.
- Okay.
- All right. Shotgun.
Get in the car. Come on, let's go.
[HATTIE] Yeah, let's get out of here.
Scoot all the way over.
- Sheriff...
- Listen,
I told you I have a deputy up there.
But something needs to happen.
I've been waiting for hours.
You give me no information.
- Come on!
- Mom!
Oh! Oh, baby!
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay.
Oh, my God! You scared me to death.
I was scared to death. But it was Dad.
What do you mean, it was Dad?
Dad and Mr. Vic tried to prank us.
- Hey, don't...
- Now you know better.
Do not start with me.
You shouldn't have let her go up here.
I know, I know.
You what?
You're right.
I know. I'm sorry.
[WHISPERS] She said I was right.
[CHUCKLES]
Yes, I am right. You're right. I am right.
I'm right!
And we have to co-parent.
And we have to co...
- [MOUTHING] That's right.
- That's right.
She's 18, but we've got one more to go,
and we should co... we should co-parent.
But I'm sorry.
I'm gonna do better, okay?
I'm gonna do better.
- Come here.
- Okay.
That's all right.
[HORSE] Hey, man.
You came to bail us out, right?
[JONATHAN] What? Everybody's locked up?
Yeah, trespassing.
[SCREAMING] Boo! Happy Halloween!
You were in on this, Anna?
Sure was.
Thought it would teach him
not to cheat on me!
I know you want it. I know you want it.
You still want it!
You can't hide from me!
Dad, are you serious?
What? They all had drugs on them.
We thought they were all dead.
Well, you happy they're alive?
Although, that one,
he'll be staying here a little longer.
Wait, me?
Why... Why me?
You were hittin' on my daughter!
But wait till you get out here.
'Cause I'm gonna braid your hair
and then I'm gonna mousse it.
I'll bail you out, baby.
Yeah, don't take that deal, dude.
Uh, you're just, uh...
You're better off in jail.
Just spend the night there.
I think you're safer.
You sure about that?
I'll stay in here. No, it's okay.
[BAM] Hattie!
Leave that baby alone
before you give him worms.
[HATTIE] Girl, I ain't got nothin'
but some gummy worms for him.
- Mabel...
- Shh!
Don't call my damn name.
The government up in here.
Oh, Madea.
That's what the hell they know me by. What?
What is you duckin' down for?
Hush, I'm trying to be inco-gragrigo.
Inco-gragrigo?
Shut... Girl, yes.
We ain't goin' to no
inco-gragrigo this weekend.
Bam, hush.
I have to be on the low.
On what kind of low?
I have to be on the low
'cause I'm on the wall.
Look. Look on the wall.
- [BAM] Mabel!
- [MADEA] Bam!
Shut the... Hi, Officer.
Shut up. Don't be temptin' my damn anger.
As soon as I can run the hell up outta here,
I'm gettin' the hell up out this bitch.
I'm telling you right now.
[BAM] That is a beautiful picture.
You look so pretty.
Do I? That was my good side.
That's one of them old ones
from back in the day, honey.
That's one of my early mug shots
when I was in the Black Panthers.
Is that right?
Yeah, they used to call me Pussy Panther.
But Mabel, they got you down for check fraud.
That ain't all. You didn't read all of them.
[BAM] "Check fraud, criminal trespassing..."
[MADEA] Yeah, attempted murder.
Assassination.
- Deadly weapon.
- Deadly weapon.
Wait! This is a joke, right?
No, no. Our work here is done.
You gotta bail us out. Please! Please!
You guys figure it out,
and get everybody outta jail.
All on you.
- We're done.
- We got 'em.
- We got 'em.
- That's it!
- Nice when a plan comes together.
- Yeah, man.
And that thing with the water
that you did was really, really great.
- The water?
- Yeah.
That wasn't me.
Come on.
That was you.
- No, that...
- [CHAINSAW WHIRRING]
[ENGINE STARTS]
- [CHAINSAW STOPS]
- [BREATHING LOUDLY]
Hey, partner.
They tell me you killed your whole family.
That right?
Well, look, I got this sister of mine
that I've been wantin' dead for a long time.
She's a big old dude.
You think you can help me with that?
I'll share some of that good-good with you.
[CREW MEMBER] 40-Baker, take one. Mark.
[MAN] Hold on. Come on, Brian. Wait a minute.
Wait, wait for "action." Damn.
[CREW MEMBER] 40-Baker, take one.
He ready to go. And action.
Them drugs done mess you up.
Y'all know he 32?
Thirty-two years old, sittin' there,
lookin' like he 99.
Mabel, anybody ever tell you
you just look like a man?
I mean, you just look like a man in a dress.
Ain't nothin' soft, ain't nothin'
feminine, ain't nothin' pretty.
You just look like a dude.
What is wrong with you?
Ma! Ma!
Madea!
[CREW LAUGHING]
[TYLER] Okay. One more time.
- [LAUGHING]
- One more time.
- Deadly weapon.
- Deadly weapon.
On the White House grounds. Treason.
- Let's try it again.
- [CREW LAUGHING]
What the hell is a car beepin' for?
'Cause it's a...
Oh, Lord. She don't know nothin'.
When your ass gets up in the morning,
you back up out the bed...
I hear, "Beep, beep, beep."
It let people know
that a wide load is comin' through.
Oh, damn.
Wait till you get out here!
[TYLER] Great. One more time.
"I'm gonna braid your hair
and I'm gonna mousse it!"
One more time, okay? Here we go.
- [LAUGHTER]
- All right, here we go.
- Ready?
- Only for you.
- [TYLER] Man, that's crazy.
- All right, cool.
[TYLER] Here we go.
[CREW MEMBER] Action.
[MADEA] What the hell, girl?
[LAUGHING]
[TYLER] Are you all right?
- [SCREAMING]
- Mabel!
[CREW LAUGHING]
[TYLER] And we cut. Check the gate.
[LAUGHING]
[TYLER] So go this way.
This way a little bit.
Do you have her?
Get your ass outta here.
[LAUGHING]
And your corn wasn't even bread.
Did you say, "And your corn..."
[CREW LAUGHING]
"And your corn wasn't even bread?"
[SCREECHING] Madea!
Madea!
[MADEA] What?
[CREW LAUGHING]
- You know what?
- [LAUGHTER]
- [CREW MEMBER] Action.
- You ju...
Mabel. You know what?
Yes, I know what.
This is the real... [STUTTERS]
Yes, I know what.
Bae! One minute!
[GIRLS] Anna! Anna! Anna!
[TYLER] Cut. All right, let's...
I'm sorry!
- You did that?
- Yeah, I guess so.
- That's a great voice, there.
- [LAUGHING]
[STUTTERING] I'm gettin'
ready to go out there.
- You know what I'mma do?
- [BAM] What?
[DEEP VOICE] Beat his ass.
Okay, Mabel. Well, come on,
let's go. Let's go.
The door this way. Why you pointin' that way?
'Cause something's gonna happen over here
and you need to cross.
You do it too much. You know what I'mma do?
Drive. Drive. Drive.
The door's locked. Door's locked.
[ALL CHEERING]
[ACTOR] Oh, my God!
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
It's four o'clock in the damn morning.
We gonna lose...
We over here with my cousins.
They like, "Go on, TP,
do what you need to do."
When y'all hear the gunshots, just get low.
It's way down there...
[STUTTERING] behind her belly button.
It's just in there.
It's desecrated in there. That's all.
That breath done marched
up outta your mouth like the Confederates.
Don't do that no damn more.
Walking dead comin' up outta your lips.
[LAUGHS] Don't spray it now.
[TYLER] Wait, get a little
wider there. Back there.
You dial 1-800-CHOKE-THAT-HO,
and we sent out pimps
from all across the nation
to come handle your situation.
[CREW LAUGHING]
No, it was good.
[ALL LAUGH]
That's a wrap on Boo 2, guys.
[CREW MEMBER] All right, guys.
Thank you so much.
[ALL CHEER]
[TYLER] Thank you, crew.
Great job, everybody.
[SILVASTONE, "FULL MOON TONIGHT" PLAYING]
# What are those footsteps behind you? #
# What creature lives under your bed? #
# A ghoul or a creep #
# And he comes when you sleep #
# A chill when you wake up the dead #
# What is that howl from the woods #
# What shadows that lurk on the ground #
# It's much too late
Just make your escape #
# Can't fight it, you can't stop it now #
# Your heart falls, don't turn around #
# All the ghosts arouse in a metal room #
# Through the streets and all over town #
# On the dirt that day
They come out to play #
# Don't try to run, you can't get away #
# So, lock up your doors
And don't go outside #
# But, darlin' there's nowhere to hide #
# Every scream and cry
Feeds their appetite #
# All because there's a full moon
A full moon tonight #
# All the ghosts arouse in a metal room #
# Through the streets and all over town #
# On the dirt that day
They come out to play #
# Don't try to run, you can't get away #
# So, lock up your doors
And don't go outside #
# But, darlin' there's nowhere to hide #
# Every scream and cry
Feeds their appetite #
# All because there's a full moon
A full moon tonight #
# Yeah #
# There's a full moon
A full moon tonight #
# Yeah #
# There's a full moon
A full moon tonight #
[SONG ENDS]
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
[MUSIC FADES]